Once my exams are over i will SO BRING OUT MY DRAWING TABLET THAT HAS BEEN UNTOUCHED FOR 5 YEARS AND TRY SOME STUFF AHSJDKFLF
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I recently started using a cane everyday and so my previously invisible disability is suddenly visible. I also started medschool. It's been a while since I was properly social so I have questions...
People don't walk next to me. And if they accidentally do, they leave to walk next to someone else even if that means squeezing in three people on the sidewalk. No one talks to me if it's not to ask me "what's wrong". I have really tried to make an effort and talk to people but I don't know what to do.
Can it have something to do with my disability and my cane? Like they're scared to say the wrong thing? Or maybe it's because they've sensed the autism?;)
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Fml 🙃
Trying to study without meds feels like trying to build a house without mortar. It can work on a day when the weather's really good but even then it can all fall apart so easily, let alone if there's wind and rain!
I've studied med free before and I'm sure I can do it again but whether I'll achieve all that im capable of is another thing entirely!
Time to stock up on good diet and exercise and other compensatory strategies, take cover and hope for the best! 😩
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JOURNAL ENTRY — I'm of the idea that I'm forgetful. Terribly forgetful.
MAY 23, 2024
I've been contemplating a bit. Less of a contemplation and more of a realisation or a mix I cannot say and yet my memory is so short that I can't remember what I've even realised to begin with. I will eventually forget it all.
I wrote a lot in my journal. I wrote a lot here as well. So many contradictory things. Yet, it's as real as the sun and the rain.
So maybe I should summarise it for the sake of my brain to remember :
1) regret is way worse than the effort it takes to get something done.
2) stop looking at others, it gets you nowhere. The only thing is does it aggravate your insecurities and brings out the worst in you.
3) fight. Don't look at the war. Fight the small battles. It's the seconds that will make a difference.
4) do it alone. The worst thing you can do to yourself is wait for someone to come and save you. Wait to do it together with someone. Don't wait.
5) choose yourself before anyone else. If you don't know what you want— what others want will become your priority.
6) the future is not set in stone— which is both the best thing that can happen to you but can also be the worst thing that can happen to you.
7) what is bound to happen will happen. It will. So don't let things you can't control break you down. If you can't control it— ignore it. Focus on the love right under your nose.
8) it's okay if you fail. It's okay. Even after trying hard. Trying your best. Whatever your best is. It's okay if you fail. I'll be right here and so will you.
9) you can always start all over again. Your failure if it happens, if it does happen— it's not a finality. It's not the end. It's nothing.
10) hold on. you will be fine. You are a survivor. You've always found a way out and You've always survived. You will get through this too. If anyone can do it, it's going to be you to beat the odds. So figure it out— because you can. You can handle this.
11) if you can be only one thing to your own self— be kind. Forgive yourself.
So ask yourself these three questions—
1) what do you want?
2) what are you going to do now with this moment? What difference are you going to make?
3) are your fears greater than your strength?
I'm scared.
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I have a question for people in the medical field:
Am I supposed to be able to pull my kneecap straight up? Like it hurts but I can and also it always hurts so…? Am I just weird? Also I’ve moved it to the wrong side of my knee, like the inside bend part? I think my knees are fucked? Oh and also I’m slowly losing the ability to bend my knees.
Update: I woke up this morning and it is excruciatingly painful to bend my right leg at the knee, like I refuse to do it it hurts so bad. Help
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okay, quick advice needed! 🌷💞💞💞
so since last year, I've found myself having really awful health issues, and they've been affecting just about everything — friends, family, internships, studies!
so! this year, I've decided to get myself to exercise more! which is quite lovely, however, I've found why I've always struggled exercising in the past:
spoiler alert, it's not because I'm lazy.
it's boring.
that's it, that's what I've ignored for so long. exercising and going to the gym, the grey and monotone equipment, the same routine every week, it's so incredibly boring.
I've heard a million times about "discipline", but failed a million times on it. my adhd gremlin brain simply does not want it. but you know what actually works? martial arts. taekwondo. badminton. but all things you can't do alone!
so here's the question:
how do you make your workouts fun?
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*Student 1 had recently had an abdominal surgery*
Student 1: Bruh, I feel nauseous, I’m so bloated, my stomach hurts and I haven’t pooped in 2 days...
Student 2: You’ve at least been passing gas, right?
Student 1: ...
Student 2: ...
Student 1: Fuck.
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ooo tell me more about med student steve & nurse eddie 💕💕💕
HELLO JANAI!!! this fic is the one I'm most actively writing rn (as opposed to Kas!Steve AU where i'm constantly rotating it in my brain like a rotisserie chicken, but that's for outlining/untangling knots in the plot reasons lmao) so I am Very Happy to talk about it <3
I did actually finish properly outlining this AU today too!! Unless inspiration strikes me and I write way too much for something, it looks like this fic will be 7 chapters and a short epilogue.
SO, to answer your ask I'm going to share with you what some of the other ST characters (those that I've slotted into a healthcare role, at least) are doing in this AU:
Chrissy is the ward clerk, aka the person who handles all the admin tasks, on the ward Eddie works on! They're best friends, and if there's a quiet moment (or more likely, Eddie is on break) you can usually find them talking shit together at Chrissy's desk. Chrissy is also a bi icon in this AU 🩷💜💙
Joyce is the Nurse Unit Manager of the ward - as the title implies, she's the boss of the nursing staff on the ward and in charge of things like making sure hospital policies are being followed & organizing the nursing team so all patients are adequately cared for. She is Very Overworked but she runs a tight ship!
Argyle is one of the hospital pharmacists, and Jonathan is a trainee hospital pharmacist working with him (but not directly under him as Argyle's personal trainee. That'd be a little weird, considering they're dating). Argyle is also working on a research paper about the benefits of medicinal marijuana (with hopes the team's findings will contribute to further legalisation across the country).
Jason sucks. Jason is a medical student on placement with Steve, and he's... he's what we call a gunner. In med school, gunners are students who are ambitious to a fault, potentially willing to throw other students under the bus to further their own career or academic performance, and often focus too much on the "being right"/"being The Best at medicine" aspects of being a doctor instead of prioritizing the patient and their needs. Basically, he's an out-of-touch privileged jackass who comes from a long line of doctors, and has therefore just Assimilated into the family destiny without ever thinking about what being a doctor actually means.
Vickie works in the hospital pathology centre - she's one of the people who picks up samples and processes them after the doctors or nurses drop them off. Every time Robin goes up there (because it's common to send the med students off to drop off the pathology samples) she is So Very Normal and makes Normal People Conversation with Vickie. Robin is so smooth, I promise.
Nancy is another medical student like Robin & Steve are, and she's currently with the consult psychiatry team with Robin. Nancy is also dating Jonathan, because Jonathan has two hands, and Nancy is very interested in the research work Argyle does. She is still Steve's ex-girlfriend in this AU - they had a poorly-thought-out brief relationship in their first year of medical school, and no one in the medical school has let them live it down.
Dr Henry Creel is the consultant doctor in charge of the Internal Medicine team Steve & Jason are currently with. As he's in charge of the team, he's the one who grades the med students and decides if they pass or fail their placement term. I'm sure nothing bad will come of this.
For reference, the "young adults" of the ST cast are in their mid-twenties in this AU. This means that those in fields like nursing or pharmacy have already graduated from college and are full-status employees in their chosen fields, while the med students of the group are still working their way through medical school (since doing a bachelor's + an MD is pretty time-consuming, and that's before you take any time off from studying after high school or between degrees). Also, Henry is Older here, since in canon he's like... what, 40 in 1986? He's at least in his fifties in this AU, since consultant doctors are rarely any younger than that (particularly if they're not brand new to the job).
Also, if I haven't said this elsewhere already, this is a modern AU! No way am I forcing myself to replace all my healthcare knowledge with healthcare knowledge from 40 years ago for this fic, it's bad enough I have to pretend to understand how the American healthcare system works lmao
Send me an ask about my WIPs!
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