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theplumsoldier · 5 months

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sore loser

summary: the scales of your rivalry with joel miller tips in his favor as he calls out your mistake and you end up a loser. the classic "you hate your partner but fucks him anyway"

pairing: mean!joel miller x afab!reader

warnings: 18+ please and thank you, hate sex, rough vaginal sex, spitting, slapping, choking, fingering, squirting, sloppy/rough blow job, degradation, age-gap, begging, biting, mean!joel, forced orgasm & multiple orgasms, tasting joel's blood?? no aftercare please let me know if i missed anything!! (. ❛ ᴗ ❛.)

You hated everything about him. You hated the way he looked, the way he spoke, and the way he walked. You hated how he was always confident, how he was always right, and the fact that he always knew which buttons to push. You hated how he was a better shooter than you, how he was better at finding supplies than you, and how he was better at tracking than you. You hated his salt-and-pepper beard, the curls in his hair, and his sun-kissed skin. You hated his brown eyes, his deep voice, and his large hands. You hated how he treated you like a child, how he called you "kid", and how he looked after you.

Most of all, right now, you hated that he shot the clicker before you managed to put a knife to its skull, how he made it look like you couldn't save yourself. He took the win and he got the point.

It was a game and you were losing this battle for dominance, and you hated losing to Joel Miller.

You had been biting your tongue so damn hard to keep yourself from stooping down on his level and the taste of blood lingered in your mouth for about 4 minutes before the last straw had been drawn.

Joel just couldn't stop himself from being an ass and work in yet another one of his snarky remarks.

"Get over yourself, Miller. I had it handled," you grumbled.

"Sure looked like it," he retorted sarcastically, making scattering noises as he dug through a crate in the warehouse.

The way he didn't even bother looking at you only made you more furious. "How the fuck do you think I survived this long on my own, huh? I've been—"

"Ask myself that every time I save your ass," he interrupted mockingly.

Your blood was boiling in your veins. He felt so fucking superior and it was driving you insane. You knew your worth, but for some reason, you had this crippling urge to prove yourself.

"Somebody needs to knock you off your fucking horse, Miller."

Joel chuckled grimly. "S'that right, sweetheart? Wanna give it a go?"

His infuriating words made you stand to your feet, and frankly, it excited Joel to see you acting like you might just do something about it.

With a groan he got up himself, easily towering over you. You swallowed harshly, jaw clenched.

Joel's face was set in a firm expression, dark eyes analyzing your face to predict your next move. It was a face-off.

There was a subtle smirk and you wanted to wipe it off so badly. This was entertaining to him—a challenge he joined, a game he played just for the kick of it.

You couldn't win a fight against him, you were smart enough to recognize that fact (at least for now). So you breathed out, your nervousness drawing out a shaky laugh.

"I hate you," you spat and turned around, sure you'd only dig a deeper hole for yourself if you looked at him any longer.

"That what you tell yourself when you dip your little fingers down between your legs?" he wondered aloud, not even testing the waters but diving head first into the lake of all your buttons that he planned to push: "Don't think I don't hear you moaning my name when you get off in the night."

Your eyes went wide and shame colored your cheeks pink. You hoped he wouldn't notice as your eyes shot daggers, completely dumbfounded, hoped your anger had already made your face red. You were at a loss for words, completely and utterly embarrassed.

The mixture of emotions compiled a message to your brain for you, and before you had a chance to regret it, you lashed out. Your hand stopped clenching and raised to deliver a well-deserved proper bitch-slap, but Joel caught your wrist. It all happened quickly, and it felt like you were watching on rather than being forced back against the wall, arms suspended against the cool and rough cement in his grasp.

Joel's head cocked, eyes blazing down at you. "You wanna try that again, sweetheart?"

The sudden close proximity made you involuntarily grind your hips forward.

"So that's what all this s'about, huh? You’ve been givin' me that bratty attitude 'cause ya got your panties in a twist?"

"Fuck you!" you snapped, the words seething through your grit teeth, leaving a bad aftertaste on your tongue.

"But that's what you want, innit sweetheart? Goin' around acting like I'm the devil's spawn, but really you just want a good fucking, yeah?"

You hated how he was always right.

Your arms strained in his grasp, writhing to get loose though the heat pooling between your legs protested. You enjoyed having him this close. You could smell him, see him.

"You're so fucking full of yourself, Miller," you snarled but had stopped trying to fight off his grip.

Joel chuckled down at you, tutting: "F’you wanna be full o' me, too, darlin', all you gotta do is ask nicely."

There was no fucking way he was actually offering to fuck you. It had to be a dream. A nightmare. But it wasn't. And he was offering exactly that, you realized as his head tilted. He was dead serious.

You knew it wasn't out of the good of his heart, so he must be wanting this, too. And if he needed it as much as you did, you were going to make him work for it.

You ground your hips into his again, this time very much on purpose.

"Tell me you don't want to bend me over right now, Miller," you leaned forward and whispered in his ear, letting your lips graze the soft flesh of his neck. His cock was hard against your cunt and he didn't do a thing to push you away. "Tell me you haven't just been dying to try out this tight pussy. An old man like you can't have had a proper fuck in ages."

He laughed. "Swallow your pride, sweetheart. You've never even been with a real man before, have ya? Always waltzin' around in your short skirts at the Byson, whoring yourself out for attention from those boys."

"Knew you'd been checking me out," you smirked, the movements of your hips now a consistent grind against him. "But you're right. And those boys can't help, they dunno how to handle me."

"I don't do charities, darlin'. F’you want me to fuck that shitty attitude out of ya, you're gonna have to prove yourself."

This time around, Joel pushed his clothed cock against your pussy and you knew what he wanted.

You wriggled your hands, inching closer to his face but never letting your skin touch. "Kinda difficult to get on my knees when you’re holding me like this, innit?"

Joel let go only to force you down on the ground, but you didn't protest. You had lost all filters, all of your arrogance as you were faced with his cock prodding at the zipper of his jeans.

Looking up as you eagerly undid his belt, you were pleased to see him inhaling deeply, proudly as he looked down on you. You pulled the zipper down, and your breath hitched as his cock saluted. He wasn't wearing underwear.

His cock was thicker than you had imagined, girthier than what you had felt while fingering yourself that night which he had so mockingly reminded you of. Long with a slight curve and a purple mushroom head unscathed. A drop of pre-cum covered the slit and you imagined it was crying for you.

"You gonna put that bratty little mouth to good use or do I gotta do that for you, too?"

Instinctively you glared up at him, giving him a look but it was washed away a second later as he took charge.

Grabbing a fistful of your hair, Joel forced you onto his cock, not giving you a second to wet your lips or spit on it. Harshly pushing you down on his cock, you found that it wasn't needed, there was plenty of saliva in your mouth to lubricate him. A whimper left you when his head hit the back of your mouth, your throat automatically constricting at the sudden intrusion. You felt your cunt mimic the reaction and clenched around nothing.

Joel was heavy in your mouth, the thickness making you worry the back row of your teeth would scrape him. If they did he didn't care, for when you looked up at him through teary eyes he was unconcerned.

He forcefully prodded against your throat, slipping in just enough to push further and you gagged.

Joel inhaled sharply. "S'a tight little throat you got there. Guess you haven't been whoring around as much as I thought," he chuckled, holding your face pressed firmly against him, your nose nuzzled in the patch of curls.

He held you there for a couple of seconds, allowing your throat to get adjusted despite acting seemingly careless about how you felt. A moment later he pulled you off by your hair, and you gasped hoarsely, blinking up at him through the tears slowly blurring your vision.

Hovering over you, Joel cupped your cheeks and lifted you slightly, bending down as he did. For a second you thought he was going to kiss you, but his fingers dug into your face, forcing your mouth open for him and he spat on your tongue, an obscene look on his face.

"Eyes on the price, sweetheart," he chuckled and landed you back on your knees.

With his hand holding you tightly by a makeshift ponytail, Joel pushed his cock back into your mouth and without warning, set a brutal pace sure to give you a headache. As slick gathered between your legs, a migraine was the least of your worries. You snaked a hand between your legs to relieve the tingling strain.

The breaths you were granted came in between the thrusts and you squeezed your eyes shut, feeling dizzy, prompting him to yank at your hair.

"Look at me," he grunted coarsely, voice going straight to your sex and you ground down hard on your hand, gasping for air. Joel admired your puffy lips, smeared with saliva, strings of drool connecting your mouth to the tip of his cock. "You look like a fuckin' mess, sweetheart. This what you been thinkin' about, hm? Been thinking 'bout acting like a little slut f'me, huh?"

His degrading words fueled your fire, both making you want to bite back at him and make him come down your throat. Opting for the latter, you tried to take him back in your mouth, wanting to put your adjusted throat to good use, but he yanked you back. A whimper left your lips and he slapped your cheek, forcing you to look at him.

"F'you know what's good for you, you'll answer when I ask you a question."

Wet and needy, you didn't hesitate. "Yes! Yes, Joel," you cried, one hand on his hip for purchase, the other hid between your legs, fervently toying with your clit. "Wanted you to treat me like a whore! Wa—wanted you to fuck me stupid!"

That's when he noticed your hand between your legs, eagerly seeking out friction. His brows connected in a crease of anger, and he had you on your wobbly legs one moment and hurled you onto a dirty surface the next.

"The fuck you think you're doin', huh? Touching yourself without permission?" Joel growled and for the first time his disappointment got to you.

He held you by your throat and you could feel the calluses in his palm scrape your skin.

"M'sorry—couldn't help myself," you babbled feverishly as he shoved a hand down your undone pants, feeling just what you had been so disrespectful to touch.

A guttural moan escaped him and you could have died just then, knowing you did that to him.

"Christ, sweetheart. You got this wet from chokin' on my cock, huh?" he mused absent-minded and you couldn't decide which you liked more; Joel calling you "sweetheart" or— "such a fuckin' slut.”

You were startled but thankful when he pulled down your jeans in one swift movement, exposing you to the cold air in the warehouse.

He didn't give you a warning before he plunged two fingers into your cunt, curling them against the velvety roof of your wet cave. Clawing onto his shoulder with a gasp of surprise, you instinctively tried to lift yourself and relieve the overwhelmingly intense feeling.

"Where you goin', sweetheart? This not what you wanted?" You desperately wanted to slap the grin off of his face, but he had you completely wrapped around his finger. Literally and figuratively. "Didn't you wanna be used like a little slut, hm?"

"Please," you begged, drawing the word out with a rugged moan and clutching to his shoulders. "Ff—uck!"

He fingered you at an unforgiving pace, three fingers and his palm slapping against your cunt each time. The squelches from your pussy resonated off the bare walls and if you hadn't been so focused on the pain mixing with pleasure, you would have been ashamed Joel was the one making you this wet.

"Joel!" you cried, tugging at the front of his shirt. "Plea-please! Need your cock!"

He choked you with his unoccupied hand, forcing your face inches from his. "Quit whinin' or I'll leave you 'ere," he threatened.

You looked up at him through hooded eyes, unable to comprehend your increasing lust for him from being this close. Joel's breath was hot on your face, breathing his air, you became dizzy from a mix of him and your impending orgasm.

"That's right, sweetheart, cream all o'er my fingers," he beckoned, feeling your contracting walls squeeze his fingers. Your legs were trembling, wanton moans spilling from your lips as Joel pulled an orgasm from you.

You incoherently begged him to fill you up, wanting nothing more than to milk his thick cock, but when he caught sight of your pleading eyes, he applied pressure to your clit instead. It was sore from the heel of his palm having slapped it repeatedly and it made you unable to come down from your high properly.

Your legs spasmed as his torturous fingers brutally skirted across your bundle of nerves. Before you could process what happened, a gush of pleasure sprayed from you.

Your cheeks flushed pink, realizing Joel had just made you squirt. You had never done that before, and you looked at him with an expression of surprise mixed with confusion. He looked proud.

Joel groaned as he stroked his throbbed cock, smearing the precum over the head while his other hand pushed down hard on your belly, holding you just at the edge of the table.

Stammering his name, your attempt at any sort of coherent sentence was foiled as he slid his girthy cock into your cunt.

Your eyes fluttered shut, walls clenching around him. You had never felt so full. "Joel—" you shuddered, gripping his bicep for purchase.

A string of curses left his lips, a crease knitting his brows together in concentration. "Fuckin' hell, sweetheart, s'a tight lil' hole ya got 'ere."

Joel wanted to take a moment just then, revel in the sweet clench of your pussy, catch his breath but he knew you would notice. As much as he had a hidden desire to ruin every other man for you and have you tail him like a lost puppy, he refused to acknowledge how overdue this was.

He didn't give you another second to adjust before he rocked his hips back and slammed his cock back into you. If you thought his fingers hit a spot, his cock fucking destroyed that.

You couldn't even form moans properly as his hips rutted at a bruising pace, expertly molding your cunt to fit him. His face contorted and he grumbled something under his breath, but you didn't care to ponder what as he filled you up. You were still dazed from the previous orgasms and it was like he wouldn't allow you to come down. Your ragged breaths, his grunts, and the wanton sounds of skin slapping filled your head as you soared around on cloud nine.

A large hand snuck under your shirt, the calluses on his palm rough against your skin but you loved the feeling as he squeezed your breast, thumb and index pinching your nipple.

Your knuckles turned pale from clutching down hard on his shoulders, fingernails clawing indents at the exposed skin on his neck and collar.

You hoped the crescents would outlast this moment, that Joel would curse at the sight the next time he looked in a mirror. You hoped he wouldn't be able to get this moment out of his head then, not ever, thinking back to this moment whenever he would see the scars you left on him.

A hiss escaped you and tore the thought of making your mark out of your mind. His deft fingers were rubbing your sore clit once again.

There was determination on his face and animalistic hunger in his dark eyes—he looked as if there was no getting through to him, like he was stuck in a world of his own.

Whether he insisted on drawing orgasm after orgasm out of you for your pleasure or his ego, you did not know. Joel always had something to prove—to himself or the people around him, it was another thing about him you didn't know. In this moment, as he chased every high for you, you didn't care either.

You hated him for making you feel this good. Hated him for making you moan in pleasure, hated him for making your legs shake uncontrollably. You wanted to taunt him, crack a spiteful comment about his age or something, let him know he wasn't doing as well as he thought—but he was. You could lie, but your body would betray you.

There was no snide comment left in you as Joel's hips pistoned into yours. It felt too good. He felt too good.

"S'too much," you gasped and held onto his shoulder, not pushing him away but not pulling him any closer either. "I can't."

The pressure on your clit was too much. The frantic rubbing, the harsh pads of his fingers, mixing pleasure with pain in the most unforgiving way. It hurt too good to want to stop him, though.

Joel surprised you, pressing his forehead against yours. His eyes were heavy, and his jaw was slack, the blissful expression ruined by a smug chuckle.

"You can. C'mon, sweetheart, I believe in you," he tutted like one would to a child riding a bike for the first time.

It spurred something inside you, the degradation. Your hooded, watery eyes caught sight of his plump lip through the blur and without a second thought, you lunged forward and bit it, your teeth piercing the soft skin.

It was the closest thing you would get to feeling them, you knew it, and you weren't about to beg for a taste.

A slap landed on your cheek, sharp and stinging, but he kept his hand there on the side of your face, cupping it in an almost endearing way.

Joel hissed at the taste of blood—surprised but not disgusted. The hand cupping your face in the sweetest way turned to force your mouth open, and you grinned bitterly when he spat on your tongue, tasting his blood.

His thrusts became more frantic, the pad of his thumb sloppily skipping over your clit as he draws your pleasure out. Forcing you to look into his eyes while you come around his cock, Joel's too far gone watching you to notice the way his balls tightened.

"Fuck—"

Slick with your juices Joel slips out of your clenching pussy, jerking his cock a few pumps as he hisses, strings of milky sperm decorating your abdomen.

Your heavy breaths hang in the room like thick syrup, bodies sticky, tension at a maximum as the lust turns back to hatred.

Joel moves from you with a grunt, a sly smirk on his lip as he moves his gaze from the mess on your stomach to your eyes. He leaves you to clean yourself up and tucks his softening cock into his pants, the zipper resounding comically loud through the silence. It reminds you of a secret between children, zipping your lips close as a solemn pledge.

It was over and it would never be brought up again. As you did your best to clean up, get back into your clothes, and comb your fingers through your hair, your eyes were trained on Joel's back—if eyes could kill and all that.

At once, you were back to hating one another. You hoped your nails had dug deep enough into his shoulder, hard enough to leave scars.

#theplumsoldier #joel miller #pedro pascal #joel miller tlou #joel miller imagine #joel miller x reader #joel miller fic #joel miller smut #the last of us #partner!joel miller

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sweetestdesire · 1 year

Note

here have a random rafe thought: ok it’s bestie rafe. you got in an argument with him idk about what. but you ignore his calls and text + you decide to go get drunk at the island club. so you get hammered. jj is your waiter so you’re being flirty. well one of rafey’s friends spots you and calls him and is like uh rafe your girlfriend’s here drunk off her ass and flirting with maybank.

rafe pulls the whole she’s not my girlfriend (bc he’s in denial) the friend is like yeah whatever (bc everyone knows how you two feel about each other. and how handsy you are with each other and how protective rafe is) just come get your girl

so unknown to you rafe comes to pick you up and you’re like wtf are you doing here. cue another fight bc you’re bratty and then it finishes with smut

💓

WHAT’S MINE IS MINE

WARNINGS: DUBIOUS CONSENT, hair pulling, extreme domination, choking kink, spanking, etc. 18+ readers only

PAIRING(S): Rafe Cameron x Fem!Reader

SUMMARY: in which Fem!Reader is Rafe Cameron’s, even if she doesn't know it.

"You broke his fucking arm!" Y/N snapped as she puffed her cheeks out, reaching to poke him in the ribs.

"He was touching you, Y/N.”

“I know how to take care of myself, Rafe. I’m a big girl.” She could feel how wild she must have looked, her hair falling out of its ponytail, fire in her eyes from the fight. Rafe wasn't wrong, she had plenty to drink, and JJ got a little too handsy with her at the Island Club.

"Most girls just say thanks.” Rafe mumbled, finally gaining some humility now that they were removed from the situation.

"Thanks." Y/N snapped, still glaring at him.

Rafe caught her hand as she went to poke him again, and she noted the strength of his fingers as she struggled against his grip. She swung her other hand around, and he caught that one just as easily. She glanced down at his fingers curled around her wrist and dragged her eyes up to his. His gaze met hers steadily.

"Let me go or I'll bite you.” Y/N declared, hoping her voice didn't sound as shaky as she felt.

Rafe leered at her and shrugged his shoulders, his eyes never leaving her face. With a snarl, she twisted down to him, gnashing her teeth that was mostly playful. She felt his laugh vibrate through her as she locked her jaw on his arm, gnawing like she was trying to chew her way through. When that failed to move him, she tried a different tactic. Gathering up spit, she used her tongue to coat his arm in saliva.

He yanked his arm away, wiping it against the couch, and Y/N used her freedom to poke him in the ribs again, laughing at the apparent disgust on his face. This turned out to be a mistake, and he snatched her hand with a growl, pushing her back into the couch, and swinging over her in one smooth motion, pinning her hands.

"Has anyone ever told you that you're kind of a brat?" Rafe said, not quite managing to hide his smile.

"It's called strategy.” Y/N replied primly, squirming under his weight.

"Is that why you're pinned against the couch?" He drawled, that hungry look back in his eyes.

"You win some, you lose some.” She dismissed, with a light laugh.

Her attempt at lightening the situation fell flat, and she felt her heart rate double as he leaned in, and dragged his lips up her neck.

"You know," Rafe rumbled. "I've been thinking a lot about what happened between us a few months ago at Topper’s party.”

"Oh?” Y/N stuttered out, knowing he could feel her thudding heartbeat beneath his lips as he kissed his way up her neck.

"If I remember right, it went something like this.” He smirked, and nibbled her neck.

Rafe bit deeper, his hands tightening further on her wrists as she writhed around, trying to avoid his sharp teeth. He stilled and looked down at her. His lips came down hard, almost bruising in their intensity, and his hands left hers, tangling themselves in her hair and drawing her closer.

Y/N gasped against his mouth, reeling from shock and the excited lurch in her gut, and he took the opening to force his tongue in, angling her head and deepening the kiss. She bit his tongue, and he reeled back, eyes flashing.

"Are you going to behave, or do I need to make you?"

"What do you plan on doing to me?" Y/N attempted to sound disapproving, but she couldn't tear her eyes away from his lips, and she liked the sound of punishment more than she should.

"Keep misbehaving and you'll see.” Rafe warned, lowering his lips to hers again, one hand gripping her jaw.

He kissed her again, biting her lip harshly as she whimpered. When his tongue wormed into her mouth, she tried to push it out with hers, as he began frantically kissing her. His tongue dominated her mouth, wrapping around her tongue and probing against her teeth.

Without any conscious permission, her hands climbed to his shoulders, and he growled approvingly as sharp nails raked down his back. His teeth pushed against hers as she raked down his back again. He broke the kiss minutes or hours later, and rested his forehead against hers, breathing harshly.

"I don't think you have any idea how long I've wanted to do that.” Rafe said quietly, and the sincerity in his voice shot straight to her core.

Y/N covered it by ducking her head, but his fingers caught her chin, lifting it, and she met his eyes. Whatever he saw there made him lower his lips to hers again with a groan. This kiss was different, though. The fury and hunger were gone, and what was left was unexpectedly sweet and soft. She bit his lip and ran her tongue over his lips, sucking and pulling. There was silence except for their panting breaths, and the rustle of their clothes as they moved against each other.

Rafe’s hand trailed down to her shirt, revealing again her bra, and her heaving chest. Her breath caught in her throat as he lowered his lips to her breasts with a final, burning look. His hands were gentle, stroking her breast through the cups of her bra, but his teeth were ruthless, biting and marking and claiming.

When Rafe pulled away, her skin glistened wetly, bruising even as she watched. He rumbled in satisfaction, and repeated the motion, until her breasts were swollen, skin broken and sensitive.

"Take off your shirt.” Rafe commanded, lips full and eyes bright.

Y/N remembered his warning, and some idiot part of her brain replied, “Make me."

His answering smile was all pointed edges and signs flashing danger. “I thought I told you to behave."

"What makes you think I'll do as I'm told?" She shot back, immediately regretting the words as he lifted himself off her, dragging her from the couch and into the bedroom.

Y/N struggled, and he locked his arms around her, bending her over the mattress and pushing her face deep into the covers as she struggled to breathe. He yanked at her shirt, and it came away with a clatter of buttons and a few ominous pops. He pushed one hand against her head as she attempted to raise it, fingers curling warningly in her hair.

With his other hand, he unsnapped her bra, worming his fingers up and around to her nipple and pinching sharply. She yelped into the blankets as he continued his assault, bruising her nipple with his rough fingers. His teeth sunk deep into her shoulder, and her bra was pulled off with the same carelessness and ferocity as her shirt.

Without warning, Rafe picked her up, throwing her whole body onto the bed. When she spun around, attempting to roll up and away, he pounced, pinning her shoulders with a feral smile. He dropped his teeth to her uncovered breasts, and lathed them with his tongue, coaxing her abused nipples to attention. He rolled a nipple between his teeth as she whimpered and struggled, before he bit down, sucking forcefully.

A small squeak worked its way up her throat, and he paused his torment to grin at her. “I did warn you."

Y/N turned her head away, trying to control her breathing, only for him to yank it back sharply, fingers snarled in her hair. Rafe kissed her again as one hand continued its assault, rolling and pinching and stroking. She whimpered into his mouth, and their teeth clinked together as he grinned at the sound.

"I like that sound a lot more than what's usually coming out of your mouth.” Rafe growled against her lips.

Y/N’s witty retort was muffled by his lips pressing against hers, and his hand moved between their bodies, fumbling with the catch on her pants. Her pants were removed with a rustle of fabric, and she squirmed as the cold air of the room assaulted her. His shirt followed shortly after, and she had a moment to appreciate the view before he squatted between her legs.

Rafe was silent, and stared down at the length of her body with her bruised chest heaving. She attempted to bring her legs together, embarrassed, and he shoved them open, her hips popping with the force. His fingers curled in, and she huffed a breath, unable to take her eyes off him. His hands snapped to her waist, and with a rip, her underwear was gone.

"Rafe! How am I supposed to leave with half of my clothes destroyed?" Y/N protested, eyes still locked on his unmoving form.

Rafe looked up at her, and instead of responding, he ran his fingers through the curls on the top of her pussy, the tips of his fingers just brushing against her clit. She jerked up, instinctively chasing the feeling of his hard fingers on her. He smiled at that, and brushed her clit again, amused by the feeble thrusts of her hips. She had to bite back a frustrated scream as his hands skimmed back up her body.

"I don't know that you've been punished enough, so I don't think I should reward you yet.” Rafe hummed, looking at her disheveled state with dark pleasure.

Y/N set her jaw stubbornly. “I don't want a reward. Just give me some clothes and let me up. I want to go home." She almost believed herself.

Rafe cocked an eyebrow at that, and reached one hand down, skimming the entrance to her hot, throbbing pussy. She couldn't help the whine that escaped, or the twist of her hips, trying to coax him deeper.

"Yeah.” He rasped. “That’s what I thought."

Y/N blushed, feeling it travel down her chest and he watched the skin redden with interest. He tugged her to a sitting position, then pulled her from the bed, dragging her forward a few steps to a floor length mirror.

"You're going to watch yourself as you suck me off.” Rafe informed her, matter-of-factly.

"And what makes you think I'll do that?" She challenged, cheeks still flushed.

"Because I'll return the favor.” He said lowly, pushing on the top of her head.

Y/N couldn't help the wave of heat that rushed through her, or the dig of her teeth into her lip at the thought of him between her legs, his tongue swirling, squirming, and lapping. She clenched her legs, and turned her head, nose in the air.

"You really are just making this harder for yourself.” Rafe said, mildly. "If you would’ve just behaved, I could’ve had my cock buried in you by now."

Y/N tried to feign disinterest, even as her stomach turned over at his dark tone and her eyes flicked to his jeans, his cock clearly straining to get out. Good, if she wasn't getting what she wanted, then he wouldn't either. She twirled away, attempting to bolt through the door, and he pinned her against a wall, dragging his lips up her neck, grinding his erection against her soft, round ass.

"Oh, no.” Rafe breathed. "You're not getting off that easily." He chuckled quietly and at the same time, sent his hand through the air to land on her ass with a sharp crack.

Her eyes widened as heat, then pain flashed through her. Before she could say anything, there was another crack, and another. She attempted to twist her body, but he merely gathered her hands in one of his, and slammed them against the wall, almost certainly bruising her wrists in the process.

That pain was overshadowed by the burning that was climbing up her ass, turning her whole body hot and tense. His hand came down again, again, and, after ten dizzying smacks, his hand came to rest on her ass, rubbing it softly to ease the sting.

"What do you have to say for yourself?" Rafe asked, sounding perfectly in control.

Between pants, she responded, “Bite me."

He clicked his tongue in disappointment. “Wrong answer.”

The pain resumed again, and with each smack, she fought back tears, until she was almost gasping with the effort.

"What about now?"

"I'm sorry!" Y/N finally squealed, as his hand began its descent for the ninth time.

Immediately, his hand was on her livid, inflamed ass, stroking it and running down the broken skin.

"That's better.” Rafe said, against her skin. "Good girl." And she tried so hard to be outraged, but the warmth in his tone made her flush with pleasure, even as his fingers stroked back and forth against her abused bottom.

"Now, do you want to behave, or do you want to keep mouthing off? I could happily spend all day marking up this gorgeous ass.” He said, punctuating his statement with a reverent brush of his fingers on her cheeks, his rough fingerpads leaving a tingling trail.

"I'll behave.” Y/N whispered, shivering and twitching under his gentle touch.

Rafe stroked her hair and turned her around, gently wiping her tears. He put a pillow on the floor and guided her down. She went, flinching at the feel of her bruised ass coming into contact with her legs as she folded them beneath her. She sat still, breath still coming in quick pants, her tongue flicking out to lick her lips nervously.

He looked down at her for a long moment, seeming to enjoy the view, eyes darting over her battered body with heated desire. Then, he dropped his jeans, and Y/N came face to face with a monster.

Unconsciously, she licked her lips again, wincing at her sore ass, her eyes locked on the cock that was about to ravage her throat. She enjoyed blowjobs, but she would rarely deepthroat, her gag reflex far too sensitive for such rough treatment. Her eyes lifted to his, and she shook her head ever so slightly.

"It's too big.” Y/N trailed off diffidently.

With a wolfish smile, Rafe guided his cock to her lips, fingers in her hair and said simply, “Try your best.”

Carefully avoiding her reflection in the mirror, Y/N reached out with one hand. It dwarfed her. She had a vivid flash of being pulled down on top of that cock, her pussy straining as it split her like a log, and her stomach panged with desire, shooting down to her twitching pussy. She could feel her arousal dripping on to the cushion.

Rafe seemed impatient, and rocked his hips forward, smearing her lips and cheeks with his pre-cum. Nervously, she reached up her other hand, and slowly began massaging down the length of his rigid cock. He groaned, eyes half closing, but still fixated on her, undisguised lust and satisfaction in his eyes.

With a quick look upwards at his unwavering gaze, she stretched out her tongue and rasped it along the tip of his cock, savouring the saltiness of the pre-cum glazing her lips. His hips twitched and twisted as she began licking at the top and slowly made her way down and around the length of his cock, before coming to his balls.

Y/N pumped his cock with both hands, her saliva easing the motion, and flicked her tongue over his balls, burying her face in and licking deeply. Rafe pulled her hands away for a moment and rested the length of his cock on her face, his expression feral.

Rafe’s eyes were dark, malicious, and hungry. She regretted, for a brief moment, all the times she had teased him with her body. All the times she had "accidentally" brushed against him, letting him feel her soft curves pressed against him.

Y/N remembered those burning eyes whenever she would eat in front of him, closing her eyes and moaning slightly at the taste. She assumed the hunger in his gaze was for her food. Rafe had been imagining this. There was no doubt this was a fantasy of his, and she wondered what else he had been dying to do to her. Her pussy twitched as she realized she might find out.

Y/N was brought out of her reflections as his cock throbbed against her tongue, bobbing in her mouth. She resumed licking and sucking, cramming inch by inch into her mouth. She got as deep as she could and breathlessly pulled back.

"It's too big.” She insisted, between pants. "I can't fit it all."

His hands stroked her hair, tugging her back on to his dick. Rafe smiled and that really should have warned her as he slammed his cock as deep as he could into her throat. She still only managed half, and gagged viciously around it, saliva starting to pool in her mouth. He pulled her off by her hair, laughing lowly at her indignant look, and dragged her back to his cock.

Each thrust buried his cock further in her throat, blocking her windpipe. She heaved, eyes beginning to roll with panic. She pushed against his thighs, digging her nails in and he let her go. She gagged again as she pulled away from his cock, and took in heaving gulps of air, blinking away the tears in her eyes to glare at him. He traced her swollen lips with his finger and smiled down at her.

"Keep going.” Rafe instructed.

She opened her mouth, fully intending to tell him where he could stick his cock, before the sound of whistling air echoed in her mind. He took advantage of her mouth hanging agape, and crammed his cock back in.

"Keep your eyes open.” He commanded, his voice tight with need.

Y/N pried open her eyes, only for them to squeeze shut as she gagged and convulsed, another half inch sliding down her throat. Rafe pulled his cock out and watched with satisfaction as she came undone, heaving for air, drool dripping from her swollen lips, smeared all over her pretty face, her eyes glazed and faraway.

"Lick my balls.” Rafe instructed, and she was eager to comply.

Y/N sucked and swallowed at his balls, her fingers dancing along them as they gleamed wetly. She buried her face in them, heedless of the drool she was covering herself with. He tugged at her hair, bringing her back up. She drooled and gagged and writhed on his cock, feeling submissive and small, and hornier than she ever had in her life.

Her pussy dripped unabashedly, and without her realizing, one of her hands drifted down. The slightest touch sent a jolt through her, and she would have panted with need, if it weren't for the cock locked in her throat.

"Look at yourself.” Rafe grunted, voice strained with the need to cum.

And she did. She looked terrible. Her makeup was running in streaks, her whole face was shining and red with exertion. There was a manic glint in her eyes, and her pussy was dripping on the pillow as her fingers plucked and pulled at her clit. He reached down and tugged her hand away, placing her hands on his thighs instead.

"No playing with yourself. You were a little brat, so I get to cum first." Rafe growled, tugging on her hair harshly.

Y/N was filled with an impotent anger, and her fingers twisted and scratched at his thighs, curling into fists against his legs. She pulled back, catching her breath, then pounced on his cock again, taking out her frustration with her mouth. He reached his hands down to her neck, wrapping his fingers around her throat.

His hips snapped and her face was mashed into his pubes as she gagged and twisted under his hands. Rafe jerked, groaning her name so lasciviously that her fingers moved from his leg, trying once more to reach her dripping pussy as she felt his cock throbbing in her throat.

Rafe held her there for a while, hips snapping forward as he dumped his cum straight down her throat. As her throat relaxed, she felt him pull out and she collapsed against his legs. His fingers stroked her hair.

"You did so good, Y/N. I never imagined that you could swallow it all." He sounded worn out, too and he continued stroking her. "I'm so proud of you."

Rafe stepped away from her, causing her to whimper in protest. Shame burned hotly for a moment at her neediness, but then he was back, gently cleaning her face with a towel, wiping away her running makeup, and kissing each part as it was cleaned.

Unconsciously, Y/N leaned into the treatment, feeling light and untethered to everything except him. She rubbed her head against his thigh, almost purring with pleasure at his fingers through her hair.

"I knew you were perfect for me, but this just takes the cake.” Rafe muttered, easing her onto the bed.

She blinked at him, sleepy and content, hoping he would curl up next to her, but he settled between her legs instead, spreading them wide. She watched him as he stared at her hungry pussy, grasping for a cock or fingers to fill it. His fingers traced their way up her thighs, his eyes still locked on her streaming cunt.

As his fingers neared her throbbing entrance, she twitched. Her body was overstimulated, and her clit was a live wire, waiting to electrocute her. With gentle fingers, Rafe pried open her pussy lips and stared into her depths as she writhed on the bed, the ache traveling up her entire body.

Y/N needed to cum. She needed to come apart around his fingers and cock and tongue, again and again. He knew this and he was teasing her, pressing open mouthed kisses to her thighs, bumping his nose against her swollen clit, watching as her pussy desperately clenched with need.

"Beg for it. Beg for me to eat you out." Rafe whispered hoarsely.

She whimpered, hands clenching and unclenching, toes curled, eyes squeezed shut as she attempted to catch her breath.

“Come on, Y/N.” He whispered. "Give in to me. You know that you want me just as bad. Beg for me. I want to hear you beg me to lick your sweet cunt."

She whined, attempting again to thrust against him and he caught her, smacking her bruised ass.

"Y/N.” He said warningly, as his mouth began to slide from her.

"I want you to eat my pussy.” She muttered, turning her face to the blanket.

"What was that?" She could picture his lascivious smile and growled unintelligibly.

"Please.” She gritted out, pussy clamping against nothing.

"Please, what?"

"Will you eat me out? Please, Rafe.“

"I don’t know.” His deep voice vibrated through her, shattering her control as she waited with clenched teeth. “I think you can do better." Rafe pulled completely away from her, pressing kisses to her thighs, before pushing himself up.

"Please, eat me out. I need you to bury your face in my cunt. I want to belong to you, and only you. Please, eat me out and make me yours, Rafe.” Y/N struggled to breathe. She was blushing furiously, her entire body taking on a pink hue.

"That’s my girl." Rafe smiled and kissed her thigh again. "Ever since I first laid my eyes on you, you’ve always belonged to me. You’re mine, Y/N.” His voice was dark and possessive, and his hands shot to her thighs, gripping them with bruising force.

Without warning, his tongue dragged up the length of her dripping cunt and she almost screamed. Her throat was too hoarse, however, so what came out was a sad little squeak. Rafe blinked at that, a grin stretching across his face. Her pussy spasmed, and she shrieked into the bed as he lapped his tongue deeper.

Rafe’s tongue flicked around her clit, and her legs clamped either side of his head, locking him in place and drawing him in. She whimpered and squealed, hips thrusting against his lips, and he sucked her clit into his mouth, rotating his tongue around it, and sucking deeper.

Just as the pressure had become almost unbearable, three of his long fingers slammed into her pussy, curling deftly, stroking some secret spot inside her. She wailed and thrashed, clenching clenching around his fingers and face.

"That's it.” Rafe whispered, sounding proud and awed. "You're such a good girl, so fucking sexy.”

Y/N came for what felt like hours, before finally collapsing on the bed, shaking, her pussy quivering and spasming still. He extracted himself, his face dripping, and licked his fingers clean with a satisfied noise, his eyes dark and intent on her as he did.

"Did you know that you're a squirter, Y/N?" Rafe grunted, wiping at his face. She didn’t respond, but instead stared sleepily back, her eyes drifting shut as her lips curled up in satisfaction.

"What a fucking sight.” He mumbled quietly to himself.

Rafe grinned as her limbs dropped to the bed, her mouth agape, her eyes glazed. Her vision swam back into focus, and she glanced up at him. He was kneeling over her, staring. His gaze was possessive and caring, his eyes roving over every inch of her. She twisted around to bury her face in his chest, nuzzling against him with a contented sigh. He sighed as well, draping his arm over her, tracing her curves.

They stayed like this for a while as she dozed, worn out from a long day. Eventually, he got up and she whimpered in protest, catching his arm and looking at him pleadingly.

"I just have to grab something. I'll be right back, baby." The pet name sent heat to her cheeks, and she collapsed back, staring at him as he sauntered out to the living room, still naked.

Y/N started to whimper as he disappeared from the view, craving the feeling of his hands on her again. Her soft whimpers grew louder and louder, and he reappeared in the doorway, holding a glass of water and looking far too amused.

Rafe sat her up and helped her drink, stroking her hair and saying under his breath what a good girl she was, and the words reignited the fire that had burned down in her stomach, sending warmth through her.

Y/N’s eyes began to close, and she shot him a tired, satisfied smile. His hands traced down to her spine as he returned her grin, looking more alive than she could ever remember seeing him.

TAGLIST: @lovedetlost @valeriiecameron @outerbankspov @ailee-celeste @adventuresinobx @tee-swizzle @pankowperfection @maybankslover @drewbooooo @penny4yourthoughts @variety-fangirl @fangirlwithlou @thecameronchronicles @lafantasiaworld @softsatnin @glutenfreepeach @blueicequeen19

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russellsppttemplates · 4 months

Text

Uh oh, I'm falling in love (Lando Norris)

Y/N and Lando both have jobs that require good sight and attention to detail and yet they're oblivious to their feelings for eachother

Note: english is not my first language. I'm in a very fluffy mood, so I got really excited when I got this request! This also makes my expectations even higher and calls me single in about seventeen different languages at once...

Thank you so much to everyone who likes and reblogs, your feedback is appreciated 🤍 and I'm taking requests so if you have any ideas or concepts you want to share, feel free to do so as I'll try to get to them the best I can!

my masterlist

Tw: mentions a needle (for sewing)

Tag list: @myloverjk-blog

"Hey guys! How's everyone?", Max said to the camera as you made sure the set up was right, the screen showing his and Lando's faces on one screen and the table on the other like it was supposed to.

"As per your many, many requests, we have brought our graphic designer at Quadrant, Y/N", Lando announced as you appeared on camera, sending a very awkward first wave to the camera, "today's stream is little different than our usual programming, but it was the only way she agreed to be in one! You guys really wanted to see her, so we had to be creative!", Max said as he moved the friendship bracelets making kit into view on the table.

"Hey, Queen Taylor said we should make the friendship bracelets, so we're just following her!", you chuckled, looking at all the coloured threads and colourful beads, sorting them out and grabbing a pen and paper so you could draw your ideas.

"Since you guys wanted to get to know Y/N, can I tell them to send in questions?", Lando questioned you, "sure, I'll answer them to the best of mu ability", you smiled.

You were picking the letters you needed for the bracelet you were making when Max spoke up, "first one: how did you start working with Quadrant? I'd love to work on the team when I finish my degree!".

"I saw the job offer, and I must admit at first I didn't really know much about the company. I looked it up, looked cool enough and I sent my CV and portfolio in. So keep your eyes peeled for any offers, I guess? We have them now on the website, which was my doing, so you can check them out there if you want to be part of the team", you offered.

"I need help, guys", Lando said as he fiddled with his bracelet, the orange and grey beads with his initials sliding on the elasticated material, I can't do the closing knot on my own", he pouted as you placed your bracelet down.

"You have to flip it like this, here. Just put it on your wrist and I'll do the rest", you ushered him, your fingertips gingerly touching his hand and wrist as you quietly laced it, "this way we don't get frilly bits out and it looks pretty, see? Pretty!", you smiled, modelling his wrist for the camera.

Pretty, that's what he often thought about you. Not only pretty, but it was one of the first physical traits that came to mind.

"We should all have matching ones!", Max said as he completed his bracelet, impressively on his own, revealing the colourful beads with Quadrant spelled in white round beads with black letters, "I'll make one for each of you", he said as he watched you show your own, pink beads and a lyric he assumed was from a Taylor Swift song.

"I'll make Y/N's, she helped me after all", Lando said as one brave fan sent a comment into the chat.

He's so giddy to make Y/N a bracelet, it's a shame it will snap because of his lack of skills

Am I delusional if I say that they'd make a great couple?

If you're delusional, then what do I call myself? I still think they're making heart eyes at eachother whenever they catch the slightest glimpse!

We're joining forces, I think it's a noble pursuit!

He's a dork, Y/N, but you should give him a chance

Have you always known you wanted to be a graphic designer?

"I thought about different careers before I settled on this one, for now at least", you explained, "engineering was in the running up, but then I figured out that I was curious about how things worked, but that didn't mean that I wanted to be the one working on it. And this was a way to express my creativity, my strategy planning as well, and at the moment it's been quite good", you smiled as Lando grabbed your wrist softly, "I need to make sure this fits", he interrupted, "and it won't snap because I've learnt how to do it, thank you very much", he blushed. So he, too, was reading the comments, choosing not to dwell in them.

"Look, this way you always have a lucky charm with you everywhere you go, even if we're not together. We're eachothers lucky charms!", Lando announced as Max mafe a fake gagging noise.

"Are you all ready?", you said as you and Tara walked inside the room, clasping your watch on your wrist and hoping to find the boys ready.

Quadrant had been invited to a gala dinner that celebrated the companies in the same line of business, inviting five people to take part in the meal. After some team members politely declining the invitation since they had things booked already, the group ended up being Lando, Max, Callum, Tara and yourself.

The dress required everyone to up their usual style, hence the long dress you were wearing. Even though it was far from your usual everyday attire, you felt beautiful in the dress you ended up with after browsing the online shops for a while. The cut was simple, the skirt widening from your waist down and complimenting your curves as the sheen from the midnight blue fabric looked soft and sweet against your skin.

Lando seemed to think the same, trying his best to not let his mouth hang open when you and Tara walked inside their room, heels clicking on the wooden floor as you hurried them, "does it really take that long to put on a suit? I had to help Tara with the laces on her back and we still got ready faster than the three of you?", you asked, shaking your wrist to check if the dainty watch wasn't going to fall and that it wasn't too tight either.

Looking up to meet Lando's eyes, you were sure you physically and audibly gulped. No one should look that good in a plain white shirt. The cuffs were still unbuttoned, but the shirt itself was tucked in his black pants. He didn't have any jewellery, so his tanned skin caught your eye as it contrasted with his clothes.

"Lando has a problem with his shirt and we are trying to solve it", Max said, a little bit too antsy given that, at the naked eye, there didn't seem to be a big issue with the piece of clothing you had been inspecting quite closely.

"There was a loose button, and I tried to fix it, but I made it worse", Lando said as he pointed to the button on his hand, the slight movement showing you the place where it was supposed to he holding the piece together and closed.

"Three people in this room and no one thought about grabbing the sewing kit from the amenities?", Tara suggested, looking for it in the box that was the same as it was in your room, "see? Simple as that! Can you sew it, Y/N? My hand isn't fully healed yet, I can't quite grasp something that small yet".

Tara had injured herself earlier on in the week, prompting her to ask to tag out of the gala until you pleaded her to go so you wouldn't be alone, so she couldn't do it. None of the other guys seemed to even know how to pull the thread through the needle, so you grabbed the kit from Tara's hand, "sure, I'll do it", you said, "if that's okay with you, that is", you looked over at Lando.

"Sure, anything to solve this. Do I keep it on or should I take it off?", he questioned, wanting to slap himself straight after at his offer. Why would he volunteer to be shirtless in front of you? It certainly wasn't the way to go, shoving himself like that.

"On should be fine", you muttered, missing the snickers going on behind you as you wet the thread with your tongue, careful to not transfer any of the lipstick on it and ruining the piece without point of return for good, easily looping it through and adjusting the size of the ends.

"Button", you put your hand out so Lando could place it in your fingers, "I will do my best not to poke you, let me know if I do so accidentally", you mumbled at the closeness to him you found yourself in. It was the third button from the top, and as much as you loved the sight of the shirt slightly undone, the dinner required his shirt to be done up. Looping the thread on the button a few times, you moved to pierce the crisp white fabric so it would be secure, your hands dangerously close to his skin as you could hear his laboured breath. Lando still remembered and thought constantly about your fingers touching his hand and wrist when you did the friendship bracelets video for the YouTube channel, and right now, it only added to his predicament.

"It's done, all good!", you exclaimed, looking up as you cut the thread and seeing Lando's eyes on you. The intensity nearly threw you off of your balance as you stood the tiniest bit crouched down on your high heels.

Scrambling to further the distance between your bodies, you smoothed out the non existent wrinkles on your dress, storing the supplies back in the kit as Lando managed to utter out a thank you, too stunned and intoxicated by your scent to say anything else.

"I sewed a button as neither of you look any more ready that you were when we got here? We're going to be late!", you hurried, sitting next to Tara and ignoring her smirk as you scrolled through your phone.

"That shoot will have to wait since Lando won't be back here soon, then", you said, moving things around in the online shared calendar, "when did you say you could again? I'm sorry", you asked, rubbing your forehead and squeezing your eyes, adjusting your glasses and looking at him through the screen.

"The first weekend of the next month", Lando assured, "are you okay, Y/N?", he asked. The bags under your eyes didn't fool anyone and you looked tired. And sick, he guessed by the layers of clothing you had on.

"I had a pretty shit day, actually", you admitted, "I had to go with the guys from storage because there was an issue. The supplier sent the samples and we wanted to get things moving so I could have some ideas for the description and the social media team also wanted to prep the draft for the whole story telling, but it all went under. I also think I caught some bug, so it's been a fun day", you exaggeratingly smiled, mocking your own misery.

"You look like you need a hug, Y/N. Do you need a hug?", Lando asked as you nodded, "Actually, that would be pretty good, but I live alone. The neighbours would think I'm pretty weird if I went around like this asking for one, too", you reasoned.

Even though he wasn't next to you, Lando still managed to pull a smile out of you as he got up from the chair he was sitting in, hugging his laptop, "did you feel that hug?", he loudly wondered, "it's full of Get well soon fairy dust!", he smiled charmingly.

"Fairy dust, mate?", Callum wondered, reminding you of his presence in the videocall, "you try and spend more than a few hours with a little girl and you let me know. Mila has taught me all about fairy dust and princess magic", Lando added.

"How will we get out of here?", you wondered, starting to regret joining Lando, Max and Pietra when they said they were going to watch a football game. You loved the sport and you figured it would be a nice distraction after a work loaded week, but now, things were looking less than a distraction.

"We will let them space out once the game finishes, free up the roads as well because getting out of here will be a pain, too", Lando suggested.

The game granted your team a win and three points in the championship, the crowd going wild as they clapped, whistled and waved their scarfs, slowly leaving the stadium.

"Should we make a run for it now?", Pietra said, holding her boyfriend's hand as she allowed him to pull her away.

You followed Lando, thanking his choice of a colourful hoodie to wear today as it made it easier for you to spot him, "go in front of me, I'll back you up", he switched positions. You weren't having too much trouble until you were met with a ramp, people carelessly shoving others as they tried to leave as quick as they could, all with the same intent of avoiding traffic and crowded roads.

"Here, Y/N", you heard Lando as he grabbed your hand, lacing your fingers in his and pulling you along, excusing you two as you approached Max and Pietra again, "we're here", you tapped the blonde woman's shoulder with your free hand.

"Goodness, that was and adventure", she said once you reached the stadium car park, the crowd clearing up significantly as there was maybe another ten people headed the same way as you were now, "is everyone alright? I think someone stepped on my foot quite a few times, or many people stepped on it at various different times", you reasoned, walking alongside Lando still.

"Don't we need to hand the bracelets back?", Max said as he looked at the sign, taking his bracelet off and depositing it in the box in the booth, Pietra doing the same as you seemed distracted.

"Are you okay, Y/N?", Max asked, seeing you and Lando were still holding hands and, because of that, not taking off your bracelets.

"Yes, why wouldn't I be?", you scrunched your eyebrows, "we need to hand the bracelets back in, so I kind of need to have yours, too", he teased, looking at your hand still entwined with Lando's.

Removing your hand from Lando's as if it har started burning all of a sudden, you removed the bracelet, apologising quietly to the stadium employee as you thanked him, "shall we go now?".

"Dinner out?", Lando gulped, getting into the driver's seat, "Good idea, yes", Max added, sitting in the passenger's seat as you and Pietra sat in the back, your hand rubbing your other hand that had been laced with Lando's own one for a long time. Uh oh, you were falling in love.

The launch was finally over after an amazing response from the fans, leaving your heart happy and warm with a sense of mission accomplished.

"Is everything packed into the van?", you asked Tara, "yes, it's just this box. It has fragile things, so do you think you guys can take it in the car with you? It probably only fits at the front, so you'll have to squeeze in with the boys on the back", she smiled apologetically, "it's fine, we'll keep eachother warm like penguins do", you chuckled, holding the door open as she set the box safely.

Saying goodbye to her and the rest of the team, Max and Lando joined you, "You sit in the middle seat", Max pointed at you, opening the door ao you could scoot closer to Lando and he could get in.

"Could you tell me how long we have until get back?", Lando asked the driver, "with traffic at this hour, I'd say around 90 minutes", he smiled, turning on the blinker so he could leave the car park.

"Plenty of time for me to catch up on sleep, then!", you cheered, making yourself comfortable in the space you had, folding your scarf into an impromptu travel pillow, closing your eyes.

"Are you a snorer?", Max asked, making you blindly swat his thigh, "only when I'm sick, and lucky for you, I'm in presteen health, no blocked nose", you grumbled.

It didn't take you long to fall asleep. In the last week, all of the nights combined, you probably slept less than thirty hours, so your body was indeed in need of rest.

"And there it goes", Max said as your pillow undid itself, Lando lifting his shoulder in reflex so your head wouldn't drop drastically, landing on top of him, "Good thing she isn't our engineer, hm?", he chuckled, looking at how his bestfriend was looking at you like you hung the stars and the moon.

"I think I'm in love with Y/N", Lando whispered after he took your appearance in. You had forgone wearing make-up today, so he could see all your moles and scars, your pouty lips and the darkened skin under your eyes. It took everything in him to not bend down and kiss your forehead.

"Congrats on being the last one to find out, mate", Max added, shaking his head, "I genuinely thought you had some issue processing information, I'm glad to find out you don't.

"Now you just have to act on it, which is going to take you, what? Two, three more months?".

#lando norris imagine #lando norris fluff #lando norris fanfic #lando norris x reader #f1 imagine #f1 x reader #f1 fanfic #f1 fluff

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hawthornvisual · 2 months

Text

2013 vs 2024

tbh, this is incredibly difficult for me. as a trans woman, there are certain expectations for posts like these. some gruff but sad looking man who was transformed into a happy beautiful girl via hormones. so you might think that nothing has changed. or perhaps i have gone backwards, gotten hairier, bigger, becoming even more of a man than i started off as.

this might be hard to read, so i'll put the rest under a read more. CW for homelessness, starvation, transmisogyny, and probably a few things i'm missing.

my transition has been messy. in some ways, you might say that i spent the first 25 years of my life transitioning. as a child i was efemminate, loved to play dress up and dolls, but my father was so against this that he filed a lawsuit against my mother, getting a court order forbidding her from "forcing me to crossdress." this set the tone for the rest of my childhood, which is a story i will not get into here because it is much worse than the story i'm trying to tell.

growing up in a christian fundamentalist home meant that it wasn't until much later, after my mother gained custody and i had gone on to experience even further ruination of my life, that i even learned that trans people exist. that this was a thing you could do, could be. a brief flash, something hiding behind my eyes, and i had locked it away. of course i wasn't trans. i was an athlete, a martial artist, a musician, why would i need to think about gender?

when i was 16, i joined tumblr. i saw a blooming transgender community, got to see the inner thoughts and conversations that trans people were having, couldn't avoid certain things any longer. i started to identify as nonbinary, eventually even coming out to my mother, who certainly TRIED to be supportive. it was exciting, made my heart race a little, made me scared. i had no idea what i was doing, or how my world was about to turn upside down and inside out.

the summer i turned 18, i was severely injured in a martial arts tournament. my right knee had caved in, the bone at the site of the joint crushed by a man i had thought was my friend. i didn't realize what had happened, and so didn't go to a doctor until two weeks later, at which point the damage was considered irreversible. everything i was disappeared. i lost all will to live. i stopped drawing, stopped playing music. i started drinking heavily. my family knew i was struggling but any efforts to fix the situation just made it worse. my mother and older brother had been putting more and more pressure on me to get a job and get out of the house, even though i could barely walk. my older brother told me that my mother was going to kick me out if i couldn't start contibuting. i still couldn't. i became homeless for the first time at the age of 19.

when you're homeless, it's like every single day is drawn out into countless hours, and you either have nothing to do, or far too much to do, and nothing in between. i had an online partner at the time, someone who turned out to be a chaser targeting suspiciously egg shaped men and nonbinary people, who spent the entire time getting more and more frustrated that i didn't have the time to be a fucktoy. i ended up insitutionalized for a month, after which i was kicked to the curb and left with nothing but a backpack and the clothes on my back. any journey of self discovery i may have been having was on hold until i wasn't fighting for survival.

my rescue came from a nonbinary lesbian who reached out to me. i was offered a room, a place to stay for no cost. they helped me break up with my partner. i found myself in a new sort of situationship, but at a confusing cost. why was this lesbian interested in me? was that even okay? eventually we had a conversation. they revealed to me that they had thought i was a trans woman. the fact that i had been seen as a woman hit me like a truck in a blindzone i didn't know i had.

after a difficult few days of arguing with myself, i couldn't hide from it. i was a woman. maybe i had always been a woman. a thought more terrifying than it had any right to be.

i grew my hair out. i started shaving. after a few months, i was even able to book my first HRT appointment (thank you state of washington trans healthcare laws). i came out to my mother a second time, and her reaction was much different this time. maybe due to the distance that had grown between us, the past hostility that left scars still bleeding, but i suspect it was because telling her that her firstborn son was actually a woman was much scarier to her than telling her that i didn't really care about gender.

this photo is from the day that i had my first HRT appointment. my soft chin, once a weakness, could be bared proudly, the ambiguity in my face becoming something that i cherished.

a year later, i had the longest hair of my life. if i shaved and wore makeup, and dressed right, i could get gendered correctly so long as i didn't speak. in that regard, i was truly getting the full experience of womanhood. my relationship with my partner was going strong. i thought that i had found my forever.

things got messy. you will probably hear me say this again. you won't find many better ways to describe my life, other than messy. my partner had always been polyamorous, but i was not, and had not ever pretended that this was not the case. so when one of my partners friends confessed her love to them, they went into panic mode. suddenly they were pushing everyone away, reverting to old bad habits and anxieties, and our relationship began to fall apart.

the friend, we'll call her A, pretended to move on, started dating someone else. my own friendship with A was strained by the situation, and her new partner, a butch lesbian named rowan, seemed to be suffering for it. i realized that the only way our relationships could survive was if we tried to work out an agreement to polyamory. in the end that wasn't enough, but i was desperate. i was starting to see the cracks, realizing that if this fell apart, i would be homeless again. my leg injury had already been so badly worsened from my first experience with homelessness, i knew that going through it again would be the end of me.

since my partner and A were now seeing each other, i began to get ignored. the only time either of them spent talking to me was talking about each other, either joyous or trying to fix some new problem. at this point, i started getting to know rowan. we had a lot in common, i had never talked to a butch before, let alone known one, and seeing the way that they navigated gender made me jealous. i didn't know why.

more and more, rowan and i were separated from the broader relationship, and as we talked more, something developed. i had already felt it the first time we spoke, on some level, but it had grown and grown, from respect, to admiration, to desire and love. we were in a polyamorous relationship after all, so it made sense to me. but shortly after, when i told my partner what i was feeling, they freaked out. this wasn't the agreement, they had only agreed to them being able to date other people, didn't think that it would need to be specified because i wasn't polyamorous.

the entire relationship falls apart and we go back to being two separate couples, and the end of that came swiftly after. they cheated on me with A, and when i found out, that was it. my now ex partner told me that i could stay at the apartment until the lease ran out, and they would move back in with their parents. they took all the furniture, i was left with an ancient computer, a blanket, some clothes, and two pillows. my depression came back with a vengeance, and i stopped eating. by the time the lease ran out, i had lost a dangerous amount of weight. i became homeless for the second time at age 22.

this time, after only six months, i found a thin sliver of hope. i was given a place to stay. a single-wide trailer that i would share with three other trans women and a hairy nonbinary lesbian. you've probably heard the stories of similar situations. it's impossible to have healthy boundaries in a space the size of a can of sardines. or healthy anything really. i got involved in an incredibly toxic relationship with one of the other trans women, who i found out was dating nearly a dozen other people.

the only thing i could do was try to feel wanted. desired. i began experimenting with my image.

i re-established contact with rowan, but there was so much there that i couldn't bring myself to face yet. as i began to experiment with more masculine presentation, those around me took a greater interest in me. i was an object of desire. it was the most worth i had felt i ever had.

i wasn't eating again. so my weight kept dropping. in the three-odd years since my first encounter with homelessness, i had lost 30% of my entire bodyweight. this only made my physical issues get worse and worse.

i wasn't done with experimentation though. what could i do with this newfound territory?

the time came. i couldn't stay anymore. the relationship had fallen apart, and my connection to the household had been sent away in exile. the irony of this is not lost on me. i was lucky enough to be able to couch surf for a few months this time.

i lost weight again.

and again.

my knee got worse and worse. my iliotibial band tore. my birthday came and went, nobody celebrated except for rowan, now my only friend.

a week after my birthday, a lesbian couple contacted me. told me that they had a spare bedroom, and that if i could cover the costs of my own food, could stay for as long as i liked.

i started HRT again. rowan and i had managed to work through all the shit and scum of our past and started a relationship anew. it felt like this could be real.

i started to look a lot like my mom. kind of uncomfortably like my mom. rowan was butch, so i had thought i should be a femme. i didn't understand what that meant, but whatever it was i attempted, it wavered dramatically.

i began to switch, every month or so, between masculine and feminine presentation. my chest had grown enough that it was visible now, and i experienced an equal amount of joy and fear when i was gendered correctly in public, having learned to fear people finding out that i was a trans woman.

the weight didn't come back. it was like my body had burned itself so far down that it could not regrow. i had no energy, and my physical condition continued to deteriorate. but i was allowed to be myself. and i was in love with a butch. maybe that would be enough.

i began to develop a fashion sense of my own. the butch label was starting to appeal to me. and my roommates seemed to agree, since they both shifted towards butchness and masculinity alongside me. but it wasn't to last. one of my roommates, a TME lesbian i'm gonna call M, suddenly went off on a transmisogynistic rant to me. M's partner was a trans woman, and hearing this caused me to suddenly re-evaluate everything. did this happen because M viewed me as more masculine now, a more acceptable target? would this happen to G, M's partner?

i hardcore shifted gears back to feminine presentation. it felt safer. i stopped eating again. things weren't okay, but they were bearable this way. but then, one day, we got locked out of our apartment. a stupid, played out thing that happens to everyone at least once. while my roommate G went to see if the apartment manager was in with a spare key, i attempted to climb our balcony and get in through the unlocked back door. when i was up on the railing of our balcony, it gave way, and i fell to the asphalt below, breaking my back. following a trend that i set half a decade ago, i didn't realize it had happened. my back hurt, but i thought it would go away. it did, replaced by a vast numbness through the middle of my back. i began to collapse any time i tried to exhert myself physically at all. i would only find out why years later. the fact that i couldn't contribute to chores anymore, and nobody knew why, made the situation with M deteriorate much faster.

at my lowest point in years. my relationship with rowan was the only thing that kept me from giving up, but after the third time M decided to spew vileness at me i just spent months locked away in my room, terrified that any time i saw M was going to be another lecture about how i was disrespectful, loud, obtrusive, intimidating, too quiet, too lazy, whatever incoherent train of thought i would have to face next.

it was too much to handle in combination with the events of 2020, the lockdowns, the illness, the forest fires, things ended up coming to a head. at age 25, i became homeless for the third time, during the pandemic and a wildfire that filled the air with plastic fumes so thick you couldn't see ten feet in front of you.

i got in contact with my mother and had her take my cat, because i knew i couldn't take care of her like this. that was the last time i saw my cat in person before she died. rowan was frantically trying anything and everything possible to help me. i thought that this might be the end.

three and a half years ago today i got the best news of my life. there was a way out. it would be a long and tricky road, involving moving my whole life to a new country. but we could do it. not only could we do it, but we actually did it. in a months time, i was in rowan's arms. for the first time in our years of knowing each other, there was nothing keeping us apart any longer.

i was finally able to rest. able to eat. i started to regain weight for the first time in nearly a decade. i felt my energy come back, slowly at first, and then more and more until i was capable of functioning, even if at a low level. it's around then that i find out the truth of what happened to my back. it still hasn't properly healed.

in my gratefullness for life and love, i briefly forgot my identity crisis. i was happy to just exist without fear and pain. it wasn't until about a year ago, when a miracle occurred, that this changed.

i woke up one morning, feeling more energetic than usual. i think to myself, maybe i can do some light exercise, for old times sake.

my knee doesn't hurt.

MY KNEE DOESN'T HURT.

a wound that i thought would dictate my life forever, given actual time to rest and food to fuel the process, had healed. everything that i had ever given up on came rushing back into my head, ideas about who i could be, what i could become, what other injuries i might be able to recover from if i treat them right and rebuild myself. ten months ago i began to work out consistently. my back is slowly healing. i am stronger than i ever was before.

i have had to rebuild myself so many times. did i ever discover the secret of butchness in the process? no, that's something that i think will take the rest of my life. for now, my butchness is an enduring pillar, the only part of myself that never fully burnt away. standing up for myself, being my own person, loving another butch, refusing to lose the kindness i so desperately clung to my whole life, refusing to limit myself and my dreams, this is who i am. i am friends with other butches. i am not alone anymore. for now, this is butch. this is me.

#transgender #transition timeline #trans woman #butch

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fanfictionalraven · 1 month

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Piece by Piece Pt. 8

Title: Piece By Piece Pt. 8

Summary: It’s been three months since Dean came back and things are going pretty well. Right?

Characters: Reader, Dean Winchester, Castiel, Original Characters

Word Count: 3,404

Warnings: N/A

Author’s Note: This story was originally posted by myself under the account Winchestersgirl92. It was published in 2017.

Read Piece by Piece Pt. 7 here.

Three months. That’s how long Dean had been back in your life. And when he was there it was great. He was always so careful to divide his time up between the two of you, taking you both out individually then spending time together as a family. M.K. loved her daddy-daughter dates more than anything and seeing them together made your heart melt every time. Once she was in bed, Dean would spend the rest of the night making you feel like you were the only girl in the world. It was almost perfect.

But he wasn’t always there. You knew it was going to be difficult, him coming and going. What you hadn’t counted on was how worried you were every time he left. You found yourself praying to whoever or whatever was listening every night for him and for Sam and even for Bobby, whom you’d never even met. You and M.K. would wait by the phone at night for him to call and say he was safe. On the few nights he was too busy to call, you’d both turn into bed for a sleepless night.

You’re standing in the kitchen now, staring into your mug of coffee. Thankfully, M.K. wasn’t awake yet. You were hoping she’d sleep a few more hours. She’d been so excited for Dean to come in last night. You had been too. But after she’d gone to bed, he’d been forced to leave in a rush. Some apocalyptic emergency. You couldn’t be mad. At least that’s what you were trying to tell yourself.

A knock on the front door draws your attention. Sighing, you set the mug down on the counter before going into the front hall. You can see the top of your best friend’s head through the window of the door and you manage a small smile.

“You know most people would consider it rude for someone to knock on their door at 6 AM on a Saturday,” you tell her once you’ve got the door open. Lily smiles back at you, apologetically.

“I was out on my morning run when I saw your kitchen light on and the distinct lack of a certain black car in the driveway. Thought you might want some company,” she says. You step aside, inviting her in. You move into the kitchen together and she makes herself at home, fixing her own coffee as you take a seat at the counter. She smiles as she stirs the sugar into her coffee. “Roses and chocolates? Guess it started as a good night.” You look at the bouquet of flowers you’d gotten into a vase last night and the heart shaped box of chocolates lying next to it.

“It did. He even brought some for M.K.,” you tell her. “And he gave me this too.” You hold up the necklace around your neck, looking at her. She smiles a little and nods before walking over.

“So you told him?” She asks. You avert your eyes to your coffee cup again quickly. “You didn’t tell him?”

“He got an emergency call from work before I could,” you confess, swirling your coffee slowly. You watch it spiral around the cup as the preceding night washes back over you.

************************************************************************

You and M.K. had settled into the couch, knowing neither of you were going to be able to sleep. It was almost 10 and Dean hadn’t called yet. Since it was a Friday night, you hadn’t been in any hurry to get your daughter off to bed., so you’d popped a bag of popcorn and were currently in the middle of Madagascar 2. M.K. had actually managed to pass out just a few minutes earlier so you reach for the remote carefully to turn off the movie.

The doorbell rings before you can hit the button. You freeze and frown quickly. It was way too late for any visitors. M.K. sits up slowly, rubbing her eyes.

“Was that the doorbell?” She asks, sleepily. You shush her and nod, rising to your feet. Quietly, you peek through the curtains.

Your pulse picks up instantly when you spot the familiar black car sitting in the driveway behind yours. But something wasn’t right. Dean had a key. He had no reason to ring the doorbell. Your mind starts to race as you rush to the door. Sam was here to tell you that Dean had been killed in a hunt. It was the only logical explanation.

You throw the door open, trying to fight back the tears and stare at what’s waiting on the other side. All you can really see are a couple of jean-clad bowlegs and two arms full of flowers, candy boxes, and a large teddy bear. You blink then break into a wide smile.

“Happy Valentine’s Day!!” Dean’s voice calls from behind the gifts. You start to laugh, relief washing over you, as M.K. comes into the hall.

“Daddy!!” She practically squeals. You can hear Dean laugh as he steps through the front door. You reach to help him, taking the flowers, and can finally see his smiling face.

“Sorry I’m late. You wouldn’t believe how hard it is to find flowers at the last minute on Valentine’s Day,” he says. You shake your head then lean in and kiss him quickly, grateful he’s alive. He winks at you then walks into the kitchen, setting everything down on the table. Turning to face M.K., he holds his arms open and she jumps up into a tight hug. “Miss me?”

“So much!!” She says, grinning from ear to ear. He kisses her cheek then turns to the table again. She looks at all the stuff then up at him and bites her lip. “Is any of that for me?” She asks. Dean laughs and sets her down. He picks up the bear, the smaller box of chocolates, and bouquet of six daises.

“Happy Valentine’s Day, Baby girl,” he says, kneeling down in front of her. She squeals in delight and you shake your head as you make your way over to the sink. You pull out two vases from the space beneath it and start to prepare the water for hers.

“Thank you so much!!” She tells him, hugging him again. He laughs and plants a kiss on top of her head before standing up.

“Bring me the flowers and tell him about what happened at school today,” you say. Dean raises an eyebrow at you and you smirk as she runs the daises over to you.

“Craig asked me to be his Valentine,” M.K. says. You glance up at Dean, watching his jaw clench, and fight a laugh as you arrange the flowers in the vase for her.

“What did you tell him?” Dean asks. M.K. smiles over at him widely.

“That I already had a Valentine,” she says. Dean frowns slightly and she giggles. “You, Daddy!!” He breaks into a wide grin and you can’t help but laugh.

“That’s my girl,” he says, winking down at her. You smile and hand her the vase.

“Why don’t you and Daddy take everything up to your room and he can go ahead and tuck you in for the night?” You suggest. She frowns and shakes her head quickly.

“He just got here!! I don’t want to go sleep!! I’m not even tired!!” She says. Dean clears his throat and she looks over at him.

“Listen to your mom. Besides I’ll still be here in the morning. Promise,” he says. She thinks for a moment then nods, starting for the stairs with her flowers. Dean picks up the bear and chocolates again before looking at you. “I’ll be back for you soon.”

“Thanks for the warning,” you tell him, smirking. He laughs and runs up the stairs after M.K. You smile and shake your head, making your way over to the table. You pick up the roses and chocolates that are left and move them to the counter. Carefully, you snip the ends off each of the roses then arrange them in the vase.

You were incredibly grateful that Dean had managed to make it this weekend. He’d missed last weekend, swearing he’d be here in time for your first Valentine’s Day. But it wasn’t just the holiday you had been looking forward to. You’d had something to tell him for a couple weeks now and hadn’t had the chance. You couldn’t help but be nervous.

You’re standing at the sink, filling the vase with water, when something cold slips around your neck. You reach up and gingerly run your fingers over the small object. You bring it up enough to see the diamond shaped heart and gasp. Looking back, you find Dean smiling at you softly as he clicks the clasp of the necklace closed.

“This is too much, Dean,” you say, shaking your head. He leans in, kissing just below your ear.

“It’s actually not enough,” he murmurs, moving your hair aside. You lay your head back against his shoulder, your eyes fluttering closed as he continues to ghost kisses down your neck.

“You didn’t have to get us anything. Just showing up was a gift in itself,” you tell him. His breath washes over you as he chuckles.

“Gotta make sure my girls are taken care of,” he says, reaching over to turn the water off. You look up to find that the vase was overflowing. Dean pours some of the water out then looks down at you. “Where do you want them?”

“Just on the counter is fine for now,” you tell him. He nods and sets the vase down next to the chocolates. You push yourself up onto the counter behind you and bite your lip. “I have a surprise for you too.” He turns slowly and raises an eyebrow as he smirks. “Not that kind of surprise,” you say, rolling your eyes. He laughs and walks back across the kitchen to you. His hands come to your waist, pulling you closer to him.

“It can wait,” he says, his lips finding your neck again. You sigh as his mouth works over your pulse point. One of his hands comes to the front of your jeans, easily popping the button undone. You shake your head, trying to regain your thoughts, and push on his shoulders gently.

“No, Dean. It can’t,” you say. He looks at you and frowns quickly.

“Is something wrong? Is M.K. still being bullied? Have you met someone else?” He asks, panic flashing in his eyes. You smile and takes his face in your hands, kissing him quickly.

“Nothing’s wrong. Claire hasn’t bothered M.K. anymore. And there is never going to be someone else, Dean,” you tell him. He lets out a breath and nods slightly.

“What is it then?” He asks. Your voice catches in your throat, your nerves getting the best of you. What if he panics? Just a few simple words with such big meaning that could change everything you had the moment you said them. You look up at into his eyes and just like that your nerves fade away. Dean’s looking down at you with that same care and concern he did the first night he’d picked you up on the side of the road. You take a deep breath.

“I –,”

“Dean,” a strange man’s voice says from the other side of the kitchen. Your eyes widen and you feel Dean tense up instantly. He closes his eyes and grits his teeth.

“I told you to never come here, Cas. I actually told you that if any of you came here, I’d kill you,” he says, an anger in his voice you’d never heard before. You look over his shoulder slowly to find a man in a trenchcoat standing by your dining room table. Castiel, the angel. Dean had told you about him before. He was the one who had pulled Dean from Hell.

“Hello, Y/N,” he says. Dean spins on his heels and shields you from his view quickly. You frown and place a hand on his back gently, trying to calm him down. You weren’t sure your house could handle a fight between Dean and an angel. His muscles relax slightly under your touch and when he speaks again his voice is calmer.

“What is it, Cas?” He asks. The angel glances at you then looks back at Dean.

“An emergency,” he says plainly. Dean rolls his eyes and crosses his arms. Cas sighs. “Dean.” His eyes cut to you once more and Dean frowns before nodding his head. He turns back to face you.

“I gotta go, Sweetheart,” he says. You stare at him and shake your head slightly.

“No, but –,” you start but Dean cuts you off with a quick kiss.

“I know. It’s Valentine’s Day and I promised M.K. I’d still be here in the morning but I’ll come back as soon as I can. We’ll celebrate then and I’ll make it up to her,” he says, backing towards the kitchen door. You stare at him in disbelief as he leaves the kitchen, Castiel following him. The front door opens then shuts.

“I’m pregnant,” you announce quietly to no one at all.

************************************************************************

Lily frowns as she listens to you recount the story to her. You edit it, of course, leaving out the parts about the angel and apocalypse. You’re absentmindedly playing with the necklace around your neck by the time you finish. She sighs and sets her cup of coffee to the side.

“So his boss called and he just up and left? What does he do again?” She asks. You frown and shake your head, looking at the roses next to you.

“It’s complicated,” you tell her. That was the only answer you ever gave her and it wasn’t exactly a lie. She rolls her eyes and crosses her arms. “I can’t explain it, Lily. But it’s important stuff.”

“And you’re sure he isn’t married?” She asks. It’s your turn to roll your eyes now.

“No, Lily. He isn’t married. He just works a lot,” you tell her. She nods then opens your heart-shaped box of chocolates. Most of them were already gone and the rest have been pinched to reveal their center.

“You already eat all these?” She asks, looking up at you quickly.

“I didn’t get any sleep,” you confess. “Help yourself.” She nods and picks one up, popping it in her mouth quickly.

“So he still doesn’t know?” She asks, covering her mouth as she chews. You shake your head then frown when you hear footsteps upstairs.

“Dammit,” you mumble, glancing towards the stairs. M.K. comes running down and bounds into the kitchen. Lily smiles at her widely.

“Good morning, Rugrat!!” She says. M.K. smiles back at her then looks around. Her smile falls slowly as she looks at you.

“Did Daddy go to the store?” She asks, hopeful. You sigh and shake your head.

“He had to leave,” you tell her. Her bottom lip quivers for a moment.

“But he promised,” she says, her voice thick with tears. You hold your arms open and she runs over. Pulling her up into your lap, you wrap your arms around her tight.

“I know he did. But remember, he has very important work to do. People to save,” you tell her. She nods as she cries into your chest. You rock her for a moment then kiss the top of her head. “Wanna try and call him?” She nods again and you pick up your phone, sending a quick prayer up that he’ll actually answer. You quickly find his name in your contacts and put the phone to your ear. It rings once…twice…three times…

“Hey,” Dean’s voice comes over the line. He sounds tired and you bite your lip.

“This a bad time?” You ask, glancing down at M.K. She’s practically bouncing as she waits.

“Course not,” he tells you quickly. You smile at her.

“Well I have a certain someone who is rather upset that you aren’t here this morning,” you tell him. He sighs and you bite your lip.

“Put her on,” he says. You hand her the phone and watch as she wipes at her eyes with the back of her hands.

“Daddy? – You promised,” she says into the phone. “I know. – I know. – I know.” She slides out of your lap and leaves the kitchen with your phone still in her hand. You watch her go then look back at Lily as she eats another of the chocolates.

“You gonna tell him now?” She asks. You shake your head quickly.

“I’m not telling him over the phone,” you tell her. She sighs and looks into the box of candy.

“You are going to tell him, right?” She asks. You roll your eyes and sit up, picking up one of the caramels you had left.

“No, I just thought I’d wait another 11 years since it worked so well the first time,” you say. “Of course I’m going to tell him. But you don’t just tell someone over the phone that you’re pregnant with his second child.”

“I told Nick I was pregnant with Manda over the phone,” she says, shrugging. You smile and shake your head.

“Because Nick was overseas at the time and wasn’t coming home for six more months. Dean should be back in the next day or so and I’ll tell him then,” you say. She nods slightly as she picks up one of the chocolates and examines it closely.

“And you’re sure he won’t disappear?” She asks. You reach across the counter quickly, stealing the candy from her hand.

“He won’t,” you say, confidently. She laughs and nods.

“Good. I’d hate to have to kill Mr. Important-Work-To-Do,” she says. You smile and shake your head. M.K. comes back in, any trace of sadness evaporated completely, and hands the phone back to you. Seeing it’s still connected, you place it to your ear, standing from your stool.

“All better?” You ask as you leave the kitchen to go to your room.

“I’m forgiven. By her at least,” he says. You smile softly as you walk into the bedroom.

“I’m not mad,” you tell him, falling onto the bed.

“Maybe not. But I’m still sorry,” he says. You sigh and close your eyes.

“It’s fine, Dean. I understand. The world needs saving,” you tell him. You hear him sigh this time then he’s quiet for a moment.

“What was it you wanted to tell me?” He asks. Your hand comes to your stomach. You were only about a month and a half along so you weren’t showing and you wouldn’t be for a little while.

“It can wait till you’re back,” you say.

“It couldn’t wait a couple of hours last night but it can wait until I’m back home?” He asks. Your eyes shoot open.

“Home?” You ask. The line is silent for a few seconds before he answers.

“Yea, home. Ya know, that place you and our daughter are,” he says, confused by your question. He didn’t realize it but it was the first time he’d ever referred to you and M.K. and the house as home. In that instant, any doubts you’d had about Dean and the baby are gone. You were his home. “Y/N? You okay?”

“I’m great,” you tell him, trying to hide the emotion in your voice. “I’m just tired. I think I’m gonna see if Lily can take M.K. for a few hours so I can get some sleep.”

“I know the feeling. I was on the road all night,” he says. You nod and roll onto your side, closing your eyes again.

“Well, be careful,” you say.

“Always am. Get some sleep, Sweetheart. I’ll see you in a few days, hopefully,” he says.

“I can’t wait,” you tell him. There’s a long pause, words left unspoken. While they’re never actually said, you know you feel them. You know he feels them. Actions speak louder than words and Dean always shows you just how much you mean to him. You were each other’s homes.

“Bye,” he says, his voice soft before he hangs up. You lay the phone on the nightstand beside your bed and sigh, snuggling into the pillow. You would tell Dean as soon as he came back home to you and he’d be overjoyed. The four of you would be an even happier family.

Read Piece by Piece Pt. 9 here.

#fanfic #fanfiction #reader insert #supernatural #spn #dean x y/n #dean x you #dean winchester #dean x reader #dad!dean #sam winchester

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dice-wizard · 1 year

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Hello everyone looking for a new fantasy tabletop game!

As it nears backer release, there's never been a better time to pre-order Exalted: Essence

Pre-ordering gets you access to the beta document and the early release backer pdf.

What's Exalted you ask?

Exalted is an epic fantasy TTRPG where players play the titular Exalted - humans elevated to superhuman/demigod status - in a wild and unique setting that draws inspiration from the ancient world rather than medieval Europe. Creation (the setting) draws key inspirations from the entire world. If you're used to having to make yourself visible on your own in other fantasy, there's probably some representation in Exalted.

It has explicit queer and trans themes about finding your people, creating your own identity, and having the power to punch back at the people who hate you. This isn't incidental. The writing staff is queer as hell. You can hear me break this down more here.

Curious to learn all you can? Well you can get a detailed overview of the entire game on the podcast Systematic Understanding of Everything hosted by myself, @presidentofbirds and @phillycuriosity

If I'm used to D&D 5e why should I pick this up?

Well, I presume if you're reading this post you're already interested in trying something new, so:

The entire game in one book. Exalted: Essence is self contained, character types, equipment, enemies and all!

An exciting style of fantasy that's different than classic D&D but like, textually gay, and very easy to have scenes like ballroom fights, epic galas, and touching homoerotic healing scenes - no house rules required.

But also, tactical depth and combat you can really sink your teeth into if fighting monsters and villains is your bag.

An excuse to use all your d10s at once

Character building and advancement mechanics designed to be familiar to a 5e audience. Characters "level up" based on story beats, and have Advantages, which are functionally similar to class and race features.

A world welcoming to most heroic archetypes, so it's easy to convert your favorite OC.

Extremely kissable dragons, demons, gods, elementals, ghosts, faeries, and unnamed ancient horrors

I'm a fan of a previous edition, what's Essence got for me?

Design focused on alleviating some of the previous versions' missteps

Virtues are back, baby

2e fans will find it an improvement from second edition's mechanical strengths - it's pretty easy to convert all your favorite 2e Charms to XS.

Streamlined versions of familiar rules to make it painless to introduce new friends to the game we love.

The Cliff's notes on Ex3's new Exalt types.

Did I mention it's all of Exalted in one book?

How does it play?

d10 dice pool looking for 7,8,9 as successes. 10s count as two successes, which can lead to explosive, heroic outcomes

Combat system designed to keep all players engaged the entire time - even characters who aren't focused on fighting at all.

Combat also narrows the gap between experienced and new players and players who want to win at RPGs and players who just wanna vibe so GMs aren't tearing their hair out trying to balance encounters.

Social system designed to resolve in a single roll so you can be immersed in role play and not interrupt it with constant rolling - without sacrificing a variety of social approaches

"Ventures" system for characters working on long term projects from traveling across the world to crafting magical wonders to building communities without forcing this to be "downtime" activity

Characters have access to Charms - exception-based special powers that make them extremely good at whatever they focus on.

It's easily my favorite game (and the project I developed that I'm the proudest of), so I'm excited for everyone to try it out.

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rollingaroundin-bread · 10 months

Text

Hi 🥺 what if they- 👉👈 what if they got mawwied???? 💕💕💕

Okay hi I’ve been working on these on and off all month (mostly off I got really busy whoops) and I have A LOT of thoughts about a Legbone wedding (ft. the drawtectives cause they really are my blorbos)

Anyways here’s a list of headcannons that I didn’t get to draw:

So right off the bat let’s talk OUTFITS

To me Legzi and Ryjinah had gone looking for dresses but Legzi wasn’t really pumped about any of them

So maybe they went on a road trip (because ladies bookclub road trips my beloved) to either go look in a different boutique or to do other wedding related shenanigans

And on the side of the road Legzi spots this rag

And of course it’s a torn up wedding dress and suddenly she has a Vision^TM

Just Legzi being more excited about fixing up this dress than anything she could have just bought up to that point

Because to me Legzi is someone who loves to feel like a part of the process and having all her random skills she picked up from Darkmouth

Then design wise I wanted something puffy so I could hide how much taller I made her

Because personally I think her using the leg stilts on her wedding day is not only very Legzi^TM but I also made myself laugh with the concept :)

And florals because those are fun, green, and easy to make by hand (as someone who’s made a lot of ribbon flowers)!! The vines were places where the dress was really torn and needed more structural stitching

Ryjinahs dress on the other hand I wanted to take some inspiration from her season 1 design (even though I haven’t seen it)

Also I love a chance to draw some boob

so anyways York’s invitation

I’ve said it before but “artists draw fan art of each other’s art” where Karina drew Ryjinah, York, Rowan, and Jacob horse all hanging out is CANON TO ME

Which is why all of those characters were invited!! :)

Anyways I imagine all the invitations had your standard stuff- names, dates, rsvp section

But where it would’ve said +1 I think Ryjinah scribbled that out and hand wrote “+2 ;)”

Which of course Grandma would be slightly flustered by meanwhile York is like “AWESOME you guys can come!!!”

I believe in drawtectives polycule supremacy and also York is aroace

Which also lead to my miniature leg wrestling joke :)

Oh but the second York and Rah’ōxah lock eyes they’re going to leg wrestle (Pokémon rules)

Then they can become friends too and we can make Julia’s drawing in “pro artists redraw their old OCs” canon!!!

Rah’ōxah is both Legzi and Ryjinahs maid of honor :)

She’s awesome of course she can do both!!!!!!

I wish I had drawn this but to me Parker the cat officiated :)

Maybe while standing on top of Parker the horse

Ryjinah was not pleased with this but also couldn’t say no to the combined force of Legzi and Rah’ōxah’s puppy dog eyes

Plus Parker the cat is the only person (cat) they know who’s ordained

Oh last thing I wanted to but didn’t draw was a Rosé & Rowan interaction

Or not even so much of an interaction but they catch each other’s gaze from across the room and freeze

Oh more headcannons but they’re siblings to me

I mean dyed hair? Knives? Mysterious pasts? Color schemes?? Attracted to himbos???

Anyways they both have moved on from their family in different directions

So to suddenly meet again even from across the room

Then York or Gramdma calls for Rosé and she looks away and they’re gone

But I digress

Tbh for everyone’s outfits I kinda just went “you know what would be cute???”

So floral dress for grandma (obviously)

Jumpsuit + long gloves for Rosé because vibes

Unbuttoned shirt and double breasted vest for York so he doesn’t have sleeves

Similar thought process for Rah’ōxah because they give off similar vibes BUT I made Rah’ōxah’s the same colors as Ryjinah and Legzi so she could match both :)

Then a demon Johnny button on her outer vest kinda like the pin/broach she has in Julia’s drawing in pro artists redraw old OCs

Rowan I just wanted to look swanky and what’s more swanky than a tailcoat?

And for everyone but Rah’ōxah I tried to keep to their normal color schemes!! :)

Are all these outfits practical for what I made a beach wedding on a whim? Absolutely not

I gave pretty much all of them some sort of heels even if they are technically wedges which is better but STILL

Beaches are fun and easy ish to draw and I never do backgrounds anyways give me a break lol

But anyways I think that’s all my thoughts!!!

So Legzi & Ryjinah ride into the sunset on their noble steed Jacob Horse :)

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your-local-biromantic-ace · 1 year

Note

I saw that your requests were open... And i hope you don't mind but can you do a oneshot where james lee finds his "first love" back from highschool they had a relationship but it didn't work out because he was busy with y'know fighting. He's an idol now and finds himself thinking of them all the time.

Meeting again

➤・ James Lee x gender neutral!Reader

➤・ One shot

➤・ ooc James?

⠂⠄⠄⠂⠁⠁⠂⠄⠄⠂⠂⠄⠂⠄⠄⠂⠁⠁⠂⠄⠄⠂⠂⠂⠄⠄⠂⠁⠁⠂⠄⠄

:: Author's note ⇐

Heya anon!! Thanks for your request hope you like it!! ^^

⠂⠄⠄⠂⠁⠁⠂⠄⠄⠂⠂⠄⠂⠄⠄⠂⠁⠁⠂⠄⠄⠂⠂⠂⠄⠄⠂⠁⠁⠂⠄⠄

There wasn't a single day he didn't think about you.

He missed your laugh, he missed the warmth in your smile, he craved your loving touch, he missed the way the two of you used to hang out together, he missed everything about you. He missed you.

His life as James meant that that he rarely had any free time. Frequently tasked to handle the Generation of circles . And the job he was doing meant that it could not be revealed to anyone, even to you.

・゜゜・.・゜゜・.・゜゜・.・゜゜・.・゜゜・

"James. Let's break up"

"I don't think this can work out like this... You're always busy with ...whatever you're doing , it's not like how it used to be... It's like you're moving away from me day by day...And I'm sorry but I don't think this relationship can work out like this"

"I wish you the best, goodbye. "

.・゜゜・.・゜゜・.・゜゜・.・゜゜・.・゜゜・

Those words repeated in his head like a broken record , making him remember the same ache he felt that day when you said them.His heart shattered that day. It was for the better. The two of you had to split ways eventually, it was better for your sake. Deep down, he wished that the two of you would meet again. Maybe the two of you could try again, this time Dg promised that he would try his best into the relationship. He wouldn't make you feel like that ever again .

That was years before James became Dg, a famous kpop idol and now the CEO of Ptj company. He sometimes wonders what you're doing now, were you the same old you? Or had you completely changed .

"Umm...excuse me... I hope this doesn't come off as rude...are you Dg? " He heard someone say. He was in Gangbuk , coming back from the place after clearing his name. He turned around to see... You.

His heart skipped a beat. You were as beautiful as before. You hadn't changed at all to him . The way his heart fluttered at the sight of you reminded him of the day you first confessed to him. He felt young.

He forced himself out of the trance and immediately spoke

"Y-yes, I'm dg, are you a fan? " He asked, pulling his mask up and fixed his cap.

"Yes! I'm your biggest fan!! I really love your songs —" You spoke, enthusiasm laced in your voice. He could see the stars in your eyes as you spoke to him. Cute.

As much as he liked to listen to you for hours off to no end, he had to cut you off.. Your voice was too loud to not draw attention towards the two of you.

" Sorry for interrupting, but can you keep it down, I don't want to draw attention to myself " James said, rubbing the nape of his neck.

"Ah! Sorry!! I got super excited , can I please get your autograph" You said as you rummaged through you bag and took out a sketch pad and a pen, giving it towards his direction

"It's okay.. And I would love to" James said as he took the pen and sketch pad from you hands and signed on it.

"Here." James handed it back to you.

"Do you want a selfie as well? " He immediately added. Your eyes sparkled as you looked up to him at his offer.

"Omg really? Yes!! " You immediately said, quickly rummaging through your bag again to keep the sketch pad and took out your phone. He stepped a bit closer to you, kneeling down at your level and took off his mask as you held up yor phone, making sure the both of you were in the frame, smile at the camera and took the selfie.

"Thank you sm!! " You said as you stepped away from him to maintain the previous distance and looked at the picture.

James was going to have an heart attack by the way you behaved. It was just too cute . The way you smiled brightly as you looked at your phone was too much for him.

"No need to thank me, after all, it's you fans who made me who I am today "

"By the way do you have any album you like? " James questioned, out of genuine curiosity and also wanting to spend more time with you.

.・゜゜・.・゜゜・.・゜゜・.・゜゜・.・゜゜・

The both of you sat on a bench in the nearby park. James hearing you pour you heart out in your rambles and you listed out the songs you liked and why you liked them.

"I really like it because it reminded me of an previous relationship I had... " His breath hitched, he looked at you , his eyes widened. You didn't notice it and went on rambling.

"We were friends even before we started dating, it was so fun those days, the way we used to hang out, crack jokes, do dumb stuff together... But it all change once we started to date... He was always busy with something, he started to keep secrets from me and its not like you shouldn't keep secrets at all from your partner... I broke up with him on my own insecurity instead of working it out together... "

"I realised my mistake and tried to reach out to him... But it was like he... He suddenly disappeared from the world.. There was no trace of him anywhere... "

Oh. Oh no. It would only be a matter of time you are under Charles Choi's eye, if you keep on searching for him like that. The truth had to be told to you now before something else happens.

"Y/n...Im James Lee " He blurted out . You immediately stopped you rambling and looked at him, not a thought in your brain .

"Wait how do you know my na— WHAT. " You immediately stood up in shock, eyes widening at the sight of the man in front of you and took a few steps back away him. If it were a webtoon, your hair would be standing like cats hair for a comedic effect.

"Um.. How about we... Go somewhere more private first and I'll explain everything to you" He awkwardly said as he rubbed his neck not moving from his place.

You crossed you hands, narrowing your eyes at him.

"How can I trust you? How can I know that you are not a stalker who somehow knows my ex's name? " You questioned, suspicion very evidently laced in your voice.

This... Surely is a fun way to meet your ex again.

#dg x reader #james lee x reader #lookism #lookism x reader #webtoon #lookism james lee #lee jihoon x reader #gender neutral reader

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markosbabymama · 6 months

Note

ponyboy and reader go on trick or treating 🙏🙏🙏

headcannons of fem!reader and ponyboy trick or treating!

pony definitely thinks he’s too cool for a costume.

like he would be the guy to wear his normal clothes and if someone asks him what/who he is he’s like “myself.” 💀

BUTT u force him to get dressed up, and he cannot say no to your puppy dog eyes.

“cmon y/n i’m already going trick or treatin’, do i have to dress up too? you know what the gang will do to me?!”

“well that’s just too bad, you’re gonna have to deal with the bullying for one night.”

y’all dressed up as Romeo and Juliet.

And you already know at first, he was begging you not to dress up he was literally so embarrassed. He did not want to get dressed up AT ALL.

and when the gang saw him in the costume??? nah bru he got the fuck roasted outta him😭💀

“wow, you look real tough pone.”

“one more word and i slap the shit outta ya two bit.”

also pretended that he wasn’t excited to trick or treat but cmon, u know he was.

his face LIT UP when he saw the big bowls of candy.

ofc he tried to play it off, but you can read him like a book and you know when he gets super excited abt stuff.

“i think you’re actually enjoying yourself pony.”

“pftt no i’m not, i’m just here to make my girl happy is’ all”

“okay, sure. you know you’re a really bad liar?”

“i ain’t lying!”

after y’all got done trick or treating, you went back to his house ofc, and dumped the pillow cases filled with 12000 pieces of candy on the floor

you traded all night, literally every piece of candy went back and forth 😭

“oh i don’t like tootsie pops, you want this y/n?”

“what do you mean you don’t like tootsie pops?! i’ll let licorice and rolos slide, but i draw the line at tootsie pops, i don’t even know how you’re my boyfriend.”

“cause you love me” *shit eating grin*

“maybe. but i’m still shocked at your poor taste of candy.”

AHHH this was actually so cute?? also i feed y’all for the first time in a month i hope u enjoy it LOL💚💚

#the outsiders #ponyboy x reader #ponyboy headcanons #ponyboy curtis imagine

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world-of-aus · 1 year

Text

The Reading Nook

Pairing: Modern!Bucky x Reader

Warnings: None. Fluff.

Author's Note: A self indulgent piece, one that I had to force myself to finish because the longer I stared the more I felt like It was sounding worse and worse. The writers block is real but I will not be deterred! I hope you all enjoy this little piece, happy readings buns!

It’s a quiet morning in the bookshop; as it is most days, the bell above your door having only jingled a handful of times through the morning. Bookshelves line the walls of your store, smaller shelves filling in the space of your shop.

The Reading Nook was a quiet homey place for customers to come and escape. A place born of your dreams that you turned into a reality.

A home away from home.

Your collection of paperback and hardcover books that were sorted neatly on your shelves provided an escape for any customer that might come in to look for their next read. From romance to horror and everything in between, there was a genre for everyone to come in and read. It filled you with joy to see a regular come in with wonder in their eyes as they made a beeline for your shelves, fingers drawing lines down the spine of the book before they plucked it from their spot.

You’re replacing the spots were books once sat with copies fresh from the back, regulars roaming around you quietly as they look for their next read. Sliding a book into its spot, you call out a greeting as the bell in your shop rings out signaling a new customer. You’re reaching behind you to the cart that sits beside you to place the next book down but a ringed hand beats you to it, a fresh copy of the newest novel finding its place in your shelves. Looking over your shoulder the argument distinguishes on your tongue when you find those sparkling cerulean blue eyes; your shock turning to surprise.

“Bucky, what are you doing here,” you grin turning to face the man, the black coat he has on seemingly making him broader to the eye as you move forward to get your arms around him. His grin is hidden in your hair, “it's good to see you to sweetheart,” his large hands finding your back as he returns the sentiment. “Becca said you wouldn’t be home till next week, did something happen with the settlement? You question as you pull back to meet his gaze, one of his hands comes up, fingers sweeping his longer locks away from his eyes, tucking the strands behind his ear. “We got them to sign within the first two days that we were there, Steve wanted to stay longer but I had something back home that I wanted to come back too.” Despite wanting to ask Bucky what was here that he rushed to get back home to your excitement can hardly be contained, your arms going around the man once more. A husky chuckle meets your ear, his embrace warm as he holds you to him, “that’s wonderful news Bucky, see I told you, you two could do it,” you grin as you pull away. He shakes his head, “It was your idea that sold, we just pitched it.”

“So, it’s really happening? The Reading Nook is expanding.”

“It’s happening sweetheart,” you’re jumping on your toes again, Bucky ready to catch you in his arms, “thank you, thank you, thank you,” you breathe. He’s squeezing you, “don’t thank me yet, let’s find you a shop to open first yeah?”

The two of you pull away from one another, a comforting silence blanketing the two of you as you hold one another’s gaze. Bucky’s the first to break it after a short second, “so aside from stocking the stores latest, how’s it been?” A smile pulls at your lips, “well its been busy, as you can tell,” you gesture to the book cart next to you, “regulars have been coming in more frequently for their latest reads.”

“Oh yeah, you’ve had to order anything new,” he questions.

“Actually, I've ordered a thing or two, even got something for you,” Bucky raises a brow, “come with me,” you say as you push the cart up against the shelf, motioning for him to follow you towards the glass register up front. There’s amusement in the man’s eye as he follows you, a bounce in your step as you round the register. He comes up to it, hands leaning on the oak surface as he watches you drop fetching something from the glassed shelves below. He leans forward to see what it is you’re grabbing but you’re popping up with a smile. He mirrors it, brow raised, you’re sliding over a brown papered package. He eyes the package taking it gingerly from the glass, his eyes meet yours, “what is it?”

“Open it,” you laugh, he’s gentle with the wrapping, unfolding the brown paper from the package. You're hooked on the side of the glass case, watching with eager eyes as he unfolds the package that had just arrived hours earlier with the other shipment that waited in the stockroom. The search for it had been easy, there were multiple suppliers for the book online, but finding the right one in between multiple sellers had come hard for you.

‘I want him to cherish it.’ You had told his sister Rebecca. The younger Barnes had snorted at your distressed state as you scowered the internet for the best seller, ‘Oh come on,” she said pulling the tablet from your hold to look at the current page you were searching on, “you’d be replacing his cheap old one that Sam ruined with wine during game night, with not only one volume, but a five volume classic set, of course he’s going to cherish it, it’s you - my brother love’s you.”

While Becca had waited for your reaction at her words you didn’t give her one, “Your ma bought that copy for him Bec’s, it meant a lot to him,” you chose to say instead, opting to continue ignoring the elephant in the room as your group of friends had called your unspoken feelings for the older Barnes, and apparently the ones they were so sure he returned. “I want this to mean just as much.”

The brunette passes you back the tablet, a confirmation of your purchase of the five-volume classic staring back at you, you meet her gaze a small smile pulling at the corner of her lips, “The reason behind you making this purchase will mean more than to my brother than you know, and if you won’t tell him how you feel about him, maybe this will finally get things rolling.”

While Becca's words had stirred something within you, you didn’t want to grasp onto any false hope. You were happy with continuing to ignore the elephant in the room, or at least you’d keep telling yourself that. Bucky pulls you from your head with an almost inaudible breath of your name, his fingers skimming over the hardcovered case that held the five volumes of Tolkiens immortalized epic fantasy world.

It's an emerald green, leather-bound, five-volume set accented with 22kt gold. The page-ends are gilded with a gleaming gold finish, its fabric end-sheets provide both beauty and sturdiness. Your breath is baited as you watch him slip the volumes from its protective hard cover case, his fingers roaming over the first in the volume, the hobbit. His eyes find yours, “I knew how upset you were over Sammy spilling the red wine on yours during game night, Becca say's you haven’t moved it from its spot.”

His eyes flick down to the books, “I was afraid I'd only ruin it further if I moved it off the coffee table, think its permanently glued there now thanks to that red wine,” his laugh is humorless. “I knew how much that copy meant to you, and while I know this might not match up to it coming from your ma, I was hoping it might.”

Bucky’s dumbfounded as he looks down at the five-volume set, his chest swelling with the fondness he has for you. “Sweetheart, you didn’t have to do this.” Your head sways to the side, small smile pulling at your lips, “I may not have needed too, but I wanted too, take it as a gift for getting the buyers to sign.”

He’s slipping each of the volumes back into its protective case, fingers running over the hardcover before he’s setting it gently down onto the glass pane. He moves then, his feet taking him behind the register where you stand waiting. His hand finds yours pulling you into a tight embrace, his lips finding the side of your head. You melt further into him, “thank you for this, it means more than you know, and hey maybe you can stop by tonight after you close shop so we can celebrate the signing?”

You pull away reluctantly thanking the heavens that no customers have needed you thus far all your patrons still immersed in finding there next read, “I'd love that, maybe you and I can find the perfect place for it on your shelves after?” There’s a twinkle in the older Barnes eye, “I think I have the perfect place for it, so I'll see you after work?”

Your smile twitches at the corner of your lips, “I’ll see you after work Buck.”

He takes his exit then, books held tightly under his arm as he promises to see you after work. There’s a grin on your lips as you pull your phone from your pocket, feet guiding you back to the shelves to continue your restock.

To becca: he loved them, he also got the buyer to sign, WERE OPENING ANOTHER STORE!!!!

From Becca: Did he get down on one knee and propose his undying love for you?? ANOTHER STORE!! ARE WE CELEBRATING!!

You snort, rolling your eyes at the younger Barnes antics, you’re typing in your reply when another text is coming in.

From Becca: Hey so my brother just told me to come up with an excuse as to why I cannot celebrate with you tonight because he’d like for it to just be you and him. Anyway, here’s my excuse... ALSO I better be the first to know when it’s official I want to make sure Rogers, Wilson and the Romanoffs pay up, we can do brunch tomorrow to celebrate!

Your heart skips a beat in your chest, eyes widening as you reread the text, fingers deleting the already written out text.

To Becca: Rebecca Barnes what do you mean your brother asked you to make an excuse??? Make what official, Becs stop playing! YOU ALL HAVE A POOL GOING?!

You wait with bated breath for a reply, your fingers taping away at your screen when it goes ignored.

To Becca: REBECCA BARNES DO NOT IGNORE ME!

You try, disbelief rolling over you in waves when a text finally comes in.

From Becca: 🤷🙅

From Becca: GOODLUCK!

Any other messages sent out to the younger Barnes go ignored. Though after the first few that you send out many of your patrons are seeking you out with their newest finds ready to check out and head home. Your evenings are always fairly busy, many of your patrons filtering through with their latest finds, smiles on their faces as they bid you a farewell with one hand a plastic bag with their book in the other.

You find there’s not much that needs to be done tonight, you had already restocked most of the morning into the early afternoon all that was left to do is do a walkthrough and make sure your store and its shelves were ready for tomorrow morning. You’re shutting off the lights, flipping your sign from open to closed with a trash bag in hand as you lock it up.

“Need help with that?”

You startle, trash bag coming up to your chest as you snap your head in the direction of the voice. Bucky chuckles from where he’s leaned up against the side of his car, “Buck,” you laugh despite your racing heart, “what are you doing here? I was just about to head over to you, you didn’t need to come this way.” Bucky smiles kicking off his car as he closes the distance between the two of you, grabbing the tied trash bag from your hand. “Didn’t see your car this morning,” he answers as he goes to deposit the bag in a bigger bin, “figured you were going to end up walking and thought I would save you the trouble.”

Your lips drop open in surprise for a brief second, your heart racing in your chest as he turns back to you, closing the distance once more, bright smile and even brighter eyes shining back at you. He offers you a hand, one you willingly take as he helps you over to his car. You watch as he pulls the passenger door open obscuring your view inside as he reaches for something. Your breath catches in your throat, heart swelling in your chest when he turns back to you, a book bouquet in hand.

Your eyes flit from the neatly arrayed set of your most treasured reads to his bright gaze, “Bucky, what is this,” you breathe as he passes it over to you, your hands careful as you bring it your chest, eyes flitting over the novels. “Been working on this for a few months now,” he admits, “had some help from Becs with it, and what better night then tonight.” Your eyes are finding his again, “this is so beautiful, thank you so much B I - I don’t know what to say,” you laugh, though you could think of a few things as you recall your messages with his younger sister from earlier.

“This is really beautiful,” you choose to say instead as you glance back down at the books, “you’ll have to help me find a place for them when we find a new shop, I'd love to have these displayed, just like this.”

Bucky hums, and when you look back up you catch him swaying on his feet nervously, “you okay B?”

He lets out a breath, “I was actually hoping that I could do much more than help you find a place for them.”

“What did you have in mind?”

“I was hoping you’d read them to me when you had time – before you put them up on display,” your smile is warm, heart only further swelling in your chest as you look at the blue-eyed man, “I’d really love that buck, but I'm not sure how much you’ll enjoy some of my favorite picks.” Bucky takes a step forward into your space, “I’d like to try,” he answers, “for you.”

“For me,” you breathe. He nods stepping closer, a warm hand coming up to cup your cheek, “I've realized for some time now that there’s a lot of things I'd like to do for you, I'm not sure any of it would amount to the things you’ve done for me though.” He chuckles at the quiet breath of air that wooshes past your parted lips, his thumb running along your cheek, just under your sparkling eyes, “and as the time passed It became clearer to me that those things I'd like to do for you looked so much better if I was doing them with you.”

Your breath is knocked from your chest, were you hearing right?

“I was told a few times by our friends,” He continues, “that I should just come out and say it, there would be nothing for me to lose except my chance, and despite all the signs being there I guess I just needed that final push.”

You were.

“Bucky I – are you – do you – I"

The two of you are breaking out into a breathless chuckle, your hold on the books tight as you look at the man before you. "I know, I know, I'm sorry it took me so long sweetheart, but I'm hoping you held onto hope just like you hold onto hope for those two idiots you're always reading about?"

You're laughing, one hand slipping from the hold you have on the bouquet, to wrap around the lapel of his coat as you pull him forward, "right until the very end," you whisper as you close the last bit of space left between the two of you, your lips slotting together.

The feeling better than any ending you've ever read.

#bucky x reader #Bucky Barnes x reader #Bucky Barnes x you #Bucky Barnes au #modern!bucky #Bucky Barnes fanfiction #Bucky Barnes fanfic

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scarsmood · 1 year

Text

Repressing kintypes

Repression is the act of unconsciously pushing down unwanted thoughts, feelings or urges. It’s in the long term not exactly healthy and typically is a sign of a poor environment.

That’s to say when i first joined the therian community I was excited. In my childhood I suffered but in turn became extremely in touch with nature. My childhood nickname was “little deer” there was no question for me what I was it felt obvious. I was the forest guardian, I was the symbol of the forest, I was- a wolf? Wait what?

Well interesting thing about being a deer or a herbivore in general in the old therian community. Expect to get eaten. I didn’t want to get eaten or verbally abused. I was sick of the torment I got from it. So- I learned something. I’ll do what deer do and run. Right off from all these problems right into something stronger.

If I can’t be a deer i’ll be a ‘wolf’ were plural. We have ‘wolf’ alters so they can just front which means we are technically truthful. In turn our main personality cluster becomes dormant. To fit into the harsh categories pf something I felt I desperately needed at the time to save myself and survive everything else that was happening in my life.

I buried myself. I looked at myself knowingly and shot myself like a cabellas hunter and tossed the body in a ditch saying “i do feel bad but this is for the best” to turn around and roleplay as a wolf. Well to be honest it never felt right. Not for all of me at least. I felt forced to be fearsome while others took pride in it. I felt the urgency to do it to survive not because its fun.

In a room full of teeth why should I announce I have none? So playing along was my deepest urgency. This became so apparent it intertwined with who I was. I have to be scary. I have to show I am a carnivore. I have to show I am strong. Yet with every failure I spiraled. Depressed. Angry. I just want to be gentle thats my inherent nature. Virtuous. Strong but caring.

I don’t want to bite someone. I wanted to headbutt them. I didn’t want to eat raw meat it makes me sick. I wanna have veggies. But I can’t because not at that time. If I was a deer it was seemingly endless pestering. How would I introduce myself? I was to terrified to admit I was different.

I intertwined some characteristics pf my deepest parts of myself with being a deer. Cause I had been one for so long. I was always told I was gentle and caring. Soft and loving. People always said I have the body type of a deer long and slender. I was quiet like one. It was how i identified my feminity. I never minded being in a dress as a deer. It felt like a love letter to the flowers and grass I eat.

I was happy. But it had to go. Because when I got older these traits didn’t help me survive. So you draw the bow and let the arrow ring. When I came into therianthropy I was already partially repressing my deer traits. I didn’t understand why or what I was doing. I just did what it took to survive.

When I came across wolves and tried to pass off I was dual typed as deer and wolf the wolf was always accepted but the deer was always caught and questioned. So I stopped mentioning it. I was tired of being harassed.

Now the years have passed. The deer types come back. Stronger than before. Stronger than my carnivorous kintypes. I stand in awe with a feeling of being soaked in blood. That despite everything the original me is still here. That as a deer I weaved every obstacle and conflict. I ran when I needed to and hid until it was safe instead of dying I survived in the background.

Perhaps it’s feeling comfortable in the community. Maybe it’s feeling accepted. But I feel comfortable showing these sides now that aren’t so hard and edgy. Especially with this blog. I would have never imagined my voice would be listened to or ever considered.

My repressed kintypes are more feral i would say. They have a stronger urge to survive than even scar parasite kintype. Those parts of me feel stronger, tougher, more durable. They learned from the background and made choices to help us along without ever being seen.

Inside It feels painful. Having known now what all was missing it makes sense. I mourn for the time lost but at the same time understand how important those choices were. I wish I could have always been this way but that’s not the way of the this world.

I feel it’s probably more common to repress kintypes or parts of ourselves. It’s unfortunate how it happens. I was surprised to find how strong those parts are. Needless to say I won’t fuck with a deer.

#otherkin #therian #deerkin #cervidae #writing #essay #repression #repressed kintype

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sublimecatgalaxy · 2 years

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Peter Ballard and nurse!reader-any time era

Reader finds out how much he likes spiders, but since he's stuck in a lab he can never find any, so she sneaks him a couple that she found in her house with their own lil jar terrariums.

Could be platonic or mushy cushy, ages are up to you!

I'm sorry if this is bad it just popped into my head 😅

GENIUS. All hail your glorious brain for this.

I wait for the buzzer to go off over the loud speaker of the Lab, the jar sitting on the nightstand to my right making my heart pound anxiously but also excitedly. It wasn't often that I'm able to give many people here presents, let alone having someone I like enough to want to do something this kind for. But as kind as it is, it's possibly the biggest lapse in my judgement I've had in years, acting without thinking about the consequences.

And all for a man.

The feminist movement would be so disappointed in me.

I had better things to do, more dire and important things to do than stay late, after my shift, just to see him but knowing that this will make his time here even more easier, something about it just makes it seem right.

If Brenner found out I brought this in, specifically for Peter, without permission, it would be Peter that would be punished, not me. But the thought of seeing him smile, seeing his face light up at the presence of the small creatures; it's worth it.

The buzzer goes off above my head, startling me and forcing my stomach to churn. The door unlocks, the handle turning quietly and hesitantly, almost as if he can sense that I'm in here, curled up on his bed with my back against the wall. I don't bother standing or making myself visually known, knowing that Peter will know it's me sitting atop his bed the minute he sees my frame in the dark room.

When he peaks his head around the corner of the door, spotting me, he smiles softly, shutting the door and flicking on the light. My eyes adjust slowly to the fluorescent lights above us, but it's hard to care about the tension headache developing when he's looking down at me like that.

His eyes are incredibly soft, smile equally as gentle and I can see his whole body visibly relax as his fingers reach over to flick the lock. He works at unbuttoning his shirt, not saying anything to me as he sits down beside me with a sigh, his properness and stern attitude that he keeps up all day finally fading.

"Why are you still here?" He asks curiously, hands resting in his lap as I reach over to the nightstand, taking the jar in my hands before carefully hanging it to him.

"I got you a present and I didn't want to leave without giving it to you." I stutter out, watching him as he brows pull together, his back straightening as he examines the contents within the jar.

"Are these-"

"Spiders, yeah." I blow out a breath, wiping my sweaty hands against the material of my skirt, watching him look back at me with wide, excited eyes. "You're here all the time, you don't get to leave like I do." My voice is sad and my words are vague but he understands, eyes fluttering shut as he laughs under his breath.

"How did you know?" He asks breathlessly, examining the creatures with an intrigued smile.

"I catch you drawing them sometimes when we're on break. I can imagine you don't get much wild life in here." He chuckles with a knowing look, cradling the homemade terrarium to his chest as he turns his whole body to face me.

"Thank you." He's more than sincere, his eyes glistening slightly and I smile, happy that I was able to lift his spirits a bit. "You're truly the only good that's come out of this horrible place."

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o- Taglist: @bubblebuttwade @rafelover2405 @leslienjazzy @sorceresss @grxnde-dwt @alex–awesome–22 @bunnietoof @niyamar1e @serialghost @plantlungs @geniusohn @akaliltimmytim @lilaalouuxx @xshariex @elliotsbeigeguitar @elle4404 @lelieja @srhxpci @joselyn001 @taysirene @spinkspanther @thedivineuphoria @peter-maximoffs @tsukishimawhore @poohkie90 @szlaco @distantsighs @nstyles4299 @wolflover384 @givemefoodandlovesstuff @vane28282 @yeswhatever33 @amirrahfranson @vvaalleennttiinna @f-mu @yaspillz @jeyramarie @skylievin@abbybarnes17 @jointherebellion215 @visiondaddy @steezysimfinds @its-ya-gay-boi-luigi @crunchytoenailsyum@glizzymcguirex @beth123lg @melovesmut @rafecameronswhore @ariianelle @write-from-the-heart @vampviolets@haylee-e@popehaywardssecretgf @honee-chai-tea @lokiandbuckywife @smoke-and-fire @officiallyunofficialperson@heyaitsklaudia@rosepetalsparks @bluetreecloud20 @scenesofobx @double-shot-of-tequila @1dluver13xx @colbysbrocks @iamasimpingh0e @smoke-and-fire386 @loveshineslikethesky @id-3-kbro @diorsitgirl @errorfound101-allideasburnedout @neverwillknowme18 @ellyskey @taylors-folk @loversjoy @myaloveee @thyris-is @lagataprrr

#001 #001 x reader #peter ballard #peter ballard x reader #stranger things #stranger things fic

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rubywolf0201 · 2 months

Text

Thoughts on the latest episode of BUCCHIGIRI?! aka that one episode that had me off the seat!

WARNING: *SPOILERS FOR EPISODE 7*

- Episode starts off with Arajin skipping happily to his class and then soon as he enter, Komao is seen playing with him.

- Puppy boi Matakara enters into the scene not too soon but this time, there’s no hostility between him and Arajin (HOORAY!!!)

- Though as soon Arajin asked about Mahoro, Mata had to mention that she’s in the hospital with Marito. Ara immediately rushed out going past Mata. 🙂🙃

- But it’s quickly subverted after the OP that Matakara decided to tag along with Arajin and from what we can see, their relationship is almost back to normal.

- Ok we got info on why Mitsukuni is in juvie: Apparently he took down a dirty cop who is forcing his buddies to sell illegal drugs, which lands him in big trouble with the authorities for doing that, even if he did saved some of the dirty cop’s friends.

- After hearing that, Arajin had a geniune expression where he feels pity for his friend and realizes that he must’ve been through a lot.

- The hospital scene between the Jin siblings has to be the funniest. Like we see Mahoro bringing in ‘lunch’ for Marito to eat but the ‘lunch’ looks like this:

And of course, Marito is repulsed by this sight (I mean who wouldn’t be?) and makes you question who even prepares her meals considering that earlier episodes shows it to be fine?

- The moment Arajin enters into the scene, we see Mahoro’s mood immediately goes down while Marito is excited to see him.

- Marito was a tad bit cold to tell his little sister to get out (I mean I get that her cooking is….abominable but still…) and of course Mahoro is hurt by that.

- I’ll be honest with you: I had to pause at that scene because I knew something horrible is going to happen and it did. So braced myself.

- Arajin gave chase to her and this gets very cool: Not only does she wall-pin him but she dropped the most rawest lines ever:

- Arajin doesn’t seem bothered by it (?) but he seems aroused by the fact that Mahoro has kabedon’ed him.

- Marito and Arajin begin discussing with each other about the rival groups organizing a group date which changes scene where Hagure begins to tell Arajin about the group date in detail. Arajin, as always asked Hagure if Mahoro is going to be in a swimsuit to which Hagure replied yes (which is obviously a lie and that Hagure is doing it to amuse him)

- In the bathhouse, we have Matakara, Komao and Zabu discussing about the group date but that’s not what I want to pay attention to because:

HELLO?!?! HOW CAN YOU DO THIS TO ME?!?!

- Oh and Zabu is acting tsundere-ish for some reason of wanting to ‘repay’ Arajin back. Such a dork. (I do hope he and Komao gets promoted a lot more in the future)

- Back in the Tomoshibi residence, Arajin is trying to show off his muscles to which Senya question where. Oh and we have Mrs Tomoshibi gushing over her son and all that.

- Arajin then starts having daydreams of his ‘date’ with Mahoro and it’s kind of funny how he envisions both of them kissing, despite him witnessing her true character up front in the hospital.

- The day has arrived and we see Arajin heading out excitedly to go to the group date.

- Meanwhile, the businessman entered into the cat cafè/brothel (?) as usual but however, instead of asking to see the usual cat or something like that, he asked for a different one, which catches the cat cafè waiter off guard.

- When Arajin arrived, he was not amused that the whole ‘group date’ turns out to be a wrestling match!

- Yep it seems our ‘beach episode’ is a wrestling match!!

- Also, it’s kind of weird to see Hagure without his usual cap but hey at least we get to see him with a different head accessory.

- And of course, the first match is between Outa and Kenichiro. It was an intense match and it ended up with a draw because of how powerful it is.

- Also Marito has a pretty neat getup.

- Honestly, I wish I could describe everything that is happening because of how literally every one is in a WWE getup and that this whole ‘group date’ is more like a bonding session between Minato Kai and Siguma Squad.

- Arajin after witnessing everything decided to step out for a bit and wait for Mahoro but the moment she arrives she’s in a pretty modest getup and riding a camel no less. (No not the one where she rides the mechanical one like Marito’s but a literal one)

(Also, I’ll leave it to certain moots to think that if Mahoro’s getup is ok or not)

- Speaking of Mahoro, it kind of amazes me that she instantly changes out of the outfit she’s wearing into her school uniform (I have to wonder why doesn’t anyone wear casual clothes for this ‘beach episode’? Does Ichizu High even gives the weekends off?)

- I wish I could describe all of the matches but it would’ve been a mouthful and it’s basically just a filler episode.

- Mahoro fangirling over her brother will never be funny to me and you can see just how unamused Hagure looks, implying that he and everyone else at Siguma Squad are used to that kind of antics lol.

(Also Komao is like ‘WTF is happening here?’)

- Zabu is hilarious AF and the fact that he’s the only guy to wear a wrestling singlet and then he got blasted out lol.

- Anyways, Mahoro is hungry and Arajin senses that so he went outside to get food.

- From there, we see the NG Boys making yakisoba and Akutaro is there too but somehow his face is now ok except for a broken nose.

- Arajin came by and was surprised to see him and decided to inquire him about Senya but Akutaro just brush it off and says to him to have Senya answer him.

- Upon receiving the yakisoba and being dragged off by Senya, Ichiya FINALLY SPOKE!!!

- Also we finally got a good look at Matakara’s build and wow.

Dude’s built like a brick house I keep forgetting that he is 15/16 years old (I need to know his secrets to getting this big)

- Also his wrestler getup is pretty cool.

- Jabashiri also decided to join in the match to get his revenge on Matakara.

- We have nice Arajin/Matakara bonding episode in this one and you can see them gaining each other’s trust in this one.

- Though, I will say the moment Arajin slips up in distracting Marito is a big OOF!

- Again, I wish to describe more but it’ll get pretty long but all I can say is that Marito went super berserk to the point the tent fell down lol. Oh and somehow both Arajin and Matakara wins the whole match.

- Towards the end, we see all of the members from Siguma and Minato getting along. Matakara and Arajin are walking and just overall being casual.

But side note, like Mahoro, couldn’t they have bothered to make casual clothes for the guys cause how the heck do you even have time to change back into your school uniform HELLO?!

- But putting that aside, just as Matakara is seeing Arajin chasing behind Mahoro like the simp that he is, Akutaro and Ichiya are seen spying on Matakara, especially the latter what that means is a mystery but it’ll be an interesting one in next week’s episode.

#rubi’s post #bucchigiri?!#arajin tomoshibi #matakara asamine #mahoro jin #meta #opinions #review #thoughts

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good-beanswrites · 3 months

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I DM'd you a passage from the tarot cards fic. Director's commentary, please? ^_^

Ahh this was so fun, thank you so much!! Overexplaining details in a scene my beloved >:3

I wrote all my headcanons and assumptions as if they're facts to save myself from adding "I like to think" to the beginning of every sentence, but just know that I'm aware they don't have canon backing lol. Also my commentary mentions Fuuta and Mikoto's relationship, but the whole fic is pretty vague with it. I love keeping things at the stage of comfortable kindness, where it's easy for the reader to take things both platonically and romantically depending on what headcanons they're bringing to it. It's not necessarily catering to readers since I enjoy both interpretations -- I wrote it with both in mind, and I'll reread it differently depending on the day.

(From What's that Yugioh quote about cards)

“I'm doing this to show you how these readings are just crap. Now. First card.” [Fuuta] flipped it without any of the theatrics Mikoto had enjoyed. “Hm.” He squinted at the strange picture and read the title. “We’ve got a Four of Cups.”

Fuuta kind of did want to cheer Mikoto up, but doesn’t like how sentimental it sounds to think of it like that. Even if he did admit to himself that’s what he was doing, he wouldn’t know how to comfort him in a nice way, so he’s just picking a distracting activity and hoping it works. Also this spread was actually drawn by me irl! I had to modify one card in Fuuta’s (not telling which one though, hehe). I did consider having Mikoto draw the Hanged Man as his last card, but that felt too forced and cheesy lol

“Reversed Four of Cups,” Mikoto said before turning his gaze to the ceiling.

“Reversed? It’s right side up to you.”

“You’re doing a reading for me?”

“Duh?”

It might seem obvious that Fuuta was doing a reading for him given the setup/dialogue, but from Mikoto’s pov, no one’s ever done that before. In all the years he’s been doing tarot, people really just focus on their own future and how to learn tarot for their own activities. No one’s thought to do a reading for him. He’s more surprised than touched right now, though, because of how tired he is. It’ll really hit him later that night, when he realizes that this was the first time someone did that for him.

Mikoto bit back a comment that he should have gotten to touch the cards, if that were the case. He didn’t feel like getting into it with Fuuta right now, no matter how playful a matter it may be.

Mikoto (and Yuno) are the type who don’t take Fuuta's attitude personally. They can enjoy the back-and-forth of bickering for hours without it exhausting them. Even though Mikoto didn’t experience much during the interrogation, he’d be emotionally tired out in general. Plus, I picture the process of extracting videos to be physically taxing. Something that invades and activates your neurons would definitely leave you pretty wiped afterwards. (<- girl who has too many thoughts about how the mv machine works but will spare you the explanation)

“So… it looks like in the past… you had a lot of cups… and got a weird one from the sky. Are you religious?”

“Huh? Not really.”

“Not God then. I don’t fucking know where it came from. Maybe it’s a ‘life gives you lemons’ thing. You got too much on your plate?”

Mikoto stayed silent.

I messed myself up in this upcoming section because I was too excited about figuring out the card meanings in relation to Mikoto. I should have just looked at them as they were and guessed the meanings the way that Fuuta might. It was difficult having just read this card’s specific meaning and then trying to put myself in the shoes as someone who didn’t know it😂 I left and came back to this section a lot, I wrote the fic over a few months in between other things. It helped dull my memory on the actual meaning and get into Fuuta's character more.

Also I’m adding “life gives you lemons” to the list of phrases I use in my fics knowing it’s an English phrase/idiom they definitely wouldn't use, but I liked its exact connotation so I kept it in. It's cliche and informal and someone like Fuuta would be sick of hearing it from adults. He'd know Mikoto feels the same. I debated on giving Fuuta more lines about religion here – I do think he’s starting to consider it more at this point in time – but decided it brought the fic too off-course from where I wanted it.

“Whatever. Next card… the present. This one’s upside down to you. A knight – hey, I got a knight, too, remember?”

Fuuta actually does know that the specific term is “reversed,” Mikoto just said it, but doesn’t want to seem like he cares so he doesn't use the term. Still, he doesn’t really know how being reversed changes the meaning, so he interprets the picture normally.

Mikoto blinked. He did remember – he was shocked that Fuuta did. That reading had ended on such a sour note all those months ago. He didn’t think the other had given it another moment of thought. There came the tiniest surge of pride that Fuuta had committed it to memory.

I wanted to play around more with memory here but could never get it to work!!! Fuuta doesn’t really have any themes around memory so it wasn’t that notable that he remembered. Mikoto’s memory has holes specifically around stressful events, so it’s not impressive he remembered, either. So… despite having the perfect opportunity to talk about cool insights/emotions, it simply wasn’t a big deal -_- It still works to reveal that they both care a lot about each other, which is why I left it as is. It was a brief moment months ago, but both held onto the memory all this time.

“Damn, another cup. Well, if it does mean life keeps throwing stupid shit at you, then yeah, this prison has been the stupidest shit of them all.”

Fuuta picked up the final card. He let out a laugh. It was something mocking, but it tickled Mikoto. “Heh, you sure are a fool. That’s some outfit. Still better than yours right now.” He flicked the card at Mikoto’s chest, where it bounced off his mangled uniform.

As someone who is completely endeared by Fuuta’s awful laugh, I think Mikoto wouldn’t mind either if it sounded teasing/cruel. Especially after all the pain Fuuta’s been through T2, Mikoto probably didn’t hear him laugh in a very long time, and the sound can be contagious. I always wonder about Mikoto's uniform... was like that from his fight with Kotoko, or just from John wrecking his room? Is it like that all of T2, or does Es gives him a replacement? I felt like he would be cleaned up by the time his interrogation rolled around, but his album art is just as much of a mess, so I guess ratty uniform it is...

Mikoto retrieved the card. He sat up as he returned it to the spread. He studied them.

Mikoto was enjoying Fuuta’s version of the cards, but didn’t have the energy to read them along with him. This is the first time he taps into his own knowledge of the tarot meanings and realizes what a good spread it actually is. I wanted to linger here in this moment more, but everything I wrote became too “telling.” As the fic was from Mikoto’s pov, I felt like I’d need to take the reader through what he was thinking about in the silence. That ended up defeating the purpose of the peaceful moment lol

He allowed himself a small smile. “So,” he asked, “what’s it all mean?”

Fuuta scowled. “I just told you what it meant.”

“No, now you look at the big picture.” Mikoto shook his head. “You left before I could finish your reading, but you’re supposed to look at everything together and make a plan for the future. I… I still remember yours. I was going to tell you to mind your emotions, and prepare for a big change coming quickly. But uh…” he rubbed the back of his neck. “Guess it’s a little late for that, huh?”

“A little.”

Once again wishing I could do more with memory given that Mikoto still remembers Fuuta’s exact reading after so many months, and once again leaving it as a testament to his relationship with Fuuta. I can only hope it speaks for itself when looking at the fic normally ;--; I still haven’t decided if that last line from Fuuta should be read as an angry snap or a disappointed whisper. He’s still very bitter about his situation, and the fact that Mikoto is telling him to ‘mind his emotions’ and reminding him of his pain are enough to make him lash out. At the same time, maybe bringing it all up makes him recognize that his hot temper did caused him harm, several times. He can hear how genuinely Mikoto speaks, and feels guilty for treating him so harshly then. I go back and forth depending on my own mood…

“So, to finish off my reading, what advice do you give me based on these?”

Fuuta made a show of rolling his eyes and huffing, as if this hadn’t been his idea to begin with.

My favorite way to write Fuuta is having him do something nice, and then immediately get mad at the other person because suddenly he’s embarrassed about it.

“This is so lame. My advice…?” He jabbed a finger at The Fool. “Don’t do anything fucking stupid in the future.”

I originally wrote out a bit of a longer speech of advice, with Fuuta mentioning how he knows school/work can be overwhelming, and this prison is overwhelming, and not to do anything in the future because there are people relying on him. Fuuta was relying on him. It was a bit vulnerable and finally explicitly mentioned his feelings towards Mikoto. I read it back, heaved a sigh, said “he wouldn’t fucking say that,” and cut it down to just this line 👍I'm not too disappointed, though, since Mikoto can see right through Fuuta (both with his people skills and the fact that Fuuta is very obvious about his emotions). Anything he would have confessed, Mikoto already knows.

Mikoto looked from him to the cards, then back again.

“...That’s it?”

“What more do you want?” Fuuta raised his voice, and Mikoto found it in him to laugh.

Mikoto also hasn’t laughed (genuinely) all of T2 :( This one starts off kind of forced – he had to “find it in him” to play along with the way a conversation is supposed to go. But it feels natural once he does, and the next time I mention his attitude he feels “back to his old self.” In this moment he’s considering antagonizing Fuuta by teasing his advice, asking for more, or just poking at his temper. He chooses not to. Instead of avoiding their bickering because he’s tired, he cuts Fuuta a break because he’s really grateful for the kind gesture.

“Alright, alright, I’ll take it.”

#milgram #mikoto kayano #fuuta kajiyama #from that dvd commentary ask game :)#chronic overexplainer gets enabled to overexplain 🎉🎉🎉 peace and love on planet earth #thank you pal!!!#im not big on many milgram ships but i gotta say 0309 and 0909(09) creators have started to infiltrate my brain a lil....#taking any and every chance to share my fuuta laugh compilation 👍#fanfic

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