#i didn’t either i’m dissociating now | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

bro-atz · 8 months

Text

persistent desire

in which: you and your childhood friends go drinking, and seonghwa confesses that he has at some point been attracted to you

pair: seonghwa/afab!reader

word count: 6k

content: smut, college!au, friends to ???, bedroom sex, insatiable!seonghwa, completely consensual!

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You laid there on your bed, your mind completely numb. You didn’t know how much time had passed for you dissociate this bad, but all you knew was that it was dark outside when you started, and now the sunrise was painting the apartment in shades of red and orange. You could hear him breathing hard, and you looked to see that he was still not satisfied. His eyebrows were furrowed and his lips were pressed together, but his hold on you was weak. That being said, he still had the energy and desperation to keep going.

It started that morning. Well, technically, it started years ago— like back in middle school years ago— but the trigger was that morning. The four of you were at the popular coffee shop on campus studying: you, Seonghwa, San, and Wooyoung. You all had your laptops in front of you and were typing away.

“I don’t like this assignment,” Wooyoung complained loudly.

“Why’d you even bother taking that class? It’s not even required for our major,” Seonghwa asked while rolling his eyes.

“I needed one more class and this was the only one that had space that fit in my schedule! If I don’t have a full load of courses, then my status becomes part-time, and I need to be a full-time student if I want to keep my scholarship.”

“How much is the scholarship?” San asked.

“Seventy-five percent of my current tuition.”

“Oof… Well, you still have to suffer through the assignment since you did choose the class in the first place,” you gave Wooyoung some much needed tough love.

With a huge, dramatic sigh, Wooyoung got back to his assignment. Periodically, Seonghwa leaned over your shoulder to look at what you were doing— the two of you were in the same class, so you both had the same assignment— and he did one of two things each time: either his shoulder rubbed against yours, or his knee would. He always did it to piss you off, and it was kind of working right now. By the fifth time he did that, you kicked his chair away, earning a laugh from him.

“Dude, knock it off! You can’t even cheat on this assignment!” you said with mild annoyance as you continued to push him away.

“I totally can, I just need to paraphrase,” he argued back with a light tone.

“You were assigned a different section! What do you mean?!”

That was how your friendship went. From the moment the two of you met in middle school, then when you added San and Wooyoung to your little friend group in high school, life barely changed— it only got more complex. The classes got harder, the homework heavier, and the relationships more serious. Well, it was mostly Wooyoung who was dating, but Seonghwa would bring a crazy bitch around every so often. San went on the occasional date, but you didn’t have the hint of a romantic life. Not a single guy ever looked at you. You wondered if it was because you spent a lot of time with three ridiculously attractive boys— that was the only logical explanation, after all.

“Alright, so what’s the plan for tonight?” Wooyoung asked after triumphantly closing his laptop.

“I’m free, as per usual,” you said.

“Same,” San added.

“Alright, that leaves you, Seonghwa.”

“I’m good, too,” Seonghwa nodded.

“You broke up with that crazy bitch?” Wooyoung asked with mild shock.

“We weren’t ever really dating, were we?”

“What do you mean? Of course you were,” San said with confusion.

“I would hardly consider three dates “dating”. Besides, we never even slept together.”

“Wow, she broke up with you, didn’t she?” you bit back a loud laugh.

“No, I broke up with her.”

“Sure, whatever you say, Romeo,” Wooyoung rolled his eyes as he responded sarcastically.

“I’m serious!”

The four of you packed up your things and left the coffee shop, Seonghwa still trying to convince you all that he did, in fact, break up with that last girl.

Since the four of you were free that evening, you all went to participate in Wooyoung’s favorite activity: drinking. And, of course, with drinking with Wooyoung game drinking games.

The local bar knew the four of you very well by that point in your lives. Sometimes, the bartenders would participate in the drinking games with you, but it was usually the four of you in a secluded booth with a whole bottle of house whiskey and beers aplenty. You sat across from Wooyoung and next to Seonghwa while San sat next to Wooyoung. You and Wooyoung had to take care of the other two boys since they were bad at holding their alcohol, so you each took turns babysitting the other boy.

“Alright, what game are we playing tonight?” Wooyoung clapped his hands together and rubbed them in anticipation.

“King’s Cup?” you suggested.

“Absolutely the fuck not. Not after what this asshole pulled last time,” San declined and pointed an accusatory finger at Wooyoung.

“What’d I do?!”

“You rigged the game! I kept pulling the last fucking king!”

“Oh, right. I did that,” Wooyoung accepted with a giggle.

“Shut the fuck up.”

“Titanic?” Seonghwa offered.

“No way,” you refused.

“Why?”

“Last time we played that, Wooyoung threw up all over my favorite pair of shoes,” you grimaced.

“If I promise not to do that again, will you let us play?” Wooyoung asked.

“No, I don’t trust you.”

Pouting, Wooyoung turned away. The rest of you chose to ignore his antics.

“Truth or dare?” San asked.

“But instead of dare, we drink,” Wooyoung amended.

“Alright, I’m game,” you accepted.

“Same,” Seonghwa nodded.

The game started very tame— well, Wooyoung was asking the wildest questions, getting San and Seonghwa drunk in record time. At some point, you had enough of his dumb questions and told him to actually play the game properly because you wanted to actually hear some hot gossip.

“San, when was the last time you had sex?” Wooyoung asked San.

San took a drink.

“Come on, bro. There’s no shame in telling us when,” Wooyoung nudged San’s shoulder.

“It’s been so long that I don’t even remember when,” San admitted.

“You could’ve just said that and not have to drink,” you pointed out.

“…Fuck.”

“Alright, let’s not ask this kid anymore questions,” you told Wooyoung.

Seonghwa, meanwhile, was silent. He was pretty tipsy, but not drunk. He usually observed his friends whenever he got drunk, but if someone talked directly to him, then he would respond. You always got a kick out of watching drunk Seonghwa.

“Seonghwa,” San turned to the man in question.

“Yes?” Seonghwa responded while slightly swaying to and fro.

“Have you ever been attracted to Y/N?”

“Yes.”

You, San, and Wooyoung were all shocked. You stared Seonghwa down as he continued to sway, but he definitely was not looking at you. San, unable to ask another question because he was completely and utterly shocked, froze, leaving Wooyoung to ask the next one.

“When?”

Seonghwa decided to drink instead of answer that question.

You don’t remember what happened the rest of the game— you dissociated so hard that you wondered if you blacked out because of the alcohol. However, it was not the alcohol that fucked you up; it was Seonghwa who did.

You didn’t even realize that San and Wooyoung left for the night. You only snapped out of your trance when Seonghwa leaned his head on your shoulder. You looked to see that he had his eyes closed and he let out a heavy sigh. Your shock turned into annoyance— if Seonghwa actually fell asleep on shoulder, you were going to murder him. Luckily, Seonghwa was not asleep.

“Y/N? Are you okay?” Seonghwa asked, his head still on your shoulder.

“Uh… Uh-huh,” you responded, unable to find words to properly convey exactly what was going through your mind.

“You don’t sound okay.”

“…I just have a lot on my mind.”

“Like what? You know you can tell me anything, right?”

Seonghwa lifted his head, giving you the chance to look at him with complete and utter disbelief. You wanted to tell him off for being a hypocrite, but he didn’t do anything wrong. He just played the game, and he played the game honestly. That wasn’t his fault, but you wanted to blame him for being a good sport.

But, Seonghwa could have also been lying for the sake of the game just to spice things up. He was a very giggly drunk, but he’s mentally aware of everything and has full control over his actions even when drunk out of his mind. He could have been messing with the group. You hoped he was messing with the group because there was no way in hell your best friend from back in middle school was attracted to you at any point in time.

“First, I need you tell me something,” you finally responded.

“Yeah?”

“Were you being serious earlier, or were you messing with us?”

“What do you mean?”

“Have you actually been attracted to me, or was that a lie?” you rephrased.

“I have been attracted to you.”

“When?”

Seonghwa took a sip of his beer— apparently the game was still going for him.

“Fine, then why?” you asked, exasperated.

“Go take a look in the mirror then get back to me.”

You felt your face get hot instantly. A drunk Seonghwa was shameless, but not once did you think his shamelessness was going to come your way. He took another nonchalant sip of his beer, and you decided to take another look at his face. His face was flushed, and his eyes were narrowed, but this wasn’t Seonghwa’s usual drunk self. Something was off, something that made butterflies storm through your body. You couldn’t tell if it was because of his confession, though.

“You’re seriously messing with me now, aren’t you?” you let out a weak laugh.

“Y/N, look at me,” Seonghwa said, his voice dropping down several decibels.

You did as he said, and a wave of heat rushed from your head to your toes. Seonghwa’s eyes were dark and filled with lust. He ran his tongue over his lower lip subtly, turning you on more than it should’ve. He leaned towards you ever so slightly, his hand holding onto the back of your chair. You nearly leaned back, but this was Seonghwa you’re talking about— he would never do anything to you, or anyone for that matter, without consent. You held your ground, Seonghwa’s face nearing yours.

“Do you think I’m joking now?” Seonghwa asked you softly.

“I believe you, but I also believe that you’re going insane.”

You pushed your chair away from the table and stood up, Seonghwa’s eyes following you as you did so. You grabbed your purse and stood there, Seonghwa still sitting.

“What’re you doing?” he asked.

“Waiting for you,” you responded. “You’re losing your goddamn mind, Seonghwa. We need to get you home.”

With a shrug, Seonghwa stood up. You genuinely thought he was going to stumble around based on how drunk you thought he was, but he carried himself well— so well, in fact, that he looked sober.

You left the bar first, and Seonghwa followed shortly thereafter. The two of you walked silently and side by side as you made your way back to your apartment complex.

“I think we should drop you off at home, first,” you told the man.

“No, I want to make sure you get home safe,” he denied.

“You drank a lot more than I did tonight.”

“Then, if you walk me home, will you stay the night?”

Another rush of heat. You looked away from him abruptly and at the dim sidewalk in front of you. You shook your head lightly; although it was Seonghwa who was saying those things to you, you didn’t feel like it was. Something was up with your friend, and it was making you nervous.

“That’s what I thought. Let me walk you home.”

The rest of the walk back was silent. You could barely think about anything without the sound of your heart beating loudly drowning out any thoughts you had left in your head.

“Y/N?” Seonghwa called your name, startling you.

“Yeah! Yeah?”

“I’ve been trying to get your attention for a while, now. What are you thinking about?”

“Nothing,” you said, which was the truth.

“Well, we’re here. Will you be okay getting up to your room?”

“Yes, but I seriously wonder if you’ll get home safe,” you said honestly.

“I’ll call a cab or something,” he assured you.

You nodded. You looked down at your feet, realizing that you were unable to leave. You usually just waved good-bye and fully left, or other times, Seonghwa would crash at your place. This time, however, was different. Your legs were frozen. You didn’t know why.

“Y/N? Are you going to go up?”

“Oh, yeah. Right. Good night, Hwa.”

Usually, after you guys hung out, he would hug you goodbye, and he did that this time, too. Before you could even take a step away, Seonghwa held your arm gently and turned you around, his arms outstretched and waiting expectantly for a hug. You hugged him. It wasn’t like he forced you to, but you felt so weird about just ignoring the fact that your friend of many, many years was asking for a hug as he usually did. This is silly, you thought to yourself. It was just a game, and Seonghwa’s just being a stupid flirt. He wasn’t being serious, so why were you taking him so seriously?

The hug lasted longer than you were expecting. You thought it was going to be a light hug and then bye. However, Seonghwa’s secure arms held you tightly and close. Even the way he was hugging you this time was different. It was a lot more sensual. He wrapped one arm around your waist and then the other over your shoulder, his face buried in the nook of your neck. You felt like your entire body was going to erupt into flames at that point.

When Seonghwa leaned away from you, he was still hugging you. Likewise, you were still hugging him. You gazed into his dark, lust filled eyes once again. You couldn’t take it anymore.

“Seonghwa, I’m going to ask you one more time,” you whispered. “Have you really been attracted to me?”

“Y/N, I don’t know how many times you want me to tell you, but yes. I have.”

“Are you attracted to me right now?”

“That’s not fair. You can’t ask that kind of question without letting me have the option of drinking,” Seonghwa frowned.

“But are you?” you pressed further.

Seonghwa pulled you closer into his embrace. He still wouldn’t say anything, which was ticking you off.

“Do you need me to spell it out for you?” Seonghwa asked with a deep sigh.

“I want you to state it explicitly before I say or do anything else.”

“Y/N…”

“Last chance, Seonghwa,” you warned him. “Are you attracted to me right now?”

“Yes.”

Your impulse took over. You wrapped your arms over his shoulders and held onto the back of his neck to pull him to you, your lips connecting. You felt his hold on you get tighter as he kissed you back again and again and again. He let out tiny, muffled grunts with every kiss.

You felt like he was eating you alive. His tongue immediately slipped into your mouth. His hands slipped down to your waist, his fingers pressing into you firmly. You yelped as you felt his teeth bite your lower lip lightly and tug upwards, making your libido scream for him to just ravage you.

Next thing you knew, Seonghwa was pulling you into your own apartment. He dragged you roughly to your bed and tossed you on there, the bed springs squeaking as you bounced on the mattress.

“Seong—”

He wouldn’t even allow you to say his name. His lips roughly met yours once more as he pinned you to the bed.

The way he was treating you in bed made you think of two things: one, he was so hot when he was unnecessarily aggressive; and two, why did he suddenly get to this point? You knew that the two of you were horny as fuck for each other in that moment, but the way he was acting was out of desperation, not lust.

You were only able to finally get words out when Seonghwa stopped kissing you to start stripping.

“Seonghwa, before you start again, I have more questions,” you sat up and held your hand out to stop him from pinning you to the bed again.

A look of frustration crossed Seonghwa’s face as he pulled off his shirt. But, nonetheless, he waited for you to ask your questions.

“Why are you acting like this?”

Seonghwa let out a heavy sigh and ran his fingers through his hair (which turned you even more since he looked so hot when he was annoyed or frustrated). He stood in front of you with his hands on his hips and asked mockingly, “What do you want me to say? That I’m hot for you? That I’m horny? That I really need my dick inside you?”

“Seonghwa, please be serious…”

Silently, Seonghwa got on the bed and pinned you down once again. His lips neared your ear, his soft breath sending shivers down your neck. His hands held your wrists down, and his knees trapped your waist.

“Y/N, I don’t know how else to show you I’m serious. I wouldn’t be in bed with you like this right now if I wasn’t interested in you.”

“But,” you breathed out. “You’re… Attracted to me? Of all people, me?”

“Y/N,” Seonghwa said softly as he pressed his lips against your ear gently. “You’re sexy and gorgeous and captivating.”

He trailed his lips down the side of your neck, his fingers pulling your shirt off your shoulder. You suppressed a moan when his other hand held both your wrists above your head, his tongue returning to your neck and trailing upwards.

“You like me?”

“Of course I like you,” Seonghwa replied softly into your neck.

“Romantically?”

Seonghwa stopped. He moved away from you enough where he could make eye contact with you, but his chest was still pressed against yours. He opened his mouth and said something, but you couldn’t hear him at all despite the fact that he was mere centimeters away from you.

“What— Oh my God!”

It was physically impossible for you to ask him questions after that. He quickly pulled down the waistband of your pants and panties and shoved his middle two fingers into you with so much force that your entire body jerked. He let go of your wrists to caress your face, his warm fingertips practically burning a hole into the skin on your cheek while his lips made yours feel raw with his intense kisses. His fingers kept thrusting into you roughly with no remorse, tears slipping out of your eyes as his forcefulness drove you to euphoria. You cried out when he added a third finger, instantly making you cum.

No matter how much you whimpered and tried to grab his wrists in a feeble attempt to get him to let up, Seonghwa continued to finger you over and over again, another orgasm overcoming you mere seconds after the first one. Tears slipped out of your eyes one after the other, your body trembling as he finally removed his fingers from you fully, only for him to move down on you. He held onto the bottoms of your thighs and pushed them upwards, giving him more access to your completely sopping wet pussy. You thought he was going to go right for the jackpot, but instead he left painful hickeys along the insides of your thighs, his tongue trailing along to each new spot on your thighs until he finally arrived at your pussy.

Seonghwa’s tongue violating your pussy was a completely different kind of pleasure than when his tongue was violating your mouth. Seonghwa was truly a master of utilizing his tongue for pleasure. When his tongue licked upwards and pressed through your pussy’s lips so that he was in the most literal sense tongue-fucking you, a surge of pleasure swept through your body. You raked your fingers through his hair and held onto the roots of his hair for dear life as you felt yet another orgasm come your way.

Proper words evaded you as you came right in Seonghwa’s mouth, and hearing him slurp your pussy up right after made all sorts of thoughts fly through your pleasure-ridden brain swimming in pheromones. You moaned loudly and flung your head back into your pillow as his tongue flicked your clit wildly before toying with it and drawing circles around it. Even more tears slipped out of your eyes the longer it took for this— what was it, fourth?— orgasm to hit you. You let out the most erotic cry when Seonghwa sucked hard on your clit and inserted two fingers into your cunt, and when Seonghwa curled his fingers inside you, that was when you came once more.

As you laid in what you could only describe as a puddle of yourself, Seonghwa moved away from you to take off his pants and grab a condom from your nightstand.

“Seonghwa,” you said his name quietly, your voice wavering as you were afraid that he would overtake you if you tried to speak again.

“Y/N?” Seonghwa responded after he rolled the condom on.

You didn’t even know what you wanted to say to him. Your brain was still swimming, and the only word you could think to say was his name. “Seonghwa,” you repeated.

Seonghwa understood at that point. He moved towards you so that he was kneeling right in between your legs, his penis resting on the bottom of your stomach. Maybe it was because you had tears in your eyes, but it looked like Seonghwa had a weapon of mass destruction.

At first, Seonghwa reached out to your face to wipe your tears, but he stopped— why bother wiping the tears from your eyes if you were just going to have them water up again? So, eyes bleary, you watched as he positioned himself at your entrance. He leaned forward and pressed his lips into the nook of your neck, the tip of his dick barely inside you.

He didn’t really warn you after that. He fully thrusted into your extremely wet pussy, his cock moving in with ease and filling you up entirely— but, because you were incredibly wet, his waist slammed into yours. You choked out a cry. Your hands immediately went to his shoulders and clutched so hard that your nails left tiny crescents in his skin. You didn’t even have the chance to relax your hold on him. He was coming at you with full force, his tempo not changing in the slightest.

“Hnn— Hwa!” you moaned as he continued to slam his dick inside you without letting up. “S-slower! Please!”

“Sorry, Y/N, I seriously can’t stop,” Seonghwa grunted.

He held your waist and pulled you up slightly, making it easier for him to thrust even harder into you. Your hands slipped from his shoulders, causing you to reach for his arms for support instead. You got a good look at his face and saw his eyes darken as the blush on his face reddened. His breathing got rougher, and right before he came, he bit his lower lip and slammed into you one last time. The look on his face was enough to make you cum as well. Seonghwa groaned in pleasure while you cried his name out again. His hold on you relaxed as he pulled out of you. The two of you were panting hard as Seonghwa moved away from you and got off the bed to remove his filled condom.

You thought he would be done. He released a huge load into that condom, so you genuinely thought that he was done for the night. He was far from done, apparently. The second you heard him rip open another condom pack, you froze and looked at him nervously.

“Seonghwa…?” you asked with a shaky voice as you felt the bed dip when he got back on it.

“Y/N, turn around,” Seonghwa said in response.

With his assistance, you turned so that you were on your knees, your hands propping you up. You knew exactly what was coming your way, and although you knew and tried to prepare, you still were completely shocked when Seonghwa thrusted his penis into you with the same immense force as before. You cried out as you felt his hands hold onto your ass cheeks tightly, his fingernails lightly digging into your skin. Despite the fact that you were on your knees, your arms felt like they were ready to give. You went down to your elbows, raising your ass slightly, earning you a pleasant groan from the man pleasuring you.

“Fuck, Y/N,” Seonghwa bit out before letting out a louder groan, his dick trembling inside of you.

You were weak. You were only able to sit up and kneel on the bed when Seonghwa helped you sit up, his hand on your breast. From behind, he massaged your breast and nibbled on the skin on your neck lightly, your entire body immediately reacting by purring in delight. He let out a deep exhale right next to your ear, making your body tremble even more.

“You’re driving me crazy… How are you so sexy?” Seonghwa asked quietly, unaware that you heard him.

Still not allowing you more than a minute to recover, Seonghwa turned your face and kissed you passionately. His thumb caressed your cheek and went past your ear, heat immediately rushing to your ear. You were so drawn into his sweet kiss and your tongue dancing with his that you didn’t even realize that he had moved you so that he was laying on the bed with your knees trapping his waist. It was only when he broke off the kiss and pushed your shoulders away from him that you realized what he wanted from you.

“Wait,” Seonghwa whispered, his fingers fumbling behind you as he replaced his condom. Once he was ready, he then said, “Okay. Get on.”

You sat up slightly, allowing Seonghwa to position himself before sitting down slowly. You muffled a moan, your eyes nearly rolling to the back of your head as you leaned your head back. You felt like his dick shot all the way through you despite the fact that you took your time sitting down. His dick throbbed painfully inside you as you timidly began to move. You gripped his shoulders tightly as you bounced up and down, the sound of your waist hitting his along with your erratic moans and gasps echoing in the room.

“Seonghwa, I can’t,” you whimpered as you felt your hands begin to slip. “My thighs are trembling…”

Without a word, Seonghwa held your hands and pulled you towards him, guiding you so that your chest was pressed against his. He then moved his hands to your ass and assisted you while simultaneously forcing his hips upwards, making your whole body lurch. His lips then connected with yours, overwhelming your brain to the point where your body lost self control. You couldn’t even make the effort to cum properly by moving away from his dick, so the pleasure and satisfaction of your orgasm just got greater from there.

He then flipped you so that you were laying down on the bed once more. He got off the bed and held your legs tightly, guiding them upwards as he pulled you to the edge of the bed. You clutched the bedsheets below you tightly when he rested your legs against his shoulders. Without a second to waste, he slid his dick inside you once again.

Seonghwa held your waist tightly while he continued to thrust at a steady rate, but once he moved his hands down to your ass, he got much faster within seconds. You crossed your legs behind his head as you tried to suppress another significant wave of pleasure, which ended up really turning Seonghwa on.

“You got so tight… Shit, Y/N,” Seonghwa cursed.

You unconsciously bucked your hips upwards when his hands spread your ass cheeks wide. With a sharp inhale, Seonghwa slammed his waist into you, and you felt his cum fill up the condom and warm you up even more.

Seonghwa had cum three times at that point. You thought for sure that he would be done by now, that his balls would be completely drained, but you were wrong and more wrong. Seonghwa could still go.

You looked to the side to see filled condoms piled to the top of the trashcan in your room. You didn’t even realize you had so many condoms in your home in the first place, making you wonder if Seonghwa would stop if you ran out of condoms— but Seonghwa was insatiable, apparently, because he just kept going and going, profanities leaving his lips exponentially.

With a grunt of frustration, Seonghwa pulled out and moved your waist, both of your feet resting on the bed as he propped your knees up. He completely took you by surprise when he lifted your waist up, allowing him to fuck you from a different angle. You felt the tip of his dick glide past your g-spot, your eyes flying open as he repeated the action over and over and over again. You ran your fingers through your hair and cried loudly as your fluid shot out of your body when Seonghwa pulled out suddenly.

Seonghwa’s thighs and torso were covered with your slick. Through bleary eyes, you saw the ghost of a smirk appear on his face, making your brain melt all over again. You closed your eyes and pushed your head back into the bed as you regained your breath and calmed your racing heart. Seonghwa pinned his arms on either side of you as he bent down to leave you with another one of his mind-numbingly amazing kisses. The sounds of your wet kisses reverberated through the room. Seonghwa caressed your face gently as he kissed you over and over again as if he just couldn’t get enough of you.

That was when you were finally able to form a singular thought and vocalize it to him.

“Seonghwa,” you whispered as he released you from his kissing bind, your eyes barely maintaining contact with his.

Seonghwa hummed.

“I like you.”

You watched Seonghwa freeze. He looked right into your eyes and stared at you, his face completely red. He wrapped his arms around your body and hugged you, his lips brushing past your collarbone and neck.

“Say that again,” he whispered in your ear.

“I like you.”

Seonghwa sat up. His hands guided your waist so that you, too, were sitting up. He sat you right in between his legs and hugged your waist, his intense gaze making it near impossible to maintain eye contact with him. A small smile threatened to appear on his face as he leaned closer to you. His soft breaths tickled your chest, making you want to squirm in his embrace.

“How? In what way?”

“In a way that I want to see what a relationship with you would look like.”

“So, romantically?”

At first, you wanted to say no, because that definitely wasn’t the feeling you had; but, when he held you even closer and nuzzled his nose into the crook of your neck, you felt butterflies swarm through you and couldn’t help but cling to him, your hands holding his shoulders tightly.

“I think it could get there,” you murmured.

You felt Seonghwa’s lips against your skin, his mouth pulling into a smile. He left small smooches all over your shoulder, neck, and face, making your body flush to a slightly darker red. His hands went from your waist to your ass, lifting you up a tiny bit off the bed— he wanted to be inside you again. Again. You adjusted yourself and went from holding his shoulders to pressing the palms of your hands on the bed and behind you. He moved forward, his cock sliding right into you. You both rocked your hips in and out of each other, his dick hitting deep inside you.

The feeling of his cock reaching so far inside you was enough to make you cum. Seonghwa, too, apparently; he slammed his hips into you with one final, powerful stroke before the two of you came at the same time, the two of you calling the other’s name in the same moment.

The sun was fully up in the sky by the time Seonghwa’s dick finally calmed down. You were using his arm as a pillow as the two of you laid in your bed. You wrapped your arm around his torso and gave him a light hug, prompting him to rest his head on top of yours.

“You’re insatiable, Seonghwa,” you broke the silence between you two. “Are you always like this?”

“No.”

“So what changed for you to be like this?”

“I’ve been holding back for a long time Y/N.”

“How long?”

“Eighth grade.” You gasped and looked up at him in shock as he continued, “To be honest, I thought it was just some sort of small school crush and that it would disappear over time, but the crush kind of stayed buried until last night.”

“So, if you’ve liked me since then, why did you beat around the bush so hard last night?”

“I wasn’t sure if you felt or would ever feel the same way about me,” Seonghwa admitted honestly. “It’s always nice to hear that someone’s attracted to you, so I wanted to leave it at that in case you definitely didn’t feel anything for me.”

You nodded in understanding and cuddled closer to him, your eyes briefly closing before a sudden thought came into your head.

“Can I tell you something?” you asked him quietly.

Seonghwa merely nodded.

“It’s a good thing you didn’t say anything through middle and high school.”

“Why is that?”

“Because you pre-puberty was just not it,” you couldn’t help but giggle. “I would’ve rejected you in the eighth grade so fast.”

“How dare you!” Seonghwa feigned injury.

His arms instantly hugged you tightly, and he lowered himself so that he could sink his teeth lightly into the skin on your neck. You let out a little yelp as he pushed his body towards yours and slightly weighing you down as his lips neared your ear.

“I’m going to make you regret telling me that,” he whispered ominously.

You were about to retort when you felt his erect dick press against your stomach. You wondered if Seonghwa was even going to let you sleep at all that day— but you already knew the answer: no.

#park seonghwa #seonghwa smut #ateez #seonghwa x reader #park seonghwa ateez #seonghwa ateez #ateez seonghwa #broatz

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m1ssunderstanding · 3 months

Text

Get Back Rewatch 55 Years On: Day 13

Ah it’s “coordinate with the carpet” day.

John could probably say “2+2=3” and Paul would be like “Oh you're sooo right, John.”

Literally the ADHD antics (jumping over a chair because it’s there and you can and it would be funner than going around) are so relatable.

Ringo putting Zac’s picture up? I don’t know much about him as a dad. Does anyone know? I mean I know part of the reason he and Mo left india was because they missed their kids, and in late 66 when John was making HIWTW and Paul was working on TFW and George was off learning filthy eastern ways, Ringo stayed home and ‘enjoyed the baby’. Was he a really good dad?

John: I really liked how that lead singer was singing so soft and nice. Paul: like this, John? Like this? John? John, look at me, do you like this?

Literally why are you even there, Yoko. Like, genuinely, not for the bands sake or anything, but for your own sake, go find somewhere else to be! Something, something, one of the few ways to find success as a woman was to attach yourself to a man and she was hustling with the best feminist tools available okay, okay. Ugh, I just don't know if I could stomach it.

I heard John say “Rickie and the Red Streaks” and I was like, ummm, did you mean “Suzie and the Red Stripes”? But apparently it’s a real band. They were in the same Cavern show as the Beatles when they came back from Hamburg but never made it big. And Paul was purposely referencing them with Linda's pretend band because, as he said, he would have been happy to just have been them instead of the Beatles.

“John, can you take a little bit of bass off your guitar?” The faces. Paul told him to take some bass off a minute ago, didn't he? Or he just knows how much John hates to be told that. Anyway it's the silent communication for me.

Paul: *stops his little wordless moan-singing for two seconds*. John: Everybody had a wet drea–SING, Paul! Paul: Ooohh yeah! He’s sooo happy I’m melting. Paul McCartney wants one thing in this life, and it’s for John Lennon to tell him to sing.

“He would’ve been president, you know.” John, bless your naive, lovely heart.

Paul: shrieking. John: moves the microphone the way a mom takes the sharpie out of her toddler’s hand.

“If you can get ‘em off Mimi’s wall.” I have a hard time with Mimi. Sometimes she’s adorable. Sometimes she’s horrible. I really can’t get a read. And maybe that was the problem. Maybe John couldn’t either.

This moment. My little ND baby. Someone just hit your g spot, didn’t they? But to be fair, it is incredibly impressive. Billy has never heard the song before, and he just jumps in with the perfect fill? I love Billy. So talented, such a cutie, so cool, so kind. And look at him. Having such a good time.

The silent communication again here. “Are you hearing this?” “Yeah, baby, I’m hearing this.” Then, John vocalizes the decision. How many Beatles decisions were made like this? Thinking specifically of Brian's account of their decision for him to manage, but probably this happened constantly.

Yoko reading “The Beatles Complete History”. I love that she’s like, “Everything John tells me is ‘Paul this, Paul that, wah, wah, wah’. I need to get some cold hard facts.”

Billy’s piano actually is insanely sexy though.

John: *complains about his rock and roll finger* Paul, turning up the scouse: Come on, son, now try your hardest. John continues, soft, needy' Lookie, look at him. *holding up his finger* Paul, genuine: Ah, I know. I just love the different ways they take care of each other.

Poor George, dissociating himself into another dimension as John’s crooning about Paul’s eating habits. Look. At. How. He’s. Looking. At. Him. You’d think Paul was in that moment creating the heavens and the earth. Nope. Just rocking back and forth like a catatonic, probably getting crumbs all in his greasy beard.

But seriously HOW is everyone in this room watching these two men, taking in to account all of their behaviors, scream "All I want is you!" at each other and not forcing them immediately into either fucking or therapy or both?!

Ringo’s holey pocket, my beloved.

The guy with the RP accent and the suit coming up to John like the bad guy in every American children’s movie. “I’ve spoken to Mr. Klein.” Dun, dun, dun.

#paul mccartney #the beatles #john lennon #mclennon #ringo starr #george harrison #get back

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stardustgates · 5 months

Text

Author’s Notes: Possibly OOC behaviour? I’ve done my best to stick by Canon as much as I can, but given I’m a newer player, I don’t know the relationship between Kafka and Silver Wolf or the characters individually as well I’d like to. Though I did do my best, please be aware that I may have taken some creative liberties in their characterisation and inner thoughts regarding each other. Also I am aware that this may just be 5.5k words of nonsensical BS but I haven’t written proper fanfiction in a hot minute so take it with a grain of salt. Not so much of a reader/canon thing and more like a reader AND canon thing currently. Perhaps that will change in future works, who’s to say? Oh yeah this is a SAGAU.

Warnings: Canonical In-game violence, references and descriptions of dissociation via player-induced body possession, references to drug use (one sentence), yandere tones if you squint really hard (shes a slowburner ya’ll), and a single swear word :3

Beyond the mind, within your body.

Description: Unaware that your presence has been made apparent to the eccentric duo during your first run through of Honkai Star Rail, you happily indulge yourself in the immersive (tutorial) world before your eyes. Kafka and Silver Wolf attempt to adjust to the feeling it brings, which leaves their minds constantly switching between distrust and euphoria, and all the things in between.

Word Count: 5.5k

Hoyoverse’s newest game hadn’t seemed much to your liking when you’d first heard the announcement. For one thing, you weren’t particularly pleased with the constant stream of ‘HONKAI STAR RAIL - PLAY NOW’ interrupting your YouTube doom-scrolling every other ad; Not to mention, you weren’t very keen on the gacha aspect.

Within your small circle of friends, you’d been known to cave easily when attractive anime characters were involved and you weren’t planning on another hyperfiction to solidify your position as the group’s resident simp. That being said, with such a title swaying above your head like a shiny silver dagger, you’d held a metaphorical death grip on your wallet, solemnly swearing that you’d keep your distance from the game for as long you were able.

Ultimately that so-called iron will of yours didn’t last so much as a year, as just seven months after its release a simple character trailer was enough to break your steadfast resilience. Well, it wasn’t ‘simple’, if you were being honest with yourself- It was a brilliantly unique masterpiece, tailored to the exact essence and spirit of his character. You were sure Argenti wouldn’t be released for a good while, so you decided to pick up the game and grind what you could before his arrival.

That was your plan at least. Your friend had warned you a few months prior (Though admittedly, you hadn’t been paying much attention at the time.) that the download and installation would take an exhaustingly long time. Well, it was better than Genshin Impact had been- but still, you were getting bored and subsequently decided to fetch yourself something to drink in the meantime.

With your back turned to the loading screen, you waltzed out of your bedroom with little care in the world- oblivious to the ominous glowing cracks slowly sprawling across the screen of your device.

As you returned a few moments later, you found that it had finally finished installing! You’d certainly waited long enough. Sure, it wasn’t as soul-sucking as Genshin had been but your patience wasn't that of a saint’s either. With a renewed sense of anticipation, you hit start and breezed through the usual terms and conditions without reading anything and let out a sigh at the beautiful change in scenery.

It perhaps wasn't the smartest idea to skip it completely- but you had spent so long waiting already that you weren’t going to bother wasting time reading a document filled with dolled-up words you could barely pronounce.

✄————————————————

Herta’s Space Station’s defences hadn't been particularly difficult to slip past surprisingly, though Kafka didn’t recall any mention of difficulty regarding entry in Elio’s script, so she supposed the lack of security wasn’t of any particular importance.

Despite the calm confidence that usually accompanied her on these little operations, Kafka couldn’t shake the strange feeling of being watched. It wasn’t the usual sort of lingering gaze or sharpened stare, but a vague pulsating heartbeat that faded in and out, as though blinking through blurry vision.

Needless to say, she kept her guard up. Playing none the wiser and bowing mid-air to the tempo of a rather graceful tune. She forced her shoulders to relax and gently swayed her body, controlling her every little move with practised ease- even as that strange pulsating presence slowly sped up and stroked the fires of an oncoming headache- as the elevator descended to the station’s ‘ground’ floor.

(You remained none the wiser to her sudden awareness, the rapidly changing scenes flashing past your eyes far too quickly to pick up on a single, brief second of stillness in her body.)

A sudden explosion reverberates across the station's cold, metallic body and brings Kafka’s impromptu air-violin session to a screeching halt. Simultaneously, that presence settles over her body like a thick blanket of fog. That ‘gaze’ she had felt becoming so vivid she could feel its weight pressing down on her tongue.

She has little time to process the feeling before the usual blueish glow of Silver Wolf’s communications screen flickers into existence before her very eyes.

“... Seems I came at a bad time.”

“No, No – I think you couldn’t’ve timed it better. Twenty-three-fourty-seven-fifteen system time. Very punctual, Kafka.” Silver Wolf almost sounds impressed, though Kafka suspects she’s only trying to butter her up so she’ll let the girl go off task again. Perhaps, under different circumstances, she would have been kind enough to allow it, but with the nature of their current mission and this inexplicable presence, Kafka doesn't find herself in a very generous mood.

Kafka merely hums in response and ignores the empty praise.

“Elio always tells the exact future. So What’s with the explosion just now? Was that part of his script?” Silver Wolf picks up on her cue to focus without any fuss.

“Twenty-three-four-four-fifty-nine system time: The pulses from the explosion cause a massive breakdown from the master control system.”

Pulses. Perhaps it’s linked to the feeling curling itself around her senses?

“You did that?” Kafka doubts that Silver Wolf would waste effort on something so minor.

“No, the antimatter legion did it. They completely invaded the space station two system hours ago.” She whistles in response and glances down the glass panelling to the approaching ground floor. A small group… annoying, but manageable.

“Alright, so do we need to fight the legion?”

“Dunno, Elio didn’t say anything about it, so it doesn’t matter.” Hmm. Silver Wolf made a good point.

“Got it. So from now on, I'll be in charge of this operation.” She feels that tingle of a smirk reach the corner of her mouth, and smiles a little wider in anticipation.

“Copy. Can you let me have some fun this time? Our last few operations turned out to be pretty dull.” Kafka lets out a playful hum as she ponders over her colleague’s request with faux consideration. She can practically hear Silver Wolf’s stifled groan in the second of silence that passes.

“...Sorry~ I’m afraid there’s not much I can do for you- our task this time is just to ‘place’ the target properly.”

Her choice of words is careful, though not enough to cause any alert in potential eavesdroppers. The feeling still hasn’t left.

“But if you wanna go look for some fun yourself, I won’t stop you.”

“I mean… after all…” she chuckles lightly as the blue hologram blips out of her vision, and reaches for the holsters tucked into her lower back. “After all…” Kafka readjusts her footing just in time to watch the elevator’s doors slide open, the sound of metal dragging against metal pinching at her ears.

“Elio didn’t put it in the script… Why would it matter?”

Just as the impact from her gunshots flitters across her skin, Kafka feels her mind being pulled back to the edge of her skull.

The group of voidrangers in front of her feel distant and smudged, the sockets of her eyes creating a blurred tunnel of vision that refuse adjust no matter how much she tries to blink it away. Their dark forms bleed into black speckles that crowd her already limited vision until she’s staring directly into the singed edges of the universe.

Kafka’s body… is no longer hers to command.

✄————————————————

She returns to her mind with startling swiftness. Her memories of the brief battle suddenly bubbling up as though pushing themselves through a thick soup of aether. She feels disconnected from the memory but can at least recall that she’d lost control of her body before blacking out.

She attempts to think back on that burnt, golden memory but is stopped by a sudden wave of nausea. She opts to set that aside for another time and refocus on the operation. Elio had not mentioned this happening anywhere in the script- so either this had no significance or…

Still, those Voidrangers hadn’t proved to be much trouble- in fact, they’d been less of an annoyance than she had prepared for. Either she’d been far more ruthless than intended or the antimatter legion had lost its touch.

“When did the anti-matter legion become so weak?” She asks out loud.

“I could only attract this much. Did you really want the entire legion to come here?” Silver Wolf speaks in feigned annoyance, her usual behaviour.

She hadn’t even realised. Kafka chooses not to mention anything for the moment, instead opting to subtly gauge the extent of control this presence… or rather... Entity, seems to have over her.

“This lot won’t be able to slow down the Astral Express crew.” Silver Wolf sighs in response on the other end of the device.

“Relax, a doomsday beast is also here.”

As she approaches one of the station’s automatic doors, Kafka feels it slip back into her body as if wearing her like a coat. Its influence feels… less heavy than it previously had been a few moments ago. At the very least she remains conscious this time; A strange lightness in her feet as she feels herself stealth towards a lone voidranger lounging about the area.

Her movements come to her now like instinct, striking down enemies with admittedly far more efficiency than she was naturally capable of. If it weren’t for her body being strung along like a puppet against her will, she’d almost be grateful for the power and resiliency it granted her.

Kafka has barely had her fill before a euphoric sense of power seems to swell up all at once; Killer instinct pumping through her veins like a well-oiled machine.

Ahh. Now this… this particular feeling wasn’t so bad.

Truthfully she’d liked to have toyed with this one a bit longer, but she knew all too well that it wouldn't manage to survive her next attack. She chatters to no one in particular, the ecstasy in her mind clouding whatever decorum she would have usually displayed.

“Good times never last… time to say bye.”

“Ah- She’s so cool…”

Kafka tenses up at the stranger’s voice, just as the swirling dark mass in front of her collapses into itself.

She sheathes her sword and adjusts her gloves, ignoring the voidranger approaching her from behind. Just before its darkened claws reach her, Silver Wolf’s ability activates no more than a hands-width from her shoulder blades.

“Cleaning up other people’s mess isn’t in my job description… y’know Kafka?” Silver Wolf huffs out, but her voice has no real bite in it. Was it her? She wasn’t usually one to doubt herself, but that fog of exhilaration certainly could have played with her mind.

“Yeah, yeah. Where did you send it Silver Wolf?”

Kafka turns in time to hear the gooey pop of the silver-haired girl’s bubblegum as she hops to her feet. She isn’t sure if it's Strawberry or Grape, but the artificial sweetness and scent of no-fruit-in-particular is so strong it actually grounds her mind for a moment.

She sighs for no real reason, but it brings her relief regardless.

Oh.

She hadn’t realised how bad her headache was.

“Some random Co-ordinates, not important.” She avoids Kafka’s gaze for a reason she couldn’t care to name before taking on an adorably defiant stance, her hands placed at her hips as though it would help her short stature in any way.

“You care about where that voidranger ended up?” She doesn’t. But she’d rather think about that than, well… She didn’t know what to call it at this point. But it was distracting and she needed to focus on literally anything else for the sake of what sanity she had left.

Though some could argue that she wasn’t sane at all- which was only half true because most people’s definition of sanity varied greatly from her own.

Oh, Silver Wolf was still blinking up at her expectantly.

“Of course not- I’m just amazed at this fancy technique of yours, as usual.” she smiles down at her colleague, who only rolls her eyes in response. To the girl’s credit, she’d been dealing with Kafka’s empty flattery for quite a long time.

“Just a little trick of tampering with the data of reality, I wouldn't call it fancy.” Kafka smiles a little wider, following behind as Silver Wolf strolls down the hallway. Her tells were always so obvious.

“What were you looking at just now? Let me see.” Silver Wolf huffs a bit as she settles herself onto a desk and faces her.

“Herta’s toys,” she begins in an almost mocking tone

“A catalogue featuring the space station’s collection of rare items.” Her fingers briefly tug on the white fluff of her jacket as she speaks “They’ve got quite a looot of interesting gadgets~”

Kafka’s previous interest (however feigned it may have been) dies down a little at the prospect of these ‘gadgets’ but nonetheless she indulges Silver Wolf’s unspoken desire to share what information she’d dug up.

“Like what?”

“There’s this gun, it can rate any creature within its crosshair as a score from 0 to 100.”

“... Doesn't sound very interesting.” Her brows pinch together and her mouth stretches into a thin line of clear disappointment. Not one to be disheartened so easily, Silver Wolf continues on

“Aren’t you curious how much you would score? I kinda wanna know mine.”

So this is what she’d been hinting at since earlier. Kafka crosses her arms and takes on the tone of an exasperated mother having finally given up after being nagged at for far, far longer than the reality of it.

“Fine. I guess we can swing by and play with it, if it’s not too far. What’s our destination?” She redirects Silver Wolf’s distractable attention onto their current objective with practised ease.

Hmm.

She feels a little cold for some reason… and those watchful eyes haven't left during the entirety of their conversation. Kafka’s guard raises a little further than before.

Her colleague’s eyes flit down to a small blue hologram, her fingers swiping past various screens until arriving at what Kafka could only presume was a list of directions given to her by Elio.

“Go down the corridor, behind the door… ooon the left. There’s a room where some kind of rare item is stored.”

Kafka feels the entity strongly now, she stares just beyond Silver Wolf’s shoulders where it feels most concentrated. The feeling she is met with is a dense smouldering hotness. It’s like melting iron dripping down her throat and burning it in the process. It feels almost itchy.

She redirects her gaze back to Silver Wolf far quicker than she’d intended to and resists the urge to scratch at her throat.

“So that’s where the Stellaron is?” Kafka is somewhat relieved when the feeling seems to simmer down. She once again debates speaking on the sensation during the slightest lull in their conversation but when Silverwolf turns her head back to face her, she finds the girl’s gaze to be much sharper than before.

“That's where we can find out where the Stellaron is.”

Kafka immediately knows that Silverwolf has finally caught on to this feeling and says nothing as she readies herself for the next half of their mission. Almost instantly, she feels the presence shift and roll over her shoulders, like a cat stretching out its limbs.

It's languid and smooth and she feels her tense- She had been tense this whole time?- muscles slowly relax until she finally feels that usual calm focus she’s so intimately familiar with. She hadn’t realised the extent of how cold she’d felt when it had stepped- strange, it feels like a person?- away.

Kafka decides that her feelings towards this... Being- She isn’t totally sure if it feels sapient, but it certainly has some form of will… That much she can tell- are mixed, to say the least. She wonders one more why Elio hadn’t mentioned anything about something so foreign and strange but sets the thought aside and refocuses on the task at hand.

She locks eyes with Silverwolf briefly, and just as she thought, Silverwolf is most definitely aware of it at this point.

“The central area of the space station is up ahead. There’ll be loads of Legion Void rangers there.” Silver Wolf hops to her feet and saunters toward the door’s control panel. A bit too casual to be natural, but it doesn't cause the feeling to stir, so she says nothing.

“Okay.” Kafka breathes out.

Then that feeling of puppeteering seems to stitch itself into her mind once more, albeit in a much more faded sense- it feels more like muscle memory than it does being pulled from her own body. She allows it to pull her along and lead her toward whatever it wants. As her fingers glide over the room’s control panels and her heels click against the cold steel of the station, she feels that fog of exhilaration settle over her again- that almost euphoric surge of strength from earlier suddenly vivid and fresh in her mind.

Silverwolf seems to feel the building strength in her own body too, as she quickens her pace when they turn the corner to find themselves at the back of a particularly strong-looking voidranger. She huffs out in bemusement and half-heartedly mutters out some encouragement to her colleague.

“May as well kill them all.”

Not needing much more encouragement than that, Silverwolf leaps forward with as much grace as her short form can allow her and drags her digitally enhanced blade across the muscles and sinew of its chest. She leaps back beside Kafka as it staggers on its feet and tries to regain its footing. Kafka’s arm pulls itself up, gun in hand, and fires out a cascade of bullets that each burrow and pierce into its flesh.

“This… seems a lot easier than it should be.” Silverwolf comments under her breath quietly.

“Well, let’s count our blessings–” Kafka is cut off as her arm is singed by the blast of the voidranger’s fire canon.

“Tch. Didn’t hurt.”

Silverwolf pulls out her holographic system at such speed that Kafka feels the static waft across her skin.

“Hmph, still. This combat needs optimising.” Just as the creature aims its weapon once more, it’s hit with a blast pulled from the loosened strands of reality itself.

“At that speed? Too slow!”

Kafka almost feels sorry for it, as she watches its body disintegrate while collapsing into itself.

Unfortunately, the girls are not left with time to bask in their victory- Silver Wolf lets out a small yelp- the entity has left its place on Kafka’s shoulders and draped itself over her companion it would seem. Her short colleague adjusts to the sensation of its guiding hand far better than she had, if her losing conscious was anything to go by.

Kafka follows behind silently, eyes trained intently on the girl in front of her for any indication of danger.

“Hold it. Someone.. Or something is up ahead.” she warns quietly, arm extended out to her side like a makeshift barrier. They both come to a sudden halt as the entity violently rips itself from their bodies and settles just beyond their skin.

Goosebumps this time.

The cold seems to get worse and worse each time it separates from them… well, her. Silver Wolf grits her teeth. Kafka notes the tiny pearl of sweat rolling down the side of her face. Still a shock to the system then.

“Looks like we’re the ones getting ambushed.”

“...But they’re the ones getting besieged.”

✄————————————————

The game has felt pretty cool so far, and you quite like this Kafka woman. You don’t recall her being part of the main cast your friend had rambled about however many months ago it was, but you hoped you’d get to see a lot more of her.

Her design was really nice- though strangely familiar?- and her voice was pretty too! Silver Wolf was alright, but she hadn’t really caught your interest so far, so you werent sure what to make of her yet.

They did seem to be close though, but less like friends and more like tired workmates who’d been stuck in the same dead end job for a decade- that is to say, it definitely felt like they were used to dealing with each other’s nonsense.

Were they a ship? You could see it. Ah, another battle, sweet!

The combat system Star Rail used wasnt particularly innovative or anything, but it’s playstyle was strangely addictive- especially the Ult animations! Kafka’s especially had you nearly squealing with how badass it was. Did the MC have a cool one too? You could hardly wait to see.

✄————————————————

The mood is light despite the circumstances, they both feel a sense of safety and confidence while the presence pulls them along, as though leading them in a dance. The Voidranger’s movements stand out like a pindrop in an empty room. Predictable, and delectably so.

Silver Wolf barks out a short, quick laugh- a taunting thing that aggravates the musclehead stomping around in front of her- before decapitating the creature in a single, swift move.

“You took the bait, just like that?” Her jubilance is cut short by an attack from her blindspot, it isnt fatal- hell it barely counts as a battle wound- but its enough to flip her mood in the opposite direction. “Tch.”

Kafka laughs lightly at her, amused with her momentary lapse in spacial awareness. Silver Wolf scoffs and scowls lightly at her. Really, like she hadn’t gotten hit before?

Just as she opens her mouth to hurl a barely-an-insult-but-im-still-annoyed-with-you comment towards the magenta haired woman next to her, Kafka’s aura shifts somewhat. Time seems to slow down for a second as Silver Wolf watches the woman’s pupils dilate in slow motion.

Had she appeared like this? When that wave of energy had swelled within her?

She receives no answer to her unvoiced question, and instead hears Kafka’s voice ring through out her ears.

“That breathing sensation. Remember it.” Silver Wolf gulps in a breath of blood-scented air and breathes out a sickly, golden-sweet taste. As Kafka’s bullets rain down upon the bodies of their would-be-ambushers she can't help but feel pure ecstasy in the moment. Truly…if this was a drug she’d be hooked like a fish to water.

Even just being near it is enough to cloud her mind.

“Alright, now that that’s over with…” Silver Wolf’s body relaxes significantly as Kafka speaks, the strength of whatever had possessed them slowing dripping out from their bodies like tree sap. She feels like she just got a massage.

“I could get used to that.” She isn’t sure who she’s talking to, but it feels appropriate to voice. Kafka ignores her and spins her around to face the door, and Silver Wolf seems to go into auto pilot as she unlocks the control panel blocking their path, stepping lightly as her taller colleague gently pushes her forward without a word.

The monitoring room is completley empty. Nothing but the quiet beeping of a few monitors and the rustling of swaying leaves, courtesy of the air conditioning unit humming softly above them.

“Huh. not a single soul here. Impressive evacuation work. Did herta organise it herself?” Kafka seems mildly impressed- and entirely unaffected by the sensation Silver Wolf is still trying to shake from her skin.

“According to the access history, she hasnt logged in her for over six months. The evacuation was directed by the acting lead researcher - a girl named Asta.”

“Doesn’t ring a bell. Oh, right. Elio said we wouldn’t run into herta. It seems she really isnt here.” Though something else definitely was, but Silver Wolf supposed they weren’t going to be making any conversation on that topic.

She sighs, and scrolls through her holograms nonchalantly.

“Elio’s Script doesnt include any info about the location of the stellaron. Which means in the future he foresees…”

“... we would find the stellaron in a non-physical way?” Kafka crosses her arms, easily having picked up on her train of thought and already dipping her metaphorical toes into several different plans of action. She was always efficient like that. Silver Wolf strolls over to the water cooler and pours herself a cold cup. She gestures to Kafka who only shakes her head in response.

“This space station is packed with extraordinary objects, I wouldnt be surprised if theres one that can make it happen.” She takes a long sip, the cooling sensation bringing relief to her sweltering body. The combat efficiency was nice, but she was left feeling like an overheating graphics disk everytime it took control of her. She idles on a page in her hologram briefly before continuing on her scroll-fest.

“Hiding something extraordinary with something extraordinary… this is pretty Herta. I assume you know what to do? I mean, You’ve been reading that cataogue for a while?” Ah. Perseptive as ever, Kafka never changes. She ignores the heat building in her ears at the prospect of being caught slacking-off, and bins the styrofoam cup as she turns to the older woman.

“Hmph. I’ve got all the clues we need. The only piece missing is a simple trick- maybe this entity thats been stringing us along could lend a hand? After all, it doesnt have a physical form.”

(You didn’t expect them to involve the player like this! What an awesome storytelling device, and it would hopefully grant a lot more player agency too! Hoyoverse had truly out done themselves this time. Feeling a surge of excitement at being learning you’ll be able to lend a helping hand ‘directly’, you decide that Silver Wolf is also really cool.)

Kafka says nothing in response, only staring down at Silver Wolf in consideration.

“Why dont we have it help us investigate the terminals around here, that item we’re looking for may be inside.” The magenta haired woman only sighs, internally cursing the girl’s lack of caution. Though… she couldnt deny that it had only been helping them so far.

“Alright, lets give it the spotlight.”

“Oh god, I hope I don’t fuck this up…” Kafka stills. The same voice from before. So it can speak? She tucks the information away in her mind for later.

She watches it guide her along the messily arranged desks and flickering monitors. Stopping at a memory storage cart- which is, of course, missing its memory. Not useful for her current objective, but it at least told her that whatever it was could see the same things she could.

“...I cant see the memory storage for this terminal.” Her body shifts slightly.

“This is the monitoring room, the must have deleted the records and made a run for it. Classic.” Silver Wolf is still scrolling through the holographic catalogue, idling against a desk in the middle of the room. She doesn’t look up, even as Kafka is strung along past her towards a monitor on the other side of the room.

“You don’t seem to be very affected by it? Its control over you, I mean.”

“And you? You seemed a little weary earlier.”

“I wouldn’t say that. It’s just new, thats all.”

Kafka’s hand reaches out to flick through various active surveillance cameras, interesting but ultimately fruitless.

“Hmmm… I can see the whole space station on the surveillance screen. But not the Stellaron.” Silver Wolf scoffs indignantly behind her, she almost sounds offended.

“Even if you could it’d be a trap. Herta doesn’t display her collections.” She turns to her hologram once more.

“This thing isnt very good with investigating, is it?”

Kafka expects some form of insulted rage to squeak in her mind’s ear, but she hears nothing. Though faintly she imagines a rather adorable ‘Hey! I’m trying my best!’ echoing in her skull.

Kafka staves off the sudden urge to get defensive in response and clamps her mouth shut.

Silver Wolf sighs at her lack of response and shifts onto her feet.

“Make your way over here then. There’s no point in trying to search like this.”

“So? Got a master plan? I’m all ears.”

Kafka’s tone takes on a slightly irritated edge, for a reason she herself doesn’t quite understand. If Silver Wolf picked up on it, she chooses not to say anything and instead gestures to the warping static of the holographic screens lining the walls of the office.

“Its a matter of hacking the surveillance system directly.” She says matter-of-factly, smirking playfully as her iconic vandalism plasters itself onto every screen in sight.

“Aha, I see. Herta’s collections aren’t in the system so anything unaffected should be our target.”

Their heads are guided to turn and face the back of a lone monitor by the main desk. Ah. that one then. As they both stroll over to investigate, Kafka feels a strange sense of pride bubble in the back of her mind. Not for Silver Wolf’s accomplishment- that much would be expected from the shorter girl- but for the entity curling along the edge of her mind. What exactly she was supposed to be proud of she couldnt tell, but the feeling was pleasant regardless.

Silver Wolf slips into a chair and slides forward to the desk, cracking her knuckles and wiggling her fingers as she readies herself for some data mining.

“Crude, simple, but effective. Look, found it.” The computer’s cursor circles a line of code tauntingly. Kafka doesn’t understand what any of the values mean.

“Item number two-eleven, ‘Blind Spot’ : a simple light-deflecting field. It allows an object in its field to pass unnoticed, but if a different item ceases to be obvious, the object gets revealed.”

She isn’t sure which set of numbers.. Or letters? That item is supposed be, but it does seem like a very… uncomplicated form of security for someone like Herta.

“So, Herta the genius… hides her collection with something as simple as this?”

“the simplest method is the hardest to spot, isnt that our motto?”

“Huh? How is that simple?” Kafka nearly chokes on her saliva while trying to hold back a bark of laughter and wonders why she’d kept her guard up for this thing. She follows Silver Wolf towards the glitching hole in the wall and sighs bemusedly.

“The data suggests its just an ordinary hologram. But it has an added layer… “ Silver Wolf eyes the frayed edges of the hologram cautiously, despite the confidence in her voice.

“Lets take a look. Dont worry, this place wont be our grave.” The girl only puffs her cheeks and steps forward, ignoring Kafka’s words of comfort completely. Well, she’d expected that much at least.

As she follows behind, her vision melts into a stark change of scenery.

The bright, ethereal glow of the Stellaron coating the walls of the closed off room in a golden-blue light. A strange combination, but one that was all too familiar; the everchanging strands of reality warping and stretching around itself, as the Stellaron sat patiently- sealed away- in the center of the room. Such an otherworldly treasure was exactly what all Stellaron hunters across the universe strove for. Though admittedly it was a mere front for their true purpose, a fact that Kafka was intimately aware of.

Their true goal would see this stellaron- sealed away, courtesy of Herta- to another use. Once said seal was removed by Silver Wolf, all Kafka would need to do was take hold of it and place it inside that vessel.

It had been laying in wait for this exact occasion…Kafka smiles fondly at the memory of it. Silver Wolf makes a small noise of surprise, catching her attention. She steps over towards the girl and the control panel, asking a question without speaking.

“It has its own security system… I guess even for herta, a Stellaron is no ordinary rarity.” Silver Wolf sounds genuinely surprised at this fact, though Kafka feels this was a rather likely outcome.

“Can you get it?”

“Of course, even the genius Herta cant compete with me when it comes to hacking.”

“Good. Then I’ll also count on you for the preparation of the receptacle.” Not to mention, she was quite sure this being wouldn’t be able to provide much help if Silver Wolf couldn’t figure it out herself. Speak of the devil, she feels the entity waft away like smoke in the wind and settle in the air around them as she lifts the Stellaron from its prison. She turns to her Silver haired companion and unspoken words flicker between their eyes.

This is Kafka’s decision.

Or perhaps it isn’t, she corrects herself over the distant sound of Silver Wolf’s voice.

When it enters her body, it no longer feels like being puppeteered or controlled.

She recalls that first feeling of possession, and the bleeding darkness making way for glowing golden edges of a burnt milky way. Her mind is dipped like an apple into the thick syruppy taste of synethesia. The amber eyes of the vessel- piercing into her soul and leaving her tongue sizzling in an almost addictive sort of pain- briefly flash open before collapsing to the floor in Kafka’s arms.

The Stellaron has found its place. And something else entirely has made its home there too.

(What an amazing tutorial and intro! You get the feeling you’ll be playing this game for a very long while!)

#not super happy with how this turned out honestly but I can’t be bothered looking at it anymore #honkai star rail x reader #yandere honkai star rail #(sort of?)#hsr kafka #kafka x reader #silver wolf x reader #hsr silver wolf #kafka honkai star rail #silver wolf honkai star rail #hsr fanfic #yandere hsr #my writing

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darkficsyouneveraskedfor · 7 months

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Don't Speak 21

Warnings: this fic will include dark content such as dubcon/noncon, obsession, stalking, manipulation, reclusive behaviour, disordered eating, dissociation, and other possible triggers. My warnings are not exhaustive, enter at your own risk.

This is a dark!fic and explicit. 18+ only. Your media consumption is your own responsibility. Warnings have been given. DO NOT PROCEED if these matters upset you.

Summary: Reader is a reclusive loner who ventures down to the library on a simple mission. Her task is complicated by the man she meets there. (f!short!reader)

Character: librarian!Andy Barber

Note: Sickness be gone!

As per usual, I humbly request your thoughts! Reblogs are always appreciated and welcomed, not only do I see them easier but it lets other people see my work. I will do my best to answer all I can. I’m trying to get better at keeping up so thanks everyone for staying with me <3

Your feedback will help in this and future works (and WiPs, I haven’t forgotten those!)

Love you all. Take care. 💖

Dr. Kemp gave me this journal. I met him today. He’s a therapist. Or a psychologist? He’s a doctor and he’s going to help me.

I hope.

He told me to put my moods in here, to write about how I feel, and to set a small goal every day.

How I feel today: scared.

This morning was scary. We went to the doctor’s office and I didn’t know where we were going. I met Dr. Kemp and was less scared. Then we went to the mall and that was scary too. I tried on a short dress and that was scarier. Now we’re back at the house and I’m still afraid.

What if this doesn’t work either? What if I’m stuck this way forever? What if Dr. Kemp can’t help me?

A knock comes at the door and you tuck your new pen into the journal, closing it as you set it on top of your tablet. You put both on the nightstand as you call for Andy to enter. He inches open the door and pokes his head around.

“Hey,” he says, “I was just thinking, it’s been a long day. We can order in for the night?”

You shrug. You’re not very hungry. The large breakfast keeps your appetite at bay. Your anxiety helps as well.

“Um, that’s okay. I’m not very hungry.”

He sighs, his hand on the door. His fingers tap on the wood as he grips his hip, “you really shouldn’t skip meals. It’s not good for you.”

“I ate a lot this morning–”

“That was hours ago. You need to eat,” he insists, “I missed a week of work, honey, I can’t miss any more. I need you to start trying. Didn’t Dr. Kemp talk to you about this?”

You wince. He’s upset. You didn’t mean to make him angry.

“I’m sorry,” you murmur, “I’ll, uh… take out sounds good.”

He lets the door fall all the way open. He crosses to the foot of the bed and touches the top of one of the shopping bags. You chew your cheek as you watch him.

“Are you gonna put all this away?” He asks.

“Yeah, I’ll do that now,” you get up.

He bought all those clothes, he took you to the doctor, on top of everything else. The least you can do is choke down a meal he’s also paying for. You go to the closet and open it up. You have two sweaters and a pair of jeans hung there. The rest of the hangers are empty.

“Chicken or beef?” He asks as he backs up.

“Hmm?” You look back at him with a handful of hangers.

“For dinner?”

“Oh, chicken,” you answer as you come back to the bed, “I’ll come down after I finish with all this.”

“Sure… uh, I could help,” he offers.

“No, I can do it,” you say, “that’ll be my small task today. Put this away and tidy up the room.”

He nods, both hands on his hips, “sounds like a good plan.”

You try to smile but your cheeks only twitch. You focus on taking out the clothes from the bag and looping them over the plastic hangers. He lingers and slowly slides out his phone. He turns on his heel and leaves you, thumbing at the screen with a hum.

You’re tired of letting everyone down. Amber, Andy, yourself. You’re not going to let Dr. Kemp down. You’re really going to try. You look over at the journal and take a deep breath.

They’re just pages, but you finally have someone to talk to. Someone you can tell everything. The paper can’t answer you but it can listen without judgment. And in the end, you can always crumple it all up and forget the words.

You get everything hung, folded, and some put aside for the wash. There’s a weight of dread in your feet. You don’t want to go downstairs, you’d rather stay up here and lay down. It’s been a long day and you’re exhausted.

You find Andy in the living room. You bring your tablet to quell your restless hands. You sit on the far end of the couch as he watches a ball game. You peel back the cover and take out the pen.

“Not a baseball fan?” He asks.

You pop your head up and look over at him. You shrug. You look at the screen as the umpire calls a strike.

“Don’t watch sports,” you answer.

“Ah, didn’t want to assume,” he leans forward, elbows on his arms as he presses his hands together, “we can watch something you like. I can catch the highlights tomorrow.”

“No, it’s okay,” you swipe the nib across the screen, “I like listening to this.”

You tuck your legs up and hunch over the tablet. You sense him watching you before he slowly leans back against the couch. You draw without thinking, a twisted elm tree with crows in the branches.

The commentators offer a steady soundtrack for your work. The crowd jeers then roars, swaying with the momentum of the game. You pick the perfect shadow of brow to add streaks to the trunk of the tree. You feel the couch shift but don’t look up. It isn’t until Andy’s right beside you that you tear your attention from your work.

He’s close. Very close. You sweat as heat radiates off of him. He stretches his arm behind you as he leans in to look at your drawing.

“Just a sketch,” you lower the pen.

“Pretty,” he says, “I’m not very artsy. Writing’s chicken scratch.”

You nod, “art is art. As long as you’re creating.”

“Pretty good way of looking at it,” he leans in closer, placing his hand on the corner of the tablet, “do you ever draw people?”

“Sometimes,” you answer, wilting at his proximity. He seems even bigger as he crowds you. You look up at the TV and drag the cover over the tablet, “why are they cheering?”

He lifts his head and exhales heavily. He retracts his arm from behind you and points with his other hand.

“Hitter just got a double and another player got home,” he says, “tied it up. If they can get another run, they’ll win. If not… well, another inning.”

“Oh,” you blink. You really don’t know much about baseball.

“We could go to a game, maybe, if you’re interested,” he offers, “they have great pretzels.”

“Maybe,” you keep your eyes on the TV, even as his head turns and he narrows in on you.

The heat between you becomes stolid. You have no space to turn over and you’re too afraid to stand up and go. You don’t want to upset him. He probably doesn’t realise how close he is. Plus, your personal bubble tends to be bigger than most.

The doorbell rings, breaking the tension, and drops his head as he grips his thighs. He stands with effort and you put aside your tablet. You listen as he answers the door and the crinkle of a paper bag underlines his exchange with the delivery driver.

He shuts the door and the smell of the take-out wafts in, stoking your hunger. You get up and meet him at the doorway, following him to the dining room. As he puts the bag down on the table, you wring your hands.

“Should I get plates?”

“Sure, sweetie,” he says as he rips past the staple in the fold of the bag, “that’d be great.”

🕊️

You can’t help but be relieved when Andy goes back to work. The house is still cold and lonely to you, but you’re happy to be alone. You set yourself a goal for each day; in the very least, you’ll make dinner, and when you feel up to it, you’ll do one other thing.

Monday, you spend most of the day painting. You make a decent amount of progress by the time Andy returns. You reheat leftovers for the night and make sure to tidy the kitchen.

Tuesday, you do the laundry. It feels like a great accomplishment as you sit and fold everything before Andy gets back. You leave his clothes on his bed. He’s pleased by your efforts and you are too.

Wednesday, you paint some more and vacuum the first floor. Thursday, you clean the bathroom, and Friday sees you so exhausted that you only do a quick sweep before starting supper. Each day, you record in your journal. Not just your tasks but your feelings; the pendulum between helpless and sad and proud swings back and forth throughout the week.

Saturday comes and you stay in bed late. You’re tempted to stay there and sleep all day until a knock sounds from the other side. You knew he wouldn’t let you.

“Dove,” he calls through, “you have an appointment at noon.”

“What?” you sit up and rush across the room. You crack the door open and peek out, “I didn’t know…”

“I mentioned it, didn’t I?” He asks.

He may have. Sometimes you forget things. You fight a frown and dip your chin.

“I’ll get ready, I’m sorry.”

“No problem. I’ll have breakfast waiting,” he looks through at you, his eyes searching, trying to see through the gloom. “Why don’t you wear some of your new clothes?”

“Oh, uh, sure,” you murmur, “thanks.”

You shut the door and watch the shadow underneath. He doesn’t go right away but when he does, you flip on the lights. You go to the closet and ponder the selection. It’s a bit overwhelming. The skirts and dresses.

You take out a pleated plaid skirt and a pumpkin coloured turtleneck. Andy didn’t particularly like it but he let you grab it anyway. You put it on with a pair of ribbed black tights. At least you’re covered up, even if it’s all a bit snug.

You go into the bathroom and get freshened up; brush your teeth, wash your face, put some moisturizer on. You’d started using more of the bottles piled into the basket. You feel bad just letting them go to waste.

You go downstairs, the smell of toast greeting you as you enter the kitchen. Andy looks over his shoulders and still the knife as he butters a slice. He turns to you fully and grins, “wow, you look… nice.”

“Oh, thanks, I…” you pull at the fabric across your stomach, “maybe I need a bigger size.”

“No, no, really,” he finishes scraping the butter across the hard bread, “you look really nice.” He grabs a plate and brings it to you as you stand by the island, “those tights look warm.”

“Um, yeah,” you look down, twisting one leg behind the other, “not really.”

He nods and clicks his tongue, “anyway, breakfast,” he hands you the plate, “enjoy.”

“Thanks,” you say as you take it, “er… are we going to see Dr. Kemp?”

“Uh huh,” he goes back to the counter and takes out another slice from the toaster, “you… you like him?”

“Sure,” you cradle the plate, slowly drifting to the door, “he’s nice.”

“Well, you know, you can always let me know if you don’t.”

“What?”

“Just… if he makes you uncomfortable or anything,” he shrugs, “you know I’m always here for you, dove.”

You don’t say anything else. You go into the dining room and set down your plate. You’re almost excited to go see Dr. Kemp. Strangely so. You can’t wait to tell him everything you did this week and talk about your new pens for your journal. It feels like you’ve actually made progress, for once in your life.

🕊️

You sit in the same chair as last time. Dr. Kemp stands by the window. His cool demeanour is a counterweight to your tense anxiety. You chew your fingertips as he turns and pace towards the wall. He stops and flicks on the electric kettle set on the polished console table.

“You like tea?” He asks.

“Um, yeah,” you clutch your hand into a fist and lay it on the armrest.

“Green? Black? I have Earl Gray,” he offers.

“Green is fine,” you wiggle your foot, the action drawing his gaze. His piercing blue eyes crawl up your legs and he considers you with calm calculation.

“New clothes?” He prompts.

“Y-yes,” you open your hand as you bend your arm, rubbing your neck.

“Hmm, cute. I liked that sweater you wore last time.”

“Oh, it was old,” you scratch along your hairline.

“It’s whatever you're comfortable in,” he says, “skirt’s nice but… I don’t know. Not quite you.”

You don’t comment. He’s not wrong. It’s too short and the pattern is cute but you find the fabric stiff. You bring your hand forward and tap your chin.

“So, did you have a good week?” He asks.

“I think… I did a lot. Exactly what you said,” you push your shoulders up, clasping your hands in your lap. He watches you intensely, not looking away as he listens. “I used the journal and uh, I made myself set goals. Erm, oh, I made dinner every night and I cleaned–”

“That’s great,” he turns and takes two mugs from the stacked tower of porcelain. He drops in the tea bags before he backs up. He crosses his arms, pacing around as he rubs his chin, “but what about things for you? Not cleaning or cooking. Those are chores. You should be doing things just for you.”

He leans on the side of the sofa. You squeeze your hands tight and teeter on the edge of the chair. Your chest sinks.

“Well, I… I guess I didn’t… I thought…”

“It’s okay, there’s no wrong answer here. But this week, I want you to focus on you. Do things for you. Treat yourself kindly,” he drops his arms and hooks his thumbs in the tops of his pockets, “you could do a face mask, have a bubble bath, or even just read a book you enjoy.”

“Oh, okay.”

“There’s nothing wrong with being nice to yourself. Self-love is important. If you don’t find worth in yourself, other people won’t either.”

“I’ll try,” you agree.

“That’s all you need to do,” he smiles as the kettle clicks off and he pivots on his heel. He pours the steaming water in the mugs and continues, “today, I think we should talk about your sister.”

“What?” You gulp.

“You mentioned her before. She seems to be a big part of your life,” he sets the kettle down, “I’d like to know more about her.”

You tuck your lip in and frown. You don’t know if you can talk about Amber. You’re still so confused about her. But what is all this for. To understand how you feel. And like he says, it’s all confidential.

“Amber… her name is Amber,” you eke out, “er…I don’t know where to start…”

“Take your time,” he coaxes, “we can take it slow.”

#andy barber #dark andy barber #dark!andy barber #andy barber x reader #fic #dark fic #dark!fic #series #au #library au #don't speak #defending jacob

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xoxomoonlightxoxo · 2 months

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Don't Get Attached | Drabble Series

"We're still on a break, got it?"

“Y/n?” a female voice is muffled by the sound of the music outside. Fixing my curls, I tighten the strap of my two-piece before turning to Yoona, the host of the nightclub I’m currently working at. Very odd pairing, I know, I’m still not sure how I got the job, but it’s quick money, right? It’s only been a few weeks since I started, but I still cringe over the idea of satisfying the male gaze, so, I try to numb that part of my consciousness at work. As far as I’m concerned, this is temporary, just until I can pay off my mom’s hospital bills. She was diagnosed with Diabetes a month ago and had to be hospitalized for treatment, which unfortunately, as with everything in this capitalistic world was not free.

Cut scene to the present time, I’ve learned to somewhat navigate this nightlife business, learning a few tips and tricks from the other girls, who are way older than me but are also struggling financially. I guess we are all just trauma-bonded in the end. To be quite frank, money wasn’t the only thing that fueled this decision of mine. Today also marks a month since Jungkook and I decided to take a break from our relationship. Nothing really happened aside from the fact that I was stood up and caught him with another girl, the usual plot, right? Anyway, I think this job came to me as a source of distraction, dissociating myself from reality until the thoughts in my head outscream the DJ at the front. Why didn’t we just break up, altogether? Fair question. Well, based on Jungkook’s words, he was meant to “change” over this period of separation and supposedly “can’t bear to lose me”, or something like that. We’ll see, he’ll either be my everything or yet another lesson.

“Someone is here for you. They’ve booked out a VIP room?” Yoona sounds and looks unsure, resting her head on the door frame before letting out a deep sigh.

“Who? Is it Mark? I told the security not to let him in anymore,” I say almost irritated by the mere thought of that man. Ugh, he was the epitome of a manchild, always whining and demanding everything to go his way. I’m sorry, but my dignity will not be negotiated over money. I would rather die poor than have someone walk all over me because they can.

“I’m not sure, I’m sorry. It’s so busy out there, you know with Valentine's Day and all,” she sighs, rubbing her temples. Oh, right. It’s also my first Valentine's without Jungkook in about two years. Just more fuel to the fire, I guess.

“That’s okay Yoona, thanks for letting me know,” I reassure her with a soft smile, taking a deep breath before heading out. She wasn’t lying, the club is full to the brim. Every corner is occupied by a man with a stack of dollar bills in his hands, surrounded by bottles of champagne and naked bodies.

Knock Knock Knock

“Hello … what? What are you doing here, Jeon?” I almost yelp, jumping from the sight of his rested form on the velvet couch. Those naked bodies that I mentioned before, well, turns out I wasn’t an exception, covered in nothing but a lacey two-piece bedazzled with fake rhinestones. So, you could imagine the panic in my eyes, as I tried to pathetically hide behind a nearby curtain. Technically, it’s nothing he hasn’t seen already, but now it’s different.

“I don’t know, what do people usually come here to do?” Jungkook grins, stretching his body before resting his head on his tattooed hand.

“How did you find me?” I snap, still behind the curtain, too ashamed to come out.

“Does it really matter if I’m already here?” there is a distinct hint of lure in his tone as his eyes focus on my furrowed expression.

“Stop playing. I told you we needed a break,” I snap again, only this time with my body fully exposed to his visual field. Crossing my arms over my chest, I walk towards him, determined to prove that I in fact am not flustered by his presence.

“I am on a break … and it’s pretty relaxing so far if I say so myself,” Jungkook grins, eyeing me up and down before leaning his arms on his knees, moving in closer.

“Well, I’m not dancing for you if that’s what you want,” I scoff, rolling my eyes at his teasing sense of humour.

“That’s okay, I don’t want you to dance,” he reassures with a soft smile, except nothing about him or this situation is soft. Suffocating at best.

“Then what exactly do you want?”

“Sit on my lap, y/n, and we’ll see what happens next,” he says hushedly, hooded gaze looking up at my scattering eyes as his hands trace up my thighs.

“Fuck off Jungkook,” I try to walk away until his grasp on my arm tightens, pulling me back onto his lap. Now, inches away from each other, there is virtually no air to breathe.

“Careful love, you know I only ask nicely once,” he whispers into my ear, softly nibbling on the skin before looking back at my flushed face.

“Let me go, Koo,” I insist with my gaze still lowered as I try to push myself out of his grip.

“Mhmm … Koo. I missed your voice. Say it again, y/n,” Jungkook pleads softly, leaning his head closer to meet my eyes. “Please?” he adds, caressing my red cheek with the back of his hand. Feeling my chest heave up, it’s hard to breathe. Unable to break out of his possession, there isn’t much I can do but give in to his desires.

“Koo?” I say softly, innocent eyes looking up at his darkened orbs as his fingertips traced my lips.

“Good girl, aren’t you?” he grins with a sly wink, before nuzzling his face into my neck, hugging my form tighter than before. Feeling his hot breath on my skin, I can’t help but succumb to the adrenaline and panic running through my veins.

“I have to go,” I stutter abruptly, moving his face up to mine. Searching his eyes, there is an evident sense of emptiness behind them. Sadness even.

“Please stay, y/n. You must be tired, let me take care of you,” he pleads into my palms, placing a soft kiss on the tip of my index finger which was covered by a bandaid. And, although I knew I would regret it later, I stayed.

“Okay,” I whisper, straddling his thighs as my legs go numb at this point. Nibbling on my lips, I watched as he pulled out a black ribbon out of his jean jacket.

“May I?” he asks innocently.

“Oh, do I have a choice?” I chuckle at the way that innocent smile of his quickly turned into a sly grin. Tucking a few curls behind my ear, Jungkook leans closer before tying the ribbon over my eyes, gentle with his touch. Giving up yet another sense to his possession, I feel the panic rush in again.

“Wait!” I snap abruptly, gripping his arms. “Whatever you do … this doesn’t mean anything. We’re still on a break, got it?” I try to convince both of us, before finally giving in.

“Of course, whatever you say y/n,” Jungkook whispers into a needy kiss, nibbling on my bottom lip as his hands unclasp the bedazzled bra. Feeling his kisses go down to my neck, purple hues of desire begin to mark my skin. One thing is for sure, our lust for each other has been desperately fueling the whole of that break. And, as I hesitate to touch him, Jungkook senses my tension before placing my hands on his exposed chest, gliding them up and down his defined abs.

“It’s still all yours, baby,” he whispers into my ear, laying me down on the velvet couch. Alarmed by the cracking sound in the background, my chest heaves up in suspense before a cold sensation hits my consciousness. Gliding an ice cube down my stomach, Jungkook’s hooded eyes watch in satisfaction as my back arches from the feeling. Licking the trail of melting water, he sucks on the soft skin, leaving a few love bites behind that turn me into a whimpering mess.

“Koo,” I whine, reaching out to feel his arms. That is until a yelp escapes my parted lips as he glides the melting ice cube under my panties, which are already wet. With my chest heaving up, there was no time to even protest as his grip on my thighs tightened, moving me closer to him.

“I’ll warm you up, baby,” Jungkook reassures with a raspy tone, helping me take off the lacey fabric before putting it in his pocket. Leaving a trail of kisses up my thighs, he stopped by my throbbing core which was now hot and cold at the same time.

“Hi, gorgeous,” he grins.

Don't Get Attached Masterlist

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callmelola111 · 11 months

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guilty conscience ☆ part five

← part 1 , part 2 , part 3 , part 4 ⭑

synopsis: it’s your first year at college and you’re 1,500 miles away from home. you’d feel completely alone if it wasn't for your attractive roommate ellie. will this attraction complicate the already uncharted territory? or will she be the answer to all your problems?

|✯| pairing & wc: college!ellie williams x roommate!reader. wc: 1.2k

|✯| cw (by part): 18+ themes (MDNI), fem reader, modern au!ellie, some angst, mild swearing, cat, discussions of cheating, light sexual themes

a/n: sorry to end on a more boring note, i was starting to lose inspiration at the end but i wanted to give y'all a happy ending after dragging reader through the mud these past 4 parts lol. thank you for the support on my first series, it has meant so so much to me. if you like my writing and want to see more feel free to leave a follow!! i have so many ideas in the works and coming to you guys hopefully very very soon. ♡

The sound of Cat’s voice echoed through the now silent bathroom. You and Ellie stood frozen in the stall just feet away from danger. Her hand remained over your mouth as your eyes glazed over with fear. All that bliss Ellie had given you just moments before was quickly ripped from your grasp by Cat herself. You were terrified for what was to come. As much as you hated Cat, Ellie was hers fair and square. She didn’t belong to you.

Ellies thoughts were less rational than yours as she began to picture the potential outcomes. You felt her hands get clammy on your face and the once present confidence vanish. Cat’s voice spoke again and you were both jolted out of your fear responses and faced with reality.

“Ellie, I can see your shoes just come out and-” her voice cut when she spotted a second pair of shoes in the stall along with her girlfriend. It was you. The bitch she was worried about the whole relationship; all of her fears were coming true.

“Ellie, who else is in there??”

With nowhere to run you and Ellie stepped outside of the stall and confronted the angry Cat. Ellie gushed out a string of apologies which you unjustly took offense to.

“You’re seriously saying sorry after I told you all about her little lie??” She already fucked you, the damage had been done, why bother with Cat if you’re the one she really wants?

“I don’t know, I don't know what I’m doing.” Ellie placed her head in her calloused hands. After everything, she felt so impartial to all of this, just wanting the drama to stop. Cat jumped in, trying to steer Ellie in her direction.

“Els, she's lying. I haven’t said shit to her. She’s just trying to drive a wedge in between us.” Ellie wasn’t even given a chance to speak as you jumped in to defend yourself.

“I’m not, you know I wouldn't do that. Cat’s the one who was mean to me in class before she even knew you and I were roommates.”

With this new development, Ellie decided to speak up, “You guys have a class together? Why did no one tell me?”

“I thought your girlfriend would’ve told you, and after a while of you guys dating I decided it best not to bud in anyways.” you explained.

Cat raced to cut you off, “You decided it best not to bud in? What are you doing right now, huh? You’re a liar. Ellie, she's a liar!!!” Ellie stood there dissociating from the “pick me, choose me” competition being held between her girlfriend and roommate. When she noticed the two of you silent, staring wide-eyed for approval, she finally spoke.

“I don’t know who to believe anymore. With all this fighting and drama I think it would be best to not get involved with either of you. I’m sorry…” Before you could say a word, she was gone with a swing of the bathroom door.

You sink down to the floor, letting the cold sensation of the tiles consume you. Cat had already disappeared in pursuit of Ellie but her harsh words had left you less than eager to continue the hunt. It was a reality check hearing Ellie stack you right along with Cat like that. Like you were just as delusional and obnoxious as her. No fucking way. You stayed in that same spot for a few more minutes before finally pulling yourself out of the self-pity thought spiral and going home.

Expectedly, you didn’t see or hear from Ellie after that. Your next few days consisted of school and Dina only. You pushed through your academic afternoons and then went straight to hers where she coached you through your heartbreak with movies, snacks, and music. Dina was the best friend you could’ve ever asked for. She let you talk shit and gush about Ellie as much or as little as you wanted. She learned all the ins and outs of your desperate love story and slowly realized it isn’t a lost cause just yet. Being a 3rd party bystander gave her the advantage to see a perspective you couldn’t. And seeing you hurt so much, she was willing to do whatever she could to aid the pain.

Dina quickly collected the evidence she needed and headed to talk to Ellie herself. She was determined to make this right. You had earned your happy ending and she was going to give it to you.

After asking just about everyone, Dina finally located Ellie who had been staying at her bandmates house. She was hesitant to talk at first but Dina had a way with words and soon enough they were deep in conversation about you, her, and the whole unfair situation. Dina came with receipts from the night of Ellie’s first show. Her texts showed you talking about Cat being there and being from your class. It was solid proof, not that you should have to prove yourself, but Dina gave Ellie the benefit of the doubt.

“I feel so stupid. This whole time I’ve been dating some bully when I could’ve been with Y/n.” Ellie explained, regret lacing her voice. Dina could tell she was caught up in her head about it all and urged her with advice.

“There’s still time for a happy ending Ellie. Do something now and feel sorry later.” She was blunt but right.

Ellie shot into action with a new sense of justice to her. Before you knew it she was standing in the door of your shared dorm bearing gifts and an apologetic smile.

“Ellie?” your eyes welled with salty tears. You didn’t think you’d be seeing her again so soon. And as she saw you stand there breaking she opened her arms welcoming your vulnerability. You accepted her embrace and buried your head into her chest as she used her palm to smooth your hair.

Ellie whispered into you, “I choose you Y/n. It’s always been you.”

“But… Cat…” you whimpered. Ellie squeezed you in tighter at the sound of your insecurity.

“I’ve liked you since day one Y/n. The only reason Cat ever came into my life was because it was easy. I knew if I was honest with my feelings about you I’d be susceptible to the pain that comes along with it. I didn’t wanna lose you. My fear of being alone took over and I picked to be with someone I knew I could never feel something real to avoid any actual hurt. It sounds so stupid when I say it out loud, but it’s true”

“It’s not stupid Ellie. I get it.” She crumbled with your words of reassurance. You felt a sense of safety within her arms and Ellie felt the same. She finally pulled back to retrieve a bundle of wild flowers she picked especially for you.

“Please, be mine, and I’ll be completely yours. Let me make up for all the lost time.”

Your expression softened, “Of course I’ll be yours Els.” She pulled you in by your waist and planted a long awaited kiss to your blushed lips. Forbidden love all of the sudden felt so overrated as you showered your new girlfriend with affection. Ellie wasn’t scared anymore and neither were you. There was a sense of peace and belonging that the two of you shared that day that no one could interfere with. It was love.

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azk0re · 4 months

Text

…and they were roommates! (pt. 2)

pairing: roommate!abby x black!femme!reader

synopsis: your sophomore year of college is starting in a few weeks, and you’re in dire need of a roommate. abby just so happens to be in a similar situation…

warnings: mdni, abby is bi (no bi erasure on this page), reader is black, reader is femme, reader is a simp tbh, strong language used, (y/n) is used (i had to guys i’m sorry T-T), reader is pretty sensitive (sorry not sorry), reader dissociates, reader is an overthinker

an: this has been sitting in my drafts for a lil while but i have not had the time or energy to post it because finals were kicking my ass. i’m struggling a ton with writer’s block so bear with me. this isn’t really a full cohesive chapter, it‘s kind of a filler chapter. again, this series is very self-indulgent on my behalf so reader is quite sensitive in terms of emotions and quite the overthinker. nonetheless, i hope y’all enjoy the (sort of domestic) fluff in it! - with love, ellie ♡

The first few days of living with Abby were kind of rocky. Not because the two of you were having a hard time living together, but because you were kind of avoiding her.

In your eyes, your attraction to her was still a problem and you were trying your hardest to get over it as quickly as possible by lounging around Heaven and Ellie’s place most of the day to avoid seeing her, much to Ellie’s displeasure.

You thought that simply spending as much time away from Abby would make your attraction to her lessen, but you were sorely mistaken because spending less time around her didn’t make her less attractive. Soon enough, you gave up trying to avoid her and started spending more time around the apartment instead of at Heaven and Ellie’s place. In doing so, you picked up on Abby’s daily schedule.

Abby hadn’t lied about being an early riser. From what you could tell, she got up every day before or with the sun, went to the gym, came home to shower and make breakfast for the both of you, and then, by the time you’d woken up, she was out the door again after leaving a sticky note on the fridge to let you know that your food was in the toaster oven near the stove to keep warm, and that she’d back in a few hours on her lunch break from work. The next time she’d come back was around lunchtime, and she’d come home, grab a snack, and check in with you before leaving again and coming home later in the evening.

You thought the breakfast thing was just a one time deal at first, until it happened again…and again…and again. After a while, you started to feel bad about the fact that you weren’t really doing much for Abby when she made you delicious breakfast every morning. You wanted to repay her for it but you didn’t really know how.

Your first idea was to reach out to Ellie and Heaven to see what the thought, and after being called an idiot by Ellie she gave you the brilliant idea of just simply making lunch for her every day since you were home during lunch time.

It became a bit of a tradition in the apartment for Abby to get home on her lunch break to food either already prepared or nearly ready, and the two of you would enjoy whatever you prepared for lunch together, discussing any and everything before she had to head out again for the second half of her shift.

This routine didn’t change much when classes finally did start, outside of the fact that now you spent a lot less time in the apartment. Abby’s schedule seemed to stay remotely the same, the only thing that changed was her spending more time home in the afternoon and evening than she had been before because her shifts were altered at work due to classes beginning.

Your routine changed pretty dramatically, though. You got a job right before classes started and had to spend less time around the house. When classes did start up, you spent even less time around the house in the afternoons and evenings.

You still tried to make Abby lunch everyday though, simply preparing it before you left for your 10 am class, and leaving it in the fridge for her to find when she inevitably made her way home in the early afternoon. For the most part that still worked. The only thing that was different about it was the fact that the two of you weren’t usually able to have your daily lunchtime talks.

Instead, those talks were pushed back to the evenings when you were both home. Before classes started, you and Abby spent most of your evenings alone in your own areas of the apartment, but when classes started you’d began making dinner together to make up for not being able to have lunch together anymore.

It’s where you found yourself now, sitting on a stool at the island in your and Abby’s shared kitchen while she tended to a stir fry in a pan on the stove, laughing while telling a story about something a close friend of hers, Manny, had said to her at work earlier in the day. She was in nothing but a white wifebeater and some joggers that fit her ass far too well. The view was spectacular from where you were seated. You could see the muscles in her back and arms tense and flex as she worked away at the meal on the stove.

“I’m really starting to think he believes that his dick is God’s gift to women,” Abby sighs, shaking her head as she pulls the pan off the heated eye of the stove, turning the stove off by the knob. You can’t see her face but you know there’s a smile sprawled across her features, just as there usually was when she spoke about her friends.

You giggle, “Of course he does, he’s a man. They all seem to think that.”

“Tell me about it,” she huffs, turning around to grab the plates beside the stove and plate the food, “sometimes I question why I even like them.”

“It’s a wonder to us all,” you drawl, false disappointment dripping from you tone which causes Abby to laugh as she picks up on it.

When she’s done plating the food, she sets a plate in front of you and one across from you before going to grab two forks from the nearby silverware drawer.

“So,” Abby starts, situating herself on the stool across from, “how did your day go?”

You sigh, looking down at your plate instead of at Abby. You honestly didn’t want to talk about the day you. You just wanted to forget about it.

Abby picks up on the abrupt shift in your mood immediately, “It was rough, huh?”

You nod you head, “Yeah, I ran into an ex fling and was late for my class this morning.”

“The class with that one asshole professor?” Abby inquires.

“Yeah, he made a show of embarrassing me for being late.” You tell her as you push around a piece of broccoli on your plate.

Abby hums, “That’s shitty,” she says, sounding genuinely sympathetic, “what happened with the ex fling?”

“She was just really passive aggressive. She was making conversation but I could tell she was upset about how things ended between us.”

“Ended? So, it wasn’t just like a one and done thing with her?” Abby asks, after taking swallowing a bit of her food.

You shake your head, “No, we were kinda working somewhat toward a relationship, I guess. It started out as a one night stand after a party but we kept seeing each other. But, after going to another party together…something happened and I ended whatever we had together.”

Abby hums again but doesn’t say anything more for a moment as you finally take your first few bites of the delicious stir fry she’d made.

After a moment or two, she speaks again but her voice is considerably lower and you can hear the cautiousness in her tone as she asks, “Do you mind if I ask what happened?”

The question makes you pause for a moment as you think back to the events of that night, trying to decide whether or not to tell Abby.

A few minutes pass before you finally decide, “I don’t mind telling you…just not now.”

Abby nods in understanding, “Okay, that’s perfectly fine. You don’t have to tell me at all if you don’t want to.”

You smile at Abby, grateful for her not pushing you to tell her and she returns that smile, “What do you want to watch after dinner?” She asks, effectively changing the conversation quickly as to not allow an awkward atmosphere to settle around the two of you.

You were on your way home from class one afternoon, trying to decide what to make Abby for dinner when you almost walk past a small box on the side of the the road. You stop dead in you tracks when you hear a very faint noise come from the box. You wait for a second, trying to see if you were simply hearing things when you hear it again.

The noise is muffled but it sounded like a weak meow. Your heart squeezed in your chest as you draw nearer to the box, cautiously flipping open the top flap to be met with the sight of tiny, adorable little kitten. It’s fur was splotched with orange, brown, black, and white, and it looked so cute.

You couldn’t help but coo at the small little thing as it peered up at you meowing almost silently. Who would ever just leave such a precious little kitten on the side of the road? You couldn’t possibly just leave the poor thing there, so, just like any sane person would do, you picked up the kitten and continued on your merry way to the nearest vet.

An hour later, you finally made it home with almost all of the necessities needed for the small little kitten that was currently tucked away in a little carrier courtesy of the vet you’d visited. It wasn’t until after you’d gotten everything set up in the house for the kitten that you realized you hadn’t ran keeping her by Abby yet.

A bit of panic started to set in as you realized your vital mistake. You might live here but this is Abby’s apartment, and you had no idea if Abby liked cats, if she were allergic to cats, or if she even wanted an animal in her home at all. You were overstepping a boundary and you knew that that was something Abby took quite seriously. If she really wanted to, Abby could put you out for this and you’d have no where to go.

You were so caught up in your overthinking that you didn’t hear the door of the apartment open, nor did you hear Abby shuffling at the front door to take off her shoes and jacket, or the sounds of her footsteps as they neared the living room where you were sat on the floor, with the little kitten held in your lap playing with your fingers as you stared blankly off into space.

You didn’t notice her presence until she cleared her throat, scaring the shit out of both you and the little kitten in your lap. When you turned to her, the first thing you notice was her outfit which was just a simple Henley long sleeve shirt and jeans. Her large arms were crossed over her chest, muscles straining against the fabric of her shirt, her eyebrow was raised in question, and there was a stern, unrelenting set to her jaw that let you know immediately that she was less than pleased with the image in front of her.

“(Y/N),” she starts, her voice sounding a tad more deeper than usual, “what’s that?”

She points at the small ball of fur now cowering away in your lap at the presence of someone new. You look down at her and back up at Abby slowly, feeling guilt crawl up the back of your neck.

“A kitty,” your voice is almost a whisper as you speak and she sighs deeply at the answer, immediately prompting you to continue speaking, “I’m sorry, Abby! I know I should have asked but I found her on the side of the road in a box and she sounded and looked so sad. I took her to the vet and they said she’s in pretty perfect condition. I know I should have asked before bringing her home especially since I don’t know if you’re allergic or anything but she’s just too cute and I didn’t want to just leave her there especially when our apartment building is pet friendly. I promise if you let me keep her I’ll do everything for her. You won’t have to buy anything for her or lift a hand for her, I’ll do it all! I promise! I’m so sorry, Abby-“

You’re just about in tears when Abby finally cuts off your pathetic ramble by simply holding up her hand. Her stern look contorts into one of sympathy as she looks at the state of you. To her, you looked so pretty and pathetic sitting there clutching the little kitten close to your chest with tears brimming your lash line and a pout on your lips. It was quite the sight and, in a different situation, Abby probably would’ve been a little more mean just to see your lip tremble and those tears pool enough on your lash line that they spill over and leave pretty trails down your cheeks. But, this wasn’t that type of situation and Abby knew that, so she quickly pulled her head out of her boxers and brought her attention back to the situation at hand.

“Calm down, sweetheart,” she soothes, voice as silky and sweet as honey, “I’m not mad and I’m not allergic to cats, either. I just would’ve liked to have been told beforehand.”

Abby comes closer to you, squatting to be on your level. A loan tear escapes your eye as relief washes over you and Abby wipes it away with her thumb, still looking at you with that same soft expression. She turns her attention to the little fur ball as a soft meow comes from the, otherwise silent, kitten who was looking up at her with big doe eyes that matched that of your own. She tentatively reaches out as not to alarm the kitten or you and scratches the little thing on her head with a single finger. Purrs erupt almost immediately from the little kitten causing an even wider smile to spread across Abby’s features.

You watch the exchange with a soft smile of you own, feeling your heartbeat pick up speed as you realize just how close you and Abby were at the moment. You’d been close before, having sat side by side to watch a movie or your favorite show together but never really this close.

She glances up at you, smirking a tad bit when she notices you already staring down at her, “She’s real cute, ain’t she?” Abby whispers softly.

You nod, “Can we keep her, Abby?” You whisper back, not breaking eye contact with Abby, “Please Abby? Please?”

Something flashes quickly over Abby’s eyes but it’s gone before you can figure out what it is and she averts her eyes from your own. She instead turns her attention back to the kitten, clearing her throat.

“Yeah, we can keep her,” she finally says.

You let out a squeal scaring the kitten you were holding which scrambled out of you arms, down onto you lap, and scuttled behind Abby’s leg.

Abby laughs at the display in front of her, scooping the kitten up as she stands, “Have you thought of a name for her yet?”

Once you’ve gotten yourself together you answer, “I was thinking Mochi. I know it’s kind of an odd name but, for some reason, it just feels right for her.”

“Hm,” Abby hums to herself, looking down at the kitten that’s not rubbing herself all over Abby purring loudly, “It’s not odd, it’s just unique. I think you’re right, it does fit her.”

Abby raises the kitten off of her chest and looks it in the eyes, “Welcome to the family, Mochi.”

You try not to let the fact that she’s just called the relationship between you, her, and your newly adopted cat a family, and instead rejoice again in the fact that now you have a cute little kitten to call your own.

A few hours later, you were laid up in your room without Mochi who opted to follow Abby around as she finished up her night routine. Clearly she’d chosen a favorite person and it was not you. Abby promised to bring her to you after she was done since the little thing refused to leave her side. You would be jealous but you can’t blame Mochi. You’d follow Abby around everywhere too if you were a cat. Mochi just had the same taste as her mama. Good taste, too.

You were just about to turn in for the night after plugging your phone onto its charger when it pinged and the bright light of the screen lit up the dimly lit room around you. You unlock your phone and open your messages app to see some texts from Heaven.

You quickly prop yourself up on the headboard waiting for the FaceTime call that came in seconds later. You answer it and, almost immediately, your phone is being taken up by the faces of your two best friends, Heaven and Ellie. They seemed to be laying on their bed, Heaven slightly on top of Ellie, with the phone angled just so to where both of their faces were visible.

“Alright girl, spill your guts.” Heaven says almost immediately and spill your guts you do.

You tell her all about the events leading up the the family comment from Abby, trying not to be loud or speak too much about how you felt about it as Abby could be coming to your door to drop off Mochi any minute now.

“She can’t be that hot,” Ellie comments absentmindedly after you’ve finished, staring at something off behind the screen that was more than likely a soccer game playing on their TV.

“Oh no, baby, she’s fucking hot.” Heaven tells her, looking over at Ellie who glances down at her, “Like really hot.”

You’re about to say something else when a soft knock on your door that’s soon followed by the soft little meow interrupts you.

“Come in,” you say, smiling already and Abby hasn’t opened the door yet. You hear Ellie groan through the phone and you know for a fact that it’s 100% because of the smitten look that’s no doubt on your face.

Abby slowly opens your door and peaks in with a goofy smile. Her hair is down, which is not a sight that you’ve seen often, and she was in Batman themed pajama pants and a simple black wife beater, “Hey,” she says, her voice soft, “I came to drop off the little monster.”

“You can’t call a baby a monster, Abby,” you reprimand, “that’s mean.”

Abby snorts and you hear cackle from your phone that sounds eerily similar to Ellie’s laugh, “Oh yes I can, especially when the baby in question keeps trying to crawl up my legs every time I set her down.”

Abby walks over to the side of your bed, placing Mochi right beside as she meows loudly in protest, “It’s not her fault you’re built like a tree. Poor thing’s probably just confused.”

Abby rolls her eyes, picking Mochi up yet again as she tries to climb back into Abby’s embrace by climbing up her top. She hisses in response to the scratch of the kitten’s nails against her skin underneath her shirt, and the sound definitely doesn’t do things to. It does not.

After getting her detached from her again, Abby hands Mochi over to you, “Here, go to your mama, Mochi.”

You feel your stomach do a flip at the mention of the use of the term ‘mama’ coming from Abby as you sit your phone down beside you and take Mochi into your arms. She struggled for a little bit before relaxing against you and beginning to purr.

“Hi, Abby!” Heaven hollers from the phone beside you, startling you a bit.

“Hi, Heaven..?” There’s some uncertainty present in Abby’s tone as she looks at you for confirmation, and you nod your head letting her know that she was correct in her assumption.

You glance down at the phone to see that the only face that was taking up the screen now was Heaven’s. Ellie seeming to have gone off somewhere on her own.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t realize you were on the phone.” Abby speaks softly, pulling your attention away from your phone.

You smile up at her reassuringly, still petting the small kitten now laying in your lap, “You’re fine, it’s just Heaven and Ellie, no one special.”

The both of you hear Heaven gasp offendedly from the phone, “Excuse me? ‘No one special’? Do you hear this, Ellie?”

Although Ellie’s face is not present on the screen, you and Abby hear her voice shout from somewhere else in the room, “Yup! I’ll remember that next time you wanna come hide out at our apartment.”

Abby chuckles, “Hide out from what exactly?”

“Nothing!” You rush out quickly getting another chuckle out of Abby.

“Alright then,” she laughs, “well, I’m gonna head to bed, don’t wanna keep you from talking to Heaven and Ellie,” Abby speaks softly, nodding toward the phone still laid on your bed beside you.

“Okay,” you say, nodding you head, “goodnight, I’ll see you in the morning.”

“Goodnight, Abby!” Heaven shouts from the phone again.

“Goodnight, Heaven.” Abby replies, chuckling a little.

She smiles at you, leaning forward to give Mochi one more scratch on the head as she falls asleep in your lap, “‘Night, Mochi.” Abby coos softly.

She then looks up at you with a smile on her face and a glint in her eye, “Goodnight, sweetheart.” Before you can even fully process her words, she’s stood up straight, turned on her heels, and left your room nonchalantly as if she didn’t just leave you in shambles.

The moment Heaven and Ellie heard the door to your room close shut, they erupted in giggles, “Did she just call you sweetheart?” Heaven squeals while Ellie, who’s face has finally popped back into the screen, laughs at the awestruck look on your face through the phone screen.

#tlou #tlou2 #the last of us #ellie tlou #tlou hbo #abby tlou #tlou part 2 #tlou fanfiction #tlou fic #abby anderson #abby the last of us #abby x reader #abby x fem!reader #femme lesbian #femme reader #black reader #modern au #roommates #college au

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pinkeoni · 1 year

Text

Theory: The Upside Down is Will’s Original Hiding Spot

“He’s good at hiding.”

In season one, One (either through himself physically or through a demogorgon he controlled) destroyed Castle Byers, which was Will’s final hiding spot and last safe space.

Symbolically, this is meant to show how this experience has literally destroyed his childhood, he no longer has a safe space because no space will ever feel safe again.

However, I think this instance of One destroying Will’s hiding spot might be indicative of a more literal meaning as well.

So atp I’m fairly confident that Will has been connected to the Upside Down since way before One ever kidnapped him, which is why he went after him in the first place.

The Upside Down was Will’s original hiding spot, and One took it over in the same way he destroyed Castle Byers.

I’ll explain:

So in season one Jonathan keeps repeating that Will is good at hiding. And he was hiding— in the Upside Down.

It’s implied that the reason Will is so good at hiding was because of his dad. But once he left, Will no longer needed to hide and Castle Byers became his new safe space. Jonathan even tells Hopper that Will used to hide in Castle Byers.

Now this kinda contradicts what I just said, but it’s also important to note that Castle Byers didn’t go up until after Lonnie left. Before that, Will would have lacked a safe space for himself to go.

So what I’m proposing is that Will had a safe space before Castle Byers, and that space was the Upside Down.

I’m not saying that Will would go through a gate every time he needed to hide from his dad, rather this would work in a similar way to his true sight ability in season two. Will’s physical body would be in the in the Rightside Up, but he would physically manifest in the Upside Down as well. While the real world was dangerous, his consciousness would take him somewhere safe. We know that Will was physically in the Upside Down since the Mind Flayer was able to physically enter his body. We didn’t see the particles in the field where he was possessed, it was able to enter his body because he was actually there too.

So let’s say, for example, Lonnie would come home drunk and start getting violent. Will might find somewhere actually in the house to hide, for example a cabinet, but then as an extra protective measure his powers would bring him to the Upside Down and away from danger.

I think this would be akin to some kind of short-term dissacociation, which is basically a defense mechanism for traumatic situations that are hard to get away from.

This article also attributes dissociating to the freeze response, which is stated in the show to be Will’s fear response.

I don’t think Will was ever conscious of doing this, and he was probably so small when it was happening that he didn’t process what was really going on. Rather, I think this ability is triggered by extreme fear, more specifically fear of his father. In fact, I think this ability might be how Will actually went into the Upside Down in episode one. One was able to trigger a fear response so powerful that Will teleported into the Upside Down. And since the gate was open, all of Will went inside. I think this might be why he brought an impression of Hawkins with him. Kinda like a pinhole in a camera obscura, the moment that Will phased into the UD he brought with him an image of the town at that exact moment.

Now, in season two, Will does not go completely into the UD, despite the gate being open. This is because the Soteria is likely in his neck at this point, greatly supressing his powers. Furthermore, One had some control over when this was happening, although I do think he was amplifying it using Will’s emotions. I think there’s a reason he decided to do this during the anniversary of Will’s trauma.

An important part of this theory is Castle Byers, more specifically when and why it was built. Jonathan says in s2 that they built it the night dad left. As I hypothesized before, Will was phasing into the Upside Down because of his dad specifically, but then Castle Byers became his new safe space. As such, he wouldn’t need to phase into the UD, leaving an opening for someone to take it over.

We never get an exact date for when Lonnie left, but we know that it was some time before the events of s1. Furthermore, we don’t know how much time One was wandering around in the UD before he took it over, but it looks like he had been there for quite a while. I’m willing to bet that Lonnie left either before One took over the UD, meaning that Will wouldn’t have been occupying it and leaving a space for One to easily take it over.

This echoes exactly what One did to Castle Byers at the end of season one: He destroyed Will’s safe space.

Another important facet is how Will was able to hear his mom through the Upside Down, but Joyce was not able to hear him. If you wanted to hide from someone, it’s important they not hear you. However, it would be important to listen for when the coast is clear. Maybe whenever Will hid, it was always temporary, because eventually his mother would always reassure him that everything was okay and make him feel safe.

When Will is in the Upside Down in season one, the fear never goes away. Now that One is in charge, the creatures there are after him, and no amount of hiding will allow him to feel safe. This is why he can’t teleport back, because he doesn’t feel safe. But still, he is able to harness the love he has for his mother and find a way to communicate through the lights.

I know this post is already very long but I’ll write out the timeline here:

When Will is younger Lonnie is an abusive shit. Whenever Will gets scared and hide his consciousness takes him to the Upside Down for safety. When Lonnie leaves Will no longer needs to do this and Castle Byers becomes his new safe spot. At some point between Lonnie leaving and the start of season 5, One takes over the Upside Down, effectively destroying Will’s sense of security both figuratively and literally. Will hides in the UD Castle Byers has his last safe spot and it’s After the events of season one, Will has a Soteria placed in his neck (either by One or by Owens) which filters his teleporting abilities and comes through as True Sight.

#stranger things #stranger things theory #long post #my theory #will byers #will byers has powers #will has powers #tw lonnie byers #tw child abuse #also credit to kaypeace21’s theories on dissociation #this is my take on it #byler #<- target audience #not byler related #i know this is super long and rambly but #i tried to make it shorter and i just couldn’t 😭

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ectobabble · 7 days

Text

Glitter Roots Fic Snippet

✨Glitter Roots✨<- // I started this in January and it didn't do well, I wrote way too much, so I'm spamming it. Sorry.

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Rate: PG | Sunshine x Sunny | Tooth Rot Fluff + Comfort

Reader/MC has Dissociative Identity Disorder

Glitter Roots is a prequel to 'The Imposter' from Shiny's perspective. Expecting to work with Sun and Moon in the theater, Shiny is disappointed that they were locked away in Parts and Service.

Shiny's existence is based on external validation and performing for others, essential for survival as a child but a hindrance as an adult. They pour their heart and soul into the daycare and the well-being of Sun/Moon, regardless of their own needs. Sun/Moon struggle with the memories of the reprogramming and virus but learn how to be a person again while sprouting a relationship with their new handler/assistant. ---- Meeting Sunny:

“SUNNY!” They exclaimed like a child, running up to him and dropping everything that they were doing with the technician.

Sun startled at the noise but eagerly stood up to greet them. “Hello! WOW. Your outfit? It’s exciting!” He pressed his hands against the glass. “Are you from the daycare?” He tapped his fingers on the glass nervously.

“I’m going to be at the daycare. It’s my first day! And then I went and talked to my boss, Lydia about what I’d be working on and she said that I’d be working mostly with you because she said that I remind her of her daughter and she said that we’d be good working together. Maybe her daughter is good with kids, she didn’t want to talk about it. You know her? Or remember her, I mean. She said she worked at the daycare before it closed down. Now it’s opening again and…”

Shiny had to stop to take a large breath. You’re talking too much. Too excited again. Stop. Stop it. That didn’t stop their mouth from running. “I have been waiting to meet you for so long. I used to watch you perform back when you did theater! You were amazing!”

Sun put up a finger, to try and wedge his way into the one-sided conversation but failed.

“You can call me Sunshine. Lydia said we could put nicknames on our pins for the kids and I thought that was awesome! My friends used to call me Sunshine at summer camp! I wanted to keep it since it’s less serious and I thought it’d be cute. Actually, maybe I should have asked you first? Is that okay? I hope that’s okay! I should stop talking. Sorry. Talking. I’m talking more… It’s good to meet you. I hope we can hang out sometime!”

“Ho-Ho Ho! Aren’t you quite the chaaaatterbox! You say you’re in summer caaaaamp?! That sounds like so much fun! How old are you, little superstar? You look so tiny!”

Sunshine immediately lost all the charisma they had built up, so much so that Sun flinched at the sudden change in expression and tone. “I’m old enough to have a job… I like what I like and age shouldn’t matter… I heard you’re not a fan of adults either. I hope it’s not a bad thing.”

“Wow, really?” He cocked his head, though there was a noticeable change in his demeanor. “I can’t tell with the face paint.” He didn’t say whether it was alright or if he liked it… now that Shiny was thinking about it, he didn’t say if their name was alright either. They weren’t making a good impression with anyone…

Sunshine: …I gotta fix it. It can’t end like this, they’ll take over and I’ll lose everything again. I can’t go BACK. This has to work so they can’t get mad at me.

If Sun didn’t like it then they could tone it down! Lydia seemed to think it was too much. The little kids liked it… Sunshine started analyzing everyone’s reactions during the day. Maybe their other was right, they weren’t cut out for this. They quit their only job, their safety net, and took a risk on a stupid dream-. “I’m glad you can’t tell. That’s good.”

“Did you do face painting today?” Sun tilted his head, tapping the glass. “I would have loved that! Who painted you? Did Lydia?”

Sunshine winced, their voice had gotten much weaker. “I uh… did it before coming over. I figured it was okay because… kids… daycare.”

“It looks so happy! Like flower freckles!” He chuckled. “It matches the clips in your hair. I bet the kids liked it. It reminds me of the theater costumes we used to have! Ah, memories…” It sounded like it was sad nostalgia.

“Lydia got a little upset about it since the kids wanted to face paint too… I had to promise to not do it on days when we’re not painting. That’s my bad. I don’t think before doing things… I wanted it to be extra special. I really really really want to make this job work.” They closed their fists and and shook them to punctuate their words. They needed to be liked. They needed this job. They needed friends and have people depend on them.

They couldn’t go BACK.

“I do remember Lydia! She is one of the nicer staff. I didn’t mind working with her… She’s such a nice granny. Do you know when I’m scheduled to get out? I have been very good. They say I’m all better now! Healthy! Tip top shape.”

Sunshine frowned. “I - uh - don’t… Actually, I’m not supposed to really be here. I came down after work… and the technicians are ignoring me right now so I think it’s okay?” Behind them were the technicians tolling away at some service bots, unbothered by Sunshine hanging around.

“Rulebreaker.” He gasped.

“Not really. See, I got a pass!” They showed Sun their security badge. “My workday ended and I just came here because Lydia said that you were here and I really wanted to see you. I’ve always wanted to work with kids and never got the opportunity to apply.”

“Juuuust because you have the means, does not mean that it is right.” Sunny crossed his arms and looked away dramatically, then he completely dropped the act and leaned down to be face to face with them and whisper, “I am glad you visited though. It’s been a while since I’ve talk talk TALKED with someone new. You look like a rainbow threw up on you!” He giggled. “You must like color a lot.” Sunny prompted them, trying to continue the conversation. He probably was just as attention starved as Sunshine was.

But he didn’t like it, did he?

“I do.” Sunshine was afraid they were going to slip from being out again. If there was one thing their other fed off of it was insecurity and doubt, and they could get a full meal out of something as small as this.

Other: Did you put this shit in our hair again? Oh man, where are we? Are you playing dress up? Are we out in public looking like a clown?! Against their will, Sunshine began to take the pins out of their hair. It was a losing the battle. As they lowered the head to pull the clips out, the light caught on the glitter roots.

Sun gasped. “You got glitter glue all up in your hair!”

Sunshine was shaking a little. People liked it though, right? They made people smile today and the kids seemed to like it… “Oh. I did that on purpose. It’s hair gel mixed with glitter. It’s a trend.. Or it was…” That was a scary thought too; it was a trend eight years ago and yet they remembered seeing it like yesterday. “I saw it online and I thought it’d be cool to try. It’ll wash out… and its biodegradable. Team Mother Earth! Haha…” Sunshine cleared their throat, pulling another clip out.

“No no no! I’m sorry, new friend! It looked good! I haven’t seen a person that colorful before. You look like a little fairy. Heh!”

“I realize now that I overdid it…” Sunshine was getting self-conscious, a foreign feeling.

“You look perfect for the daycare! Don’t listen to the sticks in the mud! I’m sure the kids loved it! Avant garde! Inspired! You look like arts and craaaaafts.” Sun sang as he spun his rays. “That’d be great at parties - we should play dress up with the kids sometime to do plays! I’d love that! We should definitely do that.”

“I want the party on the inside to match the party on the outside.” Sunshine was gaining their confidence back, if only a little. “I hope, uhm, we get along when you come back out.”

Sun clapped his hands. “We shall see! I’m so excited to see the kids again! We’re going to have so much FUN! We should add face painting sometimes! I miss fingerpainting. My ballpit! It’s still there?”

“It is!” Sunshine suddenly jumped, remembering something important. “Here! I wanted to give you something anyway. I got this for you because it’s my first day and I figured ‘Hey, this would be cool! Maybe he’d like it as a welcome present back to the daycare.’ I used to watch you do theater before and it really helped get me through some dark times. That’s pretty much the reason I wanted to start working here is because I wanted -.” They took a much needed deep breath. “Sorry. I meant to say: I got you this.”

Shiny lifted up a little party bag they had prepared and impatiently waited all day to give to him. 💖

#fnaf au #fnaf security breach #fnaf fanfic #daycare attendant moon #daycare attendant sun #fnaf daycare attendant #tooth rotting fluff #sundrop #dca #sun x reader #sun x oc #sun x y/n #dca fanfic #imposter glitter roots

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steddieas-shegoes · 11 months

Text

Chapter 14

Chapter 1 / Chapter 2 / Chapter 3 / Chapter 4 / Chapter 5 / Chapter 6 / Chapter 7 / Chapter 8 / Chapter 9 / Chapter 10 / Chapter 11 / Chapter 12 / Chapter 13

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“He isn’t answering, Robin. I don’t know if I did something or if he isn’t okay or what,” Eddie said into the phone, his pacing across the floor making him more anxious instead of less.

“Eddie, take a deep breath. He was asleep in bed last night and probably is just busy at work today.”

“But he knows he has to at least send a quick text. It’s a rule.”

Eddie didn’t want to go into more detail, and he knew Robin didn’t want more detail, but he needed to know that Steve was safe, that he hadn’t dropped after their intense weekend together.

“I’m putting Chrissy on the phone,” Robin said suddenly, the sound of her handing her phone off loud in his ear.

“Eddie.”

“Chrissy. Where did Robin go?”

He was met with silence.

“Chrissy.”

“Steve’s here.”

Shit.

“Shit. Is he okay?”

Eddie’s heart was racing, his breath starting to come in short pants instead of normal inhales and exhales.

He could only hear small snippets of Robin’s voice in the background, but couldn’t hear what she was saying, and he couldn’t hear Steve at all.

“He’s not talking.”

“Chris, please let me try to talk to him. Please.”

She was walking, he could tell, but he still didn’t hear anything except for Robin whispering something.

“Let me talk to him!”

“Not until you calm the hell down, Eddie. He’s not okay and you aren’t okay, and nothing you do is going to help either of you with the way you are right now,” Chrissy said calmly, but seriously.

“Okay. Is he crying?”

“No. He’s just staring.”

“Shit.”

“I don’t think it’s a drop, Eddie.,” Chrissy said, her voice remaining calm, but Eddie could hear Robin panicking and that wasn’t helping.

“You don’t know what his drop looks like.”

“Eddie, I am hanging up in 30 seconds if you don’t chill. Seriously, Robin is already making it worse. Actually, here.” The phone was set down, he heard Chrissy say something to Robin, and then it was picked back up.

“He hasn’t been like this for a long time. I don’t know what to do. I-”

“Robin, stop. Has he moved?”

“Not since he sat on the couch.”

“Has he made any noise at all?”

“Nothing except breathing.”

It wasn’t a drop, then. But something happened to make him dissociate, something big.

Was this why he hadn’t answered any of Eddie’s texts or calls? Was it something Eddie did? He didn’t know how it could be, they hadn’t spoken since he left his house yesterday.

Which meant this probably happened yesterday, whatever it was that was making Steve break their rule, make himself small and quiet, turn into the person Eddie had hoped was starting to disappear.

“Okay, let me talk to him.”

“I don’t know if he even knows we’re here,” Robin muttered, her feet shuffling on the carpet in their apartment.

“Put me on speaker then. Please.”

He heard Chrissy’s soft voice as soon as he was put on speakerphone, heard her trying to get Steve to focus on her and talk. Doing what he should be doing.

He didn’t have time to feel guilty or jealous, he just needed to hear Steve’s voice and make sure he knew he was on his way.

“Stevie? Sunshine?” Eddie paused, hoping for anything, any response other than silence. When he didn’t get anything, he kept talking. “You don’t have to talk if you don’t want to. Hopefully you’re listening and you can see Robin and Chrissy are there to help.”

“Keep talking,” Chrissy said close to the phone. “He’s looking.”

“Come back to us, sunshine. Whatever happened will be okay. We can figure it out. We’re a team, right? You and me? I just want to know what’s going on in that beautiful head of yours.”

He heard a small whimper and then shuffling, and a sob.

“Stevie? Okay, I’m FaceTiming.”

He didn’t wait for them to agree, he just switched over and waited for someone to press accept.

He was met with Chrissy’s face, and the sound of Steve’s sobs and hyperventilating.

He could just make out Robin’s shoulder in the background.

“Let me see him,” Eddie demanded.

Chrissy pointed the phone towards Robin holding Steve against her chest, whispering to him, but looking at the phone with panic written all over her face.

“Robin, can you please check his heart rate?”

“I-”

“I’ll do it,” Chrissy interrupted, bringing the phone with her and focusing it on Steve’s profile as she checked his pulse. “A little fast. Steve, honey, you gotta take long, slow breaths. Let’s all do it together.”

Eddie let Chrissy handle this part, it was easier to get him to breathe correctly when he could see and feel someone doing it.

But he paced. He felt like his nerves were exploding under his skin, like his whole body was shaking with pent up energy, that his brain was yelling at him to be there for Steve right now.

“There ya go, keep going, honey,” Chrissy said softly, still managing to hold the phone so Eddie could see Steve taking in breaths.

“You’re doing so good, sweetheart,” Eddie added, wanting to let Steve know he was here, and watching, and waiting for him to be okay.

It went on for a few more minutes, until finally Chrissy said his heart rate was normal again, and Steve’s body had slumped further against Robin.

“Sunshine? Can I come over and see you?”

Steve shook his head.

That…well, it hurt. His chest immediately felt hollowed out and his throat and eyes stung with the threat of tears.

“Do you want to come here?” He asked, though he knew it sounded wet, maybe a bit detached.

Steve nodded against Robin’s chest.

Relief rushed through Eddie’s body. He let out an exhale, probably much too loud going off of the look Chrissy shot him through the phone.

“Do you want me to come get you or do you want Chrissy and Robin to bring you here?”

“Robin.”

“Okay, sunshine. Can you look at me for a second?”

Steve moved his head, opened his eyes so that he could do what Eddie asked him to.

“There you are. My sweet boy,” Eddie ignored the whimper Steve let out, didn’t want to draw more attention to anything happening than was necessary. “They’ll take good care of you until you’re here, sweet thing. I promise.”

Steve nodded, but Eddie could still see fresh tears falling from his eyes.

Seeing Steve like this made Eddie feel unsteady, like the world around him could collapse at any moment.

He’d seen him drop, and he’d seen him upset before, but this was something entirely different.

Chrissy walked away with the phone, glancing over her shoulder once before shutting herself in, presumably, Robin’s room.

“Eds, this isn’t good. I don’t know what it is, but if Robin is panicking like this, it’s bad. She’s seen him through some tough shit. Isn’t he supposed to be at work right now? He works all day, right?”

That thought hadn’t even crossed his mind, but when he looked at the clock and saw it was only ten in the morning, his heart sank.

“Yeah. Something must have happened at work. I just wanna get him stable and then I can find out what it is.”

“I know you know this, but you can’t put him under like this,” Chrissy warned.

He would be upset that she thought he was that dumb, but he knew she was just worried and wanted to protect both of them.

“I know. Just get him here safe. Please.”

“See you in 15.”

—------------------------------

Eddie used the time to call his only client for the day and reschedule, offered him a free hour session to make up for it even though he was understanding and didn’t mind.

He considered drawing a bath, but figured Steve was probably feeling vulnerable enough without also being naked.

He decided to heat up water for some tea, grabbed a few blankets and a pillow from his bed, and set up a fortress on the couch.

He wanted Steve to feel safe, and the only way to do that was to surround him with comfort and familiar things. As much time as he’d spent at Eddie’s house over the last week, most of it should be pretty familiar.

He was just stirring some honey into the tea when his front door opened. He didn’t rush, didn’t want to overwhelm Steve, so he slowly made his way out to the living room.

Robin had Steve against her side, his face buried in her shoulder and body curled in on itself.

Chrissy was on his other side, offering silent support and ready to step in if Robin needed her to.

Eddie owed them both.

“Hey, sunshine,” Eddie said as he got closer. “You look kinda tired. I made us a fort on the couch and some tea to settle you a little.”

Steve nodded against Robin’s shoulder, but didn’t move.

“Robin can go sit with you if you want.”

As much as he would love to be able to hold Steve himself, comforting him wasn’t about what he wanted. He knew Steve needed Robin for some things, just like he needed Chrissy for some things.

But Steve shook his head and pulled it away from her shoulder, then pulled away from her side, stumbling a bit.

“Woah. Easy, sweet boy,” Eddie hurried over to hover his hands around him in case he lost his balance. “Let me help you, okay?”

Eddie wrapped his arm around Steve’s waist, just to make sure he wouldn’t fall, but he immediately collapsed against his chest and let out a sob.

“Don’t go,” Steve cried.

Eddie looked over at Chrissy with a questioning look.

“I’m not going anywhere, sweet boy. Promise. I’m gonna help you to the couch,” Eddie said as he tried to guide him, but Steve wouldn’t budge, just wrapped his arms around Eddie’s waist tighter. “My love, it’ll be much comfier on the couch.”

Steve was crying into Eddie’s shirt, he could feel the moisture soaking through it and making it stick to his skin.

Eddie ignored the way Chrissy and Robin were staring and picked Steve up, making sure he wrapped his legs around his waist.

“That’s it, let’s get you cozy, sweetheart.”

Eddie slowly made his way to the couch, his hands tightening on the underside of Steve’s thighs as he walked, not wanting to risk him slipping even an inch.

He sat down with Steve in his lap, forgetting about the tea for now and hoping that just being here with him would settle him down.

“I think we’ll head out if you’ve got it from here,” Chrissy said quietly. “Robbie, you wanna say bye to Steve?”

Robin walked over to them, gave Eddie a sad smile, and leaned in to kiss the back of Steve’s head.

“I love you, dingus. Call me later?”

Steve nodded against Eddie’s chest.

“Love you,” he said without moving his head away from Eddie’s shirt.

Robin seemed to relax a bit at those words, like she was waiting for some verbal confirmation that he was actually aware of where he was and who he was with.

Eddie figured that was a good thing to be worried about with the state Steve was in.

He waved to both of them, thanked them for handling things so well, and told them he’d check in with them in a couple hours.

As they left, Steve shuffled in his lap a little, letting out small breaths against his shoulder and neck.

“Hey, sweet boy. You wanna lay down or stay like this for a bit?”

Eddie knew this position would get uncomfortable for both of them after a while, but he wasn’t going to move until Steve wanted to.

Steve was in control.

Always, but especially now.

Steve just let out a small whimper, which wasn’t an answer, and no matter how much Eddie wanted to let him get away with it, he couldn’t.

“Sunshine, I know it’s hard, but I need you to answer me. I want you to be comfortable and if you don’t tell me what you want, I won’t know.”

His voice was soft, gentle, but had just a hint of his dom voice so Steve would actually listen.

“Stay,” Steve responded.

It felt loaded, full of meanings that Eddie couldn’t quite grasp yet, but hoped Steve would be able to explain soon.

Eddie was a patient person, especially when it came to Steve, but his worry would far exceed any patience he had soon.

But for now, he stayed. He kept Steve. He held Steve close, let him cry, let him hold tight to his shirt, let him find comfort where he could.

He didn’t know how long they stayed like that, but eventually Steve started clawing at his shirt, barely pulling away as he tried to pull it off.

Eddie grabbed his hands, gently held them to his chest.

“I’m not taking off my shirt right now, sunshine.”

“Need you,” Steve whined, finally looking up at Eddie’s face.

Eddie broke.

Steve looked at him like he was saying goodbye, or like Eddie was going to say goodbye.

But that couldn’t be it. Eddie was with Steve, holding him through whatever pain he was feeling, letting him feel it.

“Please.”

The word came out desperate, more than any other time Eddie had heard him beg. It was gut wrenching, and Eddie had to fight himself to not give in. Now wasn’t the time, just like Chrissy said.

“Sweetheart, you’re hurting. I can’t let you push yourself like that until we talk about everything and you’re feeling better,” he cupped Steve’s cheeks in his hands, felt how warm his face was from the crying, and leaned in to kiss his forehead softly.

“You don’t want me?”

If Steve hadn’t spent the last hour or so crying, he probably would have started again. His lip was quivering, his voice barely more than a broken whisper.

“Stevie, listen to me.” Eddie felt like he needed to cry. “I want you so much all the time. It’s never about me not wanting you. It’s dangerous for you to get floaty on me when you’re like this, okay? You’d most likely drop hard after and I think it would be bad enough that I wouldn’t be able to help. I can’t put either of us in that position, sweetheart. It doesn’t mean I don’t want you, it means I want to take care of you. You understand?”

“But I need you.”

“I need you to feel better first. I love you, more than anything, and I need you to understand that before anything else happens.”

“But you won’t.”

Steve’s words took a minute to sink in. When they did, Eddie shook his head.

“What do you mean?”

“You won’t love me or want me or need me when you find out.”

“Find out what?”

Steve shook his head and looked down at his hands holding onto Eddie’s shirt at his chest.

“I might have lost my job.”

—-------------------------------

Steve couldn’t look up at Eddie after he admitted to the biggest failure of his life.

Eddie said he loved him, but how could he? How could he love someone who couldn’t even keep up with the basics of his job? The job he loved and worked so hard for?

How could he love someone who probably won’t get hired as a guidance counselor again?

He didn’t even know what his next step could be, and he couldn’t expect Eddie to stick around while he figured it out.

“What happened, love?”

Eddie was being so patient and loving with him. He didn’t want it to end.

But he had to tell him.

So he did.

He told him about his meeting request the day before, his meeting this morning, how he sat in his car in the parking lot for nearly an hour before finally being able to drive to his apartment. He explained how numb he felt as he walked in the door and how much he wanted to hide away, but Robin wouldn’t let him. And then he explained how Chrissy tried talking to him like Eddie does and how it felt wrong, but that it still helped him focus on where he was.

“And then I just wanted you, but I don’t want to need you like this, not when you’re just gonna leave me,” Steve finished.

He could feel the tears building back up behind his eyes, in his throat, in his damn chest.

He was so sick of feeling like he was going to lose everything.

He’d lost everything before, he’d survived it, and he knew he couldn’t do it again, especially not if Eddie was included.

“Sunshine,” Eddie said softly, kissing him on the nose. “I’m not leaving you. I’m here. I’m not going anywhere. Whatever happens, I’ll be right by your side the entire time.”

Steve looked at him, really looked at him. He took in the way his eyes were shining with unshed tears, the way his hands were cupping Steve’s face like he couldn’t let go even if he wanted to. He thought about how easy it would have been for Eddie to just tell Robin he didn’t want Steve to come over, how he could have just left him on the couch to cry, but he didn’t.

He stayed.

He stayed before Steve even asked, and then he kept staying after that.

And maybe he would keep staying even if Steve didn’t give many reasons for him to.

“You love me?”

“I love you so much,” Eddie nodded.

“You’ll stay?”

“I’ll stay. No matter what.”

Steve fell into his chest, a few tears managing to fall despite the fact that he couldn’t imagine crying more.

“I’m so sorry, sweet boy. I’m sorry this is happening, and that I caused it, and that the rules are like this. What can I do to help?”

“No,” Steve sniffed. He kissed Eddie’s chest before sitting up and looking at him. “Don’t apologize. You did nothing wrong. You wanted to help and it was my fault that I didn’t stop you or realize that you shouldn’t have been there when a student was. It’s a basic rule that I should have known to follow.”

“Maybe so, but it’s still a stupid rule. You're not the one paying for it, so how does it fall entirely on you? Especially when it was technically your lunch break. I mean I get the confidentiality thing, and I would hope that it’s followed all the time, but Will gave permission for me to stay.”

Eddie was right. Steve knew he was right. It didn’t change anything though.

Eddie sighed when he realized that it didn’t change anything.

“So what do we do?”

“For now, I just have to wait. They’re investigating. I guess there’s still a chance they won’t terminate me, maybe just let this suspension be my slap on the wrist. I don’t know. I just know that not getting paid for a month is going to put too much on Robin. I haven’t even told her. I couldn’t.”

“Okay, we can talk about that. Actually, we need to talk about that. And then we can call Robin together if you want?”

This was the most hesitant Steve had ever heard Eddie. It almost seemed like he was worried that Steve would leave.

Well, he had been ignoring him. And he had been considering not talking to him ever again.

Steve leaned in to kiss Eddie’s lips, sweet, soft, calm. The opposite of how his last 18 hours had gone.

“I love you, too. You know how much?” Steve said as he rested his hands on Eddie’s shoulders.

Eddie shook his head, his eyes wide and searching, nervous.

“I love you enough to trust you to take care of me, even when I’m scared. I love you more than I’ve ever loved anyone, more than I will ever love anyone. I love you so much, and I don’t even want to be without you.”

“Then you won’t. I’m right here.”

“You’re right here.”

“I’m not going anywhere.”

“You’re not going anywhere,” Steve smiled.

Eddie smiled back, leaning in to give him a quick kiss on his lips, pulling away before Steve could turn it into more.

His emotions were everywhere, one moment he wanted to cry out of frustration and anger and sadness, the next he wanted Eddie to take him apart on the couch. But Eddie could see that, and he could help him avoid giving in to any extremes, keep him on a straight line where he could think things through.

“Let’s talk about this upcoming month. Do you have any savings?” Eddie was running his thumbs along his sides, holding him with enough of a grip to keep him focused, but not enough to make him want more.

“I have about $500 which is enough for my car payment and my portion of utilities, a little bit left for rent. But that leaves Robin paying for most of my portion of the rent, which she doesn’t have. I could maybe get a job at Starbucks too. It won’t cover everything, but it’ll help.”

Eddie nodded, but he looked like he was deep in thought.

“Or anywhere. It doesn’t have to be Starbucks, I just know she’d put in a good word for me. And maybe Chrissy would? I know she doesn’t really know me, but I worked as a barista in college for a bit and I think I could handle it and I could work any shifts really. Do you think they’d hire me?”

Eddie pressed his thumb into the dip of Steve’s hip.

“Sweet thing, take a breath. They would hire you and they’d be lucky to have you, but I have another option if you wanna hear it.”

“Mhm.”

“I could use some help at my shop. Not every day, and not the entire time I’m there, but it would be helpful for someone to be able to answer the phones and emails a few hours a day. It saves me from having to deal with it all between clients and after hours.”

“I couldn’t ask you to pay me for that, though, baby.”

“I know you wouldn’t. So here’s the other part of the plan: you move in with me, give your savings to Robin for rent for the month, and then we can figure out what happens if you end up needing a new job.”

That sounded…kind of insane. More than kind of, it was insane. More than that, it left Steve wondering how he could possibly allow himself to say yes.

“But what about my other bills? My car and cell phone? Gas and insurance? Whatever I still owe Robin for rent? I can’t just not pay them.”

“No, you can’t. But I can.”

Steve’s jaw dropped.

He should have caught on to where this was going.

He knew Eddie was doing well for himself. He owned a house alone, a nice house, plus a car, and his own business, and never seemed worried about paying for take out. He was financially stable in a way Steve may never be, but it was the price he paid to have his dream job.

His dream job that he may no longer have.

But regardless, Eddie doing well financially didn’t mean he could just cover someone else’s bills for an entire month.

“Eds, I love you, and I appreciate that, but that’s a lot of money. I mean I know you have your own bills, and we’ve only been together a week. I don’t-”

“Sweetheart, time doesn’t matter to me. I love you, and I want to support you. I have the means to help, I want to help, and I know it would take a lot of anxiety off of you. You’ll be dealing with enough through the investigation, you don’t need to worry about paying your bills on top of that.”

“Which is why I can just get a job.”

“You could. If that’s what you really wanted to do,” Eddie sighed. “But I know I would love to have you here, and at the shop, and it would make me really happy to be able to help you. I don’t expect anything in return, and if living with me turns into a nightmare, you can always go back with Robin, and your bills will still be paid for the month. Just think about it, okay? Maybe you can talk to Robin and see what she says.”

“She is gonna tell me I’m fucking insane.”

“Why?”

“Because I want to say yes.”

“Then say yes,” Eddie smirked. “It doesn’t have to be permanent. Just for the month. And you can still go back anytime you want. No expectations. It’s not a loan to pay me back. It’s just me wanting to take care of you.”

“But what if you change your mind?”

“I’m not gonna.”

“But you might.”

“Okay, I’ll entertain your thoughts for a second. Let’s say I change my mind. We don’t have any legal agreement in place. If I say I want you to pay me back, what could I possibly do? We don’t have this in writing. We don’t have a recording. We break up? You go back to live with Robin? Find a new job if you have to?”

Steve was silent.

“Do you really think that it’s possible for me to hurt you that way? Or any way?”

Steve shook his head.

He didn’t. He didn’t actually believe that Eddie would or could hurt him, not intentionally.

And he certainly didn’t think that Eddie would offer anything that he didn’t intend to make work in any way he could.

“I want to live here. I want you to take care of me for now. And I want to be able to take care of you too. Can you let me do that?”

Steve looked up at him through his lashes, his bottom lip jutting out.

Eddie smiled and poked it with his thumb, like he always did. He leaned in and kissed him, like he always did.

He pulled him close, made him feel safe, like he always did.

Chapter 15

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#steddie #steve harrington #eddie munson #stranger things #robin buckley #chrissy cunningham #call me sunshine send me to space #chapter 14 #ao3fic #tattoo artist eddie munson #guidance counselor steve harrington #soft dom eddie munson #sub steve harrington

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ilovebeingt4t · 7 months

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a (not) little rant about total drama’s portrayal of dissociative identity disorder in ROTI and AS

a few little tidbits before we get into the juice…

-i don’t have DID ! i have a dissociation disorder and i’ve done a lot of research on DID, but that obviously doesn’t mean i know as much as someone in a system would. if i make any mistakes or you want to add/correct anything, please do !

-since there isn’t an official name for the system as a whole, i’m gonna use “mike system” to refer to mike, chester, svetlana, vito, manitoba, and mal as a system

-before anyone says it, i know it’s “just a kids’ show” but it’s a kids’ show i’m insane and not normal about. so i’m very passionate about this. also kids’ shows should still be normal about mental illnesses/disabilities so idc

alright stinkers… let’s get into it

ok ! mike systems DID in ROTI isn’t GOOD representation but it isn’t like. the worst out there compared to some other media. some huge positives are the way the alters have actual triggers, and that everyone in the system IS portrayed as their own person, not just an extension or part of mike. i interpret the “gasp” the body does with switches as a stand in for dissociation (since they couldn’t really have him just sit there and stare into space bc of plot/time reasons) and it’s very easy to assume the role of everyone in the system from their personalities and triggers. the best example of this to me is vito ! vito is a “tough guy” who’s triggered to front by his shirt coming off, it’s easy to put the pieces together and assume his role is a protector who formed due to sexual abuse.

obviously, the use of the outdated term multiple personality disorder, the very quick switches, the fact the writers obviously did not actually research DID and just wanted a silly crazy character, and probably more i’m forgetting rn, are NOT issues to just ignore because of the good stuff. it’s definitely NOT good or super accurate representation by any means, but i don’t think it’s exactly super bad either. it’s iffy but has redeeming qualities to it.

another plus about mike system in ROTI, even though this isn’t really part of the portrayal of DID as a disorder, is that mike has a love interest that isn’t written as a joke. i feel like having mike in a romantic relationship is a BIG positive representation wise. it’s really important to me that even though zoey is confused and weirded out when she didn’t know what was going on, once she found out mike was part of a system she became more understanding and didn’t give up on him. being part of a system doesn’t mean you can’t have a partner, friends, etc and mike being in a wholesome healthy relationship is a nice breath of fresh air compared to other media portraying DID.

NOW. LETS ADDRESS MAL AND ALL STARS. GOOD LORD.

all stars has an issue with watering down characters and making poor plot/character choices in general, and in my opinion it’s the worst with mike system. ROTI had questionable at times but ok DID rep with mike system, which is why it’s so disappointing that AS took the “evil alter” route and whatever the hell the button thing was… bc they were SO close with having ok representation and then they threw it all away for an overdone and harmful stereotype. mike system in ROTI is a MASTERPIECE compared to whatever the hell was going on in AS.

even when you take into account that in a real life system, mal is most similar to the role of a persecutor (an alter who sabotages the body’s relationships and causes harm to the body/other alters as a way to “protect” everyone in their eyes (oops ! i was wrong. a persecutor isn’t always a protector, however they can take the role of a persecutor and protector which is where i got confused. mal is a both a persecutor and protector to me)) which makes SOME of his actions explainable TO AN EXTENT, it’s clear the writers didn’t have that intent and just wanted a spooky evil alter, which is really disappointing. along with the button issue, which is just…. so insane….

i choose to believe for my own sanity that the button was sort of an emergency temporary dormancy button and that chester fr just lied/didn’t know and made something up. but that obviously isn’t canon, and IN CANON the body’s trauma and serious disorder was literally gone because of the PRESS OF A BUTTON and it is absolutely ridiculous. and it’s portrayed as a GOOD THING.

systems are systems because it is the only way the body and brain can maintain stability and live after serious repeated trauma. in a real situation with a system, if there was somehow a way to get rid of alters in literal seconds, the consequences would be ABSOLUTELY DISASTROUS and unstable. obviously, integration and dormancy CAN be a good thing depending on the system, but it is a LOOONG and complicated process and watering it down to the press of a button in your brain is so inappropriate and insensitive. literally why did they do that. it’s just so disappointing to go from what mike system was in roti to what they became in all stars.

sorry u guys i am just passionate about this

#total drama #total drama revenge of the island #total drama all stars #td mike #td mike system #td mal #tdroti #tdas #chester svetlana vito manitoba #are mentioned briefly #sorry for being insane about this #dissociative identity disorder #keeb goes mad about total drama

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assortedvillainvault · 17 days

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Hello! If it's okay to request/ask, headcannon of TFA Blitzwing (each of his personalities) x Reader? Reader has a split or multiple personality. Kinda like Jekyll and Hyde (but sometimes a softie w/ close/loved ones, family/friends), if you're familiar with it. Can be Romantic and/or platonic…

(Gender-neutral/Female) Reader's a human and they aren't involved with any cybertronians situations…

(PS. Thank you if you answer this! if not, I'll enjoy your stuff either way.)

Hi Anon! I’ve been thinking about this one for a while! Sorry for the wait, I have a little bit of history with DID (as in I don’t suffer personally, but have been close with others that do), so wanted to get this one right. Blitwing was unironically a comfort character originally due to said struggles and trying to strike a balance between ‘funky space-german giant robot villain’ and ‘this is a serious real life condition with a lot of misinformation and prejudices’ can get a tad challenging.

Anyhoo, Long post alert. DID is discussed but no real warnings for this one. Lets go!

Blitzwing x DID!Reader

- DID (Dissociative Identity Disorder) results in humans having multiple, distinct personalities – from as few as 3 or 4 (like our favourite triplechanger) to up to 100 in some cases. The Jekyll & Hyde - esque nature of yours is something you’re at least slightly grateful for – at least it’s simple!

- Granted, it doesn’t really help when your city is attacked by giant space robots. Repeatedly. Every week. Both personalities agree it’s a pain in the neck – switching out and coming-to mid war zone with no warning isn’t exactly relaxing.

- Your first meeting was very subtle. Crawled behind overturned cars and bridge rubble, ducking down as the buildings behind you were ripped up with a squeal of steel and concrete. An enormous giant tank/plane/robot shaking the ground, hollering with rage at a bright yellow little car zooming in the distance.

- “JOU PATHETIC LITTLE BUG!! I’LL - cUt JoU iNtO iTTy BiTtY stReaMerS!! HAhAha vE’re gOnNa haVe a PaRty – at jour base, perhaps, now zat ve know where it is, Autobot~”

- You couldn’t believe your fucking eyes -

- “Holy Shit SAME HAT?!”

- Red eyes snap to your dumbfounded expression, narrowing.

- Yeah. Maybe hollering it across no mans land wasn’t the smartest move.

Icy:

- He had no idea his affliction could be shared with organics. He didn’t even realise he was witnessing DID at first as you can’t literally switch faces. Come to think of it – I’m not sure cybertronians even have a word for it. He adopts your terms like a duck to water.

- Of the three he’s the most fascinated observer. He’s quick to document any minor tone shifts or facial expressions to indicate a switch between your two personalities – as well as the speed at which you change, your stressors and mannerisms. He can’t imagine dealing well if someone were to – somehow – get his alters mixed up, so he takes pains to greet both personalities properly.

- Is more likely the one to ask questions and approach the subject scientifically: though he will back off if the ‘Jekyll’ personality gets in his face about being treated like a science experiment. He knows the feeling and despises it.

- Just because he’s calm about it though, doesn’t mean he’s moralistic. Icy has a known sadistic streak and enjoys setting up situations to hurt people (see: the almost-murder of the Constructobots) so he’d be… intrigued to see how far your aspects were willing to go. He’s an enabler of destructive behaviour that specialises in not getting you caught.

Hothead:

- Hothead, by contrast – is much more reactive: blunt and easily confused.

- He will likely get your alters mixed up and become flustered and annoyed until he gets the hang of who is presenting when. Give him a bit, he despises asking Icy for help with anything.

- Yeah, of course he can – what do you MEAN you can’t communicate with your alters internally?? Do organics not come with a built in comm?? What the FRAG-

- He doesn’t like feeling out of sorts about finding someone with his condition. As far as he’d known, they were the only one ever to be split as they are. Someone who knows what it’s like, while desperately needed, is now almost unnerving.

- But he is an excellent vent buddy about multiple personality issues. If your alters want to chat shit about each other then Hothead is DOWN, he has a list of complaints about Icy and Random a mile long – even though airing them gets him interrupted by said alters all the damn time.

- Hothead will encourage violent coping mechanisms to your problems: if you have someone bothering you with some horror-movie assumptive bullshit about your disorder he is 1000% percent encouraging you to lure them behind a building for him to grind under his pedes.

Random:

- NEW FRIENDS?! New friends INSIDE of friends, oh he just wants to stuff you in his mouth and unravel you -

- Random is probably the first of the three to recognise your shared disorder. And when he gleefully tells his alters they don’t believe him (at least at first). Which doesn’t matter because you are now BEST FRIENDS. He’s gonna scoop you up and stuff you in his cockpit and make you a little hole in the mines riiiiiiight next to his berth. Don’t worry about telling him yes - he already knows your address!

- No matter how threatening you might think yourself to be, to Random you are the most adorable schmoopsie moo in the whole galaxy and he will commit war crimes to have you tucked into his pockets.

- Do not. Try him. In one-upmanship. Random knows exactly how far he will go to keep you with him and unlike Icy, who prefers to observe from a distance, Random will actively engage in finding very uncomfortable boundaries very quickly. Pretty much the only way to reign him in is to not play along in the slightest.

- He hates being ignored.

- He wants to hear and know everything about you, and will hop between subjects to a pattern only he knows. He’s exhausting, but probably also the most honest and vulnerable of the personalities.

- With Random, it’s most obvious that Blitzwing has total, universal acceptance of your personalities as they are. No dismissal, no belittling, no questions and no doubt.

- I’d say thats a breath of fresh air.

#thalassa responds #thanks so much for the ask!#blitzwing x reader #tfa blitzwing #x reader #transformers animated #transformers #maccadam #hopefully I did the DID parts right #if anyone sees any glaring errors let me know #blitzwing my beloved I have so many asks for yu in my inbox holy shit

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queer-whatchamacallit · 8 months

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So I decided I was going to rewatch The Bear and take notes, partly bc autism and partly bc I want more interesting details for fics and just to get to know the characters even better

(Also, I’ve been curious about what makes Carmy blow up vs what makes him dissociate)

So here’s some things I noticed that you could also pick apart like I have here

Carmy has his apron on in the dream, maybe it’s just because that’s what he’s been wearing pretty much all the time for the past couple weeks or because his work is so tied with his family (w/ bears as symbolism for that) but idk

Him waking up on a random counter in The Beef confirms my headcanon that he falls asleep in weird places OR he fell asleep in the office and sleepwalked there

In this ep, any imagery or mention of Michael is pretty much always tied to religious imagery

Carmy calls her Sugar and him Mike, I’m always inclined to have him say Mikey instead but I don’t think he ever does. Also, Fak calls Carm Bear :]

“What’s UPS?” Is the first in a long string of times where someone tries to talk about something other than the kitchen, and it just doesn’t click with Carm

Syd’s “I know who you are” and Carmy’s “Yeah?” and he just listens to her completely riveted is so funny to me. Tell this man you know he was the CDC at one of the best restaurants in the United States of America and it’s like saying “walk” to a dog

Carm’s “I’m saying something >:[,” starts the classic Berzatto dilemma of no one listening to each other but wanting to be listened to

Reminder that Syd can speak Spanish :D

Richie talks about their “Italian heritage” and later says abt the labels “this is the most Polish shit ever,” which show how close he fits in with the Berzattos and his dislike of his bio family (Jerimovich is Polish right.?)

Richie talks about putting his family back together and him not coming home, and Carmy instantly dissociates

Him asking “Why didn’t he leave it to you then?” Not like a comeback, but a genuine question gets me every time

Carmy’s not good with words, so while this is something that just makes fun dialogue, in universe, it’s interesting to see how often his responses are parroted (ex: Marcus’ “that shit was straight up fire” and Carm’s “Straight up done now Chef”)

When it’s work time, it’s work time. When Fak stops looking at Ballbreaker to mention that he wasn’t able to go to the funeral but he sent flowers, Carm just says he wasn’t there either and swiftly changes the subject back to work

The three siblings and Richie all have gold necklaces. When Sugar shows up, I don’t know if hers was one of the matching ones, and I couldn’t figure out what the charm was on it

Tina says “Why doesn’t your sister come around here anymore?” Implying that she used to. I also feel like T wouldn’t have asked if Sugar stopped coming when she moved out and didn’t have to do what her mom told her to. Maybe Mikey kicked Sugar out of the restaurant too, but she wasn’t too bothered by it

Unlike with Richie, when Nat calls him out on not saying hello, just trying to get work done, he listens, and he slows down. Richie feels like his space in the family is shaky, so he’ll take a lot more shit from them while Nat won’t. She inherited a temper, just like her brothers, I feel like she’s in therapy and likely tackled how to stand up for herself when her family was treating her like shit, and she’s the “normal” middle child between a loud older brother and a worrying little brother, so she probably had to fight for her family’s attention at every turn

Nat mentions their mom and Carm’s eye contact instantly breaks, and it seems like he has to remind himself to breathe

His stutter shows up when arguing that he doesn’t want Jimmy to buy it

Carm’s “I’m gonna fix this place” vs Sug’s “No one’s asking you to” just hits so hard for some reason

When Carm tries to flee back inside, she uses “I love you,” like it’s an argument to keep him from throwing himself back into the restaurant or as a reminder that there’s people out there who want him to be doing well when she thinks the restaurant is hurting him

Sweeps is more of a background character but omg he just quietly looks out for everyone :] (he made sure Syd got to try Carm’s beef recipe :]]]])

Fak was also close with Mikey. I don’t know why I imagine Fak as being not quite as close with everyone as Richie, but they came to Christmas too, edit: Fak’s “but it got fuckin dark at the end” showed that he too knew something was up when Carm didn’t

Carm very much gives off the vibe of being allergic to cats, but I’m going to ignore that and squeeze in my headcanon that he loves Fak’s cats, Ralph and they love him

Richie’s dialogue is such a fun juxtaposition of him trying to feel superior to whoever he’s arguing with with large vocabulary and overconfidence but often falling back into vulgar insults because that’s what he knows best. Also, later in the ep he talks about “up in Napa” with the foie gras and shit to mock Carmy, but Napa isn’t up from them, it’s in California

Richie says “You have no fuckin idea what you’re doing here” and it’s like a switch, Carmy’s comebacks and annoyance with Richie stop, and he’s completely dissociated again. Richie shoves cans of spaghetti sauce into his arms and slaps at his face to steady him because he can probably tell something’s not right with him, but he just ends up leaving him to it

One of the Berzattos main love languages is physical touch via back and shoulder pats

And finally, Carm tosses the can of spaghetti sauce which I’m saying is because he just needs them to fucking listen and trust him when he’s saying no more spaghetti but there’s probably also some kind of Michael significance there too

Edit: I think I just had the realization that family stuff is what makes him dissociate while work stuff tends to make him panic and snap at people. It makes sense, snapping at his family would only escalate things and dissociating separates him from something he’s expected to fix. And Claire is kinda off in her category but falls under the panic response

So yeah!!

That’s pretty much what I got from 1x01 - System

I don’t know when or if I’ll do more of these, but this was so much fun, literally love dissecting these sad little goobers

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celestemagnoliathewriter · 3 months

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Ok ok ok so this is something I have pondered for a bit now that I have re-entered the Remadora fandom again for the first time for probably almost 15 years. As you seem to be the de facto keeper of some of the deepest headcanons of this niche topic, I am curious what your take is.

Question: How many people do you think know, at least initially/when it happened, knew Remus left?

Hear me out here. Ok so the book isn’t remotely clear how long he was gone because we only get an update in like Feb/March when Ron returns but the Pottermore bio that he was actually gone for like 3 days, which is still absolutely a dick move, but significantly different than being gone for *months.*

Now, most fics I’ve read at any point have included him *saying* in some form that he’s leaving, either in the form of a letter of sorts, or I do really like TauraNorma’s whole scene in Flying Colours in which it’s an in-person conversation, but beyond dissociated from reality on his part.

But, if I were in her position, I don’t know how much I’d divulge to others? It would certainly be a difficult position. If she did stay with her parents for that period, or after, (I do love Remus saying she’d safe at her parents’ house as if they didn’t literally just get tortured. Bro. Really?) she *does* have some plausible deniability of “he had to go to some Order business” to them to have some shield for her own embarrassment.

Maybe to Molly and Arthur as a “hey if my husband lands at your house or something, wanna shoot me a message?” but past that I’m not 100% sure how I land with others knowing. It seems very possible to me that when Ron is with Billy and Fleur, Ron, while listening to Potterwatch or something, offhandedly asks them if he ever went back to Tonks and them being like sorry wat. And Ron having the unfortunate task of regaling what happened at Grimmauld Place in August. I could definitely see it spreading from there and more of their acquaintances finding out from that discussion but obviously Tonks is like 8 months pregnant and they’ve been living together seemingly the entire time.

Ok I’m sorry this ended up shockingly long. I may not have been entirely sober when furiously typing it out the first time.

Ahhhh what a compelling ask, @millennihilism!

I'm honored you consider me the de facto keeper of the HCs on this, but I'll also be the first to say that there are a LOT of differing opinions on this one because of the lack of canon data.

You're correct that Pottermore says that Remus was only gone about 3 days. We have no idea what circumstances he left Tonks in. Letter? In person? Dashing away in the night without a word? Who knows.

From a close reading of DH, there's no indication of how long Remus was gone. You could say 3 days, 3 weeks, 3 months, 8 months ... technically all canon compliant if you're not using Pottermore as a source.

That being said, my personal HC is no more than a week, and again, I know that many people would disagree with this assessment of Remus's absence, but I believe it's a shorter absence for many reasons, including an answer to your question of how many people knew that he left her.

Remus is a dick, but he's not *THAT* much of a dick. He's a coward, but he's not *THAT* much of a coward. Remus does have a good bit of kindness in him, and he's brave enough to do the right thing when push comes to shove. Harry literally shoved him. I think that put Remus squarely in his place and shamed him enough to return to Tonks.

Remus's support system is down to almost nothing. He presumably has the following people outside of Tonks: Molly and Arthur, Bill and Fleur. That's it. He thought he had the trio, but that wasn't true, given Harry rebuking him.

We know from Remus that he's been tailed by a Death Eater for three days before he came to Grimmauld Place. If he's been tailed by a Death Eater, where could he have been? Certainly not the Burrow, where they'd find him. Certainly not Shell Cottage, as it's under the Fidelius Charm, presumably. So that gives us an idea that if he was tailed by a Death Eater for three days (curiously, the amount of time Pottermore tells us he was gone for), and just now got to GP to talk to the trio, he's been on the go for three days by the time he gets to the trio.

Because there is nowhere to go for Remus, that puts him in an awkward position. I don't think that anyone outside the Tonkses knew he left her. I think that Remus left, and Tonks vacillated between being sure he was coming back and being really terrified and scared that something would happen to him. Oh, and anger. Lots of righteous anger. I can imagine she told her parents by way of explaining that she was living with them now. It's possible she told him he was on a mission, but they didn't believe her.

Because of the 3 day ordeal of being tailed by a Death Eater, this is why I do NOT think that Remus went to the Burrow or Shell Cottage before he came to GP, or after, for that matter. While we know that Remus knows about Shell Cottage - when he announces Teddy's birth in the spring - we don't know when that information was given to him. I don't think Lupin could've been gone for months and months because we do know that Ron was at Shell Cottage, and he didn't mention Lupin being there. It's possible Lupin went to Shell Cottage for a few weeks, but I'm also not buying that for other reasons.

Bill is the most lenient and understanding of the brothers, but there's a huge difference to me between Ron leaving his friends when times got tough and Lupin leaving his pregnant wife in the middle of a war. Plus, think of Fleur. Do you really think Fleur would be okay with Lupin crashing at her house to avoid his responsibilities? She gushes about how brave her husband is in the hospital wing scene. She'd look at Lupin like the tiniest and most miserable snail in the world if he dared use her home as a hiding place from his wife.

I also don't think that Bill and Fleur would be on Remus's side over Tonks. Bill was two years ahead of Tonks in school. Bill might have kinship with Remus after being attacked by Fenrir Greenback, but that kinship, IMO, is not going to be enough to defend Lupin's actions on leaving his wife. I also believe Lupin knew this, which is why I staunchly believe that Lupin NEVER went to Shell Cottage in his time away from Tonks.

So at the end of the day, who knew that Lupin left Tonks? Initially, likely only the trio and the Tonkses. Remus returns fairly quickly. I can imagine Ron sharing Lupin's arrival at GP to Bill and Fleur, who probably had shock and disappointment at Lupin's actions. But by then Lupin's back home so it's in the past. I assume Molly and Arthur would've been told through the grapevine, possibly Kingsley too, and everyone just keeps it under wraps because it's Remus having a moment of panic.

And for how long was Remus gone? I take the 3 day to a week position because Lupin had no viable places to stay without endangering other people, which seems to be his number one fear. I also take that timeline because he's being tailed and he knows it. He returns to the safest place, his home with Tonks and her parents, where they can be in hiding (forever furious Ted couldn't have stayed with them?? why did he die??? it makes no earthly sense except to give Teddy Lupin his name and have another orphan raised by his grandmother??)

At the end of the day, I will never ever ever ever buy the idea that Remus was gone for a long time. He does the right thing when push comes to shove, and he was shoved by Harry. He is a coward, but when the time is right, he does the brave thing. He also loves Tonks, and Tonks is forgiving and kind. That's why they work.

I hope this answers your questions!!

#remadora #remus lupin #nymphadora tonks #asks #remus x tonks #send asks #tonks x lupin #remus x nymphadora #lupin x tonks #tonks

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