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louisa-gc · 9 days

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how to start reading again

from someone who was a voracious reader until high school and is now getting back into it in her twenties.

start with an old favourite. even though it felt a little silly, i re-read the harry potter series one christmas and it wiped away my worry that i wasn't capable of reading anymore. they are long books, but i was still able to get completely immersed and to read just as fast as i had years and years ago.

don't be afraid of "easier" books. before high school i was reading the french existentialists, but when getting back into reading, i picked up lucinda riley and sally rooney. not my favourite authors by far, but easier to read while not being totally terrible. i needed to remind myself that only choosing classics would not make me a better or smarter person. if a book requires a slower pace of reading to be understood, it's easier to just drop it, which is exactly what i wanted to avoid at first.

go for essays and short stories. no need to explain this one: the shorter the whole, the less daunting it is. i definitely avoided all books over 350 pages at first and stuck to essay collections until i suddenly devoured donna tartt's goldfinch.

remember it's okay not to finish. i was one of those people who finished every book they started, but not anymore! if i pick up a book at the library and after a few chapters realise i'd rather not read it, i just return it. (another good reason to use your local library! no money spent on books you might end up disliking.)

analyse — or don't. some people enjoy reading more when they take notes or really stop to think about the contents. for me, at first, it was more important to build the habit of reading, and the thought of analysing what i read felt daunting. once i let go of that expectation, i realised i naturally analyse and process what i read anyway.

read when you would usually use your phone. just as i did when i was a child, i try to read when eating, in the bathroom, on public transport, right before sleeping. i even read when i walk, because that's normally a time i stare at my screen anyway. those few pages you read when you brush your teeth and wait for a friend very quickly stack up.

finish the chapter. if you have time, try to finish the part you're reading before closing the book. usually i find i actually don't want to stop reading once i get to the end of a chapter — and if i do, it feels like a good place to pick up again later.

try different languages. i was quickly approaching a reading slump towards the end of my exchange year, until i realised i had only had access to books in english and that, despite my fluency, i was tired of the language. so as soon as i got back home i started picking up books in my native tongue, which made reading feel much easier and more fun again! after some nine months, i'm starting to read in english again without it feeling like a huge task.

forget what's popular. i thought social media would be a fun way to find interesting books to read, but i quickly grew frustrated after hating every single book i picked up on some influencer's recommendation. it's certainly more time-consuming to find new books on your own, but this way i don't despise every novel i pick up.

remember it isn't about quantity. the online book community's endless posts about reading 150 books each year or 6 books in a single day easily make us feel like we're slow, bad readers, but here's the thing: it does not matter at all how many books you read or what your reading pace is. we all lead different lives, just be proud of yourself for reading at all!

stop stressing about it. we all know why reading is important, and since the pandemic reading has become an even more popular hobby than it was before (which is wonderful!). however, there's no need to force yourself to be "a reader". pick up a book every now and then and keep reading if you enjoy it, but not reading regularly doesn't make you any less of a good person. i find the pressure to become "a person who reads" or to rediscover my inner bookworm only distances me from the very act of reading.

#louisa-gc #academia #studyblr #aesthetic #book #books #reading #read #advice #help #university #study #uni #library #bibliophile #it girl #that girl #habits #booktok #booktube #bookstagram

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scary-lasagna · 5 months

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Welcome back kitty!I just saw that you came back 😭 anyway I wanted to ask, what's proxy training like? Or does a proxy have to succeed in any certain training to be declared a proxy?

These: 1 , 2 touch a little bit on how the training is incorporated.

Proxy Training

It depends how the person is selected as a proxy.

For example, Tim and Brain were given The Sickness first and watched over a good portion of their life. Slender knew them inside and out, so really all he needed to do was teach them combat and then school them about the ways of really being a proxy. He didn't need to mentally deconstruct them and build them back up, or test their limits. He already knew all of that.

If Slender decides to throw The Sickness on someone, they'll likely be a feeble mind, a child usually, and then follow them up to adulthood. But in cases like Toby, who was already mentally damaged enough to manipulate, it didn't take much to get him to mold to his will.

But these days, he doesn't have time for shenanigans like that. He has paperwork to complete, a house to run, a house to clean, food to cook, and keeping silly little humans alive when they decide to sled down the main staircase.

He has five proxies that know the ropes of everything, so the task outside of paperwork and select training exercises will be handled by them, mainly Tim, considering he's Slender's right hand.

The training exercises that Slender attends are usually final tests, or the proxies convince him to play '8 pages' on one of his few off days.

It helps with coordination, stealth, awareness, everything one would need to practice, really.

And once one of the proxies are 'captured' (Slender just grabs em with a tendril and tosses them a bit too hard for comfort), they play on the opposing team. So now, you aren't just evading a monstrous eldritch being that can sniff you out form anywhere, but also human sized co-workers that'll beat you up much worse if they happen to catch you before Slender does.

ANYWAY

Slender will have the new proxy fill out paperwork, basically a consent form for devoting their soul to him no matter what happens. And he'll explain the pile of papers in great detail, answering any questions you may have, even the silly ones.

Then, he'll let them familiar themselves with the manor and new co-workers as he sets up a specialized mission to observe their skills and flaws. Their co-workers are allowed to assist them, but never warn them about the tests. Slender needs a blind reaction for untainted results.

Ben helps with the constant surveillance once they're sent out. He takes notes, mini essays, pictures, clips, anything to get a glimpse of who you really are when you're caged in a corner while kicking and screaming for release.

It's a little traumatic, but it's necessary to see if you're suiting for the line of work you're going into. Slender won't have a proxy that will abandon their peers to save their own skin, that's just cowardice and a terrible flaw in his planning.

And each proxy had a different entry test, it's all based on what they're most afraid of, and evasive their nature is.

Once the first mission of theirs is over, the next one will follow up soon after, narrowing down their possibilities into certain classes and subclasses of proxy.

For example, Masky is a brute, being the muscle of the group. Toby is a Scout, running ahead of the group to find danger before it reaches them. Kate is a chaser, Clock is a tracker, etc.

If he still can't find a spot for the new proxy after two missions, he'll give them a written test to discover any hidden morals that he hasn't uncovered, and then one more physical test that will narrow down his final decision.

If they survive this far, they will be awarded their title, and the ability to design their mask one-on-one with Slender.

They must also choose a spot to be marked by Slender, something that could be hellishly compared to a tattoo. This marking will protect them from getting targeted by other Operators, proxies, and entities. It gives off an aura that shuns off other creatures, like a bad scent.

After they’re assigned a class and marked properly, they’ll receive special training for that class. For example, if they got brute, they will be trained in physical combat, endurance, strength, and stamina. For Scout, they’ll receive tracking courses, stamina training, field medical training, and memorization of the forest paths.

All proxies will receive torture training in case of emergency, such as being captured or held hostage. As well as torture training, all proxies will learn about the creatures of the Black Forest, including what’s dangerous and what’s not. (Apparently this doesn’t apply to Toby since he’s keen on bringing whatever the Hell he wants home with him).

Other than the official training and whatever Slender tells them, everything else is learned on the field or told to them by other proxies. They’ll look after you for a few weeks before letting you attempt things on your own.

They’ll let you learn at a distance but keep an eye on you if you need help or something unexpected happens that a trained proxy needs to handle.

#sorry if this one's wonky i was half asleep writing this.#ticci toby #masky #hoodie #proxy x reader #creepypasta #creepypasta headcanon #creepypasta imagines #creepypasta blog #creepypasta x reader #proxy #proxies #slender

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slocumjoe · 1 year

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do you think you'll ever do fnv or fo3 requests too?

TDLR; No for both, because I like New Vegas enough that I don't feel like it needs dissecting, and because I don't like Fallout 3 at all.

warning for cringe nv circlejerking and fo3 negativity...which shouldn't surprise anyone, given other things I've said on this blog

If one could take a good, long look at all the fandoms I've ever been in, the one consistency is potential. This could have been incredible, this almost was a fascinating story, this had everything to be a masterpiece.

For example, Fallout 4. It has so many different aspects that could have made a good game and story...they just didn't flesh any of them out.

The Commonwealth is under the totalitarian, but shadowed hand of the Institute, a hidden organization that treats the land and its people like playthings, for unknown goals. Their latest venture; the synth. A man made of flesh and bone, made as if he were mere machine...and made in the image of anyone. Someone you love, your settlement leader, you. Whatever the Institute had planned, it is at the cost of what remains of humanity, and you must stop—wait, sorry, hold on...yeah, no, Todd says we're going back to the baby thing.

You are a pre-war Vault Dweller, frozen for centuries, when a mysterious man cracks open your spouse's cryo pod and steals your infant son from their hands. Now, you must journey into a land so familiar, but completely alien, to find him, and figure out what forces took him, and for what purp—wait, wait, nevermind, actually we're gonna...those aforementioned forces made androids and have been replacing people with them, go figure that out, decide what color flag you want on their blown up hideout.

The Minutemen are an interesting concept, too, as we haven't really seen a purely altruistic faction, really. If we have, they've escaped my memory at the moment. Say NCR/Lyons and I'm deleting Tumblr, the website. But the Minutemen are treated as nothing more than barebones context for why you would engage with the settlement building.

Railroad...ugh. That's a whole essay. A reference to a historical organization, made purely in response to the Bladerunner reference, and then put together with tape and soda box cardboard. Ugh.

Brotherhood...reused because Bethesda has little imagination of their own. The Brotherhood doesn't do anything, they just hang around and say stuff about containing technology. They lack substance in a different way than the other three factions.

The Institute has some bones on it. You could get something out of the idea of, even after the bombs, there being a shadow government controlling the Commonwealth and its people. Instead, it exists purely because of a throw-away reference to Bladerunner in Fallout 3, and Bethesda tripped over itself trying to justify it.

So, Fallout New Vegas...

Lots of themes, pulling from real history and philosophy without dickriding it and refusing to look the current in-universe reality in the eye.

Fallout New Vegas wasn't something that left me thinking. Wondering what it could have been. There's a psychological phenomenon that, when you put down a task or puzzle, your brain doesn't let it go. It keeps that tab running, so to speak. Fallout New Vegas, the story and writing was so complete, that when it ended, I didn't have anything else I wanted to know. No questions, no feeling of dissatisfaction. The puzzle was finished, everything was exactly as it should have been.

NV has more potential, yes, but not because it failed or pulled its punches; they didn't get enough time or resources to work on it. Even then, what they were able to do, they made sure it wrapped up nicely and had enough meat to satisfy everyone. Any discussion I take interest in is political or philosophical; I don't feel like any characters were shafted. They all felt realized, crafted rather than slapped together.

But...Fallout 3 was literally nothing.

Fallout 4 has aspects that could work. Fallout 3's plot is just...so uninspired, constantly yawning as it tries to be grandiose and sentimental. It's about this about this one kid of this scientist. This kid's dad leaves the Vault for some reason, the kid fucks around doing busywork so people tell them where he went, they find him, he dies, stuff with Eden and Autumn, the kid dies pushing some buttons. Yay...I'm so invested in this teenager, this old dude who is nothing but 'dad' and 'scientist', and the two brotherhood of steel ladies who take over telling me what busywork to do...

So, yeah. The killing blow is that I didn't like any of the Fallout 3 characters.

First Companion I met was Jericho. I learned he was a rapist and I killed him. The game told me I lost karma for murder...despite giving me karma for killing the Tenpenny guy in the bar five minutes ago. I killed everyone in Paradise Falls and got good karma. No desire to recruit Clover. I only traveled with Dogmeat and Fawkes. Butch's archetype is boring and Charon...fine, I guess. Stoic, maybe? Honor-bound, as he says. Sure, that's something. I had to Google the other companions.

And I think that demonstrates the problem with Fallout 3 companions. People never say they like Clover, or Jericho. It's Butch and Charon. I saw Star Paladin Cross mentioned by another human being once, IRL. Once. Do you really want to know what Jericho would do for Halloween? Do you really care about what RL-3 would think about the Lone Wander finding a baby and keeping it? Does the thought of Star Paladin Cross wearing a tanktop on weekends thrill and excite you? No. Why would it? Do you even remember Cross's gender? What Jericho looks like? What weapon Clover uses?

I don't feel like writing New Vegas because I don't see anything to write. They're good characters, good writing, I was happy with how it all turned out.

I write Fallout 4 because that puzzle never finished for me. I never got to see the likable, interesting characters reach their full potential, and it got me wondering.

I won't write Fallout 3 because there wasn't anything I found redeeming in it. I finished the puzzle and I was happy only because it was over.

#asks #i liked it! - someone #great! thats fine!#i liked pokemon shield! its fine to like crap media!#just dont be surprised other people dont like it!!!!#actually that goes for GOOD media too #you can have the finest of blueberry pies but if someone doesnt like blueberry #doesnt matter. they dont like blueberry #but with fo3. its fallout. fallout is a cherry pie. i LOVE cherry pie. when it isnt made by someone who doesnt understand cherry pie #and still insists their cherry pie is a better cherry pie. even after theyve mads coconut pie (fallout 4)#i like coconut pie too! but its not cherry pie!!! why did you buy the rights to cherry pie if you were going to keep making it coconut!!!!!

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corndoggod · 1 month

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I’ve tried to write about my Dad a thousand times. But I was never able to finish any of those stories. Both of us had trouble seeing things through to completion. I thought that perhaps I could finally finish one of these essays about him whenever he passed, because they weren’t necessarily flattering, but they were honest. They were about our messy relationship, which only grew more complicated with age. I have a lot to say about that, and maybe I’ll finally write those essays, but it’ll suffice to say I felt ashamed of my Dad more than I’d like, and felt terribly guilty for feeling shameful, and that lovely pairing eventually hardened into feelings of resentment, often blinding me from his best aspects.

Of course I loved him too. How could I not? He was my Dad and, as with his comedy, even though he wasn’t the best, he never stopped trying.

And I knew how much he loved me. He loved me so much. I don’t know anyone with a bigger heart. Me and Ethan were his pride and joy and he made sure we knew it every chance he could. He was an amazing father in that way.

Our relationship grew more complicated with age, but it became really simple last May when he had a life-changing stroke and then again this Sunday when he had a life-ending stroke. At the end of the day, he was my Dad and I was his son, and there was nothing but love between us. Nothing to do but hold his hand and stroke his head and update him on the latest March Madness games and betting odds. I tried to say something profound to him on his deathbed, but all I really wanted to do was talk about the shit we usually talked about: the NBA, my bowling league, what we’ve been reading, his latest book idea for me or himself.

That simplicity didn’t last long, because he’s gone now and I’ve been doing a lot of thinking this week. A lot of rethinking actually, and I’ve started to see how much I underestimated my Dad. I worried about my Dad constantly for most of my adult life. I worried for his happiness, but have you ever met a firmer optimist? My Dad had a lot of tough breaks, but he never felt sorry for himself, never became bitter with the world.

I worried about his loneliness, but just look at all of you here today - what a warm crowd. And I want to give a special thanks to Lisa, RJ, Mike, Anita and Joe. You guys showed up for my Dad when me and my brother couldn’t, and you kept showing up when he probably would’ve driven the two of us crazy.

I worried about his health and, well, I was right to worry about his health. The man was crumbling before our eyes and could hardly see with his own. The first time he met Celina we had barely sat down for lunch when, much to my horror, he told us the doctor said they might have to carve out his eye and he wanted to know how we thought he’d look in an eye patch.

I worried for his quality of life. I could never square his unwavering good nature with his life circumstances. It’s become increasingly clear my Dad didn’t measure life the same way I do, but I’m beginning to see his wisdom. It’s a wisdom rooted in the heart, and that wisdom says: friends and family come first, and that includes dogs. It says never presume and live with humility - you never know what the person next to you has gone through and laughing at yourself brightens any moment. It says laughing and crying are powerful medicines.

But I never once worried that my Dad didn’t believe in me. He believed in me with all his heart, no matter the task. He believed I could write for The New Yorker. He believed I could qualify for the Boston Marathon. And I took that for granted, and I wish I thanked him more.

I think we all fear becoming like our parents. I know I did and I tried, consciously or not, to be different or better than my Dad. But I can see now how the qualities he gifted me are fundamental to my being. There’s my love of reading of course. We both slept with books in bed. My ambitions to write. My aversion to driving. My affinity for sports and, a parting gift, my budding obsession with sports gambling.

Moving forward I want to lean into his wisdom, confident that my life will be enriched because of it.

I couldn’t find these words Sunday night, but I hope they find you now, Dad. I want you to know how proud I am to be your son and how proud I am of you. Thank you for teaching me, in your gentle way, what matters most in life: friends, family, laughter, books and dogs.

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pastel-charm-14 · 2 months

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Do you have any advice on how to stay motivated on doing homework? I was sooo good at it but recently I’ve been getting caught up with work because I love my job and I love talking to friends and I just haven’t set aside the time to write my essays!! It’s so hard to stay focused!! Any advice is appreciated because it’s the only part of me that’s disorganized at the moment :)

hey! staying motivated to do homework can definitely be a challenge, especially when you have other things competing for your time and attention.

break down your homework assignments into smaller, manageable tasks and set specific goals for what you want to accomplish each day. this can help make the workload feel less overwhelming and more achievable.

carve out dedicated time in your schedule for homework, just like you would for work or socializing. set aside blocks of time where you can focus solely on your assignments without distractions.

identify any potential distractions in your environment, such as your phone, social media, or noisy roommates, and take steps to minimize them. consider turning off notifications, finding a quiet study space, or using productivity apps to help you stay focused.

give yourself something to look forward to once you've completed your homework, whether it's a break to chat with friends, a favorite snack, or some leisure time to relax and unwind. rewarding yourself can help motivate you to stay on track and finish your work.

try to find aspects of your homework assignments that genuinely interest you or excite you. whether it's a topic you're passionate about, a challenging problem to solve, or a chance to learn something new, focusing on the intrinsic rewards of the task can help boost your motivation.

keep track of your assignments, deadlines, and progress in a planner or digital calendar. staying organized can help reduce stress and overwhelm and make it easier to stay on top of your workload.

don't be afraid to ask for help or support from friends, family, or teachers if you're struggling to stay motivated. sometimes just talking about your challenges and getting some encouragement from others can make all the difference.

i hope this helps! :)

#answering asks #pastel dreamer✨

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star-wanderer · 1 year

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The end of the Universe.

Not a book review, more an essay on what the books brought to me. Warning for longposting.

So recently I finished a book by one of my favourite authors, Becky Chambers. "The galaxy, and the ground within" was the final book in her Wayfarers series, more a set of loosely connected stories told in one collective universe than the typical linked series of books detailing one main story. Compared to some of the other stories in the series that I read years earlier, I cannot say that this felt as impactful or momentous when I finished it, but that isn’t to say it lacked meaning to me either.

Chambers writes stories that, in my opinion, grasp beautifully the intricacy of living in a society and being alive. To a greater extent, I would argue that her writing is about what it means to be human. The first book of hers that I read was actually not the first in the series. I will come back to "the galaxy and the ground within" later, but I want to talk about one of her earlier books first, the one that really hit home for me and changed the way I saw the world. I first picked up “A closed and common orbit”, a story about an AI designed to assist with living on a ship being transplanted into a human-shaped body. She isn’t recognised by most as a real person with rights or her own autonomy, and she doesn’t identify with, or feel comfortable with the body she now inhabits. She has no legal papers that can easily apply to her or her body, limited capacity to travel because of a lack of documents, and generally no systemic support from the government. And underlying all that, she feels adrift in life now that she is no longer able to fulfil the task she was originally programmed for and is trying to seek meaning in her existence.

To me, the trans metaphor was very clear from both the language used in the book, and the shape of the concept it was presented in. I thought it was both a beautiful way of shedding light on the issue, while also changing the perspective just enough to possibly circumvent the cognitive dissonance that comes with our pre-established notions with modern language involving the trans community and transgender people. Something that most people aren’t consciously aware of is how much phrasing, word choice, and packaging can affect or sway judgement based on established ideals. By simply changing how an idea is presented or phrased, two completely different reactions can be obtained from the same people. I felt that this was cleverly used in the series to present the issue and the struggle of just trying to fit into life like everyone else in a relatable and understandable fashion. I don't think that it should be a struggle that needs to be explained, but there it is.

We follow Lovelace, the AI, in choosing a new name for herself, through her struggles in trying to figure out her place in the world without simply taking orders from others, and her struggles with feeling comfortable with her body. Lovelace, or Sidra, as she renames herself, repeatedly expresses a disconnect from the body she inhabits and her mind. The language used would be very familiar to people with similar struggles, but still coherent and easily parseable to a reader without that knowledge. The wording highlighted the clear disconnect between Sidra, the identity we were following, and the body she lived in to mimic a human. She didn’t feel comfortable or at home in the body she used, and made adjustments where she could to her environment instead to help her feel more comfortable. She couldn’t change the circumstances of her creation, but she could learn to unwire her old programming and form new habits of her choice, accepting as well the consequences of those choices. At one point in the story, it takes giving up control of the body to return to controlling a ship, Sidra’s original purpose and a goal she strives towards for most of the book before Sidra comes to appreciate what having a physical human body allows her to do. It is the first moment in the book that Sidra identifies the body she had been using as her own, and not just a form made for her, signifying an shift in thinking. Additionally, as a mass produced AI on the market, Lovelace, now Sidra, was being exposed to things and experiences beyond the imagining of a shipboard computer. Through the text, I sensed a certain connection as well to people who at some point in their lives are made to step out of their small corner of the world and are shown a whole new life that they never imagined possible and now have to readjust their way of thinking about the world. Our world has certain trends, cultures, and expectations of us for whatever roles we were born into. Almost everything is set up for us to slide into these roles and not change, but not everyone can fit in neatly into the boxes society has laid out for us. Sometimes by choice, sometimes by circumstance.

The book doesn’t just tell Sidra’s story of learning about herself beyond her core programming, but there are other quieter stories in the background. But they all weave together to become one tapestry of lives and experiences that constitutes living on a society with other people and making the space around them more comfortable and better for people. Pepper goes to great lengths to help Sidra adjust to being human, and Sidra makes a friend named Tak who introduces her to tattooing, to parties, and helps her discover herself. Pepper’s fix-it job doesn’t work strictly by money, she also trades in simple favours such as food discounts and medical checkups in return for helping them out. There’s a general air in the stories of how although there are always people with less pleasant intentions or with less common sense than is good for them, most people are kind and making their way through life by making the space around them better, and helping others in the process.

Which brings me back to "the galaxy, and the ground within". In this book, Chambers writes us a simple story on the surface about a group of weary travelers who get stuck at what was meant to be a pitstop on their travels when a tech failure shuts down all planetary travel. Three travelers and their two hosts are stuck together in what is basically a small hotel with nothing to do other than twiddle their thumbs and wait for the authorities to do their thing.

That brings me to the diversity in the series. Chambers uses the canvas of a galaxy-wide community to introduce diversity of cultures and race/species to us, but even within species there is diversity based on their origins, their parents, and their personal life choices. There is a great deal of emphasis throughout the series placed on the importance and impact of the choices one person makes about how they want to live their life. I wouldn't say it is more emphasised in this story than others, but I think you cannot talk about a Chambers book in her Wayfarers universe without praising the racial and cultural diversity.

When we talk about diversity and representation in our current media, it is still a frustrating conversation with people at times about why they should see different faces and identities there. But something that I've heard across a range of ages and generations from people about science fiction is "Where are all the aliens?" or "Why aren't there more aliens?" The cognitive dissonance I mentioned earlier really comes to bear here, and Chambers makes full use of it with her cast. Even for culturally savvy and well-travelled people as our main cast in this story, we still see that the world they live in is so big that they still don't fully and completely understand everything. These are people who are well travelled, well informed, and people who even make a point to go out of their way to know more about other places, cultures, and people, and they still acknowledge the massive gap in their knowledge of each other's races when they meet.

Some characters lean heavier into their culture of birth, some mix fluidly wherever they go without a particular distinct culture that they call their own, some pick up things from all the places they travel, some change their minds as they grow and see new things and decide to leave some things of their past behind them. But ultimately people decide how they want to live and who they want to be, and others make the choice to respect that. People understand, in this universe, that you cannot live without encountering people very different from yourself and that accommodations must be made for them. Some amount of thoughtfulness is expressed by everyone to at least take into consideration that different people need different things, and that even within a race, no two people are the same. Not everyone is going to agree or like some differences, but ultimately a conflict also isn’t going to resolve anything and non-confrontational methods are just preferable, so people make spaces for different things or make spaces as accommodating as possible. It’s a philosophy I firmly believe we could do well to adopt and remember today.

One last thing that I came to realise after some thought is perhaps a final click of why I like reading Chamber’s books so much. In her works, her characters communicate with each other in a way I feel we should all do. Sometimes there are gaps intentionally written in the conversation where the wrong things are said, or not said, sometimes things still don’t work out even after all the words have been said with careful thought, or sometimes people still don’t agree at the end, but her characters still talk to each other when they have a problem and do their best to clearly communicate things and clear up differences and clarify to reduce misunderstandings. Even if they are of different opinions, the characters understand that at least effort was put in to consider the thoughts of the others. In a universe as diverse and far ranging as theirs, they need to do their best to be clear and precise in what they mean, while accounting for differences in language and culture and levels of understanding; not to simply expect or demand everyone else rise up to their level of comprehension, but to raise others up together with them. They vocalise their problems, because acknowledging an issue openly is the first step to getting the problem resolved between them. They ask for clarification and ask for forgiveness when there is a mistake, because mistakes happen and that is understandable and easily forgivable. But to commit a misdeed intentionally when it could have been cleared up or done with more thoughtfulness is a much harsher mark against you. As someone who spends so much time listening to others, this is something I wish we did more often. Kindness and thoughtfulness aren’t a high expectation, and they shouldn’t be in a society so diverse. We shouldn't need to touch the stars and populate the galaxy to realise that we need to be kind to ourselves and our fellow neighbours, whoever they may be and wherever they may come from.

If I've omitted mentioning stuff from the books or avoided specifics, please understand that this has been largely just a rambling loose connection of thoughts from me that I spent a few minutes making graphics for because I love the colour purple and the graphics make me happy. I had a lot of thoughts rattling around after finishing the final book in a universe I loved existing in so much. I feel happier for having written this all our and put it out there, so yeah.

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mariacallous · 9 months

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A week after a Moscow court added another 19 years to Alexey Navalny’s prison time (for various supposed “extremist” crimes), his associates published an essay written in his name titled “My Fear and Loathing.” In the manifesto, as it soon became known in the news media and on social networks, Navalny argued that the root of many of Russia’s most fundamental problems today can be found in the 1990s — specifically in the compromises and expediencies liberals then embraced at the expense of democracy. Navalny also criticized multiple individuals by name and warned that figures in Russia’s contemporary opposition are repeating their predecessors’ mistakes. The text sparked a discussion among Russian liberals about the legacy of the 1990s and whether Navalny has the right to castigate that era’s politicians and public figures when his allies today have sometimes exhibited questionable judgment. Many even question whether Navalny even wrote the essay. Meduza collected some of the reactions to the 1990s Manifesto.

Responses from individuals named in Navalny’s essay

Kirill Martynov

Novaya Gazeta Europe editor-in-chief

I never participated in the NASHI movement. The editor-in-chief of Novaya Gazeta is Dmitry Muratov. And I also never defended anyone at the center of one of the Anti-Corruption Foundation’s investigations. I ask the authors of “Alexey Navalny’s Letters” to be a bit more careful with their fact-checking. Writing letters from political prisoners isn’t Twitter.

Maxim Katz

Politician

Navalny issued an appeal yesterday, the details of which I will not address, although I’m named there, among others, as one of the people Alexey hates. I refuse to get into an argument like this with someone in prison who’s actually enduring torturous conditions and is completely isolated from the outside world.

Alexey and I will argue when he’s free. I hope he’ll be okay.

However, regarding the discussion that arose yesterday, I want to talk about one idea that I think is dangerous — an idea that occupies the minds of Russian oppositionists and their supporters. This is the idea that our main task now is not to repeat the mistakes of the democrats of the 1990s and to prevent a new Putin from coming to power when we get our chance to influence the situation.

There are several problems with this approach. First, democrats were in power for just a year and a half back in the infamous 90s, and they had no chance. Second, we won’t face what they did because the changes will follow a completely different scenario. And third, a living, breathing Putin still exists right now in Russia, and it would be nice to oppose him now however we can — preferably together in coordination.

Alexey Venediktov

Journalist and former editor-in-chief of the radio station Echo of Moscow

Dear Mr. Alexey Navalny! None of your letters change my opinion that the investigation against you was conducted unfairly, that the trial against you was unjust, and that the sentence was wrongful. And that it would be just to close your case and release you (and the other political prisoners).

Mikhail Khodorkovsky

Exiled businessman and former oil tycoon

I’m disappointed that another article published in Navalny’s name contains a blatant lie. (I say “in his name” because I’m not convinced that it’s possible to write such articles while in punitive confinement. They never allowed me to do it, anyway.) The lie is of a fundamental nature: a call to “join Prigozhin’s ranks” is very different from a call to help Prigozhin square off with Putin and stockpile weapons so they can take power themselves.

It’s the difference between wanting to shift concern for one’s destiny onto some other “hero” (who isn’t a hero at all) and the desire to determine your fate yourself. To become a force yourself that will lead the country to democracy and prosperity. It’s a shame if this went misunderstood, and it’s even worse if it was, in fact, understood, but…

P.S. I don’t want to comment on the article in more detail — it’s too frustrating. Russia needs Navalny as a talented politician (we don’t have many of them). And making him out to be a poison-spitting hater is a job for the presidential administration, not for his own teammates.

Other noteworthy reactions

Grigory Golosov

Political Science Department dean at the European University at St. Petersburg

I agree that democratization’s failure was largely due to the anti-democratic attitudes of the 1990s political class; that these same attitudes were partly connected to the fear of losing power and, with it, the opportunity for quick personal enrichment; and that the result of these attitudes was a foundation for reforms that lacked the necessary legal (especially constitutional) basis. And what does all this tell us? That such mistakes must be avoided in the future. What doesn’t it tell us? That the exact same people as in the 90s are certain to make these mistakes again, and that entirely new people (or, put another way, the same old people who didn’t reach the top of the mountain in the 90s) will enjoy immunity against such errors.

Tatyana Malkina

Journalist who covered the attempted coup in Moscow August 1991 and later reported in President Yeltsin’s press pool

I pulled myself together and didn’t limit myself to just the excerpts. I sat down and read the entirety of this confession/rebuke by my homeland’s main political prisoner. This is his first public message to the city and the world since the announcement of an insane sentence that’s tantamount to murdering this prisoner. I’m not a destructologist, but I can’t remain silent. I don’t think he wrote this text. Or, if he did write it, then all his previous texts belong to someone else. I’m not talking about the context at all, by the way. I’m better off saying nothing there — let [the one-time chief KGB ideologist] Filipp Bobkov conduct a thorough examination. I urgently demand freedom for all political prisoners.

Vladimir Gelman

Political scientist

Navalny’s post today, dedicated to the failure of democratization in Russia in the 1990s (I agree with him for the most part), looks like an afterword to the preface for my book “Authoritarian Russia.” [...]:

One pleasant sunny summer day in 1990, I was sitting in the waiting room at the Mariinsky Palace in Leningrad. I was a 24-year-old activist in a pro-democracy movement that had recently won a city-council election. [...] I faced a difficult choice between a position as a junior researcher at the Institute of Sociology of the Academy of Sciences and a mid-level job in the city council’s newly formed administration. The latter option seemed more attractive, and after a series of conversations, I came for an interview with the council’s chairman, Anatoly Sobchak…

Sobchak finally showed up, and we entered his enormous, luxurious office. Without asking me a word and seemingly not even noticing me at all, my potential boss started a long and passionate speech as if he were addressing an audience of hundreds, even though there was nobody else in his office except us. […] After what seemed like an endless monologue, he paused, and I managed to ask the question that I thought was key to my future work: “Mr. Sobchak, how do you see the system of power in this city that you want to create?”

Sobchak finally turned to me, as if descending from Heaven to Earth, and changed his tone to something more candid: “We have a lot of city-council deputies. They’re loud and poorly organized: they should be working mainly in the districts, meeting with citizens and responding to public complaints. We have a city executive committee: it should be dealing with municipal services, roads, greenspaces, and water leaks, but it shouldn’t overstep these limits. And I (he said, looking widely around the office), with the help of my team (now staring at me), will set policy.” I was shocked to hear such cynical statements from someone who many people saw as a symbol of democracy. “But isn’t that almost the same thing as under the communists…? What about democracy?”

Sobchak was probably very surprised that someone who supposedly might join his new team had asked him such a question. When he answered, he spoke firmly, with the same intonation that university professors sometimes use when informing a freshman about fundamental truths: “We’re in power now, and that is democracy.”

This statement shocked me. All my great hopes for a new democratic politics collapsed in an instant.

Alfred Kokh

Former deputy prime minister of the Russian Federation

I hope that Navalny understands that plenty of similar allegations against him can also be crammed into this style — stuff just as vulgarly primitive and tailored for the uncritical view of fans. […]

What’s happened, unfortunately, is what had to happen: Navalny, locked away in prison, has lost touch with the context of current events, with the news of the day, with the pulse of the times. He’s still living with the same pre-war ideas about the scale of certain processes. It’s perfectly natural, and it’s pointless to blame him for this.

He ceases to be relevant. Regrettably, even his courtroom and prison saga, as well as his monstrous prison sentence, are events that have become more important and interesting than what he now says and thinks. Because he’s recycling all the same talking points from Putin’s propaganda as 10 years ago, thus repeating the fate of [Yabloko party founder Grigory] Yavlinsky. And with the same ending, I fear.

But most important is something else. The most important thing is what he doesn’t understand (or his lawyers or those paying them don’t explain to him): there’s no longer any electoral maneuvering inside Russia. There’s no clearing to consolidate supporters, no means of unleashing this protest, and no chance to turn people’s silent support into public action.

Everything is crushed under Putin’s boot, and it’s not even close. Put simply, it’s 1937 all over again. [...] The truth is that the window of opportunity for building a free and democratic Russia depends directly on Ukraine’s victory in this war. And no amount of exposing the “young reformers” from the 1990s will affect this at all. It’s just a shot into nothingness.

Valery Solovey

Political scientist and former Moscow State Institute of International Relations professor

At last, the Kremlin and the opposition finally see the past the same way: the damned 1990s are to blame for everything! At the same time, the designated “culprits” readily communicated with those same oppositionists during the 2000s, hoping for their political and financial support. And sometimes they got it, by the way.

Alexander Plushev

Journalist, former longtime Echo of Moscow radio host

It turns out that Russia’s main enemies aren’t Putin (who’s the Moon’s enemy after all) and his gang, but the late Yeltsin, [Yeltsin’s younger daughter Tatyana] Dyachenko, [Valentin] Yumashev, [Vladimir] Gusinsky, the reformists, the “independent media” and “democratic society,” Russia’s leadership from 1991 to 1993, [Alexey] Venediktov, [Ksenia] Sobchak, [Maxim] Katz, and [Kirill] Martynov.

Tatiana Felgenhauer

Journalist, former longtime Echo of Moscow radio host

My position in a nutshell (with all the reservations about the fact that Navalny is in prison and just got another 19 years and that debating somebody behind bars is the last thing anybody needs) is that I think Navalny is right that you shouldn’t applaud those actions that you consider to be unacceptable and help the regime. And you can criticize them — why not.

On the other hand, I don’t think that criticizing the Anti-Corruption Foundation’s investigations (or even the foundation itself) marks someone as an enemy of democracy or as a secret assistant to Vladimir Putin. Especially since, as it was recently revealed [likely a reference to Leonid Volkov stepping down as chairman amid a scandal involving his private lobbying on behalf of billionaire Mikhail Fridman] that the principled people there every now and again “make mistakes.” But the main thing is that Vladimir Putin’s opponents have so many political allies today that it’s the right time to draw red lines and decide who’s genuine and who isn’t.

Maria Phillimore-Slonim

Soviet, British, and Russian journalist

I tip my hat! I don’t agree with everything — I’m still not convinced that Venediktov took money for supporting electronic voting, but I agree completely with everything Navalny writes about the compromises of the 1990s, about how they pissed away a great chance that might never appear again in our century.

Marat Gelman

Gallerist

Whatever happens later with Russia, the most important thing is that we need to help Ukraine win the war. What we’ve seen is that the mistakes are ours, but it’s Ukrainians paying for them with their lives. That’s why I don’t really care who wins in distant future elections. What I need today is to weaken Putin’s power, I need more sabotage, more of a “split in the elites,” and so on. […]

A split in the nomenklatura is the only scenario that can remove [Putin] relatively soon. And instead of this, we split the camp of his opponents… Just imagine people answering [Navalny] by recalling how the 2011 protest movement was “drained.” [This is a reference to debates last decade about whether it was acceptable to negotiate with city authorities for demonstration permits.] Or they recall the idiotic (it’s clear today that it was a mistake) “Smart Voting.” And it’s off to the races from there.

Boris Pastukhov

Political scientist

In his long article from the dungeons, Alexey Navalny asks the rhetorical question: “Who are we really? And why are we needed?” Alexey considers this question to be rhetorical, but answers abound, for example:

“We” are Leonid Volkov, and we’re needed to get sanctions lifted from the right oligarchs.

“We” are Georgy Alburov, and we’re needed to fight corruption in the army during the war with Ukraine.

“We” are Maria Pevchikh, and we’re needed so the opposition, even in exile, knows that the most important fight of all is against other opposition groups.

“We” are Alexey Navalny, and we’re needed so any Russian intelligence officer or criminal caught in the West has someone to be exchanged for.

It seems that, for more than a year and a half now, the Anti-Corruption Foundation has preferred to fight for the purity of ranks over fighting for peace (or at least for power). It’s certainly an important issue, but it would be nice to know: in the context of one of the greatest catastrophes in Russian history, are we fighting to stop the monster or to avoid dirtying our hands with an accidental handshake in the process?

Vladislav Inozemtsev

Economist, political scientist

I confess that I always respected Alexey Navalny as a political warrior but without any reverence for him as an analyst and thinker. Today’s text changes everything. He’s emotionally said all that I’ve been writing, at least since the mid-2010s in both Russia and the West. […] I still believe that the scale of stupidity, shortsightedness, and selfishness of Russian democrats of the 1990s simply defies rational explanation (even if you reason that their main motive was their rabid appetite for grabbing whatever they could). And I really don’t understand how there can be silence from the honorable Russian emigre opposition, which is from that time and from that class entirely, with only minimal exceptions. It’s simply inconceivable — as inconceivable as the reasons our emigrants still hope to return to power. Apparently, only the adversities that befell Mr. Navalny can switch on the brains of many in our intelligentsia.

Abbas Gallyamov

Political consultant

I think the author [of the Navalny essay] is wrong to lump together corrupt officials from the 1990s with today’s politicians and journalists. When Navalny accuses the former of failing to create a system of normal democratic institutions, the claim looks perfectly justified. But that hardly means that the current radical opposition should refuse to interact with the moderate opposition.

In a situation where you’re in power and you’re building democratic institutions, you might consider it unacceptable to adopt an approach of “the ends justify the means.” But in a situation when you’re fighting for that power — when you haven’t yet achieved it — it’s an unaffordable luxury to reject potential allies just because they once entertained such an approach. […]

To overthrow the regime and come to power, you need the widest possible coalition. As the saying goes, there’s strength in numbers.

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mailorderfictionalcharacter · 1 year

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Anxious, Agitated, & Mixed Depressions; Dysphoric/Mixed Hypo/manias

Things I’ve been reading recently. Standard does not equal endorsement not a professional not uncritical of what diagnostic labels are doing disclaimers.

Anxious Depression &/vs Agitated Depression

Anxiety vs Mania - How To Tell the Difference (video, Tracey Marks)

Activated Depression: Mixed Bipolar Disorder or Agitated Unipolar Depression? (Available on Sci Hub)

MDD with Mixed Features vs Mixed Hypo/mania

How to Diagnose Mixed Features Without Overdiagnosing Bipolar (Psychiatric Times)

Mixed features are common in practice but poorly described in DSM. They are caused by the overlap of depressive and manic symptoms, but it’s hard to understand them by reading separate descriptions of these two states. It would be like trying to imagine green by studying yellow and blue.

Exploring Diagnostic Strategies in the Assessment of Mixed Affective States (Psychiatric Times)

Although there is room for improvement, at least the new DSM-5 classification system has helped to identify more patients suffering from mixed states compared with previous nosology because of broadening the DSM-IV-TR criteria.15 For example, in one study, patients previously diagnosed with bipolar disorder were examined when they were having a manic or hypomanic episode, and mixed features were detected in 20.4% during the episode using the DSM-5 criteria; however, using the DSM-IV-TR criteria, only 12.9% of the patients had a mixed episode, showing what appears to be a lower degree of sensitivity toward mixed affective states.

Wired and Tired: Untangling a Bipolar Mood Episode with “Mixed Features” (Brooke Baron, bphope, blog post)

Then there are times when I feel quite worthless and depressed. I have no energy; I feel sluggish and isolated. Simple tasks become mountainous—even basic hygiene and eating practices. I have no bandwidth for anything.But I can’t sleep, because inside my mind there’s a grand finale fireworks display of thoughts. Some of them are about the past, some are about the future, and some are vivid ruminations about horribly tragic accidents happening to my loved ones—complete with unspeakable graphic imagery and a racing heartbeat. Intrusive thoughts, much?

Activated Depression: Mixed Bipolar Disorder or Agitated Unipolar Depression? (Available on Sci Hub, linked above)

Mixed/Dysphoric Hypo/mania

Exploring Diagnostic Strategies in the Assessment of Mixed Affective States (Psychiatric Times, linked above)

What It's Like to Experience Mixed Episodes With Bipolar Disorder (Personal essay, The Mighty)

I blast music in my car, in my ears, in my room, just to try to drown out half of the thoughts and slow down the stream. It helps sometimes. I don’t sleep much because the mania part doesn’t let me and because the thoughts keep me up late. I dream more during this period than at any other time because my brain won’t rest, even if I am sleeping. I can start a sentence off crying and be laughing by the end, the early tears still streaming down my cheeks... I want people to know what these feel like. Over the years, I have found myself frantically searching the web for others’ descriptions of their mixed episodes, and found material sadly lacking.

How My Experience With Dysphoric Mania Led to a Psychiatric Hospitalization (The Mighty, personal essay) Note: author did not find experience traumatizing, discussion of non-consensual institutionalization.

I was super depressed at moments — couldn’t get out of bed, didn’t want to go to work. And then wildly hyper at other moments — waking up at 2 a.m. and deciding to make macaroni and cheese, cleaning the house in the middle of the night. My mind was filled with intrusive thoughts of self-harm and suicidal ideation.

What is Mixed Mania and How Do We Treat It? (Tracey Marks, video)

Dysphoric Mania Is Not 'Fun' (Mel Herbert, The Mighty, personal essay, archive link)

Because all of that energy that comes with mania does not come out in the happy-go-lucky way of euphoric mania, but rather as rage. Pure, blinding rage. I often describe this anger as being so immense I want to slice myself open and crawl out of my own body. Not in a way of self-harm, but to escape the anger inside of me. The anger I experience in these times is physically painful, to the point where I lie in bed and writhe because I’m not an angry person, and I need some way to escape this all-consuming rage.

What is a Mixed Episode? (Julie A. Fast, bphope)

During a mixed episode, I am abnormally restless and can’t settle down. I will pace, drive for hours, sit down and stand up, pick at my fingernails, drive too fast, yell at people, wonder why the world is such an ugly place, hate my life and hate people as well.

Welcome to My Dysphoric Manic World (Julie A. Fast, bphope blog post)

Everything is wrong. People are stupid. The government is stupid. The world is stupid. There is a desire to get away in order to feel better.

#mixed episode #might add more later #mental illness

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lesewut · 1 year

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Impressions of the last weeks

Wishes and imagination becoming reality is one of the gifts, life is giving us a present. Everyday is so full and fruitful since I am studying. It was my big dream since childhood to study law (and become a bellydancer, but this is a different story haha) and after all those difficult roads, I am finally on this path. Investing in the head again, is thankfully appreciated as I had very hard times in my old profession as a painter & vanisher. It is expectable to work hard and sweat, but in this decade of fast living, the work conditions are under my work requirements. The painting handcraft has so many wonderful techniques, but the reality is that the most costumers, just want “fast and white”. The most handicraft businesses are following this low claim, as they mostly just want orders for any price. So, the poor handicraft workers are pushed to construction sites, that are doomed to take longer as planned, because no maintenance group was able to finish their task in the giving time and it is just one catastrophe after the other… Also a painter is forced to work at the very end, as they are the bridge between construction side and the finished object, which is often the home of somebody (when I worked in the fine “haute couture” handicraft business, the new-rich costumers are picky and stingy, the very rich ones have their housekeeper(s), who are caring for drinks and snacks, this was very nice, but in those households, you have to invest many many hours a week in cleaning.. Also it is normal to make every work step for weeks, as this working includes adequate and detailed focus on clean, correct and exact procedure. Weeks for preparing lidding material and masking, is obligatory for a professional finish! There are so many steps that take much patience and calmness… I will never forget how I had to polish historical windows for weeks with the grinding machine, eight hours a day, my hands constantly vibrated, I was continuously like a mush of potatoes after work…) When I was working in “Prenzlauer Berg” in a staircase of an apartment building of owners, since the third day on my knees, cleaning the steps with brine in self-bought gloves (…) a thought came up again: This can not be my life, this can not be my future. It will be not possible to present all those events and scenes, that made me push to accept this period of my life and all those circumstances that forced me to stay in this unfulfilling work, but I completed the necessary three years for the Gesellenbrief (journeyman’s certificate) and I also worked in this job after my Abitur, but I was not able to motivate myself enough to not become mentally battered again: Again those long hours of committing between home and work (sometimes five hours a day), again working in the cold (shells without sanitary facilities, vanishing in the snow-fall !!! sign of no respect for proper work structure, as the applicated vanish was like gum due to the freezing temperature…), again low grade communication with the most colleagues, again just white and fast and faster… But working in cellars with asbestos like in the last workplace with no protection, no warning, just nothing but fast fast fast! Was all in one a symphony of demon tune, composed to expand the personal horror.

After this experience I could not imagine and believe, that in a foreseeable future, the gates of university will finally open for me. It is a strange feeling to sit in the lecture sometimes, thinking about all the struggles…

After some impression of my “career”, I turn back to my new won situation. As I always had the feeling to do everything wrong, in early years I tried to figure out which behaviour would be “right” and what the significant difference is between right and wrong. (In the next days I will upload my notes to Hans Kelsen's essay "What Is Rightous?" + the definition of Platon and Aristotle) Feeling supressed and misunderstood often, I had this ardent dream to defend what is righteous and to make the life of people in general better, than to sprinkle more evil into this world I considered as horrible, because of my experience. But my idealism strengthened my heart and my motivation, I could not give up this imagination… (sounds very childish and naive, I know, but this is my way hihi) So some people, who cannot combine poetry and philosophy and the feeling for right (behaviour) tried to warn me by saying that this study will be dusty uninspiring, but deep in my heart I knew, that they do not know how exciting all those topics are that lead into theories of justice and if people were never kissed by philosophy and deep thoughts it is not surprising, if they consider those as boring. It is also a helpful talent to find fun and be motivated in several aspects. As reading and books have always been my alma mater, staying curious the essence of my motor. I finally have the feeling that what I do makes sense, that is has a future for me, that it was necessary for my gratitude to undergo all those hard paths (…) Okay, now it is enough with those melo-dramatic super personal in-look, I kind of feel glassy and in the same time fragmented, as shared experiences lack inner-personal perspectives and environmental dynamics, which are inevitable, when wanting to share just some aspects to emphasize the own inducement and I also accept more and more, that self-identity "is something" like an illusion (ontological question: What "is" really?) So those points are representative, but not “all”, as we are not able to consider all and everything.

Some minikin-thoughts about my study:

As we are looking at laws, we also are defining and seizing words and sentences. Some laws are very precise, and legislators provide definitions (legal definitions), others are interpretable and influenced by the Zeitgeist and therefore by the measures of value. In the course Philosophy of Rights, we started with the Ancient Greeks. (It is very sad, that the Professor, who is also a Prof. for old philology, can not interlink the former work of Egypt, India and Sumeria into Greek culture. It is a narrative in Europe, that the Greeks have “invented” all on their own. Of course, they have systemized and written down the knowledge, but nevertheless the roots of those thoughts ended in Anatolia and in this region all the traces of the Oriental and North African metaphysics have flouted in… So many Greek philosopher travelled around the Mediterranean Coast and far beyond, they looked up so many architectural, cultural, medicinal ideas!)

What is also very interesting, is how the positive law emerged through out the time by agreements of treatise, contracts and bills. In the commented version of Platon’s “Politeia” by my Prof. for philosophy, I’ve had read the original in parts, I was surprised, that the Prof. was writing that the society and the state were not separated. I asked him about the “guardians” and if this would not be a sign of separation, as they are morally controlled and therefore role-models for the society, isn’t this kind of a separation, I asked? The Prof. laughed and said, that he never saw it that way (what is awkward, as he himself is writing about this system.. and the hierarchy of responsibility), and that he will have to correct it in the next edition :’) Informative and exciting is also the course of Criminal Law. It is also kind of philosophical and philological to define the real meaning of the law, how the principle of debt works and how debt is classified. By looking at the reasons for debt, we are also looking at the action of the individual, was it consciously or unconsciously, can we consider action under the aspect of the free will? Does the free will exist at all? We have here some psychological and nervous system physiological proximity. By looking at former theories, there are also some names I never heard of like Cesare Beccaria (1738-1794), he was one of the first, who set up the theory of proportionality of punishment, he was against death penalty (never thought of Kant, Hegel and Fichte, who were supporters). As well I learned, that Bentham, we know by his rich works and thoughts in several areas (when it comes to the greatest-happiness-principle, the thought of animal rights, the codification of rights..) designed the panopticon. Since I’ve read Dostoevsky all those topics around life, morals, meanings, crimes and criminals and how to deal with their law breaks… It was possible to accept all those fragments of my interest under one aspect: This is a part of my self, whatever this self is, I am aware of it and I will train my conscience, as I want to become better. The thought of death is accompanying me, since I can think, but what really got me, I sadly do not know in which book this was written, but it is a part of Dostoevsky own experiences after getting pardoned, I saved it in my head like: Living, just living! And if the small spot of heaven above my head is cloudy and I am standing on the edge of a cliff! Just living for five minutes or just a few seconds! Just living! Living! So I am frequently between this euphoric live affirmation and the shame of thinking of dying… Very sorry, that I am digressing all the time. But coming back to death penalty, there is no sign that the crime is reduced in countries, where this inhuman procedure is allowed, it is indeed the opposite and than the realization by a very wise sentence of the Prof. for Criminal Law entered my soaking brain: The USA sets an example for taking human life, so how should civilians not also kill? And if we look at the criminalization in the States, it is a disastro, that this unproportionally punishments are increasing more violence, more pauperism, more existences near to edge of despair, more children with no fruitful future… In nuce: Harder punishments lead to more crime!

#literature #books #study of law #philosophy of right #personal thoughts #sorry mcflorry #keep motivating myself

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thoughtportal · 11 months

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Emma Silvers May 23, 2018

Liz Phair is getting into character. She’s practicing her moves. She’s doing vocal exercises every night.

“You make these sounds for a really long time, like a monk, to try to get that lower register open,” she says, demonstrating a long, low hum. “Because my range has gotten way higher as I’ve gotten older.”

She’s calling from Los Angeles, a week after her 51st birthday. And the character for whom she’s in training is a 25-year-old version of Liz Phair, the one that released “Exile in Guyville” in 1993, the album that subsequently thrust her into the national spotlight — despite the fact that she had only played a handful of live shows.

“It was a disaster,” she recalls. “That’s not how you do it! I was already famous before I’d ever played live.”

But Phair needs to channel that person to properly perform that album, she says — which she plans to do for Bay Area fans Friday, June 1, at the Swedish American Hall in San Francisco, as she tours intimate venues in support of the 25th anniversary reissue of “Girly-Sound to Guyville” (Matador), a seven-LP or three-CD box set complete with essays, interviews and remastered rarities. (The first half of the title refers to early Phair demo tapes that were, before now, mostly message board fodder for die-hard fans. This tour marks the first time she’ll perform the tracks live.)

“Exile” was a revelation when it hit the radio in 1993: sensitive and blunt, angry and funny, honest about sex and the alienation of being a creative girl in a guy’s scene. Framed as a wry response to the Rolling Stones’ “Exile on Main Street,” it stood in stark contrast to the bro-dominated grunge acts of the era, and quickly landed on critics’ best-of-the-year lists. Meanwhile Phair, a Chicago native and recent Oberlin College grad who had written most of her songs in her bedroom at her parents’ house, became an indie darling overnight.

It was in that spotlight that Phair was taken to task for her lyrics, whose sexual frankness (“I want to be your blowjob queen,” from the sing-songy track “Flower,” was among the most-quoted) barely moves the needle by today’s pop music standards. But in the ’90s, says Phair, “You were still judged according to the Slut-O-Meter.”

“I wanted it to be so outrageous and over the top that you had to talk about whether I could say it or not,” says Phair, whose penchant for performance art comes across in early interviews. “I wanted men and I wanted to have sex. I had those feelings, and I had those thoughts, so it was really about what you were allowed to exhibit. What you’re given ownership over, even in the real estate of your own inner life.”

In the 25 years since “Exile,” Phair has released five full-length albums, some to acclaim, and some — like her 2003 self-titled foray into slicker, more radio-friendly pop — to critical derision and cries of “sellout.” She also dabbles in other art forms: after finishing a double album with Ryan Adams recently (release date still to be announced), she turned her attention to a different kind of writing, inking a two-book deal with Random House in 2017. A memoir called “Horror Stories” will be published first; the second, she says, is tentatively organized around the theme of fairy tales.

Regardless of her medium, Phair’s impact and influence have grown more obvious with each passing year, especially as younger generations of feminists discover her landmark debut.

“Dude, I was ahead of my time. What can I say?” she says with a laugh, when asked about how well “Exile” has aged.

It’s 2018, and Beyoncé, whose brand is seeped in sexuality, just gave the performance of her life at age 36 — the same age Phair was when a New York Times review of her self-titled record painted her as a desperate, over-the-hill soccer mom for daring to still be sexual. Does our cultural landscape have more room for women as three-dimensional beings than it did in 1993?

“I do think we’re much further along,” says Phair. “But especially in the last couple years, with the Trump administration, it’s also shocking and deeply disturbing to realize how much further there still is to go.”

Which has, in turn, lit a fire under Phair in other ways.

“I have felt a definite need to be present, vocal and accounted for, because I need to be as strong and loud as these voices that are so horrifying to me,” she says. “We all do. The America that I believe we live in just needs to turn up its volume.”

In the meantime, those who caught Phair live circa 1993 can expect a much more technically skilled performance of “Exile” songs than the last time around. That said, Phair’s biggest strength remains the same: “It’s a testament to people’s appreciation of songwriting,” that fans stuck with her 25 years ago, she says, as she learned to play shows in real time.

“But I think that’s what I do better than other people. I don’t sing better or play better, but I have a kind of authorship. A voice.”

Emma Silvers is a Bay Area freelance writer.

#Liz Phair revives ‘Guyville’ for 25th anniversary #liz phair #1990s music #1990s #article #Exile in Guyville #music #interview #2018

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smartest-avenger · 1 year

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Retrying this because I messed it up the first time but here’s my Batman essay

A young boy watches as his parents are gunned down in an alley and goes on to be a hero single handedly fighting crime in Gotham. Many know the story of Batman that has been told for generations. One common theme in this story is the idea that “Batman works alone”. However, that is not the case. Through Batman's alliances, the value Batman places on working with others, and Batman's early years, this essay will describe why the idea that Batman works alone goes against his character.

Batman has had many different proteges over the years. The first of which was introduced in 1940, only one year after Batman himself was introduced. This is Dick Grayson, the first to hold the mantle of Robin. Robin was not meant to be such a storyaltering element when he was introduced. In fact, he was simply a narrative fix. The writers were having trouble giving readers enough information when their main character did not speak much, and using thought bubbles was infringing on the mysterious vibe they wanted to give Batman. The solution was simple: give Batman a sidekick. Thus the beginning of the Robin mantle was born. Several characters after Dick Grayson held the mantle of Robin. These characters are Jason Todd, Tim Drake, Stephanie Brown, and Damian Wayne. Tim Drake and Damian Wayne both currently hold the mantle of Robin, depending on what comics are being looked at. Robin is not the only mantle that has fought by Batman's side, there was also Batgirl. Barbara Gordon, Cassandra Cain, and Stephanie Brown who has served as both a Batgirl and a Robin.

Even as these characters begin to move away from their original roles as Batman's sidekick, they continue to work alongside him. Two notable new identities are Nightwing and Oracle. Nightwing is Dick Grayson’s hero identity, and he operates in Bludhaven, Gothams sister city. However, that does not stop him from coming to Gotham to help out, like he does in Batman: A Death In The Family, a comic that will be talked about later in this essay. Barbara Gordon goes on to become Oracle after she is paralyzed by the Joker, and works as an informational hub and tech guru for not only Batman but many heroes. So even as Batman's sidekicks grow up and become their own people, Batman is not left to do his work alone.

Batman is also part of a superhero team called the Justice League. Within that group he fights alongside Wonder Woman, Flash, Green Lantern, and many others. These people are not his sidekicks or proteges, but instead they are equals working together to save the world. This team can be seen working together in the series Son of Kal-El. While this series is not focused on Batman, it gives us a good look at him working within a team. In issue one, there is an attempted alien invasion on planet earth at the same time Superman's wife is going into labor. Superman leaves the battle against the invaders at his teammates’ insistence to go be with his wife as she gives birth. When he arrives there, he finds that Batman is standing guard. When Superman asks Batman what he is doing there instead of the battle, Batman replies “I am receiving updates. I can protect your family and the planet at the same time”. This shows that Batman is willing and able to work with his team not just at the bare minimum of planetary defense, but going above and beyond to help his teammate during a time of need.

Another comic including both Batman and Superman emphasizes the value that Batman places on working together. This comic is Volume Two of Superman’s Rebirth. In this story, Superman brings his son, Jon Kent, to the batcave where Batman helps run some tests on Jon to learn more about his emerging powers. After that, Batman and Superman put their sons through tests together to teach them how to work as a team. Even when they are able to successfully complete the task on their own without the others' help, they fail the mission because they did not work together. Batman and Superman even go so far as to sage a fake attack to put their kids in a circumstance where they will have to work together. This dedication to teamwork shows that Batman places a lot of value on working with others.

In 1988, fans were given a chance to vote on whether Jason Todd, who was currently operating as Robin by Batman's side, survives an attack with the Joker. It was a close call, but in the end it was voted that Jason Todd does not survive that attack. This infamous vote could fill an entire essay of its own, but that is beyond the scope of this paper. Instead, we will look at the ramifications of the death of Batman's sidekick. After Jason’s death, Batman did not take a break from crime fighting. Instead, he threw himself into it more than ever. Without compromising his no kill code, Batman became more violent towards the people that he fought. He also became a lot more reckless. This resulted in him receiving more injuries. He was spiraling at an unsustainable rate, and refusing to take a break. This was noticed by someone named Tim Drake, a young boy who had discovered the identities of Batman and both Robins, his favorite heroes. Tim knew that Batman could not go on like this, so he approached Dick Grayson and revealed that he knows Dick’s vigilante identity. He explains to Dick what is going on with Batman, and asks him to go back as Robin, because Batman needs a Robin. Dick refuses to go back to being Robin, but he does go back and help Batman as Nightwing. During this, both Batman and Nightwing get into big trouble, and are saved by Tim Drake who donned the Robin costume to help save them. Batman takes him in as a new Robin soon after. This plotline is interesting because it really goes against the “Batman works alone” narrative that so many people like and instead it explicitly expresses the opposite. The whole moral of the story is that Batman needs a Robin by his side or he wouldn’t be Batman.

Until now, we have been examining Batman after he has established his alliances. While all of the Robins and Batgirls and the Justice League show that Batman works with many people in his career, there was a time before that. Bruce Wayne’s story begins one fateful night in Crime Alley as he watches his parents lose their lives in a mugging. He is left in that alley, and is found and comforted by someone named Leslie Thompkins. After this Bruce’s butler, Alfred Pennyworth, becomes his guardian. As he grows older, Bruce begins traveling the world to learn skills from all of the greatest masters that he would need in his journey to fight crime in Gotham. Batman Year One is a comic series published in 1986 that shows Batman's origins. His first night crime fighting, he is not Batman. He wears a disguise to look like any other civilian on the street, with a large scar drawn on his face to bring attention away from his identity. He gets into a fight with someone on the street, and loses. Somehow he manages to get back to Wayne Manor while bleeding from a gunshot wound in the leg. He lies there, weakened, wondering if this was all for nothing, if he should let the wound kill him, when a bat flies in through the window, sparking the inspiration for Batman. After that, he rings a bell to signal for his butler to come. This scene is referenced in the Robin 2021 series, when Batman's son Damian is asked to recall what Bruce's first step to becoming Batman was. Damian goes on to recount the journey that was just laid out from alley to world traveling and training to the bat flying through the window. The person asking Damian this says yes, that is what led up to Bruce’s decision to become Batman, but what was actually his first step? Then Damian realizes what the true first step was. In issue 9 of the Robin 2021 series, as his answer to the question of Bruce’s first step to becoming Batman, Damian says “The bell. He rang the bell… My father’s first step in becoming Batman was asking for help.”

We know the story of the boy who watched as his parents were gunned down in an alley who then went on to be a hero single handedly saving Gotham. However, I present a different take. A young boy who watched as his parents were gunned down in an alley, who was then comforted by another. Who went on to be raised by a man who accepted him as his own. Who trained under the tutelage of many greats, who accepted help to build the legend known as Batman today. As boy turns to man we see alliances form with peers, mentors brought to study under him, and soon step out from his teachings to continue working alongside him as equals. A man so entwined with others that without them by his side he cannot be who we know him to be. As shown through his alliances, the value he places on working with others, and his early years, we see that Batman is not the story of a solitary Dark Knight working alone to fight back the darkness of Gotham city. Instead, at its very core, Batman is a story about helping and being helped. It is a story of many.

#batfam #batman #actually autistic #bruce wayne #special interest #infodump

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blueberry-lemon · 2 years

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blog thoughts: the one game design lesson i learned from actually putting out Steam games

I like watching video essays on game design, reading articles, and also making my own tabletop/card games. That said, as someone who works for an actual game developer, there is one thing I feel like I've learned more from doing than by researching. Making games is a very delicate balance of incentives, rewards, and difficulty. To make a long story short, we think of all content in the game somewhere on a spectrum from "required to proceed" and "optional." But how do you decide what should be required and what should be optional? Actually, how do you decide what should be in the game at all or scrapped.

As a player, I used to assume that if a developer came up with an idea, felt that it was pretty good, there was ample time to implement it, and players or testers liked it, then they would definitely put it in the game. What could go wrong? Why would you leave something decent on the cutting room floor?

Decent isn't always good enough. And it can lead to a bad player experience in unexpected ways.

The big thing to keep in mind is the concept of completionism. Some players are completionists, who enjoy clearing and viewing as much of the game's content as possible. I used to think this was a very silly and niche thing to do, but I now understand it as a hobby that can be very relaxing or fulfilling to people.

This is huge. Because it means if you put something in your game, no matter how trivial or optional you make it, there are some players who will feel obligated to do it. Go ask the people who got 999 Power Moons in Mario Odyssey.

And if you're putting something in the game and unintentionally nudging players to do it, it better be good.

You will think that you have an excuse. "Well, doing that challenge is optional, so what does it matter? Don't complain about it." But being optional doesn't make a difference to fans of your game who want to play it a bunch and see all the optional content. To them, it isn't really optional, is it?

Then there's another issue: if there's an optional challenge in your game, is there a reward for completing it? If so, what's the reward? A new character? A new game mode? A cosmetic unlock? An achievement?

Young me, foolish as he was, thought that it was smart game design to reward players who conquer challenges with a good reward. Something substantial. THAT WAS COMPLETELY WRONG.

You shouldn't be worried about people who spend 10 hours trying to beat an optional boss battle and then "only get an achievement and a special helmet." You should be worried about how many hundreds or thousands of players you are baiting into trying the super-hard boss by putting "unlocks new character class" behind it. You're better off with the achievement!

Super-hard, niche, optional activities should be rewarded with tiny, niche rewards. People who subject themselves to that should be doing those things mostly for intrinsic value like pride, satisfaction, and bragging rights. If you lock your good content behind these things, people won't see it as optional. Players who aren't at that skill level (or don't have the time to grind or explore for 80 hours) will be desperate to try to get the new characters or modes.

Even acknowledging an accomplishment at ALL, even with a tiny star icon or a green checkmark or a thumbs up, is an incentive that pushes the player into bashing their head against a task. So be careful!!! As a developer, it may be more responsible to not make any in-game acknowledgement of people doing very esoteric challenging things. This even goes for putting in optional bonus levels, which you see as optional but certain players will force themselves to beat.

tl;dr I see everything you can do as a developer with your optional content somewhere on this spectrum:

Completing this challenge rewards you with a new mode/character/class.

Completing this challenge rewards you with new skills/items/tools/features/levels.

Completing this challenge rewards you with unimportant consumable items or currency.

Completing this challenge rewards you with cosmetic features, outfits, skins, titles, or wearable badges.

Completing this challenge rewards you with an achievement.

Completing this challenge rewards you with a small checkmark or acknowledgement that it was completed.

Completing this challenge does not reward or acknowledge you at all.

The more fun (and hopefully approachable) your challenge is...the higher up on that list it should go. The harder, more frustrating, or more time-wasting it is...the lower on the list it should go. Beyond that, if something is require to progress the game, it should be as fun, interesting, satisfying, and approachable as possible. Anything that isn't that should be made optional, and incentivized appropriately.

Don't accidentally piss your own players off!!!

#blog #blog thoughts #game design

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meldelamel · 9 months

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Sans and depression

Cw: Depression (I talk about my symptoms in a superficial way), and suicide mention.

Today I was watching some Undertale videos on Youtube, and I found a meme video about Sans being depressed. In the comments, I saw the two sides of the Sans fandom: Someone saying "hey, Sans is not a depressed edgy teen", and someone replying "yes he is". Ignoring the "edgy teen" part (I'm not a fan of the term "edgy", I think it can do lots of harm), I agree with both sides, and I felt like I wanted to write a little essay about it and share my opinion on the "depressed Sans" topic. As I always say, if my opinion makes you mad or something, you can just scroll and done, this is not Twitter (or X, because apparently that's its new name) and I don't want it to be. Okay, now let's start because I ramble a lot...

Honestly, I think that every character in Undertale can have depression if you overthink them enough. Everyone has their struggles there, not only because it is something normal in life (even the happiest person struggles at times), but also because they are in a tricky situation: They are trapped in the Underground, unable to even see the sunlight, and working on going to the surface, and probably have a war with the humans. So every character has a reason to struggle, being it their past, personal life, or just that difficult situation as a whole. Depression is not black and white, people often think depression is always about being incredibly sad and wanting to die, but, like any mental illness, depression is more complex than that, and everyone experiences depression in a different way. Heck, depression can even mean being angry all the time! So every character can have some type of depression if you want to headcanon them as such.

People saw depression signs in Sans and just took it too far, reaching a point were they really made Sans a different character. I don't think that's fully wrong, because if you relate to Sans and him being what people often call "edgy" makes you feel safe, it's completely valid, as long as you accept that people may disagree with you, since everyone can interpret fictional characters differently. But honestly, in the game, Sans is not that way.

When I first played the game (I played it without knowing anything, I didn't even know Sans's famous line "you're gonna have a bad time", so I wasn't influenced by anybody), I did notice depression signs in Sans, since I have depression myself and I related to him. I even searched on Google to see if he was canonically depressed. When I got into the fandom and saw how people often see Sans, making him so incredibly sad and in constant pain, I could only disagree. Sure, Sans is not the happiest skeleton in the world, but he's also not dying. Or at least for what we see in the game, again, I'm not here to purposely ruin your headcanon 😂 He's just demotivated and even kind of apathetic, but he doesn't look suicidal or in extreme pain.

I had the "stereotypical depression" , so to speak, when I was 14, I was the "sad" type (I wouldn't describe how I felt as "sad", because it was a complex feeling, but for the sake of simplicity I will use that word), I had suicidal thoughts, low self-steem and self-harm tendencies.

However, now my depression looks completely different. I'm not sad, I don't even experience that type of "sad" I had when I was 14, I'm just tired, bored, numb. I'm just unhappy. I don't have motivation and I hardly feel anything, I still can find joy sometimes when I'm for example playing Undertale, but as soon as I close the game, I'm numb again, and still that "joy" I feel is very different from the joy a healthy person experiences. I push myself to do stuff, just like Sans has Papyrus to push him to work, and just like Sans tries his best to do stuff for the people he cares about. I go outside, I do little tasks, I spend time with my loved ones etc.

It's just hard.

I can't even take care of myself, I have that ugly side of depression many people don't want to talk about were you are unable to take a bath and even brush your teeth because you are too overwhelmed to do anything. And I find funny that Sans doesn't bath either (Papyrus does, for example), at least not often, and you can't see him changing clothes, and when you're depressed even dressing up can be difficult, so there's that.

I'm not suicidal, I don't enjoy life but I'm hanging on and I really don't think about killing myself, I really feel like I don't care about anything really.

So yeah, Sans could perfectly have the apathetic type of depression, the bored type of depression. He's not in extreme pain, but that does not mean he is not suffering or/and struggling. Sans could also simply have dysthymia, which is similar to depression, but not that severe (take this description with a grain of salt though, I'm just trying to simplify it. I recommend that you inform yourself if you feel interested in dysthymia).

Also, you can be lazy and have depression. I'm naturally a lazy person, since I was a kid, demotivation only makes that laziness an actual problem. The healthy version of me would rather to be on the sofa than cleaning the house, depressed me wants to be on the sofa and can't really move from the sofa, even if I really wanted to, because I feel too exhausted mentally, and every little task is too much for me. I believe Sans is a naturally lazy monster, and if he has depression, he just has this combination. I say this because I saw people saying he's not lazy, just depressed.

So yeah, that's why I agree and disagree with the "depressed" headcanon. Sans can be depressed, but his depression is not like some people make it look like. But well, I think we all know that Sans is one of the most misinterpreted characters in Undertale, and I look foward to talk more about this weird fanon side in the future.

If you read all of this, thank you so much and... wtf how can you read so much agsyagghsgdhs you're really dedicated! I hope you found it interesting! Remember that this is just my opinion and I'm not forcing you to think like me or anything, and have a nice day because you deserve it! 🌸🌸🌸

PS. I don't headcanon Sans to have depression, but I like the idea of him having dysthymia instead.

#undertale #sans #sans undertale #undertale sans #depression #cw depression #cw mental health #cw mental illness #undertale headcanons #sans the skeleton #dysthymia #sans headcanons #suicide mention #death mention

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doobledabbadoo · 1 year

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For Mr Men Little Miss headcanons?

Mr. Rush, and Little Miss Chatterbox? I ship them. 🥺

yessir!!

also sorry for holding off of hcs for a while its just. been a day for me

For Miss Chatterbox:

- She likes to work with a lot of background noise, which includes her listening to podcasts & talking iver said podcasts as she multitasks.

- She loves learning about new things! She actively gets really excited when exploring new and undiscovered topics overnight and infodumps them to her friends the next day.

- One of her favorire activities is karaoke, and id usually the one who suggests it during parties. Although she sings decently for the first half of whatever song she sings to, she gets easily distracted & proceeds to tell a long story, even acter the music stops playing in the background.

As for Mr. Rush:

- He can’t focus on one singular thing. He needs to be occupied by 5-6 different things in order to complete one specific task.

- He watches and listens to youtube video essays at 2x speed, but even then he sometimes the videos would go on faster as he multitasks like 5 other things to do.

- He’s the type of guy to say, “hi sorry im late” & arrives earlier than anyone else. He’s only late if he leaves his spot later to double check if he’s done everything he needs to do.

- He is fast. Like really fast. Mr. Rush probably can identify who’s inside a speeding vehicle before knowing what color said vehicle is.

As for both of them, I’d like to imagine Miss Chatterbox would infodump to Mr. Rush as he’s rushing to do whatever he needs to do. Mr. Rush is actively listening, but he can’t respond because he’s doing 5 different things at once.

#mr men #dooble moment #idk ask dooble #mr rush #little miss chatterbox #sorry i dont have a lot but. yea

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prinsessportal · 1 year

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‘To be Lolita’ by Princess Skye.

Princess Skye was a livejournal user and blogger from the early 2000s, she was my initial introduction to Lolita fashion and to the Lolita lifestyle and so I intend to rekindle my love for her work by posting some of her essays to this blog. Enjoy.

To be Lolita is to live in a world of one’s own creation. It is to re-capture that child-like sense of wonder and joy at the pretty little things in life and fulfill one’s own dream of elegance and femininity. When a Lolita puts on a dress bedecked with frills and bows, ties a ribbon in her hair and steps into her mary janes she is throwing off the mantle of adult responsibility, all her worries and fears melt away and she may smile again, like a little girl and walk with a spring in her step, taking pleasure in life itself, the floral scents of the garden, the sweet drop of tea upon her tongue. The big dirty world becomes, once more, a wonderland created for her enjoyment. Who cares if the common-folk give strange glances or turn their heads? Lolita is waltzing to a different tune, living life in the here and now rather than constantly worrying for tomorrow or regretting the past. The magic of Lolita is the ability to freeze time, in an era that never was, where all girls are princesses and dine on tea and cake. It is to grow up as you imagined you would as a young girl, growing not ‘older’ but only more beautiful, falling in love with the world and gazing with awe apon a clear blue sky.

To become Lolita, to accept this beauty in oneself is no easy task however. A Lolita must surrender her concepts of what is ‘normal’ and ‘expected’ by others, for these false thoughts will hold her back from reaching for her dreams and realizing her own fantasy world. The first step then, comes in saying to oneself ‘What makes me happy, must come first.’ This is not pure selfishness, for to live only to the pleasure of others creates an inner ugliness that will consume your dreams, to follow your own happiness is an inspiration to all and will create joy wherever you go. Mockery will turn to envy when they realize you are at peace with your self and way of life. Thus Lolita must break the chains that bind her to these false notions.

When one achieves this, she will feel a sudden lightness, as if a great weight has been lifted from her shoulders and she can now fly, free from the burden she has carried ‘what do they think of me?’ ‘what should I do?’ is replaced by ‘where shall I fly today?.’ This is the state of mind we seek.

The nature of Lolita is to escape. However this is often misunderstood, for while one is choosing to abandon the mortal responsibilities; to grow up, to live as a common citizen complete with mundane worries and cares, it is not the choice to only see the bright side of life. Lolita also has her ‘Gothic’ side, that fascination with the false innocence of childhood, the surreal concept of fatality and the shadows that even young maidens cast. Some days she may choose to wear a dress of black, with skulls and crosses as her signature. For this also challenges the common ideal and fulfills the darker wishes of the child within. Even a Lolita who prefers the sweeter style may appreciate these things with a tragic pleasure.

To where does a Lolita escape then? To a world in which only young girls and dolls may live. It is a little slice of sugar-coated history, an anachronism in which she may turn an ordinary room in to a grand manor, or palace of Versailles. Her neighborhood becomes her kingdom, her city, here for her to explore and enjoy. In this wonderland curious things happen, wishes may be granted and fairy tales come true. For one never knows what is just around the corner when they are seeing the world anew, through the eyes of a joyful child. Lolita must not be afraid to explore this strange new world, it holds the very pages of her own story. Every Lolita must find her place and make it beautiful.

To transform into Lolita is to gain an understanding of Beauty. To see the beauty in oneself and the wondrous world about one. The lolita’s heart metamorphoses, like a butterfly, in to that of a beautiful young girl, lady or princess. The maiden of her own fairy tale.

These words are for you, the girl who chooses to dream. May they help you find your wings.

#skye #lolita fashion #lolita lifestyle

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