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dadbodfanatic-x · 2 years

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Paper Rings; part 3

Jim Hopper x Original female character

A/N: I think this is my favorite chapter so far, only one more after this to introduce everything before season 1 starts! Some TW for this chapter. Blood/angst/ some tough themes and for any Hopper fics some language

It had been 3 months since your first shift at the Hawkins station and you had fell in love with the small town. You had babysat for the wheelers so Nancy could go on a date without worrying about Mike, you had helped Hopper out with Mrs. Henderson and her cat a half a million times, you even pulled Billy Hargrove over probably a dozen more times but the night you most remember was getting the call from the Byers residence. A frantic phone call from Jonathan while Joyce screamed in the background and you heard glass shattering, you dropped the phone immediately on Flos desk and you and Hopper hauled ass to the house. You’re not sure what happened with Hopper and Lonnie all you thought about was rushing in behind him and grabbing the boys.

“Hey, Hopps gonna get your mom out of here and handle Lonnie. You guys are gonna come with me okay?” You could see the hesitation in Jonathan’s eyes but Will clung to you, you placed your hand over one of his ears and pushed the other up against your side. Snuggling him in as best as you could you guided him right out the door. Not a minute later you heard Hopper raise his voice and you knew you needed them out immediately.

“Jonathan come on please we need you with us…” he came out the front door with you after awhile and you set off walking down the road.

“You guys hungry? I think we should grab some burgers at bennys and talk him into some ice cream…sound good?” You could tell how excited Will was but Jonathan just kept looking back down the road. Your heart hurt so much for these poor kids.

When all of you had walked into bennys you felt a little relief finally wash over you. You had them out of the house and you could at least get their bellies full and calm them down.

“Will why don’t you go wash your hands, Jonathan is gonna grab us a table and I’m gonna call the station so Flo can let Hopper and your mom know where we are” as soon as you saw Will go through the door you made a point to walk over to Jonathan.

“Hey Jonathan, what you did tonight was really brave and I’m very proud of you for calling for help.” You watched as a gloss came over his eyes and he tried to hide it quickly. “Listen, I know you’ve been really strong for you mom and brother for a long time but you’re allowed to be upset too okay? Anytime you want someone to talk to you come find me okay?” You felt your own eyes get watery and you knew he was making a point to watch for Will. You squeezed his shoulder one last time “I’m so damn proud of you kid”

When you finished letting Flo know where you had the boys and Will had exited the bathroom you grabbed him before he could reach Jonathan. Waiving him on to go “wash his hands” so he could calm down before his brother saw him. You all ordered three cheeseburgers with fry’s and chowed down as Will told you story after story about he and his friends, you were amazed at these kids imaginations truly. As soon as Benny brought over some ice cream cones you heard the bell above the door ring and turned to see Hopper and Joyce coming in. Jonathan stood quickly to check on his mom and Will almost took the little woman out with the force he gave her a hug.

“I can’t thank you enough Nora” Joyce told you with a hand on your shoulder. “I appreciate this more than you know”

You placed your hand over hers “hey don’t thank me, these kids of your are great company.” You said grinning at both boys “I learned so much today from Will the wise…right?”

Will let out a huge laugh and hugged you tight. “Mom, guess what? Nora knows stuff about D&D!! Isn’t that so cool?!” Your genuine smile could not be wiped off your face. These boys already meant the world to you in such a short time. After giving Will a hug you moved to Jonathan

“Hey remember what I said okay? Anytime you need to talk I’m here” and with that Joyce put her arms around her boys and walked them out. Thanking both you and Hopper again before she got outside.

You could see the red marks on Hoppers hands, a couple scrapes up his knuckles and you knew you weren’t going to ask questions. Lonnie deserved whatever Hopper decided to dish out. Without thinking you reached out and grabbed one of his large hands, pulling it closer to your face and examining it.

“You should get this cleaned up so you don’t get anything infected, if you don’t care to run inside my place with me I can have you fixed up in no time” you still held his hand as you looked up to notice he was already staring at you, cute little half smirk on his face.

“Yeah that’s a good idea…” he said so non chalantly.

Hopper was an infuriating man, it had been 3 months of this. Longing glances and touches that you think might have held on a little longer than normal. You never ended up comfortable enough with the town to work with anyone else, you did actually feel completely fine with the town but he kept you with him and you didn’t mind. For 3 months you spent your weekday mornings around the station with everyone but any call that came through always sent you out with Jim. You both worked so well together it felt like breathing, like something you didn’t even have to think about it just happened so easily. Once your day was done he would drive you home, you both shamelessly flirted with each other now and laughed and told stories like you were mapping out charts of each others lives. All of this had been rumbling under the surface for three months. Never to be spoke of. Which is why your heart was pounding out of your chest right now as Hopper drove you both over to your house and as you nervously played with your fingers in your lap any chance you took to look at hopper was futile. He looked so calm and collected.

When you arrived at your house you had hopper sit on the couch while you grabbed some things to clean his hands, when you came back in you sat down close and pulled one of his hands over into your lap.

“Okay this might sting a little…” you said as you began patting down his hands with the cloth and cleaning over any excess blood.

“Hey…” he used the hand you were cleaning to squeeze your thigh and you could instantly feel your cheeks tint pink.

“You did really good with the boys today, I really appreciate it” he left his hand on your thigh, as you applied the ointment onto the clean hand before you switched them you smiled up at him

“It was really easy honestly, those boys are great…okay switch hands” when you went to grab his other hand he placed it on your thigh rather than in your own hand and you hated to admit how much you loved to see his big hands there. You imagined driving down the road with his hands on your thigh as you listened to the radio and played with his fingers instead of nervously picking at your own.

“Oh hey, I uhh wanted to ask you something…” you had finished with his hand and placed the cloth down on the table and smiled up at him when he just left his hand their in your lap.

“So i uhm actually get four tickets to my graduation this weekend and since I don’t really have any family…” you started playing with his hand, sitting yours on top or using your finger to rub circles on the spot by his thumb and Hopper didn’t mind at all, he noticed early on you tended to play with the your hands when you were nervous about something and he couldn’t help the smirk that grew. He really liked that he made you nervous in this way, not scared but just nervous about what he would say.

“Do you think you could come? I was uhh just gonna leave the other three tickets at the station with an invitation and anyone could come but I wanted to ask you but you know now that I even actually think about it I mean it’s the weekend and you’re the chief so you’re probably really busy so I totally get it if you can’t you know?” You hadn’t even looked at him yet still playing with his hand and lost in a ramble that made him smile even more.

Hopper squeezed your thigh again…”hey” you looked up at him. “If you want me there then I’m there doll” and there it was. What had ingrained itself in his mind as of late. That big beautiful smile that makes your nose wrinkle and squishes your freckles all together. You only have one dimple and he really likes that.

“Really?! You’ll come?” You smiled up at him and he shook his head. You didn’t think about it next but you shot your arms around his neck. “Thank you so much” you almost whispered to him right in his ear. He wrapped his arms tight around you and flattened his palm down the base of your back while he held you there. He felt you relax into his before he moved his hand to rub your back and he felt the goose bumps rise on your arms. He was really enjoying this affect he had on you. When you started to pull back he thought about it. What it would be like to kiss you, not even on the mouth just right on the cheek where that dimple lay. He could get lost in it, he wanted to make you smile for a very long time. You could see his gears turning as you looked at him and then it happened

KNOCK….KNOCK KNOCK

“Nora are you home?! It’s mews again!!”

“Jesus fuck” he groaned and you laughed as you placed your forehead on his shoulder. You turned your head toward the door “one second Mrs. Henderson….” He squeezed your thigh one last time before he stood up.

“You wanna slip out the back so you don’t have to deal with this? It might be awhile?” You laughed as you told him.

“Oh bless you absolutely” as he headed towards the back door and you headed towards the front.

“Bye Doll….” He yelled as he walked away and the smile couldn’t be wiped off your face no matter how long you had to talk to this woman about this damn cat.

#jim hopper x reader #jim hopper fanfic #jim hopper #chief hopper #stranger things #paper rings #part 3

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geekgemsspooksandtoons · 11 months

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You know, and I may sound weird. I love the Spider-Verse films. But I’d swear, it’s so weird that I “Dislike” Peter B. Parker when the whole thing with him is that he grows in his character arc. And he likely is the most “Accurate” Peter Parker from the 616 comics. The whole point is that he is a mess who needs to make things right with MJ and all that crap. I’m supposed to be frustrated with him despite he’s pretty damn funny. And the fact there was a point I was like, “Oh my God, he’s literally me” which sounds silly.

And what’s amusing is that I’ve been thinking of making my own Spider-Man that’s more akin to the earlier comics. But saying that it’s like a combo of the RIPeter and Peter B. Parker. A man who’s been Spider-Man for almost a decade or so that has sacrificed his own happiness of a personal life to continue being Spider-Man. He’s still sometimes standoffish, stubborn and antisocial despite being an adult. There’s a reason for that.

Like, this dude sacrificed his social life in a sad, “What if” scenario of Spider-Man 2 if he never gave up being Spider-Man.

But because of a revelation that shatters his existence as Spider-Man. But also, his development from a jackass as a teenager to well...a better person. I have a draft talking about this. It was inspired by ideas like...it’s almost like a Batfleck approach in a sense, but even the Robert Pattinson approach. But this idea that afterwards after everything, he wants to be better and...there’s a lot to discuss here.

I got distracted. The main point being Into the Spider-Verse is a great film. Yet the minor thing I’m not huge on is Peter B. Parker yet he’s awesome despite certain things I’m...bothered by. And I sound so hypocritical because in my icons three of four of my all-time favorite characters are GROWN ASS WOMEN.

Anyway, here’s the dude himself gorging two fuckin burgers and whatever else. I don’t know why, it’s fuckin funny.

youtube

#GeekGem Rambles

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regrettablewritings · 3 years

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Preference: Surviving the Holidays

Characters: Dewey Finn, Peter B. Parker, Tadashi Hamada, Bruce Wayne

Dewey Finn: Thanksgiving

Dewey’s relationship with Thanksgiving was wack, for lack of a better word. Really that could be said for his relationship with most holidays, but what made Thanksgiving stand out ever so slightly was just how obsessively tied to gatherings with loved ones it was when compared to other holidays: You could party for Christmas; you could party for New Years; you couldn’t really party for Thanksgiving. And given that most of his time growing up was just himself and his ma . . .Yeah, the guy wasn’t too crazy about what he considered to be a sham of a holiday. (Plus, he didn’t vibe with the parade.)

And none of that lessened as he got older, with his relationship with his mother becoming more and more strained. After a while, the most he really got from the holiday was tagging along accompanying Ned to his own family’s place. But once Patty came along, that window of opportunity closed.

But that didn’t mean he didn’t long for it. Quite the contrary, it had become sour grapes for Dewey: He could gripe and sneer about Thanksgiving being a “boring-ass” wannabe day all he wanted to; the truth simply was that deep down, he knew he wouldn’t really mind the idea of being in the presence of somebody who loved and appreciated him enough to share a meal with him. Or to be thankful that he was in their lives and wanted him to know it.

That, and he missed the option of not having to stay cooped up in the apartment he mooched off in, eating Kraft Mac straight out the pot while imagining others elsewhere eating homemade baked macaroni as a side to a much more delicious and filling meal.

You personally didn’t feel especially impassioned by the day one way or another to be frank. At least, not usually. You weren’t sure what had gotten into you -- maybe it was because the two of you had just moved in together and wanted to make a statement, or maybe the spirit of the season had finally possessed the both of you, or maybe it was because the delirium of moving in two weeks before a holiday had finally taken its hold (moving is statistically one of the most stressful events in a person’s life, after all) -- but there was a newfound determination in trying to “get this right.”

Of course, there’s nothing and no one who says that a house only becomes a home once it has been christened by a successful feast. But there was a sense of maturity that did come with the idea of holding down even a dinner for two that wasn’t picked up from the deli down the street, or delivered by some knock-kneed cyclist. And it was a maturity the both of you were far too eager to acquire.

Never mind the fact that most of your kitchenware was still lost amongst the boxes (what few of them you could fit in the glorified Fruit-By-the-Foot box you called an apartment). Or that you guys were on a budget. Or that the dinner table was an old plastic collapsible one reminiscent of the tables put up at parties held in gymnasiums. You two were adults, goddammit, and you were going to pull this off at least once! Just once, and things would go back to normal.

. . .

Like most things that tended to involve the great Dewey Finn, you had no idea how this happened.

There was no turkey, no green beans or corn on the cob or even mashed potatoes or a pumpkin pie. Instead, what cluttered the table was a plate of Bagel Bites, tater tots, a plastic case of Lofthouse cookies, and, of course, some Kraft Mac. Neither one of you said anything. At least, not out loud. But the sheepish expressions you gave one another said everything.

Time had gotten away from you both. As did proper ingredients to prepare the more traditional meals associated with the day. You supposed that, in a panicked haze, the both of you wound up grabbing and putting together whatever you could to salvage your pride efforts but you began to suspect that that might not’ve been enough.

“. . . At least we beat Snoopy’s meal,” Dewey tried. A beat passed. Then a snort.

“S-shut up!” you cried. How dare he criticize an animated beagle’s meal of popcorn and toast? Though you had to admit, he had a point: You’d take pizza-decorated bagelettes over popcorn any day -- including Thanksgiving Day, apparently.

In the end, it wasn’t the most . . . traditional situation. And it certainly wasn’t enough to change Dewey’s mind about the day. But you both had to agree: It was a feast that certainly christened your new home together as your own. And for that, you were quite thankful.

Peter B. Parker: Hanukkah

While it wasn’t the most important holiday on the Jewish calendar, Hanukkah still held a heavy level of importance in Peter’s heart. Growing up, it had served as a foundation for so many things in his life: In certain traditions, stability was established; in the togetherness it garnered, there was love; and in the activities partaken, there were memories. Memories of helping Aunt May in the kitchen and of Uncle Ben determining him to be old enough to recite the proper prayers. Of lighting the menorah and setting the room aglow with the history of a miracle . . .

It was therefore a huge regret of Peter’s when he had foregone observing both the winter holiday, as well as many others in his culture during the more recent years when his life began to slip and slide out of control. So when he reemerged from Miles’ dimension, ready and willing to take a chance on life again, it was only natural that Peter was also ready and willing to bring back more positive habits and influences – celebrating Hanukkah included.

And with you, now present in his life and curious and eager as ever, he couldn’t help but feel all the more encouraged to share it. And maybe perhaps show off. Just a little.

For example, once you removed the whole Spider-Man situation, Peter was a pretty simple guy. Especially when it came to foods: Far be it from Peter B. Parker to turn down a burger with some fries or some pizza or street food. So that’s what made it stick out all the more when, after the first night he announced his decision to attempt making challah. Followed by some latkes. Maybe a babka as well. And some sufganiyot. Never mind that he had never actually made some of these without the more experienced Aunt May taking up most of the task. But he was determined and literally and metaphorically hungry for success, and who were you to question his ambitions?

. . . Apparently somewhat saner and more aware than he was. The babka and latkes were simple enough, thankfully. But the sufganiyot? Peter couldn’t fry like that; not with the best materials money could by, when said money was provided on the budget of two people trying to make it in one of the pricier boroughs of New York. And the less said about the challah process, probably the better. . . . Though you still had plenty to say.

“You’re a spider, Peter – why is your weaving coming out so weird?” you questioned, eyeballing the tangled mess of dough. Peter huffed, trying to keep his glower on his failed efforts, rather than redirecting it at you.

“It’s not my fault the guy moves too fast,” he said, referring to the tutorial you had both played on loop. He muttered something along the lines of “for beginners, my ass.” At this rate, the real holiday miracle would be if you not only braided the challah correctly, but also if you didn’t burn down the raggedy apartment. You wanted to say that there would be no shame in calling it and just going to one of the nearby Jewish bakeries for a loaf, but your partner seemed invigorated by spite-induced determination to see this task through.

Never mind that the strands of dough flopped against one another in spite of his best efforts. At this point, it resembled less of a perfect princess braid and more like a flattened Tangela. It was pitiful, really, but you had to admit: The pout his failed efforts had earned him was cute. You didn’t want to think lightly of what he was deeming a situation, but it was quite nice seeing him like this at all. When you had first met he was quite nearly the opposite, all grumpy and aloof and wanting nothing to do with you.

Who would’ve guessed that in due time, he’d become the very man who stood before you, eager to interact with you and bond with you, sharing moments like these . . . Moments which you wish he would just go ahead and enjoy along with you.

“Hey, Peter?”

“Ye -- ” A small blast of flour collided with his crooked nose, stopping the man short. “HEY!” He cracked one eye open just enough to glare at your grinning face.

“Don’t be such a Grinch, Peeby -- ”

“Wrong holiday,” your boyfriend snarked as he wiped his face.

“Hush. Anyway, we still got a few more nights to figure this out,” you reminded. You placed a quick peck on his powdery cheek for good measure. His shoulders slumped with a sigh. As much as he didn’t want to say it, he knew you had a point. Maybe he had gotten a bit too (literally) wrapped up in getting all this right. Though he did feel his spirits lift somewhat as you placed your hand over his with assurance.

Somewhat. All that was missing was --

Pff!

“UGH! PETER!” Your hands flew to your face in an effort to wipe away the fistful of flour that now caked it. All the while, the offender himself laughed. He was probably going to have to appease you with some chocolate gelt “for damages” but as far as he was concerned, it was worth it. After all, what better way to share these important moments than with his favorite person?

Tadashi Hamada: Christmas

A local little cafe in the heart of San Fransokyo was simultaneously the best place to be for the holiday season, and the worst. The great things about it were the cute store-bought and homemade decorations that decked the cozy halls of the establishment; the seasonal baked goods and sandwich specials that made the Lucky Cat smell like cinnamon or roasted turkey; the cozy feeling that welcomed you like a hug whenever you walked in.

Alternatively, there was the whole to-do with picky or rude customers coming in from out of town; the saturation of Christmas music screeching through the speakers; and way-too-hype women taking up tables for hours at a time after spending the day shopping (and clogging the already small aisles with the bags from said shopping).

But all in all, Tadashi made it all better.

Having grown up in the Lucky Cat, he’d long since learned how to cancel out the grinchiness the holiday season brought out, and was more than happy to help you do the same using his own methods. If you focused on the little things, he figured, you could attach sweeter memories and associations to them. Especially if you veered a little off the usual path.

Sure, there was joining him in the kitchen to prepare and bake cranberry-speckled pastries and frost cookies to resemble familiar holiday characters and items. But there was also stringing popcorn garlands together (“Tadashi, you’re the youngest 70-something year-old I have ever met.” “Hush, you; I’m doing you a favor by laying my Christmas cheer all over you.” “Phrasing, ‘Dashi, geez!”). But at the end of the day, there was one thing in particular that your boyfriend did to sweeten the deal. The one thing only someone like Tadashi could do: Snowball fight a la manipulation of barometric pressure.

Following the incident with the snow machine two years ago, Tadashi had to make a promise to Aunt Cass to only use it outside. Away from the house. That suited Tadashi just fine. After all: What better way to pelt your loved one in the face using snow warfare than to do so in a wide-open space like the park? And while those fortunate (and unfortunate) enough to have come upon the unusual winter wonderland he had created, the facts still stood: This was about you and him. You vs him, diving behind mounds of snow, screeching with both joy and discomfort whenever the snow made an impact against bare skin, eyes tearing up from the cold . . .

You could’ve done this for hours, especially since you were pretty positive Tadashi was letting you win. If only he hadn’t called for an armistice.

“ ‘Armistice’? For what? You scared I’ll beat your butt again?” you taunted through chattering teeth.

“No, you ding-dong,” Tadashi shook his head. “Look at you: You’re clearly at your limit with the cold.”

“Nuh-uh!” As if to betray you, your body gave a sudden jolt; a release of shivers like a spring being let loose after coiling. As if unimpressed, the young man reached for your gloved hands and gave one a gentle squeeze.

“Does that hurt?” he questioned.

You winced. “N-no . . .”

You heard him click his tongue. “Ah. Enforced armistice.”

“No fair!” you whined.

“If you sign the treaty, I will include hot cocoa when we get back.”

. . . Well, he could make a mean hot chocolate. Not too sweet, not too bitter, it was perfectly creamy with only the slightest hint of cinnamon for kicks. It was the perfect thing to relax you, causing you to come undone as it’s warmth spread about you inside while the warmth of the kotatsu took care of you on the outside.

“Comfy?” your boyfriend asked. You purred, foregoing a more proper answer just to take another sip of the glorious hot drink. Your enthusiasm earned you a chuckle from him as he inched closer to you. Just enough to hold your hand in his. “For body heat purposes” he might’ve insisted, had you asked. Not that you minded it: It was just what the evening needed to feel complete. Not the goofy, awful ugly sweater he wore that made Rudolph’s nose blink when you pressed a certain spot; not the gentle crooning of Christmas classics sounding from the miniature stereo Tadashi had set up; not even stockings carefully lined along the makeshift mantle, or the presents glimmering beneath the lights of the twinkling tree.

Just the warm feeling of togetherness. That this beautiful man you get to call yours is so willing to share how he celebrates with you. And that you, it turn, get to celebrate with him.

“Hey, you made her cocoa?!” Hiro’s complaining ripped through the air.

And his small but nevertheless vibrant family, of course.

Bruce Wayne: New Years Eve

Let’s face it: New Years Eve sucks. All everyone wants to do is throw a party (even when they actually don’t really want to), the parties are either obnoxiously loud or awkwardly quiet (there is no in-between), there’s never any food because all people wanna do (or have been convinced to do) is drink, and the alcohol is usually crap by the time you get there because everyone already knew to tackle the good booze as soon as they arrived.

Suffice to say, you had some gripes when it came to New Years Eve. And in spite of the luxurious images that tended to come to mind, parties thrown by the wealthy weren’t any different from the average one thrown by the common man. Really, the only difference was that the alcohol was of higher quality and the gatherings were usually held at some large hall like a hotel ballroom or even at a prestigious gallery.

But even if you’d known that beforehand, you still would’ve accompanied Bruce to one such party. Bruce wasn’t fond of them himself, but he needed to at least make an appearance to save face with all the moochers and bigwigs from neighboring industries and enterprises. You were honestly just there for support, though it was just as agonizing for you as it was for him.

Well, at least you didn’t have to actually talk extensively with anyone, you mused. You’d been nursing your drink for the last half hour or so, trying to walk that thin line between going about undisturbed while also not coming across as frigid or wallflowery. Not too far off, you could see Bruce smiling at another partygoer: A buxom ginger, surely an important figure in her own right, but clearly seeing no harm in grinning coquettishly at the affluent Prince of Gotham. You felt no trace of jealousy within you, however. You knew Bruce’s real smile, and the one he was currently providing her wasn’t it in the slightest.

No, the real one was the one he flashed you when he glanced over at you to make sure that you were doing fine off and alone. A sweet, glorious smile that reached his eyes. Though, there were also traces of exhaustion. And you suspected that the smile you returned held just as much because soon after that, you watched him excuse himself from whatever conversation he’d been trying to carry before making his way over to you.

“How’re you holding up?” he inspected.

You shrugged and sighed, “It is what it is. I’m making peace with the fact that the last thing I would’ve eaten this year would’ve been an assortment of cocktail wienies, what I think might’ve been pate, and ginger ale.” You’d meant for it to come across as more humorous, but the dry tone you had delivered your words in ruined the effect.

Bruce winced and offered yet another smile: A wobbly, more sheepish one.

“You ready to go home?”

God, yes.

“No, no,” you replied. “Really, it’s fine. Besides, it’s almost midnight anyway -- it probably wouldn’t look good if Bruce Wayne ditched a party his glorious hosts have so graciously invited him to.”

You watched as your significant other raised his brow. “Honey, I’m Bruce Wayne: I’m known for ditching parties.”

“Oh,” you said simply. Fair point. To your minor relief and slight embarrassment, he huskily chuckled.

“C’mon,” he sighed, placing his hand on your lower back as guidance. “My ass is sore from all the butt-kissing. Let’s go home where it’s warm. And quiet.”

“And we can actually eat!” you chirped, a little too excitedly. Once again, your embarrassment was met with approval.

The outside was both quieter and just as noisy as the inside of the celebration. Quieter because of the muting effect the fallen snow had, but also more lively because of the surrounding restaurants and streets and bars filled with people cheering and blowing party horns and singing in slurred joy. You liked it better than the party, if you had to be honest. But maybe perhaps because as you wandered the snow-caked streets to reach where Bruce had parked the car, you felt his gloved hand wrap around your own.

Of course, it was probably just to keep your hand warm -- maybe even just to make sure you kept pace with him, or that if you wouldn’t fall if you hit a small patch of black ice. But in a little corner of your mind, you couldn’t help but romanticize it: It was like he was accompanying you into the new year in a way. Just you and him. No loud parties, no pressures, no being anywhere or with anyone you didn’t want to be.

“Thanks, by the way.” Bruce broke the silence in a puff of cold air. “I know these really aren’t your thing -- I mean, personally, they aren’t mine, either, but you really didn’t have to come if you didn’t want to. But I appreciate that you . . . that you did.”

Your cheeks burned, though not from the whipping cold of the late December air.

“Of course I did . . .” you reasoned. “I know it sounds goofy but . . . we’re in this together, y’know?” You gave his hand a small squeeze. He squeezed yours right back, but with a bit more power. The warmth of it traveled up into your chest and cheeks. You licked your chapping lips.

“Besides,” you continued, “if I had just stayed home, I would’ve been bored. And probably would’ve given my New Year’s Kiss to Alfred.”

“You wouldn’t dare.”

“Oh, who knows? New year, new me, right?”

You couldn’t have imagined what Bruce would’ve responded with next if it weren’t for the sudden distraction: The air, disorderly and sloppy mere seconds before, had all at once seemed to become uniform with the sounds of chanting. A count down.

You’d lived through so many New Years before, you weren’t quite sure what made this one different. There was no reason for you to pause as you did, your heart suddenly thundering in your chest at the realization of what was to come. It was just another year, right? A new year with new promises, new disappointments, new surprises both good and bad, new --

“ -- two! One! HAPPY NEW YEAR!!”

You had barely had a moment to register the words before you became distracted with registering something entirely different: A pair of warm lips pressed against your own, the feeling of large arms wrapped about your waist to pull you in close.

As he parted from you, Bruce flashed you one of his real smiles once more. One that denoted the mischief only you were truly privy to.

“Beat him to it,” he teased.

And for as shocked as you were over the exchange of the midnight kiss, you couldn’t help but blink . . . and find yourself in a giggling fit. That was why this year felt different: You had never had a boyfriend on New Years before. Scratch that: You had never had Bruce for New Years. And that made a world of difference. You didn’t want to make any assumptions but . . . it was a pretty great way to start a new year, if you did say so yourself.

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dakarimainink · 3 years

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Story Time

WARNING: fluff, cute, angst, awkward, alcohol, stranger meets stranger

Character: Pedro Pascal

Wordcount: 1.8K

Note: Not betad, all mistakes are my own.

Divider by me! 😊

Oh god, please let me know what you think of this. The way of telling it is new to me, but I kind of liked the flow of it. Keep in mind this is told in a vocal language as if I actually tell it to you. Let me know if you liked it or not, any feedback on this is very much welcome.

Okay, let me tell you about the first time I met Pedro Pascal. This was (I believe) right before shooting of GOT season 4. I was, at the time, not a huge TV or movie person, except I actually did watch GOT because it was so huge and my friends kinda got me in to it. And I also watched Breaking Bad, because let’s face it, it’s a brilliant series. Anyways, here is the story of my embarrassing first meeting with Pedro Pascal.

It was a late night in New York. I had been to a comedy club with some friends of mine; laughing our asses off and drinking. Not gonna lie, I don’t remember the comedian (sorry), but I do remember he wore the cleanest pair of white Converse shoes I’ve ever seen on a person. I don't know why I remember that, but yeah.

Now, I had told my friends I would walk home, as I only lived a few blocks down the road. They had insisted on me taking a taxi with them, but I refused. Honestly, I didn't want to waste money on it and I had walked home alone before. Being the stubborn woman I was, they gave up and let me walk. Besides, I sober faster up and avoid a hangover with some fresh air before bed (or at least as fresh air one can get in NYC).

Walking home, I stumbled a little on the slightly uneven sidewalk.

Now let me point out that I am not drunk. I am however tipsy, but not so gone that I am not aware of my surroundings. If someone was to walk up to me, I could easily punch them and run off, if necessary. But I would run with a slight tilt, if you know what I mean. Not that I actually want to punch someone, because I am honestly scared of hurting anyone (raise your hand if you have childhood trauma), but I will for survival.

Anyways. Walking home, the nightlife was booming. I think it was about nine in the evening, so the streets were littered with people either already drunk or going to the club getting drunk. Basically a normal Saturday evening. I did not envy the people bending over a bush, begging for nothing to splash back onto them as they puked their guts out, just to go back into the club and start the process all over again.

Being a woman walking alone that late, in NYC anywhere, you can already imagine the disgusting men catcalling me, throwing comments thinking I would rush to them and beg them to take me then and there.

It honestly baffles me how men actually think those kinds of things work, because newsflash, it doesn't. It's literally disgusting and I have to force myself to not gag and throw up.

So walking home, ignoring the nauseating comments, I passed by the same buildings, stores, clubs and restaurants I had done probably a million times before. I did consider stopping by my favourite burger shop Greasy Joe’s (classic name, am I rite?), but knew my body rather wanted to crash down in bed.

As I was just about two blocks away from my home, I managed to trip on my own feet.

Now I am not a person who often trip over or stumble at all, but for some godforsaken reason, my feet decided that, right outside - what I would call an exclusive restaurant - (mostly because it was too expensive for mere mortals to eat there) I fell to my knees, luckily embracing myself on my hands.

For a moment I froze, my body trying to assess what happened and what the damage was. I remember it felt like needles prickling into the palms of my hands and on my knees. I was just begging I didn’t ruin my jeans as I had recently purchased them. (Jeans are seriously expensive, especially when you are gifted with thighs of a goddess, ready to crush anything coming in-between)

I also remember it felt like the whole world went silent for a moment, as if my hearing was not important as my brain was trying hard to get an overview of my own state.

I heard a male mumble and then a hand appearing in front of my face. Then a little more mumbling until I finally caught some words. “... Help you up.” I instinctively grabbed the hand, supporting myself as it pulled me up.

And again, my legs wanted to be difficult tonight for some reason, so of course my knees gave in - not sure if it was because of the fall or if I just truly had bad fortune that night, or perhaps that I was in fact, more than just tipsy - and I tumbled forward and smacked my head onto what I didn’t realise at first, was a human chest.

I placed my hands onto the torso and carefully pushed back awkwardly. I stared at my hands as I realised what I was pushing against and winced and snapped my hands away from the person in front of me.

I felt my ears and cheeks burn, I mean like, seriously burn so badly it felt like a second degree burn. I looked up to - what I quickly realised was - a man’s face and he seemed to be a bit embarrassed as well, as he was also coloured in his cheeks (definitely not as bad as mine though)

I didn’t recognise him at all, but you can already guess who the person was (Yup, Pedro himself).

What really caught me off guard was his eyes. They were so dark I could actually see my reflection in them. There was also a spark in them due to the yellow lights emitting from the restaurant he had apparently just exited.

We were both kind of frozen and embarrassed and my brain was not going to help me even form a single “thank you” and or “sorry”. Luckily, his brain was working better than mine, so he was the one to speak up first.

“That was quite the fall, are you alright?” He actually seemed worry for my little tumble. I hadn’t even hit my head and he looked down upon me as if I was a hurt child.

I said of course I was fine, I wasn’t really hurt and that I was just on my way home. He asked if I needed a taxi, but of course I didn’t need that, I was just two blocks away from my home, so I politely refused.

He asked if he could escort me the rest of the way, but I told him no, because he was a stranger, but not only a stranger, but a male stranger. He really didn’t want me to walk home alone, but he understood my point of view. He insisted on calling for a taxi, but I told him it would be a waste, as it would probably take longer for the taxi to arrive than me just walking straight home.

As I explained this, I was already kind of backing away from him and towards home. He didn’t push it any further, but I swear I could feel him watch me as I continued to walk away.

However, two doors down, was one of the hottest nightclubs in NYC. Mostly higher middle-class and lower high-class would go there. Especially “kids” with their parents credit cards would go there frequently. (Now I use the word kid, even though they are probably in their early twenties and I am in my mid twenties, but to me, kids because of their behaviour)

As I passed, a self entitled kid with too much alcohol and self esteem approached me - I could smell the alcohol before he reached me - and stopped me in my tracks. I fisted my hands as he tried to push himself onto me, which was quite disgusting by the way. His perfume were oozing off him, and that mixed with the alcohol was making me gag.

He kept asking for my name, if I was down for a good time, if he could buy me a drink, if I wanted to come into the club with him, if he could have my number, if I wanted to go home with him and so on and so forth. I gently pushed him away, which seemed to set something off in him and he began spitting rude comments. Mostly stuff I had heard before come out of a rejected man’s mouth; so nothing new.

He began walking quite widely and wobbly towards me, as if he wanted to pick a fight me. However, half way towards me, he suddenly stopped and I noticed a presence next to me.

You guessed it, it was Pedro again.

He asked the man to stop and waved over the security guard who somehow missed the loud kid.

As soon as the kid was forced away by the guard, I thanked him once more. He turned to walk away, but I called for him (I didn’t know his name, so I casually just said “Hey!”) He turned around and I told him he could walk me home if the offer still stood.

I remember a smile crossed his lips as I told him and he jogged over to me before we strolled towards my block.

As we began our walk, he held out his hand to me and introduced himself and I shook it and told him my first name as well. Now, instead of talking about our jobs or family or whatever, we actually started talking about African animals, more specifically Elephants as we both considered them our favourite animal. We also had a friendly feud about coffee or tea, as I was (and still am) a tea drinker and he was a coffee drinker.

We were in the middle of talking books when I suddenly realised we were standing outside the entrance to my apartment building.

I'm not gonna lie, I was actually feeling a bit disappointed by this, as I had enjoyed our brief walk and conversation. A small part of me wanted to invite him in, just so we could continue our chat. I felt such a friendly vibe from him and knew if I didn’t get to know him now, I would probably never get to.

I had to, unfortunately, decide to end the journey here and smiled while thanking him. What I didn’t realise was my body slowly tilting forward and before I knew it, we were hugging each other. I had no idea why, but I sure as hell didn’t regret it.

Let me tell you, I have never, ever ever since, had a better or warmer hug ever. I seriously mean it, if you ever get the chance to hug this man, do it, because not only will it make you warm and fuzzy, but it seriously made me happy. Like I could feel the weight of the world seep out of my body and a light just burn within me. I am not kidding.

So we said our goodbyes. I unlocked the entrance door, stepped inside and we gave each other one last glance before I walked up the stairs to my floor.

What I didn’t know then, was that I would meet Pedro Pascal again.

(Wanna be added to my tag list for Pedro Pascal and his characters? Let me know and I will happily add you)

@cynic-spirit, @lililolli, @notabotiswear, @sara-alonso, @blankmooon, @xoxo-callie, @mamacitapascal, @thewaythisis, @greeneyedblondie44, @stevie75, @mswarriorbabe80

#Pedro Pascal #first person pov #first person perspective #story time #writing #fluff #embarrassing #awkward #rpf

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jeonsblackgf-writes · 3 years

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CRUSHES AND DATES || 2 ||

summary: Jaewon finally gets to go on the date of his dreams.

pairing: jung jaewon x black!OC

genre: fluff

word count: 1.2k

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"Maybe this was a bad idea," Nia whispered as she clung onto Jaewon's shirt, fear evident in her voice.

Jason thought it was a good idea to go to a haunted house as a first date, not only that, it was one of the most claimed haunted houses in Korea so of course Nia protested but once Jaewon brought out the puppy eyes, she found herself saying yes before she could even think about anything else.

They had only been in the house for five minutes and she felt like she was going to shit herself. She was one for adventures and fun but not on the first date and a haunted house was definitely ALLLLL the way at the bottom of her bucket list.

"Come on babe, it's not that bad." The latter explained, as they looked around the interior of the abandoned house. There was dust everywhere and it was starting to make Nia's skin crawl. There was graffiti covered all over the walls and satanic writings as if someone tried to perform rituals inside.

The second he said those words, a loud boom echoed throughout the house, causing Nia to jump and scream loudly. She grabbed Jaewon's left arm and held his hand tightly.

"Fuck this shit. This not what niggas do." She mumbled to herself about to turn around but Jaewon wrapped his arms around her waist and held her close to him.

"I won't let anything happen to you, I promise," He softly reassured her, kissing her forehead, calming her nerves a little.

Nia could feel her hands shake but nodded at his words anyway. The two continued to walk throughout the house, ignoring the sudden chills and gust of wind passing through them.

"I read up on this place. A lot of things happened in this house. A girl committed suicide in here, the owner of the house was killed in a car crash and any one who tried to buy the house after him had died shortly after. There were even a few rumors going around that he murdered people in this house on the second floor, and if you go into the basement, you can still hear the screams and pleas from the little kids who died. This house was even built on a massive cemetery of the soldiers who died in the Korean war. The house was abandoned in the 80's and anyone who visited the house had either become badly ill or died a few days later." Jaewon explained, walking further into the house.

"Now why the hell are you telling me this while we're already inside? You got me fucked up, Jaewon I like you a lot baby, but black people don't do this shit. I would've been fine going to your house to chill and watch a movie or something." Nia grumbled, stuffing her face in the taller mans jacket. Her words made him feel bad a little, he did drag her into the house after her constant pleas for him not to.

He gave her an apologetic smile, and tugged on her hand, leading her out of the building. Nia ran as fast as her legs could carry her, and jumped in the car. Jaewon laughed and jogged behind her, getting into the car as well and driving off.

"let's go get something to eat."

{few hours later}

"This is so good," Nia groaned as she took another big chunk out of her burger. It may not have been lady like for her to eat like a man in front of her crush on their first date but food is food and she was going to be the same person she was in school. Which is why everyone liked her so much.

"Y'know. I never got to compliment you on how good you looked." Jaewon stayed as he looked over her outfit. He liked how she didn't have to make such a huge effort to look good. She looked perfect in anything.

Most girls in the first date would wear a dress or a skirt but not Nia. Skirts and dresses weren't her thing. She liked to keep her outfits street yet simple.

"Boy this ain't nothing, this is light work." She joked, popping her imaginary collar, causing the boy in front of her to laughed. After a few seconds the laughter calmed down, and she stared back at him. "You look good too,". He had on a mean leather jacket, a white tee, blue skinny jeans and black doc martens. Something so effortless yet so sexy.

Jaewon blushed and looked at his plate of food shyly, muttering a small thank you. Nia really loved making him all flustered and shy, it was one of the cutest things ever.

"You like anime?" Nia asked, starting a new conversation, which sparked the interest of the boy in front of her.

Jaewon's eyes perked up at the question. "I love it! What's your favorite?"

Nia laughed, "How do you assume I like anime?"

"You wouldn't have asked me if I liked if it you didn't." He replied with a smile. Nia gave him a smug look and leaned back in his seat.

"My favorite is one punch man. Only, I don't like how Saitama has yet to find a worthy enough opponent butttttt in the second season Garou the monster is definitely my favorite." She explained, stuffing fries in her face. Jaewon gave a thought to her words and nodded his head.

"My favorite is Kimetsu No Yaiba: Demon Slayer. I'm so invested into the characters, I know a lot about each one." Jaewon bashfully gushed. Nia smiled at his enthusiasm about the said anime.

To her, it was adorable how passionate he was about those type of things. When she was with her ex, he found anime weird and she could never watch it with him or around him because he always had something to say so it was refreshing to have someone with the same interests as you. It was a nice and comforting thing for a change.

“Y’know, I never really told you how much I truly liked you.” Jaewon stated, playing with his fries. He couldn’t look Nia in the face, but he knew that wasn’t an option because she pulled his face up to look at hers.

“From the constant stares and love notes since 6th grade, I could tell. You should’ve said something sooner.” She joked, finishing the last of her burger.

“You were in a relationship at the time that I was going to confess. I really didn’t want to get beat up by your big ass ex boyfriend.” He laughed but deep down, he was dead ass serious. Her ex boyfriend was the scariest person he and ever come across, and he knew he had to avoid Nia at all times until the time was right. It was a good thing they aren’t together anymore.

“I’m really sorry if he caused you any kind of pain, I know how much of a bully he used to be. Despite the fact that he cheated on me, he was a shit head and only showed his feelings through anger which I fucking hated. I had to get the fuck away from his ass.” Nia explained before drinking the rest of her milkshake. Jaewon felt sorry for her, and he knew it was his duty to treat her right for as long as he could.

“What matters now is you and I moving forward.” Jaewon smiled.

“Of course.”

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madeofitzits · 4 years

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In honor of the impending return of Brooklyn 99, here are 99 reasons that...

1. He was precocious enough to know, at 5 years old, that he wanted to change his name (x)

2. He has a bunch of nicknames: Sandy Amberg, Young Sandwich, etc. but the most endearing one is 'Droidy', his family's name for him (x)

3. He is still super close friends with people he's known since: Elementary School (Chelsea Peretti) (x)...

4. Junior High/High School (Kiv and Jorm) (x)

5. … Summer Camp (Irene Neuwirth) (x)

7. ...and Film School (Chester Tam) (x)

8. Before he met Joanna, he dated other famous ladies but - out of respect - he never discussed it/them (x)

9. He loves turtles and tortoises. When he was a kid, he had a pet turtle that he named 'Squirt' because the first time he held it, it peed on him. His Mom, Margie, accidentally killed Squirt when Andy was at Summer camp... (x)

10. … Maybe this is why, when shooting 'Popstar', Andy fell hard for Maximus (Conner 4 Real's turtle). He says they "had a good thing going" and that he wanted to adopt him. In the end, he decided against it because there are a bunch of coyotes in his neighborhood and he was worried the little guy wouldn't be safe. (Popstar: DVD Commentary)

11. Speaking of his Mom, despite being a super private person, he appeared on 'Finding your Roots' so that he could help her track down her birth family (x)

12. When he succeeded he cried (although we never got to see it on camera) (x)

13. That's because, like all good boys, he loves his Mama which is why - as part of the same episode - he said "My mom is basically the kindest person I know… and many people would corroborate that" (x)

14. Andy's Sisters, Hannie (Johanna) and Darrow, used to make him wear diapers and put his hair in pigtails until he was 5 years old. He says he didn't mind because he just liked that they were paying attention to him (x)

15. That's why he sees his identity in comedy as being 'America's kid brother'. When he was young, he would annoy his sisters until they laughed and he claims to have been replicating that approach to entertainment ever since

16. Although a bunch of his characters have 'Daddy Issues', Andy definitely doesn't. He's super close with his Papa (Joe) and has said "he's a good man" and "the best Dad in the world" (x)

17. Joe was Andy's youth soccer coach and in one scene in 'Hot Rod', Joe's favorite photograph can be seen in the background. It shows a very young Andy posing with a soccer ball, after "scoring the winning goal against Mersey" (x)

18. He's been a loyal Golden State Warriors fan since he was a little kid, living in Oakland (then Berkeley) and, in 2010, he correctly predicted that they would "win a Championship in my lifetime" (x)

19. The proceeds from his Umami Burger ('The Samburger') went to a deafness early detection program in Berkeley. This cause is close to his heart because Margie uses hearing aids and used to work in the special needs program, teaching deaf kids (x)

20. He, Kiv, and Jorm have made multiple donations to their old school district, including $250 000 to its theater program (x)

21. On the subject of The Lonely Island; Andy always goes out of his way to make sure that everyone knows how much he owes to his buddies. For instance, he told Marc Maron, during his WTF appearance, that "I get a lot of credit for what Kiv and Jorm have done" (x)

22. He makes this face when he knows he’s said something naughty…

(Gif credit: @andrewsambags)

23. During his 'Wild Horses' appearance, he said that he can't watch scary movies because they freak him out too much. He told 'Complex' that he's still scared of 'The Shining' (x)...

24. … Similarly, when he was at UC Santa Cruz he worked at the Del Mar movie theater and he had a hard time coping with screenings of 'Species 2' (x)

25. He fell in love with Joanna, the moment he met her, when she greeted him by addressing him as 'Steve the C**t' (x)

26. He listened to 'Ys', everyday for a year, before he and Joanna started dating (x)

27. He bought the original portrait that was used as the basis of the cover art for 'Ys' and gave it to Joanna as a Christmas present, so that she could hang it in her music room (x)

28. He loves birds and goes hiking and birding with Joanna (x)

29. Every new comment he makes about Joanna becomes an instant contender for 'most beautiful thing a person has ever said about their spouse' (x)

30. For example, he readily admits that Jake's iconic heart eyes are the result of him thinking about his amazing wife (x)

31. There are many stories about how incredibly romantic Andy and Joanna's wedding was and Jorm has said that it featured "the most magical vows I've ever heard" (x)

32. The Newsombergs now live in Charlie Chaplin's old house (x)

33. On the Emmys Red Carpet (2015), the year he hosted, they took a momentary break from posing for the world's press to whisper 'I love you' to each other (x)

34. At last year's Vanity Fair party, Andy carried Joanna's purse for her so she could grab a snack (x)

35. He was a semi-permanent fixture in the audience for her recent run of shows for the 'Strings/Keys Incident' tour, even officially confirming his status as the 'President of her Fan Club' (x)

36. He used his Golden Globes monologue to call out the government for framing and murdering the Black Panthers (x)

37. On the Carpet for the Guy's Choice Awards, he called the event "a ridiculous farce", adding that "men already have it so easy - it's insane that there's a show that celebrates them". That makes sense when you consider that he, Kiv and Jorm have made an entire career out of parodying toxic masculinity (x)

38. He once said that only "idiot-ass men" think that women aren't funny (x)

39. He’s been wearing glasses since 7th Grade and he has the most heartbreakingly cute habit of nudging them up his nose, (especially when he wears his Sol Moscot frames) (x)...

40. ... and of rubbing his eyes under them (x)

41. He barely ever wears glasses for roles but he also avoids contacts (because he doesn't like touching his eyeballs) which means he's almost always 'acting blind' (x)

42. He has worn his glasses in character a few times - as 'himself' ('Lady Dynamite'), as 'Paul' ('I Think You Should Leave') and during a very small number of SNL sketches (e.g. during his one appearance in a 'Gilly' with Kristen Wiig) (x)

43. He can't tolerate glare and when that makes him squint it's a sight that's too cute for words (x)

44. He owns about six outfits and has been rotating them for well over a decade (x)

45. He barely ever breaks during shooting/while performing, so when he does it's aggressively adorable. (x), (x)

46. He's a grown ass man who persuades people to come with him to the bathroom because if he goes by himself he'll get lonely (x)

47. He didn't announce he was leaving SNL, until after his last appearance, selflessly choosing not to detract from Kirsten Wiig's huge and emotional send-off (x)

48. He undertook a quest to smell like Lorne Michaels (x)

49. He's ageing like a fine wine (x)

50. To protect their daughter's privacy, Andy and Joanna never announced that they were expecting. They've never released their little girl's name or date of birth and most news outlets still report that they became parents in August 2017 (even though that's inaccurate) (x)

51. Although he's careful not to talk about his daughter often, sometimes he can't keep from gushing about her. For example, when asked about his first year of fatherhood he said: "It’s been the best thing that’s ever happened to me. Just like a beautiful, incredible dream. It has surpassed every expectation I ever had. It’s definitely been very blissful" (x)

52. After their daughter was born, Andy and Joanna spent the first 40 days at home with her (in a practice known as 'confinement'). He's described it as being "a really special time". (x)

53. Andy is famously mild-mannered but, when asked about what triggers his 'Dad claws', he admitted that if anyone attempted to touch his daughter, without permission, he'd "probably sock them hard in the face"…

54. ...Characteristically, he went on to add that he hopes that never happens, since he hasn't been in a fight since 6th Grade (x)

55. Cyndi Lauper was his first celebrity crush and he plays her record ('She's so unusual') for his daughter all the time. (x)

56. His is the very definition of a precious laugh (x)...

57. It's made even more wonderful by the way it makes his voice go high-pitched (x)

58. … and the way it causes his eyebrow to rise involuntarily

59. It's impossible not to smile at his impression of his Mom (x)

60. And laugh at his impression of John Mulaney (x)

61. He was so convinced he wouldn't win the Golden Globe for Best Actor in a Comedy or Musical, that he didn't prepare a speech. Instead, as he explained to David Letterman, he "just went… and started drinking". The resulting list of improvised 'thank yous' was perfect in every way (x)

62. As producers, Andy, Kiv and Jorm have given life to some amazing projects ('Alone Together', 'Brigsby Bear', 'I Think You Should Leave')...

63. … and gone out of their way to support women in comedy ('Party Over Here', 'PEN15') (x)

64. As well as being a comedy legend, he's a super-talented dramatic actor, who gave the performance of a lifetime in 'Celeste and Jesse Forever' but, after the movie wrapped, and it was time to do press for it, he was straight back to goofing around (x)

65. His lip bite should be illegal (x)

66. Even though he wears the same vanishingly small number of outfits, over and over, he has a vast collection of the most excellent socks (x)

67. He always gives 'editing notes' during his own interviews (x)

68. He has a super sweet and sincere way of thanking interviewers when they compliment him (x)

69. He adjusts his hoodie constantly (x)

70. The two most perfect Jake laughs in b99 are actually real Andy laughs 'https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=W38A_xuXaeg https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=sVm9nYrTWRQ

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71. Virtually everyone who has ever worked with Andy has talked about what a wonderful person he is. This explains why so many of them have been involved with more than one of his projects (x)

72. It's not only his colleagues who talk about what a delight he is (x), (x)

73. This lovestruck fool wore his own wife's merch when he went out to dinner (x)

74. No one else uses the word 'dinky' quite like Andy (x). The same goes for 'snacky' (see point 70)

75. He does this with his tongue (x)

76. He still likes to play soccer but his eyesight is so bad that he has to keep his glasses on for it

77. When he lets his gorgeous floofy hair grow a little it sits perfectly over the arms of his glasses (x)

78. He gifted the world with Jakey's little curl (x)

79. At the James Franco Roast, he couldn't bring himself to be mean to anyone except himself (and Jeff Ross, a little!) (x)

80. In fact, he's always been willing to laugh at himself (x) and he still is (x)

81. He changes b99 scripts to make them more feminist (x)

82. Despite their humble insistence that they just benefited from 'good timing', the reality is that Andy, Kiv and Jorm (along with Chris Parnell) revolutionized digital media, when 'Lazy Sunday' popularized YouTube, increasing its traffic by 85% overnight (x)

83. He once attended the Vanity Fair party because his Mom told him to (x)

84. He has an amazing way of subtly but firmly shutting down inappropriate questions, like when this interviewer suggested that Holt being gay was something that could have been played for laughs https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=idQsYQfkR5o

85. He auditioned for SNL at the same time as Bill Hader. Hader thought he'd blown it because Andy had a bunch of props and Bill had none. In the meantime, Andy thought he'd blown it when he saw Hader and realized 'this guy doesn't need any props' (x)

86. His bromance with Seth Meyers is one for the ages (x)

87. Every single second of this video is proof of why Andy, Kiv and Jorm deserve the world (x)

88. He once dragged Mulaney up on stage for SNL Goodnights, even though writers weren't allowed to join in (x)

89. He has a hilarious phobia of pooping anywhere except his own bathroom (x)

90. His beautiful, beautiful, face: His smile (radiant), his eyes (caramel - hella disarming), his ears (adorably asymmetrical), his nose (perfect), His chin (the dimple… *swoon*), his jaw (could cut glass), The 'Sambeard' (another amazing layer of pretty) (x)

91. His body: His butt (x), his thighs, (x) his soft lil tummy (The ‘Sambelly’) (x), his hands. (x), his arms (x), his hips…

(Gif credit: @amystiago /@badpostandy on Twitter)

92. All signs point to the fact that, like Jake, Andy uses his glasses case as a wallet (x)

93. Jake's "cool-cool-cool-cool-cool-cool" is an irl Andy-ism that the writers worked into b99 scripts. What's even better is that Joanna does it, too (x)

94. He has a really good arm and is low key competitive, which is super hot https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=e32K_nBDy3Q

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95. He's one half of the cutest Red Carpet pose of all time (x)

96. He barely ever seems to get mad but if angry Jake is anything to go by, maybe he should... (x)

97. He's a huge nerd, who geeks out over GOT, LOTR, 'Star Wars', 'Alien(s)' and anything relating to time travel (x), (x)

98. He has a gorgeous speaking voice, especially when he’s tired or a little sick. (Bonus points for any time he uses the word ‘correct’. See point 30) (x)

99. He’s still so committed to his b99 fans and fam, even after all this time and is as excited as the rest of us that...

#99 reasons to love #andy samberg #brooklyn nine nine #b99 #a masterpost for the best boy there is

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whole-lotta-hoes · 3 years

Text

Whole Lotta Hoes| Crack Fanfic Mini Series

Episode One: Zeppelin Is No More

Episode Two: Looking For A Job

Episode Three:

Episode Four:

Episode Five:

Warning:

This will cause you to lose a couple of brain cells and question your sanity. It will include a shit ton of weird shit and things that don't make sense at all. Do not read if you are not ready for any of this, read at your own risk.

Cast:

John Paul Jones (Main character)

Robert Plant

Jimmy Page

John Bonham

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Led Zeppelin is a band apparently. It's just a bunch of horny mother fuckers put together to make songs about sex. John Paul Jones was laying in bed with Robert Plant which he has no idea how that happened. He hoped nothing weird went down between them cause Jimmy Page would be so mad. oh jesus oh god you do not want to make that mother fucker mad. He'll literally turn you into a cheeseball and eat you. John got out of bed only to see that John Bonham was standing in the corner eating swedish fish gummies. He was not going to question it.

"Want some?" Bonzo asked him and he held one in his hand.

"I don't know you what the fuck!?" Jonesy yelled. He went to the baffroom and spotted jimmy trying to swim inside of the toilet. He believed he could do it if he tried hard enough.

"the oil supply demand is sky rocketing these days!" jimmy yelled as he got out of the toilet.

"Bitch do not touch me with your boo boo water," He warned him as he grabbed a toothbrush to use as a weapon. He learned how to make a knife with it in jail.

"Penis guitar playing is totes fun jonesy, you should try it," jimmie added. Oh mother fucker he is a heterosexual lad. Or that is what he said the other day when he ate some of robert's caramel popcorn. man he wondered how he even ended up in that stupid band. who's led and why does he have a zeppelin? you know some guy named their kid zeppelin but he claims that he didn't name him after the band. wait what were we talking about?

The band all decided to head to mcdonalds to eat happy meals. jimmy tickles.

"Guys! oh my god you will not believe it but britney is such a slut! ugh! can't believe she left me for a fish lookin' mother fucker-"

"No one gives a rats ass about your weird horny ass!" jimmy cut him off by yelling at robert. God damn that shithead has a huge ego but a small dick. Jonesy never understood why people liked him so much. He once stole his favorite pair of jojo siwa socks and claimed he never knew he owned any.

"You motherfuckers we're supposed to be going on tour!" Bonzo yelled as he swooped the food off the table.

"suck my asshole bonzo!" jim yelled.

"calm down pagey, he's just a meanie," robert added as he patted his head.

"y'all need to start realizing that no one likes you both!" jonesy snapped.

"shut up you're literally ugly and small and the bassist of led zeppelin and you look like heman with that stupid haircut of yours" Bonzo said as he ate jonesys burgers. damn that hurt.

"You know," jonesy began, "i don't need this job"

"what job?" robeet askes.

"shhhhh let the weirdo speak," jimmy said as he stuck his finger into his mouth.

"without me you will all suck asshole and no one will actually like led zeppelin," he explained.

the three slowly looked at each other and began to laugh their asses off at him.

"You act like you matter so much," robert added.

"shut up cheese cream! you're literally big and ugly and you look like you are 50 years old!" bonzo said as he drank his milk. that was funny. Jonesy felt his blood boil and grabbed his happy meal and stormed out.

It was the day of their shit concert. led zeppelin were backstage preparing to cause a dismother and set things on fire. preferably roberts underwear that pretty much doesn't exist in this case. the band stepped on stage and the crowd went wild.

"hello bananas-" That motherfucker fell forward into the drum set. oopsies. jimmy ran to him to make sure his hoe isn't dead or alive. fucking bon jovi.

"oh shit! robert plant is down!" he yelled. jonesy was absolutely done with them. they are nothing but a bunch of dumb fucks who ruin everything. He took out his laser penis and shot jimmy and robert to death.

"oh Motherfucker has a fucking laser pp! hija de su pinche madre!" jimmy yelled as he split in half. robert died again. bonzo just sat there blown away by the fact that that john paul jones just killed the front man and the guitarist of Led Zeppelin in front of millions of people. he was impressed.

"holy shit man you really-"

nope sorry but jonesy shot him too so he died. damn he could've let him live. meanie. oh wait im writing this so i could've.... ah man im too lazy to go back and fix it. too bad we're going with this plot now. Jonesy stepped off the stage and headed to the back.

"god dammit i hate everyone in this bloody world," he said to himself. he decided to hit the pub that was nearby to enjoy himself.

As he was sitting at the counter drinking something that is an alcoholic beverage. he began to spark ideas of what he could possibly do since led zeppelin died. He thought about starting a whole new band but he remembered that what caused him to kill led zeppelin. that was out of the shopping list for walmart. next was to steal money from the bank so he remains rich but he then realized that he is a famous musician and will get recognized quickly. fuck. he then thought of changing his hair to look less like heman cause that insult hurt.

"aha!" he shouted. He finally thought of something that could get him a shit ton of money. He drank the remaining drink from his cup and ran out of the pub.

he put on a thicc line of eyeliner, red lipstick, a black wig, fish nets leggings, high heeled boots, and earrings. oh man this is going to be hella great. His wife walked in to see what the fuck this small ass mothertrucker was up to this time. oh man i shat my pants.

"sweetie what the fuck are you doing!?" she yelled. Jonesy turned to look at her.

"led zeppelin is no more," he responded. She was so confused and wondered how the fuck she even ended up marrying heman. she had no idea what led zeppelin is no more meant and was hella concerned for his health.

"be back in a few days," he added as he broke his ankle trying to exit the house and rolled down the hill. oops it's not up the hill anymore. guess you could really say he went down hill. i hate myself so much. he walked down the sidewalk and ended up in someone's house. Motherfucker it's jimmy page's house. he stole his nice trousers or whatever those were. my teacher walked by as i wrote that btw. turns out they don't fit him cause jimmy is also a big hoe and jonesy isn't. shit. jimmy is embarrassing asf. that was pointless of him stealing so he stole his underwear. wait he wears those? imma look it up hold on. i didn't find anything about that so im just going to assume that he doesnt.

there was a picture of jimmy when he was with the yardbirbs and golly that is one ugly Motherfucker! he stole and stuffed it into his underwear. he got out of the house full of useless shit that he did not need at all. Then he forgot what he was doing. Jonesy continued walking down the street only to break his other ankle and rolled down the steep pathway. damn he's one dumb hoe bitch.

His laser penis was out of control. he just wanted to have a little me time but instead shot a whole through the wall of the motel be was staying in. god dammit. he removed his pp and switched it out with a normal pp. that's odd. his plan of overthrowing led zeppelin stressed him out. what else do you do when you're stressed? well can't say cause i ain't gotta peener. he got so bored. his days of not being in led zeppelin have been lame and was the worst idea he could even come up with. he didn't know what to do know. he can't just eat your grandma over and over again. he looked at himself through the mirror and oh my god I'm a sexy Motherfucker oh yeah bitch im THE BITCH. he needed to find something that'll keep him entertained for while.

babysitting was a bad idea. he got bitten by a bunch of goblins and gave him rabies. god i hate kids.

"hello motherfucker," jimmy said.

"OH SWEET MOTHER OF GOD DAD SHOES PENIS PLANT! I THOUGHT I KILLED YOU THE OTHER DAY!" Jonesy yelled as he jumped over the couch.

"Nah bitch that was just my twin brother Jamie Patricia Page," He added. "Bitch why are you dressed like a stripper?"

Oh yeah he forgot that was what he was going to do once he killed led zeppelin. he still can but now there's a little bitch with him named james patrick page.

"we should kill robert plant," jimny suggested.

"Bitch i already killed him, you're a little too late you duck whore," he responded.

turns out he didn't actually kill led zeppelin but instead killed their twin brothers.

"You want to overthrow led zeppelin into the trashcan?" Jonesy asked. "Thought that's what you and bert wanted to do...."

"Nah man.... percy is a very stupid penguin and is meanie.... he stole my jojo siwa socks," jimmy explained.

ah damn turns out robert plant is the villain of the story and should be died. he is too powerful. his hair will slice the fuck out of anyone.

"You got a plan?" Jonesy asked.

"i say we steal his pants and burn them and use them as an alternative to oil," he explained. damn science class. then this guy named bonzo showed up and began to beat them with his drum sticks.

"BONZO CALM THE FUCK DOWN! AHHHHHHHHH!!!" james yelled.

"sorry but robert said to beat you both with them!" bonzo yelled back.

jonesy dug through his pants and took out a bunch of swedish fish gummies.

"hey look! fish gummies! come and get it boy!"

"bitch what the fuck I am not some stupid dog for you to be doing that time of shit you small Motherfucker heman lookin hoe short shit," bonzo said.

"GIMME GIMME OH SHIT!" he attacked Jonesy.

jimmy page the god of led zeppelin stood there watching while cheering them on fight fight fight! it got in here so he removed his trousers and threw them at bonzo which ended up knocking him out.

"oh shit! your pants are powerful! we can use it to kill percy!" Jonesy shouted.

"NO! JIMBERT MUST GO CANON!" Jimmy yelled and jumped out the window. all you heard was splash. that motherfucker jumped into the pool and is now wet. that's a disturbing image. Jonesy rolled his eyes and went back to doing whatever the fuck he was doing. it all of a sudden got really bright outside. oh the sun came out cause it was cloudy. but wait! Jonesy looked out the window and spotted robert plant heading towards him.

"IM THE GOLDEN GOD-" that motherfucker fell inside of the pool and sizzled. cual pinche golden god ese no mas anda haciendo puros desmadres y estupideces de mario.

that was the end of led zeppelin.

#led zeppelin #robert plant #jimmy page #john paul jones #john bonham #cursed post #cursed content #crack fanfic #fanfic #led zeppelin fanfic

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popculturebuffet · 3 years

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The Critic Valentine’s Day Double Feature (Pilot/Sherman, Woman and Child)

Vivia Jay Sherman! Viva Quebec! Viva Valentine’s Day! And Viva WeirdKev who as happens for a good chunk of my content payed for this wonderful double feature for one of my favorite shows. The Critic was created by Al Jean and Mike Reis of The Simpsons fame, a comedy team supreme. While I knew the two wrote for the simpsons, more on that iin a minute, I had no idea just how many classics the two churned out: There’s No Disgrace Like Home, Moaning LIsa, The Telltale Head, The Way We Was, Stark Raving Dad (Sadly tainted by it’s guest star being a horirble monster but that’s not their fault), Mr. Lisa Goes to Washington, the treehouse of horror segments The Bart Zone and Clown Without Pity (The second of which may be my favorite treehouse of horror segment), and later coming back to write the story for one of my all time favorites Round Springfield and to outright write the classic “SupercalfragalisticexpalliDOHcious”. And to his credit Jean would later go on to write some classic post-golden age simpsons episodes during his tenure as producer: Lisa’s Sax, Mom and Pop Art, and Children of a Lesser Clod, which is notable if nothing else for this gag.

So yeah the guys are legends and were right to start their own show under Simpsons producer James L Brooks over at ABC. The show followed the adventures of film Critic, Jay Sherman, a parody of film critics with high brow tastes, impossibly high standards, and a huge opinon of himself, having won the pultizer at least once. Despite this he was also constnatly spat and shat on by society, divorced, lonely, depressed and eats like a thousand pigs combined in some horrific science accident. And given the last three parts describe me, as well as my profession of b eing a critic, naturally I love the guy and this show. I’ll get into his cast as we go as the first episode does an excellent job of introducing the entire cast so there’s no sense repeating myself. But the show’s style I can and will talk about: It’s basically Golden Age, i.e. season’s 1-10, simpsons, but with more pop culture refrences and movie parodies, since the show would often feature multiple on Jay’s show coming Attractions and took place in the celebrity hot spot of new york and was a love letter to the city.. and sometimes a hate letter but only when those digs at the city would be funny, which to be fair depsite never having been to or lived in new york most really are. That’s the series key asset: while a LOT of the jokes haven’t aged well as a lot of the celbreity refrences are dated as are some of the movie parodies, most are hilarious wether you get what their making fun of or not and to me tha’ts a good parody: where knowing what their making fun of HELPS, but you can laugh regardless. The show had the charm and pace of the Simpsons while having it’s own unique style and cast that was just as charming and I love it dearly. The show sadly only lasted two seasons, with ABC canceling it after one, and Brooks having it moved over to FOX, which was a good idea and lead to what’s probably my faviorite simpsons episode, a Star is Burns. Ironically despite you know, the show being created by two simpsons writers, backed by one of their producers and perfectly in line, creator Matt Groening was against the idea, publicly ranted about it to the press, and generally was an ass about it. Look I love the guy and even Brooks, Jean and Reiss were all nice enough in thier criticsim of the guy, but sitll very much understandably pissed off. .and i’m with them.

It gave what’s again, my faviorite episode and what is not a “30 minute add” but an episode that easily stands on it’s own and also you know, pokes fun at itself for being a crossover a few times. You don’t need to see the critic to enjoy it, and episodes most iconic gags, Boo-Urns, Man Getting HIt by a Football, Senior Speilbergo, all don’t involve jay. And again the shows were not at all dismilar: While the critic was it’s own thing it still had the simpsons sense of humor and pacing so I saw it more as a petty rant against having a crossover in general more than a legit critcisim. Especially since Groening had no such complaints decades later with the family guy crossover after both shows had all tehir talent surgically removed and had the gall to NOT remove a cheap shot at Bob’s Burgers. And yes i’m still bitter about seeing that in a promo for the special, Bob’s Burgers is fantastic, to the point that now, in a fabulous case of history repeating itself, it’s got it’s OWN show like the critic made by talented former crew members using a similar but sitll throughly unique comedy style , The Great North. My point is that controversy pisses me off, and The Great North is spectacular go watch it while you read this.

So yeah the Critic is awesome, me and Kev are both fans, and there are plenty of romantic episodes abound as the show digs into Jay’s love life quite a few times and has episodes about his son’s first love, his boss finding a wife towards the end of the series, his parents rekindling their spark and in what’s easily my faviorite episode, his sister dating a grunge rocker. So there was no shortage of choices but the choice made was brilliant.. and i’m not saying that because i’m being paid to, as my review of splatter phoenix’s first episode in darkwing duck and woops should show, paying me does not guarantee that I have to LIKE what your paying me to review. But here I did and he pointed out the first episode of each season, with season two being a soft reboot that while keeping the premise and supporting cast changed a few things around and added two new main characters, and both involve jay finding a new love intrest and intorduce a lot of the cast. I found him to be right, so where we are and after the cut i’ll dive into the good and bad of both episodes and see what changed inbetween seasons.

That gag will make sense.. later. Right now it’s time for our very first episode, the show’s very first episode as you could probably tell by the title.

Pilot: The pilot starts with Jay getting touched up by his Makeup Person Doris. Jay is played by legendary comedian John Lovitz, who this show gave me a deep and lasting appreciation for. Lovitz was at the time best known for his 5 year long stint on SNL, and film wise is best known for Three Amigos, the Brave Little Toaster, The Wedding Singer and Rat Race. Sadly while I do geninely love the guy.. he has been in enough crap to destroy the New York Sewer system, as everyone needs money and sadly not everyone appricates the talents of John Lovitz like I do.

So naturally he’s also been in The Stepford Wives remake, Grown Ups 2, The Ridiculous 6, Eight Crazy Nights, North, Benchwarmers and Benchwarmers 2: Breaking Balls. Yes that’s an actual movie, though it’s already better than the first one for virtue of not having Rob Schnider and David Spade starring in it despite.. that title. The irony is not lost on me that Lovitz has essentially made his money starring in the kinds of films Jay was forced to see for his job. Still a VERY talented, very lovely man.

Before we get to our next voice actor up, no profile of Jon would be complete without mentioning that time he slammed Andy Dick’s face into a bar. To make a very long story short, Lovitz was friends with the late great Phil Hartman, who even did some voice work for this very show, whose wife who had severe drug and mental ilness killed them both. Phil had told Lovitz he saw Dick give his wife cocaine, so after Phil’s tragic murder when Lovitz and Dick ended up on the same show, Lovitz ended up exploding at the guy out of grief and blamed him for her death, but later apologized like a gentleman. Living up to his name though Dick later went up to Lovitz at a restraunt Lovitz owned and said “I’m giving you the Phil Hartman curse, you die next”. Granted he was drunk but still...

Naturally Lovitz banned the guy and Lovitz later demanded an apology when the two ran into each other when they ran into each other at Lovitz regular gig at the comed store. Dick not only refused to apologize even when Lovitz put him against a wall, but said it was because “you blamed me for her death”... which was a decade ago with change by this point, the actions of a man GREIVING for his best friend whose wife’s relapse you caused which inadveradntly lead to her and her husband’s death, and something HE APOLOGIZED FOR. Naturally Lovitz took this how you would and did what we’d all like to do in general and broke the shit out of his face and only didn’t do more because they were seperated. IN short this man is a hero and I wil lbring up this story at every opportunity. Doris was played by the late voice actress Doris Grau, a script supervisor who worked on a LOT of films as one , the most notable I could find on wikipedia being Clue. This is a fact I just learned today but boy if it isn’t neat. Grau mostly did aditional voices for shows, most notably Ducktales and the Simpsons, where she played Lunchlady Doris, and of course this show. Still she seemed like a very funny and talented woman and it’s sad she’s gone. The two start the series mostly sniping at each other and while that never ENTIRELY goes away, Doris gets more supportive after a spotlight episode where she and Jay bond and Jay thinks she might be his mom. And while she’s not this surprisingly sticks and for the rest of the series while still not above making potshots at him on occasion, she’s far more supportive. She also informs him she’s out of spray on hair “I’m bald and ugly, get more!”. This show is naturally comedy gold and a lot of it relies on Lovitz sense of timing, though the rest of the cast aren’t slouches but we’ll get to them as we go. She ends up putting a hat over him and we get our first film parody, Rabbi PI starring Anuld, which is alright. Not one of the series best but passable and gets the gimmick of having film parodies on jay’s show across, which was a nice way to set it apart from the Simpsons. Jay reviews it on the Shermometor, a gimmick jay hates and that disappeared by season 2, giving it a bellow zero to the ire of his boss Duke Phillips. Duke is one of the best parts of the show, an unhinged southren billlonare who was a modeled after Ted Turner, down to the mustache, who built up his fried chicken franchise into a multimedia congrlomorate and is also mildly nuts, though that part would be more of a thing in season 2. In season 1, he’s mostly there to make Jay’s life hell, with about half of the seasons episodes having him either fire jay or put his job in jeapordy versus 2 the next season. He’s still not unfunny, but most of his best stuff is in season 2 when Charles Napier’s allowed to cut loose a little more and the character wasn’t shoehorned into just being a clueless executive. Charles Napier is a longtime character actor who showed up in TONS of films and tv shows too many to list.. and trust me with some of the lists of credits before and after this that’s saying something, his biggest voice rolls being in this series and Men and Black the Series as Zed. But needless to say he was ALWAYS this awesome and sadly passed in 2011. Jay’s guest for the day is Valerie Fox, an up and coming actress whose first film kiss of death is coming out soon.. and whose age is an engima and it’s only a problem because if she’s 20, like the episode mildly suggests giving her starting career and her voice actress being that age, then this gets really gross as jay is 17 years older than her then. But given she looks older than that and sounds certainly older than that, i’m going more with 30, since she looks more like it, and sharon stone, who she’s mildly based on given she stars in a basic instinct knockoff and does the leg thing, was 32 at the time of basic instinct. Valerie is voiced by Jennifer Lien, aka Kes from star trek voyager who I only know about because of reviews done by SF Debris and Allison Pregler. She was the childlike love intrest of Nelix, the ship’s resident pain in the audience asses who made them BEG for early seasons wesley crusher and who once, and I saw footage this wasn’t SF Debris exagreated, lunged at a crewmate in a jealous rage, unfounded by the way since Tom was AVOIDING kes depsite being attracted to her as he just wnated her to be happy and to not mess up her relationshpi, and screamed “i’ll kill you!”. Point is she hasn’t had a huge career, but was still worth noting and does a fantastic job here. Again I did not realize she was that young at the time by her voice, and that means she did a great job.

So Jay’s smitten with her, finds her super attractive and she asks him out.. but to the show’s credit, and Jay’s he does try to rebuff her because he knows ther’es a conflict of intrest there.. but ends up giving in. However at least the show not only is upfront that there’s an issue here but that ends up being the thrust of the last act. Granted there’s still some.. questionable stuff like when she does the basic instinct leg cross and he says “can we get a shot of that”, which no.. Jay.. no you can’t. Ewwww. Seen far worse, like It’s Pat, which was a VERY real SNL sketch about people trying to guess the titular pat’s gender because that’s not creepy or invasive even for the time. And they made a movie out of it because Wayne’s World was popular forgetting that Wayne’s World, one of my faviorite movies by the way and one I need to cover here sometime this year now the thought’s occured to me, was a labor of love, with a talented director and actual ideas from it’s two leads who actually fleshed out the character versus a concept that was NEVER funny to begin with and has gotten down right horrifying with age. And wasn’t I talking about the Critic? Not the abusive jackass mind you, Jay Sherman.

Ah yes so Jay takes Valerie to a date at Lane Riche, the rich jackass where we meet Vlada, a vaugely european man whose your typical hollywood suckup. As Jay puts it in a later episode Vlada: I love you too Jay: You only love my money Vlada: That’s true but it is a love that will never die. He also naturally scoots Jay to a less nice table in the Critic’s section once Conan O’Brian shows up... which WAS supposed to be a different kind of joke, as at the time Conan was just a writer on the simpsons and SNL, but now given he has a decades long career in late night and famously said fuck you to NBC during that whole Tonight Show debacle, which netted him his own show on TBS, it comes off more as the kind of self deprciating gag Conan makes about himself. So in other words it’s actually funnier now?

As for the critic’s section that’s a part of the series I’ve neglected to talk about so let’s do that: The kind of critic Jay is, one who plays clips of the movie and reviews them.. on television. And were usually academics who looked down on popular film, the kind Siskel and Ebert popularized, and both suprisingly had a huge guest apperance in season 2 and even reviewed the show on their show. This kind of film criticism just dosen’t exist on tv that i’m aware of anymore, and mostly lives on with internet reviewers , many of whom were inspiried by critics like this, and who range from acadmeics to average joes to some mixture of both. It never went away just simply went to a younger generation. Some of which squandred it and somehow still have a career like certain abusuive jackasses i’ve mentioned enough with that one gag a few paragraphs ago. Point is it’s a much more varied and different game now so the critic ended up as one of those shows or movies where the main characters very job feels like an artifact of it’s time, like our heroes in Wayne’s World hosting a public acess show, when nowadays they’d just put it up on youtube or the entire idea of a UHF station in well.. UHF. It’s not a BAD thing, just something to note.

But the date goes well as Valerie shows she’s really into jay and even takes him oggling her in stride, though we do get an utter classic of a gag when Jay says something about women being drawn to him.. and cue an old woman asking to rub his nonexistant hump for luck “You hunchbacks are all alike”. She does so anyway to his understandable annoyance.

But the two go back to Jay’s place, talk about his acomplishments including a pulitzer and then well.. the obvious happens they go to bed together and the next day after Valerie is horrified at his just woke up fac,e he gives her an easy out but she’s fine with it. It honestly shows just how low the poor guy’s self esteem is that he just.. assumes a woman will regret having slept with hima nd walk out and while played for laughs it really gives a clear look into Jay’s mental state: He’s so full of self loathing, not helped by the world being out to get him, that it’s really oddly endearing. And VERY releatable. The two are interupted by Jay’s son Marty. Marty is played by the very recognizable and very wonderful Christine Cavanagh, who sadly passed away in 2014. She voiced Chuckie Finster, Gosalyn Mallard, Oblina, Dexter from Dexter’s Lab and the titular pig from Babe. She decided to retire in 2001, so while her career was only about a decade she made quite the impact and is sorely missed. Unsuprisingly her usual voice is perfect for the very awkward Marty, who Jay asks to tell eveyrone about the beautiful woman in his bed especially his unfaithful and utterly loathsome ex wife ardith.

This scene demonstrates two problems. The first is just the pilot as Jay’s kind of sleazy. While Jay being thirsty wouldn’t go away, especially in the episode Lady Hawke, it’d be made more awkwardly endearing. Here there are moments of him just plain being creepy like the aformentioned oggling, which while not bad in itself, if a bit awkawrd, also has him creepily muttering to himself while doing so which removes any charm or relatability and just sends it straight into needing 10 showers just to wash this scene off. The rest of the series would just turn him into a bit desperate at worst. It also explains why the only other romantic story the guy has in the season is a pastiche of misery. Thanfully this would be GREATLY adjusted next season but we’ll get to that.

The other problem is just the tone... we get a good half a minute of Marty talking about how he calls Ardith’s boyfriend “Uncle Al” because he likes him a lot.. to his dad’s face. And granted his dad is being creeptastic this episode but the early episodes just pile on the Jay hatred by the world a bit thick, to the point one episode puts him as “worse than hitler”. Granted the audience is full of idiot teens who have no idea who hitler is, and the gag is kinda funny, but it makes my point: Jay is just utterly shat on by the world, and while he does get a few wins, most are undercut by something awful and it gets taxing sometimes. The guy is just too loveably pathetic to hate, too relatable even as a teen and not snobish enough to be really loathsome or WANT to see him knocked down by the world. It’s not overwhelming enough to ruin the first season, it still has good episodes but this episode does highlight a LOT of these problems. He does get to spend the day with val though, dancing outside the trump buliding, seriously even back then he was a joke and his lack of money half the time was well known.. how did the last four years happen, and they tell each other they love each other. I’d aww if I didn’t know how this ended. So jay relates the good news of how he feels to his best friend, Jeremy Hawke, played by Maurice LaMarche. LaMarche is one of the most talented voice actors alive, a master of impersonations paticuarlly orson welles, who was naturally brought on board because they knew they were going to need a lot of celebrity voices for the film parodies and needed one or two guys to do them to keep it cheap. The guy is like most of this cast a legend in the industry, having voiced the Brain, Squit, Dizzy Devil, the Human Ton, Big Bob Pataki, Egon Spengler, Sleet, Kiff Kroker, Headless Body of Agnew, Morbo, Various other Futurama characters because that list is long, Mortimer Mouse, Blue Falcone, Father, Yosemite Sam, Vincent Van Ghoul, Doctor Doom, Abradolf Lincler, and Odval. Point is the guy has been engranged in my childhood and adulthood and will probably even after he’s gone come back from the grave to do some voices. He even got the part of Jeremy Hawke here because he happened to do a REALLY good australian accent depsite not being australian. Jeremey was a combination of paul hogan, the star of the Crocodile Dundee movies and at the time sex symbol and at this time known anti semite Mel Gibson. Obviously neither of those refrences has aged paticuarlly well, but since hollywood ALWAYS has room for a super hunk from australia, just ask Chris Hemsworth or before him Hugh Jackman, the character still works and his breakout role, Crocodile Ghandi is so ludcrious it works. I.e. a white australian man playing the mahtma and saying before he brings peace “First a tasteful shot of my bum for the ladies. Jeremy, while sometimes increidbly oblvious, is still a fairly nice easygoing guy and an extremley loveable character. And whie Jay worries about Valrie meeting him because he’s sex on a cracker she ignores him and jay gloats for a bit, paticuarlly with the great bit “take your genatalia right back to australia”. And while Jeremy’s happy for him he tries to reign Jay in when Jay talks asking her to marry him. As Jeremy later relates on Jay’s fire escape “Bubala, i’ve learned there’s two things you should never do: Marry an actress and wear blackface to the naacp image awards. Two things I found out the hard way. “

So Jay takes her to meet his parents and finds out he’s adopted.. and their also rich. Jay’s waspy parents are his cold and overly honest mother Elanor, played by Judith Ivey, his kooky dad and THE best part of the series Franklin played by Gerrit Grahm and his loving and free spirited teenager sister Margo played by Nancy Cartwright. Okay (cracks knuckles) here. we. go. Judith Ivey is a tony wining stage actress and has also directed numerous plays and is mostly known for her stage work but I know her from Designing Women where she played BJ in the last season. Garret Grahm apparently shows up in a lot of brian depalma movies, including Beef in phantom of the paradise, a lot of tv work and to my shock the asshole dad from Child’s Play 2. Another thing I genuinely love I wasn’t aware an actor or actress from this series had a part in. Finally there’s Nancy Cartwright, who you DEFINTELY know from the Simpsons, where she plays Bart, along with Nelson, Ralph, Kearny, Database, and Maggie, and Kearny. Other credits include Pistol Pete, Mindy from Animaniacs, Chuckie Finster picking up for Christine Cavanagh ironically enough, Lu and Rufus from Kim Possible. She’s a talented lady and i’m glad sh’es still around. Whew.

Okay so yeah I do love the shermans and fraknlin is again easily the best part of an already excellent series and unlike Duke that’s in full display here, with him saying, when his wife mentions they were going to give jay back at one time, “Son if I’ve said it once I said it a thousand times.. who are all you people. “ and he’d only get better. Sadly he’s NOT in sherman woman and child. Our loss really. But he’s in pretty much every other episode of season 2 thankfully and most of this season so eh, fair trade off. Also we get the classic line, after Jay says he’ll love valrie even when he’s decaying in the ground, his mom quips “Cna’t we go one meal without talking about your rotting corpse?” Though Eleanor understandably thinks Valarie is using jay for a good review. Margo suspects her of the same and takes her on a horse ride, though all she can gleam is that Val genuielly loves jay and welcomes her to the family. Jay however does decide to duck out of the inteview by faking sick, which leads to a really sweet moment where Valerie visits him and they dance, in a hilaroius but oddly sweet parody of Beauty and the Beast, Beauty and King Dork. Despite the title and the song insluting him a LOT it’s still just endearing. This is a problem but we’ll get to in just a moment WHY all these touching moments are a problem. So naturally things don’t go that well for Jay as Duke has a tape of the film sent to him “My shrink was right: GOd does hate me!”

Naturally kiss of death is bad and valrie is bad in it and Jay is left uncertain what to do, but eventually decides he has to do what he feels is right,.. though he does take a picture of her while she’s sleeping. “In case you do leave”

So in a tender and heartbreaking moment Jay is honest, the movie does suck and she’s not good but he does compliment her, for her personality not her body despite his skeevy behavior and say she could get better. Instead when he arrives home.. she dumps him to his face and leaves never to be seeen again while he assumes she’ll come back. And that’s the issue it’s GENUINELY hard to tell if we’re supposed to side with Jay. On one hand he genuinely loves her and does the right thing and on the oth er he’s kinda creepy. It’s a mixed tone that just sorta hurts thing and something the series DID fix after this, as it found a better ballance of the guy being pitable while also still being an ass and ONLY usually being punished when he does something actually wrong, the only exception being Dial M for MOther which is easily the weakest episode of the series. The episode does close on a really funny moment as Jay’s dispondent because “I’m sitting on top of a volcano of rage and I don’t knwo where to direct it”. Marty mentions a new Sylvester Stallone movie where “He plays a concert pianst who” And jay dosen’t even need the rest of that to shout “To the multiplex!” The man is back

Final Thoughts for Pilot: This episode is not bad. It has it’s flaws as I said, mostly in tone, but the series would iron that out and it’s still a great pilot that organically introduces the entire main cast in one episode and really gives us the full idea of who Jay Sherman is. It’s also REALLY funny, as the series should be and it would get better, but i’d still put it over some more awkward first episode like Letterkenny’s “No Reaosn to Get Excited”, even with it’s brilliant ending or Bojack Horseman’s first episode whose title is way too long to put here in an article that’s already long as hell about about to get longer. But like those series this pilot worked pass the awkwardness and the result is a damn good series. but if you want a better idea of what it became.. wellllllll

Sherman, Woman and Child: So yeah as you can tell JSUT by contrasting images a few things were changed up between seasons, part of it at network instance. The designs were softened , the color palette was brightened with jay being the most noticably alterted between seasons.

The execs wanted jay a bit warmer, so his face was given wider more expressive eyes and was also scrucnehd down a bit. He was also made slightly less of a jackass, with his elitisim toned down a bit and his creepeir moments gone. For instance he no longer had a split personality/imaginary secretary named ethel. That was actually a thing. It didn’t even really change Jay as a person, this very episode mentions him not liking the Lion King, and he’s still snooty, he’s jusst not as punchable about it and that was for the best. But the cringe comedy in general was taken down a peg and replaced with more fun weirdness, which wihle present in season 1 really pops more here, especially with Jay’s dad who sadly dosen’t show up in this episode, but at various points dresses up like El Kabong, puts on the mask from the mask (”He did the same thing at Nixon’s funeral”), and blows up famous works of art while babysitting. But yeah things get a bit more surreal like the simpsons from season 4 onward, ironically enough given these guys left to make their own show, and it’s to the show’s benefit.

But besides a lighter tone, they also wanted two things to hook viewers in: A permenant love intrest for Jay, and an adorable kid character. The former.. was acutlaly quite resonable, as i’td both give jay a “win” as it were, allow the cast to have another femlae character and give him someone else to confide in besides Doris or Jeremy, to give those characters a break. The other was less so and we’ll get into why when we meet her.

This episode really is a second pilot, reintroducing about half of the main cast. Marty, Elanor, Margo and as I said Franklin are all absent. But their reintroduced soon enough with the fourth episode in both broadcast and dvd order, and my personal faviorite “A Song for Margo, is entirely focused on Jay’s parents and sister, while Lady Hawke has marty breifly at the start for broadcast order and he’s in the frmaing device for Sherman of Arabia in dvd order. So the characters all get a proper reintroduction to new audiences, but it was the right call to NOT shove them into this one, still introducing new people to the new cast, but letting the two new additions to it breathe and get properly intergrated into this universe.. well more Alice than Penny but we’ll get to that. It’s part of why, besides the genuine extra coat of polish aand seasonal changes I feel this is the better episode.

So we open with Jay on his show and two parodies in a row. The first is a few good men but with Jack Nichelson making fun of Christan Slater for sounding like him even though. they honestly aren’t too similar other than both doing that pause thing a bit. So yeah not their best but the second segment makes up for it “The Nightmare Before Channukah” a parody of the nightmare before christmas that was so beautifully animated and funny, that they actually bumped it up to the season premiere. But while the parodies are good Jay’s show is once again, this happened a LOT in season one, in jeapordy, being beaten by the Benedictine monk variety hour. Which while the Bendictine Monks are VERY much an artifact of the 90′s a choir of monks that somehow went mainstream, the whole segment is so absurd and wonderful it stands on it’s own and is still funny to me in 2021. Duke comes in anda fter trying to softball things shows the change I mentioned: He’s actually sorry the show is in danger and is genuinely sincere that he’s sad he’ll probably have to cancel it versus season 1 where he was ready to cancel it what felt like every other episode. And I prefer this, where he can still mess with jay or flex his power over him, but is more cordial with the guy and it allows more jokes between the two.

So Jay’s not doing so good.. and during his crappy day he spots a 30 something woman and her young daughter struggling in the rain and stops his cab to help. And gets maced for it “MMM, Jalapeno”. Though Alice does apologize and Jay does understand as it is New York and she graciously takes the offer. It’s in the cab their properly introduced. Aliice thompkins and her daughter penny who in a great bit punches jay in the nose for not liking the lion king (”rex reed did the same thing”) and then kissing him on the nose in apology (”Rex did that too” And he acompanies them in.. and also gets conked on the head by a potted plant and put in a materinity dress.

So we get to know Alice and what her deal is: Alice was once married to and supported the career of country star Cyrus Thompkins who was.. less than subtle in his music about how faithful he was

Easily one of my favorite gags of the series if in part for Pat Overall’s delivery. So she moved from Knoxville to New York to prove to her daughter a woman can make it on her own, and proves she’s smart, talented and driven she just needs a break. She seemingly gets one in a man in a bright white outfit who says “this is your ticket out of this rundown flophouse” only for him to cheerfully exclaim “Your being evicted!”... PFFFTT. Cue where the commerical would be

So during this lull in the action let’s talk about Alice and Penny’s voice actresses: Alice is voiced by Park Overall, though for some weird reason I thought she was voiced by Hollly Hunter. Dunno why. Park is an outspoken liberal, supporting my boy bernie sanders in 2016 and in general seems like a fascenating lady. Naturally like with Jay’s parents I know her from something more oddly specific, the sitcom Reba, as I did not realize she voiced alice depsite using a similar voice for her character there, Reba’s best friend Lori Ann.. And while Park TRIED her best.. the character didn’t work out: a combination of it being simply funnier that barbra jean tried to wedge herself into the roll and the fact Reba really didn’t need a horny abrasive sidekick meant the charcter had a very short shelf life and the audience had very low patience for her. I did like her constnatly insulting Brock as he was not a good person andi t was nice SOMEONE besides Reba actually got to roast him on a regular basis.

Penny was voiced by the one and only Russi Taylor, who sadly passed in 2019. She voiced Huey Dewey and Louie, Webby Vanderquack, Minnie Mouse, Fantasma, the imcomprable martin prince...

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Among tons of smaller rolls. She’s sadly missed. We’ll get more into what they add or subtract from the show in a minute, as the next day at work Jay wonders how to help, though Duke’s interjection gives us two great gags: his “30 second workout” which involvees throwing jay around like a medicine ball and.. well this.

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The man is a legend for a reason. He earned that golden statue. So Jay TRIES slipping alice the money only to give it “To my good friend crazy postman”, and Alice refuses the money due to pride.. even if you know, she has a small child and new york is expensive but Jay finds a better solution, hire her.. even if it’d make it impossible for them to date. For all of one episode. What keeps the power dynamics from feeling EUGUUUUGGHH here is that Jay treats alice like an equal partner at work and dosen’t let their relationship really impact things outside of one episode, and dosen’t use his position to get into a relationship with her nor does she use being responsible for a turn in his fortune for hers.

And yes turn in fortune, as a makeover and a change of attidue under Alice’s direction, which is utterly amazing to watch and wow’s duke and hte audience, wins back his fans and his job is secure. Duke meets alice and we get more great duke stuff. including something truly iconic...

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I want bears who sing for me, doo dah, doo dah. But yeah things are well though Jay ends up admitting to Jeremy he can’t stop thinking about her “Her merest smile is like pedals of the empreror’s bathwater, BATHWATER I TELL YOU BATHWATER. “ So Jeremey encourages him carpe canum “Seize the dog”. He does so.. and the day but instead finds Alice with her ex Cyrus whose trying to win her back. Wuh oh. Once the asshole leaves, and agrees to give her the night to think, Alice admits the only reason she’s considering it is she has a weakness: his singing melts her like butter on a bagle (”God i’ve been in new york too long”. ) Jay tries to talk her out of it at the critics meeting for “Dennis the Meance II Society” which involves Dennis pulling a drivebye on mr wilson.. why wasn’t this the second live action dennis the meance movie? WHY I ASK YOU. But Jay gets a good idea, as Alice TRIES to tell the asshole to get to stepping (And to see penny often, she’s not a monster), he works his evil song magic.. only for Jay to undercut it with his own amazing song on acordian. “Cyrus is just a virus, he wants to tie you down while your still young. Your potetial, is what’s essential, you could someday be another connie chung!” And that ultiamtely shows WHY jay is the better man. He just wants what’s best for her and dosen’t care if it’s him, he just wants it not to be THIS asshole. He’s not even trying to win her over, which a lot of these gestures creepily lead to. He just wants to help her be who she’s MEANT to be. And that’s why this works better: Instead of a fake relationship built on lust and someone conning the other person, it’s a real one built on genuine chemistry. Also Alice you know dosen’t just.. vanish after an episode but is a permenant part of the cast. I mean she does for the webisodes but we don’t talk about those.

So our hero undercuts Cyrus one more time Cyrus: “Loverrrr, without you there’s no other” Jay: Give him a chance he’ll do your mother....

I mean he’s not worng, So Cyus is sent packing and we get a nice romantic moment between the two.

Final Thoguhts: Sherman, Woman and Child This one is truly excellent. It relaunchs the show on all cyllanders. And frankly Alice was a fine addition to the cast: her own fully fleshed out woman with her own personality outside of jay, who was tough, smart and a good counterpoint and confidant to Jay and it felt like she’d always fit. Penny on the other hand, apologizes to the late Russi Taylor who tries her best, just dosen’t work and feels ultra cloying and out of place in the series and unspurisingly is barely used after this. But overall a better pilot than the actual pilot was already pretty good and a fine pair of episodes. Check em out whenever the series eithe rgets on a streaming platform or pops back up on youtube as Sony’s struck it down... despite not putting it up anywhere i’m aware of. Seriously sell it to HBO Max or Disney I want a reboot. But for now this series is awesome check it out and until the next rainbow, it’s been a pleasure.

#the critic #jay sherman #alice thompkins #marty sherman #duke phillips #pilot #sherman mother and child #jon lovitz #the simpsons #mike reiss #al jean #abc #fox #animation #the 90s

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avengerscompound · 4 years

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Catch and Release - 8

Catch and Release: A Captain America Fanfic

Masterlist PREVIOUS //

Buy me a ☕ Character Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Steve Rogers x F!Reader

Word Count: 1893

Rating: E

Square filled: @star-spangled-bingo - laughing: can't take kink/toy position serious

Warnings: Smut (Bisexual MMF, vaginal fingering, oral sex, cock warming). Please read - This chapter playfully makes fun of cock warming. It’s not done to kink shame because there’s absolutely nothing wrong with the kink (and mostly just because of the bingo fill) but if you’re super sensitive about how much you like that kink you might want to skip it. It’s not an important chapter for the story.

Synopsis: When you overexert yourself on a mission with Steve and Bucky, the boys admit to having fantasies that involve you. Fantasies that you share. But with one Super Soldier needs intimacy and the other is still dealing with being touch starved, exploring those desires without anyone catching feelings is a little tricky.

Chapter 8: Playing with the Prey

Steve and Bucky’s question about what you wanted to try specifically sat with you for a few days. You weren’t sure what to bring up. There were things you wanted to try that you thought would be a huge no for them, considering Bucky’s past. Things you liked reading about but didn’t actually want to do. Then there were things you thought maybe you should wait until you were in an actual relationship to try so you could do it with someone you were in love with.

When you narrowed down the list the thing you decided on was kind of tame really. They'd have to be pretty unreasonable to turn you down.

“Sorry, can you run that by us again, darlin’?” Bucky said, looking at you quizzically, his burger held halfway to his face.

“It’s called ‘cock-warming’.” You said, making Bucky snort and Steve just blink at you startled.

“And we just… put it in and not move?” Steve asked.

“Yeah. It’s … it’s supposed to be intimate.” You said. “I don’t know. I guess it’s stupid. Sorry. We don’t have to.”

“No. No, we can do it.” Steve said, quickly, putting his hand on yours.

“It just sounds …” Bucky started.

“...stupid. It sounds stupid. Sorry.” You finished.

Steve moved from his chair so he was kneeled down beside you. “Hey, now. We said you could to us for this kind of thing. You’ve given us so much. If this is what you want. We’ll do it.”

You let out a breath and pressed your forehead against Steve’s. “Thank you.”

“Of course,” Steve said. “Anything for you.”

“It just sounds kinda boring,” Bucky said.

“Buck,” Steve scolded.

Bucky held up his hands. “I’m just saying.”

“I don’t know. It sounds nice to me.” Steve said. “Like connecting with someone.” He sounded sincere, which put your mind at ease. You just hoped that you weren’t wasting your first request.

The three of you finished eating and moved to the couch. You sat between them and Bucky leaned in and began to unbutton your shirt as Steve curled his arm around you and kissed your neck. “So who exactly gets to be the lucky guy?” Bucky asked as your shirt fell open. He looked you over and trailed his fingers over your breasts and down your stomach. When he reached your pants he began to unfasten them.

“I don’t mind. We don’t have to only do that either.” You said.

“Of course not,” Bucky said with a faint growl in his voice. His hand slipped into your shorts and ran his fingers up and down your panties. “Need to be nice and wet to take us, don’t you?”

You made a small, choked sound, and he slipped his fingers into your panties as Steve tilted your head back and captured your lips. As you kissed Steve hungrily, Bucky’s fingers ran from your clit down to your entrance, he’d dip the very tip of his finger into your cunt, drawing out your moisture and smearing it around your folds and over your clit. A soft moan bubbled up from within you and was muffled by Steve’s lips.

Steve's hands cradled your breasts, pushing them together and massaging them. He pulled the cups of your bra down and Bucky leaned in and began to suck on one of your nipples.

A hot ache spread up from cunt and out from your breasts. One of Steve’s hands slid down your side and met with Bucky’s. Steve’s fingers circled quickly over your clit as Bucky pushed two of his inside you and began to fuck you with them. You moaned and arched your back, breaking the kiss with Steve. They didn’t break their pace as you cried out and rocked your hips between them, but Bucky leaned over your shoulder and began to kiss Steve deeply. Your panties soaked through as a hot current traveled under your skin, making you feel like an exposed wire. Just when you were right there, sitting on the precipice of orgasm, both men took their hands away.

You let out a frustrated huff and shook yourself a little. “Alright, darlin’,” Bucky said, starting to strip off his clothes. “Let’s try this.”

“How come, you’re doing it? You said it sounds stupid.” You asked as you started removing yours too.

“No,” Bucky corrected you. “Not stupid, boring. But I’m the hypersensitive one. If it works, then maybe I’ll try it with Steve later. Might be nice for us.”

Steve smiled softly and leaned over and nuzzled at Bucky’s cheek, making Bucky grin and ruffle the other man’s hair.

The two of you stripped and Bucky sat back, stroking himself to complete hardness. Steve handed him a condom, and Bucky tore open the packet and rolled it on, before patting his lap as he grinned up at you.

You straddled his lap and lowered yourself down, letting him guide his cock into you. When you were seated firmly in place you sat back and looked into Bucky’s eyes.

“So this is it? Just… sit here.” Bucky said.

“Uh-huh.” You hummed.

“Right. Like… we don’t do anything?” Bucky asked, his fingers flexing on your hips.

“We can kiss. But nothing in the downstairs region.” You confirmed.

Bucky stifled a laugh and leaned his forehead against yours. “We asked you to take us both, and this is what you want in return? You are not as wild as I thought you were.”

“This is one thing I haven’t tried. I wanted to. That’s all.” You said. “Now shush.”

He cradled your jaw and brought his lips to yours. You kissed slowly and deeply, his beard creating a scratch to your lips and tickled under your nose. Steve moved in closer and you pulled back from Bucky and began to kiss Steve. It felt like that first time, where there had been no sex, just kissing and dry humping. Only now the dry humping had been taken out too and you just sat together, making out while Bucky was buried deep inside you.

The kiss was an organic thing. It moves from one couple to the next seamlessly. The fact Bucky was inside you at all started to be something you weren’t even aware of.

Bucky made small grunt sound as you were kissing him and pulled back. “Shit,” he said, grabbing your hips. “Steve, help, I’m starting to lose wood.”

You burst out laughing and adjusted in his lap. “Gee, that’s flattering.” You said.

“Nothing to do with you, darlin’,” he said. “But there’s only so long a guy can go with nothing happening before his dick forgets there’s a party going on.”

You completely lost it while Steve smothered his own laughter. The blond leaned in and started kissing Bucky hungrily as he reached between his legs and began to massage his balls. His wrist rubbed against your ass as he did.

You rested your head on Bucky’s shoulder and just watched the two men kiss. They way they kissed each other, always seemed different to how they kissed you. Even at it’s most graphic and passionate, there was a deep connection there. These two men knew everything about each other and connected like two puzzle pieces.

Your legs began to feel a little strained so you shifted in Bucky’s lap again and got the sudden reminder that he was still inside you as his cock pulled against your entrance. “Ow… fuck! My dick!” Bucky cursed, grabbing your hips and pulling you back.

“Shit! Oh my god, I’m so sorry. I forgot you were in there.” You babbled, jumping off his lap completely.

Bucky cupped his crotch and his head fell back on the couch. “You fucking forgot!? What the hell?”

You dropped to your knees and crawled over to him. “I guess I just adjusted to you.” You said apologetically, nuzzling at the insides of his thighs. “I’m so sorry. Let me kiss it better?”

He took his hands away, rolling the condom back off and tossing it in the little wastebasket you had put nearby just for such a reason. “Yeah, you fucking better.” He grumbled. “Trying to castrate me.” You started laughing as you moved between his leg and nuzzled at his crotch. Bucky looked down at you and wrinkled his nose. “Forgot I was in there. Un-fucking-believable.”

“I’m sorry, Bucky,” you said licking up his shaft. “Please forgive me.”

He grumbled again but tangled his hand in your hair. You began to suck on the end of his cock as you slowly pumped his shaft. He groaned and let his head fall back. “That’s better. Fucking cock-warming.”

You laughed around his head and dropped your head down, deepthroating him. “Fuck!” He grunted, his hips snapping up a little and pushing his cock deeper down your throat, making you gag. “Stevie wanna go show her what sex is supposed to be like.”

Steve looked down at you and you gave a small nod as you sucked up the length of Bucky’s cock. He moved behind you and as he pulled his cock out and sheathed himself with a condom, he fingered your cunt from behind. Two of his thick fingers pumped in and out of your wet and aching cunt while his thumb.

You rocked against Steve’s hand as you bobbed up and down on Bucky’s cock. Steve pulled his hand away and lined himself up, sinking slowly into you. You moaned around Bucky’s cock, the sound muffled and choked as he gently thrust his hips up into you.

They both began to fuck you. Steve hard and deep pushing you into Bucky more with each snap of his hips. Bucky more gently, enjoying the fact you were leading more. Each of you began to get louder. Soft grunts became loud moans. The three of you moved as one, thrusting and clenching with each other.

Steve wrapped his arm around your waist and began to rub your clit. You gasped and tried to focus on Bucky as Steve brought you apart. Bucky’s hands began to open and close in your hair and with a sudden grunt, his hips jerked forward and he released in ropes down your throat.

As you drank it down, Steve seemed to take it as a signal to fuck you even harder. He pounded into you from behind, his fingers flying over your clit. You move so you were kneeling, you back pressed against Steve as he continued to fuck you. He used his free hand to massage your breast and with a sudden clenching of your core, you came. “Fuck. Me!” You cried as your orgasm crashed over you.

Steve groaned and pressed his forehead against your shoulder and with three more thrusts, he came with you, your cunt still fluttering as his cock began to pulse inside you. He slipped from you and you and Steve both moved to the couch, flopping down, and panting.

Bucky patted your leg. “Got there in the end,” he said. “Next time ask for something good will you.”

You pulled a face at him. “I’ll kill you, Bucky.”

“You can try,” he teased. “Just don’t try and break off my dick again, would ya?”

You pounced on him, and he pulled you down on top of him as the three of you broke down into loud laughter.

// NEXT

#SSB2020 #steve rogers #bucky barnes #steve rogers x reader #bucky barnes x reader #stucky #steve rogers x bucky barnes #stucky x reader #steve rogers x reader x bucky barnes #captain america fanfic #fanfic #fanfiction #reader insert #smut #catch and release #playing with the prey

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thedappleddragon · 3 years

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hooooo my fucking god I don't know why but recently my anxiety/sence of dread has SKYROCKETED in the last 3 days, I haven't been sleeping great and last night I had an anxiety dream about manning the register at work. idk I guess today was fine but im so fucking overstimulated I guess?? I seriously just dont fuking know. but anyway here’s a summary of some days that I may or may not remember. putting it under the cut

Wednesday I was exited to work, they didn’t need me, I hung out with my friends at their outdoor band concert and had boba and it got super cold out

Thursday I went with my dad to drop off a car, then we had breakfast together at a little restaurant I had never been to before. He told me about his childhood n stuff. Then I went to work and priced things outside and felt good about helping some people buy plants even tho I didn’t know exactly what I was doing and ended up handing them off to Becky anyway. Got off work, came home, hung out waiting to be able to go visit my friend but she took a while so dad and I made the snack he had a lot as a kid which was just handmade chocolate frosting on graham crackers. Eventually my friend got home so I grabbed one of those graham crackers in some Tupperware and some other stuff and headed out. It was a longer drive than I was expecting but eh whatever, I got there no problem with a bunch of dad’s shit in the back of the car. We had awkward hellos in her apartment and I pet her fat ass cat until she suggested we go thrifting and oh my god I had never wanted to go thrifting more in my life than right then. I had one of those moments where I realized oh I’m an adult who can go out and just DO things :D so we walked around and gossiped in goodwil and had a great time until they closed, whereupon steph frantically looked for anything that was open near us while I drove around. We settled on going to a little park nearby, where we climbed on the tube with holes on it and swung on the swings. Then we walked around a dense tree/brush like and into the middle of a field, having our main character moments as we walked to the top of a hill with a cross on it. I took a picture of the sunset and a selfie with both of us before we walked back through the field and drove back to her apartment. I gave her 2 tiny flower jars and she let me borrow her container of earring hardware and a bunch of different tiny things to make into earrings. I had a great time and I’d love to hang out again, maybe when everything isn’t closed lmao. We joked a lot about understanding why people do drugs lmao since there’s nothing else to do! everything’s closed!! Also some joke flirting mixed in for flavor. We have an excuse to hang out again so I can return her earring supplies and she can return my Tupperware lol. I thought my phone was going to die on the way home before I realized there was a charging cord in the car! Nice. Got home, watched my friend stream plasmaphobia for a bit while I finished a birthday gift, and hung out and slept when she quit streaming.

Friend’s birthday party day!! Also dad moving day!! The first task of the day was to drive with my dad down to the nearest uhaul to pick up a big ol’ truck, and follow him home in the car while he lead the way in the truck. Then we brought his car full of shit to the apartment, got his key and paid his first month, and looked through everything to do inspection. Tbh it’s a pretty nice apartment, I’d love to spend some time there once it’s a bit more furnished. My favorite part is a Harry Potter style hidey hole closet that’s meant for storage, but it’s the perfect size for a secluded hangout spot for me. I’ll totally let him use it for storage if he wants, I just like sitting in there. I joked that I would let Emily hang out in the spare bedroom and I could get the tiny room. But we spent time cleaning and looking around and bringing in boxes before dad sent me to pick up lunch, my sister, and another car load of boxes. I left to do all 3 and came back with Mcallisters, and we all sat on the floor and ate together. A very nice way to break in a new apartment. We brought in boxes and dad sent us on a quest to pick up a car part and drop it off where the car we dropped off the day before. We got there just fine, but getting to the second location was a nightmare because of all my wrong turns and u turns and no left turns, it was awful. I mean we got there eventually but still. By then it was time for me to get home so I could wash my hair and get ready for the party!! I got everything ready, but my sister wouldn’t be home with the car on time, so I just took my mom’s van. I was on time for once!! But in exchange I didn’t realize I had forgotten Cassidy’s gift until I was like 3 minutes away. But also I found driving my moms van very easy compared to last time I tried to drive it, and I think I’m a much more confident driver now :) but I was one of the first to arrive, accidentally twinned with cass, waited for everyone to show up, met her new dog, and then we all packed up the picnic basket and walked to the top of a hill to have our little sandwiches and play cards against humanity. On the walk there we passed by a park where little kids were asking why we were all dressed up if it wasn’t Halloween, so I shouted at them that it was her birthday and handed them the branch I was carrying. We played CAH on the hill and ate little sandwiches and meatballs and drank sparkling juice and had a lovely time, and when we were done, we walked back to her house where there was pizza and we all changed out of our formal wear. My bra was sewed into my dress with 6 stitches, so I grabbed some scissors and flashed my friend’s cat as I cut my bra free of the dress because I forgot to bring an extra. I changed into my ghostbusters shirt and snake onesie and joined everyone outside for pizza and lots and lots of stories and ice cream cake and gossip and quiplash and balloons and gifts and CAH and friends leaving and new friends arriving and more quiplash and then the grass getting cold and wet and going ham on keeping the balloons up and then playing that’s what she said (basically CAH but ✨for women ✨) and by this time there was a dude I didn’t know but he was very nice and cute and already taken. Tbh I didn’t know half the people there, there was a group of 4 cool alt people I had never met and then the 4 band kids I already knew but everyone else seemed to know each other and they all had great energy so I yelled a lot and joked a ton and had an amazing time. As the crowd dwindled and the night got cooler, I helped put things away before I left so I could be a nice guest, said my goodbyes, gathered my things, and drove home past midnight. Ask walked around the house turning off lights like my mom asked, I realized that my dad wouldn’t be sleeping here anymore, and I felt bad that he had to spend the night all alone in his new apartment :( and this is going to be a huge financial burden that idk if he can afford, rent for the apartment is almost as much as my mom pays for the house. Jejdjgjt this is all a mess and I would like to go back to ignoring it all <3 Listened to a lot of two trucks by lemon demon lmao

Hoo boy howdy I did a lot of shit today. Basically as soon as I woke up I got a text from dad about us helping him move with a promise of donut holes and a fruit platter. I walked out to the garage to find our family friends the drakes helping to move boxes, so we all spent several hours loading boxes into our cars and driving back and forth from the house to the apartment, with emily and I avoiding the drakes as much as possible lmao. When we had moved as much as we could in the car, we started loading up the uhaul, shoving as much shit in there as possible so we only had to do one trip there and back. Partially through unloading the truck the drakes stopped cleaning things before we brought them in left and some randos from dad’s work came to help unload and somewhere in the middle of all this our aunt and uncle and her service dog came to visit?? Bruh idk so much stuff happened. Emily asked me to take her home so she could work on school stuff and we put things back into the garage and I went back to the apartment to help with stuff and hang out with my aunt while my dad and uncle returned the truck. We made a list of stuff I might need for college and I wrote it down on a notepad and most of the page space was taken up by ponies tbh. The men brought back burger king and eventually my aunt and uncle left. I helped my dad clean up and set up his wifi and we watched mama Mia. It was my first time seeing the film, and it was really dang fun. Then I made dad drive me ho e since emily was still gone with the silver car. I’ll spend he night over there eventually, but not yet. I’m exited to eventually invite friends over since I’ve never been able to do that before. So now I’m home trying g to go to sleep so I can work tomorrow. I keep thinking about smoking weed and making out with someone in the hidey hole in dad’s apartment............ even tho I have literally no one to do that with afsagssg I’m a CHILD.

Had dreams last night about being stuck on the infinity train again, except there was a mechanic of switching the world between 2d and 3d and the cast of Bluey had to help bingo go through stages of grief / character moments to help her get off the train or something. I was tossing and turning for a few hours anxiously waking up thinking I was gonna be late and going back to bed so I could sleep/dream more. But then I finally got up, fed my cat, fed myself, helped clean the kitchen a little bit, got ready for work, arrived 15 minutes late on accident, worked register for 6 hours, got more comfortable with register and learned how to do stuff, lots of friendly people, lots of me struggling and my bones hurting, dad brought me food but I couldn’t get to my lunch break until everything was room temperature. The chicken sandwich reheated well but the fries did not. After work dad and I stopped by the house, I got an info card to fill out so I can be called in for jury duty eventually, dad handed me $50 for dinner for us and my sister, we laid on the floor and looked at the noodles and company menu, drove there, picked up our food, had a lovely dinner at dad’s apartment, laid around while he talked to Greg on the phone, went to target to pick up small apartment things like a clock and a trash can and some small groceries but it made me nervous because I hate spending money and watching my dad spend money he may or may not have, and by then we were tired as shit and after dropping his stuff off emily and I drove home and I tried teaching her how to crochet for a school project. Now I’m hanging out wanting to go to bed and thinking about how everybody else my age working at ACE is doing like 60 hours a week with 2 jobs and saving for college and I’m just sitting here with probably 14 hours a week and fuck. I don’t want to spiral into shit, I just want to keep busy as much as possible. Maybe I’ll ask for as many work hours as possible, maybe I’ll ask my friends to hang out, idk. Right now I jut want to be busy so I don’t have to think about anything. I’ll spend as much time as possible helping my dad set up his apartment, I don’t care.

WAAAAA TODAY AT WORK WAS SO STRESSFUL, I LEFT FELLNG SO FRAZZLED IT SUCKED. basically I worked register for 4 hours but they’re all trying to ween me off asking for help to get me more comfortable, and we were surprisingly busy, and my garden boss becky asked me to do 2 extra things and my boss boss kept asking about paperwork that I couldn't fill out because I needed my sister to text me something, and an old man got mad at me over the phone because no-one was out there to fill his propane tank and I had a lady waiting for 10 minutes for someone to help load salt into her car and a middle aged man tried to use sarcasm at me while I was in friendly cashier mode aND IM SORRY I HAVE ADHD I DONT GET IT PLEASE S T O P and I tried answering the phone more and I didnt get the things done that becky asked and I left shit there because I just wanteD OUT. afterwards I went to target to get something, idk im writing this afterwards so I not really remember

and today, my day off. ugh god I dont remember what I did, I know I picked up a vent for my mom’s bathroom and I just went to go get Taco Bell with my sister and bought her some more about crocheting and she’s making progress :) tomorrow is my friend’s birthday and last year I made her a felt doll of her fursona, so today I started making a crochet doll for her. so far I have the body and libs, but I still need to make the muzzle, tail, ears, attach everything, and hand-sew on all the markings and glue on button eyes. or maybe felt eyes, idk. my stomach hurts and I got upset because I told my mom my cat may be sick because her pee looked suspicious so I crocheted and watched my little pony and now I have a headache and im just trying to listen to music but really I just want to watch 50 arms videos at once but it wasn't loading right and idk man I dont know what’s happening, I may be going into work tomorrow. I think now that I have a job to do 3-4 times a week, I dont feel like I can just chill and wing it anymore, it’s like I have plans forever now. and oh god I still have to sig up for college orientation night or whatever, but my mind hasn'tt been on college for like a month or longer. I think im just going to take some Advil and try to relax with my cat and my music. holy shit dude. I know none’s gonna read this but just. fuck. also I should really post these more frequently rather than let them pile up in my texts. thinking about going back and adding all the dates like I did with my early quarantine diary, but that feels like a lot of work

#thanks for coming to my ted talk #may 2021 daily

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hoodharlow · 4 years

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Wildflower: Chapter 1 [PR!Cal]

Prologue found here

AN: First of all this is dedicated to the anon that sent me the whole Twitch stream. ILYSM. Second fatass shout out to @d-oaks for always reading and editing these messes ilysm.

Warnings: brief mentions of drug use towards the end

Word Count: 3.8k

“‘llo?” Calum answered his phone groggily. He had passed out the minute he climbed on to bed with Duke.

“Ash asked you for one fucking thing. Be nice to Alexis, and what do you do? Fucking yell at her in a parking lot.” Luke’s voice boomed on the other side.

Duke climbed on Calum’s chest. With his front paws he nudged him because he needed to go.

“Did she fucking tell you that?” Calum rubbed his face as he led Duke out to his yard to do his business.

“No, it’s all over fucking Twitter. God, Cal we don’t need this. Look, we got a meeting with the label at nine. I’ll leave ya to it.” With that Luke hung up.

Calum opened Twitter and there was a video of him and Alexis Ximena. The audio was just the paparazzo talking about them, but anyone with eyes could see what they were doing wasn’t talking. They were arguing. The video ended with Alexis wiping her tears as she walks back to the building. There was another video of them, but this one is of him draping his jacket over her as he leads them to the car.

"Fuck." Calum said to himself. Most of the tweets are calling him out for being an ass.

He dropped his phone on the couch. He went over to his kitchen and started on his daily coffee when his phone pinged. It was a Tweet from Alexis Ximena.

𝅘𝅥𝅮𝅘𝅥𝅮𝅘𝅥𝅮

A loud knock woke Alexis Ximena. Her morning class was cancelled today. She had hoped she would be able to sleep in today after last night.

“Mande,” she called.

“Get ready, we have a meeting at nine.” Her dad answered from the other side.

She got up after hearing his footsteps fade away, walking to her vanity to check her phone. Her stomach dropped when she saw twitter. Then she was angry. Where the fuck were the paps? She thought to herself. They always have the fortune of getting her and Calum in pretty compromising positions. Shawn was still mad at her for the pictures from a few weeks ago in which Calum was carrying Karma, her dog. She was on her way to Paris when the pictures were released.

Alexis Ximena started typing. “I’m fucking done with the media this morning. I was so excited to share some very exciting things, but TMZ beat me to it. A lot of y’all know I’m a huge fan of @5sos. I had the mf opportunity to be working with them on a project that’s V special to me 1/2

Y’all are so quick to start shit. That video only showed a snippet of what happened between @Calum5SOS and I. We’ve been in the studio all day working. If y’all were us, you'd be annoyed too lmao. Have a nice morning and stop hating on him 💛💛 2/2”

She turned off her phone and got ready. For some reason California decided to be 78℉ in the middle of January, so she changed into a baggy polo long sleeve and a skirt, pulling her hair into a low bun. After she finished her makeup and grabbed her converse, she picked up her backpack from the floor.

When she got downstairs, her dad was in the living room answering some emails. She quickly filled her water bottle and grabbed a few snacks before following him to the garage. She watched her dad press a button on the mini fridge, and then a platform lifted. It had all the keys to the cars in here. No wonder she couldn’t find shit yesterday. Alexis Ximena has been living here for almost two years, but she still keeps learning about new features in the house.

The drive to the meeting was pretty short. She checked her phone and rolled her eyes. They were 45 minutes early. She reached inside her backpack for her journal. Panic ran through her veins after she realized it wasn’t in there. That journal was the last gift her mom gave her before she passed away, and Alexis Ximena used it specifically for her song writing. She pulled her phone out and called the studio. After a brief call, maintenance didn’t find anything other than a few used condoms from a different section where she was.

“Do you know what the meeting is about?” Alexis Ximena asked dad after finishing the call. She sat down again next to him. Her knee bounced as she wondered where she could’ve left it.

“Damage control for the video TMZ leaked.” He replied.

“I tweeted about it when I was getting ready. We should be good no? I haven’t read anything bad since I sent that out.”

“I’m sorry for what they’re going to ask you to do, mi’ja.” He said solemnly.

She rolled her eyes at his melodramaticism. What’s the worst that can happen?

She sat back and checked her phone. She was replying to Shawn’s message about meeting up at his place for dinner when they were called in.

𝅘𝅥𝅮𝅘𝅥𝅮𝅘𝅥𝅮

They had to be joking, they just had to be. They all saw that video of them about to rip each other’s throats out, so the most reasonable thing that occurred to her team and the label was to suggest they try to convince the general public that they have been dating for a while. Lucky for them, they have enough footage of them that can work in their favor.

Calum glanced over to Alexis Ximena. She looked like she had her mind elsewhere. Her eyes met his, and she looked down at the contract.

She mumbled something to her dad. Her dad whispered back in Spanish. Whatever he said it pissed her off. Her anger was spewing out of her. From the way she was clicking her pen to her furrowed eyebrows.

“No, this is bullshit.” Calum was the first to respond.

“I agree. I don’t want to be pictured with him.” Alexis Ximena looked over him in disgust.

“Why? Your boyfriend gonna get jealous?” He taunted.

Alexis Ximena’s face paled and then she glared at him.

“What boyfriend?” Her dad asked her in a low voice. She quickly responded to him in Spanish.

“Calum,” Michael warned him.

“What? She needs the publicity.” Calum turned to Michael then he turned to Alexis Ximena. “I wouldn’t be surprised if you’re the one that called the paps.”

“I need the publicity? I’m not who’s been teasing an album and tour dates.” Alexis Ximena snapped at him.

Calum’s brows furrowed as he angrily glared at Alexis Ximena.

“You know what? Why don't we all take ten and reconvene?" the PR lady smiled at Alexis Ximena and Calum.

Alexis Ximena pushed out of her chair and walked out of the office. Her dad followed behind her.

Calum took the chance to use the restroom. After doing his business, he walked out of the bathroom. Behind the corner, he overheard Alexis Ximena and her dad argue. He stayed hidden because if he walked over, she would probably chew his head off.

"You're a fucking liar. You promised me that you weren't getting involved in my shit." He heard her say. Her voice cracked in the end, like last night.

"Mi'ja-"

"Don't fucking mi'ja me, Alejandro. I'm working my ass off on that soundtrack only for it to get used as a pawn all because some fucking security guard had the fucking nerve to call the paps that the guys were there.”

"If it makes you feel better, I got them transferred to a different place." Her dad spoke up.

"Of course you did.” She scoffed. “Might as well have gotten them fired, no? That really would have shown them.”

“Ximena—”

“Do you know how hard it is for me? I have to work my ass off and prove myself so that everyone realizes that I earn my shit. Then you or Amy swoop in, and it all looks like y’all were behind it." She sighed.

"I know I fucked up as a dad, but I'm trying to fix it. All I'm asking of you is to sign. It's a shit deal, but you need to do it. If I had it my way, this wouldn't be happening." He said.

Calum heard footsteps.

"You can come out now. I can see you through the reflection of the vase." Alexis Ximena told Calum.

He awkwardly walked over from behind the wall."Sorry, I overheard. I won't-"

"Are you going to sign it?" She asked, cutting him off.

"I kinda have to. We have an album and tour coming up." He repeated her words to her.

"Right."

"At least they're letting us go about this more organically. They're not forcing us to go to restaurants and dry hump each other like… you know."

She glared at him. “Let’s get this over with.”

𝅘𝅥𝅮𝅘𝅥𝅮𝅘𝅥𝅮

“How the fuck are you even alive? Didn’t you say your dad would have killed you if he found out about him.” Angie asked Alexis Ximena as she lifted her burger.

“I’m pretty sure he’s going to when I get home. He wasn’t about to do it in front of fifteen people, too many witnesses.” Alexis Ximena shrugged. She plucked a fry from the basket.

After class, Alexis Ximena called Angie, asking to meet her at Umami Burger. Angie and Alexis Ximena instantly became best friends when they got casted in ‘The F It List’. They both faced a lot of criticism because their characters were white. Most of the hate was aimed at Angie because she was black and the main character. People were really mad about that. Alexis Ximena was quick to defend her and call out everyone that made racist comments to her.

“When are you going to tell him about your situation with Calum?” Angie asked.

“Later today. He flew down this morning because they made him come for the Grammys. I’m going over after I get Calum a present.” Alexis Ximena explained. She set her sandwich on her plate and reached over for a napkin. “What?”

“You’re getting this dude a present? What is it, a thank you gift? ‘Thank you for yelling at me in a parking lot. Here’s a present.’ You can’t be serious, Alex.” Angie rubbed her temples trying to process. It took everything in her not to call Alexis Ximena out for being a clown that let’s everyone walk all over her.

“His birthday is on Saturday. After they’re done with their thing, which I have to go to, Luke is playing a little after party thingy in the hotel room. Since I’m his girlfriend ,I have to be there.” Alexis Ximena rolled her eyes and went back to eating.

After lunch she took an Uber to Diesel. She loved Diesel and most of their clothes had Calum’s current aesthetic. She didn't have much trouble finding him a present. She bought him a black knitted sweater with ‘DIESEL’ across the torso.

After she was done, Alexis Ximena hopped on another Uber to Shawn’s condo. She was supposed to go over tonight, but Calum texted her that he had an extra ticket for Coldplay, and she better be ready at 8. She slipped on her sunglasses and covered her head with a hat she bought along with Calum's sweater.

"Hey," she greeted Shawn when he let her in.

"I thought you were coming over for dinner," he said confused.

"I was, but something happened. Uh, can we talk?" she asked.

"Yeah, let's go to the couch."

He took her hand in his and guided them to the two person sofa. Alexis Ximena's cheeks flushed remembering some of the things they've done on that sofa, specifically her being on her knees in between his thighs. He sat down and pulled her to his chest.

Alexis Ximena rested her head on his shoulder. She missed this. It's been over a month since they saw each other. The last time was Christmas, but Alexis Ximena had to fly to Melbourne right after for a photoshoot for Vogue Australia.

"I saw that video of you and Calum. I can't believe he would do that to you." Shawn was the first to speak.

"It was a cleverly recorded video by the paps. All a complete misunderstanding, but his team and mine aremakingusdoapr." She quickly mumbled at the end and hid her face.

"What? I didn't hear you correctly."

Alexis Ximena sighed, "For damage control or whatever it's called. They're making us you know, date."

"You're kidding me right?" Alexis Ximena shook her head at him. "Did you sign?"

"I had to. They basically used my soundtrack as blackmail. You know how much it means to me." She said, sadly. She played with the hem of her skirt.

"Yeah, but another movie would have come by. We know you get parts thanks to your dad." He said nonchalantly. "Shit, that came out wrong. I'm sorry"

"It's okay, I know you didn't mean it." She dismissed him.

"When's your first outing?"

"Later today. We're going to go see Coldplay, but I rather stay here with you. Can we stay like this for a bit? I miss being in your arms."

"Yeah, Lexi." He said, pulling her closer to him.

She cringed at the nickname. She's never liked it because it sounds a bit white to her. She's never

told him that because she knew it would hurt his feelings, so she lets him call her that.

A few hours passed and Alexis Ximena was on her way back home. Shawn and her spent them hanging out. A few kisses here and there but nothing too intense. In their year old relationship, they never fully had sex. There was something that always held Alexis Ximena back. She just couldn't bare her soul like that. She loves Shawn with her whole heart, but she's never felt comfortable enough to give herself to him or anyone. Luckily, Shawn is patient and never forces her to do something she's not ready for.

Alexis Ximena thanked the Uber driver and pushed the door code so she could go into her house. She was half way up the stairs when her dad popped his head out from his home office.

“On’tabas?” He asked. Alexis Ximena almost missed the step when she turned around.

“Before you start, I have to get ready because I’m going out with Calum tonight.” She said.

Her sister squealed from wherever from the top of the stairs. “You’re going out with Calum! I frickin knew it. Ever since I saw you two flirting backstage in the Late Late Show, I was shipping. No wonder Karma loves him. I’m starting to think that he wasn’t there for Luke; he was there for you huh?” Paola gushed in excitement. Alexis Ximena looked at her dad, but he raised his hands in defeat and retreated back to his office. She plastered a fake smile and turned to her sister.

“Promise me you’re not going to say anything. It was supposed to be on the DL, but things kinda started to get out of hand. We’ve only been talking for a few months. Since we’re both not busy right now, we’re gonna see where it goes.” Alexis Ximena said. She was delivering the role of a lifetime.

“I’m so happy you’re happy again. After the whole mess with Shawn, I was worried you weren’t going to, you know, find love again. I’m glad it’s with Calum. He’s a really sweet guy.” Paola smiled sincerely.

Alexis Ximena vividly remembered that her sister was ready to fight Shawn when the pictures of him and Camila were released back in July. After their talk back then, Alexis Ximena promised him that she wasn’t going to tell anyone that they were still together. She couldn’t ruin his career on something like that. On top of how he was already ruining his career by being associated with a known racist. They can’t have him as a cheater.

“Let me pick your clothes. We can’t have you looking like a mess on your first date with Calum.” Paola clapped her hands. She grabbed Alexis Ximena’s hand and pulled her to her room.

“I’m capable of picking my own clothes. I was on that Instlye’s Top Ten Best Dressed of 2019.” Alexis Ximena tried to tell her, but she was in her own world rummaging through Alexis Ximena’s closet, secretly picking some clothes to borrow as well.

“Yeah, you were number 3.” Paola said, glancing at her.

“Okay you try beating Zendaya and Tracee Ellis Ross.” Alexis Ximena retorted.

“You’re right,” She went back to sorting through the clothes. “Oh my god! Yes! This is perfect.”

𝅘𝅥𝅮𝅘𝅥𝅮𝅘𝅥𝅮

Calum scrolled through Alexis Ximena’s profile. He followed her a few months ago, occasionally liking a post here and there. He was three years deep when he saw a post from her 18th birthday. It was a video of her forearm getting wiped clean showing a wildflower bouquet.

Then it hit him. He reached for his phone. He continued scrolling through her profile, waiting for Luke to answer him. She even posted an IGTV about her getting her tattoos covered for filming.

“Why are you calling me? Aren’t you supposed to be getting ready for your big date?” Luke laughed.

Calum rolled his eyes. “What if we change ‘Sunflower’ to ‘Wildflower’?” He asked, ignoring Luke’s joke.

“You’re still on that? I thought you said you were okay with Sunflower. Why?”

“I mean other than the fact that Harry literally has a song in his new album called that, Alexis Ximena has a wildflower tattoo—”

“But that—”

“Let me fucking finish.” Calum grumbled, “So I was thinking since we’re dating, I could have a song that’s quote on quote about her. What do you think?”

“I mean, yeah. Ask the rest and see if we have time to change up the song. When are we dropping the trailer?”

“Early February along with No Shame, I think. We have Friday reserved in the studio. Maybe we could redo the song. Oh shit, we’d have to record Kill My Vibe as well, huh”

“Oh, I forgot about that song, fuck. Okay, I’ll text Ashton and Michael. We’ll talk about it and fill you in. Let me nap and go get ready for your date.” Luke hung up.

Calum rolled his eyes. They’re going to a concert, not to some gala or award show. The only thing he had to do was brush his teeth and slip his coat that his sister sent him as an early birthday present.

He walked over to the fridge so he could reheat leftovers from the other day. While he waited for his food to heat up, he fed Duke and let him wander around the yard until he pooped. Calum decided to stir the pot a bit while he ate his pad Thai.

He went into one of Alexis Ximena’s fan accounts and liked their current post. It was a video posted on her stories a few hours ago. She was pushing her hair over her shoulders and looking over her shoulder to the camera, her go-to pose, while her sister hyped her up. He locked his phone and waited for a few minutes and unliked it. Within those minutes, a screenshot of the like was getting spread through his fans’ accounts and hers.

Around 7:50, Calum changed out of his sweats into some jeans. After making sure Duke was good for the rest of the evening, he grabbed his keys, wallet, and journal from the counter. He’s assuming that the journal is Alexis Ximena’s. It’s black leather bound with “AX” etched in gold. It exudes a rich girl that doesn’t know how to spend money, he had thought to himself when he found it.

When he drove out his house, he spotted Alexis Ximena outside her’s. You had to be blind to not see how beautiful she is, how she carries herself with grace and humility. It’s a shame that it’s all a facade, deep down she’s just another LA girl.

𝅘𝅥𝅮𝅘𝅥𝅮𝅘𝅥𝅮

“Hi,” Alexis Ximena said when she climbed in his car. “Oh, here’s your jacket. If I knew we were going to meet up earlier. I would’ve given it to you then.”

“Keep it for now. When we break up, I can get it back.” He said, not even glancing to look at her. Alexis Ximena simply nodded.

She scrolled through Instagram. Ever since Shawn’s 21st party when someone leaked a video of her and Shawn standing close to each other and talking, Shawmila accounts have dedicated their time to tagging in her posts of their faves. They could be doing more productive things like streaming their fave’s album or buying tickets for Camila’s tour instead of tagging her in posts because neither her album and tour isn’t doing so good.

“Is this yours?” Calum asked her, holding up her journal. They were in Calum’s car. They still had a few minutes before the venue people could go in.

Her eyes widened in surprise.

“Oh my god, thank you so so so so much. I was worried I lost it. It’s the last birthday present my mom gave me before she—”

Overdosed, shoving fentanyl down her throat only for Alexis Ximena to find her dead in a pool of vomit when she came back from an audition to Julliard.

She cleared her throat, “When she, um, passed away.”

Calum instantly regretted what he thought about her spending her money on unnecessary things. He watched her trace the A.

“I’m sorry for your loss. You don’t have to answer, but when did she pass away?” He asked solemnly.

“Um, a little over two years ago. It’s actually the reason why I moved down to LA with my dad. They split up when I was little, and I stayed in Oakland with her.” She explained.

She looked over to Calum. He was processing everything she told him. Before he could ask her another question, she looked at her phone.

“We should get going.” She unbuckled the seat belt.

“Right.” He nodded along. He noticed how she quickly changed the subject, making it obvious that she was still not comfortable talking about her mother’s death.

“Are you a pancakes or waffles guy?” She asked him. She was a few steps ahead of him.

“A what?” Calum gave her a confused look.

“You know how in Cloak and Dagger when Tandy and Tyrone go to that club. Tandy and Tyrone pretend to be a couple to get through.” She turned to him, pushing her hair behind her. “From the look on your face you don’t even know about Cloak and Dagger.”

“No.”

“Cloak and Dagger is a show. It’s so good. I’m really disappointed they cancelled it. Anyways, the pancakes and waffles reference is for hand holding. Like do you clasp your hand around, pancakes, or do you intertwine your fingers, waffles. I’m a waffles girl, which sucks because Shawn is a pancakes guys and—”

“Waffles.” Calum cut her off. The last thing he wanted to hear was her talk about Shawn.

“Okay,” She reached for Calum’s hand and intertwined his fingers with hers. “Waffles is it.”

#pr!cal #Wildflower #calum hood #calum hood series #calum hood imagine #calum hood fanfic #calum hood fanfiction #cloak and dagger #5sos #5 seconds of summer

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surveys-at-your-service · 3 years

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Survey #396

“every time i leave, you say you won’t be there, & you’re always there”

So, is it gif with a hard G or soft G? I used to say "jif," but now I pronounce it as "gif." If you use libraries, what is the largest overdue fine you’ve ever had? *shrug* Do you ever borrow things other than books from the library? I remember back in the day, they used to offer educational computer games, and I bought a dinosaur one as a kid that I was madly obsessed with. Are there still any movie rental places left where you live? Just Redbox things outside of some stores. Do you ever buy secondhand books (or DVDs, video games, CDs)? Yeah; Ebay is my friend. Or do you prefer them to be brand new? I mean yeah, but it's not a massive deal to me so long the thing is operational or not falling apart. Do you ever write fanfic? Of what? Nah. Do you ever READ fanfic? Of what? Also nah. Do you have a favorite classical composer? No. Have you ever had multicolored/rainbow hair? No, but I would LOVE to. What kind of hats, if any, do you like to wear? I don't wear hats. What is your #1 deal-breaker with friendships? If you're manipulative, byyyyyeeeee~ Who is your favorite character on Bob’s Burgers and why? (If you watch it) I've seen some episodes, but I don't actually watch it. Have you ever had a retro celebrity crush? Like a crush on an “old” celebrity who was most famous a long time ago or is long dead? Audrey Hepburn, for one, is drop-dead GORGEOUS. When you buy/receive new clothes, do you instantly wear them or wash first? It depends on what I bought and where it's from. What’s the weirdest item you’ve seen for sale on Ebay? Idk. Are parents to blame for what their kids do on the Internet? No; kids make their own choices. I do, however, believe the parents should monitor what they do until they reach a certain degree of maturity, as well as the child's history with what they've done on the Internet. Do you use acronyms to remember things? Sometimes. Do you take pills like Tylenol for the littlest aches and pains? No. Only if I'm really in pain will I take Ibuprofen/Advil. Don’t you think Crocs are ugly? Big time. I don't know why they're in vogue now when they used to be so widely hated. When was the last time you went roller skating? Oh, it's been years. Who was your favorite Ninja Turtle? I was never into the franchise. Horror flicks make you: laugh, scream, or squirm? I prefer the ones that make you uneasy. I'm not a big fan of the nasty ones, and I want to feel on edge when I'm watching a horror film, but it's EXTREMELY rare I become legitimately scared. If you could become a doctor, what would you specialize in? Uhhhh. Maybe genetic disorders. What’s the cutest thing a little kid has ever said to/in front of you? I'm sure it was something my niece or nephew said, but I'm unsure of what. They've said many adorable things. Did any characters from TV shows scare you as a kid? Which one(s)? FUCKING KING RAMSES FROM COURAGE THE COWARDLY DOG. FUCK he gave me nightmares. What’s the saddest thing you’ve heard on the news recently? I was very saddened to hear about the giraffe that died giving birth. Do you believe that acupuncture works? I'm not educated enough on this subject. Have you ever been hypnotized? No, and I don't believe it's possible to be. What’s the first food you can smell when you enter the mall? The soft pretzels, omg. That little stand is my favorite part of our local mall. They make DELICIOUS pretzels. What is the worst hurt you’ve ever experienced? Jason leaving. Are huge muscles gross or sexy? Like serious body builders, it's gross to me. I prefer a natural musculature. Have you ever fished and caught something weird? I know I have, but what isn't coming to mind. Do you use an umbrella when it rains? Unless it is absolutely pouring, no. Do you like getting caught in the rain? No. What is the hardest part of cleaning for you? It requires physical exertion and I am INCREDIBLY weak with non-existent stamina. Do you have any fake flowers in your room? No. Do you own any succulents? No. What is your favorite thing about spring? The only thing I like about spring are all the flowers. What is something you find hard to draw? HANDS. UGH. Was it sunny for your senior prom pictures? Sigh. It was a beautiful sunset. I REALLY wish I didn't delete all those pictures from existence. Have you ever seen a double rainbow? I've seen like, a triple rainbow. What’s one thing you want to learn how to make? Your ordinary meals. I really want to be able to cook my own food from scratch. Do you have stomach issues? Maybe TMI, but it's been questioned but not fully examined that I may have IBS. My stomach is very sensitive. When was the last time you apologized and didn’t mean it? I'm not sure. Do you prefer to be the “talker” or the “listener” in a conversation? The listener. What’s a movie that you think everyone should see? Johnny Got His Gun. If you could have any hair color, what color would you want? Either pastel pink or light creamsicle orange. When was the last time you saw your “first love”? February of 2017. Who’s the smartest person you know personally? My best guy friend Girt. What makes them so smart? He's just very intelligent. Book-smart. Are there any bands/artists that get you all emotional? Ozzy. He and his music are so important to me. What’s your favourite aunt or uncle’s first name? Robert. Have you ever done a first aid course? No. What time do you generally wake up in the morning? It varies from like, 6:00-8:30ish. If you could have one superpower, what would it be? Definitely shapeshifting. I'd love to be a druid, man. Do you ever make surveys? If so, are they long or short? No, but I combine them because I don't like surveys that are too short by my standards. When is the next time you’ll change your hairstyle? Will you color it? Honestly, probably never. I love my current hairstyle, but I most certainly plan on dyeing it maaaany more times. As a child, what was your favorite game to play? I was hooked on the first three Spyro games. I would play 'em over and over. Do any of your siblings have significant others? Do you like them? My older sister is married, and I am NOT a fan of her husband. He's WAY too conservative and bigoted and racist and misogynistic, etc. etc. He's wonderful as a dad, like holy shit he loves his kids, but his beliefs are abhorrent. Dad's daughter is also married, and her husband is awesome. Mom's eldest daughter is also married, and her husband seems cool. My brother has a fiancee that I've never met. Do you believe in the concept of global warming? No fucking shit I do. It's impossible to logically deny, especially as the years go on. When was the last time you took a picture of something? Was it yourself? I took some pictures of this beautiful hydrangea bush outside the TMS office a few days ago. When drinking soda, do you prefer bottles or cans or poured in a glass? Cans, because it stays colder. Do you wear deodorant? Um, yes? If you had a pet pig, what would you name it? Probably something very unoriginal, like Wilbur. Do you like Led Zeppelin? I LOVE "Kashmir." "Stairway to Heaven" was madly important to me, but yeah... I can't listen to it anymore. Like seriously, I haven't in years. Do you like hugs? I do. Have you read the Constitution of the United States of America? Only the Bill of Rights for school. Do you have your own computer or use a family one? I have my own laptop. Do you take out the trash? Sometimes. Is there a calendar in the room you’re in? Outdated meerkat ones. What is your best friend’s name? Sara Jane. :') Have you ever seen a real-life cop chase? Maybe? What is your favorite shape? Circles. Are pigs adorable or dirty? They're precious! And pigs are actually a lot cleaner than people think, if they're not muddy. Anything moldy in your house? Not to my knowledge. Our old house had a serious mold problem, though, which is the primary reason we had to move. Especially with Mom having cancer at the time, she needed to be in the most sterile environment possible. Have you ever been in an earthquake? No. Do you enjoy history? No. Are you watching TV right now? No, but rather GameGrumps on YT. Could you ever be a mortician? True shit, it actually doesn't seem THAT bad. Can you solve a Rubik’s cube? Never seriously tried. How many pets do you have? Just two right now. Are you more close with your mom or dad? My mom. Who is the person that has impacted your life the most? Jason. Or Mom. Have you ever had a pet fish? Yeah. Poor things, they had terrible husbandry. I've learned a hell of a lot from a YouTuber/streamer that is like obsessed with fish about just how misinformed people are on how to take care of various fish. Your goldfish in that little bowl died for a reason, you know. Do you believe in ghosts? Yes. Do you prefer tea or coffee? Both suck. Have you ever vaped? No. How did your parents meet? They were co-workers. What was your first word? "Dada." Have you ever had a kinky dream about a celebrity? ... I mighta lmao. When was the last time you had Nutella? A long time ago. It reeeeaaaally needs to stay out of my house, because I will eat it straight out of the jar. Name someone with a sexy sounding voice. So I don't know where this was, but Mark was once credited in something as "if chocolate had a voice" and I was like YOU FUCKIN BET YOUR SWEET ASS.

#survey #surveys #random questions #lyrics: ''jet city woman'' by queensryche

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firebrands · 5 years

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one day like this (steve/tony, fake dating)

Steve Rogers/Tony Stark, T, fake dating, no powers AU, 4k words | also on ao3

Marvel bingo card fill for "fake dating" and also to a prompt Ferret left on the MCU discord: "fake dating au where the one who asks does it *expressly* because they have a huge crush and they want to show the other person how awesome it'd be to date them. Instead of being sad and pining the whole time, they spend the fake dating period (wedding or whatever) doing their damnest to get a real date out of it. Works either if the datee had never thought about them being more than friends until the fake date, or if they have been the one secretly pining, and the more the asker piles on the charm, the more depressed they get. Asker pov."

For @festiveferret who gave this prompt, and @omg-just-peachy and @valhqlla who wanted fake dating when I posted my bingo card!

***

The group chat is busy tonight, Tony notes with a wry grin. For some reason, everyone’s looking for ways to procrastinate, and the messages started flooding in as soon as Clint sent a video of a small dog falling down a few stairs. “Me, thinking i’m done with work,” he said.

Nat floods the chat with various stickers of cartoon characters in distress, Sam complains about the modules he has to go through, Bruce chimes in about the conference he doesn't want to attend, and then finally, Steve jumps in.

ughhhh i want to get dinner but i don't have time i miss u all, he texts.

Tony’s eyebrows raise at the opportunity that has presented itself so neatly.

He taps on Steve’s name to send a message privately.

Hey, wanna work together tonight? Gotta crunch some numbers and I’d appreciate the company

Steve responds quickly: Pick me up from my office and it's a deal

Tony smirks. This was almost too easy. I’ll sweeten the pot and buy you dinner, he texts.

He sets his phone aside and begins to pack up his things. His phone pings with Steve’s reply.

If ur feeling generous then why don't we invite clint and sam

Tony groans. It was too easy, then. He bites his lip, and types out his response. He stares at the message for a second, takes a deep breath, then presses send.

Nah, just wanna be with you

He follows it up when he sees that Steve has read the message. Be there in 20 mins

Steve slides into the passenger seat, and Tony’s heart flutters when he Steve turns to him with a smile.

“It’s been a while,” he says.

“Yeah,” Tony says, trying his best not to sound too dreamy. “Two weeks, right?”

“Has it already been that long?” Steve buckles his seatbelt. “I’ve been really busy with work.”

“Me too,” Tony begins to drive, then realizes he doesn’t have a destination in mind. “Where do you wanna go?”

Steve shrugs. “Anywhere with a charging port?”

“How about that place with the ice cream you liked?” Tony hedges.

“Oh god, yes please,” Steve groans, “What’s it called again? I never got to go back because I forgot the name.”

“You would.”

Steve scoffs. Tony has never wanted to lean over and kiss him more, but he doesn’t. Not yet.

“So you remember Pepper, my friend?” Tony asks after polishes off the pasta from his plate.

“Yeah, ‘course I remember Pepper,” Steve says, eyes still on his food, then he looks up as he takes the last bite of his burger. “Why?”

“Well, she’s getting married next month and well,” Tony starts, waving his hand around breezily. “She reserved two seats for me because she thought—well. Anyway. She reserved two seats for me and I really don’t want to tell her to cut it down to one, because I’m sure she’s already finalized her table arrangements and I don’t want to bother her with—so, the point is,” Tony exhales quickly, and flashes Steve his most charming smile. “Do you want to come with me?”

“What, like your date?” Steve asks, frowning as he wipes his hands on a napkin.

“Yeah, exactly like that.”

“Me?” Steve asks.

“Yeah, you.” Tony furrows his brow when he notices Steve is slowly, methodically, tearing his napkin to shreds. “Who else am I talking to?”

“Why me?” Steve asks, looking a bit helpless.

“Why not?” Tony asks, nonplussed.

“That’s not a fair response, Tony,” Steve chides.

“Do you not want to go?” Tony licks his lips nervously. “It’s okay, I can ask someone else, or something, it’s fine”

Steve opens his mouth to respond, but snaps it shut when a waitress arrives with his dessert. The silence stretches on and Steve shoves a spoonful of ice cream into his mouth.

Tony balls his hand into a fist to stop himself from wiping at the small smear on the side of Steve’s lip, and digs his fingernails even deeper into his palm as he watches Steve’s tongue poke out of his mouth to lick it off.

“I just…” Steve pauses, then tries to nonchalantly hide all of his ripped up tissues under a napkin. “I don’t know, you don’t think it’s gonna be weird?”

“Why would it be weird? I’m a swell date.” Tony gestures to their empty plates, the ice cream melting in Steve’s cup. “See? I treat you right.”

Steve frowns again. “This is a date?”

“It’s whatever you want it to be, babe,” Tony winks. He’s laying it on pretty thick, sure, but that just means he can brush it off as a joke if Steve gets pissed. God, he hopes Steve doesn’t get pissed.

“Tony, you’re scaring me. You have that face on,” Steve says hesitantly.

“What face?” Tony snaps out of his thoughts, smiles his most captivating smile. “My face is fine.”

“Your weird… pinched in face.” Steve waves around a spoon as if wiping his words away. “Nevermind.”

“So?” Tony wiggles his eyebrows suggestively. “Date me?”

Steve laughs, and Tony almost doubles over in relief.

“Fine.”

“Fine? God, I was hoping for some excitement! We get to dress up, eat great food—Pep’s got great taste in food, let me tell you—and you get the best date this side of the Hudson.”

Steve rolls his eyes affectionately. “You forget that I only have one suit, so you’ll have to deal with my award outfit.”

Tony throws his head back and groans with exasperation. “That thing? Does not highlight your assets.” Tony looks back and gazes at Steve appraisingly. “I’m thinking… blue.”

Steve’s eyebrow is quirked up, unimpressed.

“Because of your eyes,” Tony says, gesturing to Steve’s face.

“Groundbreaking,” Steve deadpans.

“Hey, I’m not the artist here, you are. All I'm saying is that now that you’re my date it’s only right that you dress the part. And I'd be remiss if I didn't help style my date, right?”

Steve rolls his eyes again, shakes his head as he bites down a smile. “Is it too late to take it back?”

“Of course it is.”

“Should’ve known you had an ulterior motive for asking me to work together,” Steve sighs dramatically.

Tony pouts. “I thought you said you missed me.”

“I did,” Steve agrees, smiling as he eats another spoonful of ice cream. “And now, somehow, I’m your date to Pepper’s wedding.”

“I know!” Tony grins giddily. “Aren’t you excited? I’m excited.”

“Of course you are,” Steve laughs. “Are we going to make up a story about how I ended up your date?”

“Do you want to? I thought that would be too much.”

Steve looks up from his ice cream. “Too much?” He asks, “so you know the meaning, then?”

“Ass.”

Steve grins devilishly.

“I was thinking of just saying, you know. We kinda finally realized we’d be good together,” Tony says, and he’s being so honest that it hurts a little.

Steve’s grin falters for a second and Tony worries if he’s said something wrong, but Steve laughs it off. “That’s boring. We could come up with something about how we started dating, it’d be funny, right?”

“Yeah,” Tony says, smiling tightly. “Funny.”

They smile at each other for a second and Tony wishes he could just come out and ask Steve what he was thinking, but things don’t work that way.

“How about,” Steve starts, tapping his nose as he thinks. It’s an adorable tic, and Tony relaxes a little has he takes in how Steve looks in the soft yellow light of the cafe.

“I have an idea!” Tony says, all of the sudden. “Let’s just keep making things up. Keep each other on our toes.”

Steve laughs. “That sounds so dumb,” he says. “Let’s do it.”

Steve’s jaw literally drops when he turns to look at himself in the mirror.

Tony, standing behind him, is looking equally guppy-faced in the mirror.

“Steve,” Tony says reverently, letting his eyes sweep over Steve’s new blue velvet jacket and black pants. “You look amazing.”

Steve lets out a shocked huff of laughter. “Yeah, I do, don’t I,” he says.

Tony gently lays his hand on the small of Steve’s back, taking the opportunity to look at him closer, then from different angles.

“You have outdone yourself, Luis,” Tony says to his tailor, who puffs his chest up in pride.

“Of course I did, Tony. Can’t have you going on a date with someone who isn’t dressed equally sharp, huh?” Luis winks

Tony chuckles, then turns to Steve. “You like it, right?”

“I do,” Steve says, still looking at himself in the reflection. “Not so sure about my bank account liking it though.”

“I told you, I got this,” Tony says, patting Steve’s shoulder.

“I really can’t accept—I have the money, Tony.”

“I know. I didn’t say you didn’t. What I am saying is that this is part of the dating Tony experience. Wining, dining, suiting….” Tony pauses, then winks at Steve when he adds, “un-suiting.”

Steve giggles. “You’re wild.”

“Absolutely feral, my dear,” Tony says. He stops himself just in time from pressing a kiss to Steve’s cheek.

Luis tells them that he’ll finish up the stitching and have it sent over to Tony’s apartment when it’s done.

“Why not to mine?” Steve asks.

“Because we’ll be coming from my place?”

Steve is quiet for a moment before he asks, “Why?”

“Because we’ll take my car…?” Tony bites his lip.

“Wait. Where is the wedding?”

Tony balks. “Hudson Valley?”

“What?!” Steve screeches.

“I thought I told you—” Tony starts, hands raised in a placating motion.

“You did not,” Steve begins to fret, wringing his hands as he does. “All you said was a wedding next month, oh my god. I need to file a leave.”

“Sure, yeah,” Tony nods. “It’s on a Saturday though, and we have a room booked just for Saturday night.”

Steve relaxes, and the jacket highlighting how broad his shoulders are. The suit really does accentuate all of his best features. Which, Tony thinks, is all of them, but that’s neither here nor there right now.

“Oh.” Steve says. “What else do I need to know?”

Tony laughs. “I don’t know. I’ll look for the invitation and send you a picture. But it’s—whatever, I got you, okay? Don’t worry about it.”

Steve gives Tony a disapproving look and sets his arms akimbo. “When it’s you, Tony, I always worry.”

“That hurts,” Tony pouts and clutches his chest. “That’s hurtful.”

“I’m only saying it because you haven’t proven me wrong,” Steve says with a smirk, and god, it takes every ounce of self-control for Tony not to get on his knees in front of Steve, standing like that and looking god-like. He always was weak for a big man in a suit.

“Fair,” Tony says, instead, and turns to leave so Steve can get undressed.

Tony adjusts his tie in the mirror and behind him, Steve is bent over tying his shoelaces. Tony spends a few more moments preening, and stops only when he sees in the reflection that Steve is fumbling with his cuffs.

“Let me,” Tony says, closing the short distance between them and batting away Steve’s hand as he deftly inserts the cufflink and locks it. He gestures for Steve’s other wrist, and Tony can feel Steve gaze on his hand as he tightens the cuff. “There,” Tony says, softly. “Need help with your bow tie?”

Steve’s frown deepens. “Is it that obvious?”

Tony smiles fondly at him. “No, but I’ve never seen you in a bow tie, either.”

Steve lifts his chin obediently as Tony takes the two ends of the bow tie in his hands. This close, he can see how clean Steve’s shave is, can see how his adam’s apple bobs as he swallows.

“You okay?”

“Fine,” Steve says a bit breathlessly.

Tony looks up at Steve questioningly, and bites back a smile when he sees the blush on Steve’s cheeks. He never figured Steve to be the one to blush when embarrassed.

This close, it would be so easy to pull Steve in, close the gap between them. But he holds off; they still have a whole evening together and a shared bed to boot. (Pepper had taken him seriously when Tony said he had a date, and she didn’t know how much she was helping Tony’s cause when she got them a room with queen-sized bed. Steve had laughed when he’d seen it, and made an offhand comment about how it was all par for the course, being Tony’s date and all.)

“All done,” Tony says, smoothing down the lapels of Steve’s jacket and giving him a once over. “You look devastatingly handsome.”

Steve’s cheeks brighten even more. “Thanks, Tony,” he says bashfully. “You look great, too,” he adds, after a moment.

Tony beams. “All for you, Steve,” he says, and he means it.

Tony spends most of the beginning of the reception program sneaking glances at Steve, startling only when he and Steve’s eyes meet as he was furtively checking him out again.

“This is fun, right?” Tony recovers quickly.

“Super!” Steve says brightly.

Tony only stops looking at Steve when Pepper finally makes her way to them, changed out of her wedding dress into an equally beautiful but much more sensible white gown.

“God, Pep, if I knew you cleaned up this well I would’ve just married you myself,” Tony says, standing to press a kiss to Pepper’s cheek. “Congratulations, by the way,” he adds, then pulls her into a tight hug.

“I know,” Pepper says, pulling away and adjusting Tony’s pocket square. “That’s why I never cleaned up for you,” she teases.

Tony pouts, then remembers Steve when Pepper raises her eyebrows and looks at Steve pointedly.

“This is Steve!” Tony says, taking Steve by the arm and pulling him close. “He’s my date.”

“Congratulations!” Steve says, before kissing Pepper on the cheek.

“Thank you! I’m so glad to finally meet you,” Pepper says. “I have heard so much about you.”

Steve blushes, and Tony has to give him points; blushing on purpose was a skill even he hadn’t mastered. The ‘aw shucks,’ look sells it even more.

“Really?” He says, sounding strangely disbelieving, as if he’d never thought Tony would talk about him, which is dumb, in Tony’s opinion. “I’ve heard a lot about you, too,” Steve adds quickly.

“Good,” Pepper says loftily.

Steve laughs.

“When did you start dating?”

Tony opens his mouth to respond but Steve is quicker: “Oh a few months ago. Tony took me out to dinner and held my hand as he walked me home.”

“He walked?” Pepper says, skeptical.

“I know.” Steve says, turning to smile at Tony fondly. He was really, really selling this in-love shtick, and Tony feels hope swell traitorously in his sternum. “That’s how I knew he was serious about me,” Steve says fondly, and then, in an inspired move, he takes Tony’s hand in his.

Tony is going to buy him a cake, after all this. That is, if he doesn’t get Steve to go out with him on an actual date. But those plans are for later.

“I hate you both and I regret this already,” Tony says faux haughtily, but keeps Steve’s hand in his.

“We were in a mountain climbing group and we shared a tent together,” Steve says to Pepper’s cousin.

“We fought over the last bagel in the cafe,” Tony tells Pepper’s other cousin.

“I bumped his car while I was backing out of a gas station.”

“I bought him sunflowers and it turns out he was allergic to them.”

"We were in the library and we were looking for the same book."

“Oh, Steve was Creative Director for the agency that did one of our campaigns,” Tony says to Nick, Pepper’s boss. “He was really brilliant, he had such great ideas, and I really liked working with him. So one day I asked him out to coffee.”

“Wouldn’t that be a conflict of interest?” Nick asks. “Since you were paying him?”

“By then the campaign was done and Steve wasn’t part of meetings anymore,” Tony says airily. “You really should see his work, Nick. He’s an amazing artist.”

Steve and Nick exchange numbers, and Steve steers Tony to the refreshment table by his elbow.

“You sounded really convincing,” Steve says, surprised. “I didn’t know you knew that much about my work.”

Tony shrugs and picks up an hors d'oeuvres. He scrutinizes the oyster so he doesn’t have to look at Steve when he says, “I pay attention, Steve.”

Steve pops a canapé into his mouth and then downs a glass of champagne. “That’s nice!” he says, and then wanders further down the table to eat more food.

Steve looks up at the speakers when a song begins to play. A soft smile blooms on his face and he says, “I love this song.”

“Dance with me, then,” Tony says, offering Steve his hand. He half expects Steve to decline, and feels his heart begin to sink when Steve merely looks at Tony’s hand.

The party is going through a slowdown, the DJ playing sweet, old people music. Of course this is the kind of music that Steve wants to dance to. If he does want to, that is. Tony’s about to laugh off his offer to save face when Steve takes his hand.

They join the few older guests on the dance floor and fumble a little to see who’ll lead. Of course, Tony wins, and he settles his hand into the curve of Steve’s spine, takes Steve’s hand in his. They sway slowly to the music, and Tony lets his eyes drift shut, enjoying Steve’s presence, the easy movements of the dance, being able to breathe the same are as him.

The song ends, and Tony blinks when he sees the small frown on Steve’s lips.

“You all right?” he asks, as they walk back to their seats.

Steve startles at the question. “Yeah,” he says, nodding effusively. “I guess champagne makes me a bit maudlin,” he adds, with a self-deprecating laugh.

“What’s there to be maudlin about?”

“Nothing,” Steve says blithely. “It’s nothing.”

Tony frowns. “We can skip out early if you want, okay?”

“No, no,” Steve says. “Let’s stay. This is fun.”

“You just said you were getting maudlin.”

“So I’ll switch to whiskey,” Steve says easily.

“Okay, if you say so.”

“Free drinks!” Steve stands up and buttons his jacket. He turns to Tony with a smile. “Celebrating love! Come on, let’s get drinks.”

“Okay, okay,” Tony acquiesces, and follows Steve to the bar.

It’s almost three in the morning when they stumble up the stairs of the old, Dutch Colonial stone mansion. They’re not drunk, not really; Tony stopped himself as soon as he felt the heady flush of tipsiness. He doesn’t trust himself to be drunk around Steve, especially since they were sharing a bed.

Neither of them bother to turn on the light, the full moon casting a glow about the room. Tony both loves and hates how romantic it is.

They both undress quickly, eager to get some rest. Out of everything tonight, this is familiar territory, both of them used to sleeping next to each other whenever nights out with the group got too rowdy and taxis were hard to come by.

Tony brushes his teeth and watches Steve in the reflection of the mirror, only averting his gaze when Steve unbuckles his belt. He spits out the foam, then flops face down onto the bed wearing only his boxer-briefs. He listens as Steve putters about the room, brushes his teeth, then finally settles down beside him with a pleased sigh.

“Good night,” Steve says. Tony hums in response, then shifts so his back is to Steve. He shuts his eyes and listens to Steve breaths even out and the bed shift with Steve’s weight.

Tony turns again, and startles when finds Steve facing him, looking equally caught in the act.

“Hey,” Tony whispers. “You okay?”

“Yeah,” Steve smiles, but it looks tentative, so he isn’t.

“You sure?” Tony prods.

“Yeah,” Steve says, then turns to face the ceiling. Tony doesn’t miss the small sigh that escapes Steve’s lips.

Tony wants to touch Steve so badly, even if only to comfort him through whatever is causing this sudden sadness. But he doesn’t want to cross a line. Not that he hasn’t been crossing lines all night, trying to get Steve to see how good he’d be, how good they were together. So maybe he wasn’t scared to ask Steve to pretend to be his date tonight, but there are still a few things that do scare Tony, and he’s done being brave for the day.

Steve is standing by the sink when Tony wakes up. Tony yawns, stretches out his back, then ambles over to Steve. They brush their teeth in silence, then Tony playfully jostles with Steve over sink space.

“Stop it!” Steve snaps.

Tony throws his hands up and takes a step back. “Okay, wow, go shower first then.”

Steve sighs, runs a hand through his hair nervously. “No, it’s not that. I’m sorry, I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“No.”

“Okay,” Tony says, and leaves the bathroom. He takes a seat on the bed and goes through his memories of the evening, trying to figure out where he could’ve done something wrong.

Then, Steve throws open the door of the bathroom and says, “I had a really good time last night, Tony.” His eyes are wide and he’s blinking like he’s shocked at himself.

“Yeah, me too,” Tony says, confused. “You sure you’re okay?”

“Yeah,” Steve says, sighing. “I just had a really good time.”

Tony smiles. “I told you I’d show you a good time, right?”

Steve nods to himself, chews on his lip as he thinks. He opens his mouth to say something, closes it, then goes back inside the bathroom.

Tony stares at the door, confused, worried, and wondering what he can do—what else he can do—to get Steve to finally fucking go out with him.

The rest of the morning passes without incident, breakfast and coffee and mingling with the other guests who spent the night.

They’re packing their bags when Steve turns to Tony and says, “Tony, I think I need to stop hanging out with you for a while.”

“What? Why?” Tony sputters, and he’s scared of the answer.

Steve sinks down onto the bed, rests his head in his hands. “I—god, Tony, why’d you have to—” he pauses again, takes a breath. “I don’t think we can hang out for a while, at least until I’m over it.”

“Over what?” Tony asks, sitting down beside Steve and putting his hand on Steve’s knee. “What are you talking about?”

Steve stares at him through his fingers, then he shuts his eyes tight.

“I haven’t been really honest with you,” he says.

“Okay,” Tony says, reassuringly.

“It’s just that,” Steve pauses again, and takes a deep breath. He lowers his hands from his face and looks Tony in the eye. “It’s just that I’m I love you, okay? And I know that this was just supposed to be a fun thing but it’s—“

Tony blanches. “Okay, I’m gonna stop you right there,” he says.

“Okay,�� Steve says, looking chastened.

“No, no,” Tony shifts closer to Steve slowly, like he would a scared animal. He fights down the instinct to jump for joy, worried by the tremulous look on Steve's face. “Steve, oh god. I love you too. You hear me? I love you. I’ve been trying to ask you out to an actual date for the longest time and I thought you just wanted to stay friends so you were humoring me—“

“You MEANT IT?” Steve almost shouts, and jumps up from the bed as if burned. “All those times?”

“Why would I be joking?” Tony asks incredulously.

“Because you’re—“ Steve waves his hands around in a helpless gesture. “You’re you! And I’m just! I’m me!”

“Exactly! You!” Tony pauses. “Why are we shouting?” He asks, tone significantly softer.

“Because!” Steve continues, half-hysterical. “You’re Tony!”

“What does that even mean?!”

“You’re my friend and I never thought you’d like me and you flirt with everyone and ask everyone out and get them dinner—“ Steve says all in one breath.

“No, I don’t,” Tony says, faltering.

“But you do! You do that!” Steve insists. He’s pacing around the room, now, which should be comical given that he has to turn every three steps, but it just makes Tony feel nervous.

Tony takes a deep breath, then stands and takes Steve by the shoulders. “Steve,” he says, trying to keep his voice steady. “I love you.”

Steve blinks. “You what?”

“I love you,” Tony says again, pulling Steve in close, nose to nose. “I love you, Steve Rogers.”

Steve laughs. “Oh my god,” he says shakily. “You mean it.”

“I do.”

“I love you,” Steve says, eyes wide. “And you—you love me.”

“Yes,” Tony says.

Steve nods.

“Can I kiss you now?” Tony asks.

“Yes, please,” Steve breathes out.

Tony takes Steve’s chin in his hand and pulls him in—he smiles a little as he hears Steve’s quick intake of breath, right before their lips meet. It’s soft and chaste and tentative and absolutely wonderful.

“See? I told you,” Tony says as he pulls away, smiling as he thumbs Steve’s cheek. “Nothing to worry about, Steve. I got you.”

Steve laughs against Tony’s mouth. “Shut up and kiss me again already, Tony.”

“Yeah, okay.”

#marvelbingo2019 #stevetony #stony #superhusbands #stevetony fanfiction #steve rogers #tony stark #things i write

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talltalesandbedtimestories · 4 years

Text

The Hunter Who Loved Me (Part 1)

Series Page

Characters/Pairing: Dean Winchester, Castiel, Jack Kline, Dean x OFC

Series Summary: Part Three of Some Sunny Day. Dean's trying to balance his new relationship with Julie and his need to hunt. How long can he keep it from her? And can Julie keep her curiosity at bay?

Section Word Count: 6300

Section Content: language, fluff, dirty talk, smut, Domestic!Dean, Slight Dom!Dean

How did I get so lucky? That this was turning into just another day in her life with Dean Winchester made her shake her head. This has to be what it feels like to win the lottery.

Julie sprayed the top of the sliding glass door with a window cleaner. She took time to enjoy all the sexiness on the other side of the glass, the view of Dean in her backyard, while attending to her household chore. A few final touches and Dean would be done with the assembly. Crouched down and bent at the knees, Dean added some utensil hooks to the side of the grill. Unknowing, he was giving her all of that gorgeous, serious profile of his to study. Sunshine streaked through his hair and flamed the fiery orange-red tips incognito most of the time. She wiped away the cleaner slipping over her view.

The grill had been an impromptu purchase on her end the weekend before. She and Dean had gone to, of all places, a home improvement store together. He had noticed a couple things around her house that needed fixing. But he wanted to run the ideas past her and some options before he went ahead and did anything. It was very domestic and thoughtful of him. It brought a huge grin to her face.

He’d snuck a peck on her cheek when they were alone in the garden and patio center, talking about the drop in price of some seasonal stuff. His eyes lit up at a behemoth gas grill. He whistled and spouted off the stats: three burners, one on the side, plus a sear station burner to boot. The sucker could deliver 60,000 BTUs, which according to Dean, was awesome. Those meaty, handy fingers of his glided over the stainless steel top. Julie heated up.

It was decided that since Julie was throwing Brigida a surprise birthday party that following weekend and the October weather was pleasant enough, why not buy a grill and make it an outdoor affair. Most of the guests would end up outside anyway. Would Dean be keen on manning the meat for her? Julie tossed the unintentional innuendo out and had the six foot plus Adonis blushing in the middle of the display floor.

Satisfied with the streak free glass, Julie went out to check on Dean’s status. He leaned up from his work position and smiled. “All good. She’s ready for action. Just lit her up.”

Julie nodded, sighing in relief. “Cutting it close.” A couple hours from now the guests would arrive. And Brigida would definitely be on time, if not earlier, an hour after that.

“Yeah. But, it only took me threatening three store clerks at nine am this morning. Pulled a working igniter out of the floor model to get this baby up and running.” He waved both hands in the air with a flourish. “Now, we’re golden. No more nose crinkles. The meat’s marinating in your fridge.” He cocked a thumb over to Wes and Samuel’s house. “They’ve got the booze covered and some side dishes.”

“You need me to dash out for anything else before I finish up my food and the cookies to go along with the ice cream cake?”

He shook his head and drew her in by the waist, their bodies snug. “You trust me with all that fire power?”

Her hand rubbed over his vintage AC/DC t-shirt right under the collar. Sweat stippled his brow from the running around and grill tweaking. The mix of it with his sharp, clean soap scent got her warm and tingly. God, how does he make sexy so effortless? “You can handle it. I’m no Prometheus. You should worry more about my mom trying to take over the grill once she gets here.”

“Hey, it’s her birthday. If she wants the tongs and spatula, I’ll hand them over and be her sous chef.”

Julie smiled. “She’d probably love that.”

He grinned and bent down to dust her bottom lip with his mouth. “How many we gotta feed again?”

She rattled off the memorized total. “Twenty-two, not including us. Fifteen adults, three kids, two teenagers, and two dogs.”

Dean tipped his head. “Piece of cake.”

Julie smirked. “Not pie?”

His fingers flirted over the denim covering her ass. “Saving your pie for later.” He leaned down again for a deeper kiss.

Julie’s backyard had never seen such activity. Lawn chairs scattered over the freshly mowed lawn. Stacey and Carl’s two older children, Evan, 10, and Rory, 7, played cornhole in the driveway. Brigida had latched onto their youngest boy, two year old Dylan, right after everyone had given her a Happy Birthday surprise welcome. Karen’s boyfriend, Carter, the New York Mergers and Acquisitions lawyer, Wes, and Carl kept Dean company by the grill. He seared chicken, flipped hot dogs, checked and rechecked the pork ribs, sipped his beer, and took doneness requests for the beef burgers.

Samuel chatted under the covered patio with Karen, Stacey, Cat and her partner Sheila, along with the handful of Brigida’s Little Italy neighbors that had made the short trek out of the city to celebrate. Karen’s teenage boys hid most of the time, busy on their phones under the shade of the carport. Julie attempted to involve Karen’s oldest, Khaleel - a sullen 16 who more than likely wanted to be anywhere else - asking if he would man the playlist blaring out of the portable bluetooth speaker. The younger by two years, Kevin, emerged from his cocoon to explain TikTok to Dean. The explanation only furrowed the cook’s brow even more.

Julie caught Dean’s this-is-for-the-guests smile settle into the I’m-actually-kinda-glad-to-see-you version when Cas and Jack finally showed up. Cas had picked up some weekend shifts to make ends meet. Jack was still working his side job as much as he could, balancing school, to save up for his trip to Texas over Winter Break. He was going to MIRL with this fantasy girl if it was the last thing he ever did. At least, that was the confession he had told Julie as the four hung out for a movie and pizza over Dean’s a month back.

Cas took his usual post at Dean’s right side by the grill. Julie glanced over every so often at the comical duo. Somewhere between Abbott and Costello and Martin and Lewis. Dean monitored his friend’s interactions with the new group of men. If Cas needed to pull back on the conversation a bit or shift to another topic, Dean cued him with a slight shake of a head or cough. Cas held his beer in a fierce grip and mimicked Dean when he took a sip. God, there is so much codependency there. What they hell did they go through together? Dean gave Jack a pair of tongs and had him man the second round of dogs. Jack smiled from ear to ear like a teenager getting the keys to the car after passing his driver’s license. And, he’s like a second dad to that kid.

As was always the case in hosting, and determined to not have her mom lift a finger, Julie barely had time to relax or eat for the first hour of the party. She made sure the other food got served when Dean plattered and presented grilled meats. The two of them used a lot of hand gestures and miming to coordinate everything. Dean would every so often switch things up and make Julie blush with a few obscene ones.

Once Dean had been schooled by Cat on Salt and Pepa’s breeds - a Samoyed and Belgian Sheepdog, respectively - he had them eating out of and drooling into his hands for scraps. Cas and Jack procured a frisbee from the outdoor toys and tossed it back and forth with the kids. The dogs played monkey in the middle.

Dean called out to Julie once everyone else was situated and eating. “Jules! Got a medium-well burger with your name on it, ready in a minute.” He winked over. She set the last of the latest round of drinks in front of guests and gave him a thumbs up.

Stacey cooed. “Knows just how you like your meat, does he?”

The old college friends did their share of giggling and cackling. Julie pointed a finger from Samuel to Stacey. “No more of your red wine for this one.”

Carl tapped his wife’s knee. “Take it easy, sweetie.” Stacey gave her husband a slobbery raspberry on the cheek.

“That is a sweet ride.” Carter pointed to Baby in Dean’s driveway as her owner snuck behind Julie. He presented a cheeseburger on a perfectly toasted bun. Julie smiled at the lettuce, tomato, onions and pickles - all her favorites - already on top. The charred meat and fixings smelled divine. Her stomach grumbled. A side glance noted her mom’s own smiling face. Brigida stared over at the both of them while talking to the two older couples.

“Well, you can take a look under the hood later if you want, Carter. Rebuilt her more times than I can count.” He whispered in Julie’s ear. “Eat something before you pass out.”

She grinned, wanting to tease that he sounded like Brigida, but thought better of it. Stacey and the crew were watching their interactions like hungry vultures, ready to pounce on anything too tasty to tease about.

“So, Dean, if the ladies have another girls’ night, maybe we can get us a poker game over at my house.” Carl interjected.

Sheila chimed in, “Only if I can join.”

Julie overheard Cas whisper to Dean in confusion. “Wouldn’t Sheila be a part of girls’ night?”

Dean muttered back, “Not if she has better taste in music than the rest of them.”

Carter shook his head. “Oh, God, you wiped me out last time we played poker Sheila.”

Dean cocked a brow and gave Sheila a lopsided grin. “Some actual competition. Sounds like we gotta make that happen soon.”

Sheila tipped her beer to Dean and gave his frame a thorough inspection.

“My poker skills would benefit from someone new to play with, as well.” Cas nodded to Sheila. “I know all of Dean’s tells at this point. It’s getting rather boring.”

Sheila patted the empty seat next to her. “You might be my new best friend, then, Cas.”

Cas smiled and puffed out his chest.

Dean whispered to Julie, “Should I break the news that he hasn’t a shot in hell?”

Karen helped Julie with some of the kitchen cleanup before dessert. It was really a ruse for alone time and girl talk.

“How was it?” Karen asked in a hushed tone, in case anyone snuck in. She’d known about Julie going on birth control again. Had actually been the one to give her the idea in the first place.

“Which time?” Julie smiled. “We’ve been at it every night since the middle of this week when I surprised him.” She added. “Sometimes two or three times.”

“Jesus. Two or three? Carter’s five years younger than me and two times in one night has never… never happened. Three?” Karen fanned herself over the sink and running water. “How are you handling all that man, Jules?” Her brown eyes widened while she rinsed plates to drop in the dishwasher.

Julie answered by holding her hands apart to approximate Dean’s length.

“Get the fuck out of here!” Karen’s voice raised. She slapped a palm over her mouth at the outburst. Water and suds flew everywhere.

Julie crossed a finger over her chest, blinking at the water that splashed her face. “When have I lied under oath?”

“Be careful or you’re going to get a UTI.” She added in a whisper, “From all that fucking.”

Julie laughed. “I booked a follow up with my gyno as soon as I got the prescription. I see her next week.” She whispered back. “Kar, it was amazing, mind blowing before this. But now, it’s like…” Julie trailed off, daydreaming about her lover in the backyard. Her insides sore, throbbing with the memory of him; a deep and beautiful stoking she couldn’t wait to experience again.

“I think Carter and Carl have crushes on him.” Karen shook her head. “Carter might come in his pants if he gets that car tour.”

“Don’t tell Cat, but I think Sheila might be crushing, too.” Julie giggled.

“We heard that!” Stacey and Cat screamed in unison. Karen and Julie screamed back in shock. Cat, a bit tipsy herself this afternoon, sported a toothy grin. From Julie’s vantage, she was lighter than usual, airy even. One of her arms draped over Stacey’s shoulders as the duo sashayed into the kitchen.

“Only speaking the truth.” Karen raised a hand as the other still clutched her chest at the friendly fright.

Stacey waved a hand. “I get dibs on Dean when Jules is done with him.” She wiggled her eyebrows.

Julie rolled her eyes. “Not planning on it anytime soon, Stace.”

Cat opened her mouth. Her eyes caught the threat Julie’s eyes beamed with an intentional telepathy. Cat snapped her jaw shut before the other ladies noticed.

“Not fair to keep all the juicy details to yourself.” Stacey whined, sliding out from Cat’s grip and into one of the kitchen chairs. She slumped over the table, elbow propped, cradling her chin in a manicured hand. “Some of us have needs.” She sighed.

Cat leaned against a counter, eyes glazed behind her glasses. “I think Brigida’s had one too many.”

Julie was happy for the segway but not pleased with the content. She settled her own glasses against the bridge of her nose in a nervous tick. “Really? A saw her with a glass of wine. But, she usually only has a little.”

“I think Wes and Samuel made her a special birthday cocktail.”

“Ugh.” She wiped both hands down across her face. “Love ‘em but those men and their alcohol.”

Stacey did her best pigeon impression again. “Do you love ‘em as much as Dean?”

A very deep throat clearing had all four ladies turn their head to the hallway. Dean stood there carrying a huge empty platter covered in meat bits and juices. “Am I interrupting something?” Julie blushed at the proud grin on his face. He skimmed past Stacey’s seated frame. Stacey was eye level with the denim hugging his ass and licked her lips. He excused himself again and slid around Cat, lifting the platter over Julie’s head winding past, to end up near Karen by the sink. “This is a nasty one. Let me take care of this, Karen.” He offered.

She shook her head. “Hand it over. Least we can do after you did such a stellar job at the grill. You got Kevin to eat a burger that doesn’t come in a fast food bag.”

“That is high praise. Thanks.” He smiled and gave Julie a once over before asking, “Anything else have to go out?”

“You think I should grab the ice cream cake out of the basement fridge?”

“It might be a good idea soon.” Dean shrugged. “Everyone’s either winding down or is pretty hammered.” He glanced over at Stacey.

Julie nodded and pointed at the counter behind him. “Would you take that tray out with the dessert plates and all the other necessities? Pretty please?”

He winked. “Yes, Ma’am.”

Stacey groaned. “Ugh. Could you two reel in the cuteness?”

Julie ignored the request. “Thank you. Cat.” She turned to ask her friend. “Wanna help me with the cake?”

“Um, sure.” Cat hesitated.

When they got down to the basement, Julie listened to ensure Dean’s heavy steps had made their way out the sliding door and Stacey and Karen were busy talking in the kitchen.

“I’m not the best person to ask to carry a cake upstairs.” Cat mumbled.

“You can spot me.” Her hand rested on the fridge handle. “Speaking of looking out for me…”

“I know. I haven’t reached out much since that last conversation we had.” Cat shrugged. “You sounded happy that night, with him. I figured I should mind my own business for once and stop investigating.”

“Thank you, Cat.” Julie smiled.

“He seems decent, Julie. A good guy, even. Simple. Easy.” Cat waved a hand. “I don’t mean either of those things as a negative.”

Julie laughed. “I know. But, trust me, he’s anything but simple or easy to figure out.” She tilted her head. “I’ve been thinking... would you send me over a couple of those books you found?”

Cat pursed her lips. “I’ll think about it.”

It was ten o’clock by the time Dean and Julie finished with a majority of the clean up from the party. The last dishwasher load had been started, all the guests had gone home, and Brigida was fussing in the kitchen. Dean looked like a very uncomfortable giant next to the birthday lady.

“I don’t need-ah to stay.” Brigida insisted. “Dean-ah can take me home.” Her Italian accent was a lot heavier laced with alcohol.

“No, Dean can’t. None of us should be driving, Ma. We’ve all had a bit too much to drink. You have your extra meds here in your room. You’re going to take them, drink lots of water, and go to bed.”

She waved her hands. “I don’t want to be in the way.”

Julie rolled her eyes and sighed.

“Brigida, we just threw a party for you. How could you think you’re in the way?” Dean asked with true sincerity in his voice.

“Dean-ah.” She clutched his forearm. “I don’t want-ah you to run home. And, I know-ah this one won’t leave me in the house alone-ah. Thinkin’ I won’t be able to walk twenty steps without falling over and knocking myself out-ah.”

Dean shrugged. “It’s not a big deal, I’m pretty tired. Long day.”

“Ma, Dean can stay over if he wants to.” Julie widened her eyes to encourage Dean to play along.

“Ye-yeah. Sure. We’re both exhausted.” He faked a long yawn and stretched out an arm. “Sooo tired. Gonna conk out as soon as my head hits the pillow.”

Brigida grinned. “You are a bad liar.” She tapped his tummy. “Fine. I’ll get myself ready for bed.” She raised both arms at Julie. “Appy?”

“Very happy.” Julie smiled. “Need me to help you with anything?”

“No.” Brigida motioned for Dean to bend down. She gave him a very long mama bear hug and then squeezed a cheek. “Thank you.”

Julie’s heart warmed at the interaction.

His facial features squirmed under Brigida’s vice grip. “Welcome.”

When she retracted her fingers, she announced, “I’ll be up early cleanin’ and makin’ breakfast.” She shuffled out of the kitchen. Her loud voice rang out in the hallway. “Don’t come down here naked in the morning, Dean-ah. Not-ah unless you got plans for me.”

Dean snorted as Julie yelled. “Ma!”

Dean shook his head. “She’s even more of a pistol drunk.” He wrapped arms around Julie when they were alone. “I’ll hang out until she’s in her room and sleeping. I don’t think it’ll take long. Help you clean up some more. Then, I’ll duck out.” His kiss was soft and warm.

Julie hummed. “You heard her. She’s making you breakfast.” She shrugged. “You can stay.”

Dean smiled. “Sweetheart, if I stay, we won’t be sleeping.”

“Good.”

They took turns in the upstairs bathroom. Dean first, as usual, since Julie took longer with her nighttime skin routine. Cleanser, applied to her face in gentle circular motions, wiped away the makeup and sweat from the day. Cool water splashed against her skin. Splashes of moments from the party entered her mind. Her mom’s absolute shock and then subsequent soft crying at the surprise. Stacey wrangled the girl power squad together for a group selfie. It would post onto the social medias before Stacey got well and fully sloshed. Cas pulled her to the side to give her a genuine, heartfelt thank you for the invitation. Jack assisted with the dish clearing without even having to be asked. Mom’s ancient, pudgy neighbor, Lydia, who didn’t move once from her seat under the patio, tugged at Julie’s wrist to tell her she needed to do a better job holding onto this man than the last one.

She patted away most of the wetness with a face towel. This man. She opened the medicine cabinet to put away some items and grab the moisturizer. Everything she disliked about her face on bright display under the bathroom lighting. The pads of her fingers danced over the circles under her eyes and some of the wrinkles forming around her mouth. All those old Italian women and their snarky little comments. Wondering what Dean’s doing with me. Even with all of his secrets and all that she still didn’t know, she still felt that tug of insecurity. Not being good enough. His imperfections, the cracks appearing over the months of infatuation and obsession with this man, were making themselves known. But they were all things she could handle and cast aside at the end of the day. Because all it took was that one second of his eyes locking with hers in that way. That very Dean way. Craving it in that moment, she hurried and worked the cream into her skin.

She entered the dark bedroom. The only illumination was from the television, the volume low and muffled. White light from the screen flashed like lightning over Dean, laid out on the still made bed.

He had slipped on the grey and blue plaid pajama bottoms Julie bought him. She picked them up as an afterthought one Sunday shopping when he’d started staying over a couple times a week. He came across them, folded and waiting, on the unspoken but understood side of Julie’s bed that was now his. A lopsided grin had been given as thanks.

There was a reason I didn’t buy him a shirt. A remote in hand rested on his tummy and that luscious bare chest. He cradled his head atop two pillows with his other palm; his biceps curled, primed, and ready for action. Legs crossed at the ankles and his foot swayed with an ancy rhythm. The image of him stretched out imprinted in her brain under the bright pops of light as if someone were taking lots of polaroids of this magnificent specimen.

He turned to her, smiled, then whispered, “Wanna watch something?” The remote was used as a pointing device toward the floor. “I can’t tell if that’s a chainsaw or your mom snoring.”

Julie nodded. “I told you, you can hear everything in this house.”

“Maybe soundproofing needs to be another project.” He frowned. “This is going to be torture.”

She giggled low and soft, hands on her hips, cinching in her oversized nightshirt. “Why?”

His fingers skirted over the comforter creeping in her direction. “Cause I want to make you moan like the other night.”

That very Dean way. The sexy stare made her smile drop. “Thought you were tired.”

“Come here, sweetheart.” He gave her a chin nod.

Julie sighed and eased onto the bed, aware of every creak and squeak. “Karen was right.”

“‘Bout what?” He opened an arm. His embrace clutched her to his warm chest.

She snuggled in. “You’re going to give me blushing bride syndrome.”

“A blushing what now?”

His lips pressed to hers cut off an immediate response. She nibbled on his chin when he released. “Too much sex. You know, can cause issues down there.”

He pulled back to study her face. “I’m not going to apologize for wanting you.”

“Not asking you to.” She pressed into him.

Mischief lined his lips. “Maybe I should take it easy on you. Give you a break. Since we have to be quiet and all.” He flashed the all-knowing, hot shit grin that stopped her heart. “I mean, we know you can’t keep that dirty little mouth of yours shut when mine’s all over you... or inside you.” His voice was husky and gritty, breathing near her ear.

“Oh, really?” She whispered her retort. “Who was the one panting and groaning last night about how hard he was going to come?”

Dean latched onto one of her knees. The pull dragged a thigh to rest over his hip. His warm hand traveled and danced along her skin. It snuck under the night shirt; pushed it high up past her waist. Fingers clutched at the top of her bare ass and kneaded. He shifted into her more and wedged their bodies tight. “Nah. You couldn’t have heard that. You were too busy screaming my name over and over.”

A jarring motor-like sound drifted up from Brigida’s bedroom for only a second. They froze in place. Dean chuckled. Tangled together, Julie rested a finger on his mouth. “Shhh.” She pressed into the softness of his perfect pout with more force and threw in a nose crinkle for good measure.

“I wasn’t going to say anything…” His lips struggled to release the words under her finger. Julie had learned early on upon their meeting that Dean enjoyed teasing out a variety of reactions from her.

She sighed and relented the tiny attempt at restraint. “What?”

“When you were in the bathroom earlier and I got a good listen of it all. Actually had something to compare it to.” He paused. “You snore like your mom.” His grin spread slow and wide, lips pursed tight.

Julie’s eyes widened on defense. “No, I don’t.”

“Yeah, you do.” He nodded, still grinning, lifting his brow for emphasis. “Get so loud.” A slight, controlled circling of those strong hips began. The motion matched the sensual rhythm of his verbal descriptions. “You start off so nice and quiet. Then it’s up. And up. And up. Like a freight train in here some nights, sweetheart.”

A few more seconds of silence followed. “Shit.” That was the only admission Julie would allow, listening to his description of her inherited sleeping habits while succumbing to the wondrous feel of his body lighting her up. “Don’t compare me to my mother while doing that, Dean.”

Dean laughed and gave her another chin nod in victory. “Still. Proves my point. Can’t help yourself. Way louder and noisier than I could ever be.”

Julie nuzzled close, finding the tunnel under his arm. Firm strokes down the slope of his back relished in the heat vibrating through his body. She ran a thumb back and forth over that plump pillow of a bottom lip. “You were the one that almost broke my headboard. Remember? Talk about noise.” And talk about fucking hot. “White knuckling it to get some leverage, slamming it into the wall.” His mouth parted and a hunger filled his gaze. She grinned at the erection hardening more in the pajamas against her patch of curls. “While you were slamming into me.”

He caught her thumb with a clench of teeth. His tongue flirted along the pad before he sucked at it with a low moan. His lips released it when he whispered back. “That was a memorable fuck, sweetheart. You under me. Letting me ride you so hard. Wish I could pound you like that for days. Wreck us both.”

“Jesus, Dean.” Julie moaned, rocking soft against his clothed cock. “There wouldn’t be anything left of me.”

The hand left her ass, skirted under the shirt. Those meaty fingers landed on the curve of her breast and massaged into bliss. “But what a way to go.” He groaned, then peeled away enough to dip down and mouth a nipple through the shirt. “Shit, got me so hard.” He spoke between licks and sucks. “I wanna fuck you. All. The. Time.” The warmth and wet of his mouth soaked through to the taut nub. “All I could think about today was getting you alone. Here. Like this.” He nudged at the material with his nose to expose the dark, pebbly flesh to the air and his mouth. “Sliding inside you again. Nothin’ but me and you.” He suckled at her tit. When he came up for air and met her gaze, he whispered in that smoke and honey tone. “It feels like home inside you, Jules.”

Dean’s eyes lit up with another flash from the television. Glassy, eager and laser focused with intent. He always downplayed his ability to convey and verbalize feelings. But that confession, those six words - It feels like home inside you - made her whole body shiver. Like the night they’d first had sex. You feel so safe. It had been four little words back then. Not THOSE three little words. But it was pretty damn close.

“I think we should give ourselves a challenge.” The seriousness faded from his face, replaced with that impish grin. “A quiet, well contained, controlled fucking.”

Julie giggled, her body still buzzing from his actions and words. Her hands answered, pulling the pajamas down past his ass. He lifted up from the mattress an inch to assist with the disrobing. The fabric bunched around his knees.

He groaned when she tugged at his cock, free and rigid. She curled toes and peeled the material down far enough so he could shake his feet out the rest of the way. “Turn around, baby.” His voice held an authoritative tone. “Everything. Off.”

In the process of her slow and quiet one-eighty flip she rid herself of the nightshirt. The cool air in the room prickled at hot skin. He moaned at the sight. “That’s not being quiet.” She tisked.

He lassoed her in with a bear hug, onto her side, this time her back sealed along his chest. A haphazard pull at the band released the ponytail. His fingers brushed away strands. Searing lips attacked the exposed flesh of her neck. “Are you gonna be good for me?”

She stifled a moan and nodded.

“Hm.” Fingers slid into the folds, finding the wetness. “Very good so far.” He pushed farther in and searched. Circled her entrance. “All this for me already?” He groaned in her ear. “Goddamn, I wanna get my mouth on that. But we know you really can’t contain yourself when my face is between your legs.” Those fingers ended up at his mouth. She could smell her excitement, inches away. The sound of his lips sucking and his moans stoked her need. “Maybe a challenge for the morning.” He thought aloud.

His body, large and eclipsing, leaned up, shifting. His cock slid between the cheeks of Julie’s ass like a heat seeking missile. She let out a pitiful whine and bit her lip. They hadn’t even talked about that as an option. But every time his cock got tantalizingly close the thought had crossed her mind. She’d never wanted to try, not even with Steve. But Dean. Dean made her want to experience everything.

The sex with Dean had been many things over the past months: fun, playful, sweet, luxuriating, romantic, fast, rough, hard, naughty, and tons of dirty talk. Yet, none of that fifty shades stuff or roleplaying she had anticipated. Almost vanilla sex in comparison from what her mind could conjure up.

Almost, but never vanilla. Not with Dean. It was that French Vanilla ice cream that you’d get at a family owned creamery worth a two hour drive. One made by an artisan, churned by hand. One bursting with flecks of vanilla bean hitting all the taste buds. It was rich, creamy, indulgent, velvety, cool, lolling about on your tongue, savoring the flavor in the moment, crystalizing a memory for wonderful recollections.

Still, there was a palpable restraint by Dean, holding back, in terms of physical limits even if never in vocal declarations. Sometimes she thought she could feel the inner shift in Dean. It could be an imperceptible tell if their bodies weren’t so connected; a retraction of his muscles under that worn skin and the myriad of scars she would cling to in mounting desperation of the most amazing kind. He never out and out stated it. Dean never would. But she felt like the pilot in this jet when it came down to it. He was her trusty co-pilot, offering suggestions but always adhering to the final decision, charting her course, making sure she stayed on track, allowing her control. Allowing her safety.

“No one’s gonna be quiet if we give that a try tonight.” Dean read her mind, again keeping her on track with the original plan. He scooted down, cupping her figure with his. “Any other night, sweetheart, you let me know.” He dotted her back with kisses and wedged a knee between her legs. The motion splayed her bottom half, spreading her. His palm crooked under her knee, bent it just so. “But, this way.” The cock tip pressed at the entrance. “I think we can both get what we need and not wake sleeping beauty.” He licked little patches along her shoulder blade. “What’s that thing you always say?”

Jesus, why is he teasing me now? “When?” She huffed out.

“When you come over and decide to clean up my kitchen.”

“No muss, no fuss?”

He rumbled into her back and began the slide. Inside. “Yeah. That’s it. No Muss. No Fuss.” His large palm grabbed at her breast, latched onto it, thumbed the nipple. She could feel the strength of his hips guiding the wondrous length and girth of his cock. He bottomed into her and stopped. She wanted to feel how tight his ass was clenched in that moment. Sought it out with a hand and squeezed. “Hm.” He approved of the action. “How does that feel, sweetheart?” His voice, low, deep.

“You feel so good inside me Dean. You feel good everywhere.” She moaned when the controlled pistoning switched on.

“Hm. So, the quiet part is gonna be impossible for you, huh?”

She moaned again, softer, she thought. “This is me being quiet.”

“Baby?” He moaned out the question.

“Yeah?”

“Would you be alright if I helped keep you quiet?”

A fire lit up in her belly. “Yeah.”

He groaned. An arm threaded between her rocking body and the mattress. His hand slid up her chest, over her neck, her jaw. Settled over her mouth. “If it’s too much.” He panted. “If I get too carried away, you tap. Okay?”

She tapped his ass cheek to confirm she understood. Listened to his inhales and exhales. His thumb wedged between her upper lip and the underside of her nose. Two massive fingers clamped over her mouth. The other two had a firm grip under her chin, ensuring her lips stayed closed. All while he pumped in and out of her from behind, slow and purposeful.

“Feel so fucking good.” He whispered. His mouth pecked at her back, shoulder, her side, her arm, anywhere it could reach. “Four nights into your ‘I’m on the pill’ surprise.” He panted out his confession. “I’m sure I’m going to come down eventually, Jules. If that gives you some hope. About this blushing bride thing.” A soft growl left his mouth. “I mean, I’m no Superman.” She moaned into his hand when his pace and thrusts picked up. He was still very much in control and not rocking the bed like she knew he could. “But, I am Batman.” His chuckle vibrated into her back.

He shifted, circled, found that spot in her and focused all his energy. More muffled moans erupted from Julie.

“Shhh, sweetheart.” He used more of his palm against her mouth now, pressed harder against the flesh. “Be good for me.”

The subtle restraint was electric, increasing her pleasure tenfold. The sounds of her slick and his rutting inside her only made her more wet.

“I gotta feel you cum.” He begged. His other hand glided over the top of her thigh, rested against the mattress and palmed her pussy. “I’m gonna work you quick, baby. Okay?”

She nodded as much as she could with the hold of his hand.

He parted the folds, found her swollen clit and took no mercy. It was hard, fast. Explosions of light began popping into her brain. Her body jerked with slight tremors. It wouldn’t be long. “Yeah, that’s it. I love it when you come undone. Cum all over my cock.” Dean whispered.

His voice tipped her into the orgasm. She moaned, tightened, while he continued to pump.

“Yeah, right behind you, Julie. Yeah. Fuck.” And, he was, chasing her with his own orgasm. The pulsing of his cock, the spilling of him inside, warm, mingling with her wet he’d produced. His pants and groans against her back. His weight on her body, hand still cupping her mouth. “Man. I give us an A for effort. But, I wasn’t much better than you in the sound department. I might need a damn muzzle.”

Julie smiled into his palm.

“Sorry, baby.” He removed his hand from her mouth. “Should have tapped me. You okay?”

She nodded into the comforter. “Oh, yeah.” Eased onto her back. “Definitely. Can we do more of that?”

He laughed, staring with those beautiful eyes, crinkles extending the gleeful expression on his face. That very Dean way. “Sure.” He shrugged. “Just maybe not tonight?” He kissed her lips, then flashed her an exhausted smile. “I really am pretty beat. Been one helluva long day.”

Julie nodded. “Me too.” She tapped his forearm. “Bathroom again for me and then sleep.”

“Don’t be long.” He collapsed onto his back and closed his eyes.

She smiled, closing the bathroom door. He’d be asleep by the time she slipped back into bed. The sounds of his snores would cover a variety of animals from a grunting pig to a snarling lion. But she wouldn’t tease him in the morning about it. She promised to give him a pass.

Part 2

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