#supreme sense of humour

[delicatecookiecashpatrol]

new (very specific) category: the younger queer, mentally unstable sibling with a supreme sense of humour, are insanely messy but so lovable and have brown hair aka my favourite trope because it’s me

#mentally unstable #queer characters #this me #younger sibling #supreme sense of humour #lovable characters #amelia shepherd #greys anatomy #private practice #station 19 #caterina scorsone #bi #casey gardner #atypical #queer #brigette lundy paine #non binary #klaus hargreeves #tua #the umbrella academy #pansexaul #gay #robert sheehan #emily dickinson #dickinson #lesbian #hailee steinfeld #lgbtq #pride #pride month

[breitzbachbea]

Reading fanfic and last week we had #NotMyLudwig and I am now at the point I'm also saying #NotMyFrancis.

#beablabbers #riva #jani #disowning this french pervert. what happened to my french LOVER. #also neither fran nor arthur in this fic would survive their right hands from LFLS for a day #Arielle and Dési would rip this Francis verbally to shreds . Dési already made it her life mission to annoy her friends to the point #a serious intervention was needed to make her realize the bit actually hurt her friends. This Francis would have his life RUINED by her. #She's like wow he's up his own ass and also supremely boring. Oh I am going to annoy him so hard. I am going to put him in Situations. #He has no sense of humour so it's gonna be so funny when he loses his shit. #Arielle would hate this Francis for his supreme lack of Romance and being a lover and appreciator. Low standards are one thing. #Having none is entirely different. Oh the DISDAIN she would have for him... #Meanwhile Robert would have eaten this spineless Arthur for breakfast and used him as a toothpick instead of even considering #taking him and his claims serious let alone work for him. And even Tahir at his absolute fucking lowest would have been like. I have #standards. I am not becoming a criminal working for THIS wet rag. There is no way this could turn into a success.

[aziraphales-library]

Hi! I love this blog so much, it's a lifesaver! I was wondering if you could recommend any fics along the lines of Angels hearing prayers (Specifically Aziraphale hearing Crowley's prayers) or even the alternative where demons can sense lust and Crowley is very aware of Aziraphale's less than innocent feelings toward him?

Hello! The first thing I thought of was this little ficlet on tumblr, so check that out. And here are three fics in which Aziraphale hears prayers (the first of which is post-series two!) and three fics in which Crowley can sense lust...

Just Called To Say Fuck You I Love You by Sodium_Azide (E)

Aziraphale discovers that being the Supreme Archangel of Heaven, in Heaven, means that one hears direct prayers. He makes this discovery when a lonely and heartbroken Crowley thinks about his angel during a sad wank session. Evocative imagery, yearning, and visceral appreciation and longing for him do a great deal to bring perspective to an angel who felt cornered into painful choices. Fuck this, he's going home.

So Much to be Consoled as to Console by Arokel (T)

“What are you,” Crowley drawled, “the patron saint of queer kids?” A series of lost souls over the centuries who prayed, whether they knew it or not, to the Angel Aziraphale.

The Still of Your Hand by AshCommaMan & EmAndFandems (E)

Six thousand years is a long time to pine for someone. Two thousand years is a long time to have sex with someone. Seven hundred years is a long time to be friends with someone. Eternity is a long time to love someone. It's worth the wait. Crowley and Aziraphale through the ages, as we've seen them - and some years we haven't - having lots and lots of emotionally fraught sex. Following from Rome to post-canon in 177K words.

Delectable by fuchsiaring (E)

Just as Crowley is nodding to himself, resolute in his plan, there’s a shiver in the air, like the way summer heat rolling off the pavement ripples with the swelter of it. Crowley can feel it in his chest, in his veins, thrumming in his bones. He knows this feeling, has felt it a fair few times in his centuries. Lust. -- Crowley senses lust from Aziraphale's flat above the bookshop. What's there to do besides follow the feeling?

In The Garden by kraken_creature (E)

"It started in the garden. No, not that garden. This garden came much later. Having swapped back into their own bodies, Crowley invited Aziraphale to lunch and he, with frustrating good humour about it, smiled and said that Crowley had succeeded in tempting him. And that was it. Crowley felt the familiar itch start in his hands, wanting to touch Aziraphale, wanting to hold him." Crowley spends an awkward time at the Ritz pining and lusting over Aziraphale, completely unable to articulate his feelings until he's compelled to make the first move.

I Was Never Forbidden Fruit by Sevynlira (E)

Sometimes a little miracle can get a lot out of hand. For sure if you have been holding onto it for a few thousand years. Silly angel.

- Mod D

#good omens #ineffable husbands #prayers #aziraphale can hear prayers #lust #crowley can sense lust #adult omens #mod d

[celluloidbroomcloset]

all other criticism of taika aside, the one where people get mad he's "egotistical" always just makes me hysterical like ??? he's JOKING. he is a deeply unserious person and while i do believe he has an immense amount of pride for his work and does mean what he's saying he's hamming it up to be silly because the joke he's telling is "no one cares this much about the work of some jewish indigenous guy", he LIVES by fake it til you make it and he just so happens to live Up to the hype by being a brilliant filmmaker so people can't process it in their twitter-fried brains.

he's ironically one of the least egotistical people i've ever seen, without being parasocial he seems to be actually very anxious and reserved and has said himself he hates events and talking to people and gets nervous, and he likes to ham up the personality for laughs. like his entire reaction oh the daily show when leslie asked him if he knew he was fine and he did preen a little but every other word after was 100% a joke 😭 people loved his irreverent kiwi humour until he proved he uses it consistently himself and then they're like oh... he's an egomaniac hollywood a lister who has threesomes and cheats on his pregnant wife!!!!! all this is one hundred percent true my source is (checks hand) an anonymous gossip instagram account that anyone can submit to. like that joke he made about the bible everyone on twitter got mad about more recently.

Yeah, from what I've observed of his interviews and general sense of humor, that seems to be true (it is interesting that David Jenkins has talked about Rhys making Taika feel safer to be vulnerable, so one does wonder how much both of them use humor to protect themselves - again, though, I don't want to get into analyzing the psychology of performers or making generalizations about people I do not know).

I think you have to have a pretty strong ego to be an artist at all, especially one in an industry so heavily run on ego, where getting a film or show made in the first place is a supreme effort. My point generally is that we often celebrate white male directors and artists for their egos - "well, he's egotistical, but he's a GENIUS!" - and don't extend that to...everyone else. Everyone else needs to be humble and have humility and be grateful - and if they're not, they're difficult and self-centered and they have to be brought down a peg.

Taika is a PoC (not just that - an indigenous, Jewish) man who has been very successful and he talks a lot and often without thinking, so he's been targeted by a lot of people that seem to have a problem with him from the outset (wonder why?), who then scrutinize every statement he makes to determine if he's being a proper example of what they believe a man like him should be.

Generally, we refuse to let artists be human beings with human emotions and opinions. We especially refuse the right of humanity to anyone who isn't straight and white and cisgender and male. The number of times I've seen critics and commentators and fans explain away the absolute worst things done by white male artists and not extend even a modicum of understanding to anyone else.

This, again, is not a defense of any specific thing that Taika, or anyone else, has said or done. There are lots of artists with terrible opinions whose work I like and will continue to like, and there are lots of artists I can no longer enjoy because of what I know their opinions and actions to be. But this whole thing is shaded with racism and vitriol.

#reply #ofmd #taika waititi

[ahsoka-its-all-of-us]

And some random Kallus headcanons:

He is from the mid-levels of Coruscant, and managed to attend the topside Royal Imperial Academy on a scholarship based on his outstanding results in school.

Jovan was the only friend he ever had before he defected from the Empire and joined the Rebellion. Their friendship was somewhat messy; they experimented together as youngsters and there were definitely feelings involved, but they were never officially a thing.

He admired the clones growing up, and joined the military partly because of their example. His signature sideburns are a nod to how the clones would often use their (facial) hair as a means of distinguishing themselves.

He has some scruffy blond body hair, as well as a happy trail. Zeb loves it.

Because of his results both in the Academy and with ISB, he has been named a rising star and considered for high positions. He never applied for any of them because he preferred his field work.

When he gave the order to use the ion disruptors on the Lasats during the Purge of Lasan, he didn’t actually know the impact of the weapons on organic beings, thinking it would just disable their weapons. He has kept this a secret from the Empire, which commended him for his inventiveness upon his victory.

While he hides it well, he deeply despises Arihnda Pryce because of her ruthless attitude and how she, as governor of Lothal, doesn’t seem to care about her people at all, only in it for her own glory and power.

By the time he leaves the Empire for good, the Rebellion is desperate enough and has enough Imperial defectors in its ranks that they don’t think twice about allowing him to join. It takes him a very long time to come to terms with this trust.

He wields his bo-rifle not as a trophy, but to honour the guardsman who presented him with it. He has grown very attached to it; nobody else in the Imperial military owns anything like it, and it has become his signature weapon.

His encounter with Zeb on Bahryn was not the first time he doubted the Empire. It was just the first time he ever allowed himself to verbalise those doubts, even in his own mind.

As a born Coruscantian to whom it is a foreign concept, he secretly loves plants and flowers.

He’ll eventually become good friends with Hera, who sort of adopts him like she’s adopted the entire Ghost crew, even if he’s older than her.

His military and ISB background as well as his strategical intelligence make him quickly rise in the Rebellion’s ranks. He refuses to be made a general, though, out of guilt for his Imperial past.

He is supremely touch-starved, but doesn’t allow many people to touch him. He loves it when Zeb hugs him, though, even if he will never initiate it and will die before admitting it.

He has a terrible sense of humour; once he actually learns how to laugh, he’ll crack up over the stupidest puns. Zeb doesn’t mind because he has a beautiful laugh.

#Jenny’s headcanons #star wars #alexsandr kallus #garazeb orrelios #kalluzeb #hera syndulla #arihnda pryce #jovan #jovallus

[krillposting]

Four characters who make you yell "MY MAN MY MAN MY MAN".

Thank you for tagging me, @capondi!!

With apologies that 3 out of 4 are Dastmalchian characters...

1) Abner Krill

The man who launched my account, my darling Abner Krill. His depressive, brooding affect paired with his vibrant powers, social disinhibition and trauma captivated me instantly. Truly as a character he is a hyperfixation like no other. I can fix him? I really can't. But he can fix me.

2) Piter de Vries.

Abner's opposite in many ways, but my type is fucked up little guy and Piter is the supreme. When I found out Dastmalchian was playing him in the Villeneuve Dune, I immediately became invested. But in process, came to adore every iteration of Piter: book version, Brad Dourif, and every fan art incarnation. They are all my murder husband.

3) Dennis Murdoc

Oh look, another sociopath! To be honest, I have watched every MacGyver episode which features Murdoc, and none of the others. As far as I'm concerned, Murdoc is the main character of that show. I love that he's a cold blooded killer with a sense of humour, and you can tell Dastmalchian had a blast playing him. His gloves are also a borderline kink tbh.

4) Floki Vilgerðarson

A character I've never posted about on here, but he is just as much My Man as the Dast boys. The top recommended Google search under Floki's name is "what mental illness does he have?" He's a master craftsman. He's a religious zealot. He's high on hallucinogens. He rocks a smoky eye. He discovered Iceland by mistake. I'm in love with him even though he'd want to kill me with an axe.

I tag @kyber-infinitygems @practically-an-x-man @aesdi and @cadavergraves if any of you are up for playing - and whomever else too!!

#tag game #it's all for you abner krill #piter de vries #david dastmalchian #murdoc macgyver #floki the boat builder

[charmsandtealeaves]

Supreme Pizza With Extra Mushrooms

An old little Jily AU oneshot. Lily's uni boyfriend has broken up with her. Her girlfriends propose a girls night- Tinder swiping and pizza inclusive. Words: 1,445 Read it on AO3

Marlene’s suggestion was that the best thing to do after a break up was always a girls night. Which basically translated to swiping through Tinder looking for prospective replacement or rebound while drinking wine and stuffing their faces with pizza. 

The only part of that scenario that Lily had truly agreed with was the pizza. The furthest thing from her mind was finding herself a new beau, prospective matches be damned. So whilst Mary, Dorcas and Marlene crammed themselves around her phone swiping away, Lily began the online order. 1x Hawaiian, 1x meatlovers, 1x vegetarian, and 1x supreme with extra mushrooms. She punched the order through on her laptop. 

Hi! Thanks for your order, your delivery driver will be James.

While your order is cooking, here's a few things about James…

Lily was always amused by the random facts the pizza place would give about their delivery drivers. She practically knew most of them off by heart by now due to all the pizza they collectively ordered. I mean how could you be expected to survive university late nights without a decent takeaway? But this one was new, she’d never had James before. The new pizza maker intrigued her. 

“What ya looking at Lily?” Dorcas asked, leaning over her shoulder. 

“Nothing much Dor, just watching the facts about the delivery driver,” Lily replied.

James has left the building you can expect delivery in: 10 minutes

“Oh please Lils, don’t tell me you actually read those things. They’re always the same,” Marlene scoffed, far too absorbed by the phone screen to even look up.

“This one’s new. I’m interested. His name’s James” Lily retorted.

James would say his favourite pizza is the supreme.

If James had to pick a sport he’d pick rugby league.

The last song James listened to is “Feel It Still by Portugal. The man ” would you like to listen?

“Hey Lily! He has the same favourite pizza as you!” Mary commented cheerfully, joining the new gathering around the computer screen. “Gods I could never work at this pizza joint. It’d feel so weird knowing that the customer knows something about me without knowing anything about them.”

“I don’t know why you’re all so interested in a faceless pizza boy when we have literal abs for days right here,” Marlene interrupted, coming over to read too.

If James got lost on a deserted island he wishes he’d be stuck with the book “How to build a raft”

“Alright so the bloke has a sense of humour at least” Marlene quipped. “They could at least give you a photo so you can do a proper snoop.”

The sound of a car pulling onto the drive interrupted the conversation. Lily stood to go and answer the door for James the delivery driver. She rummaged through her purse for change as she swung open the door. 

James was stood poised to knock, slightly startled. Whatever she had expected it wasn’t this. He couldn’t have been much older than herself, the tall young man in front of her was eighteen or nineteen maybe at most. James was quite handsome. His dark hair was scruffy looking, dark and windswept. The uniform he wore was splattered with flour and pizza sauce, but there were still creases in the sleeves that indicated it was brand new. Lily watched as the young man pushed his glasses further up the bridge of his nose. 

“Pizza delivery for Evans?” He coughed.

“That’d be me” Lily smiled, exchanging the collection of notes and loose change from her purse for the boxes in his outstretched hand. 

“Say I’ve never had you as a driver before. You new?” she asked politely, making conversation.

“Oh yeah, first day on the job. My folks just opened the chemist on May street. I just need the extra cash for the new uni semester.” He grinned, counting out the correct change. 

“You’ll probably be in my year then. Considering your choice in pizza I’m sure we will get along swimmingly,” Lily flirted. 

God what had gotten into her, Lily Evans did not flirt with random pizza guys. Especially not so soon after a break up. 

“Hey Lily! Get in here already would you? We’re hungry!” Mary called out from back inside the house.

“You know what James… keep the change, a tip for your first day on the job.” Lily winked. “Thanks for the pizza” 

“Thanks. My pleasure to deliver you pizza anytime.” James offered her a comedic bow before returning to his car. 

Lily carried the tower of pizza boxes back into her room to find the girls once again hoarded around her phone. She placed the boxes on the floor and began to set them up in a line, free for the picking.

“Heya Lils, what did that pizza guy look like?” Marlene asked, pinching a slice of meatlovers.

“Tall, glasses, dark hair, hazel eyes. Why?” Lily questioned stuffing her face with supreme. 

Marlene suddenly confronted her with the phone screen. Lily couldn’t believe her eyes. There he was on screen. However, this James wasn’t in a pizza uniform. He was shirtless on a beach with three other guys. She swiped through to the next photo, a close up shot of him with a shaggy black dog. Yep it was definitely the same guy. What were the odds? She scrolled down to read the bio section.

James, 18, 1 km away

New to the area. Interests include sport, laughs and supreme pizza. Comes with a bottomless stomach and great banter. Take a second to think about swiping… or not. 

*The dog belongs to me, his name is Snuffles

Before she knew what possessed her Lily swiped. Bloody hell she had just swiped the pizza guy. The ‘it’s a match’ logo popped up on screen much to the delight of her friends, meanwhile Lily’s heart was in her stomach. She watched as a message popped up on screen.

Supreme with extra mushrooms. Can’t agree with mutilating an already perfect pizza but hey I think i’ll forgive you this once ;)

Lily typed back a reply rapidly.

Well if someone made them with a decent number of mushrooms in the first place, it wouldn’t be necessary. 

She paused, watching her screen and waiting for the reply. She was aware that her cheeks were already flushed and she felt the eyes of all her friends on her. She gave them a knowing look, don’t start with me. She flicked back to the main page to see how Marlene had laid out her profile. Marlene chosen a snap taken last year at the school formal of the group of them, her cat Merlin on her bed and a cheeky picture of Lily sipping coffee at their local spot.

Lily, 18, Hogwarts University

Library addict, recently single because my ex boyfriend is a bit of a prick like that. Anyway, not looking for anything serious. Down for banter and see where it goes. 

Lily looked up at Marlene and rolled her eyes at her. “Nice one Mar”.

“You’ll thank me later. Pizza guy is kinda cute, you should ask about his friend with the long hair.” She wiggled her eyebrows suggestively. Lily typed a second message to James

My pal Marlene wants to know who your friend is with the long hair in your picture and asks if he’s taken.

The reply came back shortly after.

I really should not be using this while I’m at work but you tempt me Evans. As for my friend his name is Sirius, he’s practically my brother. Tell your friend if she’s interested to type Sirius Black into facebook. And if you happen to want mine at the same time it’s James ‘Prongs’ Potter. I really gotta get back to work… but I promise you have my undivided attention once I finish.

Lily found herself smiling at her screen. Tossing the phone to Marlene so she could read the message. Marlene began her Facebook stalking search. They trolled through the photo pages of both James and Sirius. They discovered the identity of the other two boys in the photos, Remus Lupin and Peter Pettigrew… which led to more vigorous social media stalking. Lily was interrupted by the ding of her phone a while later.

Tell me Evans… are you a fan of frozen cokes?

Of course Potter, who isn’t?

The doorbell rang, making all of the girls jump out of their skin. Lily leaped up quickly and wrenched open the front door. Where stood a plain clothed James Potter with a collection of frozen cokes.

“So Evans, I hear you’re down for some decent banter. Well I live to serve, it’s in my job description after all.”

#supreme pizza with extra mushrooms #jily fic #oneshot #muggle au #jily #james potter #lily evans #Charms Library

[izzyspussy]

rewriting this post that was originally some asks, so that it's in order and easier to read!

when richie and eddie buy a house together and then eddie starts fixing up a vintage car in the garage, all the car dudes in the neighborhood flock to him and try to make friends with them. at first he tolerates them out of a sense of manners and not wanting to make the neighbors hate them before richie has a chance to make his own friends, but eventually they grow on him.

he's still standoffish and gruff and it's weird between them because they're all the Typical car dude and eddie's… not. his favorite color is pink and he listens exclusively to 90s girl rock and he's into clean eating etc. but he's the Supreme when it comes to cars, and he's tough and funny and matter of fact, so they all have to admire and like him anyway.

meanwhile, all of their wives are hanging out with richie inside and having similar Gender Clash because they have in common that they do not know or care anything about cars or, like, manual labor of ANY kind. but again they are all Typical suburban wives whereas richie is scruffy and dresses like a dyke and drinks whiskey and makes dick jokes. but he's also sweet and romantic and loves kids and animals (and has very good looking arms), so again they all admire and like him & have this strange genuine friendship.

@thecrimsondandelion said:

okay so sorry i didn’t realise more was coming and i answered the first one!! sorry about that, some of it might be repeated. but yes! i love this like the car dudes would think that Richie is the car fanatic. bc Eddie dresses in higher-end fashion, keeps his nails immaculate, they’ve heard him blast “Because We Want To” by Billie Piper from the garden when he’s going for a swim. they see Eddie during his run and he’s wearing almost too short shorts and a Spice Girls t-shirt and like yeah, the guys come up to Richie at first like “what make is she” again i know nothing about cars and Richie’s like “huh? idk red, old, the roof comes down too which is neato-burrito, but you’ll have to ask my Eddie if you want the details.” Eddie’s extremely guarded, and he actually takes great pleasure when the guys notice the scar on his cheek and look a little shocked by it. and he thinks about saying it was an accident while working on a car, “oh, i was stabbed. but you should see the other guy.” and gives them a sly smile. and they have no idea whether or not to take that seriously, he and Richie seem to have a wacky sense of humour Eddie will hear them driving, and then later on pull them aside and say something sounded off. It’s hard not to be super fucking impressed by him Eddie isn’t mean, he has a wall up, and acts a little more stoic in front of those guys. so it’s surprising to them when Richie comes out and kisses him on his scarred cheek or temple and Eddie lights up, looking all sweet and soft on Richie. the way he grins and spews out a string of insults when Richie slaps his ass, like he’s so incredibly fond. tells his bf so sincerely and fiercely that he loves him they’ll come over at like 2pm drinking beer, and Eddie’s 1. judging them for drinking Bud Light and 2. judging them over his protein shake about drinking at 2pm like, maybe they see Eddie fracture/break his wrist while working on the car, and they’re panicking. but fuck, Eddie’s broken his arm, been stabbed in the face, skewered by an alien claw. this is fucking nothing. The guys are fucking losing it, and Eddie’s sighing, wincing a little, and calming shouting on Richie to drive him to the ER, but at least Richie panics a little they have a newfound respect for him after that ———— the more i think about it the more i love the thought of Richie hanging out with the neighbourhood wives. He’s crude, big, loud. they shouldn’t like him, he’s definitely not what they’re used to in their little circle but Richie gives them celebrity gossip, they watch Greys Anatomy together when the guys are doing Car Shit. He brings back autographs from their kids favourite celebrities if he meets them and omg, when they find out one of his best friends is Thee Beverly Marsh, designer extraordinaire, they lose it (and also wonder why she ever lets Richie walk around looking like a Muppet) they’d honestly not know who to think is more handsome. Eddie has a very lean and built body, he dresses so well, polite and kind to them. but then Richie is big dad bod, huge arms, charming. and they’re both so sweet and loving to each other, even when they bicker they’ll peek into their garden and see the two of them cramped together in a hammock napping, or trying to push the other out. or see Richie come home from a tour with a huge bouquet of flowers, beaming grin plastered on his face like he’s never been happier in his entire life honestly, it’s Richie that the car guys end up not quite getting, they used to get him when he told his Shitty Unoriginal Jokes before his public breakdown/coming out. He’ll rush into the garage and rattle off some impressions, make an incredibly crude dick/sex joke (which they just struggle to get used to) they call Richie ‘a little weird’ and Eddie fucking glares at them, and if looks could kill they’d be done for. Yet Eddie will call Richie a gangly asshole, muppet looking mother fucker (‘oh you best believe i’m a mother fucker, Spaghetti’) but Richie loves making the car dudes feel a little weirded out by him

back to me again:

okay several more headcanons came to me while reading this god bless

1. richie only ever calls eddie “eddie my love” to other people. this started in childhood, with his own parents, because of the song. it’s was genuinely just an in joke with his parents while talking about his friends. and he might have brought the joke into the group too, but before he got around to it he Realized and he would get way too anxious that eddie would Know. he slips up with bill without noticing until later. at the time bill notices and doesn’t Assume Things because he just kind of figures whatever that’s about he probably just doesn’t get it. richie slips up with stan, who knows the song, so that’s fine. ofc later stan notices that richie never says it in front of eddie and realizes that it’s not as much of a joke reference as richie might have them believe. by the time ben and bev and mike come around it’s habit to say eddie my love casually when Eddie’s not around. for the longest time, eddie has no idea that richie calls him that. it’s not a momentous reveal, no confession, and eddie just thinks “that’s so romantic I hate/love it and I want it to stay”. so it’s like this unspoken thing that eddie just kind of has the privilege to know that any time richie has to represent him to someone else he has to include that he’s loved as being as important and as much a part of who he is as his name.

the car dudes and their wives know eddie, through richie, as “eddie my love” because richie casually and naturally refers to him that way so often.

2a. the car dudes and the wives both do that gendered-group thing where they complain about the ‘other’ gender, and in this case ofc the spouses. the wives, as can often happen with straight women and gay men, forget that richie is not One Of Them. so they’ll start in on like, smh husbands don’t know how to clean. and they’ll look to richie to be like so true my husband also doesn’t know how to clean. but he has to beak it to them gently that eddie does know how to clean and he doesn’t do any of that. and the wives are like oh my god… richie is a husband…

2b. richie is not always a husband though, sometimes he is a wife. he converses like a wife, when permitted. he has whisky or beer instead of wine, and he manspreads, and swears a little more than these good Christian ladies are used to, but otherwise it’s the same. the quibbling, the tangents, the nonsensical idioms, the folk traditions removed from all context, live laugh love.

there eventually is at least one bisexual car dude and one bisexual wife, who both after a few rounds of “smh husbands/wives [x]” and richie/eddie seemingly not having that problem, say “gosh i wish i could be gay and not have problems”.

and when eddie hears this from bisexual car dude his reaction is basically “lmao you’re stupid and also maybe bisexual. look into it.”

but when richie hears this from bisexual wife he girl friend talks her. “I totally understand, no stacey that does make sense, ofc you’re totally right but You Know Men and their little baby man feelings” etc and is giving her that bullshit dinner-at-olive-garden version of relationship advice along with the other wives.

HOWEVER eddie happens to be inside getting himself another canned strawberry margarita at this moment and HE says “honey no if your husband is making you feel like you need to become a lesbian you tell him. you TELL him that if he doesn’t shape up you’re gonna become a fucking lesbian. which one is he. I’ll tell him myself.”

because Eddie’s gender is in fact not ever husband OR wife. Eddie’s gender is bitch.

3. eddie likes to leverage his Supremacy and lord or over the other car dudes. he has the coolest car, he has the best tools, he has the sharpest skills, he has this dope ass garage, and if you wanna bask in this glory you better kiss my fender baby.

so the car dude with the least amount of situational awareness and/or self preservation instincts says something unflattering about richie. he doesn’t necessarily mean it as an insult per se. it’s like when a person tries to jokingly bust your balls but you don’t actually know them well enough yet, with a side helping of this guy is not planning to ever know richie that well. he just thinks he can do that because eddie does that. but eddie does the banter thing with richie, never behind his back. so honestly it’s like a double miss, because oblivious car dude has overstepped a boundary and attempted to presumptively include eddie in behavior that eddie doesn’t approve of.

so, you know, say it’s something like “wow that guy is pretty weird huh”

and Eddie’s like “your fucking attitude in my fucking garage is pretty weird, jeffrey”

and so jeff (as eddie knows perfectly well he prefers to be called) has to say whatever car dude speak is for “I’m sorry your majesty please don’t banish me”

4. Eddie’s face literally every time richie shows himself in the garage even if it’s just for ten seconds: don’t u wish ur girlfriend was hot like mine

5. richie is very nervous around the car dudes actually, big gay fear, until eddie has wife talk with him about them. “smh tom doesn’t even know how to drive clutch”/“…and then greg told tonya’s mother, he said to her-” etc. at which point they simply become boy wives.

several of the other losers are also nervous about the car dudes, and are a little thrown that richie seems as comfortable with them as with women. they’re like so… the car dudes… and he’s like oh, those are just Eddie’s girl friends :)

6. richie bawls his fucking eyes out at romantic tragedies. one time the wives make the mistake of putting on like titanic or whatever toward the end of the play date. it gets dark before the movie is finished but none of them notice and don’t turn the lights on.

eventually the car dudes are like hmm it’s about dinner time we should go home probably. and they come in to the house only to be caught in the eerie stare of several pillow clutching mascara teared raccoons crying together in the dark.

the two groups stare at each other for a moment and then eddie says “so I was thinking of modding-” and the dudes just turn around and go right back into the garage

(this is one of the only times that eddie feels like A Man, in alignment with how these men in particular are men, because clearly this is some kind of Women’s Ritual that he will never understand)

#jack facts #jack chats #it #richie tozier #eddie kaspbrak #reddie #hc

[lokidokieokie]

An Apprenticeship With a Twist

Summary: A lighthearted story about the Stephen and his apprentice Y/n learning the power of humour

Pairing: Stephen Strange x Apprentice!Reader

Warning(s): none really, mentions of some corny jokes, mentions of battling with humour, lemme know if I missed anything

You had always been fascinated by the world of magic, so when you heard about the opportunity to study under the Sorcerer Supreme himself, Doctor Stephen Strange, you jumped at the chance. But as soon as you arrived at the New York City sanctum, you realised you might have bitten off more than you could chew.

For starters, Stephen's idea of a "light reading assignment" was the Necronomicon. Then there was the whole "disintegration and reassembly" thing - apparently, it was a basic spell for any self-respecting sorcerer. But nothing could have prepared you for the good Doctor's sense of humour. Or lack thereof.

"Why so serious?" you joked, trying to lighten the mood after a particularly grueling training session. Stephen simply stared at them blankly.

"I do not understand that reference," he said, deadpan.

You groaned inwardly. This was going to be a long apprenticeship.

As you spent more time together, you found that Stephen was quite a stick-in-the-mud. He took everything so seriously, and it was rare that he ever cracked a smile. So, you decided to make it your mission to loosen him up a bit. You started leaving jokes and puns lying around the sanctum, hoping to coax a smile out of him.

It took a while, but finally, one day when you told him a particularly bad "Why did the tomato turn red?" joke, Stephen's mouth twitched into a small smile.

"I see what you are doing, Y/n," he said with a hint of amusement in his voice. "You think you can change me with your jokes, but I am a sorcerer, not a comedian."

"Ah come on, Stephen, lighten up a bit, will ya?" you replied. "Humour is a powerful tool, trust me."

"I'll consider it," he said, with a slight roll of his eyes.

And thus began your inside joke of bad jokes.

But your attempts at humour really paid off when you found yourselves on a mission to stop a rogue sorcerer who threatened to destroy the city. You and Stephen had been cornered by the sorcerer and his minions, and things were looking grim.

That was when you remembered the "disintegration and reassembly" spell, and decided to put your own spin on it. You turned to Stephen and shouted "Let's give them a taste of our own medicine! A spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down!"

To your surprise, Stephen caught on and replied "I'll handle the sugar, you handle the medicine!"

With that, you unleashed a flurry of spells and jokes, causing the rogue sorcerer and his minions to flee in confusion and laughter. You and Stephen high-fived each other as you finished saving the city.

"I have to admit, Y/n, that was quite a clever move," Stephen said, still trying to hide a smile.

"See? I told you humour is powerful. We make quite a team," you replied, grinning.

From then on, Stephen couldn't help but to find your sense of humour as a refreshing change of pace and it became a staple in your training and missions. You continued to face down all kinds of threats to the world, but now you had a secret weapon: laughter, that saved your lives from the most dire of situations, and allowed you both to always come out victorious, together as master and apprentice.

A/N Hope you enjoyed!

Taglist! lemme know if you wanted to be added or removed!

Everything: @thewaithfuckingannoyme @evelyn-kingsley

Stephen: @ironstrange1991

#stephen strange #doctor strange #doctor stephen strange #doctor strange x reader #stephen strange x reader #apprentice!reader #humour #benedict cumberbatch #benedict cumberbatch x reader #benedict cumberbatch character

[yea-baiyi]

(so this is the meta post that i rambled in response to an ask about hua cheng’s character archetype (link) it got so off topic from the general archetype description that i removed it and answered the ask separately. but here it is, a somewhat brief unpacking of hua cheng’s character journey! )

when we meet hua cheng, he is already near the end of his character arc. he’s confident, independent, and has a clear sense of self. he is a ghost king, he is a supreme, he has a sense of humour, he’s a bitch, he has friends, he has places he frequents, he has a whole life and identity that he has made for himself. his love for xie lian and desire for xie lian’s approval does not overshadow his individual personality. he does what he likes (most of the time, anyway. he still wants gege to like him hahahah). but as the book unfolds we see the long journey that he has gone on to reach this point.

chronologically, we first meet him as hong’er, a mistreated and abandoned child. he reacts to xie lian’s kindness with utter devotion, beginning the relationship that will define his entire life and growth. when he is older, in despair he turns to that person who showed him kindness and asks for guidance, to which xie lian responds, then live for me. that pretty explicitly establishes that initial dependent relationship, where hua cheng is using xie lian, and his role of worshipping xie lian, as his sole reason for living. but that quickly hits a turning point as xie lian, in his own despair, himself tells hua cheng to give up on his devotion, because he does not see himself as deserving of that worship. in the face of xie lian’s weakness, rather than give up, hua cheng takes the burden on himself instead. his devotion is no longer one that asks for strength. instead, he will be xie lian’s strength. and that is a strong, strong motivator. he is able to achieve the impossible, over and over, because of his conviction to becoming stronger, to protect dianxia.

but he spends a significant chunk of time seeing himself as nothing but that strength. he is nothing outside of xie lian, not even a name. but his time at xie lian’s side as wuming gives him more perspective on his god — he is more than just a tool to xie lian. even at his lowest point, xie lian treats wuming as a person, someone deserving of dignity, respect, kindness. xie lian constantly tries to protect him, even as wuming willingly offer himself as a tool to aid whatever xie lian desires. so i see that as kick starting wuming’s journey to becoming hua cheng. and then he has another 700 years to do that.

so hua cheng, as we finally meet him, is his final form after all that growth. he has a name, he has a face, he has a life, a purpose, and a legacy. all those things are inspired by xie lian, yes, but they are all things that hua cheng has built for himself. before he meets xie lian again he is a full person with a full, full life. he could have be separated from xie lian the rest of his life and continued to live and thrive as he had been. him falling in love with xie lian, really, is just a lucky chance, because it has almost nothing to do with his devotion and everything to do with who he is as a person. xie lian doesn’t fall in love with his most devoted believer, he falls in love with hua cheng, the person that his devotion helped him survive to become. he falls in love because hua cheng is bitchy, funny, kind, vicious, petty, steadfast, and as much of a disaster as he is, and they have a blast when they’re together. and none of that would have been possible if hua cheng hadn’t come all the way to the end of his character arc.

#tgcf #tgcf meta #hua cheng #hua cheng meta #xie lian #hualian #meta stuff #my hyperfixation demon #yeah i REALLY need to do a hua cheng centric reread #i need to flesh out the wuming part a lot #this is just off the top of my head #sighs. enjoy reading everyone!!

[thegirlwhowrites642]

Jilly and hinny

You are going with the big guns here.

I ship both of them.

I've always loved both, but my first obsessive love was actually jily. I'll never forgive the marauders fandom for becoming such a toxic community that I can't even read jily fics anymore.

And hinny, I mean, hinny is the OTP. It's art, poetry, literally the perfect match.

Jily

What made you ship it?

You know, I genuinely don't remember. The marauders always attracted me as an interesting intellectual exercise: rebuild the whole story using the explicit and implicit information left in canon.

Plus, when I was younger I found the whole enemies to loves thing far more fascinating than I do now. And the extremely cool thing about jily is that it offers an enemies to lovers without making it toxic.

What are your favorite things about the ship?

The tension, the banter, the whole context around it, the symbolic implication of them being soulmates (you guys know I'm a sucker for that). Both of them are really good intelligent students, so you know equals, I love that.

And it falls under what I call the turning-tables trope. One is in love, the other isn't, the first apparently moves on, and then karma strikes. I love that so much, it's maybe my favourite trope, the universal punishment of it all but with a happy ending (as happy as an ending there can be for James and Lily).

Is there an unpopular opinion you have on your ship?

It's absurd how under-used is the academic rivals' potential of these two.

Hinny

What made you ship it?

I don't have a specific moment, the movies unfortunately took that away from me. I was supremely confused by Ginny and hinny in the movies, and then I discovered that they were completely different in the books, and that's honestly the main reason why I read the books. It was all love from there. Also, besides the whole Harry and Ginny being a perfect match thing, it always attracted me the fact that it's a literary relevant narration. Rowling wrote it as a mystery to solve for Harry's brain, how cool is that? And Ginny is a true equal to Harry, which is such a rare thing for a character that it's so obviously the hero of the story. She is not his helper and her identity and trauma are not a tool for Harry's quest. I can't go into detail now, but Rowling basically invented a trope with them.

What are your favorite things about the ship?

You guys know how much I love them for many different reasons but, to avoid writing a book, I'll stick with number one: their falling in love does not depend on their story.

Harry starts to fall for Ginny when Ginny allows Harry to see her for who she is, that's it, that's all it takes.

They experience together a hyper-traumatic thing but it takes them two years, arguably two years and a half to become friends. Their relationship does not depend on shared trauma. Even after the lucky you scene, it's just Harry being reminded of who Ginny is in her entirety, it's not like after that they spend every waking moment together.

They share a sense of humour because they just do, not because they are constantly around each other. Even in PoA, when there should be so much awkwardness between them, they make eye contact and share the inside joke.

They understand each other because they just do, again, it's not about them constantly being around each other. It's just instinctive. It's part of who they are. It doesn't even depend on their shared trauma. Besides the fact that they get each other really well even in CoS, the first time Harry realises Ginny can basically read his mind it's something about Ron.

They spend time with each other because they want to. It doesn't happen after the chamber, it doesn't happen because Harry is constantly around the Weasleys. It happens because now Harry knows who Ginny is. They are not even in the same class, and they don't really have the same friends. On the Quidditch team, there's no reason for them to interact so much with each other besides the fact that they want to.

Ginny actively tries to get over Harry but she can't.

Harry actively tries to stay away from Ginny but not even the risk of losing Ron's friendship is enough, because she is Ginny and he is Harry and that's really all it takes.

Is there an unpopular opinion you have on your ship?

Probably I have many.

Let's go with: during HBP, if you take away the Voldemort-related stuff, you'll notice that Ginny becomes Harry's best friend. And again, if there hadn't been Harry's need to keep Ginny's safe that led him to not even think about involving her in the Voldemort-related stuff, Harry would have noticed too.

#jily #hinny

[insomniaruler]

Out of storage

Mythical J. Sausage of Sanctuary was tracking the evil version of himself. He eventually found the man on the banks of an expansive Dark Oak Forest. “Ah home sweet home.” Bratwurst said stepping off his boat. “And no Codboy next door to terrorize. this time around…” ES sighed grumpily. “I miss war General, he’s know how to vanquish this puny version of myself.” ES said hiking up the slope of the hill towards a ruin. “God they really let this place go to the dog didn’t they.” ES said kicking over a stone.

Sausage carefully followed a couple paces behind the other. The ruin was obviously very grand once but had been lost to time herself. Sausage was drawn out of his musings when the moons dim light was blocked out by a fast moving shadow. And landing behind ES during his self-monologue was a thing in dusty blue chitin with bone decals. It’s eyes were a noxious green. “Hello sausage. I’ve been waiting for you to make another appearance.” The shadow said and Sausage saw a beautifully carved cross bow loaded hanging in the blue things claw like hands.

“Eek! Ah! The Phantom Assassin I was wondering what happened to you in these long long a thousand years.” ES said spinning on his heel to face the slightly taller thing. “Couldn’t say the same, where did you hide?” The Phantom Assassin said shaking their head. “Oh you wanna know where I was?! I was STUCK in a crystal MIRROR REALM FOR A MILLENNIUM!” ES shrieked, Sausage couldn’t help but wince at the Phantom Assassin, ES was formidable would they be okay?

But… this phantom Assassin began to laugh. A deep basey thing that echoed through the dark woods. “Ah the good you always kept that horrendous sense of humour I see” they said shaking their head. “There is no good me! Only the one that reigned supreme!” ES said waving his dark broadsword. “And yet he trapped you in a sad mirror dimension?” Sausage felt like a third wheel not getting any of the jokes passed between friends, but these two were in fact not friends and were instead trading barbs.

With a sudden scream ES struck out with his sword going for a decapitating blow. Sausage almost jumped out of the woods to help the assassin but they just parried the blow with their long claws. “Come on! I get pulled out of storage just for this wimpy fight? Actually try!” They yelled ducking under another wild swing. “You’d think your patron would actually get you some fighting skills!” Phantom Assassin goaded before lunging towards ES’s heart with a small dagger that was tucked between their fingers. ES jumped back with a yelp. “Almost nicked me!” He said, seeming annoyed to even be almost hit by his assailant.

Every time sausage considered climbing out of the bushes he’d found himself in between sharp a barb or strike tossed between the two would remind him how out of his depth he was compared to the two probably/most likely ancient beings. “How’s Ji-“ ES started another jab his opponent. But The Phantom Assassin lunged at him and threw a hand over the other’s face. “That is not your name to say.” Phantom hissed, Sausage could hear an audible hiss come from the stranger. ES rolled and kicked the assassin off him before grabbing a rocket. “See you around looser!” And he shot into the air faster then what seemed possible.

It seemed The Phantom Assassin was going to follow but as his elytra flared sausage saw tears and rips and suddenly realized that they were wings, not an elytra. Hissing the Phantom Assassin thumped into the ground after attempting to get off the ground. “Of all the times to not bring rockets!” They groaned and then they took off their head. No, they took off their mask and Sausage couldn’t suppress a gasp. Under the mask was a man with tousled brown hair, a closely shaven beard and they had eye bags that would need to be checked.

Pix’s eyes snapped up to where he was hiding. He grabbed the crossbow from his belt and began to stalk towards him. In the dark it looked like his eyes were glowing, and suddenly Sausage realized just how intimidating Pix could be when he wanted to. With broad shoulders and dark eyes he could be quite scary. “Who’s there? I don’t want to hurt you.” Pix said stalking forward on silent feet. “Um hi Pix! It’s me Sausage! Not my evil doppelgänger.” Sausage poking up out of the bushes he immediately had to duck down to avoid a firework rocket straight in his eye.

“Hi!” Sausage said clambering out of the bushes. “Oh um hello?” Pix waved awkwardly and his eyes stopped glowing. “Yes hello! That was the first time somebody has actually held their own against him! How did you do it?” Sausage said jumping up to the archeologist. “Oh erm… lots of experience?” Pix said looking very awkward, “I’m actually very out of practice, I haven’t fought someone properly in a while.” Pix shrugged looking hilariously self conscious in a set of plate armour. “Really!? That was you out of practice? What are you like in practice???” Sausage asked feeling openly shocked. “I’m better with a trident too.” Pix said apparently not hearing Sausage’s increasingly stressed comments.

“Give me a month then you don’t have to deal with him anymore. Oh and I would appreciate if you won’t mention the whole 1000 years ago we fought comments to anybody.” Pix said as if running through a pre-prepared checklist. “I’m sure you have questions I’ll try to answer them the best I can!” Pix said finally stopping.

“Sure sure, let’s go back to Sanctuary then I’ll ask questions.” Sausage said as Pix pinned a zombie to a tree with a well shot arrow. “Oh right it is cold!” Pix said tilting his head. Sausage chose to ignore that particular bag of cats and passed Pix a pack of rockets. “Ah! Thank you!” Pix said, turning the rockets over in his hands. And he followed Sausage into the air towards Sanctuary. He noticed that Pix used almost double the amount of rockets, perhaps it had to do with his mangled wings. Soon enough they were inside Sausages warm living room, and Pix had rid himself of his armour leaving him in soft looking travelling clothes

“Oh okay, uhhh… how did you live 1000 years in the past?” Sausage asked fiddling with his sunflower broach. “A form of a demigod’s extended life span plus a healthy dose of minimal immortality granted by my god/mom, I’m also far older then 1000 or so years…” Pix said picking at his claw like nails. Huh, Sausage always assumed he wore gloves to stave off at least some of the dirt the Ancient Capital hosted.

“Okay cool cool cool… um, are you a phantom hybrid? And if you are how did your wings end up like that?” Sausage asked tilting his head. “I am, thanks mum!” Pix rolled his eyes. “Desert sun doesn’t like Phantom wings even if your a hybrid your wings can still get badly sunburnt.” Pix shrugged.

“How did you become this Phantom Assassin?” Sausage asked tracing a pattern on his arm chair. “Oh I was mad, I was hurt by someone and I wanted revenge. So I killed at least 30 phantoms and made the costume. And then killed a king.” Pix said tugging at his hair in a way that suggested it used to be far longer.

“Ah that’s awful. You mentioned your a demigod and your mum was the godly side?” Sausage asked, being the father of a demigod he wondered how it worked as they grew up. “Mhm, my mum is Kirinax, goddess of souls, death, and sometimes vegetables depending on who you ask.” Pix shrugged before letting out a yawn. “Ah! I’m a horrible host would you like something to drink?” Sausage asked leaping to his feet. “Some tea would be nice if it’s not too much trouble?” Pix shrugged with a short smile.

Getting up Sausage went to make some tea for the tired assassin he took his time trying to remember if phantoms were explicitly allergic to anything. Eventually he returned to the living room to find the archeologist dead asleep on the couch. Laughing Sausage covered the man with a blanket and went to bed himself.

When he woke up the next day all that was left of Pix was a short thank you note on top of the carefully folded blanket.

Hey! Sorry about falling asleep, you have a very comfy couch! Anymore questions can be sent to the ancient capital btw!

- Pixlriffs, Archeologist of the Archeological guild, the copper king

At the bottom of the note was a doodle of a phantom mid dive. It seemed Sausage had to investigate the strange archeologist a little deeper.

#empires smp #pixlriffs #mythical sausage #empires s1 #empires s2 #empires s1 x s2 #the phantom assassin

[sailfish-serum]

NEW OC 💥💥💥💥💥 more sauce under the cut

Rosel 'RG' Gyles is a 23 year old newt man thingy who specializes in assassinations and sharpshooting using a DSR 1 with long range scope as his weapon of choice as well as using bullets he made specifically filled with the poison he secretes 🤙

He does stealth and chooses to disguise and blend in at social events in order to get closer to his targets.

He can be a bit strange in the ways of he never blinks unless he forces his eyes closed, giving him an advantage when it comes to keeping eyes on his targets.

Personality wise he's goober SUPREME this guy can fit so much silliness in him, he makes poorly timed jokes and has a very literal sense of humour. He is very sensitive to critisizms n will cry if you critique him because he is obviously the best of all time at anything and everything 🫵

A resident of Outset City (located about 50~km from Southern Springs via highway)

#art #oc #spaced out on a life line #spooal #outset city #doodle #rosel gyles #original character #procreate

[pjisskullourful]

new, extensive preview for a thomas wip that i am supremely enjoying called

THE MOTH

wordcount: 5,171 (explicit af)

“So I’m not the last one awake.”

You looked up to find that Thomas was nudging your bedroom door further open. Your older brother’s best friend, you had expected that he would be passed out, along with the other guys that had come to your apartment for a place to crash after drinking the night away at their favourite bar.

Your brother, Ben was a great roommate - he was never late with paying his share of the bills and any disagreements that came up between the two of you were easily settled.

He always let out know when he was expecting guests, so you had known that some of his friends would be spending the night. It wasn’t a big deal, this had happened a few times before.

But you had been hoping to avoid spending any time alone with Thomas - a goal that you had been holding onto for the past two months. And you thought that you had succeeded. He had been out of sight and out of mind for you as you laid in your bed, lazily scrolling through the offerings on your Reddit homepage, planning to be asleep at any minute.

It hadn’t always been this way between the two of you. In the two years that you had known him, you had come to view him as a friend. He shared your love of The Simpsons, he was a worthy opponent in your favourite video games and he got your sense of humour. Typically, it wasn’t difficult to strike up a conversation with him. The two of you even shared a few inside jokes.

But right now you didn’t want to share a single thing with the guitarist. It was hard to not be annoyed at him for invading your calm, controllable solitude. And you were mentally cursing yourself for not shutting your door all the way.

“How come you’re still awake, principessa?” He asked, taking one step over the threshold and into your room. “It must be past your bedtime.”

You worked to keep your eyes on the screen of your phone, it didn’t matter that you weren’t finding anything interesting to read. “I can’t sleep.”

“Ah, and scrolling on your phone will definitely help that.” He said sarcastically.

“I would have guessed that you’d be a zombie just like the others.” You said.

“Designated driver.” He said.

“And now you’re the designated lurker in my bedroom.”

“First of all, I’m not in your room, I’m in the doorway.” He said. “And second of all, I’m not lurking. Your light got my attention when I was coming back from the bathroom, so I figured I’d say hey. It was pretty stupid of me to forget that you don’t say hey anymore, not since you started to hate me.”

This succeeded in tearing your eyes off of your phone, looking at the familiar blonde, even as unfamiliar feelings rose up in you. “I don’t hate you.”

He rolled his eyes. “Yeah, right. So how come this is the most that you’ve said to me for the past two months?”

You sat up a little, unsure of how to answer this. There were so many things in your head and you were only willing to share a fraction of this with him. But you didn’t really know where to start. “Believe me, it’s not that I hate you- oh, at all.”

He took another step into the room. “Alright, hate was too strong of a word. But clearly you don’t like me very much, not like you used to. You’ve put all this distance between us. Do you remember how close we used to be, like literally close?”

This evoked vivid memories - hours spent on the couch together playing video games, usually as part of a group, but sometimes just the two of you. You would sit side-by-side, your leg pressed to his. More than once you had even sat in his lap, refusing to let him sit on the cold tiled floor when no other places were available. Then you had had Mario Kart or Super Smash Brothers to distract you.

But now you were without the luxury of a single distraction. You met his gaze, feeling less annoyed as more time passed.

“Did I do something?” He asked. “Because if I did something to piss you off, I’d really like it if you would let me apologise. I wanna get back to us being friends. Nobody gets my references the way you do.”

“You didn’t do anything wrong.”

He furrowed his brow. “So you just picked up this attitude towards me ‘cause you were bored, or something? I think that makes it worse.”

“I do not have an attitude with you.”

He laughed dryly. “Yes, you do. Come on principessa, just admit it. The only thing that hasn’t changed is the way that you check me out.”

You tried to keep your voice as firm as possible. “I do not check you out.”

He was smirking as he shook his head. “Deny one more thing, I fucking dare you.”

“Thomas…” You said, attempting to reclaim even a shred of authority in this situation.

“Keep your voice down. Jeez, do you wanna wake the whole building up?” He teased.

You rolled your eyes, but inside you were cringing. You had always tried to keep your curious glances of him subtle, you only looked when you thought the coast was clear.

It’s not like you wanted to look, you weren’t actively trying to get drawn in by him. But those speedos that he wore to the beach left very little to the imagination, it was the kind of thing you couldn’t help noticing.

“If you don’t check me out on the regular, then why are you blushing so much?” He asked.

You didn’t have any defence to that, you were too intimidated to think of a sassy comeback. You looked down at your inactive phone as he took another step into your room. Silently, he closed the door behind himself.

“You shouldn’t be embarrassed over checking me out. Because the only reason that I’ve noticed is because I’m so often checking you out.” He said and you raised your head a little. “What can I say? I’m a big fan of how you look in yoga pants.”

Now you were blushing even more - why hadn’t you ever recognised this? The thoughts that you knew you shouldn’t be thinking were gaining more power.

You could have brushed this comment off by calling him a pervert and turning the teasing around on him. But instead you were feeding those thoughts. Thoughts you typically entertained during these early hours of the morning.

“So, who’s gonna say it first?” He asked and you lifted your eyes to look at him. But you were too out of your depth to feel like you could speak. “You have a crush on me.”

You didn’t nod your head, nor did you deny his statement.

Instead you were thinking back to how it had started - a little over two months ago, at a Måneskin show. It hadn��t been your first time seeing him perform with his band. But it had been the first time of taking along your best friend, Domenica. During one of his guitar solos, he had come to the front of the stage, towards where you had been standing in the crowd. This had prompted Domenica to lean in, speaking into your ear.

‘Is he single?’ She had asked, thoroughly surprising you. ‘He’s not really my type, but just imagine what else he could do with those fingers…’

You hadn’t made that connection before. You knew he was a ridiculously talented guitarist, but you had never just watched how his fingers worked. At times almost too quick to keep up with, confident and powerful, hitting one flawless note after another without any hesitation.

It was seriously impressive. And, thanks to Domenica’s new insights, it was also seriously arousing.

She had taken the thoughts that you held of this man that you knew so well, and shifted it all. You had always known that Thomas was attractive, cute in his uniqueness. But now you had been forced to face the fact that you were attracted to him.

It had changed too much for you. And you hadn’t known how to act normally around him with all of this new clutter in your head. So you had made excuses, retreating as you hoped for this phase to pass.

But now everything was coming to light and you had no chance of retreating.

He was smiling, a look you were so familiar with. “I’m not used to this whole shy girl thing from you, it’s cute.”

“You think I’m cute?” You asked.

“Yeah, I have functioning eyes, don’t I?” He said, coming right over to your bed. “Can I sit down here?”

There was a desk chair that he could take up, or he could sit on the floor rug.

But you were quite taken with the idea of having him closer than that.

“I should’ve said something sooner, I never wanted you to think that I hated you, ‘cause I never did.” You said as he sat down towards the end of the bed. “If I had known that’s what you were thinking, I would’ve… But I didn’t know how to say it and I was scared of everything changing, so I just tried to deal… I should’ve said something.”

One of his hands was resting on top of the covers and you couldn’t help noticing that it was within your reach. It would be different to any of the other times you had casually grabbed his hand. It might lead to more.

“I’ve been wishing for you to say something, principessa.” He said. “Not because I was thinking that you hated me- although that definitely sucked. But because it was wasting our time. Do you know what we could have been doing in that time?”

You smiled as you watched him leaning in closer. “What?”

He raised his hand, applying it to your cheek, where his fingers stroked across your heated skin. “I’m sure you can use your imagination…”

He came in even closer, his hazel eyes moving down to your lips. You could smell the cigarettes on his breath as you tilted your head to the side. There was a feeling of warmth in your gut as you moved in closer as well.

When your lips met it was an instant rush of relief. Everything you had been trying to hold back and keep secret was now allowed to flow freely.

Everything that you had been feeling now made sense and you confidently moved with him to deepen the kiss. There weren't any awkward hesitations, it was all smooth movements as your lips got acquainted with his. You rested your hand on his knee, letting out a dreamy sigh when you felt his tongue caressing your lower lip. You eased your mouth open for him as his fingers continued to tenderly stroke your cheek.

Your heart was racing and you yearned for more when he gently broke the kiss. You rested your forehead to his, continuing to enjoy the warmth of having him so close.

“All this time, we could have been more.” He whispered. “Do you have any idea how many nights I wanted to sneak in here and have my way with you?”

“As many nights as me.” You said.

He had begun to stroke your arm. “More.”

“It’s not a competition.” You corrected him with a smile.

“Can I show you how much I’ve wanted this?”

You weren’t sure what he was going to say or do next. But you were looking into the face of a man that you trusted (a man that had earned your trust) and so you let the unknown excite you. You let the intimidation trickle into arousal. A cocktail that had you wholeheartedly investing in this situation.

You nodded your head and he boosted himself up onto his knees. You kept your eyes on his face as he picked up one of your hands, pulling it towards him. He gently guided your hand to his crotch, your fingers brushing against the coarse fabric of his jeans. You could feel the firmness that was currently concealed by the denim and it made your heart pound harder.

After so long of wondering, everything was finally being confirmed.

You kept your hand at the outline of his cock, beginning to explore what you could of the bulge. He let go of your hand, satisfied that you didn’t need any further instruction. Instead he put both of his hands to your cheeks, keeping your head tilted back as he leaned in.

Your lips met as you continued to move your hand up-and-down the front of his pants. His tongue glided into your mouth, moving confidently past your teeth. He set his tongue to the roof of your mouth, massaging and tasting you deeper. You rubbed his dick harder, setting into something of a rhythm as your mind got lost in a whirlwind of possibilities.

You wrapped an arm around his waist, wanting to have more of his body on yours. No other man had ever made you feel this hungry.

He dragged his tongue back along the roof of your mouth, towards himself. His tongue left your mouth as he refocused his efforts to just sucking on your top lip.

His hands left your face, in favour of travelling down your sides. He started to gather up the satin fabric of your nightie, the hem lifting.

“You look real fuckin’ cute in this.” He murmured against your mouth. “But I’ve got this sneaking suspicion that you’d look even better without it.”

You gave your consent by reaching both of your arms up, above your head. He smiled as he lowered himself down to eye-level with you again. With his hands full of pink satin, he moved the clothing off of your body. Your nipples were hard as they met the night air. Momentarily, your vision was blocked as he pulled the short nightgown over your head.

When you could see again, you found that his eyes were fixed on your breasts. He hurried to toss the nightie away, to free his hands for your breasts. His eyes were wide, appreciating every inch of bare flesh now on display for him.

His hands were warm, so were his lips as he pressed them to your neck. He held a breast in each hand, his fingers caressing the soft skin. He placed kisses all over your neck and you wrapped your arms around his shoulders, wanting to stay in this long-awaited embrace.

You slipped a hand up into his hair, grabbing for a selection of strands as he passed his thumbs over each very stiff nipple. His lingering kisses had moved lower, beginning to heat the area of your collarbones.

The desire was pooling between your thighs by the time his trail of kisses brought his mouth down to your breasts. You sucked in a quick breath as he wrapped his lips around a nipple. You gripped his hair tighter in your hand as you arched your back for him.

“Could I call…” You trailed off, laughing bashfully as you almost went back on your decision to make the request that was lit up in neon lights in your mind. “Would you be weirded out if I called you daddy?”

He looked up at you keenly. “Definitely not weirded out. I’d be turned on like crazy. Please call me that.”

You licked your lips as you gazed into his eyes. “Okay, Daddy.”

It fell so naturally from your lips, this name that you had been allocating to him in your fantasies.

His approval came through when he returned to your nipples, sucking more fiercely than before. Eager tingles spread through you as he worked his tongue all over the hard nub. Your other nipple was treated to attention from his capable fingers, giving it experimental squeezes and little twists.

His free hand went to your mattress, resting on the space behind your body. Then he was using his body weight to push into you, starting to get you to lean back. You went with this, ending up flat on your back underneath him. This was a position that you had imagined more than once.

He braced himself with both knees on the mattress. His wide eyes moved up to your face as he started to kiss his way off of your tits, moving lower. You lovingly pushed his hair back as you savoured the look in his eyes.

He kissed a trail down your body, his lips moving across your tummy. His eyes watched your face as he moved lower - potentially he was waiting for the moment when you asked him to slow down, or otherwise walked back your consent.

But that moment wasn’t going to come.

You were burning with anticipation, absolutely thrilled when he hooked his fingers into the waistband of your underwear. You lifted your butt, assisting him in the task of working the lingerie down. It was slipped over your ankles and then you were totally naked before him. The heat in your cheeks intensified as he took a moment to let his eyes roam freely over your body - what was he thinking and would he act on every desire?

He settled where he sat between your legs. He placed his hands up high on both of your thighs as he leaned down again. He resumed his earlier path, applying his lips to the area beneath your belly button.

Slow kisses delivered him lower, until his lips brushed against the hair that covered your pubic mound. Your tummy was filled with butterflies and he continued to kiss lower.

His lips parted and you were feeling his hot tongue on your skin. It slithered down, moving in between your labia majora until contact with your clit was made. It was like an electrical current racing through your system and an excited moan bubbled up on your lips.

He used two of his fingers to gently fold your lips back, allowing him clearer access to your clitoris. He took advantage of this, laying kisses down on the hood. Each collision to the tight bundle of nerves felt better than the last and you were soon grabbing for a handful of his hair.

You slumped back on the mattress with a whine as he began working his tongue against your clit. You tilted your pelvis as he pressed the flat of his tongue against the pulsing hood. Then he used the tip to draw circles all around it, sending so much blood pumping to this area. You flinched, your sensitivities greatly increasing in response to him quickly zig-zagging his tongue over the hood.

His tongue moved lower, tasting your soaked entrance. Your legs drifted further apart for him as he keenly ran his tongue up-and-down your slit.

“Good girl.” He rasped and the sound of his voice was just as enjoyable as his touch. “You have no idea how fucking amazing you taste.”

“Um, thank you?” You responded to his compliment you hadn’t been sure you would ever hear from him.

“And you’re just so…” He halted the progress of this sentence so he could give your slit a thorough lick. “...wet for me.”

“It’s not the first time.” You admitted, squirming a little.

“And it won’t be the last.” He said. “I’m gonna make sure of that.”

His tongue lapped at your entrance, before being followed by something that felt different. You raised your head from the pillow to watch as he buried a finger into your cunt.

Soon a second finger was moving inside of you and he returned his mouth to your clit. Your walls fluttered excitedly around him as his tongue began working the hood over again.

Your muscles clenched and the arousal took you deeper. This was far superior to any sensations you had been able to secure for yourself with your own fingers, or even the assistance of toys.

You moved both of your hands into his hair, instantly curling them into eager fists. He started to pump his fingers inside of you, stroking your sensitive walls in a way that had you squeezing your eyes shut. His tempo was so very promising, all the while he maintained that delicious pressure on your clit.

You started to move with him, too excited to simply lie still. You desperately rode his fingers, rolling your hips in time with him. Your mouth fell slack as you happily lost yourself to the intensity.

“Daddy…” You whimpered as you realised that you were facing daunting heights.

He guided you up closer to that edge by curling his fingers inside of you. You were starting to quake, seriously doubting how much more you could take.

Then the orgasm was erupting inside of you, more powerful than anything else. Your mouth fell open as you were carried away by the shock.

You wholly surrendered, falling limp on the bed. And he was still going - his fingers slower, but continuing to move as he placed kisses tenderly to your clitoris. Your mind was empty as you simply rocketed from one sensation to the next, gasping and writhing.

He pulled his fingers out and sat back, but the aftershocks continued to wreck you. You kept your eyes shut as you tried to come to grips with what had just happened. For the moment, it all felt so unbelievable.

“Baby, look at everything you’ve been depriving yourself of.” He said.

With a groan of effort, you slightly lifted your head from the pillow to look at him. “I know. I feel really stupid.”

“Yeah, you should.” He teased, prompting you to lightly kick his leg. “Are you okay? Did you need me to get you anything, maybe some water?”

“No, I’m fine.”

“Damn fine from my point of view.” He said.

You were still buzzing as you began to sit up, a smile on your face. “And from my point of view- you’re wearing far too much.”

“Is that what you think?” He asked, even as he put his hands down to the hem of his baggy T-shirt.

“Yep, it is.”

He tossed his shirt onto the floor, revealing what you had already seen before. Your interest went to where he was unbuckling his belt.

“There’s a popular theory that sex fucks up a friendship.” He said, wiggling out of his jeans.

Your eyes locked to where his boner strained against the fabric of his underwear. “Well I think that we should thoroughly fuck it up, like, all the way.”

He laughed and put his hands to your cheeks, manually redirecting where you were looking by gently tilting your head back. He was smiling as he brought you in for more kisses.

“Do you have condoms in here?” He asked.

You collected the protection from inside of your bedside table, handing it over. This prompted him to finally lower his underwear and your eyes widened as you took in a sight that you had only guessed at in the past. A tremble ran through your body as you tried to anticipate how it would feel to have that impressive dick inside of you.

He sat back once the condom was in place, resting his back against the wall as his eyes travelled over to you.

“Think you can take it, sweetie?” He asked - thankfully his tone was free from condescending.

You crawled over to him. “I’m dying to take it.”

He gave you a few kisses. “I like this enthusiasm. It’s so much better than the bratty attitude you’ve been giving me. And all it took to straighten you out was one orgasm.”

You silenced him by covering his mouth in kisses, nipping lightly at his lip, testing the bounds of what he would let you get away with. Your feistiness wasn’t reprimanded, instead he was pulling you closer. Between the feeling of his hands on your body and the wild ideas springing up in your mind, your cravings were recklessly rising.

Your plans of situating yourself in his lap were delayed by the movement of his hands and two words said into your ear: turn around.

You faced away from him and this was when you were brought into his lap. He slithered one arm around your middle and brought you in close, pressing kisses all over your shoulder as you got comfortable. You wiggled your butt against him, delighting in this new proximity.

He put a hand to your hip, the other reaching between you to grab his cock. His kisses to your neck lost some of their conviction as he instead concentrated on getting to your pussy. You were swollen and slippery for him, your soft lips parting around the head of his cock. He panted against the side of your neck as your cunt began to grip his penetrating length.

“Baby.” He whispered as you adjusted to his generous size.

You grinded back on it and turned your head to look at him. He captured your lips in a breathless kiss, his arm wrapping around your middle again, reminding you of just how secure you were. You leaned some of your body weight into him as he writhed beneath you.

You were sucking on his lower lip when he began to work his hips, setting the two of you into motion with his dick pumping into you. Between your sensitive walls, he stroked his cock, absolutely thrilling both of you. You were ecstatic to share this goal with him and your teeth grazed his lip as he began to find a tempo.

Before too long, he found a range of movement that he could lock into. He was getting more confident with each thrust. You could feel that tension gripping your body again, the intensity building as you met his every movement. You held onto his arm with both hands and your whimpers were being muffled by his mouth.

“Are you okay?” He asked, his eyes carefully looking you over.

You smiled and kissed him. “Yes. Yes, I’m so good, Daddy.”

He was smiling back at you as he reached his available hand forward, placing it over your cunt. He licked his lips, maintaining his rhythm inside of you as his fingers got reacquainted with your folds.

Your hips jolted excitedly up in response to him pushing the tip of a finger up to your clitoral hood. Your eyes began to flutter shut but you saw the pleased look on his face as he used his finger on your wet clit. This resulted in your cunt clenching harder around him, your eagerness taking control.

You were growing even more receptive to his thrusting, with all of these sensations coming together for an overwhelming harmony. His fingers working on your clitoris were perfection, bewitching you with each masterful swirl.

It was addicting in the way that you wanted to enjoy it for hours, genuinely unable to recall a time when you had felt better. At the same time, you were very aware of the fact that you wouldn’t be able to take all of this for very long.

The stakes were raised again, when his next jerk got his tip directly up against your g-spot. A powerful spasming of your body was triggered and you bit down on your lip, restraining the whimper that wanted to develop into a yelp.

“Fuck, Daddy…” You whined as he kept on playing with your clitoris.

There were stars in your eyes as he finished every pump at your sweet spot. He panted heavily but his resolve couldn’t be shaken, he remained set in his amazing pace.

“Oh, Thomas…” You moaned as you felt the dawning of your next climax.

You didn’t know how close he was. Even though it would be magical to come together, there was nothing in you that would have allowed you to hold on.

And it only took a couple more pushes from him to get you to completion. It was an astounding freefall, your toes curling and your eyes rolling back.

“Good girl, good girl.” He was whispering into your ear as you slowly recognised that he had stopped moving. His fingers had eased off of your clitoris as he allowed you the time to come back to Earth.

“Oh. My. God.” You said through shaky breaths. You looked at him - in the haze of your afterglow, you were even more taken with him than before. “Did you…?”

“No.”

“Oh.”

He gave you a kiss. “But you got me so close. Do you wanna turn around and face me again?”

“Yep.”

You were attempting to not look like the clumsiest person in all of history as you turned yourself around in his lap. Making each movement carefully, you were able to keep him inside the whole time - wet sounds from your cunt accompanied this effort. His hands on your back helped you stay steady.

You rocked your body weight forward, leaning into him and capturing more kisses. You brought your hands to his cheeks, cradling his face as your lips worked together. The way that he stroked his hands up-and-down your back was so sweet, reinforcing those giddy tingles that your orgasm had inspired into your body.

“I’ll do all the work.” He murmured against your lips. “You just hold on and, you know, enjoy.” You were nodding your head as he came in for another kiss. “Do you think that you could- like, do you have another orgasm in you?”

You giggled through the slight intimidation this brought. “No, I don’t know if I could do more than two. I mean, I never have…”

“Okay.” He said, his voice so soothing. “That’s okay, that is okay, sweet girl.” He kissed you. “Just tell me if it gets too much.”

“I will.”

He placed his arms around your middle, keeping you close as he started to kiss you again. You moved a hand into his hair, your fingers lightly brushing against his scalp. You were sinking deeper into this embrace, with so much to savour you were soon moving past that feeling of just wanting to sleep post-climax.

When he started to move, it was slowly as he gave some time to testing just how much you could take. It was all hitting you on such a deep level that you couldn’t help moaning a little as your thighs clenched around him. Your mouth grew slack against his and he lavished attention upon your lower lip, continuing to hold you tight.

You were secure in his arms as he worked to find a rhythm. You began to move with him, trying to meet his rocks - even though each one felt like it could destroy you. You remained firmly in the grips of your aftershocks, and you wanted to get him to that same (almost unreal) place.

#fic preview #longest one so far #how are we enjoying these?

[daily-tf2-medic]

Why are you like my dad? I’m genuinely curious.

This is a really weird question, and people comparing me to their dad makes me supremely uncomfortable. But I will humour you.

I'm very similar in personality to my own dad, and my sense of humour was greatly influenced by his, so I guess you could say I have dad humour? Maybe that's why.

#asks

[cypriathus]

Here are my versions of Azazel and Samael!

POTENTIAL TRIGGER WARNING: There are mentions of genitalia, castration, and SA.

Aysuvozel is a strangely approachable and overconfident fallen seraph who playfully thrives on schadenfreude and has an irrational fear of enclosed places and being trapped. As a result of her persistent loneliness, she finds genuine comfort in her extrovertedness and talking to herself. She possesses great pride in her celestial intelligence, enticing people by telling them forbidden pieces of information. She has a ravenous appetite and an inclination towards fun-loving mischief and strategic warfare. She’s eager to use violence on those she views as pathetic, annoying, and/or hideous, showing no compassion and mercy. Aysuvozel has a natural appreciation for beauty and elegance, a wild imagination, and an odd sense of humour. 

She’s a rectangular mesomorph with an impressive height of 7’ 8” (233.68 cm), a chiselled musculature, well-endowed breasts, a micropenis, square chest, and sloping shoulders. Her ashy skin has silvery brown stretch marks on her upper arms, chest, and legs, and her wings are covered in a thin layer of red sand. She possesses shaggy and coarse honey blonde hair of mid-back length with slight curls and noticeable layers. She also possesses slightly curly pecto-infraclavicular and acuminate abdominal hair in the same honey blonde hue. She has six black-feathered wings of orange and gold flames; with two to cover her face, two to hide her feet, and two that are used to fly. After years of being imprisoned in darkness, Aysuvozel once royal fuchsia eyes became a glazed white, which are covered by an old gold cloth blindfold. Once she was cast out of heaven, she grew a flaxen horse tail, draconic feet, and the horns of a Taurotragus derbianus. She wears an amaranth purple brocade chalvar of stylised saffron and red orange cloud patterning and a long-sleeved diaphanous robe with a jazzberry jam-to-flush mahogany gradient. She dons a tiger skin sash, golden anklets, horseshoe barbell piercings of magenta chrome for both nipples, and a garland of brownish skulls.

As a seraph, Aysuvozel can force people to see the goodness of their soul, induce absolute horror and miracles, and surround herself with an aura that’ll burn anything. She has psychokinesis, telepathy, sancti-pyrokinesis, cosmic awareness, an indomitable will, and supreme observation. She can endure all temperatures and perform strenuous activities for centuries, and her natural senses are heightened significantly except for her eyesight. She’s capable of performing any offensive action with the output of an atomic bomb, causing severe damage to towns and small mountains. Her supernatural strength also allows her to move and lift cruise ships, airplanes, battleships, and massive bridges. Through the use of the golden ichor of angels, ruined battlefields, spilt gore, and cosmetic products, she can easily teleport across the multiverse. She possesses manipulative control over weapons, shields, armour, bloodshed, injustice, physical beauty, bodily desires, uncleanness, lightning, thunderstorms, gusts of winds, temperature fluctuations, and memories. She’s able to absorb the sins of sentient creatures, transform into a goat and a fire dragon, resurrect the undead, and enter the dreams of sleepers. Aysuvozel can breathe hellfire from her mouth, her voice can shatter glass and melt people’s eyes, and putrefy creatures capable of movement.

FAMILY: 

Unnamed destroying angel mother

Unnamed seraph father

Samuvozeli (twin brother)

Utsimoderva (nephew)

Kairszoben (nephew)

16 nieces

24 nephews

ALIASES/NICKNAMES:

Azazel

Angel of the Scapegoat, Uncleanness, Metallurgy, and Physical Beauty

Crafter of Bloodthirsty Instruments

His Sinister Arrogance

Goat of Sand

Treacherous Blacksmith

Sin-Eater

FUN FACTS/EXTRA INFORMATION:

She’s aromantic and transgender

As an Æylphitus, her name means “strength of god or she-goat of going away”.

Despite having destroying angel blood, she doesn’t possess any abilities that are unique to them.

Her belly is literally a biological furnace of fire and hot wind

She’s in possession of a trishula intertwined with flaming carriage wheel

She was cast out of heaven because she taught humanity the art of crafting weapons for warfare and cosmetics to enhance their beauty.

Due to being trapped in a pit of red sand, her hands and feet are tied to a solid surface with unbreakable chains. In that pit, she’s placed upon jagged rocks and left alone in the dark, which led to her being eternally blind. Her place of imprisonment is commonly referred to as Dudael.

Samuvozeli is a fallen destroyer-seraph who has a lustfully hostile disposition towards females, easily becoming emotionally and physically detached to them. He’s deeply fascinated and strangely amused by the progression, wickedness, and creativity of humanity. He has a harsh, surly, and morbid air to his presence, making him less approachable and trustworthy. A sinister smile or a sly and foreboding smirk is often plastered on his face, but there are rare instances where he’s mirthless. He finds a twisted enjoyment in humiliation and inflicting harm on people who deserve it, while prioritising pleasure over other life values. He isn’t afraid to damage the reputation of others through false statements and accusations. He has a tendency towards risk-taking, impulsive and sexually instinctive behaviour, and little consideration for future consequences. He possesses a fascinating magnetic pull in regards to how attractive and tempting his charisma, confidence, and intelligence are. Samuvozeli has stunning observation skills, and he’s capable of treating people with tenderness, kindness, respect, and affection.

He’s an inverted triangular ectomorph with a decent height of 6’ 9” (205.74 cm), broad shoulders, an average musculature, prominent thighs, and a well-endowed, yet castrated penis. His snow-white skin has a pearlescent sheen and greyish-brown freckles on his face, chest, hands, and feet. Like all Lorvaztekiphus, there is a split from the back of where his tongue begins to the middle of his collarbone. He has a massive purplish-pink birthmark of blotchy shape on the right lower abdominopelvic quadrant. He has twelve massive violet-green swallow wings, the head of a male human (left) and African lion (right), and his eyes are a stunning Tiffany blue with flecks of copper. In regards to Samuvozeli’s stunning eyes, the usually round pupils can change into a horizontal shape that reflects his current mood. His long and parted coppery brown hair of mid-back length has disconnected, yet smooth waves. He possesses circumareolo-infraclavicular and sagittal abdominal hair in the same natural hue. After his fall, his regular tongue is replaced by a dark blue serpent of green and orange veins, which breathes poisonous miasma and spits acid. He wears a polyester sirwal of teal blue from the hips and a tied coriander sash with tassels and six wasabi stripes near the ends. He also dons a necklace of decapitated heads, a girdle of human arms, and metallic orange-green anklets and armlets.

Due to being half-seraph, Samuvozeli can induce absolute horror in all intelligent creatures, and use prayers and hymns to heal injuries. He has an indomitable will, cosmic awareness, psychokinesis, telepathy, and a voice that induces positive or negative emotions, depending on his mood. As a result of his destroying angel blood, he can kill any being that exists and collapse a target into dust by destabilising them on a microscopic level. He’s also able to induce judgement that focuses on the sin(s) committed and banish low-ranking angels and demons, minor titans, humans, Ufrajozlens, and Azhelowins from Eylvhraszokjumni and Nifjazroghetus. He possesses heightened senses, an endurance to sexually transmitted diseases and all levels of discomfort, nearly identical strength to his twin sister, and supernatural stamina. He has manipulative control over destruction, the essence of death, sacred light, poison, venom, seduction, corruption, amorality, and concealment. He holds a vast amount of knowledge that pertains to the multiverse and history of all species. He can transform into serpents, camels, lions, and humans, and use beds, toxic spills, stillborn children, brothels, and deserts to teleport across the different universes. He’s capable of performing amazing feats of accuracy, coordination, finesse, and precision, and constructing an army from negative emotions. Samuvozeli can easily erase the memories and/or knowledge of living beings from history, a specific part of a timeline or existence itself. By doing so, he’s effectively leaving no trace of them, but does allow them to physically exist afterwards without recognition.

FAMILY: 

Unnamed destroying angel mother

Unnamed seraph father

Aysuvozel (twin sister)

Utsimoderva (son)

Kairszoben (son)

16 daughters

24 sons

ALIASES/NICKNAMES:

Samael

Angel of Licking Poison, Iniquity, and Seduction

He Who Was Chosen By Evil

Blindness of the Good Mistress

King of the Wicked

Lord of the Wall

Castrated One

Trickster Prince

FUN FACTS/EXTRA INFORMATION:

He’s heteroromantic demisexual

He’s an avatar of Jaldebonszuth

As an Æylphitus, his name means “venom of god”.

He’s the king of Concupiscence

He’s the main executioner of Eylvhraszokjumni and Nifjazroghetus

He’s in possession of a large scythe, having its blade covered in blue holy flames and a dozen amber-coloured eyes.

He wrestled with Jacoszubi until dawn

He was cast out of heaven because he raped Evaloghinus, the second wife of Admenozithus, and impregnated many human women.

After having many children, the divine council forcibly castrated him in order to prevent him from producing more offspring.

Despite being a fallen angel and crudely castrated, he’s still very loyal to Eylvhraszokjumni and Äylcephinozur.

He enjoys riding his serpent-headed, bat-winged Bactrian camel during cold and windy nights.

#writerscorner #writing #creative writing #potential trigger warning #viewer discretion is advised #sa warning #sa mention #original character #personality #physical appearance #outfit #abilities #power #samael #azazel #angel #fallen angel #weapons #war #battle #cosmetics #seduction #corruption #fun facts #extra information