#if u can go more than a week without seeing ur best friend and feel fine. then you are a stronger man than my bff and i | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

prettieinpink · 3 months

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Hi !

Could u give me some tips on how to stop procrastinating and be more productive (in school and after school) ?

And do you also have any study tips to help me to study much better ?

Thx very much and luv ur blog !

♡♡ Keep up the good work ♡♡

STUDYING EFFECTIVELY IN AND OUT OF SCHOOL

thank you so much for the support and for your patience!! I hope this post helps you well. I also think this post on procrastination would help as well.

Studying effectively looks different for a lot of people. You will have to try out different methods to see what works best for you specifically. This post will discuss ways to maximize your time in the classroom and reinforce that knowledge outside of school hours.

AT SCHOOL

ASK FOR HELP OR FURTHER UNDERSTANDING. Try your best to engage as much as possible with your teacher or mentor regardless of your understanding. If you need help, ask for it. If you want to advance in your learning, ask more questions.

LISTEN TO MUSIC. A lot of people fall victim to talking to their friends instead of working. Bring earphones to school and listen to your playlist instead of talking to your friends. If you have your earphones on, you won’t feel obligated to join in the conversation and others most likely won’t bother you.

TAKE EFFECTIVE NOTES. You don’t have to do an overly specific way of writing notes, but make sure your notes are clear, concise, and understandable for you. A thing I try to do is leave a little room at the bottom of the page in which I can summarise everything without looking at prior notes.

CARRY A WATER BOTTLE. Water helps boost your brain productivity, so carry it to all of your classrooms.

UTILISE LUNCH & RECESS. Giving up your lunch and recess for more studying is not ideal, but it’s better to set in fresh knowledge than go home and completely forget everything. Or, you can use this time for assignments or studying for assessments.

AFTER SCHOOL

REMEMBER TO REFUEL AND TAKE A BREAK. Studying can be hard after you come back from 6-8 hours of already doing that. Eat something, exercise, do something fun, watch a show. Give your brain a break before studying.

HAVE AN EVERYDAY STUDY ROUTINE. Maybe you wanna dedicate some time to your flashcards or revise back on your notes, or you can have your focus change for each day of the week.

(FAVE) STUDY METHODS

FLASHCARDS. Flashcards are so easy to do everywhere, which is what I like about them. I could do it while waiting for something, while bored, on a car/bus ride, or even just a few before going to bed. Requires zero energy while still getting a lot out.

WHITEBOARD METHOD. Though, you can use a mirror. It’s just writing everything on a whiteboard. From ideas, diagrams, and questions. The reason why I feel like this method is so effective is because it’s so engaging, unlike a laptop or pen and paper.

BLURTING. You most likely did this in primary school, but it’s just writing down everything you know and then checking for gaps in knowledge. I love this method because it’s also a really simple way to study yet it’s so effective.

SQ3R. Survey, question, read, recite, and review. This one requires a bit more focus, but it does help to retain more information than just skimming through the text.

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eggluverz · 10 months

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hello!! would like to request a modern au with blade, where he’s a idol and due to him being busy with work, he didn’t have the time to visit/spend time with the reader (can be gn! or fem!). hence, he took it upon himself to surprise his s/o

bonus points if they are in a secret relationship and let’s say the reader works as a barista, so imagine the chaos the cafe will be if they see idol! blade having a lover SHSHDHDH

take ur time to write it hehe :3

— EVERYTHING I NEED

In which you’re feeling down about not seeing your boyfriend in a few months and Blade takes time out of his busy tour schedule to surprise you.

PAIRING. idol!blade x barista!reader

WORD COUNT. 1780

GENRE. modern au, idol au, fluff

NOTE. thank u for the request !! <3 i chose gn reader btw :) this was soooo much fun to write ٩( ᐛ )و i enjoyed this sm but warning it’s so very cheesy heh if u don’t like fluffy romcom cringe look away :3 hope y’all like it xx sof

It wasn’t always easy having a long distance boyfriends of sorts. A busy long-distance boyfriend who you sometimes didn’t see in person for months on end.

You knew he was busy, but you also knew he dedicated most of his free time talking to you. The relationship was important to the both of you— There was no doubt in your mind about that. Still, there were times the sadness and loneliness crept in.

Today was one of those days.

It wasn’t a “special” day as one would say. It wasn’t your birthday. It wasn’t Blade’s birthday. And it wasn’t even an anniversary. But still, you missed him so much.

You had gone months without seeing him. Your only solace was knowing Blade has gone just as long without seeing you and missed you just as much. He has been in and out of the recording studio whenever he had time in between performances, which limited your ability to call or even text each other even more.

You were aware the life of an idol could get hectic at times, you knew that well before the two of you started dating. But at times, it took more of a toll on you than you would expect.

“What’s gotten you so down in the dumps?” The voice took you out of your negative thoughts.

You turned to look at your close friend and coworker, Serval. You sighed, thankful afternoon rush hour had just died down so only few customers were at the coffee shop. “Nothing, really. Just missing Blade.”

She patted your back sympathetically. “I can only imagine. It’s hard enough barely seeing my brother because of military service.”

“How is Gepard, by the way? I haven’t seen him in ages!”

“He’s coming back for a bit next month! We’re having a little party if you want to come,” said Serval excitedly. “But back to you and Blade. When is the last time you saw him?”

“Over two months,” you said with a pout. You knew some people in long distance relationships would view that as nothing— Some would even be grateful that a month of not seeing their partner was a long time. But that wasn’t you and you felt yourself growing more dejected each day. “We haven’t even video chatted or called for longer than ten minutes in the last few weeks.” You tried to look on the bright side. “But at least I know he’s doing what he loves. I just hope management isn’t pushing him too hard.”

“That’s a big ask for money-hungry corporations,” Serval said dryly. “Poor boy is definitely overworked. Have you seen their back to back show dates? It’s all over social media. I’m sure he’s using any possible moment he can to spend time with you without being too obvious and letting the press know about your relationship.”

You nodded, trying to cheer yourself up the moment you saw a group of customers walk in. It was the end of work hours for most office workers around here so you mentally prepared yourself to give your best customer service smile. “I know he is doing his best. I just get sad about it sometimes, but I know it’s all worth it.”

“There you go.” She smiled. “And you’ll see him in no time, I’m positive. But for now, get ready for the evening rush!”

“One step ahead of you,” you sang, already at the cash register prepared to take the orders.

As you greeted the hoard of customers and helped your coworkers make drinks if they needed extra hands, you realized the rush lasted longer than normal.

“Is today international coffee day or something?” you asked as you passed by Serval. “It’s crazy busy right now.”

She shrugged, placing two drinks down at the ready table. “Not that I’m aware of. But this has been more than a rush hour. The sun isn’t even out anymore.”

“And people are coming in without buying anything or sitting down?”

As you wondered what was going on, you heard a loud, high-pitched scream coming from outside. The sound was followed by more and more squeals of excitement.

You and Serval looked at each other.

“Speak of the devil,” she said, shaking her head with a grin. “What a grand entrance.”

All reason left your mind as you were filled with hope and joy. You looked back at Serval, asking for permission to leave the cash register.

“Go,” Serval laughed. “I’ll cover the rest of your shift.”

“Thank you! I love you!”

With a big smile on your face, you rushed out of the coffee shop and pushed through the crowd outside. Standing tall above the group of fans, Blade stood there with black sunglasses and a face mask— A poor disguise that did little to nothing to protect his identity.

You lifted your hand up and waved from the back of the crowd, unsure if he would even be able to spot you amidst all the people. You wondered, even, if you should acknowledge him like this in public. You knew the press was crazy and the fans could be even crazier. Blade’s manager thought it was for the best he keep your relationship away from public eye.

But he was right here. And you didn’t want to wait another second before running up to him and giving him the biggest hug. Still, you refrained.

You did not want to jeopardize his image, no matter how much you wanted to give him a kiss right now.

Blade looked around the crowd before his gaze landed in your general direction. He lifted his shades to expose his captivatingly red eyes. When he saw you, he gave you a crooked smile.

“There you are,” he called, his deep voice rumbling over the muffled chatter of his fans. “It’s been too long.”

He maneuvered through the crowd, ignoring all the photos his fans were taking of him. The only thing Blade was paying attention to was you. Not caring you were in front of a large crowd, Blade immediately takes you into his arms. Time stops as you feel yourself melt into his embrace. The scent of his expensive cologne filled your senses, your face warm as it laid flushed against his chest.

“I missed you,” he murmured into your hair.

“I missed you, too,” you said. “But when did you get here? I thought you were in another continent? And are we allowed to be like this in public?”

As happy as you were to be with him, you didn’t want to get him in any sort of trouble with his management company.

“I got here just a few hours ago.” Blade rubbed slow circles on your back, not releasing you from his embrace. “I have a show in two days but I needed to see you. And, yeah, I might get in trouble by management but who cares?”

You pulled back urgently, looking up at him in concern. “You should care! I don’t want you to put your career in danger.”

Blade frowned and closed to distance between the two of you once more. “Management has worked me to the bone for years, if they want me to keep working for them, then they’ll have to put up with this being public. I’m tired of hiding you.”

Your arms wrapped around him, a small giggle escaping your lips at how ridiculous this must have looked to the public. You didn’t like being in a secret relationship either. You knew it was for his work, but when you happened to watch his interviews and had to hear him lie and say he was single, it hurt your heart, just a little.

“Besides, at this point in my career, I’m sure they need me more than I need them,” he said with a cocky look on his face. Even with his mouth and nose covered by the mask, you could see it in the crinkle of his eyes.

“That’s my Bladie,” you teased, running your fingers through his tangled hair. “Mr. Popular and you know it.”

“And I also know I want to be alone with you right now,” Blade said with a smirk. “Is your shift almost over? Let’s go back home once it ends.”

“Serval said she’ll cover the rest of my shift for me. We can go home now.”

“Thank you, Serval,” he said happily. Blade held your hand as he lead you to his car. “I might have to drive a little fast to lose the fans that’ll inevitably try to follow us. Is that okay?”

You noted his mischievous smile and laughed. “If I didn’t know any better, I’d say the thought of escaping them excites you.”

“I’m a simple man.” He opened the passenger door for you and gave you a small slap on the ass as you crawled in. “Buckle up, baby.”

“I can’t believe you did that with everyone watching!” you cried as he gently shut the door. You shook your head even though you knew he couldn’t see it. “It’s a good thing I love you.”

˖⁺‧₊˚❀˚₊‧⁺˖

When you woke up the next morning, your phone was filled with texts from your friends. You opened Serval’s first.

Serval: LOL guess who’s famous now

Serval: #CoffeeShopASScape #BladieOnTheLoose ... all the trending hashtags are about you and Blade

Serval: I wish you luck LMAO

You stifled a laugh, only mildly concerned about what people had to say. As you shuffled around on the bed, Blade stirred awake. He inched closer to you and lazily draped his arm around your waist.

“G’morning,” he mumbled.

“Good morning,” you greeted, kissing his forehead. “Blade… Have you checked your phone yet?”

“Yeah, when I woke up an hour ago. My manager let me know just how much chaos I caused over voicemail. Then I decided to go back to sleep with you and deal with it later,” he said simply.

“Blade!”

He noticed the furrowed crinkle between your brows and he rubbed it away with his thumb. “Don’t worry, babe. I’ll get it all sorted out eventually. All that matters is I’m here with you right now.”

“You’re right. Let’s enjoy this before you have to go back on tour,” you said, placing your phone on your nightstand and ignoring the notifications lighting up your phone. “And if damage control is too hard to deal with, know that I’m always here for you. I’ll answer your call even if it’s in the middle of the night here.”

Blade cupped your face and softly kissed your lips. “What did I do to deserve you?”

“I ask myself the same thing,” you said with a smile. “Now, wanna get some coffee?”

#I LOVED WRITING THIS IT MAKES ME WANNA WRITE THIS FAKE DATING CELEB!BLADE X CELEB!READER AU NGL...#honkai star rail x reader #hsr x reader #honkai star rail #blade hsr #blade x reader #hsr blade #hsr fanfiction #hsr #hsr blade x reader #idol!au #hsr imagines #hsr scenarios

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gunwoos · 11 months

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kim gun-woo relationship headcanons (sfw + nsfw)

a/n: warning these r random and disorganized 😭 also haven't written anything fanfic like in ages so sorry if these aren't the best!

he's such a gentleman/romantic

i feel like getting into a relationship with him, you're either childhood friends with him or u guys become friends when the whole smile capital stuff starts and u slowly realize ur feelings for each other.

even tho he's shy i honestly see him confessing his feelings for u unless ur the one to do it first.

he's very timid/shy especially for the first few weeks u guys are dating

he's just so nervous and really likes u and doesn't wanna mess anything up

when he opens up and gets 100% used to the relationship stuff it's amazing tho

i don't think he'd be super into pda like he'd definitely hold ur hand, sling an arm around u, and hug u in public, maybe even give u a quick kiss but anything more than that he's saving for when ur alone

his love language is definitely a mix of gift giving and physical touch (maybe acts of service too i can't decide)

gives the best hugs. he's so tall and sweet and his MUSCLES. will hug u from behind while ur doing stuff too and put his chin on your head/shoulder

he LOVES having u at his matches, especially if it's a tournament. you're like his good luck charm (he's good regardless of whether or not ur there but it's sweet ok)

or if he's just having a normal practice or training session he loves having u there to watch and support him

we all know he's an early riser and likes to workout / go for runs in the morning. he always invites u to go and if u actually agree he's over the moon

even if u barely participate or give up partway through he's just so happy ur there with him

loves when u wear his clothes. especially if u guys live together he's got that mindset of "my things r yours too"

he loves seeing u in his jackets, shirts, sweaters etc. especially if ur shorter/smaller than him he finds it's so cute

also if u guys r out and u forget to wear a jacket he won't even hesitate to give u his. like u go to mention that it's kinda chilly out and he already has his jacket off and is putting it over ur shoulders

his mom absolutely loves u. we all know he's a mommas boy so he's just so happy seeing u guys interact and get along so well

i see him being very traditional. pays for ur meals if u go out to eat, opens doors for u, my mind is blank thinking of other examples but he's just so sweet and such a gentleman

woojin third wheels u guys all the time. geonwoo is his bestfriend and he lowkey sulks when u guys hangout without him

i feel like unless u were already friends with woojin before u started dating geonwoo he'd give u a hard time at first. he's all like "i was here first 😒"

but eventually he warms up to u and u guys would be besties

u and woojin probably bicker a lot (playfully) and geonwoo just loves that u guys get along well enough to joke with each other. he just kinda watches u bicker back and forth like "😊" and doesn't interfere unless one of u brings him into it

he's definitely protective but just in a way that he wants to keep u safe, he's very secure and he knows he's strong and that he can protect u if he needs to

he also knows that u can handle urself tho, especially if ur a boxer like him

this man is cuddly. any cuddling position is perfect to him like he'll be big spoon, little spoon, whatever but i feel like he'd especially love just falling asleep with his head on your chest

idk if he'd be into pet names but i think he'd call u "babe, baby, honey, sweetie" or some kinda nickname based off of your name

nsfw under ⬇️

this man can be TIMID especially for the first few months of ur relationship when u guys do stuff. like believe me he wants to just as much as u do but he would never wanna make u uncomfortable so he waits for u to initiate stuff for a little while

checks on u like every 2 minutes and before doing anything "is this ok?" "are u sure?" "can i __?"

i feel like he's definitely very traditional or "vanilla" in bed, i don't see him being kinky or liking it rough or anything like that but if ur into that kinda stuff he'd probably be open to experimenting

such a giver. don't get me wrong he loves receiving, but u would definitely have to initiate it he'll never ask u to

as i said before this man is a giver. he gives and gives and gives

this man would happily die between your thighs. i'm telling u he's obsessed with eating u out. he doesn't care abt his pleasure as much, he just wants u to feel good

this man just goes straight in too. he's like "can i?" and as soon as u say yes he's slinging ur legs over his shoulders and diving in

he's so good at it too like. he makes it his goal in life to know what u like and what u dislike and that includes in the bedroom. he makes mental notes in his head of everything and the reactions u have to stuff so he can improve for later

if u do give him head, he's total putty in ur hands. anything u do and the fact that it's you doing this to him just makes it 10x better. he makes sure to return the favour after

lowkey has a praise kink, giving and receiving. when u tell him how good he's doing he just melts he loves it

is big on eye contact. he likes how intimate it is and the non-verbal reassurance from it

likes holding hands or having your hands in his hair

he whimpers. i don't think he'd be very vocal but when he realizes u like it when he is he tries to be a bit more open and do it more

loves kissing u during it and just peppering kisses all over u. i don't think he'd leave hickeys unless u asked him to tho

this man has stamina. we all know he's super athletic so he's prepared to go for as many rounds as u feel up to

he's also very gentle. he's strong and knows his own strength and would never wanna hurt u or be rough with u

he's just so sweet i cant even

#bloodhounds #bloodhounds kdrama #kim geonwoo #kim gun woo #kim geonwoo x reader #kim gun woo x reader #headcanon #headcanons #bloodhounds fanfic #bloodhounds x reader

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bones-of-a-rabbit · 7 months

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the abandonment issues au,,

where Sun and Moon gaslight, gatekeep, girlboss their way into ur heart

and then turn into sad wet baby kittens when u find out and call them out on it <3

(copy and pasted from the space aces discord, sorry fellas lmao)

abandonment issues au:

ok what if. fucked up au time

where. reader is the new daycare assistant or a mechanic or smthn idk theyre working withh Sun and Moon thats the important part

i think it works better if theyre like, Sun n Moon's handler? Bc they r closer that way and it makes it more fucked up lmaooooo

so basically. this takes place right after Sun n Moon had their best friend-handler person leave bc Sun n Moon had been acting increasingly volatile n buggy n rlly just having issues but the more the previous handler tried to talk to them abt it and fix it the more they got anxious abt getting decommissioned and would cover up the problems n act like nothing was wrong

and eventually one day the previous handler nearly got rlly hurt and knew they had to leave bc it wasn't safe for them and they left a detailed warning/report for the mechanics

(and they didnt say goodbye, not out of malice or anything just bc they didnt want even more reasons for Sun n Moon to act up/potentially hurt them or themselves)

so. the mechanics did a total clean up of Sun n Moon's system, basically left their memories but scrubbed their data of a lot of the 'feelings' they'd had- mostly wiping away the feelings tied to 'good' memories, and the only thing Sun n Moon could do to fill in the void of 'feelings' was assign different feelings in their place, so when they once looked back and felt happy or nostalgic, now they feel confused and angry and sad and betrayed bc why was all of that happiness taken from them?? why did their handler hurt them like this??

so the scrubbing of their systems, which was one thing they really really didn't want to have done for fear of losing their memories entirely, DID work in putting their issues on a much lower level,, but it didn't get rid of the issues entirely. Now they're just,, easier to hide or play off or ignore. They're careful around the kids, of course, but they do at times have trouble with their motor controls or their speech will glitch slightly, etc

a few handlers come and go, never staying for more than a week or so- none of them really care about the job, don't see Sun n Moon as coworkers but more like fancy 'machines' with no real thoughts or emotions, they normally leave after Sun or Moon has a glitchy moment and nearly hurts them or, in at least one case, does hurt them by squeezing their wrist too hard. more often than not, the ppl applying for the position read the list of warnings n cautions and are like 'hell nahh' and bail immediately

then. in comes,, reader. local dumbass. most endearing of idiots. a bit dense. very much clueless. dearly beloved

you're the first one to really treat them like your coworkers, making small talk and being friendly and kind and patient and laughing at their jokes. you smile when you introduce yourself, offering your hand for them to shake- not afraid of them or their little twitches at all. god, how they missed that. you remind them of their previous handler, if only in how you see them like theyre people and not machines.

and they make a mutual agreement to do whatever they can to keep you as their handler. even if it means dodging around company rules and policies by doing something like crumpling up the confidential 'warning' forms, ortelling the occasional white lie, like forging your signature onto the papers when your back is turned and making sure it makes it to your manager without either of you noticing who exactly was putting it on their desk.

you've already started calling them your friends the first time they have a glitchy moment. you're doing detailing work on their endoskeleton, really just cleaning dust away and making sure everything looks the way it does in the manual, when they break something- a tablet, a pen, your phone, whatever it is, it happens in an instant and startles you.

when Sun n Moon come to and realize whats happened theyre terrified. what if you use this as some kind of excuse to leave? What if you abandon them, just like their previous handler did? What if you start treating them differently, or you tell the staff that they need to be scrapped

so when you ask what that was about, they're frantic, quick to come up with something, anything that might make you shrug and forget all about it,

"Well, you WERE just working on their insides, right? That must have been something YOU did to suddenly make us do something like THAT! There's no way else it could have happened. Right?"

You take the lie hook, line, and sinker, apologizing profusely, promising to try harder to make sure nothing like that happens again. The relief they feel is almost euphoric. They pat you on the head kindly, reassuring you that they know you didn't do it on purpose, it was just a little mess up! You're fine, friend, we forgive you.

From then on, they dodge blame and truth alike, most often redirecting your attention to something you must have said or done to make something so strange and out of character for them happen so suddenly, and you believe them, full of apologies and careful words and actions and nervous worrying about doing things wrong and hurting them somehow. It's cute, how anxious you can get. It's cuter, how you melt for their comfort and reassurance.

They play the song and dance with you again and again, weaving doubt and guilt into you more and more frequently. Until one day, you mumble something about how 'maybe i'm not cut out for this, maybe i should switch to be on the janitorial team instead, or some other department, i don't want to hurt you guys, or-or be the reason someone else gets hurt, i clearly dont know what im doing, and it's only gotten worse, maybe i should talk to my manager,,' and they panic

don't be silly, friend!!!! you can't just leave like that, what about the kids, what about that puppet show you had helped them plan, did you really want to just abandon all that?? so what if maybe they had the occasional hiccup, you were always there to smooth it over, who cared whether they dropped things from time to time, or- or broke a toy or two, that didn't matter, did it??? You were getting so good at being their handler, your little mistakes were normal, come on, you don't want to leave your very best friends. Do you?

and you cave, agreeing to stay, and they are so, so extremely careful to hide their little moments from you for several weeks, making sure you don't notice their tiny twitches or split seconds of glitchy voices, maybe keeping a closer eye on you than would be comfortable, watching over your shoulder each time you type up a report about the day, giving the manager a loathsome glower behind your back whenever they happen by,, and every time you leave you say 'i'll see you guys tomorrow!,' they grab onto your sleeve and respond with 'promise?' so you always know that they really, really do want you to come back

and then. one day,, you decide to go looking in their files for something small and silly, like what kinds of updates had been added to their pick-up protocols, and you find the warnings and cautions forms

and you see your signature on them, but you would definitely remember this and you are absolutely certain you have never seen these papers in your life. and you take the papers and you go to ask them about it.

"i thought you said you never had any problems before? you told me you never had any issues before but this- this is full of things that you- and you, you've been having these problems for that long??"

they stumble over their words, frantic, panicked, backpedaling on everything theyve ever said, trying meekly to grab the papers from your hands, piling excuses on excuses

"you knew? you knew you were having these problems, and you didn't tell me? and you- you told me it was my fault!"

you're close to tears, hurt that they lied more than anything. you keep backing away from them, dodging their attempts to get the forms. they don't know which is worse- seeing that look on your face, or when they were left without so much as a goodbye.

"you could have told me. i thought i was the reason for everything, i thought i was hurting you, and you just... you lied right to my face and let me think that."

theyre putting on their best soothing voice, movements slow and gentle, wanting to comfort you and wipe those tears away and reassure you somehow that this- this isn't their fault, none of it is, it never was, they're fine and you're fine and nothing was ever wrong, and everything will be fine if only you calm down and stay

you can tell they arent really listening. you take a deep breath and turn away from them, scraping the tears from your face. you tell them you're going to go home and write up a report about all of this and when you come back you can go over it together before you send it to management, but right now you're leaving because you need space to breathe and time to think

but all they hear is that you're leaving, and they panic.

they don't hurt you, of course! but right now you're not allowed to leave.

you try to shut out the sound of them crying and apologizing and begging, even if it breaks your heart, because right now all you want to do is go home and lie in your stupid bed and have a stupid cry in your favorite pajamas. but you try every door you can think of- none of them open. you've sstayed past closing more than once, but the doors aren't normally shuttered for another two hours,, and you're pretty sure the night guard isn't even here yet

the entire time you're walking around the 'plex, Moon is trailing sadly behind you, waiting with the saddest, most pathetic wet cat look an animatronic can achieve, for you to turn and face them again

and thus begins what is probably the longest night of your life, spent trying to avoid your animatronic friends/coworkers who are acting like the worlds clingiest ex who just got broken up with and who can't stop dropping sad love songs in ur dms

by the time morning rolls around, they agree to actually go to parts n services and cooperate and try their best to get whatever is wrong with them repaired, even if it means they might get decomissioned. in the mean time, you promise to come back once they're fixed and work with them to help them get back to their old selves- or at least, back to how they were before any potentially dangerous bugs

basically this is the 'sun and moon have abandonment issues and gaslight you abt it' au

idk what else would happen tbh idk why i thought this au needed to exist either but here we are *lays facedown in a puddle*

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ravensmadreads · 2 months

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The Mess of Us

A/N: i have no excuse honestly. I've imprinted on David York for reasons unfathomable to my own brain. This is my attempt at giving him a redemption arc? A softer backstory? My heart and soul? Who knows.

Warnings: uhhhh lots of angst (i mean i tried), almost entirely canon compliant, vague-ish attempt at smut, mild cursing, insane use of italics. (Also: english is not my first language and im faking being a writer but i think this came out okay??? Pls be kind he's my lil babie!!)

Summary: I gave david york my heart and then proceeded to bash it with a sledgehammer - forgive me :p this is the same universe as What Love Means

Taglist: @fuckyeahdindjarin cause i wouldn't be writing without you; @chronically-ghosted thank u to listening to me cry about Dave, and my writing, and myself - i owe u my life; @wannab-urs you absolute maniac i adore u; @timelordfreya u were so kind on the accompanying piece for this i hope you like this too <3

David York

You've known that name for a long time. Stayed with the man that inhabits it even longer. He goes by Dave now. Lives in a suburban home. Has two daughters. An "office job". A respectable man. A good man. A little misguided perhaps. A little bit more jaded than he used to be. More broken than you remember. The light in his eyes all but snuffed out. But a good man.

He was always a good man.

Even when he was no longer yours.

Even when he was no longer David.

****

David York and his sunshine. Neighbours. Best friends. Light of each others lives.

You're two halves of one whole in a way that makes no sense from the outside, but when you tread close enough you can pinpoint the exact strands that join your soul to his. The way his heart is an exact mirror to yours. The way your smile reflects the sun in his eyes and his warmth leaves you feeling more loved than any being in the entire universe. You'd stumbled across him, buried between the pages of a book twice the size of his head, and you thought: Oh God. It's you. It's going to be you. And you decided you'd never let him go.

Until he decided to leave.

He's so excited when he gets the call. When he makes his plans and packs his bags. When he tells you all about the good he's going to do, the hero he's going to become.

"I'll be back soon sunshine. You won't even know I'm gone."

You try to convince him to stay. With everything you've got in you. All your jokes, all your warmth, all your schemes. When that fails you give him your heart. Your tears. Explain that you can't live without him. That he can't expect you to live without him and not fall apart at the seams because he's the thread that holds you together. And when you see the anguish on his face at your confession, you revel a little because you think you've won. He's going to stay for you because of course he is. He's your David. He cups your cheeks in his hands. Lips meet your forehead as his words break your heart:

"I'm sorry sunshine. You know I have to go. I have to do this. You know."

So you wipe off your tears and you smile. Because that's what you're supposed to do for a friend and that's what you do for him. Give him a hug and a kiss on the cheek. Tell him to be safe.

"Don't get your butt kicked too much David. I need you back in one piece."

And that's the first time David York turns his back on your smile.

****

You wait for him. Like the inexplicable fool you are. Wander aimlessly in the streets around your childhood home like a spirit too tired to haunt anyone but itself. Waiting for him to come back and spark you alive again. Awakening for the few weeks of leave he has before reverting to your state of nothingness the minute the door closes behind him. Flitting like a ghost of yourself, nothing tethering you to this place, but still incapable of moving on without him.

Because he was David York. Your best friend.

Your good man. Your solid rock.

Until he wasn't.

Until he left.

****

You learn to make your way without him. Stumble, fall and scrape your knees more than once, without him by your side clucking and fussing like the mother hen he was. Without him to hold you up and bring you close:

"You’ve got to be careful honey. I can't be losing my sunshine."

You find a purpose and make your stand into the big bad world but all of it feels hollow without him by your side. You learn to stitch people up, bandage their wounds, hold bleeding skin in place and snap broken bones back together again. He laughs when he finds out, equal parts amused and proud.

"Looks like you became the anti-Dave sunshine."

And you smile for him, because of course you do. You don't tell him that everything you're learning, you're learning because of him. Because of the sheer wall of terror that's settled in your spine since the moment he walked away. Because of the David that comes to you in your dreams. The one that crumbles in front of you; broken and damaged and begging for help. The one you're trying so hard to save.

You may be his sunshine, but he was always your sun, and you'll protect him, even if he doesn't want you to.

****

The David that comes to you now is not yours. He's an off brand version of himself. A cheap copy. An imposter that calls himself Dave and smirks in a way that makes your skin crawl. He wears Davids skin but has none of his warmth. The sunshine in his smile is replaced by an ice cold sharpness and you hate that shivers it sends down your spine. His eyes have lost most of the humour they used to have, and when he hugs you he lets go a little too soon. A little too fractured, a little too cold. You hold on; assessing, caring, and wondering. Go to ask but he shakes his head; the look in his eyes silencing your questions before the words can form on your lips. The worry in your heart worsens.

When he walks you home you try again but he anticipates it. Like the predator he is now, he sees your strike coming, and retaliates in the one way he knows will force your silence. He kisses you. Hot and deep. Steals the air from your lungs and the words from your brain. Renders you shocked. When you open your eyes it's your David staring back again and your relieved smile has him pushing into you again. He kisses you until you're breathless. Again, and again, and again, until all your worries are dripping unvoiced at your feet and all your questions have been sucked into the air in his lungs.

You don't fall into each other as much as you attack. The culmination of years of circling each other and it all comes down to this. Mouths open, teeth clashing like you're trying to make your way into each others souls. His hands grab you so desperately, so fervently, that you wonder how he hasn't moulded you into his own chest yet. Your nails scratching at him like you're trying to carve a home in his bones. You’re trying to tear pieces of each other apart. Him, so he may take you with him and you, so you never have to watch him leave again. You devour every inch of him so reverently that the taste of him may remain embedded in your tongue forever. And he carves his way into you, soothing an emptiness that only ever craved him. Pounding in like he's trying to break you open and consume the light within. You cling to each other in the aftermath, breathless, sated and smiling, and you remember placing a kiss on his heart right before you drift off in his embrace.

You should've known, in retrospect, that that was as good as it was ever going to get.

He leaves you in an empty bed. Runs away before the dawn breaks like the consequences of what you both did are too ugly to be faced in the light of day. You turn the apartment upside down looking for one note, one glimpse, one hint of him that's not mottled on your skin and going to be torn away by the cruel hands of time.

You take the dismissal for what it is when you don't find one.

****

He comes back broken. Purple shadows under his eyes, a split lip and a wince that breaks you when you go to hug him. The storm breaks and you lunge. Too strung out to keep going like this any longer and too frazzled by thoughts of "what if it was worse" to think about the consequences of breaking your silence.

Your fists pound against the rock hard of his chest. The place that used to be your solace, your comfort, your home. Where you'd set your head too many times to count and where all your dreams ever went to rest. And they've turned it to stone, moulded him into a machine, changed him into something he's not.

"You're not a fucking hero David. You're not. And I'm asking you to stop trying to be one. I'm asking you to stop this self sacrificial bullshit and come back. Come home. You don't need to be a hero. You just need to be alive. I need you alive dammit! Why can't you see how much I need you?"

Your voice falters and cracks. It's out there now, the pieces of your heart; ugly, tattered and split open in front of him. Waiting for his judgement, for his grace. His face twists into a grimace, and you turn your head before he can see the tears fall. You don't need his apologies. His empty words and false promises of how nothing will ever happen to him, because it will, you know it will. So you hold up a hand before he can begin.

"It's okay. I get it. This is your life now, right? So will you forgive me then, if I can't stand around watching you try to kill yourself and wait for the day you inevitably succeed?"

Something in his eyes breaks at your words, and something in your heart does when he gathers you in his arms. The kiss on your temple feels like a goodbye. To your one solace, your one crutch and the only friend you ever had. And you know this goodbye will haunt you forever.

That's the one time you turn your back on David York.

****

He comes back with an extra sparkle in his eyes. Pleads and begs his way into your good graces and you indulge him because that's what you do for David. His smile has never been brighter. He may call you sunshine but he has always been your shining light, your beacon, the lighthouse you turn to.

But then he turns away. And in a split second, your world tilts on it's axis.

Carol.

Her name is Carol. Perfectly normal. Perfectly sweet. Perfectly perfect. He's got his hand in her hand and you don't understand. You can't. You refuse. Except.... David. He looks so happy. So content. Looks at her with all the devotion you've only ever given him, and all the love you wish he could've given you.

"What do think sunshine? I think she may be the one."

You smile. Because that's what you always do for David. You smile. It's an ugly thing. Fractured. Broken. He notices because of course he does. You've never been able to hide from him, ingrained as he is into your very soul. His smile falters and his eyes fill with sorrow and regret. Apologies for all he could never be and all the regret he has about it.

"You did good York. You'll be great together."

He flinches. He has only ever been David to you. He knows he has broken something irreparable. Opens his mouth to fix it. To swallow something back, say something else instead. Change the words, the letters, the combinations of decisions that led you both to this very moment. Something to keep you whole but the parts he shattered, however unwittingly, are already crumbling to dust in front of him. He closes his mouth. Swallows whatever lingered at the back of his throat. You smile at each other as you walk away. Him with her hand in his. You with the cloud of pain that comes from finally accepting the bitter truth for what it is.

He's not yours. Not anymore. Never will be again.

You never call him David again.

***

You miss him. Of course you do. Running from him was like running from a part of yourself; impossible, regretful and pointless. You were intwined into each other too thoroughly for there to ever be a clean cut through. You couldn't really walk away from him completely no matter what the distance on a map points out.

You know he'll call when he comes back again. He does. Shows up at the threshold of your sanity and the hardest thing you've ever done is ignore his voice when it calls to you. Voicemail, after voicemail, after voicemail. You listen to every single one but you can't call him back. His voice is your kryptonite. You'd walk back the distance if only you could but some tattered remnants of your self esteem hold you back. The last one comes with a letter in the mail. The glossy embellished card reminds you of the reason you walked away. The reason you could never go back. He pleads over static and tinny phone lines:

"Come on sunshine. I need you there. I'm sorry. I'm so s-. Please. I- "

Silence for a few minutes before the line cuts off. Typical of you both. To never say what you want and yet be assured the other knows exactly what you mean. He probably knows too. That you can't bear to see someone else's name next to his. The thought makes you nauseous; angry in a way that scares you, an evil coiling restless being inside of you, threatening to do as he asks. Go over there and scream in his face. The audactiy of this man to say he needs you when all you ever wanted was for him to pick you. Over the chip on his shoulder, the gun in his hand, the name on that card. Choose you. Love you. But you can't do any of that. You can't stand by his side and smile as he walks away with another either.

His only mercy is that he doesn't show up at your doorstep when you both know he could and you wouldn't be able to close the door in his face. Not him. Never him.

You throw the card away without opening it.

He forgives you.

But he never calls again.

***

Months turn to years and David York turns from a stabbing ache into a memory and then a ghost. He haunts you initially, at every turn, but slowly, over the years, the voice in your head softens down. He vanishes into the fog that lingers at the back of your mind and you stop looking over your shoulder for him to come back. You left him so suddenly, so abruptly, that you'd torn off pieces of yourself too. But time heals those wounds and you gradually learn to carry on as half of your bleeding heart slowly scabs and scars over.

You carve out a content little place for yourself, in a tiny corner of the world as you finally learn to love the reflection in your mirror. There's grey in your hair now. Wrinkles in your skin and hands hardened over from a life lived serving others. Saving who you can, when you can. A melody on your lips as you collect the parcels from your mailbox. Cocoa and bitter coffee long since mask the taste of his name on your breath.

There's a knock at your door and you flit to open it. Your smile, a pale imitation of what it used to be, plastered on, as you brace yourself to greet a well meaning neighbour or two. It falls quicker than lightning at the sight that greets you instead.

A man wavers at your doorstep. Unfamiliar in his familiarity. The ghost of a memory of a love never forgotten. Dripping crimson over the smiley face on your welcome mat. A haphazard bandage concealing half his face. One hand clearly broken. Arm bent at an angle too sharp to be natural. Angry streaks of purple and blue dancing around all visible patches of skin and he's trying to be nonchalant about the way he's favouring his right leg but failing miserably. Wheezing a breath that you know speaks of atleast one, if not several, broken ribs. And yet, despite all the damage and destruction and sheer agonizing pain he's no doubt in, the man smiles. Full and bright and warm.

"Hey sunshine."

And you reply.

A gasp. A plea. A promise.

David.

****

#david york x reader #dave york x reader #raven writes #(again)#(somebody stop me already)#ok so this is quite literally my heart in a fic so PLS be kind #off u go bby #raven on her david york agenda #yeeting into the void and running away

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watermelonsugacry · 2 years

Note

heyy don’t know if ur requests are open for 1dmember!reader but maybe u could do “never have i ever” from the Ellen show back in 2015? maybe could add some more questions of ur own in too?

Never Have I Ever

A/N: a highly requested interview...more iconic interviews to come lovies! (i see harry the day after tomorrow...wHAT??)

SINCE 2010 masterlist

“Alright, we’re back with One Direction. Your fans think they know everything about you, well we’re about to find out,” As Ellen introduces the infamous, invasive games they’re about to play, fans squeal at the sight of YN placing a hand on Harry’s knee as she readjusts herself on the couch between him and Niall. It’s a very platonic action, but any kind of interaction between the two makes the fans lose their minds—especially when they give each other a small smile from their close proximity.

“Never have I ever had someone write a song about me?”

Harry doesn't know what to label the twist in his stomach is when YN ultimately decides to have her sign read I Have Never.

Was she completely oblivious to all of the songs he writes about love? Was this her way of trying to deny they were ever about her? Or is this just her way of trying to protect her private life and not make anything seem suspicious?

He feels some kind of relief from his racing thoughts when some fans in the crowd say her name in a disappointed tone.

"We're not gonna play if you’re gonna lie." Ellen's words make YN laugh, especially when she sees that Harry holds up the same sign as her.

...

“Never have I ever made out with someone within the band?”

When the crowd sees that YN and Louis hold up the same sign, two things occur: One, the fans scream in excitement at any information being revealed about one of the most shipped duos within the band (aside from her and Harry, of course). Two, the heat of jealousy makes itself apparent within Harry’s chest.

"Really?" Ellen smiles.

It really takes everything in her not to roll her eyes at the inappropriate questions, already dreading another second on this couch as she’s going to have to explain her reasoning. At least she's squished up against Harry, so it's not so bad.

"Not recently." YN puts a hand up in reassurance and leans over Niall to look at her childhood best friend. "But Louis and I dated when we were younger, so...”

It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to see the way Harry’s mood has shifted for this question. The crease appears between his eyebrows and he lets out a stiff cough into his fist when Ellen keeps pushing the question.

“So no other lip action has happened since then? Or with any other boy on the couch?”

YN shakes her head and taps her paddle to each of the boys’ knees, “These lads are me brothers...so that would be quite weird.”

When the audience laughs and the host moves onto the next fan-sent question, the fans can see the way YN takes a few discreet and concerned glances at Harry as she pushes her hair behind her ear.

...

"Never have I ever been skinny dipping in a hotel pool?"

As Liam makes a joke about how he’s never done it while the rest of the band has, Harry and YN are grateful for their media training now more than ever as they keep a neutral face—chuckling along with everyone without causing any suspicion of what happened merely a couple of weeks ago.

Harry and YN glance behind them for the millionth time as they scurry down the hotel hallway. After a day full of interviews and almost two hours of performing on stage in front of thousands of fans, it was totally reasonable that all the band wanted to do was slip into the fluffy comforters of the hotel beds and knock out for the rest of the night. It was also reasonable that YN wanted to have a drink or two before heading off to sleep and reasonable to extend the invitation to her bandmate.

So a couple of mini alcohol bottles got the two into a giggly, bubbly headspace, two o’clock in the morning seemed like a perfectly reasonable time to go out exploring. After Harry taps Niall’s sleepy face awake to cover for the two of them and miraculously sneaking out of the hotel room without their security teams noticing, the two push the heavy doors open to welcome the breeze hitting their warm skin.

Harry trips over his feet from his tipsy state and YN quickly grips his arm, both leaning into one another’s touches. They both scrunch their noses up as they turn into a giggly mess but he quickly puts a finger to his smile to remind her that they need to keep quite.

“Woah, holy shit,” YN gasps at what’s before them. It takes a moment for Harry to register where they are. Since their hotel suites are on the top floor, they find themselves in the fancy, lounge area exclusive to the snobs that can afford it.

When he finally realizes what took her breath away in the first place, his jaw drops in drunken awe. Looking out to the beautiful view of the city is a luxurious pool that wraps around the edges of the lounge area.

Since it’s already dark out, there’s no possible way there were any other guests out here. The only light sources come from the obnoxious amount of yellow, LED light bulbs that hang above their heads, the city lights, and the dark blue lights that shine underneath the water.

He follows her towards the edge of the pool and he looks at her so fondly when she tilts her head to the side in contemplation, “Am I really really that hammered or there’s no bloody edge to this pool?”

“S’an infinity pool,” Harry explains with a giggle. “S’supposed to look like that.”

She mutters out a soft, “oh,” as her eyes continue to dart around the beautiful water. She swats at the finger that pokes at her cheeks.

“Yeh wanna go in it,” Harry teases.

“No,” She stubbornly states with a furrow of her eyebrows but a smile grows itself on her face when his fingers wiggle on her side.

“Come on, yeh know you wanna.”

“I don’t have a swimsuit,” Harry holds back cooing at her genuine pout at the fact of her lack of swimwear.

“Aw man, you’re right,” Harry puts his hands on his hips, tucking his lips in to avoid showing his smile.

“Do yeh think we can sneak back to go get them?” YN blinks her glossy eyes at her bandmate in hope, her hands coming up to hold onto his bicep. He shakes his head disappointingly and his heart nearly breaks in two when he sees her shoulders slump.

“Reckon we can come back tomorrow though,” He tries to reason. When she nods sorrowfully and turns around to walk away from the water, Harry smiles to himself, “Or we can go in now.”

YN doesn’t have time to yelp or let out a scream because in a split second, Harry spins around to grip onto her waist and effortlessly chucks her into the water. He jumps up to tuck his legs to his chest and follows her into the pool.

When they resurface, Harry bursts out in laughter when gets splashed with water.

“You prick!” YN can’t really be mad at him. Not when she’s laughing alongside him and making memories they will remember in years to come.

Fully clothed in their black skinny jeans and satin blouses, they continue to swim around and splash each other around the pool.

“I have to admit, I don’t think skinny jeans were a good substitute for swimwear,” Harry huffs out with a smile.

“S’your fault,” YN shrugs with a teasing smile sitting comfortably on her lips. “But v’got a pretty easy solution to our problem.”

Without another word, they two get to tugging off their bottoms. If taking off jeans while submerged in water was hard enough, their tipsy states only added to the difficulty. She even juts her leg towards him in a whine for help once he’s got his off. She’s turned into a giggly mess when she gets dragged closer to him through the water from his tugging.

“Why didn’t we think of this before getting in?” Harry asks as he hurriedly undoes the buttons of his top. She’d be lying if she said she didn’t let her eyes wander to his muscular shoulders once he removes the fabric from his body and tosses it aside.

“We? You more like for tossing us in here.”

Harry can’t help by letting his eyes linger over the tops of her chest when she pulls her blouse over her head. They’ve seen each other this undressed more times than they’d like to admit: from reasonable occasions like being poolside or from quick changes that happened over years where there just wasn’t enough time to get her little area set up in time. The boys were always super respectful of her space and since they saw her as a sister, no one spared more than a glance her way—maybe two from Harry.

They’ve seen each other’s skin in this way before, so he doesn’t understand why he feels the heat rise to his cheeks at their close proximity. Maybe it’s an attempt to personally get the spotlight off of him when he asks, “Have yeh ever been skinny dipping before?”

An attempt that was unsuccessful as YN gives him a beaming smile that makes his insides turn in giddiness. How is it possible for her to look even that much more gorgeous? Could it be from lights shining from the water or from the city scenery beside them? It has to be, right?

“Maybe,” She brings her shoulder to her ear. “Maybe not. Have yeh?”

“Yeh, s’quite freeing actually. A bit of a rush. Would recommend.”

“Really?” Harry nods at her as his answer. Her question just confirms how well he knows her. He could tell from a mile away that she was merely bluffing despite all of her media training. Maybe it’s just with him, but she can be a shit liar sometimes.

“But to do it with someone you’re comfortable with, you know? With someone who you think you’ll have fun with. Erm, maybe you and Matt should do it one day when you see him again.” He wants to cringe his face up at his suggestion. He doesn’t know he would ever willingly bring him up, especially when he just wants to enjoy time with his best friend...and crush for the past five years. As much as it pains him to be reminded that she isn’t his whenever Matthew is brought up—by her, interviewers, the other boys, etc—he can’t help but relish the times when it’s just the two of them.

The world disappears and she’s the only one he can truly be himself. He’s not The Harry Styles that everyone knows and loves. When it’s just them two, he’s just Harry. He’s goofy and sentimental and weird. Not a lot of people know or get to see that side of him, but if she only knew how much she sees him.

YN hums and looks to her right at the lit-up cityscape. When her eyes meet his again, she holds his gaze. A lot of people find his eye contact to be quite intimidating, but not her. It gives her an old sense of comfort; like nothing else around them exists and he’s providing a time of intimacy like nothing she’s ever experienced before.

Maybe that’s why as they hold each other’s gaze, she slowly reaches behind her back. She unhooks the clasps of her bra with ease and the straps go limp and slide from the tops of her shoulders.

Harry’s eyes stay locked on hers, only making out her actions from his peripheral vision. He’s aware of how his chest as gradually began to speed up from his breathing. He swallows thickly and if she were move her gaze to the base of his neck, he could see his pluse beating underneath his skin.

Her hands keep the cups of her bra to her chest and as she goes to remove the fabric from herself, the two snap their heads to the sound of the heavy door slamming open.

“What the hell do yeh guys think yeh doin’?” Paul shouts frantically. Grateful that he’s too panicked to fully take in the sight in front of him, Harry quickly moves in front of his bandmate as she swiftly clasps her bra back into place. “Get yeh bums out of that water, now! What are yeh lads thinking? Had the whole security team looking for you two. Daniel is getting bloody fired for this.”

As their head of security scolds the two of them, it’s the last thing of their minds as they climb out of the pool. As Harry hands her a towel from one of the poolside lounge chairs, they share an unknowing look.

What the hell would have happened if Paul hadn’t come and found them?

...

"Never have I ever sent a naughty text to the wrong person?"

Everyone on the couch but Harry reveals that this embarrassing mistake has occurred—they’re just grateful that she doesn’t ask how many times it happened.

"Sorry, dad." Harry jokes as he pretends to text on his paddle like it was a phone. YN chuckles along with the rest of the room and an idea pops up in her mind.

She tsks with a shake of her head in faux disappointment, “Wrong ‘Mommy.’”

The fans in the audience erupt into a frenzy at her joke. Louis and Niall throw their heads back as they cackle, and Liam squints his eyes shut as he laughs and claps his hands. Harry slaps a hand over his eyes and his dimples dig into his cheeks as he lets out a string of giggles all the while YN bites down on the corner of her mouth in an attempt to control her smirk.

It doesn’t last long before she joins in on the laughter as the host announces the commercial break.

...

Bonus:

Ellen is introducing the video clip of Harry falling on stage. Niall is just laughing his head off because he knows what's about to be seen, they all do.

YN just puts her hands over her mouth, her elbows resting on her knees as she tries to hide the obnoxiously big smile at the memory. They were all singing Through The Dark, a song that has both her and Harry leaving their designated spots on stage to sing further into the crowd.

Everyone watches the screen behind them and sees Harry in a white t-shirt, pulling his microphone stand behind him and pumping his other fist in the air. YN is a little farther behind him, moving her body to the rhythm of the song as she holds her microphone to the screaming fans.

It’s not long before the inevitable happens. Harry’s microphone stand gets caught on something on the stage floor, making him lose his balance and take a tumbling fall to the ground.

The camera moves a bit to the left just in time to see YN standing frozen with her arms reaching out towards Harry, her jaw on the floor and eyes wide after just having witnessed everything.

It makes sense that one’s first instinct is to go to the man lying on the floor, asking him if he’s alright, possibly looking to see if he was hurt or needed to be taken backstage. Then helping him off the ground and continue the show.

That’s what’s expected anyways.

But we should all know by now that that’s not YN.

Instead of doing any of that, YN just bursts out laughing, squeezing her eyes shut and leaning her hands on her knees. The sight in front of her affects her so much she drops to her knees as she clutches her stomach and lays down next to her band member.

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a-aexotic · 1 year

Note

hiiii i hope ur ok :) can u do a romantic katniss x fem reader imagine please? 🫶🏻

—cw: unedited (are we surprised?), kissing, mentions of getting sick, angsty fluff LMFAOOO, mentions of dying + killing. —a/n: bro im so glad you requested a katniss x reader i love her sm she's genuinely my gf, also i didn't know what exactly you wanted so i'm gonna do a love confession scene (before the quarter quell)

KATNISS AND Y/N had always been friends for as long as both of them could remember. They were always there with one another, tied at the hip. If you asked anyone who knew them, they would never see one without the other following closely behind.

However when Katniss was reaped for the 74th annual Hunger Games, it all changed. Katniss had to leave, and possibly never come back. Y/N wasn't sure if she could survive without her best friend, her attachment to Katniss showing.

Katniss' was equally, if not more miserable than Y/N. But she motivated her to win the games and she realized that she had to come to Y/N, no matter what. When she had to kill people in the arena, she understood that she was okay with it as long she got to home to Y/N.

Katniss was the first to grasp she loved Y/N, more than how a friend should. The only thing keeping Katniss going was Y/N and her family. She finally realized that Y/N was family. She could imagine herself waking up to her every morning and making breakfast for the both of them, and when she did, she was happy. That was the thought keeping her going.

Y/N realized that she loved Katniss when she came back from the games. After not seeing her and fearing for her life for over a month, she missed and craved her touch. She only felt safe around Katniss, knowing that she would take a bullet for her - and she would take one for her, too. When she saw Katniss finally after the hell that ensued, she looked her in her pretty blue eyes and she finally saw a future where she was happy - but only with Katniss.

When Katniss came back after winning the games, she wasn't the same. She decided she wouldn't tell Y/N how she felt until she was healed - she knew she would hurt Y/N now if she told her. So, she waited until she was ready.

Y/N saw how broken Katniss was after winning and she wanted to help her so badly. Her heart broke anytime she thought about how much Katniss had been through, how much she saw. She would take all in the pain away from her in a heartbeat if she could. Y/N wanted Katniss to be ready before she told her feelings, so she waited.

When the Quarter Quell was announced, Katniss only thought about Y/N. She realized that there was a slim chance she would make it and it was now or never, she thought. Y/N thought exactly the same.

Katniss ran out of her house, making her way to Y/N's home. As Katniss arrived, before she could knock, Y/N opened the door and saw her standing there.

Y/N's eyes were red from all the crying she had just done, and Katniss looked blue from the cold - she had forgot to take a jacket. Before neither of them could say anything, Y/N pulled Katniss in for a hug, her warmth engulfing her gladly.

"Oh, Kitty." Y/N sniffled into Katniss shirt. "I'm sorry."

She shook her head, "No. Don't say that."

Y/N put her warm hand on Katniss' cheek, shaking her head in disapproval. "Katniss, you're going to get sick. Why didn't you put in a jacket? Come in."

Katniss went into the house. It wasn't much warmer than outside because Y/N couldn't exactly afford heating. "I had to get here as soon as possible."

Y/N had a confused look on here face. They went into the living room, sitting down on the couch. "Why?"

Katniss felt herself getting nervous. What if she didn't feel the same way? It would ruin their friendship and that would break Katniss. But what if she did feel the same way? Katniss would be dead in a few weeks and that would break Y/N. Katniss' head was spinning. Was this a good idea?

Y/N looked afflicted. "Are you feeling okay? Are you hurt? What happened? Talk to me, Kat."

Katniss shook her head, "I don't know, Y/N. I'm just confused."

"About what? The Quarter Quell?"

She sighed and shook her head again. Y/N looked even more confused. "Then what, Kat?"

Katniss' heart was beating and her mind was running, then she realized that she had to tell her or she would just blow up. Even if she did die, she wanted to die with no regrets.

"I just... I don't know, Y/N." She gazed at the confused girl. "I couldn't live with myself if I didn't tell you that I loved you."

Y/N's heart was speeding up as well, looking back at her. Maybe she meant platonic? "I know, you love me. You don't have to say it, Kitty, I love you too-"

"No, no. Not like this, Y/N. I-I want to wake up to you every morning. The thought that maybe, just maybe I would be able to do that kept me going during the games. You kept me going through the games. I didn't want to tell you like, Y/N/N but I had too." Katniss rambled, getting up and pacing. Y/N started to tear up before grabbing her face, smashing her lips against Katniss'.

First, she was taken aback. But then, she absorbed in the kiss. Y/N broke the kiss and it took Katniss a few seconds before opening her eyes, looking at Y/N's face.

"I love you, too Kitty." She whispered, taking in the moment that just happened. She hugged her tightly, taking in her calming scent. "I want to spend the rest of my life with you, Kat. So come back to me." She pulled out of the hug. Y/N's eyes start to tear up and Katniss' heart broke in two.

A sob suddenly erupted out of Y/N, making her close her eyes and sniffle. Katniss wiped her tears. "I can't lose you again, Kat. Please don't make me lose you again."

Katniss caressed Y/N's cheek and her eyes opened to Katniss' eyes filled with tears. "You won't. I'll come back to you, and we will spend the rest of our lives together. I promise."

Katniss rested her forehead on Y/N's, before engulfing her lips once again. She wanted to memorize everything about this exact moment so she could remember it during the Quarter Quell. She had to win -she promised her.

a/n: they get married after the war ofc

#the hunger games #thg x reader #thg fanfiction #the hunger games fanfiction #thg #katniss everdeen x reader #katniss x reader #katniss everdeen #catching fire #mockingjay

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campbyler · 7 months

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the perks of being european: u can start ur day with beautiful new 30k chapter 🙏🏻♥️

i admire everyone who read this chapter in less than an hour. u guys r insane. it took me like 2,5 hours to read it but i have to stop to scream into my pillow.

mike and will r so.. idek how to describe them. scared? they r not stupid cause in both povs we see that they realize that their dynamic has shifted.

like will observed in the vending machine scene their kisses became more soft? romantic? u can tell that they r not just attracted to each other physically they really like to spend time together.

the stargazing, the hand holding, the longing stares omg. i get why mike wouldn't go further. even if those feelings aren’t new the circumstances r and it Is scary considering their complicated history. (unrelated but i hope history by 1d is on the master playlist 😭)

we actually got to see that mike feels the same when he got upset that will said the “wither away” thing. that so like their pre isolation cabin selfs - insults each other just to control the urge to start making out 😭 glad that will didn’t control it this time and i can bark cause of kissing shoulder scene.

poor will almost had a stroke cause of mikes edward cullenofication And his best friend only made it worst with her deductive skills. but i think max dropped this conversation too fast. i have a feeling that it will come out after some time. it must be so scary for will to open up like that especially, if i remember correctly, nobody really knows what actually happened between he and mike. also “i don't wanna keep secrets just to keep u”.

i loved el and her dedication to all the good stuff she can eat. i bet she’d murder that one poor little camper who would take the last pancake 💔

and i Really liked that little dad son bonding moment. van camping doesn’t sound that bad for me will!!! at least u don’t have to sleep outside 😭

“twenty stitches in a hospital room” and it actually two band-aids in the middle of the forest. at least we know that poor mike won’t get a gangrene 💔

will feeling better when he’s around mike even if he does such an unpleasant thing as wilderness week. what if i die?

“Really – now that the beast has been vanquished, what’s the worst that could happen?” the phrase after which nothing never goes wrong 🙏🏻 im not scared at all 🙏🏻

i also have a question about chapter playlist. how do u guys choose song for each chapter? does the person who write this chapter does all by themself? or u brainstorm the best songs from the master playlist altogether? have u ever added the song to the chapter playlist even if it wasn’t in the main one?

thank u for the chapter suni! i hope ur feeling better and im giving u ur favorite soup 🫂

sorry for such messy comment it turned out so long and i feel like i didn’t write the half of the things i thought about 😭

hi alya! sorry it took me one million years to answer this ask but it was so thoughtful and thorough that i wanted to wait until i had the time to do it justice with the response 🫡🫡

first, i am sooooo so glad you liked chapter 7 because it was insanely fun for me to write! really enjoyed writing it and their shifting dynamic and i’m super glad that came through! you’re so right in saying that neither of them is stupid enough to Not notice how things are changing between them, and they both are definitely coming to terms with the realization that they do enjoy each other’s company in a way that is more than just physical. i think for meeee one of the most fun things abt this chapter was writing the different ways they approached that realization, especially from will’s pov. the feelings definitely are not new for either of them, which i think is pretty obvious by this point in the fic, but both of them are used to turbulence and are anticipating that and don’t really know what to do without it! super glad you picked up on mike’s hesitation as well — i think people tend to characterize our mike as “all in” or a lot more open about his feelings than will is, which is true to an extent, but he has his limitations just as much as will does and maybe even more at times.

anyways all that to say that i’m really glad that the chapter came through the way i was intending! the other parts of it were so fun to write as well — the hopper and will moment, el and max, so on and so forth. re max: it definitely is very hard for will to say the things he’s feeling to her, and battling with not wanting to keep such a big secret from his best friend vs not wanting to betray the newfound trust between him and mike is absolutely something he has been struggling with. very excited to see how that plays out hehe ( <- knows exactly how it will play out)

as for your last question, we have a couple initial songs for every chapter that have been in the playlist doc for a while, usually the “main” song for that chapter, but it’s pretty much up to whoever is writing to choose the rest of the songs and move them around/add and remove as desired! we try to keep it about 5-6 songs per chapter to keep the playlist from getting monstrous (bar some very Long and Dense chapters that are getting more) but what we do is we assemble the chapter playlist as we write and then let the others know in case there is a song that someone thinks doesn’t fit or has a better suggestion for. we’ve absolutely added songs that aren’t in the master playlist before, especially ones we stumble across and realize would be perfect for a chapter.

so sorry for taking forever to answer this and then writing an absolute essay in this response 😭 thanks soooo much for the love alya we appreciate you sm 🫶🏽🫶🏽

#asks #ch07 #acswy spoilers

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spaceydoo · 1 year

Text

sad hours <3

benimaru shinmon x female reader smut/fluff

contains : virgin reader, inexperienced reader, lonely reader, dick craved reader, foreplay, beni is experienced, rough beni, beni gives head, squirting, overstimulated reader, blabbering and talking nonsense, beni chokes you, use of safe word, doing it at ur parents house, comforts you after, talking about your feelings at the end, rainy day sex.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

you and your boyfriend, beni haven’t seen each other in a little over 2 weeks. it started when he had a bright idea that you both should live together in an apartment. he found a job to make some money for this idea which you supported him fully of course by getting a job as well. you stayed at your moms house as your parents were divorced until you were financially stable. he found a great job in the office and was making good money. while you worked as an assistant chef making decent money. he lived with some friends who you knew really well. you both recently started your jobs and started getting adjusted to your schedules. but deep down, you hated it.

he worked from monday to friday, 5 am to 8 pm which was exhausting and on the weekend he slept for most of the day, never finding time for you. he did facetime you and tried to visit you but things would get in the way and he wouldn’t be able to come over. you on the other hand only worked tuesdays and thursdays from 5 pm to 12 am since you were only an assistant.

you hated not seeing him for this long. you craved his soft hands, his caring touch, his loving eyes, his warm lips, and much more. you wanted him more than ever and you thought about him daily. shift after shift all you could think about was being with this man.

days turned into weeks, still without seeing him. you thought you were gonna go crazy. he facetimed you about your day once in a while but it wasn’t enough. one of these facetimes had you horny and craving him and you were at your breaking point and you decided that you had to let it out.

“hey baby how was your day?” beni said in a low and tired voice on a friday night while still in his office suit lying on his back. he looked tired and you felt bad for him but couldn’t deny he looked so damn good.

“my day was fine.” you said in a cold tone while you were doing your skincare routine, getting ready for bed. you hated how he couldn’t tell that you were in need of him and decided to give him the cold shoulder.

“why’re you giving me an attitude. what? u missed me so much you’re starting to hate me? oh he didn’t know the beginning of it. you needed him bad.

the way he stared at you through the screen with tired but relaxed eyes as if he was taunting you. the way he smiled a little almost as if he thought it was a joke. the way he ruffled his hair a little knowing you were still very much obsessed. oh yeah, that was your breaking point.

“babe i missed you so much i can’t even explain it. i want you so bad. i need you so bad you don’t even know. i’ve been trying to not think about you but that just went to thinking about you more. please come over tomorrow so we can talk about it. and maybe do something more.

*silence* you were starting to regret saying that.

“oh really? didn’t think you were that dick thirsty. not seeing me for this long made you that horny? i’ll be over tomorrow to deal with you. love ya. good night.” he said in a cocky tone.

“good night babe” you said not trying to seem too excited.

*end call*

“woah.” you were at a lost of words. your excitement was hard to contain. finally you were going to get “dealt with” which made you excited none the less. but you were of course nervous.

it was your first time having sex which made you a bit worried. but you knew beni would make it the best since he’s always been the type to spoil you and treat you the best possible. you finished your skincare trying not to worry to much and went to bed.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . .

you ran to the door almost slipping on the way downstairs. when you opened it you saw your boyfriend standing there smirking while holding flowers.

“beni!” you jumped on him while he held you in a hug. it was raining pretty heavily outside and his hair wet was just magnificent to see. he didn’t even enter the house before you guys started making out while he still held you.

“i missed you so much baby i’m sorry i couldn’t see you” he said after breaking the kiss and taking brief breaths.

“i missed you too” you said while you stared into his eyes.

“i said i would deal with you right? now’s time i show you that i was serious.” he said while dropping the flowers he brought and began walking up the stairs still holding you.

he was a little wet from the rain but you didn’t mind. when you both made it up stairs, you knew this was going to be the best. he layed you on the bed before going on top and leaving hickeys on your neck. he took off your gray spaghetti strap shirt and stared with admiration at your perky soft breast

“didn’t even wear a bra. you missed me this much huh? i’ll take great care of you hun don’t worry”

before you could even respond, he began playing with your breasts. he sucked on one of them while he caressed with the other. you were caught off guard. this feeling was foreign and unusual but so good. you let out a little moan while raising your back off the bed indicating you want more.

he then started going down to your shorts which were already stained wet from the moment he entered the house.

“you’re so wet for me huh princess?” he said in a low voice which made you shiver.

you weren’t wearing underwear which made easy access. he moved your shorts to the side and moved down in between your legs.

“may i?” he said while staring into your eyes.

“y- yes” you stuttered being a little nervous. his red eyes never leaving your gaze.

he spread your legs and began licking your clit in circles. oh he was good.

“mmh” you moaned while you began closing your eyes before you were interrupted by beni.

“look at me. i want to see your lewd face when i ruin you. don’t turn away or else i’ll have to punish you darling.” you didn’t want to get “punished” so you obeyed like a puppy and it’s owner.

you didn’t think holding eye contact would be that hard because you loved staring into his his scarlet eyes when you went on dinner dates with him but you were so very wrong.

he continued to licked your clit, bringing one of his fingers and entered it into your soaking wet pussy. he had you wrapped around his finger (literally) and he began pulsing in and out at a slow speed so you could get adjusted. from doing this he got light moans from you that gradually got louder causing him to grunt a little over his growing boner.

“f-fuck benii your finger feels so good in me ah~” you moaned still forcing yourself to keep eye contact when he abruptly sped up his pace right at your g spot.

your vision was going blurry and you felt your high was coming and he could sense it too as you started to clench on his finger. he showed no mercy and abused that heavenly spot and he rubbed your clit with his other free hand.

“oh fuckk i’m gonna cum~” you whined while biting your lip.

“cum for me princess” he said staring dead in your eyes almost intimidatingly.

you’re orgasm washed over you while you squirted everywhere including on beni. your legs were shaking uncontrollably while you muttered sweet nonsense about your love for beni. you forgot one thing though, keeping eye contact.

you didn’t think about it at the time but before you could even finish coming from your high he grabbed your neck and forced you on your hand and knees

“what did i tell you about remaining eye contact?” he said while he still had his hand on your neck.

“b-beni you know i didn’t m-mean to, it was an accident.” you tried to plead with him.

“it’s time for your punishment” he came close to your ear, “i’m gonna fuck you silly princess.”

“wait beni please stop-” but before you could say anything more he started giving backshots at a ridiculous speed.

beni still had a good grip on your neck with one hand while the other pushed your back down to position himself better.

tears were falling from your eyes from pleasure but also pain. soon the pain started washing over more than the pleasure and the intimacy you felt before was all gone.

“beni i-can’t, it hurts” you said but to no avail of him stopping.

“you didnt follow my rules. this is what rule breakers get.”

you started feeling disconnected with the world, with yourself, with beni. you felt trapped. this moment that’s supposed to feel special feels rushed and painful. you didn’t know what to do but to just accept it until it was over.

while beni thought you were making moans of pleasure, in reality, you felt far from that. you couldn’t even speak properly, just in babbles because of how much pain you were in. you suddenly remembered something, a word you both swore to use whenever it was too much, too overwhelming. you had never actually planned on using this word because you expected your first time to be wonderful but that was the only only chance you had.

“chocolate.” you said with the last bit of strength you had.

as soon as you said that, it was as if he came back to reality. the grip he had on your neck loosened and he turned you over on your back to look at you.

“holy shit im so sorry babe. i didn’t know what came over me” he said while he hovered over you, staring into your eyes with concern and fear

you held your hand weakly to your face so he wouldn’t know you’ve been crying. you tried turning away when he stopped you by grabbing both your hands and pinning them.

“hon’ look at me. i didn’t mean to hurt you like this. i genuinely thought you were enjoying it but i guess i rushed it. i should’ve listened when you were talking to me but i took things way to far. i feel horrible for making your first time like this and i swear i will make it better next time. just please.. look at me?”

the room would’ve been dead silent if it wasn’t for the heavy patter of the rain. you’re eyes were filled with tears, barely even being able to comprehend what he just told you. you were scared and shaking from fear. he noticed this and grabbed the blanket on the bed and wrapped it around you while he went to sit behind you, holding you tight in his arm.

“my love look, i know you still don’t want to look at me, trust me i understand. i hurt you when you put all your trust in me and i could never forgive myself. but i at least want to make it up to you. tomorrow, same time, we can try again and i swear i will make it the best. just.. talk to me.” he said never letting go of you.

his hug felt warm and comfortable just like the day you two met at a club, but that’s a story for another time. you couldn’t bring yourself to hate him but you were still a bit shaken up by everything. still, you responded.

“baby.. i love you and i trust you with all my heart. i want you to stay with me and hold me in your arms just like the first time we met. we haven’t been together for long and i missed this, a lot. i’ll only forgive you on two conditions.” you said while you turned to look at him.

“anything my love. i will do it.” he said as he stared back into your eyes.

“the first condition is that you have to promise never to get carried away during sex and the next time we have sex i should be seeing stars and to also not be able to walk for days.” you said in a serious tone.

“i was already planning on apologizing with sex tomorrow but thanks for initiating it. you really are horny for me. it’s cute that you want it so bad. is that all the conditions, princess?” he said while smirking as if he thought it was a joke.

you turned yourself from his gaze to lay on his chest as you were embarrassed.

“there is one more. i want you to.. to stay with me.. please? not just for tonight but the whole week. i need you babe. i’ve been very lonely lately and i can’t go on like this. you might say i’m being dramatic but i really need you with me.” you said while tears fell from your eyes on his stomach.

“hey princess it’s going to be alright. i will stay with you until you feel better. i don’t care how long it takes i only care about you’re well being. i will quit my job and find one that works best for both of us. i know i wasn’t committed to this relationship as i was busy but now you can have all of me. please don’t cry my love. will you do that for me?

you shook your head in agreement as he wiped the tears off your face. your room was cold which made you shiver and cuddle up with your man as he played a movie while playing with your hair.

this. this is what you wanted. all along you just wanted to feel his warmth. you slowly started dozing off when beni woke you up by tapping your back.

“hon’ you forgot to take a bath. i can run the water for you if you’d like?”

you agreed while he got up to make your bath. you sat up in your bed thinking how you got so lucky to have such a beautiful, thoughtful and kind boyfriend. you layed back down dozing off again until beni came back to wake you up once more.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

as beni promised, the next day he did apologize in more than one way. let’s just say you did in fact see stars, he had you blabbering complete nonsense, had your legs shaking and weak for a while, and made you cum for the 9th time.

gotta love beni <3

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hearts4golbach · 9 months

Text

Light Shower. (Sal Fisher x Fem!Reader.)

part 11

"you're the shower of light I devour any day of the week,"

I was dying. nobody told me how hard recovery would be. I stared at the ceiling, clenching my fists so hard I could feel the blood begin to form under my finger nails. the temptation wasn't there. I had nothing. all I wanted to do was sleep, but my mind wouldn't allow me to do that. I wanted to breathe. sleep. it felt like I was being held under water, but how can you be breathing without the water filling your lungs and drowning? I choked back tears and picked up my phone.

'sal? r u up?' I stared at my phone, praying he was. *ding.*

'yea r u ok ml?'

I took a deep breath.

'no'

'can we sneak out nd go somewhere?'

'yea sure my dad just left 4 work'

'nightshift'

'yeah I assumed it w as night shift otherwise y would ur dad be working rn.'

'yea yea meet me at the elevator ;)'

I slipped on a hoodie and slides. I snuck out the front door, not like anyone could hear me over my dad's snoring. sal was leaning against the wall facing away from me.

"Hi Sally." I smiled whenever he hugged me.

"Hey, what's going on?"

I wiped my hand on my leg, I didn't want to tell him about how badly I wanted to relapse. "I'm just having a rough night. did you have a nightmare?"

he nodded. the elevator descended to the first floor. "oh shit, I didn't know it was raining." I muttered.

"it's just a few drops. we should be fine." he replied, wiping a few droplets off of his prosthetic cheek.

he was far from right. the rain began pouring down. it slapped against the pavement, turning it a muddy, darker shade of grey. thunder danced around the ski like ballerinas. I smiled to myself, what a silly reference.

"we need to get out of the rain." I mentioned, thunder crashing after I said so. "scary." I smirked.

I pulled my shirt up to cover my head as we ran for the tunnel near school. sal slipped frequently, almost falling. as we ran through the rain, I felt more alive than I had in months. the way my feet slapped against the soaked concrete made me giggle.

"fuck this!" I cackled as I slipped off my shoes. I ran faster barefoot. small rocks jabbed my feet, making me wince but I didn't care.

"y/n, oh my god!" sal was hysterical.

"what?! come on, it's better this way! you're too tense!"

whenever we finally made it to the tunnel, sal and I collapsed. we were breathing heavily as we watched the occasional car drive by.

"Hey, we sound just like when we were having se-"

"y/n!" sal cut me off.

"just saying!" I teased. I jumped up and walked to the middle of the street. I laid in the middle in a starfish position.

"y/n, there are cars, you know!" sals words echoed through the tunnel.

"so?"

"they can't see you." sal moved to stand in front of me.

"so you wanna get hit by a car?" I raised my eyebrow.

"I'd rather get hit by a car than see you get hit."

"sal you're fucking wack." I replied as he sat down next to me. I watched the rain slowly drip out of his bright blue hair. I'm sure he was uncomfortable under his prosthetic.

"y/n! car!" sal yelled. I jumped up and looked behind me to see an empty street.

"you're such a dick!" I giggled pushing his arm.

"you know you love me." I could hear the smirk in his voice. "I was just testing your reflexes!"

"right." I stood up fully and looked down at him. I placed a kiss on his prosthetic lips.

"grandma, this is my best friend sal. I told you about him!"

"hello, dear sal. I'm so glad you can stay with us this week! I'm sure you and Y/n will have a great time."

and we did.

day 1-

dear diary,

today me and sal played in the backyard. I got stung by a stupid bee! sal was there for me, though. grandma fell asleep early. we made our own dinner. me and sal make the best peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. I'm worried about grandma, but I don't want to worry sal. he's asleep, anyway. I think grandma's on sleeping pills again. I remember what happened last time. mommy's going to get angry again. I don't want another fight. especially in front of sal. it's a secret between me and you, okay diary?

day 2-

dear diary,

Grandma said me and sal can't go outside today period she said it was dangerous period she said there's bad people outside period me and sal didn't question. We watched her close all the blinds and sit on the couch holding a kitchen knife. Me and sal locked ourselves in the guest bedroom. We hid under the blankets and made up stories to tell each other. Grandma called us out and told us dinner was ready. I didn't eat.

day 3-

Mommy is coming to get us today. Grandma took us outside. She said she wanted to beat the demons out of her rug. I think she's been taking too many pills. When mom came, grandma and her fought. Mom knocked grandma to the ground trying to get the pills from her. Me and sal hid downstairs. We held each other til we knew it was over. I told him I was so sorry.

#ash campbell #larry johnson #sal fisher #sally face #fanfiction #light shower #fanfic #melanie martinez #friends to lovers #sal fisher x y/n

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boysareouttonight · 2 years

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listen if u think about it macdennis is tragic in a way. u just wanna buy some weed in high school and then when u realize u just met ur best friend and hanging out with him is the best part of ur day and u know what this is u fucking know it bc u dont feel this way with any girl but hes not into boys he'd be disgusted and probably cut off ties with u if u ever brought this up so u just push all ur feelings deep inside u then u come back from college and decide to move in with him bc u wanna spend every second with him and thats what u do and u become codependent u have the most fun when u're with him no one makes u feel like this he makes u laugh and then gives u the most warming smile in return bc he likes to see u happy hes the fucking love of ur life and no one in this entire world would understand u better than him its like u two are living in ur own bubble that no one can pop until ur sister calls u married couple and then like woah hold on ppl are starting to notice this wasnt supposed to happen but u cant stay away from him its not the same when hes not around so u go back to keep doing what u've been doing all those years bc u two are straight right everyone knows this and u're fine with what u two have u would rather have him like this than not have him at all, u already share a life together but things are starting to change its getting more obvious than hes gay he tries to kiss u once but thats all this is i mean who would not be physically attracted to u and hes too deep into his religious trauma to ever come out even tho everyone knows. and then he comes out. u're so proud of him and alongside this feeling theres also anger and jealously bc how dare he. how dare he ruin what u have how dare he take this weight off of him while u're not there yet how are u gonna keep having that relationship if now this has another implication, this is too real. and then a few weeks later theres stupid valentine's day that u fucking hate bc it reminds u of how no one is gonna truly love u or want to be with u if not in a sexual way and u just want that day to be over until u have the biggest realization. that ur best friend doesn't only wanna hook up with u. hes in love with u. he gives u unconditional love even if he thinks u dont love him back. he doesnt care bc for him loving is so easy its like second nature hes not ashamed of it and he doesn't care if the other person feels the same. u break down bc where was all this when u were teenagers why couldn't he have done this sooner why did it have to be now. u love him so much that u cant handle it and then u skip town thinking things are gonna get better and u're gonna forget him but u miss him too much. and then u come back but u're angry. angry that macs acceptance is trying to speak to a part of urself and make u confront feelings that u wanna burry deep inside u. angry that hes so open to love. that he seems so light now like he never was before. so u push him away and at the same time brings him closer and more depended on u bc the more u push him away the more clingy he becomes bc he would do anything for u and u love when he takes care of u he makes u feel safe and u wonder every day what it would feel like to be in his arms and to kiss him and to hold his hand and to wake up next to him. hes ur best friend ur roommate ur life partner ur business partner but u cant. u wouldn't know how to do this u wouldn't know how to love and to let urself be loved u need to remain in control. it hurts every time u scream at him and he gives u the sad puppy eyes he all he wants is to make u happy but u don't know how to act in any other way and then quarantine comes and u're forced to spend more time with him and its almost like old times just the two of u having fun together in ur own bubble without any worry or guilt and u want this back and ur sister says 'maybe u should get a boyfriend' and it hits u that mac isn't yours anymore he never was and soon enough hes gonna move on with someone else bc hes ready and u're not.

#it doesn't get more insane than this #i've been thinking too much about them lately #THEYRE THE LOVE OF EACH OTHER'S LIVES IM VOMITING BLOOD #i was gonna write more but tumblr said i reached the limit LMAOO #macdennis #iasip

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lesbiannancytruther · 2 years

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love and trust au headcanons bc they’re lowkey slowburn and i do NOT feel like going chronological b4 talking abt them kissing

-it takes nancy a couple of weeks of testing the waters before transforming into her human form and when she does robin is literally floored bc “oh my god she’s so small….” and also like exactly her type😭

-nancy has varying degrees of human form, with the natural form being with the fluffy cat ears and tail and slit pupils, but if she tries she can make the cat features go away

-i didn’t get to go into as far into detail as i wanted regarding robin and her magic. robin’s magic is elemental and chaos based, it’s VERY powerful and in typical robin fashion leaves a mess when she gets out of hand. its destructive as hell, so her specialty IS combat even if that’s not where her interests lie. robin’s method of channeling is actually pretty unique, preferring to use an intricate dagger her mother gave her to cast spells.

-even though nancy eventually trusts and opens up to robin, she has a very clear dislike for other witches, especially those that she’s just met. when robin goes out to buy supplies and nancy accompanies her, many other store patrons are forced to endure her icy glare from her perch on robin’s shoulders

-a few people comment on this, verbally expressing their sympathy to robin for having such a hostile familiar, and robin is surprisingly pretty pissed every time someone brings this up, swiftly coming to nancy’s defense every time

-nancy purrs

-like they’ll be kissing and robin will be like “r u purring🤨” “NO”

-nancy sleeps in robin’s bed only a few weeks after joining her, but as a cat. it’s when things get romantic that she shares robin’s bed as herself

-when they get into petty arguments nancy sleeps in her cat bed as a form of protest and is always scratching at robin’s door an hour later lol

-robin wasn’t really a fan of cats before nancy, mainly because most of them hissed whenever she walked by, but she sees their charm in nancy’s little tendencies

-robin always has cat hair on her clothes, she is never free

-nancy is, naturally, very protective of robin. now whenever people sneer at robin for messing something up or just existing they live in fear of either a little demon with claws or a little woman with a gun

-robin likes to boast that she can pick nancy up in both forms

-steve is still robin’s best friend in this au (he’s a witch and eddie is his familiar) and nancy HATES him like sitcom cat level hatred but she gets along REALLY well with eddie (a massive crow)

-steve: “robin ur familiar is looking at me with murderous intent again”

robin: “her name is nancy”

-robin buys nancy both regular outfits and cat outfits (the latter of which she refuses to wear) (except for on robin’s birthday where she agrees to a cat vest)

-robin and nancy balance each other out really well, with nancy being a careful eye that keeps robin from making small mistakes and robin who lets nancy have more magical freedom than most familiars do (nancy is a big fan of curses)

-after awhile, robin never goes anywhere without nancy. if for any reason she has to she always finds herself turning to see how nancy feels about something before realizing she isn’t there.

-nancy, by extension, never feels stronger than when she’s with robin. robin is her reminder that she’s a person, not a battery or a servant, she feels way more confident pursuing what she wants when she knows robin is at her side.

-nancy initiates the first kiss after robin wins a tense witch duel with her help, its heated and clearly an impulse move. robin doesn’t immediately respond, which makes nancy pull back and run off without letting robin explain anything, a tiny blur of fur disappearing into the trees

-robin is worried out of her mind until nancy comes home much later that night. she seems set on trying to apologize when robin confesses her feelings, explains that she needed to do that first, before kissing her. nancy melts into it and quickly affirms that she feels the same, apologizing for freaking out on robin as well

-nancy’s jewelry that ties her to robin is a fine gold choker that curls close to her throat and sports tiny white crystals throughout. robin, after almost falling over bc she’s so smitten, jokes that its almost like a collar and nancy pounces on her (violence)

lmk if y’all r still interested :)

#stranger things #nancy wheeler #robin buckley #ronance #love and trust au #i love them ur honor #witch!robin #familiar!nancy #catgirl!nancy #lol

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deadlittledogs · 10 months

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I cut off my toxic ex best friend 2 weeks ago. I feel like im nothing without her. I dont know what to do. Everything i did i did with her and now i dont know who i am anymore. Do u have any advice for that? I think we could be in a similar situation

Honestly? Accept that right now you’re going to be in pain and that it’ll always be something that will hurt. There’s a chance that you’ll never come to fully accept what happened and there might never be a day where you come to feel ‘good’ about the whole thing. That doesn’t mean she really loved you, or that it was a mistake to end things, just that there was damage done and there’s no use in pretending it’s something you can scrub off easy-peasy and feel better about in under a month.

Take time to learn to make decisions for yourself. Buy yourself a weird shade of nail polish or get a new hairstyle, in an odd way it feels cathartic to detach yourself from who you were then and start with something fresh. Every week buy yourself the occasional sweet treat, do something your ex would’ve stuck her nose up about, dress like a bad bitch even if all you do is sit in your room afterwards lol. Just be self indulgent and treat yourself like the main character for a little bit, find delight in the things that are specifically you.

Things will probably come in waves, you’ll wake up one morning and miss her so terribly you feel like you could just forgive all her sins if it meant seeing her one more time, other times you wake up and google how the police might investigate for evidence of arson… Sometimes you wake up and just lay there for days and days and cry and cry and cry but most importantly; there will be a day where you wake up and don’t remember her. You’ll eat your breakfast and get dressed and get ready for whatever the day has in store for you and you won’t think about it anymore. You’ll just… exist….. without the onslaught of toxicity being thrown at you…. without the feeling that your whole life was cruelly thrown into a meat blender…… you’ll just be you….

And idk, even if after all this time I’m still alone, my socializing skills have gotten better. My room is cool as fuck. I dress as autistically as I want now. I can rest with the knowledge that I will never be as evil as a cunt as my ex was because when I love someone, I care deeply about them, and I will never create a situation where the person important to me suffers for so long and so terribly. I’m better than them and I’m better than that relationship. You are too. So let yourself be traumatized, let yourself be angry, let yourself be happy in a way that’s not 100% dependent on the approval of another. Just let yourself go through it, man. Cuz it’ll never feel good but one day it will feel better.

and besides, everyone knows, the best way to really needle at another person is not by being a depressed loser (because they will have no sympathy for the pain they’ve created)….. but by being more successful than them……. so sometimes ya let spite take the wheel and you try in life just to show the other person that you don’t purely exist to be a punching bag and you can do just fine on your own without their spindly grip on your back. SO JUST BE PATIENT, TAKE UR TIME AND DON’T PUSH IT. PRAY TO GOD KARMA IS REAL…… GOD SPEED LITTLE SOLDIER…..

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demonstars · 7 months

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hai nunki, ik you're sleeping and this isn't how 💌 works but I've always been an anon at heart,

i love talking to you and sending u silly asks to know what's up in your life (which IS interesting btw) and whenever we talk on disc i get so happy even tho we get sidetracked 11 times and i stay up so late our sleep schedules line up. U are to me such a beacon of creativity and passion both in this fandom and outside i just love seeing ur mind and what you obsess over.

Also we have the same fucking demons, which is so awesome. I would have never written a fic without you there, or participated in a ship week, or even made that many wrb weavings.

You make me want to do more and participate more, and do posts that are targeted just so that you like them and react, and I want to make u laugh cause I think you're so so funny.

I'm very bad at making online friends but I love everyday we get to talk and laugh together, and I'm so glad always that we started talking.

Love you loads, 🐈‍⬛🐁💞 -eras

Like I don't think you even know how fucked up it was to wake anxious and terrified of university and having this on my inbox just waiting to make me sob. this is genuinely kind of life changing to me because I don't think you even know how much I appreciate everyday that you entertain and live on my inbox or let me live in yours? Like I know I can be annoying but you never make me feel anything less than appreciated. it is genuinely an honor to be able to be called your friend because you're genuinely so smart and intelligent and lovely and i just don't even know how much stuff I would've given up on or frankly never even thought of if it wasn't for your constant support and love. I fucking adore talking to you, we have so much fun together and despite me telling you to go to sleep everytime (BECAUSE I WORRY ABPUT U) I cannot even explain how much it means that you stay up talking to me I rlly do think there's people you're bound to click with and you're that person for me genuinely. you have dedicated me some of what I genuinely think are the best artworks of this fandom and that fact just fucking blows my mind. I said while doing these that I have a hard time getting like that feeling of old friends but I truly trust and love you like we have known each other for decades, and I rlly hope we can know each other for that long

#SOBBING MY EYES OUT AT THIS TRAIN LIKE WHAT IS MY LIFE ACTUALLY.#star asks

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poems-of-a-lover · 11 months

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This is in regards to that post you made today, about anon messages. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place and I don't really know where to turn.

Basically, I was born into a very controlling religion, probably borderline cult known as Jehovah's Witnesses. They believe they have the "truth", and that they need to remain separate from the "world" as Jesus supposedly commanded because the end/apocalypse could come at any time and they need to stay away from Satan.

I'm 17 now, about to start my last year of high school this fall and I'm a gay trans man (very much not to the knowledge of my family). My best friend since sixth grade is also trans, and I'm surrounded by lots of queer people (I live in a more accepting area/state). Thankfully, my parents were not in the position to homeschool my siblings and I, even though they had been considering it.

However, all these details lead me to a fork in the road.

A principle of this religion's foundation is preaching the "good news", from the youngest age a person is at any sort able to participate, spending their Saturday mornings every week going around neighborhoods and attempting to convert any and everyone they can.

I've been struggling along for the last 5-7 years or so since I mentally fell out of the religion's traps. However, once I turn 18 I have to commit myself to the religion, which I am in no favor of doing so.

Counting down the months, I find myself stuck in what direction to go, come out to my family (not in the queer sense yet, but rather just saying I don't believe in it anymore) and risk losing them entirely, or stay stuck in a place that is making every attempt to subdue and oppress me into a pretty, feminine, docile girl. I'll lose my mind if I have to stay in here any longer than I absolutely have to, but I don't know how to leave.

I'll turn 18 before I graduate, and I don't know what will happen past then. How do I take care of legal documents, doctors, college, those sorts of things (that part is largely rhetorical). My best friend has offered to take me in if/when I need it, and I think he said his parents/living-in family was alright with it (he's told them about me and my living situation), but I don't want to burden him cause he has his own issues--that's the same reason I'm writing this to you rather than asking him for help/advice again.

I hope you can find it in you read all of that, I'm sorry its so long but I felt it was necessary to fully explain it all. Also I wanted to thank you for your blog, I know there's not really any point to that but it's nice to read and see when I'm feeling down, it helps me feel validated in my identity. Have a good day/night/whatever's going on.

first off, im so, sorry that ur stuck in a position like this. u shouldn't have to be stuck in that type of position with those outcomes and those losses, and i really hope ur able to get out of there safely soon. i know it seems like it might be a burden on ur friend to take up his offer, like ur imposing or taking advantage or whatever reason, but if that's the safest option, i definitely recommend it. at least until ur able to come up with a more permanent/long term plan, it's good to have a safe place with people who respect u. ofc i don't know what it's like to be in a religious family like that, so my advice is from the perspective of someone who doesn't know it firsthand, but i feel like forcing urself to ignore ur identity for the sake of someone else's beliefs and comfortability will just cause more harm than good. i do hope ur able to live ur life the way u want, without having to water down or oppress ur identity for the sake of others. it will get better, maybe not now or soon, but eventually. if u ever need to talk about anything else, my inbox is always available for things like this!! and im so glad u find comfort in my blog, ive gotten that from a few ppl actually, that seeing queerness and loving men in a positive and safe light is helpful. again, if u ever need anything, my inbox is open <3

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paimonial-rage · 1 year

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So I kinda want to start my own writing blog but I have like zero followers and idk where to really start? Ur one of the few blogs I look up too a lot! 😭 I just wanna know if u have any advice for a beginner like me?

Aw thank you so much! That’s really kind. ;u; <3 Funny thing about this question! I was kind of talking about this with a friend yesterday. Sorta. The difficult thing with creating is that like… people are like, “Don’t worry about other people! Create for you!” But at the same time, what’s the point in creating if it’s not for others to see? We create because we want to share with others, you know?

My theory on the matter is…. still what those people say. Just write and post your stories. If you create while worrying if people will notice you, you’re going to cage yourself into feeling you need to meet (what you perceive to be) their expectations of you. When it comes to creating, it’s one of those things that you just have to trust the process. When you create what you want to create without mind to others, people WILL notice that. They WILL get attracted to you and what you write. They WILL come to look forward to your posts. You just have to trust that they will.

Do your best not to get too caught up in the amount of notes you get for something. You’ll find that things you’ve tried really hard on will barely get any notes while things you wrote for fun will get a lot. It can get draining at times.

If you are still concerned with not having any followers, one thing that I think really helps is being the reader you want others to be for you. As a writer, there’s nothing more flattering than someone reblogging my stories with tags or sending in asks saying what specifically they liked about my story. Or well, honestly it doesn’t even need to be things they liked. When they simple share their thoughts and what it made them think about, it’s very flattering. And it makes me want to check out their own blogs and follow them back.

It’s scary to start writing, but once you start, you will get people that like your work. And they’ll stay for your work, even if you go weeks on end not writing. Just trust the process, you’ll definitely get there! And when you get that blog up, maybe you could drop me a line so I can check it out too, hm? ovo <3

#oh! make sure to tag your work properly #also this is just my personal opinion but like…#if you have a decent amount of ideas you want to write you should do those first before opening requests #what you write without influence will create a baseline of what readers can expect from you #open up requests too early and… idk #there’s a good chance you’ll receive very self-indulgent requests #ones that you may not feel comfortable or interested in or even qualified to write #make sure to set boundaries #and if you ever find yourself too obsessed over notifications I highly recommend turning them off #it’s helped me a lot #what kills a writer the most is getting too anxious over expectations #remember #you are doing everybody a FAVOR for letting them read your writing #don’t let you trick yourself into thinking you owe readers anything #readers are very simple people #they’re just happy to read something nice #readers never expect gold from you but it’s easy for you to trick yourself into believing they do #they’re just happy when you post #so don’t take your perception of expectations too seriously haha

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