I Guess Being Stood Up Saves Some Things
I can't find an angsty Sirius Black confession so I'm doing it myself.
CW: nothing. This is just a little sad and a little happy and it ends kinda cute. Enjoy :)
He knows it isn't right. You're mad at him, he's supposed to be mad at you. It's stupid, the way he ditches the boys for you.
He didn't mean to spy, he really didn't, but when he could see you outside, sitting by the black lake for an hour, and the distant but unmistakable way you wiped your tears... He left. He ran down to see you, stopping for a moment a couple paces behind you.
You hadn't heard him yet, but he could hear you.
"Stupid. Of course it was a joke, who would actually ask you out.." Sirius sits beside you and pulls a small box of 'Bertie Botts Every Flavour Beans' out of his pocket.
"Hi, bean?" You turn to him and stare for a moment, tears wetting your lashes and threatening to spill over, running down your cheeks like salty raindrops.
He smiles softly and places the box between you, taking a bean for himself. You love the beans enough that, even in darkness, you know the one he got would be good.
Mango. Or apple pie.
Sirius hums quietly, "apple pie, you sure you don't want one?" He offers, it was nicer this time, soft. The way he speaks to you is like he's trying to calm a unicorn calf.
You watch him for a moment. "I thought you were mad at me" you hate the way your voice sounds like you've been crying. You have, and you know he knows you have, but did you have to sound like it?
He shakes his head and looks out at the black lake, his fingers pulling at the grass nervously. "No, I mean, I was. Not anymore, not for a while" he sends you a shy smile. You aren't used to this side of Sirius, but lately, you've been seeing much more of it. You hate yourself for the way you melt over it.
"I've missed you" he murmurs, eyes watching the burning stars above. Your response is slow, and at first, he doesn't think you meant it. "I missed you, too. So much" he smiles to himself and it's silent for a long few moments.
"I think I might be a terrible person," for a moment, your mind races over the past few days. Was it a prank? Was he helping James bully Snape? Was this about their fight? Or about the glare he sent you when you said you'd had a date tonight? You pause, we all think we might be terrible people, but we never say it. So why, suddenly, is Sirius?
"I think I love you, and I'm really sorry if this ruins things for us, but if I can't be with you... I'm not sure I can be around you, not if you want me to stop" he admits, and for once, you're thankful that our voices betray us when we cry.
You hesitate, but eventually place your hand on his, ignoring the way he turns to look at you through his own tears as you stare at the sky.
"I think" you start, warmth spreading though your chest. "I might love you, too" you turn to him and smile at the way he looks at you. Eyes watching yours, tears make his eye lashes stand out more, and playful jealousy stings at you. Him and his stupidly pretty eye lashes.
You lean forward and place your forehead against his. "I don't want to lose you, Siri" the nickname slips out before you can stop it, but he doesn't seem to mind.
"You won't, I don't care how hard it is. Even if we try, and it doesn't work. I won't leave you. I promise." You nod and smile softly, pressing your lips to his cheek gently.
"Will you go to Hogsmeade with me?" You ask, your fingers toying with the grass alongside his as you wait for his answer.
"I'd hate myself if I said no" he grins and you roll your eyes. "Could of just said yes, you weirdo" laughter surrounds the two of you as he hides his face in your shoulder.
"Well, where's the fun in that, love?"
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untitled poem
{originally written in 2021}
Sat together in silence,
just their presence is enough for me.
Relaxed, content, beside ourselves
with no desire to disrupt our peace.
No negative thoughts
or unsure actions
or moments of spatial anxiety,
Just the bliss
that comes from knowing
my favourite person is right here, beside me.
Non-verbal affirmations which say
"I truly and genuinely love you
I don't feel this way about many people
but you'd better know that it is true."
The person you are
and the one that you'll be,
the idea makes me so optimistic
I can't wait to see
what you might have in store
because nothing is unrealistic
Whether or not we'll accomplish our dreams,
well, I guess that all just depends.
But no matter whatever happens to either of us
I hope we will always be friends.
<3
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_____________________________________________
I never believed them.
“Why didn't I believe them.“
×
And even if I knew our story was always bound to end this way
×
“I loved her.“
I would've done it a thousand times over because my time with you was the best time on my life.
“I loved her.“
And perhaps you were the villain,
×
“I LOVED YOU.“
×
Because you were my everything.
“I still love you..“
And you left me alone.
×
“Is she really gone.“
×
Yet I still love you why.
×
“Are you really gone?“
I just want to know why.
×
“I could never forget you.“
×
Why can't I forget you.
×
“I wish I could forget you”
_____________________________________________
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