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m45wood · 2 days

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Break My Heart

Sal x Male Reader

Summary: You’ve grown distant with Sal after you figured out about what you’ll do after this school semester. (College)

WC: 2k

Warnings: Smoking of Cannabis, Mention of tobacco use, Hurt No Comfort, Character Death, Reader overthinks, Sal Comforts, Depression, Loss, Suicide 2x, Reader Comforts. NOT PROOFREAD.

A/N: Was high when I wrote this. First post hope you enjoy!!

Sal rests on your legs. Your hands trancing his arms up and down. You currently lay on the ground smoking weed while he lays and sleeps. Larry is sat across to you two smoking a blunt. You’re all watching a random movie on one of the channels. You aren’t paying attention to it more focused on the blue haired boy on your lap. A small corner window is open. Let some of the smell out you Sal doesn’t want to get second hand high. Sal wasn’t by means a goody two shoes. He’s smoked a cigarette every once in a while but doesn’t like how weed makes him feel. Alcohol also made him feel off. You understood that, never did anything in front of him but Larry. Well it’s Larry, it’s quite usual for him.

“Your dad was over last night” Travis says exhaling softly. Sal grunts eyeing Travis. The subject of Larry’s Mom and Sals dad getting together was quite an odd subject matter. Sal was always out on edge. You could tell by his shoulders hiking up. You softly stroked Sals hair. “Want to go get slushies?” You asks wanting to get out of the cramped basement. He nods. He sits up and you pull yourself up as well. You usually do this to just take a walk. Larry denies the request to go and continue watching the random action movie sequence. As you get ready to leave the house you see Sal going without his mask. You smiles at him and close the door behind him after he steps outside. You both begin a small walk. The wind blows a bit causing your hair to move in different directions. “Windy. Hope your hair doesn’t get caught in a branch like that one time” You say to him. He chuckles. His hood is up covering most of his face with his hands inside his jacket pockets back hunched over. “Gotta fix that posture man” As you approach a cross section you pull out a cigarette and slowly begin to light it when you cross the road. “Want some?” you ask passing it over. He nods his head now. You nod and continue.

You both finally arrive nodding at the cashiers greeting. You both grab a big cup and fill it to the top. You grab a couple snacks and send Larry a text to see what kind of gummies he wants (the shark ones). Head down, sal follows you to the worker. “How’s your night going?” The worker says in politeness. “Well, how about you?” You reply as the worker continues the small talk and gives the bag of goods. You both give a thanks and walk out. You pass the slushie to him and grip the bag tighter. “Do you know what you’re going to do after this semester ends?” He asks you.

This is a subject neither of you have talked about. You both know that Sal is going to stay and you want to leave. You haven’t planned anything because you don’t want to leave him. You don’t want it to become a reality. You shrug. “I don’t have any plan really” You lie. He can tell. You won’t face him. You look up whenever you’re uncomfortable. He looks down at his face. “Same” The walk back is silent and almost a clear wall between you two.

“Here are the sharks” You say throwing the bag to Larry as it hits his face and his nose scrunches. “Thanks” He grabs the bag off his face and tears it open. Sal sits on the couch. You frown at this action knowing he’s ignoring you now. You lay on the ground this time.

Too much time has passed. It’s time to tell Sal what you’re going to do. “Sal, can we talk?” You say at his door. He turns to you. “Yeah what’s up?” he ask leaning on his elbows. You take a deep breath and close the door. “I finally know what i’m going to do” You state looking at him. His mask is still causing you not to know what his reaction might be. Just solely by his eye and body language. You’ve learned to read his expression and body language after years of dating and being friends. He nods encouraging to go on. You stare at him and then stare at your shoes. “I’m planning on going out of state. I got an opportunity to study elsewhere and I really want to go. I won’t be home for long time but it will be a while considering it’s 2 semesters” You stare up at him. He’s emotionless. Not because of his mask. His body is still. Breathing normal and his eyes are just glossy. “Sal?”

“I felt this coming” He says staring at you. “We’ve been distant don’t you think?” He questions. You nod. “It’s like you don’t want to see me. Like you feel guilty. I hate that” He says. It’s something he’s talked to you about. He doesn’t want peoples guilt or pity. He just wants to be treated normal. You always understood. Always did your best. Until now. You’ve grown distant and your eyes stare how you feel about him. How your eyes divert every where. Never catching his eye. Magnets with the same poles. Repelling each other. The distance growing stronger with the energy growing. “I’m sorry. I’m just scared. I don’t want to lose you” You say. “You aren’t going to lose me over something simple” He says leaning over to look at you. “I think my brain is just thinking of the worst,” you say eyes filling with tears, “what if you find someone better while i’m gone?” You state. He smiles at you. You can tell by his eye. “No one is better than you. I should be the one scared” He says. “Don’t say that. I would never do that” You say grabbing his hands. “Okay i won’t but see. You care so much how could i ever leave you” You stare at him knowing he’s right. Your love for him is stronger than distance. You love him so much it’s suffocating. It wraps you two so tightly together you can’t even believe to think about someone else. You smile. “Can i kiss you?” You ask. He nods. You place your lips onto his cold masks lips. He lets out a small giggle and unhooks his mask. “Better?” “Better”

Your studying has gone great. The program you’re in thankfully covered everything. Housing, food, finances, and classes. Every weekend you had either school work to do or could go and explore the big city. It was quite pleasant. You called Sal when you could. It wasn’t often but you did send letters to each other. They were sweet and handwritten. It smelled like him and it smelled like you. It was always the highlight of your week. The closer you got to the first semester the more busy you got. You wanted to finish everything early to show up early. You wanted to surprise Sal. You had bought many things for him, and of course your other friends, but many reminded you of Sal. You missed Sal so much. Your heart would ache.

“Hey Sal,

I hope you are doing well! I found a cat yesterday. He was missing an eye just like you. He really reminded me of you.”

You were writing Sal a letter when your phone began to ring. It was Ash. She called you every once in a while as she also went out of state so you both could relate. “Hey. What’s up?”

“Larry’s Dead”

Those were the first words you heard from Ash. They rung in your ear. A constant ring. You had finally made it back to your hometown. You made an emergency call to your professors and educators. Once you had everything settled you rushed back. You have your condolences to Larry’s mom. To Sal’s dad. Next was to visit Sal. You had talked to Ash when you arrived and when she called. You rushed to Sals home. “Sal!” You say opening the door. You run towards his bedroom and knock. You open it and see Sal in bed. His face is wet. His pillowcase is soaked. “Sal…” You say softly walking to him. He eyes you. “(Name) Why?” he croaks, “Why would he do something so stupid?” You hold him as he sobs into your shirt. You rub his back as your eyes starts to cry.

You didn’t just lose one of your best friends. You lost those around you. The happiness of those around you. Those you care about experience loss. Once again. You all have felt loss but somehow this one was different. Larry was everything to everyone. To his mom he was sanctuary. Pleasant reminder of the past and how it does get better. For Sal his first friend in a new town after his tragic loss. He was your best friend. He was Ash’s best friend. He meant so much to those around him. Him being gone never felt real. It all felt like you were living in a nightmare. Nothing was real. Nothing felt authentic. It was all imitating reality. As if there had been a glitch and Larry somehow managed to disappear.

With time people healed. As much as they could. Ash went back to study. Larrys mom tried her best to move on. She got a new job and moved somewhere with Sals dad. Sal though, he stayed. He stayed and you knew you had to stay with him. But you still had school. You were, once again, stuck. With Larry’s loss you both grew apart once again. You both grieved differently. You tried to find peace with his decision. Sal tried to understand it.

“You don’t get it. If i don’t know why he did it i’ll live my life with regret and guilt” Sal says facing away from you. “Sal, your healing is your own but even if you don’t know the reason it isn’t your fault. None of us could’ve guessed he was going to do it. If we had we would’ve done something. You know this better than anyone” You say getting up from the dinner table. “You don’t know that” He says softly, inaudible to you. “Sal, sweetie” You say and he interrupts you. “You weren’t there! You don’t know that!” He burst out on you. You stare shocked as his eye widens and face contorts into displeasure. “You weren’t even here” He says tears running down his cheeks. “Sal, i came here as soon as i could” You say staring at your shoes. “You left me. You left me and Larry.” He says crying by this point. “How could you just leave us?” He says sobbing sitting back down into his chair. “You left me. Me!” He says flipping his face towards you. “You don’t understand me” He pushes his face into his arms. He lets out sobs. “Sal” Your voice croaks as tears fall down your cheek. You wrap your arms around him and he begins to thrash. “Stop! Stop! You’re not him. You’re not him…” You let go immediately watching his figure thrash aggressively. “Sal please…I’m sorry” Sal continues to sob. “You weren’t here you weren’t here” You stare at sals trembling frame. “Leave! LEAVE” He yells at you. His face once again contorted with anger. Tears in your eyes you walk out.

Sal hasn’t spoken to you in months. You decided to not bother him. Maybe he was right? Why did you leave? If you stayed would Larry still be alive? Would you and Sal be happy together? Would you and Sal be falling in love even harder than before? All these questions. The nagged you. Made you want to rip your skin off. Made you want to plunge out your eyes. You decided to stay where you were studying. You began to rent an apartment. It was a studio. One bath. There wasn’t much to your room. A bed, TV, table, chairs, dresser, and cabinet. After your “break up” with Sal you thought on what he talked about. What if you figured out what happened to Larry? Would he come back to you? Will the boy who gave you reason to live, to breath, want you back? To the man who ran in your blood. Made you want to live take you back. Love you again?

“Hey Sal, I love you”

Sal looks at the note. It’s from a week ago. It reads about your day. About the cat you saw. The bagel you had, and the book you had just boughten. It had grown wrinkled with the tears decorating it. Sals face hunched over it. He loves you, he really does. He never stopped loving you. No matter how hard he tried to forget about you. The feeling in his heart grew empty and emptier with the time without you grew. He never would’ve said what he said. He doesn’t know why he said it. He knows it wasn’t your fault. He knew that. He just wanted someone to blame. It could’ve been anyone that day. But it just so happened to be the man he loved the most.

“You never deserved him” Sal heard from behind him. He turns and sees Ash. The last time he had seen her was Larry’s funeral. She cut her hair really short. “I know” He says voice raspy. “Your hairs long” He looks at the strands of hair covering his mask. He nods. “His last few months was him figuring what happened with Larry. His head was always in a book about suicide or depression affects on the brain. He probably grew suicidal with always reading about the effects.” Ash says. Sals guilt grows heavier. It’s like a 800 lb boulder on top of him. He loved you. He really did. He was scared, he was hurting, he was…a hypocrite. “You broke his heart”

Cause of death: Takotsubo cardiomyopathy

#male reader #x male reader #gay #angst #angst but not too much i’d say #sal fisher #sally face #sally face x reader #sal x male reader #sal x reader

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