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zodiyack · 4 years

Text

Close, But Not Quite Correct

Requested by anon: Hey do ya write for Peaky Blinders? If yes could you do a reader x Tommy !platonic one where the reader is really tough but at the same time quite laid back and everyone just assumes they are dating and they are shocked when she intruduces her love interest to Tommy at a family dinner or so?

Pairing(s): Thomas Shelby x reader platonic!, Michael Gray x reader

Warnings: Swearing, slight angst, fluff, alcohol, probably a tad bit ooc Michael

Note: So I apologize if you didn’t want the love interest to be anyone Tommy knew, I just didn’t really know who to put, my apologies, I can always rewrite it!

Also now that I think about it- I can’t tell if you meant where she has a crush on Tommy or if she has a different love interest and I’m so sorry if this is not what you had in mind aaaa!

Note numero tres: I got carried away and I apologize. Hope you enjoy

Final Note: I don’t even know wth that ending is. Okok bye enjoy the story lmfao

taglist: (it isn’t Tommy x reader, but I’ll still tag ya @captivatedbycillianmurphy and @stydia-4-ever)

masterlist | Peaky Blinders Masterlist

Y/n and Tommy had been friends for a very long time. They had similar personalities and traits, some people had said that they were like female and male versions of each other. But the thing that was argued about the most, was if they were a couple. Everyone wondered it! Even the Shelby family! Ada and John made a bet that they were, and Polly and Arthur did as well. Making bets with the same goal wasn’t possible, but that’s not what the bet was about.

Their bets were about who would introduce it first. Would Y/n announce that they were engaged or that she was pregnant and Tommy was the father? Or would Tommy reintroduce her as his lover? Maybe they’d walk in on them kissing? Who knew, the bet was just on who would come out and say it already.

People felt like the tension was there. It was strong and obvious to them. They claimed that the two flirted quite a lot. However, in reality, there was nothing there. The “tension” and “flirting” was just the brotherly and sisterly bond they shared. It wasn’t even flirting, more of teasing and mocking in a fun way. The tension wasn’t romantic, it was them wiggling in their seats as they resisted the urge to jump and laugh at one another.

Tommy and Y/n were aware of the assumptions, and it had gotten old fast. Just as Tommy was, she was tough and hard to break. Alas, there was one very large difference. She was more laid back than he was. Tommy was cautious, always ready to move or attack, while Y/n was comfortable and quiet until she felt anything that would make her feel otherwise.

Best friends...but with a few secrets. Tommy was single, free, and didn’t really mind it at all. Y/n on the other hand, was seeing someone. She didn’t tell Tommy, which normally would make him concerned, but he brushed it off when she said she would introduce him to the entire household sometime.

That’s when the idea hit Tommy. Electrocuting him just as lighting would a lightning-rod. If him and his family hosted a dinner party and invited Y/n, while hyping up the family to meet said boyfriend, she couldn’t say no. It would disappoint them as well as make them lose faith of ever meeting him. Plus she owed Tommy some favors.

He reached over and set the paper on his desk, scribbling names of the people to invite. Arthur, John, Finn, Ada, Pol, Michael, Y/n and Y/n’s secret boyfriend. It was perfect. The list was complete and he was already thinking of what to have for dinner. Would the kitchen staff be able to cook anything that Y/n’s lover could eat? He didn’t know that yet, so he still had to ask if there was anything.

There they sat. Curled up on the sofa and watching the fire calmly. As subtle as possible, Tommy brought up the topic. “Say, Y/n, if your lover-boy were to eat with us...is he allergic or incapable of eating anything?”

“Incapable?” She laughed, “You make him sound like a two year old. And no, I believe he isn’t. Why?”

He kept it in mind. “No reason. Thank you, um, enjoy your book or whatever it is you were doing.”

“Tom-”

He rushed out of the room and back to his office. The list was still on his desk where he left it the previous day and a sigh of relief left his mouth. Tommy sat down and wrote the new information down. Next was dinner ideas. What sounded tasty? Nothing came to mind, so Tommy went to the next person he could for advice.

“Ada.”

“Yes Tom?”

Her eyes never left her book, but Thomas knew she was listening. “If we were to eat a special meal as a family...what do you think it should be?” That caught her attention. And just enough to make her head snap up to look at him.

“We’re eating dinner as a family?”

“I didn’t say that. Just-” he sighed. It was just now coming to mind that he didn’t think of what to do or say if anyone got suspicious. He needed to think, and fast. “Uhm, I just need to know what kind of food we would all enjoy.”

Ada squinted at her brother but nodded and went along with whatever it was that he was doing. “Alright. How about...soup? Soup and roast? I’m not sure Tom, but good luck.” Just as quick as she was too look up, she looked back down and continued reading her book.

Tommy thought for a second and nodded before walking back to his office and writing dinner ideas. The last three things were needed and they didn’t require anyone’s assistance. One, dress code if there is one in mind. Two, making the invitations. And three, giving the invitations.

He finished, no dress code needed, and got ready to try and sneak the invitations to each person. The first one was for Ada, so he walked past the room she was in and saw that her book was open but she wasn’t in sight. Tom took the chance and set an invitation in the center of the book, closing it now that the paper worked as a bookmark.

Next, was John, Finn, and Arthur. Tommy learned his brother’s schedule for that day, so he knew that John was currently with Arthur elsewhere. He set three invitations, one labeled John, one labeled Finn, and one labeled Arthur, on the desk where their stuff was placed.

Not quite last, but before it, was Aunt Polly and Michael. He walked over and leaned his head through the door way, seeing his aunt reading. She noticed his presence and raised an eyebrow. “Tommy?”

“Ah, hello Pol.” She gave him a kind smile before returning to her book. She didn’t notice Tommy setting the papers near the door. He excused himself from the room and they said their quick goodbyes. Tom knew Polly would give Michael his, so it wasn’t that big of a fuss.

Finally, it was time for Y/n and whomever this unknown male was. Tommy had gotten away with a subtle question once, but he wasn’t sure he could get away with this one. He walked into the room but quickly moved back out to the hall and against the wall when he heard Y/n giggle and a kissing noise. Just as he thought he got away, Y/n and the male heard his footsteps attempting to make it out the door in time.

“Shit! Hurry, go out the other door!” She recollected herself as her boyfriend ran out the opposite door of the room. Her hair was every which way until she smoothed it down and breathed in. “Uh- uhm...come in!”

“Y/n! Was uh someone in here with you?”

“N-nope. No. Nada. Negative... Hey Tommy?”

“Yes?”

“What are those papers?”

Tom looked down at the papers in his hand. The invitations. “Um...nothing! Just work. Have you...by chance...seen Michael?”

Her eyes widened and her face turned red. Thomas didn’t know why, but he kept it in mind. It was possibly that it could be a sign or a valuable piece of information. He brushed it off, for her sake and for his curiosity’s sake.

“W-what? M-M-Michael? Noooo.”

“Alright then. If you don’t mind, I’ll be setting these here,” he walked over to the sofa and set them on it just as he said he was. “Don’t look at them...okay?” It was the master plan in his mind. Since when did she agree to not look or touch something he specifically told her not to. She nodded and he walked out the door, satisfied with his work.

. . .

Dinner was served, the guests were now arriving. Polly and Ada sat down at the table first, Pol already sipping away at her beverage. Next was John, Finn and Arthur, both John and Arthur joining Polly on the alcohol train. Michael walked in, his hair messed up and his collar positioned to cover his neck, just like it had been the past few days.

Finally, Y/n walked over to the table and sat next to Michael and Tommy. They began to eat. Everyone, except for Tommy, thought Y/n or Tommy was about to introduce their relationship. Pol was determined to win her bet against Arthur. So when no one spoke up, she decided she’d had enough.

“Alright you two. Time to fess up. Tommy put this all together to tell us that you guys are seeing each other, didn’t he?”

Y/n, Tommy, and Michael choked on their food and drinks. Tommy hit his chest a few times and shook his head quickly. Y/n knew she had to speak up and soon because once Tommy announced the reason, which she caught onto rather quickly, non one would allow her to get away without answering.

“Close,” She wiped her mouth with a cloth, “but not quite.”

The entire table, minus a gaze averting Michael, turned to her. Tommy raised an eyebrow and started naming names jokingly, each person that was named and present shaking their head. “So when is he getting here? Or is he already here? John? Arthur? F- no that’s just nooo...um... that boy you met at the Garrison? The other boy? Who is it then?”

“I’m seeing Michael.”

“Michael? What Michael? Our Michael? That’s very funny Y/n.” John chuckled, but stopped after Thomas gave him a serious look.

“Are you being serious, Y/n? I’d like it if you answered what John inquired because I am quite curious. So, Y/n, who-”

“Tom.” A new voice entered. Everyone’s heads turned to the direction it came from. Michael fucking Gray. “She’s seeing me. I’m seeing her.”

Newfound silence filled the room. Tension, undecided whether it was good or bad, snuck in with it’s silent friend. Y/n’s eyes darted from her best friend to her now public lover. She was sure of it now. Thomas was staring daggers right into Michael’s soul. If looks could kill, Michael would be more than just dead.

“Thomas. Don’t.”

“Stay out of it Ada.” He stood up and walked to the other side of Y/n, staring Michael down more intense than he was only a second ago. “You mean to tell me, Gray, that you’re romantically involved with my best friend, with the person who means the world to me, with the person I would give my life for? I need you to answer me honestly. Are you prepared for this question?”

Michael didn’t answer. Instead, he gulped and widened his eyes. If he didn’t already fear Tommy, he sure did now.

“I asked you a question, god dammit! You answer me or I’ll make you answer me!” Everyone, really everyone, either gasped or flinched. It was known. Tom didn’t yell like that unless he was very very very serious. Pol would’ve normally stepped in to defend her son, but she too was curious and somewhat hesitant now that Thomas was red as a tomato.

“Y-yes?”

“Do you love her?”

“W-what?”

“Do you love her!!?”

Y/n’s hand thrusted itself into Michael’s. Now even she was scared for him.

“Yes! Yes I do! I love her with all my heart!”

“Would you die for her? Or rather, protect her with your life?”

“Yes! Yes to both of those!”

“Would you ever lie to her or have an affair?”

“No!” He was squeezing Y/n’s hand. His hand was sweaty, and also red from how tightly he was gripping hers.

She took it as the last straw. Seeing both of her boys fight pained her to an extreme measure. Knowing that it was because of her, even a little bit, pained her just the same. “Enough! Thomas! Michael! I am in love with Michael, he has made it clear that he is in love with me! He is kind, listening, caring, loving, protective, and overall and amazing man. I want to spend the rest of my life with him. And I love you Tom, you’re my best friend and you always have been, so please. Don’t let him and I being involved change our or your relationship.”

She finished her sentence, plopping back down and sighing loudly before digging into her food. The rest of the family, not including Michael or Thomas, slowly eased back into eating their food. They still felt the tension, so it was a very quiet dinner.

A smile formed onto Y/n’s face when she felt Michael’s hand rub her back. She leaned into his arm and thanked him. After she finished scolding the boys, she sat back down with teary eyes and Michael was the first to notice.

Thomas froze. The sight in front of him, Michael comforting Y/n as she sobbed silently into his shoulder...it all clicked into place. Her nervousness, Michael’s collars, the giggling and freak out when Thomas was trying to deliver the invitations. She was head over heals for Michael.

He sat back in his seat beside Y/n. His arm rested above Michael’s, rubbing her back as well. Y/n turned and faced Tommy with red puffy eyes that made his heart ache. He really hurt her that badly? She spoke up, and what she said shocked Tommy greatly. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry Y/n/n, I should be the one who’s sorry.”

“Y-you’re not mad?”

“Close, but not quite.” He repeated her answer from Polly’s previous question.

Y/n opened her mouth to speak but closed it and squinted. Visibly in thought, he murmured to herself. “What do you mean?”

“I’m not mad, I’m more...protective. Ya know? If he hurts you...don’t think that just because he’s my cousin I won’t shoot him dead.”

“Like hell you will!” The table burst into laughter due to Polly’s comment. Michael and Thomas this time as well. Y/n smiled genuinely. She was proud of her work. While Tommy was chuckling and distracted, she turned her head to him and tackled him in a hug.

“Thank you Tom-Tom.”

“Of course Y/n/n. I just want you to be happy, safe and loved.”

She let her smile drop and an eyebrow raise. “You’re still gonna beat him up a bit, aren’t you?” The question was more of an observation. A very accurate observation.

“You are one-hundred percent correct. Now finish your food and enjoy some family time.”

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lovemesomesurveys · 3 years

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Do you weigh less than 130 pounds? Yeah, quite a bit less.

Do you straighten your hair every day? No. I haven’t straightened my hair in years.

What kind of car do you drive? I don’t drive.

What’s your favorite kind of ice cream? Strawberry, mint chocolate chip, birthday cake, and cookies and cream are good. I haven’t had ice cream in quite awhile, though.

Do you wear earrings daily? No. It’s been awhile since I’ve worn earrings as well.

Do you prefer purple or green grapes? Green.

When’s the last time you got your eyebrows waxed? I only got them waxed once and I was like 14.

Have you ever been in a tanning bed? No. Talk about claustrophobia. And I have no desire to do so anyway.

Did your last kiss mean anything to you? Yeah.

How’s your hair right now? It’s up in its usual messy bun.

Have you ever wanted to go to Australia? I would love to.

What’s your favorite fast food restaurant? I’m not as into fast food as I used to be, but the ones I go to when I do have it are Chick-fil-A, Carl’s Jr, McDonald’s, and Jack in the Box.

When’s the last time you washed your hands? A few hours ago.

Who were you with the last time you were drunk and where were you? I was with a group of friends in a hotel room I rented for my birthday back in 2013.

What is one thing within the last year that if it had gone differently you feel might have changed things now? If I had done some things I should have been doing and managing things better regarding some of my health related issues.

What is something that you associate with summer? The miserable heat.

Have you ever ran around outside completely naked? Uh, no. Absolutely not.

When you’re hungry, does your stomach hurt? Sometimes. My body is super dramatic like that. I’ll feel weak sometimes and it’s like omg stop acting like you haven’t ate in days.

Would you say that you have a nice smile? No.

Have you ever walked in on your parents doing something kinky? Ahhhh, no.

Do you use mouthwash? No.

Do you eat anything out of a box? Yeah.

When’s the last time the fire alarm in your house went off? It’s never gone off. The only time it has made noise is when the batteries need to be replaced.

Can you be trusted with secrets? Yes.

Pill to make you braver or one to make you smarter? Braver. I’d be able to get some things taken care of that I’ve put off because I’m anxious and scared.

Are you in a hurry to grow up? I am grown up at 31 I guess, but I’m in no hurry to get older. I was never in any hurry.

When was the last time you used a bar of soap? Yesterday when I showered.

Do you keep notes, drawings or letters that people give you? Yes. I’m big on that.

Have you ever been locked in a car with a bf/gf? No. How would we be locked in the car?

Have you had a bf/gf that you never kissed? No.

How many true best friends are present in your life? No friends, but I have my family.

Do you currently have a significant other? Nope.

Do your parents approve of the people you hang out with? They never had an issue with any of my friends.

Would you be able to stand being in the same room as someone you hate? I don’t hate anyone, so.

Have you ever lost a close friend? Yes.

Think of your current or last bf/gf. Do you/did you love them? I did.

Has anybody criticized the way your significant other looked like? I’m single, but no one said anything about the way my exes looked.

Have you ever stayed up late talking to a bf/gf on the phone or online? Yes.

Do your friends like the people you date? Do their friends like you? They had an issue with Joseph because they saw what I didn’t want to see, which was that he was using and playing me and wasn’t treating me right. I haven’t had an issue with their friends.

Do your parents let you date, or do you sneak around? I’m 31 years old. I can’t blame my non-existent dating life on that haha.

Have you ever felt backstabbed by a close friend? Yes.

Do you have any handshakes with anybody? No.

Do you feel you can rely on anybody to always be there for you? I know my family will always be there.

Have you ever regretted ignoring anybody? I’ve pushed people away and messed up good things. :/

What has been the stupidest reason someone has broken up with you? Joseph just didn’t want to commit. He wanted me when it was convenient and when he felt like it.

Have you ever kissed someone in their bedroom, or in yours? No.

Has a friend of yours ever confessed their love to you? No.

Have you gone out with someone, then ruined the friendship you had before? My first boyfriend and I were good friends before we started dating and yeah it definitely changed things after.

Can you trust any of your friends at full capacity? No friends. I trust my family, though.

Is the word 'love' even in your vocabulary? Yes.

Who do you think is more confusing, males or females? People are confusing.

Have you written or drawn anything for somebody else? No.

Do you have any pictures of yourself with a bf/gf? I have photos of myself and my exes.

Do your friends know how to make you smile in tough times? My family does. My doggo always can.

Has anybody said they loved you, but you didn't love them back? Yes.

Is there anyone you don't like that always seems to be everywhere you are? No.

Is there anyone you care about more than you care for yourself? My family.

What/who do you take the most pictures of? My doggo.

How long did you spend in a vehicle today? I’m not going anywhere today.

When you make a mess are you more likely to clean it up right away, or do you get to it later? I clean it up right away.

Who do you blame for your bad mood today? I’m just annoyed because yesterday I slept until 6PM and today I’ve hardly slept at all, I kept getting up like every hour. It’s 10AM now and I first fell asleep around 6, so yeah not much sleep going on. :/

By what age would you like to be married? I don’t plan on getting married.

What are you looking forward to right now? Nothing at this moment.

Do you have any split ends? Yes.

Is there a book you're currently reading? Yeah, I’m finishing up this book called, “Anything for You” by Marissa Finch.

Did you ever want to be a fashion designer? No.

When was the last time you went to the dentist? It’s been awhile. :/

The last time you cried, what was wrong? Oh ya know, life.

Do you sleep with a fan on? Yes, even now in the winter.

What's the last video game you played? Animal Crossing: New Horizons.

What do you usually drink at meals? Coffee or water.

Are you going to a library tomorrow? No.

Do you sleep better during thunderstorms? No, but I do enjoy them.

Has anyone pissed you off based on their actions recently? Yes.

What language did you take up in high school? I took Spanish all 4 years.

You’re single, correct? Yep.

Is the last person you texted good looking? My mom is beautiful.

At this very moment, what exactly are you doing? Besides the obvious I’m listening to an ASMR video.

How do you feel about girls smoking? I don’t care what gender is doing it, I personally don’t like it.

Have you ever been in a perfect relationship? No. Perfect relationships don’t exist.

Is the person you last texted in a relationship? Yeah, my mom is with my dad.

Do you think someone is thinking about you right now? Nope.

Do you like “good morning” texts? I don’t get those.

Last movie you watched? Wonder Woman 1984.

Name something you like about winter: I love Christmastime, the weather, the clothes, the colors, the smells, the coziness...all of it.

What’s your favorite color? Pastels, rose gold, sea foam green, coral, and yellow.

Would you rather be called hun or baby? I don’t really care for either one.

Is there someone that you miss being close with? Yes.

Have you ever fallen asleep in someone’s arms? When I was little.

Does anyone completely understand you? I don’t think completely. I certainly don’t completely understand myself.

In the last 12 months can you say you truly cared about someone? My family.

You were single last month, why? Uhh, because I’m not interested in or talking to anyone in that way. Like, there’s literally no one right now. No one is interested in me either.

Would you rather get 1, 12, or 24 roses? I’d appreciate any amount.

What is something you like to do when you’re down? Cry and one of my go-to activities I do normally as a distraction.

Do you believe teenagers can fall in love? Sure.

Have you ever received a text message that made you cry? Yes.

Did you enjoy your summer? Last summer was even worse because I wasn’t able to go to the beach, which is the only thing I like about summer.

When you watch movies at home, do you like the lights on or off? I tend to just keep ‘em on.

Do you think relationships are even worth it? Yes.

Is any part of you sad at all? All of me.

Do you like your first name? Sure.

What’s most stressing right now? Health and life stuff.

What are you listening to currently? An ASMR video.

Have you done anything embarrassing lately? Not recently.

Dark hair or light hair in the opposite sex? Whichever.

Do you judge people you don’t know? Not to the point that I don't want to get to know them, but yeah. <<< That’s a good way of putting it. Like, I think we all judge people to some extent and that’s normal and not always a bad thing, but some people are judgmental people and they make up their own assumptions and opinions without getting to know a person. They have their mind made up and it stops them from getting to know someone.

Would you date a boy/girl if you knew they were capable of cheating on you? I guess anyone is capable of doing so, so it’s something that could possibly happen in any relationship. However, if I knew someone had in fact cheated before or was known for that, then no I would not. Even if they had cheated once it would be something I’d worry about happening to me.

Did you sleep alone last night? I always do.

If you could have one thing right now what would it be? I’m kinda hungry, but meh.

Would you rather have ten kids, or none? None, hands down. I don’t even want one kid, let alone TEN.

Do you tell your mom or dad everything? I tell my mom a lot.

Does it matter to you if your boyfriend or girlfriend smokes? It would absolutely matter to me if they smoked cigarettes.

Have you ever been hurt by someone you never thought would hurt you? Yes.

Do you have siblings? I have two brothers.

#personal #text #survey #surveys #long survey

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msjr0119 · 5 years

Text

Marshgate Prison

Part 1 - I’m a good guy

NEW SERIES: At Marshgate Prison, New York City- Riley Brooks begins a new job as a Prison guard. The inmates and guards who work there have kept many secrets hiden. Will she become involved in these secrets? How will she react to the common riots that constantly take place in the rough prison.

Catch up on the introduction here

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****

Arriving at work the following day, Riley was dreading going on the women’s wing. Having slight palpitations. She had previously worked in a women’s only prison. They were all bitches to put it politely, were always fighting to be the ‘Queen Bee’. Liam pulled her into a corner after the hand over meeting, asking her to go out for a drink again. Politely refusing she felt guilty- but she had promised to go another time.

“Liv, this is Riley. She’s the new guard.” Riley smiled at the woman who provided her with a resting bitch expression. Olivia eyed Riley’s body up and down, feeling jealous and green with envy - that Liam was spending time with the newbie.

“You’re not a talker then, like Walker.” Riley laughed nervously, as Olivia remained in silence- there was no need for communication as her face did that.

“That darling, is because Walker has a crush on you.”

“Excuse me?” Riley became flustered, feeling extremely warm all of a sudden.

“You heard me. Isn’t that right Hana? Walker likes the new guard.”

Hana nodded, Liam provided Olivia with a look that could kill. Frustrated that she was winding Riley up, but also had a pang of jealousy that some other man thought similar thoughts regarding her. Hana pulled Riley towards her, giving her an over affectionate hug.

“I’m so glad some one so nice as you has joined the team.” Placing something in Riley’s pocket discreetly, she broke away from the close encounter and winked towards Liv.

The morning seemed to go slow, slower than the previous day. Comparing the male inmates to the females, there were so many differences. The women were constantly arguing, fighting. It was like being back at school- petty behaviour. Where as the men generally got on with activities, with the odd outbreak of fisticuffs.

******

A few hours later the warden pulled Riley into his office, she was assuming it was regarding feedback on how her second day had gone. Trying to rehearse what she could say, she was bewildered by the anger written across his face. Feeling like she was about to be put in detention- paranoid thoughts began to roam her mind.

“Miss Brooks, it has come to my attention that you may have smuggled some counterfeit items in?”

Before she could respond, he began a strip search on her- finding one of the things that he had been informed about.

“Sir, that isn’t mine. I swear it isn’t.”

“Oh don’t worry. I know it isn’t. Are you confident enough to not shadow Liam for the remainder of the day? If so, I’d like you to be safe- and stay on the men’s wing.” Nodding, she felt annoyed. But relieved that she didn’t have to face the people who for some unknown reason had tried to stitch her up.

******

Drake was sat at the dining table, with a few other inmates playing cards. Noticing Riley he wondered why she was there as he knew the guards rotations like the back of his hand. Excusing himself from the game, he gained Riley’s attention- concerned as to why she looked so defeated.

“Hey. What are you doing here? I thought you was Liam’s shadow. As far as I’m aware, he’s on the women’s wing today.”

“I was until two bitches planted drugs me on.”

“Heh, Liv up to her old tricks again? Involving Hana?” Nodding, she felt defeated already, considering throwing in the towel. He didn’t need an answer physically spoken- he knew the answer.

“She also said you had a crush on me. I think she has nothing better to do with her life. See ya soon Walker.” She waved to him, not giving him chance to explain what she had just suggested. Olivia was correct, he had the slightest crush on her- he couldn’t deny that to himself, but he would do to anyone who questioned it.

******

Riley’s shift had ended, she had an eventful day to say the least. One inmate had implanted drugs on her somehow without her noticing- those inmates involved made her feel frustrated not knowing as to why they would do it. She had no interest in Liam- never showed any passion towards him. Avoiding Liam when they had clocked out, she didn’t want to risk becoming injured- because he was fucking the Queen Bitch.

Walking through the busy streets of New York, she thought she would go down memory lane for old times sake. Standing outside the old dive bar that she had worked in as a student, she was shocked that it was still open-it had avoided somehow mysteriously being burnt down due to a dodgy insurance job.

“Riley? Riley Brooks is that you?” Turning around she knew that voice- that hyperactive full of energy squeal.

“Beaumont. Long time no see. How are you doing?”

“I’m fine. What about you? Let’s grab a drink and catch up.” Riley knew she couldn’t say no- he had always been persistent.

Maxwell explained that after school, he had trained up to be a choreographer- which didn’t surprise Riley at all. He was always busting a move out at the school discos. Explaining about her own life, he was shocked that she would be a prison guard- he had expected her to be a model or an actress. All the boys at school had wanted to date her.

“You have good days and then bad days. Today’s been a bad day. The women inmates are the worse. I’d prefer to just stay with the men- they are less psychotic.”

“Is it true that guards have affairs with inmates?” Resting his chin in his palms, he was ready for some inside scoop.

“Yes, it’s common knowledge. But I’d never do that.”

“Even if Brad Pitt was an inmate, don’t lie and tell me you wouldn’t do him.” Shaking her head laughing, obviously a celebrity inmate would make their work day interesting.

“I’m a professional Max. Apparently an inmate has a crush on me. But I think it’s just gossip. He is handsome though.”

“What’s he in for?”

“I can’t tell you- confidentiality and all that. But he insists that he is innocent and I believe him. He’s being released in a few weeks. He writes the most adorable letters to his nephew- he has done every week since he has been there. My heart breaks for him.” Being released soon. Letters. Nephew. Maxwell wasn’t the brightest of sparks but he knew this wasn’t coincidence.

“This man... is he in for rape? Brown hair? Brown eyes? Closed off personality?” Riley remained silent, her eyes widened. Assuming it was just coincidental.

“Is he Drake Walker?”

“Drake who? I can’t say I’ve heard of that person Max.” Beginning fidgeting, she couldn’t help but think he would study her behaviour - knowing she was bullshitting.

“You’re lying. I won’t grass on ya for confirming the identity.”

“Fine. Yes. It’s him. But that’s as far as it goes. Don’t you dare tell anyone that I said an inmate was handsome. How do you know him anyway?”

“His nephew, Bartie. Is my nephew too.”

“Oh, it’s a small world. Anyway I better get going- it’s been nice catching up.”

“Riley? He’s a good guy. Don’t let him being an inmate put you off him. Here’s my number. We can catch up another time?”

*****

The morning after Drake was dragged out of his cell, abruptly and early.

“What the hell?”

“You have visitors Walker, make yourself look presentable.”

Escorting him in to the room, he pondered about who would want to visit him as such short notice.

“Drake!”

“Max? Sav? What are you both doing here?” They both looked at each other smirking. After requesting an urgent visit, they needed to see him.

“Well, Max knows your new prison guard. They met up for a drink yesterday. Apparently Max had a crush on her too at school.”

“What? I don’t have a crush on her.”

“Why are you both denying it?”

“Denying what? Both?” Believing he misunderstood what Maxwell had just said, he needed him to elaborate before his mind worked overtime.

“She called you handsome. Anyway... are you definitely getting out in a few weeks? Is there a anything that could prevent it from happening?” Savannah asked in a serious tone of voice. She had missed her brother, and needed him back home.

“No, I’ve been keeping my head down low so I can come home- to you guys and to Bartie.”

“Good, Riley’s work hasn’t gone to waste then.”

“What do you mean?”

“She rung Max yesterday and invited us over. She had been investigating your case- she will probably get sacked for it. So this goes no further. But she confessed that she knew you was innocent, and that you shouldn’t be here a minute longer than you need to be.”

“Why would she do that? It’s only a few weeks. I’ve lasted years, a few weeks isn’t going to hurt.”

******

Drake returned to his wing, his thoughts lingering on the new guard who was apparently helping him get out early. Scrutinising the area he saw her, natural instinct was telling him to question her regarding what Maxwell and Savannah had told him. Instead he shook his head, deciding to play pool with another inmate.

“Nice shot.” Smelling her perfume lingering around him, he felt intoxicated.

“Thanks. I need to ask you something, in private.” Leading her out of the way of prying eyes, he built up a slight bit of courage to ask her. “Why are you trying to get me released early?”

“How do you know that?” Raising his eyebrows, she’s soon realised. “Oh...”

“Why are you helping me? I’m here for another four weeks. I can last that long. You don’t need to help me.”

“I’m sorry okay. You don’t deserve to be here if you are innocent. I’d try and help anyone not just you. I’ll let you get back to your game.” As she turned away to leave he grabbed her hand. Losing her balance he caught her. His calloused touch, made her melt away.

“Follow me. There’s enough guards here. You won’t be noticed missing.” Escorting her towards a secluded room, there was dust surrounding every crevice. There was a damp feeling- an eerie atmosphere.

“Thank you for helping, I didn’t mean to sound a jerk.”

“You’re not a jerk, unless you’re hiding your true identity.”

“I’m a good guy, I was just in the wrong place at the wrong time.”

“Max said you were a good guy too. I already know- I don’t judge a book by its cover. You should have fought though. First impressions on Hana Lee, is that she is a good one too but is trapped by Olivia’s black magic. She is hypnotised and would do anything for Olivia for that slight bit of attention.”

“You’ve got us all sussed out. I can’t wait to be released, but I don’t know how people are going to react. That’s the only worry. If it wasn’t for Bartie I think I’d return to Texas.”

“You can’t leave!” Riley shouted, without thinking about how she said that.

“Why?”

“You are letting whoever set you up win.”

“Is that the only reason?”

“And because of your family here.” Phew. Good back up she thought, not wanting to disclose the real reasoning behind her not wanting him to leave. He was hoping she would mention about him and her - Maxwell had got his hopes up. Who would want to get to know a ‘rapist’?

“Also you’re here. You’re the only person who has known me a couple of days and has made the effort to get to know me. So thank you Riley.” Riley felt flustered, hoping he wouldn’t notice she blamed it on the dust. Throughout her career as a prison guard, she had always resisted an inmates charm and flirty banter. But there was something about the man stood in front of him.

“We really should go, before I come up in a rash or something. This dust really isn’t helping either of us. And I need to leave before I do something I regret.” Drake provided her with a questioning look, she avoided his gaze.

“Riley?” He pulled her towards him, his hands cupped her cheeks- both their chests raising. Breaths in unison.

“I really want to kiss you.” He whispered to her, his hot breath lingered against her ear. Gulping she wanted to do the same. Jeopardising her job. Jeopardising his release. Hesitating at what to do.

“I want you to kiss me too. But you’re so close to being released. I can’t.....”

Before she could respond, he kissed her gently on the lips- closing her eyes it was as if the world around them had melted away. Breaking the kiss, they both stood gazing at each other as if they were having a stand off.

“When you get released, you’ll have to kiss me again. You’re a good kisser.”

“I’d like that. You’re not too bad yourself.”

After another longing kiss, they both made their way back to the wing separately.

Before the end of the shift, she snuck into his cell to say goodbye, he provided her with a letter for her and a letter to Bartie. Asking her to pass it on, joking that it would save him the cost of a stamp. Agreeing to contact Maxwell, she left him to go home via Maxwell’s.

******

Maxwell sent her his address, travelling to the other side of the city- she was nervous to read her letter. Debating on opening it, not understanding why he would give her one.

“Hey, Mrs Postwoman. Come in.”

“Always the comedian Beaumont. Hi Savannah, here’s a letter from Drake.” Entering the apartment, Max told her to be quiet as Bartie was asleep. If the young boy didn’t get his power nap, he would be a nightmare throughout the night. Savannah explained that he was due to wake up shortly anyway, so it wouldn’t be a problem if he woke up and to ignore the protective Uncle.

“You look exhausted- been a rough day?” Savannah asked not meaning to sound rude. Passing her a glass of wine, Riley gladly accepted.

“No, it’s been quiet. And frustrating. Anyway I better get going.”

“Stay for something to eat. We were going to get a take out.”

Bartie woke up around an hour later, Savannah placed him on her leg and read the letter out loud to him. This was a weekly thing to do. She couldn’t wait for Drake to be released and bond with his nephew.

Hey big man. Uncle Grumpy here. I can’t wait to see you soon. I am going to spoil you rotten to make up for our time apart. Also I’m going to treat your Mom too- maybe Daddy and uncle Maxi as well. I felt like running away back to Nana’s ranch in Texas once I left this hotel. But then I met the most beautiful amazing lady. Buddy, if you ever find a girl that makes your stomach flutter grab her with both hands and never let go. She allowed me to kiss her today. I hope you never have to go through this. But I will always teach you to defend women. Four weeks buddy and we will go camping and make s’mores. I love you. The countdown is on. Uncle D x

“Who did grumpy kiss?”

Savannah and Maxwell looked at Riley who had turned a bright shade a red, becoming flustered again.

“Riley?”

“Don’t start Max. I didn’t want to jeopardise his release date. But it was like a magnet pulling us together. He wrote me a letter too. I don’t know why when I’m going to be seeing him nearly every day.”

“You should read it. My brother obviously likes you even with the burden in between you both.” Riley asked Maxwell to read it, she didn’t know what it would contain.

Hey gorgeous, thank you for spending time with me today. I can’t stop thinking about you- you are like my drug at this moment in time. Why couldn’t you have come into my life before? These last few years would have been a lot easier. You are amazing, don’t forget that. The way you listen to people, talk to them, get to know them. That is the definition of a best friend. I’d like to take you out when I get released, if you’d allow me- as a thank you. Just let me know what you think. D x

“Ooo. You’re going to be part of our misfit family.” Before Riley could respond, Bartie jumped on her knee, half asleep calling her ‘Mommy’.

“Hey, I’m not your Mom. Your Mom is on the phone to your daddy. He’s like Drake isn’t he?”

“Yeah, he may have the Walker looks, but he definitely has the Beaumont charm.” Laughing, Riley wasn’t exactly the maternal type, deciding to play Pat-A-Cake with him- to her relief he enjoyed it. Giggling away- she began to fall in love with the happy child sat on her lap. Savannah walked back into the room, looking shocked as if she had seen a ghost. Robotically walking towards the wine bottle- she poured herself a glass before downing it in one gulp.

“Sav? What’s up?”

“The prison rung Bertrand up. Drake’s been beaten up. We have to go to the hospital now!”

#theroyalromance #choices trr #riley brooks #drakewalker #drake x riley #hanalee #olivia nevrakis #maxwell beaumont #savannah walker #liam rhys #trr au marshgate

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fyrapartnersearch · 5 years

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Send Help: Addicted to Roleplay and Chipotle

Greetings from Earth! First time poster to this blog and stoked to meet some new partners. My name is Chris and I'm a male nurse (Yo, you're going to get some medically accurate roleplay) in his late twenties. I have a lovely wife and two stupidly handsome animals (Pictures of the animals available on request) but manage to maintain a pretty active roleplay life due to the fact that I work nights. The Basics: I tell everyone that I'm a professional. I try to reply 1-3 times a week and the length of posts depends on amount of characters in play. If I'm going to take longer, I always try to let you know. I'm willing to write male and female characters and focus on M/F as the male and F/F. M/M just isn't my thing, sorry y'all. My limits include pedophilia, rape, and animal abuse. Anything else can be discussed. I prefer e-mail for writing ([email protected]) but have Discord for plotting (NurseBatman#3674). If we get along really well, you can convince me into discord roleplay. The text limit just drives me nuts. I do use faceclaims pretty aggressively. Is there anything else? Central time zone?

Onto the roleplay stuff. I'll start with originals and then dive into fandoms. I put extra *s by the lines that I will literally lose my mind if you approach me about. Searching hard! -The Social Media Age****** A m/f line that I've given a little thought to, looking for someone to write a young woman that is pretty much making her living being an instagram model/fitness person, etc. I think the proper term is *Influencer*. Meets and starts dating a successful guy with no presence online, the two falling for each other but at odds over their differing attitudes towards the world. -This American Life Something set in the 1970s, focusing on a roadtrip. A group of teenagers leave their small town behind to head out west. I love this time period. Can be supernatural, supernatural lite (think Twin Peaks weirdness) or totally natural. -Stranger Things inspired A group of four to six friends enjoy their last summer together in a remote town as strangeness begins to unfurl. I'd be willing to set this in the present but think it would be way more fun in the 70s or 80s. I have an idea for one of the kids having lost a sibling in a strange way when they were young and possibly some sort of cult in town.

Fandoms!

-Star Wars**

I know Reylo is all the rage these days, as is Qi'Ra/Han. But, man ALIVE, I really want something focusing on the core four: Luke, Leia, Han, and, ya boy, Chewie. Something taking place in that three year gap between New Hope and Empire as they work among the rebellion. Strange new worlds, getting into scrapes, sharply running from the empire, avoiding Vader, bounty hunters, and all sorts of things. This time period is far from explored and we can really thrive in the galaxy. Primarily I want to focus on the budding relationship between Han and Leia and Luke's training, pre-Yoda. In a perfect world, I'd want to write Han and Chewie (If anyone thinks Chewie is just a NPC, get out my face) while my partner takes on Leia and Luke. I'd be willing to switch out Chewie for Luke if need be, I guess? We could also split up C3PO and R2. I also would enjoy writing a young Amilyn Holdo and a few other soldiers. Let's real build out the resistance and delve into the 'WARS' part of those big yellow letters that never get enough attention. On top of all of that, I also have an original love interest in mind for Luke if someone else plays him! She's a spitfire. Alternatively, I'd be down for writing something set in the clone wars. Perhaps two jedi that broke the order's relationship laws and then survived Order 66 together? -Preacher Seriously. Love this show, love this comic. Would happily write Jesse or Cassidy against Tulip. Just definitely looking for a Tulip -The Boys Would love to write Hughie against Starlight! Currently working my way through the season that just dropped. -Marvel -I will love you forever if you write an Elektra against my Daredevil. They are toxic and in love and I love it. Whether it be the comics or the Netflix series, I don't care. Someone please write me an Elektra. Netflix did a good job of portraying this one -Alternatively, I'd also be happy to write against a Black Widow, either with Daredevil. They were a mainstay OTP in the comics in the 90s and I'd love to write against Scarlet's Black Widow. -Has anyone seen the trailer for the neverendingly delayed New Mutants movie? I would love to write something based on that horror aspect of the mutant universe.* -I'd love to write an older MCU Peter Parker (like college) running across a MCU version of Black Cat. Or just a Spiderman roleplay in general. I've always wanted to write Peter but have never gotten the chance! I have a ton of ideas for this, plus faceclaims for a few of the villains. Would also be willing to play him against Zendaya's MJ, Spidergwen, or Silk (Deepcut)**************************** (I so badly want to write Peter) -One of the pairings that was done for a time in the comics was Star Lord against Kitty Pryde and it was actually a lot of fun. If anyone would want to do a MCU version of this, I would so *DOWN* to play Quill, Xmen hijinks a plenty in space -If you write Jessica Jones, I'd be willing to write almost anyone against her (NOT KILGRAVE). Just let me know. I'd be super down to write Luke Cage or maybe Matt Murdock. I do a mean John Constantine, which, let's face it, is a cross company illustration of the two most terrible people together -Hawkguys! I would love to either write Clint against Kate Bishop (This would be a slightly skewed MCU vibe) or Kate against America Chavez. I would really love to do either of these lines. Or a poly version if someone is willing! -I'd love to write Logan as an active member of the MCU Avengers, possibly as a partner in crime/wetworks/murder with Black Widow. Those two could cause some mayhem. -Honestly, any X-men relationship could be sold to me. Just try it. I would love to find a Kitty for Piotr, a Rogue for Remy, or almost anyone for Kurt.

-DC I'd love to write Batman against Catwoman, please. Or John Constantine against literally almost anyone -Hannibal I've been dying to do a sort of season 4 for a while now, focused on Clarice Starlings interaction with Will Graham and later Hannibal Lecter. Just need to find someone willing to create an original style Clarice. -Resident Evil I'd like to write Leon against Claire Redfield or Jill Valentine in an original outbreak or a new one. I know this is an old school fandom but I'm a diehard fan. -Star Trek Okay, so first up, I am not the most well versed Trekkie in the world. Never watched any of the TV shows but am a massive fan of the trio of rebooted films and would love to give Kirk or Bones a try against Uhura, Dr. Eve, or maybe a female Vulcan OC? Hit me with ideas! -The Matrix Another obscure fandom. Maybe just an original crew, set during the movies, after, or an AU where they're the only survivors of Zion? Im not sure but I could plot something out!

-Uncharted I'd love to write Chloe Frazier against Nadine Ross, continuing their adventures. I'm pretty wide open on what we can do with this one. RANDOM CRACK SHIPS! Caught in a Web: I would love to write an iteration (Daniel Craig or an original) of James Bond/007 against a non superhero version of Natasha Romanoff/Black Widow. Spy vs spy shenanigans as two people working for different governments. Totally impossibly but putting it just in case: Did anyone see all that Wonder Woman/Lara Croft art that was floating around the internet earlier this year? I would love to dive into that. I'd prefer to write Lara but I'm definitely not picky. If you made it this far, you're a hero and I owe you a beer. Hope to hear from some great writers! Let's create something *EPIC*

#oc rp #multiple paragraph #long term #email #marvel rp #avengers rp #mcu rp #dc rp #submission

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captainwhogotthecanary · 5 years

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ClexaCon: Day 2

Same deal as day 1: this is probably too long and detailed, and if you want the facts, you can probably get them from the official videos. This is more about my reactions and vibes and the like.

I dressed as Wonder Woman this day. It’s my only store bought costume, but I look great in it, and I finished off the look with tall (not not heeled!) boots and rainbow socks and brighter makeup than I usually wear. I looked good enough that the barista when I grabbed coffee asked for my employee discount; she assumed I was a performer at the hotel. I got great comments all day, a little overwhelmingly so, but it felt pretty awesome until I left the convention. CW for brief mention of assholes at the end of this post.

Nyssara

I met some cool people in line waiting for the “doors” to open for the standard attendees. We ended up sitting together while my Friday friends sat behind, since we had trouble finding six seats together, not too surprisingly.

I needed the intro video because as I’ve mentioned, I like my faves to be happy, and while I never ever doubted Sara loves Nyssa and vice versa, they didn’t exactly get happy times together on screen, and I wasn’t yet into Arrowverse fic when they were on screen. It was a good video. They’re both great actresses and can seriously crank up the intensity when the scene requires it. Any Nyssara fic recs are appreciated, btw.

The panel was good. It was fun, different kind of energy, something like nostalgic and speculative and silly. And Jes came through! Again, there are videos and gifs, so go do yourself a favor and look if you haven’t.

Of note to people following my blog, when asked her favorite one night stand of Sara’s, Caity’s first thought was of Snart, though she said she couldn’t count him since they hadn’t slept together. I think that’s just so awesome that the characters had that connection, and the actors according to what I’ve read, that even after years have passed, there’s still some sort of nostalgia or whatever because they were genuinely close. The actors and characters in different ways, but still.

More is More: Polyamory in Media

I’ve got some ot3s (ahem, Rogue Canary), but as far as real life, I don’t know much about polyamory. It’s something I’ve long thought works with the RIGHT people and the RIGHT communication, which makes it rare and challenging, and it has to be so hard for some people, like some of the ones in the panel who explained that being poly is, for them, the same as their sexuality; it’s a need, a wiring, not a choice or a lifestyle. It’s rare (or rarely talked about/seen) and so there’s not a big demand for more of it in media, but then the lack of representation means fewer people know it can be a healthy option, so it becomes a cycle, like so many things.

Most of the panel ended up the panelists sharing what it means and what it means to them to be poly or practice a poly lifestyle. There’s a big no-no/disparaging negative in the community regarding “unicorn hunters,” which I’d like to have someone properly explain to me but google says it’s usually couples looking for a third person who fits their needs without considering the needs of that third. It’s objectifying and not setting up for a healthy relationship and I get why that angle is negative, but I’m not sure why multiple people in that panel and then in a later panel seemed to use it to apply to anyone looking for the trio presentation rather than the open relationship presentation. Not complaint so much as genuine confusion there. So anyway, there wasn’t much discussion of the trio+ aspect I was most interested in, because I’m not planning to write or practice a relationship where the people in it date other people but I adore stable (usually potential) trios in media.

I still enjoyed it very much and learned a lot in the “I didn’t know I didn’t know this” category. My favorite part (though it also made me sad) was how excited and relieved the panel was about being in a room where they could discuss all this without judgement.

Bi+ Representation in Media

I adored all the panelists here. I didn’t learn much; the basic gist was “there’s not enough representation.” Still, it was cool listening to and watching a bunch of bi+ folks talk about their faves and what they’d like to see. I bought a book by one of the panelists and will do a rec post later if it’s any good, ya and lgbt and superheroes. I’m excited.

Romance Between the (Book) Covers

Sigh.

Okay, so…

I don’t think of myself as an amazing or particularly experienced professional writer, but I do feel like I could contribute more than a lot of the writing panelists, and I found that very frustrating. It wasn’t that they were all lacking experience or talent, to be clear, but it was that for most of them, their experiences or input were almost entirely unhelpful for new or aspiring novelists.

For example, there was a writer whose story was, “I’d never written anything before in my life but I decided to write a book and they published it so that was cool.” Another said she’s unique because she writes in first person, which she does because “it’s a lot easier to tell instead of show. And I know they say you’re not supposed to do that, but I think it works.”

I get that the expectations are different in the smaller market that is LGBTQ+ romance, but…

I don’t know. I feel like standards are important. That’s why I all but stopped writing while I’m struggling with words and with tying things together; I don’t care whether it’s original fiction or fanfiction, free or paid, I have standards for my work.

I also had my feathers ruffled slightly when the moderator asked the panelists, “Did you write heterosexual relationships to start out in order to get a foot in the door or earn money?” with a clear implication that there was no reason to write a m/f relationship other than for mainstream success. The one bisexual panelist low-key called her out but I don’t think she noticed, with an, “I’m bisexual so writing a male/female relationship is a perfectly valid choice for me.”

For one, yeah, there was a bisexual panelist and there was a huge bi population amongst the attendees, so that wording could have been more sensitive, and for two, I know plenty straight people who like to write m/m or f/f romance, so why wouldn’t that be a valid choice in reverse, for something other than a cash grab?

Personally, I mostly write m/f relationships because I started writing while still closeted, because that’s where my actual experience is, and because my go-to is still to write canon or canon-adjacent pairings and tv still likes to fuck up most of the few canon lgbt ones. That doesn’t make me less valid as a writer who is lgbt.

Mazikeen: The Devil in the Details

This was enjoyable. The actress says Maze is her spirit animal, which is awesome. I was pretty frazzled and distracted (people were saving me seats even though I SAID I’d be late and it was equally appreciated and discomfiting) and also trying to liveblog the panel to a friend, so I didn’t get as much emotional impact from this as the rest. It sounds like we probably get to see Maze with a real relationship this next season, so that’s exciting. It seems like a decent next step for her after the growth over the last seasons. I’m also suuuuper excited she and Trixie will be okay; they have one of my favorite relationship of the whole show.

Amber Benson: Tara Maclay and the Legacy of Buffy

Teeeeearrrrsss. Do me a favor; if you watch the video for this one, watch the behind the scenes one first. The intro video they played left very few dry eyes, and then Amber came out all teary and emotional.

The singalong was a lot of fun, despite “Under Your Spell” being notes most humans can’t hit.

There was one answer she handled with some unfortunate wording, but it was so clear she meant well and she’s such an icon, so she didn’t get boo’d like I was almost afraid of. There wasn’t much applause, but then we moved on. She was the only panel I went to that earned a standing ovation. I cried a lotttttttt.

And then I left the con to go change before having dinner with Friday friend. And people were gross and staring in creepy ways and there were homophobic comments made “accidentally” too loud and just bleh. It was a small thing in an otherwise fantastic weekend, but it made me feel like I needed to take a shower.

#clexacon diaries

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sofreakinmanyfandoms · 6 years

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The Craigslist Date - Chapter 1

Hey all, thought I’d try my hand at writing a fic since I enjoy reading them so much. I’m going to try to update every day for the first five days just so I can get some sort of masterlist started, and then it’ll drop to updating weekly. Please give feedback whether you like it or not! It’ll help me grow as a writer. Much thanks to @thorne93 for being a sweetheart and reading it before I posted!

Word count: 1415

Warnings: None. I hardly even swear irl, so there’s not even really any of that in here. There will be fluff in later chapters, though.

------------------------------

Something had to be wrong. You pushed your thumb and forefinger against the bridge of your nose as you closed your eyes against the computer screen’s brightness. The numbers weren’t adding up. No matter how many times you re-counted, you still came up $200 dollars short. You needed the numbers to be wrong.

How in the hell were you supposed to come up with $200 by this weekend? You thought briefly about selling a kidney, but you were pretty sure none of your English Lit major friends knew anyone who’d be buying one.

If only you could work more hours. Around classes and studying, the hours you were able to work in the school cafeteria barely covered your normal expenses, much less any surprises. After that uninsured jerk hit your car two weeks ago, you’d had to get your taillight replaced to avoid any traffic tickets, and your bank account was suffering. You hadn’t eaten anything but ramen and hot dogs in over a week and you were getting sick of taking sponge baths to lower your water bill. While your next paycheck would be enough to cover your utilities, your rent was due in five days and no amount of penny pinching would magically add $200 dollars to your account before then.

With a sigh, you opened up Craigslist and turned to the want ads. Maybe you could sell your couch. Or your dresser; your clothing was usually kept in piles on the floor anyway, right?

You found someone willing to pay $100 for a bed frame – your mattress would work just as well on the floor, right? – and were about to click on it when a listing at the bottom of the page caught your eye.

Looking for woman to take our (M) friend out on a date - $250

You blinked and double-checked to see if you’d read that right. There had to be a mistake. But when you looked again, $250 dollars was still staring back at you. They must be looking for a hooker, you thought. Unable to help yourself, you clicked the link.

“Four friends are in search of a female date for a fifth friend (male). Payment will be given up front. Must be a female at least 20 years old and free Friday the 30th from 6:45-9pm. No sex required. The date will be in a public place, so you don’t need to worry about being kidnapped. (We promise none of us are creepy.) Looking for someone interested in art or history, if possible. To apply text (917)555-6011; please include your first name and why you responded.”

Well…that was certainly something. You leaned back in your chair and reread the ad. So they weren’t looking for a hooker. But what is wrong with their friend that they felt the need to pay someone to go on a date with him?

A series of quacks from your phone pulled you out of your head and back into the present. You looked at the text and smiled. “Hey sis!” it read, “I saw these flowers and thought of you. Since I can’t give them to you in person I’m sending you a pic.” A picture of your younger brother beaming while holding a fistful of buttercups accompanied the message. You shot back a, “Thank you so much, Jeremiah! They’re beautiful,” with a selfie of your smile and put your phone back down.

Maybe that was it. Maybe their friend had Down syndrome like Jeremiah, or was on the autism spectrum and had a hard time meeting people. You were good with people like that. Maybe you could make enough to cover your rent and make someone’s day at the same time. Hell, with $250, you could even get some food that wasn’t ramen and take a real shower.

Reservations gone, you picked up your phone again and typed in the number. It took you less than a minute to type up your message and hit send. Now all you had to do was hope you made the cut.

----------

“Nat, Sam’s phone dinged! Maybe our ad got a reply!”

Nat shook her head as Clint yelled from the kitchen. She yelled back from her spot curled up on the living room floor, “No one’s answered in the past two days. I told you no one would go for it. It’s a stupid idea.”

Clint poked his head around the corner. “But maybe someone finally did. And if it’s such a stupid idea, why’d you join the money pool to pay for it?”

Nat sighed. “Because Steve’s never gonna find his own date, no matter how many suggestions I feed him. Check to see if it’s a reply or just a regular text.”

“I can’t. Sam changed his password after Bucky changed his phone background to that picture of Fluttershy and he won’t tell me what it is now.”

“Fine, toss it here.” Nat caught it easily and put in the new password.

“Hey, how come he told you but not me?”

“Because I’m not the one who told Bucky what it was last time.” Nat pulled down the notification so she could read the first bit. She cocked an eyebrow. “Well, whadda ya know. We did get a reply.”

Clint hopped over the back of the couch and peered over her shoulder. “I wanna see! I wanna see!”

“Hello,” the text read, “my name is Y/N, I’m 22, and I’m replying to your craigslist ad. I’m replying because I want to help your friend have a really nice evening, and if I’m being completely honest also I need money for my rent that’s due Saturday.”

“Where’d my phone go?” Sam called out from the kitchen.

“It’s in here! Our ad got a reply!” Clint called out, bouncing up and down like a little kid. “Her name is Y/N, and she –”

“Let him read it himself,” Natasha interrupted. Sam came into the room and she passed him his phone. Clint kept bouncing as Sam took his time with reading the text.

“What should we text her back?” Sam asked, looking at Nat.

“I think –”

“I’m asking Nat, Clint. You have terrible ideas.”

“Hey,” Clint pretended to pout. “I came up with the idea for the post, didn’t I? That was a good idea.”

Sam shook his head. “Finding Steve a date on Craigslist is not a good idea, even if it does end up working. It’s just a better idea than anything Tony came up with.”

“Well, from the little bit we know about her, Y/N seems nice,” Nat interrupted Clint before he could protest. “She might be a little young, but Steve’s old enough that we knew that would happen. I’d say we give her a chance. It’s not like we’ve been swamped with replies, and Tony already made reservations at the restaurant for this weekend.”

“Done,” Sam said, drafting a reply.

----------

You jumped when your phone quacked less than 15 minutes after sending your text. It’s okay. I’m sure it’s just Jeremiah. You checked your notification. Nope, not Jeremiah.

You smiled as you read the text. “Hi, Y/N,” it started, “thank you for your reply. You sound like a sweet person, and honesty is a great quality that definitely isn’t going to disqualify you. If you’re sure you’d like to do this, I’ll give you the date details. My name’s Sam, btw.”

Your heart was beating as you sent your affirmation. This time it only took two minutes for Sam to reply.

“Be at Daniel on E. 65th at 6:45 this Friday. I’ll meet you out front and pay you before it starts. Your date will be there at 7; his name is Steve. Don’t worry about prices; everything is covered. If you don’t have an appropriate dress, we can arrange one for you. Let me know if you need anything.”

You suddenly realized you had stopped breathing. Daniel was classy and expensive. If they could afford that for two people, no wonder they could pay you $250 for showing up. Good thing your mother had bought you that dress when you were home last break. “Y/N, you never know when you’ll need a formal dress, and by the time you know, it may be too late to buy one.” With a quick text to Sam confirming you got his message and wouldn’t need a dress, you went to your closet. Friday may be four days away, but you wanted every bit of your outfit planned beforehand.

#avengers #steve rogers #steve rogers x reader #captain america #x reader #fanfiction #fanfic #masterlist

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bforbookslut · 7 years

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Review: I Believe in a Thing Called Love by Maurene Goo

I have given this book ☆☆☆. 325 pages. It belongs to the Young Adult Contemporary genre. Farrar, Straus & Giroux published it. It was published 30th May 2017. I would recommend it to anyone who loves quirky heroines and light, fluffy contemporary young adult romances.

The blurb reads: “Desi Lee believes anything is possible if you have a plan. That’s how she became student body president. Varsity soccer star. And it’s how she’ll get into Stanford. But—she’s never had a boyfriend. In fact, she’s a disaster at romance, a clumsy, stammering humiliation magnet whose botched attempts at flirting have become legendary with her friends. So when the hottest human specimen to have ever lived walks into her life one day, Desi decides to tackle her flirting failures with the same zest she’s applied to everything else in her life. She finds guidance in the Korean dramas her father has been obsessively watching for years—where the hapless heroine always seems to end up in the arms of her true love by episode ten. It’s a simple formula, and Desi is a quick study. Armed with her “K Drama Steps to True Love”, Desi goes after the moody, elusive artist Luca Drakos—and boat rescues, love triangles, and staged car crashes ensue. But when the fun and games turn to true feels, Desi finds out that real love is about way more than just drama.”

I apologise that I don’t have any quotes for this review (and therefore, little to no evidence) because I went on vacation with this book and forgot to bring my post it notes.

"But I never lost the belief that you could will something just by sticking to it, by being unwavering. By keeping your eyes on the prize. And by doing that, there was nothing you couldn’t control about your own life.”

Verdict:

I wanted to really love I Believe in a Thing Called Love (IBiaTCL). After all, the MC is a girl of Asian descent (that’s me) who is naturally an overachiever (not exactly me but I can relate), has trouble dating (23 and terribly single with no prospects whatsoever) and loves Korean dramas (also me).

But I’m terribly on the fence with it.

Mostly because Desi Lee is written as such a caricature of K-dramas, ignoring the fact that Korean dramas are incredibly diverse. They have the typical high school romances (that IBiaTCL are most likely based on), crime dramas, soap opera-like dramas, family dramas and the list goes on. Even though Maurene Goo is of Asian descent, IBiaTCL seems to have been written from a very white lens and is as clichéd and predictable as they come.

But, when it comes to the K-dramas of the cheesy, romance variety, clichedness and predictability are at its core. And that’s why IBiaTCL got three stars despite how much I disliked it.

Also, it’s well-written, fast-paced and Desi Lee’s antics are incredibly funny in a what-the-fuck-are-you-doing sort of way. It’s refreshing to see her antics /mostly/ backfire and she has to try and save herself.

In the end, I hoped IBiaTCL had ended differently but ah, well.

[contains spoilers]

The Bad:

This gets a little rant-y.

There’s so much incredulity with Desi Lee that she seems like an almost unrealistic MC. Aside from the ridiculous name (which is attributed to her parents’ love for Desi Arnaz of I Love Lucy fame).

Desi is an overachiever who knows all there is to about cars, is a sports star, class president and all around know it all.

To top it off, she’s got super dooper good-looking best friends

and boo-hoo, she’s the least good-looking one

and she gets picked on because she’s an annoying know-it-all.

Yet, Desi thinks she’s super friendly and nice and that everyone likes her.

And she’s super obsessive, she stalks her crush and manufactures moments to bump into him and make him fall in love with her.

Let’s also not forget that there’s the oh-so-cliched female rival who hates Desi’s guts because of something Desi didn’t even know she was doing.

Oh, and the cherry on top of the cake, is that the guy falls immediately for her.

On the other hand, I can’t ignore the fact that since IBiaTCL is heavily influenced by K-dramas, these sort of things are pretty much standard in a K-drama plot. The heroine is unrealistically beautiful and everything seems to fall in her lap, yet, she’s branded as the outcast and the weird one, and in Desi’s case, a world-class nerd.

In K-dramas, no matter how ridiculous it sounds, the heroine goes out of her way to manipulate her love interest to fall in love with her. Even in a most recent drama, Weightlifting Fairy Kim Bok Joo, a university student pretty much sacrifices a lot of her life’s hopes and dreams to make her love interest fall in love with her, lying about who she is and such. Although, I will say that it’s mostly in high school drama romances that this sort of thing happens because romances with adults are less, for lack of a better word, ridiculous.

But it’s just such a cringe-y rendition of how K-dramas can be used to fall in love that makes reading IBiaTCL such a troublesome read.

My big overarching issue with IBiaTCL is how much YA and society has progressed today but instead, this book sort of regresses.

For one, Desi Lee is the smartest, most accomplished girl in school. Instead of using her wits and her smarts, she throws all her intelligence out the window to chase this useless boy who couldn’t even see how much she’s worth. She’s not in the Art Club and immediately, he casts her out. Like, wtv, if you can’t see how smart I am and what a great female president I would be in ten years, bye felicia. But no, Desi Lee sees the hottest thing to cross her path and give her a little attention and she latches on.

Secondly, there’s just so much female rivalry in the book that I’m like, aren’t we already past this? YA can do better, babes. Violet who is in the Art Club, insanely pretty, also Korean and also vying for Luca’s affection is portrayed as an incredibly catty, petty and vindictive woman. And oh, it’s revealed later Violet and Desi used to know each other but Desi moved on and left the church and play school and shit and forgot about Violet which is so fucking normal. She was a kid when it happened, did Violet expect her to remember for the rest of her lives? I avoid people I know in primary school. It’s fucking normal unless you go up to her and introduce yourself????

Not to mention, Desi is contrasted directly against Lucas ex-girlfriend, Emily, who’s like insanely beautiful and model like and ruined Luca’s life by letting him get arrested for her graffiti and then completely discarding him and putting him aside. But Luca gets angry when Emily wants to commemorate their relationship by putting in on social media and says:

“You just reminded me how it’s never been about me, or how you feel about me. How it’s about manipulating your image, what it looks like to everyone else. How I can never tell what’s real.”

Yeah, damn straight. Manipulating. Even Desi realises it.

But oh, yay, congrats because Luca forgives her in the end for being fucking manipulative and almost risking his life. Because she even manufactured a car accident a la Descendants of the Sun but without the precarious cliff-dangling.

But I think the worst part about IBiaTCL is that Desi was ready to give up a life of Stanford and gloriousness for fucking love. She was a definite shoo-in for the off-Ivy League institution, hell, I would give my arm and my leg to study at Stanford but she throws it all away to drive halfway across the country for Luca????? That’s a stupid ass decision right there.

And it’s the most unrealistic thing. Girls, please never ever throw away your hopes and your dreams for some stupid boy who couldn’t even appreciate you for all your smarts and wits in the first place. He’s not worth it. He’s only in it for the sex.

And speaking of useless boys, why couldn’t we have an Asian love interest??????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????? WHY WAS DESI SO OBSESSED WITH THIS BOY WHOSE HERITAGE IS NOT ASIAN AND I’M NOT GOING TO ASSUME THAT HE’S LATINX??????????????????????????? She can clearly call him Won Bin (who, by the way, is not at all the standard of male handsomeness or even at the top of the desired K-actor list). Why couldn’t Maurene Goo have given us an Asian love interest? This brings to mind the whole why are brown men so obsessed with white women on screen thing and makes me wonder if it’s the same thing here.

The Good:

One of the good things about IBiaTCL is definitely the portrayal of Korean American home life. I am neither and I can’t speak about how authentic or realistic it is but it’s nice to have these sort of experiences in YA. It’s nicer to have them explained and discussed as opposed to Jenny Han’s To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before where Korean American home life is touched on very briefly.

Although, it’s interesting that in both these books with Korean American protagonists, the mother is not present and instead, the father has to raise a daughter. But then again, even in K-dramas, this seems to be a theme.

Another thing I thought was a nice touch is that in writing IBiaTCL, Maurene Goo consulted the moderators of dramabeans.com which I would go as far to say, is the leading source of drama recaps. My sister uses it. My friends use it. I don’t lol mostly because I prefer watching my dramas as opposed to reading them. So, on the topic of K-dramas, this book is in good hands.

In conclusion, K-dramas thrive on being extremely unrealistic, as do romantic comedies. Why should I expect this book to be any different?

#book review #young adult #i believe in a thing called love #maurene goo #booklr #young adult contemporary

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daresplaining · 7 years

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The Legendary Rosalind “Razor” Sharpe

Caption: “Rosalind Sharpe... mother, lawyer... gun owner... the last not being that great a surprise when you consider just what kind of mother and lawyer this ruthless fury in Gucci is...”

[Daredevil vol. 1 #374 by Joe Kelly, Ariel Olivetti, and Ed Lazarelli]

We wanted to do a Mother’s Day-themed post, and since we’ve already highlighted Matt’s mom, Foggy’s was the next obvious choice. He was raised by his step-mother Anna Nelson, but sadly, she is all but absent from the comics. There simply isn’t enough information about her for us to write anything worth reading. However, his biological mother is a whole different story, and-- in our opinion-- one of the coolest characters in Daredevil.

Make fun of Matt all you want for conjuring an imaginary twin brother out of nowhere, but Foggy has pulled far more family members out of thin air than his partner. It takes years for Matt to learn that his friend has a sister, and even longer for him to realize that Anna Nelson is not Foggy’s birth mother. When high-powered attorney Rosalind Sharpe calls the newly-reestablished Nelson and Murdock law office with a job offer, Matt is not expecting Foggy’s emotional reaction-- or the implication that the two have met before. This takes place mere issues after Foggy’s revelation that Matt is Daredevil, so it’s amusing to see the tables turned like this. After all this time, Foggy's earned the right to have some secrets of his own.

Matt: “Listen. We have to talk about Rosalind’s offer. How well do you really know her?”

Foggy: “Oh, um... gee, not as well as I’d like to... I mean, I’ve known of her for a long time... and she is one of the top lawyers in the country! Truth is-- she’s the reason I became an attorney in the first place.”

Matt: “Really? You never mentioned that before, Foggy... never mentioned her before... Why do I get the feeling there’s something you’re not telling me?”

[Daredevil vol. 1 #354 by Karl Kesel, Cary Nord, and Christie Scheele]

Rosalind’s offer is straightforward and, on the surface, pretty flattering: she wants Matt and Foggy to join her firm as junior partners. Foggy is ecstatic, his best friend less so. Rosalind is a controlling, no-nonsense person, with an iron will and sharp tongue to rival Matt’s own. The two grate on each other from the start, and Matt is less than interested in working for someone so willing and able to verbally kick his butt. However, there’s a catch to the offer: Rosalind is really only interested in Matt, and if he refuses, Foggy loses the job too. Unwilling to disappoint his friend, Matt grudgingly accepts.

Rosalind: “You two are a package deal: the Blind Barrister and the Dumpy Defender. Get too big for your britches and Foggy... fill in the blank...”

Matt: “For now, I’ll consider your counsel on this matter. I won’t make a habit of it. (Tell her off! Tell her off! Tell her off!) Thank you, Rosalind.”

Foggy: “Our senior partner just blew past me like a hurricane at a trailer park. What’d you do to get her so steamed?”

Matt: “Just a difference of opinion. Nothing a swift blow to the head wouldn’t settle...”

[Daredevil vol 1 #358 by Joe Kelly, Pascual Ferry, and Ian Laughlin]

As may be clear from this maneuvering, Foggy’s relationship with his mother is... complicated. Since this is Matt’s comic, elements of his life are reflected in the characters who surround him-- and in many ways, Rosalind’s situation is similar to Maggie’s. Like Matt’s mom, she realized soon after giving birth that being a mother wasn’t going to work for her, and so she left-- divorcing her husband and going off to pursue her legal career. In a world of media that contains so many dead mothers, it’s refreshing to see two women who the narrative has allowed to leave their children and live full, separate lives on their own.

However, unlike Maggie and Matt, Foggy and Rosalind have always been aware of each other. Rosalind has never been warm and fuzzy enough to try and reach out to her son while he was growing up, but Foggy possesses a massive amount of respect for her. This manifests in his eagerness to work with her, his desire to meet her very high expectations, and his general willingness to put up with her pushing him around and occasionally insulting him. For Rosalind’s part, her motives are always hidden behind several layers of schemes and cynicism, but we do know that she cares about Foggy to a degree, and seems to welcome the opportunity to spend some more time with her son-- if only to whip him into respectable shape and annoy his step-mother.

Anna: “You abandoned him, Rosalind! You didn’t raise him and you certainly never cared for Foggy!”

Rosalind: “I certainly never cared for that nickname. Why you allowed Franklin to be saddled with it is beyond me. True, I wasn’t ready for a child when I had Franklin, but I hope to make that up to him now... while there’s still time to undo the damage that’s been done.”

[Daredevil vol. 1 #360 by Karl Kesel, Cary Nord, and Christie Scheele]

Foggy: “Now listen here, Rose--- you may be my mother, but I’m a grown man and if I want to see Liz I will and you can’t stop me so don’t even try and if you do I’ll-- Hup!”

Rosalind: “Franklin, if you want to see Ms. Osborn so badly-- please do. I won’t get in your way. It’s about time you stopped letting me push you around. If I’d known it was going to take someone shooting at you to do it, I would’ve aimed a gun at you myself-- long ago!”

[Daredevil vol. 1 #364 by Karl Kesel, Cary Nord, and Christie Scheele]

Yes, Rosalind is a Grade-A jerk-- and proud of it. But this cynicism and ruthlessness makes her a fearsome attorney, and has been cultivated over years of fighting her way into a traditionally male-dominated field. She has made so many enemies over the course of her career that she trusts her own judgement far more than anyone else’s, and no amount of danger phases her. As a young attorney she made her name representing a local mob boss. When she decided she didn’t want to get pulled into criminal underworld, and tried to fight her way free, the mob boss in question was so impressed that he let her go. We mentioned her similarities to Maggie, but Rosalind also embodies echoes of Jack Murdock-- a good person caught in a bad situation, from which she-- unlike Jack-- was able to escape.

Grippo: “Rose... Rose is like a flame, see? Ya hold it in yer hand.. it goes out or ya get burned. If she’d ever given in to the life I wouldn’t feel this way about her-- but Rose never lost the fire... never stopped fightin’. You ever know someone like that?”

Matt: “Once. A great fighter. He didn’t make it out.”

Grippo: “Just shows how special Rose is. One in a million.”

[Daredevil vol. 1 #362 by Karl Kesel, Cary Nord, and Christie Scheele]

Rosalind expects the very best from the people around her, and celebrates and acknowledges those who have the same drive and courage that she values in herself. She develops a soft spot for Karen Page, impressed by the way she was able to rebuild her life after her drug addiction. Karen has mixed feelings about Rosalind-- both annoyed at her manipulation and disrespect for Matt and Foggy, and impressed by... pretty much everything else about her.

Karen: “--can’t believe you’re able to eat, Rose! Maybe you didn’t notice, but someone just tried to kill you!”

Rosalind: “I’ve already put it behind me, Karen-- and I never look back! I see that same spirit in you. The drive and common sense we possess are too often conditioned out of women, don’t you think? My power is considerable, Karen. If you ever have a problem I will gladly help you in any way I can...”

[Daredevil vol. 1 #362 by Karl Kesel, Cary Nord, and Christie Scheele]

This offer of friendship also extends to helping Karen get revenge on Matt for being a jerk-- in classy Rosalind Sharpe style.

Karen: “Rosalind, when I said I wanted to vent... I just expected to talk--”

Rosalind: “Talk is cheap. Jewelry is not. What fun is it dating a lawyer if you can’t charge presents to his account when he does wrong by you?”

[Daredevil vol. 1 #371 by Joe Kelly, Ariel Olivetti, and Christie Scheele]

The Sharpe, Nelson, and Murdock (Matt’s name is always last. Always.) period of Daredevil comics is wild and crazy and far too short. Eventually, Foggy gets framed for assaulting a woman, and Rosalind-- unwilling to be associated with the resulting scandal-- fires him from the firm. Matt then quits, disgusted by her lack of loyalty to her son. The next time Rosalind shows up, she’s facing Foggy from across the courtroom, defending the Kingpin from a murder accusation. (She’s not crooked, but she’s got no problem defending crooks.) Since then she has been sadly absent from Matt and Foggy’s lives-- though she does take the time to show up at both of Foggy’s funerals.

Ben: “While the Sheriff’s Deputies are busy with Power Man and Iron Fist, Foggy’s mother, Rosalind Sharpe, slips under their radar... but not Matt’s.”

Rosalind: “--got him killed, you bastard! You got my boy killed!”

Ben: “It’s uncharacteristic of Ms. Sharpe to show so much emotion. But funerals aren’t normal places, and you never know what you’ll see.”

[Daredevil vol 2 #83 by Ed Brubaker, Michael Lark, and Frank D’Armata]

[Daredevil vol. 4 #5 by Mark Waid, Chris Samnee, and Javier Rodriguez]

(We love Waid and Co.’s run, but we’ll forever be disappointed that we never got to see Rosalind’s reaction to learning that Matt is Daredevil and that he faked Foggy’s death. Just imagine...)

The nice thing about deeply entrenched series like Daredevil is that we can be assured that there will always be more. There will always be another story, a new run, and the chance for shelved characters to return. Someday, someone’s gonna bring Rosalind-- the most badass lawyer and best/worst mom ever-- back as a series regular. We can’t wait.

Rosalind: “There’s an old expression, Daredevil-- ‘Don’t look back... someone might be gaining!’ I’m not blind to the dangers-- but I refuse to live my life in fear. I thought, of all people-- you would understand that.”

[Daredevil vol. 1 #362 by Karl Kesel, Cary Nord, and Christie Scheele]

#Daredevil #Rosalind Sharpe #Foggy Nelson #Commentary #A too-short tribute to one of our favorite characters

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rachelbethhines · 7 years

Text

The Antoine and Bunnie Retrospective - 134

“Sonic’s Angels” - Sonic the Hedgehog #152

So this is quite the controversial issue for many reasons. Mainly because of the way it resolves the whole Evil Sonic mucking with Sonic’s love life plot. In that it doesn’t resolve anything.

The freedom fighters are sent on a mission to stop a bunch of nanites from destroying the ecosystem. And the group is split into two teams, the “brain trust” (ie the smart guys) and the psychical fighters. Only without the Chaotix or Antoine around, most of the heavy hitters are all women save Sonic himself.

This leads into my first problem with story and possibility with the whole of the Sonic franchise. There aren’t any super smart women!

In all of the games, cartoons, and the majority of the comics (I haven’t read Fleetway so forgive me if I’m wrong) most women in the franchise can be roughly categorized into five groups.

The Cute Bruiser or Action Girl - Amy, Bunnie, Julie-Su, Barby ect.

The Serious No Nonsense Leader or Loner - Lupe, Sally, Madonna, Topaz, Blaze, Shade ect.

The Innocent - Hope, Maria, Cream, Elise, Tikal, Mina, That genie from Sonic and Secret Rings, ect.

The Femme Fatale - Rouge, Breezie, Fiona, Lin-da ect.

The Mothers - Vanilla, Rosie, Bernie, Lara-Le, Aleena ect.

There’s nothing inherently wrong with any the above tropes and it’s good there are enough differences between theses characters to make them unique from one another. But it’s telling that the only genius women, like Wave and Relic, are fairly new additions to the franchise. ( I think Fleetway has one, Tenko, I believe?) And anyone else who doesn’t fit into theses categories are often outliers like Sarah, Merlina, Regina, Sonia, Marine, or Sticks. (though Sticks is becoming more prominent)

Basically what I’m getting at is, due to the nature of the series, there’s an over abundance of psychically strong women and few that have equal but differentiating strengths. Especially since the innocents tend to be plot points and/or motivators for male characters. Cream and Mina being the exceptions.

So I can’t really fault Penders for wanting to do a story that highlights the fact that over half of the comic’s warriors are women. But I can gripe about how he merely uses them to further forced relationship drama and how none of them, save Bunnie, actually do anything productive. With character’s like Mina being outright redundant with the comic actually stating that she is.

So what does Bunnie do? Well she get captured by the nanites who thinks she can be converted into the collective because of her cybernetic limbs.

Now I don’t have a problem with this scene necessarily, unlike many others who seem to, and here’s why....

It’s a logical conflict that’s true to the unique nature of the characters. Robotization already involves natnite technology and Bunnie is one of only two people in the world who still has this technology present in their biological system.

This ties into Bunnie’s already established internal conflict about her identity but puts a new spin on it where she realizes that who she is now is better then some of the other alternatives out there. This could also potentially tie into future conflicts as her cybernetics could be considered a danger to herself but it’s not one that’ll come up often.

Some have argued this scene is too “intense” for children but I grew up with late 80s/early 90s cartoons where crap like this was deemed ok.

I’m of the mind that as long as it doesn’t involve outright gore and has a happy ending you can go as dark as you want with kids and they’ll be fine. Usually. I do recognize that there are exceptions to this rule.

Last off, there is a happy ending and she’s not permanently psychically harmed by the event.

No, what I have a problem with is what happens after she’s freed.

Ya see Sonic outwits the nanties with logic in order to free Bunnie.

Grateful and relieved to be herself once more, Bunnie gives him a kiss.

Now this isn’t a problem within of itself so much as every thing revolving around it is awful. Bunnie’s already interested and Sonic and believes he has feelings for her because of Scourge lying to her and Sonic himself is unaware of both Scourge’s actions and Bunnie’s new found feelings. So instead of responding to this action in an believable manner or trying to to set the record straight he just goes along with it. So I guess they’re dating now, only no, wait, they’re not, because they never follow up on this ever!

This is indicative of a larger problem within the Sonic franchise as whole. I mean, yes, it’s also because Penders is mainly a shit writer, but hear me out. From Ben Hurst to Pontaff, 90% of conflicts in Sonic are reactionary. Most characters simply react or respond to events going on around them. Rarely does a character initiate conflict themselves. The few that do, Eggman, Lyric, Metal Sonic, ect. often have very base motivations and rely heavily on mindless monsters to do their dirty work.

(Note: I do know there are exceptions to this rule such as Shadow in SA2 or Merlina in SatBK)

In short most Sonic stories tend to be Overcoming the Monster plots. Therefore, external conflicts like Man vs Technology or Man vs Supernatural works for the most part. However when trying to introduce any other potential conflicts, like say love triangles, the writers tend to cock it all up because they’re still running off of that reactionary mindset.

In order for a Man vs Man conflict to work, which is what relationship drama is based off of, then characters have to have basic motivations, make consciousness decisions, and initiate action. The conflict then comes from two or more characters having conflicting desires and needs.

By having outside forces like Scourge and Patch be the instigators of the love triangles you then take way any agency on behalf of the other characters involved. They merely become participants reacting to events rather then characters with real agency.

Now I still defend Penders idea to turn Evil Antoine into Anti-Antoine as Bollers original plan also had that same lack of agency problem with having the Source of All be the manipulator of events. But the entire Bunnie/Sonic/Antoine/Sally triangle is such wasted potential. Because there is a story to be told there, it just required everyone to maintain their agency.

Bare with me if you will as I explain how I would have written out this love triangle.

Sonic is believed to be dead and trapped in space as in the real comic. Meanwhile Antoine becomes more serious and over protective as he doesn’t want to lose anybody else. He spends more time training and becomes something of a workaholic. He also becomes more attentive of Sally as she’s in mourning and in need of friend. He and Bunnie grow ever more distant as his new goals shifts his focus away from her. It’s not that he’s become colder or uncaring, the opposite in fact, but rather they just start spending less and less time with one another.

When Bunnie confronts him over his obsession, they eventual, but reluctantly, agree that things aren’t working out like the once were and break up. Or at the very least agree to give each other some space to figure things out. During all of this Sally and Antoine become even closer as they find they confine in each other about their problems. Then Sonic returns.

Every thing in Home plays out more or less the same minus some bitching between Bunnie and Antoine and less slapping on Sally’s part.But the end result is Sally realizing that, while she does still love Sonic, they have very different goals in life and he’s not ready to commit the way she needs him to. But Antoine is. He’s been the study rock she’s leaned on and her shoulder to cry on for nearly a year now. And after his break up with Bunnie they’ve only gotten closer. So eventually after her break up with Sonic, they start dating.

So that leaves Bunnie and Sonic both feeling lonely and dejected. Since they’re already friends and now have some common ground with their former significant others braking things often to date each other. Well you could see how they would eventually become closer, and may even agree to try dating one another.

From there you have multiple ways which this could pan out. You could have the clean “happy” ending where everyone eventually realizes who they really love and both couples return to the original status quo. You could have the bitter sweet complex ending where only one couple works out and the others are left to grow from their experiences. Either Bunnie and Antoine get back together, leaving Sonic and Sally to press on, or have Sally and Antoine remain a couple and Sonic and Bunnie break up to figure out who they are without a relationship to depend on. You could also have Sonic wind up permanently with either Sally or Bunnie and leave Antoine and one of the other girls alone, but knowing Sonic it seems unlikely. Finally you can have the unhappy ending where none of the potential pairings work out.

Either way, regardless of the outcome, the story becomes more compelling as the motivations involved stem from real issues, not evil forces manipulating events. No one turning out to be evil, no one losing their shit and slapping someone just force a plot point, no miscommunication driving the conflict, and no one responding to events just because, but rather making active decisions. It’s people learning to deal with life and how it changes both themselves and others. Its real, complex, and mature. And because all of the people involved are already close friends with established histories and chemistry; any of the potential outcomes makes internal sense regarding the characters.

Well enough fanfiction, back to the issue at hand.

Since Sonic “out logic-ed” the nanites they release everybody. Meaning the rest of the girls didn’t have use Snively’s plan to short circuit the city. Oh yes, did I not mention that Sinvely’s in this and by the end he’s now joined the Freedom Ftighers? Yeah he’s here now and no one manages to accomplish anything, making the rest of girls completely pointless and the “brain trust” a good three or four too many.

That’s it for this weeks review so tune in next time on the retrospective as we dive even deeper into the final days of Penders run.

#sonic the hedgehog #Bunnie Rabbot #sonic #archie sonic #archie comics

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alimonytony · 4 years

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This is a repost from my rant forum on my site and since I'm interested only in it being read, rather than advertising or shilling it out for hits, I'm going to just repost it here. Before I do let me give you a quick introduction.

I finally registered on the SA forums a week or so ago having been a loyal reader for a couple of years. I don't like the new design of the site, I want to kill it with fire, I liked my good-old Web1.0 scrolly site, give it back please.

I'm posting this here because you lot are smart, and as such, I have no issues with you telling me that you think I'm wrong with this pseudo-rant. This may also be preaching to the choir a bit and for that I sincerely apologize. I hope at least you get some enjoyment out of this. If you're one of those fellows who likes to Digg, the article also has a Digg page, do with it as you see fit - http://digg.com/general_sciences/At...you_intelligent

With that said and done, here goes.

"It's novello time, and it's about religion, so unless you're ready to deal with some views you may not agree with, switch off now. In the words of Illidan "You are not prepared".

Let's get this out here right now. I'm a 23 year old law graduate with an IQ of 155. My political beliefs are liberal and leftist, I listen to Metal and I enjoy violent movies, books and videogames, and I've been a Christian since birth. Baptised, confirmed of my own free will, son of a priest (who are pretty notorious for rebelling against their father's religious beliefs just for the sake of it). I'm part of the Anglican Church of England, which is pretty much the result of Henry the 8th getting pissed off with the catholics not allowing him to divorce his wife(s). We're the state religion of the UK, if you could even say the UK has one, we're pretty liberal about most things, women priests, gay priests, homosexuals in general, sex before marriage, contraception, we take the modern, reasonable way of looking at all of them. At the end of the day, the Bible taught us about forgiveness and being excellent to one another. It had a bit of a round-about way of doing it but what do you expect for a 2000 year old book written entirely by clerical males? It's gonna be a bit out of date, you've gotta read it in context.

I have no problems with anyone's beliefs. Be whatever you want, as long as you believe (or don't believe) for a good reason. But here's what I really don't like, trend-atheism/trend-theism (also referred to as e-atheism, since it seems to be most prevelant in the domain of anonymous blogspammers and Digg-users).

In my late teens, I spent a long time thinking. Yeah, just sitting around and thinking, thinking about faith. Thinking about what it is that I believe in. Rationalizing the various conflicts and contradictions that faith presents us with, looking at the viewpoints of other faiths, or those with no faith at all, taking into account the new things we discover every day and factoring in the influence of science. Some people would claim that, if I had indeed done that, I'd have come to the conclusion, as an intellectual, rational thinker, that God does not exist. They would of course, be wrong.

My beliefs center around several factors. Firstly, it is important for us as human-beings to realize our own limits, and the limits of our understanding. Centuries ago we believed the world was flat. "The Bible told us so!", would be the first cry. Wrong, it really didn't. In the Old Testament, Job 26:7 explains that the earth is suspended in space, the obvious comparison being with the spherical sun and moon. The Old Testament, you remember that one? The one with the fiery bushes, the pillar's of salt, the cool plagues and such? Even that managed to get it right. There's a few more references as well to the 'round' earth (and before you say anything, flat is not a shape, it could have been a flat octagon for all they knew) but I'm not going to go into that yet. We've had computers for less than a century, powered flight for just over a century and of course our amazing horseless carriages. Genetics, electricity, nuclear-bombs, toaster-strudel, the world is in the palm of our hands! And it didn't take us too long did it?

Reality-check, we're still primitives. In the great scheme of things this technology is a mere blip on the historical radar. We've got an awful long way to go before we're able to dissect and understand the mysteries of the universe. We haven't even put a man on Mars yet, let alone left our solar system to find out what exactly is out there. How can it be that we have suddenly, so recently, become so arrogant as to believe we know more than we really do? The Laws of Science are written by man, based on our understanding of how things work. They are theories that, while prove true today, may be debunked by another amazing discovery tomorrow. Which leads onto my next point.

Name this quote "Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic". Arthur C Clarke, physicist and author, smart fellow. It also hilights the point I'm making. Our understanding of the universe is peerless only amongst ourselves. We are not as smart as we think we are. Just as fire wowed the neanderthals, what would it take to wow us? What would make our jaws drop and our minds boggle? Well, any sufficiently advanced technology of course. And what is technology after-all? Man-made machines. The concept of technology is a human concept, a concept that may, in other parts of the universe, not even exist, replaced by something even more advanced than that, so advanced that we cannot comprehend it. Not surprising really as we mammals only use 10% of our brains.

So where am I going with this? Simple really, take yourself off of your high-horse, you, and the human race, is not as smart as it thinks it is. Now, open your mind a little, and let's explore some possibilities.

The definition of a God. Let us turn to the good book.

Wikipedia.

"God most commonly refers to the deity worshipped by followers of monotheistic and monolatrist religions, whom they believe to be the creator and ruler of the universe. Theologians have ascribed a variety of attributes to the various conceptions of God. The most common among these include omniscience, omnipotence, omnipresence, perfect goodness, divine simplicity, and eternal and necessary existence. God has also been conceived as being incorporeal, a personal being, the source of all moral obligation, and the "greatest conceivable existent"

Hmm, a tall order one might think. Could such a being exist? Some argue that logically, he could not, however, there is very little logic in denying the possibility that a being or beings of such power and advancement exist that they could indeed, be considered 'God' within our definition. That's not to say that God is a small green alien with a flying saucer and a phaser though that would give some of the overzealous fundamentalists something to sweat over, much to our amusement. But what is this God? A creator? Sure, we create. We create technology, we're getting to the stage of being able to create life in one form or another, using the basic building blocks of nature. Could it not be surmised therefore that it is entirely within the realms of possibility that someone or something created those building blocks? Like a programmer creates a new program, someone must have also created the coding language in which he created it. We scramble for answers. We come up with theories. Some believe in the beginning there was nothing, which exploded. Some believe a man in the sky created it everything in 6 days and then mooched around on the 7th. Which is valid?

Neither, and both. They attempt to apply meaning to something where meaning may, or may not exist. Creationism and the Big Bang are in that sense, as bad as each other. They are both merely attempts for us to explain the unexplainable. The Big Bang contradicts our laws of physics (something most catalyse an explosion, therefore something must have been there in the first place, where did that come from, at which point your brain melts). The Creation Story contradicts our laws of physics (Same reasons, who created God after all?). Everything we've so far managed to come up with, from the sublime to the ridiculous, the complex to the simplistic, it's an exercise in desperate straw-clutching. At the end of the day, we don't know jack.

And that's ok. Someone once said that the journey matters more than the destination, it's not the winning, it's the taking part, at least ya tried sport. These explanations of where it all comes from, be they ancient or modern all boil down to the same need. To know. Who'd have thunk it, we've got brains for a reason, and they rather like being used. Those neurons like to be fired, the little grey matter likes a little exercise every once in a while. Just as the Creation Story was a way to explain an unexplainable concept, so is the Big Bang theory. If one were to compare the human mind to a computer, try feeding the Big Bang theory to the medieval man, and it's like trying to shove Bioshock into a Commodore Vic20. Good luck. And what will our children's children's children's grandchildren's children think of our Big Bang theory? My money's on exactly the same thing.

So what am I trying to tell you, stop asking questions, stop looking for answers and just believe whatever the hell suits ya? Absolutely not. Believe whatever suits you, but question it, never stop thinking, never stop asking or learning. In this day and age it seems people are way too willing to believe, or not believe. Belief, or non-belief should be a life-long arduous process and it should end involuntarily, when you fall over dead. Someone (there's a lot of talkative someone's aren't there?) once said 'Never stop believing', I say, "Never stop asking yourself what you believe, and why".

It's time to criticize, so let me load port and starboard cannon and fire a volley at both atheists and theists alike. Believing, or not believing, does not make you intelligent. Smart people do not come to a conclusion on the basis of insubstantial evidence. Smart people do not mindlessly attack other people's beliefs just because they don't conform to their own. Smart people do not assume that their own rigid, poorly formed definitions of logic and faith, reason and belief are mutually exclusive and that if one exists, the other cannot. Smart people think outside the box, not pick fights with those poor souls trapped in it.

What makes you intelligent, is knowing why you believe what you believe. Knowing that you are but one mind, and knowing that at any time you could be proven wrong, only for that person to be proven wrong ad infinitum as we as a race advance.

I suppose you're waiting for my personal beliefs, waiting for this to be some kind of sermon, preaching why my God is better than your God, or non-God. You'll be waiting a long time, because it's not coming. My personal beliefs are just that, personal, they're mine, they belong to me. You cannot take them away from me, only I can. What I can give you though, are my opinions.

Right now shots are being fired. They're not physical shots, they're bullets and shells of ignorance and bigottry. And it's no one-sided battle let me tell you that much. Factionalized camps everywhere you can imagine. Atheists, Theists, Satanists, Christians, Republicans, Democrats, Capitalists, Communists, every group you can imagine, all shouting 'Your God/Non-God sucks, mine is better!'. These days, the internet's become their battleground. So much for sharing knowledge, we're sharing ignorance.

The bigottry and the condemnation has to stop. The sad thing is, I'm having to condemn the condemners. Isn't it lowsy how you generally have to be a hypocrite in order to make a point these days? Food for thought. We can look at the extremes and see the simplistic, secular vs sacred, trend-atheists vs fundamentalist evangelical christians, the most common stereotypes. But in reality, it's so much more complicated than that. It's this stereotyping and narrow-minded attitude that prevents us as a race from achieving the greatness we can. I could make as many decrees as I wanted till I was blue in the face, and I'm going to just to let off a little steam mind you,

"Trend-atheist Digg users, shove your agendas where the sun don't shine, refusing the possibility of a supreme-being does not make you a genius or a radical thinker, it makes you a bloody sheep hiding behind a cloak of anonymity"

"Evangelical Fundamentalist morons, get your overly simplistic, judgmental, dogmatic Crayola God out of my face, you have about as much understanding of the universe as a wet lettuce. That does not make you holy, pure, or guaranteed a private booth at the big game in the sky, it makes you a bloody sheep hiding behind a cloak of propaganda that you only believe because you're told to"

Wow, that feels good, I can understand why you internet-bound condemners like it so much. Gives you that warm, fuzzy feeling doesn't it? What, I'm not allowed to indulge in such a guilty pleasure every once in a while? Play fair Wink

Where's my conclusion? Hell if I know. Did you have the mistaken impression this was some carefully constructed plea for tolerance? Absolutely not, it's an angry slap in the face to my peers. Wake the hell up and use your brain, because my God/Non-god/Explosion/Man-in-the-sky/Vic20 gave you it for a reason.

TB.

#long post #a classic

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devilsknotrp · 5 years

Photo

Congratulations, Riley! You have been accepted for the role of Pete Silverman (FC: Harris Dickinson). Pete is a central member of the plot, and we were concerned in trying to find a writer who could balance his romanticism, good nature, genuine kindness, and latent fear, in a way that was sensitive to the trauma he’s faced. You gave us that and more. There were so many elements of your application that made us sit up and take notice. What’s really interesting is Pete’s feeling of repetition. He was a part of such a terrible mystery, albeit when he was a child. How will he deal with the current events? What does that mean for his development? You’ve started him so well; we can’t wait to see how he’s written from here on out. Please have a look at this page prior to sending in your account.

OUT OF CHARACTER

Name: Riley Age: Over eighteen Pronouns: he/him Timezone: GMT Activity estimation: I try to be as active as possible. I work in complaints for a major company so depending how my case load is will depend how many replies I can get done during the days I’m working, but I also have days off when I can write. I try and reply within a couple of days and keep regular track of the dash, but due to my working hours I’d estimate the bulk of my activity would be during the later half of the week, Thu-Sun. Triggers: [Redacted]

IN CHARACTER

Full name: Peter Thomas Silverman Age (08/06/1978): 18 years old Gender: Cisgender Male Pronouns: he/him Sexuality: Questioning Occupation: Student Connection to Victim: Pete goes to high school with Brian’s older siblings and the case shares similarities with his own kidnapping years prior which means he has a vested (and uncomfortable) connection to the case. Alibi: ‘Walking. Just walking.’

‘Walking where?’ they ask him.

‘Nowhere in particular,’ he answers quietly, almost as if he’s ashamed or embarrassed, but he’s not. It’s just a fact.

‘That could mean a lot of things.’

‘Yeah,’ Pete shrugs, not dismissively, but as if to acknowledge the question; what more can he say?

‘Was anyone with you?’

Pete shakes his head. ‘Just me and my dog.’ He’s quiet for a moment. But then, he’s always quiet. ‘I don’t really like sports, but just walking around and listening to music… it relaxes me. Helps me forget about stuff.’

If you were a cynic, you might see it as a subtle manipulation, an attempt to play the victim, but anyone who’s really familiar with Pete knows it isn’t what he wants in life. He just wants to live it. Still, they can’t help but remember his past now that Brian has gone missing. There’s the simple scratching of a pen and the usual understanding, polite smile. Nobody really suspects the kid anyway. They’re just asking ‘cause they have to.

‘It’s okay son. I doubt we’ll need anything from ya. Just take care of yourself, okay?’

Faceclaim: In order of preference, Harris Dickinson, Tarjei Sandvik Moe, Ansel Elgort

WRITING SAMPLE

His mom wasn’t home when Pete got back from school, but to be honest, he didn’t expect her to be. She was working later and later. The paranoid part of him wondered if she was deliberately avoiding him anyway, avoiding talking to him or asking him how he’s feeling after what happened (or might have happened) to Brian. Then the cynic in him realized she probably didn’t really care enough to avoid him. She was just busy working. It had been a couple of years since Pete had really bothered trying to get her attention.

“Hey boy,” he greeted in a soft tone as Billie padded over to him. He bent down, pulling back the padded headphones that played one of his Smashing Pumpkins cassettes to scratch the dog behind the ears. He left his backpack and jacket hanging on the back of the dining chair, and made sure the water and food bowl were full. A chewed up tennis ball was lying on the floor, and he gave a little whistle before picking it up and bouncing it down the hallway so Billie could chase it and bring it back to him, and then he let him out in the back yard.

God, he was so freaking glad it was a Friday. But he was equally apprehensive about it. Tomorrow would mark one week since Brian had disappeared. He recognized the looks in people’s eyes when they spoke to David or Beth. He’d been on the receiving end way too many times. How weird was it to feel like he was the one giving those looks out? He’d also seen that look creep back into people’s eyes when they looked at him over the course of the week. He knew what they were thinking, because he was thinking the same thing.

It’s happening again.

Pete told himself it had to be something else, something completely unrelated to his father or to Max Acosta or to him. It sucked, but sometimes kids disappeared. That didn’t mean they were all linked… right? He didn’t wanna think about this stuff, and he especially didn’t wanna have the nightmares again. They’d been back all week long. He kept insisting everything was fine, but damn, he must have looked even more pale and skinny and exhausted than usual.

The little light flashed red on the answering machine, and he pulled a bottle of Diet Coke out of the fridge as he hit play. A message from Karen Shah’s receptionist telling him they could fit him in tomorrow if he wanted, could he call them before 10 tomorrow morning to confirm? Pete sighed. The next message was for his mom.

He shook his head, almost pulling his headphones back up. Mostly out of habit, out of defence. He held off for a few minutes though, wandering into the garden to call Billie back over. The dog was always grateful for the attention, and Pete was always grateful for the distraction. After a few minutes playing with tennis balls and sticks, he took Billie back inside to grab his leash. He hovered by the phone again, just for a few moments, and then he dialled.

The phone rang a few times before the voice at the other end answered. “Hey,” he said, keeping his voice as upbeat and casual as possible. “It’s Pete. I’m about to take the dog out for like an hour, but are you doing anything tonight? We can catch a movie or hit the diner or something.”

ANYTHING ELSE?

https://www.pinterest.co.uk/rileyliamm/pete-silverman/

Of course, gender presentation is no real indication of sexuality or gender identity, but Pete has never been what people would dub a ‘manly man’. He doesn’t buy into macho bullshit. He just is. He’s sensitive, scribbling song lyrics in notebooks and the margins of his text books, being in touch with his feelings largely because he doesn’t have a choice. He seems to feel everything intensely whether he wants to or not.

Pete is creative and kind, he’s friendly but quiet. He loves his sister more than anything or anyone in the world and since he was raised by her and raised without a father figure, he’s in touch with what people would dub his feminine side. Dating and relationships aren’t something that are currently of particularly high value to him, especially recently with the disappearance of Brian. He’s always said he just needs to focus on himself.

The occasional crush here and there, a little casual high school dalliance, dancing with someone at prom and homecoming, but Pete has never really gone all-in. Romantic and sexual feelings are the exception to his usually intense feelings. He values friendship, family (mainly Mary), music and creativity. He’s never really talked about or acknowledged his attraction to men or masculine presenting people, even with his therapist.

Yeah, he goes to therapy. Well, on and off. He seemed to go all the time when he was little. He never really understood why, at least not for a few years. He knew his dad was gone, but couldn’t really remember all the details until it started coming back in dribs and drabs since his early teen years. People tried to protect him. They treated him like glass. But Pete never quite broke… He just chipped a little. He would just go, talk, draw pictures, do jigsaw puzzles, listen to music. The visits became less frequent further down the line, once a week, once every two weeks, a phone call once a month and then maybe not at all for a couple of years. When his nightmares are at their worst, he sometimes went more often, sometimes less often, but often he didn’t really want to talk anyway. What he was feeling wasn’t something a good walk and a pair of headphones couldn’t fix, at least so he told himself.

Pete has an affinity for animals, particularly dogs. They don’t ask awkward questions or give you those weird looks like they’re worrying about you. The general public in town don’t do that anymore either - at least not until recently - but they did, for years. He has a brown and white American Staffordshire Terrier called Billie (after Billie Joe Armstrong) who he found injured and caught in a trap on one of his walks a few years ago. He nursed him back to health and in spite of his mother’s protests, was allowed to keep him (so long as he was properly trained and, for the love of God, house-trained). Having a dog is a good excuse to go walking. People don’t look at you weird when you take your dog out for a few hours. And it’s nice to have some company that doesn’t expect anything of him.

Everyone knows Pete loves music, but he can’t perform it worth a damn. The idea of being on a stage in front of people with all eyes on him? No thanks. He likes writing though. When people ask him what he wants to do with his life, Pete isn’t really sure. Maybe writing for some kind of music magazine? After all the stuff he’s read in newspapers over the years though about him and his father, the idea of studying journalism sort of makes him uncomfortable and working at one of the local papers even for the experience is unthinkable. He feels like one big ‘to be continued’. Maybe he could work with his mom for a while, until he figures out what he actually wants to do. Maybe then he’d finally get her approval. But Pete is afraid of falling into a routine and just blending into the scenery here forever. Or worse, what if he does everything he thinks his mom would want, and she still doesn’t give a damn? Better to just keep his head down, keep his distance.

He often considers moving out, but he’s not sure where he’d go. His mom barely seems to notice him anyway, so it’s almost like he has the house to himself. But he also notices her not noticing him. At least if he had his own place, that wouldn’t be an issue. Sometimes he wonders if he could go stay with Mandy, but she’s already done enough for him.

#dkaccepted #accepted #pete silverman

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daughterofdescartes · 6 years

Text

Why my first ‘situationship’ was doomed from the beginning: a personal Romeo & Juliet story

LONG BUT NECESSARY INTRODUCTION

Ah, failed ‘relationships’. It happens to the best of us. It always ends with hurt feelings, you know, because life is programmed to make us all suffer, since nobody knows why we’re here on this planet anyway! I’m turning 20 in December, and am getting over my very first “special someone” *sighs and looks into the distance*... I’m just kidding he wasn’t that special, just happened to be the first dude I had a “thing” with, that’s all. Even though he’s not that special, the experience I went through involving this guy is what changed my life. Yup, I just said that. Sounds hella dramatic, but i’m literally a changed woman. It was a spiritual journey from beginning to end. 90% of the people who know me don’t even know this happened to me. So, if you’re reading this, consider yourself very lucky! Or not, this is going to be really long and I don’t know how interesting I can make this, but stay with me, you guys...

If you want to know what happened, I can tell you this story very shortly without any of the details, and it will just seem like a very dumb story between two youngsters who both didn’t know what they were doing, like my own modern twist on Romeo and Juliet lol.

TLDR: I met an emotionally unavailable American guy on a dating app, we talked for a week and then we told each other that we liked one another. After another week, I got very overwhelmed and said that we need to take a break. A month had passed and we started talking again. I got immensely insecure because at this period i was the only one texting first. Confronted him with my insecurities many many times. We still talked for a time span of around 3 months. Right now we haven’t spoken in over 3 weeks and I have honestly accepted that this whole situation was doomed to fail from the beginning and am reborn as a new person.

Honestly? I don’t think I’m very heartbroken at all. But this whole experience did tamper with me psychologically, so it’s not like I have no healing to do or anything. I went through a lot of emotional suffering, never truly understanding where it was coming from, but during my evening walk with my dog, a light bulb lit up above my head... (a sockhop beneath my bed, press like if u get the ref xd)

Just so you guys know, this McGuy still haunts my mind everyday. Not all the time, but the thought of him or what has happened, will cross me at least once a day. With this experience being very ‘spiritual’ and all, I have been thinking, a lot. I know, very deep of me. I’ve been thinking a lot about who I am as a person and why I am the way I am and suddenly... it all clicked.

I was always thinking about him and his actions, but when I started seeing the bigger picture, aka including myself in the story, it suddenly made a whole lot more sense. It was never really about him, it was about Me. So here’s kind of a prologue talking about my history after this long ass introduction.

PROLOGUE

In my 19 years of existence I had never before messed with anyone romantically. I always just crushed on people, not knowing if any feelings were reciprocated, not knowing if there were any secret admirers (doubt it). I’m not ignorant of the reasons why i’ve been celibate my whole life. I know that i’m kind of shy, pretty insecure, look unapproachable as fuck, not a 10 out of 10 according to society’s standards, etc.

I used to have a harder time coping with the fact that I had never once experienced mutual ‘romantic love’, but when years and years pass by, you just realize that being a celibate teenager is okay. Although I was okay with it, I still had my moments of frustrations. “What’s wrong with me? Why hasn’t anything happened yet?” But always got myself back on my feet again, telling myself I’m fine and just need to be patient. You’re young, you’ve got lots of time! What’s the rush? Even if majority of your friends already had their first kiss in 9th grade; it’s no big deal, right? You just gotta keep yourself busy with other teenager things like, procrastinating school work, being angsty and rebelling against your parents, spending time on the interwebs and whatever else the teenz do.

So, I kept myself busy throughout middle school and high school, had at least one crush every year, because ya girl gets bored sometimes. Most of them weren’t that meaningful, since I kind of suck at talking to guys in general, because I think they’re aliens. So, I never really got to know most of my crushes as people. It was still a fun time regardless, because who cares about rejection, if you just keep it a secret forever? Except for this one dude I obsessively crushed on for 6 years (while simultaneously crushing on other people, wow multitasking Queen), and Young 14 Year Ol’ Me thought it was a very good idea to tell All my Friends in 8th-9th grade, because 14-15 year olds are so trustworthy and won’t tell anyone, right? I’m pretty sure that guy knows how much I liked him and is kind of creeped out, but 14 year old me was just very excited and infatuated.

Anyways, I graduated high school with ok results and 0 romantic experience! Now this is where life Really Begins!!!!! Time for UNIVERSITY!!! *crowd cheering*

I’ve always been a creative, artistic soul, though I think that quality is diminishing more and more every year, or maybe I’m just imagining it. Nonetheless, I didn’t Really know what I wanted to study, but have always considered architecture an option because of its creative side.

Boy.

Most tiring semester of my life. You only understand once you experience the archilife. I once pooped and when I was done, I stood up and looked back, I literally was astonished at the sight of my own feces, because I had literally forgotten that I had pooped, that was how tired I was. If you are grossed out right now, grow up. We all poop.

This major is extremely grueling and taxing on both your physical and mental health. If you’re a procrastinator, oh boy, now that’s adding fuel to the fire. I kept procrastinating finishing/starting my preparation for the final big presentation and ultimately had a big mental breakdown, and decided that I wanted to quit architecture. It was never my passion anyway, and this is one of the majors you must be passionate about, or else you won’t make it out alive unless you’re a masochist.

What comes next after architecture? Sinology aka Chinese studies. I only grew up speaking Shanghainese, so mastering the Mandarin language is something that I have literally always wanted. I was always insecure about my Mandarin skills, so let’s just do that lol.

No matter how awful architecture school might’ve been, I still met some cool people that I really clicked with. (I’m talking like people you can count on one hand, I’m not that social, okay) Which I was really happy about, because I was scared I wasn’t going to have any friends, because I kind of suck at making them.

Changing majors was a big shift, suddenly I was all by myself again and had to go through the whole making friends progress again, schucks.

The architecture campus is in Brussels, while the campus for linguistics is in Leuven. Brussels is a lot more diverse, I would say, so there are less white Belgians.

Let me tell you something about white Belgians, they are horrible at socializing. Especially the province I live in. They’re horrible. I’m also horrible. Conclusion? Making friends in a predominantly Belgian white class, was freaking hard! BECAUSE NO ONE EVEN CARES ABOUT GETTING TO KNOW YOU!!! THEY JUST LOOKING AT THEIR PHONE BITCH!!!! OR TALKING TO THEIR OWN CLIQUE BEING BORING STAYING IN THEIR COMFORT ZONE!!!! Why do new kids in American movies get so much attention, but the two times I’ve been the new kid literally no one cares. That’s the sad reality of life. I mean Hello? If y’all are not gonna make effort to become friends with me? Are you trying to say? That I have to do the work? Bitch?

So a month had passed, and I still had no friends, it was pretty darn lonely, but I was getting there slowly. But here’s a funny thing! On one of these lonely nights, I was watching a youtube video and it was sponsored by GUESS WHAT? a dating app! WOW... Now here’s where The Story beginz..

CHAPTER 1: INCOMING

So ya bitch was entertaining herself on YewChewb, I was watching some video from some Chinese American guy, and in this glorious video, he is advertising this dating app called EastMeetEast... Yeah, it’s a dating app where Asian people meet each other. Me, a bored lonely dumbass bitch, was like okay, let’s see what this is about. This should be Funny!!! So I made a profile, with some catfishy pictures of myself, you know, take her swimming on the first date and all that shit. So, I match with a few guys okay fun, (you could only match with, only girls or only guys) And this dodgy app requires men to pay for the app so that they can message with girls, because if you use it for free, they can’t see girls’ messages or something weird? Mind you, girls can see and send messages for free. We love this reverse sexism!

Also, this app isn’t very popular in Belgium, mainly American people use it, so ya. I mainly matched with Asian Americans.

Turning-point, The Life-Changing Encounter of Death: I match with a 19 year old with the initial A. We’ll call him A for the rest of the story, like some fun little mystery like in Pretty Little Liars. (I’ve never watched it) He only had one picture, but he’s cute. Half Italian, half Chinese. Ok, fun. So shortly after matching he sends me this message on the app: “if you want to talk my username is @_________”. He didn’t really put anything in his bio if i remembered but one thing that was stated on his profile is the HIGH SCHOOL he was in. First red flag. HIGH SCHOOL. First of all, what the fuck. Second of all, why the fuck? But ok lonely ol’ me was feeling Adventurous and this matching with people thing was fun. Male validation did not exist to me before this historical day and chatting with a good looking guy was unheard of.

It didn’t really say what social platform the username was for, the platform always get censored because the app just wants you to pay for the app to talk with people, crayzy. But i just assumed i’d find him on instagram, because that’s where everyone’s texting nowadays. I found him and followed him. He followed me back and messaged me, bingo.

We talk for a short while. I said some cringy ass shit I would literally never say to anyone in real life, because a shishter was feeling very Bold that day. I have never said cringier shit than when i was talking to this guy. It wasn’t anything creepy I just complimented his looks and all he said was “thanks, i’ve seen your pics too. very pretty.” Uh? Who talks like this? What kind of dry ass chicken breast are we eating here? He tells me he’s a high school senior and is born in ‘99. Stayed back a year since he migrated from Cuba to Miami. OK, interesting.

So after shortly introducing ourselves to each other, he suddenly asks if he can have my number? and I was like ??????????????????????????? Why?????????? Forgetting that people actually talk on iMessage, I barely ever do that. But that’s what A meant. I was sceptical but intrigued.

We talk some more. Doesn’t seem like a bad guy, and he texts back quickly. This is entertaining. When once again, A asks me a sudden question. “Can I call you? We don’t have to if you don’t want to.” My head is full of question marks and I start getting sweaty at the thought of having to call a person I barely know. Like I guess this is American culture? Or I just don’t understand calling culture because I have no friends who enjoy calling? But I was like? Calling? That hateful thing my parents force me to do when mailing is not quick enough? Why would you want to do that?

So I’m like, “UH. I DONT KNOW MAN. I’VE NEVER DONE THIS BEFORE SO I’M KIND OF NERVOUS LOL. I DON’T THINK I’M READY FOR THIS” (not actually in caps, but this symbolizes my very nervous energy)

And he replies, “It’s okay. I don’t want to push you into doing anything you’re not comfortable with.”

We were literally talking as if he was asking me to have sex with him, when it was just about a dumbass call. It’s so funny.

Whatever, we continue talking. It’s time for me to sleep. He says “Buenanotte Bella” ..... ?????? OK.

Next day comes, we talk again. He once again asks out of the blue if he can call me??? So I say

“Are you really that curious?”

“Well, aren’t you?”

I was curious, so I caved in and let him call me. It was so nervewracking. The only men I interact with on a regular basis in my life are my dad, brother and my dog.

Boy, the moment I heard that voice say “hey”. That’s the moment I got hypnotized and became a clown for nearly 5 months. I didn’t know you could be this attracted to a voice, but okay. Unfortunately, my voice cannot compare and he did not get hypnotized in return. Wack.

The call wasn’t too bad. It’s cute looking back at it. I couldn’t believe a guy actually wanted to talk to me. That person texting me, was a real human being with a real voice. I was fucking wonderstruck over the fact that a good looking guy was talking to me so I was on cloud 9, Okay? lmao

So the time difference between A and I is 6 hours right. Most of the time we’d start talking when it was evening in Belgium, so for A it was always in the afternoon. Only he could say good night to me, and I never could to him. This created a pretty big inbalance in the attachment levels imo.

In this chapter (the first 2 weeks) he would always ask me what I was doing. Like that’s not your business sis. I don’t wanna tell you that i’m a loser that’s not doing shit even though she has shit to do??? But apparently he always wanted to see if I was busy or not so he knew he wasn’t disturbing me and so that he could, you guessed it, call me.

Everyday, we would text each other, and that was fine, until the dreaded question came. “Can I call you?” BITCH WHY DO YOU WANNA CALL SO BADGSJOGJOISGJI I SWEAR. I didn’t absolutely hate it, but there were just factors that made me not like calling very much. (nearing the end i definitely came to hate it)

1. I don’t want my parents hear me call with a guy (I literally could’ve worn my earbuds I don’t know why I never thought of it... we stan a dumbass bitch)

2. Sometimes there was literally nothing to talk about because we’re foremost still strangers and it was awkward

3. The fact that I wanted to hide this from my parents, made me highly aware of how loud I was speaking and I couldn’t fully express myself, scared that my parents would barge in on me calling.

4. 90% of his jokes flew over my head, they weren’t that funny. I’m sorry, A. I’m funnier. And that’s just tea.

5. EVEN DURING THE CALL when there was nothing to talk about he’d be like “so what’s up wyd” bitch? calling you? I couldn’t concentrate on anything else everytime because I was a nervous wreck.

6. Even if I wanted to do school work, I would push that aside to call him because, I wanted to hear his voice. Ke$ha - Your Love is My Drug

7. BECAUSE I WANTED TO HEAR HIS VOICE we would even call until 4AM TALKING ABOUT LITERALLY NOTHING IT WAS SO AWKWARD WHY KILL MY CLOWN ASS. I RUINED MY SLEEPING SCHEDULE FOR THAT DONKEY

Our text conversations were honestly, more fun, because when we were calling, a bitch couldn’t think straight. Our calls were most of the time not that fun I don’t understand why he wanted to call everyday.

Mind you, the shyer i get, the more monotone I get. So I would react very coldly and in a stiff manner during the calls just saying: “Yeah.”, “Sure.”, “Wow.”, “Ok.” BECAUSE I didn’t have time to think and didn’t know what to say 99% of the time. So a week after getting to know A, during the 64th silence in one of our calls, he says this:

“This is gonna sound really insecure but, do you even like talking to me?”

“Yea.”

So romantic...... I’m swooning...... Pick me up......

Call ends. It’s almost time for me to sleep, but I’m still thinking about what he said right there, so I text:

“Would a person really stay up until 4AM calling someone although they don’t like talking to them? Silly” JGOIJGOIDSGJOSIGJOS JUST SHOOT ME RIGHT NOW I CAN’T BELIEVE I SAID THAT

And then he said something along the lines of “I don’t know if you’re talking to me because you’re just bored, or there’s something more.Like tell me what you want from me, woman” like??? woman?????? SECOND RED FLAG DONT CALL ME WOMAN SHUT THE FUCK UP I HATED THAT SO MUCH

So i was like “idk what do YOU want from me??” And he was like “well” and i was like “i’ll say it too u go first” (lmfao) and then he said

“Honestly I’d like to be romantic with you but, you know, there’s an atlantic ocean between us” and at that moment my heart dropped when I read this text because this might as well have been the smartest point A has ever made in the 4 months of talking to him. He’s right. This humongous distance has slaughtered any budding of any kind of relationship from the very beginning.

Dude never liked me enough to actually want to initiate a meeting, I don’t blame him. The boy was bored and created an account on a dating app because his friends told him about it. I bet he wasn’t really planning to find an Asian European lover in his last year of high school.

But who was naive/delusional enough to convince herself that MAYBE these two people who aren’t even that compatible in the first place, could maybe MEET someday and FALL IN LOVE??? ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

With the word ‘romantic’ he probably means fuck, i mean do high school boys actually know what romance is uh. The biggest thing that could have developed in under a week is a small little crush. Anyways, i did not realize this properly and took his statement very seriously and thought “Wow a boy just said he likes me WoW, we will make this Love happen No Matter What” I was thrilled.

Next morning I wake up, I’m a ball of sunshine. A guy 7876768 kilometers far away from me says he likes me. That is so meaningful. Wow....

While I was talking to A, I still matched with other dudes on that stupid app out of boredom, but never talked to them because in my maiden’s ♥heart♥ A was still nr. 1, because he just said he likes me WoW. So while messing around on that app, i keep noticing there’s a green dot next to A’s name, meaning he’s active on the app. And i’m like hmm..... ......................

Me, a nosey bitch, said somethign dumb like “oh you’re active on weird hours” and he just said

“yeah, left it open and let my friends mess around with it”

.................................hmmmmmmmm investigation time even though it’s literally not my place and I am not entitled to any form of commitment at all

Let’s talk about the biggest red flag of all red flags that I decided to ignore,

A’s instagram account. Let’s talk about it.

His username does not include his name, there are NO pictures of him in his feed, only posts dank memes and likes his own posts and if you look at the people he’s following, you see something very interesting!

Half of it are instagram accounts of Asian girls... And most of them weren’t even like popular accounts like they were just really freaking random accounts most of the time, and other ones were girls he met on EastMeetEast.

Yup........ I looked at his moderate collection of Asian girls and thought. Wow this makes me uncomfortable, but he said he likes me, and I don’t think anyone else will ever like me so I should stick to him..... I guess!!!

The only redeeming factor of his instagram is that his profile picture is a kitten, I think her name was Eko or something. Don’t let him hurt you, kitty cat.

So discovering this information, I felt hurt. He said he wants to get ‘romantic’ with me??? Why is he still collecting other Asian girls when clearly, we will fall in love someday?

To confirm my already confirmed suspicions that he isn’t in love with me, I send my Indonesian best friend on a mission and let her create an account on EastMeetEast. I told her to try match with him. THEY MOTHAFUCKIN MATCHED I LITERALLY DONT KNOW WHY I WANTED THIS TO HAPPEN THAT HURT LIKE A MOTHAFUCKAR AT THE TIME. MIND YOU, I TOLD HIM MY BEST FRIEND IS INDONESIAN, AND HE SEES THAT AN INDONESIAN BELGIAN WANTS TO MATCH WITH HIM, WHEN 10 PEOPLE IN BELGIUM USE THIS APP. JGSIDOGJOSGJOISGJ MEN ARE SO STUPID

Notice the sudden spike of emotional instability and irrationality after he told me he liked me? It’s extremely important actually. At the time, I did not understand what I was going through emotionally. And I think if you’re just casually reading this, you might be wondering what was wrong with me too. Thank you for worrying about my wellbeing, you are a better person than A.

So increasingly, I get more and more nervous concerning literally everything that is not pointing towards the direction that he is in fact in love with me, after one week. That’s 7 days, if you will.

I myself was also questioning my sanity throughout this whole process, because I never thought I would go that far. I talked about other guys to see if he would get jealous. (I don’t really think he cared lmao), constantly checked his activity on instagram (he just likes dank memes about fucking girls or something, what a chad)

Week 2 chimes in, I can tell he still ‘likes’ me, talks about stuff that happens in his American high school life, boasts about literally anything possible to make himself look good, jokes around, some intellectual conversations here and there between a weirdo horny for Asian girls and the most hopeless romantic to have existed.

I was watching a very stupid Belgian reality show, reminiscent of ‘Jersey Shore’ or ‘Ex on the Beach’ that kind of stuff. And I touched on the topic that, men cheating on women is highly popularized in media, and i said that women probs cheat just as much but are better at hiding it,

and he said, “Ha, I would know about that”

And I was like aw, I’m sorry. He talked about the fact that he had many failed relationships, most of the girls breaking up with him, if I remember correctly and eventually I got curious over the amount of partners he’s had in his 18 years of being alive, so I asked about it.

And he says “I don’t know, I don’t keep track of that stuff”

??????????????????????????????????? ???????????,

My heart started racing at this point. I was like “What do you mean?”

A says, “I just don’t count that stuff” And in my mind, my inexperienced maiden’s mind could not comprehend that you could be with so many people at such a young age that you lose track of the number? Actually, you know what, anyone with a healthy mind will find this hard to comprehend, i’m not the crazy one here in this case. Like I look at his instagram, and look at what he says and it doesn’t add up LMAO. Also he kind of fucking sucks at communicating how did he manage to cop that much pussy?

I kept asking for a number and he just keeps saying “I don’t know. It shouldn’t really matter right? I don’t keep track of that stuff.” But I was just so fucking pressed like? WHAT????? HOW CAN YOU LET SO MANY RELATIONSHIPS FAIL THAT YOU CAN’T COUNT THEM. YOURE 18, IS THIS AMERICA????? IS THIS WHAT CHILDISH WAS RAPPING ABOUT??????

I was pissed because he just kept refusing to even give a rough estimate, I’m a capricorn we love em statistics (idk what i’m saying)

So I was angry and gave him short answers. Guess what he sends,

“Call?”

I say, “No”

Iconic.

But a few minutes later I give in??? I DON’T KNOW WHY???? LMAOO and we call but it was This Very Last Call that Killed Me

The Call of Death

Call starts. I’m still pissed about the whole thing and he goes,

“So... what’s the beef with my romantic past?”

And I say I just really wanted a number because I wanted to at least have an estimate to have something to grasp onto???? fuck so he’s still very irky about it, doesn’t wanna talk about it, MAYBE BECAUSE HE LIED???? BITCH?????

He says “idk maybe over 20″ ...........????? that’s a larger number than his own age and if you do the math he would have had his first serious girlfriend at 12 years old he would have to have had at least 3 to 4 girlfriends every year....??? is this Floridian culture? Is that normal? Is he talking about anime girlfriends in dating sim games????

So this whole topic just upset me like no other, it confused me, I mean what the fuck is he talking about JGOIIJGOISDJGOSDJGOISJG

It got pretty quiet. When A suddenly says

“You know, if you don’t want to talk to me, we don’t have to”

“Hm. Maybe I don’t”

“Ok.”

The whole call goes dead fucking silent for like more than 10 minutes or something. I was just lying in my bed, scrolling on my phone, trying not to breathe, so the mic can’t catch any sound and I am internally dying.

The silence felt like it lasted forever. I didn’t have the guts to end the call. But i said something dumb to break the silence because I couldn’t take it anymore. Idk what I said.

Not too long after breaking the silence, it was so fucking awkward i don’t even know what we were talking about. Clearly, I’m traumatized and my brain is protecting me from whatever happened that night, which I’m thankful for.

So, not too long after breaking the silence, A says very abruptly, something along the lines of, “I’m home now, bye.” and ends the call. ?????????????

To add to the context, he would mostly go on walks during our calls, what a fit Chad. He really spent some evening walks, just calling me, climbing trees, stealing furniture, talking about literally nothing, that’s so iconic.........

Anyways that felt absolutely terrible, and I knew I never wanted to do that again, fuck.

I woke up the next morning feeling just as horrible, not exactly sure why but the previous night had upset me severely. Throughout this whole day I was questioning my sanity, the ‘relationship’ jodsigjosgj, and also wondering, who the fuck is this dude i’m talking to?

Realizing how much each and every word and action affected me mentally, I felt that I was losing control.

My inner thoughts: This guy is a freaking weirdo. He said he likes me, but then does all these things I do not approve of. I started liking him without really getting to know him and now I face the consequences! We should stop talking for the sake of my own sanity!!!

I’ve been talking about A to two of my close friends, they both roasted him and said I need to leave him, since he’s making me feel miserable with these extreme highs and lows.

That day, I decided A and I should stop talking. This way, I won’t feel the way I feel anymore. Actually felt pretty conflicted, because at this point, I had already grown attached to A. He helped me fill my loneliness when I didn’t have any friends yet in my new major and despite all the red flags, I still wanted to see the good in him. I mean, he said he likes me??? Can’t let that pass!!!!!

I confronted A and asked if he was angry during our last call with the long silence and all.

He says, “No, I was just joking around”

????????????????? Idk how dense I really am? But that atmosphere felt heavy and both of us weren’t laughing so I don’t know where the hell he’s coming from LMFAO. But anyways, I tell him what happened last night really upset me for some reason and that maybe we should stop talking, because talking to him everyday had taken an emotional toll on me.

A says, “Ok, if cutting me off is what you really want, then do so”

A keeps typing, then stops, keeps typing, then stops.

“Can you at least tell me what I did wrong, so that I know what to do next time when I land in a situation like this again?”

I didn’t know what he did wrong either. He was just being himself, I guess.

I say, “You didn’t do anything. I just don’t think talking to you is doing any good to me. It shouldn’t interfere this strongly with my daily life, but it is.”

He said he understands, and that we should part ways, if that’s what’s best for me.��

I say, “I wonder why I’m having a harder time saying goodbye than you are”

A says, “Believe me, it’s very hard for me too”

Behind my screen, I started crying? How did I get so attached to somebody I barely knew? I couldn’t understand what was going on with me.

I wanted to hold onto him for dear life. From the moment A said he liked me, my mind took off to fantasyland. I got so excited about this mutual liking, that my mind overlooked the realism of this whole situation. I was so attached to the idea of someone liking me and the embellishments of romantic love, that I completely malfunctioned when confronted with reality, when my expectations of a perfect love weren’t met.

Because I didn’t want to let go of that concept of love, I didn’t want to let go of A. Who knows when the next person will like me? It took me 19 years to get my first one? Was my logic lmfao. fuck.

I said, “Maybe I just need some time to sort myself out. We’ll talk again someday.” I could not let him go, not because I even liked him all that much, but because of the sheer reason that he said he liked me.

A said, “Do whatever you need to do to make yourself happy. If there’s anything I can do, please tell me. But please don’t cry.”

In this last conversation before the ‘break’, A was oddly enough very sweet to me, which felt horrible. This is the most vulnerable, genuine side I had ever seen of A in the 5 months of knowing him. I wanted to continue talking, but I already said we should stop talking so I was too ashamed to go back on my words GJOIDSJGOSIGJS

We wished each other the best of luck and said our goodbyes.

I said, “Talk to you later, one day”

“I know. Goodbye.” A said, thinking this was our last conversation, because he didn’t think I would actually hit him up a month later. Lol.

CHAPTER 2: ON HOLD

I still have never been in a relationship, but what I felt the next morning, is what I imagine what half of a break up must feel like. I felt empty and wanted to text him almost immediately.

Yes, ya girl listened to sad songs and she was bawling her eyes out. Jeez. Give me a break.

Lunchtime came around. I looked out the window as it was snowing. I wanted to take a picture and show him, since it doesn’t snow in Miami, fuck please what the fuck. BUT i couldn’t do any of that because I had already said we’re taking a break, wow.

I start tearing up and my mom looks worried.

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah.” The feeling of eating and crying at the same time is horrible. My mom doesn’t ask me anything further and I just keep sulking for the rest of the day. For the rest of the freaking month.

Holding back the urge to talk to him that day was extremely difficult, but imagine how ridiculous I would have looked if sis gave up in less than a day, so that held me back LMAO.

On some days A wasn’t even on my mind and I was living just fine.

On some nights A was all I could think about.

I kept thinking about when I should contact him. After my exams? That’s too long. That’s like 2 to 3 months, he’s over me by then! But if I talk to him before my exams, how will that affect my studies? The struggle was real.

I wanted this break to calm my feelings and for me to get back on my feet. That didn’t happen. I was still obsessed with the idea of what it must be like to be with someone. And for some odd fucking reason I thought I could make that a reality with A LMAOOOOOOO STOP

I thought, the longer I wait, the bigger the chance he’d no longer be interested in me. That thought was absolutely terrifying to me. I had to talk to him by the end of the month, or else I could not salvage This True Love.

CHAPTER 3: KIKI

We’re nearing the end guys, stay with me. It’s gonna be very anticlimactic, so stay tuned!

So after a month of anguish and yearning I send him a text. I couldn’t even wait until I got home. I did it while i was on the bus with 4G, um calm down binch???

We start talking again, but for some reason things just felt different to me. I expected things to be different. I wanted to go back to the euphoric point of when we told each other we liked each other or back to him comforting me in our ‘last moments’ before I momentarily cut him off.

The next day, and the day after, and the day after that, I kept waiting for A to text me first, but he never did. I had to text him first for 4 consecutive days. Is this a bad sign? Did he not like me anymore? He hadn’t even asked if he could call me, which I didn’t really want to do anyway, but at least it meant that he liked me, right? He’d always text back, though. And our conversations were moderately fun. So I couldn’t understand what was going on. I had to know what was going on in his mind. Does he still like me the way he used to?

These 3 months I was constantly very vulnerable, emotionally unstable and very very insecure, once again finding it hard to grasp what I was going through mentally. For tackling these problems, I always went for the approach of wearing my heart on my sleeve. Now, I really don’t know if this was the best tactic, but at least I got everything off my chest and didn’t hold anything in.

“Why haven’t you been texting me first?”

“Honest to god, I’m just really busy lately. If you want to talk, just talk to me. If you’re bothered with anything, don’t deal with it by yourself. I’m here to listen.” A told me he was preparing for his finals. I once again made a clown of myself.

But how busy was he really? He still liked his dumbass memes on instagram, continued following Asian girls, why couldn’t he make time for me? Didn’t he like me?

It dawned on me that I wasn’t on his priority list. And it made sense. Seniors are pretty busy and need to worry about applying for college. Which senior in their right mind would be looking for love? Who was I in his world? Just a part of his collection of Asian girlfriends? Sure that’s kind of hurtful, but can we still make ♥~*LOVE*~♥ happen though? My delusional self thought, Yes!!!!!

As time progressed, I got more and more insecure and kept confronting him with my own problems, and A must’ve gotten more and more sick of my bullshit.

At times he’d text me first, but not make the effort to keep the conversation going at all. I always had to bring up something interesting to keep talking or else the convo would’ve just ended with him giving a one word reply like “lmao”

He asked to call 2 more times, but I said no, feeling slightly traumatized from what the last call did to me lol. Also, I knew if I heard his voice again, that everything would affect me even more. So we never called.

“Can I call you?”

“Why? Do you miss my voice that much?” LMAOOO BYE WHO DO I THINK I AMMMMJSOIGJSOG

“No, I just need my hands to be free, I’m making homework, so calling seemed easier.”

I realized him wanting to call me, wasn’t necessarily because he liked me, it was mostly out of practicality, so that he could multitask and do something else.

A was sometimes just flat out rude, and he honestly doesn’t care. He was a self-proclaimed Asshole (is that something to be proud of?) and said that he most of the time doesn’t care if he hurts people’s feelings. That’s scary. Why wouldn’t you care about being a good person? Lawful Evil.

Here are some other red flags that still didn’t stop me from backing away:

Racial slurs are a joke to him

He really enjoys WWII jokes

Is heavily annoyed by pride month

When I showed him pictures of my dog, he didn’t seem to care at all

He dislikes Ariana Grande

Despite all these things, I was still attached to A. For what? He didn’t even like me romantically anymore at this point. What kind of rose goggles was I wearing? LOL. At this point i just wanted his attention.

I kept holding onto something that was never even there to begin with. The possibility of ♥~*LOVE*~♥ ever happening. I failed to realize that everything was doomed from the beginning. I had been alone all my life and the moment I thought somebody could change that I Snapped Lmao.

1. The distance. For real, who’s actually going to pay that much money to see someone you barely know and barely care for?

2. A was never really out there looking for anything serious. He’s a high school senior for god’s sake.

3. My unrealistic fantasies of what should have been happening to achieve ♥~*LOVE*~♥ constantly clashed with my reality. I was constantly busy fantasizing of what could have been that I failed to see things for what they were. I continuously tried to mold the situation into something it wasn’t.

If you think about it for more than 10 seconds and imagine a situation where we would actually meet, I would probably find the nearest cliff to jump off of. Exactly how much embarrassing cringy shit have I said to this man?

In probably our last meaningful conversation I asked him what he thinks of me, after “knowing” me for around 4 months.

A says, “I think you’re cool, you just need a confidence booster”

He once again, called himself an Asshole and made the point that I actually have a great personality and am really funny and that I just need to realize it. At least he’s aware. I applaud him. He told me things I already knew, but it was still very thought provoking to think about my confidence because it is the root of many of my problems.

Our last conversations felt like I was beating a dead horse. I don’t think any of us care enough anymore. Our situation was dead from the beginning and that’s fine. I’m glad this story has finally come to an end. I wish A would realize being a good person is actually rewarding, but it’s his own choice to change his life for the better. I wish him the best, and I wish myself the best of luck too. He just graduated high school and might just enter a transitional phase like I did lol. Does everyone go through a rebirth in their first year of uni? Maybe it’s just me. Finally this can die. My soul feels a lot lighter. Like in Shugo Chara, how the X-egg becomes a normal egg again and says “Thank You”, that is literally how I feel right now. Wow.

CHEESY EPILOGUE

This whole thing started because I felt extremely lonely and bored lol.

And that loneliness was amplified with my insecurities + inexperience of never having had any romance in my life? I always tend to blame myself, when really, inherently, there is nothing wrong with me. Things like a first kiss, a first lover or a first date all come at a different time for everyone. I just need to stop being impatient and glorifying my own concept of what ♥~*LOVE*~♥ is and just enjoy my life for what it is as time flows.

The thing about my self-esteem is, I am definitely aware of what a great person I am, but I still find it hard to see my worth? Like, I can see it, but I can’t grasp it? I think I tend to magnify and pick at my flaws so strongly that I can no longer believe in my own capabilites... It’s important to be kind to others but we forget that we should also be nice to ourselves.

If I want to make friends and get to know people, I will, and the right people will like me for who I am.

I must realize that I am more than what I hate about myself and that I am in fact good enough. Validation from the outside world can be nice but it’s still Me who really needs to believe it. (dattebayo)

Human beings are so complicated and we need to take all the time we need to understand ourselves and understand why we feel the way we feel, why we think what we think.

If you have been reading up to this point, I would like to thank you for taking your time to read about my experience. Hopefully you learned something too!

I love you :)

#thoughts #story #long post

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profgandalf · 7 years

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Works of Fiction by Profgandalf

I write fantasy and science fiction and sometimes narratives that could occure in our world. Some are aimed especially at YA readers (Young Adult–10 to 12)), but I confess I like reading material marked that way. Sometimes a good children’s story is the best way to tell the story. Meanwhile there are also a few because of subject and theme whose audience is intended to be a bit older (A). I had hoped to share with readers here, but there may be other legal issues, so I am just leaving the story ideas and if anyone is interested in what I am doing they can contact me at [email protected]

Short Stories–Completed

Just Another Quiet Day in Hell

Hell is really a very nice place. The sky, seen through Dan Backle’s bedroom, is a cloudless deep blue that stretches over the shingled, sparkling roofs of bleached white houses and over green leafed branches. Somewhere he hears a bird sing. Meanwhile, coffee is brewing downstairs. And none of that changes the fact that he, Dan Backle, is in never ending relentless torment. (A: Short story: 39 pages Complete)

Darkness

Ignatius P. Tuttle III (or Izzy as his house mates called him) was brilliant, wealthy and a royal pain. Now he’s obsessed with the fact that darkness is in fact the norm of the universe. Entropy is closing in everywhere and he is not going to stand for it. But what steps might he take when no one is there is provide some sort of anchor? (A: Short story: 10 pages Complete)

All Things Both…Flesh and Steel

Shows like Robo-Wars have been around for a while. Various robotic teams challenge one another as their machines fight, leading to better and better technology. But what happens when one team realizes that the best way to have a machine fight is for it to experience pain? (A: Short story: 20 pages Complete)

Wind

Eight year old Tim Roberts has an active imagination. That’s what his family claims anyway. And maybe he does but as Halloween approaches he is certain that there is more in the wind which blows around the woods near his Rhode Island home than just air. (YA Short story 9 pages Complete)

The Old Man and the Rocket Ship

Old Jed Starker, life long Ohioan farmer, loving husband and Naval vet was also an early consumer Science Fiction and Tales of Wonder. Inspired by that reading, he’d constructed a silver rocketship and placed it on a 45 degree ramp just at the end of the road leading up to his and his wife Eddy’s farm (not far from Mount Vernon). His contemporaries called his crazy, children of the town called him “old fashioned” since what he had built was “not a ‘spacecraft’ or a ‘starship’ or a ‘celestial schooner’ or anything like that. It was a rocket ship, sleek and silvery with three red stabilizing fins jutting out its end.“ Except for this one quirk, Crazy Jed Starker’s life was quietness personified until he drew the attention of some unlikely visitors. Illustration by the author. (YA Short story: 21 pages Complete)

Assurance or Entrapment?

Edward and Adel Rivers are on vacation high up in the ancient woods of the Northern US. They are trying to take some time off together to heal the cracks within their marriage. at least that is Adel’s hope. But Edward senses that there is something else going on and the thick forest branches seem more to entangle and to embrace. (A: Short story: 21 pages Complete)

The English Prof. and the Little Scriveners:

Anyone familiar with the Grimm’s fairy tale “The Elves and the Shoemaker” will probably find some familiar ground covered here although with a more contemporary twist and with maybe a little jab at the life of composition instructors. Illustrated by the author. (A: Short story: 12 pages Complete)

The Final Relay

The planet Eden’s name was a reflection of its Earth colonists’ hopes and expectations, but with the ever-growing demands of its population there also grew the need according to some to control what they saw as the wasteful and the superfluous. Unknown to them, however, their machines contain a fail-safe circuit which awaits their final decision to ban the last celebrations of faith. (A: Short story: 11 pages Complete)

Fashion Sense Succubus

Professors Jane Jamison and Theodore Reinhart discuss how some students and faculty at their small college seem to lack the social instincts to present themselves on campus in sensible attire. Jane suggests that its just the nature of people who were odd to begin with, Theodore thinks that other forces might be a work. (A: Short story: 10 pages Complete)

The Green Man

Popular icon in many gardens, doorstops, and park walkways, the Greenman represents fertility and the organic power of nature. The trouble is that some people, like Edgar Blackstroke, are uncomfortable with such forces walking freely about. (A: Short story: 20 pages Complete)

Just Little Things

Freddie Guitner is having the worst day of his life. He’s just discovered the love of his life dead in her apartment. Now the police are interrogating him and neither one is believing the worst part of the whole thing. She looks better as a corps than she did when he last saw her alive. (A: short story: 12 pages Complete)

A Voice Through the Mist

Some of our favorite Bible narratives would make pretty scary stories when they were first experienced. Not sure how to categorize this one. (YA: Short Story 4 pages Complete)

Genie

Take a little of the Arabian Nights and then imagine a more contemporary Aladdin working in a computer lab. This story is actually a bit dated with references to Modems and computer disks. It was one of my first and supposedly features the voice of my younger brother, Jim, who loved computers from the time he was a tweenager. Illustrated by the author. (YA: Short story: 32 pages Complete)

the Shadow of the Brut.

What would happen if a good man found himself, his soul and awareness, in the body of an abusive violent man, who had beaten both his wife and children? What would the good man do? Especially what would he do if he found himself falling in love with the abuser's children and wife? (Adult: 26 pages Complete)

Novel–Completed

The Fey Wars: The Defeated

The year is 1914 and France, England, its Empire and the Japanese are allies engaged in a world wide conflict. But this is not our World World I. The Germans and the Austrian Empire are allied with the British and French. Steam is still primarily the power of the day. The Yanks, meanwhile, are not coming– too busy trying to contain their own insurrections high in their mountains while still bleeding after a decades long Civil War. The enemy meanwhile are drawn from as many nations as the allies are, a secret alien people upon whom all legends of Fairy and the Undead are based, the Fey.

This Steam-Punk, anti-war novella begins as Professor Michael J. Warren watches new students in his school line up for indoctrination. He does not realize that his daughter, who has searched for him for years, is one of those students. Two decades earlier, Warren was a Major–code named “Dawn’s Spear”–within the British Expeditionary Force fighting on the losing side of a war which devastated him mentally and emotionally. This novella is well-researched and cites historical facts with illustrated notes, provides images, and draws on historical instances centering on the time of World War I, though it is markedly fiction. (A: Complete novel 290 pages with simplified notes)

Illustrated Notes for The Fey Wars:The Defeated

The above text for the novel is filled with footnotes since many of the people and events are drawn from actual history. However, the intention when it is published is to have those notes illustrated. Here they are with the images to help amplify them.

Short Stories–In Process

God Has Made Nothing in Vain

Imagine a future not too far from now when robots driven by artificial intelligence are everywhere. They teach schools, take care of children, sell and buy all sorts of products, repair cities and wage wars. Now imagine a devout Christian couple coming into possession of a sex droid. What do they do with her? What role does she play in God’s plan for them? (A: Opening chapters 52 pages)

Under the Bloody Eye of the Storm

People are sometimes possessed by evil. Some think rooms or even houses can also be possessed, but what does one do when faced with a demon possessed storm? Hurricane Vlad is headed for the Florida coast. (A: Opening 23 pages)

Blind Fool or “Eyes Up Here Fella!”

This lighthearted fantasy features the adventures of Matilda Manglyeong, one very gifted (endowed?) and attractive young witch who finds herself thrown (literally) into the company of a non-magical magician (he’s really good at making marbles disappear from under cups) who is himself being pursued by one of the most feared enforcers of magical orthodoxy in their world, the Sage Inquisition. However for some reason her own magic has decided to change its nature and suddenly what were once sprinkles of power coming from her fingertips are now gushers of waterfall force. (A:Opening 12 pages)

Prenuptial Agreements: the Zargathian Way

“It is a universal Zargathian axiom that a worthy set of male genes are in desperate need of a wife—although the actual welfare of the male carrying said genes is of little to no consequence.” So begins this science fiction romp which starts with a deep bow to Jane Austin’s Pride and Prejudice. (Duly footnoted). When Captain Robert Cluster and his partner, Trevor MacFenerstein, enter into Zargathian space, they initially hope that they’ve discovered a whole new outlet for Earth commerce. Sadly they have been beaten to the punch by one Dan Magasim, a notorious, loudmouth, exploitative entrepreneur. It is, however, not until they meet the chief negotiator of the Zargathian space port who introduces himself as Dir. “Ovar Baring Twitt” and one of his sales reps who identifies herself as “Iva Parh O’Biggons,” that the two Earth-men begin to suspect something is profoundly wrong. (A: Opening 33 pages)

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