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tteokggukk · 3 years

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summer heat → jjk

–pairing: twin!jungkook x reader

–genre: fluff, mature (? but no smut), drabble, a minor attempt at humor, best friend’s twin brother type of thing

–words: 2.9k

–warnings: explicit language, sexual tension, tiny bit of humiliation, a hint of jungkook and reader having some sort of “history” if u squint hard enough

–summary: in an attempt to calm you down and prevent your mood from swinging due to the blazing heat, your best friend decides to go out and buy you some ice cream. you’re shocked, however, when he quickly returns and looks different, making you see him in an entirely new light and leaving you trying to resist the urge to give in to your raging hormones and just jump on him.

–a/n: i was thinking of this scenario in the shower but didn’t have the brain power to turn it into a full length story so i might just add this to a pile of drabbles that i may or may not develop heh + ive been in my jungkook feels too lately sigh + also this is unedited

permanent taglist: @100percent-dum-dum @mochisjoon @boraength @rageyoudamnednerd

It was a scorching hot summer’s day. Sweat was beginning to trickle down your temples and your shirt was getting stuck to your skin, causing an irking feeling of discomfort. Looking around, you quickly grabbed an empty long folder from your best friend’s messy desk and began fanning yourself to cool down. The two of you were just there, sitting in his room in a not-so-comfortable silence.

You were currently plopped down onto a chair with your legs resting on the desk in front of you, too lazy to come up with ideas to kill your boredom.

It was a tradition for your family to travel every summer and visit a new country you hadn’t been to, but this year you had to pass the plane tickets and sight-seeing due to your best friend, Junghan, asking begging you to help him out with a month-long film project. You didn’t have the heart to decline, so you told your parents you’d stay behind and help him out which resulted in you having to stay over at Junghan’s place for the rest of the summer.

You had to admit though, a small part of you felt disinclined to stay because the project sounded like it would’ve been a tedious workload, but working with your best friend was so much more fun than you’d imagined and even the project itself turned out to be enjoyable. So far, your summer break has been spent filming and hanging out with Junghan—though hanging out usually meant staying in his room and watching romcoms all day while crying over fictional characters, ranting about how you two would never meet such perfect men in real life. It was great.

Until the air conditioner broke down.

You glanced over at Junghan, who seemed to be just as spiritless as you were while he sat in front of a fan, eyes looking empty and distant.

“I told you the air conditioner needed to be fixed,” You sighed and looked up at the ceiling, completely missing the harsh glare he sent you.

“I said I was gonna get it fixed,” He replies and turns back to the fan, his voice quieting down a little, “But the number for repair wouldn’t answer.”

“Right,” You muttered absent-mindedly, eyes staring at the ceiling while your mind was too busy trying to come up with suggestions to beat the heat, “We could go to the pool?”

“Closed,” Junghan grunts, “The mall?”

“As if we’d both drive in this state,” You rolled your eyes as you tried to get your shirt to stop sticking to your skin. Junghan glances over at you when he hears you grumbling, one of the many cues that you were beginning to feel peevish. Deciding that it was pointless to keep tugging on your shirt, you opt to take it off instead.

“You don’t mind do you?” You asked before completely removing your shirt, only leaving you in your bralette. Though you knew he never did because of the countless times he’s helped you change and pick out different outfits, you always asked out of politeness. Additionally, his zero interest in women made you feel much safer and comfortable enough to undress around him.

“I really don’t care,” He says and stands up. You hear him rumbling for a moment while you were neatly folding your shirt, and seconds later you recognize the jingling sound of keys.

“Where are you going?” You asked.

“The nearby grocery. You’re about to get grumpy and I am not going to listen to a rambling bitch for the rest of the day,” He says, rubbing his temples as he makes his way to the door.

“So you’re just gonna leave me here?” You asked, too exhausted to even glance at him. He probably wasn’t, you only asked for the dramatic effect.

“No, dumbass. I’m just gonna go and buy ice cream. See you in a bit.”

And with that Junghan leaves and closes the door shut. Only a few minutes later after the sound of the engine had gone did you decide to exert a little effort and move over to his previous spot to sit in front of the fan, the air immediately cooling your skin. You sighed in relief and grabbed a few tissues to wipe your temples dry before grabbing your phone and texting Junghan to buy some lemonade, followed by a second text telling him you’d pay him back once he returned.

You were surprised to hear, not even ten minutes later, that the car was already back and pulling up in the driveway. It couldn’t have been Junghan’s parents as they were out working, and it was only you and Junghan around—not like you two had many friends who would come and visit. Instead of rationalizing with yourself on how Junghan came back home in supersonic speed, you decide to drop it and wait for him to come up back to his room.

Someone knocks on the door, causing your brows to furrow in confusion. Since when did Junghan knock?

“Come... in?” You answer, though it came out more as a question. Your head turns at the sound of the door opening, and your eyes widen at seeing Junghan standing by the doorframe.

Looking oddly different.

“Dude,” You stood up from your place and stared him up and down, “Is that what you were really wearing when you went out?”

His eyebrows raise in shock and you catch his eyes taking a quick glimpse from your chest before quickly looking back at the perplexed look on your face, a small smirk forming on lips. You decide to ignore it.

“What a warm ‘welcome home’,” he chuckles.

“You didn’t answer me,” you replied, still oblivious to the difference in his tone.

He was wearing an all-black ensemble—a black cap, a black leather jacket, black pants that outlined his toned thighs (how have you never noticed?), and some chunky black boots—a huge contrast to his normally colorful and baggy clothing. You were genuinely curious because you hadn’t noticed what he looked like before he left the house as you were too tired and lazy to even look up and say goodbye.

“Uh, yeah. This is what I was wearing?” He narrows one of his eyes, looking confused, “Why?”

“I don’t know… since when did you wear all black?”

“Since way back then? I don’t know,” He replies, and you now noticed how his voice was unusually low. Junghan steps inside and averts his eyes from you, looking around in his room before scrimmaging through drawers as if in search for something.

“What are you looking for?” You asked, folding your arms and following him around.

“A charger,” He replies, and a chill runs down your spine at the sound of his voice. You thought maybe you’d detect how he was just trying to change his manner of speaking, but it was effortlessly low; like he wasn’t faking it or anything. It was weird because Junghan normally sounded a little more high pitched.

“What charger?”

“A laptop charger, mine broke,” He continues searching and not once does he meet your eyes.

“Oh okay, let me help you then,” You begin to look around and help him search, “Though I don’t know what it looks like, I’ll let you know if I see a charger.”

He looks up at you and smiles, but you don’t catch him watching you as you were already busy searching, “Thanks.”

The two of you continue searching in silence, though occasionally you’d look up and glance at Junghan. What exactly was he doing? Was this for his film? Is he supposed to be in character? This new look and manner of talking that he somehow adopted after a quick trip to the grocery store did things to you. Every time he grunted in annoyance after a failed search, something in your stomach would twist and you found yourself suddenly feeling drawn, or maybe even more than drawn, to your best friend. Your gay best friend.

You shook your head to get rid of those thoughts.

Only a few minutes later did you find something that looked like a charger hiding underneath a pile of unfolded clothes before presenting it to Junghan, “Is it this?”

“Yes! Exactly that,” He jumps up from crouching over one of the drawers at the bedside and walks over to you, “Thank you.”

“Yeah, sure. I don’t know why you took such a long time searching for something in your room, though,” You rolled your eyes.

“My room?” He smiles, voice a little deeper but with a hint of amusement.

God, you could just jump on him right now.

“Yeah?” You knit your brows, “And stop doing that!”

“Stop doing what?” He asks, sitting down on the edge of the bed so he was looking up at you. He leans back a bit a folds his arms, a smile still tugging on the corner of his mouth.

Maybe it was the summer heat doing things to your head and making you think about all these things that you never thought you’d ever want to do with your gay best friend, but he seemed so in character it was actually beginning to bother you. What store did he go to exactly? And where the hell is the ice cream?

“That! What’s up with your voice? And your outfit? You look so different, it’s weird,” You folded your arms as if to mirror him.

“Weird, huh?” He asks and looks at his clothing before looking back at you.

“Not in a bad way. It looks good, it’s just not you,” You squirmed slightly before shaking your head to snap out of it, “I don’t know what store you went to that made you look like this—and congrats I guess, if you’re trying to switch up your fashion, but you completely missed the ice cream, so good luck trying to handle this rambling bitch.”

He laughs at the words “rambling bitch” and oh god that is not what his laughter sounded like before. When did the sound of his laugh sound so deep and sultry? You subconsciously sucked on and bit your lip at the sound of his laughter, trying your best not to visibly drool in front of him. He catches your subtle action and his brow raises at the sight.

“Despite all the things you said, you think this looks good?” A playful smile rests on his face and your heart beats erratically at his expression.

“Y-yeah, I don’t know,” You mumbled. He shifts on the edge of the bed to move closer to you.

“And because there’s no ice cream, you’re going to turn into some rambling…” He reaches his hand out, the back of his fingers feeling the skin on your exposed waist before resting his hand on your back to pull you in closer.

“…person?” he continues, brows raised and eyes staring intently at yours, not using the vulgar word you had just used to describe yourself (or the word he had just called you before he left to go to the store).

“I...um, we’ll see,” you replied, and he only chuckles deeply. Your voice had transformed into a murmuring mess and it annoyed you, but you couldn’t really do anything about it, right now he reminded you so much of—

“I think you look good too, you know. Maybe I did miss you a lot more than I thought I did,” he whispers, pulling you in even more so you were now standing between his thighs.

Missed you? After an eight minute trip to the grocery store?

You didn’t question it. Your mind was blanking out, malfunctioning, even. Here was your best friend, your gay best friend (as you had to keep reminding yourself), placing his hands on your bare skin in a way that you knew wasn’t going to turn out to be so innocent. Right now you were extremely attracted and possibly even turned on by whatever the fuck he was doing, all you could do to save yourself was blame it on the heat. Was this absolutely weird? Hell yes. Did you want to stop him? Fuck no.

Were you now completely devoid of all reason and logic?

Definitely.

Softly, he tugs on your arm and pulls you into him so you were now sitting on his lap with your hand resting on his chest. One of his hands was still attached to your waist, the other was resting itself on the bed, gripping on a blanket.

Chills run down your spine for the second time now as his mouth moves closer to your ear, “Lucky for you I know the perfect way to handle rambling bitches.”

Your breath hitches for a moment and Junghan moves back to face you, his lips grazing your cheeks a little before you meet each other’s gaze. The summer heat was definitely nothing compared to this, but you didn’t mind. Your faces were only mere centimeters apart now and you could’ve sworn he was beginning to lean in by the look in his eyes, which were now fixated on your lips.

Seriously, you could just grab him by the collar right now and speed things up. He’s the one who pulled you in first, anyway, you just wanted to get things going. Though you haven’t exactly a clue as to where this would end, you wished he would hurry up a little to find out.

But for some strange reason, your senses were enveloped with the distinct smell of a signature fragrance that you knew did not belong to Junghan and it snapped you out of your thoughts. The scent was strong enough to flash some memories back in your mind, making you frown. Did he use this perfume on purpose? Or was your mind just playing tricks on you? In a flash, you could suddenly think straight and you couldn’t help it, the moral side of your brain had turned far stronger than your currently raging hormones (thank goodness). Something was definitely off.

“But, Junghan… aren’t you… gay?” You asked, your voice trailing off a little.

His eyes widen and he pulls back from you. He stares at you for a few seconds before it hits him, and he starts erupting in laughter. You narrowed your eyes at him and got off his lap, moving over to the side and sitting beside him instead.

“Junghan?” He stresses on the name. You’re staring at him blankly now, like you knew he was just messing with you. His laughter eventually dies down and he places a hand on your thigh, though it seemed much more innocent now, “I’m so sorry, ____, you’ve got the wrong person.”

With one hand, he quickly grabs the blanket off the bed. The back of his other free hand endearingly caresses your jaw, and you notice how he lingers for a while as he moves a bit lower down to your neck—before wrapping the fabric around you and covering your whole torso with it. Your face immediately turns pink as you clutched onto the blanket to further cover yourself, feeling slightly humiliated, though you were still confused.

“Wrong person? What do you mean?”

“I was wondering why you had no shirt on, I thought that was just a regular thing for you now. But it’s probably cause you’re more comfortable around my brother, huh?”

“Your brother…?”

“Has it really been that long?” He chuckles, and instantly your mind began connecting the pieces together. Could it actually be him? You haven’t seen him in years, and no one even bothered telling you he was coming back today. No way, surely this was Junghan playing a joke on you.

“I’m not Junghan. I’m his twin brother, Jungkook. Remember?”

You hastily stood up in defense, still clutching the blanket close to your chest, “Shut the fuck up, Junghan. No one said anything about Jungkook coming back today!”

Junghan Jungkook only laughs and stands up, the melodious sound filling the room, followed by the sound of footsteps approaching the wide open bedroom door.

“What a shame, but it was a surprise. I didn’t tell anyone I was coming home today,” He folds his arms, “And if I am Junghan, then who is that?” He points at the doorframe and true enough, Junghan was standing there holding grocery bags in his arms wearing his usual oversized colorful jacket and khaki colored pants.

You and Junghan both looked at each other with mouths dropped down to the floor before you looked back at Jungkook, who had the same smirk tugged on his lips, clearly amused at the whole situation.

Jungkook bends forward and leans in to your face, his voice in a lower tone but still audible enough for his brother to hear, “Probably shouldn’t take your top off so leisurely around the house anymore, huh?” He grins and winks at you, causing you wince and force an awkward smile, internally cursing yourself at everything that just happened.

“Anyways, I should probably rest up in my room. See you around,” Jungkook flashes you a smile before placing a chaste kiss on your (now dry, because your body had frozen up) forehead before walking away from you, taking the charger and dangling it in his other hand. He taps his confused looking brother on the shoulder before turning his head back to take one last look at you before walking out, leaving you and Junghan staring at each other in shock.

Junghan walks in slowly and sets the bags of grocery on the floor, shutting the door behind him.

“What the fuck just happened?” He asks you, eyes wide in anticipation.

Your mind replays everything that had happened between you two. Was Jungkook really just about to kiss you minutes before? Heart racing, you clutch on your chest from underneath the blanket he had covered you with. No way was Jungkook back. No way is he back and looking even more attractive than he did the last time you saw him. Not when you had just gotten over your small crush on him a couple of years ago.

The heat returns to your body, but it mainly pools on your cheeks. You look back at your best friend, but no words of explanation come up.

“Believe me, I’m asking myself the same thing.”

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prettyboy-parker · 3 years

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favorite fics of 2020 (and a goodbye)

hi all!

first, i wanted to say this is inspired by one of my closest friends my bitch @honeybunstarker . thank u for that

secondly, i wanted to say a final goodbye. i know that i nearly left a few months ago, but i was still on the fence about writing for marvel then. now, ive lost all interest. thank you all for fueling my love for writing, and making these past two (??? i actually don’t know) years full of excitement and encouragement! from the ups (the blocklist, secret santa) to the downs (my favorite blogs and friends deactivating without a word), ive had the greatest time in this fandom.

in case you were worried, i am NOT deactivating. my fics will be available for you to read whenever you want.

but, i will not be writing for marvel anymore, nor will i be posting on this blog.

now that the sad part is done, i didn't want to leave you guys without anything to entertain yourselves with. so, here are my favorite fics, including some non-marvel, from this year!

(all descriptions are from the work itself)

my top fic from this year, which is also one of my favorite fics of all time, is a dog named sunshine.

“Bucky Barnes has issues. Mental health issues, and a whole lot of them, to be precise. Bucky is fucked up, and he knows that. His apartment looks like a dumping ground on most days, he can’t sleep through the night, sometimes he doesn’t shower for six days and doesn’t leave the house except to see his therapist once a week. Mostly, Bucky has no idea how the whole “talking about your problems” thing is supposed to help him, but sometimes his therapist has some really great ideas. Like getting a dog. Which is how Bucky meets Steve. Steve has blond hair and shoulders as broad as Bucky’s future if he wouldn’t suffer from depression and multiple mental disorders, and a waist as small as Bucky’s self-esteem. Steve also has a yellowish dog with floppy ears called Sunshine. And sunshine makes its way into Bucky’s life with a bounce in its step.”

a modern stucky fic which portrays depression in the best way i have seen in a fic so far. unfortunately, it has been orphaned before being finished :(

starker:

hey baby, slip between my beta-pleats and get to know my alpha-helix? By @starkerforlife6969 and @darker-soft-starker

“Even though Tony can't tell the difference between Manolo Blahnik and Jimmy Choo, Peter really has no other choice.

His heat is around the corner, so even though he loathes the party-going, booze drinking, smug playboy know-it-all that is Tony Stark-

He'll just have to do.”

if you asked me what my favorite starker fic of all time is, i’d tell you it’s this one

raising hybrid puppies by jaypendragon

“A non-powered Tony/Peter coffee shop AU with billionaire Tony and working-class, teenage Peter. Also, Toomes has a bakery and somehow Last Week Tonight is a genuine plot point.”

underage, slowburn, happy ending

even though it’s one of the most notorious fics for the ship, i never read it until the summer.

waiting for marriage by tuesday

“In which Tony gets married and kidnapped in that order.

—

Tony Stark went to Vegas to cause a scandal.”

just super fun!

push you out (pull you back in) by @lovelystarker

“So basically, Peter's kind of fucked. And not in the way that he wants to be-preferably by his mother's hot new boyfriend who has beautiful brown eyes and a disposition that's more than put-together. It wouldn't be so hard to ignore the crush, really it wouldn't, but Mr. Stark has practically moved in, so Peter can't avoid him if he wants to, and unlike his mom's past boyfriends, this one actually likes to spend time with him. So yeah, Peter's kind of fucked.”

just,,, wow. important to note that it is unfinished.

stucky:

you go to my head by alby_mangroves and brideofquiet

“Why would you do that for a man you don’t know?” Bucky asks.

Steve raises one slow eyebrow at him, then the other, till his expression turns from skepticism to disbelief. His forefinger and thumb reach into his shirt’s front pocket and draw out a wrinkled dollar bill.

Steve looks him in the eye when he says, very patiently, “For money, Bucky.”

40′s stucky is my favorite stucky

that boy is a problem by 2best friends

“In which a twinky little goth punk named Bucky puts a leash around Steve's dick and he's really into it.

(The leash is a metaphor. For now.)”

just porn

all the angels and the saints by speranza

“In which Steve Rogers loses God and finds God and loses God, and also: Bucky.”

if it makes you cry, it’s probably good!

sugar sweet by colorcoated

“College Student Bucky finds himself immediately attracted to Steve. He knows that Steve's a bit older than him, and that Steve himself is put off by the age difference. . . But that doesn't stop Bucky from wanting to climb him like a tree.”

the only slowburn i have tolerated

my bucky by cleo4u2 and xantissa

“Bucky finds a feral Alpha in the woods. Rather, the Alpha finds him. Bucky is sure it’s the end of his life as an independant Omega. It turns out to be the beginning of the strangest romance Bucky’s ever known.”

stony:

(i want you to see) the darkest side of me by ann2who

“In Monte Carlo, Steve meets the wealthy widower Anthony Stark. It’s love at first sight—at least for Steve—and he can’t believe his luck when Tony asks him to live at Stark Mansion, his large estate in Malibu. Never in his life had Steve thought something like this was possible… never had he been this happy. However, soon Steve realizes that Tony is still deeply troubled by the death of his first wife and haunted by the many ghosts she left behind. The longer Steve lives in her shadow, the more he understands that… He can never be what Tony’s wife had once been for him. And Tony might never truly love him.”

total mindfuck.

ironstrange:

let it be by lucifersfavoritechild

“While dealing with his son's car accident and a rapidly-dissolving marriage, Tony is drawn to Peter's surgeon, Dr. Stephen Strange.”

where severus snape is hot, not a stalker, and somehow gets the girl by utopiste

“Or: Peter Parker is sick and wants to cut his Neuroscience class. Tony just wants to help (and maybe date his son's hot teacher). Stephen Strange just wants to give his lecture in peace.”

miscellaneous:

geraskier: who needs plans anyways by NTK

“All witchers are alphas or betas by nature, since no omega has ever survived the Trial of the Grasses. Gerald has never had any problems with satisfying his needs on the occasional rut, for the whores from Poviss to Nilfgard were eager to be of service to a sturdy hunk like him. On the other hand, a certain omega/ bard/ occasional witcher tagalong has always made certain to acquire enough suppressants from local healers before setting out on a new adventure. That is, until the travels with his favourite White Wolf led the unlike pair into uncharted territory for longer than expected… life ensues”

philtriss: bound by sapphiresmoke

“Leashing involves a pupil being bound to their master in body, mind, and magic,” Philippa explained, folding her hands on the desk in front of her. “It is not something to undertake lightly, but if you accept, I will be able to share my magic with you, and instruct you in ways that would be otherwise be impossible if I were to only rely on verbal communication. It is intimate, it is at times invasive, but if you consent to this, Triss, it will make you vastlymore powerful, and from the look in your eyes, that seems to be exactly what you are looking for.”

vandermatthews: one more night like this would put me six feet under by jukeboxgraduate

“To be alongside the same person week after week, to share honesty and trust with someone day after day, is a rare treasure in a life that hinges on dishonesty. Hosea holds it close to his heart.”

din/cobb: every wave is a tidal if you hang around by wolfhalls

“Din comes to Mos Pelgo, and finds a lot more than he was looking for.”

and finally, rough day by @no-droids, because we all need to be a little indulgent sometimes.

#starker #stony #ironstrange #stucky #fic recs #geraskier #philtriss

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badmoonyellow · 3 years

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HP HEADCANON: PARIS UNIVERSITY

𝓵𝓮𝓼 𝓯𝓪𝓬𝓾𝓵𝓽𝓮𝓼 ✯ 𝓊𝓃𝒾𝓋𝑒𝓇𝓈𝒾𝓉𝒾𝑒𝓈

(click here for contents)

There are five different facultés (abr. fac) in Paris, each one called by a number and the name of a famous wizard/witch or a district in Paris. Each fac has its specificities and various pathways that should please most of the young students trying to find what they want to do with their life after they graduate

Paris I — Babel: Modern languages, dead languages, magical languages, magicology, magical literature, theoretical studies of magical and non-magical art

Paris II — Ruggieri: Astrology, astronomy, divination, theology, psychology, philosophy and sociology

Paris III — Nicolas et Pernelle Flamel: Alchemy, occult sciences, arithmancy and mathematics, magical and non-magical medicine, biology

Paris IV — Cluny: Botanics, care of magical creatures, potions, magical geology and crystal healing, elementary magic

Paris V — Kardec: Necromancy, spiritism, divination, transfiguration, illusionism and oneiric magic, hypnosis and psychology

French students either use the number or the name of the uni to refer to it, never both. Ex: “I did my masters at Paris IV”, “I was a teacher at Cluny for two years” or “Flamel has the best course for arithmancy”

Paris universities are known for being selective but welcome students from every social class: there are no tuition fees except for social security which is calculated on the income of the student or their household if they still live with their parents. The more you earn, the more you pay but it is capped to 20 galleons per student (roughly 450€). If you’re doing a joint honour degree in two different fac, you won’t have to pay twice.

Be careful with this because French bureaucracy is kind of a mess, especially when it comes to uni life. Most people working for the administration have a precise timetable they like to stick to and won’t be kind to you if you raise your voice, even if you’ve been waiting for 2h at their door because the only free time you had is during their lunch break. But sometimes, the right owl sent to the right person will be enough, so don’t hesitate to communicate!

Depending on which fac you’re attending, you’ll probably meet a lot of different people but since we’re French (a.k.a. judgmental), each fac has a typical profile of students:

Students from Babel are considered clever and cultivated but most people think they just don’t really know what they want to do with their life yet. They enjoy uni life in Paris and spend time hanging out with a great deal of foreign students from every part of the world, learning and researching for academic purpose. They create more or less harmful spells and like to talk in latin or ancient greek on a daily basis. They make inside jokes about politics and are the first ones to go on strike any time they don’t agree with the government’s decisions. Very diplomatic and charismatic but also kinda conceited since Babel was the first actual French magical faculté in the Sorbonne (this title is also claimed by the Perrault Institute). They love to debate about any topic of the wizarding world and for the most part, they know a lot about the non-magical world too since they study languages spoken by muggles as well.

Students from Ruggieri are more discreet and contemplative. They are passionate and having your astral chart drawn up by one of them feels like becoming an open book, even though knowing about astrology doesn’t always mean being intuitive. They aren’t known for being empathetic though, and they have a tendency to despise divination techniques that aren’t based on what’s written in the stars (students from Kardec can tell). They love mythology, mind games and poetry. They often go to the countryside beyond Paris’ suburbs to escape light pollution and if you’re lucky, they might invite you to their next nocturnal picnic in Seine-et-Marne.

Students from Flamel are hard-working and competitive since medicine studies (and other courses taught in this university) follow the numerus clausus method. You have more chances to see a Flamel student at the BAM (Bibliothèque Académique de Magie, en. Academic Library for Magic) than attending any of the cool parties young French witches and wizards organise throughout the year. Actually, since the BAM is physically part of Paris I, this has created a long-time resentment among students who all claim priority to access the Library. Flamel students are ambitious and passionate by their field but suffer from a great deal of pressure since failing one exam can be eliminatory. They also have the worst writing ever.

Students from Cluny are seen as the weird hippies of the academic wizarding world. Always down for going on a trip or testing new things. Their shared interest in elementary magic makes them very welcoming and warm since they tend to focus on how a group is stronger than an individual and how you can always seek for help in others (“others” sometimes meaning plants, animals or rocks). They are very genuine and you won’t know for sure if they are really down-to-earth or if they constantly keep their head in the clouds. They love going outdoors and escape the city from time to time but they can also spend hours (days) underground cultivating fungi. Laugh now if you want to, but they get the best kind of psychedelics and liquors for your next party and they won’t bring any if you make fun of them. Also, they throw their own parties in cool speakeasies all over the Mines. Keep your ears open if you want to get the password!

Students from Kardec are actually the real anarchists of the academic landscape, even though Babel tries to steal their far-left thunder. Non-conformists, skeptical and teasing, they love throwing some unpopular opinion in a debate and watch how it takes. You’ll see them at protests and art events since they hang out a lot with students from the ENSBAMO and the Académie de Musique. They generally have no filter whatsoever and are also trying to figure out what they want to do with their life but even though they seem a bit puzzling at times, they’re really sweet. They might know their way around the Mines better than students from Cluny and believe me when I tell you this: they throw the best Halloween party every year — apparently being located in a cemetery helps a lot.

Of course, these are reputations, not distinctive character traits and every student is different from the other so don’t worry: you’ll fit right in wherever you want to go!

#harry potter #hp headcanon #hp headcanons #hp hc #hp hcs #beauxbatons #paris #hp rpg

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oneboxofmatches · 3 years

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This is a request I did for the amazing @strawberry-caffeine -- she’s been so kind to me and it was an absolute joy to do this request!

A few things: With the length of the request, while I still included friendship matchups, I decided not to write out descriptions/explanations along with them. To (hopefully) make up for that, I put the #1 friendship choice in BOLD CAPITAL LETTERS with two other bonus characters I think you’d be good friends with in regular bold type (except for the Harry Potter: Marauders era because there aren’t many choices haha). I hope this is okay!!

Here we go!

--Supernatural--

I romantically pair you with…

JACK KLINE

You’re good at hyping your friends up? Please give this boy all the hype in the world -- he needs it.

Seriously though, one (out of many) of the reasons Jack loves you so, so much is how you’re able to talk him out of a slump. His constant doubts and insecurities regarding his identity plague him often, and the fact that you’re willing to both listen to him pour his heart out and still find a way to reassure him means the world.

Jack’s also still getting the hang of the whole “talking” thing, so you helping him along when a lull in the conversation arrives makes him feel supported.

Not only does your helpful nature benefit Jack, but it’s also one of his favorite traits of yours! He believes in a kind, just world and consistently seeing that from you never fails to bring a bright smile to his face.

Whenever you bottle up your feelings, however, Jack is admittedly at a loss at first. Though it would take patience, turning these moments into teaching opportunities will help him become more in tune with emotions over time.

During these moments, all he wants to do is help -- even before he really understands what’s going on. He’ll ask you what you need and rush to assist in any way he can. He hates seeing you hurt, it’s as simple as that.

Jack loves being around you because he learns so much, and you’re just as eager to teach him. Together, you learn to appreciate the little things in life because you both bring such different perspectives to the world.

Overall, the kindness you show Jack from the beginning is what drives your relationship, and he makes it his goal to make sure you know how loved and appreciated you are in return.

As a friend, I think you’d best be matched with…

CASTIEL, Garth Fitzgerald IV, Charlie Bradbury

--Harry Potter--

In the Golden Trio era, I romantically pair you with…

NEVILLE LONGBOTTOM

Honestly, Neville’s insecurities may make him feel a little intimidated by you at first. Thoughts like, “How could someone as friendly, energetic, and spontaneous as her ever love me of all people?” are pretty common in the early stages of your relationship.

Of course, you help Neville understand fairly quickly that you aren’t going anywhere. Because you’re so good at reading and interpreting emotions, you’re able to assist him with addressing these doubts head-on. These personal conversations are what truly solidify your trust in one another and serve as the strong foundations of a powerful bond.

Also, Neville really appreciates your ability to keep a conversation going. He sometimes struggles with this himself, but he’s relieved he doesn’t have to worry about these shortcomings when it comes to you. Talking with you just comes naturally.

While his verbal communication can use some work, Neville is one of the best listeners to have on-hand when it comes to any problems that arise in your life. Someone’s pushing you to your limit? Neville has all the patience in the world to let you rant so you don’t have to bottle up your feelings. Need to talk through solutions to personal issues? He’ll give you his undivided attention while you work your way around to an answer, providing feedback if you ask for it. Feel the need to ramble? Neville will not only listen, but he’ll actually take a genuine interest in whatever it is you’re talking about.

While he otherwise second-guesses all his decisions, Neville surprisingly really enjoys venturing on unplanned, impulsive adventures with you. A favorite for the both of you is exploring areas on the grounds or in nature. You’re usually the one to charge ahead, excitedly talking while Neville hangs back a few steps. He takes in his surroundings, sure, but mostly he’s just watching you and simply feeling happy from the joy you radiate.

Speaking of things you love to do together, gardening is near the top of the list! One of Neville’s deepest passions is botany, and he doesn’t share his knowledge with just anyone. Seeing you take a true interest in your shared garden gives him all the warmest, fuzziest feelings imaginable.

Overall, you’re the one to bring Neville out of his shell, and he’s the one who takes time to listen to you. You bring out the best in each other, and your unbreakable bond makes the two of you fiercely loyal until the end.

As a friend, I think you’d best be matched with…

LUNA LOVEGOOD, Nymphadora Tonks, Molly Weasley

In the Marauders era, I romantically pair you with…

REMUS LUPIN

You want to talk about one of the most understanding and patient individuals out there? It’s this one.

While Remus isn’t always keen on discussing his own emotions, he is very astute when it comes to sensing the well-being of others. Whether you’re burnt out, overwhelmed, on the verge of a breakdown or something bad just happened to happen to you that day, he knows.

Having people like James and Sirius as friends has taught him both how to tune in to the ramblings of a hyper person as well as how to utilize selective hearing. Remus realizes that he never wants to use that second skill with you. Unlike his friends (who he loves very much, mind you) he wants to take in everything you tell him.

It’s this active listening that makes Remus an excellent gift giver. A majority of the things he gives you are from offhand comments that you don’t think twice about making in the moment.

One of Remus’s absolute favorite things about you is the way your eyes light up when you talk about something you’re passionate about. He finds this trait so endearing, and it’s an easy way to make him smile.

Caring for you when your thoughts are traveling especially fast becomes second nature to Remus. Whenever he knows that he’ll see you, he always has at least one outlet (pen/paper, alcohol marker, etc.) for you. He’s also more than fine with you drawing something on his hand if you’d like -- he loves watching you work and he also gets to walk away with something that can remind him of you!

Remus also excels in history, reading, and writing, so I can definitely see many conversations between you two that revolve around these subjects. Also, after both of you complete your own essays, I believe proofreading and/or discussing each other’s work would become a habit of yours.

Overall, the shared ability to read and interpret emotions as well as the simple wish to care for one another draw you two together to form the sweetest couple around!

As a friend, I think you’d best be matched with…

LILY EVANS

--Marvel Cinematic Universe--

I romantically pair you with…

PIETRO MAXIMOFF

Pietro was first drawn to how easily you can hold a conversation. He recognized immediately how easy it was to joke around with you once you warmed up (which didn’t take long -- Pietro’s somewhat gifted with the power of easy conversation himself). You both felt comfortable around each other relatively quickly.

Yes, Pietro’s known for his impossibly quick movements, but no one stops to think that this requires impossibly quick thinking. While Pietro has had some time to grab somewhat of a hold on his abilities, he still struggles with thoughts that just move too fast for him. You show him some of your tactics for dealing with this, and it literally changes his life.

Up until that point, your interactions had been mostly fun and rather lighthearted. But helping Pietro in such a thoughtful way and relating to him on a level that no one usually can made him see you in a different life. That’s how he knew he loved you.

This can be a chaotic relationship at times to say the least.

Many of your conversations can hardly be followed because you often build off of each other’s energy. While your quick minds are often on the same page, a third person might not be able to keep up.

Pietro does NOT hesitate when it comes to standing up for you. As soon as he learned about your people-pleasing habit, he took it upon himself to be on guard for anyone who could possibly take advantage of you. While you may find it hard to say no, Pietro has no problem stepping in and telling someone to back off.

You might feel as if he goes a little overboard with this sometimes, telling him that it “wasn’t right to be mean to that person.” He’ll just glance at you, shake his head and start up a lecture (albeit not a harsh one -- he really does care about you!) about asserting personal boundaries.

Pietro and his ego LOVE compliments, so you can expect a welcome reaction to each one you give him.

He’s also a big fan of going on spontaneous trips, discovering different parts of the world side by side.

But he’ll also settle for getting to hold you while you two talk about your day.

Overall, Pietro has no problem matching your energy, and you both want nothing more than to discover the adventures life has to offer together.

As a friend, I think you’d best be matched with…

VISION, Thor, Tony Stark

--Hamilton--

I romantically pair you with…

JOHN LAURENS

John has a lot of respect for someone who manages to include everyone, so it’s no wonder you caught his eye.

First impressions already told him you were friendly and empathetic, but discovering the more energetic and spontaneous side of you? Yep, he was in love.

Both of you have always had a desire to help people, so being able to do that with someone who shares the same passion and energy feels special. You’re more than a couple; you’re a team.

Whenever John’s troubled by what’s going on in the world, it doesn’t take him long to turn to you. He’s one of the most stubborn people alive when it comes to admitting he needs help, but all he knows is that talking to you seems to relieve him of some of that load (please be patient with him!!).

Meanwhile, he knows you have your own ways of coping with racing thoughts so he feels comfortable giving you space when you need it. If what you need is a person to listen, however, he’s there in a heartbeat.

Serious topics aside, you two just know how to have fun! Between your friendly personalities that naturally draw others in and your impulsive natures that (most of the time) lead you to exciting experiences, you make so many mutual friends! Sharing a group of close friends -- surprise, surprise -- brings you and John even closer.

Overall, you and John can always be found by each other’s side when facing whatever comes your way, good or bad.

As a friend, I think you’d best be matched with…

PHILIP HAMILTON, Marquis de Lafayette, Peggy Schuyler

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littlebitoffanfic · 4 years

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Celebration

Fandom: The Collector/The Collection Character: Asa Emory – the collector Relationship: Asa Emory/reader Request: Since I have seen you do some slashers, can I request Asa from The Collector? Something sweet where the reader works with him and is an alibi and then saves him when Arkin comes for him in the collection?

You knew him from your work although you didn’t know him well. Asa was a private man, reserved to his office and displays for the museum. You were tour guide with a hand in some of the office work. After all, the museum didn’t get an awful amount of funding to be able to employee more office workers. Today, you were happy. It was a sunny day, which meant people were less likely to come to the museum for an indoor activity. Your tours still ran ever 2 hours, but a smaller group had less questions and you could normally be done within an hour, leaving an hour free. You all but skipped down the halls like a school girl, your project held tightly in your arms as you stopped outside Dr Emory office. knocking three time, you waited for him. He towered over you, and had such a demanding presences that made you weak at the knees. Your crush on his was not unnoticed by your co-workers.

“Good morning.” You smile, trying your best to work through the flutters in your chest. “Its 1.30.” he stated, his eyes unreadable. “Oh, well, good afternoon. Could I steal a few minutes of your time?” You ask, nearly slapping yourself in the face for your mistake. His eyes darted to the folder in your arms and he stepped aside, allowing you to enter. This was a privilege in itself. Barely anyone was allowed within his office. But Asa seemed to tolerate you more than the others. Perhaps because you were his neighbour. Now that had truly been a happy accident. His previous neighbour was selling and you were looking for somewhere when you moved here. It just so happened that your neighbour to your left was also a co-worker. Entering his office was like entering a new world. The walls were decorated with various bugs throughout different ages in their lives. Butterfly’s, beetles and roaches but the most prominent member of his displays were spiders. Your attention was drawn to a particular specimen. Pinned in a shadow box was a blue spider. The sign under called it a Cobalt Blue Tarantula. “Wow, those markings are fascinating.” You mumble aloud, more to yourself that to the mans whos office you were in. “Truly. The Cyriopagopus lividum.. native to the borders of Thailand.” Asa speaks so fondly of the dead creature that it makes you smile slightly. There was no denying his love for his work. “Are they venomous?” You ask, purely out of curiosity. “Yes, but the venom not strong enough to kill an adult human. Although its not pleasant.” Asa walks past you to his desk and drawing you from your thoughts. “Now, you wanted something?” “Yes, I was wondering if you might help me with an exhibition.” You hold out the folder to him as you sit at the other side of his desk. He takes it and opens it, showing a sort of mood board you had put together ranging from other exhibitions to enclosures to photo life-spans of certain creatures. “an exhibition?” His eyes flick up to meet your own with curiosity. In truth, you hated how under appreciated he was at the museum and his knowledge should be put to good use. “Yes, for insects. Of course, I’d do most of the work, but I’d really apricate someone who I can fact check with and can offer some insight.” You smile sweetly, and the small smile that pulled at Asa’s lips told you that he was in.

-------------time skip ------------------

Your time spend with the entomologist was one of the most pleasant and interesting interactions you had had in a while. Walking to his office, you held your papers in your hands. You were about to knock when you heard voices inside. Pressing your ear against the door, you listened. “Dr Emory, unless you can provide an alibi for your whereabouts on Saturday evening, we will have enough to arrest you under suspicious of connection with the collector killings.” A voice spoke with authority. Your heart stopped. The collector killings had fascinated you ever since they had come to light. And Asa, well, he was a private man. If they were threatening such a thing, there must be something behind it. And you wanted to know. The two men that seemed to cloud your thoughts could be one. Your mind thought quickly as you came up with a plan. Knocking on the door, you walked in without waiting – something you never really did. Once inside, you acted like a deer in headlights. Two men sat opposite Asa’s desk in suits. “oh, sorry. Are you from the board?” You asked sincerely but you didn’t let them answer before quickly adding. “Look, Dr Emory and I are neighbours. Its perfectly reasonable for us to spend our evenings and weekends in each others company. Besides, if Tiffany told you about us, she has been having an affair with the janitor.” You could tell Asa was just as stunned as you were. One of the men smiled and stood. “You don’t need to be alarmed, miss. We are from the investigations team.” He then presented his ID badge to you. “Oh, gosh. I am so sorry.” You looked stunned, despite already knowing. “Its okay. But I am interested in what you said. Do you know where Dr Emory was on Saturday evening between 5pm and 11pm?” The man leaned back on Asa’s desk while the other twisted to fully look at you. “He was with me.” You said, talking to the two detectives. “At my house.” “with you? He said he was home alone.” The one with the strong jaw line narrowed his eyes at you. “Yes, well, its not against any policies, our director has been known to fire people for having… interpersonal relationships with colleagues. We’d agreed to keep it a secret. He would have been trying to protect me, in case this got out to the others.” You explain to them, not daring to look at Asa. You knew you were playing with fire here. But what you said wasn’t a stretch. The director had fired a member of the geology department… for sleeping with his wife in astrology. He really cared what staff did as long as they did their job. And didn’t fuck his wife. “Is this true?” He asked Asa, who gave a single nod. “And is there anyone who can corroborate this?” The detective asked you, more kindly than the others. “Not really. As I said, it was a secret so I’d appreciate it if you kept this between us. Although, you can ask half the staff in this building and they’ll tell you that ive had a crush on the man since I moved here, and they know we have been spending more time together. They are so fond of teasing me for it anyway.” You manage to draw a chuckle from one as he jabbed the other detective in the shoulder which earned a smile. Apparently, there was a similar situation going on where they were. “Right, well, we’d better be on our way. We’ll be back in touch soon.” The one sitting rose to his feet, nodding to both you and Asa before he and his partner left. They left and the door had closed for a brief moment before you felt someone grab your arm and you were twisted to meet Asa. He didn’t say anything and his cheeks were slightly red, but his ears were bright red. “So, you are the collector?” You breathe, looking up at him with a small smile tugging on your lips. “What do you want?” He growled, his voice low and menacing. Oh, he wasn’t happy. “I want to know.” You breath, stepping closer to him. “You take parts, right? What do you do with them? Keep mementos? Are you making something?” His nostrils flares out, obviously angry. You understood. You had let yourself into his world, and he couldn’t do a thing about it. He couldn’t kill you because it would point the fingers back to him. No, it was smart to keep you close. He let out an exasperated sigh, reaching up and pinching his brow. “look, once this has blown over for you, I wont say a word. I don’t expect anything for it. If you don’t want to tell me, you don’t have to.” You reassured him. “Why?” His eyes narrow at you, but you shrug. “honestly, you fascinate me.” You confess to the man, even more intrigued than before. You saw the smirk that twitched at the side of his mouth.

----------------- time skip ------------

The world of the collector was one you never dreamed you would see inside, and you loved it. It took trust to get him to let you see. First you saw the inside of the hotels lobby, then some traps, then some of the beautiful creations he made, then his prize possession. you never participated, but you provided a bit more support for him, offering help from the side lines in exchange for information and his time. If he was suspicious of you, he couldn’t deny the genuine interest in your eyes as he spoke, or how you hung on every word of his. He seemed to love how you marvelled at everything with a child-like innocents. Wide eyes and a curious mind. He kept you very close, at work and in your personal lives. It took 5 months in total for the cops to ease up off of Asa, but they still occasionally found their way to his house, watching it. He would come to yours in those situations, still keeping the façade up that you were in some kind of relationship. Not that you cared. You found that the two of you had a lot in common which made the time easily spent. Of course, his dogs loved you. When you came round to his, they were pawing at the floor to get to you but waited for their master to give them the signal to move. They really were puppies at heart. Also, sometimes you thought Asa just said they were there to spend time with you. Either way, you didn’t mind. Tonight, you were buried in a book when a harsh knock at your door made you jump but you hurried to answer it, finding a slightly wet Asa. You smiled, stepping aside and allowing him to step in. “You’d think the police budget within the millions by how much they come around.” You giggle, helping his jacket off his shoulders to hang up to dry. He hummed in response, wiping his face with a hand to try get the stray rain droplet off. “So, how was your recent game?” you asked as he followed you into the living room, where you had been reading. You collapsed back into the couch and held your book on your lap. “Uneventful. No one worthy to take.” He mused as he walked over to your book shelf and pulled out the book he had been reading last time. As he returned to your sofa to sit beside you – a show for the police outside – the book fell open to the page he had been reading. But instead of the paperclip he had been using to keep his place, it was a book mark. A novelty bookmark that you had swiped from the gift shop. It was one of those fake 3D ones, with spiders moving on green leaf’s. You raised your book over your mouth to hide your grin. “very amusing.” He soft chuckle left his lips as he placed it to the side. You giggled, moving to reposition yourself. Your sofa faced the TV which was to the right of the window. Meaning anyone who walked by outside could see in. but it was a quiet neighbourhood. Apart from the undercover police. You lay on the sofa, your legs draped over Asa’ lap which you rested your head on some pillows propped up against the arm rest. Asa rose the book without tearing his eyes away from it to allow your legs to move before lowering to rest his forearms on your knee and thighs. Despite being a bit of a play for the police, it began to feel a little more real. You would engage him in conversation through out the evening, and he would tear his attention away from the book to ask you about your day. In fact, you had started to think that Asa had missed this. With the police’s interest dwindling, so had his trips. Even your encounters in work were now limited as you had finished your exhibition. Or many it was just the part of you that had fallen so madly in love with the man that wished he wanted your company. Your eyes left the page to glance at his face. mature features with intelligent eyes. You hated how he could make your heart stop. Maybe this was fake to him, but it was so real to you. Turning your attention back to your book, you didn’t look up until the sun had fully set. Glancing at the clock, you were surprised to see it was nearly 10pm. “Gosh, I swear I’ll never get use to these changing sunsets. Every year it takes me by surprise.” You sit up, stretching as Asa chuckles. Leaning forward, you press a kiss to his cheek before lifting your legs off his lap to stand up. Asa followed, and you smiled when he marked his page with the bookmark you had gotten him. “You’re nearly finished. I told you it’s a page turner.” You nodded to the book, which he was nearly finished save for 50 pages. “Yes, all the more reason to come back.” He shot a look over his shoulder that made you smirk. Playful teasing had become something you adored in the man. It was another reason that made you doubt this was fake. They couldn’t hear what was happening, so why play around. Sliding the book back into the slot, he picked up the remote which had been forgotten on the sofa to go to the window and place it on the stand. A ploy for him to see if they were still watching the house. “I think you’re right. They get far too much funding. It could be going to the museum.” He mused as he turned back to you. Maybe they needed to see more. Or maybe you wanted more. Just to test the waters. Walking up to him, you reach up and placed your hands on his shoulders. “Kiss me?” You whisper to him, pressing your body against his own. Wide eyes met your own and you couldn’t help but giggle. “They can see through the window.” That was enough to encourage the man to duck down, pressing a kiss to your lips. he could have lightly kissed your lips and pulled away after a few moment, but he didn’t. In fact, you were sure he had forgotten all about the car outside. His arms wrapped around your waist and you were pulled tight against his strong chest as his lips fought your own for dominance which you quickly surrendered. His tongue slipped inside your mouth, making you moan as reach up and place your hand on the back of his head near his neck to keep his mouth to your own. Not like he was pulling away any time soon. you felt him push you backwards and you allowed him to push you till your back hit the wall and he pinned you to it. they couldn’t see you anymore, but you didn’t care. Raising your right leg, you hooked it around his hip as his hand trailed down your side and followed the curve to your thigh, holding you in that position. He was driving you crazy, his touch was like fire as you cling to him. When he does pull back, you are left a panting mess with rosy cheek. But his tell was his red ears despite the smirk on his lips. “So, tell me, where does the line between fake and real stop?” he asks, keeping his face close to your own. “With a kiss like that.” You bite your lower lip, completely aware of how his hand had kept your leg hooked on his hip. “The police aren’t outside. They left over an hour ago.” Asa’s voice was low, barely about a whisper. “They did?” You raise your eye brows at him. A nod answers your question and you were left pondering your next move. “Good.” As leans down, sealing his lips over your own.

-----time skip ------

You were sitting in your living room, half heartedly flicking through the channel when you notice Asa’ car drive past your window. Smiling, you turn off the TV and grab your small bag. It was a Friday, which meant that Asa worked late. But it also meant you would be staying over with him. A few weeks ago, shit had really hit the fan. You really didn’t know what happened, expect that the hotel was burned to the ground, and Asa only just escaped with his life. He was badly hurt, and you were thankful that he had taken a week off for holidays. It had been holidays he was going to spend with you in his cabin up north, but plans changed. You stayed by his side during his recovery. Asa had lost nearly everything that night. His creations, his sanctuary, his dogs, his prizes. But he had been thankful to come home to you. He had extended his own holiday but you returned to work the next week. He said he had fallen while on a hike so no one questioned his cuts and bruising when he did go back. You took your bag and left your home for the evening, locking it up as you set to go to Asa. He had regained most of his energy and health back, which you were hoping he might be up for something a little more… activity related tonight. The lingerie in your bag certainly hoped so. he was already out the car and into the house as you walked up. But something caught your eye. In his living room, there was someone hiding in the corner. Your breath caught in your throat as you recognised the man. His name was Arkin. He had been the one who had escaped Asa, the one who caused his injuries. You only recognised him because Asa had pointed him out when the new came on one evening. And you highly doubted that he was here to say a friendly hello. Running around the back, you ducked under the window so as not to be seen. You ditched your bag in a bush as you made your way to the back door just as you heard heavy metal music blare through the house. You wanted to scream to Asa, but the glint you had seen in Arkins hands wasn’t enough to tell you if it was a gun or a knife. Slipping into his kitchen, you heard the music being turned off and then silence. You took a large knife from the knife block on the counter and held it as if to stab. And you were willing to. Then you slowly opened the bottom draw, which had some duct tape in it. You round the edge, only slightly pulling it off. If you were going to hurt someone, they cant make a lot of sound. You moved into the hallway which connected to the living room and dinning room. “All those insects. You’re quite the collector.” A voice, Arkins voice spoke, making you pause as you made sure no one knew you were here. “In a 200 mile radios from where we last saw each other, there are 14 licensed entomologists. You were number 12.” As Arkin spoke, you moved slowly down the hallway, looking behind you ever second in case someone else was here. “Your daddy ran a museum, didn’t he? Fucked you up real good.” His words made you feel sick. Asa never spoke of his father. His mother was held with high regard, and he said he wanted you to meet her when she was next in town. But he had shut off when you asked about his father. Arkin was right. “Turn around.” You pressed your back against the wall as you inched closer to the doorway. Tape in your left hand, the edge taped to your finger, and the knife in the other. You could see from the glass display cabinet that Asa and Arkin were standing face to face near the entrance to the dinning room. Arking had his back to you. And a gun raised at Asa’ face. Fear rushed through you as the analogy of ‘don’t bring a knife to a gun fight’ flooded your mind. “Are you here to kill me?” Asa spoke with a calmness you couldn’t fathom. “No. that would be too nice. First im gonna make sure feel everything that I felt. Then im gonna kill you.” You could hear the smugness in his voice. “So that you can never hurt anyone-“ He was cut off as Asa lunged at him. But Arkin gave a swift jab to the face, causing him to tumble back. Into a red box. Your gasp was covered as Arkin flipped the box and started slamming the lid shut again and again, growling “fuck you.” Before the lack closed. he stepped back, gasping for air. He thought he was alone. Darting into the room, you raise the knie and bought it down into his right shoulder and an angle. He instantly dropped the gun. Letting go of the knife for a moment, you grabbed the roll of tape and started wrapping it round and round his mouth. He had only just managed to let out a cry of pain as his legs gave way under him. He reached up, struggling so you grabbed the knife and pulled it from the flesh. Using the sharp, bloodstained blade, you cut the tape and he collapsed to the ground moaning. You gave him a quick kick in the face before kicked the gun that had fallen out of reach. The last thing you needed was neighbours calling the police for gunfire at the house. You raced over to the box. “Asa, its me.” You reassured him through the small walls in case he tried to attack whoever opened the box. When you pulled the lid open, he scrambled to his feet, the anger in his eyes blazing as he found his attacker on the floor. Arkin was groaning, unable to move just yet but you were sure he’d be up and about soon enough. “Your hands.” You whispered, reaching out and taking his right hand which was covered in blood from Arkin slamming the box down. Your heart broke. He had not long healed. Arkin began to come around, his eyes darting between the two of you as he realized what had happened. He looked at you with an unimaginable about of rage and anger in his eyes as he tried to scream. Asa darted forward, twisting him around and pinning him to the ground, a knee in his back and his hand pressing on the new wound. “The tape.” He commanded of you, and you immediately grabbed the duct tape which had rolled away slightly. Finding the end, you saw Asa grabbing Arkins left hand and you mirrored with his right. Bringing them forcefully behind his back, you taped them in place, then went to tape his ankles together. Once satisfied, Asa hauled the man off the ground and threw him into the box, the lid closing over with the force. Asa flipped the latch. Looking him inside. You didn’t realise you were panting and shaking until Asa was looking at you. Racing forward, you wrap your arms around his torso and bury your face in his chest. “He didn’t hurt you, did he?” He ask, holding him as tightly as you could. A bloody hand stroked your cheek as another rubbed your back to sooth you. “No, you got here right on time.” There was a softness to his voice that made you melt as you looked up at him and smiled. “I’m too late to be a guard dog. Ludwig or Vivaldi wouldn’t have let him get close enough to hurt you.” You shake your head as you pull back, taking his hands in your own once again to inspect the damage. But he turned his hands over and took your own. “How about we go up to the cabin this weekend?” Asa askes, his question not very well fitted for the currant moment. “huh?” Your eyes glanced to the box which was moving slightly as Arkin struggled. “Oh, we’ll take him. And, since I am out of commission right now, perhaps I can show you some tricks.” Asa smirked as your eyes light up at his words. “Yes!” You bounce on the balls of your feet. You went up on your tiptoes to kiss him, resisting every urge not to pull him upstairs to his bedroom right now. Pulling back, you dart down and pick up the gun, offering it to Asa. “I’ll go get some stuff to see to your hands. And I’ll run back and pack a quick bag and then come and pack your things. I think I should drive, though. You’ll have to give me instructions.” You rattle off, the excitement obvious in your voice. “Oh, you’ll get use to taking instruction this weekend.” Asa whispered in your ear, making you blush and bite your lip with a smirk. Arkin seemed to get a burst of energy and started flaying around in the box, which only moved slightly. “He truly is annoying, isn’t he?” you huffed, hating the moment was ruined by him. Asa simply chuckled and walked up to the box, sitting on it and stopping it from shifting. As you flitted around, gathering supplies and seeing to his hands and then packing his things, Asa watched with a soft eyes. He would be lying if he said he trusted you from the start. And even more so if he admitted there had still been a small part of him that thought you were with the police. but that doubt was well gone. And this weekend, he wanted to celebrate this strange relationship. And oh, what a celebration it would be.

#the collector #the collection #asa emory #asa emory x reader #asa x reader #the collector x reader

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ninjayuri · 3 years

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Hello again, colleague!

Now, getting more serious, have you ever stopped to think about the type of character that you like/relate? It might lead to a pattern, and that says a lot about you.

From your main communities, can you spot your favorite, relatable characters and see what kind of features they have in common? It can be about their personality, their looks... pretty much anything. It is just an experiment, and you are not obliged to do that.

— Wonder

hello! and YES actually ive thought about this a lot.

theyre all edgy looking murderers!!

jokes aside, yes. every. single. one. turned out to be a murderer/jailed for murder. and i didnt suspect a thing before adopting them as my favourites even though most of them literally had chains and stripes in their design idk what i was thinking

i wont specify exactly, since who knows how many spoilers are involved with this,,,, but i know why they all turn out to be killers after i like them.

disclaimer, i dont like them because theyre all prisoners. it just kinda turned out this way. i like them because similar to myself, most of them are all the types to put up a harsh, intimidating front, not allowing anyone to get close to them. when viewed by anyone else, they may seem rude, or selfish, or just plain stuck up. but heres the thing; i think im drawn to them bc im the same way. because pushing others away is genuinely the best way to keep them safe and let them avoid seeing what youve become.

all of the characters, somehow killed for a good cause, or took the blame, or whatever for their loved ones. despite being extremely closed off, theyre the most loyal people ever, and would literally kill for you. i guess, being similar somehow, i felt some kind of kinship with the way they acted? mean and sarcastic but caring when it actually counts?

also also, a lot of them ended up having animal companions. its really fascinating seeing such a supposedly terrifying individual bond with an animal, and then their true loyalties really show.

characters who i can never, ever stand, are in fact the optimistic, energetic protagonists, and the soft, shy, needs safekeeping baby ones. i know, i know this entire answer must seem very edgy and not like other kids, but i have my reasons for this too. first of all, the quick petty explanation i give most people: they annoy me bc i hate extroverts trying to make me do stuff

(which isnt a lie but,,,, i digress.)

generally, these characters can be loyal, but not when it really counts. in most media, when you end up falling for and adoring the kind best friend, or the cute child, theyre the ones who end up being backstabbers. and i heavily dislike being betrayed so i be suspicious of them from the beginning, essentially. and even when they dont do anything bad, their emotional views of "keep going" "everything is possible" "save everyone" dont make sense at all and even if i end up agreeing to some degree eventually,,, yeah that stuff does NOT work.

there are obviously a few exceptions, but theyre hard to come by. and one of those exceptions is a murderer anyways too so.

also, poorly written characters. boring. i need at least a potential arc that i can take over if you wish for my interest.

oh god apologies for the entire essay 😔😔😔 hope you enjoyed reading it, and ty for the fascinating question wonder!!

#wonder anon #long post

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steves-on-a-plane · 4 years

Text

Waiting For You

Words: 2278 Pairing: Poe Dameron x Jedi!Reader Timeline: Pre-The Force Awakens Request: “Reader is Poe’s childhood best friend, who is force sensitive, and was sent to Luke to train. After the attack at the temple, Poe thought she died. But found out she wasn’t when reader was brought to the base by rescue team.” -Anon

Poe Dameron couldn’t volunteer fast enough when General Leia asked for participants to greet a new transport of refugees that would be coming to the Resistance Base. Poe enjoyed working with the civilians when he could. As a former Spice Runner he’d flown his fair share of risky missions both with and before the Resistance. The close calls were a great ego boost when he maneuvered himself out of a tricky situation, but it was always humbling to see how his life may have turned out if he’d been born on a different planet or made different life choices.

Poe was old enough to have had a past life in Spice, but still young enough to think that bravery and acting on impulse made him invincible. At least that was what General Organa was always telling him. He hadn’t been with the resistance very long, but he learned quickly that no one was invincible. That didn’t stop him from wanting to do what was right, to put a stop the First Order. His actions may have been more personally motivated than he let on to the Resistance leaders, but that didn’t make him any less dedicated to the cause.

Poe laid back in the fold up rack that was his bed. The Resistant Base he currently lived at was hot and muggy, but he didn’t dare roll up the flaps on his tent of fear of some exotic bug buzzing by and biting him. With his hands tucked behind his head, Poe closed his eyes and thought of Her. The girl he’d once known but only existed in his dreams now.

“Don’t look at me like that, Dameron.” She’s whispered the last time they were together. They were laying in the grass watching the clouds drift away and the sun’s rays dissipate.

“Like what?” He laughed, turning his head to look at her.

“Like you’re never going to see me again.” She explained, her eyes still trained to the skies.

“[Y/N], you’re leaving tomorrow and you don’t know when you’ll be back. How could I not worry?” He asked. She sighed. They were both fourteen and had been friends their whole lives. Things on Yavin IV weren’t so bad. It was a quiet planet with lots of greenery, and it had once been the home to a Rebellion base during the old Wars. But [Y/N] wasn’t leaving because of life on Yavin, she was leaving because she was a force sensitive and had been since birth.

[Y/N] and Poe had both known their whole lives that she would have to leave Yavin someday. There was only one Jedi Temple in the whole Galaxy, and it did offer home schooling. Jedi Master Luke Skywalker didn’t require force sensitives to leave their homes as babies the way the Old Jedi Order had, but he also advised against parents sending their children when they were too old. It made them difficult to train.

“You know I have to go.” [Y/N] reminded Poe. She finally turned to look at him. “If I wait much longer, I’ll be too old.”

“You could just not go.” Poe regretted his suggestion the instant he caught a look at [Y/N]’s indignant expression.

“I’ve wanted this my whole life, Poe!” She exclaimed. [Y/N] stood up, she was no longer laying in the grass. “All I’ve ever wanted is the chance to train with Master Luke. To train as a Jedi!” She began pacing as she spoke to him. “To prove that I can do it! That I can make a difference! That I can help people…I-I…”

“I know! I know!” Poe jumped to his feet. He stood in her path, catching her by the elbows to stop her from colliding into him. “[Y/N], I’m sorry. You’re right, you have to go.” Poe looked into her eyes. Her watery eyes looked back. She was on the verge of tears. Poe couldn’t have that. “You have to go.” He repeated. This time more to himself than her. “It was selfish of me to suggest anything else, but you know what I’ll be right here, waiting for you when you come back.”

“Poe, you can’t put your whole life on hold for me.” [Y/N] told him, as she wiped away the tears that had started to fall. Poe rubbed a thumb under her eyelid catching a few tears for her.

“I won’t, but I also know I won’t ever love anyone else. You’re it for me, Babe. So, you go. Become the great Jedi that you’re destined to be because I know you’re going to be the best someday. In the meantime, I’m gonna work hard and I’m gonna become a man worthy enough of the greatest Jedi in the galaxy.”

“Oh Poe!” [Y/N] flung her arms around him and pressed her lips tightly against his.

Poe awake to the hiss of hydraulics and the sound of landing gear coming in contact with the planet’s surface. The transport! He remembered, scrabbling to his feet. Running towards the designated landing zone, Poe arrived just in time to watch the first passenger set off the transport ship.

“You were nearly late, Captain.” General Organa whispered with disapprove as she appeared at his side.

“Only almost.” Poe nodded at her. He looked over at the transport and watched as the refugees stumbled out. Many of them blinked in the sunlight, others wiped away sweat anxiously. They weren’t used to the jungle climate yet. Poe collected supplies from the bins near he and Leia and began offering them to refugees and they settled down.

He introduced himself and told them that they all would be safe now. He studied each of their faces and tried to learn all of their names. There were full families, or single parents hovering over their children. Adults turning down offers of drinking water in favor of the children, despite Poe’s best efforts to convince them that there was plenty to go around. Every one of them reminded Poe of her.

Had [Y/N] not been killed during the massacre at the Jedi Temple, Poe liked to imagine that she’d be here by his side, doling out blankets or clean clothes. They might share a tent just off one of the cliffsides, somewhere she could see the stars at night and the clouds during the day. He wondered if she were still alive would she tell him that he’d kept his promise? Had he grown to become a man worthy of her?

He very much hoped that he had. He might have been impulsive and quick to dismiss authority just as the General had pointed out. He did act first and asked questions later, but often times that got him the best results. He genuinely cared about the people the Resistance helped and the people they fought to protect. He wanted to make things better. He wanted to help people the way [Y/N] had always made seem so easy.

Poe moved around the landing zone as nearly all the passengers had disembarked. The last to arrive were a young woman and a Twi’lek boy with purple skin who couldn’t have been older than seven. The woman kept most of her face hidden with a hood she’d drawn up over her head. She kept one arm wrapped securely around the Twi’lek. The boy looked freighted. His eyes were almost as wide as a BB unit and he was studying the Base suspiciously.

“It’s alright now.” The woman was whispering to him. “We’re safe here.”

“She’s right you know.” Poe agreed walking towards them. He crouched down so that he could talk to the boy at eye level. “No one can hurt you here.” The boy turned away from Poe, burying his face in the woman’s side.

“I’m afraid he’s mistrustful of strangers.” The woman explained. “Orn, this nice man is here to help us.”

“Well then I should introduce myself, then we won’t be strangers anymore.” Poe smiled. “My name is Poe. Did I hear correctly that you’re Orn?”

“Poe?” The woman repeated. With her one arm still wrapped around Orn, the woman reached up and pulled back her hood. “Never in a million galaxies did I expect to find you here.”

Poe looked up from the boy to study the face of the stranger who seemed to know him. The woman looked tired as if she hadn’t slept in days, maybe weeks. Her cheeks were sullen, and her eyes help a deep sadness. Her hair was longer, and it had darkened over the years, but Poe recognize her laugh anywhere. It was slightly hollow now, not carrying the same joy it had when she was 14, but he’d been playing it for so long in the back of his mind he hardly noticed.

Poe didn’t know what to say. A million thoughts seemed to be scrambling around in his head, like X-Wings about to take off. He opened and closed his mouth three or four times and it seemed [Y/N] was also at a loss for words. So, Poe reached out for her and she leaned into his touch, seemingly melting into his arms. Poe held her close, with one hand on her lower back and the other cradling the back of her head.

“I thought you died.” Poe whispered, not loosening his hold an inch. Tears rose to the surface and he didn’t dare hold them back. “I don’t understand. The Temple, they said there were no survivors.”

“We had to let people think that. We couldn’t risk word getting back to B…Kylo Ren.” She explained. “I’m sorry Poe, if I knew you were with the Resistance all this time, I might have tried to find you sooner.”

“Tried to find me sooner?” Poe finally released his hold enough so that they could look each other in the eyes again. “You’re spy who got in contact with the Resistance and coordinated rescue?”

“I wouldn’t say spy. I prefer information currier.” She told him. “Spy implies that I ever worked with or for the First Order, which I didn’t. I’m just good at keeping my head down and my ears open.”

“I can’t believe that you’re here.” He breathed.

“Captain Dameron.” [Y/N], Poe and Orn watched as General Organa approached them. “Who is your friend?”

“Princess Leia!” [Y/N] gasped.

“No one’s called me Princess is a long time, kid.” Leia replied with a smirk.

“Of course, General. My name is [Y/N].” She looked around nervously making sure no one but the four of them could hear. “Poe and I were friends before I left to study at the Jedi Temple. I knew Master Luke and your son.”

“You were a student at the temple?” Leia repeated just as quietly. “We were told there were no survivors. I assure you had Luke or I known…”

“It’s better that no one knows.” [Y/N] insisted. “At least for now.”

“If that’s what you wish.” Leia nodded. “Poe, there’s room in your tent, right? Why don’t you take [Y/N] and her boy there to rest? We can manage things here for a while without you.”

“Sure.” Poe motioned for Orn and [Y/N] to follow him. He carefully led them through a narrow trail of large leaf fronds and tree roots. “It’s not much further.” He promised knowing how tired they must be from their journey.

Once they reached Poe’s modest tent, [Y/N] put Orn to bed in a spare cot and promised to rest after she and Poe had a chance to talk. The pilot waited outside, digging the toe of his boot into the mud. He wished he knew the perfect thing to say or do to make things less awkward between them.

“I think he’ll be okay for a little bit.” [Y/N] decided as she stepped out of the tent. She waved Poe over a little way away where they wouldn’t be overheard by the sleeping child. “It’s okay. You can ask.”

“Hmm?” Poe feigned confusion. “I mean I wondered, you know, Orn, is he…?”

“He’s not my son, at least not genetically.” She sighed. “He’s been with me even since he was five, I tried to help him and his mother escape a prison camp, but she wasn’t lucky enough to make it. I promised I’d take care of him, it’s what she would have wanted.”

“That’s so like you.” Poe smirked. “Putting other people’s wants and needs in front of your own.”

“What about you, Mr. Resistance?” She poked him playfully in the chest. “I heard the General call you Captain Dameron. You didn’t come by that title overnight.”

“Yeah well…” Poe brought a hand to his forehead and rubbed it reflexively. “I did wait for you on Yavin, for a real long time. I turned down job opportunities off world. Then I remembered you said not to put my life on hold for you, so I didn’t. I took the first job that came my way. It happened to be a smuggling job, but I was good at it and the pay was good so I didn’t mind. Until the news about the Temple got out. I didn’t want to just run illegal spices from spaceport to spaceport anymore. I wanted to do something. I wanted to help people. So, I tried to think what would [Y/n] do? And it led me here.”

“You joined the Resistance for me?” She asked.

“Well when you say it that way…” Poe rolled his eyes. “It’s cheesy.”

“It’s romantic.” [Y/N] disagreed. She took a step closer to him. “So, Captain Dameron, does this Base have a quiet place the two of us could get to know each other all over again?”

#Poe Dameron x Reader #Poe Dameron Reader Insert #Poe Dameron Fan Fiction #Poe Dameron Fan Fic #Poe Dameron FF #Star Wars Day 2020 #Star Wars Day #Request

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ambvrs · 4 years

Photo

𝐉𝐎𝐒𝐄𝐏𝐇𝐈𝐍𝐄 𝐀𝐘𝐃𝐈𝐍 / 𝐰𝐚𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐝 𝐩𝐥𝐨𝐭𝐬.

𝒃𝒖𝒊𝒍𝒅𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒃𝒓𝒊𝒅𝒈𝒆𝒔 — @opalsmedia !

𝒊. 𝒘𝒉𝒆𝒓𝒆 𝒘𝒆 𝒎𝒆𝒕 𝒂𝒍𝒐𝒏𝒈 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒎𝒆𝒔 ; open to anyone .

( ♫ ) — josephine’s life between scotland and strathmore is vague at best, other than she moved into her own place after graduation and spent a year working in london before her first year at strathmore began ( a time frame that puts her in line with the opals first year / immediately pre - strathmore prodigies ). a bond formed from a chance encounter by the river’s edge one summer or fall evening, two strangers simply sharing company and conversation before strathmore or the society or life had the chance to intervene. one meeting turned into several, someone she might consider one of her first friends in the city and they became more of a rock in her life than she would ever admit to them, letting her forget the darkness of the world for even a short while. perhaps time, and strathmore and society duties, have created distance between them that they’re not sure how to close. not in a bad way, of course, but in the way that life always seems to.

aesthetics : the warm glow of the street lamps as blue skies blossom into shades of flame, shoulders brushing against one another as steps fall in tandem, quiet laughter that melts into clamoring of the crowd, the same sense of ease that accompanies picking up long - forgotten novel, secrets shared the same as clandestine smiles, cobblestone paths that lead to nowhere in particular, the twinkle of an excited gaze, the comforting press of fingertips into the crook of an elbow, a collection of polaroids tucked away like perfect memories.

𝒊𝒊. 𝒑𝒆𝒓𝒉𝒂𝒑𝒔 𝒘𝒆 𝒋𝒖𝒔𝒕 𝒏𝒆𝒆𝒅 𝒆𝒂𝒄𝒉 𝒐𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒓 ; open to anyone .

( ❤ + ❤ + ❤ ) — two people that, under any other ( or relatively normal ) circumstances, would certainly not have considered themselves friends. but recent circumstances have brought them closer and they’ve found a sort of solace in one another. separately, they’ve seemed to function just fine on their own, or they’ve simply done everything they can to keep it all to themselves. perhaps it’s a slow - burn friendship, they didn’t like each other all too much starting out or simply butt heads over the most trivial of things, but they slowly grow to lean on each other for small things, figuring there are worse people to rely on. or perhaps it’s been a friendship that’s been blossoming slowly, both caring a great deal about the other ( even if they never really talk about it ) & who they trust to talk about secrets, feelings, the society, you name it without worrying about repercussions or what they may think of them. two people that come to rely on each other, one way or another, and will do anything to help them succeed. platonic twin flames who know each other almost as well as, if not better, than they know themselves.

aesthetics : pinky promises shared in an empty room, waiting with baited breath as quiet confessions are offered, hesitant smiles, hours of long conversation that slip into comfortable silence, trusting someone to keep a secret you would’ve taken to the grave, arms embraced in a hug that borders on almost too tight, a knock on your bedroom door at two am, long night drives with no destination in mind, shared blankets under a starry sky.

𝒊𝒊𝒊. 𝒉𝒆𝒂𝒓𝒕 𝒕𝒐𝒐 𝒔𝒐𝒇𝒕 𝒇𝒐𝒓 𝒄𝒓𝒖𝒆𝒍 𝒊𝒏𝒕𝒆𝒏𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏𝒔 ; open to anyone .

( ✧ / reversed ) — josephine is truly soft - hearted, down to her very core, and is often far too kind and compassionate for her own good. she chooses to see the best in people, even if it’s not always there. that being said, they aren’t being friendly just for the sake of being friendly and whatever sort of ‘ friendship ‘ they have is formed for the sake this person’s own gain, be it academically, as a bit of romantic payback, or even because they feel she can benefit their growth in the society. there’s a lot of room for creative liberties here ( and plenty of angst, if we wanted ), but i think it would do her some good to face the truth behind typical rose - colored glasses, even if she’s completely oblivious to it for now, for a while ? forever ? perhaps she knows but will simply pretend she does not see because she’d rather live in the illusion than face the truth.

aesthetics : smiles that do not quite reach the eyes, lies veiled beneath honeyed tones, the steady rapping of raindrops on window panes, gifted roses already on the verge of wilting, bribes offered in the way of i - owe - you’s, rain check texts one hour after a read message, the slip of smoke through outstretched fingers, large sunglasses shielding disinterested gaze, company offered out of convenience rather than genuine desire, the dying embers of a flickering flame.

𝒊𝒗. 𝒓𝒊𝒈𝒉𝒕 𝒑𝒍𝒂𝒄𝒆 𝒃𝒖𝒕 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒘𝒓𝒐𝒏𝒈 𝒕𝒊𝒎𝒆 ; taken .

( ♫ + ❤ ) — two people that dance a fine line together, and perhaps they’ve been dancing it since the beginning of her first year up to joining the society ( or maybe they still are ). push and pull, always like two moths to a flame, this connection is the prime example of what could be if life wasn’t in the way. the two have obvious chemistry, but there’s something that’s keeping them from being together - could be the society, their parents or friends, or some other outside influence. physical or emotional boundaries aside, they are the epitome of the right place at the wrong time and perhaps they’d be together if they could but instead they fight against it, flirting the line of you could be mine and it’s just not the time. perhaps they’ve already put it behind them, but they both just have that knowledge that in another life.

aesthetics : fleeting glances shared across a crowded room, grazing fingertips in a fleeting touch, the lingering tendrils of darkness in the break of dawn, the way the moon controls the tides, harmless invitations for coffee that grows cold in conversation lapses, knowing coffee orders like the back of your hand, shared smiles hidden in the crooks of necks, faded photographs of a simpler time, handwritten notes tucked neatly between book pages.

𝒗. 𝒍𝒊𝒌𝒆 𝒘𝒂𝒗𝒆𝒔 𝒘𝒆 𝒄𝒐𝒎𝒆 𝒄𝒓𝒂𝒔𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒅𝒐𝒘𝒏 ; open to anyone / one - two people .

josephine tends to her friendships like a neat little garden, cares so wholly for each of them in their own special way. but in light of recent events ( and moving forward amidst a still missing society member ), it only makes sense for a couple of her close relationships to start fraying at the seams. whether they consider them friends is neither here nor there, she’s taken to applying that term to pretty much everyone in the society, truly. their friendship is well on its way to dissolving, or at least a very close breaking point, whether it be because of the stress of everything going on ( or went on or will go on ), or they feel that she’s somehow betrayed their trust in some way ( could be trivial, could be completely valid ), or perhaps they’ve come to learn that she’s played a part in previous disruptive rule breaking.

aesthetics : fraying ends of a friendship bracelet, the bitter taste of black coffee, dark bags under tired eyes ( no, they’re not prada ), the ache of a disappointed gaze, the torn pages of an old notebook, waves cresting the shore to simply retreat again, empty roads at 4am, a table for two but party of one, the crinkling static of a tv left on too long, four missed calls and a ‘ we need to talk ‘ text, curtains drawn in once familiar windows.

𝒗𝒊. 𝒉𝒆𝒓𝒆'𝒔 𝒕𝒐 𝒘𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒖𝒔𝒆𝒅 𝒕𝒐 𝒃𝒆 ; taken.

the two had dated previously, prior to either of them joining the society. whether it happened during her teen years, the lull between life and strathmore, or right up to their time in the society - it’s very much open - ended. josephine has always loved too deeply, and it could have been their downfall or what had kept them together as long as they were. i imagine they didn’t end on the best of terms, but she still cares deeply for them and their well - being, regardless of where they stand now, and perhaps there’s lingering feelings that they both simply deny.

aesthetics : tba.

𝒗𝒊𝒊. 𝒘𝒆 𝒘𝒆𝒓𝒆 𝒃𝒆𝒕𝒕𝒆𝒓 𝒐𝒇𝒇 𝒂𝒔 𝒇𝒓𝒊𝒆𝒏𝒅𝒔 ; open to anyone.

someone that josephine has history with; either they’ve kissed or hooked up a few times, or just went on a couple casual dates but there was nothing ever really there. no hard feelings at all, they mutually decided there was nothing between them and they were better off as actual just friends. they’re probably pretty close because of the fact and it’s just something that they joke about now.

aesthetics : tba.

𝒗𝒊𝒊𝒊. 𝒚𝒐𝒖'𝒓𝒆 𝒈𝒐𝒏𝒆 𝒘𝒊𝒕𝒉 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒓𝒊𝒔𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒔𝒖𝒏 ; open to anyone.

they were sleeping together out of convenience at some point, perhaps they’d turn to each other on a lonely night or they’re hanging out and they don’t mean for it to happen, but they end up tangled together in one of their rooms, gone in the early hours of the morning before the other ways. or perhaps it was a one or two time thing, a moment of weakness or split decision that they pretend didn’t happen. truly no strings attached, neither of them expecting anything from the other because it’s not supposed to mean anything, so they’re always gone by morning, before anyone can see them, because there’s nothing casual about deep conversations when you’re half - asleep, bodies pressed together and hands intertwined.

aesthetics : tba.

☆ 𝒃𝒐𝒏𝒖𝒔 ☆ ; aka a collection of six - word stories / musings that would also be fun plots but i simply did not have the brain cells to type up .

i. 𝒔𝒕𝒊𝒍𝒍 𝒘𝒊𝒕𝒉 𝒎𝒆 𝒊𝒏 𝒎𝒚 𝒅𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒎𝒔 ; ii. 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒄𝒂𝒏'𝒕 𝒔𝒂𝒗𝒆 𝒎𝒆 𝒇𝒓𝒐𝒎 𝒎𝒚𝒔𝒆𝒍𝒇 ; iii. 𝒊 𝒍𝒐𝒔𝒕 𝒎𝒚𝒔𝒆𝒍𝒇 𝒂𝒍𝒐𝒏𝒈 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒘𝒂𝒚 ; iv. 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒔𝒉𝒐𝒖𝒍𝒅 𝒌𝒏𝒐𝒘 𝒃𝒆𝒕𝒕𝒆𝒓, 𝒅𝒐 𝒃𝒆𝒕𝒕𝒆𝒓 ; v. 𝒉𝒐𝒑𝒆 𝒃𝒍𝒐𝒔𝒔𝒐𝒎𝒔 𝒊𝒏 𝒔𝒆𝒆𝒅𝒔 𝒐𝒇 𝒅𝒐𝒖𝒃𝒕 ; vi. 𝒘𝒉𝒆𝒏 𝒊 𝒔𝒘𝒊𝒏𝒈, 𝒊 𝒅𝒐𝒏'𝒕 𝒎𝒊𝒔𝒔 ; vii. 𝒕𝒘𝒐 𝒔𝒊𝒅𝒆𝒔 𝒐𝒇 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒔𝒂𝒎𝒆 𝒄𝒐𝒊𝒏 ; viii. 𝒊𝒇 𝒘𝒆 𝒅𝒐𝒏'𝒕 𝒇𝒆𝒆𝒍 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒔𝒂𝒎𝒆 ; ix. 𝒊 𝒇𝒐𝒖𝒏𝒅 𝒄𝒐𝒎𝒇𝒐𝒓𝒕 𝒊𝒏 𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒄𝒐𝒎𝒑𝒂𝒏𝒚 .

this + this + this + this + this .

#opalsplots #enjoy this collection of six word story plots #this is simply So Long #any of these can be added to our current plots or they can be whole new plots !!#or we can brainstorm somethin just as spicy lmk just @ me #by the end i just think i have 3am jokes #if u see typos ...... yeah me too

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theboyz-engup · 5 years

Text

To All The Boyz I’ve Loved Before; Letter Twelve

Summary-

It was wonderful what a few little letters could do; they could make or break a friendship, cause someone to laugh or smile, make someone remember the time of their life or that moment they wanted to forget. Just some words on paper and poof, everyone knew the way your heart beat and workings of your brain. High school really did wonders on you, as did those twelve boys. Maybe they didn’t know it, but they changed your whole life with each smile, each wave, and each word you typed into paper. You made them permanent, and now they had to know why.

Word Count- 10.8k

Previous Letter - Masterlist

Eric’s hand rapped against the wood door of Sunwoo’s room. Last time he’d been to visit, the boy was fast asleep but now, he was hunched over a notepad and scribbling away. Well, he was trying, at least. The damages were done mostly to his right side so his dominant hand wasn’t free but Eric supposed he still had many things he wanted to write or rap. It was better to write them out fresh.

Sunwoo’s head turned, his hair slightly delayed and swinging lightly. The blinds were drawn, allowing very little summer light through but Eric preferred it that way. There didn’t seem a point to warm weather or sun rays when you couldn’t see them. After exchanging a small smile, Eric felt he had permission to sit.

Lightly, he pulled up a hospital chair next to Sunwoo’s bed and came as close as he dared. He didn’t know how the already bruised boy would take what he had to say. Somehow, Eric was afraid he’d get bruised worse afterwards.

“How are you feeling?” The now blonde murmured. It seemed an innocent enough question and he hoped it would break some tension.

After taking a beat, Sunwoo closed his notebook and set it on the table beside him. It seemed to be a bit of a stretch, leg in a slightly elevated position to reduce swelling getting in the way. His mouth worked as he moved, sometimes stretching in pain and putting emphasis on words that didn’t need them.

“Okay, I guess. There’s a lot I need to come back from but at least I can write, or try to.”

Eric nodded, somehow leaning forward to hear better. His forearms now rested on the bed, fingers coming to wind into each other as comfort.

Awkwardly, though with a hint of care, he mumbled, “are you still having episodes?”

He remembered watching Sunwoo’s mother get removed from his room, her voice overlapping nurses and doctors and whatever else came from the room. She kept asking what was wrong but there weren't any answers until later, where they found some clotting or something similar. Sunwoo was okay but he’d have to learn how to walk again, or something like that. Eric wasn’t filled in on the specifics but, considering the circumstances, he figured it wasn’t so bad.

Sunwoo just shook his head, looking down at his lap before coming out and looking around the room. There wasn’t more for him to say so a silence hung across their shoulders, draping the room in a melancholic shroud.

“I can’t imagine what that’s like,” Eric mumbled, genuinely thinking aloud. Being stuck in a hospital room, hooked up to an IV drip or with an immobile part of his body: everything about those made him queasy. If he didn’t have his body, he didn’t have anything. Plus, the sterility and lack of warmth of a hospital room made him uncomfortable. It felt unfeeling and like everything was drained of him the moment he stepped in.

However, his statement was met with a rather soft question, one of wonder and vulnerability. The boy was poised much like he was; back curled, chin dipped inward and eyes downcast, fingers entwining as best as they could. Eric would have laughed at the parallels of the two men in your life, the ones he thought you considered to be of the most important, and how similar they were at times.

“Did y/n send you a letter too?” The question was soft but filled with another meaning. Instinctively, Eric’s hand met with his pocket to feel the sealed envelope, the one with typewriter script across the front of it.

The rustle of paper caused a small sadness to fall upon Sunwoo’s lips, though a smile shrouded it. His eyes were kind when they met with Eric’s and they seemed to be more genuine than ever before.

"I figured they'd send you one too," he admitted softly, stretching a bit to find his notebook again. His fingers slipped once or twice before gripping the cover, eyebrows scrunched together and a small exhale passing his lips. His right side wasn't doing well at all, bruising probably the worst part.

Still, Sunwoo had no problems sifting through his book, using his words as paint in a picture. Through the faint sound of birds and wind passing by the window, Sunwoo spoke slowly. "They gave me one too, said they wanted it to be their last.

"Y/n wrote down a lot of things in their notes, saying it was for later when I asked. I figured, you know, it was just what we did on dates or when we were out together. It was nice. I thought they just wanted to remember but I think- I think they did it so they could write about it later: put their life in letters and in people they thought saw value in them."

"What did they say in yours?" Softness wasn't completely familiar with Eric but he tried here, genuinely curious and genuinely open to a boy he'd often been closed off to.

Sunwoo didn't dare look him in the eye here. Sadness still encroached on that smile of his, fingers tracing the edge of an envelope that looked much like Eric's. He was focused on that, so intently to the point where Eric felt like he was intruding when he heard the answer.

"They said they loved me. For the first time, in this letter and before we ever said it to each other, they said they loved me."

A sniffle fell from his lips and his free arm reached up to rub beneath his eyes. As his cheeks moved, so did his head, gaze now focused out the window. For such a sunny day, it surely didn't feel happy. Sitting in this stale hospital room with a boy he used to hate, for reasons that seemed so far off and childish now, Eric felt perspective stitching to his mind. Little spindles of truth lurked far off and he realized that the way he knew you was nothing close to the way Sunwoo knew you. Maybe he never would. As the boy in front of him continued to pretend he wasn't sad, tried to hold back his years and appear strong, Eric took it upon himself to start repairing the bridge. It was time for him to be responsible.

"Sunwoo," he started, chewing on his words a moment in hopes of it not sounding condescending. It gave the boy enough time to focus his attention back on Eric, something Eric didn't know if he wanted just then; but he'd started to speak already, his offer was on the table.

"I don't know what I'll find here but, if you want, I can read it to you here. It might not be what either of us are expecting but-"

"But it's still a little bit of y/n," Sunwoo finished, whispering his sentence as if it were taboo or forbidden. Eric only nodded, nervousness flipping his stomach over and over. It suddenly felt cold in the room but a warm hand pressed over his and all of that went away.

With a glimpse into Sunwoo's stare, now suddenly a man with unguarded eyes and gratefulness swimming them, Eric felt stable.

"Y/n wanted you to know it, not me. It's yours and it's personal. Your own secret with them. It might be nice to keep it that way, don't you think?"

Sitting there, in that hospital room, it was surprising to think how much the two of them had changed. Eric liked to think it was because of you.

——————————————————

Dear Eric Sohn, the boy with the skateboard and big smile, my best friend,

I think this letter is more than a long time coming. I don’t know where to start but I guess the middle would be good. The beginning you already know, though I doubt you know just how much I loved you, and just how much I do now.

——————————————————

Late January 2018

It seemed harder and harder to manage school and the rest of your activities as exam season rolled around. After New Year’s, which everyone spent separately this year, there seemed to be tunnel vision for every senior and it was the end of the year. There was a hunger for school to end, college or university or a career not far off and taunting you. On top of that was restlessness, the need to feel like an adult and that you had your life together; but you supposed the worst part was the fear that gripped at your heart and made you think you didn’t have a single thing about your future thought out. Everyone seemed to know what they liked and wanted to do and you were somewhere in the middle, finding everything moderately interesting and boring all at once.

Still, you’d applied to many different programs, hoping at least one would take you in. Secretly, you hoped it’d be the one that your brother was in, or your friends, just so you had someone to hold onto as you crawled into adulthood.

Frowning a bit, you continued to sit on your front steps, bundled up in sweaters and jackets and everything in between. Barly was hopping around in the snow, excited again to see the powder falling slow enough that they looked frozen in the air. You watched as he bounced around, sticking his nose in the flakes before running up to you with a completely soggy ball he’d found outside. The grin on his face was almost human like and you couldn’t help but feel a little less stressed looking at him.

Not a single part of you wanted to pick up the ball from his mouth so, instead, you grasped a bit of snow and formed it into a sphere as best you could, watching Barly get more and more excited. He turned a few circles before pausing, waiting for the throw.

You meant to toss it so it landed inside your front lawn but the weight, or lack thereof, of the snowball threw you off and you watch as Barly chased it partially in the street. You didn’t have to see the car to know it was coming, immediately jumping off your seat and bounding forward without thought. Barly landed somewhere in your arms, a small yelp falling from his lips and whole weight pushing down on your body so you were pressed against the floor. A few inches from your face was pavement and a car bumper. It was hard to ignore the hammering of your chest.

Eric’s head popped out of the window, whole body nearly following as he called, “holy shit, I- are you okay?”

He was almost unfamiliar with his blonde hair but, somehow it suited him. The fear in your chest dissipated as you grasped Barly closer and hugged him until he wriggled out and away to your home. It seemed he had enough of the winter for the day.

Leaving his car running in the middle of the road, Eric climbed out of the large truck he’d taken from his family and hopped down to meet you. You were still just sitting on the floor, trying to calm yourself.

“Hey,” he crooned, coming to sit on the cold asphalt with you. His legs were cross legged and clad with ripped jeans but he didn’t seem to mind the weather at the moment. A hat was now pressed over his ears and two drinks placed in his hands.

No one was going anywhere this Sunday, the streets empty enough for this to feel safe for the moment. Both you and Eric didn’t have your exams until later on this week so you decided to meet up after a long Saturday of studying, hoping you could destress and properly move past all the awkwardness of your last few encounters.

“Are these from Cobbled?” You pointed at a cup, one meant to keep drinks warm for an unnaturally long time. You knew the insulated metal from anywhere, the small coffee shop your favourite from back home. They were cups meant to reduce waste, one you could take anywhere and put anything in. You had about fifty at home.

Eric looked a bit sheepish, handing you one of the drinks before quickly taking it back and replacing it with the other. He mumbled that this was yours and added, a bit louder, “I just thought you might miss it by now. I got them right before I left so they might not be super warm but yeah.”

Your fingers overlapped for a brief moment and you caught the nervousness in his eyes as it did. Much to your surprise, you were shy as well as you said thank you.

“You shouldn’t jump in front of cars, you know,” Eric mumbled, trying to make a joke but you just exhaled.

“It was dumb, I know,” you hummed, looking down at the floor that was slowly starting to cover up with snow. Running a hand over it, you watched as streaks appeared and you murmured, “it was like a first thought though. Fight or flight, I guess.”

There was a staleness in the air, everything feeling just as still as a picture. You watched as Eric’s skin started to turn a bit pink, wanting to voice your concern but something stopped your words in your throat. Only Eric’s hand could pop you out of the little bubble you were in, where emotions were coupled with confusion and nothing seemed easy to figure out.

It rested on your knee, nowhere near places that would make other people’s hearts race but yours somehow did. It was innocent and reminded you of the way you used to feel about him, the way you would pine over him for years when you were younger. Yet, somehow, you weren’t young anymore. His cheeks weren’t full and his jaw was hard. You were sure you changed too. Looking at him in that moment made you think about how much you adored him back then, and maybe how you never stopped.

His voice was soft as he asked, “hey, really, is everything okay?”

Everything in your body couldn’t stop you from lurching forward and into his arms. A bit of his coffee spilled on your jacket but it didn’t quite matter to you. In that second, all you wanted was one of his signature hugs: the ones that always made you feel better and forget everything that was going wrong. A small protest escaped his lips, saying something about getting coffee in your hair but it didn’t quite matter. For the moment, you sat in each other’s embrace, and it was enough to make you remember the validity of your old feelings.

That didn’t exactly erase the tension between you two. In fact, the hug might have made it worse.

The two of you lounged around and played games using Haymond’s consoles, your older brother away for the day with Juyeon. Halfway through, you gave up and decided to have an early dinner, you saying you wanted to show him something after. It wasn’t necessarily true, there wasn’t much happening closer to the heart of town but you just really didn’t want to be home. There was something about being inside that made you feel trapped recently and, for at least one night, you just wanted to have fun and forget about all your senior responsibilities.

The two of you began your walk to the middle of town just as your parents were pulling into the driveway. They seemed surprised to see you together, which you couldn’t blame them for. After Eric tried to kiss you, your parents just assumed that was a bridge that was never mended. Yet, you really wanted it to. You missed your best friend, being with someone who fascinated you the way he did. You wanted to talk everyday again and get back in touch with that part of you.

Maybe it was a desperate need to hold onto your childhood because you thought you were losing it but a big part of you felt like it needed Eric in your life. Without him, the idea of life seemed a bit bleak.

“How’s the whole boyfriend thing going?”

If you were being honest, the question did throw you off. It was asked just a few steps from your home, when he felt like you were alone again. From the corner of your eye, you watched as he battled himself internally after asking, as if he meant to but didn’t all at once.

Not knowing how to go about it, you started as you always would. In a way, you wanted to treat Eric as a friend but there was always going to be a difference now. Something uncomfortable would lie there and you found it was there often. Whenever you wanted to bring up Sunwoo, you’d refrain from it, either because it made you sad or because you felt he wouldn’t like it.

On the other hand though, the question could’ve been an olive branch. Maybe he meant to ask it to let you know he wasn’t going to interfere again, or that he’d mended his feelings. Somehow, the second one seemed to make you upset but your mouth didn’t show any of your thinking. It just went around the same old bend, saying Sunwoo was great and you were happy and everything was going alright.

Perhaps the smile on your face was too stale, too forced. Eric didn’t seem convinced, elbow poking into your side and head notching to the side. The way you instantly hesitated was enough of a tell and he walked a bit closer, lowering his voice to tell you it was alright to share.

“You sure?”

Nibbling on your bottom lip, you shrugged. The warmth of your pockets was a slight reminder of what hands felt like embracing them but, with a blink, all your recent problems with Sunwoo came rushing back in.

Shrugging, you hummed, “it’s been weird recently, to be honest. We made a new friend Haknyeon, you met him at the Christmas stuff and ever since they first met, they’ve been at odds, I guess? I can tell he doesn’t like him but he won’t tell me why.

“Except they get along well so it’s like, he just feels replaced I guess? He’s even told me that but there’s no way we’d ever do that. It’s ridiculous to even think.”

The more you voiced it, the more upset you became again. The two of you had an argument about it the day you opened presents because he saw you typing out the letter to Haknyeon. He looked so jealous and it was weird to see someone who was usually so happy turn sour and green. The air even felt different around him and the looks he gave you hurt. Yes, you wanted to write love letters to Sunwoo and you only ever did. You sent him so many and gave him others, wrote him little notes but Haknyeon’s was different. He was just your friend. It was bold to even call it a love letter considering the content; half the time, you spoke about Sunwoo anyways.

Still, your boyfriend was upset. He claimed everyone was forgetting about him or didn’t care that he was trying to be a rapper and was figuring out his career. It seemed to upset him more that everyone was still here while he was in the city but that wasn’t your fault.

“It’s not my fault, right?” you reiterated, thinking aloud now to Eric, “like, he chose to try out and get casted and stuff. We’re all trying our best, just because we don’t see him all the time doesn’t mean we don’t care. We message everyday and I even- we even-”

The last bit seemed a little personal to share, even with Eric, and so you dropped it. Pursing your lips together, you found your eyes on your feet as they kicked forward through the snow. A small silence beat between you until Eric spoke.

“You know, if that’s what he feels then hear him out instead of being defensive and stuff,” he said, a bit of coolness in his voice. Near the end of his sentence, he started to feel like ice, adding, “it must be hard for him to be alone too. At least you guys still have each other.”

With a blink, you tried to take what Eric said into consideration but a small part of you was bugged by him. Furrowing your eyebrows, you muttered, “yeah, but he doesn’t get to take out his aggression on me.”

“So tell him that instead of telling me. Knowing you, you’re just complaining instead of talking to him about it.” The curtness of his sentences was throwing you off and you were beyond confused about the way he was acting. It was like the wind blew a different direction and suddenly, he was upset. In turn, his words nipped at your emotions, grabbing with their tiny teeth and tearing until you felt just as bruised.

Tucking your chin in, gaze now focused on the ground, you huffed, “why are you being so mean?”

Your words were met with an exhale, the sound of Eric’s boots hitting cobble letting you know you were in the heart of town. Bright lights lit up the square, Christmas decorations dangling from trees and due to be taken down. The whole place was bright, with beautiful designs and colourings on the stone walls that were washed and changed each season. This year, a snowman was decorating trees in the main drawing. Something about it was so warm. Eric was very much not.

“Because it’s like you don’t even get why he’s upset. You’re taking it as if it’s a problem with him when it’s really a problem with you. You can’t see past yourself sometimes, y/n, and it’s ridiculous.”

“Are you really still upset with me too?” you shot back, now figuring out why he seemed to be taking Sunwoo’s side. You stopped while he walked a few paces into the square, watching him decide what to say before turning back to face you.

“Honestly, a little.” His explanation only came when prompted but it seemed like he couldn’t stop himself from saying what he wanted to.

“Really, I didn’t have a reason to be upset with you. I tried to kiss you and stuff before and you’re taken so that’s on me and I’m sorry, but you’re also extremely unfair. No matter what, even when you started dating Sunwoo, you called me everyday and we would talk until forever and not even notice and it wasn’t fine but we didn’t have boundaries; but now we do and you still cross them.

“Like what the fuck was that earlier today? You looked like you were going to cry and then just buried yourself in me. It’s like you’re playing with me and how else am I supposed to take it? Are we just friends? Have we ever really been?”

You watched as his chest rose and fell. He looked so upset but you were at a loss for words. All you could do was call his name but that seemed to make him more upset.

With a shake of his head, he sat on the edge of the fountain in the square and huffed. “I know it’s my fault too and I should try to stop these feelings or something but it’s not that simple. It’s not- it’s not your fault you’re happy and I’m not upset at you for that, I’m just… upset.”

Slowly, you took a seat beside him and pressed your lips together. As best as you could, you swallowed his words as they were, letting them scratch your throat on the way down. Your hand wanted to come on his shoulder but you refrained and sat silently. It was better than nothing.

Despite yourself, you found yourself looking at your hands, voice small and weak as you muttered that you were sorry. He mirrored your words but it didn’t seem to mend much- or anything at all.

——————————————————

I think this was the worst time of my life. I felt, slowly, slowly, like everything was caving in on me. I had the whole boyfriend thing going wrong, my friends seemed distant, Haymond was gone, and the only person I felt like I could truly rely on was you, and even you were slipping through my fingers. It was all because of feelings too, feelings that were overwhelming and that I had no idea what to do with because I couldn’t tell if I felt them when you did or if I’d always felt them towards you and you were just making it all surface. Whatever it was, you confused me, but I didn’t want to let you go. I physically couldn’t, and I don’t think I’ll ever be able to.

——————————————————

Mid March 2018

Nervously, you kicked at the gravel in front of your car. You were leaning against your parents’ car, hands shoved in coat pockets that covered your overalls and sweater underneath. It was meant to be shown but the weather, being much different than last year’s, didn’t allow it. With a frown, you tried to avoid thinking too much about last year. It was at this point that things between you and Eric changed and it’d been so hard putting the shattered pieces back together ever since. A big part of you wondered if it was because your friendship the way it used to be was irreparable or if you just didn't want it to go back.

Eric came stumbling out the front door, lugging a large garbage bag behind him with some effort. He was wearing a hat, as always, but his hair was still blonde and bright. You figured he liked the look of it when it clashed with the pink of his cheeks in the cold. You sure did.

“I didn’t think you’d be here so early,” he admitted once getting into your car, garbage tossed and hands sanitized.

From your spot in the driver’s seat, hands at nine and three before crossing over each other on a turn, you spoke. Preoccupied, you were sure your words weren’t as smooth as you meant them to be but he still listened and seemed to understand.

“I wanted to make sure we spent the whole day. I have something kind of fun planned but I don’t know what to do after.”

Turning in his seat, leg propping up against the centre console, Eric fixed you with a hard look, trying to figure out the plan for the night. “What is this fun thing? You haven’t told me yet.”

Smartly, you notched your chin up and grinned brightly, making another turn. “You don’t deserve to know yet. It’s a surprise.”

“You’re so strange,” he chuckled, eyes becoming bright stars that winked. His elbow rested against the armrest, chin in hand as he looked at you in a way you couldn’t decipher.

“It’s why you like me,” you said without thinking.

The comment wasn’t met with a response.

Time dripped by slowly when you were together, as if you were meant to savour every second because there wouldn’t be many more. You continued on talking, bringing up another topic and another until you both were giggling yourselves to bits. Cheeks hurting, you pulled into the driving lot of your destination, glad to begin your day.

Only when a metal bat was placed in Eric’s hand did he seem to get the gist of your outing. A pair of safety goggles were placed over his eyes, large, clear plexiglass shielding from anything that could possibly shatter. After he put on his electrician’s suit, one that was fitted with padding for safety and he got his instructions, Eric shuffled up to you slightly excited.

“This is what you meant by relieving some senior stress, right? Breaking stuff?” He looked unnatural in a uniform like this, safety gloves fixed over his hands but still childish. You nodded.

“It’s like a safe destruction centre and everything broken gets recycled and reused and stuff, plus each room is monitored so it’s like for having fun only or like releasing some endorphins,” you rambled, hoping it didn’t seem like a bad idea. Senior stress was mostly an excuse to get him to come. Deep down, you really just hoped this kind of patched up your relationship. Eric wasn’t ever aggressive but you knew he got angry, as did everyone. It felt like something productive, maybe, to imagine your problems as something physical and kicking it out of the way. It could just disappear that way.

Nervously, Eric looked at you, then around the room and hummed, “we’re not breaking anything in here, right? These things look expensive.”

Snickering, you shook your head, wanting to tease him for being anxious but you couldn’t deny that you were too. As you gripped your own tool, fingers nervously shifting around it, you dared to look him in the eye and explain yourself.

“I- I know you’re mad at me, Eric,” you mumbled, biting down on your lip after hearing how meek your voice was. The boy’s already circular eyes widened into perfect spheres, surprise written on them.

“Wha-”

“And I’m mad at me too, for about a million reasons, and I’m mad at people other than you, and I’m stressed and anxious and confused and everything in between so let’s just take that all out here,” you finished, gesturing to the space around you, eyes following your hands, “because maybe then we can get back to being just us, you know? Have fun, like the old times.”

His hand peeled off his bat and came to rest between you, palm facing upwards and looking a bit small for his gloves. You looked between his eyes and his hand before gently placing yours in his. When he closed his fingers around yours, he smiled lightly and asked, “together, yeah?”

All you could manage was a brave nod and, together, you strode into the first room. Both of you were hesitant, padded room relatively empty despite the displays that were meant to be torn down. Yet, you both tapped at bottles and anything you could take a light swing at without feeling terrible about it. It grew to be fun and, soon, everything became a game. How many candles could you take out with one swing or how many pieces of newspaper could you tear in one rip? The answers were discovered in challenges and laughs, chases around the rooms you were in when you stole his safety gloves and he couldn’t handle the paintballs.

It was hard to remember when you last laughed as hard, hiding behind sprayed garbage cans in the room made specifically for hand to hand paintball fights, trying not to be found. Like an egg cracked on your head, green paint spilled down your cheeks and into your hair. You would’ve screeched or been upset if it wasn’t met by Eric’s outlandish giggle that had him lying on the floor, holding his chest. Instead, your mouth just gaped open and a bit of paint touched your tongue, at which Eric laughed more. Almost immediately, you tipped yourself forward, trying to trap Eric the way he’d trapped you, splashing a pink paintball over his already stained hair, almost like a finishing dye. The way you had him pinned between your legs, one hand struggling to restrain his while the other rested on his head hardly crossed your mind until the last minute and you shuffled away to get off of him.

Pink on his cheeks, very much not from the paint, he sat up and a few feet from you, knees up and arms outstretched over them. Shocked by your own self, you copied his stance and waited for time to pass. The beating of your heart was nearly overwhelming.

Quietly, he murmured, “so, what were you breaking things for?”

Motioning behind him at another door, he waved his thumb and explained, “you seemed a bit fixed on those old IKEA chairs.”

Shyly, you brought your hands to your eyes and chuckled, embarrassed he saw. “I- O didn’t think you were watching me.”

Shrugging, Eric shifted closer, definitely dipping his gloves in paint but he didn’t seem to mind. The music above faded out when you weren’t paying attention to it, nearly disappearing as you focused on the thumping in your chest. Looking at Eric today felt completely different, as if each time you blinked, he was a different person, with layers you never knew before.

“I was thinking of Sunwoo,” you admitted, almost never wanting to lie to him again, “you?”

An exhale left his lips slowly, cheeks puffing out into circles before he lay back on the ground. More paint shifted around him, and around you as you lay beside him, but it didn’t seem to matter. All that mattered for the moment was the tension in your chest, the revolving of the fans above you, and the sound of Eric’s voice.

“School and my parents, you know how they get, and stress and- and honestly, sometimes, you.”

The way he spoke was careful but raw, something you missed hearing from him. Turning your head, you were met with his perfect profile, a killer jaw and chin, with strong cheekbones and nose to match. His hair was splayed across his forehead, pressed there and drying with the paint but it didn’t matter much to him, or to you. He was still beautiful, platinum hair suiting his complexion more than you ever thought it could.

Softly, he murmured, “but mostly me. I guess I’m mad at me for not being able to handle the fact that, like, just because I like you doesn’t mean you have to like me back. I’m mad for being mean to you.”

A laugh coupled his last little mumble, the words, “I don’t know,” slipping past his teeth as he tried to run a gloveless hand through his hair. “A little bit of everything, I guess.”

“Yeah, me too.” The conversation concluded somberly, neither of you particularly keen on continuing it. You’d also taken off your gloves, having them rest on your stomach and take a ride up and down with your breath. Music seemed to fill your ears again, but you weren’t too aware of it.

Almost all you could think of was the inching of your fingers towards his, and the butterflies that creeped up into your stomach when they met. As your pinkies linked, you wondered what it meant for you, for Eric, for Sunwoo. It felt like an affair, though you were sure from other people’s perspectives, maybe you and Sunwoo were the affair.

“I get to pick the next place, right?” Eric’s eyes lit up as you met in the main hall after getting changed out of your uniforms and handing everything back in. You were glad he wasn’t mentioning what happened in the paintball room, knowing it would only render you speechless. All you gave him was another nod, one he took gracefully.

“Then, I’ll drive or I can tell you directions.”

“I can’t know?” you prodded, raising your brows.

He mimicked your stance before, sticking his nose in the air and slyly crooning, “it’s a surprise.”

The surprise was somewhere you’d been going for so long, one of your favourite hang out spots before you left your hometown and you squealed in excitement pulling up to the lot. As you found parking, taking quite a bit to park straight enough, you bounced in your seat.

“I guessed it, I guessed it,” you giggled, turning your head around and placing your hand on the back of his seat to see behind you as you parked, “I’m so excited!”

The innocent laugh that escaped his lips as he watched you, gazed at you almost, was uncontrollable. “I couldn’t tell.”

It took everything not to jump out of the car immediately, leaving it unlocked and behind in the future. Where you were going was the past, and the music and lights and oranged floors of the roller rink were all familiar. Nothing had changed, nothing but you and Eric, both of which were much taller than you used to be. Checking in and getting a pair of ‘70s wheels, you both sat and chittered about the filling rink while tying the laces.

Sticking your foot out, you pouted. “It’s not working, help me.”

So many thoughts ran past Eric’s face, all different emotions before he landed on being amused and helping you with it. As he tied the laces a little tight on purpose, he murmured, “I haven’t been here since you left.”

“What a coincidence,” you said, trying to sound dumb, “me neither? So weird.”

Snorting, he slapped at your foot to tell you it was done and you perked up, trying to stand. Gripping onto a railing, you succeeded in standing but wondered how you were going to make it out with the skaters. Eric’s hand came to rest on the small of your back to steady you before he stepped in first.

“I’ll go around first and see if I can get it and then come get you?”

You shook your head, adamant to follow him. He seemed to get the hang of being on his feet, knees bent just slightly and you copied his stance as you outstretched your hands.

“Together.”

The word slipped out absentmindedly, but it was enough to make him take your hands and pull you forward, lacquered floor definitely easier to roller-skate on. Stumbling a bit, both of you wavered and laughed, gripping onto each other for dear life. More experienced skaters left space around you but it truly felt like they weren’t even there. There was nothing more than Eric’s eyes, which twinkled and shone with every grin and belly laugh. Even when he slipped, he felt like a galaxy splaying out to cover more ground. Nothing about him ever bored you, not even when you were left on your feet trying to pull him back up but he just tugged you down.

If anything, he felt like the place you were supposed to be. Here, with him, where nothing could go wrong, you were safe.

Tired from skating and your previous adventure, Eric went to grab nachos as you unlaced your skates and returned both pairs. Sitting there, in the darker spots of the rink, psychedelic prints as wallpaper and contemporary pieces of Jimi Hendrix plastered against it all, you sat at a high table and reminisced. Both of you sat outward, watching people and picking at chips absentmindedly, thinking about the past you’d let slip through your fingers.

“We came here for Keenan’s birthday, do you remember?” you asked, chuckling a bit as you imagined a horde of little sixth graders bumbling around, pushing and shoving each other, being loud and crazy. They seemed painted gold, your memories.

Eric hummed, smiling broadly as he ate. Covering his mouth to speak politely, he chittered, “I had my first kiss that day.”

Your eyebrows raised, turning to look at him. “Did you really?”

A nod came from him, though he seemed a little confused. As he gripped at a tissue, going to wipe his hands, he inquired, “you don’t remember?”

“You told me about it?”

Blinking, only slightly taken aback, Eric finished cleaning his hand before softly saying, “I didn’t have to tell you because you were it.”

Eyes widening, you tried to think back on it, but you couldn’t. Nothing was coming to mind and it made you feel embarrassed. Something so important to both you and Eric was something you didn’t remember. It didn’t seem to faze him for much longer, the shrug falling off his shoulders trying to seem casual.

“Doesn’t matter, really,” he mumbled, looking down at this hands before turning back out to the public, “it was just a peck.”

——————————————————

Not remembering that kiss definitely made me wonder when I’d started to see you the way I do now. I remember being irrevocably in love with you then, spending days doting on you and trying to get you to see me. I remember all the moments when we would skip around town, go biking or swimming and just be together and I’d think that was what love was- what it meant. Every single day, spent with the person you wanted to be with, that was love. Nothing else. I thought I was wrong before. Now, the more I think about it, the more I realize that’s what love is to me, and it’s difficult when you love someone you can’t see.

——————————————————

Early May 2018

“Keep your knees bent!” Eric called out to you, watching you try to kick off the skateboard but immediately stumbling back to the ground. He was far enough away that it took him a few seconds to skate close enough to shake his head at you.

“Where’s your head at?” he muttered, trying to show you how he stood. Little did he know that your brain wasn’t anywhere near skateboarding. It was your first time learning so you should’ve probably been more attentive but you were so distracted.

A conversation between you and Sunwoo last night seemed to play on repeat, like a cassette tape on loop until the vinyl got pulled and stretched and burnt. By that point, every word sounded warped and unreal, though the feeling was visceral. You didn’t know how Eric didn’t notice the puffiness of your eyes, or maybe he did and didn’t feel it was his place to ask. Instead, he toyed around in your empty streets and determined to teach your how to skateboard.

“Sorry,” you murmured, not even noticing you said it. He went to press his hands lightly on your shoulders, trying to tell you to get a bit more bend in your knees. You complied easily, absentmindedly letting him adjust your stance.

“Everything okay?” Eric asked, dipping down to meet your eyes face on. It was the only moment where you felt like you were living in that time. A part of you wanted to just spill your guts then but you held back, withdrawing into your thoughts once more as you offered him a nod. It was the best you could do given the circumstances.

Lightly, he grasped your hands once more and led you around slowly, in circles. It seemed easy when he led you but you weren’t controlling a thing, just leaning the ways he was pulling you. He coaxed you off his hands, telling you that it was alright before he pulled away completely. Surprisingly, you were on your feet longer than you expected, long enough for him to think it was safe to skate a little further away. He was in the middle of doing a trick when he heard your skateboard clatter across the pavement and your body thudding against the ground.

You watched his head whip over his shoulder before he leapt off his own board, grabbing it off the floor and sprinting toward you. Worry wasn’t natural on his face, you thought that as you sat up, clutching a part of your knee where you felt sharp stings. The rubbing of your jeans against your skin probably didn’t help. It didn’t take much for you to start to feel like your reality was actually happening, dampness of your hand asking you to start properly paying attention to your surroundings.

The tears in your eyes were involuntary. Eric seemed to slide to the ground, coming to sit beside you and trying to pry your hand away from the spot while you sobbed, clutching your leg closer and closer. You were sure it looked like you were crying because of your injury but it was so much more than that. In fact, you didn’t even really feel much pain. Your hand proceeded to press into what felt like a very thin puddle on your jeans.

“Y-y/n, please let me see it I- does it hurt that much? Do we need to go to the hospital? I- Is that blood?!” His voice hitched up, almost exclaiming as he pried your fingers off yours to see the many dotted stains of red up and down the area you scraped against the floor. Panic really did not suit him, he wasn’t well equipped for these situations.

Through your tears, you started to feel less weighted. Looking at Eric care so much for you made you realize you weren’t alone the way you thought you were. It was just a conversation. A break-up wasn’t the end of the world.

A broken laugh broke through your tears, which seemed to spark most of them. You must’ve looked ridiculous, not even trying to wipe at your cheeks with your sleeves. Instead, they covered your hands and tugged you forward as you wrapped your arms around Eric. He seemed taken aback, placing a palm against the ground beside him to steady your weight and his.

You watched as droplets fell against his shoulder, squishing in closer to him only to whisper, “thank you.”

His free hand was somewhere in midair, brain preoccupied and concerned that you were on your knees to hug him. You listened as he spluttered, not quite understanding the situation or anything at all. He was ridiculous on days like this, a little giggle slipping past your teeth at the thought of the look on his face. Pulling back, hands of yours trailing up his shoulders and resting there to face him, you sniffled and forced a smile.

“Thank you for always being here.”

He blinked. The computer of his brain restarted a few blinks later. Silence filled the streets and you became more aware of the dampness of the jean above and below your knees. Suddenly, a sharp sting shot up your leg and you hissed, sitting back on your bum. That seemed to snap him back into real life and the small boy, short but firm, proceeded to help pick you up off the floor.

“Let’s clean you up, yeah?” he murmured, not daring to stare you in the eye anymore, “we can talk after.”

Having no one home that day was a plus. Your parents were out visiting someone for the weekend so you didn’t have to worry about their prodding and chittering and comments about your clumsiness. You’d heard enough when it came to your grades, you really just wanted some peace and quiet.

Eric led you carefully up the stairs, making sure to watch for you. He let you change into shorts in your room, offering to clean up the blood because he knew injuries made you queasy. A little tease escaped his mouth, filling your ears and the quiet air as he spoke.

“I’ll hold your hand if it hurts too much.”

You knew he was kidding but it still caused your heart to pick up. A part of you couldn’t believe you were saying it but Eric excited you. He made you wonder about all the things you could be doing if you were together when you were apart. Not once did he fall back into being your best friend and maybe you never felt that way about him. Selfishly, you kept him so close to your heart that you confused deeper feelings for platonic ones and it was unfair to him- unfair to you.

He’d found the speaker and was playing his relax playlist by the time you emerged from your room, redness up one leg. Eric seemed to pay close attention to that rather than the high cut of your shorts, a bit taken aback by it. You could’ve sworn there was blush on his cheeks. Biting down on your cheek, you made your way to the bathtub and sat down inside of it, outstretching one leg but leaving enough room for Eric to fit. You didn’t want to risk getting blood between the tiles.

Politely and keeping his distance, Eric squeezed in as best as he could, a bottle of antiseptic in one hand and a multitude of cotton pads in the other. There were bandages and pins for them splayed across the closed toilet seat. It definitely wasn’t hospital level clean but it was good enough given the circumstances.

Eric’s free hand gripped yours as he ran over your wounds lightly, obviously trying not to press too hard. He asked for your help sometimes to stretch the skin, apologizing and looking mournful whenever you hissed or a muscle twitched. You weren’t in too much pain, but it was fun to see him care so much for you.

Crimped, blonde hair fell into his eyes and he shook it out of the way as he bent forward, trying to get through every little scratch before he bandaged it. With his mouth dropped open just a fraction of an inch, eyebrows scrunched forward and eyes hyper focused, there was no way he was going to notice you eyeballing him. You watched like he was the first movie ever made, not black and white but in full colour and enamouring. Sharp lines and pink lips, ones that made you wonder what they felt like against yours.

Was it the pain in your chest talking or did you really feel this way?

Breaking the silence, almost unknowingly and without any intention, you murmured, “I’m sorry. I feel like I’ve been so shitty recently and I was- I was unfair to you.”

It wasn’t the first time he looked confused, pausing as he tried to bring your leg closer. He was cupping the bottom of your calve with one hand, the other against your knee to make the bend easier for you. This time, he just waited for you to elaborate, seeing the words form on your lips before they came out in sound.

“I hated Raven for no reason and ever since I started dating Sunwoo, I brought him up all the time and that was wrong of me but maybe,” you paused here, trailing off and not really knowing where you were going until you realized it yourself, “maybe I wanted you to feel the same way I did. I wanted you to be jealous too, which is shitty.

“It’s horrible of me, actually,” you admitted, lowering your tone and embarrassed with yourself. Despite hearing it out loud and knowing how it sounded, you needed it out in the open. It felt only right for him, the person who knew you bone deep, to hear the secrets you’d been hiding for so long.

“I love Sunwoo, I do,” you assured him, or was it yourself? Catching the way you spoke, you hesitated before continuing, dipping your chin further into your chest and pouting, “it’s just- sometimes I just- I don’t know, it’s like-”

“Sometimes, it’s hard to admit that you’re in love with your best friend.” He finished for you, clipping the last bit of the bandage together. His eyes didn’t meet yours, staying fixed on the beige wrappings against your skin. It almost looked like a present with his hands around your leg, holding it so tenderly.

Slowly and almost silently, he murmured, “and that maybe a part of you will always be in love with them.”

“Sunwoo and I broke up,” you said so definitively, you wondered if he would take the hint.

The surprise in his eyes didn’t lead to the same conclusion. You watched him want to ask how it happened, if you were alright and needed some sort of support. Maybe he was putting it together that’s why you were crying, or maybe it was nothing of the sort.

Looking for an answer you knew you weren’t going to get, you filled the clueless kid in on your desire. “Kiss me now or forever hold your peace.”

Your joke was almost cut off by his lips pressing into yours, soft and warm and everything you imagined it to be. He was cinnamon without the spice, hands so generously sliding up your leg while the other came to steady your jaw and neck. This time, it was a kiss you wouldn’t forget. That much you were sure of, smile spreading across your lips whenever it got the chance. His breathless laugh in that closed space was all you could think of in the days to pass.

——————————————————

Truthfully, I don’t know where this puts us. We hardly saw each other or talked, exams and then my trip getting in the way. I could feel the desperation between us for an answer but neither of us had one, and I don’t know if I ever will. It’s weird, but exciting and fun. I hope that, when I come back, I’ll have an answer. I want to know who I love once and for all, and put an end to this part of my life. Leaving high school means leaving these little letters behind, letters I’ve poured everything I am into. I’m glad you’re my last, Eric. You’ve been the love I’ve had the longest and a love I don’t think will ever fade. I don’t ever want it to.

Love forever, probably, your best friend, y/n y/l/n. On June 18th, 2018.

——————————————————

The paper in Eric’s hand ruffled as he tried to straighten it out. There were wrinkles on it and a bunch of edits and pen markings from different hands. Almost everyone wanted to make it perfect but the weight was on him to tell you and hope it reached you. He approached your room only to hear soft sobs from inside and pieces of words. Amalia, the person who helped him earlier today, was inside and murmuring to you. A lack of a closed door helped him hear her a bit more clearly.

“I never meant for this to happen,” she seemed to whimper, voice quiet. It felt inappropriate to listen and Eric nearly dipped away but her next sentence caught his ear.

“I sent the letters because I- I wanted to show you how many people you’ve touched, and how many people love you.”

His eyebrows arched up, but a part of him wondered why he was even surprised. You were very secretive about these letters. It seemed only Sunwoo really knew you had them but he was convinced you’d only sent him them until he saw the one to Haknyeon. Eric only found out in January but he didn’t expect to get one himself, much less the eleven other boys that showed up over the past few weeks. It really never was your intention for anyone to see, then.

Softly, Amalia continued, seeming to lose her touch the more she spoke. She was almost a spool of yarn someone had rolled across a floor and Eric couldn’t help but understand. He’d be lying if he said he didn’t feel the same.

“You kept saying you were losing everyone and nobody would know if you disappeared but so many people would. I would and I- I do. I’m here, y/n. Please. Please wake up.”

With a definitive break in her voice, she whispered, “please, I miss you so much.”

Figuring he’d overheard enough, Eric took steps away and rested in a chair near the room, waiting for his chance. Instead, he looked over his very own papers and tried to read it over before he went in. In some way, it felt like rehearsing a script and he wanted it to be perfect. He wanted you to hear it the way he intended it, the way everyone else did too. Reading it again seemed to hurt more than he remembered it would.

The sound of the chair scraping against the floor, rubber on the legs of it making the sound muted, filled the room once he entered. Amalia had put it back on the opposite side of the room, away from the ledge of your belongings which Eric eyed for a moment. He’d added his little bit of affection for you after reading your letter, hoping you’d remember which was his when you woke.

A small exhale escaped his mouth, almost as if he was preparing for something he didn’t know how to handle. If he was being honest with himself, he didn’t think you’d hear him at all with this. All he could do was hope but that was wishful thinking. Thinking he didn’t know if he could afford to make, realistically.

Sniffling for a moment, extending the paper before him after taking a small rub at his nose, he began to speak, praying that in the galaxy of your brain, he’d reach you.

“Okay, y/n,” he breathed, a lack of courage sapping at his voice until he cleared his throat to say, “I don’t know if you can hear me but, here goes, I guess”

Straightening his paper out and mumbling little whispers of encouragement to himself, already feeling the tightness in his throat, he said, “We thought that- like me and Sunwoo and other people- we thought that, since you’ve written all of us a letter, it was about time you had one written to you.

“Sunwoo helped, and Amalia and Joon and- and basically everyone around. They all had something they wanted to say so it's here, I guess. In this paper, right here,” he hummed, waving the paper around lightly. Catching his ridiculousness, knowing you couldn’t see him, he paused and gave a laugh that lacked amusement. He was so nervous.

“Everyone wanted to start at the beginning so they said I should be the one to say it to you. Sunwoo wanted to be here but he’s doing a few more tests now and I have to leave for school soon. It’s been a bit since I’ve been and I don’t think I can miss any more time.

“I wish I could hear your voice. I’m really nervous to leave home and study in the city. You said you were going too and we’d be in the same city but I don’t know which university you accepted. I don’t even know if you’re going anymore.”

Catching himself rambling, Eric tried to shift his focus back to the words scrawled on paper, desperately ignoring the nipping at his eyes. It was just the air conditioner, he lied to himself, trying to convince himself that it wasn’t the build up of emotions he’d been trying so hard to repress.

“Sorry, I got distracted but, yeah. This letter is for you. Dear y/n, the person who brought so many people together, a sibling, a child, a best friend; you. It was hard figuring out where to start this letter but the basis of everyone’s answers when they thought of you was love. Maybe they were all letters you addressed to people but they held so much love.

“Without even knowing it, you touched so many hearts. If only you could see the ever growing list of affections next to you. There’s a basketball, a new makeup brush, a guitar pick, a plant, and empty Coca Cola bottle, this big lemonade cup from the fair in town, apparently, a book of poems, a mask from the dance we went to- do you remember that dance?”

Stuttering here, Eric looked up and locked eyes with his next artifact, murmuring, “th- Sunwoo’s grey sweater, a coffee cup with doodles on it, a toy train and- and my skateboard. They’re all here for you, things people remember you with everyday. A sweater Sunwoo can’t see without thinking of you, closing his eyes and remembering your smell on it. A skateboard I watched you fall from and rip your skin on. A train from Haknyeon, something he says is one of his favourite memories.”

Giving pause here, Eric nearly crumpled his paper, desperately pushing back a tear that fell without permission. He dipped his head down, taking a deep breath. It felt like he was shattering, reading it aloud. To himself, he could make the letter detached but having you in the room, hoping you’d hear it: it was too much for him. Slowly, he inhaled until his breath wavered less and less and he could speak clearer.

“It’s all these things that showed everyone who visited the person you really were. We didn’t talk about our letters but we all knew. It was the look in everyone’s eyes, the delicacy in which we viewed you. It was like a bond between brothers, a circle linking everyone with you in the middle. You’re the puppet master, pulling us all in to meet each other for no other reason other than your love, which you spread so easily and willingly.

“You guard your heart but there’s gold underneath there. You’re kind and accepting. You’re sweet and you listen- genuinely listen- and you care for people, no matter who they are or how little you’ve known them. Anyone you meet, you treat them like a friend, even if you’re scared or awkward or nervous.”

If Eric closed his eyes, he could remember you walking up to him at such a young age and just thrusting your hand forward to pull him from the sand he fell in. You weren’t even in the same class and still, you came to help him out. How many times have you saved his ass without even realizing it?

The thought caused breakages in his heart and voice, fractures and fissures appearing nearly everywhere, as if his whole body was shattering from pressure.

“It’s- it’s time you knew your worth,” he began, clenching his jaw in a feeble attempt to keep his composure, “you make people feel seen just as much as people make you feel seen. I don’t think you realize the way people love you, have loved you, continue to love you. We need you. More honestly, I need you. So please just- please just come back. Don’t leave me now. Not yet. We have our whole lives we need to see together. Together, y/n. Please.”

The way he crushed under the pressure of his words, emotions weighing in on every piece of his body until he bent and hid his face in the sheets of your bedroom. He wasn’t one for crying, or so he liked to think. It was childish. He was trying to be more grown up, but adult life didn’t prepare him for this: the loss of the one person that would probably make the biggest difference in his life.

Water dripped on his paper but he could just put it to the side now. He said all he needed to say and it still didn’t take you out of your sleep. It still didn’t bring him back. All he was in this situation was useless, a puddle of nothing. He couldn’t help you. He couldn’t even try. All he could do was sit there and cry, hide in your sheets and pray it was all a dream. Every night, that’s what he did and it didn’t seem to work but it didn’t matter. Anything for the shadow of your voice again. Anything to feel like you were still there.

The stiffness of fingers in his hair was enough to give him pause. There was an obvious attempt to brush through his locks but it was almost unnatural, like whoever was doing it didn’t know how to move anymore.

Lifting his head, partially not wanting it to be you so you wouldn’t see him as broken as this, he met your eyes. They were only slits, the slightest bit open and maybe blurred, but it was you. A little smile pinched at your cheeks, fingers sliding through his hair a bit smoother now.

“Why… why are y… you crying?” The question came out in stages, throat obviously parched and creaking from a lack of use, but it didn’t matter. It was you. Eric would have laughed, bringing your hand down to hold it as he leaned further into you to hear your words, words which pushed him to chuckle when he never thought he would have.

“Big baby.”

Your smile widened at his noise, maybe wanting to laugh along too but that would take a bit of time. Gripping your hand in his, he let his tears fall more, but for so many different reasons. Grogginess sapped at you but you were still you. You were finally here. When he looked at you, it was like he was looking at the stars. Even now, half awake in the hospital bed. You were his whole galaxy. He, too, never wanted to stop loving you, not if it meant never feeling this happy again.

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sophcaro · 4 years

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Back in Time | WMatsui - Chapter 13

Akane stirred awake, blinking at the light penetrating her eyelids from the large window panels of the hospital room. Stifling a yawn, she straightened up in her chair, feeling drowsy, her back hurting from the uncomfortable sleeping position. At the sensation of an object inside her hand, her gaze dropped to the cellphone she was holding, reading the text she never finished typing. Akane had no memory of falling asleep, but figured she shouldn’t be too surprised. She and Airi had been up on-and-off all night, uncapable of finding sleep after the tragic news.

Akane saw movement in her peripheral vision and she gazed up at once, watching in expectation the woman slowly waking up in the hospital bed. A small groan escaped Rena’s lips as she had even more difficulty than her adjusting to the bright morning light, her eyes fluttering several times in displeasure. Her tired, drawn features also betrayed her disorientated state and confusion, and it didn’t take long until her attention fell upon her. “A-Akane?”

“You’re awake.” Akane rose from her seat, pained to hear her voice sound so weak. She took her best friend’s hand in a gentle grasp. “How are you feeling?”

“Sleepy. What am I doing here?”

“Well, you were…” Akane began to speak, choosing her words carefully. “You were a little agitated and had to be hospitalized. They gave you a sedative, that’s why you’re feeling that way.”

“Why would they give me a sedative? Does Jurina know I’m here?”

Akane was at a loss for words, destabilized. She and Airi had been both shocked to learn about Jurina’s sudden death. She couldn’t imagine how Rena felt when the police knocked at her door to reveal the devastating news. When Akane heard Rena had been admitted to the hospital, she had rushed to see her, only to discover she had been sedated. The hospital staff let her stay by her side while she rested, yet warned her there was a possibility she might not behave in a coherent way when she woke up. Akane didn’t think too much about it, believing they were being overdramatic.

Rena’s reaction took her completely off guard.

“Why am I at the hospital?”

“Do you… remember what happened?” Akane asked cautiously, searching Rena’s face, only to receive a negative nod in reply. Her friend looked genuinely clueless and a mix of unease and pain swept through Akane’s chest at what she was about to say. “Yesterday, two police officers came to your house. Do you have any memory of that?”

“Two police officers?” Rena frowned at her.

Akane swallowed a nervous lump and squeezed her hand. “Rena… Something terrible happened yesterday and-”

“Is Jurina fine?”

Disarray entered Akane’s eyes. “There was a car accident. Jurina was seriously injured. She didn’t… She didn’t-”

“Stop it.” Rena pulled her hand away, anger burning in her eyes. “What are you telling me? Let me talk to Jurina. I want to see her.”

Akane was powerless; her friend wasn’t listening to a single word she was saying. Until now, she had tried to stay brave in front of her, but she couldn’t take it anymore. Her lips trembled; her mask slipped. “R-Rena, I’m so sorry.” She laid a tentative hand on her arm, tears gathering in her eyes. “I’m so sorry for what happened. I can’t imagine how you must be feeling. I’m here for you. I will help you go through this. I promise I won’t leave your side.”

“You’re not making any sense!” Rena sat straight up and threw the bedcover aside, getting out of bed. “I’m calling her and going home.”

“W-What? No, you’re still weak and disoriented,” Akane stammered, surprised by her outburst. “You shouldn’t get out of bed.”

“I’m perfectly fine,” Rena said in a decisive tone, her unsteady steps proving otherwise as her fingers searched frantically her vest’s pocket.

“P-Please, listen to me.” Akane stretched out her arm towards her shoulder.

“Don’t touch me!” Rena slapped her hand away angrily. “Where’s my phone?!” She looked wildly around her. “It should be in my vest!”

Akane’s eyes widened in shock.

The bedroom door slid open, revealing a young female nurse. “Is everything alright?” Her tone was calm and gentle as she entered the room. Her gaze fell on Akane at first, then drifted to the woman wearing a hospital gown. “Matsui-san, you’re under medication. It’s not wise to get out of bed so soon.”

“I-I don’t want to sleep...” Rena’s voice dropped to a weak murmur and she stumbled backward, unbalanced. “I want… I want to see my wife.”

Akane rushed to help her, but the nurse had already made it to Rena’s side. “I understand, but it’s for your own good.” The nurse held Rena by the arm, stabilizing her. “Let me help you lie down.”

A small upset look plastered Rena’s features, but she didn’t oppose any further resistance, holding on the nurse for support as she made her way back to the bed. As she placed her head on the pillow, the nurse infused a sedative in the IV bag, the effect immediate as Rena’s pupils closed without her consent and she fell in a deep slumber.

“I tried to explain her what happened, but she wouldn’t listen.” Akane faced the nurse, a wave of despair washing over her.

“This kind of news can be harder to handle for certain people.” The nurse gave her an understanding look. “Your friend needs more time to process it. Please don’t worry. We’ll keep her under observation as long as needed.”

The nurse left the room, leaving Akane conflicted. She drew her attention back to her best friend, watching her sleep. She looked so calm and peaceful, as if lost in a pleasant dream, but Akane knew it wouldn’t last eternally. Soon or later, she would have to open her eyes and face the truth she refused to accept.

**********

“It’s already been two days. Natsuki keeps asking questions and I don’t know what to say anymore.” Airi said over the phone, keeping an eye from afar on the two little girls playing together in the living room. She drew in a deep breath, mustering up every ounce of courage she could summon for what she was about to suggest. “Do you think… I should tell Natsuki the truth?”

I don’t know… Akane’s voice sounded insecure on the other side of the line. I think Rena should be the one to tell her, but…

“She’s still in denial?”

She spends most of the day sleeping. When she finally wakes up and a doctor or I try to mention it, she shuts everyone out.

Airi pulled a chair and took a seat, discouraged by the news. She opened her mouth to reply, but was interrupted by a voice calling her from the living room. She glanced up, meeting Natsuki’s hopeful expression. No words left the little girl’s lips, but Airi had no difficulty guessing the question on her mind. For the umpteenth time, she shook her head negatively at her, a sad smile grazing her lips as she faced the little girl’s disappointment.

Was it Natsuki?

“It was,” Airi lowered her voice, not missing the way Shizuru read the atmosphere and tried to cheer up Natsuki, distracting her with a new game. “Each time she sees me on the phone, she thinks I’m talking to her parents.”

There was a long-tensed pause.

Airi buried her face in her hands, a little desperate. “I can’t imagine what Rena is going through, but there has to be a way to help her.”

The doctor mentioned one... But I don’t know if Rena is ready.

“If something ever happened to you, I don’t know how I would…” Airi couldn’t finish her sentence. The simple thought of it made her stomach sick. “I know you don’t want to make her suffer. God, it’s the last thing I want too. But I don’t think… I don’t think refusing to face the truth is going to help her come to terms with what happened.”

There was another silence.

I know... You’re right. I’ll talk to the doctor again.

Airi didn’t miss the exhaustion in her wife’s voice as they exchanged last words of affection. She hung up the phone and redirected her attention to the living room, observing the two little girls lost in their own little world. There was a certain innocence to the scene, as Natsuki was back to smiling and laughing in Shizuru’s presence, but Airi wasn’t deceived by her behavior. At such a young age, mood swings were recurrent in a child, passing from feelings of sadness or anger to being cheerful again in a flash. But it didn’t mean Natsuki was naïve or oblivious. She was old enough to realize something was wrong.

**********

Rena stood quietly, her eyes darting back and forth between Akane who was helping her put a coat over her hospital gown and the male doctor waiting by the door. “Am I finally going home?”

“I’m sorry, Matsui-san. Your current medical condition doesn’t allow us to discharge you. But I’m hopeful you’ll be able to go back home soon.”

The doctor’s enigmatic words puzzled her and she glanced back to her best friend, but she avoided her gaze. Rena didn’t have the opportunity to speak; the doctor had already opened the bedroom door, leading them outside. Rena grimaced in pain, her head aching at the sudden bright light attacking her pupils and the noise surrounding her. Her body was numb, her brain muddled and she was forced to wrap an arm around Akane’s as they walked down the corridor.

They entered an elevator, Rena’s confusion arose when the floors numbers changed and they reached the underground floors. “Where are you bringing me?”

Rena was destabilized when her question was met with silence. She gave her best friend a side glance, sensing her nervousness. The doors opened and they stepped out of the elevator. They were crossing a new corridor, when Rena abruptly stopped walking. “I don’t want to be here. Bring me back to my room. I want to go home.”

“There is something we first need to do. I promise we will bring you back to your room after,” the doctor said softly.

For the first time, Akane looked her straight in the eye. “This is for your own good. We have… We have to do this.”

Rena went stiff and a bad feeling swept over as she perceived the pain, but mostly guilt reflected in her best friend’s eyes. Akane gently held her by the arm and guided her as they approached an oversized unmarked metal door. The doctor asked them to wait and went through the door, reappearing with a hospital male attendant. “My colleague will walk you through from here.”

Rena entered and shivered at the sudden drop in temperature. She paused, studying the new room they had walked in. On her right, was a small empty waiting room. On her left, were aligned three white doors, two of them labelled with a number.

“Matsui-san, please come with me,” the male attendant addressed her. Rena hesitated, her gut instincts humming with burning insistence to not follow him. Akane gave her an encouraging caress on the shoulder and she followed him until they faced the door labeled number 2. The male attendant was about to open, when Rena looked over her shoulder, realizing Akane had stayed behind in the waiting room.

“I’m not going anywhere,” Akane said, but her words did little to reassure her. Her friend was calm, but her discomfort palpable.

“Matsui-san, please take all the time you need.” The male attendant opened the door, leaving it ajar. “I’ll be right here if you need me.”

Rena brought her attention back to him; the atmosphere became more and more tight. She didn’t know how long she stood unmoving in front of the door. She was conflicted between her curiosity to discover what was on the other side, and a small voice taunting her at the back of her head that she should flee this place as soon as possible. She forced her feet to move forward and she pushed the door at last, hearing it being shut close being her as she entered.

The air fed her heaving lungs and beating heart as she saw the lifeless body of her wife lying on a trolley, silhouetted by a maroon blanket.

Just the head and shoulders were showing; the rest was hidden underneath the sheet. Her eyes were closed; all the color had drained from her face. There were small bruises and cuts all over her skin, but her face showed signs of having been carefully cleaned up. Rena lifted a shaking hand to her pale face, touching her cold cheek. The contact provoked an electric shock within her. Her brain had blocked everything until now, but reality was impossible to ignore any more.

Tears blinded her eyes and choked her voice. “J-Jurina…”

She watched her lifeless face, her fingers trembling as she reached for her hand underneath the sheet. Rena felt dizzy and sick at the cold contact, vaguely registering the feeling of a hospital band around Jurina’s wrist. Her attention got caught by a small table she hadn’t noticed until now. On top of it laid a few personal belongings she recognized. Amongst them some clothes, a broken umbrella and a wedding ring.

Rena crumbled inside and could hold the heartbreak no longer. Her hand gripped her chest as an indescribable pain sprang from her inner being. She screamed as she fell to her knees and her grief poured out in a flood of uncontrollable tears. The door opened and two arms embraced her, but she found no comfort in her best friend’s embrace. Rena tried to look away, to forget, but the lifeless body was a persistence of vision she couldn’t erase. Jurina, her beloved wife and mother of her child, was dead.

#wmatsui #matsui jurina #matsui rena #takayanagi akane #wmatsui fanfic #SKE48 #AKB48 #furukawa airi #back in time #chapter 13

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