#how i can honor this growth instead of making a past version wrong | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

kledface · 2 months

Text

One of the harder things I've been trying to do is learn how to not just accept myself, but love myself. If you know me, and my past, im sure you can understand that this isn't an easy thing for me. I've lived surrounded by hateful people who have a habit of seeing the bad in everything and are also rather manipulative. This means i don't have a great sense of, not necessarily right and wrong, but truth and lies, and that i also see all the bad in me. Mom has made some growth, but that doesn't means she's perfect, and some days i don't know which version of her im talking to until she starts heavily suggesting im a demon again or starts rambling about reptilians. These are both actually rather intense triggers for me, and im not proud of it, but just starting to thing about the reptilians is starting to make me panicky, and part of my journey is learning to respect myself for what brings me shame.

I am a man who has lived an uneasy life. I don't have a strong sense of trust in certain matters. I tend to have issues relenting control, which is a serious problem i've been working on. I have a number of unusual fears and beliefs. Some things in my life have been genuinely traumatizing where no one would expect trauma should be able to be formed. When was the last time you heard of someone who had emotional flashbacks because someone accused obama of being an evil alien? I have an unusual set of things which i can and cannot stand. I can't take a compliment because they always feel backhanded or ingenuine and gifts make me feel in debt to the giver, but feel free to beat the shit out of me i genuinely don't care. As my journey involves learning to respect these differences, it means not beating myself up when i find myself unable to match others. It means stepping outside of myself and hearing the negative voices and correcting them, and talking to myself like i would a close friend; no, i am not a failure because someone calling me pussy makes me want to cry when any other vile shit just makes me laugh. You've seen this specific word used in a way hat was specifically designed to hurt you for the ways you arent like others. Your pain is valid, and instead of beating yourself up over that which you can't control, why don't we learn to make this easier to deal with? You too are allowed to feel this pain. No, you do not need to degrade yourself for forgetting so ething youve known your whole life again. You know you have these memory issues, and you're still living a mostly capable life in spite of this, and thats something to take pride in; others in your situation may not be able to. We should honor them for their capabilities just the same as we should yours. Treating myself this way has provided me the ability to recontextualize my own thoughts, and while correcting the negativity is a forever work in progress, it does get easier with time.

Along with this, learning patience with myself is also a tough task. Being raised with harsh and unforgiving critics, i am a perfectionist, which means i struggle to forgive myself when i mess up and may give up entirely out of sadness and frustration. Getting over this involves a lot of learning to recognize that failure, too, is a part of learning, and that not everything thats not a success is a failure. These two terms are as subjective as good and evil in many cases, and while perfection is unattainable, the ability to recognize my attempts as flawed but workable isn't. Again, speaking to myself as i would another is key here. Its okay that you weren't able to get this leg right on the first try. Progress can't happen without movement and movement can't happen without time. Your imperfections do not mean failure, they just mean opportunity for another attempt, and with every error we can observe why we don't like it and what we can do to make it closer to our goals.

And one of the final things that has been difficult for me is learning to let go. I don't mean in grudges, i mean in the things that i hate about myself. This has been the hardest part so far, because it requires an intense breakdown of myself and all the things which make me, me, amd all the things that make me unhappy about that. Learning to let go of these things is like trying to let go of a jagged rock on a cliffs edge, because these things are, in fact, fundamental to my being, and to eliminate them would be to destroy a part of myself, but on the contrary, hating them is only hurting me, like acid in a vile, it will erode over time. Acknowledging the things i dislike and not necessarily learning to love them, but learning not to hate them, is the first step. An example of this; i hate my weight. I like to say i don't to try and help me overcome this, because really, i know im not getting rid of my belly, but it does make me unhappy. Breaking down why involves a lot of elf reflection. Why do i hate my weight? And a question like this can be heavily multi-faceted. I hate my weight because mom taught me that being fat is painful. I hate my weight because society expects cookie cutter people and we live in a world full of too many deserts for a cookie cutter to fit everyone. I hate my weight because it goes to show the difficulties i have with my mental health in a multitude of ways; depression manifesting in the lack of energy to fix it– Addiction manifesting in the alcohol that i haven't dropped the weight from– A bit of both and my trauma in the things i eat to take my mind off memories i cant stand to see for the 50th time today– The guilt that cones with caving to my bad habits when i know better. How does obe correct this? First, i need to learn to eliminate the hate. Correct the hate. And that involves breaking down expectations of myself and understanding that prejudice against me is also prejudice against people i love. Yes, being overweight can be painful to some, but not everyone. Many people live happy, healthy, fulfilling lives while being at least as, if not moreso, overweight than me, because weight is not a direct correspondence to health, and not everyone can or is willing to drop the extra pounds. My struggles are part of what makes me human,and while my coping mechanisms may not be healthy and my mental problems do have a rather severe impact on my quality of life, i am actively learning how to improve these things, and my habits can be kicked so i may continue to enjoy the things i do without them consuming my life. Societal expectations of me aren't much i can do about, but how i handle them is, and in finding others like me and people who like others like me, im learning to recognize that my differences can still be appreciated and loved even when the majority of people don't necessarily agree with people like me for being me. There is much more than just my weight which i hate about myself, but this is my example right now. In time, i wish to learn more than just not hating myself for my differences, but also tolerating and even loving myself for them. The first step is always the hardest though, ad so means letting go; of hatred.

I am cringe. I am different. I am in pain. But i am still me. I still deserve to be treated with respect. And in learning to respect, accept, and appreciate me for me, i am becoming a better person, and realizing a way to love more than ever before.

#kledface yells

0 notes

barbarianprncess · 3 years

Note

is there a reason you’re blushing like that !!!!

i actually loved writing this so thank you for the prompt!

forever house

read on ao3

“Mom, I’m home!” Percy calls distractedly into their apartment as he wrestles with his skateboard.

“Hi honey,” Sally answers from the couch, and he can hear the smile in her voice when she says “There's a surprise for you in your bedroom.” He furrows his brow and hurries upstairs. He opens his bedroom door expecting cookies and is instead greeted with familiar blonde hair and a bed overrun with papers far too complicated to be his own. He can’t help the smile that overtakes his face at the sight of his girlfriend, still in her Catholic school uniform.

“Hey!” He leans over his bedspread being very careful not to wrinkle her designs to plant a kiss on her cheek. “How’s my favorite genius?”

“Hey Percy.” Annabeth is currently scrambling to get her papers in order, which he finds odd because usually when he calls her a genius she’ll smile and kiss him extra gently. And then she only needs a little prodding and he can get her to explain what she's working on. She gets this crinkle in the corner of her eyes when she talks about her projects and gesticulates wildly to get him to understand. It’s awesome.

But right now, Annabeth is beet red, eyes manic, and piling papers with a vengeance. He’s not entirely sure what’s happening but Annabeths got this look in her eye- like one wrong move and she’s gonna bolt. “What’re you working on?”

“Nothing!” She says voice cracking in a way that clues him in on the fact that the subject of her stress but her work. Which Percy finds ridiculous because he may not understand the nuanced and complicated world of design, but Annabeth’s smarter than anyone, she’ll figure whatever it is out. Annabeth gets like this sometimes- ADHD fixation and her need for perfection is a combo that doesn’t mix well and in the months that they’ve been dating, there have been more than a few times when Percy had to loosen her fistes curled around her designs in frustration, and talk her down from a panic attack because Apollo didn’t love his statue. Percy hates that her work does that to her, but he likes taking care of her.

“Annabeth,” He says slowly, hands already positioned to relieve her of the designs that she managed to wrangle in her lap, but she bats them away.

“No, no it's not- I’m not.” She looks up at him and her eyes soften at his concern. “I’m fine, seriously I’m not stuck on anything.” Percy raises his eyebrows skeptically.

“Sooo… is there a reason you’re blushing like that?” Annabeth's hands fly up to her neck as if she can stop the flush of her skin from the outside. Which is a mistake on her part because Percy immediately grabs the blueprint she was so desperately trying to hide. She lunges for it, causing the remaining papers to fall forgotten on the floor, but Percy's growth spurt, along with the angle she’s sitting on his bed, makes it so he’s able to keep her at bay.

“Percy!! Give it back, oh my gods, I’m gonna kill you!” He’s heard that before and he’s still breathing so, he takes his chances. He makes out the words “Forever House: Annabeth Chase”, and a vague sketch of what looks like a shoreline. He catches Montauk and something about support beams when Annabeth finally succeeds in snatching the paper from him. She’s flushing even harder now, and her hands are covering her face.

“Which of the gods are asking for a forever house?” He laughs until he notices Annabeth shaking her head and she lets out a muffled ‘none of ‘em’ from behind her hands.

“Hey, hey Annabeth.” He says softly poking at her sides and pinching at her cheeks (he gets mostly fingers because she’s still covering her face but, all the better to grab her hands with). She sighs and lets him take her hands and sit on the edge of the bed, still not meeting his eyes. He squeezes the fingers in his grasp, a silent promise not to make fun of her, and she takes a deep breath and forces out an explanation.

“Well, a couple weeks ago, while I was waiting for you to get out of school, me and your mom talked for a while and she mentioned some of your trips to Montauk and how much you loved them, and we were looking at pictures and she mentioned how you always said you wanted to live there, right on the beach when you got older, and inspiration kinda struck and I started sketching out your hypothetical beach house. And I guess subconsciously, your beach house became a version of…. the forever house.”

Now, Percy’s heard of the hypothetical ‘forever house’ before. Annabeth had told him once about her favorite theoretical place, created when she was little. Having lost every person and place she was told to call home, caused a deep distrust for anywhere she lived in the future. (He doesn’t blame her, he’s not sure he could ever trust anything if he went through what she went through before Luke turned to Kronos- let alone everything she went through after.) So to cope, in her head she’d design a house that she’d build when she was older- now known as the forever house. She told him she daydreamed about building it, how it’d be open and bright with huge windows so she’d never feel alone again. But, despite its openness, it’d be sturdy and rooted in place. The design and location changed over time but it always had big windows and it was always immobile. And no matter what happend, that house would be her ‘something permanent’. Her forever house.

As what she was saying registered, Percy’s smile grew impossibly wide. Annabeth must’ve assumed he was laughing at her and deflated. “I know, it’s stupid and creepy just forget it ok I didn’t mean-”

He let go of her hands as she rambled and cut her off with a kiss. He wasn’t sure how to articulate what he was feeling with words, so he let his body speak for him. His thumb swipes at her cheek (I’m sorry that you had to build a house in your head because the people that were supposed to love you didn’t, it wasn’t your fault, thank you for trusting me anyway), he runs fingers through her hair (It’s an honor to be a part of your future, I’m going to care about you, on purpose, for as long as you’ll let me), he tilts up her chin to deepen the kiss (I love you, all of you).

When they part he rests his forehead on hers and allows himself a minute to be in awe of her. He learned a long time ago that Annabeth was brave. But after learning so many of the intimate details of her past, he thinks that her ability to love at all is an act of bravery. Everytime she tells him a secret, or holds his hand, or lets him walk through one of her walls is an act of rebellion. To love Annabeth is to be in awe of her relentless courage.

“Thank you.” He whispers. He doesn’t clarify what for and she doesn’t ask. She just smiles something small and says, “You’re welcome.”

He kisses her forehead because he can and half-laughs out, “You made me a house.”

“Ugh.” She buries her head in his shoulder bites at his collarbone in annoyance. “I hate you.”

“No you don’t, you love me, you know how I know?”

“I’m begging you to shut up.”

“Because you made me a house!” He says gleefully into her hair.

Annabeth shoves him back on the bed and he pulls her down with him. She half on top of him, face buried in his chest when she retorts,

“I made us a house.”

He hopes she doesn’t mind when his arms tighten around her. It’s instinct. And a necessity. And when he whispers i love you into her hair, it's a silent promise. A promise to do anything and everything possible to get them to that house one day. From the way she smiles into his shirt, she’s gonna do the same.

#i cant write anything under 1k for some reason #i hope you like it! <3 #it was rlly fun #ive had the forever house headcanon for so long so im happens its come in use #percabeth #percabeth fic #annabeth chase #percy jackson #rbs appreciated #my writing #anon ask #prompts #fic rec

183 notes · View notes

mittensmorgul · 4 years

Note

it’s a bummer to see you can’t enjoy the ending. I hope someday you can come around it it. It wasn’t perfect but it didn’t nuke its integrity. i think the heart of the show really shines through and it’s a shame that it’s not being appreciated bc there’s so much shipping drama 😣

Hi there!

I... first of, I really need people to understand this... the travesty of the finale for me has almost nothing to do with “shipping drama.”

Yes, I see the wild conspiracy theories flying around, and I’m honestly concerned for some of those folks and hope they can find a way to make peace with this in whatever way they can, because we aren’t likely to ever get a better answer than that this is legitimately the ending that Dabb thought was best, despite years of us seeing the best of his writing choices and guiding Sam, Dean, and Cas to grow past the roles that Chuck would’ve forced them to fulfill, and that at the end it fell flat because he couldn’t actually come up with a better ending than “this was always their destiny, free will is a lie, and these characters had nothing outside of the revenge quest they’d been raised for since birth and manipulated into over and over for the entertainment of a vengeful god.”

I can see how “surface level” viewers would feel that this one basic narrative point was satisfying, that Sam and Dean had grown beyond their own hopeless cycle of self-sacrifice that had driven the narrative for so many years. The fact that they both acknowledged that they should allow their stories to end in that way was satisfying... but only in the shallowest and most detached read of the narrative. Like, is this really the ONLY thing these two characters learned in the last 15 years? If so, that is BEYOND depressing af.

And even THAT message lost all narrative weight when the two of them were once again reunited in death, as if nothing else had ever mattered in their lives. As if neither of them had ever outgrown the codependency that had driven so many of those previous self-sacrifices and refusals to let go of each other even in death.

So yeah, in the absolute most basic sense, I suppose I can see how casual viewers or people who aren’t actually invested in these characters could find that at least narratively coming back to a starting point.

But narratives don’t actually work that way, and that’s not the point of watching fifteen years of story develop in between.

This story wasn’t JUST about Sam and Dean needing to accept that death might be okay actually.

This story was also about free will, fighting for humanity as a whole but also their OWN humanity and self-identities. In Dean’s case, the absolutely transformative growth from feeling like nothing but a hammer, a killer, a tool to be used. And then less than an episode and a half later, after finally accepting that truth into his heart and using it to defeat the original creator and reclaim the story of his own life for himself... he gets pied in the face after flippantly talking about his destiny and having no choice, and then three scenes later he literally dies impaled on a great big nail... like a hammer...

So I would kindly ask folks who feel satisfied by that shallowest possible takeaway of this episode, and maybe invite folks to look just under that surface. Try to understand why loads of us will NEVER feel satisfied with this ending, and why it truly does feel like the most hopeless version of the story. Like even in defeating Chuck, they could never be allowed to own their own stories and what happened to them after that point was just a twisted version of the “destiny” that drove Chuck’s entire plotline for them anyway.

Please understand where we’re seeing this as horrifically painful irony rather than some beautiful circular narrative about letting go.

For a lot of us, the shipping stuff would’ve been the cherry on top of the sundae. We would’ve been happy with a scoop of plain vanilla, though. We would’ve been happy for anything that honored the journey to freedom, and the choice at any sort of a different life of their own making than literally falling back on a nail fighting off one of John’s unresolved hunts and a vampire who had literally never been named in canon before, yet who Dean instantly recognized somehow...

but sure, for those of us who felt that “the heart of the show” was all the stuff that the finale actually erased-- that “family don’t end in blood,” and that this was actually not a show about just two brothers but the love of their found family and coming to terms with the choices they actually HAD made for themselves versus the narrative that Chuck kept centering them in DESPITE what they would choose for themselves, the finale basically told us no, everything you ever found of value in this story actually meant nothing. It told us that Chuck’s story for them was their only truth in the end, and their only freedom was to be found in death.

Please, I am begging people, stop trying to gaslight us that this was some beautiful ending. Maybe think for a second that “your read” of the narrative that allows you to find peace with the ending is not what we saw and loved about this story for the 326 episodes leading up to this finale.

And please try to understand that we were not wrong to see the entire narrative through this lens. Because we were literally validated IN CANON, and told that we understood the depth of the story and the characters just fine, actually. There’s literally ONE episode of the entire series that burns it all down in a bewildering pile of wtf. And that’s #327. That throws that entire read out the window to well actually us all back into Chuck’s literal ending... This was literally the ending Chuck wanted to force them to enact for him, and it’s what ended up happening even after they defeated him-- the ultimate Big Bad of the entire series should’ve been defeated, but instead he pulled off one final victory over the entire story.

Becky: No. You can't-- Chuck: I did. Becky: Y- This is just an ending. Chuck: Yeah. I don't know how I'm gonna get there, but I know where I'm goin'. Becky: B-But it's so... dark. Chuck: But great, right? I can see it now -- "Supernatural: The End". And the cover is just a gravestone that says "Winchester". The fans are gonna love it. Well? Becky: It's awful! Horrible. It's hopeless. You can't do this to the fans. What you did to Dean? What you did to Sam? Chuck: There, see? It's making you feel something. That's good, right?

and

Dean: Well, what now? You're not gonna dust us. Chuck: Oh, yeah? Why not? Dean: Because you're holding out. For your big finish. Yeah, we know about your galaxy-brained idea, how you think this story is gonna go. Sam got a little look into your draft folder. Chuck: Sam's visions -- they weren't drafts. They were memories. My memories. Other Sams and other Deans in other worlds. But guess what. Just like you, they didn't think they'd do it, either. But they did. And you will, too. Dean: No. Not this Sam. And not this Dean. So you go back to Earth 2 and play with your other toys. Because we will never give you the ending that you want. Chuck: We'll see.

And even in DEFEAT Chuck thought he understood these characters, thought that having rendered him powerless they would finally take their revenge and kill him, but they didn’t, because he never actually understood these characters at all. And the story he tried to force them into from day one was never about THEM, it was about HIM.

And then Dean gets like two whole days of freedom and choice and is apparently incapable of making any of the choices that don’t throw him immediately back into Chuck’s favorite story. Like none of that resolution in the previous episode meant anything at all. He even SAYS it in the finale:

Dean: Yeah, no. I think about 'em, too. You know what? That pain's not gonna go away. Right? But if we don't keep living, then all that sacrifice is gonna be for nothing.

And then two scenes later the show gives us the Nelson Muntz HA HA and Dean is no longer living, and Sam is left to carry on as a shell of himself and wander off into Blurry Wife Land to devote any even remotely content moment of the rest of his years to raising a Replacement Dean to fill the void, and is never able to pick up the pen to write anything better of his own life than Chuck would’ve dealt him in the first place.

So I’m glad that top-layer takeaway is sustaining and enough for you. It wasn’t, and will never be enough for the rest of us.

What was actually real in all of this? We were.

Until we weren’t.

And that’s honestly a shit message to be pushing on people in the wake of it all. So please stop.

I should actually thank you for the kind intent with which your message is phrased, but that doesn’t make it feel less hilariously awful. Though I chose this one to reply to as the least insulting of all the messages currently in my inbox on this subject. So thanks for that, at least.

#spn 15.20 #aka that one episode of supernatural that doesn't really exist #because you either get to have the first 326 or the finale #they're literally narratively incompatible in all but the shallowest possible takeaway here #i chose the other 326 because those are where the actual heart of the show lies #it was set on fire and buried in 327 #Anonymous

451 notes · View notes

kitkatopinions · 3 years

Note

Roman for the character ask? XD

`Plushie, I love you for sending me this because I was excitedly telling you that I hoped someone sent me this.

I’ve been writing non-published fan fics (with plushchrome/why-i-hate-rwby-now) and we usually ‘split’ the writing by dividing who writes for what character. Our first RWBY fan fic featured Survived!Torchwick drifting towards a redemption arc, and I was writing for him. And almost every single RWBY fan fiction I’ve written since has featured Roman because I love writing for him so much. So this one is going to be good because I’ve worked with this character for literally years now. (Some of my headcanoned stuff doesn’t fit with canon, but oh well.)

My top three ships for the character

Roman/Glynda. Their only on-screen almost interaction was their fight in ep 1 in which Roman acted annoyed at the sight of her and got Cinder to fight her instead of him, but boy golly could these two have one tension fueled ‘once in a dream’ sort of romance. Roman/Neo is something I don’t personally ship, but I do like the concept and every time I see concept art of it, my heart melts a little. Funnily enough, I also like the concept of Roman/Oz, but only as ‘Roman always used to tease him by flirting with him.’ (Honorable mention to two OCs who’d take the slots under Glynda if they existed. XD)

My three least favorite ships for the character

Roman/Cinder is a massive no, considering she’s the one who got him into the whole big mess in the first place and then essentially left him for dead. I mean, it’s clear Roman’s into her and they could have divorced couples energy, but boy howdy, this would be toxic in the not fun way. Pass. Roman/Tyrian is something I just don’t vibe with, I feel like Roman has enough street smarts to not instigate or tolerate any romantic vibes with Tyrian. XD Also Junior/Roman. This is apparently called Crimedads? Roman’s the only crimedad I need, I don’t want anything to do with Junior or his disgusting behavior or his stupid looking club.

My biggest criticism for the character

I feel like my biggest criticism is actually the way he’s been used (or rather, not used) after his death. I feel like it was a mistake to wait to bring Neo back until the sixth season, and to not really delve into her backstory and not paying much attention to Neo’s growth. It makes her feel like less of a character and, by extension, makes Roman’s death feel like a weaker motivation for it and makes it matter less to the audience. RWBY’s attempts to be a ‘slow burn’ often leave a lot to be desired, and Roman as a motivation for Neo is no exception to that.

My favorite thing about the character

He was the perfect villain for the first three seasons. He was more of a comic book villain than something we were supposed to take really seriously. He was a real threat, but he was also fun, colorful, he had a great voice actor, some slight sympathetic vibes, but still an obviously selfish, obviously bad guy that - like Watts - it doesn’t feel wrong or complicated to hate or love or love to hate him. His comic book villain vibes still had a little more under the surface, which was perfect for the looser, kids-fighting-monsters fun romp with deeper stuff under the surface. That’s why a part of me doesn’t mind the fact that Roman died, even though I think he could’ve been used after volume 3. They would’ve had to change some of Roman in order to fit in with the new more serious, in-depth storyline, and it might’ve taken some of the charm away from his character.

A headcanon I have about them

Buckle up, because I can’t pick just one. Roman came from a long line of Huntsman and Huntresses and it was a family tradition thing, but he actually really wanted to be a Huntsman for many of the same reasons Ruby had wanted to be one, even past family tradition. Roman’s Hunter parents died when he was young, and he was raised mostly by his aunt and uncle in Mistral, though his family tradition was to attend Beacon, so that’s where he went to school. His aunt and uncle (also Hunters) died while he was attending Beacon in his second year. He had a versatile skillset and was really into weapons construction and strategy, but didn’t apply himself very well in school and never went on to the two vs two rounds in the Vytal Tournament. He started experiencing depression during his time in school, which only started getting worse after he (for messy reasons that I can’t take the time to explain here,) was basically forced to run away with Neo (five years younger than him) during his last year of Beacon, dropping out and living on the streets and starting a life of crime in his increasingly desperate attempts to support her and take care of her. Eventually, he stopped working for criminal masterminds who he always had problems with and thought didn’t do good enough jobs and became one himself. And this one doesn’t line up with canon, but in my fan fictions, I always wrote Roman to have a passive ‘survival’ semblance that triggered when his parents died, that keeps him alive even in really bad circumstances (and even after getting eaten by a Grimm, in the fic. XD) His semblance kept him alive, but it also slowly shifted his moral code to accommodate what he needed to do to survive, and would block out grief sometimes (for instance, he never fully grieved his parents.) Obviously, this doesn’t fit with the canon where he does die in that Grimm, but boy howdy, it made him such a good character to write for in fan fictions.

What I would change about them if I was making a re-write

I know I said that I was glad that the writers killed him, but I might not do that tbh. If I was making a re-write, it’d be more for me than anything else, and I think if Roman had survived, it could be really good and fun. For one thing, he had a connection and some element of personal tension to Ruby and Blake and Neo had some of that with Yang, and that’s something that was lacking later. Roman and Neo could’ve been used to introduce Salem’s castle, faction, etc, and they could’ve been really good as unsure, out of their depth villains that start influencing Mercury and Emerald a bit more as well. But I don’t think I’d go whole hog on any redemption arc and use Roman and Neo as more gray, wild card type characters who are against Salem and have a line of what they think is wrong, but are still dangerous and violent and selfish themselves.

What I I think of their character allusion and what (if anything) I would change about it

Roman’s character allusion to Romeo Candlewick is relatively loose. You can twist Roman into fitting it, as Candlewick wastes his time in idleness until he’s transformed into a jack-ass and then dies of exhaustion. But I definitely think that they mostly leaned into Disney inspired gimmicks like his red hair, hat, and cigar smoking. And more than that, I agree that he’s more based off of the Fox / Honest John Foulfellow, the deceptive conman who tries to trick Pinocchio in the book by pretending to be lame and attempting to kill him, only to wind up really becoming lame and impoverished and hungry. In the Disney version, he’s a more comical conman who expresses some hesitance on tricking kids into going to Pleasure Island and is being threatened into it, but had no problems with other cut throat villainy with no concern over how it affects Pinocchio. He uses a cane (but doesn’t fake a limp,) and his line delivery and body language is kind of close to Roman. Although this is yet another allusion that’s more based on Disney than the original, I think, I tend to not mind this one so much.

9 notes · View notes

we-rate-tmnt · 4 years

Note

I request: Leonardo. Please and thank you 🙏.

Idk if everyone loves Leo or if my header and avatar just remind everyone about this amazing blue boy. (This one’s super silly btw. I’m just sillier as time goes on. Character development I guess?)

The iconic leador Leonardo (1987)

Bro idk why but I loved this Leo. I have a tiny memory, especially with this version but I clearly remember that I thought he was the funniest and the coolest. I mean, he had swords, what was I supposed to do as a 7-year-old. NOT like him??? Anyway, while Raph was the best at insult comedy, I think Leo had the best puns and punchlines. I really like how nonchalant this Leo is compared to his iterations, going along with really silly ideas and having fun along the way. But because of this, his leadership is a little forced at times, he seems like such a chill and fun dude that when he gets serious, I have to squint and ask ‘are you Leo? Or were you just putting on act a moment ago?’ Or my perception is entirely warped over time. Either way, good turtle boy, could have used some work tho. 5.7/10

Here comes grumpy lad wooo this is all read very monotone btw Fearless Leader (2003)

What. What the fuck happened. I was actually so confused when Leo turned really angry and serious and almost manic. I thought that episode when he popped into Casey’s window and was like ‘Hey bitch lets go beat the shit out of some lowlifes’ I was WOAH THERE BUDDY BACK UP BACK UP BACK TF UP. It was so sudden to me and when it was finally explained, it made some sense??? Like yeah, character development is great an’ all but this ain’t it chief. I can’t imagine what it was like having to wait for these episodes to release one at a time. Bc I watched every episode back to back on Youtube and I was genuinely bamboozled. But when you have an experience like that where guilt is weighing down on you from a situation you couldn’t control, it would’ve been HELLA HELPFUL to have at least a flashback, like a line saying ‘I was so useless!’ at BARE MINIMUM. Like right after Shredder is booted off to Planet Zula, Donnie would notice that Leo didn’t seem all that happy and would ask why and Leo would get upset and yell at Donnie saying that ‘You wouldn’t understand’, ‘You don’t know how I felt, how I feel because of that’, etc. Like you don’t even have to say he felt guilty or helpless, just give us something to grab onto. We’re merely six-year-olds who thought they could climb the YMCA rock wall in easy mode but instead the script riders harnessed us up on the hard one and wouldn’t let us come down until we rang the little bell at the top. I think that is the only problem I had with his Leo. The sudden change of calm and decisive to angry and irrational was so jarring that it felt unnatural without that crucial context. If you want a surprise reveal, at least hint at the reveal (like just about every Disney movie with their ‘twist’ villains) not wait until the very last moment. I think this might be my least favorite Leo and I think the season where he stood out the most and seemed the strongest was Fast Forward (Which was GOOD FIGHT ME), especially in scenes with Dark Leo, his clone. He sees so much of himself in Dark Leo but he also sees something he had once grasped (AKA the poorly written character arc, I CANNOT stress how bad I thought it was). Although, I honestly think he’s a really good character and he’s a pretty neat guy. However, this score is entirely held up by Fast Forward and his connection with Usagi, sword bros to the end of time. 3/10 (2 for FF and 1 for Usagi)

And now a Leo that makes me genuinely feel UWU Leo (2012)

I cannot stress how much I like this guy! Like his design is so appealing, his dedication, his obsession with Space Heroes, like I FUCKING LOVE IT. And everyone knows, that shit with Karai, at first when they didn’t realize they were related, I can let slide but kajsdflksadf what even like why did the writers feel the need to add in more ‘love interest’ implications like yuck yuck yuck. The only two interactions with Leo and Karai that I really like are when Leo defeats her using the healing hands technique and when Leo has a goth/emo/punk/idk I’m new here phase and they team up and EXPLOSIONS. He was introduced to us as being incredibly naive and his idea of leadership is from some old cartoon that’s basically star trek but ethically questionable. After his fights in season 1, to the finale with the technodrome, you can see his growth. He’s able to formulate plans and make life or death decisions. BUT WAIT THERE’S MORE. When Leo got hurt, I felt like the oof sound effect mixed with some tears I normally shed at some Shojo manga bs. While the episodes following were super weird, it was a nice way to help Leo recover, not only physically but spiritually (Although I don’t remember the spirit arc at all except the epic Raph vs Fishface fight, so we’re skipping that). When Master Splinter really died, you could tell there was a huge impact on Leo, but he had to remain stoic and lead the family now. A lot of heartbreaking moments in this series came from Leo and I’m glad they took at least some thought into developing him. Tiny head Leo will haunt my nightmares, but the giggly fanboy will warm my heart constantly. 6/10

I only have one word for this Leo (Heroes in a Half Shell: Blast to the Past)

This is a super crazy bad idea accent on the super crazy bad part have I mentioned it’s also a really terrible idea/10

Okay, spoiler alert, didn’t really think this Leo was that grand Leo (2014/2016)

Painfully average. He didn’t stand out that much, Raph was part of the focus and had that touching scene at the end, Donnie was ICONIC and Mikey (with his weird-ass eyes) was super lively and funny! Leo? Uh, I don’t remember a single line he said. Because he never really grabbed my attention, I don’t have too much to say on this version. The Raph and Leo fight felt forced and the whole ‘keep this stuff that could turn us human a secret’ was pretty pointless and was added just to cause drama, I don’t even remember what that Splinter and Leo conversation was about. Design-wise, really neat! You can see some more traditional Japanese clothing/style mixed with modern (I’d feel a lot better about this assumption if some could tell exactly what the heck he’s wearing, but I get traditional Japan warrior vibes from it) in his look which was super neat! Other than that, if you like him, please tell me why because I don’t get. He was just kinda eh. 5/10

AHHH MY BOY YASSS WHOOO!! Neon Leon (2018)

Okay, I loved Ben Schwarts already from Parks and Rec but like him being Sonic AND Leo, like DUDE. He’s super funny by himself but teamed up with this shows writing and animation, it makes it hilarious. I literally love this Leo so much, maybe because we’re alike but honestly, he’s amazing. I love his design with the red and yellow crescents accenting his skin and livening up his color pallet. He has a very healthy and natural dynamic with his brothers, he’s the first to know what’s wrong and tries his best to make up for his actions. This is really prominent in the most recent episodes, along with the episode portal jacked. In both, Leo is separated from his brothers. Portal Jacked is in a more literal sense, while Air Turtle handles in more of an emotional sense. While both are brief, Leo sees his error and tries his best to make it up to them. I love his dynamic so much and it’s so nice to see something like this compared to the unnecessary drama and tension between the brothers in the previous series. It’s refreshing and this is something a younger audience needs to see; instead of fighting, it’s better to work together and improve yourself along the way. Improvement is a big theme for Leo here. He’s a goofball, makes jokes at every opportunity and isn’t quite skilled at fighting or using his weapon. But he grows over time, he learns to manage his power and he’s working on mastering it. He’s trying to put aside his narcissism more and focuses on his family. I think the approach they took with him rising to leader rather than slapping it on his forehead was the goddamn best decision they could make. He’s making plans, finding loopholes, helping out and getting out of his comfort zone. I cannot stress how well this show has handled Leo, along with the other characters. I can’t wait to see more episodes about his growth and I am awarding him with one of the greatest honors I could give... 10/10

Storytime: I drew a super cute 2012 Leo, you should look at him. Shameless self-promo, but you should follow me on my main blog bc I’m nice and I draw pretty pictures. Also. I have a little 2012 Leo Happy Meal toy??? I think??? guarding my window and he’s been there for YEARS. I need to bring him in and refresh his paint job.

Wow! I didn’t expect this many requests for Leo, so the blog will be momentarily spammed with the requests, but it shouldn’t be too much! Up next should be the last turtle (Mikey) and then we can get to some REALLY great requests I’m eager to answer. As usual, please comment and reblog! I’d love to hear your opinion!

#Tmnt #teenage mutant ninja turtles #leonardo #1987 leo #2003 leo #2012 leo #2014 leo #2016 leo #rottmnt leo #Rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles #rottmnt #asks #I forgot how my tagging system worked

59 notes · View notes

l0chn3ss · 4 years

Text

l0chn3ss update

I feel like the last time I ever really active on tumblr was in the year 2016, so i want to address my absence between 2017-2020. Part of it is because I feel like I owe it to my friends and mutuals who I just basically left on read and another part is because I’ve always treated this blog as a personal blog that documents my life and my growth. I put off writing this for a long time but now that I have a huge paper due, now is definitely the time.

You are welcome to skip but I will address a few hard hitting questions I feel should be answered, especially since I feel like I departed like an anti-hero of a bad tv show.

Where I am currently: I am in grad school to obtain a master’s in library and information science. I have a full time job at different middle school libraries, though I work from home now. I also tutor kids on the side to pay for my tuition because I basically make minimum wage. Quarantine messed with my head at first, but now I’m feeling much better and I’m trying to reconnect with friends and close a lot of loose ends.

TLDR: I took an extended break because tumblr mobile sucks and my laptop needed serious repairs. I made a huge migration away from social media in 2018. I prioritized my education and in-person connections, which fell to shit because of my fandom involvement in the past. I did not like the direction of the main fandom I participated in and knew that many of the people I once respected did not respect me in return/ Us versus them mentality. I recognized that I treated my life on tumblr too seriously and took petty drama personally. I am sporadically on tumblr now because I genuinely enjoy the social connection and because I still like running fandom events.

Yes, you can reblog this. I’d love for this narrative to be heard.

Long version: To preface this, this post is being written to give myself closure and because I really am procrastinating on my final big paper of this semester. I’ll be tackling on the points in the tldr in a longer narrative that will appear to be in an expository fashion, which I recognize will be a source of contention, but my intentions are to throw it onto the table so that I can be freed. I can let it go and move on. I’m no longer a 20 years old who cared too much of what other people think and will think; I think differing perspectives are important and I want to give myself a chance to say my piece. That and I recognize that I lost the audience that I once had, so I doubt this will be an issue at all. It’s been 4 or what ever years, let’s just not.

Back in 2015-2016 there was a huge back and forth between three groups of people in the SE fandom. The reason why I’m not listing out the name is because I don’t want this to show up in the tags. I’d say that the three groups could be seen as quite literally the soma shippers (mostly white, demi sexual girls), lgbt centric bloggers (very kid or star oriented, very fed up with soma), and the people who were deemed as alright to soma shippers (c r ona, ste inm arie, jac k im centric people). There was a constant (and understandable) tension between the first two groups while the third was like the weird cousin that everyone in the social circles liked because they sprinkled in soma for the masses. Don’t argue with me on this-- this was literally how the fandom was in 2015 and you know it.

The main issue was that one group felt that they were being inclusive towards identities and sexualities while the other felt that they were not. I remember that one of the arguments was that soma WAS an LGBT ship because people headcanonned the members to be demisexual. However, the other side of the argument was that it wasn’t good representation of a gay pairing. Now that we can look back at this 5 years later, I have two things to say: 1, I now very much understand why the argument broke out because of how heated the topic is, and I do believe that I lean more towards the “other side” now that I’m not wearing rose tinted glasses, but 2, I need to make it clear that demi people are lgbt, but a headcanon is not fact and ship diversity was the main question at hand, not the ship itself. This argument lasted for weeks, destroyed my friendships, and no matter what I felt I did in the moment (which was to mend the fandom), it was taken as an insult.

(Side note: Somethings that I remember was being in someone’s DM’s to encourage them to participate in the large fandom events more, but once they twisted my intentions and rallied their friends, I became their enemy. I also became the mods’ enemy but then again, when was I not? I was made fun of for saying “queergender,” a term that is now currently being widely used, quite openly by someone I wanted desperately to be friends with. I was outwardly mocked by popular users who only apologized behind closed doors but didn’t bother to clear things up with their followers. Adults who were in their 30s quite literally attacked a 19 year old. It was in that moment that I realized I would never become friends with either side, and not because I didn’t want to.)

I bring this up because as I begun to stop writing soma fics, I also begun to see and understand why people moved away from it. It wasn’t the ship itself, it was the culture surrounding it. However, on tumblr we have the ability to connect intensely with the content we produce. Therefore, the ship itself began to be connected with the shippers and their attitudes towards outside pairings-- that attitude being tied into elitism.

I say this with every ounce of love I can because I once had the exact same mannerism. When you become so tied into one pairing to the point where other ships appear to threaten the existence of it and you react negatively towards it, you become rancid. The popular tag “everything is soma” takes a very dark turn. Even if readers consume another pairing’s work, they will be obliged to say “I ship soma more BUT that was cute.” They will read an entirely different topic and wonder why soma wasn’t inserted into it in the background. They will reject pairings that separate the two as if breaking them up is sin and an insult.

The only reason why I stopped writing my soma fics in 2016 was because I saw a real need to fill in the gaps of other pairings. I took what people were saying to heart and I wanted to change my ways and my perceptions. I saw the animosity of the ship culture and rejected it. I wanted to use what little influence I had to make the fandom just a bit more accepting. In 2016, I don’t think the fandom was ready for it. In 2017, they still weren’t ready for it. In 2020, I see hope, but I wonder sometimes if it’s masqueraded pity because of previous treatment.

In the middle of it all, I went from being the soma angst master to becoming the weird person everyone once knew. I was the friend that people excluded from group chats and I just “wasn’t the same.” Cliques grew extremely large in power in 2017 and exclusion hurt like a bitch.

The straw that broke the camel’s back and completely shut me down was in 2017 when I was graduating as a bachelor. There was a fandom event that I decided to go all in to. For context, there used to be a huge debate on how many times a person should enter in an event, but in my mind, the more exposure the better. My graduation and the event took place at the exact same time, which was cool, but what hurt me was what happened after.

I was lucky enough to be accepted into field school (when you travel to do outdoor excavating) for my major. I’m an anthropologist-- it was an honor. I didn’t plan in advance for it, and if anything, I thought that I would be committed completely to the events and my 5 or what ever entries at the time. I’ve always prided myself in communicating with others, so I made sure to let my partners in the event know what was going on. I was so excited to be going on my first ever excavation and no one at the time said anything otherwise, in fact, they all seemed incredibly supportive.

What I didn’t know was that I would be called out by name in the event feedback response by one person who felt that I didn’t take the event seriously enough and that I should’ve prioritized my time accordingly. Two of the mods let me know because it referred to me directly, though the name of the submitter was not included. It was not only a slap in the face, but a dumbfound moment that reminded me that wow, fandom content really is someone’s life out there. My enforced silence because of lack of internet in the woods actually upset someone and made them believe that I wronged them, because I put my real life ambitions first before a fandom event.

It was then when I woke up and I remember very clearly thinking to myself: I don’t want to be like them. I don’t want to treat my fandom life seriously. I want to participate in fandom for fun, not out of duty. I don’t want to prioritize this life because in the end, if I am hated for putting my work and education first, then I don’t want it.

(For context, I suspect that it was the same person who made a 200 note call out on me during the fandom tension. I respected this person immensely, but I also treated them like the flawed person I believe everyone is. I’m sure because of this, I’m pretty much trash in their eyes, which is totally fine. They have really cute cats so they can’t be all too bad. Don’t look into it too deeply.)

Once my month long field school was up, I was already used to not being on the internet or any of my social media accounts. I didn’t play my mobile games for a month. I didn’t read the news for a month. It was like going cold turkey on the internet, which reshaped my habits entirely. The only time that I had online within that time span was during the weekend, but I spent my time working on my projects and catching up with friends instead of being on apps.

I was also completely fed up with tumblr’s mobile app at the time, so one by one, I deleted my apps. Good bye to tumblr, snapchat, what little I used of instagram, twitter, everything. The only thing I kept was facebook, which was because it is the main platform that I use to message my boyfriend. That meant that any friends I retained from the fandom (who I still contact now) were also friends who had the chance to add me on facebook.

This was the cause of my 2 or 3 year hiatus on tumblr, and therefore the fandom. I occasionally checked back every 6 months to do a few fandom events, but I have several unopened messages and notifications that I haven’t been able to get to. I open my instagram for a few days once a year, and I only go onto twitter if my friends tell me (through facebook) that they dm’d me a post there.

When I left my online persona behind, I quickly strengthened my in person connections. New drama that erupted every other day became replaced with starbucks and boba runs. Reality TV shows replaced fanfiction. Text messages replaced the tumblr activity feed (which still doesn’t work on mobile BTW). I study at cafes unironically with friends instead of typing alone in my room. Overall, it opened my world considerably.

I still like making fun of myself and I try not to take myself seriously. I still make self depreciative memes to send to friends but then double up with kermit heart pics. I’m still a plot bunny, I still write my fics, I still watch my anime, I still play video games, I still sleep at 4am, I still take my depression medication, I still love potatoes, I still use my voice for people who can’t find theirs yet. But I think I’m in a much healthier mindset now, even if I still make stupid shifty posts calling out bad behavior.

Nowadays, I’m working on my Master’s degree in secret. My parents don’t know about it because my mom doesn’t like that I want to go out and do unladylike things like getting an education. I tutor kiddos and I’m really good with younger children, but I’m not going to do anything with kids because I just don’t want to. Instead, I want to work at an archive or a museum to bring my library interests and my anthropology background together. If I had my dream job, I would be a marine archaeologist; however I love my boyfriend of 8 years whom you probably all remember and I really came to terms with my grandeur dreams. I’m extremely happy with living in a small town with loved ones now, and I don’t need to move somewhere far away from my parents to be content. It’s a huge realization.

From 2018 to 2020 I got into actual drama in person while I was job hunting. Adult people suck and honestly it’s kind of embarrassing how ill equipped some people are. Even so, I currently work in middle schools as a media assistant. One of those realms is the library, and honestly it’s like fulfilling a prophecy. As much as I love the social aspect, public schools are an absolute train wreck.

I’m going to wrap this up now. This post is meant to help me close the past and move forward because the fandom culture feels different now. Things from several years ago don’t need to resurface. I want to enjoy my life fully, and fandom life is one of those aspects that I truly did enjoy. I’m going to keep using my voice and act like a fool, but I’m also not going to be losing sleep because of this. People are going to talk about you no matter what, whether positively or negatively, and it’s important to not take it personally.

Idk, go enjoy yourselves. Do things for yourself. It’s more fun that way.

#nessingaround #this was cathartic #huge thank you to my friends who stuck by me and to my friends who welcome me back with open arms #big shout out to my disney girl gang and another big shout out to 'ma girls'#another thank you to my sweethearts on google hang out #and thank you especially to the group of se lgbt users from 2016 who truly did open my eyes to the severity of the fandoms actions #even tho u still hate me and have me blocked hahaha i consider this growth

68 notes · View notes

revlyncox · 3 years

Text

Trees (2021)

A talk abut growth, hope, and paying attention to history

Revised and expanded for the Washington Ethical Society by Lyn Cox

February 7, 2021

In this place halfway between the beginning of winter and the beginning of spring, we draw on imagination and memory, caution and optimism, hope for the future and learning from the past. Many of these things are contained in stories.

I don’t know if the story happened exactly this way, but I believe it’s true. A sage, a wise person, was walking along the road and saw someone planting a carob tree. The sage asks, "How long will it take for this tree to bear fruit?" "Seventy years," replies the gardener. The sage then asks: "Are you so healthy a person that you expect to live that length of time and eat its fruit?" The gardener answers: "I found a fruitful world, because my ancestors planted it for me. Likewise I am planting for my children." I will tell you where this story is from because I want to give credit, but I also want to notice that this story has a universality to it, a truth that the beginnings of things we set in motion can have an impact long past the horizons of our own lives. This story is from the Talmud, a collection of rabbinic conversations on ethics and customs. (Talmud Ta'anit 23a)

We drink from wells we did not dig and eat from trees we did not plant (Deut. 6:11). Our physical, intellectual, and religious lives depend on those who have gone before. Following their example will lead us to plant literal and figurative trees for the world of the future.

I believe caring for ourselves AND others will help us sustain a shared life of meaning and compassion for a long time.

My first semester studying for my M.Div. degree in California, I worked at one college in the south bay area, and went to school in the east bay area. I enjoyed the fragrance of eucalyptus trees around both campuses. The dry leaves rustled in the breeze, leaves rubbing together like the wings of singing crickets. Some people were distracted by the sound and allergic to the smell, but I liked them. The eucalyptus trees were tall and graceful. One might imagine that they had always been there. There’s a story about those trees. I don’t know if it happened exactly this way.

The American West in the late 1800’s was heavily influenced by dreams of getting rich quick. Non-native eucalyptus trees were brought from Australia because they grew quickly. It was imagined that the lumber and oil would become quickly replaceable commodities for those who farmed them. They were promoted as ornamental trees for rich landowners new to the area and not used to treeless landscapes. Eucalyptus trees were all over California by the 1900’s, and were tested for use as railroad ties. They didn’t work out. Eucalyptus from Australian virgin forests, seasoned and treated properly, behaves differently than eucalyptus grown from seeds in California, hastily treated, and set down in the Nevada sand. Some of the railroad ties were so cracked they couldn’t hold spikes. Some decayed within four years.

The trees themselves grew like weeds. They did what non-native species are famous for doing: thriving in the new environment, edging out diverse native plants that provide food and habitat, with consequences for the entire food chain. An attempt at a quick profit turned out to have unintended consequences. Recently, there has been more discussion in that region about restoring native trees, but it’s complicated. To say that it will take time to mitigate the damage of an invasive species is an understatement. Then again, compare that to the 2,000-year growth of some living redwood trees. May we learn patience and commitment from slow-growing trees.

We strive to be among those people who have the hope and imagination it takes to envision a world of justice and compassion, a world of liberation and self-determination, a world of peace where people sit calmly in the shade of slow-growing trees. In our neck of the woods, we might imagine a world where every person lives in safety and abundance, with access to the shade of a Witch Hazel, Hackberry, or Redbud tree; the three logically native trees our Earth Ethics Action Team recently arranged to have planted on the WES property. In folk music and wisdom tales, slow-growing trees symbolize enough time for a generation to grow without being uprooted by hunger or violence.

The California eucalyptus story reminds us that some of the environmental mistakes we humans have made were decisions made by a few but using the resources and the risk pool of many. Another time, we can unpack the harm that white American westward expansion had on indigenous land rights and communities, and on the horrors of labor exploitation involved in the transcontinental railroad, and on the energy and resources that were available for white colonization but not reparations for formerly enslaved people after the Civil War. Understanding the wrong choices that have been made in the past may help us turn toward making better choices as a society going forward. We can play an active role in the governments, corporations, and organizations to which we belong and who act on our behalf. Let us embody these relationships for repair and renewal.

Contrast the rushed, climate-disrupting story of the eucalyptus trees with the story of George Washington Carver. I had to catch up on some of his story this week, when my kids noticed discrepancies between what was said about Dr. Carver in the elementary school reader on our bookshelf and what they had read elsewhere. Some of us learned in school that the most important contribution Dr. Carver made as a scientist was discovering and promoting new uses for peanuts, but this version of his story is grossly oversimplified and obscures the way his research and activism supported Black self-determination as well as environmental repair.

After he graduated from the Iowa State Agricultural College in 1896, Dr. Carver accepted a position at the Tuskegee Institute in Alabama. Riding on the train to his new home, he noticed immediately that growing nothing but cotton was causing soil erosion and depletion. He had scientific solutions to that. What took longer was figuring out how to empower Black farmers -- especially those who were being exploited as sharecroppers -- to feed their families, improve their chances for subsequent years, and still make enough money to try to get out of debt. Smithsonian Magazine quotes biographer Mark Hersey about the way Dr. Carver understood the problem:

“What Carver comes to see,” Hersey says, was that “altering [black sharecroppers’] interactions with the natural world could undermine the very pillars of Jim Crow.” Hersey argues that black Southerners viewed their lives under Jim Crow through an environmental lens. “If we want to understand their day to day lives, it’s not separate drinking fountains, it’s ‘How do I make a living on this soil, under these circumstances, where I’m not protected’“ by the institutions that are supposed to protect its citizens? Carver encouraged farmers to look to the land for what they needed, rather than going into debt buying fertilizer (and paint, and soap, and other necessities—and food). Instead of buying the fertilizer that “scientific agriculture” told them to buy, farmers should compost. In lieu of buying paint, they should make it themselves from clay and soybeans.

So ends the excerpt. Dr. Carver understood way before what we think of as the modern environmental justice movement that liberation and conservation are entwined projects. The decisions we make for our families, for our communities, and for the planet all go together, and they all benefit from remembering interdependence and the long years of generations to come. Honoring the very beginnings of things, continuing to work on hopes that are barely tangible, believing in the distant future, allows us to live into Beloved Community. White Supremacy depends on the hurry-up-and-profit mindset that brought cracked eucalyptus logs to the Nevada desert. Beloved Community invites us to consider what may come from a seed.

Strong trees grow slowly. Strong communities learn and grow and make connections to other communities little by little over decades. Healing takes time. Repair takes time. And for all of these, we can’t always tell that it is happening. In most cases, we don’t see the seed unfolding under the soil. Our senses are not adjusted to notice the growth of trees right in front of us. Sometimes resilience is about knowing in your heart that change is possible, even when the evidence is not yet obvious.

The nearly imperceptible beginnings of change are also a theme in the earth-honoring holiday of Imbolc. The Celtic calendar where this holiday comes from is rooted in the seasons of light and dark of the northern hemisphere and the agricultural cycles of western Europe. At approximately the same time of year in the British Isles and here in the mid-Atlantic, the middle of winter means that we can start to perceive the time of sunrise and sunset edging toward spring, just a little more daylight each day.

February into March is the time of year when lambs start to be born, vulnerable and full of promise for the coming spring. It’s still cold outside! One theory for where the word Imbolc comes from is that it’s related to the word for sheep milk. The lambs need a lot of help to stay warm and to survive. Yet their arrival shows the persistence of life. Sometimes resilience is about remembering that life is possible.

This is also the time of year when people who grow vegetables in climates like ours make a plan for the next six months, gathering seeds, starting a few indoors, and figuring out how to make the most of the soil and sun that will be available later. Making plans at this in-between time of year takes courage.

For earth-honoring folks in Celtic traditions, the goddess Bridget (and, in her later form, St. Bridget of Kildare) is associated with this early February holiday. In the legends, Bridget protects access to clean, healing water. She is also a figure of light and flame. When you put fire and water together, you can make entirely new things out of what you had before. You can forge iron, cook food, sculpt clay and fire it into ceramics. Maybe this transformative potential is why Bridget is also associated with childbirth, poetry, healing, song, and art.

There is one thing that newborn lambs, vegetable seeds, soup ingredients, raw iron, and future poetry all have in common: They don’t look at the beginning the way they are going to look at the end. You have to have some hope and imagination to believe in the transformation that is coming. You have to keep doing what you are doing, when the evidence for success has not yet appeared. We need to hold on through the long term, through step-by-step processes, through the discomfort of growth and change. And so another thing we learn at Bridget’s holiday is the need for commitment.

If we’re paying attention to a legendary figure of generosity, art, and transformation, it’s a good idea to listen to the voices of poets who figured out how to sustain themselves and their families and communities through difficult times. During Black History Month, we are reminded of many examples of poets and artists who showed and inspired perseverance as they provided hope and imagination about a better world that was not yet fully manifest.

Back in October, on Vote Love Day, we heard about the story of Frances Ellen Watkins Harper. She was born in Maryland in 1825 to free parents, was educated at her uncle’s school, and had published a book of poetry by the age of twenty. She became a full-time lecturer and writer, and she was an activist for abolition and for economic self-determination in the Black community. One verse of her 1895 poem, “Songs for the People,” [more on that poem here] reads:

Our world, so worn and weary,

Needs music, pure and strong,

To hush the jangle and discords

Of sorrow, pain, and wrong.

Harper was well aware of the injustice, economic inequality, and violence that still plagued the cities and towns where she toured. She didn’t fail to address any part of that system in her other writing. Yet she still saw a place for music and art. For Harper, poetry was not a distraction from building the Beloved Community, but one of the technologies that can help bring it into being. Out of intangible words and ideas are woven a network of visions that lift up possibilities for liberation.

Good things grow from beginnings that are not yet obvious. The forces that will become spring are already at work under the snow in the middle of winter.

On the Jewish calendar, we’ve recently passed the holiday of Tu B’Shevat, the new year of trees. This is a minor holiday. It’s been around for hundreds of years, yet more people seem to be noticing it as we learn to connect spirituality with care for the earth. Sometimes people in Jewish homes and communities gather to eat different kinds of fruit and nuts, to give thanks for ways of growing, and recommit to stewardship of the planet. In regions where it makes sense, Tu B’Shevat is a time to plant trees.

Clearly, looking out the window today, it is not the right time to plant a tree where we live. Nevertheless, in our gratitude for trees, we are reminded of the growth and the fruition of work that exist because of what has come before. The forces that create and uphold life and our ancestors who cooperated with them knew that growth and resilience don’t always look that way from the outside. They knew that growth can start with something tough or plain. They knew the importance of allowing time and of giving thanks.

We drink from wells we did not dig and eat from trees we did not plant. As a community, part of our task is to muster the hope and imagination it takes to consider growth and resilience over time. We think long-term. We honor beginnings of change, even when they are hidden or barely perceptible. Let us be mindful of the impact of our choices, now and in the generations to come.

May it be so.

4 notes · View notes

capricornus-rex · 4 years

Text

Old Friend, New Family (2)

Requested by: Anon | Prompt:

Hey I was wondering if you’d take a prompt where the reader is an ex-padawan who’s master died pretty early on in order 66, and was instead saved by a clone that removed his inhibitor chip. Then maybe they get separated, and years later when the reader is a crew member on the Mantis, they come across the clone again? How would the crew, especially Cal and Cere, react to meeting a friendly ex-soldier clone who’s close with the reader? Could you make it full of angst then fluff? Love your writing!

Tags: Defected! Clone Trooper, Jedi Survivor! Reader, Order 66 Survivor

Also posted in AO3

Previous: Part 1 | Next: Part 3 | Masterlist

2 of ?

The Kel Dor master used the Force to open the door and at least five Clone Troopers clustered together at the door, blocking your only exit out of the room, and it’s only the two of you against them. Taking cover from their fire behind the office desk, banking their shots was the only possibly strategy if you want to get out of the office and to the Starfighters.

Mere minutes ago, you were guarding against blaster fire from droids… and now you’re trading them with your own clones—the men who you thought were your most trusted allies.

This can’t be happening! What went wrong?!

The distress in your mind was loud enough for Master Karos to take notice.

With your backs pressed against the desk for cover, Master Karos could only afford a few seconds to tell you a compressed version of his plan within less than twenty words.

“Padawan, listen to me very carefully. The clones have betrayed us. The Starfighters—we have to get to the Starfighters. It’s our only way of escape!”

“I don’t understand what’s happening. Why are they trying to kill us all of a sudden!?”

“The Council must have an answer for this. In the meantime, we have to get out of this palace and get to the landing pad. We have to get rid of those at the door. Ready?”

You nodded and followed your master’s lead. It appears some of them hugged the wall and blindly fired from where they hid. The last Clone Trooper standing in your way of the exit fell lifeless to the ground.

“The exit’s open! Go, [y/n]!” the Kel Dor bellowed.

You leaped over the pile of bodies that blocked the door from ever closing. The corridor is seemingly empty, but you’re half-anticipating that there would be more. Master Karos clutched your shoulder and bent down so his eyes are level to yours.

“Stay close to me. Keep running and don’t look back. Understand?”

You were stuck between catching your breath while fighting back sobs as you’re scared and confused all at the same time. The only reply he got from you is a nod, but it was an answer nonetheless. He stole a moment to look at you—suddenly, he remembered that small, bright-eyed child in the Temple and he stroked the back of your head before standing up.

Perhaps, this is the first time you saw him genuinely smile past his protective mask—and apparently the last.

“Now, [y/n]… Run!”

Keeping up with your master’s running pace, the clone troopers came from all sides of the halls. There was no need for close combat, though you had to deflect their blasts in quick succession—some ricocheted against the walls, others met its mark on the clone troopers’ bodies.

“Almost there, [y/n]—keep running!”

The more you both ran, the little you did in protecting yourselves from the clones in using your weapons, it was more evading their fire when it was only two of three of them—you only whipped out your saber when there was more of them waiting for you to show up in the next turn.

In bigger groups, Zal Karos would simply incapacitate the clones with his Force push and shut the door by destroying the panel. Later on, you ended up running ahead of him while he covers you from the flank. You went ahead in the next turn, but you were too eager to escape that you didn’t look the other way.

“I found the child!” the clone shouted and pulled the trigger on you.

Your last-minute deflect was flimsy, resulting to the projectile grazing the corner of your shoulder. The next shot was better and you returned fire to the clone trooper who injured you before continuing on.

“Master, I see the landing pad!”

“Good, [y/n], come on!”

By the time you got to the entrance of the landing pad, the clone troopers at your tail have increased in numbers. Master Karos could only hold them off enough for you to reach your objective. You’ve returned to the scene of the carnage from the siege that transpired mere minutes ago, but you and your master have been outnumbered by the clone troopers closing in on you from behind.

“Nowhere to run.” One of the clones snarled with a sinister persistence.

Indeed, it seems that there is nowhere to run. The Jedi Master saw only one last possibility for survival—and he wasn’t in it. However, he knew that perfectly well, and he made peace with that just now.

“[y/n], my Padawan, whatever happens… Survive!”

“What…?!”

The clones raised their rifles in full unison and their fingers curled against the triggers; a second’s notice was all he can afford but it was all Master Karos needs—he lifted you high up with the Force, he tossed you away to a distance far from the circle of clone troopers that surrounded you. From where you lie, you could barely see him over the clones’ shoulders that stood in the way, with your limited view you can see that he continued to fight even when it was a dozen to one.

The beams of the projectiles illuminated the circle of troopers and then you watched his body falter and jerk for every shot he took. You saw Zal Karos’s body fall flat to the floor but the clones continued to fire at him.

He fell down with his face turned to you, even with such a long distance, you can tell that your eyes meet.

“NOOO!!!” you screeched.

There was nothing you can do about him now.

SURVIVE, [Y/N]!

You heard his voice in your head, and that was enough to snap you back to your senses. Seeing that you were back outside in the city proper, you sought for a place to hide, stealing some detonators from fallen clones’ utility belts along the way for extra protection.

In the distance, the troopers exchange questions and orders.

“Where’s the little one!?”

“I don’t know, she can’t be far ahead!”

“Sweep the area! She can’t do much against us!”

You slipped into the wreckage of a LAAT gunship and hid in the cockpit for an indefinite time, despite its destruction, your size was enough for you to keep yourself out of sight. You curled into a ball, hugged your knees as you wept for this disaster and for your chaos. An ocean of questions flooded your little mind as the trauma slowly devoured your willpower.

Is it over?

Am I going to die here?

Please, anybody… help.

In a time that felt like days have passed, the thunders of war seemed to have ceased. You crawled out of your hiding spot and attempted to return to the scene where you saw Master Karos for the final time.

Master, did you die because of me? Because you had to save me? Did you really think I was helpless or useless or both?

Your feet dragged through the body-strewn streets of the city, careful not to step on any of the fallen clones’ bodies, you looked around and saw their lifeless eyes peeking through the broken portions of their helmets—you felt a chill crawl down your already-weak spine—but continued on.

Eventually, you found Master Karos’s body left to rot in front of the city gates. The dust has settled on his robes as he remained in the last position you saw him. You knelt down and gently rolled him over with the remaining strength you have in your body right now. His skin has paled, his head bobbed to your direction, and knowing that there is nothing you can do anymore, you clutched his cold, dead hands and hunched over his body to weep.

“It’s over…” you sobbed. “We lost… I’m sorry, Master.”

The wind has picked up, the inferno crackled from the distance, and you remained there with your master on the ground; you stayed there until you could regain enough strength to bury him. It’s the only honor you can bestow to him. Even though you’re stricken with grief, you can sense someone approaching you; you feigned, pretending that you don’t anticipate the stranger coming to you, the click of the safety prompted your ear to twitch.

What good can fighting do, anyway? I’m as good as dead.

You slowly raised your arms while still hunched over your master’s body.

“Oh, hey… Kid, are you okay?”

You’re startled by the compassion of the voice behind you—it was obviously a clone’s voice. Slowly lowering your hands and then glancing over your shoulder, you were correct when it was a clone but he didn’t behave hostile and trigger-happy like the others. The first thing you noticed is the motif of a horned creature with fangs painted above his helmet’s visor—from that, you knew which clone this was.

“Strig?”

He took off his helmet and revealed his face, confirming his identity—his head was shaven but growth had begun to show, a faint stubble traced his jaw and ended with a goatee, and the same motif was tattooed on one side of his head.

He was cautious with how he approached you, knowing that you’re obviously terrified with what transpired mere hours ago. He noticed the way you scoot closer to your master.

“Are you hurt?” he asked you again.

He slowly reached for your jaw, but you avoided him, apparently there was a cut that you must’ve gotten when Master Karos tossed you out of the line of fire; and then his hand hovered to your shoulder, pointing to where the blaster graze is.

Your fingers absentmindedly tapping the wound with the dried blood. “Are you going to kill me now?”

The clone’s eyebrows furrowed together, “No, why would I do that?”

“Because everyone else tried to.”

The clone sighed, seeming to be in the same page of confusion as you are—the only difference is that he has a better inkling about the manslaughter that happened hours ago. The seemingly-defected clone offered you his hand and helped you back up on your feet.

“Strig… what’s happened? Why did the clones tried to kill us?”

“That’s… look, it’s a bit complicated, [y/n],”

“Believe me, I’ve seen more complicated things to understand,”

Strig sighed when he knew you’re going to persist for answers. He sidetracked you on offering to help you bury Master Karos’s body.

“That was what you’re planning to do, right?”

“Yeah, I just… I was just too weak to move.”

“Okay, kid, let me give you a hand.”

The clone helped in digging the hole, in the meantime, you tore off the pauldron bearing the insignia of the Jedi Order, and then used the Force to gently put Master Karos along with his lightsaber in his final resting place. The pauldron acted as a marker.

“I’m sorry if it’s not much, Master. And I’m sorry that I wasn’t strong enough to save you. Still, I hope you find peace—for you are now one with the Force.” You prayed on your knees.

After your prayer, Strig helped you again on your feet, “Come on, kid. There’s nothing left for us here. But you don’t have to be alone anymore, you know. I got your back—as long as you promise you have mine!”

54 notes · View notes

eclectic-aussie · 4 years

Text

I know there’s been a hell of a lot less Bellamy and Clarke than anyone expected for the final season of the 100 due to personal reasons for their actors, poor things :’( but at the same time it more or less forced the writers to give the other characters the chance to really think about how they see themselves, though not always in a good way.

My favourite examples of this are Emori and Murphy. Season 5 I remember Emori saying how being on the Ring gave her a purpose bigger than just herself, and that Murphy kind of had trouble with grasping who he was in peace. Season 6 we saw Murphy seemingly regress and Emori testing her loyalty between Murphy and her friends. Now season 7 had both of them having to pretend to be someone else: Kailee and Daniel Prime. They were revered, listened to, their actions made a difference! And then Sheidheda happened and then they were able to find a new part of who they were that they didn’t get to very often: they became protectors. They cared about other people who had no real connection to them and they protected them the best they could. They stood against Indra when she wanted to make Madi be Heda again. Murphy almost lost it when he realised that Sheidheda was after Madi and then when he found her he helped her through a panic attack and Emori backed it up by saying they’d never let anyone hurt her. The King and Queen of the cockroaches give a damn, and I can honestly say that while I don’t think they’ll want to be the official ‘leaders’ at the end, I also don’t think they’d shy away from being on a future council and even better if they’re voted in. I think it’s something they’d take pride and enjoyment in while still being sassy bastards and possible bitching about it all the time (lookin’ at you Murphy). Side Note: for some reason I see either them or Jackson/Miller adopting Rex at the end of this.

Raven is the opposite to the above. She has canonically been quick to chose her own life above others. This isn’t my opinion, it is canon. Waking up the prisoners from Cryo with Murphy even though it would be swelling the enemies army from 16 to 299. Taking off in the Elegius dropship in order to bomb everyone (including EVERY member of her family) in the gorge in order to save herself and Shaw, her love interest of the season. Waking up Diyoza then Madi and putting guns in their hands and telling them to handle the hijackers and then comforting the grieving Kiki like she had nothing to do with it. She watched Kane kill himself so they wouldn’t be able to create more Primes and then convinced Abby to use Madi to create more serum from her bone-marrow to save them from a situation ostensibly created by their own people(person really, since Gaia and Miller weren’t the ones blackmailing and belittling Ryker until he chose to side with his family again, and got Simone killed in the process which set Russell off to burn everyone, not just a person of their choosing, alive). And yet, up until this point, Raven has never actually been held accountable for any of the above. Until she sent a small group of Elegius prisoners into a radiation soaked room to weld the coolant leaking pipes that ultimately killed them, because she was too afraid to go in herself. Even going so far as to lock Murphy in with them because the others were having trouble focusing. So now we have Raven finally looking at her choices from a less self-righteous viewpoint, and then leaving so Murphy, Emori and Indra have to deal with the fallout from the prisoners she killed and she’s on an ice planet telling Clarke that ‘Clarke Griffin doesn’t break’ like she actually knows what’s she’s talking about when she barely even knows Clarke, let alone recently. And yet since Murphy took the blame for the prisoners deaths, it’s only her and a few select others who know the truth so will this self-reflection last more than what we’ve already gotten? I really hope so because they’ve made Raven a self-righteous insufferable bigot since season 5B and I miss the egotistical but a hell of a lot more badass Raven from season 1-4, even if she still was way too hard on Griffin women then too.

We saw what changed Octavia after she went into the anomaly and I’m glad we got a version of her who was much more at peace within herself and who started to see how much Bellamy did for her even when she pushed him away so frequently and harshly, and I hope it’s something she can start to instill in Hope after she lost her mother. I do hope she’s still able to channel her warriors spirit, just with more mercy. She has some way to go to fix the relationships she broke while Blodreigna, so I hope she gets that opportunity.

Echo. Anyone who’s seen pretty much ANY of my posts know I am not an Echo fan and I’d guess that it’s assumed that it’s because she’s with Bellamy and I’m a Bellarke shipper. This is not the case. Do I like Becho as a couple? Nope. But that is because since Echo was introduced, and then reintroduced and betrayed Bellamy and then became a henchman to Roan that he didn’t even trust I have never believed that Echo believed anything she was doing was wrong. “War makes everyone monsters” which I took as ‘if everyone is acting like honor-less monsters then it’s not bad or evil just the society we live in so it’s ok’ and yeah, I’m not ok with that. And if she had gone up to the Ring and not only acknowledged her past actions but actively chose differently because she’d lived with people she’d wronged in the past and wanted to do better. Instead we had Bellamy insisting to Octavia that Echo had changed, but we never got Echo actually apologizing herself to Octavia, only asking to ‘prove’ herself so she could stay with everyone instead of being banished. We had make the same choices from season 3&4 that Bellamy downright state he couldn’t trust her when she betrayed Shaw to the other prisoners in order to take down the Eye, even though he was a very valuable ally that knew the ins and outs of the prisoners and their tech and their systems. And then she went behind her leaders back and tried to do something in his name that he would NEVER be ok with (trying to kill Clarke in front of Madi to ‘avenge’ Bellamy) like she did in season 4 with Roan when she tried to kill Clarke multiple times, tried convince Roan to hand Wanheda’s head to his council to show his strength and finally cheating for him in the Conclave which got her banished. And since neither had any real consequence outside Raven being mad at her for getting her love interest beaten up, she continued the trend into both season 6 (Ryker) and season 7 (Levitt and attempted Genocide). And the season 7 actions was after she had another long period of peace where she had the opportunity to reflect on her actions and grow and actively chose not to. I have seen some good and badly done redemption arcs before (anime do them right, I’m just saying) but Echo’s only ‘growth’ is that she hesitates before taking an action that she knows will hurt someone she cares about, but she still does it. That and she went from someone who had no-one who cared about her to having most of delinquents who are left making excuses for her and trying to overlook that she’s the same Echo in season 3 but now she’s their ‘family’.

#the 100 #John Murphy #Emori #Anti Raven #Anti Echo #Octavia Blake #Good character growth #Don't like don't read #You're entitled to your opinion but it's not going to change mine

14 notes · View notes

cogentranting · 4 years

Text

Some Thoughts on Kevin, Sophie, Symbols, and the Mysterious Fiancée

Episode 4x12 was a really interesting addition to the Kevin/Sophie story because I think there are multiple ways to interpret it, and I think how you interpret it depends on which flashback and corresponding symbol you take to be most important.

In the present day, you have Kevin going to Sophie’s mom’s funeral. But the greater significance of this is left mostly ambiguous. Is this an episode about a rekindling romance? About finding closure? Something else? But then you also have three flashbacks: Kevin’s childhood looking for the mobile, Kevin and Sophie the night Jack died, and Kevin and Sophie visiting town for Rebecca’s birthday.

Young Kevin and the Sheep Mobile This plot line is seemingly the least connected. It’s all about a very young Kevin not being able to sheep without his sheep mobile, while the other three focus on the deaths of parents and on Kevin and Sophie’s relationship. The key point of connection seems to be Jack’s line to Kevin at the end of arc, about how the sheep are gone, but he can sleep with the stuffed tiger because “just because you loved something once doesn’t mean you can’t love something new”. Applied to the main story line, it seems that Sophie is sheep mobile, and the message is that even though Kevin loved her and that was real and important, he can’t have her back and he has to find someone new to love. If you interpret the episode by this flashback and symbol, it’s about how Kevin needs to move on and find a new love, saying that him falling for someone new does not diminish what he felt for Sophie.

Teen Kevin and Good Will Hunting This one, which shows Kevin and Sophie during the night leading up to Jack’s death (what Kevin calls the last night of his childhood) has the clear connection to the present story by being related to the death of his father, just as the present is about the death of Sophie’s mother. But all of it takes place before Kevin learns about Jack’s death. So even though that forms the point of connection, and it draws the parallel between them helping each other through those events, that’s not really what it’s about. It’s more about Good Will Hunting, which is teased early in the episode in the present and then ambiguously referenced several times throughout, before reaching a resolution back in the present. In this symbol, Kevin and Sophie watched Good Will Hunting together but left before the end of the movie, and they both agreed to never watch the ending, instead making it a game between them to come with different endings of their own because the real ending could never be better than what they come up with. So the game demonstrates their ongoing connection and their history together. But in the end of the episode they watch the ending together and agree that the actual ending is better than anything they could have come up with. So it could be that the ending of the movie symbolizes that, even though they both never really wanted to close the door on this picture of their relationship, when they do they discover something even better- moving on from each other could open them up to an ending better than what they could have imagined with each other. OR it might not be that straightforward of a symbol. Because the movie is also linked to as Kevin put it, the last day of his childhood, and they watch the ending in the place where he found out that Jack died. He uses that to talk to Sophie about her going back to the coffee shop where she learned about her mom. So it could be that watching the ending of the movie, represents not trying to stay locked in the past before the bad things happened, but being willing to take the scary step of healing and moving forward. If that is more of the interpretation, then it could be about Kevin and Sophie moving on from each other, or it could be about letting go of the old stages of who they were together in order to embrace a new ending together, different from the ones they imagined for so long, but maybe better.

Young Adult Kevin and the Ring Then there’s the story of Kevin asking Claire for her mother’s ring to give to Sophie. There are two main takeaways in this story. One is Claire’s relationship to Kevin. The point they emphasized was that Claire always believed in Kevin, always believed he’d make it, always told him to never settle. The second is the story of the ring, that Claire’s father bought it for her mother, but her mother refused to take it until he got back from the war, telling him to use it as a reason to come back to her, a symbol of hope. It’s a story about waiting. And a story about hope. But Claire won’t give Kevin the ring because the relationship is new and they’re young: they haven’t had to wait for each other, they haven’t had to persevere or hold on to hope. They haven’t been tested. Reflecting back from the present, Kevin believes that Claire wouldn’t give him the ring because she knew he’d mess things up with Sophie. And maybe she did, but overall that wasn’t the impression we were given of Claire’s relationship with Kevin. It was about her telling him to keep on going because one day he’d get there, and one day he’d have the thing he was aiming. It was about Claire believing in Kevin. So it would seem strange to end that arc on a note of “but she knew he’d mess up this thing and not be able to repair it”. So at the end of the flashback, Kevin does not get the ring, and at the end of the present story line Kevin and Sophie go their separate ways (as they should, her cheating on/leaving her fiance with him because of the way grief heightened her emotions would not have been good, no matter who you want to be together, and Kevin even warned her off any action with him by pointing out the effect grief can have on people). So Sophie is still with her fiance and Kevin slept with Madison. But, also we ended Sophie’s scenes with her staring at her grandmother’s ring. The ring she’s always wanted and never got. By my estimation, her fiance can’t be the one to give her the ring as resolution to that story. There’s a couple reasons for this. First, he’s not a character. He’s never even really had any lines. I can’t think of this name. If he were to give Sophie the ring, we would never see that happen. It would have to happen off screen and maybe be communicated to Kevin at some point after the fact. Second, a big point is made about how he didn’t really know Claire. And the emphasis with the ring was that it was Claire’s to give to someone for Sophie. So her intentions before dying could be honored in giving the ring, but she didn’t know the fiance and so he can’t be in keeping with Claire’s intentions and he can’t fully appreciate the import of the ring. Third, by all accounts that we’ve seen, Sophie and her fiance have never had to wait for each other in any real sense. They can’t live out what the ring represents. So if the fiance can’t give the ring to Sophie in a meaningful way, and this really is the end for Kevin and Sophie, then the ring was introduced and ends within the same episode with the point just being that this thing that meant so much to Sophie, she never gets. Which is not a satisfying conclusion, especially given that, Sophie didn’t do anything wrong to mess up her relationship with Kevin. But, the ring is about waiting and hope. So if the ring is meant to symbolize two people willing to wait for each other and have hope that they’ll find a way to be together again, then that would fit really well with a story line about Kevin and Sophie finding their way back together again. Sophie looking at the ring again would be a sign to the audience, that her story is not over. It would become about Kevin and Sophie waiting for many years in order for Kevin to finally be the person that she needs him to be. And Kevin even addresses that idea when he talks to Claire’s grave– that he feels like he’s finally ready to be with Sophie, he just missed his chance. It would contrast with the young impatient Kevin who married Sophie on an impulse. It would contrast with the version of Kevin he described to Madison, who’s never broken up with because he always cuts and runs first. And in making these contrasts would emphasize Kevin’s growth as he comes to deserve the ring. And it would fit with the overall theme of Claire’s relationship to Kevin– she believed that he would make it eventually, even if she thought he might mess up along the way, and she didn’t want him to settle, she just wanted him to wait. So the way I see it, the ring represents that all Kevin and Sophie need is a little bit of time and they will find their way back together.

The Other Love Interests If you lean more toward one of the first two symbols and towards an interpretation that this episode is about Kevin and Sophie finding closure and moving on to better endings and new loves, then that leaves the question: who is Kevin’s fiancee? Zoe seems pretty clearly out of the running, because she doesn’t want children (and I don’t think they should change that) and because Kevin’s child in the flashforward was not mixed race. Cassidy is still a possibility, but her story to this point has been directed toward her fixing her relationship with her husband, not finding new love. And some cast indications seem to mean that she’s not returning. Lizzy is married, made a really poor first impression, and the actress says that the character “won’t return anytime soon”. Of the characters we’ve already met, that leaves Madison, who of course is the most prominent at the moment because the episode ends with her and Kevin sleeping together. Does this action indicate that they are the new main pairing? I’m not convinced. For one thing, up until this point Madison’s primary role has always been comic relief. Though you’re meant to like her and at times sympathize with her highs and lows, and she has had some serious moments, she is still generally portrayed as a somewhat ridiculous character, a little clueless, a little over the top. Even some of her serious moments (like the points where she and Kate form a true connection) to some degree ask you to laugh at Madison (though not all do, as was pointed out to me in regards to a story line I forgot). This seems unlikely to be the character they choose as Kevin’s (presumably) endgame romance (For those of you thinking ‘well Toby is a comic character and Kate married him– in their comedic relief moments, you’re asked to laugh with Toby, you’re asked to laugh at Madison). It wouldn’t be impossible for them to shift Madison into being a character you could take more seriously, but I would expect that to come before pushing her and Kevin together, and no such lead up happened. Even if they were to do it now, there are only six episodes left in the season (and we’re supposed to have our fiancee answer by then), which isn’t a lot of time left to build up Madison’s character as well as her relationship with Kevin to the point where there could be a proposal (unless we’re looking at more of a… shotgun wedding). Then there’s the actual nature of Kevin and Madison’s interaction in 4x12. We do see Kevin and Madison share a nice moment of relating to and encouraging one another. But the actual progression of that into more than just a friendly interaction between a man and his sister’s friend into a hookup is completely skipped over. If this is the beginning of the next big romance, they would seem like a crucial progression. And then there’s Kevin’s reaction to the hookup. When he talks to Randall he talks about “being in the middle of a whole thing” and it being “a hell of a week” and when they get Kate on the call they end up chanting “Sad three” and all deciding to get away for a while and go to the cabin. Which overall doesn’t indicate a very positive reaction to what happened with Madison, especially given that it’s paralleled with Randall’s anxiety pushing him toward a panic attack, and Kate’s marriage falling apart. We can also apply Kevin’s words to Sophie to this situation. He warns her that she may have latched onto him at the funeral because grief makes you grab on to whatever’s near. Kevin at the end of the episode is grieving, partly for Claire who was important to him, and partly for his lost relationship with Sophie, which he feels is currently hopeless. So it seems, more than him and Madison forming a meaningful connection over their mostly innocuous break-ups conversation, that he was in pain and grabbed on to the first thing that was near.

Conclusion 4x12 was meant to leave Kevin’s future ambiguous, to send mixed signals and keep you guessing. However, I’m inclined to think that it did more to open doors with Sophie than to close them. I don’t see them leaving that character behind yet, especially because they just introduced Claire and the ring as a new aspect of it, and because the cheating and the divorce have still not been explored, which is one of the biggest holes left in the This Is Us timeline. I think that while they threw out some stories about closure and moving on, the most prominent symbol in the episode was the ring, and that was left unresolved, pointing more toward a reunion for Kevin and Sophie than away from it. What’s more, they’ve promised answers about who the fiancee is by the end of the season (or the very beginning of next season, but I think it was this season). They’re rapidly running out of time. The show has dedicated a lot of time to the Kevin/Sophie relationship. They dedicated a lot of time to the Kevin/Zoe relationship. Even Kevin/Cassidy and Kevin/Sloane got a fair amount of development. If Madison (or a new character) is Kevin’s fiancee then it seems strange to have Kevin end up married to and having a kid with someone whose relationship with him got significantly less development than any other relationship of his has gotten. The only way I see that making sense is if the relationship itself is short lived and is significant mainly for giving Kevin his son. That’s possible but a large part of Kevin’s motivations have been about him wanting to be in love and have a wife, so I don’t see them teasing a fiancee for half a season and then having him end up single. Not because a kid can’t be a satisfying family life on its own, but because for four seasons we’ve been shown that Kevin wants a wife. I could see the story going a number of ways, but if I had to guess, I’d say that 4x12 is the beginning of Sophie and Kevin getting back together.

#this is us #kevin pearson #kevin x sophie #i did not intend for this to be this long #sorry

69 notes · View notes

sacredlettersspn · 4 years

Text

Letter #3: Character (Dead in the Water, 1x03)

Theme: Character

Definition: mental and moral qualities distinctive to an individual; the way someone thinks, feels, behaves

Welcome to the Sacred Letters of Supernatural. Today we will be covering episode 1x03, “Dead in the Water” while thinking about the theme of character. When I think of character, my mind goes to the first part of the definition above, the “moral qualities” distinctive to an individual. I am reminded of citizenship awards in elementary school and posters in school hallways with slogans like, “Character is what you do when nobody is watching.” Character has a moral connotation to it with the expectation that I should have “good” character. But that is not the only way to define or think about “character.”

Character is also distinctive qualities of any kind that define a person. Being an avid reader and television show watcher, as a well as a writer of fan fiction, this aspect of the definition is also familiar to me. Creating characters for a story involves building distinctive, compelling individuals that viewers will be invested in. Characters can become so defined that we come to expect certain actions and behaviors from them, and when their actions fall short of our expectations, we label them as “out of character.” In fanfiction, keeping characters “in character” can be a challenge for writers. There is a need to place close attention to the actions, motivations, and philosophies of the people that are being written about. Without these elements, stories can fall apart and readers lose interest. Character is important to a story.

In addition to feeling something is “out of character,” we can have other reactions when a character’s actions surprise us, like when the bad guy finds a cause to be heroic or when the grumpy, standoffish character makes a friend. If these unexpected behaviors are written in a compelling way with clear steps of character growth or appropriate catalysts, we enjoy seeing a character change. Humans can also surprise us in this way. The quiet student can stand up against a bully or a person who has been to jail multiple times can decide to turn their life around.

It seems that most of the time, we enjoy these kinds of stories. But there are limits to the amount of change we can accept, and that limit is different for everyone. There are men who stop being sexist, nazis who leave their ideology, bullies who develop self-awareness and try to make amends. Accepting these changes can be difficult, if not impossible for some. Yet many of us love movie characters like Loki who develop from the “bad guy” into something better and more selfless. There is the real life vs. movie screen distinction to take into account when thinking about why we react differently. We also understand Loki’s past and watch his development, so we can empathize with him. However, it appears that we often like the idea of the bad guy turning good, but we have a hard time accepting it in real life. “Cancel culture” is an example of this challenge to accept change in people or to recognize the diversity of character within one individual.

This is not to argue what we should or should not accept, to put a label on right or wrong when it comes to character growth and how we respond to it, in fiction or real life. There are legitimate reasons for not trusting or accepting a person who has committed horrible acts against other humans, or who have passed our own personal boundaries in terms of what we will accept. This discussion is meant to be an observation, one that I think is worth exploring. The purpose of thinking about this idea is to learn more about yourself and how you view the world. I think we can look at this concept of character growth on a smaller scale and consider how we relate it to relationships in our personal lives, and then we can take it and examine how we approach the bigger issues. To begin digging a little deeper into our personal perspectives on this issue, we can ask ourselves, what side of the “acceptance spectrum” I lie on?

So with that question in mind, let’s summarize the episode.

The episode opens in Lake Manitoc, Wisconsin with the morning routine of the Carlton family. There’s Bill, the father, and his two children, Sophie and Will, who live in a small house by the lake. Sophie is getting ready to go for a swim. The weather and the lake is calm, but once Sophie’s out on the water, the swimmer can’t help but feel that something is underneath the surface. She pauses to look around, sees nothing, but is soon dragged under by an unseen force. She drowns and her body is never recovered.

Sam and Dean enter as federal wildlife officers after seeing an article about Sophie’s drowning. This lake has already claimed a life that year, and several more in the past. The Winchesters talk to the sheriff in town, Jake Devins, and meet his daughter and grandson, Andrea and Lucas. Sam and Dean learn that the daughter’s husband was the first drowning earlier that year, and that the grandson witnessed the event. Lucas won’t speak anymore, he only draws.

Dean attempts to gain Lucas’ trust while he and Sam investigate the lake. They try talking to the Carltons, but Bill shuts them out. Soon after this first conversation, Will dies by drowning in the kitchen sink. Sam and Dean visit a second time and try harder to make Bill talk, but he is almost comatose with depression.

With no other leads, Sam and Dean leave Bill alone and happen to meet Andrea in a park. Dean connects with Lucas and receives a picture from him, a drawing of a house by a church with a boy standing by the fence with his bike. They find this house in town, and Sam and Dean visit the house of an old woman whose son, Peter Sweeney, went missing when he was around ten years old. Sam and Dean realize there’s a connection between this boy and Bill when they see an old photograph in the house.

They visit Bill again, but find him riding his boat out onto the lake. While they try to get his attention, something knocks the boat into the air and Bill falls into the lake and drowns.

The sheriff kicks Sam and Dean out of town after the incident, looking up their ranger numbers and finding out the ID’s are fake. But Dean doesn’t listen, he feels like something is off, so he turns around and visits Andrea and Lucas. Lucas is frantic when he answers the door. His mom is trapped in the bathroom, drowning in the tub. Dean saves her, and she tells him she heard a child’s voice in the water saying, “Come play with me.”

Dean looks through Andrea’s old photo albums while in her home and sees a young Jake Devins with Peter Sweeney. Lucas directs Sam and Dean to a random spot in the yard by the lake, and they dig up an old bike. The sheriff finds them and holds them at gunpoint. Sam and Dean tell him they’ve made a connection. They guess that he and Bill killed Peter Sweeney as kids. The sheriff tries to deny it, but while facing his daughter, he can’t lie. He admits to the killing, stating that he and Bill bullied Peter, but one time it accidentally went too far, and Peter drowned.

The adults argue about whether the missing boy is haunting the lake, with the sheriff calling Sam and Dean crazy. Meanwhile, Lucas goes out to the dock, drops a toy in, and attempts to fish it out. He’s pulled in by a ghostly hand. Sam and Dean jump into the lake to save Lucas. Meanwhile, the sheriff runs to the edge of the lake and sees Peter’s face, pale and dirty, pop up just above the surface. While Sam and Dean search frantically for Lucas, the sheriff sacrifices himself by wading into the water and begging the spirit to take him instead. It listens, pulls the sheriff under, and releases Lucas to Dean.

The character in this episode I want to focus on is Jake Devins because of his involvement with the murder of Peter Sweeney. While Bill Carlton was also a participant, I would argue that the episode focuses more on Devins character and family. We learn that he’s a family man by hearing how he helps out with his grandson after the death of his son-in-law. We see multiple conversations and interactions with his family, so we’re able to get a sense of the kind of man Devins is. He comes across as a hardworking sheriff who cares deeply about his family. He appears to be direct as well, sometimes intense or intimidating in the way he talks with Sam and Dean about the lake. In general, we get an idea that Devins is a honorable, experienced man, so it might come as a shock when he later admits to being involved in the murder of a fellow classmate as a child.

While the audience may or may not have predicted Jake’s confession, his daughter Andrea is completely taken by surprise. She wavers between doubt and wanting her father to admit the truth in the scene where Devins divulges the secret he has kept for three decades. She is shocked by learning the truth, never considering her father capable of murder. But the truth doesn’t appear to change how she thinks about her father. At the end of the episode, she tells Dean that whatever Jake did in his past, Andrea knows him as a good father and grandfather who loved and took care of his family. This version of Jake is what Andrea chooses to remember. I can’t help but wonder if I would have the same capacity as Andrea to ignore something like murder. Would I be able to focus on the good parts of a person’s character after learning of an action like that? And why would I want to do that?

While watching the episode, my own appraisal of Jake Devins’ character fundamentally changes after learning that he frequently bullied Peter Sweeney with Bill and this bullying caused Peter’s death. I wonder how someone can go that far with hurting someone and still call it an “accident.” I wonder what kind of child Devins was growing up and the lack of empathy he would have had to be a bully. I think about the inability he and Bill had to tell the truth, which comes across as cowardice to me. Their actions led to the death of someone’s son, and Peter’s mom never gets any answers. She has to live the rest of her life not knowing what happened to her son.

It’s challenging to reconcile the two parts of Jake’s character that we see, the honorable, family-oriented sheriff, and the bully who killed a classmate. In the end, Devins’ family-oriented side wins when he sacrifices himself to save his daughter and grandson. But I can’t help but feel that doesn’t atone for his actions. Somehow Andrea is able to reconcile these two sides of her father. Maybe it’s because of the family bond they have. I am an outsider watching this happen, but if Jake was my father or my brother, my response might be different.

Character is not absolute, although at times we’d maybe like to think it is. It would make things simple for the bad guy to be all bad, and the good guys to be all good. But humans, and fictional characters, exist in the gray. Every one of us responds to that gray area differently. I extend lots of sympathy to Sam Winchester, for example, who in later seasons makes many questionable choices and endangers many people. But when I think about Sam, I don’t define him by those bad choices. I understand the reason he made the choices, and I believe that makes up for the actual content of the decisions he makes. Jake, however, was a bully. He wasn’t acting questionably for a noble cause, he was doing it to be mean and exert dominance. The intention behind the actions matters to me when I’m judging a character, but it's more challenging to judge a character when two juxtaposing actions exist in the same episode. Jake is both a murderer and a loving father/grandfather, and that makes his character very, very gray.

Again, there’s no right or wrong way to view this issue, but I’m offering my perspective as a point of observation. I think it can be useful to ask ourselves how we judge character, by what standards and to what degree of absoluteness, and consider when we are able to forgive or overlook bad choices. Understanding this can give us insights into how we punish and forgive those in our personal life, what issues we feel passionate enough about to draw a line on, and how we may vote on certain political issues. Learning how we respond to fictional characters can give us insight in how we respond to people and issues in real life.

Lectio Divina

The next segment of this letter is called “Lectio Divina,” which is a Christian spiritual practice for reading scriptures that involves interacting with the text on four different levels. I am following Harry Potter and the Sacred Text’s use of this practice and adapting it the best I can to the visual format. Normally, you pick a scripture or a line of text to analyze. I randomized numbers between 1 and 42 (the amount of minutes in the episode), and picked the first full line after the minute mark I was given.

Line: 5:00, “I’m agent Ford. This is agent Hamill. We’re with the U.S. wildlife service.” -Dean Winchester

Now we analyze this line on the four levels of Lectio Divina : literal (narrative), allegorical (metaphors and symbols), reflection (how do I connect to it), and invitational (what is the text asking of us or teaching us).

Literal: Dean and Sam are knocking on the door of the victim’s family. They’re posing as wildlife agents in order to get information from the family about what happened to the victim. They’re using aliases of actors, Harrison Ford and Mark Hamill, who are widely known for their roles as Han Solo and Luke Skywalker in the Star Wars franchise.

Allegorical/Symbolic: The names that Sam and Dean choose immediately jump out at me. The first thing I think of when I hear these names is Star Wars and then I think of the characters, Han Solo and Luke Skywalker. The choice of these character names for Sam and Dean can give us an insight into how Sam and Dean are meant to be portrayed, and how Sam and Dean see themselves since Kripke has stated that Sam and Dean were originally based off of these characters. Perhaps Dean identifies with Han Solo, the rugged smuggler who’s a bit cocky but ends up having a heart of gold. But I’m not sure whether we can say that Sam identifies with Skywalker because we don’t know if he chose that alias. It seems more likely that Dean chose the alias’ in this situation.

Personal: Here, Sam and Dean are lying for a good cause, but their lie seems dangerous. I tend to think lying is a bad thing except for rare cases. Sometimes I might lie to avoid hurting someone’s feelings, but even the acceptableness of that is arguable. It’s hard for me to imagine posing as federal agents as comfortably as Sam and Dean seem to. I can imagine myself sweating, a knot in my stomach, and stuttering when I attempt to speak, but the fake agent names roll off Dean’s tongue as smooth as his own. In real life, I would argue against people posing as agents, but I’m supportive of what Sam and Dean are doing. Without their ability to pose as agents, their work would be nearly impossible. I can justify the use of their lying, but I don’t often justify lying in real life.

Invitational: I think this line is asking us to compare the characters of Sam and Dean with their alias’ characters, and to see what insights we can gather from this comparison. With these alias’ used so early in the first scene, I can’t help but think their use is significant, not random. And if we can compare the Winchesters with other fictional characters to gain insights into their characters, then I don’t think it’s too far a jump to say we can use fictional characters to gain insights into ourselves. Characters are powerful, just as powerful as the story itself, and I would argue that this ability to compare and relate to fictional characters is what gives power to a story. We can see pieces of ourselves and our own lives in a story, see courage in the face of hardship, and find inspiration to face our own tough choices. So maybe we can ask what Sam and Dean see in these Star Wars characters, and how might they gain inspiration from Han Solo and Luke Skywalker’s stories.

Before I finish this letter, I would like to end with a question for the audience. This question is for personal evaluation or contemplation, but if you would like a chance for your answer to be featured on the blog or to begin a discussion, please send your answers to my Tumblr inbox.

This week’s question:

Who is your favorite fictional “bad-guy-turned-good” character?

And last, but not least, a special thanks to our patrons!

Jamie S.

#dead in the water 1x03 #character #season 1

3 notes · View notes

flayjunior19 · 5 years

Text

Love Natasha Romanoff, but I hated what they did in Endgame

(In advance, I apologize for any lack of spelling, since English is not the first language, and I am hardly learning.)I like Natasha Romanoff, and it bothers me what happened to her in Endgame, I do not have to say that since many, from magazines, Web sites, etc. They have talked about the subject. But it is disgusting the double standards of some Natasha Stan, when they try to justify all the bad decisions of people like Russos and M & M. implying that one is not a Stan or a Black Widow fan, if he does not like what they did to her in Endgame (I mean being the only woman on the team to have to die for Manpain, an old sexist troop that I see many suffer from selective memory) Natasha did not die for her "five big boys", as those Russos bastards or fake Natasha Stan suggest, she died because according to them a woman from the FX team, she wanted Natasha to be the one to commit suicide in Vormir, instead of Clint, why? Who knows, I do not even know if that story is true or is an excuse for the Russos / M & M to escape criticism, if one woman asked for the death of another. Less true sexist? How the death of Gamora, the first and only one female character of the guardian team of the galaxy (outside Mantis) and who apparently like Natasha, few in their group care. Natasha never received a proper funeral or farewell, being she one of the most public Avengers as shown in TWS or CW, the excuse that she is a spy incognita does not work. Only less than two minutes from the group of his "five boys" gathered around the lake and after that, outside Clint and Bruce, only total forgetfulness gets her. De Gamora is worse, is replaced by a younger version of the year 2014, which Peter Quill wants to find, forgetting about his dead girlfriend, nobody of the other guardians seem to care, and Rocket did not even mention Gamora as his family to Thor, when they traveled to the past in Asgard. So no, Natasha did not deserve that sexist decision, just because Marvel and Disney did not know what to do with the character. And it is denoted from Age of Ultron this type of decisions around the character. Her solo movie may be a prequel, a kind of late "compensation" after killing the character, then getting rid of it, and quite possibly BW will never return to the MCU. One of the decisions that would be used in the draft of Endgame around her, is that she would direct an orphanage of the children who lost their family members after the Snap, and who would have shown more growth and maturity of the character, making denoting (and not only to direct what remains of the Avengers and Guardians of the galaxy in five years) that she is worthy, and that only because two things obscure it. One is her dark past of which we know nothing, those who read the comics could get an idea, but the Natasha of the comics is different from the Natasha of the MCU, and the latter we know from little to nothing. As far as our eyes and the casual public, it should have been she and not Clint who survived Vormir, because Clint spent five years killing people like a butcher (no one knows if he kill innocents as well, witnesses at the wrong time) more of them were Mexicans and Asians, in a clear xenophobic reference. Therefore, in the eyes of the casual public it should be Clint who should have sacrificed himself to redeem himself and not Natasha, whose sins we know little or nothing about, and with whom many have built a connection with her, since she has had more development and character growth that Hawkeye.

But we all know that the real covert reason was because she could not have a normal family, get married and have children, because she is sterile. And that bad thing written by Joss Whedom in Age of Ultron attacks again, albeit in a more subtle way. It is rather misogynistic that after being the only woman on the team to sacrifice herself, her decision is that as Clint has family, wife and children, his life is worth more than hers. When in our eyes she has done more than Clint in five years and much more before, she has a stronger emotional connection with the audience than Clint, and hearing that and seeing her depart for that decision is a clear sign of irresponsibility and misogyny. It is as if after a clear 'political' agenda is denoted in the film, in which families made up of men and women were worth more than another kind of family or family love, as a clear example that Steve mentions Peggy and never Sam or Bucky throughout the film (and in the end give up his present family to form another in the past with a woman) that Tony left the world to play the father with Morgan for five years (then die for according to directors "he can rest in peace "in death" which is horrible, but necessary if they want Captain Marvel to be the next leader of the Avenger as Feige says). As in a 'subtle' way, they imply that without a nuclear family, Natasha's life is not worth it, and without having an appropriate funeral, and practically forgotten without one or two mentions, unlike Iron Man, the bad treatment is shown. He has given the character. It is only expected that next year, the Black Widow film, even if late, show how and do honor and justice to the Natasha Romanoff we love, before she leaves the MCU, maybe forever, as Iron Man or Captain America (and these last two are doubtful, before someone else takes the mantle and their name) and that the real fanatics, the Natasha Stan and BW Stan (and those atrophied who suffer from cognitive dissonance to defend the interests and agendas of a corporation multimillionaire, who are worth less if you defend them as zombies, when they do not do anything for you) can enjoy one last time with her.

40 notes · View notes

solacefruit · 5 years

Note

What’re your thoughts on the trope of a former antagonistic or villainous character changing sides (let’s say not because their ideals/what they’re fighting for changes, but because their ideas about what the best way to achieve that have changed)? I’d love to hear your thoughts on this, as it’s something I struggle with at times with a character of mine (her starting off on the side of the villains, and then changing sides to join the heroes is super important for her arc). Thanks a bunch!

Hello there! Thank you for asking. This is such a fun question!

I usually get a real kick out of antagonist-becomes-friend (or at least becomes temporarily or occasionally non-antagonistic) tropes. I personally think you can split the trope a few ways, depending on specific iterations of it. For example, there’s the complete change of heart, where someone goes “oh damn I was evil and I don’t want to be anymore,” and then there’s the enemy of my enemy is my friend approach, where an antagonist teams up with the protagonist–or at least doesn’t act antagonistically–because they share a common, greater threat, but could lapse back into old habits as soon as that passes.

I’m not entirely sure what sort you’re talking about–it’s a little unclear from your wording–but I’m going to guess you mean they’re a little more anti-hero than outright villain, given that their ideals apparently line up with the protagonist’s, but their methods previously didn’t. Unless you mean the ideals–i.e., “doing bad things,” or whatever–stay the same, but the character hides those intentions and acts like they’ve given up on that? I would say that latter one is actually not the trope at all: that’s just plain villainy and deception. Anyway! A lot more underneath the cut.

At the moment, my partner and I are watching Buffy (I’ve never seen any of it before), and this is a real timely question, because that series has a great example of both kinds of “villain becomes friend (becomes villain again)” tropes in action using vampires. On one hand, you have Angel, who is originally just a normal guy, turned into a vampire with a talent for being wildly sadistic, and then as punishment for that, he gets given a soul. That returned humanity and enforced sense of morality overwhelms him with guilt for all his past crimes, so then he chooses to do good things to make up for it. Of course, throughout the show, his soul flip-flops due to magic shenanigans and he reverts to evil version a bit, but I think that’s an interesting counterpoint to the other vampire: Spike.

He’s just a solidly bad dude, albeit often not a very capable one, and most of the time he’s an antagonist–except for in circumstances where his goals (typically not dying, getting his girlfriend back, whatever) align with the protagonist team’s. We’ve just got up to the part where he’s been fang-neutered, for lack of a better word, so he’s been sulking about unable to bite anyone and turned essentially into everyone’s weird, sullen, harmless roommate (which has been extremely fun). Once he realises he can fight–and kill–other demons, however, he perks right up and actively and voluntarily wants to participate in protagonist team’s world-saving duties, because it lets him be awful again, as long as he’s only awful to demons.

What I like about these two is that they seem to represent two different conceptualisations of morality, but within the same show! Angel is thoroughly a deterministic case: when he has a soul, he is good, and when he has no soul, he is evil. There’s never any wavering either way–he never has a “but what if I chose to be good?” moment when he’s full demon (the implication for the entire show until that point being that vampires can’t and won’t make moral choices), and he never finds vampire sobriety a challenge as a souled being and is overall a soft, sweet guy. Angel is essentially two entirely separate people in one form: a “good” self and a “bad” self, both of which are more or less externally triggered by whoever is cursing him at the time. ***ooh, someone please ask me about Dr Jekyll & Mr Hyde sometime, please, I can talk on that topic for a century***

Spike, by contrast, is a representation of morality as a forever shifting spectrum of choices. I think this is why I find Spike to be a more interesting character than Angel (although don’t get me wrong, Angel is nice and I like him). I like that Spike has such a wide range of emotions and motivations he’s allowed to experience and express, rather than being dictated his sense of self by fate and destiny, so on, and that–at least where we’re up to at the moment in this show–he’s doing “the right thing” (trying to kill bad dudes who want to destroy the world) for “the wrong reasons” (he enjoys the killing way too much and also is bored) and for now that’s working for everyone so everyone’s rolling with it. That’s just so fun to me. But I do tend to really enjoy moral ambiguity in general.

I think two other interesting case studies (I guess?? I guess we can call it that) for this is of course Zuko from Avatar: The Last Airbender and also I feel several characters from Steven Universe, but primarily Peridot! They’re great examples of why characters “switch sides” and how to do that in a way that’s convincing and true to character, which I think lines up pretty well with what you’ve mentioned wanting to do? In both the instances, there is very little personality shift, especially to begin with. Eventually, character growth occurs, but personality doesn’t change a whole lot, and I feel this is really effective for a lot of reasons but mainly that you don’t lose that character and have to replace them with a new one. You don’t Angel-ify them, is what I’m saying.

Peridot and Zuko have a really similar major turning point for their shift in team: confronting an authority figure they trusted and revered. Recognising the imperfections in the person they idolise causes them both to massively question their own worldview, and their place in the world, and resultantly their role in what’s going on. Peridot rejects Yellow Diamond’s leadership and joins the rebels; Zuko rejects Ozai’s leadership and joins the avatar. What I like so much about this is what I like about Spike: it’s about choice. For Zuko and Peridot, it’s a choice to reject determinism and destiny and instead take on moral responsibility. And they do that without changing who they are.

I feel like that’s vital for a successful team-switch story: the catalyst for their change should be something that changes their perspective, not their personality. Whether it’s an external threat that drives them to realise they’re in the same boat as the protagonist whether they like it or not, or it’s a major realisation about someone else/the state of the world and their culpability in it, I feel like a really good catalyst should–if at all possible–come about because of who a character is.

For example, Peridot’s devotion to logic and reason is a signature character trait. When Yellow Diamond, the ruler she adores and believes to be the pinnacle of this way of being, blatantly acts in total disregard of logic and instead behaves foolishly out of emotion, Peridot renounces her. The other approach is more similar to a self-fulfilling prophecy, really: Zuko’s (albeit longer realisation) comes from a comparison between his father and his uncle and also from his experiences seeing how the world really is versus his father’s lies, all of which happens because Ozai banished him. Zuko’s sense of honour (which is from the beginning far more honed than his father’s!) can’t coexist in peace with the hypocrisies he’s witnessed in his family and nation, so he is drive to actually choose the real honorable path–which is to turn traitor to the Fire Nation.

I think these kinds of set-ups make for the most satisfying bad guy-to-good guy narratives, personally. I hope this has been an interesting read for you!

#reply #thoughts #buffy the vampire slayer #steven universe #avatar the last airbender #i have no idea if this is the kind of thoughts you meant? please write in if i'm way off #this was a lot of fun! thank you again for asking it. i've had a rough week already (it's only tuesday night) and this was good.#unfortunately i'm a wordy boy so any question gets an essay answer so i hope that's what you're here for because that's what you get.

3 notes · View notes

ringo-ichigo · 6 years

Text

An Essay on Historical Context and Oracles

Oh how to start this… Well, let’s put this simply: you cannot and should not divorce any gods from Their historical context and the religious practices that surround Them. If you want to draw from the past but update to the present, fine. But to ignore Their context is to do both the gods and yourself a disservice. We come to understand the gods better by understanding how They have been viewed and worshipped in the past. Through this, we can understand what is desirable in worship and what is not desirable. If you rip the historical context away, it shows that you view Them as a thing that you can control, to use as you will. You are acting as if you can make Them into what you desire Them to be, rather than coming to know Them as They are.

Now, I will be approaching this from a Hellenic perspective, so some of these beliefs will not apply to all religions. In Hellenismos, if you remember nothing else, you should always remember this: you are mortal, the gods are deities and thus above you, and to insinuate you are equal or know better than the gods is hubris. Hubris is the one thing that the gods consistently punish. But even if you aren’t involved with the Greek gods, let me be frank: if you’re worshipping something, this inherently places you lower in rank. To worship is to look up to, to acknowledge that something is more wondrous and powerful than you as a mortal. We worship the gods because They are beings more powerful than us and we love Them. We worship Them to show how much we admire Them, care for Them. We seek Their favor as we understand They can influence our lives. If one keeps this in mind, then to try to make the gods fit your own ideas should be abhorrent as it places you above the gods.

But I also dislike when people do this for another reason: it also claims that you know better than the hundreds of thousands of others who have worshipped a god in a certain way. It is self-absorbed and prideful to claim that you know a god better than others, both past and present. That you know better than any other person who was loved by these deities or received guidance from Them or worshipped Them. Nope, you are smarter than all of those people. You are a special person. It’s blatantly obvious when someone claims this that he wants to build up his self-esteem through this attitude.

Can someone be closer to a god than another? Absolutely. One easy example is devotees who choose to pursue deeper relationships with specific deities. But even if you are closer, to flaunt it or state that you speak for the gods as They really are, it’s cruel and disgusting. Cruel, because it can discourage those who aren’t as in tune with the less human. It rubs your perceived strengths in others’ faces, whether you intend to or not. Someone could lose their faith in part due to your boasting. It’s disgusting as it reveals a need for power, for respect, and even sometimes, for control. To be better than the masses, to impart upon them the “truth.”

Those who claim to have great power, such as being oracles, are often those who do not in fact have such powers or greatly exaggerate them. Because ultimately, they are boasting of them and trying to gain attention, not to use them. Those with true power often understand that it is not to be flaunted. That it is a great responsibility and should be used with great forethought and skill. Such power shouldn’t be used to try to dictate how others worship or act. Not to mention, if you are mistaken or wrong, you can lead others astray. The young or new are the most likely to fall for this because they don’t know better and will look for guidance. And to someone like this, a person claiming they speak directly to the gods are of course going to seem like the perfect authority figure. They will seem to be the perfect guide. And if this person is wrong, it can do far more damage than good.

Now to tackle the ultimate reason why I started this essay: to address the claims from @oracleforthegods and @oracleofapollo, but mostly the former’s claims. You have ripped the Theoi from Their historical context and from actual religious practices to mold Them into your own views. You’ve used your gifts not to serve as you claim but as a way to build up your own confidence and sense of self. When you’ve been shown to be flat out wrong, instead of apologizing and actually learning from those who have come before you, you’ve dug in your heels and tried to twist your own words to fit. “Well, I didn’t mean it like that. I didn’t explain it well. I’m not good with words.” Oh, honey, you were perfectly clear. That’s not the issue here. It’s that your lies were transparent, and your goals were clear. It’s that you’ve become drunk on your bloodline’s abilities. You’re more concerned with what you can do than with actually honing it or using it well. If you had tried to hone it, you might have gotten some facts right instead of having to fit them retroactively to your narrative.

For instance, Aphrodite. Yes, She is a goddess of war. Not in the same way as Athena, and not as major an aspect of Hers, but still one of Her areas of influence. As people have pointed out, your words confused them on that. But instead of saying “Oh, I didn’t know that at the time” or saying that you needed to look into more, you tried to say “Oh… well, She’s not that way now. She hates war now.” Oh? So does She hate Ares now? In fact, I’d argue these epithets are still equally essential today. But rather than being a literal war, She’s a goddess of love and sexuality. Would it not be fit to say She would fight for those who are violated sexually? Not only does it tie into Her epithets for war, it ties into Her epithets of Apostrophia or “Averter of Unlawful Desires” and Symmachia “Ally in Love.” Specifically, Apostrophia was an epithet in Thebes that can also mean “expeller” specifically referring to the desire for sinful pleasure and lust. I view Aphrodite as an ally in that She will support you in all things relating to your love life including recovery. Not to mention, by your approach, it ignores that Aphrodite has deep ties to the sea as well. Because of Her birth, the Greeks also viewed Her as a goddess to seek for protection during sea voyages. An indication of this is that several of Her sacred places were in port cities. You have ignored historical context, and thus you have divorced Aphrodite from very vital and key aspects of Her cult and Her identity. Ultimately, it reveals that you in the end view yourself as an arbiter of what the gods actually can rule and through that attempting to control others’ religious practices.

Now while we’re on this discussion of epithets, let us discuss where most epithets came from. Many of them either refer to a place considered sacred to the god or even arose from a great deed the god did. For instance, Poseidon’s epithet Soter or “savior” arose because He saved Thessaly from the Persian fleet with a storm. The citizens then poured wine into the sea for Him, created a new cult around this epithet, and possibly even created the statue found off the Cape of Artemision as yet another thank you for all that He had done. To divorce Poseidon from this epithet would be to ignore an act of kindness from the divine. It would be to rob Him of worship. To ignore the epithets is to ignore the gods’ roles and contributions. It is to slight the divine and deny Them praise.

As to Apollon… oh, where to start. To lie about the god of truth? REALLY? Do you have a death wish? Let’s start with the “homophobia.” I already touched on this, but let’s delve a bit deeper into Hyakinthia as a festival. This festival is quite fascinating. For it actually begins and ends with mourning Hyacinth. Now, originally it was thought to be much longer, but the most well documented version we have is a three day festival that took place at Amyklai. This festival is in fact inextricably tied to the myth of Apollon and Hyacinth for it is all about Hyacinth’s death and rebirth. The Spartans would offer to the dead on the first day, a way to mourn Hyacinth. As one would with the dead, and is thus done in conjunction with Apollon as His male lover is struck down by His discus. Now, unlike most funeral rites, this was noted to be very solemn, with a lack of hymns, lack of flowers, and little food. Rather than rejoicing with a feast in the home as was more typical of funerary rites and other festivals honoring the dead; we see no feasting, rather just returning silently back to the house. A deep mourning is participated in as a city. The people mourn with Apollon at the loss of someone dear to Him. Then, the second day is dedicated to festivities. Hymns are sung to Apollon, and, in general, the day was solely praising Apollon for His glory. If we follow the myth, then this is possibly tying into the fact that Apollon transformed His lover into a flower. We rejoice not only at a great act of a god, but at the immortality of sorts bestowed upon the prince. Through Apollon, he is immortalized as a flower. This festival and myth are intertwined; one cannot participate in the festival without the myth to guide one. A festival that allows you to mourn with a god over His lost love. It is as with the epithets: unless one acknowledges the mythology here as accurate, one cannot then practice the religious festival with the proper intent. Yes, it can be seen as a festival of new summer growth, but we view it through the lens of mourning and rebirth from a deep love of a man. If you deny Apollon’s love for Hyacinth, you unravel the very basis of a religious practice.

Also, if Apollon really hated this “lie” about His preferences so much, don’t you think He’d have let us know long ago when there was an entire festival about it? Strange how it only comes up now, and only from you. While almost every other person in the religion who has interacted with Apollon has gotten the vibe of bisexual (if we must place a human sexuality on a god… that’s a whole ‘nother can of worms though. For this essay though, we’ll play this stupid game and use human labels for His sexuality. If/when I tackle the stupidity of human sexualities for the Theoi, I’ll do it separately.). Seriously, there are entire posts of about devotees sharing experiences with Him. One of the most universal ones is the romantic and sexual interest in men and women.

But let us take a step away from the actual religious side of this issue for a brief moment. Imagine you have some person you know—an acquaintance—come up to you and start drilling you about your ex-lovers. Exactly how intimate were you two? How much did you love each other? Did you really love each other? How did you know you loved them? And so on, all questions that were far too intimate for the relationship you have with this person. Most people start getting touchy if you bring up this sort of thing out of the blue and way too casually. Why? Because in the end, it’s none of that acquaintance’s business whom you slept with, how long you slept with them, why you slept with them, etc. Now add into that the baggage of sexuality and anyone will start snapping at you. And if it’s a sibling spreading the talk of your dating life? Oh, boy, I speak from experience here: it’s instant anger. Now, on top of the already intrusive nature of the questions, there’s a violation of trust and privacy. But I’ve had a few art pieces that involved Apollon that I got specific directions from Him on what He wanted. (If you’re wondering how I knew: I had gut feelings, images in my head, tarot readings, and a touch of a manic state.) Guess what? He gets touchy any time love comes up, be it a male or a female. And if this has been happening for millennia? Yeah, I’d be testy too.

But also, your words are that Apollon will flip out if you bring up Him loving males. And then you wondered why that got interpreted as you claiming He was homophobic. Since you’re not able to connect the dots here, that type of anger is frequently seen from people who genuinely are homophobic if you suggest they’re at all interested in the same sex. They will flip their shit if you do that. As my one friend sarcastically framed your representation: “I’m not homophobic… I just… imitate it well?” You didn’t have to state it was a homophobic reaction for everyone to see what you were inferring. Your responses also didn’t dispel that either; rather, they reinforced what you had said. But I will agree with the one who said it wasn’t homophobic. He’s right. It wasn’t homophobia. If we’re going to assign gods human sexualities, then it wasn’t about Him being homosexual so it wasn’t homophobia. Since Apollon would fall into the bisexual umbrella due to male and female lovers by that standard, it was bi-phobic and smacking of bisexual erasure. Color me, the bisexual lady, not amused and pissed.

Let us also pretend for a moment that you had stripped cultural and religious context with a deity from another country like Japan or Africa. Would you still feel fine ripping the cultural beliefs from the god in order to worship Them? Or would you be balking at this as it’s abhorrent to ignore the roots of the god? Newsflash: if you wouldn’t do it to another culture’s gods, don’t do it to the Greek ones. They still have a culture attached to Them, and you are ignoring it because you are familiar with Them due to the huge influence the Greeks have had on modern governments. Heck, if you want an example of what would happen with something more ubiquitous like the Greek gods, try doing this with Jesus. Strip him of all his prophesies from the Old Testament and his lineage and see how well the Abrahamic religions take it. Just because you’re familiar with something doesn’t make it up for the taking and stripping of context.

Now, let us tackle oracles. I don’t know where you came up with this, but I’ll be frank: oracles aren’t the interpreters. A traditional oracle was only the mouthpiece. For instance, the oracle of Delphi would go into her trance, she spoke her prophesy, and then a priest—not the oracle herself—would interpret the message to the petitioner. Similarly, dream oracles were much the same. One would sleep, one would share the dream, and a priest or someone else would then interpret the dream. Reading the signs of birds could also done similarly. Share and then be told the interpretation.

So why is this? Why didn’t oracles do the interpreting? Simple really. To be an oracle, a mouthpiece for the gods, often involved going into a trance or manic state. Not only can it be difficult for the oracle to recall what they said while in that state, it can also be complete gibberish. Not only that, it imitates the gods. (Gee, it’s like you can’t divorce religious practice from Them…) Yes, any god was considered capable of passing signs along, but the most common was Zeus. Apollon, His son, then was gifted with the art of interpretation. The whole oracle to priest tradition imitates Zeus and Apollon’s relationship. It is a reflection of the divine.

But instead you’ve set yourself up as both mouthpiece and interpreter. Which… let me just say, your interpretations need some work since some of them are so false that it’s just ridiculous. Aside from the two I’ve already tackled here, there’s also Zeus. The god of family, of marriage, of fathers, of justice, of government. And you claim He looks for loopholes in the laws to exploit? He is the one whose main job is to uphold the order of both the mortal and divine realms. It’s not just inaccurate; it’s insulting to claim Zeus would do that. It ignores everything from actual festivals to hymns to mythology to cultural practices! It actively spits in the face of all that to say that Zeus attempts to flout the law.

But you’ve also claimed that you don’t take on the role of oracle for glory. Bullshit. To be an oracle is known to be one of the most well-respected positions in any religion. To have access to the divine is considered something to be revered. One need look no further than the Oracle of Delphi to see how much oracles were respected. To claim that title is to claim that glory for yourself. But you know the difference between the oracles I’ve mentioned so far and you? None of them claimed it for themselves. Most oracles were selected by others. It was an honor bestowed, not something they self-identified as. To claim it and spread it around reveals you desire the power and fame it will bring you.

Also, as I pointed out before, with the title of oracle being inherently understood as a position of power, to step into that role is to assume that mantle of responsibility. Oracles worked with the gods and priests to guide people when they needed it. To step into that role means you will be looked to as a leader. You owe those people honesty and knowledge. Not as you know it, but drawing from that, the past, the future, and everything between. To have done little to no historical research… it’s a disservice to the office of oracles, to the people looking up to you, and to the gods you’re “serving.” It’s like barely knowing a person but trying to sell their qualities to an employer or potential partner. You don’t know them well enough to represent them accurately. You’ve scraped the surface and gone “What I learned in high school about the gods is good enough.” Never mind that this doesn’t touch at all on how the cultic practices arose, why we call the gods certain names, what the gods desire from mortals, or any number of other things. Just a surface level understanding is good enough for you. It couldn’t lead to misinterpretations or anything.

But you know the other reason why I know that you are in this for the power? Because you two took a god bringing up someone and turned it into an excuse to try your hands at a witch hunt. Because I heard through the grapevine that the person might have powers like yours. But instead of reaching out to see if you could mutually share tips, you made a post trying to get your followers to seek her out off a vague description. I also know through the grapevine that you two also had a first name as well. Which gets real damn close to doxxing. Gee, it’s almost like you felt threatened, like you feared being revealed as liars, like you worried more about your loss of control and power than listening. It’s almost like you revealed your hand there but tried to cover it by claiming “Oh, I was told to do this.” The gods don’t need you to fight their own battles for them. If someone is truly pissing them off, they’ll deal with it. Trying to claim you have to intercede here infantilizes the deities.

In closing thoughts, I see you’ve had some… financial difficulties. A lot of big ones back to back: house issues, hurricanes, fraud, scammers, and insurance issues. Random thought here, hear me out… have you considered whether these are a sign? Because personally, I saw them and went “Oooh… yeah, I think the gods are mad.” Considering that the person you tried to attack is a devotee to several gods, that you spread false information about the gods, that you’ve been claiming a sacred title as yours, and that you’ve been treating the gods like They’re yours to shape as you will... well, it lines up a bit perfectly. If I were a god, I’d be pissed off at this point. The hubris you’re exuding is incredible. Heck, I’m not a god, and I’m pissed off enough to write an entire essay about your appalling behavior. Personally, that much bad luck would make me stop and ponder. But instead of that, you’ve been digging in your heels and making merchandise that borders on offensive. (Yeah, I saw that too. Color me not impressed.)

#essay rant #call out

12 notes · View notes

writesandramblings · 6 years

Text

The Captain’s Secret - p.83

"In Due Time”

A/N: Takes place between episode 12, "Vaulting Ambition," and episode 13, "What's Past is Prologue."

Remember when I said all would be revealed "in due time" back in chapter 63? Yep, that's right, this chapter was already written and that was a SHAMELESS PUN. Enjoy your latest secret reveal, folks. That said, this fanfic STILL probably isn't doing what you might think. Remember, no character is omniscient, not even the one who's a time traveler. Well, definitely not him, as you'll see...

Small note: I made a tweak to the timeline of the Triton back in chapter one, just switched seven months to three, so that's why the number mentioned here might not be as you remember. It's not actually an important story detail, just a tweak.

Full Chapter List Part 1 - Objects in Motion << 82 - How Not to be Afraid When You’re a Ghost 84 - Blue Moon >>

It was John Allan, but not as Lorca remembered him. He looked gaunt and a little crazy, as you might expect from someone who had vanished from the known universe and been hiding out in some dark corner, except that had been all of three days ago and Allan was also sporting what looked to be a week's worth of beard growth.

"Well if it isn't Schrodinger's son of a bitch," said Lorca, one of those rare allowances he was willing to give to Groves for having coined so apt a phrase.

"Come up with that one yourself?" said Allan, smirking, because he could hear the other John in it.

Lorca frowned at Allan. His tone was entirely facetious as he said, "You mind? I don't have time for jokes. I've got somewhere to be." His own jokes, yes. Not someone else's.

"Actually, Gabe, we've got all the time in the world." Allan held up a device, a small black object with a blue display showing some sort of oscillating rhythm. "It's called a temporal stasis field, but you might know it better as—"

"Null time," said Lorca. It confirmed what he already knew. Allan had caused the accident on Discovery all those months ago.

Allan hummed faintly in some sort of amusement or appreciation. It was hard to know which; Lorca did not know Allan well if at all.

"To what do I owe the pleasure?" asked Lorca, crossing his arms. "Come to warn me about the future?"

"Far from it," said Allan. "I just wanted to see the look on your face when I told you the truth and deliver a message. Message as follows: I'll never forgive you for what you did to Melly."

Lorca raised an eyebrow. Allan looked somber and grave, but Lorca saw an opportunity for some fun. "Which time? There were several. Mind you, first time, she didn't know which way was up, but I sure showed her."

Allan fell silent, staring at Lorca with silent fury. Lorca was delighted, smirking at Allan with smug self-satisfaction.

"So now, what's this truth you've brought me?"

He half expected some grand reveal about time travel he already knew or to learn that John Allan was secretly his and Mischkelovitz's son or something else equally nonsensical. Of course Allan wasn't his son, that was a practical impossibility. Even if Lorca changed his mind on the subject in the near future, Allan had brown eyes, so while he was certainly someone's son, it was unlikely to be the result of blue-eyed Lorca and Mischkelovitz. Maybe Groves or that four-fingered half-sister of his, Danica Stewart, but Allan seemed a little too short and too pale to be either of theirs. Unless Groves had made good on his jibe about being involved with Mischkelovitz, which was about as gross a proposition as could be imagined. Lorca almost laughed out loud at the thought.

Allan's truth was something else entirely. "You were given a gift you don't deserve."

"What 'gift' would that be?" he drawled, lip curling into a sneer. As far as he was concerned, he had never been given anything. Everything he had he had taken for himself, because that was who he was. Someone whose force of will was so strong the very universe bent to accommodate it. As it was bending now.

"Lalana."

Lorca snorted and started to chuckle. That was preposterous. "Nobody gave me Lalana!"

Allan was not laughing. He tilted his head and smiled knowingly. "That's the thing, Gabe. For reasons I'll never understand, someone did."

With his free hand, Allan reached into his pocket and pulled out another device: a tiny silver disc the size of a coin. He flipped it into the air with his thumb and it froze in midair, floating and spinning. For a moment, Lorca thought it was a weapon (Georgiou had a weapon like that) but instead of shooting through the air and killing him, something else happened.

Emellia Mischkelovitz appeared in a holographic projection so perfect it felt like she was in the room. She was older, lines in her face and waves of soft grey hair falling across her shoulders, but it was definitely her.

There was no flickering, no vague sense of emptiness like with current holotechnology. Lorca felt like he could have reached out and touched her. He realized why: the lighting. He could see the lights of the room glinting off her mismatched eyes. She cast a shadow. For a moment, he doubted it was a hologram at all.

All doubts were erased as she began to speak.

"Hello, Lan. It's me, Melly." It was a recording. When she spoke, she was calm and confident, nothing like the current Mischkelovitz. There was a sense of serenity to her. "I know you probably thought you'd never see me again, but I asked a friend to deliver you this message in the hopes that you'd do me one last favor.

"I know you'll wonder why I'm asking this favor of you, out of all the things I could have possibly asked. Time travel is such a potent thing, and most people, if they could do or change anything, would change something more important. Personally important, like the death of a family member. I've certainly lost enough of those.

"But it's because time travel is so important that I'm asking you to do this instead. History must be. In order for you to come here and meet me, history must be as it is, as it was, as it will be. So I cannot change history. But I've gone through all the historical records, and I believe it is possible to make two small tweaks without compromising the integrity of the timeline. And to answer your question as to why, I can only say this: history does not look kindly on monsters. That's why we have to stick together.

"Now, this plan isn't without its flaws. I know that doing this will destroy the person that I am right now, that I'll cease to exist as I am, but this isn't about me. And if my sacrifice can right this wrong, then everything I've lived through will have been worth it. It will also take something from a friend of mine, but... Well, he won't know what he never had, will he? And in some ways that's better.

"Anyway, I'm counting on you, Lan, because I can't save the person I want to save. Mischka died, and I've accepted that. I can't save anyone. But I can make sure that no one is alone. I can do that, if you'll help me. And I promise you won't regret it if you do. You didn't the first time, when you helped me figure out how to do this. And since you're receiving this message from yourself, then the fact is you already went back and did these things. It's just time for you go do them now.

"Your first destination is 2246. You need to find Captain Chaudhuri of the Triton and..."

Allan terminated the image with a wave of his hand and plucked the little projector from the air. "Do you have any idea what this is?"

Lorca stared at Allan and realized the question was not rhetorical. His voice was an amazed whisper. "A message from the future."

Allan had expected that answer. "No, it is not. This version of Melly never existed. This isn't a message from the future, it's a fragment from another timeline, another universe. It shouldn't be, it's impossible. But it is. That's what she did. She found a way to preserve a remnant of what I can only assume is the original timeline so that it would survive when the timeline changed and prevent the creation of a temporal loop or paradox.

"I was sent back to this time, to this place, because it was what has always happened. My being here was ordained centuries before my birth. But this?" Allan held up the holorecording. "This is a miracle. Her miracle. And she wasted it on you. Because this is not the original timeline. The moment she sent this, that ceased. This is what we've been left with. And I don't know what to make of that. I only know that she gave you something you don't deserve. The thing she took from her friend was Lalana. She gave you Lalana."

"How," demanded Lorca. His eyes were locked on Allan with a fierce intensity.

Allan considered the question. He knew what was going to happen, so would it really matter any if he explained?

"In the original timeline, Lalana wasn't rescued by the Triton, she was rescued by the Shenzhou..."

Allan outlined all of it. The events of the original timeline, the three changes he had been instructed to make. First, making the original captain of the Triton sick less than a year from his retirement so the man waiting in the wings for promotion was handed command of his vessel for seven months ahead of its crew's reassignment to the Buran. Second, the preset coordinates of a shuttlecraft on a Tederek moon adjusted a couple of degrees so that when it went hurtling off into space, it intersected within transmission range of the flight path of the Triton. Third, a null time bubble initiated by seeding a single canister of spores with chronitons so their function in the drive was inert and their temporal stasis spread like an infection to the live spores of the second canister while the jump was underway.

As Allan revealed this, it became clear why. There was amazement in his eyes, fervent adoration for the architect of it all, and some sort of relieved honor at having been part of it. That he was the instrument she had chosen gave him a sense of elation. He was proud and wanted someone to know what he had done, what they had done together.

The net result of it all was that Lalana ended up cemented to Lorca's side, rather than with a deep and enduring friendship with Saru. That part shocked Lorca the most. Saru? He stood there, face colored with confusion, and Allan was glad to see it because anything that made Lorca look less than smugly confident was a win in his book.

"I really thought I'd destroyed the timeline," Allan concluded. "But it seems everything's turning out just fine, because you're still exactly where you're supposed to be. I suppose time is self-correcting itself. It makes me wonder, though. If Lalana could choose, who would she have chosen? Saru or you?"

"I would have chosen the captain, and I choose him still," came the answer.

Allan staggered backwards, shocked to see Lalana appear high up in the corner of the room. She dropped down to the floor and landed with graceful ease. "H-How—"

He had been monitoring the security feeds on the Charon, waiting for the opportunity to speak to Lorca alone. The feeds Lalana had looped to disguise her arrival.

"You have not seen things as clearly as you thought," said Lalana. She looked to Lorca. "I am sorry, I know you told me to wait until you called, but I believe that was an appropriate opportunity for a 'dramatic entrance?'"

Lorca chuckled. "That it was."

Allan's head shook. How could Lalana be here? He had been so careful to avoid making any further changes since the jump here. Was the timeline still in flux?

"To answer your question, while Saru is a lovely person and I am sure we could have made excellent friends above and beyond the acquaintance we currently share, the fact is that the Saru who was before the Battle of the Binary Stars and the Saru who is now are not so different. Even if I did love Saru and not the captain, or loved them both, or loved them neither, I would choose the captain because he is a different person and he has need of me, and I choose him still."

Allan stared at Lalana as she spoke, realization dawning. He had been lied to. The person who had lied to him might have called it a repurposed truth, but to Allan, there was no mistaking the act. It was lying no matter what you called it.

It was the last realization he ever had. Taking advantage of Allan's distraction, Lorca picked up the phaser from Maddox's holster, set it to its highest level, and fired. The phaser struck Allan from behind and blasted a hole in his backside that burned partly through to his organs. He fell to the ground.

Lorca wasted no time. He dashed forward, jammed the butt of the phaser in Allan's mouth, and watched as Allan struggled to close his jaw. Lalana joined him.

"I wish to thank you, Mr. Allan," she said. "You have actually given Gabriel and I two incredible gifts. First, you have given us time, which is the most valuable gift there is, and second, you have given us your story, and stories are the best gift."

The light faded from Allan's eyes.

"I do wonder if that was necessary," said Lalana, knocking her hands faintly. "It seems to me John Allan's intention was never to hurt us."

"You heard what Groves said," said Lorca, taking the holographic disc and the black handheld device from Allan's corpse. "We couldn't let him live." He checked Allan for any other devices but found none. Then he took the phaser from Allan's mouth and felt around his teeth. They seemed normal enough. He pried Allan's jaw open. "Can you check his teeth?"

Using her tail, Lalana easily detected the one tooth that was not like the others. She delicately pried it out.

There was a beeping. The screen on the handheld device was flashing red with an exclamation point. Lorca looked at it, watched the exclamation point turn into a countdown, and threw it across the room. He grabbed Lalana and dashed over behind the agonizer control console, huddling with her behind it.

There was a long, sustained beep. Then a little pop and fizzle. Lorca peered out from behind the console. The device had melted into a puddle of components that were dissolving into the air. A moment later, Allan's body began to do the same, until all that was left of him was an empty Terran uniform lying on the ground.

"The null time field is disappearing," reported Lalana. They still had the holorecording and Allan's tooth. Apparently being removed from his body saved it from whatever grisly fate the rest of him had enjoyed.

"Do you realize what that was?" said Lorca. Lalana craned her head at him. "Destiny. Destiny brought the two of us together and destiny put us here for a reason." He took the tooth from Lalana and turned it in his fingers, studying it carefully.

"I am not so certain. I think Allan being here may have been an accident."

Lorca closed his hand around the tooth. "None of that was an accident." There was something sweeping and grandiose in his tone, and also something very familiar. A sort of dark obsessiveness, like he had taken hold of something in his mind as surely as he had taken hold of Allan's tooth.

"Gabriel, when was the last time you slept?"

Lorca ignored the question and checked the time. It was well after 1945. "I think we lost Larsson."

Lalana knocked her hands together. "We must find him."

"We will," said Lorca, not believing it for a second, "but we gotta get outta here first. You ready?"

"Yes."

As they burst from the room and surprised the guards and agonizer techs waiting outside, Lorca felt a surge of adrenaline and confidence. He was more certain of it than ever. Destiny was leading him right where he wanted to be. Everything was falling right into place.

Beside him, her colors shifting seamlessly to match the corridors and panels around them as they moved, Lalana began to worry. He was running. He had started running and he could not stop. All she could do now was try to keep up with him and maintain the promise she had given to the other Lorca. It did not matter that he was running so long as she was running with him.

But for the first time, she began to question if she could keep up. Whatever Lorca thought the conversation with Allan meant, Lalana was certain the truth was something different. She just didn't know what.

Part 84

#fanfic #fanfiction #fan novel #Star Trek Discovery #Star Trek #Mirror Lorca #Mirror Universe #Gabriel Lorca #Captain Gabriel Lorca #Mirror Gabriel Lorca #Discovery

1 note · View note