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supernaturalmarauders · 4 years

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I’m Trying I Promise (Spn cast x depressed teen cast reader)

Summary: after a rough few weeks the readers depression becomes to much and decides to stop fighting. however the attempt is unsuccesful, and jensen, jared, gen, and daneel are left to pick up the pieces, but is that such a bad thing.

Warnings: suicide, self harm, over dosing, anxiety, fluff from j2 daneel and gen, slight anorexia, insomnia.

Side note: please reach out for help if you need it, and review. i appreciate all feedback. enjoy the story

you are the 15 year old cast member of supernatural that played the whinchesters younger sister. You had been introduced in season 4 at just 6 years old. The fandom loved you, especially your character. You were essentially a little sister to every cast member. Jared and Jensen had become very close with you, especially as you spent the most time with them.

over the years your character had matured into a beautiful, strong, and powerful young woman. Everyone had seen you grow up, and never once did anyone see you unhappy, or not smiling. At least they thought you were happy.

You had been hiding the anxiety, and depression you had been feeling for a year from everyone you knew. It would come in waves, and you had becoming accustomed to hiding your pain. But lately it had been adding up. You were managing well with school and filming, following a schedule that would keep you busy. However very important finals had been added onto your plate and you were feeling the stress.

Because of filming you had become distant from most of your friends. Without physical contact and interaction, you had drifted. You were doing most of your schooling online, and your friends were all learning in a classroom. You were a pretty smart kid, maintaining good grades, however even this was becoming a stretch. You were in your last few years of school, and struggling in silence, not wanting to alert anyone that you were In pain, and particularly not wanting to be a burden to anyone else.

Xxxxxxxxxxx

You sighed, dropping your pen on your paper. You had been filming for most of the day and you had to complete your 4 hours of school work. You had been completing most of it during breaks however, the lack of sleep you had been getting was catching up to you. You decided to pack up your stuff. You had already submitted the work that was due for the day and decided that you would finish the rest another times. Just as you were about to pack up your laptop you got a call from your friend.

You slid across the answer button, to see them at some sort of sleepover.

“Where are you” you asked with a smile on your face.

“At (friends) birthday sleepover” said your friend laughing. Suddenly your face dropped. You completely forgot about it was (friends) birthday. You felt a strong guilt in your chest.

“Earth to Y/N” asked your friend through the screen snapping you out of your daze.

“I completely forgot. She hates me doesn’t she” you said a tear streaming down your face.

“She’s a little upset, but she doesn’t seem to phased” said your friend shaking of your concern.

“I’m such a crap friend” you mumbled into your hands trying to wipe the tears.

“ it’s nothing to bad, she knows your busy” said your best friend stuffing her face with candy.

“I sent a present last week, let me know when she gets It will ya” you said.

“Sure will. I have to go, but chat later” she says, hanging up the call. You didn’t even get to say goodbye.

You sigh once again and pile your school stuff back into your bag. You switch of the lights to your trailer and locked the door. Making your way to the filming set. Jensen and Jared were filming a final scene so you decided to go and check it out. You see Misha sitting on one of the benches behind the cameras you take a quick seat next to him.

“Hey Y/N, how are you doing” he asks lifting his head to look at you.

“I’m okay. Just thought I would come and see what you guys were up to before I headed home” you say tying up the lace of your shoe.

You were one of the lucky ones. The filming set of supernatural was a 20 minute walk from your house. The other actors had been staying in there trailers however you were allowed to go home.

“Well, stay safe” said Misha smiling. You returned it picking up your bag. As soon as the director yelled cut, the boys broke out laughing. You waved to them signaling that you were leaving. They waved back, only Jared looked at you for a little longer. Concern evident on his features. You sighed and walked away, along the pavement that led to your house. It took about 30 minutes for you to get home, as you had to walk slower to ensure that you would not collapse from lack of sleep or food.

You usually kept your body healthy, but due to everything going on, you had been living off coffee, to maximise your Time. You didn’t know how you were doing it but you were still very much walking. You slowly unlocked to the door making sure to not make anything loud enough to wake up your aunt and uncle. You slid of your shoes and coat and hang them up nex to the door.

You slowly make your way up to the stairs and into your bedroom. You flick on the light and take a seat at the end of your bed. Suddenly your phone vibrates and you see a message from one of your friends.

“A video” you say to yourself. You flick it on and are shocked by what you see you. YOUR BOYFRIEND kissing your friend. On her birthday.

“So much for not angry” you whisper to yourself letting the tears fall from your eyes. You didn’t need another thing adding onto your life workload, but now there was. Your aunt was sure to be in bed. And your uncle was probably doing the same.

Your boyfriend was one of the only people keeping you sane, and now he went and broke your heart. You wanted th throw something god you wanted to scream, but your body could not handle that and you did not want to wake up your aunt and uncle.

You sat on the floor of your bed, you had no more tears left to cry. The cheating you could deal with, but the betrayal of your friend pushed you over the edge. Leaving you to your thoughts during the night, especially in the emotional space you are in, was not a good idea.

You didn’t want to live in pain anymore. You weren’t as strong as Jared, you didn’t open up about your feelings, and you were sick of putting on a mask. You were sick of all this stress, and pain of loosing the people that you love. You didn’t want to put other people through the pain that you felt but you didn’t want to live like this. If you made it quick then, no one would be left to pick up the pieces that would be left of you. You’d be dead.

You mustered all the energy you could and got up from your bedroom floor. Pulling off your winter clothes you changed into some long pajama pants and a singlet top. You walk into your bathroom. You open the bathroom cabinet and grab your depression medication out from the top shelf. You grab one of the pairs of scissors lying around your room and locked your bathroom door. You didn’t want anyone to find you untill you were dead. You couldn’t bare to see the looks on anyone’s face once they realised how broken you were.

You shoved the medication down your throat and took a seat against the bath tub. You cried out in pain, the feeling of the medication entering your system made you collapse onto the floor.

“ Y/N, honey are you okay” asked your aunt from the other side of the door. You didn’t want to put her through the pain of seeing you dying on the floor. You put the scissors to your wrist making 2 cuts on each arm, making your cry out again.

“Y/N honey, I’m coming in” said your aunt. She opened the door and saw your dying form lying there.

“Oh my Y/N- (uncle name) call an ambulance, oh honey hold on” said your aunt holding your form in her hands, you thought you locked the door. Guilt settled in your stomach, making you want to die more.

No longer than 10 minutes later an ambulance arrived and family’s from around the street were coming out to see what the commotion was about. You remember loosing consciousness in your uncles arms after he carried you out to the ambulance. The rest of it was fuzzy. But you knew one thing you had fucked up your life in one single night.

Xxxxxxx

The next day the cast walked onto to set. Jared was the first one to pick up on your absense. There was no laughing coming from the makeup trailer, and no lights on in your trailer. For filming today gen and Daneel were also tagging along. After asking around Jared is told by the producers that you are sick. That struck everyone as weird. They even called Misha, as he wasn’t on for filming today, however he said he hadn’t heard from you. You had never once missed a day of filming unless it was for school purposes. And when you were sick you would tough it out anyway.

Not long after jared receive a call from your cell however it wasn’t you. Of course... they didn’t know that. It was your Aunty.

“Hey Y/N, heard you were sick, how ya feeling” asked Jared into the phone, grabbing everyone’s attention. However the voice that responded was not you, it was your Aunty. As soon as Jared had heard what had happened his face paled. Shock evident on his features alerting everyone that something was wrong.

“Jared, what’s wrong” asked Jensen knowing it involved you.

“ Y/N... she uh-she u-uh” said Jared trying to get the words out of him mouth.

“Hey j calm down, just tell us what happened” said gen, trying to calm her boyfriend down.

“Umm... Y/N attempted suicide last night” Jared said between cries.

Everyone instantly stopped, all clearly shocked at the news. they didn’t realise that you was struggling so much.

“Is- is she okay” asked Jensen comforting his wife.

“Umm... she’s alive, definitely not alright though” said Jared hugging gen to keep themselves together. The entire set suddenly turned somber. The mood instantly dropping

“Something must have happened last night to... make her feel... to lead to this” said Jensen. Trying not to cry.

“Her aunt said she found her on the bathroom floor, Over dosed on pills and wrists slit. God how did I not notice the signs, I should have been there for her” Jared sobbed into gens shirt.

“It’s not your fault Jared, none of us knew she felt this way. Don’t you dare blame yourself” said Daneel, still consoling her husband.

“I say we pay her a visit. Now that we know she isn’t going through this alone” said gen. They knew you were going to be broken but they were going to be there for you every step of the way.

Xxxxxxx

“Oh it’s lovely to see you” said your aunt ushering them all inside.

“How’s she doing” asked Jared once again concerned.

“Honestly I don’t know. She won’t talk to me we only got home from the hospital an hour ago. She hasn’t said a word since we got back. (Uncle) can’t even get through to her” said your aunt.

“Where is she at the moment” asking Jensen.

“ Y/Ns in her room. I sent her to get some shut eye but I don’t think she’s sleeping” said your aunt.

Everyone just gave each other looks. They knew Y/N hadn’t been sleeping, but they also thought she was keeping on top of things.

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about this earlier. She didn’t want me to tell you, but I couldn’t let you find out some other way. She said she didn’t want to be seen as less of a human, especially not to you guys” said your aunt handing out cups of hot tea. Many thankyous were spared and an uncomfortable silence filled the air.

“Did you notice anything about Y/N, like something that would give a hint that she would do this” asked your aunt taking a sip from the cup.

“we all just though it was exam stress. The skipping meals, spending most of her time doing school work, or sitting in her trailer. We thought it would pass. She never once mentioned that she was... suicidal” said gen. Fiddling with the sleeves of her jumper.

“ as a child, Y/Ns parents used to put a lot of pressure on her to be a good kid. She also learnt to hide her pain. Me and (uncle) have been trying to tell her for years that it’s normall to feel pain, but I guess it’s hard to comprehend that when most out your life your told different” said your aunt.

“She never really ever mentioned her parents, to any of us” said Daneel, sympathy in her eyes.

“I can’t blame the poor kid. She was abused for years before I even realised that my sister had a child. Ever since she was little she’s always been quiet and co-operative. She’s still pretty scarred, and doesn’t talk about it”. Said your uncle walking in.

“How is she” asked your aunt.

“Not doing to good. She won’t tell me anything. I’m getting worried” said your uncle

“ I know this is a big ask but could we possibly see her” asked Jensen.

“Of course, I’m not sure what state she’s in” said your aunt allowing them to follow up the stairs and into your room. Nothing in the room would have ever suggested that you felt this way.

Suddenly there attention was drawn to the water running in the bathroom.

“ Y/N. Honey, let me know your okay please” asked your aunt panic filling your voice.

“I’ll be out in a minute” replied your quiet voice through the door. Her panic subsided when she hears your voice. They 4 adults walk back to the kitchen following your aunt. None of them could believe how quiet you were.The once outgoing and bubbly girl that you used to be, was now reduced to silence.

“You know, she was adamant about coming to set today. As soon as we got home from the hospital she started getting ready. Me and (aunt name) had to give her medication to make her sleep. She didn’t want this attempt to make anyone see her different” said your uncle as they returned from your bedroom. A few minutes passed.

After a little bit of time of awkward conversation , you came down with your head hung low and grabbed a mug of coffee. During that time no one dares to talk to you. They didn’t want to put you under stress. They didn’t want to put you in a situation you felt you couldn’t escape from. However there shock returned once they saw how frail you were.how your eyes had sunken into your head and your clothes remained baggy on your frame. You walked back in the direction of your room not bothering to grab any food.

“Honey, do us a favour and keep your door open” said your aunt as you were leaving the room. You just stopped in your tracks, nodded, and walked away.

“I think I’m going to talk to her. She needs someone who has gone through what she’s gone through. I’m the only one diagnosed with depression. I’m going to try and get her to open up, break out of her. We’re getting the old Y/N back”. Said Jared standing up and making his way to your bedroom.

He nocks a few times on your open door, only so see you sitting on the end of the bed, holding a picture frame of you and a guy.

“Who’s that” asked Jared taking a seat next to you.

“My boyfriend... well my ex boyfriend now I guess”

“What happened” asked Jared genuinely concerned.

“My “best friend” sent me a video, of him and another friend hooking up last night. Found out when I got back from the hospital that they slept together as well” You said with no emotion on your face He didn’t hesitate to pull you into a hug and suddenly you broke, and started crying.

You told him how your boyfriend cheating was the last straw. That you didn’t know what you were doing when you enetered the bathroom, you crumbled, and didn’t want to constantly feel this pain inside your chest, that kept dragging you down and making you feel worthless.

He pulls you closer and gently lifts up your sleeves to reveal the bandages that were covering up stitches on your arm.

“Your like a daughter to me, and I can’t imagine my life without you. You shouldn’t feel an obligation cover this up. Your experiences make you into the person today and you shouldn’t be afraid to show the war you lossed. He told you that it is nothing you should cover up. Your scars make you stronger, and change you into the person you are today” he told you, not loosening his grip once.

Hearing those words make you break down even more. he tells you that Your aunt told them why you lived with her. You opened up and told. him that the memories that come back surrounding that topic also tipped you over the edge. And that in your delusional state you believed the words your dad said to you. You believed that you would be better dead, that you were a burden, and a mistake.

Jared decided to shoot Jen a text in this time, in the time that you are him we’re hugging. Not even a minute later gen is In the room, and her heart breaks to see you like this. You look up and try and calm your tears in fear of embarrassment. She had never once recalled a time where you had even cried let alone be this emotional. She gave Jared a kind smile and instantly sat next to Jared. When you tears subsided a little bit she gave you a warm embrace, to which you leaned into. She mumbled small word of encouragement, and calming.

“I’m not sorry for doing it, I’m sorry that It didn’t work, I still wanna die. I feel like I’m such a burden to everyone”. You said into her chest. Her and Jared shared a look, both deciding to keep this talk till after you had settled down.

“Honey when was the last time you ate” asked gen.

“Umm. Not properly for a while. Things just got carried away, so it didn’t cross my mind” you said, your tears comming to a Hault.

“You need to eat something” said Jared, noticing the rest of the group standing at the door, with some toast in there hand.

“I’m not hungry” you mumble, being stubborn, hanging your head.

“Sweetie, we aren’t leaving untill you eat what’s on this plate” said Jensen, grabbing the plate from de’s hand. You looked up only just noticing the two extra bodies in your room. You sighed seeing that they only put a few pieces of toast on the plate.

“Come on, do it for us, for your Family” said Daneel handing over he plate to, which you carefully took.

You stood up and slid down the end of your bed, onto the floor, Jensen and Daneel sitting next to you, deciding it was there turn to be the parent figures they should be, and Jared and Gen sitting on the floor across from you against the wall opposite the bed.

You grabbed the toast and took small bites, desperately trying to keep the food down. After you had finished you wanted to go to the bathroom however no one would let you because they knew that you were likely to purge.

“Y/N, sweetie, I know we’re asking a lot of questions but have you slept a lot recently” asked gen, looking directly at You. You looked up and sighed.

“Like I said, I’ve been busy. Everything’s been so Jammed pack, especially managing school, and filming. I haven’t really had the time ”. You admit pulling your knees to your chest. D and Jensen both put there arms around your shoulder.

“Did you get any sleep last night” asked Jensen and Jared at the same time.

“Not really. I lost consciousness for about an hour, but I haven’t really slept” you say, rubbing your face with your hand.

“ Y/N, you need to sleep”. Said Jared about to stand up and throw you on the bed.

“No point, insomnia is a bitch. Especially now. I’m not allowed any medications now so I’m getting less sleep now than ever” you say sighing.

Once again a shared look went around the circle. The anxiety you felt caused you to start picked at the skin on your arm.

“No Y/N, don’t” said gen pulling your hand away from for arm. You sighed and bent your head back.

“ Y/N why didn’t you come to us. We could have helped you. Been there for you” said Jared, a tear sliding down his cheek.

“ I didn’t want to add onto the stress you had. I’m only a teenager besides for most of my life I was a told to not voice my opninion. So it’s kinda stuck” you say.

“Oh sweetie” said Daneel wrapping you in an embrace. You didn’t cry just rested your head on shoulder warming into her embrace.

“I don’t want to die, I just... I’m sick of this pain. The overwhelming crushing feeling. It just became to much” you say into daneels shoulder, she hugged you even tighter.

“Where here now. And you need to talk to us when to feel like this. No keeping it to yourself” said Jensen.

“ your like a daughter to all of us Y/N. Don’t forget that” said Daneel.

“ and no letting everything pile up until you hit breaking point” said gen.

“ and definitely no your an adult don’t worry about my problems talk” said Jared.

“Yeah yeah. I know I promise I won’t keep things to myself” you say lifting your head and showing a genuine smile.

“There’s the smile we know and love” said Jared ruffling your head.

Xxxxxx

“ I wonder what they’re up to” said your aunt to your uncle.

“They’ve been up there for a while” said your uncle agreeing.

“Come on” said your uncle making his way up the stairs. what he saw surprised him , but made him smile none the less.

“ honey have a look at this”. Said your uncle from the door way, gesturing for your aunt.

There you were lying the middle of the bed tv playing surrounded by Jared, Jensen, gen, and Daneel, all fast asleep head on each other shoulder.

“I don’t think I’ve seen her sleep for a while” said your aunt putting her arm around your uncles neck.

“I think things are going to be okay” said your uncle planting a kiss on your aunts head.

“I think as long as she has these four, she’ll be fine in no time” said your aunt.

And she wasn’t wrong. Jensen and Jared were there constantly checking in on you, and Daneel and gen were always calling and dropping in on set. In no time you were feeling better. Of course you had your days where everything seemed pointless, and overwhelming, but Jared and Jensen were always there to pick you back up. You weren’t okay, no, but you were on the track to being okay. And with such amazing friends surrounding you, you couldn’t wait to see what the future had in store

#supernatural #jaredpadelcki #jared padalecki #jensen ackles #jensenckles #fluf #daneel ackles #gen padalecki #teenager #spn cast #misha collins

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