#how do i reduce this stress so i can deal with these things better??? how do i reduce stress when it consumes my entire fucking life??

[nexus-nebulae]

odd thing we've noticed. the less okay we are the smaller our active system gets

#like logically you'd think we'd get more members while stressed but we don't usually #we actually split way more often when we're feeling okay and alive #i think it has something to do with mental bandwidth #like when mental health bad we don't have enough mental energy to put towards the system #so we just. reduce a lot in size. to make the workload easier #like a few months ago we had about 100+ people active at once all rotating out frequently and cofronting a TON #and now we're down to like. three or four active the rest really only able to be active for a few minutes at a time #we're just too exhausted to deal with the chaos of so many people so it kinda. slows down a ton #it's hard to get used to when everything was So Loud before. its kinda scary sometimes #like damn. i cant just call Incredibly Specific Task Guy to deal with this task i really cannot do right now. that kinda sucks #but knowing that this is like. more bc of the fact that we Can't Deal With Much More Than This makes it a little easier #we're a bit like my current computer. shit ass RAM bc its got like 50 malware (illnesses) on it #and once i get a new computer (get a little better and more functional) i can get back to multitasking #side note my god my RAM on this computer is shit running tumblr and minecraft at the same time totally breaks it #like it makes the Entire Computer run at 10 fps it's Great #i'm getting a new one at the end of this month hopefully #and hopefully Actually Nice Thing Accomplished will also help brain a lot #also not having to stress about how annoying to use our computer is should help lmao

[werewolf4vampire]

hmm. i think. maybe i can't actually get better

#i'm sure this feeling will pass. it always does #but god there are just so many barriers. so many doctors i need to see. tests to do. exercises that will exhaust and hurt me at first #difficult mental exercises that will cause me emotional anguish at first while i'm bad at them #the guarantee that i'm going to feel beaten down & hopeless. repeatedly. indefinitely. until i finally start seeing progress #until i finally find the right doctors. the right tests. the right treatments. build up my strength. and stamina. #all the while i'm on a ticking clock in regards to my pets and family who are just gonna keep getting older #who fucking knows how long it will take to be Better and i'm fucking running out of time. i need to be better tomorrow #i need to be better yesterday. last year. two‚ three years ago #and ALL of this while i'm trying to figure out what kind of meager amount of income i could potentially make #how do you work while you're completely and utterly broken? how do you pay for those vet bills? new exercise shoes #to help with your pain? (the old ones are a decade old). a new desk chair so you could potentially do work at your desk #new clothes everytime you gain more fucking weight #and then you start to wonder: is all this stress giving you health issues? are you gonna have a bad heart in 5-10 years? #how do i reduce this stress so i can deal with these things better??? how do i reduce stress when it consumes my entire fucking life?? #i am. so tired #darryl speaks

[pizzapizzadickz]

Hahaha I thought I'd be fine to get out and eat. How wrong I was.

#i can only deal with making 2 things or eating prepackaged shit #haha fuck you ill only eat fruits and water #ouch everthing hurts. oh wait why am i crying? why am i so angry? why am i hitting myself??? #diary #personal #ive recovered again. but by god its been a stressful 48 with it mostly plauged with me shutdown or melting down. #like. for better or worse i can prevent most of a melt down. but like. instead its just agony internally. #ive been playing games for the last god knows how long. it rly does help keep me from getting too bored and melting down further... #honestly tho im like. not very verbal or sociable rn. like. i could. but if its not over text you have to keep it very basic #the reason i started melting down or whatever is bc my dad kept asking me questions when i really couldnt answer *sigh* #and the final straw was when he didnt make up the burger the way i wanted it. and then eating it was jist as bad #idk man. its illogical and no fault to him. but like. i wouldve rather just not eaten today instead :/ #disordered eating #like. *sigh* if i have to fucking deal with this shit twice in a 24h period id rather be high as a fucking kite #drugs tw #too bad i cant bc i need to do a resume and maybe have an interview this week #but as soon as i have that done im getting so fucking high. #tomorrow is my dads birthday and like. were supposed to have burgers but im not sure if ill want one bc the one i had today hurts #so like. i wanna vomit bc its just... my stomach feels bad bc of it. ill try taking an acid reducer maybe? idk #im not sure how the hell im going to eat anything the next few days. idk if i will. i always love fruit tho so maybe just that? #like. at first it was #now that my stomach is upset its like idk it just feels like that. #i may just be too full and itll wear off tomorrow #idk i rly feel like this is over the top. just everything is. and like. my emotions r so out of control its hard not to feel like ur faking #like. who gets progressivly more upset over very small things like being asked questions #trick question its me. also sounds n noises n everything else hurts. #when im exceedingly distressed (aka one step further than this like how i was last night) i cant even do anything. #honestly im barely functioning rn... but im trying ig. bc i have stuff to do and games help distract me from this hellscape that is my life #idk. hopefullu ill calm down by tomorrow? like. id like to not have a third meldown so soon... #im glad i could text my mom to ask her to just text me what i should edit my resume to.

[obliviouscxnt]

Home Azriel x Reader

a/n: forewarning I'm a firm believer in things getting worse before they get better. I hope you enjoy!:)))

synopsis: azriel has to resort to desperate measures in order to ensure your safety

Warnings: SA, depictions of RAPE, angst, violence, minor fluff

5.3k words

pt.1 | pt.2

The feeling was unshakable, those hands grabbing you, forcing you into the darkness. The freezing cold void of absolutely nothing and everything all at once. 

It’d been a day since the incident, the bruises and scratches on your body were already healing, getting better by the second. 

You hadn’t felt anything since then, no presence in the corner of your mind, no eyes on you, just silence. 

You didn’t know why its absence brought you no comfort. Why it made you feel worse. Like your body was trying to warn you about something your mind hadn’t caught up with yet. 

However, that was the last thing you wanted to think about as you lay beside Azriel’s form. Listening to his soft heartbeat. Letting the rhythm soothe you into a state of calm. 

You were so tired, you just needed a little bit of sleep, to rejuvenate your brain.  And if you had any hope of avoiding that nightmare you had to keep it far out of your thoughts. Distract your mind with other things. Conjure a nice dream for yourself. A dream about you and the shadowsinger. 

A dream where the two of you could just exist together. With no worries, no foreboding feelings in your hearts, just you and him, and your family, and happiness. 

Slowly that disturbed twisting feeling of unease faded away, and you closed your eyes. Ready for sleep to take you away.

Then it rushed you. 

Darting out from whatever crevice it had been lurking in. Invading your mind, taking hold of your senses. 

It tore apart your dream, cracked open your fabrication, and sent a shockwave through your system. It felt like the magic under your skin flinched. 

You gasp, eyes snapping open as you sit up. 

You feel Azriel’s hands on your shoulders, then you see his face in front of yours. Hazel eyes darkened with worry. 

It had been hiding from you, waiting for you to let your guard down. Waiting for the perfect opportunity to grab you and pull you into its never-ending darkness. 

It snapped your dream world in half. 

You shiver. 

“I don’t know what to do.” You confess to him. “It’s like it has a mind of its own.” 

Azriel’s hands grip you tighter and pull you into his chest. His wings cocooning you. “We’ll go see the sisters first thing in the morning. You can give it back to Elaine. Let her deal with it.” 

You swallow. Knowing that wasn’t an option. It would destroy her. And in turn, destroy Feyre. 

He reads your face. “You think you need to keep it? That because of your abilities you have some obligation to? You don’t. What if your abilities make it worse? At least, with Elaine it can’t take form.” 

You don’t voice your thoughts, you can’t fight with him. 

You don’t say that it would eat the newly turned Fae alive in her fragile state. Pick away at her mind until there was nothing left. That you at least had a fighting chance against it, even if you hadn’t quite figured that part out yet.

But you don’t need to say anything, not when he could see it all in your eyes. The shadowsinger sighed, so frustrated, so powerless, he wanted to do so much more, wanted to ease your stress, but he didn’t know how other than by being with you. Offering you his support.

It didn’t feel like nearly enough. 

He held you the rest of the night. 

*****

You’d abandoned sleep. Until you could find a way to counter this thing, to keep it caged, you would stay awake. 

You were very experienced in nightmares, probably the most experienced. You could manifest the perfect nightmare for any person, reduce the finest warrior into a sniveling coward at your feet. But you’d never taken somebody's nightmare before. Never had to hide from someone else’s fears.  

Even if you wanted to give it back to Elaine, you wouldn’t know the first thing to do. It was very different than twisting someone’s fears. 

So for the past week, you’d been doing research. Re-reading those books from Helion, scouring the library for anything else that mentioned dreams, nightmares, or the subconscious. When your brain needed a break from words you trained your body. Joining Cassian from time to time. 

The training backfired miserably, making you more tired, body aching with fatigue every hour, minute, and second of the day. 

But you couldn’t sleep, couldn’t go in that cauldron again. Not when it could hold you there. Keep you from waking. And even though Rhys had started sleeping at the House of Wind to ensure that you wouldn’t be trapped, you couldn’t risk it. 

You didn’t know if it would continue to attack you, like normal nightmares did, you had no way of knowing what its next move would be. It didn’t act like anything you’d encountered before. 

It could attack someone else next time, attack Azriel. 

That thought alone was enough to keep you awake for the past week. 

But with each passing day, keeping your eyes open got harder and harder. 

“You can’t let this continue.” 

Azriel hadn’t even noticed his brother’s presence. You’d taken all of his focus, diminished the spymaster to a man who couldn’t even hear Cassian’s footsteps. Which were not at all quiet.

The two Illyrians watch you from the library doorway. You sat with a multitude of books scattered around you, the one you were currently reading almost wider than the length of your hand and you were already halfway through. They watch your eyelids slowly fall, watch you try to fight it by blinking rapidly and shaking your head. 

Azriel was in full agreement with Cassian. This couldn’t go on.

Azriel feels hopeful when your eyes finally close, you’re head falling back against the sofa cushion. He holds his breath as he waits for you to sink deeper into sleep, not daring to make a sound in fear of startling you awake. But you shoot up a moment later.

Eyes flying open as you grab the couch like you had to catch yourself from falling. Head snapping to and fro as you frantically search for something that isn’t there. Harshly rubbing the sleep from your eyes over and over, but it only makes your eyes burn with a fire that could only be sated by letting them shut. 

In a moment of desperation, you grip your wrist, letting the sharp claws dig into your arm. Repressing the sleep in your system with pain.

Your hand is snatched away.

“Stop!” Azriel yells panicked. Watching as blood began to drip down your arm. “Fuck. Cassian can you-“ 

His brother was already handing him a first aid kit.

The sounds of shaky breaths and ruffling bandages fill the room. You don’t look at him as he wraps your arm, so mortified, so embarrassed he had to see you this way. That anyone could see you this way. So weak.

He grabs your jaw, forcing you to look him in the eyes. He’s not rough, but he’s not gentle either. So much emotion filled his face. 

So much worry, and love, and sadness. 

Then his eyes harden. “You need to sleep.” You try to shake your head but can't with his grip on you. “It’s not a suggestion.” 

Tears fill your eyes. No. You can’t. Not when you knew it was salivating at the thought. If it managed to kill you in your sleep, only the Gods knew what could happen. If that horror would be unleashed on the world. 

You couldn’t risk it. You wouldn’t. 

At first, the shadowsinger was torn on what to do. He couldn’t bear the thought of ordering you to suffer. Still can’t. But you were suffering anyway. He couldn’t watch you deteriorate anymore. 

He would sacrifice your trust in him if it meant you were healthy.

 

*****

Dinner was quiet, Rhys and Amren were busy. So that left you, Azriel, Mor, and Cassian. The Acheron sisters ate in their rooms and kept to themselves, though you had seen the older sister a few times. She joined you in the library every once in a while. She never spoke, never looked your way, but she stayed.

“You look like shit.” Mor had said when she saw you, slapping a hand over her mouth as if realizing she spoke aloud. Leave it to Mor to speak the truth.

“Gee, thanks.” You replied, wanting to send her a smile to let her know you didn’t take it to heart but could only find the energy to slide ungracefully into the chair next to her. 

Mor turns to you, forgetting her full plate of food. “Gods, look at you!” You tense as she reaches for your face, fingers brushing the bags under her eyes. Her touch made sleep slowly enter your system again. “Why are you doing this to yourself?” She asks as if she didn’t know the answer to that question. Which she most certainly did. 

You don’t have it in you to say anything so instead you start shoveling the tasteless food in your mouth. Forcing yourself to swallow it even though it felt like you were chewing chalk. 

“You know we’re here for you, don’t you?” She continued, and the food became increasingly hard to swallow with every word she spoke. “You don’t have to fight this alone, it wasn’t even your battle to begin with.” 

Your heart drops at her words. Not your battle? 

That’s right, this all started with your selfish need to feel useful. So you wouldn’t have to lay around like a weakling. All you did was make everything worse. Of course, you did.  

You reach for your water when you feel the food start to rise back up. The water doesn’t help. Your whole body starts to feel clammy, and your head starts to spin. 

So you pause leaning back to take a few slow deep breaths through your nose, swallowing the spit that didn’t stop gathering in your mouth.

“Feyre would hate to see you like this.” 

Those words were the final blow.

You jump from your seat, hand on your mouth as you dash out of the dining room. Running for the nearest bin, the house seemed to hear your inner pleas because a bucket was waiting for you in the hallway. You fell to your knees in front of it. Too busy hurling up all the food you just ate to cry out at the pain of your kneecaps slamming into the stone floor.

You feel his warm gentle hands on you. Softly rubbing your back, and pulling away your hair. Waiting patiently for you to finish heaving. 

When you could breathe without gagging you leaned into him, letting him wipe your face with his sleeve. Ruining the fine shirt he wore. “Can you call Madja? Tell her I need another tonic?” 

The little shots of energy that’d kept you standing the last two days, were all you could think of. You needed them before it was too late. Before a week's worth of sleep could catch up on you. 

Before that thing was free to roam.

Azriel looks to Cassian, expression grim, and he nods. The general was rushing off the next second. You hope he’s getting Madja.

A moment later Cassian was running back over and crouching beside you, pushing a glass of water in your hands.  You wanted to protest, remembering how the water hadn’t helped just moments before, but Azriel takes the cup and puts it to your lips. 

“Drink.” You comply. He tilts the cup up and up and up until you drink the final drop. “There you go.” He whispers, setting the cup aside so both of his hands are free to soothe over your body. “That’s it.” 

The effect was swift. 

That magic that was always writhing under your skin begins to slow.  It’s vibrating energy dying out. Until it wasn't even a tingle.

“I’m sorry.” He whispered, and your heart dropped. What did he do?

Your head becomes foggy, and your body is no longer your own. You can’t fight it as you slump back, can’t do a single thing when your eyes fall shut, can’t even think as your brain powers off. 

All you could do was sleep.

Azriel holds you close to him, lip curling at the smell of your fear permeating through the air. “I’m sorry.” He whispered again, though he knew you couldn’t hear him now. 

“It will work,” Mor said from where she leaned against the wall, watching you with a solemn look on her face. She, along with everyone else in the inner circle, was on board with the idea the moment Madja brought it up earlier in the week.

“It better.” He was reluctant until today, until he watched you hurt yourself. The fact that you couldn’t keep your food down was the cherry topper.

Azriel just hoped the Faebane in your system would last longer than the sleeping tonic.

The drug succeeded in quelling your magic, succeeded in its purpose of ridding your mind of that awful thing. But it also succeeded in other things. 

Without your magic, you were unable to conjure a happy dream for yourself. 

Leaving you trapped in your very own nightmare. 

*****

Your mother smiled with pride as she adjusted your hair. “Every male will want you.” Your whole life had led up to this moment, everything you had been taught was for this night. The night a male would choose you. 

The night you would submit. 

 So why weren’t you excited? 

“Stop that frowning. It’s unsightly.” Your mother leads you to a mirror. A pressure settles on your chest when you look at yourself. 

The sheer white gown did nothing to hide your body. Giving anyone who looked a full view of what was underneath. Your face was painted, your skin shaved and silky—glowing from whatever substance she’d lathered on you—and your wings were spread wide, fluttering at a pace that made every intricate design viewable. 

Your mother looked the happiest you’d ever seen her. The expression uncanny on her. “They won’t be able to keep their hands off you.” 

You felt something inside you twist at the thought. 

“Mother?” You say before you can think better of it. She meets your eyes through the mirror. She looked at you like you were a trophy, an object to be displayed not loved. Not that you ever knew the difference.

I don’t want to do this. 

The words were right there. At the forefront of your mind. All you had to do was give them a voice. 

But it was like your lips were wired shut. Your mouth doesn’t move, your voice doesn’t work. You say nothing. 

It wouldn’t have mattered if you had anyway. You didn’t have a choice, you never did.  “Don’t worry, child, none of the others can compare with your beauty. You will not be left unpicked.” 

Her words brought you no solace. 

You hold your chin high, as she leads you out of the hut and toward the growing horde. You make sure you stand straight, shoulders squared like you had been taught. Make sure your hips swayed just slightly, just enough to keep their attention like your mother had shown you. 

Make sure your teeth don’t grit, and your legs don’t shake. Make sure your wings don’t twitch, and your smile doesn’t fall.

Your mother parades you around for every male to see. Laughing at some of the comments they made, insinuating banter between the rowdy ones, reveling in the way they fought over you. 

With each laugh, each yell, each claim made upon you that pressure in your chest grew. Except it wasn’t just in your chest now, it was in your stomach, and in your head, and under your skin.

Your wings folded subconsciously, making your mother sink her sharp claws into your wrist. Not enough to bleed, she wouldn’t ruin all her work, but enough to hurt. Enough to make your wings snap back open. 

Is this really it?

The feeling gets worse when she leads you toward the other women, and then it doubles when she leaves to sit with the onlookers. Not so much as a goodbye, or even a second glance as she walks away. 

Your heart pounds as you blend yourself in with the sea of white. 

Maneuvering through the women was easy, each and every one of them was silent, tense, and scared. You try not to look at their faces for too long, didn’t want to be able to notice which ones were missing once everything was over. 

It wasn’t uncommon for males to lose themselves to the night, last year seven woman were found dead. Brutalized.

You swallow, heart beating so loud, so fast, it’s all you can hear. It drowns everything out. 

I don’t want to do this. 

You don’t hear the horn blow. You only know it did when everyone around you began heading through the woodline. You almost trip over yourself as you dash forward. You had to run. You had to hide before the second horn blew. You had to make it till dawn. 

Your bare feet don’t feel the sharp rocks and sticks that stab into them. Adrenaline fills your body, pumping through your blood, and muscles. Blocking out the pain.

The shimmering barrier is what makes you come to a stop. You’d never seen them before, the wards that kept your community safe, but there was no denying it. That wall of energy was where your colony ended.  

Beyond it, death was inevitable. 

There was no hope in flying, male wings are much different from females. Stiffer, sharper, stronger, the males would always be superior in the sky. 

So you stay on the ground hiding in a nearby thicket just on the edge of the wards. Arms hugging your knees to your panting chest, making yourself as small as possible. 

 You hoped nobody would search this far. But you knew the males in your community. They stop at nothing and do anything to get what they want.  

When a distant scream echoed through the woods you knew you’d missed the second horn. The males were already hunting. 

You hold yourself tighter, trying to force slow breaths in your nose and out of your mouth. Frantically trying to slow down your palpitating heart. But it felt like you weren’t getting air. Your whole body was shivering from the adrenaline, that pressure still building. 

You would get found by the sound of your breathing if you kept it up.  

“No! Ple-!” Your head snaps in the direction of the scream, much closer than the other one. You try not to think about how it cut off so suddenly, about what could’ve happened to her. What could’ve made her object to a male.

You just need to make it till dawn. Just need to keep hiding. For six more hours. 

It was hopeless, there wasn’t nearly enough ground to give the women a fighting chance. The men greatly outnumber the women, making the former even more desperate, even more competitive.

Where was the fun if everyone had a chance at winning?

No, they had to yearn for it. It was what made the Ritual work. 

Your head falls to your knees. 

You don’t want to end up like your mother.

Three years ago your father had grown tired of her, he participated in that year’s Flowering and never spoke to either of you again. As your mother is far from pure, she can not be used in the ceremonies. Instead, she was made a community whore. 

A female for the pent up males who had no luck on Flowering to fuck as they please. 

Your mother always said it was necessary. That all the things your people did, there were reasons for.  

That Flowering Night was a gift, it provided the magic that grew our blooms. The blooms that supplied our only food source. Nectar. 

Of course, you believed her, you’d never known any reason not to. The Middle wasn’t a resourceful place. It was too dangerous to send hunters beyond the wards, and there weren’t even any animals to hunt. Only other monsters. And even they weren’t worth hunting. Bodies usually emaciated with no meat on their bones if any at all. 

It was necessary, but that didn’t mean you wanted to do it. 

You wouldn’t know until much later that your people were just addicts. That hunting wasn’t an impossible thing, not when they had wings. That they could’ve flown to the Day Court to hunt, or even the Winter Court, but they chose not to. Because nothing could ever compare to their precious Nectar. 

Snap. 

Your blood runs cold as an older male sniffs around. Fifteen feet from you. His hard wings make a low buzz as they vibrate against each other with frustration.

The male was a brute, muscle stacked upon bulging muscle. 

You hold your breath as he slowly gets closer, the buzz becoming louder. If he caught your scent, no amount of shrubbery could keep him from finding you. 

He gets closer, and your heart pounds faster. That pressure you feel under your skin now throbbing. Pulsating.

He’s almost ten feet away, if he got any closer he’d undoubtedly smell the fear that left your body in waves.

White dots started filling your vision. You fight with your body to hold it. 

A blessing came in the form of a scream, this one even closer than the last. Your throat constricts trying to force air into your system. Your teeth ache from how tightly you clench your jaw.

The male started in that direction. Your throat burned, your head pounding. 

Just a second more.

But you couldn’t stop yourself from gasping for air. 

The male stops. Then he looks right at you.

You’d never known terror till that moment. 

*****WARNING: until the next scene change dark themes will be depicted such as rape and violence, if you do not wish to read proceed to the next “*****”

He pounced, dragging you out of the bushes by the base of your wings. Even though you don’t struggle.

He throws you to the ground, not wasting a second before straddling your thighs. Pinning down your legs. His hands grip the fabric of your gown, tearing it off your shoulder. You want to cover your body, but instead you lay still. Let him run his filthy hands over your breasts, let them squirm their way between your legs. 

You let him cause it’s all you’ve ever known. 

Even though your mind was screaming.

He is anything but gentle, forcing his way inside, digging around. You can’t stop the cry of pain that leaves you, the tears that fill your eyes, and he moans. Touch becoming rougher, harsher, trying to force another cry from you. 

The pain becomes worse when he adds more fingers, shoving his way though. 

Like he was trying to rip you open.

 His head buries into your shoulder. Sniffing and groaning in your ear. Rutting against you like a wild animal.

Then he bites down, and you scream. 

Your hands find his head and that pressure, that jerking energy under your skin devours him. 

The male collapses, body twitching on top of you. Teeth still embedded in your shoulder. You're stunned for a moment, but that's quickly replaced with revulsion.

Your arms shake with the effort it takes to roll him off of you. Whimpering when his teeth slowly leave your shoulder. 

His hands don't leave you, even though he was now out of reaching distance you could still feel them. Touching, grabbing, digging.

You feel nothing but disgust as you look at the male, watching him mumble, whine, and mewl in his unconscious state. You don’t even get the time to question it, to think about what happened. The heavy footsteps that head your way get closer by the second. 

I don’t want to do this. 

So you don’t. 

For once in your life you disregard all of your teachings. Every rule beaten into you. Each false instinct that’d burrowed into your body. And you run.  

Right past the wards. 

Because you’d rather die than end up like your mother.

You run and you keep running until your lungs are stabbed with pain, until your legs give out from beneath you, and you crash to the ground.  

Your nails dig into the soil as you lay there. To breathe. To think. To cry. 

Maybe you could just wait here till dawn. Maybe then you could go back. Nobody would have to know you even left. 

But the chill of the crooked woods laugh at you. You hear the sound of old trees creaking in the wind, calling you foolish. 

You couldn’t go back, you’d attacked a male. There was nowhere for you now, just death.

Still, there was a senseless part of your brain that hoped this was all a wretched night terror. That any minute now you would wake up to your mom’s voice. And you would be in bed. And Flowering will have already passed. And you wouldn’t have went because your mom knew you didn’t want to. And she wouldn’t have wanted you to go through it either, because of how ruthless the males were. And your life would go on until the next year came around. And maybe then you would be ready. Maybe then you would have accepted it.

The other part of your brain was ready to be done with it all.

“[name]?” 

Your breath catches, unsteadily lifting yourself from the ground. You look around, searching for that familiar voice. 

 “Mother?” 

“[name], my child…” You see her. She was completely bare, something you were used to, her beauty a stark contrast to the spindly trees around her. She walks toward you crouching before you, you sob when she rests a soft hand on your cheek. So, so different from how she usually held you. Then she spoke in such a soft voice, a tone you’d never heard leave her mouth. “You looked so beautiful when you were screaming.” 

The next moment it felt like you were punched in the shoulder, a heat unlike any other burned your skin. You look down to see a blade sticking out of your chest, a shriveled-up hand attached. Not the smooth skin of your mother.

When you look back into your mother's eyes they were no longer hers. Replaced with a milky white that gleamed in the moonlight. The face no longer female or beautiful. It’s skin was stretched taught over its thin bones.

Then as it spoke again with a smile so wide, teeth so rotted, and breath so pungent you knew what it was. 

“Cry for me, child.” It said, sounding like a million different voices at once. 

A creature that preyed on the weak, found pleasure in the act of killing. It cannot be reasoned with, its only joy is to watch the life leave someone’s eyes. To watch people die a sad miserable death in the form of the ones they loved the most.

The Mymic.  

You scream, and it laughs. You scream louder as it twists the blade inside you and then drags. Ripping each nerve, muscle, and vein as slowly as possible. So you could feel each and every tear.

The creature howled in ecstasy as it tore into you, cutting you open endlessly. 

No one would save you, not this time. 

Nightmares don’t have happy endings. 

“So beautiful…” It sighed pulling the blade out of your chest only to play with the blood that pooled out, finger-painting your white gown red. 

*****

He couldn’t stand it, you were so still that Azriel had to keep making sure you were breathing. He holds you against him, unable to keep his hands from wandering, soothing you. Shadows doing the same. 

You’d been sleeping for two days straight. Madja kept assuring him and everyone else that you were okay. That it was a good thing, that your body was responding well to the tonic and catching up on the sleep it needed. 

The Faebane had cleaned out of your system after the first twenty-four hours. But no Hybern soldiers made any appearance, no evil king, not even a flicker in the fae lights.

His head leans against yours, watching your chest lift up and down. He moves a hand to rest there, watching it rise and fall. Finding comfort in the repetitive motion.

Maybe you weren’t made for him. Maybe the cauldron didn’t deem you mates. Maybe he didn’t care.

Azriel was content to just share something so real with you, so raw. 

A bond didn’t make what the two of you had any less intense. He didn’t need to be tethered to you to know what you were feeling. Didn’t need fate to tell him you were the love of his life. 

He’d always pick you.  

A small sound reaches his ears, he was so worried about you that he’d started having audio hallucinations. But then he heard it again, louder this time, and he knew it wasn’t a figment of his imagination.

Your breathing becomes irregular, another little noise leaving your parted lips. Azriel’s hands rub you soothingly. Waiting patiently for the sleep to fade from your body. Whispering when he could tell you were conscious enough to hear him. “Hey.” He drawls, making sure he's quiet. When you open your gorgeous eyes and look at him his heart stops. “There you are.” 

You blink at him. “You drugged me.” 

Azriel flinches at the words. Actually flinches. Then he nods. 

“My magic… I can feel it now but it was…” 

His hand reaches for yours, feeling relief when you let him take it. He runs his thumb over the smooth skin. “Faebane. We got some when Rhys was captured.” 

You look down at your free hand, willing a small moth to appear there. Checking that everything was working correctly. The moth flies up toward Azriel but it dissipates before it can get far.

You weren’t mad. Quite the opposite. You’d woken up and found yourself relieved. Relieved to see him there next to you. Relieved to be home. 

You weren’t angry because you knew he did it to help not to hurt. Sure, he could’ve gone about it in a different way, maybe presented the idea to you instead of just slipping the drug in your water. But you couldn’t fault him for that either, Azriel was a man of action and few words. 

Still that didn’t stop you from asking. “Why didn’t you just tell me?” 

“I didn’t even want to agree to it at first. So little is known about your kind, your magic, there was no telling if the Faebane would even effect you. I didn’t want to risk you getting stuck in that nightmare without the ability to heal.” 

Your eyes widen at the information. If he’d told you that, nothing would’ve gotten you to agree. But he took that chance? Azriel wasn’t a gambler. 

Your face must’ve shown what you were thinking because he continued. 

“Then you hurt yourself and I couldn’t take it anymore, [name]. You needed to get better.” He squeezes your hand. “If I have to fight off a living nightmare so you can get a night's sleep, I will.”

“Did you?” You ask, wondering if the male had made an appearance or the Mymic. 

Azriel shakes his head. You sigh in relief. Ignoring the way your stomach grumbled with hunger, in no hurry to force down tasteless food. No hurry to leave your male. You lay your head on his chest.

“I’m sorry.” You say, and he shakes his head at you in confused questioning. “For letting it get that far.” For not being strong enough to get a grip. 

The shadowsinger holds your head to his chest. “I’m sorry.” He presses his lips against your head, saying the words into your hair. “I wish I knew other ways to help.” 

Your hands grip him. Nails clinging to his bare skin. “I missed you.” The worst part about reliving that Nightmare, was that you hadn’t known he existed. That someone so amazing was out there, and capable of loving you. 

“I never left.” 

taglist <3: @acourtofbatboydreams @xreaderbooksreads @gorlillaglue25 @anuttellaa @18crazybutcutealsopsycho @mybestfriendmademe

#acotar #azriel shadowsinger #azriel x reader #azriel x you

[my-autism-adhd-blog]

Hi there! First of all I just discovered your blog and it helped me understand a lot about autism. I was recently diagnosed and I had maaany questions, and going through your blog gave me some answers. So thank you so much for your dedication! ✨

I was wondering if you could share some stuff about burnouts? I saw the post of the signs of burnouts, but I was wondering if you had information about what are the common causes or how to deal with them?

Have a great day/night!

Hi there,

I found some information in burnout recovery and causes:

Text

Signs

* Lack of motivation (hard to care about goals when everyday life is overwhelming)

* Loss of executive functioning abilities (decision-making, organization, etc.)

* Difficulty with self-care

* Easier to reach overload or meltdown

* Loss of speech, selective mutism

* Lethargy, exhaustion

* Illness, digestive issues

* Memory loss

* Inability to maintain masks or use social skills

* Overall seeming "more autistic" or stereotypical

* May have period of high energy before collapse

causes

* Passing as neurotypical / suppressing autistic traits

* Doing 'too much', too much stress

* Aging: needing more downtime, having less energy

* Changes, good or bad (relationships, jobs, living arrangements, belongings, environment, routines...)

* Sleep deprivation, poor nutrition, dehydration

* Illness

* Sensory or emotional overload

strategies

* Time

* Scheduling breaks, managing spoons

* Leave of absence

* Stimming, sensory diet

* Exercise

* Reassured and supports

* Routines

* Better environment/job/etc.

* Boundaries, saying 'no'

* Dropping the mask/façade

* Solitude

* Absolute quiet

* Creative projects, passions, special interests

* Paying attention to reactions and your body

Here’s another Infograph I found:

Text

Sleep and rest as much as you can. We often need more sleep than allistics and it is especially crucial to meet our need for extra sleep while in burnout.

Reduce your energy expenditure. Within reason, reduce social time and the amount of information you are taking in on a daily basis. This often means saying no, even to things you think you

"want" to do. (ex. re-watch TV rather than start new shows)

Engage in special interests at a comfortable and sustainable level. Rather than doing in-depth research, try decorating your space with posters or objects related to your special interests or watching a TV show related to one of them.

Focus on your hypersensitivities. Use earplugs/ headphones/sunglasses, use dishwashing gloves and a mask while cleaning, wear comfortable clothes, eat safe foods, leave spaces that are too bright, loud, or fragrant.

Stim!! MOVEMENT: dance, rock, tap, flap, stretch, walk, stim toys.

TOUCH: soft fabric, self-massage, play with hair. VISUAL: watch

TV/ movie, kaleidoscope, coloring book, satisfying videos

AUDIO/VOICE music, singing, echolalia. REPETATION/SORTING: solitaire, puzzles, sorting objects, repetitive doodles, counting.

VERY slowly create systers/routines that automate your care needs and implement them very slowly. This can look like visual aids, timers, lists, bullet journols, weekly routines, Expect if to take time and trial and error to get into these habits. Pick I-2 habits or systems to implement at a time, starting with the ones you're most excifed about.

Autistic burnout and Complex PTSD have a lot in common and executive dysfunction often increases during burnout, so resources made for these can be very helpful.

Burnout Recovery

I hope this helps. Thank you for the inbox. I hope you have a wonderful day/night. ♥️

#inbox #inbox reply #inbox is open

[drdemonprince]

Can we really expand our window of tolerance as autistic people? I’ve been working on that kind of thing for so long and I can’t tell if I’ve made any genuine progress or if I’ve just unconsciously doubled down on masking :(

We can! But our expanded distress tolerance can't come out of nowhere. Something has to give. So for example, for me, I have way fewer sensory issues these days than I used to have, by a wide margin, and I have significantly less social anxiety and don't need much social recharge time on the level that I used to. I have more distress tolerance for sensory input and for social stressors now than I ever have before -- but this has required lifestyle changes and unmasking in order to get there. Let me break down both these improvements and how they happened:

Even as recently as a year ago, I would have terrible sensory meltdowns on a regular basis. But I haven't had a single sensory meltdown in months, maybe not even a single one for the entirety of 2023 so far? And that's because I have a) cut out caffeine, dramatically reducing my physiological stress levels, b) cut back on some workplace stress by reducing my commitments, c) stopped taking on additional projects outside of work that I didn't want to do and that only caused me stress (workshops and talks), and d) began working from home far more consistently, and made myself a wfh office that is more comfortable.

Now I operate from a really solid base of sensory comfort most days and I'm not overloaded with information or overwhelmed with obligations. This means I am far more tolerant of screaming people on the bus, the upstairs toddler slamming her feet on the floor, ambulances blaring by, noisy concerts, people bumping into me at the bar, etc.

I also am, for the first time in my life, clear-headed enough to recognize when I am starting to experience sensory distress, and can intentionally put on sunglasses or pop in ear plugs or remove myself from an upsetting situation more quickly. I had to experience what being relaxed and not overstimulated felt like, and get accustomed to living that way, in order to recognize subtler signs that I was feeling shitty and take steps to address those small annoyances before they exploded. I can handle a lot "more" in an intentional way now because I built my life to allow "less." My overall distress tolerance has still expanded -- but it's because I stopped masking and began attending to my sensory and stress regulation needs.

For the social piece, my distress tolerance has also gone up due to unmasking. If I was still motivated by passing as NT or being socially acceptable all the time, I'd be so overwhelmed being around people and worn down by every interaction. I also wouldnt be able to advocate for myself. But in the past few years I've become more and more openly weird and outspoken in my needs and true feelings, and I've recognized that the right people actually love me more when I do so and show up for me, and so being honest or even difficult to deal with is not really a threat.

This means I just don't experience much distress being honest or difficult to deal with anymore. I really can tolerate the discomfort of telling someone they're wrong or that I'm hurt without freaking out about being hurt or abandoned, because I've had a lot of good experiences with it and because I enjoy being unmasked so deeply that I just can't put my personality back in a bottle.

Masking lowers distress tolerance because it frays your nerves with stress and wears you out and bars you from ever getting to attend to and regulate your discomfort when there are signs of it happening. In order to increase your distress tolerance, you actually have to learn to better honor your discomfort early, and preventatively, so that you don't bubble over into a meltdown after days or weeks of ignoring your needs.

I think some people think distress tolerance is about becoming more tough, but it's quite the opposite. We become more resilient by getting better at recognizing and attending to our hurts.

[mishsymishy]

Hi there! Could I request Ragatha, Zooble and Jax with someone who already comes kind of insane when they first arrive at the digital circus? Like having some glitches and abstracting for a couple of seconds? Thank you very much!

Thank you for making the request!(I loved the idea)

It is in drabble format, and it is friendship or romantic but it is more romantic

Warnings:Low self-esteem, panic, pain, rejection, handling, corrupted,Horrible jokes, angst.

Digital Circus x Reader having glitches and abstractions¡

Zooble!

- The first time they saw you, they thought that you were already lost, that you will probably become abstract soon or even now.

Well.., they was surprised to see how you go on and on well, as if the little glitches they gave you were nothing, I was a little admiring how you You still didn't fall into despair and well, end up like a black thing

-After being together for a long time, they starts to care about your constant glitches and abstractions,a little worried more and more that it will really get to the point where you lose control trying to find solutions to stop the glitches or abstracts , even if it is less than before

_You will have many talks, mostly to keep you mentally healthy, although well they too needs that. You tend to go to someone's room to talk or walk around, talking about your past lives or listening to Zooble complain about how unbearable everyone is. Although sometimes you also have talks about what you would do if you escaped and could finally be free

-Jax once bother you because you panicked and almost got a double abstraction eye on the back of your head, Zooble quickly managed to grab him by the neck again and threaten him that if he 'liked' abstractions so much he would be next one

-If you abstracted yourself, they wouldn't cry, but they would feel even worse about herself, as if they had failed you in everything they promised you. Making you believe that you could improve and both get out of there. Over time, they would also end up abstracted

Ragatha!

-She would really be scared to see how abstracted you are, after Kaufmo she's really afraid of being glitched or banged against the walls again. When she sees that you return to normal, she only looks at you strangely while thinking about what she just observed and how is that normal

-As he gets to know you better, he starts to ask a lot of questions about you and your health, etc. You even get the idea of ​​going to talk to Caine to see if he can solve your problem like he did with her and Pomni. When she sees your glitches he asks you if it's hurt. She, maybe, understands you a little And well, she maybe can help you reduce that little by little (At least that's what she thinks), trying to give you advice on what to do in a moment of stress just as she did with Ponmi.

-She worries a lot about you, trying to keep you from doing the hard things, like dealing with Caine's adventures as very difficult missions, and she just tells you to relax while she does all the work. Also try not to let others say bad things to you or even bother you, she really don't want to lose you! She is very overprotective of you like she was with Pomni, only much less so.

- The truth is that she loves you very much, she has captured you with affection and compassion, so if you finally corrupt yourself, She will feel bad too, only she would hit him twice as hard because she never felt too bad about her and now... hate herself a little too much, She feels like her only job was to take care of you and she just failed that simple thing. It will not become corrupt because it knows that there are still people who need her or that is what she wants to think. Oh, and I'm probably less patient now and more worried For your loss she will also have a small offering , like something that reminds her of you in a secluded place in her room.

Jax!

-At first he started insulting you, calling you strange or something like that and trying not to be with you relying on the excuse that you You were a bad and corrupted person and it was better to be away from you , try to convince everyone to stay away from you too using past reference like Kaufmo

-Then after having a mission with you and seeing how black things like abstractions came out of your body ,he was scared (and also worried) because of you.As he got to know you a little more he realized that you were just lost in your mind so you weren't that bad.

-He ends up caring about you but doesn't want to show it, if he gives you a glitch In public he won't say anything but then in private he will probably ask you everything about your mental and physical health.

-Many times he use your abstractions to scare someone, mostly Kinger, by telling them that you are also going to abstract like Kaufmo or Queenie , but if you tell him that you don't want him to make jokes about your problems, he will more or less stop doing it just because he loves you although I don't want to admit it at all.

I hope you liked it! sorry for the delay, a lot of study shit and thanks for make the request!

-If you become distracted, it is more or less that he will feel guilty for not having taken you seriously, for not having helped you so much, for laughing every time he saw something happen to you, thinking that it was not worrying. Surely now I'll stop making serious jokes on people. But he will also be much more depressed and wanting to leave that place.

-

—

Hope you like it! Sorry for the delay!

Please tell me if any pronoun or spelling is wrong, I use a translator and I don't know if some things are spelled correctly

#angst #jax the amazing digital circus #tadc #the amazing digital circus #the amazing digital circus ragatha #the amazing digital circus x reader #friendship #lovers #jax x reader #tadc jax #ragatha x reader #zooble x reader #tadc zooble #the amazing digital circus zooble #tadc x reader #light angst #fluff #jax tumbrl sexy men #tadc pomni #tadc kinger #tadc kaufmo

[hexgaywire]

"Taking Care of You While You're Sick" (HC)

[Nijisanji EN Boys Edition]

Ft. Vox Akuma, Sonny Brisko, Ren Zotto, And Hex Haywire

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Disclaimer and Reminder; this is based on the characters made by NIJISANJI, not the people behind the character voicing them. If in the future the person expresses or states that fics of this nature makes them uncomfortable I will 100% remove this or anything I write about the characters involved.

F,M,GN?: GN

Warning: Ren swearing like once? Other than that none

Word count: 958

Authors note: Listen if I had to pick one man from each group to take care of me it would be these four. I'm being selfish, I'm sick, and biased but I hope you enjoy regardless. (This is also really short, I wanted to write some feel good stuff, I'm sorry)

Reminder that my requests are open! If you wanna send me one please do!

-------- ••• ------- ✧ °✧° ✧ -------- ••• -------

Vox is very observant and notices you're a little off right away

He takes to canceling whatever he and you have on your schedule today

You have errands to run, laundry to do, homework to do? Too bad you've been bed ridden

He refuses to let you put any stress on until you're 100% better

Vox takes you home and sets you up to be comfortable

"I have to make a quick run to the grocery store, call me if you need me for anything"

He really was quick because it couldn't have been more than 15 minutes before he returns with an arms full of groceries

He fixes you a cup of tea, checking your temperature while you sip on it

Vox rummages around in the groceries and pulls out some fever reducers and gives them to you to take

While you relax he makes you the best soup you've ever had

You didn't realize how hungry you were until you ate, Vox is just happy you're enjoying his cooking

Vox insists on staying the night and won't take no for an answer

He may be a (voice) demon but he's a demon who cares for his clan

Sonny works a lot so he's a little slow to figure out your sick

It was a cough in the middle of a sentence you tried to suppress that got him

Once he realizes your sick, similar to Vox, he sends you home immediately making sure you are not doing anything else except for focusing on getting better

He ties up things at work quickly so he can come over and take care of you, he even takes a couple days off just for good measure

You're not expecting the VSF Commander knocking at your door with your favorite comfort food, meds, and vitamins

But you know it's always welcome

After he makes sure you eat he cleans up for you and then suggests you go lie down on the couch

Sonny does some light food prep for you so you don't have to strain yourself when your hungry

You fade in and out of consciousness while you watch Sonny Brisko putt around your home taking care of little things

When you eventually drift off to sleep he gently checks your temperature with his hand and deems you stable enough to carry to your bed

After tucking you in he can't in good conscience leave, what if something happens??

Sonny grabs a wet cloth to place on your head and eventually sits by the edge of you bed to watch over you

He too eventually passes out and when you wake up you see him there...

You feel safe and cared for knowing Sonny is at arms reach, just for you.

Ren is still learning about human culture

So when your voice comes out horse, he laughs and asks

"What's up with your voice?"

You explain to him that you aren't feeling well today and apologize

"YOUR SICK!? Oh shit uh I've been told about how to deal with this! Let me help you? Please."

How could you say no to him

Ren whisks you away to your room stating it was crucial for humans to get plenty of rest when they aren't feeling well

You can't argue with that and tell Ren you'll take a nap

Once he's sure you're asleep, he runs out to the pharmacy

He returns with almost the entire pharmacy, just in case....

You awake again when Ren places a towel on your head

He smiles down at you hand hands you some water as you sit up

"Staying hydrated is also important when you're sick, the towel thing is also important for... something probably"

You laugh as he rustles around grabbing something else

He hands you a fist full of pills, that's when you notice the stack of medicine boxes behind him

You gently explain to him that taking that amount of medicine could potentially make you more sick

You list off a few medicine names and he hands them to and you take them

"I guess I still have a few things to learn when it comes to taking care of humans..."

You gently squeeze his hands and thank him for being here, because being sick alone is scary

You're lucky Ren is here

Being sick often, Hex hones in that your feeling sick before you do

"You should head home. You're sick."

You're dumbfounded you had stuff that needed to be done, but your thoughts of work are interrupted by the oncoming of a splitting migraine

Resigning with a sigh you excuse yourself to your home

Not two minutes after you settle into bed you get a knock at your door

You're greeted by Hex carrying his favorite soup for the both of you

You invite him in and he asks you to sit and he'll grab anything you need

While the two of you eat Hex turns into a mother hen and asks you for all your symptoms and how your feeling, constantly checking on you

Hex is honestly an angel, he cleans up after you eat, grabs your medicine from your medicine cabinet, he even offers to do any chores you need immediate help with

You feel selfish for making him worry

He assures you that you'd do the same for him, you have done the same for him

It's the least he can do to help ease the burden while your sick

He helps you back to bed and meekly asks if you want him to stay

You'd be honored to have him stay especially since he's such a good caretaker

You thank him for his help and again he says he's just happy to look after you

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#nijisanji en #illuna #luxiem #noctyx #xsoliel #hexgaywire headcanons #vox akuma #sonny brisko #ren zotto #hex haywire #vox akuma x reader #sonny brisko x reader #ren zotto x reader #hex haywire x reader #vox akuma headcanons #sonny brisko headcanons #ren zotto headcannons #hex haywire headcanons #vox x reader #sonny x reader #ren x reader #hex x reader #sfw

[cecilxa]

hiii since ur reqs r open, can i please have kaeya, thoma and childe (separate) with a reader who returns home after a tired day with a huge back ache and wants a massage and wants to be coddled and doted on but doesn't say anything bc they dont want to bother the boys but they find out. ty<33

relax in my arms forever, i'll hold you for eternity

contents: fluff, slight hurt/comfort, gn!reader, literally just guys wanting to take care of you :)

cw: food, mention of alcohol, slighty slighty suggestive, allusions of violence

a/n: tysm for this request anon! i hope you enjoy reading this as much as i enjoyed writing it! (this also turned out a lot longer than what i was expecting haha)

kaeya— pavo ocellus  ✯¸.•´*¨`*•✿ ✿•*`¨*`•.¸✯

There’s nothing more that Kaeya loves than seeing the look on your face when you’re elated. The way your eyes crinkle up in joy, how he’s able to see how happy you truly look, and the way it makes him fall in love all over again. On the other hand, there’s nothing more that he hates than to see the look on your face when you’re exhausted, too tired to even give him a small peck on his cheek. He hates the way you won’t talk to him, and he hates the way you think he’d ever think you’d be a bother. You’re acting like this right now, and- even though you’ve still not told him about your fatigue- he’s observant enough to figure it out rather quickly, even with only one eye. 

With his sharp tongue and glinting eyes, Kaeya is usually always up for a ‘nice’ chat- even better with some alcohol in his system- but somehow he’s reduced to placating tones and gentle words whenever you’re with him. He knows that you’re not in any serious danger; otherwise, he would’ve had to deal with a lot more than your tired face, but it still pains him to see you not happy and smiling like you usually are. Another yawn comes out of your mouth, and you lean up to stretch your arm muscles. He can hear the bones in your shoulder clicking as you do so. 

Well, that’s settled it, then. He’s going to give you a massage whether you like it or not. The telling signs of your muscle fatigue and the dark circles under your eyes inform him that you’re in desperate need of some good, old TLC, and what better way for you than for him to give you a special massage, courtesy of his never-ending love. He does want your smile back, after all. 

“Darling, sit down, and get comfy, hmm? Turn around so your back’s facing my chest.”

His velvety voice invades your senses, and- too tired to care- you oblige, shuffling around so that he’s able to properly reach your shoulders. His eyes widen when he sees the obvious hunch of your back, and he resolves to fix it much sooner than later. 

“Kaeya, what are you doing?”

You say to him, sleepily, stretching your arms out once again. He can hear them click once again, too. 

“I’m giving you a massage. No offence, darling, but I think you need it.”

Sighing, you mutter a few words back at him, so quietly that he can’t hear them, but takes it as confirmation for him to continue. He hums under his breath, gently placing two hands on your covered shoulders, making sure to cover the most surface area while still managing to maintain a firm grip. 

“Tell me if this hurts, and I’ll be less harsh.”

You nod, and he gets to work. 

It’s surprising how delicate yet steady Kaeya manages to be. Most people would’ve assumed that he handles things harshly, through no fault of his own; but through all of the battles and fights he’s had to endure. Instead, his hands knead the knots out of your muscles perfectly, and the steady rhythm of going around in circles and rolling the skin of your shoulders helps you melt further into his arms. They caress and tug, coaxing out the stress and fatigue that’s been building up, not entirely unlike his own personality. His hands hit every pressure point they can, and soon enough you’re falling into a light slumber, the soft hums of his voice pervading the air surrounding the both of you. Before you fully drift off to sleep, you hear him chuckle. 

“My, my, am I really making you feel that good?”

Blushing at his insinuation, you try to feign sleep, but one thing you may have ignored was that you should never forget how much this man knows your quirks and habits like the back of his hand. 

“Darling, I know you’re still awake. But, I guess I can play along for now. Your shoulders have loosened up quite a bit, all thanks to my handiwork. You can thank me later.”

He presses a sweet kiss on your forehead, scooping you up ever-so-gently, and silently pads over to your bedroom, placing you down onto the soft mattress. Covering you up with some blankets, he’s noticed that you’ve actually managed to fall asleep properly by now, and he delights in the fact that he’s able to take some time to admire you. 

He much prefers your peaceful, calm look, with no crease in your eyebrows, and no frown that he so hates. Cupping your sleeping face with one hand, he dons a particularly adoring expression.

“I hope you feel better. All for you, of course.”

thoma— rubeum scutum  ✯¸.•´*¨`*•✿ ✿•*`¨*`•.¸✯

Humming a merry tune, Thoma whistles cheerily, eagerly awaiting your arrival from work. He’s been cooking a variety of dishes, each one distinctly picked out to suit your tastes. The smell of food wafts outside, and the apron he’s wearing has been stained with various greases and condiments, which he knows you’ll scold him for. Hopefully, the food will win you over, but some kisses might work as well. He sighs dreamily. Just thinking of having a nice homemade dinner with you has his heart fluttering, the utter domesticity of being able to cherish and spoil you being too much for him to handle.

When he hears the door open, he perks up, eyes shining as he tries his very best not to run straight over to where he knows you’ll be, taking your coat off and hanging it on the rack he managed to buy at half price. He finally reaches the entrance and, a smile reaching his eyes, leans in to hug you, only for you to head straight to the kitchen, leaving him- for lack of better words- utterly gobsmacked. His mouth gapes open, thoughts only of you in his mind. Your usual routine is to hug him, then kiss him, then he’ll ask for some more and you’ll laugh it off, saying that you were hungry and wanted to have some food, maybe giving him a small peck out of pity. What happened today? Did you receive bad news? Has he- no- are you mad at him?

Racing towards the kitchen, not even caring that he’s running on freshly polished flooring, he finds you sitting down, a large sigh coming out from your mouth once you’re seated on a chair. You close your eyes, enjoying the relief that it gives you, when a plate of hot steaming food is placed in front of you. Thoma’s eyes are the first thing you see, overflowing with concern, and- are those tears? His hesitant voice calls out to you, gentle and careful. 

“Baby, are you mad at me? Because if you are, then I’m really sorry for what I did, but could you at least tell me what I did? I love you so much, I don’t want you to be mad at me.”

A sad smile etched onto his features, he takes the seat opposite you and begins eating his food dejectedly. You- too stunned to even reply- battle with your thoughts. On one hand, the only thing you want right now is to be doted on by your lover; but on the other, you don’t want to bother him even more; he’s already gone to all this trouble just for you. Your gaze softens.

“No, Thoma, it’s fine, you haven’t done anything wrong, I love you too.”

The concern doesn’t leave his eyes, however. 

“Are you sure? What’s wrong then? Are you tired? I don’t mind going to bed early, but please eat first!”

It’s almost comical how much he cares for you. You would laugh, but he’s hit the nail on the head; really all you wish for is to be doted on by him, being an extremely tiring day at work. A sigh leaves your mouth, making his frown even larger. You’ve made your decision, and there's no time like the present.

“Today’s been really tiring, Thoma, do you think we could take a bath together?”

His frown immediately disappears, morphing into a soft smile, immediately getting what you were hinting at. 

“Of course, baby. I’ll set it right now, finish your food first, though.”

You smile back, allowing him to see the fatigue in your eyes. 

“Thanks, Thoma.”

“Anything for you.”

—

When the food’s been gobbled up (it was suited to your tastes, after all), you and Thoma head to the bath to relax. He holds your hand the entire way, down to when you settle comfortably, back pressed against his chest. His arms cradle your waist, hands absentmindedly stroking your stomach, as you let the warm water relax your muscles. You can hear him humming, his chest rumbling against your back as he presses a soft kiss to your cheek. 

“Love you so much, baby.”

His nose brushes your cheek as he whispers those words, one hand of his reaching up for a bottle of shampoo. Ever so gently, he lathers your hair with it, hands massaging the roots of your hair. He scratches at the best parts, making sure never to be too harsh, as bubbles start to build up, leaving you oh-so-relaxed. You can feel him press tender kisses along your shoulder, lips grazing your skin in such a loving way that makes your heart beat just a bit faster. Once your hair’s been sufficiently massaged, he takes the showerhead, and rinses all the suds off, making sure to wipe away all the water that comes into contact with your eyes. He murmurs words in your ear, each as caring and tender as the hands that look after his lover.

“You’re so pretty, y’know that?”

With the water cascading down your back, and your lover’s hands carding through your hair, you would feel content staying in the warmth forever.

The soft smile- so full of love- that Thoma gives you, agrees. 

childe— monoceros caeli  ✯¸.•´*¨`*•✿ ✿•*`¨*`•.¸✯

After a day of working (fighting), there’s nothing more that Childe wants than to lie with you, see your face, and he can go to sleep happy. However, when he enters your shared home, he’s greeted with the sight of you all bundled up in a blanket, seemingly staring into a vacant space. 

His first reaction is to coo at how adorable you look, immediately having to resist the urge to tackle and smother you in kisses. His second reaction is to be concerned; no matter how cute you look, he does seem to notice that the expression on your face is slightly off, not like usual. Childe prides himself on being surprisingly observant, but maybe you would expect that based on his Harbinger status. And, if it were to concern you, he pays just a bit more attention than usual. 

His final reaction is anger. Whoever- or whatever- made you like this will pay the price. Usually with their life, but you’ve been trying to teach him not to resort to violence every time he sees you upset. Maybe he’s a bit overdramatic, but it’s better to be safe than sorry.

He still feels the itch of his fingers, waiting for a weapon to hold and use to maim; he still sees the usual red in his eyes whenever he catches you off guard, upset. But for now, he’ll have to settle for the clenched fists by his side, as the main problem here is to figure out how to make you feel better. He doesn’t like the distant look in your eyes, usually so bright and carefree, the numbness he’s observing in your body should be carried by him instead. 

Gently padding over to where you’re sat, he holds you tenderly and places you on his lap. Arms wrap around your waist as his head leans to rest on your shoulder. Mustering the best possible smile he can, he turns to face you with an inexplicably cheery tone of voice.

“What’s wrong, darling? If it’s someone, I can get rid of them, no problem! Anything for you, always.”

You mumble back, eyes slightly drooping.

“It’s nothing, Childe. Just a bit tired is all.”

His fists still haven’t unclenched themselves. Childe doesn’t believe you, not one bit, as he presses a quick kiss to your cheek. 

“You sure? I could do with a bit of practice… my aim’s getting rusty. Plus, it’s for you, so it’s no bother!”

Glancing at him ever so carefully, you hesitate. Truth is, you’re exhausted. All you want to do now is lie in bed forever and not come out, basking in the comfort of its warmth. Childe is an added bonus, but gratefully accepted nonetheless. However, you don’t want to burden him; you can see the faint eye bags he’s been trying to hide, and you notice the fatigue in his muscles when he cooks your meals for dinner. 

“Darling? Say something, at least.”

You sigh. The earnest look on his face is too much for you to handle; it reminds you of a loyal soldier too faithful for their own good. Well, that is what his job is, essentially. 

“Can we lie in bed together? I just want to be with you.”

He visibly perks up. The grin on his face widens, and you can see his eyes sparkle- no, not even metaphorically- you swear they actually sparkle. A blush forms on his cheeks, and he laughs like someone so in love that it makes a small smile on your face appear as well. He buries his head into your neck, hands unclenching to stroke your waist.

“You’re so cute! I just want to hold you in my arms forever!”

He does check on you as an afterthought, though. He’s not a totally bad partner.

“You sure you’re okay, though?”

“Yes, Childe. Better now you’re here.”

–

You can feel Childe’s arms wrapped tightly against your waist, his legs intertwined with yours, your head on his chest. You can also feel the soft thump of his heartbeat and it’s funny how even when you just look at him, it speeds up. You point it out to him and he pouts.

“Not fair that you’re so cute!”

Every so often (more like every other moment he gets the chance to) he presses a series of kisses to your face, one on your forehead, one on your cheek, one on your jaw, and one on your lips. They’re also particularly sloppy, but you can excuse that, for him. 

You don’t know how much time has passed, but you’re feeling a lot better, a lot less tired, and as loved as ever. He lets out a contented sigh.

“Love you.”

“Love you too, Childe. Could you get me some water, though? My throat’s feeling a bit dry.”

He immediately jumps out of bed, scrambling to the kitchen to get you a glass of water. You can hear the shouts of his voice as he runs off, energy at an all-time high.

“I’ve got it! Stay in bed and relax, baby! I’ll be right back!”

You giggle to yourself. He certainly takes the message, ‘love and look after’ extremely seriously.

a/n: tysm for reading until the end ❤️ likes, reblogs and comments are always, always appreciated!

#kaeya x reader #kaeya x you #kaeya fluff #thoma x reader #thoma x you #thoma fluff #childe x reader #tartaglia x reader #childe x you #tartaglia x you #childe fluff #tartaglia fluff #genshin impact x reader #genshin x reader #genshin impact fluff #genshin fluff #genshin x you #ahh second multiple chara fic! #i seriously underestimated how much time they actually take... #big respect to everyone who does muti character fics

[lilianade-comics]

Did you ever have any more ideas for the AU where Dani was wandering around the ghost zone looking for Danny and had spellbound Vlad into helping? It was such a good inspiration for daydreams, for me, especially how Dani and Vlad interacted while she slowly grew on him. Probably because he’d be deep in denial to the point he wouldn’t notice why he was becoming more comfortable around her and not bothering to be as snappish, other than thinking he was just tired.

How do you think they’d reunite after the incident where Vlad frames himself to find Dani? I can’t imagine Dani would never want to see him again, so she might try to sneak back to places where she was with him, or summon him in secret. Vlad, once getting over the surprise she still wants to talk and what remained of his ego, might have no problem with interacting with Dani as long as she kept it private. And would Dani eventually want to reintroduce Vlad and Danny once she becomes more open with him? It seems like she might, to have a more honest relationship with her brother. To which Vlad would Definitely Not agree, his reputation could not survive it getting around that he actually was attached to this girl. That’s something they might butt heads about.

I think that after they separate, that's when Pariah Dark ramps up the conflict as the main villain (I don't really have many details fleshed out for the wider plot of the AU beyond Dani's personal quest, but I imagine that Pariah probably likes to eat the living people unfortunate enough to find themselves in the ghost realm, or the ones he can get his hands on at least, as Vlad mentioned is a thing that sometimes happens in that AU comic I did.)

Because Pariah's no doubt gotten wind of the whole "living girl is actively running around his kingdom looking for That Little Pest Danny Phantom and has also apparently magically bound his most Aggravating Rival" situation, he's out looking for Dani. I think Vlad winds up getting apprehended after leaving Dani to Danny (he can't catch a break in this AU) and after getting confronted by the Ghost King himself Vlad no doubt vehemently denies ever having gotten himself bound by a child, and he swears up and down that there is NO living girl in the realm, and clearly Pariah needs to invest in better spies, etc.

Through circumstances not fully fleshed out yet, this likely ends up turning into a "Vlad wrestles with his conscience and his ego and finally gives up and escapes Pariah & returns to Dani in an attempt to persuade her to leave the ghost realm before the Ghost King eats her" kind of deal. Because Vlad cares about her! Which is highly unusual for him and he doesn't really like it! Having feelings is stressing him out!

Vlad definitely tries to do this secretly, but Dani gets her brother involved anyway. The context of how Vlad and Dani are actually friendly with each other takes a lot of explaining. (Danny probably laughs for about thirty straight minutes when his sister recounts the magic binding part of the story. Vlad looks ready to throttle him but doesn't, miraculously.)

Danny and Vlad argue viciously over the whole thing, for obvious reasons. Danny is probably against Dani leaving; he's dealt with Pariah before and he's confident his crew can protect her. (Danny probably knows of some really good hiding places where she'd be safe, after all, he was never eaten by Pariah so clearly they have a chance!) He's mostly accepted that Dani is his long lost sister at this point, and he's not about to lose her so suddenly. Vlad is NOT amused, mostly because he's rapidly succumbing to parental brain rot and the children are refusing to listen to him. His whole reputation is actively crumbling around him, lol.

Again, details are all incomplete right now, but the vibes, you know? Vlad is a proud, lonely warlord who thirsts for power and attention and now he's been reduced to worrying about some dumb little girl who he "hates." She humiliated and bound him and he should be excited that Pariah is plotting to cook her on a spit. Instead, he's stuck allying himself with a bunch of fool teenagers who he also hates, all in a wild attempt to keep her safe. Rest in Peace, Vlad, because you're not coming back from this one with that reputation intact!

#danny phantom #asks #cheese melt

[lionlena]

You need a better place (Joelxreader)

So I got a request from @rm4sblog

Could you write something about Joel loving a girl with epilepsy, taking care of her, helping her, comforting her, and dealing with the memory loss and other side effects of seizures?

I agreed because the topic of epilepsy is not completely foreign to me. My cat suffers from epilepsy and unfortunately, I have seen his seizures. Of course, it's not the same as human epilepsy, but there are some similarities. Even the medications are so similar that my cat can take human medications.

I hope you will like it.

Warnings: chronic illness, epilepsy, epileptic seizure, anxiety, mention of death risk, hurt/comfort, little angst, little smut (bc you wanted, I guess)

Having epilepsy would suck in the ordinary world. In a pandemic world, that was fucking bad. It was hard to predict when you'd have an attack. Sometimes all it took was someone to shine a flashlight in your eyes. Other times, a stressful situation was enough.

So... As if everything was stressful during the pandemic. And you had a hard time finding a job. Your options were really limited. Even if you were a great shooter, this encounter with the clicker would probably end in your defeat. You would have an epilepsy attack and no weapon would help you.

Of course, there were drugs that helped you. They reduced the frequency and length of attacks, but they weren't easy to get. You'd never get them yourself. You probably would have died long ago if it wasn't Joel who help you.

Ever since you met this surly, rough, soft-hearted guy, your life has changed for the better. Sometimes you didn't know what made Joel Miller love you so much. How did you deserve such a man? He was tough and brutal on the outside with other people, but in the privacy of your apartment, he treated you like a princess. And he hated it when you said you were "broken." Then he would immediately silence you with a kiss, cup your cheeks and look at you with those brown eyes: "Shhh, sweetheart. You're perfect. If any one of us is broken, it's me and only me."

Nothing in the world would make him leave you. Though sometimes you would that he to leave you.

You loved him like no one else in the world, but when you saw how he risked it to get you medicine, your heart broke. Every time you wiped the blood from his face, when you massaged his tense back when you waited for him to come home, when he left the quarantine zone.

Sometimes you've wondered if, for his sake, you shouldn't rejected him. Tell him he's too old for you, that you don't love him. You would hurt him for his own good.

But the selfish part of you couldn't do that. Because you've never been as happy with anyone as you have been with Joel. There were good days, weeks, and even months when you didn't have a seizure.

And there were days when Joel would throw you on the bed and cover your naked body with kisses. And you let him whisper in your ear all the dirty things he could think of. You screamed his name as his head was between your legs and his tongue worked wonders on your clit.

You tugged at his hair and kissed him deeply, letting him know that he was the sexiest man in the whole fucked up world. You praised his cock and laughed at the soft pink that covered his cheeks. Your man was so insecure at times, and you always made sure he knew how wonderful he was.

Maybe that's why he loved you?                                                         

But why did he also love you during the attacks? That was definitely the shitty part of your relationship. There was absolutely nothing romantic about the attacks. It was awful and embarrassing. And yet, Joel always made sure he gave you as much comfort and love as possible after the attack.

So it was also this time.

You had such a good day. Somehow Joel managed to get some chocolate and you decided to make chocolate chip cookies. The whole apartment smelled wonderful, soft music played on the radio. Joel was sitting on the couch impatiently waiting for his sweets. And then it happened.

You just felt your whole body tense up. Anxiety gripped you. You started to be afraid, even though there was no reason to be afraid. A slight numbness in the hand was the final signal. You only managed to moan, "Jo..."

You couldn't remember the rest.

*

Joel jumped off the couch but didn't catch you in time. Your limp body hit the floor with a thud. You had convulsions that shook your body. Joel knelt behind your head, holding it gently. Just so you don't hit yourself too hard. He made sure you didn't choke on your tongue during the attack and spoke to you calmly, "It'll pass soon, baby. I'm here. I won't leave you. Everything will be fine." He knew you couldn't hear him. You once explained to him that you were simply not there during the attack. You felt no pain and heard nothing. Yet he always spoke to you. Maybe because it calmed him down.

After about two minutes, your seizure subsided and Joel couldn't be happier.

*

The first thing you saw was warm brown eyes. You blinked your eyes and looked around. You didn't remember anything and wanted to cry, but then you felt his warm hand on your cheek and heard his soothing voice.

"Y/N, it's me, Joel. Everything's fine now. You're home, you had a seizure."

He gave you a moment to process his words, then asked:

"Can I lift you up?"

You nodded and he carefully took you in his arms and carried you to the bed. He sat you down, making sure you had the right amount of pillows behind your back. He stroked your leg and whispered, "I'll bring you water. I'll be right back."

You slowly came back to yourself. When Joel came back to you, you smiled weakly at him. You were still dazed, but you also wanted to calm him down. No matter how many times Joel told you he was fine. You saw that every attack reflected on him as well.

"Thank you," you whispered as he brought the glass to your lips. "For all."

Joel shook his head and kissed your forehead.

"I always will care for you. You are my love"

You opened your mouth to say something but chose not to. There was no point in explaining to him again that he had no obligation to help you. Joel wouldn't agree with that anyway.

You sat in silence for a few more minutes before Joel said,

"You should take your meds."

You tensed up and grabbed his hand.

"I'll take them later. Sit with me."

Joel rolled his eyes and pecked your nose: "I'll be right back and lay down next to you."

And you already knew you were in trouble. When Joel came back, he had this look on his face that made it clear he wasn't happy. He crossed his arms over his chest and asked.

"Y/N, why are there still so many pills? Last time I checked there were about the same amount of pills." Seeing how sad he made you, he sat next to you and grabbed your hands. "Honey?" His tone of voice was soft again.

You bit your lip and groaned.

"I wanted to save them for later so you don't have to go so fast to get another."

Joel sighed heavily and shook his head.

"But why?"

You could see that he was angry with you, but he tried to hide it.

"Because after the last time, you came back covered in bruises. One day, because of me, you're going to die, Joel!"

Tears started streaming down your face and he pulled you against his strong chest. One of his large hands cupped the back of your head. He kissed your temple and started rocking you gently.

"Shh, it's okay. Calm down. Don't get upset honey. I know you're worried about me, but I'm more worried about you." You felt him squeeze your body tighter, his voice a barely audible whisper. "What if one of the attacks ends in your death? You know it can be. I can't take your loss. I can't go on living without you."

You sighed heavily and started rubbing his back.

"I'm sorry, Joel, but... Sometimes it's so hard for me to accept that you sacrifice so much for me."

Joel pulled back slightly and cupped your face in his large hands.

"Hey, what if I told you I have a plan." You gave him a surprised look. "I'm looking for a better place for us. A place where life is calmer. A place where there's no fucking FEDRA and no fucking Fireflies. A place where you'd have less stress, so fewer attacks." He smiled at you. "How does it sound?"

"Like a fairy tale," you replied.

Joel shifted on the bed so that you could lie down with your head resting on his chest. He started stroking your hair. You were slowly falling asleep. Before you closed your eyes you heard Joel say:

"I will make this fairy tale come true, princess."

*

#pedro pascal #pedro pascal fanfiction #joel miller #joel miller x reader #joel miller fanfiction #joel miller and you #the last of us #tlou fanfiction #hurt/comfort

[fr4gments]

Puff, puff, pass. - HAYAKAWA AKI [MDNI]

Working in the Public Safety organization is a mentally and physically exhausting job, so what better way than to relax the body and mind with a little mary jane?

authors note: After seeing Aki smoke in episode 2 of csm I wonder if he’d be the type to be down to smoke some ouid. Please don’t read this if you’re uncomfortable about the topic of marijuana or if you don’t want your imagination of Aki ruined. I decided to write this just for fun so please be nice 🥸

This one shot was also inspired by Don Toliver's 'You'

R-18, Minors DNI. nsfw

Pairing: Hayakawa Aki x Reader

Word Count: 3.9k words

Content warnings: Fem reader | Mentions of marijuana and drugs | smut | foreplay | fingering | vaginal penetration | internal ejaculation | swearing

'You talk to me dirty, I'm talkin' back like a reflex.'

Working as a Public Safety Devil Hunter was not only a physically tiring job, but also took its toll mentally. You’d think after being so used to killing all those devils it’d be easier to deal with them the next time you and your team members would encounter them.

You, Aki along with Denji and Power had just arrived home after picking up several ingredients for tonights dinner. Earlier, while the three of them went ahead with grocery shopping, you met up with a trusted dealer who was part of the Yakuza nearby that usually went around with different types of drugs in the Kabukicho district.

Now you weren’t a drug addict, barely even touched the other dangerous stuff that people were trying out there. Not that you judged them for it. You just thought it’d be a good idea to to help reduce the stress and anxiety you faced day to day as a devil hunter. So you decided to get your hands on a few grams of marijuana to switch up with the normal pack of cigarettes you and Aki would usually smoke.

Of course you weren’t going to smoke cannabis infront of the other two because one, Denji’s a minor and two, was simply because you didn’t want to have to deal with an intoxicated Denji and Power. They were already enough trouble sober, who knows what they would do if they got stoned. Wreak havoc probably.

One thing you had to do however, was to convince Aki that smoking this would help him relax and let loose for a bit and if he didn’t like the effects it gave him, you could stop and you would ditch the idea of smoking something other than a cigarette. You wouldn’t call yourself a marijuana junkie but it was one of the things you would do once in a long while that could help to mellow you out with the anxieties and disturbing memories you had from working in Public Safety. So you hoped that it could do the same for your boyfriend.

You could only assume that he would be open to trying it, since he was already a heavy smoker. Either that or he would start lecturing you how someone of your position and in your line of work shouldn’t be dealing with illegal substances that weren’t allowed in the country.

So when Denji and Power had fallen asleep after dinner, you took the chance to fetch the item you had bought from the dealer at Kabukicho from your bag, sliding it onto the coffee table in the living room where Aki was sat at, a can of beer in hand.

“What’s this?” he asked as he eyed the suspicious looking ziplock bag filled with what looked like dried tea leaves. To Aki at least. But then again he knew what the shape of tea leaves looked like and the ones in the bag you were showing him definitely did not resemble anything like that.

“It’s, something to help calm our nerves down for a bit. It’s marijuana.” you told him, eyeing him carefully, hoping he wouldn’t give a reaction that would wake up the other two.

He doesn’t look up at you as he picks up the medium sized plastic bag, bringing it up to closely inspect it. “Where did you get it?” he asked, looking up at you with an unreadable expression.

“Just some guy who distributes this kind of stuff in Kabukicho.” you told him, as you stood rocking back and forth on the heels of your feet from the beside him.

“Y/N, this is illegal you know.” he sighed, stretching one leg out onto the carpeted floor while the other was propped up to support his arm resting on it. He had his hair down from its usual topknot. He had on a plain colored t-shirt along with a pair of black boxers.

“I know. I just figured it could help us relax a little with the amount of stuff we've been dealing with.” you told him in a small voice.

Aki remained silent in contemplation. He didn’t know much about marijuana other than it being a popular drug and topic mentioned in movies and music.

For a second you almost assumed he didn’t like the idea of it, but instead of giving you a lecture on how something like this shouldn’t be in the house like you expected him to he hummed deeply saying, “I guess I wouldn’t mind trying it out once to see if it can help minimize the stress I’ve been feeling lately.”

Aki trusted you enough to be doing this sort of thing. He trusted you with many other things too. It wasn’t as if he was a goody two-shoes, but rather a subservient man to many things, aware that there were laws and rules to be followed.

You took a seat next to him, placing the other necessary items one would need to make a joint on the table. Aki watches as you pull out a small pack of rolling paper, opening the bag of weed to scoop out some of the flower. It would be impossible to smoke without breaking it up into smaller pieces so you would either need to grind the substance or simply rip it apart with your hands. Another thing you made sure was to check if the buds were dry enough to grind down. Seeing as you didn’t have the proper equipment you decided to grab a mortar and pestle from the kitchen to use it as the next best alternative to a grinder and began to gently press and turn on the herb in the bowl.

After that you picked up the herbs to scatter them slowly into the rolling paper you had purchased at a corner store hidden on top of the shop lots in the district earlier. Once you had rolled it into a decent joint, you sparked the lighter that was already on top of the table, lighting it up to bring it pass your lips to take an experimental puff before passing it to Aki who curiously eyed the blunt before taking a puff himself. Its pungent aroma filled his nose and throat. The texture of the smoke was rather smooth and tasted earthy and citrusy.

"Where did you learn how to roll it up like that?" he asked, raising an eyebrow at you.

"Before I got into the division, I used to work at a club. Sometimes the customers who came in would bring in stuff like this and have me join them. Eventually I learned to roll one during my time there." You told him.

The both of you had been together for about two years but there were still many things about you that were a mystery to him. As he was to you. Aki was a man of few words. He spoke to you more than did before when you two had first met. You were assigned to be on the same team as him by Makima. Whenever he did speak, it was just short sentences in a curt tone. Later on when the both of you started dating, he began opening himself up towards you. His face and tone of voice would have more expression compared to the monotonous voice he would use at the workplace and around your colleagues.

It took you and Aki about several consistent puffs and to properly feel the effects of the blunt. Woody and citrusy smelling smoke filled up the living room and ten minutes later Aki could feel his eyes and head growing heavy. More minutes later he could feel as if he was floating, his body felt very light. Overall it made him feel very relaxed. Just like you told him.

He could hear you say something in a distorted voice from next to him as he looked out towards the balcony. He was alert but at the same time he felt as if he shifted inwards, meaning he could hear your voice but his brain couldn’t translate what you had just said. He turned to you in a lazy motion, "Did you say something?"

He watched as you giggled at him with a heavy lidded gaze, eyes slightly red but he couldn't really tell if it was the lack of illumination in the dark living room, the only source of light coming from the moonlight and street lights outside or whether if it was another one of the effects from the drug.

"I said, how do you feel?" you replied with a grin as you laid your head on his shoulder. Your words registered in his head only five seconds later due to the effect of the marijuana.

“Oh. I feel, like I’m sitting on top of a cloud.” he described before a quiet chuckle comes out from his lips. When you giggled in response, Aki felt himself grinning before letting out a giggle of his own. You both began laughing at nothing in particular, signaling each other to keep quiet to avoid waking up Denji and Power, only to fall into another fit of giggling and snickering between yourselves.

You had your eyes closed next to him. You rested yourself against the foot of the couch on the ground. From the back of your eyelids you could see random shapes swimming in your vision, with a calming sensation in the back of your mind. It felt as if you were free falling.

You grabbed your phone that was laying on the table, connecting it to the Bluetooth speakers you had, pressing play on a random song in your playlist.

You both then faced each other. Just quietly observing one another. You knew that marijuana would also amplify ones senses and right then you felt yourself staring at Aki’s lips. He was doing the same, suddenly feeling some sort of hunger towards you. Both of you have had sex plenty of times, however in that moment you both began to feel an immense sense of lust towards each other. Aki felt like taking you right then and there, with your legs up on his shoulder as he plowed himself into the walls of your pretty cunt.

His hooded gaze began roaming up and down your body, noting the spaghetti strap camisole you giving him a view of your round cleavage and the black yoga shorts you had on. His eyes flickered to your lips, up to your eyes.

“Can I kiss you?” he asked, tucking back loose strands of hair behind your ear. You nod at him gently with a small smile, appreciating that he was always managed to be a gentleman with you no matter how long you two have been together.

Aki tilted his head before pushing his lips to yours, a quiet groan leaving his mouth as he felt your tongue immediately slide between his teeth. One hand slowly caressed your thigh up and down before you climbed onto his lap, straddling him to wrap your arms around his neck. His hands slid into your camisole, fingers slowly brushing up your skin before massaging your breasts through your bra. You moaned softly when he pulls away to leave slow kisses down your jaw then down to your neck, sucking on the soft skin to give you a couple love bites while he continued to play your breasts. You could already feel how hard he was from underneath you as you slowly circled your hips against him.

“Aki,” you called in a breathy voice. As much as you were enjoying making out with him, you were both in the living room and there could be any moment Denji or Power would want to use the toilet.

“Hmm? What’s wrong, baby?” he answered huskily, not bothering to stop as he then began to kiss you behind the ear before gently licking your outer earlobe. You giggle slightly at the ticklish feeling before pushing him slowly away from you. Your hands reach up to cup his face, thumbs gently brushing against his ears, feeling the studs of his piercings.

“We should go to the room, wouldn’t want Denji and Power to see us.” you told him as you attempted to get up only to have Aki shift and lift you up on the couch next to the both of you.

Usually, Aki only preferred having sex in the bedroom or just somewhere more private, so he could have you all to himself with no interruptions. But this time he couldn’t be bothered with that. He couldn’t care less if anyone came into to see the both of you fucking on the couch.

“No, I wanna do it here.” he said before pushing you down pressing his lips to yours once more, this time a little more roughly, a little more urgency then earlier. However Aki felt like he needed more this time. So he pulled down your camisole along with your bra to expose your bare chest to him. He smirks at the view below him, your tits out with your doe yet mischievous eyes looking up at him.

Aki leaned down to pull one of your hardened nipples into his mouth. You gasped at the sensation, your hands finding their way into his ink colored locks. “Aki,” you breathed out. Your back began to arch as his tongue slowly lapped at your bud, while one hand massaged your other breast. You could feel his erection through his boxers and you wanted nothing more than to get on your knees and get your mouth onto his cock. But Aki had other plans.

He let out a low hum, before pulling away from your chest. Aki moved lower down to your thighs, hooking his fingers into the waistband of your shorts and panties, discarding them before his head goes down between your legs. You felt his tongue lick a long and gentle a stripe between your folds, throwing your head with back against the cushion on the couch, a mewl sounding out from your mouth. Aki peered up at you, enjoying the way you writhed at his actions. He loved having your legs spread wide, unfolding like a blooming flower, pink and delicious fleshy petals with its delicate bud in the centre. So pretty for him. His precious flower.

Aki slid two fingers into you, pumping them in and out of you as he puckered his lips to spit and then suck on your clit, groaning against your skin as he felt your juices gush out more and more as he continued his ministrations. He could never get enough of how you tasted. Your moans began to grow louder and louder towards your first orgasm of the night. Aki had to quieten you by sticking two fingers from his unoccupied hand, letting you suck on his digits.

Then, before you could reach your high, Aki moved away from your pussy, dripping from your juices, admiring his work. You gave him a pout feeling that it was unfair that you almost came only to have him move back up to kiss you passionately, taking one of your hands to palm his erection through his boxers. He then pulled back to slide off his boxers and discard his t-shirt onto the floor.

“Are you ready?” he asked as he positioned himself in a kneeling position between your legs.

“I haven’t sucked you off yet.” you told him with a slightly disappointed pout.

Your boyfriend smirked at you, appreciating that you wanted to reciprocate with putting your mouth on his cock but Aki couldn’t wait any longer. He needed to be inside you. Instead, he kissed the top of your forehead, assuring you there would be another time you could do that and that now it was about you. How he only wanted to focus on making you feel good. You had no idea how badly you have him wrapped around your finger.

As Aki pushed his tip past your slippery folds, your eyes closed and head fell back, you both moaned breathily when his cock reached deep into your cervix. He doesn’t move for a while, just relishing in the feeling of your tight and gummy walls around him. Your mouth formed into an ‘o’ as he slowly began moving in and out of you, stretching you out in the most delicious way. No matter how many times you both had sex, you would always need time adjusting to Aki’s size.

You called out his name with a moan, the sound angelic to his ears as you grabbed onto both his forearms as he picked up his pace in thrusting in and out of your pussy, the slick and wet sounds echoing in the living room. “That feel good?” he asked. You could only nod in response with your eyes closed in deep pleasure.

Aki then shifted to grab your legs from underneath your thighs, beginning to roll his hips, moving in and out of you in the most sensual manner. Aki felt as if he was about to cum at that moment while he watch his cock move in and out past your folds. He threw his head back in the sense of euphoria he was getting from your pussy and the drug. It was as if the marijuana had heightened both his and your senses making the sex even more pleasurable than it usually was. The feeling was addicting. Dangerously addicting.

“Aki, more. Please.” you begged from underneath him wantonly, making him groan at your pleading. He loved it when you begged. It turned him on so much.

“You want more baby? Tell me, how do you want it?” he asked as he lifted your legs on his shoulder. “Like this?” he asked again as he pounded hard into your pussy. At this point you just knew your moans and the other sinful noises you both were making could be heard in the other bedrooms. Denji and Power must be heavy sleepers if they couldn’t hear all of that.

“Fuck, yes!” you cried, placing one hand on his chest while the other was covering your mouth to stop yourself from getting any louder. He was fucking you so good, you didn’t want him to stop.

Aki turned his head to kiss your ankle, telling you how well you were taking him, encouraging you to cum if you wanted to. He leaned over to grab the rest of the joint you hadn’t smoked and inhaled from it, puffing out a thick cloud of smoke, watching your tits bounce up and down with every movement of his thrusts.

He put the joint aside then moved to lean down next to your ear, whispering dirty things like how good you felt around his cock, and how much he loved your pussy. How good you made his cock feel. It had you nearing your orgasm with the way your sounds of pleasure were growing louder and higher pitched even though you were trying your best to cover them with your hand. He leaned into swallow your moans with a sloppy kiss, twisting his tongue around yours moaning lowly as he felt you tighten your walls around him.

“You close baby?” he grinned lazily as his pace doesn’t falter, continuing to fuck you deeply and slowly. One hand reached up to cup your breast, with his thumb toying with your nipple. The stimulation brought you close to your climax while he rutted his hips forward into you.

Your response came out in a babbled response. “Yes, yes don’t stop please.” you cried out making Aki chuckle to himself. His thrusts were becoming sloppy and you could tell he was close as well, he gripped your waist to fuck your harder and faster telling you to cum for him.

“Come together with me, baby. I’m cumming.” he told you before his hips stuttered and he let out his warm load into you, groaning into your neck as he rode out his high. You followed shortly after with a high pitched gasp and moan. Aki helped you out by rolling his hips into you while he rubbed slow circles onto your clit. After that he pulled out, watching as both your thick liquids seeped out of your glistening hole. Aki then reached over to grabbed a couple tissues on the coffee table to help you clean up.

You both looked to see if your previous activity had woken up Denji or Power, letting out a sigh of relief to see that the house was quiet as it was before the two of you started fucking in the living room. You both laid on the couch, catching your breaths as you break into another fit of laughter, still stoned from the cannabis.

It seemed like you had a better tolerance for the weed because fifteen minutes later after you said your “I love yous” you had to comfort Aki who was curled up wide eyed in the corner of the living room telling you he didn’t want to die. You felt bad for him but at the same time seeing his emotions suddenly shift had you holding back a laugh.

“It’s okay, shh. You’ll come down soon. No, your mind isn’t dying.” you told him in reassurance and comfort.

“Hug me, please.” he said as his long arms pulled you to him, like a child asking from their parent.

A grumbling noise came from the man next to you, making you snort out a laugh. “Hungry?” He nodded with a hum, before he started to snicker for no reason. You let out a chuckle then explained that it was something one would experience when smoking marijuana.

Then you both got up to put on your clothes to make yourselves some food to satisfy your munchies. Aki decided to whip up some pancakes covered with chocolate and caramel along with some frying up some frozen chicken bites. While he prepared the meal, you poured two large glasses of juice. You found yourself feeling super thirsty even though you gulped down the glass of juice, pouring yourself more juice.

You made a mental note to hide the stash of cannabis somewhere in your shared bedroom with Aki so that Denji or Power wouldn’t ask any questions about it.

Several minutes later the both of you began to feel very sleepy. Another effect of the cannabis leaves. So after leaving the dishes in the sink for the next morning you both headed to bed the buzz of the weed still coursing in your systems.

○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○

Extra

The next morning, you got up from bed feeling slightly sober compared to the previous hours before. Aki was still asleep next to you. You checked the time to see that thankfully there was still more time to get ready before you guys had to get to the headquarters.

As you walked into the living, you let out a curse under your breath when you see both Denji and Power staring up at the ceiling with hooded eyes, giggling lazily at the ceiling fan.

You must’ve forgotten to bring along the ziplock bag with weed in it and get rid of the other several joints you rolled up from last night.

You could hear Aki’s footsteps shuffling in the bedroom behind you before he walked out of the room with a sleepy yawn. He saw you standing with a worried expression on your face before looking towards Denji and Power, still not realizing they were high as balls on the floor.

“What’s wrong?” he asked you as he made his way towards you. He turned to give the pair a proper look before turning to you who gave him a sheepish grin.

“Oh, fuck.”

Hii thank you for reading this far. This is the first fic I actually had confidence in posting. Sorry if there are any grammatical and spelling errors. I'm doing my best to improve and I wanted to get this up before I got lazy with finishing it up like the other stuff I have in my drafts lol . Hope you liked it!

#aki hayakawa #aki hayakawa x reader #aki hayakawa x you #aki hayakawa x y/n #chainsaw man #chainsaw man x reader #chainsaw man x y/n #csm x reader #csm x you #aki hayakawa imagine #hayakawa aki x reader #hayakawa aki #anime and manga #aki hayakawa headcanons #aki headcanons #chainsaw man headcanons #denjichainsawman #power chainsaw man #aki hayakawa smut #csm aki

[fantasy-relax]

Please just love her

Part 2

@crispyfriedchikem sorry my brain wanted fluff.

Bela prepared everything the week that were going to discharge you, a hotel room was not enough if you were going to rest, so she bought a small house to live in until you got better, her savings were more than enough to pay for it.

You were sleeping less, your medication doses were reduced as the days went by. The doctor said that slowly introducing you into your life was the best thing to do, so that's what she did.

"You entered the theater course for a while bu- " she stopped when she see you frown and grab your chest as if you wanted to rip out your heart. Fear made her break out in a cold sweat. Did your memories come back? Was your love for Cassandra that strong?

"Mc, are you okay? Shall I call the nurse?" Don't hate her, don't hate her, she will beg in her knees please dont leave her.

"No need, I just felt... A wave of misery and loneliness, God, it must have been a horrible experience for the mere mention of it to provoke such a reaction in me. Can we skip it?"

You are the one who decided to avoid the topic. She only fulfilled your wish. Liar

"There was an accident that left you unable to act and other unpleasant situations were the reason for you to leave, after that you decided to enter a club on the advice of my sister Daniela who was your roommate and is a friend of yours"

"Roommate?"

"Yes, she and Angie, my cousin, were your roommates, they were both worried sick when I told them about you accident, my aunt Donna and I had to stop them from coming because they are in the middle of exams and their grades arent the best"

"They sound like an incredible duo." The tiredness in your voice announced that it was time to let you sleep"

She smiled at you.

"They are"

—----------------------------------------

With house already furnished, now she had to deal with what she had been avoiding, telling Daniela and Angie about your new condition. She hadn't called them yet, too busy with preparations for your Care. Liar

How was she going to convince them to follow her lie?

Taking a deep breath she calls her youngest sister. What about the other one?. Daniela answer quickly.

"Shut up this is important, Bela! What happened is everything alright?!"

"They are already awake, there are still some bruises and her shoulder has not yet healed, but the most important thing is the damage to her memory... she has no memories about these two years"

"What? She doesn't remember us or Cassandra?"

"They only remembers the moment they went to the theater, nothing more, they don't remember you, Angie, Cassandra or me, they do remember anything that happened in these two years and when I tried to tell them about the theater and Cassandra they had a bad reaction, it seems that while they don't have memory of the event, part of them must remember the emotions they went through... They asked me not to talk about it."

"If they react badly it's better to avoid it, we don't want to stress them out when they're still healing."

"Yes, that's what I thought too"

"...Cassandra has called you?"

"No, and you?"

"Me neither... Look the exam period is almost over, after preparing everything we will go to see you, are you going to stay in london?"

"I don't want to risk traveling with them in that state, I already bought a house and fixed it up"

"And you will be their loyal nurse... Bela you must stop torturing yourself like this."

"I do not know what you're talking about"

"We'll talk more when I'm there, take care, I love you, sis"

"I love you too"

Coward

--------------------—-------------------

After telling you about the adventures you had with your roommates (or at least the ones she knew about) the topic of your conversations change to one she wanted to avoid a little longer.

"How did we meet?"

Despite of the Anxiety that drown her remembering how you came into her life, the blonde couldn't help but smile.

"Well, I was on my way to the student council when I ran into you. You were going to check out the clubs but you stopped to help me carry some books to the library and you ended up making them fall"

"Hey I just wanted to help!

"It was completely unnecessary since I had everything under control"

"Seriously, if you had everything under control why did they fall?"

"Because you get in my way!

"Well, what did you want me to do? If a Roman Goddess needs help, of course I'm going to offer to help!"

"Huh!?

"I'm just a poor mortal after all, darling."

....Have you always been this flirtatious? She knows you can be quite playful when you arent in one of your bad days but she doesn't knew that flirty side of you. Cassandra does

"I'm Romanian, not Roman, I think you need to sleep, rest"

"How cruel the Romanian gods are, abandoning their faithful believers, oh my poor heart!"

"REST MC"

--------—

They finally released you from the hospital and the joy of seeing you out of the medical gown and in her clothes made the blonde forget a little detail.

Your hygiene.

More precise, bathing.

The shoulder that was pierced was that of your dominant arm. It still wasn't completely healed so you needed some help.

Le naiba

Now sitting next to the bathtub preparing the water for your bath, her mind kept reproaching her for her actions.

How lucky are you, right? Now you can enjoy their naked body freely.

She's not going to look more than necessary.

Why not?

She is not depraved.

You stole your sister's partner.

...

And you have made them believe that both of you are married.

....

What could be more depraved than that?

"Is the water ready, dear? I would really like to have a hot bath."

She almost jumped to the roof, deep in thought, she didn't hear you enter.

"y-yes"

"Can you help me with my clothes, pretty girl?"

How lucky you are Judas.

Her hands shake and her face grows redder with each piece of skin that is revealed to her. Placing her hand on back while looking away from your body, she helps you get into the bathtub.

" Do you need anything else? "

"No, I think I can take care of it myself, I'll call for you if I need anything. Go to the kitchen, it looks like you're thirsty."

God, you're such a little shit.

Her face turns redder when she hears your laughter.

---

"Bela, a little help please!"

Leaving the ingredients for the food aside and cleaning her hands, she heads to the bathroom, where you wait naked, because you bathed naked and she helped you to undress...

Where did her intellectual language go?

Taking a deep breath she opens the door, the blush appearing violently again on her face as she looks at you.

"Do you think you can take me to bed, honey?"

WHAT?

"I'm tired, you left me alone"

"You told me you could do it yourself!"

"You hurt my feelings now hold me as an apology"

"Ugh!" The blonde raised her hands to the sky asking for patience. And strength to not fall into lust.

"I'm jo-huh!"

Your words were interrupted when you found yourself in her arms. Now she wasn't the only one with a red face.

"Do I weigh anything for you?"

"It's like carrying a sack of grapes"

Doing her best to ignore your naked body in her arms she headed to the room where you would both sleep.

Placing you delicately on the bed, she walked away from it to look for a towel and clothes, feeling your gaze full of admiration and amazement.

Finding what she was looking for she proceeds to help you dry and change smiling she remembers the first time she carried you.

---

It was one night that you stayed in the student council with her reviewing some documents. Your eyebags consumed your face slowly and she knows is not all because of your work with her.

"You should go to sleep, you can continue working tomorrow"

"Look who says it, resident workaholic, as soon as I leave you will do your paperwork and then mine"

" I am used to"

"And I can get used to it too"

"Stop being so stubborn and go to sleep!"

" Make me!"

"Fine!"

"Huh!?

The blonde had thrown you over her shoulder like a sack of potatoes and she began walking towards the door, leaving the documents on the council table.

"BELA! WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING?!

"Making you go to sleep"

It was after one in the morning so the path to your bedroom was thankfully empty.

"This is harassment, you are harassing me!"

The president of the council ignores your complaints and with her free hand knocks on the door, a few minutes later Angie opens the door. Bela takes you off her shoulders and holds you by your armpits like a scolded cat.

"Home delivery"

The younger blonde snaps out of her surprise and starts laughing out loud.

"This isn't funny Angie! They're holding me against my will, defend me!"

"Angie, what happened?... HAHAHAA"

Daniela joined the blonde's uncontrolled laughter.

"Enough!" You move your leg to stomp at the floor ... But your feet didn't reach the ground... Now it was easy to notice the difference in height between you and Bela.

"With your permission"

Your roommates only laughed at your situation. They even opened the bedroom door giving free passage to the eldest.

She put you gently on the bed when you grab her arms suddenly and make her laid on top of you, crossing your arms and legs around her body.

"Mc, let me go"

"No, you took away my dignity, your punishment is to be my blanket"

" You know that I can escape easily?

"If you do I will be angry with you"

"I'm shaking with fear...seriously the papers were left on the table"

"Tomorrow's problem..."

The tiredness in your body won. You were asleep fast.

Bela could have left.

She should have left.

Cassandra is your girlfriend she should be the one in your arms.

The Romanian closes her eyes and lets the beating of your heart lull her.

Cassandra's not here.

Bela is.

-----

"Bela?"

She comes out of her memories when she hears your voice.

"Do you need anything else?"

"Could you tell me how we ended up together?"

#resident lover #bela dimitrescu #My work

[theambitiouswoman]

i have been struggling with my anxiety more than usual, and there are days where i just wake up anxious. . . do you have any tips on how to help with that? i’d really appreciate it! 🫶🏻✨

Hi angel, I have dealt with and sometimes still deal with a lot of anxiety, so I am going to give you tips and advice that I have learned and work for me. Please remember I am not a mental health professional.

Waking up with anxiety is typically associated with high cortisol levels (stress hormone) which could be do to life stress, bad sleep, substance issues, physical issues or other mental health disorders, to name a few.

You can start incorporating new habits to help reduce your anxiety.

Exercising regularly: Exercise helps alleviate a high anxiety level, by diverting your attention from what’s making you anxious, Activating executive functions in the brain, Decreasing muscle tension, Altering brain chemistry, Regular exercise builds up resources in the body that help increase resilience to erratic emotions. Exercise actually changes your brain chemistry by increasing the availability of neuro chemicals that work against anxiety.

Meditation and breathing exercises: There are different ways to do meditation, and they can help with feeling anxious. Even if you just spend five minutes each day meditating or doing deep breaths, it can make you feel better. Try meditating every morning prior to tackling your day.

Change your diet: The things we eat and drink can affect how we feel and how well our bodies work. Our bodies make chemicals that affect our mood and how we function, and these chemicals are influenced by the food we eat. Some foods can help reduce anxiety are: Brazil nuts, Eggs, Pumpkin seeds, Chamomile (a kind of tea), Yogurt, Turmeric (a spice), Dark chocolate, Fatty fish like mackerel and salmon.

Less TV & phone time before bed: Spending too much time on screens, like phones and TVs, can make your anxiety worse. You should stay away from electronics for 1-2 hours prior to going to sleep. Electronics stimulate the part of your brain that suppresses the production of melatonin, making it difficult to turn off your brain. Additionally, put your phone on DND.

Avoid alcohol and other drugs: Alcohol and caffeine can worsen mood or anxiety. Focus instead on drinking plenty of water. Limit caffeine intake in the afternoon and evening, and consume alcohol in moderation.

Try journaling: If you feel really busy with thoughts when you wake up in the morning, try this before you sleep: write in a notebook for a few minutes. It can help your brain feel calmer and you might sleep better. This might make you feel less anxious when you wake up.

Have a morning routine: If you feel anxious in the morning because things seem messy or you're worried, try making a plan for your mornings. This can help you feel more in charge. You can also make a list of things when you're worried about them. Sometimes, being afraid you'll forget something important makes anxiety worse. But when it's written down your mind can feel better.

Get enough sleep: The worry of feeling anxious in the morning and upcoming stressful decisions might stop you from sleeping or cause them to have trouble sleeping. Sleeping better and getting enough sleep can really help how you feel and your mental health. Make sure you are getting 7-9 hours of sleep.

Have a bed time routine: Having a bedtime routine can make you less anxious because it gives you a plan and things to expect before you sleep. Your bed time routine should include self care activities, this will sooth you and help you feel more confident too. When you do the same things in order every night, your mind and body feel calmer because they know what's coming.

Hope this helps <3

#anxiety #mental health #morning routine #bed time routine #exercise #health and wellness #healthy living #health tips #health is wealth #relaxation #stress #meditation #diet and fitness #nutrition #self care #self improvement #self help #selfhelp #self love #self love journey #personal improvement #personal development #journaling

[studentbyday]

day 16-22 // 30doi

🧘🏻‍♀️ times are busy, but i can be productive and achieve my daily study goals while staying calm and not forgoing any self-care 🙏🏻

they say don't trust your thoughts when you're sleepy. i'd like to add, don't trust your thoughts when you're behind on school or you don't get the grade you want or you miss out on an opportunity and start questioning whether you've got the aptitude to do whatever it is you wanted to do in the future. you will learn from this. you will become stronger. you will not let this prevent you from achieving your dreams. you are so much bigger than that - it does not define you. 😤

it's really difficult to take it one day at a time as i had originally aspired to do in this challenge. when my life feels like a mess, i feel like i need to plan the heck out of it, consider all my options for the near and far future and where they might lead me, so i pick the one that's best. amd i always want to come to a decision right. now. so i can stop feeling like a mess who doesn't know what she's doing with her life. smh. when driven by the anxiety of my vision of failure, the exercise often turns out to be a waste of my time.

there is a high to having grandiose dreams and drawing a detailed map to get there. but it just adds extra pressure and anxiety and overwhelm. i don't think i know how to make long-term plans that work.

🌲 week 8/52's study stats (50/10):

M: 🌲🌲🌲🌲 T: 🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲 W: 🌲🌲🌲🌲 Th: 🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲 F: 🌲🌲🌲

update: had a really hard time sticking with the breaks on some days. either i worked through them or i skipped them and moved onto the next 50 minutes of work. it was a really busy week, but i feel like i could've done a better job at balancing myself, especially since my health these days really demands that i don't sit all day. 😔

🌷 little daily self-care things that keep me afloat:

physio exercises

2-min runs (bc i don't have stamina and it tires me enough to reduce insomnia and stress)

sticking to my hair care routine (basic but effective 👌🏻)

doing my hair 👧🏻 (bc it makes me feel a little more put together ✨)

outfit tracker 👕

showers 🧖🏻‍♀️🚿

moisturizing immediately after shower 🧴

vitamins/meds/probiotic 💊

🪥 and floss

deal with winter allergies like my doctor said to 💨

journal/vent/meditate when i need to

3 things that made me happy/that i'm grateful for

trying to never get less than 7h of sleep 💤

never skipping meals 😋

#studyblr #stemblr #stem academia #stem student #100dop #100 days of productivity #100 days of studying #100 days of self discipline #100 days of positivity #becoming that girl #self care #self love #astudentslifebuoy #dark academia #romantic academia #classic academia #cozy academia #chaotic academia #light academia #study motivation #studyspo #study aesthetic #study blog #studying #mittonstudies #heyfrithams #heyzainab #problematicprocrastinator #uniblr #akastudies

[kanatashinkaifr]

going to talk abt obey me and how they are all extremely neurodivergent!!! gonna go through my thoughts on each characters who stands out to me in one way or another.

Lucifer- he has NPD. dont even try to argue with me about this. from the way he holds himself to an extremely high standard to how hes LITERALLY the avatar of pride, hes just a total narc and I love him dearly. I also consider him to be autistic. half bcuz he shows some signs half bcuz I'm autistic and love projecting onto characters. I think that the way he is so strict and finds being on time so important is extremely autistic of him. he follows a very specific routine, and if said routine is messed with, he is unapproachable for atleast the rest of the day. this is shown in likee late lesson 24 or early lesson 25 I forget. he also has issues with emotions. both showing and I think even identifying them. autistic man. ALSO ptsd. duh.

mammon: adhd. he has adhd. he doesnt have npd, HOWEVER, he totally shows symptoms. he acts like hes on top of the world but the second a minor inconvenience happens he is just. reduced to nothing. I also like the hc of him being dyslexic.

levi: AUTISM AUTISM AUTISM!!! yeah that ones obvious like extremely obvious. stg autism runs into the family or smth cuz it feels like mammon and asmo are the only allistics in that mf house. dont need to explain why Levi is autistic. its obvious. if you really need an explanation just ask. but I also think he has severe social anxiety. like to the point that he gets extremely sick at the thought of social interaction. over the years, and with lots of trial and error medication, he can sort of deal with it now. still freaks him out though.

Satan: I think he takes after his father. like. A LOT. he is so npd and so autistic. I think that he really prides himself on his smarts but like. if he were to fail/get an average mark on a test (especially if lucifer got a high mark) he would disintegrate out of pure self hatred. if lucifer is better than him in any academic topic, you can practically feel the envy and rage coming from him. lucifer understands how he feels, and always tries to help him with his npd issues, but that just upsets him tenfold. "you think that *I* need *YOUR* help??? disgusting!". he has such issues I love him so much. not much to comment on his autism. also quite obvious, especially in nightbringer.

Asmo- I KNOW SO MANY PEOPLE THINK ASMO HAS NPD AND LIKE I GET THE IDEA BUT NO. HE HAS HPD AND I WILL FIGHT TOOTH AND NAIL OVER THAT HC.

beel: autism. binge eating disorder. ptsd.

belphie: autism. BPD!!!!! B!! P!!! D!!!!!!!! I will scream it from the roof tops THAT MAN HAD BPD IDC WHAT YOU SAY!! impulsivity (especially when angry), unstable relations (mostly hc), uncontrolled anger, chronic emptiness (hc), self destructiveness, fear of abandonment. you look into the DSM-5 and there is a picture of him there. I think that. he might have PTSD too.

diavolo: autism. I dont care what anyone says I think he is an autistic woman who was just forced into masking. c-ptsd due to mainly emotional neglect.

solomon: autism. no canon reason to support this I'm just projecting. c-ptsd. he has very complicated feeling surrounding loneliness and abandonment due to his childhood.

simeon: autism. C-PTSD!!!!!!! I think that. there wasnt nessacarily anything that could generally be considered traumatizing. but a lot of things in his early days were extremely stressful for him. I think that hes always questioned the word of God just a bit. he made sure nobody ever found out, but he always had doubt within him. this has always eaten at him, as he is supposed to be an angel. Angel's do not doubt the word of their father,, so, why does he?

ermm okay I think that's. enough ranting for today...

#obey me #obey me shall we date #cluster b #neurodivergency #bpd #npd #autism #belphie obey me #belphegor obey me #lucifer obey me #mammon obey me #levi obey me #leviathan obey me #satan obey me #asmo obey me #asmodeus obey me #beel obey me #beelzebub obey me #diavolo obey me #belphie is so bpd i cannot even explain how hard i hc that. #same with satan being narcissistic and autistic. ii just. feel so strongly about it.