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katerinaaqu · 20 days

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Survivor's Guilt and Survior's Duty (P3 + After Note)

Continuation from Part 2:

Swift fingers were moving constantly through golden thread, mixing the different shades perfectly. The hands were moving to and fro as the humming of the sweet song kept on interrupting the rhythmical sound of wood against wood as the tapestry was slowly gaining shape in the loom. It was the skillful fingers of an ancient being beautiful like spring and deadly like winter that was weaving this. Somewhere among the sea of gold and crimson there was a pair of threads that didn’t match in color or texture.

One jet black

And one silver white…

Odysseus slowly opened his bruised eyes and he wished he hadn’t. He barely opened them a tiny bit and he shut them closed once more as his sight was mercilessly attacked by the brightness of the white grotto. His stomach was turning and he felt like throwing up everything he ever had eaten in his life and his head was turning around as if someone was spinning him at a whirlpool. He moaned holding his head with both hands, slowly rolling to the side. The headache and dizziness were pounding him relentlessly.

“Gods…my head…” he thought hoping the nausea would leave him alone

The events of the night before were also present in his mind and the embarrassment didn’t help his condition at all. He had drunk himself to the point of oblivion that much he knew. Normally he should know his limitations but he was unable to refuse the goddess who was filling his cup. Once he dared to look around (and of course seeing everything moving around him) he spotted a goblet next to the bed containing a bubbling liquid. Odysseus eyed him more suspiciously than what he would originally have wished to.

“Well…that was awfully organized…” he thought again

Either way downing the drink seemed to help a lot with his unsettled stomach although not spectacularly with his dizziness. The first thing he noticed was that Calypso was not working in her usual spot. That’s odd, he thought, but then he fathomed she wouldn’t sit around and sleep or work by the side of a severely drunk human especially given the whatever the heck would turn out to look like the day after! He moaned once more as he forced himself, excruciatingly slowly to sit up on the bed and place his feet on the floor.

“Gods…never again…” he mumbled holding another gag back.

But it was true that Calypso’s potion was working wonders although he needed at least a couple of more minutes to stand up and start practically staggering until he reached a wall to support himself and walk out, possibly hoping some fresh air would do him good. As he walked down the grotto to his best abilities he surely was wondering how the hell he managed to get so drunk even with the goddess practically encouraging him. He should know better than that. Stopping at a sudden wave of dizziness he sighed and wiped some sweat off his face.

“Alright, Odysseus…no more wine for you…” he mumbled to himself, “…you clearly are not mature enough…”

Beneath his layers of self-sarcasm, though, he did feel like he had embarrassed himself before the goddess. Not only had he drunk himself to stupor; true it was Calypso the one to keep serving him but perhaps she didn’t know the human limitations to drinking. Perhaps she overestimated his tolerance or perhaps… (Odysseus always had one random ominous thought to the back of his head but he always chose to dismiss it, especially now that he needed all help he could get from some god given that he already had half the pantheon chasing after him!), but he also cried like a baby, opening up things he never wished to share in the first place, yet alone in front of an immortal goddess and her immortal nymph entourage. His situation was already bad enough; he was a beggar without anything to offer to the goddess; he didn’t need to be seen as an uncontrollable drunk as well. And this goddess somehow gave a different energy than Circe (and by gods wasn’t that experience scary enough).

He found Calypso lazily laying upon her sofa as her maids were attending the room. His heart was clenched by an unpleasant feeling once more but he dismissed it as his natural aversion towards the fear against the divine. Not to mention he was still feeling ashamed as he couldn’t be more. Calypso sensed his presence and smiled almost maternally at him.

“Good morning, Odysseus” her melodic voice reached his ears. “I am glad to see you up”

“That is a way to put it, goddess…” Odysseus mumbled as he was practically assisted by the maids to sit on the couch opposite her

His dizziness was still awful but he felt better already.

“My throat is dry…” he admitted, “Could I perhaps…have some water?”

Calypso smirked.

“Bring him some water” she ordered

As the cup was given to Odysseus he basically drained it, feeling the cool liquid settling down.

“Blessed you be, goddess…” he whispered again, “And thank you for your treatment. It worked wonders”

“I am glad” Calypso said with her usual feline smile. “I would hate to see you struggle with nausea”

Odysseus drew a deep breath to calm himself a bit. Calypso once more observed him and her heart was flattering. She discreetly tasted her lips imagining that chest moving up and down with his breathing. She looked upon that man that was now monopolizing her dreams and fantasies stand there in the light; his hair appearing almost auburn as sunlight was showering them. He was looking at her and if she hadn’t noticed his eyes shining with intelligence and wisdom she would have sworn he was a simpleton till he would start to speak. Odysseus was a man full of contradictions; darkness and light, quick wits and aloof thinking, braveness and fear…strength and weakness…

“Goddess…I…” he started, “In regards to the events of last night…forgive me I shouldn’t have broken down like this…”

Calypso congratulated herself deep inside for holding herself back. She was right and indeed Odysseus could remember everything clearly from the night before. It would have ruined everything if she had advanced onto Odysseus while he was vulnerable.

“Why not?” Calypso asked airily. “I am glad you decided to open up with me. I am just sad you had to get drunk you let yourself go and trust me”

Odysseus winced at the reminder. Yeah, that was the last thing he needed to be reminded of… As if reading his thoughts, Calypso spoke again;

“Don’t worry too much, darling. I myself actually drank more than what I intended, last night,” the half-lie came easy to her lips, “You are a very pleasant company, Odysseus. One can forget himself when they are with you!”

“Me?” Odysseus asked in disbelief, “Hardly, goddess…hardly…”

He sighed, rubbing his nape nervously.

“I just...didn’t want to burden you with my troubles…”

“Odysseus…” Calypso said sincerely, “You are never a burden… I really want to help you… Not as a goddess, as a friend, I am glad you took some of that weight off your chest”

And then she took a bold step, more to herself than anything, and placed her hand on his. She felt him tense at the sudden contact while she felt his mortal flesh beneath her hand and she almost lost control of her emotions but her face was kept stone calm.

“Don’t you ever, ever apologize for your emotions, Odysseus,” she said sincerely, “It is what makes you mortals and us immortals similar…”

She felt him almost drawing his hand back or at least she felt his muscles signaling for him to do so, as he looked at her with those eyes that hid so much wisdom that indeed made her wonder what kind of mortal person has so much in their mind. She drew back and leaned on her couch again, casually.

“Oh, yes” she said, “Even us gods have feelings, Odysseus, our own torments. You may say that ours are sometimes more unbearable since we have to live with them for all eternity. We have no way of escaping them. One can see that from this very island too. This little paradise that is so left alone from the world…sometimes loneliness is so much to bear Odysseus…so much…”

Odysseus raised his brows. Suddenly the immortal nymph Calypso seemed almost…vulnerable. He saw her honey eyes reflect genuine pain and sorrow, sadness and isolation. He felt somehow stupefied for a second to react. How can someone consol a god?

“I…I understand, beautiful Calypso…” he whispered, “It is piercing the bones of any person to be isolated…”

“Yes, you do understand, don’t you?” Calypso eyed him, “You were a gift to me, Odysseus. It was the first time in hundreds of years that I felt someone actually connecting to this sorrow; the first time I felt someone truly understands loneliness as I do…”

Odysseus suddenly felt uncomfortable. He didn’t know where this conversation was heading to but it seemed like it was about to take a turn that he wouldn’t really wish it to. And apparently he was right for Calypso held his calloused hand in both of hers; caressing his fingers with her delicate, unnaturally smooth ones.

“Why don’t you stay here with me, Odysseus?” Calypso whispered

Her tone resembled a little girl talking to her first crush. It felt so unnatural to Odysseus that the goddess that nursed him back to health, the goddess that always kept a maternal visage now she was talking to him like he was an eternal god and she a young maiden trying to keep him with her.

“Stay…” Calypso repeated, “You understand how I feel and I understand you. You could live a happy life here; free from all the sorrows and this mortal coil. You wouldn’t need to worry about a thing here.”

As if that was not enough, Calypso raised a hand to touch his chin, making their eyes meet.

“I like you, Odysseus” she confessed naturally, “You interested me from the moment I saw you; your will to survive was unparalleled, however now I see how genuinely worthy you are.”

Odysseus felt his cheeks flush with color. It was rather flattering, he couldn’t lie, that this beautiful immortal being that could have any immortal god she wanted on her feet was now showing some interest in him in whatever way; him the man who was no longer young, who never considered himself the handsomest on earth in the first place, the man who was considered by many cunning, sly and without honor; now pique the interest of an immortal goddess. However…

“Your interest in me is beyond flattering, goddess…” he replied as he softly covered her hand still holding his with his own, discreetly drawing it away, “However I must refuse. I must go back…”

Calypso’s face again changed for one briefest second. It was as if someone had punched her in the gut. She slowly withdrew and sat back to her sofa.

“Go back…?” she echoed, “Why? What’s left for you out there, Odysseus? Poseidon wants your life and everyone you know might as well be thinking only of your harm. Mortal minds are so petty sometimes! Why would you want to go back to that world?”

“I have a kingdom I am responsible of” the king of Ithaca replied, “I have a family, friends that I have to return to. I made a promise I would. I am a mortal too, goddess, I belong to that world”

“Friends!” Calypso said as if the word had no meaning, “Your friends were responsible for this adventure that almost cost your life!”

Reading the expression of shock to his face, Calypso elaborated.

“You do know, it was Eurylochus the one to persuade your men to eat the cows of Helios Hyperion, right? Not that the rest of your men had vastly different opinion, but it was him the one who betrayed you in the first place, the same way he betrayed you when he opened the sack of Aiolus!”

The Man of Many Torments felt his heart clench as all color left his face.

“What?” he croaked out

“Look in your cup” Calypso encouraged him, “and see the truth”

Odysseus looked down at the ceramic cup in his hand and gasped. Indeed the water surface of his cup had turned into a reflective mirror and now he could see as if he were there himself, the dreadful scene that preceded the slaughter of the sacred animals that led to his last ship to be gone forever and his men drown…

The men were tired; dark circles had formed under their eyes from sleeplessness and hunger and it had given them a rough look. They seemed like shadows of the men they used to be. Hunger, fatigue and sorrows had brought them on their knees. The sacred cows of Helios Hyperion were always grazing at the field next to the beach, filling their fat bellies with grass rich in salt and essential minerals. His hungry comrades were often looking at them, longer than it would be proper; way too long for comfort. Everyone was of course considering this source of nutrition ever since their rich provisions were gone. They were holding on the promise they had given to Odysseus and the fear for yet another god’s wrath but this time they were all at their limits. Eurylochus suddenly shot up from his sitting position on a rock.

“I’ve had enough of this!” he exclaimed suddenly

As all heads turned to face him at the same time.

“Hear me out, my friends, because I believe you shall agree with me that this cannot go on! We will starve to death if we wait here doing nothing! I don’t know about you, my friends but I refuse to die here of starvation!”

“Eurylochus!” Polites cried out, “What are you saying! You can’t be implying-…”

“All forms of death are terrible, Polites!” Eurylochus replied again, “We mortals are trained all our lives to fear death but death of hunger? Is there ever a worse form to die than that? We once conquered Troy and all its assets and we were praised by gods and humans and now we are in this godforsaken island and we die day by day on the beach like animals that lost their feeding grounds!”

“Eurylochus is right” Lycaon now spoke, “This can’t go on! And Odysseus is nowhere to be found!”

“He went to hunt” Polites replied again, “And pray for us!”

“Pray! Pray!” Eurylochus suddenly started screaming on top of his lungs, “He does nothing but pray! Have you seen any god favor us?! Have you seen anything good coming out of his prayers?! He calls himself pious and religious, he offers sacrifices! The problem started when the sacrifices became us!”

“Now now!” Alkimos now spoke, “That’s too much! Calm down!”

“Don’t you tell me to calm down Alkimos!” Eurylochus growled, “Odysseus will not do anything, once again! All he can do is pray and his prayers go on deaf ears! And that is all because of him! He only is killing us bit by bit!”

“Now listen you!” Polites had enough of this.

He was hungry too and starving but that was way too much.

“Don’t you dare to say that! Odysseus only tried to protect us all in various occasions! True he made many mistakes but-…”

He was stopped when Eurylochus grabbed upon his collar.

“YOU WEREN’T THERE, POLITES!” Eurylochus bellowed and his eyes already shining with primitive hunger were now beyond any form of madness one could express, “You weren’t there! That monster smashing the heads of our comrades! All we could do was watch as he indulged himself in their flesh! We were in that cave because of Odysseus in the first place! We could survive with the wild goats of the island! He just wanted something better! He always does! And WE pay the price! Never him! Never!”

“Now, now everyone calm down!” Amphidamas came between them to separate them, “If we kill each other now, the conversation will have no meaning in the first place!”

Eurylochus was forced to step back but he continued.

“I refuse to die here of hunger! My friends, let us satiate our hunger with these cows. We shall offer a sacrifice to the god Helios here and if we make it to Ithaca then we can build him a great temple, with our own hands. We can make a solemn oath here for that.”

“And if we don’t?” Polites glared at him

“If we don’t…well in that case I prefer to die from a wave and drown rather than die here like a beast from hunger!”

Odysseus watched the scene as if he were there. He watched his comrades grabbing the cows, slaughtering them and offering their sacrifice. But they had no wine left so they used water to rinse the parts of the animals. They had no barley to use and they plucked the leaves of an oak… He watched them set their feast which was not even proper sacrifice to begin with and he knew very well what followed. He was there after that. He could see no more as his eyes filled with tears once more. Suddenly his hangover was forgotten. The pain in his heart was greater. The ceramic fell from his hands and shattered to the floor. Odysseus grabbed his head with both hands, leaning forward in lament.

“Oh, Eurylochus!” he whispered between his sobbing, “I know, my friend, I know I made mistakes…I know I wasn’t perfect but I didn’t deserve this! I didn’t-…deserve…”

His nails nearly broke the flesh of his face as he cried. Yes, there was no point keeping his mask of carefree man anymore. Calypso had already exposed the pain in his soul. He might as well indulge into it again! His men had suffered and died and he was left alone to fight the elements and the storms holding upon the remains of his ship with little to no hope left; alone in fear and in pain, in hunger and in thirst to the brief of death and madness… He felt the injustice in his flesh; he had sacrificed so much! He was always there when they needed him; he went to face gods, creatures, even descended to the Underworld for them and faced the horrors that expect the dead in the afterlife while he was still living himself. He had sold himself to a goddess hoping to get freedom for his men; he had stayed up 9 days to protect the sack of Aiolus to make sure it wouldn’t be opened and that they could get back home… He had been ready to face Skylla and Charybdis for them… Their accusations seemed so unjust in his ears and yet…the other part of himself admitted they were right; nothing would have happened if he hadn’t let his anger speak and brag on Polyphemus…no, nothing would have happened if they never entered his cave in the first place… Perhaps nothing would have happened if he never had that scheme to take Troy! Or what if he was never there! Oh, cursed Troy! Cursed war! But then again, Odysseus felt like he had himself to blame again for what happened…

“Cursed oath!” he thought in despair, “Why did I have to do that! Why did I have to suggest to the old man Tyndareus that we would all defend Helen? If it weren’t for that I would be in Ithaca! Raising my son and embracing my wife! My men would be alive in their houses and villages! Cursed oath! Damn the moment I invented it! Damned the moment I was born!”

He broke down. No, this was too much to bear! He wanted to save them and ended up losing them all! And he had suffered himself. He nearly lost his life… No, it shouldn’t be all his fault now should it? He had specifically told them not to open the sack…he had told them not to eat the animals belonging to a god… He had warned them! He couldn’t be the one to blame for those, right? He knew his comrades made their own mistakes but he could also understand them. They have been through much more than what any mortal was supposed to endure… But that type of mutiny? Why? Why so much hate…? He remembered though how much Eurylochus was affected during their trip. In particular the adventure of Skylla had left them all with scars…

The area was quiet; WAY too quiet for anyone’s liking! The men had watched nervously as Odysseus had stood to the fore-deck fully geared up in his armor and holding two spears. Why on earth would he want to be armed? Odysseus seemed ready to collapse in their eyes. He was constantly gazing to the rocks around as if he expected some unknown attack from the sky! As they entered a narrow path, Odysseus seemed to be very weary. As they passed from below a cave at a high mountain, from the other side a terrifying rumble drew their attention and a whirlpool was formed, sucking in the sea water. The men cried out in fear and despair and yet they could not take their eyes off that dreadful sight! And when he had hoped that would be the end of it, the cry was heard over the rumble.

“A baby?” one of the men asked

Odysseus winced. No, no…he thought. His hands clenched upon his arms. Suddenly he remembered Circe’s advice that he had forgotten; there was no point at him being armed; Skylla was immortal. He could do nothing to her even if he wanted. He could only pray that she wouldn’t wake up for her daily meal while they crossed but now that baby cry just shattered all his hopes and prayers. It was too late. He could only steer the ship close to Skylla’s side to avoid Charybdis and now…Skylla had decided it was her time to eat…

“Odysseus!” Polites called out as his face was pale and wet from sweat; one eye to the whirlpool and the other to Odysseus, “Odysseus, there is a baby up at the grotto!”

A baby up… For a moment Odysseus felt like it was Astyanax who was crying from the underworld…Astyanax had come to claim something of him as punishment for he took Troy leading to his death…

“Odysseus!” Polites urged again

Odysseus looked up at the cave and his eyes were liquid. He looked at Polites and his face could be the same as a wounded animal, facing the hound that was about to take his life; pleading for one last time… He was almost shaking.

“Forgive me, Polites…” he whispered, “GET DOWN!”

And he dropped to the deck, taking Polites with him and leading a few men do the same in panic (of those who weren’t still hypnotized by the terrible whirlpool at the other side). Everything happened too fast; Six necks longer than their entire ship probably twice as much, bearing terrible heads; a mixture between a woman’s head and a dragon with mouths open with sharp teeth. The heads rushed to the deck like deadly snakes and they grasped one man each who screeched in pain, drawing the attention of everyone on deck. They watched in horror.

“CAPTAIN! CAPTAIN!” the men who could still speak screamed, “ODYSSEUS!”

Odysseus was unable to take his eyes off this sight which was so similar to the cave of Polyphemus but this time seemed harder to grasp. At the beginning of the grotto Skylla began her feast by cutting off flesh and guts off the bodies of his men who were still alive and screaming from their adrenaline rush; nothing like when Polyphemus had smashed them to the ground, making sure they were dead first. Skylla had no such problem as her six heads were tearing apart what was left of his 6 best men on the ship. The men were wailing and screaming, calling his name. His men pale in horror; one or two of them doubled over and threw up on the deck. Odysseus nearly did both himself. The seconds passed like eons as the screaming finally silenced and the ship drew away from that terrible passage. They could still hear the moaning of Charybdis as she was throwing up the seawater again…

There was silence afterwards… His men hardly dared to breathe…not even the oars could be heard anymore as the ship was probably moving by the stream at that point as no one had the courage to move. Odysseus was frozen there like a statue… He didn’t even have the strength to drop on his knees. Forgive me, he thought, forgive me I had no choice… Polites was probably the first to come out of the trance as he croaked out in a barely audible voice;

“What…what the hell was that…?”he was as pale as a cloud, “Odysseus…? What the hell was that…?”

Odysseus turned his head to him, trying to find the words to answer but Eurylochus pounced at him like a furious tiger ready to eat his throat.

“YOU BASTARD!” he bellowed beyond himself, grabbing him by the front part of his armor, “WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT THING?! YOU STOOD THERE DOING NOTHING! WE ALL DID! SPEAK UP!”

His head turned to the side. He couldn’t face him.

“I HEARD YOU SPEAK UP! IT WAS AS IF YOU KNEW WHAT WAS COMING! SPEAK UP ‘KING OF ITHACA’ AND ‘EQUAL TO GODS’! WHAT WAS THAT!?”

“That was Skylla…” Odysseus whispered, “…Daughter of Echidna and Typhoon… A creature that pries on dolphins and seals when she can…and waits for ships to pass her grotto…”

Eurylochus was hyperventilating; his face was red in fury.

“You knew!? YOU KNEW ALL ALONG AND SAID NOTHING!? YOU KEPT YOUR MOUTH SHUT WHEN-…”

“If I had picked Charybdis we would have died all!” Odysseus yelled back, “I had no choice I had to do this! There was no other way!”

“You kept your mouth shut! YOU SAID NOTHING AND LET OUR COMRADES BE SACRIFICED! YOU DIDN’T SAY A THING! WE HAD TO KNOW!”

“WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO SAY?!” now Odysseus bellowed, higher than anything Eurylochus did before

His men all silenced before his woeful and furious cry.

“What do you want me to say! That I hoped this monster would never come out? That I wanted us all to suffer as little as possible…that I could find no proper words to explain what was in store for them…that I hope I was them…?”

He was heroically holding his tears back. He was feeling his body turning into stone again under the layers of his armor that had been useless in this adventure.

If I show weakness I am lost…

“…That I am sorry…?”

If I show weakness I am lost…

Eurylochus had his eyes ticking in rage and fear. Odysseus could see the panic settling in him more and more like the waves at the sea. He was shivering all over.

“Sorry…?” he echoed, “You are sorry…?”

The way he grabbed him later, made others even wake up from their shocked state and arrive to their assistance to see which of the two would be hurt next!

“YOU ARE SORRY!?” Eurylochus bellowed, “IT COULD HAVE BEEN ANY OF US, ODYSSEUS! IT COULD HAVE BEEN-…”

He froze again as if the terrible realization hit him. He seemed ready to throw up himself. He let go of Odysseus and stepped back. Suddenly he was vulnerable and frightened.

“Oh my gods…” he mumbled, “We’re not going to survive this, are we? We are all gonna die in this journey! We’re all doomed!”

“No! No!” Odysseus shook his head, “No, this can’t end like this! We shall make it! We must make it! If we follow the instructions Circe gave us, we can make it. Trust me…”

Apparently that word was the worst he could use because Eurylchus gained his fighting spirit back and he was held by another comrade so he wouldn’t rush on him again.

“Trust you?! TRUST YOU, you say?! Six of our comrades are dead! And you said nothing! How can we trust you Odysseus!? HUH?!”

Odysseus lowered his eyes. He fixed the helmet on his head, as if he wanted to hide his gaze from them; from all the judgmental eyes and ears around him.

If I show weakness I am lost…

“I did what I thought it was right…” he said in a cold tone, “If I had chosen Charybdis we would all be dead now…”

He turned to leave but Eurylochus was not done releasing the anger inside him.

“Who else is to be sacrificed next then, Odysseus? Huh? Tell me, King of Ithaca, who is to be sacrificed next?”

If I show weakness I am lost…

“I did it to save us all!” Odysseus whispered dangerously, stepping closer to him, “I did it to save this vessel! Our last ship! Our last hope! If we lose it, we’re lost! I did what I had to do! We can survive this! But we must stick together!”

If I show weakness I am lost…

“If you cannot trust me, then obey me!”

If I show weakness I am lost…

“If I everything I ever done is not enough for you to have faith in me then you must remember that I am still your king!”

If I show weakness I am lost…

“For as long as we have this vessel, I am still your captain! And we still have a chance!”

If I show weakness…

Odysseus moaned lowering his head almost between his knees as he remembered what had befallen between them. No wonder that it was Eurylochus the one to initiate that mutiny! However it still hurt every thread of his heart. It still led to the outmost destruction! He had roamed 10 days aimlessly in absolute terror in the elements with no hope; nearly losing his mind in the process…and his very life!

“Our last vessel…our last hope…” he whispered, “…It’s gone…gone! We… Gone… All of our hope was gone…! Why, Eurylochus! Why! Why!”

Calypso walked around his bench. She was as alluring as she seemed dangerous…like the sea that enclosed him. Her touch on his shoulder as she circled him, made him feel fear for the very first time he was with her. It was as if some cloud was lifted from his mind; a cloud he had no idea it existed.

“My poor, tormented darling…” Calypso whispered again, “These men rebelled against you…they disobeyed your orders and ignored your suggestions… Surely you are not the one to blame for their carelessness and arrogance….”

Her hands cupped his cheeks and made him look at her. She had kneeled before him and she wiped tears with her thumbs; tears he had no idea he had shed…

“You nearly lost your life out there, darling… Why must you torment yourself over them? Why must your heart always mourn? Forget about this…mortal coil. Stay here with me…stay and rest, finally, Odysseus… You shall not want of anything here… I could offer you the gift of immortality… Never shall you fear sickness or death again! Never shall you find yourself in the same pitiful state that you were when you first showed up at my doors! You shall be my equal! All you need to do is ask…”

Immortal! The word rang to Odysseus’s brain like a bell; immortality was the dream of every human being! And if immortality was linked, as she said, to no more of this heartache and torment… Oh, how desirable that was! And yet his mind rebelled to this. He remembered the Underworld; that dreadful place of wandering souls…he remembered Achilles who had told him he’d rather a thousand times be the last servant and alive than a god-king and dead… Why was his mind rebelling this when every mortal instinct he had was telling him to accept that? He held her wrists and softly removed them from his cheeks.

“Goddess…I immensely thank you for your proposal…there is indeed nothing sweeter echoing in the ears of a helpless mortal than immortality free of sorrows but… I cannot accept this… I must go back…”

Calypso seemed like she had been slapped as she looked at him.

“But…why!” she finally asked, “Why would you choose that? When you have been tormented so much and hurt so badly?”

“I must return to Ithaca!” Odysseus insisted, “My wife…my son are waiting for me there… And if I give up everything now, all we have been through with my companions will be in vain! I cannot just abandon them….”

Calypso stood up. Suddenly her face resembled indeed a statue; perfect and yet cold and emotionless.

“And are you sure, Odysseus, that your wife remained faithful to you? Are you sure she hasn’t betrayed you too?”

Odysseus moaned helplessly. That thought stabbed into his brain like a sword. For some reason Agamemnon’s words came to his mind that one can never trust their spouse, for he had been murdered by Clytemnystra and her lover. He shook his head. No, not Penelope! Penelope would never!

“No!” he exclaimed, “Not, Penelope! We chose each other! There is a special bond between us!”

“And yet, how do you know?” Calypso pressed, “You have been married almost two decades and yet you lived but a couple of years together. How can you know that your sweet Penelope holds your marriage the same as you do?”

“She does! I know she does! She promised she would wait! She promised me!”

“Darling! Listen to yourself! You have been away from home more than 12 years!” she wrapped her arms around his shoulders, resting her beautiful head over his, “At best possible scenario she honored your marriage till they finally denounced you dead. Who can leave a throne vacant for so long?”

“No…” Odysseus whispered in denial, “No…no!”

“Just face the truth, my darling…you cannot deny it that over a decade people die… Your sweet Penelope might as well have found a new husband to rule your kingdom. No one can wait so long, my darling…” she whispered in his ear, “Not even you…”

Odysseus shivered. Her hot breath in his ear ringed weirdly in his soul. A natural feeling of repulse mixed with the sweet allure of her voice made him release himself from her embrace and stand up.

“I would! I would wait! I did! I still do!”

“And you are absolutely certain she would do the same? How can you be so sure that your sweet Penelope hasn’t found someone else to warm that empty wedding bed of hers?”

His bed? That bed he carved with his own two hands would be taken by someone else? That thought terrified him. No, he didn’t even want to think about it!

“Please goddess, stop! Say no more, I employ you!”

Suddenly he felt the need to defend himself against her accusations even if he had no real logical argument to repel them. It was as if his heart knew what his brain was repelling. His mother in the Underworld had told him that Penelope was enduring still and he held onto that for dear life. But, the other part of his brain was asking, how long has his mother been dead? If she met her end years ago then what guarantee did he have that Penelope hadn’t really remarried? He had none and he knew it, but he still wouldn’t want to accept such a scenario!

“But what if I am right?” Calypso insisted, “What if you are right and she endured but eventually she had to bend? What if your sweet Penelope has found a new husband?”

“Then…” the king of Ithaca whispered, “…that is one more reason for me to go back! To claim what is mine; my land, my kingdom, my palace…and my wife!”

Calypso frowned and lowered her head. She was astonished by his seer stubbornness and his refusal of seeing what he was truly refusing! She felt anger rising inside her. She adored him and she desired him. She had tried everything the past weeks to make him see it but apparently his mind was captured by his wife for an eternity and regardless of whether she managed to read his heart or not, Odysseus was once more distanced from her… She felt an anger she never felt before in her long life; was this the emotion humans named “envy”? Was she envious of a mere mortal woman? A woman that would eventually grow old and die? No, she refused to accept such weakness! And she wouldn’t lose to a mortal woman to the fight for the heart of this man she had come to adore to her bones!

Calypso was working her loom. She could feel the enchantment had faded; the sweet lithe that wanted to give to Odysseus so his pain would heal and he wouldn’t need to think so much of the things he would leave behind, had started to fade. It was as if, indeed, Odysseus’s mental and emotional strength were enough to make him indeed Equal to Gods… She banged her fist on the wood frustrated. She had seen his heart, she had saved his life, she had helped him and yet she still was so far away from him and all this time Odysseus had been resisting her incantation by seer will and emotion without even knowing it! No, she couldn’t let him leave, not before her questions were answered! What made him tick so much? What made his will to survive so strong that he managed to come out alive out of the greatest of hardships? Why was she so helplessly trapped in his charms when he was just a mortal man with no intention to seduce her in the first place? She sighed. She didn’t need to look behind her shoulder to realize it was Odysseus standing behind her.

“Calypso…” he whispered, “Great goddess of Ogygia…please…give me a vessel…give me a small ship to go back to my country… You nursed me back to health, you gave me valid answers to some of my questions… I can no longer stay here… Please, beautiful nymph I employ you…give me a ship to govern”

“There are no ships in Ogygia, Odysseus!” Calypso replied almost coldly, “No one ever comes or goes from here… Ships do not cross this sea…so full of danger”

“Then…please give me the tools to make one” Odysseus insisted, “Please, I have to go back, do you understand? I have been away from my wife and son so long! I want to embrace my precious Telemachus again! Tell him how sorry I am for missing all his life! Please be merciful, powerful nymph…please let me go…”

Calypso sighed. Her fist clenched.

“Fine…if that’s what you want to do…” she stood up to her full height and turned around

She was a tall woman; as tall as he was in total. Perhaps even a few centimeters taller. Her look was magnificent under the pale light of dusk. And yet her honey eyes shone in a dangerous way that Odysseus never saw before.

“But first, before you leave, I need something from you, Odysseus”

“Anything, goddess!” Odysseus replied almost immediately, “As long as it is within my power to give it to you”

“The gifts of Xenia, I gave you…” Calypso immediately replied; her eyes resembled now a predatory bird that had caught a mouse in her claws, “I took you in my house, I gave you my bed to sleep, I gave you my wine and bread to satiate your hunger and quench your thirst and clothes to wear. I believe you owe me some gifts of Xenia back.”

Odysseus’s heart sank in his chest.

“Goddess…” he began, “I have nothing to give you! I lost everything. If I had my vessel I would have given you all the treasures I got from Troy and every land I encountered in-between! I would give you the best wine and fabrics, jewelry and pearls from all ends of the world! The price would be too little for the good you did to me! But, alas, I have nothing. I am a ruined shipwrecked man! I have nothing to give you, to repay your hospitality!”

“Ah, Odysseus, Odysseus… There is something you can give me, something much more important than those soulless things. Wine…jewelry? Why would I need any of those? I already have plenty. However there is something you can give me, Odysseus, that nothing of those can buy…”

Odysseus eyed her curiously.

“What?” he genuinely asked, “What is it that I have that is so precious to you, good goddess?”

Calypso slowly walked to him. And then Odysseus froze because what she did next was something that totally took him aback. Her hand softly touched his cheek and then her lips landed upon his. Odysseus felt his eyes widen like a rabbit before the sight of a fox. No…no it couldn’t be! Calypso pulled back smiling seductively.

“Entertain me, Odysseus!” she whispered, “Give me what your wife enjoyed for a little while… Show me how mortals make love!”

Pale as a sheet, Odysseus took plenty of steps back.

“No…!” he whispered, “No, no! Please, I beg of you goddess! I-I can’t give you what you ask!”

“Why not?” Calypso pressured, “You gave this to the divine daughter of Helios.”

Circe’s name came back to haunt him. Yes, Odysseus had shared a bed with Circe but then it was different! Hermes had told him not to refuse her and he had his men to protect. Right now he was alone. He had no one else to protect but his own skin and right now his decision would mean so much more than just an exchange and somehow he knew it!

“Please, spare me, good goddess!” Odysseus begged, “Ask for anything else, but not that, not that please!”

Penelope…Telemachus…

“It seems like offending gods has become a second nature to you, Odysseus!” Calypso retorted, “You make it sound like the worst thing that can happen to you is to bed me!”

Odysseus turned pale in terror. No, he definitely did not mean to offend her and yet what she asked of him…

“I’ll…I’ll do anything else, goddess. I shall delay my departure to make you a magnificent palace with my own hands if you wish…”

“Why would I need such thing, Odysseus? As you see I am missing nothing in my godly grotto. Why would I need a palace in my isle?”

“I…I shall build you a temple in Ithaca once I arrive!” Odysseus desperately tried again, “I shall make you the greatest goddess of all the Cephallinians, but please spare me!”

Calypso let out a light chuckle.

“The gifts of Xenia are not something given after 10 years, Odysseus!” she said as a matter of fact, “Not to mention that there is no guarantee that you will even make it back to your little island. The way Poseidon wishes your demise, I highly doubt you will make it beyond my bay! Nay, Odysseus. Besides why would I need worship? I live content on my island like that. I’d rather get what I wished for”

“Spare me!” Odysseus cried out, “Spare me, goddess, please! I’ll fall on my knees for you, beggar at your feet, but please don’t make me do this!”

He would have indeed dropped on his knees to hug hers, to make sure that she would not push him any further but she stopped him. She had come to know him.

“Please, Odysseus, no more, otherwise it will be much harder for me to keep refusing you!”

“Please, show mercy!”

“I have stated what I want from you and that’s it” Calypso replied relentless, “Are you going to trample the laws of Xenia as well? Wasn’t the taking of Troy enough when you fought at night using trickery? Wasn’t offending one god enough? Do you now wish to trample this sacred law dictated by Zeus as well?”

Odysseus froze in place; the law of Xenia…the law that he lived on all his life with. The law that he honored above all was now brought before him. He knew he had nothing to give her and he knew he could not offend her any further. He grabbed his head in desperation.

“If I want to see my wife and child…I have to appease her… Oh, Penelope! Forgive me! I am just a man; a weak, mortal man! I cannot fight with gods! I am tired! I can’t do this anymore!” he thought in despair, “My honor…trampled so many times! Gods, mercy! No more! Please no more!”

He knew everything had a price; he had learnt that the hard way! However seeing also Calypso; the kind nymph that took him in without asking anything before; the person he thought might be the exception, now bringing such a horrendous price for him to pay stroke him harder than anything. Suddenly his heart ached and then he felt like it broke. They are all the same, he thought, all gods and humans are the same! They all require a price and they ignore the distressful pleading!

Calypso’s chambers were dimly lit in moonlight only one or two torches lit the room. Calypso was casually leaning in her bed, observing him with an unreadable look; it was a mixture of lust, amusement, curiosity and wonder… Odysseus was shaking as he turned to the low table. He poured a cup of wine for himself and he downed it. Then he took another one. He breathed heavily. Gods let me go numb tonight…he thought, let me not feel this that I am about to do…. He could feel her eyes burning holes to the back of his nape, as if she was gaining strength from his distress. As if it as amusing to her. He turned around to see the nymph; so beautiful and so terrible, staring at him.

“Take off your clothes and join me, Odysseus…” she whispered seductively

Odysseus mechanically breathed in and out and then slowly opened his chiton, revealing his wide chest. He wished his mind wasn’t so frozen and yet so aware. For the first time in his life he wished to faint here and there; black out so he will not be conscious when it happens! Calypso shot up from the bed and grabbed the cloth, tearing it apart with one single move. Odysseus winced before her strength but even more he winced when her hands touched his chest, burning his flesh like fire as she felt the curly hair that adorned it. She felt every detail, every muscle, every scar… She shivered in delight finally feeling his flesh beneath her fingertips and the reactions that came with it… She felt every tremor, every jerk that strong mortal body was emitting! She sealed his lips with hers. Odysseus had kept his mouth as tightly closed as possible. Her lips burnt like coals…his soul hurt like being torn apart! Calypso softly pulled back and whispered against his lips;

“Like you mean it, Odysseus…like you mean it!”

Odysseus nearly broke down in tears as her lips sealed his again. He tried really hard to respond, feeling a jerk to his hair by her strong hand.

“I am Odysseus of Ithaca! Father to sweet Telemachus…son of Laërtes…There is nothing I can’t endure!”

The strokes came even lower. Odysseus prayed with all the power of his soul that his body wouldn’t react; that she would lose interest in him…however, as always, the gods were relentless. He felt his body responding to her caresses and her forcible seduction. He held back himself; no he wouldn’t moan! Be it pleasure or pain; he wouldn’t react! He wouldn’t give off the storm inside him!

“I am the Man of Many Turns…Goodly Odysseus! I am the Sacker of Cities! I am the spawn of Hermes…grandson of Autolycus! I shall not…I cannot be broken…!”

The touch nearly drove him insane in rage and confusion! He sighed as he nearly felt himself losing his footing.

“Endure my heart…please endure…! You have endured worse…!”

She led him on her bed…to which he was forced to lay and she threw her dress off her body revealing herself to him as pretty as she was terrible. As she climbed over him Odysseus wanted to shut his eyes closed, to hide those small tears that escaped his eyes and got lost in his curly hair.

“Oh, Athena! Oh, Pallas! Why! Why! Why! Please guide me to take this bitter cup upon my lips! Why are you silent, Athena? Why did you abandon me?”

As more kisses cascaded his body and he felt those arms almost pinning him on the bed, Odysseus remembered Circe… She had led him to her bed thinking she had his consent… Calypso knew she didn’t. She knew he couldn’t escape and yet it was as if she wanted to make sure! As she slowly raised herself to a position that was comfortable, Odysseus felt his heart break. The sudden rush made him almost lose his breath. He threw his head back in a silent scream. He wanted to close his eyes and yet he couldn’t avoid the terrible sight; he saw that face that was always calm and collected; maternal even now distorted in a mask of forceful bliss and a cascade of sighs and hums. That body that supported him before and helped him move about in the cave when he was weak was now moving over him making a series of sensations rush through his veins…those hands that so gently and so strongly supported him were now pinning him down; her left hand resting somewhere behind her back, close to the scar that adorned his leg and the other pressing upon his laryngeal prominence. He clenched his jaw till it hurt so he wouldn’t groan in distress; his body reacting to her treatment was much more terrifying even than the sight of hers on top of him.

“No more…please gods no more…”

And then it was over! He nearly fell back to the pillows breathing heavily like wounded. Calypso was breathing as well; only in delight. She didn’t seem half as tired as he was…

“On my word, Odysseus!” she panted softly, “You really ARE ‘Equal to gods’!”

He felt nauseous! He wanted to scream. He remained on the same position…not daring to look at her anymore as she kissed his cheek tenderly, hands tracing his body. Only one tear escaped his eye.

“Why…? WHY!”

Calypso was humming softly as she was arranging her hair. She had thrown a robe around her naked body, looking at her reflection at the bronze spectrum. Odysseus almost staggered in the room. He had thrown a new chiton over himself but he still felt the shame around him. He was breathing irregularly in rage and sadness.

“Now…” he panted, “Give me a vessel, goddess! Let me go home as you promised…!”

“Promise?” Calypso asked almost innocently, “I don’t recall promising such thing!”

Odysseus felt like someone had stabbed him in the heart.

“What?!” he croaked out, “But you said…”

“I said that you need to entertain me, Odysseus, to return me my gifts of Xenia but I did not promise I would immediately give you the means to make a vessel. And besides did you honestly think that one night is enough to buy your life’s worth?”

“I am ruined!” Odysseus cried out, “I am ashamed! I will probably never be able to face my wife and son again! WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME!” he finally yelled beyond his wits.

Calypso looked at him sincerely.

“I want you to love me, Odysseus!”

She stood up, taking advantage of his sudden shock.

“At first I was curious…I was not sure how mortals make love; this desperation that is linked to your temporary nature… Does it feel better for you that you know you are doomed? To us is just another pass time sometimes but to mortals it means so much more… But…”

She actually almost blushed! Odysseus though felt disgust and hatred.

“…But now, I am not sure if I can let you go! After feeling you…I just confirmed what I knew. You cured my loneliness…you filled an empty spot I never knew I had in my heart! I love you, Odysseus! And I want you to love me like I do…”

“Love?” Odysseus chocked in the word, “You call this love?!”

This was the only way the immortals knew to show love? Tormenting the mortals?

“I know I can win your heart, my love…” Calypso ignored him, “I know I can help you live here…with me…how to make you mine…and I shall be yours as your wife!”

“You will NEVER be my wife!”

“Oh but you are wrong, my dear. We united before gods and witnesses! You are my husband now, by the laws of gods!”

“Never! I have a wife! She waits for me! You are not my wife and you shall never be! I want to leave! You can’t hold me here!”

“You stayed one year with the witch Circe! Why acting so pious all of the sudden?”

For one moment the king of Ithaca saw only red. His hand grabbed her throat before he would realize it. Calypso was shocked only for one second but then a smirk crept to her lips.

“Like you mean it, Odysseus…” she whispered in a mocking manner, “…Like you mean it!”

Odysseus was shivering in anger. Oh, how easy it seemed if he could snap that neck that seemed so delicate! And yet he knew the truth; those bones beneath were not mortal bones and he would never manage to do anything to them and even if he did, she wouldn’t die…no, she wouldn’t die…! He let go of her running out of the room.

“You will never leave this place, you know…” Calypso’s casual voice stopped him in his tracks, “This island from the land till the currents around the sea respond to my will. Every single breeze and wave shall bring you back….”

Odysseus did not want to believe this! He ran out of the grotto. At the beach he knew he had no vessel but at that moment roaming the sea like he had come to this island didn’t seem as terrible as the fate that awaited him here. He threw a log in the water and tried to paddle away on it but, indeed the waves pushed him back on shore. He tried again with no avail. He desperately jumped into the sea to swim with all his might but the result was the same. Exhausted and exasperated Odysseus was once more pushed to the shores of Ogygia.

“No!” Odysseus yelled as he paced up and down like a wounded tiger in the cage.

In his anger he roared and threw a rock to the waves but that’s all he could do. He gave up. He sat down the sand, drawing his knees to his chest and remained silent under the stars… In what seemed like eons, he heard Calypso’s light footsteps upon the sand and the pebbles.

“Odysseus…” she called for him, “Come inside, it is getting late”

“No thank you!” he replied in a low dangerous voice

“You shall need to eat something, my love, come back inside.”

“Your price is too high to pay!”

“Come inside, Odysseus” she repeated, “I will order for your meal to be prepared.”

“I’d rather die of hunger and cold!”

Calypso sighed. It was the type of sigh a disappointed mother would give to a child.

“As you wish” she said, “But remember you should know better not to cross with me that much, my darling. I love your spirit, I really do, however you should know better that I shall not ask twice…”

Odysseus turned to look at the waves so she wouldn’t see his jaw shiver…so she wouldn’t see the fear in his eyes. Yes, he knew. Achilles was just a mortal man and yet all he needed to do was to plead his goddess mother to bring misfortune upon all Achaeans… He didn’t even dare to imagine what this immortal could do if she wanted. What if she ordered immortal nymphs of the oceans to drown his beautiful little kingdom? What stopped her from doing this��? Finally he heard her footsteps as she walked away. Odysseus was left alone…

As he was sitting there…his tears began to flow in the middle of the cold night. He buried his face in his folded arms.

“Gods! Is this, then, my fate…? Being the lapdog of a goddess every time she pleases? Shall this be the fate of Odysseus of Ithaca? Alas! Why! Why gods! I only made one mistake! I only…why! Why! Haven’t I graced you all with sacrifices and worship? Why did you abandon me? Over one mistake…?”

The smell of cooked meat came to his nostrils. His stomach growled in hunger. Once more he lamented himself and his mortal nature. He was hungry and Calypso knew that and she was using it to torment him. He clenched his head with his hands.

“Oh, alas! Is that what my men had to suffer out there…? Is this why their mortal bodies could take no more?”

He wondered why, how could he forget his lament over their loss for so long!

“That cursed witch and her spells!” he lamented, “Taking away this sorrow…putting my conscious to sleep!”

He remembered his promise…

“I have to survive…If I die here who is going to remember them? Who is going to know they were here? Who is going to tell their story? I am the only one left! I am the only one who can remember them…”

He heard the waves…his heart felt cold and heavy like the stones residing in the ocean. I don’t even have a tomb for them…he thought, I can’t even build them a funeral pyre… He felt his curly hair with his hand. His long hair was the crown on his head; thick and long; they had tangled a lot from the wind and the salt water while he traveled, almost forming natural locks. Ever since he arrived to Calypso’s isle it was always neatly combed and washed. His hand searched the beach and caught a sharp stone. He held his hair with one hand and then with the stone, slowly and methodically he cut it short as his nape… He held that hair in his hand before throwing it in the sea…the last funerary tribute that he could give them. He would survive. He would survive even if he meant to do anything for it! He would try to reach Ithaca! He would continue their legacy!

Calypso was sitting by the fire as her maids stirred the stew in the cauldron. She looked up and smiled. Odysseus was standing there. His face was like stone; his eyes bottomless and liquid. His hair that used to be thick and long now it was cut. His eyes were stained and burnt from tears. Calypso though smiled. She had confidence in herself that her spouse would learn to love her. It was only a matter of time and she had all the time in the world.

“Odysseus!” she whispered, “I am so glad you decided to come…”

She extended her richly adorned hand towards him. That hand that had given him life now it seemed ready to severe it.

“Come…” she urged softly, “Come to sit by the fire to get warm…we have dinner almost ready…”

One last tear ran down his cheek. Yes, he would survive no matter the cost; even if that would be his sanity and honor! The gods were silent to his prayers. He was alone. He had to survive alone…

He spoke no words anymore…

He walked in the grotto…

~~~

Oh my gosh! What have I done indeed! TT_TT but yeah...I do not fully regret! I believe this wll be the 3rd and final part of Sirvor's Guilt/Duty and I hope you enjoyed the wild ride!

Calypso weaving was inspired by this amazing soundtrack from "The Perfume"

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Calypso showing Odysseus the events that occured before he arrived was inspired by the Odyssey since Odysseus mentions in his narrative how he was filled in the details by Calypso

I just HAD to include the Skylla moment because it was one of the most brutal description in the Odyssey so one can see how much Odysseus was traumatized!

Now as for how Calypso knows the details well...gods are often depicted to know things even if they aren't there (even if at other times they don't!)

And my extra explanation as to why Odysseus could not go anywhere.

The After Note was inspired by the clip from nbc Dracula (particulary the expression of poor Odysseus so read at your own accord! xd)

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~~~~~~~~~

(After note)

The night was silent as always on Ogygia. The silence could strangle you. Odysseus slowly lifted himself from the narrow bed. His expression was unreadable. It was as if the pain and sorrow had left a permanent dark scar to his face that would never allow anyone to see him smile again. His hair was tangled and his beard untidy almost just like the bed that seemed even messier. He looked to the side and his eyes darkened even further, if that would even be possible, as he gazed upon Calypso’s body. She was sleeping on her stomach, with her head towards the other direction, one of her beautiful legs drawn slightly towards her. Her dark hair adorned with gold, seashells and pearls were flowing all around her like second layer of jewels and yet to Odysseus they seemed like deadly tentacles; like the heads of the dreadful Skylla that consumed his comrades when it seemed like an eternity prior. Her soft breathing was barely heard and yet to Odysseus it was echoing in his brain driving him mad. He was choking. He needed fresh air! He slowly got out of the bed, feeling the light pain down his back. He walked out of the room, feeling the cold stone of the grotto under his bare feet. He didn’t care at all that he was absolutely naked at that moment; he didn’t bother to cover himself even if there was a possibility one of the nymphs of Calypso to be around. Odysseus felt there was no sense of shame in him anymore. He ignored the nudity of his body as well as a few small scratches and bruises upon it that were accidentally caused by some miscalculation on Calypso’s strength during some of their endless nights of her passion and intercourse. Calypso had apologized of course. But then again Odysseus had stopped caring. He had tried resisting her before but with no avail, as she was much stronger than what he was. He had even tried begging her; one night! Spare me at least one night! However long now, Odysseus had stopped caring. There was no fight in him anymore.

It had been two years already, the king of Ithaca had calculated; two years of torture and despair. His hair that he had cut as a tribute to his dead men had already started to grow longer. If it were in his hands he wouldn’t even bother to brush it anymore. He didn’t feel much like grooming himself or taking care of himself. He didn’t seem to see the point in it anymore and, besides, there more unattractive he appeared in her eyes, the better. If it weren’t for the nymphs who prepared him regularly for these nightly torments of his then Odysseus probably would have stopped doing anything. The longing for return was eating his guts like a worm eating the flesh of a rotten apple; he could almost feel it through his gut! However the hope for his return was getting slimmer and slimmer. And it wasn’t just his bitter nostos that was eating him up. It was also haste and doubt. Calypso had planted that seed of doubt before and now she kept watering it with every night of abuse that Odysseus had to suffer. He was closing in that island as long as he took to travel there. Ten years he was away to Troy, three years he was traveling, losing his men one by one and now two years of imprisonment. He was away from home 15 years. What if Calypso for once was right? What if Penelope out of seer coercion decided that he was long dead and had to marry again? What would happen to him then if that last piece of him was uprooted from him? Or, much worse, what would happen if… No, Odysseus thought, that scenario he didn’t want to accept! Not Penelope…Penelope was different! She would never cheat on his memory, right? She had promised to him she would wait for his return…

“And how long is she supposed to wait for you?” there was a voice in the back of his head, “You left her wait 15 years…who would wait that long?”

Who indeed? Who would remain faithful to a man who disappeared for so long? Odysseus shivered. He didn’t even want to think about it, despite the doubt biting his heart like a snake. He remembered Agamemnon, whom he had met in the bitter ends of the Underworld. He told him to beware for his wife murdered him upon his return…with her lover.

“No! Not, Penelope! Penelope would never…”

This thought he had made so many times while residing at the beach crying or even within the arms of Calypso at night. These thoughts constantly twirling in his mind. Penelope was a kind woman when he met her. A nice soft bride. However as Calypso had said; they were married almost 20 years and yet he had known her for around a handful. What if she wasn’t who he thought she was? What if she was coerced to change? And his sweet Telemachus…his son would be now 15 years of age; around the age he was when he got his infamous scar by the boar at Parnassus. His son would be practically a man now; independent and strong. He had missed a quarter of his life; his son probably feared his father would be dead. He felt like every single day he spent on that island would be a tick to the clock against him; Penelope marrying again and Telemachus never knowing his father or hearing his voice… This was way too much to bear… His whole life moving on without him was way too much to endure. His pain was eating him up. His hair had started to grow gray. He knew his own youth was long gone however the silver edges to his temples shouldn’t normally appear so fast. His father never grew white. Even when he left for war he had his black hair almost intact and barely started to grow gray. However Odysseus felt like his own features had changed over the years. He saw himself at a polished bronze mirror once and he was surprised. He could hardly recognize the prematurely aged man inside the copper surface. Calypso didn’t seem bothered though. She even seemed to enjoy this change that his torment had brought about him; perhaps she was charmed by his mortal nature; this nature that showed how helpless existence was, that no matter what one did, their time on this earth would be counted for anyways.

Eventually he reached the entrance of the wide, white cave. He was greeted by the sounds of the night and the cold night breeze. Odysseus, though, didn’t shiver nor did he feel it. It was as if his body had turned into marble; his heart into stone. It didn’t matter if in the mornings he was seeking sanctuary to the solitude of the sandy beach and there he would bawl his eyes out almost all day; having nothing else to do but gaze at the waves and cry. In the night Odysseus was a cold statue; as if he had no more tears to shed. As he stood there, listening to the song of the crickets and the waves to the far beyond he felt weak…he felt helpless…he felt like nobody…Oh, how many times had he wished he could get in her room and kill her! How many times he wished he could snap her neck, smother her with a pillow or open that delicate throat with his sword! But he knew it would be impossible. He looked up and noticed a night bird flying to the sky. His furious eyes became liquid and his fists clenched painfully.

“If only you never existed…!” he thought bitterly, “If only you gods never existed! Then us mortals could live our life in peace!”

He was always faithful to the gods. Many people had said he was the best when it came to sacrifices and respect. But now it all seemed pointless in the cover of this dreadful night and all the nights before. Odysseus had come to fear the night and its creatures and feeling disgust by them and he came to hate the day because it only held solitude and sadness. He didn’t even get his usual nightmares as he often got when he slept for the past years; it was as if he was completely hollow. There was hardly anything left of him anymore. Not even his faith. He watched the night owl fly soundlessly in the moonlight and his heart was filled with anger and despair. Athena, why did you abandon me, he thought. Curse you too! How can you leave me like this! However as if he realized the severity of his own mind his eyes watered and a tear ran down his cheek.

“Gods, I am turning into a monster…” he thought, “If I lose my faith to the gods…then…then what’s left of me then…? Is there anything left of Odysseus of Ithaca, father to sweet Telemachus and son of Laërtes?”

He looked back at the grotto that had become his salvation and now his prison and torture. Oh, how he wished he turned that place into a second Troy! How he wished he had his trusty bow that he left to Ithaca, to shoot his arrows to all these creatures that tormented him and set this place in fire! If only he could! He visualized so many times driving arrows to the sensitive flesh of these women and leaving Calypso for last… He would enter her rooms dripping the dark blood of her companions; naked sword in hand so she could see; take a good look on what she did to him and then she would feel the kiss of the metal to her tender throat… He visualized her death so many times that he could almost taste it… Something in his mind snapped. He could almost feel like doing it. Eyes on fire and dripping hot tears he clenched his fists to the point of almost breaking the skin with his nails. He slowly marched to the room only to find her sleeping in the same position; totally unperturbed by his torment.

“Why am I the monster…?” he thought, “And she can sleep peacefully…? After everything she did to me…?”

As madness crept even more into his heart as his infamous temper was about to explode his hands were clenching in a painful grip but he refused to feel the pain. Maybe he could do it tonight. Maybe he could try… Perhaps she was a normal nymph after all; immortal but not indestructible! Maybe he could take his vengeance from this magnificent being that tormented him in the cover of the night, why not? He had done this before. One more sin to add to his miserable life; one more attempt! He could at least try. If it didn’t work, the worst case scenario would be that he would be liberated from this if her anger turned against him! Slowly and soundlessly like a lion in the night he crept on the bed over her. His onyx eyes were even darker than the night around him; yes, he could try! Slowly and carefully he crawled over her when…

An iron hand grabbed his throat, cutting his breath for one second.

Odysseus felt his heart skip a beat. He recognized that soft hand; it was smooth and sleek like silk but held the power of three men in that tiny touch. Suddenly all his previous resolve; his madness evaporated in thin air by the reminder of her strength. No, he had absolutely no chance of doing anything to her. She was no ordinary nymph. She was the daughter of the titan Atlas, the man who held the sky… That grip on his throat lasted for only one second because immediately after it turned into a tender touch to the sides of his neck, followed by a second hand that held him there; softly and yet demandingly. Calypso raised her body to meet his face with hers; her eyes glistering with love and passion.

“Odysseus…!” she whispered

Her voice was barely audible and yet Odysseus didn’t really feel like reacting anymore as those lips sealed his and kissed him deeply. Odysseus felt exhausted. It was as if all his previous anger had taken the life out of him. He knew he had no choice but to respond to her kiss. He had come to know her. He grasped her hair to the back of her head and pulled desperately; in a weak and pitiful attempt to hurt her back. It was his way of showing the weak resistance he could; he would often grab or pull her hair when she kissed him or grasp her in what would have been a bruising grip for any other grown mortal man but it didn’t work on Calypso and he knew it, if anything it was almost like confirmation to her that he was equally passionate, giving her the wrong impression. He knew it was doing nothing. It was just his last way to show his will. As Calypso wrapped her beautiful legs around his waist she pulled him down with her.

Odysseus felt his tears dry in his eyes.

He was once more a statue.

He chose not to feel…

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katerinaaqu · 1 month

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Survivor's Guilt and Survivor's Duty (P2)

this is dedicated to @aaronofithaca05 because I believe I read somewhere his birthday was coming? Hehehe Either way this is the second part

Continuation from:

It was only for a brief second that the rays of sun touched his salt-crusted cheek but Odysseus saw or at least he thought he saw a tall slender figure picking something up from the beach many meters away from him (maybe a seashell). The figure turned towards him and walked there. And then everything turned black…

Sweet warm sunlight was embracing him. It was a familiar warmth; as familiar were the smells of grass, land and flocks of goats. He could hear the birds singing, feeling the soil beneath his feet and the grass tops to his fingertips. The warm breeze was caressing his face and softly playing with his hair. He had his eyes closed taking in every detail his eyes could not perceive. He opened them to see the familiar land showered in light. Everything was still there…the hills, the crops…the flocks playing at the rocks…the birds singing amongst the olive trees… Tears overflew his eyes as his heart flattered within his chest. This was better than Elysium… This was home…

“Odysseus!”

The melodic voice came from a distance… Maybe it had come out of his very chest. And yet the familiar voice of the woman he so much longed for made him feel his heart ready to burst in his chest.

“Odysseus!”

There she was…showered in light. She had the strong sunlight at her back so he couldn’t make her features; just her silhouette. However he did not need to see her face to know who she was; that straight and slim body covered with her modest veils softly waving at the evening breeze.

“Penelope!”

It was a half-sob through that whisper; a prayer, a longing scream of the soul. She was standing there, as if to the beginning of a light tunnel. She was holding a small, wrapped up thing in her arms. Oh, he was home!

“Come, Odysseus!” the lulling voice came again

“Penelope…!”

Her name was the only thing he could utter. His throat was clenched by sobs that he wanted so much to let out and was holding them back.

“Come…my love…come…”

He extended his arm towards her offering one.

Light engulfed him…

He could hardly feel his surroundings but he gradually gained some level of consciousness enough to start to gain subsequently some essence of feel and touch. He could understand he was lying upon the soft, sweet-smelling surface of a bed. His eyelids seemed to be weighting a ton each as if they were made out of lead. His body felt even heavier than that and he barely could twitch a finger, yet alone move. His throat still hurt and felt dry but he noticed the feeling was infinitely better than the last time he remembered being conscious. He forced himself to open his eyes and again and again till finally he succeeded. At first all he could see was whiteness but after a second his vision half-cleared as he blinked. He noticed he was inside a white room made of stone. The sunlight was reflecting upon the whiteness of the walls creating a natural almost blinding result. It took him a few extra seconds to realize that he was inside some sort of grotto. The walls, even if they bore no decorations from murals like most palaces did, still looked magnificent and tall, they had nothing to be jealous of the great palaces he saw in his life or even holy Troy herself. There were quite a few pieces of furniture around and tapestries with patterns he didn’t recognize. He tried to raise his neck from the pillow but he realized he found it easier to move the rocks instead. His head seemed nailed to the pillow. He drew out a rusty breath as he scanned the place and only then he noticed a young girl above him fixing his covers, he presumed, with another behind her leaving a tray at a small table somewhere. The maid that fixed him had a scared look on her face. Was he really that much of a dreadful sight? He tried his voice that seemed stuck like the crust of salt that seemed to be gone from his body now.

“Where…where am I…?” he managed to rasp out

The maiden took a few steps back.

“Madam! He’s awake” she called upon someone behind her shoulder

“I can see that” came a melodious deep female voice from somewhere behind

Odysseus weakly looked up to see a magnificent woman. She was tall and slender with dark sun-kissed skin and dark hair carefully arranged in braids adorned with gold and seashells which cascaded down her back like a cape. Her face was heart-shaped and completely clear and pore-less; looking more like the magnificence of marble rather than flesh. Her large almond-eyes had the color of rich honey and her lips were full and shaped like a shell. Odysseus was stunned by her beauty and much more by her soothing voice.

“Who…” he started but his voice betrayed him

The stunning woman smiled almost maternally at him, raising with her richly adorned with gold bracelets and rings a goblet.

“Well, stranger, welcome back to the world of the living! You had us worried there. We believed you wouldn’t make it…”

“Wha…?” Odysseus started but again his throat betrayed him

“There, there, stranger…” the woman repeated maternally, “Come on, drink this…”

She slid her arm behind his back and half-raised him with unexpected strength, bringing the goblet to his lips. As the liquid touched those thirsty, dry lips, Odysseus gained strength anew to his arms; the type of strength you get when you need to survive. He greedily downed sips from the drink and aimed to hold it with his weak, shaking hands. He tasted the sweetest drink he ever thought he would taste; it was sweeter than honey, smoother than wine. It was all the tastes he ever knew and none at the same time. He coughed as the drink went down the wrong way but he drank more ignoring some that escaped his lips and down the thick layer of curly hair that adorned his wide chest. He was thirsty! He was thirsty to the point of madness!

“There…there…” the woman repeated, removing the goblet from his lips, “Easy there, take it easy…”

She handed the goblet to her maid who refilled it and she repeated the action, to which Odysseus responded quite the same way before breathing heavily of exhaustion and be lowered slowly back to his pillows. How weak one can be to feel exhausted by drinking from a cup while being held limb by someone else, he thought!

“Rejoice” said the woman standing to her feet, making her braids and jewels clatter with each other, “That’s Nectar you’re drinking; the drink of the gods. Not many humans have the honor of tasting it. It is the only thing capable of giving your strength back, given the state you were in”

The tormented king of Ithaca took a few more breaths; sucking the oxygen with the same thirst as he had drank the godly drink. However he realized that even though his body was still heavy like metal and his limbs weak he wasn’t in so much pain as he used to or at least as much as he could remember. His wounds were also healing as it seemed for they didn’t sting him anymore like burning coals. His burnt by sun shoulders, back and face no longer stung so badly either. He looked at the divine form once more. Her dark skin was perfectly contrasting the white walls of the grotto.

“Who…who are you…?” he managed to whisper with some effort, “Did I die…and somehow ended up to Elysium to be greeted by divine beings…?”

The girls now giggled as their mistress also chuckled softly.

“No, stranger, you are not dead, not yet; even if as it seems the gods are trying very hard to achieve that! You washed up on my isle to the brief of death. I found you and brought you to my home.”

“Then…” the stunned king began, “…who are you…?”

“I am Calypso” the woman replied with a tone of pride and regal aura, “Daughter to Atlas; immortal Nymph and Goddess Protector of Ogygia.”

“A goddess…” Odysseus repeated like an echo

He tried once more to sit up, this time with some success (which however left him exhausted and rasping for breath again).

“Pray tell me, magnificent lady” he began, “Has…”

He hesitated.

“Has…anyone else washed up to your doors? Alive or dead?”

The hope that was biting his heart wouldn’t leave him in peace; no matter what his brain was signaling would be logical. However Calypso’s half-amused look destroyed all the last bits of that hope before the goddess actually spoke.

“Anyone else? No, darling. Just you and it was already a miracle that you survived this. You washed up at my isle in what seemed like half a step from death. I highly doubt there are more people out there who could survive so.”

Odysseus felt his heart sinking. Yes, he expected that blow but it was a blow nonetheless. He felt his body grow weak again. He was struggling really badly to hold himself awake.

“How…how long was I…?”

He had counted around 9 days out in the sea. He assumed it was probably one more since he had lost consciousness more than once but now time escaped him. Calypso smiled again as her honey eyes reflected the light of the sun through her white cave.

“This is the morning of the fourth day you have been unconscious. My maids and I cleaned your wounds and anointed you with oil so that they would heal faster. We gave you a new change of clothes and tried to give you Nectar in hope from dragging you out of death’s door”

That explained the soft clothes that embraced his tormented body. There was so much he wanted to ask; so much he wanted to say… He made a move to sit up even further but his body shivered as if his arms had lost all their previous strength.

“No…” Calypso whispered melodically, “Too soon. You must keep your strength…”

Her touch felt warm against his chest. His senses swam. That delicate hand held strength beyond his comprehension as she firmly pressed him down and yet it was soft and welcome in his tortured soul.

“Goddess…” he began, “I…”

“Shhh…” Calypso whispered again, “Save your strength…sleep…”

Her voice was lulling…even more enchanting now than the Sirens whose forbidden song he was privileged to hear. His head softly touched the pillow as his sight got out of focus. Calypso’s beautiful face was blurred within his swimming, dizzy mind. Suddenly his body felt light…like falling weightlessly to the abyss. Calypso’s voice came as if from a distance even if she was right there above him.

“Sleep…”

Darkness took over him once more…

He was coming in and out of consciousness; that much he could tell, although everything became a blurring mess in his brain. Sometimes in some moments of clarity he could remember where he was; he was in the unknown location of Ogygia, nursed to health by the immoral Calypso…his men all gone…his ship was destroyed… The gloomy thoughts were swimming soon after and he drifted back to a sort of lethargy without beginning or end as if he was falling softly down an unknown hole; softly like a feather that was let go from a bird’s wing. His tormented body finally kept up with the events of the past weeks and soon came the shivers, the tremors, the fever and the dreams. That much Odysseus could remember in those rare moments of clarity that were interrupting his lithe. Body twitching and soaked in sweat, Odysseus the king of Ithaca found himself mumbling incoherent phrases and pledges confusing them with the images that attacked his tortured mind.

“No…ah…no…don’t…there…run…run…”

Twitching arms were moving over the light silky sheets. Twitching fingers grappling the material constantly. Droplets of sweat were always adorning his forehead.

“The wall…the wall…d-don’t…the horse…the horse…oh, gods, mercy…the horse…”

There was fire and screaming; faces of men and women tangled in a mass…there was a whirlpool of water opening up sharp teeth coming for his life. Cries of a baby were being mixed with yelps of pain and screeching of pigs being slain and moans of cows being sacrificed…

“Gods…! Oh, gods…mercy…the horse…the sea…get in…d-don’t…get in…don’t…the horse!”

The material of his shirt was so soaked that was plastered against his chest. He occasionally had to tear the material to be set free; no, he wouldn’t die out there by Poseidon! The material wouldn’t strangle him! Not today!

“No more…ah…gods, mercy…n-no more…! D-Don’t…c-catch it…h-hold it… The horse…gods…in the horse…fire…fire…that voice…gods…gods…make it stop!”

His throat was dry, his chest was clenched by an iron hand.

“No…no…ah…p-please…n-no more…the hair…run…I…I don’t…no…no…”

There was a flash of light and a loud bang then the smell of wine and burning flesh however the source of it he did not know. Then an eye staring at him from the black abyss, crying tears of blood.

“The horse…in the water…gods, mercy…no more…!”

He was falling…softly and slowly but still falling.

“The wall…the horse…in the water…that voice…c-catch…stop…stop the…”

Then there was darkness…

“…No…”

His eyes opened slowly but he was out of focus. There was a dim light around him and whiteness but everything was a blur. He was feeling like burning; both from the outside and the inside. There was a blurry figure at some small distance. His arm extended pleadingly towards it.

“Th-Thirsty…” he whispered as if in a trance, “Please…I’m…thirsty…”

Calypso noticed the movement at the bed and heard the whisper coming so feverishly out of those lips. She saw that wrecked body; those eyes that barely slid open to make a request before falling heavy once more. She smiled.

“Of course…”

She stood up and went to the table, pouring liquid in a goblet. However instead of doing what she did initially she drank deeply from it and leaned down. Her lips covered those burning ones. Odysseus felt the taste of water and honey in his tongue. His throat moved spasmodically and desperately to accept the sweet liquid. The softness of flesh against his lips…the taste of honey on his tongue… Penelope… Only she had breath that smelled of honey… Crusty honey cakes were her favorite snack. She was munching them all the time when she was pregnant to their sweet Telemachus and so her breath always tasted honey and sesame; her body smelt fine olive oil… Those lips desperately moved. Finally he was home… Penelope… His lips softly massaged those soft ones and moved harmoniously to the movement of response he felt. Oh, the longing! The sheer happiness! His lips tasted her again and again, hoping that his strength would come back; that his weak arm and hand that rose to touch that soft cheek would allow him to TRULY embrace her… He wanted to explore further…he wanted to taste more…however his body was sinking anew. Tears escaped his eyes, running and getting lost within his raven curly hair… Just a bit longer…oh, gods, have mercy…let me stay a bit longer… As that head sank down to the pillows, his mouth left hers and he drifted back to a deep sleep. Calypso felt their lips separate and pulled back to look at the sleeping form of the mortal man that washed up so unexpectedly to her isle. She touched her lips with her thumb in comprehension. She could still feel his lips on hers. What a weird sensation!

“Who are you, stranger…?” she thought with a curious smile, “…and you kiss so passionately…?”

Calypso tasted her lips in apprehension and a smirk rose to her face. She was definitely curious now. She leaned over that sleeping form. Her face was inches apart from his. The man beneath her was a mere mortal; he was barely average of height but of amazing physical structure, even though he had obviously lost weight from all the hardships he had to face. He seemed long past the age of his youth but that air of maturity in combination to the hardened features from life and sea gave him a special charm. That raven hair like ram’s fleece and the bushy beard gave him some wild beauty despite the fact that his features were not particularly handsome compared to gods and immortal nymphs. She landed her lips on top his head and between his brows and once more landed on those dry from sea lips, hoping to get that reaction again however Odysseus was so far under his sleep that he didn’t move anymore.

“Who were you thinking of…?” she whispered again, “What secrets do you hide…?”

Her smooth hand soothed that bushy chest and felt the fleece that covered it, feeling the hard muscles beneath. Her hand stopped to feel some tiny scar here and there; obviously reminders of war. The arms and legs obviously belonged to a warrior, a craftsman and a sailor…soft scars that could be done by nothing else but hunting knives and animal teeth could be seen in his fingers. Blisters found at his palms could be done by nothing else but sword shield and bow with arrows. The little hardened skin to his shoulders could be done by nothing else but armor. When she and her maidens were firstly nursing him back to health she noticed a distinct scar to his upper thigh (obviously some animal) and a scar to his abdomen (clearly a reminiscent of a spear). This man was no ordinary man. Calypso slowly rose herself off that sleeping form.

“Well, well, well…” she whispered, “Man with many talents…we shall see what the future holds…”

She caressed his hair gently and took two curly hairs from his head; one jet black and one silver for he had plenty that had started emerging from his obsidian mane like the first thunderbolts in the dark sky.

The light was warm; it was playing tricks between the leaves of the perennial olive trees that intertwined together to form the leg of his beloved bed; the wedding bed he had built with his own hands. And there, there was the familiar corridor of his palace; which he had walked up and down ever since he could remember. It seemed that everything was showered in yellow sunlight. He recognized every corner; every piece of marble, every mural in every wall. It was home; a humble yet perfect for him home.

“Odysseus!”

He turned around. There she was in all her beauty; Penelope, his wife and love approached him and hugged his arm. Her veils were already covering her hair as always when she came out of the chamber. Odysseus looked at her stupefied.

“Penelope?”

“Dear, oh, dear!” Penelope claimed playfully, “There you are! It was about time you came! You’re going to miss the celebration, darling, and it wouldn’t be appropriate, given that you are the honoring person!”

“Penelope?” Odysseus question again, “How…? I mean…when…?”

The love of his life, looking young and fresh like the day he left her for war chuckled in her usual crystal way that opened his heard like a rose.

“My, my! When you drink you don’t know what you’re saying!”

“But…I don’t…!”

The pull in his arm made him stagger forward.

“Well, come on then! You’ll miss the celebrations!”

“Hold on, a second, Penelope… What celebration?”

She chuckled again. Odysseus could swear he could hear that forever.

“But for the anniversary of taking Troy, of course! It was a year ago since the day you came back to us with the joyful news!”

“I’m…home…? I came…back…”

“Well come on! Your son has been preparing for this celebration for weeks! You don’t want to miss his performance now, do you?”

“Father!”

It was a distant voice Odysseus did not recognize. He looked forward towards the entrance that was showered in light. It almost seemed like Helios Hyperion was right outside his door, showering everywhere in light. There at the entrance he saw the silhouette of a young boy, with his arm above his head weaving at him.

“Father!”

“Telemachus!” Odysseus’s voice chocked into his throat

How much had he grown! He was almost a proper young man! The boy’s lean silhouette was still there. Odysseus cried tears of joy. There was a distant song coming from somewhere afar. He didn’t know that melody. There was also the rhythmical sound of someone weaving.

“Father! Come father! Come!”

It was as if an invisible hook was tied at his stomach for suddenly he was pulled towards the light. And then he was engulfed in white…

Odysseus opened his onyx eyes only to find himself to the familiar, now, environment of Calypso’s grotto. There were no more tapestries he knew or halls he had almost built brick by brick but the known white grotto. At the corner there was Calypso. She was humming some melody, moving to and fro. He remembered that song from his vague dream. That voice that could possibly be rivaling the Muses and the Sirens seemed like ringing like a bell in his brain. He work was considered of fine golden thread and patterns Odysseus did not recognize. Her fingers were moving swiftly and yet softly with a dexterity only an immortal goddess could have. For a moment he felt dizzy again but he realized it was much better than he thought. His body was still weak but in an infinitely better condition. His hand cupped his face and ran his fingers through his hair. He was feeling lost. Everything seemed exactly as he had left them before he lost consciousness.

“Forgive me, goddess…” he mumbled, “I fell asleep in the middle of our conversation…”

Calypso halted her movements and turned around to face him. Her shell-like lips formed a smile.

“It is quite a forgivable sin, darling” she replied airily, “Besides what’s a few days before eternity? It all passes like a breath”

“A few day-…?!” Odysseus was astounded, “Why, how long was I…?”

“Around a week this time, my darling.

“A whole week?!”

Calypso chuckled.

“And you gave quite the scare to my poor maids as well. They told me you torn the royal clothes they put on you twice and got alarmed by your voice as they thought you were going under again”

“I was talking in my sleep?”

“You don’t know half of it!” Calypso teased him, “You were mentioning a name quite often though when your phrases could make some sense… I believe it sounded like… ‘Penelope’…?”

Odysseus lowered his eyes in shame. It was already embarrassing enough that he was weaker than a baby and that he had these gorgeous women take care of his basic needs as he was unconscious and to hear he was sleep-talking as well but now that his wife’s name came out in the light he felt exposed.

“She’s my wife…” he finally admitted

Was that a shadow of jealousy that he saw passing flashily before her face like a tiny cloud momentarily shadowing the sun? Maybe he had imagined it, he thought, for her face returned to her previous calm state.

“I see…” Calypso whispered, “That explains a lot actually.”

“What?”

“It must have been her you were thinking of, when you kissed me”

All color left Odysseus’s face. He had no recollection of that event but the way Calypso said it, it sounded true!

“Gods! Forgive me goddess I shouldn’t have done that…!” he rushed to explain

Calypso, though, laughed.

“No need to worry too much, darling. Actually…I quite enjoyed it.”

Odysseus looked at her. His face almost looked like a hurt animal; like the fox that got out of his den to find a hound staring at him.

“You’re the first mortal to kiss me, actually” Calypso continued, “You took me by surprise but I don’t think ill of it”

“P-Please don’t take it the wrong way, goddess…” Odysseus tried to collect himself

His usual eloquent nature was once more gone; somehow lost in the sea and in the dreams; in the song and the spinning wheel.

“I…I was not myself. I shouldn’t have done that”

Calypso smirked again. Odysseus thought he had seen that smile before; a cat before attacking a rabbit at the fields of Ithaca. However her honey eyes shone wholeheartedly.

“Like I said, my dear guest, I quite enjoyed it. You seem to be a man of many talents… Even if…”

Odysseus’s heart clenched once more. The last thing he wanted was to see the bad side of yet another god.

“…you seem to have quite the nerve. You almost seem like you want to insult me by having me at your presence and admitting you mistakenly kissed me, thinking of some mortal woman!”

“I’ve had enough of offending gods for a lifetime, fair Calypso…” Odysseus mumbled fixing himself better in his bed

“Is that so…?” Calypso’s eyes shone again mischievously as she scanned him again, “I think it’s time you revealed who you are, stranger. What is your name? Which is your native land? Answer me truthfully, though. Gods can know when you are lying”

Odysseus lowered his eyes to his lap. Yes, his first instinct would be to conceal himself. He didn’t know what this goddess would think of him but she had saved his life after all. The very least he owed her was honesty and, if anything, indeed the gods often read the mortal soul like an open book.

“Odysseus…of Ithaca” Odysseus mumbled

“Ho?” Calypso brought her hand to her chin amused, “Is that so? Your reputation precedes you, Odysseus son of Laërtes, Man of Many Ways, the Man of Experience, Godly and Equal to Gods, Sacker of Cities… That’s a pretty long string of titles for a mortal! I am impressed. Although I must say that you have created quite a mess for the gods. Poseidon is crossed with you and won’t rest till he sees your destruction after you blinded his son.”

Odysseus lowered his eyes. There was so much he wanted to say and defend himself but as always his past wouldn’t let him… Troy, Polyphemus, the cows of Helios Hyperion… As if noticing his inner battle Calypso smiled softly. She placed a hand under Odysseus’s chin, making her look at her in the eyes. For a moment his eyes god lost inside her honey pools that reflected the sunlight.

“Don’t worry, Odysseus. You are safe here with me. No god would dare to come to my territory unprovoked. They have no reason to come and seek you here. You will be safe…”

Safe… That was a word the tormented king of Ithaca couldn’t really contemplate… However the closeness with the goddess made him feel uncomfortable. There was something in the back of his head that felt wrong but he didn’t even know why or he wouldn’t dare to offend her. He pretended feeling dizzy again and he leaned back to avoid her touch. Calypso smiled and got up.

“My maids shall bring you some food, Odysseus. I believe you are strong enough to eat now. Nectar and potions we created should allow you to heal to that point”

“I am grateful, beautiful goddess…”

“Rest and regain your strength first” Calypso advised sweetly, “The rest shall come…”

The weeks passed and Odysseus was indeed trying his best to keep himself in good condition. A few days more and he could walk about Calypso’s grotto without any problems and soon he felt gaining his old strength back. Eventually he got out of the grotto and got to explore the isle around and know his surroundings. Under the tender care of Calypso and her maids, Odysseus felt like finding himself again. He gained the weight he lost by his cruel misadventures and managed to built his previous physical strength. He could still have an ominous feeling pressing over his chest and more often whatnot he would wake up from his dreams because he would hear a mystical song or someone weaving but he brushed it off. Calypso on the other hand could not help herself feeling more and more for this mortal man that showed up at her door. She would get a glimpse of him diving into the waters of her isle to gather mollusks and shells. Others with similar experiences might not even want to be near the sea but not Odysseus. Odysseus was different. She was observing him from afar and hoped to join with him. The curiosity of how humans made love already excited her yet alone now that this man had showed up at her door; a man whose wits seemed to rival the gods. She wondered if that was what made this king attractive in her eyes or maybe his mortal nature; this ephemeral essence of human existence that would disappear one day. She hoped to get closer…much closer to him. However that seemed impossible. Odysseus seemed to be like a fort; closed behind walls he built around his heart. During their countless conversations they would speak on a variety of subjects but every time she asked him about himself and his emotions he would grow distant from her. He closed up like a clamp and refused to elaborate. It frustrated her that she could not get a way to his heart; console his pain and maybe provide a missing piece. It was the first time the immortal goddess had discovered someone as lonely as she was feeling. She looked down at the end of the valley and saw Odysseus. He was shirtless from the waist and above and was chopping some wood for the grotto. It was good for him to have some work to distract himself, or so he had said. Quite frankly Calypso could stare forever. She felt incredibly jealous of Penelope, the woman that had so much influence on him without even being there! If only she had a way to his heart! She looked at her work; her tapestry of gold thread…she looked at the tiny black and the tiny silver hairs that were incorporated to the sea of crimson and gold. She smiled apprehensively. Odysseus was cunning but so could she.

Odysseus walked back into the chamber, wiping the sweat off his body with his shirt. He entered the chamber only to see the maids of Calypso, the nymphs he had learnt by name by now, waiting for him.

“What is it, Ipomea?” he asked the girl who came first to him

“My lord…” the nymph replied respectfully (although the giggles behind her surely didn’t help her), “My mistress requires your presence at the pavilion”

“The goddess? Whatever for?”

“If it pleases you, my lord, we have prepared your bath, aromatic oils and my mistress arranged your clothes for you.”

“My, my, it sounds important!” Odysseus smiled, “Well…it’s not proper to let the good goddess wait then…”

He entered the tub that was filled with water to the temperature he liked and let himself to the hands of the maids who washed him from top to bottom helped him dry himself and anointed his body with aromatic oils. They dressed him in fine crimson that night that slithered across his body like water. They brushed his hair and trimmed his beard, tied a goldthread headband around his head and wore golden sandals to his feet. Yes, Calypso did that a lot; she was picking clothes for him and making sure he didn’t want of anything but yet some part of his soul was always ringing a bell; resisting as if by instinct. Dressed up at the godly clothes made by Calypso, Odysseus walked about the grotto to climb to the pavilion. The pavilion was basically a small half-closed terrace; an opening to the cave, which allowed Calypso to lay upon her bench and stare to the openness of the sea. He was summoned there before but never so late in the evening. He wondered what it was all about. He reached the dimly lit pavilion and he stopped in amazement. Calypso was already there lying on her couch lazily. She was dressed in a magnificent garment; a cloth to the color of amber that was bringing out her complexion and her honey eyes. Her braided hair was adorned with gold and pearls and neatly arranged. Odysseus could smell her aromatic oils even from the entrance. Calypso was very careful when she chose that dress. She wanted something to let out her beauty without making it too obviously provoking. She knew that Odysseus would be too clever to fall for such a trick. Sensing his presence she smiled.

“Odysseus! I am so glad you came!” she said in her low, melodic voice

Odysseus scanned the pavilion. There were torches to light it and some candles. There was a second bench waiting undoubtedly for himself and in the middle he saw the large gold-pleated crater that was already being stirred by the nymphs. Calypso had chosen the best godly wine in her cellar and she made sure she gave clear instructions to her maids to keep the analogy 3 to 1 so that the godly drink would be strong and savory.

“Come, sit with me, darling,” she said pointing at the other bench with her bracelet-adorned hand, “there is wine and dinner waiting”

Odysseus smiled.

“Goddess…” he returned her greeting with a bow of his head, “What’s the occasion?”

Calypso smiled a cat-like smile.

“But you returning back to health, of course” she replied with winged words, “I can tell by the way you prance about my grotto that you have finally reached your original strength”

“I have” Odysseus confirmed kneeling by her bench, he took her hand in his, “And it’s all thanks to you, goddess…”

He gratefully kissed her hand. Calypso shivered as those lips touched her immortal flesh. Oh, she adored him! She wanted to explore more of him! However she knew she had to be patient if she wanted Odysseus to become hers. She drew her hand back chuckling.

“Now, now, Odysseus!” she said airily, “Let us not get stuck in such…trifles! Let us just enjoy this night that is so beautiful. Let us not worry of yesterday or tomorrow”

“Couldn’t agree more, goddess” Odysseus smiled taking his place to the bench right opposite her.

Calypso smiled.

“Wine?”

“If you please…”

Calypso signaled at her maid to serve from the crater the ruby liquid. Odysseus brought it to his lips and tasted the rich taste of the drink.

“This wine belongs to the best year of my isle. My land is as you know rich. We do not want of anything here…” she looked at him again, scanning him with her eyes, “What do you think…?”

“Exquisite…”

Calypso raised her cup in a toast.

“To life then!”

“To life”

The two of them sat at the pavilion all evening talking on various subjects. Odysseus told her about the airs of the Aegean and the lands he met on his way to Troy, the mountains of Parnassus and the crops, the ships and warfare, circle of seasons and many more while Calypso talked about the stars and the sky, the secrets of the cycle of epochs and the song of the birds of Ogygia. The hours passed without Odysseus realizing it. Calypso had given clear orders to her maids to make sure that Odysseus’s cup would never empty and every time he would try and refuse she would try to lure him with yet another toast or some small talk for distraction. She knew however that he wouldn’t really refuse if she asked. She had come to know he was afraid to displease her. She had invited him there and he felt it was his duty to obey her requests. He wouldn’t refuse her out of fear that he would offend her. She watched him sip the red liquid away and his cheeks flare from the alcoholic beverage and his eyes shine in inebriation and yet his defenses were still strong for he refused to open up every time Calypso would try to sneak in a more personal question. He might still discuss different matters and laugh every time a maid mentioned something but she could tell he was still hiding many things inside him. Calypso knew she had to be careful. She was absolutely certain that Odysseus despite the fact that the wine was making his speech slower and his reactions more lethargic, that he could understand perfectly well what was going on and that he would be perfectly cognitive. She had to advance softly if she needed him to open up. She needed an opportunity. And she found it. At some point as Odysseus was pretty much completely drunk she realized that shadow of melancholy passing from his eyes. Yes, she knew that look. It was the look he got every time he lost himself in deep thought.

“Odysseus…?” she called at him in her melodic singing voice, “Odysseus…?”

“Hm?”

“Do you find my company that unpleasant, Odysseus?”

Odysseus looked at her. She saw those eyes, those eyes that resembled obsidian, looking at her and she felt almost weak in her legs.

“No, goddess…” he eventually replied sluggishly

“Then why do you look so gloom?” Calypso questioned, “I am here to entertain you; so we can celebrate your recovery back to health and you sit there looking sad. Please talk to me, what’s wrong…?”

“G-Goddes…”

“Don’t you trust me, Odysseus…?”

Odysseus froze.

“I…”

Such an easy question and such a difficult answer it would need! Odysseus tried to find the proper words and force that stupid tongue of his that had turned sluggish in his mouth and explain. However the dizziness wouldn’t let him to concentrate. Perhaps he shouldn’t have drunk so much! Calypso, on the other hand, could almost feel his head wheels running, cornered by her direct question.

“Please, Odysseus…” she said in a mellow tone, “Open up to me, darling. I want to help you…”

Just a bit more, she thought, just a little more. She looked at him again; how he was gazing her with those eyes glistering from unshed tears and wine. For one second she wondered that maybe he was too drunk and that she should have stopped earlier but she dismissed the thought. Only in the condition he was now he would be able to drop his defenses and finally trust her even for a little bit.

“Talk to me, Odysseus…”

And, finally, Odysseus talked. He could not contain his emotions any longer as he spoke to her of his experiences; of how he faced contempt in Troy, of how they were captured by Polyphemus, of the agony of the trip…how he saw his mother in the underworld who told him she died of grief…how his son waited in Ithaca; the son he never saw to grow and finally the brutal deaths of his comrades… And then she saw the man break...there she saw him come undone... He talked and tears were flowing from his eyes like rivers, wetting the cloth he wore and he seemed inconsolable till he managed to muster some of his self-control and try to stop. Calypso slowly got up and sat beside him. He clearly was in no state to walk.

“My darling…” she whispered maternally embracing him

She kissed his head and forehead and she pulled him closer, letting him lean his head to her bosom. She rocked him softly.

“My poor tormented darling…”

She realized that he was probably at his limit so she signaled at her maid with her eyebrows not to refill his cup, which she placed aside. Odysseus was feeling his lips tingling; his stomach was upset and his head was turning like a top and yet that soft embrace seemed to be soothing him. His head was heavy as he leaned to her chest, struggling to keep his eyes open.

“G-Goddess…I…” he mumbled

Calypso leaned over to his ear and she whispered in a tone that rang to his mind like a silent bell.

“Shall we go, my darling…?” Calypso whispered directly in his ear, “Shall we go to bed…?”

He shook his head. It wasn’t a yes and it wasn’t a no. He was completely inebriated. Calypso passed one arm behind his waist and she raised them all up with unexplainable strength. Odysseus was led almost completely limb in her arm towards the chamber and it made him realize for one more time he difference between gods and mortals; Calypso’s body that looked fragile and feminine held strength enough to crush him if she wanted to. And yet she was being gentle with him…she had saved his life. This detail shouldn’t be concerning him, right? As Calypso led him and helped him lie down the bed his eyes truly couldn’t remain open. He closed them feeling the world spinning around him like a top. He fathomed he should sleep. His head was feeling heavy.. Calypso watched him and for a second she was tempted to kiss him; taste those lips of his. However she was almost certain that Odysseus would remember everything of that night. She didn’t want to ruin her opportunity. She smiled like a spider watching her web.

‘Soon, my love…soon you will forget those sorrows…here with me…”

~~~~

So here's the second part of this story and Odysseus beached in Ogygia with his life and yet things are about to be difficult for him. Now the reason I chose Calypso to have dark complexion was mainly because I was enamoured with The Odyssey (1997) and I thought it would be a fun idea to explore. Her house in Ogygia in my story is at Gozo in Malta.

Now for Odysseus's visions I was inspired by the amazing soundtrack from "The Perfume"

youtube

I was also heavily inspired by Gladiator movie for them.

I figured Odysseus would be incredibly weak for days after his ordeal. And I tried to add some more details to make it look more like Calypso fell for him.

Odysseus fell ill because when he finally relaxed, all his anxiety was basically striking his body mercilessly. Now his mumbles were not supposed to make any sense and they were random based on his adventures. Now if someone wants to make something out of them, the most infamous horse he is related to is the Trojan horse but also the horse is a symbol of Poseidon so maybe just maybe it refers to Poseidon as well hahahaha!

He tears his clothes because in his delirioum when the clothes plaster on him, he feels as if he is back at the sea struggling alone

The "honey crackers" exist in Greece even today and they are called παστέλι (pasteli). It is a savory snack made of sesame seeds and honey. Sesame existed as crop in Greece since homeric times. Which is why I put it here. Quite frankly I am not sure if it was a thing in bronze age when Odysseus lived but hey if Homer can use anachronism so can I! Hahahahaha

Also suspicious suspicious that Odysseus seems to be healling "happy" in the island hahahaha! That is because some people interpret Calypso weaving and singing while moving to and fro as her enchanting him. In my story he is basically subtly enchanted to "forget" some parts of his sorrow to stay and heal. Calypso thought she could bind him but his will is stronger so her magic only reaches a superficial level.

In this I wanted Odysseus to suffer fates that he imposed to his enemies or were imposed to his friends and he was spared for example lethe (Lotus Eaters) drunkeness (Polyphemus)etc.

For Calypso I was inspired by a spider spinning a web.

I hope the last part will come soon!

As always I shall thanks @loco-bird @tunguszka20 @doob-or-something @jarondont @prompted-wordsmith @simugeuge @ilov3b00kss0much @fangirlofallthefanthings

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