#re: John abandoning his kids:

[quietwingsinthesky]

Do you agree w/ the fandom interpretation that john was so homophobic he’d have beaten up and abandoned his sons for being gay? Cause sure, he grew up in the 60s as a mechanic and then later became a marine during the vietnam war, but i also don’t think homophobia would’ve necessarily been a priority for him? Like obviously he’s not gonna be the full on supportive and politically correct loving dad, but i think that the fandom’s general opinion on that is pretty warped by people’s relationships w/ their own fathers

I do think this is one place where people tend to project. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that; working out our issues through fiction is healthy and good! I don’t think there’s any canon proof of it beyond, as you said, him being a marine from the sixties who would probably not be super knowledgeable about being queer, maybe a little apprehensive about it from what he’s absorbed through the culture he grew up in. I think we’d be correct to point out that if Sam or Dean were queer, he might be uncomfortable about it, he might try to avoid the topic, which is in of itself hurtful.

The thing about me is: I fully disagree that John was ever physically abusive towards his kids. At most, I will bend this interpretation to say he was probably too harsh on them while teaching them to fight and that maybe he and Sam have traded blows before when arguments got too loud (by blows, I mean, probably shoving with the yelling, you know, assertion of physical space. It seems realistic to me that two people who have been using violence for a long time to protect themselves, and for John, his family, down to the hierarchal power he’s put in place of him -> Dean -> Sam, would resort to it when things got too heated.)

(I also think that sometimes fandom’s insistence that John had to be physically abusive can sometimes get a little insulting because it perpetuates the idea that emotional abuse does less harm and can be overlooked and for flattening out John’s character in a way the show very literally pointed to and said He Did Not Do That. This is the entire point of Max’s episode in s1, for the show to point out that their experiences of abuse were different. How well it was handled is arguable, but I take it as clear evidence that when we talk about John’s relationship with his sons, the focus should be on the emotional abuse, the codependency he developed with Dean from a very young age, his neglect of them both, his attempts to suppress Sam, etc. And I appreciate this about the show, because you can’t talk about any of those things without also talking about why they’re happening, why John thinks this is necessary, how he loves his sons and isolates them to protect them and ends up doing more and more damage that will never leave them through their entire lives.

I’m sure there’s depictions of John being physically abusive that handle it with the same amount of nuance that the show handles him being emotionally abusive in canon. I have not seen them, unfortunately. I’ve seen John being physically abusive 90% of the time just being used as shorthand for him being Bad and Evil and A Terrible Father. Which does not interest me. So I will remain here as a staunch defender of He Would Not Fucking Hit His Kids.)

Sorry, okay, we got off topic there this is about gay shit.

The point of All Of That was for me to be able to say, John’s not going to react to his sons being queer by beating them. He’s definitely not going to abandon them. Hello? John Winchester? Abandon his kids? John Winchester, the guy who has been keeping them in warded up motel rooms their whole lives and moving them across the country out of paranoia the demon who killed his wife could find them if they say anywhere too long? John Winchester who only trusted one or two people to ever look after his sons when he went on a hunting trip too long? We think that John would ditch his kid because they’re queer???

Like I said, I think the most realistic reaction for John, (if not just flat out him going ‘that’s fine, now load this gun while I time you because that’s more important for me to know that you can do’, because. He kind of has bigger priorities to worry about here. Like werewolves.) would be discomfort and pushing it out of his view, ignoring it. Which would still fucking hurt! And would have horrible effects on Sam and Dean both, would encourage Dean to repress it if he thinks his dad is ashamed of him, would push Sam away if he trusts John with this fact about himself and can’t be accepted easily.

I just think this is truer to John’s character.

Anyway. If nothing else here persuades anyone reading that John Would Not Fucking Do That, well. He thought his kid was demonspawn, remember? He thought Sam was corrupted and might not be able to be saved. I don’t think you can get more clear queercoding than that, and you know what John’s very telling response was to that information, to finding out something a thousand times more terrifying than Sam being gay ever could be? To refuse to look at it. To insist to himself that whatever Hell wanted with Sam, he wouldn’t let it happen. To tell Dean to take care of it, because even when John is certain that his son might literally become a demon, he could never bring himself to pull the trigger on him. Because he loves Sam.

So like. He literally would not do anything for the much smaller realization that Sam is gay. His son has demon blood that might turn him super evil, and John still wouldn’t hurt him.

I guess what I’m trying to say here is, I try to keep the fact that John loved his sons at the forefront of my mind when I’m writing stuff about him, because I think if you let that slide out of your head, you can very easily make him much worse, much more flat than he was in canon. The real picture of him is just an extremely flawed man in a terrible situation who fucks up his kids as much as he protects them.

And also he wouldn’t care about them being gay because JohnAzazel real and true and they fucked sloppy in that hospital basement-

#this was so many words holy shit I did not need to ramble that much #but I did <3 #this is what u get when u send me an ask I have too many thoughts #john winchester #ask #spn #again reiterating that like. it is not a bad thing to work out ur issues through fiction. #hell knows I do. and hell knows I used to be a lot less kind to John BECAUSE daddy issues. so I get it. it’s literally fine. it’s fandom. #u are free to do whatever so long as you aren’t a dick to other people about the character they like that you dont #(…I am going to side eye you if you feel the need to insist john had to be physically abusive because he was just That Bad to his kids. #but that’s more like. ‘I think you might have some unexamined biases about the nuances of abuse.’ more than anything.) #tw abuse #re: John abandoning his kids: #I know Bad Boys(?) has John leaving dean at the boy’s home. uh. personally? #I think that’s just bad writing. I think they misunderstood John’s particular brand of weird relationship to dean. #I don’t tend to count that instance as canon or at least not in the way the show presented it. #but ur mileage obv may vary. it’s just my opinion that that was a later seasons fumble.

[cod-dump]

🔫 i demand a immediate continuation of teen!au roach!!!! ((only if you feel up to it and have time if not im sorry for *bugging* you))

Roach (teen!Ghost au)

———

It was a strange morning. Nik was nowhere in sight and John was quietly preparing breakfast.

Farah was the first down, wondering where Nik was and why the coffee pot wasn’t on. Kyle was down next, half asleep and unaware of the changes as he sat at the table and slumped over. Farah wouldn’t say anything, just stare at John. When Simon came down to let Riley out into the garden, he noticed Nik’s absence.

“Where’s Nik?”

John slowed his movements before he started making plates, “Something… came up last night.”

Kyle perked up awake, Simon’s anxiety spreading to him. John’s silence made it worse, which he realized, so he quickly started to explain in order to calm them.

“He’s fine, he’s actually in the bedroom.”

“Did you two have a fight?” Farah asked, concern deep in her eyes. She had plenty of experiences of fighting parents.

“No, no fight. Just Nik’s usual antics and… well, I need to call Kate.”

They all stared, looking at each other as if the other might know more to what was happening. John gave them all plates before he made another. When he walked past them all to go upstairs, that’s when their suspicion peaked. He didn’t eat in bed, neither did Nik.

“Is someone up there?” Kyle muttered, unable to find the will to eat.

“Has to be.”

Simon was very quiet, staring at where their father disappeared to. Everything was so out of place that Riley came into the room. He was being trained to not be in there when they ate but he was confused with the lack of the usual breakfast chaos. Simon just passed him a piece of toast, the pup taking it gently before he ran off gleefully with his spoils.

An hour would pass and the three barely ate even half of their food before they heard someone coming downstairs. John re-enters the kitchen, standing in the threshold as if he was meant to prevent them from coming through to the hall.

“Kids, we… have a guest. He’s staying until Kate can come and sort out his situation.”

Their attention was directed to a very happy Riley, who was trying to play with someone. They assumed it was Nik until they saw tiny hands pet him.

They collectively gasped, Farah pointing past John.

“Child.”

“Yes-“

“You have another child-“

John sighs, “Nik found him.”

Kyle had leaned down from his chair in order to get a better angle and see the kid in the hall. They made eye contact and the boy abandoned playing with Riley and ran to into the living room. There was a grunt and quiet Russian. He ran to Nik.

Simon blinks after hearing Nik try to comfort the child, looking at his father with wide eyes, “When I said I liked being a big brother, I meant that as I like Kyle and Tommy.”

John glares and Simon looks down. He sighs after a moment, knowing Simon didn’t mean it to be rude and was definitely in shock of a child becoming a surprise housemate.

“He’s not staying long. I… Kate is going to see to making sure he goes to someone who can care for him. She’ll probably call a friend of hers to help.”

The boys look at each other, Farah making a face as she thinks. No more words would be exchanged on the subject between them, at least not to John. They were quiet and made themselves scarce, allowing their young house guest to have space.

The boy had been with them a little under twenty four hours and he had not spoken a word. They had no idea what his name was and where Nik found him didn’t give any answers. They didn’t know how old he was other than he was a small boy, they didn’t know if he could read or write considering he never reacted to the note pads or them gently asking if he could write his name.

They knew nothing about him and John couldn’t help but worry. This little boy, found by a group of thugs that were probably speaking a language he didn’t understand. John wondered what he had gone through, what he had seen.

“When did Kate say she’ll be here?”

Simon was attempting to befriend the nameless boy, five or six hours after he and the others learned of him. John gave him some credit despite his approach being similar to what one would do with a stray dog. The boy wasn’t very fond of letting him get close and would dart away if he made one move out of place.

He was determined, he’ll give him that.

“Later tonight, I believe. She has to wait for Alex to get out of band practice before she heads over.”

“Nerd,” Simon muttered, remaining on the floor as he watched Riley make fast friends with their house guest.

John sighed, he couldn’t handle another kid. He adored his sons and Farah, but to add another child to the mix? One that is younger and at a different point in his life than the others? It seemed too much but… he had a hard time turning away those in need. And even though the kid wasn’t trusting of him, he was in need.

———

#call of duty #modern warfare #teen!ghost au #simon ghost riley #kyle gaz garrick #john price #farah karim #cod nikolai #gary roach sanderson #drabble #ficlet #ask #thanks for the ask <3

[marvelfanfn2187a113]

God, it's true and I think the problem with the "I'm not just a mom" line is that it seems like she's not even trying to be a “mom.”

I think Mary could have been a character with potential and interesting without having to leave out Sam and Dean. And I need to complain about a lot of things about Mary now that I'm re-watching season 12:

12x12: Mary is working with the British Men of Letters even though THEY KIDNAPPED HER SON but the worst of all was that she lied to her children to get them to help her and when she stole from the demon (also without telling Sam and Dean) and Ramiel told them that they had 30 seconds to return what they had taken, she did nothing, she was willing to risk the lives of her children and Cas (who was already dying) to give the Colt to some people she works with just a few months ago

Also when Dean and Sam are arrested for the president and Mary was upset with Cas for abandoning them 💀

Girl, at least Cas was there, where were you? and she still asks why her kids didn't call her 😤

and I have another one, the chapter where they are trapped in a house with a demon, Dean himself tells Mary, quite rightly, that she traveled hours for the funeral of someone she hasn't seen in years but she sends her own children one text message a week, SOMETIMES

In that same chapter Mary has no problem killing Jody even though she probably has the notion that she is someone important to Dean and Sam.

Anyway, I'll stick with the scene where the boys travel to the past and Sam meets his mother and just sits down and tells her that she's beautiful.

I like what you pointed out at the end because that’s been in the back of my mind for a bit; Young Mary is not the same character as old Mary, not even a little. The writers changed her character so much, young Mary (1) didn’t want to hunt and (2) cared so much about her boys. Old Mary seemed to want to hunt so that she could ignore the problem that she thought Sam and Dean were.

Honestly, it’s like when she found out they were adults now she just didn’t want anything to do with them. Like she took one look at them and thought “well I missed all the interesting parts so why bother trying to know them now.”

And I get that she would want to grieve the life that she missed; raising her two sons with John. I just don’t see that as an excuse for cutting out the boys who are very much alive, even if they don’t need raising anymore.

And it definitely doesn’t excuse her using and betraying them. If someone she had really, truly cared about been tortured by the MoL, she wouldn’t have worked with them. But it was just a stranger. Just a guy that happened to be her son, but who wasn’t the baby she wanted.

#the winchesters #dean and sam #mary winchester #another rant #supernatural #dean winchester #dean winchester x reader #supernatural dean #dean winchester x you #winchesters x reader #sam winchester #sam winchester x reader #winchesters x sister

[patrickjanebrain]

Red Hot: The Slow Slow Burn of Jane and Lisbon (Walter Mashburn Edition)

I just finished re-watching Red Hot (3x07), and I have some thoughts about Lisbon and her aborted love affair with Walter Mashburn.

I admit that I didn't like it that [spoiler] Lisbon had a one-night stand with Mashburn. I enjoy the character. Mashburn was entertaining, charming, and likable in a whimsical sort of ruthless way, and Currie Graham had great chemistry with both Simon Baker and Robin Tunney. It would have been interesting if he had made more appearances on the show. But I felt it was out of character for Lisbon to just take him for a quick spin and then never see him again. And obviously he's a horrible romantic bet. The writers make that clear when they introduce him.

And then I realized that's the point.

During the 7 seasons of The Mentalist, in the course of their investigations, Lisbon and Jane meet hundreds of people, and Walter Mashburn is quite unique among them. He and Jane hit it off right away, despite the fact that Jane suspects him of being a possible murderer. Mashburn immediately understands exactly who Jane is ("You're a psychic, aren't you?").

He succinctly sums up Jane's entire raison d'etre the second time they meet.

Walter Mashburn: Oh, I know you're a charlatan as I said. You lost your wife and kid to a serial killer, your fault you think. And now you're on this hopeless quest for redemption. Battling evil and injustice, right?

Patrick Jane: Close enough.

Walter Mashburn: You play mind games with people. You size up their weaknesses, and then you give them the rope to hang themselves.

Patrick Jane: Oh, you make it sound so cool.

Mashburn happily goes along with all of Jane's schemes because he's essentially bored being the smartest, most danger-seeing, risk-taking person in the room all of the time. He enjoys new experiences.

Mashburn also has a thing for revenge. When we meet him a second time it's because he's in the process of destroying an old enemy, Yuri Bajoran. He's maneuvered a hostile buyout of his business, Yuri's "baby," because Yuri once stole the woman he loved away from Mashburn.

Playful. Ruthless. Brilliant. Charming. Hedonistic. Risk taking.

You get where I'm going here. He's Patrick Jane. Minus the trauma.

Mashburn is what Jane was trying to become before his wife and child were murdered. He was chasing fame and fortune. He was ignoring his wife's desire to live a straight life because he was having too much fun indulging himself.

And then, because of Jane's arrogance and carelessness, Red John deliberately targeted Angela and Charlotte for destruction, and Jane had to do a massive internal restructuring of his priorities.

When we first meet Jane, he's still playful, charming, ruthless, brilliant, and risk taking. But now he has a mission, and that suicide mission for revenge takes precedence over ever other thing. He's no longer self indulgent. He's sublimated his hedonistic urges, including his sexuality, to give himself greater focus. The only thing that matters is hunting down and killing Red John.

Then he meets Teresa Lisbon.

Lisbon is a soulmate. She has survived her own crucible of trauma, and she has a critical understanding of (and empathy for) broken, hurting men. She understands that Jane is off-limits romantically. He's shut down. He may flirt and charm out of habit or need, but the part of him that could give something to a relationship is no longer operational. There is an attraction between them, but it's impossible.

That impossibility is the reason they allow themselves to get so close and eventually care so deeply for each other.

Because Teresa is extremely skittish. She's a bolter. She left Chicago because she felt tied down taking care of her father and brothers. She abandoned her fiance when things got too serious between them. She's afraid of commitment. To her commitment feels like slavery, and she doesn't want that. She's afraid of that.

But that doesn't mean that she's not attracted to Mashburn. She has a type: she likes charming, ruthless bad boys who don't follow the rules. She knows they're bad for her, but she can't help it. That's her thing.

When she meets Walter, he immediately tells her he's attracted to her and available.

He asks her out. He says he'll fly his plane to Sacramento to see her. Jane finds all of this amusing. He agrees with Mashburn's assessment of Lisbon's appeal and compliments him on his style. And later he tells Lisbon that she should have taken him up on his offer, that a little empty glamour would be good for her.

When you realize that Mashburn is a stand-in for Jane, the whole thing is quite funny, really. Lisbon being attracted to Jane. Jane telling Lisbon that he'd be good for her, loosen her up a little.

When they meet again in Red Hot, Lisbon does take Mashburn up on his offer. She enjoys herself, and then like the skittish filly she is, she never sees him again. It's too much. Too tempting, too out of character for the person she wants to be. And Mashburn could overpower her emotionally. She doesn't want that.

The trauma, their mutual trauma, is what Jane and Lisbon share and bond over. It's what keeps them apart, and what eventually, after that slow, slow burn, brings them together. The attraction was always there. It's takes time to build that complete understanding and utter trust, and it never would have happened if Jane had been available to begin with.

@tmsource @robntunney @tresalisbon

#patrick jane #teresa lisbon #walter mashburn #the mentalist #tm #lisbon x jane #jane x lisbon #jisbon #lisbon and jane #characterization #mirroring #trauma #slow burn #Youtube #meta #my meta

[oddlittlestories]

So one of the things about TUA that I find so interesting is how each of the characters reacts to the abuse of Hargreeves in a different way. It’s very close to an exploration of the full spectrum of reactions. (Season 1 in particular is a kind of study of this but I’m not going to go into Leonard here. I’m also not going to go into Lila or the abusive relationship employment of the Commission, but I have thought about those things as well.)

Edit: Kind of long so more under the cut. Slipped and marked it mature by accident >.<

Luther

Luther isn’t the leader, like he thinks. He’s the enforcer. And he’s the enforcer because he is so convinced that the failure is with him, with them, and not their father. When he can no longer follow his father’s will in s2, he finds a new powerful man to enforce for—in a very literal way.

Luther, especially in s1-2, is a difficult character to like. He’s an ass, he’s always convinced he’s right, and he’s always wheedling to be heard, to be obeyed, to be listened to. And he is the cause of much of his siblings’ suffering.

It’s quite sad from another angle, though. He seeks out another powerful man in s2 because he very much does not have any internalized framework of his own—of right and wrong, or even really of likes and dislikes.

Once he sets that need for control down, he’s mostly just this goofy, slouchy guy. He doesn’t know what’s happening, going to happen, or what’s right. He just takes things as they come.

As a comparison to a character many of us find much more appealing, Dean Winchester is also an enforcer. The difference is, one of John’s directives is to protect Sammy, and his own reaction is in that same direction, like many abused kids. Protect your sibling. Which creates this deeply codependent dynamic that we see throughout the show. (They also have a bit of golden child / scapegoat going on, which we’ll come back around to.)

Ben

The one who dies. I’m not going to say too much about this beyond sometimes that, too, is a consequence of abuse.

Allison

The one who perpetuates the cycle. I really like this because I don’t fully like the adage ‘hurt people hurt people.’ Hargreeves is an abuser because he feels justified in his abuse.

Allison does it because she didn’t grow up with any other skills, and because it feels safe. Her first acts of abuse are with her daughter, because she is a frustrated and overwhelmed parent with no other skills to manage her own emotions. But she does well in therapy, and we see her leveraging those skills to push back against ingrained family dynamics.

But whenever she is lost and afraid in the world, she resorts to abuse to get what she wants. And more and more through the story, we see her abandoning compassion and emotional regulation in favor of taking her feelings out on others. Because she decides it’s justified.

Five

The runaway. Five rebels to escape the abuse, and gets re-traumatized out in the world. But he also steals his autonomy back and crafts his own completely-formed identity. Look. That’s not to say that the dude doesn’t have issues in spades. But he can talk to Hargreeves, interact with him at any stage in the game, and not have it shake his identity to the core. Both the trauma that he chooses and his own choice for responsibility and autonomy determines who Five becomes.

Diego

There’s a sequence from House, MD that I feel like sums up Diego’s reaction to the abuse quite nicely. House is late to his dad’s funeral and he explains to Wilson how punishing his (abusive) father was about punctuality. He explains that he is deliberately careless around time because he didn’t want to make his father’s issues HIS issues. And Wilson, incredulous, shoots back with, “Thereby MAKING it your issue!”

Yeah. That’s Diego. He defines himself in opposition to Hargreeves. And he even says so explicitly. He’s all about fighting crime, “the right way.” But he defines himself so in opposition to authority (and to people in general) that he gets kicked out of the police force and burns his first romantic relationship to ashes. He just can’t stop fighting.

Klaus

The addict. Addiction is a common response to abuse. And Klaus is a full-blown addict. A thief, willing to do anything and everything for his next score. He’ll injure himself, terrorize others, go dumpster diving, steal, defraud. Really there are no limits to what he’ll do. And yet we always feel he’s a sunshiney sweetheart right from the start. Even so, the “anything to score to escape my demons” is a keen literalization of the addiction response to abuse.

Viktor

The scapegoat

“Everything is always your fault.” This is the one who gets blamed for the family’s problems, who gets punished and punished and ignored. This is the one who is always in the wrong. And Viktor is such a great character in season 1 & 2 for this because he’s both reactions to that. He is the explosive anger, the rage and indignity. And he’s the one broken by any means necessary, heaped with family blame, with no sense of what he wants or who he is. And also, in s1, exceptionally vulnerable to an abuser masquerading as everything he ever wanted.

I just. It’s so multifaceted. It’s such a good exploration of abuse and this is only one sliver of that. TUA has its flaws, and I thought s3 was such a mixed bag, but this is one piece they just NAILED.

#tua #the umbrella academy #abuse #cw abuse mention #TUA meta #abuse meta

[lablim64]

I get impressed by @weirdsillycreature 's re-desgins

So I decided to re-design lim again and make him look more better than his old version

(Don't tell him that I said this but I think his old design were look like a cheap version of an incredibox scratch mod to me 😅)

That's more like it lol

+ I add him a third bow that actually looks like a bow XD

Also I finally wrote his full story too

Enjoy~

↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓

Lim is an orphan with his oldest sister, he's been adopted and left out a lot as a kid, his good first step dad were passed away and his brother who suppose to take care of lim were traumatized lim with his step brother and step mom, then kicked out from the house, lim's step aunt and oldest sister helped him a little but then the aunt have to put him to adoption again, luckily his oldest sister go with lim to protect him, then lim got adopted again by a family with 3 daughters, the parents were gone work but the daughters were nice to lim, sadly they were way older than lim so they grow out and have to live on their own before lim did, then due to an unknown accident, lim put on adoption again, on the moving days this goes like this, on this times, lim's oldest sister always helped lim about his education and health, until one day they got adopted by an unmarried couple, apparently these two were not lovers but live together as roommates, due to lim's traumas, the new step dad desired to sign lim to parent therapy so lim can feel parent love faster, for now he got two mothers who helps him but far away, and one day the step mom(roommate one) left saying lim were too much to care and she has her life above, that hurt lim a lot since he were like 15, after years at age 17 lim started a job in brimfero laboratory as a janitor for money, he did not like there but he needed the money, but the salary they giving him were barely enough and that got lim pissed so badly, so one day he desired to steal the tests tubes of brimfero and sell them to gain more money so him and his family can move to a better home, but lim got caught by John and mason near the woods, due to lim betrayed the laboratory, John order mason to beat him up and snitch his eyes shit, mason hesitate at first but he doesn't have a choice, so he did, then John takes mason's metal pipe and stab it thru lim's chest before leaving him bloody dead there, lim's death were reported on the news and lim's family were shocked, but after an hour the news reported that lim's body were now missing, that confused everyone ofc, suddenly lim woke up his head in a rock inside the woods, still bloody and looks like how he left like, he didn't understand how he's still alive but whole trying to get up he start to float a little, lim panicked and make a off move that causes him to fall and crack his neck, that caused his head to fall but oh..how is he still alive? Lim were shock, he hold his head in his hands and place it back on his neck, then he realize he break his joints too and doesn't die at all, he were kinda amazed but scared, he didn't wanna face anyone, he were undead and also so ugly looking in his current situation, he float to an abandoned house and looks at himself on the mirror, he start ripping the snitching off his eyes and take the Metal pipe out his chest, then snitched the bloody hole on his chest and re-build his body, while exploring the house he found two ribbons (which he's currently wearing on his head) and use the ribbons to tie his hair up, after all that he start living there, far from home he get his food and needs by stealing and also start drinking and doing cocaine, he even got caught ones in a stranger street (which a lot miles away from where he died) they put him on a mental hospital for some months and after that lim start to live on the abandoned houses and different streets, due to his fear of going back, he sometimes visits his grave and also that's how he killed that 5 victims who were burning down his grave.

(Sorry if there any typos-)

#incredibox #orin ayo #breakthrough #tragibox #incredibox breakthrough #incredibox e.v.a.c.u.a.t.e #incredibox orin ayo #incredibox fanart #incredibox oc #wekiddy

[dyed-red]

brb imagining an AU in which adam milligan didn’t exist (sorry adam!) but where Jo was actually john’s daughter (as per kripke allegedly wanted at one point) and...

none of them (except Ellen, obvy) knowing that Jo is John’s kid, jo still dying in Abandon All Hope when they go to kill Lucifer... and then being brought back to act as Michael’s vessel.

her agreeing because she’s wanted her whole life to be respected within the hunting world and as a hunter, to be a protector and not the protected. she’s trained for this, for something, and she’s ready. her agreeing because she already died to stop Lucifer once and failed, this is just upping her arsenal, is just committing to that. if she’s willing to give up her life she’s willing to give up her body too.

and she’s really not about to be talked out of it by sam or dean, either. she’s stubborn, she’s made up her own mind, and it turns out she’s their sister anyway (if that’s a recent revelation and didn’t come sooner in the series, in which case layering in the betrayal she’s still working through when it comes to her mother, to that revelation, and the shock of it. and sam and dean’s wide-eyed reactions to it, both of them re-examining their attraction to her and her doing the same, but there’s no time to dwell).

just... yeah. sam having to reconcile with the fact that he’s dragging jo down with him to the cage. dean having to reconcile with the fact that jo -- who he tried to protect, who he failed to protect, who he could almost imagine a life with (his half-sister, and isn’t that just fitting) -- is the one taking his place as michael’s vessel and he can’t stop her. is the one he’s leaving in the cage when he makes his deal with Death.

#maximum oof #maximum angst #it would only work narratively if there was deliberate foreshadowing earlier in the story about jo being their sibling #or else if that reveal had come earlier in like during season 2 when meg was possessed #otherwise it would come across as some deux ex machina shit and feel shoehorned #but if done well? #ahhhhh #jo #season 5 is a special kind of pain

[glass-onion-soup]

Thanks for this long, thoroughly considered ask. I think you're completely on the money on both points here, that John continued to abandon Julian because it was too uncomfortable to make the effort, and that his Bermuda trip might have been a turning point that made him re-assess his first father-son relationship. I'll explain why I agree tho.

Re: John's comfort zone - I think his "what can ya do?" abandonment of Julian had two factors to it. The first was shame, and his shame-based self hate. John was a classic example of a "thwarted perfectionist" thanks to Mimi's emotionally incestuous and narcissistically stifling upbringing. If you can't do something perfect immediately, there's no point in doing it at all, otherwise you will be subject to ridicule and abuse. Thwarted perfectionists often check out and either don't finish/start projects, or engage in performative self sabotage (John was more of the latter, though he evolved into the former for a while in his 30's). I think his attitude with Julian was "I already fucked this up, I fucked it up right away, there is no fixing it because I was destined to be bad at it, etc". This might not have even been on a fully conscious level, but I can't imagine seeing or thinking about Julian made him feel very good about himself. It was psychologically easier to start with a new kid and do it "right" from the beginning this time instead of fixing what you already broke. In this psychological frame of mind, raising Sean can also simultaneously become redeeming the fuck up with Julian (symbolically; this still left Julian out in the cold). John seemed to view going back to Yoko in 75 in general as an act of maturity based on insight over how he let his first two "marriages" (Cyn, and Lennon-McCartney) fall apart as soon as they got difficult. I would disagree with this personally lol, but if he were talking about anything BUT his codependent relationship with Yoko he'd be totally correct. Like, the sentiment is not wrong, and it says a lot about where his head was.

The other factor is, as you implied, John's belief that he lacked personal agency. This reinforced his thwarted perfectionism, bc the mental hurdle to even imagine himself being able to fix something he broke was too powerful when he was languishing in learned helplessness. It's no accident that the only time he made real overtures to Julian after leaving Cyn was during a period when he was highly productive in a creative sense (and playing a leadership role in many of his creative endeavours to boot) and with a woman who, while she did get sucked into mothering him quite a bit, encouraged him to take risks and uh, like, go outside and shit.

I'm mostly just fleshing out what you've said here with more psychological detail because I think you already hit the key insight: his experience sailing to Bermuda was a huge turning point re: his self perception wrt personal agency. The big elephant in the room, however, is Yoko. It didn't take long for John to start opening himself up a few inches to Cyn and Jules after breaking with Yoko in the mid-70's; it was her who had the zero sum game attitude wrt his first family (which he, don't get me wrong, absolutely went along with at the time, he was so determined and desperate to "break" with his old life; Yoko's "cut everyone out" rhetoric was a useful mental tool and excuse for him). I think the fact that 'Double Fantasy' was originally supposed to be a John-only project that Yoko shouldered her way into indicates that he hadn't actually reclaimed or fully integrated this newfound sense of agency at the time of his death, but the attitude he fostered there hadn't gone away.

So yeah: if John had been able to nurture that positive feeling, if he and Yoko went their separate ways, if he had been able to go back to England and reconnect with his old circle of family and friends, I think it's probably true that he would at least tried to make things right by with Jules (and maybe even Cynthia, but lets not get too crazy here).

As for what it might have looked like, it's difficult to know tbh. I do think that John was one of those people who just had a hard time relating to small children because they couldn't discourse on an adult level (tho notably he was better with young girls than boys). Re-connecting with Julian as a teen/adult who was capable of interacting more as a peer than a dependent probably would do a lot to radically reframe their relationship and give John points of reference and enthusiasm to engage with him. Likely this would have primarily happened through music. However based on observation of similar situations irl, I think there probably would have always been a wedge of distrust present as often happens with adult children of highly irresponsible parents. What I'm saying is that I believe they could have or would have become friends, maybe even close friends, but I don't believe they ever would have become "father and son".

#my boyband bias john lennon #analysis #asks

[wheelercore]

Thinking about the popular anti-christ movies and the names of the mothers involved. With all the mentions of the "spawn of satan" in st im surprised that The Devils Advocate is the only movie on the inspo board and not Rosemarys Baby or The Omen. But The Changeling isnt on the inspo board either and the Creel home is FULL of references to it.

I think the Changeling plays into the concept of the anti christ in The Omen very well, and there might have been a Rosemarys Baby reference in The Changeling as well but its a bit of a stretch. Both The Changeling and The Omen tell a story that starts with two boys being switched- one is an orphan ("Edward"?) and one is a boy born to a "normal" family (Henry?). In the Omen, the orphan boy is the Antichrist, the spawn of satan (read that with Victors voice). The Changeling doesn't have those sort of antichrist connotations but i do think this possible reference to Rosemarys Baby is interesting:

(both find a secret passage to secret room in their new home behind shelves leading them towards the child they are trying to find)

All this switching talk makes me think of Running Up That Hill (A Deal With God) which directly references switching lives/places with someone else... which is an interesting choice of song for s4

But also the concept of children not being born evil and that the caretakers of the children should look in the mirror at themselves is very strong in ST. Its also something that stuck in the back of my mind while watching The Omen, how this little 5 year old boy is hated and looked down upon by his caretakers while just... acting like a emotionally distressed 5 year old boy ("she always hated me"). I understand with the context he is the AntiChrist(tm) but st always subverts.

Regardless, I find it very interesting the name of the mothers on these movies and possible references in ST:

In The Devils Advocate, there is Alice Lomax, who slept with John Milton (Satan) once as a young girl and had Kevin Lomax (the son of Satan). She is a very christian woman.

In the Indianapolis Gazette, Edward's mother's name is Alice.

The funny thing is that the antichrist isnt Kevin in this movie but Kevin's prospective son that Milton wanted him to have with his half sister (🤮).

In The Omen, Damien's (lil antichrist kid) mother was a jackal buried under the name Maria Scianna, which translates to Mary of the Shadows, which makes sense given the whole "dark version of the virgin mary" thing going on here. Similar to Rosemary Woodhouse in Rosemary's Baby and Mary-Ann (Kevin's wife), who had a shitton of RB references attatched to her.

Rosemary Woodhouse brings me to Robin Rose Weaver and Nancy Ruth Walker, both having the exact same intials as RB, with Robins hair actually styled to look like a combination of s2/3 Karen and Virginia (Karens bangs and Virginias bob) with the charactersitic pink-white-blue color scheme of female conformity mostly associated with mothers

With Robyn even saying that shes looks like shes coming from an Easter brunch, which again more Christian mom subtext. Not only that but Christian mom subtext visiting a psychiatric hospital re: Virginia in the show planning to have Henry sent away to Brenner, Karen promising to not let Mike go at the end of s4, but also Billys mom with the big rose on her shirt abandoning him.

Which is a common theme amongst some of the movies above- mothers rejecting their son, upon finding out that they are "evil". The final lines of Rosemarys Baby:

You're trying to get me to be his mother

Also The Omen:

(therapist talking about Kathy, Damien's adoptive mother who doesn't know that he's not actually her biological son)

Which, I know I've mentioned this a gazillion times, but why does the rose-y urn that has been in the Wheeler home suddenly change during the earthquake in s4? Why is the Wheeler home full of references/callbacks to the stuff in the Creel home in Henrys unreliable memories, which is seemingly different to when the gang actually visit it in the show (different wallpaper, missing doorway, etc)?

#me and the wheeler conspiracy gals (just me) #my dedication to the craft has only increased with tfs. i'm right. i am right. #rosegate-ish #the omen x st #the changeling x st #rosemarys baby x st #the devils advocate x st

[29pageshomestuckeveryday]

Homestuck, page 757

[S] WV: Ascend.

Song used in this flash: Explore by Buzinkai and Michael Guy Bowman

Song commentary:

Buzinkai:

I tried to write something a little more thought provoking this time without too much drummage in the background. It came out smoothly, and I do think it's quite the haunting melody. I was unaware that Andrew wanted me to finish the original loop, and someone else remixed a longer ending for it, doing quite a fantastic job.

Author commentary:

0:46 - And there's the GPS coordinates of John's house, in the "YEARS IN THE PAST" panel. Go to google maps and look it up. The neighborhood depicted in the panel to the right will look very familiar, lakes and all, if you zoom in sufficiently. John's house even has a special address, though if you look at photos of the real house, it doesn't look much like his house at all. Also, we find out WV's station was a huge can all along, and laugh. Except that later, we find out that it was actually ANOTHER thing all along, that is appropriate for different reasons, and re-laugh about it. <spoil>cork</spoil>

1:02 - PM's station is the apple shaped pod that grew and fell from this giant tree. The tree grew from the meteor "seed" that destroyed John's house 413 years ago. The design of the station is always related to the player's entry object. The station's terminal is meant to "control" the client player of the kid whose house once existed where that station is. So WV's station, which was in Rose's location, gives commands to John, because John is Rose's client player, and she commands his game similarly. And the apple station commands Jade, because she'll be John's client player, etc. Did you realize this?

Now that I think about it, I wonder if the fact that the first station is almost literally an apple that fell from a tree is the reason all of the stations have Apple keyboards? SHIT, GOLDEN OPPORTUNITY TO PRETEND THAT WAS INTENTIONAL: MIND BLOWN.

1:12 - By crossing out "NOT MANY," it means this happened about 413 million years ago. Which I think you'll agree is VERY many. Long enough ago that a bunch of ocean used to not be there. Oh, and dinosaurs? They hadn't even been BORN yet.

1:35 - Check out the pterodactyls in [this part]. I swiped those rudely from the background of Dinosaur Comics, @ qwantz.com. This is what we call a "shoutout" to a "homie." Ryan North flipped his shit when he saw it. He flipped his shit like it was a burger sizzling out of control. No wait, he flipped his shit like he was a black belt in judo, and his shit was a lumbering, oafish ruffian. I'm exaggerating, this didn't happen.

1:43 - ROCK-Z 2 THE RES-Q!!! She has many secrets. Want to hear another secret? Look at the locations of the buttons she pushed. The code was 4-1-3.

1:53 - The trick handcuffs come back to haunt the fuck out of those imps. Man are they screwed. They are about to get cake and shaving cream ALL OVER themselves. Dad owns the gambit. He OWNS IT. And to think. All he needed to do to perpetrate this beauty of a prank was simply abandon his son in a magical realm for an indefinite period of time. Which of course was a good character building experience. Dad of the year? Dad of the year.

#Youtube

[ramrodd]

Jesus Was WRONG In Matthew's Gospel | Dr. Bart D. Ehrman

COMMENTARY:

Popularity has been Bart Ehrman's  spiritual path since he had his born again experience with Campus  Crusade for Christ in high school. All the cool white kid were c coming to Jesus as part of the social agitation of  the Free World during the 60s. The  intended outcome of the Trotsky Insurgency Process of the Students for a Democratic Society political strategy was the BaderMeinhoff Gag and Munich 1972,  Calvinism is based on the principle of Christian Insurgency, which resulted in the R English Civil War. It violates Free Will. Ultimately, the Tulip doctrine is a post hoc justification of Michael Servetus at the stake.

This is the ethical anchor of Calvinism. It is why Hegel rejected its as a Lutheran.: re reasoned that Martin Luther abandoned the Total Depravity Jesuit Confession with his 95 Thesis and  embraced his core of rot by marrying a nun and having a bunch of kids and writing usich and drinking beer. Calvinist wear their core of rot like a badge of their Righteousness and indulge their core of rot as the word of God.

Bart Ehrman's argument isn't with the literature of the Bible but with the Total Depravity Gosple of Campus Crusade for Christ. He and everyone connected with the Jesus Seminar are mis  representing this chronology of the Gospels for political purposes going back to the Evangelicl reponse to the Sex, Drugs and Rock and Roll life style of what would become the Woodstock Nation and Affirmative Action,

I was raised to see the world the same way as Cornelius,  I'm an Amy brat and my dad began grooming be to matriculate at the Command and General Staff College around 1986. I was not aware of this going on until I retired and had time and a laptop. My thinking has alwasy been at odds with most Harvard trained executives, but pretty sympatico with Wharton graduates. The finance model of Wharton and the Command and General Staff College is the same, It is a DEI performance model

so, when I am  describing the literature of the 66 books of the Palestine Bible of the Army Protestant Chapel, I am doing it from the perspctive  of Cornelius, As a combat crazed vietnam vet, I shae the experience of Yaweh, Queen of Battle with Cornelius and Jesus. The only difference between the ontology of Cornlios and the ontology of Jesus is that Jesus was part  Cornelius's ontology but not His own.

What Jesus was trying to do was  to transform the  culture of Israel from the vertical trajectory of last times  theocracy and adopting the servant leader example of Cornelius, He bet The Satan in the Wilderness that He could acomplish this  transformation entirely by logical persuasion. Friendly Persuasion and the Quakers are wont to say. The Satan knew the world and told Jesus that he would need to feed the 9000, start a new religion and perform a death defying stunt, Jesus lost the bet when He raise Lazaris s from the dead,

That's what Cornelius comes to see by the time the Holy Spirit compels him to reach out for Peter, who becomes the trajectory of the Gospel and connects the dots of the Roman intelligence surveillance  archives of the Legio X Fretensis , the mythological Q source. This is the first written record of Jesus before He was arrested, much less resurrected.

Bart Ehrman's and the JEsus Seminar is peddling the idea that that didn't happen and  Paul is the first written record of Jesus,  Only one of two things is apparent: either his critical historic methiod isn't worht shit or he is trying to profit form academic mal practice.

The Holy Spirit is the muse of the narrative of the Bible, beginning with the Torah, The Book of Job pre=existed the Torach by a thousand years, along with Enoch's 7000 yeaar Epoch of ten 700 year "weks" that is the template for Jacob's Ladder and Aristotle's mid-Platonic methodology,.

Petr's testimony gave Cornelius a window on the inner working of the social movement Jesus and John the Baptist represented, The context of Cornelius before the Holy Spirit brings him in contact with Peter is the Cross that Talks. Ultimately, Cornelius is the common denominator of the Gospels and Acts. Pilate's lost euangelion to Tiberius  reporting on the Tlking Cross that is summarized in Mark 15:1 - 16:8. The Gospel of Peter extends over the same event. No Jews were preent inside the Praetorium and Cornelius was in the room with Pilate during th  interrogation of Jesus,

The one thing I agree with bart Ehrman is that the Total Depravity Gospel of Campus Crusade for Christ is bullshit. I  mean, the first time I heard the Four Spritual Laws, I tatally agreed with them, Still do. At the time I first encountered the laws, I was already committed to God's plan for me in a military career as a christian vocation, The Liberation Gospel of George Washington and George Marshall.

I got the Four Spiritual Laws just fine. Then what  As near as I could tell, the Total Depravity Gospel was dedicated to  obsessing who was going to heaven and who wasn't and, generally, waiting for Jesus to beam them up whle  worshiping Mammon,

Bart Ehrman is just into slandering the literature of the Bible for fun and profit.

A difference between the Gospel of Mark and the Gospel of Matthew is the difference  betwen the testimony of a largely illiterate fisherman and an educated businessman, If  Levi Matthew hadn't been a publican in the family business, he would have been Pharisee. like Josephus, Matthew connects as the thological dots Cornelius exposes in his narrative that Peter is lafely unaware of except coincidentally, The Gospel of Matthew is a polemic supporting the Judaizing of Peter and James in opposition to Paul. Both Pual's and the Gospel of Matthwen were written after the Jerusalem Council, By the time  the Gospel of Luke and Acts are composed, all the Jesus Followers had been excommunicated from the Jewish Congregagtions, generally, by the expedient of the 19th Blessing of the Amidah. So the bitterness shows through. Ultimately, Pauline Theology is the  theological arugment Jesus bet t The Satan hHe could sell to  Israel and prevent the Apocalypse like John at Nineveh.

In the final analysis, the narrative of the Bible, brom start to finish, is an invitaion to adopt the Holy Spirit as your Mus  in the Hellenistic sense of the word, Selling the Holy Spirit is part of Jesus's minitry,  The Romans adopted the program pretty buch whole cloth and the first 19 bookd of the New Testament commes down to the bread and wind of Melchizedek

#youtube

[kudosmyhero]

The Amazing Spider-Man (vol. 1) #63: Wings in the Night!

Read Date: January 27, 2023 Cover Date: August 1968 ● Writer: Stan Lee ● Penciler: John Romita ◦ Don Heck ● Inker: Mike Esposito ● Colorist: {uncredited} ● Letterer: Sam Rosen ● Editor: Stan Lee ●

**HERE BE SPOILERS: Skip ahead to the fan art/podcast to avoid spoilers

Reactions As I Read: ● Adrian Toomes is looking good as Vulture in that opening splash!

● Spidey gets washed out of the air by rain and lands hard on a terrace ● he's still hiding from police ● Adrian breaks into a museum where his original Vulture costume, taken from Blackie Drago, is on display ● Peter gets back to his and Harry's apartment and goes to bed while still wearing his rain-soaked, sweaty costume ● he looks pretty tired and miserable at ESU the next morning, and his right arm is still injured ● Adrian flies to the prison. he gives the spare Vulture costume to Drago, who is in shock that Toomes is alive. they both fly out of the prison yard ● Harry and Peter receive a letter from Flash, who Harry intuits is preparing to ship out for Vietnam ● apropos of nothing, Peter says he feels bad for not paying rent; Harry reminds him that Norman Osborn is footing the bill, and Harry likes having him around ● Peter calls Gwen but gets her dad, who asks Peter if he'd have lunch with him tomorrow ● then Norman Osborn arrives at the aparment, looking distraught and acting like a jerk ● Peter worries about Norman regaining his memories of his time as Green Goblin ● Adrian tells Blackie that when he learned of Blackie's betrayal, he'd grown so angry that his will to live grew. in the chaos that ensued after Blackie's prison break, Adrian also escaped ● Adrian broke Blackie out now in order to fight him for dominance as the true Vulture ● Peter sees the two of them fighting and hopes they polish each other off; he sits it out due to his injured arm and goes to the Bugle, where JJJ takes him up to the roof to get photos of the Vultures fighting ● their fight takes them to a terrace where a little kid is hanging out ● they break the balcony, the kid hangs on for dear life, JJJ turns to Parker but Peter is gone (nice Batman-y move) ● Spider-Man saves the kid, but now he's angry at the Vultures ● Adrian wins the fight (yay!) and Drago gets re-arrested ● Adrian heads to Spider-Man, but after rescuing the kid, Spidey's arm is pretty much useless ● 👏👏👏

Synopsis: Adrian Toomes, the original Vulture, had survived his brush with death and has escaped from prison. Taking on a spare Vulture costume, the original Vulture vows to get revenge on Blackie Drago. Meanwhile, Spider-Man seriously injures his arm while web-slinging on a rainy day. The Vulture then breaks into a nearby museum and steals back the Vulture costume once worn by Drago.

The next day while Peter attends classes as usual and attempts to patch things up with Gwen, the Vulture drops in on the prison where Blackie Drago has been incarcerated. There he fights off inmates and guards alike and demands that Drago put on the spare costume, so that they may duel and learn which is the more superior fighter -- and therefore worthy of the title of the Vulture.

While Peter makes a meeting with George Stacy, and Norman Osborn continues to struggle with reemerging memories of being the Green Goblin, the two Vultures fight high over the city. Peter learns about it while stopping by the Bugle and Jameson takes him up to the roof to take pictures of the fight.

When a little boy is endangered in the battle, Peter abandons Jameson so he can slip away and change into Spider-Man and rescue the child. As Toomes knocks out Drago, Spider-Man saves the little boy. All this is watched by a furious Jameson who has no photographer to document this whole spectacle. With the boy taken to safety, and Drago was taken into police custody, who swears he will never put on the wings again. Spider-Man, who has seriously strained his already injured arm, is the only one capable of trying to stop Toomes, who is rushing towards the wall-crawler, bent on a fight to the finish.

(https://marvel.fandom.com/wiki/Amazing_Spider-Man_Vol_1_63)

Fan Art: Spider-Man vs The Vulture by RobertMacQuarrie1

Accompanying Podcast: ● Swinging Through Spider-Man - episode 63

● Let's Read Spider-Man - episode 39

#marvel #my marvel read #spider-man #podcast - let's read spider-man #podcast - swinging through spider-man #fan art #marvel comics #adrian toomes #the vulture #comics #fanart #comic books #podcast recommendation

[immortalbutterflycos]

My relationship with writing is getting too complicated.

I don't really understand why writing is simultaneously the easiest and most difficult thing for me to do.

I've always been writing. I think that maybe it could have started in elementary school, but if I'm honest I don't have many memories of back then. If I didn't really write in those years, it was probably because I was always reading instead. That much I do remember.

In middle school, it had been an outlet of sorts.

Bullied, depressed, just your average awkward kid I guess. I don't really know what actually inspired me to- wait. okay no. I do remember what inspired me to start writing. There really was a genuine notable moment in my life and that just seems like an insane thing to have forgotten until now.

The entire school was reading this same book at the same time. It was this huge event for a while. There were posters around the school and everything. (The book was 'Schooled' by Gordon Korman)

After we had all completed the book, there was an assembly for the whole school in the Gym that was led by the author himself. This was the very first published author I had ever seen in person and I was enraptured. Because for the first time, the author of a book I actually enjoyed wasn't just a couple of words on the cover, they were a real-life thing. A profession.

The moment Gordon Korman said that he had written his first book when he was in 8th grade, it was like a switch was flipped in my brain. I wanted to be just like him. If he can do it, then why couldn't I?

I truly did start really writing that day.

It was a story about a girl falling in love with a demon after her best friend got kidnapped (or something like that. There was a demon and a best friend named 'Jay'.) and it was written down in a composition book in pink pen. I think I actually still have that now that I think about it... Maybe I should re-read it...

From that day on, I was always writing. No, I never got anything published, but the passion was still there.

I've started to write/plan out a few different stories since then but they've never been completed and to some extent, they've been abandoned completely. (which is actually a big part of the actual point of this post)

Sophomore year of high school, I started writing so much that I actually managed to piss off some of my teachers because of it. Well that and I would just pull out the book I wanted to read instead of the one I was supposed to for class.

Listen, if they were going to force me to reread "The Pearl" by John Steinbeck for the 5th school year in a row, then I wasn't going to comply. I liked the book at first and then they killed it. They beat that dead horse until we were all like, "Hey maybe leave the horse alone??? Just let the poor thing die???"

Other kids got to read Shakespeare and learn about Greek Mythology but I hadn't read a single thing about Greek Mythology until my Senior year. BRIEFLY. I was so mad.

Oh, and Catcher in the Rye. Fuck that book. I read it my Junior year for school and hated it so much that I, the least confrontational person on the planet, got into arguments with my teacher about it. She was also a shit teacher on top of that so idk I think I just had a growing grudge that whole time.

Fucking hell. I don't even know if anyone has even read this far but fuck it. If I wasn't convinced that I had undiagnosed ADHD before writing this post, then I sure as hell am now.

Actually, that's a good segway. I'm going to cling to that.

WRITING IS SIMULTANEOUSLY THE EASIEST AND HARDEST THING TO DO AND I THINK THAT HAS SOMETHING TO DO WITH IT.

Sorry, didn't mean to yell. (lmao)

Anyway, back in sophomore year, I started writing fanfiction. That was genuinely the first time I started writing something that I planned to actually be read by another human being other than myself. All of the work I did in high school is on my old Wattpad account. I wish I could delete some of them but honestly, I lost the account info along with the e-mail address I used to create the account so it just gets to live on the internet forever.

But yeah. That was a thing.

I was still doing regular writing on top of that, but I have been hyperfixating on things my whole life, and fandoms and writing go hand in hand.

The whole point of this, WHICH HAS TAKEN TOO DAMN LONG TO GET TO, is that I can write. I can write for hours and hours without wanting to ever stop. I have plans and journals and slips of paper and post-it notes all just filled with writing. Hundreds of Docs.

And not a single completed project.

That is my issue.

I can plan out a cohesive story but actually getting to the writing part is so fucking hard.

This is weird as hell because I've posted full chapters before. On Wattpad in the past and Ao3 since I got into Critical Role. Never finished a story but that's another issue.

Right now, I struggle to even write a full chapter that I'm happy with.

I don't know what it is honestly. but its frustrating to be capable of writing and then to not be able to write.

That's it. That's the post.

If any of you read this far, you get a cookie because goddamn...

#writing with adhd #writing is hard #writers #ao3 author #maybe it was so easy back in school because I had to sit in a desk for hours and hours a day and needed an escape from the mundanity of it #i just want to do that again #I miss it

[madewithonerib]

RE You know how I said this: Thank you for Point #9, that #misuse scared the daylights out of me. I have no interest in making people worse off at all, at least not unless that is how it'll leads to total redemption later on.

But then you said this: Perhaps we do not need to pray that GOD will increase our faith; rather we may need to ask HIM to help us use the faith we have.

Well that got me thinking about..

all my unbelief issues, which was maddening in the midst of intense awesome growing closeness to GOD, suddenly the very next morning it's like HIS Presence would be gone!

My abandonment issues would rise up again.

You know the day before we started kindergarten, GOD allowed us kids to watch Oliver Twist!?

We were sure mom was leaving us—so we were inconsolable when she walked away . . .she had no idea what we were balling about that day, all these other well adjusted toddlers & she has the cry-babies. Nada because parents mindlessly put kids in front of the TV to be nannied.

This is so messed up. lol

Maybe GOD is saying HE can remove all our hurts/doubt? [Mark 9:24] “Help my unbelief..”

Revelation 21:4 | HE will wipe away every tear from their eyes; & death shall be no more, nor mourning, nor crying, nor sorrow shall be any more — for the former things have passed away.

unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground & dies, it remains alone; but if it dies, it bears much fruit. [John 12:24]

Philippians 3:8-10 | ¹⁰ I want to know CHRIST and the power of HIS resurrection and 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗳𝗲𝗹𝗹𝗼𝘄𝘀𝗵𝗶𝗽 𝗼𝗳 𝗛𝗜𝗦 𝘀𝘂𝗳𝗳𝗲𝗿𝗶𝗻𝗴𝘀, being conformed to HIM in HIS #death!

In GOD’s Presence there only can be truth, so that is why HE leaves us in this lingo state as it can't be any other way, HIS Presence would obliterate all evil/sin/#lies; there'd be no more struggle, HIS being fills the Earth, infusing us & everything with HIS goodness.

Habakkuk 2:14 | Woe to the Chaldeans ¹⁴ For the Earth will be filled with the knowledge of the glory of the YHWH as the waters cover the sea.

¹⁵ Woe to him who gives drink to his neighbors, pouring it from the wineskin until they are drunk, in order to gaze at their nakedness!

Thought I’d throw in v.15 to tie in with purity :D

Also James said, it’s like a muscle being built up..

James 1:1-27 | A Greeting from James [Jude 1:1-2]

¹ James, a servant of GOD and of the LORD JESUS CHRIST, to the 12 tribes of the Dispersion: Greetings ² Consider it pure joy, my brothers, when you meet w/ trials of many kinds, ³ because you know the #testing of your faith develops perseverance.

The first trait my dad said I had in droves..

#perseverence #abandonment issues #Oliver Twist #toddlers #kindergarten #inconsolable #walked away #GOD’s Presence #Morning After

[astudyinfreewill]

“it all comes down to the soul(s) in the end”: or, characters make the story work, and not the other way around

outing myself yet again as a dabb era critical blog here but. i just think the difference between carver era and dabb era is that carver era was character-arc driven while dabb era was overarching-main-plot driven with some good character moments thrown in (which may be to do with the fact that - iirc - during carver era for a while they didn’t know if they’d get renewed so they couldn’t plan too far ahead and just progressed the story by increments, as opposed to dabb era knowing they had a longer time frame to work with and deciding the plot beforehand). 

the thing is, i think most of us can agree that after the kripke era - which, for all its flaws and setbacks (hello writers’ strike), had a self-contained myth arc involving both an internally coherent narrative and certain well-defined character beats - and going into the gamble “hot girl summer but make it angst” era, the appeal of supernatural relies largely on the characters. it has to, because for a show to keep running after 6-7 seasons, you have to be invested not just in the story/stories being told, but in the people driving the story forward. it simply won’t work otherwise.

and - to my perception at least - the carver era (perhaps largely due to ben edlund’s imprint in s8, lbr) knew that. some examples of what i mean:

it gave dean an arc about dealing with the toxicity of his upbringing and his unhealthy attachment to sam, as well as starting to explore other meaningful relationships for himself (benny, charlie, and of course him continuously reaching out to cas) - essentially it allowed dean to confront that he wanted things. 

it gave sam an arc about dealing with his trauma re: demon blood, and having to confront what it means to be good, how he always felt impure through no fault of his own - and it shifted him over into accepting that his calling in life is as a keeper of lore and mentor to other people, by contrasting the failure of the sam/amelia relationship with him finding the bunker and discovering a different part of the hunting world

it forced cas to confront what he wants for himself, by making him deal with his own changing nature (being human, then an angel again, and the whole arc about living on borrowed grace), and with the other angels falling and what that meant for him; he got the chance to be on his own and be with the winchesters, to both make mistakes and be a leader to other angels - and then give up that leadership by choice because he prioritised his human family to his reputation in heaven (which should have been a clear indication of endgame human cas but i digress)

it brought in compelling new characters - primarily charlie and kevin, though they were both horrendously mistreated by bucklemming writing them off - claire novak as an angry teenager, aaron and his golem, metatron as a fascinatingly meta (ha) antagonist, rowena as a frenemy, and gave old characters compelling story beats (crowley and his “humanity addiction”). also, it had writers like robbie thompson who were attuned to the fan community in an unprecedented way.

with the dabb era, i feel like because they’d set their mind on where the story was going (e.g.: killing dean, having a new and “better” god in place, giving sam a white picket fence ending) they didn’t really care if they had to break the protagonists’ characterisation to get us there. we still had moments of great characterisation - steve yockey episodes first and foremost, and of course robert berens carrying the dean/castiel beats - but mostly, characterisation came second to what the story would need. this is how we get dean winchester, friend and protector to kids everywhere, being A-Okay with sacrificing a kid he supposedly cares about, not once but several times over, because the plot needed Emotional Stakes™️.

(and this, by and large, is my issue with jack as a character too, because he spends so much of his time on the show so clearly being a plot device - a literal deus ex machina - that he ends up being not very compelling to me. “but baby jack!” i hear you say. and yes, yes, he’s cute and i like him, but listen -- his characterisation reads as a blank slate because ultimately that’s what the narrative needs from him - and there’s a whole separate post i could make on that, really). 

but i think the main problem is that the endgame the dabb era had in mind conflicted openly with the stakes they had set up in the carver era - and that the most attuned writers kept up with even in seasons 12-15, which is why the finale felt as stridently wrong as it did (other than being ridiculously badly written). by which i mean:

dean was set up as wanting something more for himself, more than hunting and violence, and we see that in moments - but it’s not what he ends up getting. additionally, he spends so much of seasons 8-10 breaking down his toxic traits, and then bam - suddenly, he’s turned into john 2.0, because the story demands it. 

sam was set up to become a new kind of hunter, one with a men of letters background, and find happiness in the life - so you get a side plot where he successfully organises and leads a group of hunters - but ultimately he leaves all that behind and abandons the bunker (and eileen, his natural companion going forward). 

cas was set up as choosing humanity over heaven because that’s where he wants to be, and choosing to become a hunter because he wants to be useful and do good - but that gets boiled down to “cas is still an angel but now he’s Also A Dad and that’s his one purpose in life now” (i’m sorry, i am not here for the hot take of “jack is good for cas because he can’t just revolve around dean”. first of all, that’s a disservice to cas’s character over the seasons, and second of all-- oh but it’s ok for cas to just revolve around jack? it don’t make no cents luv!)

i don’t think story-driven eras are inherently bad. i enjoyed seasons 1-5, but they take place when we’re still getting to know the characters; and there is a certain evolution for them there that you may like or dislike, but it makes narrative sense for them. but if you decide to go forward into a new era with well-established and beloved characters, you have to know who the characters are and what they want or your story will always ring hollow. the main problem i have with the dabb era is that it decided the story it wanted to tell - and didn’t stop to consider whether the characters living it out would actually organically fit into it. and isn’t that chuck’s whole mistake?

#spn #meta #spn meta #supernatural #dabb critical #team free will #my meta #mp #ambra.txt #in short: carver era my beloved. you committed some atrocities but i forgive you #big BIG thanks to tierney for watching me work out a shorter version of this in real time #tier i'm tagging you just in case you want to see me ramble even HARDER about this #katebushstandean #will i get cancelled for being critical of jack? stay tuned to find out #long post #long post for ts

[tgttos]

THE sbi crit post (reupload)

after the original and the iconicmcytblrposts version both being deleted, i was pretty sure the sbi crit post was gone permanently. thankfully, after a good amount of digging i was able to find an internet archive version, which im posting here for accessability (and because the archive version mentions op by name.)

op has since abandoned their blog, but please, still dont seek them out to harass them. im not posting this as much to mock as i am because i think even dumb fandom history shit deserves to be preserved. this is the full text of the post, minus the requesters url removed by me.

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cw, critical of sbi

as requested by @/[url removed], a SBI critical post. Going from youngest to oldest. None of this is satire, no matter how silly these points seem

TommyInnit

A kid. He is arguably too young to be doing what he does.

Twitch is a site that’s quite adult, even with many streamers being minors, and many of the people watching the streams also being minors. Swearing, sexual jokes, etc. are (if we’re looking at the definition of it) nsfw, and let’s be real, if you can’t have a job, you shouldn’t be probably shouldn’t be engaging in NSFW things. Yes this includes making stupid little sex or penis jokes, since they’re being broadcasted to thousands of people.

Many of his friends are adults and they have to watch themselves around him, which is something they shouldn’t really have to do due to their line of work. They should be able to make shitty sex jokes and flirt with their peers because that’s their job, but around Tommy they can’t. Bonus points for befriending a fucking 32 year old. Remember that one John Mulaney set? Where he talks about how fucking weird Back to the Future is? Sorta the same thing only we know how Phil and Tommy met so not nearly as weird. But still a little weird.

Technoblade

This one was the hardest, and I thought about it for a good bit. Hard to write, but I think I’ve got it.

He is glorifying his ADHD. I know it’s not purposeful. I know ADHD isn’t bad. But by doing what he does open and in the public (just look at the potato war) he is making it seem as if hyperfixation is the Best Way to win something. He spent months holed up in his room, farming potatoes in a block game. 10 year old kids are going to see that. And they’re gonna want to do it too. And it is not good for you

Wilbur Soot

are you gay or not.

We all agree that he’s bi coded (not saying he is, saying that he presents as bi). He’ll, someone on the Projekt Melody LoH straight up called him a “bi-guy”. Because of this he often gets away with his more Home of Sexual jokes, yknow, like the same ones we hold Dream accountable for? Just look at the entirety of him asking Dream on the pizza hut date. Most definitely queerbaiting but we ignore it because he just seems like he’s LGBTQ. Hell, this is where I get my definition of Soy-Boy from; “a man that seems bisexual, so you just kinda assume it and then one day you find out he’s actually straight. The fact he’s straight sits in your mind, but the fact he’s not bi is constantly dancing at the front of your head. There is nothing you can do about this. Also soy-boys have good fashion senses”

ALSO he is fairly open about his political beliefs (re: Piss Speaks Louder than Words cover, calling Sapnap (who at the time was RPing a cop) a pig, calling himself a liberal), and yet he doesn’t say anything about his fans that are racist or such (please just go look through the comments of the Piss Speaks Louder than Words cover. It’s a hell).

Ph1lzA

“Sir that is my emotional support block man!” all the kids with fucking terrible parents say. Trust me, I know because I am one of those kids.

He is an escape for many of us, a father that will always care, a father that won’t hurt us (or in my case, threaten so much I’m afraid to be around him). And Phil is also an unhealthy coping mechanism.

He is “trapped” behind our screens. He can’t actually comfort us. He can’t give you a hug, or ruffle your hair, or anything that a good father could because you don’t know him. You can call him dad in donos. You can ask for life advice. But he’s not your father. And we all need to realize that, I think.

None of SBI is your family. They have family dynamics with each other, but you don’t have family dynamics with them.

#sbi crit post #long post