#god why are people so blind I swear people on this website see what they want to

[opje]

For the love of all that is holy, please stop saying that Robert was a Communist. You are completely misunderstanding who he was as a person if you honestly believe that that was the only political ideology that he subscribed to. He believed in aspects of Communism, and he realized after two of his friends returned from Russia that true Communism could never be achieved. He believed in giving to the people who were going to get shit done, but he himself was a New Deal Democrat (aka a Socialist). I am so heartbroken that people to this day continue to call the man a Communist when he made it clear to Chevalier that he had never been one. This was long after his security clearance was removed that he said this after Chevalier wrote a shit book that was so clearly based off of Robert. No doubt to sell more copies, but thankfully most of the scientific community and historians knew that that was bullshit.

#god why are people so blind I swear people on this website see what they want to #Oppenheimer #Julius Robert Oppenheimer #history #He also was friends with everyone even Republicans #Lawrence was a hardcore Republican and they were fairly close #as was the man who taught him Sanskrit #He understood that while Communism has wonderful aspects to it that it can never and will never work #y’all need to read some primary fucking sources 😭 #the saddest part is that the propaganda against him won #he cared deeply for the causes that communists believed in but not necessarily the entirety of Marxist ideology #so tired of bad takes #history is never black and white #stop projecting your beliefs onto history and get the facts straight #it’s cool if you want to believe in whatever but Robert is not you and you are not him #ranting ignore me I’m just pissed #yes I know that he tried to make his stance more ambiguous in his book but it was clear that he was straight up calling Robert a Communist #even before the Red Scare Robert still hadn’t truly been a member of the party but he did support his students who were members and staff #as a historian I cannot tell you how much it upsets me how people twist the truth

[kanotototori]

Chapter 95-1 Thoughts

(opens door) Hey guys, welcome back to my channel blog.

I have quite a lot of thoughts this time so I’m posting them on here as well! This was originally a Twitter thread so if you wanna see all the panels that go along with what I’m discussing, you can head over to @kanotototori​ at Twitter (because I’m pretty sure that many images would crash the website on my and you guys’ end LOL).

Without further ado, let’s begin.

First off, the poem.

As some of you may know, I was at work when the translation dropped so a fellow theorist from a Discord server already beat me to finding this poem and what it references.

This is a poem from the Kokin Wakashu, a collection of poetry dating from the Heian period, around 905 (matches up with our timeline!). It's said to have been composed by Kakinomoto no Hitomaru, who was a waka poet and aristocrat in the Asuka period (548 - 710).

Hitomaru was said to have died on Kamoshima Island, located off the coast of Masuda city. The island is a bit of a legend as it does not actually exist today - the island sunk into the ocean during an earthquake and tsunami in the Middle Ages. It looks similar to the diagram of Tamatsuki we got in a previous chapter. (Kamoshima on top, Tamatsuki on bottom).

As for Akashi Bay... it seems likely that it's the Akashi Bay located in modern-day Hyogo prefecture . A page on the works of Ike Gyokuran states that Akashi Bay was a famous fishing village. This is the artwork depicting it - again, very similar in vibes.

Also, also. The fact that this island is invisible unless very specific conditions are met is like, very worrying to me as someone who is a longtime fan of Japanese horror based on traditional ghost stories.

I swear, every time a location is hidden in a blind spot in this manner, it tends to be off the wall CURSED. All caps CURSED. Usually involving the party unfortunate enough to end up there being stuck until they can find a way out - it's akin to literally being in another dimension. I don't like this.

Also, a friend pointed out that the island looks a bit like a torii gate. Torii gates mark off the outside, "mundane" world from the scared (or, in this case, probably cursed) so very appropriate. I've also seen them used as a sort of entrance to places that hide in "blind spots" such as Tamatsuki. Speaking of... what the hell could be on that island? I'm squinting REALLY hard guys and I'm not seeing anything. Anyway, please Adachitoka show us the LOOOORE.

[Page: “The sound of taiko drums split the sky. Everyone simply wishes to exist in peace. So why has it come to this...?”]

This is REALLY interesting and I'm gonna zoom in on the "Everyone simply wishes to exist in peace so why has it comes to this...?" before I zoom in Amatearsu herself. This is INCREDIBLY ironic considering that Heaven's form of "peace" looks more like straight up oppression. Yes, everyone wishes to exist in peace. But as we have seen, Heaven's "peace" and harmony is not about simply existing but about the explicit absence of "discord" and dissent.

One only needs to look at what Heaven did to the Emishi or hell, even with the statement that anyone who defies Heaven dies - it's not about purposefully causing harm like Father but simply even defying the system in power. There is absolutely no ambiguity there. That is not peace but it says a lot that Amaterasu seems to think that it is. 

[Page: Amaterasu feeling the net on her.]

Do I even need to say why this is really really REALLY bad? The net Amatearsu is feeling on her is very likely Hagusa's net, seeing as they know about it and explicitly cite it as a "net that makes mockery of Heaven's net."

This is incredibly interesting because  Hagusa's net is mostly meant to motivate people to act and not pass judgement or trap gods but a friend of mine brought up an interesting point: does Yukine seek to judge Amaterasu and the other gods? Hagusa's net encourages people to act, yes, but explicitly against those who people perceive to have done something wrong. He literally said that gods don't punish evildoers + Yuka's quote about everyone who stood by and watched deserving Yukine's judgement... I do wonder... hmm....  Father/Yukine parallel brain rn.

I feel like it is very important to make a distinction between Amaterasu the goddess, Amaterasu-oomikami as the embodiment of Heaven, and Heaven itself.

As some of you may know, Japan had a pretty big chunk of history where the emperors were nothing more than figureheads for people in power. While I don't think that is ENTIRELY true for Amaterasu (but the Sacred Treasures do be looking sus... I suspect they might be pressuring her), she seems to be constrained by her role.

We saw Amaterasu as Amaterasu-oomikami, embodiment of Heaven, during Heaven arc. She is expected to uphold and sustain the laws of Heaven and all its mentalities (Heaven is always just, human laws do not bind them) as a system; her personal desires and feelings do not come into consideration here.

We see even here that her personal feelings as Amaterasu the goddess are at war with what is happening.

This makes me think back to the Yomi name-call scene where Amatearasu comes down to the squad to tell them how to get Yato and Bishamon out from Yomi. Many cite this scene as evidence of the Tsukuyomi theory. However, Amaterasu says it plainly: she's there because she wants to be, having told no one she's there because the Heavens cannot bow to anyone.

Again, distinction between Amaterasu the goddess (who is there because she wants to be) and Amatearsu-oomikami, ruler of Heaven, embodiment of their principles. 

[Page: “Heaven has missed things like it has not kept watch at all. Now it is as though we must find someone to punish...”]

Jesus, Heaven really IS more concerned with keeping up appearances and protecting their pride rather than doing anything useful or helpful. It's really no wonder Father described it all as "getting dragged into [their] arrogance." Because it absolutely is arrogant.

[Page: “I took care of you, I gave you food and a roof over your head...” “I’ll kill you, you ungrateful brat!”]

Yes, I'm gonna say the obvious: this totally reeks of entitlement. It's all very "I gave birth to you, I fed you, I put clothes on your back, so you must listen to what *I* say" that's so very reminiscent of real life parental relationships. That's the obvious part.

Now for something a little more tin foil hat-y: a friend brought up how it's very interesting that Father specifically pointed out that he clothed and fed Yato. Yato is a god and while he needs clothes (...arguably), he doesn't really need food. How Father continues to frame his relationship with Yato as "taking care" of him, providing for his material needs, everything that paints his relationship to him in such a parental light continually plays into this whole theme of "playing family." Dysfunctional, but with feeling (of some sort).

(I've already gone on at length several times about the whole "playing family" thing with them, Bishamon/her shinki, and Daikoku/Kofuku/Daigo so I won't go into it.)

Actually, I find how Bishamon talks about her shinki at times to be veeeery similar in this type of "ownership" of children. Not 1:1 with Father but on the same wave.

That constant barrage of "they were MY precious children", " why did you take them away from ME" is all very... less about her shinki and more about her and what their loss has done to her personally. Father seems to be very McProjecting about Bishamon playing family as well, cuz he's doing the exact same thing. Dysfunctional... but with feeling. Often misguided feeling.

So yeah, on one hand, I can see where Father is coming from. Not like he was #1 Dad in the world (obviously) but he did spend over a millennia providing for Yato and, in his mind, protecting him and caring for him. Emotions are running high, I imagine he feels quite slighted.

On an even more tin foil hat-y note: this makes me wonder about Father's own material situation when he was younger. Heian period Japan wasn't exactly kind to people who weren't nobility. It would make sense why Father would place providing materially as pretty high on the "why the hell are you being ungrateful" list.

[Page: “The cracks are deepening. Awakening all manner of unrest... it continues unabated. In anger we sometimes forget that which we should not. We must always remember that which is important...!”]

And finally, the last page (with that other page because it's a great continuation).

Let's face it: Yato has completely lost sight of the objective and is now toying with Father. This is really bad not only on an immediate "Ooharai is coming, oh shit" level but also on a thematic and maybe even moral level. 

He could have gone for the killing blow on the first page, he went for the shoulder and Father's face. He could have gone for the killing blow in the page after, he went for the shoulder. Yato is toying with his prey, which is not something that we've seen him do before and outside of what Father has taught him so far.

(Obligatory "killing is bad, what Father taught him isn't good, please don't think I'm defending him" message before I say the next part.)

What Father has taught Yato is pretty straightforward: kill them, and don't listen to their pleas for their lives. Never once did we see Yato hold off on killing someone to cause them more pain before death when he had the opportunity (partly because he didn't want to in the first place but that's not so important).

Like I said in earlier tweet, Yato's anger at Father for his abuse is justified but so is Father's anger at Heaven for what they did to him. If we have two characters in a situation whose anger is justified then all that's left to judge is their actions, which is exactly where Yato and Father have differed until now and exactly where Yato is drawing VEEERY close to Father right now.

Father has long amused himself with Heaven's torment (and Yato's, in a slightly different sense) for what they've done to him and, likewise, Yukine is out to not only kill his father but also to make him suffer as he did. This is all portrayed as a quick slope downward and Pretty Fucking Bad universally.

Yato started this fight with the intention to kill Father quickly and save Yukine (GOOD). Yato is ending this fight completely setting those things to the wayside for the enjoyment of watching Father squirm (REALLY BAD). Does anyone even remember Yukine here anymore?!

Like Father, like Yukine, Yato is letting anger and revenge lead him. This only perpetuates the cycle instead of ending it.

"In anger we sometimes forget that which we should not. We must always remember that which is important...!"

Thanks for coming to my TED Talk.

#me seeing people cheering yato on in the last page: WAKE UP SHEEPLE WAKE UP #noragami #my chapter thoughts #95-1 #long post

[hangovercurse]

Blind Date

After being single for three months, your friends decide to set you and Colson up on a blind date.

Request: Hey!! Could you do one about the reader and Colson meeting by a blind date? Let your creativity go wild ❤️

Colson x Reader

Warnings: Cursing

A/N: This is a little bit different from how I normally write, so let’s see how this goes.

Word Count: 1916

It’s funny how the universe makes things happen. While some people are having their first kiss, others are taking their last breath. Every moment in time is so intricately woven together, it sometimes seems ironic how things happen.

Like tonight, on two sides of California, two very different people were having the same conversation.

“I’m not sure about this.”

“What if she thinks my tattoos are too much?”

“What if he thinks I’m too weird?”

“What if she hates music?”

“What if he hates art?”

“I don’t know if I’m ready for this.”

“I don’t think I can do this.”

Your best friend stared at you from your bed as you paced around the room. “Y/N, you’re going to be fine. You said it yourself, you need to get back out there. Baze says he’s a good guy, and I trust Baze.”

Baze was in a similar situation, laying on the couch as Colson paced around the house. “Colson, dude. It’s gonna be good, she’s gonna like you.”

“I don’t know why I’m so nervous. It’s not like I’ve never been on a first fuckin date before. I used to do this shit every night.” He sighed, sitting down.

You let out a frustrated groan, “I know. I just feel like after everything in the past few years I feel like I’ve forgotten how to do first dates.”

“You’re gonna be great, just be yourself. And remember, it’s a blind date, so if you guys don’t hit it off or something goes horribly wrong, you never have to see him again.” She smiled as you threw her a playful glare.

“Colson, I love you man, but you have to do this. I don’t think you’ve even looked at a woman who isn’t Ashleigh in like three months.”

The light-haired man sent his friend a glare, “I’m sorry that I was recovering from the worst heartbreak of my life.”

You finally sat down, pulling on your shoes. “Maybe it’s too soon. Maybe I’m not as ready as I thought I was.”

Your friend sighed, sitting up and placing her arms around your shoulders, “It’s been three months since you and T broke up. You grieved, and now you need to move on. You deserve this.”

“Dude, you said you were over her. You are over her. Now you get to find someone else and try to be happy. You deserve this.”

“Maybe don’t bring up your disastrous ex, Y/N.”

“But please, for the love of god, bro, don’t bring up Megan.”

 You entered the small, classy restaurant, your hands shaking slightly. The entire place was dimly lit, with candles scattered around any surface available. You walked to the hostess stand, “Baker for two.” You told her, a small smile gracing your features.

She nodded, leading you through the floor. “He got here not 30 seconds before you did.” She laughed and you blushed a little bit.

You were grateful he wasn’t late, but you were also grateful he wasn’t extremely early , or else you would have felt awful for making him wait.

You were finally brought to a small table in the back of the restaurant to find one of the prettiest men you have ever laid your eyes on. When his eyes met yours, he stood up immediately, a smile on his face. “Y/N?” He asked.

“Colson.” You responded. He pulled your chair out for you, and you felt heat rushing to your cheeks at the kind gesture. None of the guys you had ever dated pulled your chair out for you, especially not your most recent ex.

“Baze told me you were pretty but this is…” He trailed off, seeming a bit lost for words. “You are absolutely gorgeous.”

He was good at this, good at making you nervous, making you blush like a teenager. “Thank you.” You whispered, “I think you are one of the prettiest people I have ever met.” You returned his compliment with one of your own.

The redness in his cheeks made you smile, a bit of pride rising in your chest. “Baze truthfully didn’t tell me much about you.” He started, “so, what do you do?” He was kicking himself for the lame question, but his mind was half occupied with the color of your eyes and he couldn’t form a coherent thought.

“I’m an artist.” You probably didn’t realize it, but Colson could see the slightest bit of a light in your eyes as you spoke about your passion. “I do graphic designing for websites, making logos and designs and such. That’s my day job, at least. I do some painting and sketching on the side, though. Eventually I’d like to be able to make that my whole job, but it is a hard industry.”

Colson nodded in understanding, his eyes holding the same weight as yours when you spoke of your flailing dreams. You wondered how he knew exactly what you were talking about.

Seemingly reading your mind, he answered. “I get that so much. I’m a musician, so I’ve been there. Luckily, I did make it my full-time job, but I remember before I made it, all the stress and struggles. It gets better.”

You smiled, “easy for you to say, aren’t you like, a big Rockstar?”

He chuckled, looking down, “yeah, sort of. But I wasn’t, you know? Like before all this I was dirt poor and the picture of a starving artist. I mean I’m still not like, winning Grammys or shit now, but I’m not there anymore either.”

You nodded, studying him. “I was lucky, I had support through art school and got a job as soon as I graduated. I’ve never had to struggle in that sense. I don’t think I’d be happy staying where I’m at for the rest of my life, but I am definitely in a stable place right now.”

He seemed so interested in what you were saying. Soon the conversation moved into the type of music he made, and then to your art styles. You flowed together easily, never becoming awkward or uncomfortable. As the night went on, your nerves fell away, as did his.

You were talking about your favorite movies when your food arrived, but even then, your conversation continued. At one point, he paused mid-second. “You’ve got something, “ he pointed to his face. “Fuck it, this is gonna be so cheesy.” He grabbed his napkin and wiped the bit of sauce you had on your cheek off.

You blushed in embarrassment, “thanks.” He was right, the moment was very cheesy. His hand pulled away slowly, lingering near your skin a bit longer than necessary. You didn’t mind though.

As much as you hated to admit it, especially since you had only known him for one night, you could be really into him. And that scared the fuck out of you.

Colson was, too, scared shitless. Why the fuck was his heart fluttering every time you giggled. He’d just met you. But already he could tell you were something special.

 He paid for dinner, like a gentleman, even though you protested. “It’s our first date, I am paying.”

You liked the way that he said, “first date,” implying there may be more. “Well, I guess I’ll just have to pay next time.” You said, smugly.

His eyebrow raised in question, a small smirk on his face. “We’ll see about that. I might just give them my card ahead of time.”

“Then I’ll just have to get there before you.”

You two laughed at your small competition as he led you to the parking lot, his hand in yours. “Did you drive?” He asked and you shook your head no.

“I called an uber. Speaking of…” You reached for your phone before he stopped you.

“Let me drive you home. If that’s okay?”

You let him lead you to his car, hand still tightly in his. He pulled the door open for you, guiding you in. Everything with him seemed like a new experience, his gentleman gestures catching you off guard.

“You should play me some of your music.” You told him when he got in. He smiled at that, pulling his phone out and opening his library.

“I don’t know if you’ll like the type of music I make.” He blushed, scrolling through to find a song he thought you might like.

You rolled your eyes, “well I like you so I think, by proxy, I’ll like your music.”

He bit his lip to hide the way his face lit up at your subtle confession. “Just don’t say that I didn’t warn you.”

You heard a somewhat familiar rhythm, something you had probably heard on the radio. “Wait, this is you? I swear I’ve heard this before.”

He smiled, glancing over at you before turning his attention back to the road. “Yeah, me and my friend Matt dropped this right before my last album release.”

You let the music play, listening to his voice as he sang. “You know, this somehow sounds exactly like you and nothing like you at the same time. Like if you hadn’t told me I don’t think I would’ve known this was you. But I do know so I can hear it.”

He chuckled but didn’t say anything, occasionally looking at you as you nodded your head to the music. A few more of his songs played from Tickets to My Downfall and you seemed to enjoy it. “You’re really good.” You commented. Your voice was truthful, you weren’t trying to flatter him, you were just saying what you thought. Your words were genuine.

He didn’t know why but hearing that from you meant so much more to him than he expected it to. He finally parked in front of your house, getting out and opening your door for you. Like a true gentleman, he walked you to your door, pausing before you unlocked it.

You turned to face him, looking up into his bright eyes. “I had a really good time tonight.” He said softly. “Probably the best night I’ve had in a while, honestly.”

You smiled widely, “I did too, Colson.” You grabbed his hands in yours, swinging them slightly. “I’m really glad we did this.”

He nodded, leaning closer to you, “would you, maybe, wanna do this again?” He asked, his voice falling closer to a whisper.

“I was hoping I had made that obvious when I said I’d pay next time.” You giggled, leaning up closer to him.

He rolled his eyes playfully, “just wanna make sure you didn’t change your mind.”

“Trust me, I didn’t.” You whispered, before leaning up and connecting your lips with his.

The kiss was short and sweet, but it seemed like everything you had ever wanted. When your lips left his, you both stayed very close to each other, hands still clasped. His face was still only inches from yours, eyes studying your every feature.

Eventually he let out a small sigh and leaned back up. “Well, uh, goodnight, Y/N.” He smiled sheepishly, scratching the back of his neck as he took steps backwards towards his car. You smiled at him, waving a small goodbye before turning to unlock your door.

Your hand touched the handle before you turned around, finding Colson in the same situation at his car door, still looking at you. “Do you maybe wanna… come in?” You asked, biting your lip. His face lit up, a smirk highlighting his features.

“I would love that.”

#mgk #mgk imagine #mgk angst #mgk fluff #machine gun kelly #machine gun kelly imagine #Colson baker #colson x reader #colson baker imagine #colson baker fluff #colson baker angst #colson imagine

[cosmiclatte28]

Lie to Me (Jaemin x you)

Angst.. I am still learning to write angst that can really make you cry, but I can’t 

Warning : cheating is not a good thing.

Enjoy! 

When people say first love won't last long, you often question them. Why? Because apparently you see some people sticking to the end with their first love, and up to this day you believe your love story will end the same way or maybe even better. That was what you have in your mind living with two children under a comfortable roof with your first and last love, Na Jaemin. Today however, you start to question if there will be a happily ever after for you and Jaemin or at least for you. With what Jaemin have, there's no way he cannot get his happiness. Look at the amazing group of friends he worked with, look at the swooning number of fans! All of those fans out there are willing to die and kill for him. His income is flowing in regularly, he doesn't need to worry about heart breaks, it's either he broke heart, or he got broken and find another one. There are many fish in the sea and apparently this will work for Na Jaemin. It's been two years of hiding from public media and fans. Two years of holding on to the pain of not being able to tell anyone that you are dating the idol Na Jaemin. Eight seasons of sneaking Jaemin into your room or sneaking into the dorm. The members knew about you, but they are a good brother and they keep their mouth shut. Everything was worth the hustle the pain and the love, not until you got home from your tiring nine to five work and got greeted by a trending news. You take the bus ride home, wishing that Jaemin is now here beside you, holding your hand through the orange candied sky. You cannot lie that autumn looks good at some point and you actually want to be able to walk home with Jaemin while sipping on hot pumpkin spice latte. On your seat by the window, you open your phone and curiously click on the website that appears on the first Tweet you see. Right at that moment your eyes shake and your lips tremble. The loud voice of the busy road and bus engine were gone replaced by a long deafening silence. Your finger froze midway to the news and you lock your phone. There in the media, was a picture of Jaemin and a secret girl, along with screen shots of their chats and selfies. Luckily there was no bad news coming with it, the girl did not accuse Jaemin for anything bad, but the media was clearly stating "Na Jaemin, fan service king turns out to be dating a fan for three months."

Three months?! That's also how long Jaemin has been dumbly smiling to his phone at night, the time he woke up earlier than you did which confused you before, but now made sense. You try to remember all the odds he did in the past three months, you knew that style of chatting was Jaemin's and that is enough to convince you that your boyfriend might be cheating on you for three months without you realizing it. Stupid? Kind of. You got home after the long ride and with big stride you take the lift to your apartment, wishing with all your heart you have something to eat since you don't feel like going out. Right when you enter the house, the least expected man you want to see right now is already lounged over your sofa. There sprawled on your couch, is Na Jaemin in his sweet innocent sleeping face. You want to choke and strangle him with the pillow right now, but how can you when you see that fragile kid face. For a second you feel like you're the most evil person in the world, trusting rumors rather than asking your boyfriend about the truth. Looking at his sleeping baby face, you can't imagine Na Jaemin actually cheating behind you, but that's the point right? If he knew you won't slightly think or believe he is cheating, one might as well use the benefit right? Your mind is playing with "what ifs" and finally you choose to wake up the problematic person in your life right now. Jaemin squirms when you toss him a pillow to wake him up. "Hey my baby is home." He yawns and gives you that sweet smile while still having his eyes closed. He stretches and you cannot decipher if he is acting cute so you won't be mad as he explains the rumor or does this child did not know the news has spread. Your face was sour and he quickly catches on that you're not in a good mood and it's his goal to always bring back smile on your face. "What's with that evil with face?" You sigh, and sit down beside him. You hold his shoulder to face you and stare into his eyes deeply. "Please look at me," you whisper hopelessly Jaemin still has his confused face on. "Tell me what is going on Nana." Jaemin glances down to your phone, he clearly knows what you are talking about. Hell he already received a lecture from Taeil, Johnny, and Taeyong not to mention Jeno and Haechan. "You know I'm not like that right?" Jaemin swallows a lump on his throat, gosh the audacity he has to lie on your face. Your pupil trembles as they search the truth Jaemin nicely hide behind hid Idol eyes. You shake your head, "How can I trust you when I cannot read through you." "She's just a friend," Jaemin squeaks. "Is she really just a friend?" your voice cracks, Jaemin saw the news he saw the chat and oh it doesn't wonder if you think that snippet of chat is more than friendly. Jaemin cannot answer your question, he wants to fight back but he messed up. He cannot lie anymore to you, or can he? "I am sorry, I was not in my right mind." he reaches out to hold your hands, but you quickly hide them. "What do you mean by that?" your chest is raising up and down faster. Jaemin closed his eyes, "Some of them are true." Your heart shatters and you cannot think of anything else. Did he just shamelessly confess that he indeed was cheating? "You're lying!" you try to deny the fact, but Jaemin shakes his head. "I am not lying. I am sorry you had to discover it." Your eyes shot open, did he not expect you to know at all?! How belittling was that. He shifts closer to you, and you flinch "Stop Jaemin, give me some spa-" "Don't give me space, that's the least thing I want with you." His puppy eyes made a big impact here. "I know I shouldn't be here," you let out a huff Jaemin gets flustered, "What do you mean by that, I can explain we broke up already. I told her I was with you." "You deserve more," you whisper and tears finally fall down your face. "I'm scared." you stare in horror to Jaemin, this sweet angel has been lying on your face for god knows how long. Were you some kind of toy for him?! "I'm sorry. I swear I'll do things different this time, believe me..." He pleads to you. "I want to believe you, I do, but you're just going to hurt me again Jaemin," You shake your head when he pleads you with his eternal sweet angelic face. "Do you ever mean anything you say?" you ask him. Flashes of videos you see on the internet haunts you, Jaemin can easily say "I love you" to his fans and be called a fan service, but have you ever think if the one he gave to you were not a part of fan service too? Did he really mean it when he whispers "love" to your ears. Jaemin stays quiet, "I mean it," he whispers after a while. "You won't understand. Was I just another fan service thing to you? Did you see me also as one of those girls who will swoon over you when you do that?" you're hurt by the fact that this sentence was true. Look at you, not even realizing if he is cheating on you because you are blinded by his sweet nothings. "Can I hug you?" he asks slowly when you just stay quiet and out of your mind. You shake your head, "I need to go. See you Jaemin." You grab your bag and coat and rush to leave him. You need to clear your mind first, maybe a talk with the other members may help you keep your mind straight. The young boy crashes to the sofa, his eyes can no longer hold back his tears. In silence he sobs by himself, he knows he did something so wrong and it's his own fault this happens. "Am I too late?" Was all he asked when he think of the times he kept all of this a secret, it started as a harmless joke with a fan he find interesting in the fansign. Then the joke turns into small talks, to midnight calls, and to secret meetings. Jaemin did not mention he is dating you; it'll blow up your two years of hiding with him. But then one night he went over the border, teasing the fans and their chat was no longer on the side of friendship. It goes beyond and when Jaemin explains he needs to stop this thing, the girl blew up all of the secrets. Making distorted rumors here and there, You apparently was one of the victims of the media and Jaemin hates himself more with the fact that you did not even give him a chance to explain. Two hours later he got a voice message from Jeno. "Jaemin, she's here with us. (y/n) is alright, just meet her when you are ready and she is too. I think tomorrow she can see you." That was all Jeno left to him and that night Jaemin spends the night on your bed, realizing it was cold and lonely without you.

 want a next part? 

end or continue?

#jaemin imagines #jaemin x y/n #jaemin x you #jaemin x reader #jeno imagines #jeno x reader #jaemin oneshot #jaemin scenarios #jaemin fanfic #jaemin #na jaemin #nct jaemin #nct oneshot #nct imagines #nct dream #nct dream imagines #jeno scenarios

[eddiekaspbrxks]

@eddieklapbak​: Hi :) i love your fics and I’ve only read a couple of them ( i need to read more ) but i was wondering if you’d be interested in writing a reddie fic where eddie gets a really bad flu and hes pissed about it because hes eddie but richie comes in hot taking really good care of him and shit ??? If that’s too fluffy or boring dont worry about it

(i redirected this to my sideblog for organisation’s sake, I hope that’s okay)

Word Count: 1281

AO3 link in notes

Eddie Kaspbrak supposes that one would expect, were someone to go on a week-long skiing trip with his six best friends, and were they to come down with a cold sent directly from hell—an analogy Eddie hadn’t ever expected to use, but which after ten hours lying in bed with a headache and a hacking cough seemed rather fitting—for their boyfriend to take care of them. One wouldn’t have expected, though, that Eddie would come down with a cold (him, of all the fucking people—Bev shared cigarettes with anyone she met, and Richie, god knows, probably hadn’t washed his hands in months), or that, when it happened, the boyfriend in question would be Richie Tozier. Richie and medication wasn’t a combination he’d exactly fantasized about, and he wasn’t sure that it was going to work out without at least a heart attack and maybe a very, very small house fire.

Or a fucking huge one, who knows. There’s no overestimating Richie.

“So,” Richie cries in a British accent, walking into the room with Eddie’s toiletry bag nestled in his arms, “come on then, talk me through this.” He unzips the bag—it’s “almost as big as your suitcase,” Stan had said, (which is ridiculous, it’s a solid quarter at most, and bright red, just in case Eddie’s in a hurry and needs to see it from a mile away (or in case Richie needs to find it, because holy shit that kid is blind, but he doesn’t seem to be showing any appreciation for Eddie’s color-picking skills at the moment), and dumps the contents onto the bed.

“Dude, careful with that—if you break my aspirator, I swear to god—” Eddie cries, leaping up a little and then grimacing when his head throbs.

“Hate to break it to you, Eddie Spaghetti, but you’ve got bigger issues right now than your made-up asthma.”

“Shut up, your fucking nasal voice is making my head hurt,” Eddie moans, covering his face with his hands.

“I’m serious, Eds,” Richie says, face mock solemn. “Your worst fears have come true. This is what you’ve been protecting yourself from your whole life, and alas, your brave efforts have gone to waste. Edward,” he places a hand on Eddie’s shoulder, “I hate to be the one to tell you this, but I’m not sure you’re going to make it out of this alive.”

“It’s a cold, man.”

“I know!” Richie cries, like a proud parent. “The first cold of your life! You’re finally growing up.” Eddie kicks him halfheartedly, to which Richie pleads in his Southern Belle voice “Please forgive me, Eddie, light of my life, oh please, I’ll die if you’re mad at me, just die!” He collapses  in a fit of giggles.

Eddie stares at him, dumbfounded. “You know I broke my arm when I was thirteen, right? You were there?”

“Oh, was that when the demon clown attacked us?” Richie’s eyebrows knit together, and Eddie resists both the urge to roll his eyes and the urge to grin like an idiot. “Huh, I must have forgotten.”

Eddie laughs a little. “Okay, my medication. Let’s see if you know what to do.”

“Oh, I don’t think I could go two years living with you without all of that rubbing off on me,” Richie says sweetly.

“I’m nothing if not influential.”

“No, I was thinking more like a pubic rash. I mean, we’ve done plenty of rubbing—”

“Holy fucking shit, beep beep, Trashmouth.”

“Alright, I’m just saying—”

“I wasn’t kidding when I said your voice was giving me a headache, and I’m much too poor and sickly to get a pill myself, so come on, pass them over.”

Richie shuffles through the pile clumsily, making Eddie cringe. “A ha!” he cries, pulling out a little bottle. Eddie notes the color of the cap, the shape of the letters familiar in his head. Richie picks up the glass of water he’d brought with the toiletry bag and holds it out to Eddie along with the pill. “Come on, eat up. As much as I’d love to do the whole here comes the airplane spiel, you seem to think you still have a dignity to be hurt, and I’d never deprive you of that fantasy—”

“That’s aspirin, you dumbass,” Eddie says, putting a hand in front of his mouth to stop Richie doing just that. “You’re not supposed to take it with a cold.”

“But it’s aspirin. It’s for headaches, that’s how aspirin works. You take it, your headache goes away. Right?”

“Yeah, but it’s not good for colds. Something to do with, like, your sinuses, or something. Give me the panadol, that’ll help.”

“Why are we here? To suffer? When did they make medicine complicated?”

“Why isn’t Ben in here? Ben would shut up when I tell him to.”

“Aw, you would never tell me to shut up, Eddie baby.”

“Shut up. Just, shut up. There.”

Richie pouts. “For that, I’m doing the airplane schtick.”

“Oh, my god,” Eddie groans.

“Open up!” Richie sings, pinching the pill between his thumb and index finger. “Come on, open the airport, here we come! Vrrrrrrrrrrr…”

“I will not, give me that—”

“ Vrrrr... c’mon,, or the little passengers won’t be able to get off in your little mouth!”

“Richie, what the fuck, only you could make this game disgusting.”

“Aw, you love it, Eds,” Richie says, and he pounces on Eddie, tickling his sides. Eddie bursts out laughing, kicking at him, and suddenly they’re kids again, wrestling in a hammock, taking any excuse to touch each other.

Eddie coughs, and the moment stops, his head throbbing from the movement. “Fuck,” he breathes, coughing again, voice raspy. Richie’s up in a second, grabbing the glass of water and placing it in Eddie’s hands.

“Here. Breathe slow, hyperventilating will make it worse, I think.”

“I know how a fucking cold works, Rich—” he says, but another cough rises up.

Richie holds his hand until the coughing fit passes, and then Eddie lies back.

“God, I hate this,” Eddie mumbles, careful not to raise his voice for fear that another coughing fit starts. “I can’t believe I’m stuck in here.”

“Hey, it’ll be great,” Richie says softly, laying next to Eddie and laying his head on his shoulder. “Who wants to be out there skiing when you could be lying bedridden and, fuck, and, uh, bedraggled, with me?”

“I think you think I like you more than I actually do.”

“Aw, I know you love me,” Richie says, and Eddie doesn’t have to look to tell that he’s grinning.

“Sure, keep telling yourself that, man.”

“Oh, I will,” Richie says, and leans over, pressing his lips to Eddie’s.

“I’m sick, dimwit. Deathly.”

“You know I’d risk death for you, Eddie Spaghetti.” Eddie rolls his eyes, but he’s grinning, too, and he leans in and kisses Richie again.

“Fine, I guess I love you,” Eddie concedes.

Richie raises his eyebrows. “That’s two Kaspbraks I’ve heard that from, now.”

“How are you an adult?”

“Get it? Because your mom—”

“Yeah, yeah,” Eddie says, cutting him off. And Richie beams, all scruffy elbows and messy edges and Eddie can’t believe that there could ever be a universe where they hadn’t found each other.

A/N: there's a decent chance that the whole aspirin bit is bullshit,,, i did about five minutes of research on this and some websites said do NOT take aspirin and some said nothing so imma just put it in oops

#reddie #reddie fic #ficlet #sickfic #reddie sickfic #fix it #fluff #requests #eddieklapbak #answered #my writing #one shot

[lilypads17]

Ancient Blood, Ancient Sins

Chapter One (you’re here!) - Next Chapter - Masterlist

Read on AO3

Pairings: Virgil/Deceit/Remus, Roman/Patton/Logan (though they’re not in this chapter

Warnings and Stuff: General Vampire Bullshit (blood, gore), mild sexual content (just vv intense kissing), suicide mention swearing. Let me know if I missed stuff

Basically this is a Vampire AU because its my blog and I do what I want. hmu if I missed tags.

Virgil was the name he’d chosen for himself, back in the 1910s.

It was one that he really liked, and so he’d stuck with it. Whatever name he’d been born with didn’t matter, and whoever he’d been before that also didn’t matter. He’d had a few names throughout the 1900s, bouncing between lives as easily as he had lovers, but now that it was the 20s again, he found himself so impressively bored that he decided to go live in Florida for a while.

Did one call it “deading” somewhere if they weren’t alive?

Well, regardless, it was one faked suicide and a several hour drive to Jacksonville that brought him here. It had been so long since he’d seen Dee, anyway. It would be nice to see him again.

Really, really nice.

He opened the door to the apartment, kicking it closed with his feet. It was an old one, with a just for show kitchen, soft white walls and pale furniture. Always trying to look normal, hmm, Dee? The lights were all off, except for a few candles lit on the table. Virgil smiled at the set up, and set the several boxes he’d brought with him down, and almost jumped when two hands slammed against the door beside him.

Dee- born Julius Augustus Mills, but that was obnoxious, and too much like his father- smiled that lovely smile of his, his dual coloured eyes glinting in the low light of the apartment, “Hello, master,”

Virgil smiled, grabbing his lover by the collar of his shirt, pulling him in for a kiss, “It’s been far too long,” he murmured against his lips, switching them over so he could push Dee against the door, “Can’t even let me get my things in the house?” he shoved his mouth against Dee’s neck, kissing down the bare skin- a loose top, too? Eager, hmm?- to his collarbone, letting his teeth run along Dee’s skin. As he shuddered with pleasure, Virgil grinned, “So eager, darling,”

“It’s just been so long,” Dee reasoned, letting Virgil start to unbutton his shirt and pressed his lips to the skin again, “I- oh fuck- I missed you...”

Virgil smiled, “I missed you, too,” he pressed another kiss to his neck, “And I’m fully prepared to show you just how much,”

Virgil blinked awake, eventually, the clock on the nightstand reading 10:00 AM. He made various groaning noises as he rolled over, finding the bed empty except for himself.

He sighed- Dee did have a life out here, it just hurt a bit every time he left. Speaking of which, he should probably figure out the whole ‘getting his schedule’ thing.

Wandering to his feet, Virgil made his way into the living room, almost tripping over the clothes they’d torn off each other in the hallway, and poured some blood from the fridge into a wine glass. He sat down on the couch, pulling his laptop out of it’s case and setting the glass down on the table. He plugged it in, and pulled the weighted blanket tighter, started to find the website when the doorknob jingled. Weird, Dee should still be at work.

It opened, and a man who definitely was not Dee wandered in.

A human, no doubt, pale and lanky, tall and freckled, with dark green eyes and red hair, along with a wild moustache. The man hummed as he didn’t turn to look at Virgil, just starting to go through the cupboards. Virgil leaned into his hand, watching the human continue to bop to the music in his headphones. It wasn’t until he turned around and jumped about 3 feet that Virgil smiled, “Hello,”

Virgil listened to the human’s heart shoot up, and he laughed, “Oh! You must be Virgil!” he shoved the several tupperware containers onto the counter, holding out a hand to shake, “I’m Remus!”

Oh? The Remus?

Virgil felt himself relax, “Oh, thank god,” he took the hand to shake, “Here I thought you were breaking in or something,”

Remus laughed, “Nah, nah, I’m good,” he said, “I’m glad to finally meet you! Dee’s told me all good things, I promise!”

Virgil smiled, picking up his glass, sipping it in a way he hoped was menacing, “I would hope so,”

“Are you drinking this early?”

Virgil snickered, “It’s cranberry juice- I just like the glass,”

“It does look fancy, that’s true,” Remus hummed, then asked, “So, you and Dee have been together for a while, huh?”

A couple centuries, give or take, “Since we were younger, yes,” he smiled. Some might call it soft- the Camarilla certainly did, but fuck them- and perhaps it was, but Virgil was an alpha if there ever was one, and alphas weren’t soft, “But I’m glad to finally meet you,”

Remus grinned “You, too!” he laughed a bit, fiddling with his fingernails, “I’ll- uh- text him, let him know we ran into each other,”

Virgil grinned, “Glad we did,”

“Me too,” Virgil sipped his glass, “Me too,”

...

Virgil pulled his gloves up his sleeves as he made his way through the mall, feeling quite grateful that goth had made a comeback. Honestly- Victorian England had been the best time to be Kindred, and not only because that was when he met Dee. He absently browsed the Hot Topic- finding a plaid purple sweater he was quite fond of- and ran right into Remus.

“Hey, Virgil!” he said, “Should’ve figured you’d like this place, keeping the blinds down and everything.

Virgil adjusted his face mask, “I’m fragile, what can I say?”

Remus laughed, “Yeah- I mean, same, honestly. I stub my toe and I’m out for commission for, like, 2 weeks,” he shrugged, “That- or my brother will kill me in my sleep, take your pick,”

They started looking through the piercings together, and Remus muttered, “Oh, shit,” ducked out of the store, and came back with Dee in toe. The poor man looked like he was going to die again just walking into the store, but at the sight of Virgil he lit up.

“Mas- Virgil!” he grinned, grabbing Virgil around the waist and spinning him around. He kissed his neck, setting his head on his shoulder, “Didn’t tell me you were going out today, love,”

Virgil chuckled, “It was a spur of the moment decision,” he turned to kiss the top of his head, “We could’ve come out together, all three of us!”

Remus grinned, leaning against the display, “Well, now we’re all here,”

“That we are,”

Remus threw his arms up, “Then finish your shopping, Virgil! We’re buying you lunch!”

Oh, geez, “Um- I can’t really eat at restaurants? I have a lot of... Dietary stuff,”

“Oh- well then I’m you a coffee!”

Virgil laughed, “Fair, fair,”

The first day of classes was a sensory nightmare.

Not just because it was loud, or a lot of people, or anything, but everything happened so much all the time, now. There were a lot of people- and he’d could smell it, breathe it, almost touch it. It wasn’t like he hadn’t fed before he left this morning, but it was just...

A lot.

So he pulled the mask up, and the gloves, and the earplugs and read over his accommodation letter over and over and over, and even though it said he needed them, and needed extra help, he was still anxious about it.

Though most people aren’t anxious about killing and eating their classmates.

Hovering in the back oft he room, he felt the professor’s eyes on him

“You must be Virgil,” they said.

Virgil laughed a bit, fiddling with the mask, “I- uh- stand out I guess,”

“That you do,” they leaned on the desk, “if you ever need to duck out, go ahead. You don’t need to ask, okay?”

Virgil nodded. They were really close, “... Yeah. Yeah thanks,”

“No problem,” they wandered off, and someone sat in the seat next to him.

Goddamn it.

Their hair was dyed impressively bright, and they took out their headphones, smiling at him, “Hey,”

“Hey,”

“My name’s Talyn,”

“Virgil,”

“Oh, shit, that’s actually a super cool name,”

Virgil smiled, even though Talyn couldn’t see it, “’s why I chose it,”

“Oh, sweet,” they started absently sketching on their paper, “I didn’t get to choose this one- but I like it, so,”

“Yeah, I bounced between a few before I chose this one,”

“I respect that,” they nodded sagely, “Glad you figured it out, though,”

“Me too,”

Maybe this wouldn’t be so bad.

#sanders sides #sanders sides fic #vampire au #me: does 1 (one) vampire rp with a friend #me: this is my thing now #virgil sanders #remus sanders #deceit sanders #demus #intruxiety #deceit/remus/virgil #how do i tag #the three of them #fuck #maybe eventual dlampr who knows #tw blood #tw suicide mention

[boymeetsweevil]

For science 1/7 -  (NSFW)

Grouping: Reader x Nerd!Jungkook

Word Count: 6.1k

Warnings/Themes: masturbation (vaginal) & voyeurism, unrequited feelings, eventual sex. is this crack yet? lol there’s a plot i swear.

Summary: Jungkook asks you to let him watch you get off. For science.

A/N: posting this now because I’ve been working on it on and off for like a month and im tired of looking at it and jk’s bday is coming up HAPPY BIRTHDAY JK and i’ll be too busy with school plus im almost 7k into the second chapter so..

part 2, part 3, part 4, part 5, part 6, part 7

Your eyes burn in protest as you scroll to the top of your terminal window once more to search for the error that is fucking your code up. It’s been hours of work and you still haven’t managed to get your program to run even though the homework assignment is easy in theory. In fact it’s just like a problem that Jungkook said the professors would probably give you in your sophomore year, and here you are in your junior year seeing such an ‘easy’ question. With him, it had truly been easy, though. Jungkook was a better computer science teacher than any professor you’d ever encountered. Thinking back to early high school days has you smiling softly to yourself. 

You miss sitting closely together, heads sometimes touching, as you both bent over a problem while he explained why it looked hard, but was actually something you could do in your sleep. The wide smile he would give you when you completed competition questions in minimal time would always set your heart fluttering.

Your phone vibrating brings you back to reality. The caller ID reads ~JK~ and you swoop in to answer the call. If the time in the corner of your computer is right (and it is) he should have already opened his decision letter from the PhD department.

“Hey, what’s the verdict,” you ask as soon as you accept the call. You know there’s no other reason why he’d call you when you were supposed to meet up in a few hours for weekly game night.

“I got in,” his voice is soft, but you know him well enough to be able to hear the joy mixed in.

“Congratulations, Kook! That’s amazing, I knew you would get in, they’d be crazy not to accept you. Oh my god, we should celebrate.”

“Yeah, I was thinking maybe we could go out for drinks before heading back to mine to play tonight. You in?” Now you can practically hear the smile in his voice.

“Of course I’m in. Let me just pack up and I can meet you. Where are you--the department lounge? I’ll come over.”

“Actually,” his shy tone has you sitting down slowly, returning your jacket to where you had it slung over the back of your chair. “You don’t have to leave right away. I was gonna try and call Yoori. You know, to tell her the news. And then tell Tae and Hobi, of course.”

“Oh. Yeah, no, that makes total sense. I should probably finish this code for Choi’s class anyway. It’s due on Sunday, but I’m almost done. Might as well turn it in early once I find this error.” Your hand scrapes at the sides of your jeans, looking for something to grab at.

“Well then I guess I have time,” he chuckles, “Your typos are always so tiny that they take hours to find. Let’s meet up at the bar in 2 hours then?” 

You wince. Although it’s not at all a mean-spirited jab, you’re no longer in the mood for the friendly banter at the mention of Yoori, Jungkook’s long time unrequited love.

“Sure. See you then,” you hang up before he has the chance to say goodbye formally like he always insists on doing.

You put your phone down and berate yourself for getting distracted. If you were the brilliant Yoori, you wouldn’t have even made the typo in the first place. But you weren’t Yoori because you didn’t have the fortune of being born four years earlier and four times more beautiful, elegant, or intelligent. And you didn’t have the luck of being so much of a genius that you could skip years ahead of school like Jungkook either. So instead you would just have to chug along, always watching Jungkook chase Yoori.

You go back to scrolling through your code only to find the error a third of the way down. Jungkook was right, the typo was tiny--a misplaced equals sign. You sigh and run the code to make sure it’s perfect this time, and when it is you send it in to your professor to be graded. You consider heading home and using the extra time to make yourself look nice. Not that there was anything wrong with your oversized university t-shirt and jeans, but suddenly you think maybe things would be different for you with regards to your love life if you tried a little harder. You’re about to leave the library entrance that’s closest to your dorm, but you get a text from Jungkook.

6:41 - I called Yoori and she said she heard about my deal with RealiCorp and she wants to link up when she gets back on campus!

You narrow your eyes at the text. Jungkook had recently sold some software he developed to an up and coming gaming company that was supposed to make the imaging on immersion headsets better. He had made a pretty penny and was covertly offered a position at the company, but it was also a large victory for the computer science department at the university and his picture had been circulating around the department website for weeks. You suppose she finally saw it while she was taking a break from her research project off campus and decided to answer his calls for a change.

You text back what you hope sounds like a cheerful congratulation and decide to just go to the bar instead. What’s the harm in a few rounds before the rest of the crew arrives?

The harm would have been miniscule at most if you hadn’t been in your feelings, but when Jungkook, Tae, and Hobi arrive, you’re three rounds in and a little bit sloppy.

“Woah,” Hobi shouts, giving you a too strong pat on the back when he sits in the chair next to you. “Someone started a little early. What’s the occasion, are we celebrating something for you too?” Jungkook shakes his head with a sheepish smile and goes to sit beside you, away from Hoseok.

“Nope. Just getting ready for an evening with your loud ass.” He gives you a pretend pout and flags the bartender over. Tae sits next to him and gives you a little wave and smile.

“Two whiskeys, make mine a sour and make his straight. From the high shelf.”

“Hey now,” Taehyung’s eyes widen comically, “Are you forgetting that payday isn’t until next week? I’ll take the regular whiskey down there, please.”

“Don’t worry. Kookie said he was paying with his RealiCorp money,” Hoseok stage whispers into your ear, “He’ll probably cover your round too.”  You swat him away and turn to Jungkook, raising a questioning eyebrow.

“You know I’ll cover yours. The rest of them, I don’t know.”

“What? Come on, you’re the youngest,” Tae whines, less than satisfied with his cheap whiskey shot.

“Shouldn’t that mean you guys pay for me?”

“N-no! Because you’re actually our senior now. You’re graduating this year, I’m the oldest technically but I’m not graduating until next year. We know these two aren’t graduating until the year after that,” he points to you and Tae, “Plus, you’re going to the PhD program next year. You should definitely be paying for us.” Hoseok has a point, you and Tae nod sagely to back him up.

“Fine,” Jungkook sighs, pushing his thick glasses up the bridge of his nose, “I’m in a good mood, so why not.”

“I bet you are,” Tae’s grin is big and catlike in the low light of the bar. His gaze a little lewd. “I would be too if I was one step closer to finally bagging a girl like Yoori.”

You look down into your beer bottle, the green glass suddenly much more fascinating than the conversation at hand.

“Did you hear,”Hoseok turns toward you,”Yoori is gonna come back soon and when she does he’s gonna make her Mrs. Jeon.”

“I’ll be sure to throw rice during the wedding,” you snark. The bartender brings you a new beer without another word. Taehyung howls at your comment.

“I’d kill to have a wedding night with her.”

“Hell, I’d kill to have a bathroom stall night. With anyone,” Hoseok sighs, “It’s hard out here for a comp-sci major. Right, guys?”

You hum in agreement. It had been a while since you’d last gotten laid.

“You’re right. I can’t even remember that geology minor’s face. Do you remember her? What was her name? Mara? Kara?”

“Sara,” Hoseok provides with a grin, “I think she has a thing for comp-sci majors. Kook, you ever hook up with Sara?”

Jungkook shyly traces a finger around the rim of his empty vodka class. “I haven’t hooked up with anyone.”

“Ever?” You try to keep incredulity from bleeding into your question.

“Ever,” he nods. He hiccups a little and all of the sudden you totally believe that Jungkook is a virgin.

“Dude, wait, I thought you hooked up with that one chick at the music festival last spring. Am I the only one who saw her?” 

Tae nods in agreement. “Yeah, she gave you her hotel room key and everything.”

“It wasn’t like that. She told me her brother was there for a robotics tournament and I asked her if I could see the bot.”

You smile despite your sour mood. If there was one thing you loved about Jungkook it was his blind enthusiasm for STEM. Even if it made him a little oblivious to other things at times.

“Well, you better fix that whole virgin thing fast, bro. Chicks like Yoori probably want someone with experience. In more ways than one, if you catch my drift.” Hoseok nudges Tae with a wry smile.

“That’s not just a Yoori thing, most people don’t want to have to coddle someone in bed unless that’s, like, their kink or something,” you take a large swallow of beer.

“Wait,” Tae says, eyeing you like he’s had an epiphany, “You’re a girl--”

“Didn’t we establish this 2 years ago? When we met?”

“No, no, I mean you can help Kookie so he doesn’t drop the ball with Yoori.”

“Yeah, right,” you snort, “Help him how? Give him a sex-ed lecture?” You turn to laugh with Jungkook, but he’s looking at you seriously. Or as seriously as he can when he’s tipsy with unfocused eyes and blushing cheeks.

“You…don’t want to help me?” His voice sounds pathetic and small, making you feel bad instantly.

“Oh, Kook, it’s not that I don’t want to help you. But think about what that implies.”

“Is it because I’m a virgin?”

“Oh my god, Kook, there’s nothing wrong with being a virgin don’t listen to us. We’re idiots.”

“Then why don’t you want to help me?”

Because I like you. You swallow hard, your throat suddenly dry. You obviously don’t say that, though. Instead you sit back in your bar stool.

“I-I would if I could, but I don’t know how to help you,” you finally say.

“It’s fine. I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable. I guess the thought of being with Yoori makes me a little stupid.”

Desperately you search for a solution. Instead of finding one, you call the bartender back and order a round of tequila shots. Jungkook gives you a sad look but doesn’t ruin the mood by not taking a shot. You order two more rounds because somehow, even though he’s drunk, he still looks dejected. After your third shot you can’t stand the way his shoulder slump.

“You know what,” you slur loudly, drawing three pairs of eyes to your face lazily. “It’s getting late and we might not get to play Fortnite this weekend. Let’s all get to bed so we can be up early tomorrow to play.”

Tae points a wobbly finger in your direction, eyes suspicious. “When you say early, you mean after 2pm right?”

It takes twenty minutes for everyone to get their shit together enough to leave the bar. Tae and Hoseok keep losing each other in the bathroom. Jungkook keeps forgetting that he has to pay and tries to ask the bartender what he thinks about sub-atomic particle physics. Even though you’re drunk off your ass, you somehow manage to keep yourself responsible enough to wrangle Tae and Hobi out of the bathroom and guide Jungkook through the motions of swiping his card and signing the bill. The four of you then squeeze into the back of an uber. Hoseok whines about being lonely while sitting in the passenger’s seat. Jungkook’s bumps his hand against yours until he can firmly grasp it and get your attention before you pass out.

“Hey, can I sleep on the couch,” he whispers in your ear. His breath smells like alcohol and limes. You turn your head to chase the scent away and rest your head on his shoulder. You yawn.

“Sure. No problem, buddy.”

Your apartment is the first stop on the route and you launch yourself out the car and run up through your lobby and to the elevator to escape the cold of the air conditioner and the fluorescent lights. Jungkook lingers in the car until Tae pushes him out to make room for Hoseok.

“Kook,” Tae calls out as he helps Hoseok pour himself into the back seat.

“Wassap?”

“The only way to get good at sex is losta—lotta...lot’s a practish. Okay?”

“But-but…Who am I gonna practice with?”

Tae merely whistles and points a finger upward, gesturing to your illuminated window. The car pulls away and Jungkook sways unsteadily up onto the sidewalk with nausea clawing at his throat. Thinking of the stairs he’ll have to climb—because there’s no way in hell he’s taking the elevator, even in this state—he regrets not just going to his own first floor dorm. Does he really need to get sex counseling from you? There’s always porn, he muses before remembering the rant you’d gone on blaming porn for making a guy you’d been hooking up with try to do weird things in bed involving a summer squash. Looks like he’d have to rely on the real deal to get anywhere with Yoori. Oh, Yoori.

A shimmering vision of the beautiful girl with elegant eyes and an ever-painted smile floats in front of his hazy vision and gives him the strength he needs to hobble forward towards the lobby door with dedication.

Minutes ago you couldn’t wait to go to sleep, but as soon you unlocked your door and made it to your room, you were wide awake. Even brushing your teeth and stripping out of your jeans didn’t to tire you out.

“Fuck,” you groan. You throw yourself onto your bed and hope that the way the room spins will lull you to sleep but when the spinning stops, your eyes still won’t stay closed.

The clock resting on your desk across the room reads 1:48am. It’s already clear that you’re going to be hung over, but knowing that it won’t be cushioned by a nice long sleep before you have to go to yoga at 12 makes you want to cry. You desperately wrack your brain for all the remedies there are to make you sleepy. You just canceled your cable last week to save some money, so you can’t veg out in front of the TV. You’re lactose intolerant, so warm milk isn’t an option. You’d take a warm shower but you washed your hair already and if you go to bed with wet hair your mother’s voice will haunt you all night with stories of the cold coming your way. Kicking your feet in frustration, you toss yourself over the edge of the bed to hang. Maybe all the blood will flow to your head and you’ll pass out.

You’re about to risk passing out and landing on your neck the wrong way and dying when a bright pink shoebox under your bed catches your eye. Of course, you think, how could you forget your precious vibrator. Luckily for you, a good orgasm or three always managed to knock you out like a light. You reach over and scoot the box forward with your outstretched fingertips until you get it close enough to reach inside and grab the petite tiffany blue bullet. Giddy laughter leaves your mouth as you heft yourself back onto your bed and fall back on the pillows with a contented sigh. Orgasms solve all your problems. You flick the device on to the lowest setting and ghost it against your clothed mound.

Jungkook is completely breathless as he leaves the center stairwell and finally arrives on your floor. The stairs were a bitch and a half, but your door is only two down from the floor entrance. He can practically hear the siren song of your pull-out couch. When he turns the knob to your front door, it doesn’t budge and he wonders if you must have locked it on instinct. There’s no way you forgot that he was staying over, he thinks to himself. Reaching above the doorjamb, he hunts for the spare key you left there especially for him. The door unlocks easily and he smiles to himself as he locks the door behind him and toes off his shoes. He’s about to face plant into the couch when you call his name faintly from your bedroom.

As he stumbles through the hallway slowly to your room, he thinks over what Taehyung said to him before driving off. To Jungkook’s drunk mind it makes sense, so it must be a good idea to seek sex practice from you. You’re the only girl he knows and he’s known you so long that he can already tell there would be no awkwardness. The sad look in your eyes as you listened to his predicament in the bar tells him that you want to help him, but you didn’t know what route to take. He flexes his hands by his sides and figures he’ll just tell you what Taehyung told him and get to coming up with a curriculum.

The door to your bedroom is half-open and the lights shine through the opening, so he figures you must be up and waiting for him. He can still hear you calling his name, but it still sounds oddly soft from where he is. He pushes the door open but freezes in his tracks when he sees you.

The first thing he notices is obviously the frantically moving hand you have between your legs and the loud buzzing sound that comes from it. He takes in more details the longer he looks. He realizes belatedly then that you’re not wearing pants. Thanks to the high prescription strength of his glasses, he can also see the way your hand and thighs shine and the huge dark spot in the crotch of your panties in the light of your table lamp. Your toes are curling and he can just make out the way your lower stomach clenches underneath the very same sweatshirt you’d been wearing to the bar. Technically he can’t see your other hand but he has a pretty good idea of where it is and what it might be doing with the way it disappears under your shirt. You can’t see him, though, because your head is thrown back and your eyes are closed. The only thing you’re probably at least partly aware of is the cacophony of wet sounds that come from where you work the nose of the toy over yourself. The last thing he notices is the way you call his name in a soft whining tone that has him stepping forward without thinking.

“Fuck, Jungkook,” you whine as the slippery heel of your hand bumps against your covered clit a little roughly on an upstroke.

“Yes?”

“What the hell,” your eyes snap open and your head whips around to see him leaning on the door frame as he watches you.

His eyes are heavy with alcohol and his cheeks are just as pink as the lip he releases from the grasp of his teeth. He reaches out and stumbles forward, causing you to scramble back to distance yourself from him. You bring your knees up to hug to your chest before you realize that you’re still very much on show.

“Jeon Jungkook, what is going on here,” you shriek, bringing your hands to cover your eyes only makes you feel a little bit better.

He sits down on your bed like it’s any other day and he’s just chilling in the room like you invited him over. And then you realize that you did kind of invite him over as fragmented memories of the recent uber ride you took together spring up.

“You said you wanted to help me, but you didn’t know how. But Tae told me I just have to practish.”

“Practish?”

“Practice,” he corrects himself.

“Practice what?”

“Practice sex. Duh!”

“Jungkook, no!”

“Please? I wouldn’t be asking such a huge favor if I didn’t think it was absolutely necessary.”

“Why can’t you just go to a frat party like everyone else?” 

Your heart is beating rapidly and you think maybe you’re not drunk anymore. Never in your life did you think you would turn down sex from Jungkook, but then again you never pictured it happening this way.

“Because I,” his head hangs and he starts to pick at a loose thread in your duvet, “I guess I missed out on this kind of thing when we were younger and I don’t think I could get very good results in a basement party. Plus, I know you’d…”

“I’d what?”

“You’d be good to me.” He lifts his eyes to lock with yours. His gaze is oddly sharp despite the fact that his skin is still clammy like it gets when he drinks.

Your breath hitches and for a moment it does feel like the fantasies you have almost every other time that you settle into your room, lonely and horny. Jungkook laughs bitterly to himself and you can feel your resolve crumbling as something selfish rears its head in the back of your mind. He tries one last time. 

“Please?” 

You crack.

“Okay.”

“Really?” His eyes light up once more as he gives you a blinding smile. “Great. Let’s start!”

It feels as though you’re having an out of body experience as you watch him clamber closer onto the bed with you. Your legs naturally open to accommodate him and he scoots into your space, his hands falling to naturally stroke with the soft skin of your ankles. Even though he lacks experience, Jungkook has a leg up in that he’s naturally on the affectionate side. Something you can’t teach with any amount of practice. Even still, the idea that Jungkook will be sitting between your naked thighs makes your stomach do flip flops.You barely start formulating something to say that will sound educational when you hear him get ready to interject once more.

“God, what is it?” You worry that if he interrupts you one more time you’ll lose your nerve.

“I need a visual aid. And, uh, I won’t be able to see because of your, uh, undergarments.”

You’re certain that you’ve never taken anything off faster than you do in that moment. The panties fly into some far corner of your room and you can only hope that they don’t land in a clump of dust bunnies.

“Alright,” you stutter, “I don’t have to give you an anatomy lesson, right? Please tell me you at least know where everything is.”

“We took anatomy together in 7th grade,” he says like that’s a decent answer.

You roll your eyes. “Right, okay. Anatomy lesson it is.”

“What’s this,” you point at yourself.

“That’s the uh…entrance to the vagina?”

“Ok and?”

“It’s where the pleasure comes from?”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes?”

“Partial credit.”

“Isn’t that where the…phallus goes, though?” You decide it would be best to ignore his word choice for now.

“Yeah, I mean stuff goes in there but that’s not where all the pleasure comes from. For some people that’s not where any of it comes from.”

His eyes widen nervously. “Then where does it come from if not from penetration?”

You gesture again. “This is the clitoris.” His sweaty bangs flop over his lenses as he nods enthusiastically. Finally something he remembers.

“The clitoris,” he chirps affirmatively. You side eye him, but keep going.

“This little thing is basically there for the sole purpose of pleasure.”

“How do I activate it?” Again you blink at his terminology. Although you’d been a STEM freak with Jungkook for years, somehow he managed to baffle you with his nerdiness.

“Uh, you can stimulate it by touching it.” You draw a small circle in the air around the nub to demonstrate. “Like that, for example. You can also use your hands or your mouth.”

“Or that little blue thing you were using earlier,” he chimes in, reminding you of the embarrassing way this whole thing started.

You sigh. “Yeah. That too.”

“And that’s it?”

“No that’s definitely not it. We haven’t even touched the other places of pleasure or technique or foreplay. But this is a pretty good cheat code.”

“So what about the inside? Like the tubes?”

“There’s really not that much you need to know involving the actual reproductive organs themselves. We can just focus on the external bits for now.” You wince at how uncomfortable the discussion is.

“That makes sense,” his brows furrow seriously. He’s slow to blink, partly so he doesn’t miss anything and partly because he’s still fighting off tendrils of sleep.

“I mean,” you wring your hands anxiously, “that’s all you really need to know for now. It’s mostly learning on the go, anyway. You’ll be fine.”

“But what if I’m not fine. Don’t you think you could, you know, show me?”

“What is there to show?”

“How about you just continue…what you were doing when I came in.”

“Masturbating.”

“What?”

“I was masturbating when you came in.”

A hand flies to the collar of his shirt and he tugs on it sheepishly. “Yeah, that’s what I meant.”

You try not to focus on how weirdly awkward the mood is now that your lust has calmed down to barely even a simmer. You reach for the discarded vibrator that jumped out of your hand and landed by the edge of the head of your bed, but he stops you with a raised hand.

“Can you, uh, maybe do it the old-fashioned way? For the first time at least?”

“Right, I guess I’ll get to it.”

Jungkook sits back on his heels patiently and watches closely as your hand trails a path down your torso to the apex of your thighs. The first touch, though you know it’s your own hand, has you twitching a bit. You bite your lip hard to focus and circle your entrance to coax out more moisture, then you move back to circle your clit. You close your eyes in hopes that not being able to see Jungkook’s gaping expression will help. It does, a bit. After a few moments, you let out a breathy sigh and sink further into the pillows. You plant one foot more firmly on the mattress to give yourself some leverage and push yourself more into your circling hand. The slight increase in pressure has you moaning and your eyes fluttering. You peek through heavy lids to see Jungkook’s expression has also changed. His eyes, clear just a second ago, look glassy again from behind his lenses, his mouth slack and shiny. The rise and fall of his chest is a bit heavier. You let yourself think it’s because of you and go back to collect more arousal to increase the slip.

Apparently, you’re more turned on than you thought. When your middle and ring fingers wander down to your hole they come back pleasantly slick. Something in you suddenly feels rebellious, so you use your free hand to spread your lips further and bring your coated fingers up to Jungkook’s face. You flex your fingers and separate them to show crystalline streaks of arousal connecting them.

“Just so you know, this is a good sign.”

Jungkook swallows hard. Somehow, even though you’re still wearing socks and a baggy sweatshirt, you’re hotter than all the completely bare, busty women he’d watched moan and writhe wildly on his computer screen. He reaches out and delicately grabs you wrist before redirecting your hand back to your dripping center.

“Keep going,” he rasps.

You whine and begin to rub your clit more earnestly, lewd wet sounds fill the room. He can practically see your lips getting wetter and wetter as you redistribute your arousal with every rough swipe of your fingers. Your wrist is moving fast, but it’s clear that you’re becoming frustrated with all that you can do with one hand. Your other hand quickly moves to take over making tight figure eights around your clit while the one already coated in your juices moves back down to your entrance once more. This time, you crook two shining fingers and shove them into your hole. Immediately your back bends and a drawn out moan leaves your mouth. Jungkook gasps quietly. You pump your fingers in and out roughly, then withdraw them to add a third finger.

He watches you like that for a while before you get fed up again. It’s been a while since you’ve been so needy and you feel like you’re on fire. Your toes curl impatiently on either side of Jungkook and he realizes you’re looking for more. On instinct he scoots further until his own legs are brushing up against the undersides of yours. His hand reaches out to pet your quivering thigh in a sympathetic effort to help with your plateau. He looks down at your hand, twitching feverishly in and out of yourself. His hands are much bigger and suddenly he moves like he’s about to replace your fingers with his own.

When Jungkook’s hands start to approach your center your breath hitches. You’re not quite in the right state of mind to reject him if he offers to finger you, but you don’t want to take advantage of the situation and make it any more emotionally complicated than it already is.

“Not yet,” you offer when his hands get too close for comfort, “Next time, maybe.”

He seems to be thinking the same thing and averts his attention to the forgotten vibrator. His grip on your thigh disappears, and you sigh quietly, but it’s hidden under the slick sounds you make each time your fingers get sucked into your heat and the low moans you make every time your pinch your clit just so.

“W-what do I do?” His voice is small and his sudden worried look has you wrapping a hand around his and bringing it to show him how you click the toy on and circle it around your entrance.

His hands are sweaty, shaky, so when your hips start to circle on their own, they move to find a resting spot on your thighs and squeeze to deal with the tension rising in his own belly. He grits his teeth, clenches his hands, does anything he can to keep from overstepping and making this about him. As obviously cliché as it sounds, seeing you sweating and moaning underneath him lets him see you in a new light. You’d always been around, but your presence as a woman in his life was backgrounded at best. Now, with Yoori momentarily not clouding his mind, he wants nothing more than to ravage you. He’s almost certain that if he tried, his lack of experience wouldn’t matter too much. He’s sure his body would be able to act on baser instinct and give you the what you wanted. If you wanted.

Your moans change in pitch and soon he’s aware that this will be the first time he’ll have been privy to someone else’s orgasm in real life. His dick is painfully hard and straining against the jeans he’s wearing. But he forgets the discomfort fast as he watches you grind yourself down against the toy in a way that is absolutely filthy. Your bottom lip, shiny and reddened, is pulled taut between your teeth in ecstasy. Your eyes flutter open and lock with his own. You focus and notice his blown-out pupils look huge within the depths of deep brown irises. There’s no denying he’s turned on once you flick your gaze down to his crotch and see the large tent in his pants.

“I—I think I’m gonna…Oh!” Your leg kicks out on its own like some electric current runs through you. Your voice breaks as the waves of your approaching high begin to take over you. One of his hands inches upwards a bit and strokes the tense muscle near your groin softly, at a loss for words. “Oh god, Jungkook, you—” keening, your eyes roll into the back of your head.

One of your hands reaches up to squeeze at his bicep as he’s leaning over you. He wonders in the back of his mind when he got so close to you. Your leg hooks around him like it has a mind of it’s own and tugs him down, forcing him to topple over you. That’s the last straw and you sob from the intense pleasure. Meanwhile your warmth and proximity and your words prove to be a deadly combination and within seconds he’s spilling over himself in his boxers, untouched. He lets out a low groan that puffs against the side of your neck.

You both sit there and breathe for a long while, catching your breath and coming back down to earth. He sits up eventually and pulls away from you, leaving you cold. Your legs flop from around him heavily. You’re a bit irritated when you realize you won’t be able to walk normally for a while. He discretely wipes his hands off on your duvet while you wipe at the sweat soaking your hairline.

“That’s it, that’s the show,” you finally say.

He shoots up and looks at you anxiously. It’s cute. “You mean until next time, right?”

His eyes are wide and imploring as he hovers over by you. He looks a bit like a turtle from this angle. A cute one, though. One that you want to play with again next week. You nod even though he might have all that he needs to do well with Yoori, being the fast learner that he is.

“I guess so. Same time, next week. Do some research for next time maybe. Make sure it’s from something not involving the medical library.”

“Got it!” He turns and waits until you’re not looking to adjust his pants.

You notice his hair is sticking to his forehead when he finally stands up. And there’s a cowlick sticking up in the back that reminds you of middle school Jungkook, before he met Yoori. The idea of the other girl, the girl he’s really in love with, dims your post-coital glow. Although, you suppose you have her to thank for this evening’s events. How else could you have ever managed a one-sided romp in the sheets with your long-time crush?

Both of you take turns using the bathroom to clean up. While he hums in time with washing up, you slip panties on and debate about whether or not to throw your sweats back on. You decide that if you’re going to play this off like it hasn’t changed your relationship, you should put pants back on.He comes out looking pink and clean and you want to pull him back into your bed and wrap yourself around him. 

To protect his glasses from the dangers of the bathroom, he left them in your room. Squinting, he walks with hands out to collect them. When he puts them on he doesn’t look at you and instead pulls his phone out of his pocket and swipes around while leaving the room.

“Heading out,” you ask with a quasi-disinterested tone.

“Yeah, I remembered I have to run the Saturday tutoring session this week. So I might as well go home so I can get ready for that. You should come, you know. Your test scores dropped 2 points this week.” Typical Jungkook. He couldn’t ever fully leave TA mode.

You roll your eyes. “Thanks for the reminder, but that’s still an A.”

“Maybe we can try this again next week the same time?”

“Yeah, uh, okay.”

“Cool, I’ll put it on my calendar.” He lifts his phone to his face to tell the digital assistant to pencil you in for next week. You try not to grimace at becoming a date in his calendar app.

“Get out already, you nerd.” You push him out after he puts his coat back on, but you do watch out the window to make sure his taxi comes.

#btssmutclub #bangtan bookclub #networkbangtan #bttnetwork #btswriters #bts smut #bangtan fanfic #bangtan imagines #bangtan scenario #bts fanfic #bts scenarios #bts imagines #jungkook imagine #jungkook fanfic #jungkook scenario

[squishyocalum]

Never {Three}

••Full credit to gif owner••

This one is my favorite chapter so far

It’s been a month since Calum and I decided to give this a shot. Honestly I thought he would have gotten tired of me by now but it’s like he can’t get enough of being around me - but you won’t see me complaining. Today is the first day of our senior year, no one except for the guys knew that Calum and I were together and if I knew Calum at all then everyone would know by the end of the day.

I’m wearing a pair of black skinny jeans, black and white ‘old skool’ Vans, my shirt was just a plain yellow crop top with a black tank top tucked into the band of my pants; my black hair was straightened falling to the middle of my back and my phone was placed in my back pocket with earbuds attached and streaming music through my ears.

With around 30 minutes left before I had to be on the way to school I decided to stop by the donut shop down the road and grab a sausage biscuit. My dad was waiting in the living room for me as I bounded down the stairs. Usually he would be gone by now, but seeing as it’s my last first day of highschool, he made an exception.

“You look beautiful, Pumpkin.” I grinned at him pulling him into a hug.

“Dad, I’m like 17 years old. Can we not keep calling me Pumpkin?”

“Keep rubbing it in my face that you’re about to be an adult and I swear Thalia I will take your car and drive you to school everyday for the rest of the year.”

He was joking of course, humor laced his voice, but I knew he was sad about me growing up. Ever since mom died he’s dreaded me leaving the house.

“Okay, you can call me whatever you want, but please don’t take baby.”

I clutched my keys and he shoved me softly, I could see tears building in his eyes now.

“Dad, don’t cry.”

“Your mom would be so proud of you.”

“Well I mean I could still drop out, start hanging out with that Hood kid again.” I joked, not at all blind to the irony of that sentence. Now wasn’t the best time but I was testing the water to see if he still felt the same about Calum.

“If you dropped out, I would hope you would have better taste than that.” He said while he followed me to the door “Now go get some food, I don’t need you starving on me.”

“I wouldn’t starve if you’d cook every once in a while.” I sang, walking off of the porch.

“Yeah and I wouldn’t have grey hair if I didn’t have you.”

I rolled my eyes and sat down in my car, I started it before buckling my seatbelt and plugging in my aux cord. I noticed a text from Calum on the screen and quickly made sure my dad was back inside before checking it.

Cal - Hey, are we still meeting at Shipleys before school

Me - Yeah I’m on my way now

I put my phone in my cup holder and put my car in reverse accelerating down the driveway. I didn’t even get out of the neighborhood before traffic started to ruin my morning. From busses picking up kids, to new drivers not knowing what in the hell they’re doing I was ready to pull my hair out. It took me about eight minutes to get to the small donut shop, when I pulled into the parking lot I saw Calum leaning on his 67’ Impala staring down at his phone. He was wearing black skinny jeans, a black Green Day shirt, black and white hightop converse, and his hair was styled in a quiff. I pulled up next to him snapping his attention from his screen and he smiled through my window at me. As soon as I stepped out of my car he pulled me into his arms.

“I missed you.” He mumbled into the side of my neck

“Cal, it’s been two days.”

“I could be really cheesy and say two days without you is like two years but-”

“Ew. We aren’t in a fanfiction Calum. Calm down.” I laughed and grabbed his hand pulling him through the double doors of the shop.

We sat down, both of us having sausage biscuits and juice.

“So do I just not get a good morning kiss?” He laughed scooting closer to me in the booth.

“Mmm I gotta think about that.”

He scoffed and placed his pointer finger and thumb on my chin pushing my head gently towards him. I smiled up at him as his moved his hand to cup my jaw and attach our lips. I would be lying if I said I didn’t want to skip school and go back to his house with him. Not to do anything but just simply to be with him, there’s a huge chance that we won’t have any classes together and neither of us are happy about it.

“How likely do you think it is that your dad lets you hang out with Becca after school?”

“If I play it right, there’s a very high chance.”

-------

Calabasas High School is the only place or thing in this world that I can genuinely say that I hate. Walking into the school with Calum by my side was a little better though, and knowing that we would be meeting the boys in the cafeteria was even better. We could find most of our schedules on the school website but most of them weren’t official, that’s why the student body was gathered in the cafeteria that morning. Tables lined the walls with letters printed on bright pieces of paper taped to the walls above them, administrators stood at the head of the table asking for last names and handing out those damned slips of paper.

“Thalia! Calum!” Ashtons voice carried through the large room “We’re over here!” Calum extended his neck to look through the crowd and spotted them over by the ‘I-K’ table. As we pulled through the crowd of people with our hands locked together Calum noticed some people staring and whispering amongst themselves. He didn’t laugh about it or flip them off like usual, instead he undid our hands and shoved them firmly to his side. My face twisted in confusion, but I didn’t let it go to my head.

“Holy shit, we’re seniors.” Luke said with a wide smile on his face, Mikey laughed and flung his arm over my shoulder.

“One more year until college.” He sang in my ear.

“Yeah yeah get off of me so I can go get my schedule.”

I shoved him off jokingly and glanced over at Calum for a moment. I thought about asking him to come with me but his efforts to avoid eye contact were enough to sway me from that decision.

I stood awkwardly in the ‘A-C’ line staring at my phone. For three and a half years at least one of the boys have been by my side almost all the time. Being surrounded by all these people with all the guys across the room is just weird.

“Last name please.” Mrs. Brown asked when I found myself at the front of the line

“Baker.”

“Nathalia?”

“Yes ma’am.”

She grabbed a slip of paper and handed it to me with a smile on her face. I returned the smile and turned to walk away, I was promptly stopped when I bumped into someone.

“Oh shit, I’m sorry.”

“Watch where you’re going.” The voice scoffed. I looked up and saw Audrey standing with her arms crossed over her chest and a sneer plastered on her face. It’s the first day of school, and there is no way in hell that I’m letting my day be ruined by her of all people.

“Sorry, have a good day.” I smiled cocking my head to the side and walking away. The boys were all standing in a circle looking at their schedules and when I made my way over to them Calum was the first one to notice me.

“Princess,” He smiled over to me “What lunch do you have?”

“Second.”

“Oh thank God.” Ashton breathed out “The group is safe for the semester.”

“So I’m assuming we all have second lunch?”

“Yup, now what do your classes look like?” Calum asked and pulled me into his lap.

“I have english first period, Trigonometry second, Biology third, Psychology fourth, then lunch. I get out after lunch, but do we have any of those four together?”

“We have every single one of those classes together except for Psychology, babe.”

I smiled and then looked over at the other boys, silently asking them the same question. Michael was the first one to respond telling me that we had Psychology together. Turns out that Ashton and Luke have Trig with Calum and I; and Luke and Calum both got out after lunch with me.

~~~~~~~~~~~

All the classes that passed before Psychology were a blur, for lack of a better word, even though I liked my teachers I just wasn’t interested in the subjects. I planned on majoring in Psychology when I got to college though so I could already tell this was going to be my favorite class.

The bell rang signaling all of us to take our seats, I sat in the middle of the class next to Michael and a light skinned girl with the most beautiful hair I think I’ve ever seen.

Listen. I am a sucker for ethnic hair.

“Good afternoon class, My name is Mr. Rogers and I will be you Psych teacher this year.” The man turned to reveal dark brown eyes and a nicely kept beard. He was unloading his bag onto the desk at the front of the classroom, pulling out a computer, a notebook, and a phone. “Let’s start with the cliches, starting from the first person in row one everyone stand up and tell us your name, and one fact about you. We’ll go to the back and circle back to the front.”

The class groaned at the instruction, but that didn’t sway the man’s decision. So as he sat down in his rolling chair and propped his feet on top on the desk the first student stood to her feet; she looked rather nervous and seeing as how I have never once seen her around this school I’m just assumed she was new.

“Hi, uhm. My name is Kaitlin - but I go by KayKay. And I just moved here from Texas.”

See I knew she was new. The next few people went at a boring pace, I knew almost all of these kids, and most of their facts were their ages or their pets names. Like come one, think of something original. We got to the third row about three seats in when Arzaylea stood up with an annoying smile plastered on her equally annoying face.

“Hi, My name is Arzaylea, or Arzay, and I-”

“Like to cheat on great guys.” I mumbled loud enough for about half of the class to hear it causing them to turn to me with shocked expressions.

“What did you just say?” She scoffed moving to place her hand on the table next to her supporting her standing position.

“I said I like cheese whiz, bitch.”

“Okay, so this got passionate quick. Moving along swiftly. Who’s next?” The teacher asked in an all too amused voice. When the next person stood to go , I believe it was Derek Green , I pulled my phone out and noticed a message from Michael.

Shicken Nugget - K but it’s so not fair that the other guys weren't here to see that.

Me - It’ll be okay.

Shicken Nugget - You should’ve punched her

Me - maybe next time

Shicken Nugget - Just let me know beforehand so I can record it and hold it close to my heart forever

I scoffed at the message and looked over to him, he was trying his best to not laugh at my reaction. Before I knew it the girl in front of me stood up and introduced herself. Prompting little ole me to think of my one fact. I stood up on my turn and spoke.

“My name is Nathalia Baker, Thalia. And I-”

“Sleep with four guys because I have no other friends and they wouldn’t keep me around if I didn’t.” Arzaylea didn’t even bother to mumble, she just straight up said it. A knot formed in the pit of my stomach as amused faces moved to stare at me. I cannot go through this rumor again. I saw Mikey move his phone up his chest very obviously recording, and I knew I had to make this juicy.

“I mean lucky for me that’s a very false rumor. Sadly for you, your Chlamydia is very very real.” I chose to ignore the look on her face and turned back to the teacher with a small smile. “But anyways, I’m taking this class because I plan to major in Psych when I get to college.”

I sat back down with a smug smile on my face, the look on Michael's face was priceless, and I couldn’t help but literally cackle at it.

~~~~~~~~

“I’m just ready for the best nap ever.” Calum groaned tugging me closer to him and burying his face into my neck.

“I miss my bed.” I mumbled back

“Don’t you mean my bed?”

“No, babe, I mean I miss my bed.”

I pulled away from him and moved away. Thanks to Arzaylea there was a good chance that the one rumor that literally almost forced me into homeschooling could be starting back up.

I mean, I couldn’t even walk down the hall to the bathroom in one of the guys hoodies without being called a slut. Just imagine what would be said if they found out Calum and I were actually a thing.

“Dudes. She did the funniest shit in fourth period.” Michael laughed pulling his phone out and clicking on the video. “Okay so, bitch brought up that rumor that Audrey started a couple years ago and Thalia literally slaughtered her.”

We listened to the short video and Luke choked on his pizza. Calum laughed, but he didn’t miss the opportunity to look over to me with a worried look on his face.

“You did not!” He laughed allowing his deep dimples to pop. “Did she do anything?”

“I mean she like glared at me, but what else was she going to do? I’m not fighting her and risking my scholarship.”

“That’s my smart girl.” Calum moved to place his hand on my thigh but I pushed it away.

“I’m going to head home and start on the english paper.” I shuffled to push my notebook into my bag and grab my keys “I’ll see you guys tomorrow.” I avoided eye contact with all of them but I in no way missed their worried expressions. I made it halfway through the parking lot before I heard Ashton running after me.

“Thalia! Hey, are you okay? You seem off.”

“I’m fine, Ash. Today just didn’t...go the way I thought it would.” I kept my eyes leveled with the ground and my hands gripped tightly to the strap of my bag.

“Well do you want to go out with the guys and I tonight? We were going to go see a movie-”

“No. I have to get a head start on this paper.”

I didn’t give him a chance to say anything back, instead I glanced up quickly just and caught sight of Calum trying to make his way to me. My body turned itself around despite what my heart wanted and walked itself to my car.

I love all four of those boys, I love them so much. Even though the rumors don’t bother me as much as they used to I can’t keep myself from thinking about what would happen when people do find out that Calum and I are dating, would they get worse? Would they go away?

I’ve got one year left in this school, so maybe it would be better if I distanced myself.

#calumhood #michael 5sos #luke 5sos #calum 5sos #5sosimagines #ashton irwin #luke hemmings #michael clifford #5sos #ashton 5sos #5sosau #5secondsofsummer #new book #series

[etherealblasphemy]

Falling Slowly

So I made a thing because pre-calc sucks and I wish it were summer already.

(based off the song “Falling Slowly” from the musical Once- go check it out, it’s awesome!) (apologies if the text messaging is difficult to understand. i spent an hour trying to format it in HTML but that didn’t work so here we are.)

update: here’s where you can read the sequel, Africa!

…

“I don’t know you,

But I want you”

…

   He knew he should’ve brought an umbrella. He had glanced up at the darkening sky as he closed the door of his townhouse and shrugged, figuring it was simply overcast, as it had been for the past week. He hadn’t expected his bus to be more than half an hour late, nor had he expected for the clouds to open up and let out a torrent of rain beating down on the roof of the little shelter. The bakery wasn’t more than a minute’s walk away from the stop he got off at, but he would’ve preferred keeping his hair dry.

   Virgil pulled out his phone once more, trying to update the bus schedule to see how much longer he’d have to wait for the absent bus. Out of the corner of his eyes, he saw someone sit down on the other end of the bench, dripping wet and coughing. He chanced a look at them and nearly dropped his phone in the puddle of rainwater at his feet.

  The man was gorgeous. His skin was perfectly smooth, almost like a statue sculpted by the gods. His hair was soaking wet, droplets of water rolling down his face as he flicked his head, throwing the curly brown locks out of his eyes. A tooth peeked out of his lips, biting down on the pink flesh as a soft sigh escaped his mouth. His eyes- holy shit, his eyes- were the color of hazelnuts, full of warmth and laughter and met his for a fraction of a second before they flickered to the rain pouring from the heavens like the tears of some divine being.

   The man slipped off a red jacket, shaking it. Virgil continued to watch him out of the corner of his eyes, entranced with this beautiful newcomer. His phone buzzed, making him yelp as he saw a text message appear on the lock screen.

   “Hey, kiddo! I checked WMATA’s website, your bus seems to have broken down about a mile away! They’ve almost got it fixed, it shouldn’t be more than 30, but i thought i’d let you know so you don’t worry! See you at the bakery, kiddo!! :DDDD!!!” it read. Virgil smiled at his friend’s kindness, almost able to hear Patton right behind him, telling another awful dad joke that would still make him snort.

   At least he knew now when the bus would come. He felt his gaze wander back towards the pretty man, a blush creeping onto his pale cheeks as he caught notice of the man’s tight white shirt slightly tugging at the muscles underneath.

   “Dammit, Logan,” he whispered, adjusting his shirt. “I told you, this is a hand wash shirt; it can’t be thrown in with the colors, it’ll just shrink.” Virgil would never admit it, but he secretly thanked whoever this Logan person was for making the shirt caress the planes of his body just so, altering his mortal appearance into that of a god. The blush on his face spread to his collarbones. Ah, fuck.

   Virgil averted his eyes, dragging them back his phone were they should be. If he focused enough, he could hear the man’s quiet breaths over the sound of the patter of raindrops. NO. No. No, Virgil, show some restraint. He stared intently at the little white lights on the screen, willing the little butterflies in his stomach to fuck off. His last relationship hadn’t ended well, to say the least.

   He jammed earbuds into his pierced ears, playing his list of rainy day songs on shuffle. He nearly gagged as the first song turned out to Falling Slowly. The first line, mournful and bittersweet, swam through his ears as his eyes glanced back to the man sitting opposite-

   Holy shit.

   Virgil blinked hard, tilting his head more to confirm, yes, really, the man had scooted down the bench. Closer to him. He made some awkward sound of surprise, grabbing the man’s attention.

   “Bless you,” he mumbled as Virgil muttered a thank you, hiding his blushing head in the blinding lights of social media. The man fiddled with the arms of his jacket as Virgil watched from the corner of his eyes.

   Virgil’s heart was hammering. Ooh, he was in deep. Chewing his lip, he sent an SOS to Patton.

[chat log: he regretti the spaghetti]

chemically imbalanced: patton help cute boy @ bus stop

he regretti the spaghetti: Omigosh WHAT?!! PICS PLEASE

[chemically imbalanced has sent one image]

chemically imbalanced: sorry quality sucks

he regretti the spaghetti: Don’t tell me you’re crushing…?

chemically imbalanced: fuck that sixth sense of yours

and.

yes. i think i’m crushing

he regretti the spaghetti: JSABJGFHKJ YES

WAIT TIL I TELL REMY

chemically imbalanced: he scooted closer, what do?

he regretti the spaghetti: Scoot closer, of course!

chemically imbalanced: WAT. 

NONONONO WHAT IF HE FINDS IT WEIRD?

he regretti the spaghetti: Virge.

i can hear your typing from here,

Don’t worry!

I will physically fight him if he hurts my son

chemically imbalanced: pfft

shit i think he heard me laugh

eeeerrrrgh he’s smiling at his phone what if he has a bf????

he regretti the spaghetti: Well you can break them apart! :D

chemically imbalanced: patton wtf

he regretti the spaghetti: I’m kidding! :)

Anyways

Back on subject

SCOOT.

THE BOOTCH.

chemically imbalanced: if i move closer will you never use that phrase again

he regretti the spaghetti: DEAL :D

   Virgil sighed as he turned off his phone, feeling his anxiety swell. He gave him a side glance and saw him still entranced with his phone, shaking his head as he let out a little sigh. If he actually did have a boyfriend… he shut down that thought.

   He took a deep breath. Here goes nothing. Slowly, he shuffled down the bench as his anxiety screamed this was a horrible idea. He kept his eyes trained on the falling rain, chewing his lip faster as he stilled his movements, his eyes flickering quickly to the man, who hadn’t looked up from his phone.

   All at once, the silence was interrupted by a loud voice. Virgil startled, clapping a hand over his mouth to muffle his shriek. The man sheepishly answers the call, cutting off General Shang in the middle of his belting as Virgil paused the music he was listening to.

   “‘Sup, Logan?” he answered. Oh, God. Logan might be his boyfriend, which would explain why he was washing this man’s clothes, though maybe they were roommates, but maybe he actually- Virgil let out a whistle of air between his teeth, breathing firmly.

   “Oh, come on, nerd, I’m not that late to band practice… Well, it’s not my fault the bus broke down! ...Yeah… Elliot’s on their way, they shot me a text just now.” So that’s who had him smiling at his phone. Were they…? “Yeah, they were telling about some more of October’s antics. I swear, that kid has too much energy for the morning. Apparently they met some kid named Ed in school yesterday and wouldn’t stop talking about hamsters or something? I’m not really sure what happened.” The man laughed, throwing his head back, flicking away the rain that still clung to his hair.

   Virgil felt his heart skip a beat. Oh, sweet MCR, he was cute.

   “Don’t you fret, dear noble,” the man said suddenly in a theatrical manner. “Your prince shall arrive to rescue from distress!” Virgil unconsciously scooted closer to hear Logan’s response.

   “...last name…” was all he heard.

   Virgil crossed his legs, hoping to draw attention away from his colored cheeks. He studied an ad on the side of the bus shelter, promoting a new show at the local theater. Maybe he’d check it out.

   “Alright, Calculator, I gotta go. Keep that guitar tuned for me!” The man gave another chuckle that gave Virgil a storm of butterflies in his stomach. With a start, he realized he had moved closer to the man, almost able to reach out and touch this divine figure sitting beside him.

   He pretended to look for the bus, stealing a glance at the man. Up close, Virgil could see hints of a golden eyeliner, making his hazelnuts eyes stand out against dark eyelashes that enticed Virgil to touch them and see just how soft they were. His eyes seemed to smile at Virgil, promising him a tomorrow and a today and a yesterday and an always.

[chat log: he regretti the spaghetti]

chemically imbalanced: i swear on the holy emo trinity i’m love with him

he regretti the spaghetti: Woah, that’s pretty serious, Virge

Are you sure, kiddo?

After, y’know...

chemically imbalanced: i don’t know

...

what am i supposed to do?

he regretti the spaghetti: Try talking with him

chemically imbalanced: holy shit he just scooted

we’re almost touching

he regretti the spaghetti: IS THIS A DRILL

VIRGE, THIS IS GREAT!!

chemically imbalanced: NO IT’S NOT

WHAT IF I LED HIM ON AND HE GETS MAD

he regretti the spaghetti: If he’s a good person, he won’t

Good people understand if you explain

chemically imbalanced: HOLY FUCK HIS HAND IS JUST THERE

AT HIS SIDE

LIKE HE WANTS TO HOLD MINE

he regretti the spaghetti: THIS IS NOT A DRILL

I REPEAT, THIS IS NOT jfhgashel

chemically imbalanced: patton?

he regretti the spaghetti: vee, it’s remy get to work and stop distracting patton

chemically imbalanced: yessir

he regretti the spaghetti: and you better tell me everything when you get here

chemically imbalanced: fuck

   He was breathing too fast. His heart was beating too hard. His mind was racing. His cheeks were blushing. He could hear Patton in the back of his mind, telling him to breathe. To focus on one thing and one thing only. He concentrated on the rain, still pouring from the sky like whoever was up there had a broken heart.

   He unpaused his music, the sounds of Glen Hansard and Marketa Irglova crooning together filling his ears as he tuned out everything else- except the man beside him. His hand was right there. Right. There.

   Virgil swallowed thickly, and dared to put his hand down on the bench. He held his breath. He could see the man’s hand out of the corner of his eye. Their pinkies had but a breath between them. If any one of them moved, their hands would touch. The thought made his heart skip a beat, and made his stomach crawl. What the hell had he gotten himself into?

   He saw movement and panicked.

   He stood up suddenly, startling the man, who yanked his hand away as if it had been bitten by some venomous creature. “I’m sorry,” he blurted out, hating how his voice noticeably cracked. Virgil grabbed his bag and ran, the rain soaking his face mixing with the storm pouring out from his eyes.

…

“Raise your hopeful voice

You had the choice

You’ve made it now”

…

   Others would have been brokenhearted. Even others would have been mad, distraught, or confused. But not Roman. He took it as a challenge, this mysterious shadowling who had fled from the bus shelter, soaking his beautiful ebony locks tied back in a small ponytail at the nape of his neck.

   Every day, he went back to the bus stop. Normally he’d walk to band practice, but after that chance encounter with fledgeling thunderstorm, he couldn’t help himself from going back to the bus stop everyday to see if the man who listened to Falling Slowly loud enough for him to hear was back. Something in him yearned to see his enigmatic eyes again, to unravel all the secrets of this pretty mystery, to learn his name and treasure it like gold.

   It had been almost a month now. Either the guy had just been looking for an escape from the downpour, or he was avoiding Roman. Roman didn’t know which thought made his heart hurt more.

   Roman walked sullenly to the bus stop today. It was overcast and chilly, much like that fateful day, and the gloom of the world was starting to make him doubt that the shadowling would ever turn up again. He looked up from the slate sidewalk as he neared the stop and choked on his breath.

   There he was, lissome as always, the tintinnabulation of his earrings enrapturing Roman immediately. He was focused on his phone, typing away rapidly. Roman sighed happily, sitting down on the bench opposite this enigma as discreetly as possible.

[chat log: dic(k)tionary]

prince charming: Logan.

Logan.

Logan!

dic(k)tionary: I’m not talking until you tell me where my glasses are.

prince charming: NO TIME LOGAN

HE’S HERE <333333

dic(k)tionary: Who?

Oh, is it ‘Hot Topic’?

prince charming: Obviously hun

[prince charming has sent one image]

dic(k)tionary: If you want advice, give it up.

Where are my glasses, you CENTURION?

prince charming: *sigh*

they’re in your I Believe mug.

dic(k)tionary: Thank you.

And also why did you actually type out “*sigh*”?

prince charming: Why do you actually type out grammar corrections?

dic(k)tionary): Fair enough.

My advice to you is to see what he does.

Perhaps you were being too forward last time.

Let him make the first move.

If he shows indications of romantic interest,

you can take things from there.

See you at band practice.

…

Good luck. :)

prince charming: WHY DIDN’T I THINK OF THAT THANK YOU

THIS IS WHY WE’RE FRIENDS

LOVE YOU NERD

:DDD <3333

   Oh. Now he had to wait. Great.

   Roman twiddled his thumbs as he leaned back against the bench, sighing. He peeked at the mysterious man, who had yet to look up from his phone. He looked up towards the sky, which was growing darker and darker by the second. Good thing he brought an umbrella.

   As it would turn out, the bus was late again, up to its usual antics, as per usual. Roman saw the first few drops of rain splatter the pavement a few minutes later, the calming pitter-patter soon escalating to a full-on northern downpour.

   He chanced a glimpse at the one he had fondly nicknamed Hot Topic and felt his heart sink. Nothing had changed. Should he really wait for Hot Topic to make the first move? What if Roman had been leading the poor man on? He brushed his curly bangs out of his face, deflating. Perhaps the man didn’t even like, and the whole thing had been a trick of the mind-

   He heard something shuffle. His eyes went wide, his breath hitching, his heart swelling with the possibility that maybe, just maybe, this whole not-exactly-a-plan of his would work. He waited a beat before briefly turning his head to look. His heart soared, an eagle navigating the dusty skies of the savanna.

   Hot Topic had slid down the bench, still as a statue as though waiting for some sort of reaction from Roman. Holy shit. Holy shit, this was happening. He wasn’t dreaming, of that he was sure. Roman let out a breathy giggle, quiet beneath the steady drumming of rain on the roof of the bus shelter.

[chat log: dic(k)tionary]

prince charming: LOGAN HE DID IT

HE SLID CLOSER

WHAT SHOULD I DO???

dic(k)tionary: I told you.

“If he shows indications of romantic interest,

you can take things from there.”

prince charming: BUT WHAT DO I DO

dic(k)tionary: Roman.

You do whatever your heart tells you.

For lack of a better word,

duh.

   Roman held his breath, and moved over on the bench. He could feel his palms sweating beyond belief as he bounced his leg rapidly in hopes of quelling the anxiety rising up inside him. He let out a rush of air. Do what his heart told him, eh?

   Well, his heart told him to run off with this dream of a man, riding upon a majestic horse off into the sunset of a thousand hues. And Roman was pretty sure that’s not what Logan had meant.

   His attention was grabbed by someone coughing. He looked up at the man and held his gaze, his eyes met two violet irises filled with wonder and hope that whispered to him tales of a day by the beach, resting in each other’s arms, of a day in bed, cuddling together, of a day spent sneaking glances at each other when the other wasn’t looking, creeping closer together on a bench of a bus shelter they just happened to be in together on a rainy day.

   They broke their gaze at the same time, faces flushing with color and painted with hopeful smiles. Roman was struck with an idea. He took a deep breath and began to sing. “Take this sinking boat and point it home, we’ve still got time.” He heard a gasp from the pretty mystery as he joined in.

   “Raise your hopeful voice, you had the choice, you’ve made it now.” Without thinking, Roman slid the remaining distance to the man and crashed into him, the touch of their shoulders electrifying and invigorating and everything he ever hoped it would be.

   They finished the song, falling into silence that brought youthful hearts to the brink of madness, wondering who would speak first.

   Roman’s hand fell back to bench, jolting slightly when it touched warm flesh rather than the cold bench. He saw the pale hand and followed the path of the arm attached to it to meet with those awe-inspiring violet eyes that made his heart tremble with want.

   He knew what he had to do.

   He turned his whole body towards this mysterious man and stuck out his hand, smiling genuinely. “My name is Roman Prince. What’s yours?”

   The rain calmed down, two crepuscular rays of light breaking through the storm clouds to greet the two strangers waiting side by side at bus stop, strangers no longer, but two people falling slowly.

…

“Falling slowly

sing your melody

I'll sing along”

…

#prinxiety #fanfic #Sanders Sides #Sanders Sides AU #human AU #falling slowly #my writing #Virgil Sanders #Roman Sanders #look at my references #I tried to format it all cool and fancy but tumblr said fuck that #so now I just spent half an hour of my life adding chat names #and I don't regret a single thing #Patton Sanders #Logan Sanders

[autumnslance]

A Lore Nerd’s Analysis of Oaths and Warriors of Light in D&D and FFXIV

This is @wearepaladin‘s fault. Kinda. Actually, I’ve been planning on doing something for awhile, and the idea began to solidify more in a r/ffxiv thread where someone asked “Anyone notice Dark Knight is more like a traditional Paladin lore wise?” My own comment can be found here, where I say I’ve been long thinking of the ways the Dark Knights and Paladins of Eorzea match up to the various Paladin Sacred Oaths of Dungeons & Dragons 5th edition. I figured I ought to expand on that sooner or later.

So yeah, “I’m your host LynMars/Dark Autumn, you can go below the cut for my TEDTalk on the Warrior of Light, Dark Knights, Paladins, and the Sacred Oaths of D&D 5e”:

Now, as a disclaimer, I have not completed the Paladin quest chains yet. I am nearly to the end of the original lvl 30-50 A Realm Reborn (ARR) chain, though, and since I usually don’t care too much about spoilers, already know what’s going to happen. Partially because I could easily guess and so just looked over the chain info. Anyway.

Paladin (PLD) is a traditional sword-and-shield wielding class of holy light users in Final Fantasy, like in most settings. In FFXIV, the primary group of paladins is the Sultansworn. As the class trainer, Captain Jenlyns Aesc, explains when you first approach him:

“A paladin swears allegiance to the sultanate. A paladin shall be the sword and shield of the sultanate. A paladin defends the people of the realm. Sellswords and gladiators and others of their ilk wield their blades for themselves, but a paladin serves the greater good. Do you understand me?

“The battle arts that the paladin learns have been held secret, nurtured, and perfected within the ranks of the Sultansworn elite for nigh on these six hundred years. Of all those sworn to protect the sultanate--the soldiers, the mounted guards, and the knights--we are the elite of the elite. Our conviction unwavering, our hearts true, our sword skills without peer.

“But the glory of the Sultansworn...Well, much of it is buried in the past now. Our brotherhood grows smaller by the year, we are a shadow of what we once were, and the sultana turns to sellswords to defend her palace. All this, because of one traitor--no, because of a blot of dishonor left by one who shall not be named...And because of him, we have been forced to seek the help of able-bodied adventurers.

“And here you are. We shall instruct you in the paladin military arts. You will not be inducted into the Sultansworn, but serve as a free paladin. However, first you will show us that both your sword and heart have mettle, and you are worthy of the honor.”

So how does this relate to the best-known traditional tabletop RPG? In 5th edition (5e), the traditional classes are handled a little differently than before. To add customization, early in leveling (mostly lvl 3, though a few classes start off right at lvl 1), players can choose a type of their class they want to be; what Bard College they study, what Cleric Domain they know, what Druid Circle they are attuned to, etc. For paladins, they choose a Sacred Oath to swear. This gives them their moral code to follow in the service of their deity or ideal that grants them their divine abilities, while also loosening some of the constraints of the old alignment system, and gives both players and game masters a framework for what the paladin’s behavior should follow, lest they stray and lose their divine favor.

The Sultansworn would fit best into the Oath of the Crown:

Law: The law is paramount. It is the mortar that holds the stones of civilization together, and it must be respected. Loyalty: Your word is your bond. Without loyalty, oaths and laws are meaningless. Courage: You must be willing to do what needs to be done for the sake of order, even in the face of overwhelming odds. If you don't act, then who will? Responsibility: You must deal with the consequences of your actions, and you are responsible for fulfilling your duties and obligations.

This oath is for those paladins “sworn to the ideals of civilization, be it the spirit of a nation, fealty to a sovereign, or service to a deity of law and rulership.” (Sword Coast Adventurer Guide, pg 132). As the name implies, the Sultansworn are dedicated to Ul’dah and the Sultan(a) sitting on the throne. As the Sultansworn train free paladins, however, the Oath of the Crown doesn’t apply. A free paladin, Solkzagyl Keltnaglsyn, challenges the player:

“Simply learning paladin swordplay does not make you a paladin--nor does the armor you wear, or the status you claim...Strike off the shackles that bind your spirit, lift the visor that blinds, and find the true path of the paladin.”

Free paladins would fit better under the more traditional Oath of Devotion, from the Player’s Handbook (PHB):

Honesty: Don't lie or cheat. Let your word be your promise. Courage: Never fear to act, though caution is wise. Compassion: Aid others, protect the weak, and punish those who threaten them. Show mercy to your foes, but temper it with wisdom. Honor: Treat others with fairness, and let your honorable deeds be an example to them. Do as much good as possible while causing the least amount of harm. Duty: Be responsible for your actions and their consequences, protect those entrusted to your care, and obey those who have just authority over you.

All the things the Sultansworn strive for, but without the strictures of devoted service to the sultanate. The Knights of Ishgard (often called Temple Knights if part of their military), though not called paladins in game, can also fall into one of these two oaths. In fact, let’s turn to the Holy See of Ishgard now...

(Aside: “But LynMars,” you might say. “My Warrior of Light doesn’t fit either of those Oaths.” Hold that thought for the end, fam.)

So where do Dark Knights fit in? Why consider them “paladins” in all but name?

Dark Knights (DRK) are from Ishgard, like the Temple Knights; most knights of the Holy See should fit into Crown or Devotion, especially with the emphasis on the worship of Halone the Fury, one of Eorzea’s Twelve gods. But, sometimes...holy men aren’t so holy, especially when so many are younger sons sent to the Church because there’s just no other place for them in the noble household structure. When many are orphaned poor joining out of desperation--and finding they’re still given short shrift over their nobleborn brethren. When sometimes, those in power are corrupted by power, or were corrupted to begin with. What then?

I already have a post about the historical origins of Dark Knights in Eorzea, from the Encyclopaedia Eorzea lore book and the official website. In summary, a lowborn knight, Ser Tryphaniel, solid and true and everything a knight ought to be, saw a priest doing unspeakably evil things to a child. Tryphaniel killed the priest on the spot in rage, and as a result--and thanks to Tryphaniel’s unpopularity among the elite due to his staunch beliefs--the knight was stripped of his rank for killing a “holy man.” Tryphaniel gave up his shield, with its crest and symbology, and used only a great sword.

“A heart bleeds, a man weeps, a soul burns. Thence comes the darkness, to consume…Yet even in the depths, the flame endures…Submit to the flame and harness the abyss…” - Ser Ompagne Deepblack

The Dark Knights appear as heretical monsters to the pious of Ishgard. Their abilities are given names such as “Souleater”, “Abyssal Drain”, “Salted Earth,” “Bloodspiller”, “Shadow Wall,” “Living Dead.” They glow with red and black energy. Ser Tryphaniel decided to fight using “any means necessary” in his crusade to protect those the Church could/would not, the great swords of those few Dark Knights acting as beacons in the dark. Those he trained, those also disaffected by the Church and the corruption in its heart (the plot of Heavensward addresses that), followed in his bloody footsteps.

Dark Knights fit perfectly into the framework of the Oath of Vengeance:

Fight the Greater Evil: Faced with a choice of fighting sworn foes or combating a lesser evil, I choose the greater evil. No Mercy for the Wicked: Ordinary foes might win my mercy, but my sworn enemies do not. By Any Means Necessary: My qualms can't get in the way of exterminating my foes. Restitution: If my foes wreak ruin on the world, it is because I failed to stop them. I must help those harmed by their misdeeds.

This is still a paladin oath from the PHB. The Oath of Vengeance is described as “a solemn commitment to punish those who have committed a grievous sin.” The PHB even says Vengeance Paladins are “sometimes called avengers or dark knights--their own purity is not as important as delivering justice.”

“To walk the path is to suffer. To sacrifice. Justice demands no less. But we must never lose sight of why we chose to walk it.” - Sidurgu Orl

I rather like @castthemintotheabyss’ low-spoiler summaries of the DRK quest chains. Identity and duty to yourself vs others; family and justice vs vengeance and mercy; to guilt and grief and acceptance of self.

Dark Knights are considered “edge lords” and “emo” and “gothy” and sure, some of that is true to an extent! But this is a class where the capstone lvl 70 ability, “The Blackest Night”, is a protection cooldown based on love. The “flame in the abyss” is the love the DRK feels for those dearest to their heart, their friends and found family--that is what fuels their darkly named and appearing powers.

If you’ve done the DRK quests, and/or don’t mind some spoilers, I highly recommend @haillenarte‘s translations (part 1, part 2) of the original Japanese text for the ARR DRK quests; the English version is rather different, though I think there’s room for both interpretations of Fray to inform each other. I’m also eager to see translations of later quests in this chain (and how the Stormblood NPC matches up).

I also have a Dark Knight tag where I link some of these resources, thoughts, art, and summarize several of the DRK story quests to be minimally spoilery and showcase how the WoL progresses through the self-reflection these quest enforce (kinda amazing for a MMO, actually). I originally completed the lvl 30-70 quests between October-November 2017, if you check the archive.

“They say the war’s over now, but it never ends for people like you, does it?” - Lowdy

There is one more oath I would like to touch on, due to the unique nature of the player character--the Warrior of Light (WoL)--in ANY of the FFXIV jobs, and how the game’s canon generally tends to assume they’ll roughly behave:

Oath of the Ancients: Kindle the Light: Through your acts of mercy, kindness, and forgiveness, kindle the light of hope in the world, beating back despair. Shelter the Light: Where there is good, beauty, love, and laughter in the world, stand against the wickedness that would swallow it. Where life flourishes, stand against the forces that would render it barren. Preserve Your Own Light: Delight in song and laughter, in beauty and art. If you allow the light to die in your own heart, you can't preserve it in the world. Be the Light: Be a glorious beacon for all who live in despair. Let the light of your joy and courage shine forth in all your deeds.

I think FFXIV players see how it fits. In D&D 5e, the Oath of Ancients has naturalistic/Fey origins. The PHB describes Oath of the Ancients as:

“...paladins who swear this oath cast their lot with the side of the light in the cosmic struggle against darkness because they love the beautiful and life-giving things of the world, not necessarily because they believe in the principles of honor, courage, and justice.” (pg 86)

The WoL is Chosen of Hydaelyn, the World Crystal Herself. Certain enemies call them the “Bringer of Light.” To other NPCs in the storylines, they are the “Weapon of Light.”

If your Warrior of Light fits Crown, Devotion, or Vengeance, awesome! I hope you find some inspiration in roleplay and/or writing from seeing those oaths and how they can interact with the FFXIV lore. These aren’t even all of the Sacred Oaths, either! There are others out there, some official and some homebrew, and some even for evil characters (traditionally anti-paladins or blackguards).

A big part of me, though, feels like the Warriors of Light in general due to the storyline, are on the path set by the Oath of the Ancients; the WoL goes through the main story as a beacon for others, struggling to preserve the light in others, in themselves--and, in the case of the Dark Knights, in the depths of the abyss.

Still, it’s up to each player, and this is just some personal analysis on how the classes presented in FFXIV coincide with elements in D&D. In the end, it’s something that can be used, or not, as one likes (or not). I’ve just found the comparisons neat and wanted to get it down, and fate kept conspiring to push me to do that until I finally wrote all this. So thanks for reading my rambling on about nerdy things.

#Final Fantasy XIV #Dungeons & Dragons #D&D #Dark Knight #Paladin #Warrior of Light #minimal spoilers

[bitterwholesomegay]

sebastian brother + spirituality headcanons

otherwise known as: one queer exmormon has finally found their fandom niche

tw for descriptions of anxiety/panic attacks, depression, and church-related guilt (but also it’s not all sad, i swear)

(put under a cut bc this got LONG AS HELL)

sebastian brother, even after he’s well and thoroughly questioned the church and their stance on just about everything, doesn’t go looking into church history. autumn tells him where to find the deets on all the sketchy church history stuff, but sebastian...never looks it up.

he feels disillusioned enough as it is, and his family life Revolves around the church. he feels like if he questions the institution itself and not just his relationship to it, he might lose respect for the people he still cares a lot about—even if they’re not his biggest fans right now

even though several of his family members aren’t talking to him (might never talk to him again, as far as he knows), he refuses to become jaded towards them. lots of his friends he’s met through affirmation have distanced themselves from the families they were born into, and more than a few of them try not to care about those people anymore. sebastian totally sees why—kind of wishes he could join them in their not caring—but he can’t. he still cares about them deeply and is still, despite everything that’s happened, trying to think the best of them.

tanner tried to call them “a bunch of homophobic dickwads with all the critical thinking skills of a blind lemming” once, and sebastian fucking lost it. he Insisted they were still good people, and they’re just trying to act according to their moral compass (that happens to be externalized in the form of anything the church says, wHICH WE CAN ARGUE ABOUT LATER, TANNER. THE POINT IS THEY’RE JUST TRYING TO DO WHAT’S RIGHT, FOLLOW THE PROPHET, AND HOLD TO THE IRON ROD.)

privately, he thinks about what tanner said a lot though. he wonders how much prejudice is blindly following the guidance of their leaders. he wonders if they would follow suit if the church made a 180° about-face on their views on homosexuality tomorrow. he wonders if they did if it would make him feel better or worse. on the one hand, it would mean none of this was personal. on the other hand, tanner’s point about lemmings...

sebastian brother doesn’t leave the church immediately. his existential crisis is long and drawn out and filled with guilt and shame—not just for being gay, but also for having a crisis of faith at all.

tanner really doesn’t get it and isn’t always the best at being supportive. gay aunt emily chews him out for it though. (“emily, I’M your nephew, shouldn’t you be giving sebastian the shovel talk, not me?” “nope. you need it more than him.”)

incidentally, gay aunt emily and sebastian end up becoming pretty good friends. she hasn’t engaged with church stuff in years, but someone has to be there for this poor gay mormon boy and if no one else is going to be, then So Help Her God-that-she-no-longer-believes-in, she will.

back to sebastian though

sebastian doesn’t stop going to church right away. he’s wracked with guilt every time he does go, and trying to figure out if he’s worthy of taking the sacrament when he’s sinning but has no intention of stopping is a nightmare, but he still goes.

the first time he goes and doesn’t take the sacrament, he ends up dry-heaving in the men’s room. he misses all of the talks and slinks back in and sits on the back pew during the last verse of the closing hymn. after the closing prayer, he gets up, grabs his scriptures from where he left them, and bolts. he doesn’t stay for the rest of the block.

the first general conference he doesn’t watch, he spends the whole weekend in bed crying. tanner tries to get him to go out with him and let himself have fun and be distracted, tries to get him to the kitchen to eat some soup when the going out plan clearly isn’t gonna happen, and then eventually brings the soup to him in bed. sebastian ignores tanner and his admittedly good-smelling soup, and tanner leaves it on his nightstand for when he’s ready for it.

after sebastian continues to not get out of bed for a week after, tanner convinces him to go see a therapist. tanner recognizes a depression spiral when he sees one, and while sebastian refused to admit it, church was giving him literal panic attacks.

sebastian gets into see a local counselor who specializes in the intersection of faith and LGBTQ identities.

his counselor helps him identify what he gets from church and what things he might be able to find at other non-mormon churches. he’s initially very resistant to the idea of investigating other churches, but one night when the guilt insomnia keeps him awake, he googles “lgbt-friendly churches near me”, and is on gaychurch.org until daylight starts creeping through his window.

while he’s not ready to go to a service anytime soon, he did make note of the ones that sounded interesting.

he thinks about the list he made often and several times he visits websites of some of the churches he found.

eventually he decides that he wants to visit one or two of the churches whose websites he keeps returning to.

when he tells this to tanner, he’s not expecting anything, but tanner immediately volunteers to go with him. sebastian hadn’t thought tanner would really want to, since he’s not really religious himself, but tanner insists, saying he wants to be there for moral support. sebastian is honestly really touched, and it means a lot that tanner would want to be there for him like that.

it takes him a couple sundays to build up to it, but when he finally does, he gets to the steps of the church, annnnnnnnnnnd nearly runs away. would have, if tanner didn’t stop him and talk him through his panic.

when they do go in, they sit unassumingly near the back, providing sebastian an easy exit, if he needs one.

it turns out that he doesn’t.

the sermon is about love—loving one another, god’s love for all his children, and how love should never be linked with shame. the minister makes mention of her wife, and sebastian cries. tanner looks a little worried, but sebastian makes no move for the door, so he assumes they were good tears, and keeps listening to the sermon.

afterwards, sebastian kind of wants to go thank the minister for what she said, but is also absolutely terrified of doing that, so he and tanner go home instead of staying to mingle.

after they get home, sebastian texts emily. she knew he was going to check out a new church today and asks him how it was. he talks about how he felt the spirit in a way that he hadn’t in a long time at church.

he doesn’t know what this means for a long time after. he goes to a couple different churches with tanner and texts emily about all of them. he goes back to the first one a few times. all he really knows is he feels god’s love more than he has in years.

#autoboyography #sebastian brother #exmormon #queerstake #(is this okay to put in the queerstake tag) #(if its not someone tell me and ill untag it) #(but like its got a lotta queer mormon feels so) #(so i figured) #anyways #i might turn this into a proper fic later #i also might not #but like! #come talk to me about this book!!!!!! #or queer stuff!!!! #or mormon stuff!!!! #or queer mormon stuff!!!!! #LITERALLY PLEASE JUST COME TALK TO ME I HAVE SO MANY FEELINGS #my stuff

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #163

i’m too tired to think of song lyrics rn.

Do you have a little sister? Yes. The last person you kissed, how many times have you cried in front of them?  In her actual presence, I think once? Over a phone or Skype, like... two or three times. Do you know anyone who has been arrested? Yes. Think a lot before you fall asleep? SO MUCH. It's part of why I struggle to fall asleep. Brain doesn't stop. Ever been the only one trying to fix a relationship? That's the story of my fucking life. Romantically, just once. Are you guilty of flirting too much? Definitely not. Did you ever set up a lemonade stand when you were a kid? No. Does virginity matter to you? Not really anymore, no. So long you gave it up to someone you sincerely loved and were smart about it. Do you know anybody who was abused? A few emotionally. Have you ever bought or sold something on Facebook Marketplace? No. Do you feel uncomfortable sharing drinks with other people? YEAH. The only case in which it does't bother me too much is when I've been a *truly* s/o with you for a while. Like if I'd go beyond just kissing you, it shouldn't be a bit deal to just drink after you. Is there something that happened in your past you hate talking about? Does anyone not, really? Is there a difference between just love and in love? YEAH. Are you good at admitting your problems? Pretty easy for me. How many times have you dated the person you’re with now? Once. Has your cell phone ever rung in class? No. Do you ever feel like just laying down and giving up? Not really anymore!! I get down, but I never have the urge to just give up entirely. Have you ever lied about your age? When I was younger signing up for websites lmao. Lied about your name? No. Do you sit on the mattresses in furniture stores? Sometimes. Are there some topics that you aren’t very open about? Maybe? It depends on the person. Have you ever had an encounter with a very dangerous animal? No. Have you ever fed a wild animal people food? I mean I fed ducks bread as a kid/before I knew it was bad. Would you rather die or eat another human being? Die. Some things aren't worth living after you've done them. Do you wish that animals could talk? Why or why not? YES!!!!!! BOTH SIDES COULD LEARN SO MUCH!!!!!!! AND PEOPLE WOULD CARE ABOUT THEM MORE!!!!!!!!!!!! Who did you last fall asleep with? Sara. Now your cell phone, what color is it? Dark blue. Who were you last in a car with? Nicole. What color was the last vehicle you were in? White. Have you had “the best night of your life”? Eh. Probably not. Toilet papered someones house? I'm an adult. Who was the last person you high-fived? Probably Aubree or Ryder. Or the girl Colleen watches. Do you own a romper? Noooo, not my thing. What does your computer’s slow-loading cursor look like? Blue circle. Would you rather have a trampoline or swimming pool? Pool. What was the name of the first porcelain doll you got? Oh fuck that shit, I was afraid of porcelain dolls and still am. Do you sell any products? If so, what? No. If not, do you want to start a business? Well I wanna be a freelance photographer. Have your parents ever crushed your dreams? No. Do you own anything cheetah print? No. Have you ever made a collage for your bedroom wall? No. Do you make DIY projects and gifts? No. Don't have the motivation. Owls or peacocks? Owls. Lions or horses? Lions. Is your kitchen floor black and white checkered? No. What do you make wishes on? Nothing. What’s the best natural pain reliever? Sleep. Do you like trees? Yeah! What’s your favorite Paramore song? "That's What You Get." What is your favorite color for bridesmaid dresses? LIGHT PINK. Happy and soft colors! Do you think you are pregnant? That's impossible. Do you like the ocean? Yeah. You wouldn't see me deep it there, but I mean, it's cool. Are you too shy to ask someone out? Apparently not. I guess. I asked Juan, Tyler, and Sara, BUT only because I knew they liked me. The person you like kisses you on the forehead, do you find this cute? YES I FEEL SAFE AND LOVED AND IT'S JUST CUTE!!!!!! Is there a high chance of you going out to the movies soon? Dad and I may go see another soon-ish, but I doubt it. We both think The Meg looks good. What are you listening to? I swear I go back to binge "Cool Patrol" by NSP like every other month. Have you ever dated someone longer than a year? Once, and I can pretty much guarantee this one's gonna hit that mark. Would you be able to climb out your bedroom window to sneak out? If I could open the damn thing. Can you taste the difference between brand name food and store brand food? Sometimes. Would you be embarrassed to buy pads/tampons/condoms? Which one more? No. Do you still own a VCR? No. Have you ever purchased Girl Scout cookies? Yeah. Do you own a nightgown? No. Who is one rapper that just always tends to get on your nerves? Why? I can't stand Kanye, because y'know, he's a god-complexed dick. Has anyone ever made you breakfast in bed? Were they trying to suck up? No. When will be the next time you’ll get a shot? What is this shot anyway? I'unno. When will you next eat tacos? Do you even like tacos, or not so much? I hate tacos. Do you know anyone who is pregnant? One of my very best high school friends recently revealed she is and I am soooo fucking excited for her. Would you or have you ever engaged in casual sex? If we were both single there is one (1) person I probably would fuck I hate myself like a lot and I am a hypocrite. What’s your favorite thing about spring? Just the flowers. And that's it. Have you ever tried belly dancing? If so, did you like it? No, & that would be a blinding display. Were you a part of any clique in high school? Kinda? The goths, emos, metalheads, and scenes all kinda. Naturally came together. Most knew everyone's names and we kinda had this unspoken bond with all the others. We always sat together at lunch. Have you ever given blood? Yeah. I'd actually like to do it again, I think, with me drinking a good amount of water now. Do you like the way you grew up? The only thing I'd change is I wish chores were more firmly enforced. I don't do them enough, and I'm approaching 23. Would you prefer to read or write poetry? Write. If you were to have a child, what would the last name be? Well, mine? But once married I'd definitely get it changed to Sara's. I will not doom her with mine lmao. Are you currently working? And if so do you like your job? No. Have you ever walked out on a job or just not showed up? No. Have you told your parents all of your secrets from when you were a teen? No. Would you rather be able to fly or walk on water? Fly. What’s the best club you’ve ever been to? Never been to one. Which sport are you the best at playing? I wasn't bad at basketball last I played. Do you know anyone who has gotten pregnant despite using contraception? Probably. Are you planning on buying a house in the near future? Not the very recent future. A house/apartment will probably be rented first. What was your favorite family vacation you went on as a kid? Disney World. What's something about you that others might find unpleasant or off-putting? I'm hard to get to know due to me fearing judgment. I can be very defensive if you push me to talk about some things. Have you ever kissed someone with a beard? Jason had more of a goatee sometimes. When you were younger, did you believe in Santa?  Yeah. Are you going to make your kids believe in Santa? I don't want kids. If I did however, I probably would. Have you ever made your own calendar? No. What foreign language did you take in high school? One semester of Latin, German for four semesters. Do your parents have gray hair? Yeah. What's your favorite Katy Perry song? Uhhhhh I guess "E.T." What was the last thing you did that made you feel proud of yourself? I haven't acted on it yet, but I made the decision that I would make a sincere effort to fight AvPD and be way more open about myself. What was the last significant and great thing that happened in your life? Met Sara. What is your favorite Starbucks' drink? I don't go there. Who are your last 3 missed calls from? Vocational rehab, Mom, Colleen. Do you like Skittles? Yesssss. Do you blow dry your hair? No. How do you like your eggs? Fertilized by Mark Fischfuck goddammit What song is the catchiest song you know? Hmmm. I suppose maybe "Bad Romance," because I can enjoy like, ANY cover, as well as the original. What is your greatest life accomplishment? Healing. Who is the last person you left a voicemail for? VR. Which is better: the Twilight book, or the Twilight movie? I haven't read any, never watched any. Do you enjoy crossword puzzles? Yes. Do you own any records? No. I wish. Something I'd love to collect. Who was the last guy you called? Dad, probably. You can only listen to THREE CDs for the rest of your life. What are they? "Black Rain" by Ozzy Osbourne, "Black Album" by Metallica, and "The Ascension" by Otep. What is the most unique or uncommon thing about you? Uh I dunno. I guess having blue eyes??? Idk. What happened the last time you were in a fight with someone? I cut her ass out and ignored her. Have you ever been in a physical fight? Who started it? No. What is your favorite type of kiss/way of kissing? Hardcore making out. Favorite form of affection in general/not sexual/etc? Hand holding. Or tight hugs. What do you think about anime? They have some of the most interesting stories, tbh. Who is the last person you unfollowed on Tumblr, and why did you do this? Someone whose posting content changed and I didn't enjoy, probably. What are some upcoming concerts in your town/city? The only one I know of and care about is Metallica in January. Is there any type of medicine you can’t take? For what reason? Not that I know of. Would you rather have potato or chicken noodle soup if you had to? Never had potato, but I don't think I'd like it, so. I don't really like chicken noodle, either. If something on your body hurts, which part is it most likely to be? My damn knees. Is Russian or Native American history more interesting to you? Native American. Have you ever put gum on the bottom of your desk/chair? I'm not an animal. Would you rather go to the movies, drive-in, or stay at home and watch a movie? Go to the movies. Would you ever be a race-car driver? No. What kind of deodorant do you use? Secret. Have you ever wished you were born the opposite sex? No. What was the last thing you spent a lot of time thinking about? I'm not sure. What do you think about astrology/the zodiac? If you used to believe/not believe in it, what changed your mind? It's absolute bullshit. What is one conspiracy you believe in? Or one you think is total crap? You literally cannot convince me 9/11 wasn't orchestrated by the government. Stupid one, lizard people. Where was the last place you didn’t want to go but had to anyway? Urgent care. When was the last time you yelled/screamed and why? I dunno. What was the last big decision you made? Do you think you made the right choice? Permanently, absolutely, kick Colleen out of my life. I know it was the right choice. What Hogwarts house are you in? What do you think about the “stereotypes” regarding your house? I took a quiz out of boredom before, and I got Hufflepuff, very closely followed by Gryffindor. However, some questions were hard for me, as I know pretty much nothing about the series. So, don't know stereotypes either. What is something you want to do, but you don’t think you’ll ever be able to? Skydive. Don't have the guts. When was the last time you left somewhere for forever (or at least don’t plan on returning)? Ha, mental hospital. What was the last thing you quit? Meat. Do you like to help people? How about animals? Which would you rather help, if it applies? Duh!! And I dunno, really. I see us as equal. I don't really know which I'd go to first if both were in a crisis or something. As an adult, what is the most and least you’ve weighed? I don't even want to say what I weighed at the end of '16. The least was ~120, what I'm desperately trying to get back to. @_@ What is something you like that no one else you know likes too? *shrugs* What is something you don’t like that everyone seems to like? Mexican food came to mind. Do you follow a particular diet/meal-plan/ethic? Currently I do a 16-hour fast every day and then I'm also a vegetarian. What is a subject you tend to avoid with other people, for whatever reason? Politics. What is the longest (or most involved) thing you’ve ever written? Well, RP. You put all the shit I've written together, and it'd probably be longer than the Bible lmao. Do you prefer to live with others or by yourself? Why is this? OTHERS. I GET LONELY. What scares you about getting older? Feeling the physical effects. What about something you’ve done that sounds too wild to believe? I don't think anything, really. What was the last thing someone made fun of you for? I don't know. Do you have a member of the opposite sex you’ve told everything to? Jason knew everything at the time we were together. What color hair do you find sexiest on the opposite gender? I like unnaturally colored hair most, so... but for "normal" colors, black. Who last slept in your bed besides you? Sara. If the last person you had sex with asked you to date them, would you? I would *actually* kick him in the dick if he had the audacity. If you could see any musician live, front row, who would you choose? Metallica with Mom. What is your favorite social networking site? Facebook for the sake of keeping up with people, Tumblr for entertainment purposes. Has anyone in your family fought in any of the wars? No. Has a stray dog ever tried to bite you? No. Are you normally a person to tell people off? Deeefinitely not. Do you even wear any jeans other than skinny anymore? I don't wear jeans anymore period. What did you talk about at lunch today with your friends? I'm not in school. Are you sensitive to caffeine? Nope. How do you usually get around? Mom drives me. Have you ever been accused of being too clingy? No, even though I know I'm very clingy. Do you like vitamin water? I've never tried it. Do you think too little or too much? Waaaay too much. Would you rather vacation by a beach or a lake? Lake. Do you ever keep arguing when you know you’re wrong? It can make me feel embarrassed, but in most cases, I'm quick to drop it. Would your mom care if she found condoms in your room? She'd be confused as fuck considering she knows I'm not with a guy. Are you ticklish? Ugh yes. What do you think of dating websites? They work for some people, but, in general, I don't think they're the greatest idea when you consider how many desperate people there are. Now yes, there's most certainly sincere ones, but. I think you'd have to do some fishing to find the right person. Which show is better: SpongeBob Squarepants or The Fairly Odd Parents? Duuuude the latter. Show was dope my dude. Think you could cut off your own foot if it meant saving your leg? To save my leg, I think so. Well... I dunno, I guess it depends on the situation. I'd be concerned about blood loss. What is the worst thing about having a pet? Knowing they'll die. Have you ever actually seen someone fall on a banana peel? No. Do moths freak you out? They're absolutely beautiful to me, but at the same time, the size of their eyes are a liiittle bit creepy. Did you ever cut your own hair when you were little? No. What is your favorite fruit? Strawberries. Who last messaged you on Facebook? Bethany to let me know when the new wedding date was. Have you ever had surgery or stitches? Both twice. Do you own any clothing that has animal print? No. Does your family eat dinner together? Almost always. What was the last video game you played? Silent Hill 3. Have you ever touched a shark? No. Do you prefer writing in print or cursive? I write mostly in cursive. Do you have any family traditions? Like what? Not that we still do. What is the best time you’ve ever had with your family? I'm not positive. Maybe some summer days when we'd all be swimming and cooking out together. What’s the scariest experience you’ve ever had? The night of the breakup. No overdose or panic attack or anything was scarier than when I realized he was leaving. What’s your favorite computer game? World Of Warcraft kms. What’s the biggest mistake people make on the first date? Just my personal opinion, but some people get sexual way too fast. If you're looking for an actual, long-lasting relationship, you have to connect more emotionally. Do you get turned on easily? It depends on who you are, definitely. Some people can't do anything, yet another person can do the same thing and I'm turned on in an instant. Do you still like to color? Not especially. What’s your favorite children’s show? Pokemon. Would you ever get band artwork tattooed on you? Metallica has some badass designs, but I don't know. Eh, actually, that may be something I'd get whenever my mom passes away considering her quote, "All I need in life are my babies and Metallica," and I think she means it lmao. No one loves them more than this woman. Is there someone you liked so much and nothing ever happened? The biggest crush I had that didn't go anywhere was on Sebastian in high school, but I don't know about "so much?" Like I wasn't desperate to be together. Has the last person you kissed met your family? My mom, Dad, and Nicole. Hopefully Ashley and the kids if her husband doesn't wanna be a homophobic shit. How many people of the opposite sex do you fully trust? Just my dad. What is the one thing you remember most about January of last year? I was in the worst state of my life. Approaching my suicide attempt, so I was having the thoughts badly by that point. How do you think you will look 3 years from now? I better be a skinny legend with bomb-ass hair and more tats, boo. What would be number one on your bucket list? Touch a wild meerkat. Probably a pup above all. How old do you think you’ll be when you make your will? I dunno. Do you get any of your songs from Limewire? Lol how old is this??? I used to. Do you call anybody ‘baby’? Literally all my pets and Sara. Where is the fanciest place you have ever visited? Uhhhh I guess somewhere in Disney World??? Are your parents night owls or morning birds? I guess the latter is more accurate. Where did you buy the shirt you’re wearing now? Somewhere online. I found it on Facebook, don't recall the site it led to. Are you easy to get along with? I think and hope so. I'm very accepting. What do you usually do right when you wake up? Check the time. What’s your biggest passion? SPREADING POSITIVITY!!!!! Have you ever thrown your phone in anger? I believe I might have once when Jason and I were arguing?? If I did, it definitely wasn't that hard. I have a vague memory of throwing in onto the carpeted floor.

#survey #quiz #questions #random

[davidcarner]

Hotel California Ch 1, Bartowski, IT

A/N:  Fanfic community after canceled intervention:  Thank God, we've got him down to four ongoing.

Me:  NEVER!  *pushes publish to get reaction from everyone on this being an ongoing and skips out of the room*

A/N 2: A few notes before we start. This fic will be (not this chapter, but down the road) a little more…saucy, spicy, than things I've done before. It's still T but, I'm going to take it up one or two notches. This fic takes place current time, Chuck is approximately 26 years old. Welcome to Hotel California Ch 1, Bartowski, IT

Disclaimer: I don't own Chuck, but I do own several copies of Hotel California.

He felt the eyes on his back watching his every move. This had required more than he thought it would when she brought him the laptop. Most men were scared of her beauty, but he wasn't. It was a weird friendship, but one just the same. They teased each other….well, she teased him, and he laughed about it. They were on the same page about the important things. He felt her over his shoulder.

"What's wrong, Chuckles," Carina said breathily into his ear. Her breath was making it hard to concentrate, but that was Carina's game. She loved making Chuck uncomfortable. She probably loved making all men uncomfortable, but he had no empirical data to support that theory. "Have I corrupted the hard drive? Please don't ask me to turn off, because you already have me so turned on." Chuck turned toward her slowly.

"Carina, I'm pretty sure that's sexual harassment," Chuck said, an amused smile on her face.

"What you gonna do, report me to myself? I am HR," she replied, bending back over his shoulder to watch him work on her laptop.

"Carina, you are in benefits until they hire someone," Chuck said, chuckling. "You're the Director of Operations."

"And I'm trying to let you enjoy some benefits," she said with a smirk. Chuck stopped in mid turn of the screw on her laptop. "Well, finish screwing me."

"I swear I keep walking right into these," he said, finishing putting the case back on. He plugged it in, hit the power button, and sat back, bumping Carina because she was so close.

"Chuck are you trying to touch me?" Carina asked.

"Keep it up and I won't fix this," he said. She jerked her hands back in a defensive posture. He paused, unsure if he should say anything or not, but it was her, so he went ahead. "Carina, there was some interesting porn on there." She looked at him. "I'm pretty sure it wasn't yours."

"Chuck, you think you know what I want to see?" Carina asked, with a coy smile. He looked at her with no humor on his face.

"It was furry porn," he said. She closed her eyes, and pinched the bridge of her nose. "Let me guess, some guy you were seeing used it." She nodded, opened her eyes and looked at him.

"Explains why he wanted the costumes," she mumbled under her breath. Chuck shuddered. The computer started up, and she hugged him. "You are the best, Chuck. Can I pay you?"

"Nope," he said, unhooking everything, giving her the laptop, standing up, and walking with her to the door. "You could tone down the innuendos."

"But then how will I see you blush?" she asked. "I love to see you blush, all the way down to the roots of your hair." She looked him up and down, slowly, and not even trying to hide what she was doing. "I wonder if you blush…everywhere?" With that, Chuck began to blush. "Hmmmm." She gave him a grin that looked nearly predatory. "Hey, I have an idea."

"Nope, no, not a happening," Chuck said, shaking his head. She reached up and moved his hair around, fixing it the way she wanted it. He looked up at her hand, back at her, and she finally stopped, satisfied with how it looked. "No blind dates, especially when they're probably with you," he said, grinning.

"You don't know the blind date I was gonna set you up on was gonna be with me," Carian said. He gave her a look and she bounced a shoulder. "Fine, but you're missing out." The look on his face was "here we go again." "I swear one night with me would ruin you for all other women."

"Is that what you really want, Carina, me at your door step every night playing bad love songs to win you?" Chuck asked, amused. She rolled her eyes.

"You would too, wouldn't you," she said, laughing. Chuck leaned against the door frame and gave her a look. She thought she might melt.

"Well, you want to ruin me," Chuck said, waggling his eyebrows. She gasped.

"Chuck Bartwoski, are you flirting?" she asked. Chuck grinned at her, and winked. She hugged him, gave him a kiss on the cheek, and watched as he turned and started back to his desk. She couldn't help herself, and slapped him on the back side causing him to whoop and high step for a second.

"Seriously, HR!" he said, with a grin. She winked, spun, and strutted out of the room as only Carina could. Chuck shook his head. "That woman is twenty pounds of crazy in a five pound bag," he said to himself.

-ooooo-

Carina returned to her office and shut the door. She liked Chuck, he was a sweet guy, but he was also one of those forever, with a house, 2.3 kids, a dog, and a white picket fence. Carina was not in to that, today. Someday, maybe, but today, today she wanted to have fun. She sighed and pulled out a folder that she needed to turn in before the day was over before Zondra gave her grief. Well, not too much grief, because Zondra knew Carina would get things done. Her thoughts returned to Chuck. She felt bad for the guy. It was a few months ago that she was talking to Martin in the kitchen, or was it Morgan, she wasn't sure. Whatever his name was, he had told her how his friend Chuck had been screwed over by Bryce. Bryce had framed Chuck at Stanford and gotten him kicked out of college. Bryce denied it, but Martin swore Chuck wasn't that guy. They needed someone in IT, and Carina was intrigued. She thought Bryce was a tool as well, so that's why she went to scope out Chuck at the Buy More. She tried to flirt with him, but he basically was nothing but super professional and excused himself when some idiot father forgot to load tape into his camera to record his daughter's ballet recital.

Carina told Zondra about Chuck, but left out everything about Bryce. Zondra called him, offered him an interview, and Carina asked if she could take care of it. She and Chuck had a long talk more than an interview. The reason for hiring him was two-fold, one, it might upset Bryce. Two, he was good, real good. She had called around and asked those who used the Buy More if there was a technician they would recommend, and all the recommendations came back as one Charles 'Chuck" Bartowski. She had to admit, she was pissed at Bryce for hurting Sarah, and if this would upset Bryce, all the better. Bryce might be the Hotel General Manger, but Carina wasn't scared of him. His parents loved her too much to fire her, and that's who she was worried about, the Larkins.

Zondra tried to remind Carina that they needed to keep their personal lives out of this, and it was somewhat Sarah's fault for dating the boss. Zondra thought Sarah knew better, and she did. But, Carina had encouraged Sarah to date Bryce, and that had been an absolute disaster. Sarah thought they were in a relationship, and Bryce thought they were casual. She caught him with someone, Sarah never would say who, and that was the end of Sarah and Bryce. Sarah refused to date coworkers now, and since she didn't want to go clubbing much anymore, Carina was determined to find her someone. Chuck wouldn't bite, Sarah wouldn't bite, so somehow she had to get the two together. How? And that's when it hit her. She picked up the phone and made a call.

"Hey, Reg, it's Catrina," she said smiling. "Did I say Reg, I meant Rick, sorry." Whoops. "So, I got my laptop fixed. You know the one you visited the furry porn site with. Yeah, Rick, that one. Well, there's a real simple way to make it up to me. Tell me the site name. No, I'm not kidding. I met a cute IT guy and I want him to come scrub my hard drive. I know that sounds dirty, I said it." She wrote down the website address. "Thanks Rick. No, I don't want to dress up. Good-bye." She hung up, a grin on her face. She knew just what to do.

-ooooo-

Sarah came in the next morning, tired. She had stayed up most of the night watching old movies on the old movie channel. She liked her job, loved it actually, and especially the people she worked with. She liked them all, except for Bryce Larkin, the biggest cheat that ever cheated. "We're causal," she said, in a low mocking voice, twisting her face. The thing was, she didn't miss him, she was upset at how bad she had gotten burnt. She swore it would never happen again. No guy was going to hurt her, and definitely no guy at work. She turned on her computer and waited for it to warm up as she drank her coffee. Maybe she'd get lucky and someone would pull the fire alarm today and she could watch the firemen come in. She always enjoyed that. She shook her head as she logged into her computer. She waited a minute and realized it was acting very weird. There was a strange icon on her desktop. She double clicked it to see what it was.

"OH GOD!" she screamed and turned off the monitor. She looked around to see if anyone had seen that and then she remembered she was in her office, and no one could see what had happened. The backs of the monitors were facing the doorway…what was that noise. THE SOUND! She turned the monitor back on, found the sound bar, and muted it. She took a deep breath, and nearly jumped out of her seat when there was a knocking sound on the door.

"Hey," Carina said. She took a good look at Sarah and had to fight not laugh. Sarah looked beautiful as usual, her blond hair just past the shoulder with that slight curl, the simple blue top and the black jeans. She looked elegant, and frazzled as can be, all at the same time. "Something wrong?"

"Uh, well," she began.

"Oh, before I forget, there's been a slight porn problem on some computers. If you have any problem, call down to IT and ask for Bartowski," Carina said. "Skip is a good guy and all, but Bartowski is the one you want."

"Have you had any problems?" Sarah asked, nervously.

"Oh, no," Carina said. "Gotta run," and she was gone. Sarah took a deep breath and composed herself. She picked up the phone, put down the phone, walked over to her door, shut it, locked it, and called IT.

"Bartowski, IT," the voice on the other end answered. Sarah smiled at the soothing voice.

"Hi, this is Sarah Walker," she said trying to have steel in her voice.

"Hello, Sarah Walker, are you okay?" he asked.

"Why do you ask?" Oh no. Was she so shook up over this that this guy could tell? What was he gonna think? She had to get control of the situation. "I need help and so help me God, if you tell me to turn it off and turn it back on, I will come down there and…"

"Well, that answers that question. You don't sound like things are going well, and that's never good," he said. "What's wrong?"

"There's this weird thing on my computer," she said with a low voice, still snapping. She didn't care if he thought she was an awful person, but she couldn't have him thinking she was looking at porn at work. "Carina told me to call you to get it off."

"Carina Miller?" he said with a hint of laughter. "Okay, so we're probably going to be at this for a bit, my name is Chuck."

"Chuck?" she asked, her tone changing to curiosity.

"Yeah, my parents were sadists," he said. She laughed. She couldn't help herself. "But, I've managed to make my way in this world despite it." She was wrapping the cord around her finger, and feeling better just talking to him.

"Chuck, I'm sorry," she said. "Things….well…"

"Something went wrong, you snapped and I happened to be the first person you talked to," he said. She winced. She bet that happened a lot.

"No one calls you to say thanks for making everything run smooth, do they?" she asked. Chuck laughed.

"Nope," he said quickly. "So, what happened?"

"Well, I started my computer, and it was running weird, slow," she began. "There was this weird icon…."

"You clicked on it didn't you?" he asked. She heard the humor in voice.

"I was very tired and not thinking clearly," she said waspishly. She huffed. "Again, I'm sorry, I'm just having a very bad day."

"Hey, I'll fix it," Chuck said. "And I won't judge." She looked guilty and was glad no one could see her. "You have no idea how many people get things on their computer and call me wanting me to fix it and are in the foulest mood because they think I'm going to judge them."

"I don't watch that stuff," she said softly.

"You said Carina told you to call me?" he asked. "Is it a certain type of porn?"

"Yes," she said, burying head in her hand.

"Well the good news is I can fix it quick," Chuck said. "But I'm going to have to come up there."

"I've got a meeting, do you think you do it while I'm gone?" she asked.

"Sure," Chuck said cheerfully. "Go to your meeting, and when you get back it will be fixed. Sound good?"

"Sounds great," she said. "And, Chuck, I'm sorry I was a jerk."

"Don't worry about it," Chuck said. "Bye," and with that, he disconnected.

-ooooo-

Chuck pulled up today's calendar and made sure and waited five minutes after the meeting started before he headed to Sarah's office. The last thing he needed was to be yelled at by some crazy woman because she had double clicked an icon that wasn't on her desktop the night before. He had already reformatted a hard drive and loaded her backup from the night before. This would literally take minutes, and then he would reformat the original hard drive and use it down the road. He checked his watch, saw he had some time, and accessed the log-in system. Her computer had been accessed last night by Carina after Sarah had logged off for the evening. What was Carina doing? Chuck thought about the blind date thing Carina had mentioned yesterday. He closed his eyes and had a bad idea as to what was going on. She was going to try to pawn another insane person off on him. What did he do to deserve this?

He appreciated all that Carina had done for him, most of all getting him this job. He sat back in his chair, wasting ten more minutes. He thought about that day they met for the interview, and how she told him about her friend who Bryce had screwed over. Join the club, he though. She told him about how she wanted someone she could trust in IT. She wasn't saying Bryce was doing anything wrong, but she wondered how he had some of the ideas he came up with. Bryce was a lot of things, but his new hotel security internet system made her scratch her head. Chuck's ears perked up when he heard that. He had been working on a project for a class. It was unfinished, but the security system would have been full proof by the time he was done. He asked if he could see it, and with a grin, Carina told him she couldn't allow him to see it unless he was hired. He took the job immediately. When she logged him in and let him access the system, he became sick to his stomach. It was his system, exactly the way he left it, and more importantly it wasn't finished and there were security holes. He told Carina and she could only shake her head. She told him to keep his head down and do his job.

A few days later he got walked up to Bryce's office by Casey, head of security. Chuck figured he was fired. When he sat down Bryce grinned at him like they were old pals. Bryce said he was glad he could give Chuck one last chance, and he really hoped Chuck didn't blow it. If Chuck did well, Bryce could give him all the recommendations to clear that little snafu at Stanford and Larkin Hotel and Resort would gladly pay his tuition to finish up his degree. Chuck started to say something, but realized it was his word against Bryce's, again, and that had gone so well last time. Bryce told him if something happened here like it did at Stanford, the Buy More would be the only place he would work for the rest of his life. Chuck just stared at him, but knew he couldn't win this fight. He simply nodded, thanked him for his time, and got up to leave. Bryce had asked him how Ellie was. Chuck stopped, turned, smiled, and said, she hates your guts and if you ever enter her house she knows over one hundred painful ways to kill you. Bryce blinked and Chuck walked out, grinning.

He looked at the clock, got up, and headed upstairs to the offices. He entered Sarah's office, and quickly took apart her computer, swapped out the hard drive, put it back together, turned it on, check it out to make sure it was alright, logged off, and started to leave. He paused, that was unprofessional. He left her a note to say if anything was wrong, make sure and call and ask for him. He looked at it, smiled, and started out the door, when he nearly ran into the most beautiful woman he had ever seen in his life. Chuck was tall, but so was she, only a few inches shorter than he was. She had blond hair, and stormy blue eyes. He was transfixed.

"Chuck?" she said again.

"Hey, that's me," he said, grinning. "Got your corrupted old drive here," he said, holding it up. "Give it a whirl and if you need anything just give me a jingle," he said, holding his hand up to his ear like a phone and internally wincing. Jingle? Who the hell says jingle?

Sarah meanwhile was trying to hold down a giggle, wondering when the last time she had giggled. Who had hidden tall and dark-haired curly down in IT? Get ahold of yourself, she thought. She scolded herself. No more interoffice relationships. Besides, what could they possibly have in common. He was a nerd and she was a conman's daughter who was lucky enough to get out of the life her father had tried to drag her into and make her way through college working odd jobs.

"So it's fixed?" she asked.

"I believe so," Chuck replied. He stood there staring at her, and that's when he realized he was standing in her office. "Soooo, guess I'll be going," he said, pointing out of the office. She was blocking his way.

"Oh, yes, of course," she said, and stepped aside. "If I need anything I'll give you a jingle," she said as he was walking away. He paused, looked over his shoulder and saw her biting her bottom lip so as not to laugh. He smiled and headed on, determined to have words with Carina.

-ooooo-

"What do you think you're doing?" Chuck hissed, coming into Carina's office.

"Well hello to you too, Handsome?" Carina said. "Miss me?" she asked with a wink.

"Carina, why did you put porn on Sarah's computer?" Chuck asked. Carina studied him a minute. "I have log-in access," he reminded her.

"Oh, yeah," she said, grinning and shrugging. "So, how was it?"

"She's crazy," Chuck said. "She double-clicked the icon you installed on her computer and then yelled at me about it."

"But, Chuck," Carina began.

"No, no, no," Chuck said. "I am not dealing with a crazy lady, no matter how attractive she is and how soothing her voice is."

"Her voice is soothing?" Carina asked, an eyebrow raised. Chuck glared at her.

"Carina, I'm telling you, NO!" he said, and headed out her door. Carina sat there a minute, thinking.

"Well, I'm just gonna have to try this a different way," Carina said, grinning.

A/N: Shrugs...Welp...that one has been sitting in todo folder for months.  I finished chapter 2 yesterday and thought I'd give this a test run.  Like Chuck V2 (the previously known as Chuck 2.0) I'm just putting it out there to see...I have two more fics in reserve as well...Reviews, PMs, and anything, are always appreciated…take care…see you soon…til next time.

DC

#Chuck #Sarah #Charah #fanfic #fanfiction #Hotel California

[narutolists]

The Akatsuki as high school teachers

What teaching roles would the Akatsuki take on if they were forced to become high school teachers?

1. Pein

Teaches: History. His voice sends people to sleep.

Pein: “And in the Ancient Roman period the life expectancy was only 20 to 30 years. This has many contributing factors. Such as, but not limited to...”

Student: “Oh my god why won’t he talk faster.”

Pein: “No talking in my class. And don’t blaspheme my name like that.”

2. Konan

Teaches: Careers. She’s a little too motherly.

Konan: “And when you finish high school, you can go and do whatever you set your mind to.”

Student: “Can I become a chef?”

Konan: “Of course!”

Student #2: “Can I become a mob boss???”

Konan: “You can do whatever your heart tells you to hun.”

3. Itachi

Teaches: Computing and I.T. Well he tries at least.

Itachi: “Okay.....so today you’ll be using Photoshop to create a website design.”

Student: “You just opened up Microsoft Paint.”

Itachi: “Yes...I meant to do that.....give me a second.”

Student: “Can you even see the screen clearly?”

Itachi: “Honestly? No. I am going blind. Just do whatever.”

4. Kisame

Teaches: Gym. He has a pretty fierce rivalry with the other gym teacher.

Kisame: “Right! Let’s do some good old rope climbing today!”

Student: “Mr Gai had us do that yesterday.”

Kisame: “.....Right. Then we’ll be using the horse vault instead.”

Student: “Also yesterday. He said something about not remembering if there was another gym teacher or not so we just did everything.”

Kisame: “OH FOR FU-”

5. Hidan

Teaches: Religion. Even though he’s just a substitute. 

Hidan: “And THAT is why you should hail Lord Jashin as your saviour.”

Student: “Mr Hidan this is an English Literature class.”

Hidan: “Do I give a fuck? No. Shut the fuck up.”

6. Kakuzu

Teaches: Economics. Yes it’s as terrible as you think.

Kakuzu: “Setting up an interest account will not only teach you to save money but will also earn you even MORE money in the long run.”

Student: “Thanks for the advice! But the exam is about taxes so I really think we should be-”

Kakuzu: “Taxes are the devil. I will have no part in teaching it. If you fail then that’s your own problem”

7. Deidara

Teaches: Art. As a substitute. He hates being the substitute. 

Deidara: “Alright kiddos get out your clay we’re gonna be making SCULPTURES.”

Student: “But Mr Sasori has been teaching us still life painting so shouldn’t we be continuing that?”

Deidara: “Ha ha, Mr Sasori can suck a dick because he’s an idiot. I said get out your clay.”

8. Sasori

Teaches: Art. 

Sasori: “Sorry I was away. I had a nasty head cold and- what the hell are those?”

Student: “Um.....Mr Deidara told us to make clay sculptures yesterday and it was actually really fun! We’re hoping we can finish-”

Sasori: “Throw those hideous things in the trash where they belong.”

9. Tobi/Obito

Teaches: Drama. As two different “brothers”.

Tobi: “Okay! Let’s practise our facial expressions now! Pull the stupidest face you can and your partner has to try not to laugh! Then we’re gonna practise ANIMAL NOISES!”

Student: “Holy shit Mr Uchiha’s brother is on some sort of drug or something.”

Tobi: “What did you say about my brother?? That he’s super handsome?? Yeah I know!”

10. Zetsu

Teaches: Biology. Things tend to go missing.

Zetsu: “Okay. Today we are dissecting frogs.”

Student: “Ewww....cool! Where are they?”

Zetsu: “I.....didn’t eat them. I swear.”

Student: “.....oh.”

#naruto #narutolists #aktatsuki #pein #konan #kisame #itachi #hidan #kakuzu #deidara #sasori #zetsu #tobi #obito

[drosophilase]

fic: Yoda, Yuletide, and You

Title: Yoda, Yuletide, and You

Author: @drosophilase

Gifted to: @djchika as part of the @crisscolfergiftexchange 2017

Original prompt: “We made the mutual decision to go to this party separately and when I arrived there was this asshole flirting with you and I’m trying not to make it obvious that I’m seething with jealousy but it’s really difficult”

Ratings/Warning: Teen; allusions to sex (non-explicit), boss/employee relationship

Read on AO3!

Sorry this is two days late, thank you for the gracious extension and Merry Christmas Deej!  Thank you so much for all you did to arrange this exchange <3

--

It had started, as most great love stories do, with a Yoda figurine on the corner of Chris's desk. "That green figurine, I like," croaked a terrible Yoda impersonation from the twenty-fifth (ok, just fifth) person Chris had interviewed that day. Darren Criss, his application said.

Chris raised an eyebrow. Giving interviews for a job at a nerd pop culture online news source, Chris thought he had heard it all. This guy is the first to be bold enough to do such a confident and terrible impersonation. Chris touches Yoda's pointy ear. "From my sister. She's determined to get me the entire Star Wars Funko Pop set over the next 20 Christmases and birthdays." He doesn't comment aloud on the terrible Yoda voice, but he does write a little Y in the corner of Darren's resume.

"That's so cool, man, it's awesome that your family knows what you love. I have a ton of Pops but I can't ever seem to finish a set. There's just too many other things I like. I just put my Chewie next to my Harley Quinn and go with it." There's a sort of sparkle in his eye, glowing gold in the sunlight filtering through Chris's office blinds.

Chris sets the resume aside (he'd already noted this one for the qualifications - degree in Theatre from Michigan University, four years on the Michigan Daily staff with one as senior editor. Proficiency in Final Cut and a few credits in web series and local theatre productions. Currently working in local news media and writing a blog on the Star Wars Extended Universe on the side. Even before he walked in looking like a dream, Chris was hooked). "Suicide Squad Harley or Batman: The Animated Series Harley?"

Darren scoffs, the black curls over his forehead bouncing. "Animated Series, dude. Hands fucking down. I try to forget that Suicide Squad ever existed. It's hard to be a DC boy these days."

Chris cracks a smile. "That's why the girls - well, Patty Jenkins, really - are going to save us all. Haven't you seen Wonder Woman?"

"If I've learned one thing in my time in this industry, no one ever listens to women when they should. You're right though, if they let Patty work she's going to do the whole damn thing."

"If only Ben Affleck could do his civic duty and disappear from the earth, I'd feel better about it."

Darren laughs with his whole body, his eyes crinkling in the corners. "Dude, yes. Just go softly into that dark night."

Chris cocks his head. "You didn't just make that pun, oh my god."

Darren smiles. "You didn't notice 'witty wordplay' under my skills? It's like in my top 3 best attributes."

Chris wishes he had the power to cancel the rest of his day's appointments and just end the day with Darren's interview. Instead, he takes the scant three minutes he has until the next interview to smile absently back at Yoda and make another note on the resume.

1. Wordplay

2. Smile

3. -Ass- Experience

The great thing about PopNow's building is the super cool collaborative open floor plan with lots of coworking tables, glass doors, and zero fucking privacy. Chris had always cringed sitting at the long tables, having to work face-to-face with someone else's computers and get distracted every time they got up to go to the bathroom. Honestly, half his drive to move up to staff editor was to get one of the more private (loosely) offices around the edges of the room with a single desk and a wall to stare at instead of a strange coworker.

Being promoted to division head of PopNow Nerd was Chris's ultimate dream (private office, final say on all published material, sitting in on meetings with creative directors and sometimes, investors. The control freak inside of Chris was fucking delighted). That is, until 3 months later when PopNow shifted their entire focus and all their resources to video reporting. Luckily, they weren't completely cutting out the website or articles that Chris joined the company to write. And, Chris was getting a lot more flexibility to hire new talent and explore new realms of reporting. And thank fucking god, Chris never had to be in front of the camera.

He knew he had to change with the times quick, though. He had writers - he just needed producers. And, after a quick poll of the office didn't yield many nerds willing to get in front of a camera (who would’ve thought), some on-air personalities.

Enter: Darren Criss.

The first day Darren’s new hosted series “Heroes and Zeroes” went live with an episode rating Disney villains on some complicated ranking system based on hotness, degree of evil, and personal style, the PopNow Nerd Facebook page gained like 5,000 followers.  Darren’s video instantly became their most watched.

And the comments, well—Chris’s cheeks reddened just thinking about them. A bashful Darren appeared at Chris’s door two hours after the video went live, one hand buried in the shorter hair at the base of his neck. “So… I think people like it?”

Chris raised his eyebrows, looking over his glasses where he had the comments section open on his own computer. Girls and guys alike were tagging their friends just to point out how hot Darren is. With him there draped casually in his door frame, Chris would have to agree. “I would say yes, they do.”

Darren laughs an embarrassed sort of huff, looks down at his feet. Chris can tell that though he might be humbled by the success of the video, Darren is definitely feeling proud of himself.

“Actually,” Chris continued, “maybe you should reply to a few of them. Start building some rapport with the fans.  Couldn’t hurt, and the higher-ups really want to see viewer engagement.”

The next day the Facebook page following had grown again by the thousands.  Suspicious, Chris scrolled to Darren’s video again. The views just kept going up.  And Darren himself was in the comments section, cheekily replying to a few of them.

Brittany Smith Oh my god, @Ashley did you watch this? I don’t even know what he said, I just keep staring at his hands for some reason

Darren Criss Next time pay attention to my face, we pay the makeup department a lot to cover up my lizard skin! ;)

Chris had one hand over his mouth to keep from laughing out loud.  Darren was fucking funny. As if Chris didn’t have enough problems drooling over him already in production meetings, writing pitches, and the million times a day he stops by Chris’s office with just “one quick question.”

Chris glanced out his glass office doors to Darren’s desk (the one he has a perfect view of if he just pretends to work at his computer but instead looks right past his monitor out to the main office, no Chris didn’t put him there on purpose the desk was just open). And Darren’s comically large hot pink headphones, and Darren’s brow furrowed as he works hard at something on his computer, and Darren himself chewing on his lip and tugging on a curl and oh, god—

Chris has got it so bad.

“Fuck,” Chris says quietly, taking off his glasses to rub his tired eyes. He should have known better.

--

The crush stays mostly on lock down for almost two weeks.  Chris is like, acutely aware every time Darren walks near his office door (inconvenient, since he has to walk that way for the bathroom, the breakroom, and pretty much everything else) and he gets flustered during staff meetings when Darren starts smiling at him.

And then, of fucking course, there’s Lea.

“Who is this Darren again? You’ve said his name like ten times in the last five minutes.”

Chris swallows hard and tries to keep his tone casual. “Just one of the on-air personalities we hired.  He’s a good writer too, when we can keep him focused.  The best idea man we have, after me of course.  He’s been working here for like three months.  I swear I told you about him. Curly black hair, stupidly big brown eyes?”

Lea gasps. “Christopher Fucking Colfer. Do you have a crush?”

Chris instantly feels his face burning.  “You know Karyn Colfer would never give me such an unsightly middle name.  Jesus, Lea, I don’t know… He’s just a great guy. We get along well.  He’s my employee, for fuck’s sake.”

Lea scoffs. “That’s the highest praise I’ve heard you give another human in the entire time I’ve known you. You definitely like him.”

She’s always so infuriatingly good at pointing out the one thing Chris is trying to pretend doesn’t exist. “Yeah I… guess I do.”

She hums, sympathetic.  “It’s been a long time since you’ve embraced another human being, Christopher.  Maybe try leaning in this time instead of running away. It might do you some good.”

Eager to not hear yet another long-spun tail about her and her fiancé’s meet-cute, recent cohabitation, or extensive wedding planning, Chris says quickly, “Okay, yeah. Lean in. I’ll try that.”

“Just talk to him! You’re very charming, in your own way. He willingly works at PopNow Nerd, for Christ’s sake, just talk about your elaborate Halloween costume for next week, he’ll love that.”

Chris can’t argue with that.

--

“Lean in,” Chris murmurs to himself as he sees Darren get up for his second coffee and first trip to Chris’s desk right around the usual time, 9:20.

“Hey Chris,” Darren says, rapping on the open glass door twice.  Chris looks up from pretending he’s engrossed in end-of-year reports and not sweating into his hoodie.  “Quick question, to settle a debate: Richard Harris or Michael Gambon as Dumbledore? Must cite sources.”

Chris smiles. “Michael Gambon, without a doubt.  I loved the look of Richard Harris, don’t get me wrong, but Order of the Phoenix Dumbledore, tracking down horcruxes Dumbledore, was not frail. Richard Harris could have never pulled off standing up to the Ministry and escaping with Fawkes, no way.”

Darren cocked his head.  “So not what I would have thought you would say.  And honestly, you’ve almost sold me on Gambon.  I’m one of those who can’t overlook the didjupuyurnameinthegobletofire debacle but you have excellent points. Always surprising me, Chris.”

Was that… flirting? It was so hard to tell because Darren was so easily entrancing like this just all the time, but something about the way he said Chris’s name made him think it was different.

Darren had already half-turned to go but Chris calls him back, saying his name.  Darren turns around, eyebrows quirked.  This was deviating from their normal routine, Chris knew.  He tries to calm his pounding heart.  Lean in.

“You know, the real casting tragedy in the Potter series was how old James and Lilly were. Like, alright yes, the ‘mother’s eyes’ thing was absolutely shot to hell. But how are they going to tell us James and Lilly died at literally 21 years old and cast middle-aged actors?”

Darren smiles.  “Dude, yes. They fucked up the ages of everyone in the Order of the Phoenix except for like, Tonks. And maybe they got away with Lupin since he would be more weathered. But casting mid-50s actors for characters barely pushing 35? It totally takes away the resonance of these young people fighting for the future of the world.”

He sits in one of the chairs Chris has arranged along the side of the wall (PopNow has a thing about the formality of sitting with a desk between them) and Chris should move to go sit next to him but it feels like this new thing is a bubble that he might burst at any second if he moved the wrong way.

Darren leaves twenty minutes later to go back to his desk, his empty coffee-stained Vader mug forgotten on the floor.

Chris smiles as he catches Darren eye through the glass.  He’ll be back in an hour or two.

--

By the time mid-November rolls around, it seems that Chris and Darren’s quick coffee run questions have turned into thrice-daily chats have turned into… something.  It’s started to become a running joke at staff meetings, that Chris and Darren are usually more ChrisandDarren these days.  Chris ran into Darren once at his favorite lunch Chinese spot, and then he suggested another lunch spot for tacos and Darren suggested they go together, and now lunch is just always assumed to be theirs.  Even when Chris had to work three days straight through lunch to meet the deadline on proposals for the next quarter, Darren showed up every day with cashew chicken, disappearing when Chris was stressed or offering alien conspiracy theories when Chris needed a break.

That was the thing about Darren, he was always just there. As soon as Chris opened the figurative door by starting a conversation, Darren blew the whole fucking thing open and made himself at home.  It was hard to remember work before Darren.

It doesn’t dawn on Chris that they really haven’t seen each other outside of work until he overhears a few other producers and writers making plans to get drinks after work the Wednesday before Thanksgiving.  Chris doesn’t think anything of it—he never wanted to get drinks with anyone in the office before, and he figured no one wanted to drink with their boss anyway.

So he’s pretty floored when he clearly hears Darren (speaking in his still-loud “low voice”) ask Denise if Chris is invited.

Chris doesn’t even try to hear the answer (it’s no, Chris knows) as he reels.  He can see Darren outside of work.  Darren maybe wants to see Chris outside of work.  Chris would have a reason to go somewhere other than home to his cat.  He had never thought of it before but now Chris really, really wanted to be invited out to drinks. By Darren, that is.

Darren stops by his office (fifth time that day) with his coat over his arm and bag slung over his shoulder on his way out.  “Happy Thanksgiving, Chris.”

“Happy Thanksgiving, he automatically replies.  “Headed down to Republic with Denise and Lars and everyone?”  Chris says it just to see how Darren will react.

Darren winces and looks sheepish.  “You heard about that, huh? Yeah it seems like it’s just a writers’ thing, sorry about that, I didn’t decide that it would be exclusive.”

“No, yeah, it’s totally okay,” Chris says, waving his hand.  “I wouldn’t want to like, intrude on the group anyways.  Frankly, there’s few people in this office I’d want to see outside of these stupid glass walls.”

Darren pouts, put-upon. “I hope I made your short list.”

Chris knows his ears are red-tipped but he swallows and forces himself to say, “Duh. You’re like, the whole list.”

Something comes over Darren’s face.  He’s more beautiful than Chris has ever seen.  “Yeah? You’re at the top of mine. Maybe after the holiday we can compare lists.  Have a good Thanksgiving, Chris.”

“Y-yeah, you too,” Chris manages to say, half-strangled, awkwardly waving as Darren turns and leaves.

Holy shit, Darren may have just asked him on a date.

--

There are three things Chris learns on the Friday a week after Thanksgiving weekend.

It is most definitely a date, Darren’s preferred drink is a whiskey sour, and he is the best kisser Chris has ever known.

“I thought maybe you only wanted to hear more on my nuanced analysis of Star Trek captains,” Chris teases after they break apart just inside his front door.

“Oh don’t get me wrong, I love your analysis,” Darren says breathily from where he’s kissing Chris’s jaw.  “It’s just that I also love the way your arms look in your tee shirts and your butt looks in your jeans and that your lips are so damn kissable.”

Chris thrills as Darren stretches up to kiss him again, basically on his tiptoes.  How is someone who appreciates all those things even real?  Chris runs his hands along Darren’s shoulders, grips his elbows, squeezes his waist.  Darren slips his tongue into Chris’s mouth and Chris reflexively grabs Darren’s perfect ass.  Oh, he’s real all right.

“That’s awfully fresh, Mr. Colfer,” Darren says breathily even as he pulls Chris in, walking backwards.  “Don’t you think that’s better suited for the bedroom?”

Later, Chris’s best shirt is maybe ruined and Darren is sleepy and soft and come-dumb, draped across Chris’s chest (he’s a cuddler, as Chris should have guessed).

“Give me five minutes and I’ll get up I promise,” Darren mostly mumbles as he rubs his face into Chris’s belly.

“Mmhmm,” Chris replies skeptically, sinking a hand into Darren’s curls and tracing his thumb over the sweat gathered at his temples.  “I really don’t mind.”

Darren groans, low and long.  “I have like, a thing about my hair being played with, dude. Once you start I’m always going to beg you to keep going.”

Chris smiles wickedly, pulling his fingers slowly through the soft strands and listening to Darren’s responses.  “I could be okay with that.”

--

Chris thinks they’re totally rocking the first day back at work giving off very “we definitely didn’t have sex last night, no way, thanks for asking” vibes. Until a very concerned Eileen stops by his office after their afternoon meeting.

“This is definitely not my business Chris, but you know I care deeply about the balance of the workplace ecosystem, so I’m going to meddle just this once.  Are you and Darren—”

Chris immediately opens his mouth, panicked, “Oh uh, no, I—”

“—Mad at each other?”

Chris stops mid-sentence.  “Wait, what?”

Eileen is unfazed, as usual. “You definitely snubbed him during that planning meeting and he’s only stopped by your office once today instead of the usual six.  I count on you two to keep meetings fun and productive. He makes you less cranky. I don’t know what you did, but fix it.”

She leaves before Chris can put words together.  Well, that wasn’t what he expected.

Eileen apparently thinks we’re fighting.

Maybe we went too hard in the other direction.

O M G. She’s so nosy. Our coworkers are way too perceptive.

There’s only one way I want you hard. This ain’t it

Fuck. Why are my office walls made of glass?

That’s hot, Colfer. Feed your cat and come by my place tonight.

…Was that a euphemism?

--

Pre-Darren, holiday parties at the office were to be endured and survived.  Chris would show up for the shortest time he could, drink two vodka sodas, talk to ten people, and get the fuck out. Now in the Age of Darren, Chris is actually brushing his hair and putting thought into his outfit and humming Christmas carols on the train.

Almost one month into their relationship feels way too new to tell all of PopNow, let alone just their department. (Chris had gone to HR with the intent to file their relationship but his hypothetical questions were met with vehemence that superiors could not date subordinates. So Chris had slunk out of there and didn’t mention it to Darren in case ignoring it meant it wouldn’t exist.) They’re arriving to the company holiday party separately and meeting oh-so-casually by the Christmas tree, avoiding all mistletoe and any game that might lead to awkward kissing with anyone.  They are totally (almost) masters of acting totally normal at work, they can handle this.

What Chris can’t handle is the blonde with godawful dark roots and nose ring practically pushing her breasts into Darren’s face.  At 20 freaking degrees outside there’s no need to wear a sweater that low-cut.  Darren, Chris begrudgingly credits, is looking unwaveringly at her face.  But this girl is hardcore flirting, hip cocked and chewing on the stirrer in her pink drink.

Chris knows he’s being ridiculous but at the same time, he can’t stop. She touches his shoulder for a second and Chris downs a shot.  She laughs way too loudly and Chris crushes a cookie into crumbs.  He tunes out the droning anecdote from some guy in accounting and instead vividly daydreams, replaying in his mind the past weekend spending a full 48 hours locked in Chris’s apartment.

Chris was so wrong to think that he could keep it together for this entire party. Darren is just so damn charming and every single person who works at PopNow is gravitating towards him. Chris understands the feeling, but the possessive jealous lizard brain just wants to take.

He spots an opening as Darren is trying to physically move away from a man who is whispering in Darren’s ear every other sentence.  Hell no.

Chris steps between them deftly, delighting at the way Darren’s face absolutely lights up. “Chris, hi. Thank god.”

“So sorry to steal him away, but Darren there’s someone I want you to meet,” Chris apologizes to the guy in a rush, grabbing Darren by the elbow and leading him away.

“Thank god,” Darren says again from behind him as Chris weaves through the crowds. “That guy was like a level 5 creeper. I’ve been looking for you for half an hour and just couldn’t disentangle myself from these people who all want to talk about my videos.  Which is flattering, I guess? But they’re like, strangers. I’m just trying to get buzzed and play that piano in the corner and start a Christmas carol sing-along.  Wait, this is the bathroom…”

“Yes, it is,” Chris says, leading Darren into the single room family bathroom and following quickly, locking the door.

He presses Darren against the door and kisses him hard, grabbing fistfuls of his shirt.  “That was torture,” Chris whispers, tugging on Darren’s earlobe with his teeth.

“Colfer, were you j-jealous?” Darren chokes out, head lolling back as Chris moves down to kiss his neck.  He wants to leave a visible mark. He settles for one right below Darren’s collar, right in the hollow of his shoulder. Darren moans, cradling Chris’s head. “Fuck.”

“Maybe I was,” Chris admits, pulling back and pushing stray hairs off his forehead.  “That one girl was just so blatant, it was awful. And I couldn’t do or say anything! Maybe I should ask for a department transfer. Or find another job, I…”

Darren is wide-eyed. “Are you trying to abandon me?”

Chris shakes his head. “God, no, it’s just some ban on superiors dating their employees, I didn’t want to tell you before….”

“What about superiors dating their equals?  Would that be okay?” Darren asks, a mischievous smile curling the corner of his mouth.

“Uh yeah, I think so,” Chris says, confused.  “I don’t see why not?”

“Good,” Darren says, full-out grinning now.  “Because Rebecca called me into her office today. Honestly I thought I had to be getting reprimanded or something, but she promoted me. Well it’s not totally official yet, but next week they’re creating new Video Editor-in-Chief positions in some departments. Equal with the department head. A new team-leading thing to further focus on video content.  And the job in Nerd is mine.  She said she heard I work great with my department head and I had to agree.”

Chris reels.  “Holy shit. I knew Rebecca had asked me about you, but I didn’t know why. Holy shit!  Darren, that is amazing.  You are amazing.  I am so proud of you.”

Darren’s eyes practically disappear, he’s smiling so hard.  “Thank you. I couldn’t have done it without you.  I guess we don’t have to hide in this bathroom anymore…?” Even as he says it, Darren rubs a hand right over Chris’s crotch. Chris sucks in a loud breath.

“We don’t have to, but maybe we should for this part.”

--

Three whiskey sours in and with no prodding, Darren hops behind the piano and leads a rousing chorus of the promised Christmas carols, Broadway songs, and Disney hits.  Four vodka sodas in and Chris is pulled into a clumsy duet of Baby It’s Cold Outside after he makes everyone in the area hold both hands up so he knows no one is recording.  There’s no way this won’t end up in the Monday morning email thread, but tipsy, warm and fuzzy Chris is okay with that.

It’s the best company holiday party he’s ever been to. Which on the surface makes no sense—it’s in the same venue, with the same cheesy decorations, the same too-strong drinks and the same terrible ornament exchange.  But this year, the Christmas tree seems taller and fuller and more beautiful than ever. And this year, the bartender is wearing a Santa hat and smiling and singing along.  And even though an ornament exchange game with no stealing or trading allowed is a totally lame game, Chris somehow gets a Yoda ornament. He gasps, looking up at Darren, who is just across from him.  Darren has that shit-eating grin, toasting his glass to Chris as he takes another sip. He remembered.

And then Chris realizes that it wasn’t the party that had changed, it was him. And it was Darren. Because of Darren.  Even the most dreaded event of the year has Chris laughing, smiling, relaxing, even feeling the joy of the Christmas spirit.

He blames Darren and his magic that when someone comes up to them shrieking mistletoe! and dangling a bunch over their heads, Chris doesn’t laugh it off.  He looks at Darren, closer than the careful distance they’ve been keeping all night, and is hit with the full force of his sparkling brown eyes. You’re beautiful, Chris thinks, and grabs Darren’s lapel before he can think too hard.

Darren is dazed when they pull apart, the mistletoe bearer long-gone.  “Merry Christmas,” Chris says so fondly, brushing his thumb over the spot hidden under Darren’s shirt.

“Merry Christmas,” Darren says, taking Chris’s hand and holding it tight, laced with his.

#djchika #crisscolfer #crisscolfer fic #crisscolfergiftexchange #cc gift exchange 2017 #bee writes fic #NOW i can go read all the rest of the fic yessssss

[dreamwritesimagines]

How To Get A Guy To Like You

Pairing: Dean Winchester x Reader Summary:Sometimes, internet can be helpful with love problems. Warnings: Swearing Word Count: 2.441 A/N: Thank you so much for the notes on the imagine before this one, people! They make me so happy, and I hope you’ll like it too! Friendly reminder, I absolutely love feedback! :)  Gif’s not mine!

Growing up as a hunter sure had its disadvantages. Aside from the constant danger, being overall socially awkward due to not having time to get to know people, and always having to be on alert, you also made your peace with having to accept you didn’t know everything, especially when it came to humans, but you knew that you had to look for help when you needed it.

“Sam, I need help.”

Sam’s head shot up and he put the book down, sitting up straight almost immediately, “Sure. Are you in trouble?”

You cleared your throat as you sat down across him, and his eyes searched yours,

“Is this about Lucifer?”

“No-“

“Angels?”

“No-“

“Is it-“

“How do I get a guy to like me?”

He stopped talking and stared at you for a couple of seconds, his frown deepening,

“I-I’m sorry, what?”

“You’re a guy, right?”

“…Yeah, last time I checked.”

You rolled your eyes at him. “So, what do guys like?”

“Are you seriously asking me-“

“Yeah. I spent my high school years hunting monsters instead of flirting with boys, okay? I’m your girl if you need to kill something, but I need help with the guys. So, help.”

He shot you a weird look, “I’ve seen you flirting with people on a case.”

“Yeah, for a job! But I don’t know how to get a guy to like me!”

“Why would you need a guy to like-“ he paused, then held his breath, “Who is this guy?”

You gulped, then waved a hand, “Pfft, some- some guy, who-who is a guy.”

He narrowed his eyes, “Is it Cas?”

“Cas is like a cute puppy, I’m more into bad boys.”

“Crowley?”

“Not that bad!” You exclaimed, “There’s a difference between a bad boy and king of Hell, Sam, what the fuck?!”

“Then who-“ he suddenly froze, gawking at you, “No way.”

“Yep. Exactly my reaction when I realized it.”

“Dean?!”

“Shh!” You kicked him under the table, “Not so loud!”

“Oh my God, Y/N, what are you thinking?!” he asked you, “Dean!? Have you lost your mind?!”

“My theory is that we’re hunted by whatever is the opposite of a djinn, so instead of living our ideal lives, we’re trapped in this nightmare where I lust after your brother.”

He made a face, “Can you at least not say that?”

“Nope, if I’m suffering, you’re suffering with me.” You stated, “So?”

“I don’t think you need help with Dean.” He stated, “I mean you’re a breathing girl who’s not a monster, so you already match all the expectations. Good talk.” He stood up but you sat him down by grabbing his arm and pulling him down. “What?!”

“What do guys look for in girls?” You insisted, “Like… what is your number one expectation from a girl?”

“That she doesn’t die.” He stated, and you nodded slowly,

“Don’t die. I feel like that’s a fair point.”

“Thanks, can I go then?”

“No.” You pointed at him, “What else? What’s his type? Blonde, brunette, dark..?”

“I don’t think he has a type.”

“Everyone has a type, now tell me!”

“Tell you what?” Dean asked from the doorway, then made his way to the living room, sipping his beer, “What type?”

You felt your heartbeat getting faster as he sat beside you, then smiled at you, his green eyes crinkling a little.

“I- uh… I was just telling Sam I’d make a great wingwoman if he told me his type.” You stammered, “I mean everyone has a type, right? Take you for example.”

Dean shrugged, “What’s my type?”

“I don’t know, you tell me.” You said, nervously laughing and he thought for a second, then shrugged again.

“I dunno. Sam likes monsters though.”

“Dude!”

“What? You have like a fetish.” Dean tilted the bottle towards him, making you laugh like a high schooler with a crush, “There’s something obviously wrong with you.”

“Yeah, and Y/N likes bad guys.” Sam stated, making you glare at him and Dean frowned for a second.

“Like Crowley?”

“What the hell is wrong with you two?!”

“No judging.” Dean held up his hands, and you pinched his arm.

“So anyway, types? I’m pretty sure you have a type. I mean, don’t make me look through your internet history.”

“Nah, you’re too pure for that world.” He ruffled your hair, making you frown and bat his hand away before he chuckled and left the living room. Sam shot you a sympathetic look as you felt your mood drop, and your lips pulled into a thin line while you looked down at the table, dragging your fingernails on it.

“I could talk to him.” He offered and you shook your head, a plan forming in your head.

“No, I-I’ll figure it out. If I didn’t give up after my first day of doing squats, I can succeed anything.”

                                                      *

Thank God for the internet.

Because thanks to internet, you could now write “How to Get A Guy To Like You” and get billions of opinions and articles. So after spending hours, you finally had an idea about what to do.

Get a fancy dress, smell nice, flip your hair, act confident and find a passion you both share.

You took a look at your reflection in the mirror. The little black dress fit you snugly while the heels already fixed your posture. You had already spent an hour perfecting your cat eye and red lip, and basically drowned yourself in the perfume, so based on what all those websites told you, you were ready to go.

And it was the perfect timing. Dean said he would go out to ‘have fun’ while Sam stayed in the bunker to do research, so it would mean it would be just you and him, and plenty of time for your moves. Your phone buzzed, letting you know he was ready and by the car, so you took a deep breath and left your room.

As you walked out of bunker, Dean was busy with the car keys, so you cleared your throat when you approached him, making him look up.

“Finally-“ he stopped talking as soon as he saw you and eyed you up and down, suddenly making you insecure about the whole thing.

“What?” You said when he didn’t say anything and he cleared his throat, looking elsewhere.

“Nothing. You ready?”

You felt your stomach doing an unpleasant flip, but didn’t let it discourage you, so you nodded.

“Yeah. How do I look?”

Dean nodded, still making himself busy with the keys, “Nice. You look nice.”

You got in the car as Dean started the car and you fixed your skirt, the heels already giving you hell. The road went in silence aside from the music from the radio and soon Dean pulled over in front of the bar.

“Stay where I can see you, okay?”

“I can take care of myself.” You said as you left the car and Dean shook his head.

“Guys can- they might get the wrong impression with you looking like…this.” He motioned at you and you frowned,

“With me looking like this?” You repeated and he nodded.

“You know, they’d think you’re looking for a hook up.”

“Oh.”

“You’re- you’re not, right?” He asked lowly and you let out a shaky breath, then turned to look at the people in the bar. You flipped your hair but then heard a groan and turned on your heels to see Dean rubbing his eyes hard.

“Are you okay?!”

“Yeah, you basically stabbed me with your hair.” He blinked a couple of times, “Not blind. That’s a good sign.”

“Jesus, I’m gonna get a drink.” You shook your head at yourself, already annoyed at yourself and made your way to the bar to order a beer. It wasn’t long after the bartender placed the beer in front of you that you felt someone sitting beside you.

“Hi.”

You turned to look at him and smiled slightly. The guy had brown eyes and brown hair, and a nice smile, for which you were always a sucker for.

“Hi.” You said, “I’m Y/N.”

“Heath.” He introduced himself “Can I join you?”

“Sure, go ahead.” You sipped your beer “Just a…just a warning though.”

“Yeah?”

“I’m not here for a hook up or anything.” You said and he held up his hands.

“Just wanted to meet.” He said, making you smile, “To be honest, I just went through a break up, so… I’m- I’m good with that.”

“Bad break up?”

“The worst breakup.” He nodded, sipping his drink, “How about you?”

“I actually-“ You turned your head to find Dean and a girl talking cozily and you clenched your teeth, a fire spreading through your heart to your whole body. You blinked back the tears and tried to pull yourself together.

“I actually like that guy who’s talking to that girl over there.” You pointed at him, then turned to Heath, “The whole point was to look great for him, but all I got was a ‘You look nice’.”

Heath hissed in a breath, “Sorry. Harsh.”

“Yep.”

“You do look nice though.” He said, and you toasted,

“Yeah. Doesn’t make him see me more than a friend though.”

He shrugged, “Did you try making him jealous?”

You frowned slightly, then shrugged, “I don’t really think that works.”

“That’s how I got with my ex from hell.” Heath said, “I didn’t have the guts until she got comfortable with a friend of mine in a party.”

“Dean doesn’t get jealous. Not me, of all people.”

“Yeah but did you try?”

You shook your head, “What, like… kissing a guy? I don’t know a guy that I can kiss. I mean there’s his brother, but I see him like a brother so no-“

“I could help.”

You shot him a look, “If this is some sort of a play-“

“Just want to help.” Heath said, “No offense but um… I can’t do complicated right now, and you sound seriously complicated.”

You let out a laugh, then shrugged, “What harm could it bring?”

“That’s the spirit, okay- he’s looking, you ready?”

“Bring it on.” You giggled, and he leaned in to press his lips to yours. You felt yourself getting closer to him but soon was snapped out of it when you heard your name.

“Y/N.”

You pulled back and licked your lips, looking at Dean who looked absolutely furious.

“Dean, hey. Having fun?”

“Time to go.”

“We just got here-“ You followed him when he grabbed your arm and pulled you towards the door, then walked outside. “Dean, I- I’m wearing heels, would you slow down?!”

Dean let go of your arm and took a deep breath, with his back turned to you and you frowned.

“We just got here, I didn’t even finish my beer-“

“Too bad.”

You couldn’t ever dare to think that Heath was right, that he was jealous, so you crossed your arms.

“What’s going on?”

“You-“ He turned to you, fuming, “You deserve better than a guy in a sleazy bar.”

“Yeah, and who’s better? You?” You asked him, your heart beating in your throat and a painful look crossed his features before he gulped and took a deep breath.

“We should get back to bunker-“

“Great, Dean. Yeah, avoid the subject, perfect.” You heard your voice crack and he clenched his jaw, then looked you in the eye.

“No, Y/N.” he said forcefully, “No, you sure as fuck deserve better than me.”

“What’re you even talking about?!” You exclaimed, “I seriously don’t understand you! If you don’t like me back, fine, but don’t insult me and pull that shit!”

He gawked at you as the silence fell upon you, as if he couldn’t believe what he had just heard.

“What..?”

“I literally didn’t eat dinner because I can’t eat a fucking thing in this dress, that’s how tight it is, and I’m pretty sure I just broke my ankle on these heels when you dragged me out, and also I’m pretty sure I poisoned myself because I accidentally swallowed a lot of perfume while spraying the fucking thing to my hair, I did everything every website told me, and you wanna go with You deserve better than me?! Like, are you for real?! I don’t want better, Dean! Wake the fuck up, I want you!”

Dean opened and closed his mouth, as if at loss for words and you nodded.

“And now you look like a fish. I have a crush on a guy who looks like a fish when I proclaim my love. Figures. Like what the fuck, Karma, is this because of that time I tripped that girl because she stole my prom date?! Move on, they got married!”

“Y/N-“

“No, okay, you don’t get to speak.” You pointed at him, “Do you know how much time it took me to look like this?! 3 freaking hours, Dean! My eye hurts so bad because I wiped off my eyeliner way too many times. And all I got was ‘You look nice’. I accidentally burnt my finger while trying to do my hair, and I look fucking nice?! Like-“ You stopped yourself, then sniffled, “You know what, never mind. I’ll walk back to the bunker.”

You turned around without taking a look at him, desperate to get away from him and that bar and that night, but you stopped when you heard him speak.

“You do look nice like this.” He said and you rolled your eyes, then turned to look at him.

“Heard you the first time.”

“And you look really pretty when you wake up.” He said, “You look beautiful when you read a book and get into it too much. And you look fucking gorgeous after a hunt. And you look amazing when you’re sleeping. But I never say anything, because I have to control myself around you. Because you do deserve better.”

You shook your head, a tear escaping from your eye,

“Then stop controlling yourself.” You whispered, and that seemed to be all it took to make him move, because he walked to you in three fast steps and pulled you closer to lock his lips with yours. You felt the electricity shooting through your whole body as you ran your fingers through the hair at the nape of his neck, smiling into the kiss before he pulled back.

“Yeah…” he smiled and pecked you on the lips once more, “Let’s lose control a little.”

You nodded and looked up at him,

“Does that mean I’m your type?”

He chuckled before kissing the top of your head.

“You’re definitely my type.”

#dean winchester imagine #dean winchester #dean winchester x reader #supernatural imagines #dean winchester oneshot #dean x reader #dean imagine #spn imagine #spn reader insert #reader insert #sam winchester imagine #sam winchester #supernatural #spn