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offbrandhange · 3 years

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AOT if you were sick | 𝕳𝖊𝖆𝖉𝖈𝖆𝖓𝖓𝖔𝖓𝖘

Headcanons on how some of the AOT boys would help/comfort you when sick! :)

Characters: Armin, Connie, Eren, Erwin, Jean, Levi, Niccolo, Reiner,

Gender: Neutral, no references to readers’ gender ! :)

a/n: I haven’t been feeling well lately so badabam badaboom here we go. Also I am trying a new format because I’m pretty sure when I write the bullet points it looks wonky on mobile?...I dunno man :/

𝕬𝖗𝖒𝖎𝖓 𝕬𝖗𝖑𝖊𝖗𝖙 ~

After telling him you’re sick...

Right off the bat, Armin would ask what your symptoms are. Immediately after telling him he’d rush out to the pharmacy to pick up meds, and probably some comfort food, too.

How does he comfort you?

Armin would comfort you by bringing you things you need like medicine, wet towels, clean clothes, food, etc. Constantly, and I mean constantly asking if you want anything.

He probably would also set up a little sick-station in the living room with a blanket, pillow, cup of water, wet towel, bowl of soup, etc. and put on a TV show you like and just...chill while you watch or nap (if you fall asleep midway through).

Would they take/call off work to take care of you?

Only if you were super sick. He would 1000% be worried about you while at work, though. You’d get “How are you doing” messages every hour, and he’d totally end up annoying the sh*t out of his co-workers for constantly talking about you being ill. Armin would probably also pick up a little snack/gift for you on his way home.

Are they still physically affectionate?

Most likely not. Armin would be scared he’d get sick too, and then you’d have to take care of him. If you begged him for a quick kiss, or you really whined for some cuddles, then maybe he’ll indulge.

𝕮𝖔𝖓𝖓𝖎𝖊 𝕾𝖕𝖗𝖎𝖓𝖌𝖊𝖗 ~

After telling him you’re sick...

“Dang bro, that sucks.” And that’s all he says.

How does he comfort you?

I think if you asked him for something, he’d get you it willingly and eagerly, but otherwise he’s clueless; He assumes you’re good if you don’t say anything.

Connie would comfort you by hanging out with you. Most likely, he’d sit you down on the couch and play video games with you, like Mario Kart; or he’d show you him killing a really hard boss. I think he’d also send you funny videos/tiktoks, and I mean like, the really dumb ones, where it’s like...a fart sound effect over an image of a truck. Or a, “Can I touch that badonkadonk fool?”

Would they take/call off work to take care of you?

Yup, especially if you asked. I feel like Connie would take any chance he could to take off work, and you being sick would be his opening. He wouldn’t leave you alone all day, either; You’re stuck with him.

Are they still physically affectionate?

Connie does not care if you’re sick. You’re gonna get the same amount of treatment, maybe more if you whine and snuggle into his chest. He thinks you’re even more cute when you’re sick.

𝕰𝖗𝖊𝖓 𝕵𝖆𝖊𝖌𝖊𝖗 ~

After telling him you’re sick...

Eren would say something like, “Oh. Are you alright?” If you said no, he’d make you a snack or ask if you want anything. Afterwards he would chill with you and probably cuddle or snuggle you. I doubt he would really worry, he’d be real calm about it.

How does he comfort you?

He’d bring you something if you needed it. The only time I could see him getting fussy about it though, is if you interrupted him while he was totally invested in a video game or on a work call.

Most definitely snuggles with you in bed. Probably would do something to tease you too, kissing down your neck and saying “Are you better yet? How about now? Are you better yet?” I can see Eren being totally down for an afternoon nap together anytime you wanted.

Would they take/call off work to take care of you?

He would ask you if you wanted/needed him to. If you said yes he would, even if you weren’t really sick. Likewise, if you said you’re fine, but were far from fine, he’d call BS and stay home too; if you kept saying he didn’t need to, it’s very likely his stubborn a*s would argue with you and take off anyways.

Are they still physically affectionate?

Definitely. Eren would still, probably even more than usual, baby the ever-loving sh*t out of you. There’s no escaping his cuddles, kisses, or more...sexual activities.

𝕰𝖗𝖜𝖎𝖓 𝕾𝖒𝖎𝖙𝖍 ~

After telling him you’re sick...

Erwin, like Armin, would ask what’s wrong right away. Except he would completely annoy you by asking a million f*cking questions about your symptoms. He’d probably google them too and list a ton of possibilities that are so far-fetched. He’d end up scaring HIMSELF and forcing you to go to the doctor.

How does he comfort you?

Up your A**. Every five seconds he would be like, “Need something? You’re sure? You’re sure you’re sure? I know I was here five minutes ago, yeah, but I’m just making sure. So you’re sure?”

Pets your head, ruffles your hair. Goes out to pick up medicine, snacks, maybe even flowers. Probably tries to brush your teeth for you. You know, Erwin things.

Would they take/call off work for you?

Y E S. Yes. This man would call off the whole WEEK. He wouldn’t leave you alone, either. The whole damn day he’d be breathing down your NECK. Even if the only discomfort you felt was a scratchy throat. He’d make you call off work too.

Are they still physically affectionate?

I feel like Erwin is on the verge of being either, “Yes, princess, let me hold you.” or, “Oh no, no, no, we can’t be having that. Oh no, no, no. No passing illnesses, sweetie.” If the second were true, the only way to get him off your back would be by threatening to hug him while snot was dripping down your nose. This grown ass man would probably be screaming like a (very deep-voiced) little girl and running for dear life.

𝕵𝖊𝖆𝖓 𝕶𝖎𝖗𝖘𝖈𝖍𝖙𝖊𝖎𝖓 ~

After telling him you’re sick...

Jean would be so FREAKING sweet, and nobody can tell me otherwise. He’d say something like, “Awe, baby. Are you okay? Want anything?” He genuinely cares; although, immediately afterward he did anything nice or caring for you, he’d text all his dude friends and be like “yo man I’m SUCH a good boyfriend.” and brag his a*s off.

How does he comfort you?

He’d ask every once in a while if you needed anything, and he’d randomly bring you stuff like soup or a fresh cup of water. He’d probably feed you it, too.

Depending on what you wanted, Jean would either leave you alone or smother you to death. If you wanted him to leave you alone he’d check in on you every so often, and if you wanted him to smother you, he’d literally follow you all around the house. I’m talking like, cuddling or napping on the couch/bed, or straight up just following you around like an overly-attached child. His arms would be around your waist, chin on your head, and he’d waddle behind you like a d*mn penguin. And that includes trips to the bathroom. He’d probably sit outside the bathroom and wait for you, though.

Would they take/call off work for you?

If you wanted him to, were really sick, or if you were incredibly pitiful and acting like you were on your deathbed. Otherwise, I think he’d still go to work. He would bring home snacks and flowers afterwards though.

Are they still physically affectionate?

Oh my god, Jean would still be all over you. Like, there wouldn’t be a moment you’d be free from his hold. He’d probably still want to have sex with you, too as long as you were feeling well enough for it...The only exception would be if you got too over-heated or over-whelmed, then he’d very sadly hold back. Like a scolded pup, he’d just sit there...watching you...wishing you were in his arms.

𝕷𝖊𝖛𝖎 𝕬𝖈𝖐𝖊𝖗𝖒𝖆𝖓 ~

After telling him you’re sick...

You would tell him you’re not feeling well, and the first thing this man’d say would be, “What is it? You have the sh*ts? Something not coming out?” He’d get you what you needed immediately after you told him what was really wrong, though; but he’d also, very discreetly slip you a box of anti-diarrheals, too, just in case.

How does he comfort you?

Every once in a while he will ask if you need something. He’s not too over-bearing nor distant. Although, he’s probably constantly slipping you hand-sanitzers, and cleaning your room, or anything you’ve touched. It’s for your, and his sake. Oh, and he’s not handing you anything, either; he’s throwing it at you to catch. Or slipping his hand through the door with a bowl of soup/cup of water, and placing it on the floor/nearest surface. Kind of like when a cat pushes their paw through a crack, then disappears, and you’re like, “oh, would you look at that.”

I don’t think Levi would really want to be too close since he’s kind of a clean-freak, so he’d comfort you through, maybe, sending you low-quality cat memes he found on the web. Or he’d put on one of those full-on, ugly, yellow hazard suits and hold your hand while watching a reality-TV show like The Bachelorette meanwhile mocking them to oblivion. You’re legally required to laugh at the comments he makes about the people on the show; he’s doing it to be funny. He’s just awkward.

Would they take/call off work to take care of you?

If you were pitiful, or not that sick, no. If you were genuinely pretty sick, then he’d call off work. He wouldn’t bug you, he’d just...stand in the corner and watch you. Just...he’d be there. Also still in his hazard suit. With his arms crossed.

Are they still physically affectionate?

No. Absolutely not. Not unless you’re talking about him and the cleaning supplies. I think if you tried to go anywhere near him, he’d get really mad and threaten you with a spray-bottle filled with water.

I think he would be upset, though. Like, I could see him having a calendar and just...sadly, squeakily dragging that marker down to form an X over the day to see how long you were sick, waiting ‘till you were better so he could hug you again.

𝕹𝖎𝖈𝖈𝖔𝖑𝖔 ~

After telling him you’re sick...

In a worried, but also kind of loving-scolding way, he’d say something like, “Geez, how’d this happen?” Immediately after he’d make you some homemade soup with fresh ingredients. Only after he would give you your medicine, because it needs a, “full stomach to work.”

Additionally, if he makes you food, don’t tell him if you can’t taste it. Please, god, don’t. He’ll feel like he did all that work for nothing then get annoyed.

How does he comfort you?

Constantly bringing you food or desserts. When he asks if you need anything, his mind jumps to a food or drink instead of medicine or a wet towel, because that’s just his strong-suit.

I feel like he would hang out with you and let you lay your head on his chest while you watched TV together. I picture him saying something like, “Hey babe, let’s watch Hell’s Kitchen.” Or, alternatively, “Hey babe, let’s watch Kitchen Nightmares.” Don’t watch Kitchen Nightmares with him. Those unclean kitchens will make HIM vomit, too.

Would they take/call off work to take care of you?

Niccolo probably wouldn’t call off, but he would make you a whole bunch of yummy meals for you to eat the next day. He’d probably leave you a cute little note too, like a “Feel better, love you! :-D” with hearts all over it.

Are they still physically affectionate?

Depends on what kind of sickness you had. I think if you lost your taste he’d draw the line, simply because he needs to be able to taste the food he makes. Also, it frustrates the sh*t out of him when he loses his taste. Otherwise, I think he’d be down to cuddle, and very limitedly, kiss.

𝕽𝖊𝖎𝖓𝖊𝖗 𝕭𝖗𝖆𝖚𝖓 ~

After telling him you’re sick...

Gets VERY concerned. Wants to take you to the doctor, even if it’s a light illness, because he wants to make sure it’s nothing bad. He wouldn’t leave you alone after you tell him you’re sick, either. Constantly by your side.

How does he comfort you?

You wouldn’t need to ask for anything, because he already has everything for you. You’re surrounded in snacks, bottles of water, blankets, pillows, wet towels, medicine, literally anything you need, it’s already there. He’ll even offer to carry you to the bathroom, just so you don’t have to move.

Reiner would probably cuddle with you and put on a romance, family, or Disney movie. If it’s extra emotional, it’s gonna make him extra emotional. He will be squeezing you for dear life and just saying stuff like, “Boy, I don’t know what I’d do without you...”

Would they take/call off work to take care of you?

Yes, even if all you had was the sniffles, Reiner would have already called off, and make you call off too. He just thinks that’s what you should do if a loved one is sick. If he left you alone, he’d get worried you’d end up falling or unable to get something you need. He wants to be there for you.

Are they still physically affectionate?

Reiner would, but in a much more sweet way. He’s genuinely really worried for you, and doesn’t like seeing you sick. So be prepared for him to constantly be holding you with your head on his chest, and him peppering kisses all over your face.

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yamagucji · 4 years

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some tips for writing blogs, especially those who are just starting out. these are some things that works for me and may or may not work for others.

how to add a read more link on mobile

type :readmore: on a free space, then hit the enter or return button

personally i think they’re very helpful because it lessens the space you take up in your dash, and might encourage more people to rb

+ you can also add this on a spot where it gives a sort of cliffhanger, essentially making people want to ‘read more’

headers, banners, and dividers

though not necessary, it’s good to have a title for your work. make sure it’s bold and doesn’t blend in with your notes (aka pairing, warnings, etc.). this also helps when someone wants to look up one of your works in your search bar

i don’t really make banners or covers for my works. but some good apps that i know of would be picsart and canva. if you’re looking for ideas, i definitely recommend going into canva

wondering how to make those really small, thin dividers? you can make them using picsart! to make a divider hit tools > free crop > brush > size (adjust it to your preference > then draw a line along the edge of your photo > save

using the divider you just saved, go back to picsart and edit it again > draw option > hit rainbow square at the bottom left corner > hit suction/droplet symbol right below the check mark > color in the white spots bc for some reason picsart glitches and makes dividers look white-ish

new blog? just opened an account?

this is gonna sound really frustrating. but... tumblr needs to check if you’re a bot or not. what does this mean? it’s likely that your first few posts won’t show up on the search bar. you may not even get to edit your header/pfp yet ://

this happened to me and there was no visibility on my account at ALL. what helped me get ‘verified’ is that i followed a LOT of accounts, liked a bunch of posts, made some posts here and there. now that lets tumblr know you’re not a bot

visibility

the tumblr tagging system usually only allows the first 5 tags in your post to show up. so, what can do you about this? only use FIVE or less tags in your post. wait about 15 minutes or more until you can add some more tags in your post, and they usually all show up like that

another important thing about using tags is not to generalize! especially if you’re using a popular tag. but also don’t specify it too much where barely anyone looks it up. for example, if you’re writing a gn piece about oikawa, i recommend you use the tags such as: oikawa x reader, haikyuu x reader, oikawa x gn!reader, haikyuu headcanons, etc

a good rule of thumb is to use character x reader tags first, then leave the full name or fandom tag last

FOR NSFW: tumblr doesn’t let any tags with nsfw show up. so, give your nsfw works another tag. maybe #namegetspicy idk, you figure it out

FOR WARNINGS: especially if you’re a dark content creator, i highly encourage you to add tw:xyz tags. if you already have a warning note at the top then that’s great. but even better for readers who prefer to actually block these tags that way they never get to see it

another important thing to note is that people have different timezones. it helps if you rb your work at a different time of the day, in case people missed it! (icymi) i’ve noticed that reblogging helps to make your post show up in the tags

interaction + feedback

first and foremost, you are not obligated to write for your followers, and neither are your followers obligated to interact with you. remember that everyone has their own individual lives, and they have their own things to do— so do you, too.

make friends! become mutuals with other writers, visit their ask box. i know it can be daunting having to initiate these things, but you might just turn out to have fun! you can’t expect people to interact with you if you’re not interacting (back). it’s... kind of a two way thing yk? no need to be afraid to interact with other writers. oh, and rb other writers works!

pspsps join tag games or do ask games. it’s fun and very interactive

it never hurts to ask for feedback. i usually do this in a more subtle way because i don’t really expect a full on analysis on my works. maybe a little, is this okay? or feedback appreciated. sometimes it takes a little bit of coaxing for the silent readers

formatting your posts and blog

i generally put in the title at the top in big, bold letters

then comes the header/divider. helps to make the post more... visually appealing ig?

it’s important to add warnings (if any) and the pairing. the audience is not all female, and it might be a little frustrating for male readers having to find out its an x fem reader piece like halfway through your fic

if you have multiple works posted, it’s really really helpful to have a navigation page!

you can organize the posts you make with tags! for example, if you’re shitposting, you can use a specific tag for that. if you have a nsfw related post (ESPECIALLY when your blog is open to the general audience) please make a tag for it

themes + colors

if you have a color in mind but don’t know which direction to go from there, i recommend looking up color + aesthetic

looking to use the same color? download a name color app that’ll give you a hex code for any color you want to use. then, you can type in that hex code for when you’re choosing a color for your tumblr bio

wondering how to make your header image small like mine? just choose a photo for your header and turn off the stretch image option

want to use a different text color that tumblr doesn’t offer? it’s not as complicated as you think. you’ll have to go on a desktop to do this and do some html (but trust me, it’s not very difficult). look up “HTML noob but trying my best - how to use colored text on desktop”

^^ i don’t have the link for the color text tutorial so you can try looking it up

how to make an aesthetic navi and masterlist

step 1: decide a theme! if you’re stuck, think about a character + color/season/mood or look up “[insert] aesthetic” to find some inspiration. or you can try looking at other blogs too

step 2: find a color scheme! it’s easier if you choose fewer colors. if you want to use the same color for both divider and text, download a color name app in order to get the hex code of that color.

step 3: add categories to your navi! most navigation pages include a link to masterlist, about/byi, and rules. your navi should have a title that indicates that it’s... a navigation page. you can add thin colored dividers with the same color to make it easier for followers to navigate

step 4: you can choose to create a ‘cover’ or a picture for your navigation and masterlist! again, i recommend you use the canva app as a starting point

extra: search up emoticon symbols to spice up your titles!

reminder for you as a writer

you’re not obligated to do any of these things. i’ve noticed that we tend to build pressure on ourselves when it comes to content and interaction. remember, this !! is !! for !! fun !! when you realize that it’s no longer fun, then know that it’s time to take a break. and there’s nothing wrong with a bit of self care.

^^ c/p from this post lol

at the end of the day, follower count and interaction doesn’t define you. again for the love of beings, you’re here on your own accord.

will be adding more if needed/asked.

#cupid; talks!#cueuepid

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curiousconch · 3 years

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Chase You/Chase Me (Pt. 4)

Part 4: The truth will never lie to me

Catch up here: Series Masterlist

Chapter Summary: Trapped in a conference, Gabe and Alex bask in the afterglow of their interrupted moment by the lake. But before Alex can fully comprehend how she felt, she unravels a truth that may cease the chase altogether.

Book/Pairing: Choices - Laws of Attraction / Gabe Ricci x MC (Alex Keating)

Words: 1.8k+

Rating/Warnings: Mature (16+) / alcohol consumption, language, implied sexual content. Reader discretion advised.

Author's Notes: Surprise! Yep, it's an early release! I made revisions to fit the ongoing narrative and ended up breaking it down into two parts. Also, this series may span longer than I originally intended it to be, not wanting to rush things. It will probably extend until Part 7, depending on what happens at the finale. I do hope you'll still stick around. If not, I'll totally understand. 😉

Disclaimer: Most of the characters as well as some dialogue belong to Pixelberry. I am merely borrowing them.

Late night, Boston

Shoe laces, cool wind and the darkness of the forest enveloping them. His breath shuddering with how close her lips was. His throat running dry.

Wanting, longing.

Just a little taste to find out how intoxicatingly delicious those cherry lips would be in his mouth and to feel the heat of her body against his.

And then a splash.

Gabe blinked as he felt ice cold liquid pouring over his crisp white shirt. He wasn't sure if he was having déjà vu.

"Oh, sorry mate," a man standing nearby had bumped into him, making the glass of scotch he was drinking shake and spill into his impeccable suit. He forced down the tasteless curse words forming in his mouth, groaning in frustration at the dissipating sensations from what he had been imagining.

His mind was stuck in an endless loop, replaying the romantic encounter with Alex just the night before. But very much like after Beau's dive into the lake, his consciousness whipped achingly back to reality.

Gabe was leaning on the mobile bar, set in the middle of the conference reception. Did he just lose himself in a daydream like a fool? He wondered, murmuring through his madness.

The time alone with her provided him a glimpse of what could be between them. And oh how euphoric it had been to have her so near, to watch his body respond to her like no other.

It left him just craving for more.

He was lying to himself if he continued to deny that he has feelings for Alex, and how deep he was already in for her. But he knew it wasn't meant to be, at least until after he admits the truth. Until then, he had to pull away.

Easier said than done.

For now, he settled for a view of her, his eyes scoured the room for the subject of his fancy. When he found her, Gabe couldn't stop his smile and the fluttering of his heart, or the warmth growing between his legs.

There she was, in the far side of the room, shining brighter than any star that they had seen in the night sky. Her audience completely captivated as he was with her.

The sight of her in that blue dress swept Gabe back into his fantasies, and how infuriatingly near he was to giving into them. He had to clench his fist around his tumbler, suppressing any trace of his earlier wild thoughts.

Apparently sensing the weight of his gaze, Alex turned to him, their eyes meeting in silent conversation. He watched as she excused herself before making her way towards where he sat.

Half-smiling, Alex's confident expression as she approached him made him swallow hard.

Gabe summoned all his willpower to rein himself in as she got closer. He plastered his usual cocky smile, once again putting up a wall of professionalism. They were in a conference, he reasoned.

"Still watching your wards, old man?" Alex chuckled as she reached a seat beside him.

"Working the room like a pro like that? Very hard to ignore," Gabe interjected, shaking his head. "Had to say Alex, I'm impressed."

"Glad you noticed," she smiled, clearly enjoying the compliment.

"Frankly, you charming the top tier lawyers were hard to miss," he said, with lips quirking into a grin.

"Were you watching the whole time?" she asked.

"Difficult not to, seeing how you're the best-dressed lawyer in the room," he continued, savoring the easy conversation.

She scoffed before turning around, grabbing a napkin from a bartender. Alex offered it to him, pointing at the light stain on his clothes.

He finally muttered a curse, realizing he had been too distracted not to notice the result of the spillage from his own drink. This was one of my best suits.

Gabe almost jumped when Alex started to wipe the front of his suit.

His eyes narrowed, unable to process what was happening. On impulse, he reached out to her, encircling his palms around her wrist. Alex snapped her head up at the touch, the intensity of her gaze enchanting him.

It took all of his strength to break free from it. He cleared his throat and looked away, before grabbing the napkin from her grasp without warning.

It had always been like this. At first, there was this fluidity, a natural attraction between them while they interacted. Then another goddamn minute passes and it all becomes downright complicated.

Gabe wasn't having it.

He briefly shut his eyes closed and released the breath he was holding. When he opened them, he focused his attention on wiping the stain from his jacket, avoiding Alex's questioning gaze. He decided to divert the conversation, robbing her of any opportunity to re-capture him in a trance.

"Don't worry, I don't judge potential partners solely on congeniality. Though I can't speak for Sadie." He then turned and discarded the cloth on the bar. "Now if you'll excuse me, I'll have to speak to a friend who I'm sure will be thrilled to know I'm now a partner."

He finally dared to look at Alex with almost apologetic eyes, before swiftly walking away towards a sea of unfamiliar faces.

Alex was left gaping at his hasty departure, uncertain how it all went south so quickly. She wanted to grab his arm and pull him to her so badly, to pick things up from where they left off last night. From that moment when his lips was inches away from taking hers, before they were interrupted.

Her body ached to be near him. Then again, that's not how she usually operates, so she let him be.

She had never thought her idol was such a tease. Or perhaps, traditional? Alex snickered. Oh how I'll make you beg, Gabriel Ricci. She exhaled, the sultry thought of the man on his knees in front of her suddenly hiking up the temperature in the room. Alex had to fan herself to cool down.

Along with the idea of finally spending some alone time together, conjuring the image of waking up beside Gabe excited her. Well, if ever this chase between them actually culminates to something.

But why was she following this trail of thought? In all her conquests, she had never stayed for what came after. She had that with Julian, and look how that ended. For her, it was always just for the fun. So why does she suddenly liked the notion with Gabe? She shuddered. Ugh, weird.

Maybe it's because it's taking the long game with him? Alex didn't want to know.

Leaving that for now, she resorted to ordering another shot of patron to drown the remnants of her heated thoughts. On her third glass, Alex heard a familiar voice ordering a shot of bourbon. She swiveled towards it and caught sight of Lina Reyes, the opposing lawyer from the Willow case.

"Fancy meeting you here," Alex smiled lazily, remembering how temptingly attractive she was. She also recalled the offer of a hook-up, which she politely declined out of courtesy.

But now, seems like she's getting another chance. And with Gabe being annoyingly hard to get, Alex had to have fun somewhere else. It's not like she and Gabe was committed, right?

Lina scooted closer to her, smelling of a heady mix of alcohol. "Speaking of fancy, damn. You look more incredible than I can remember, Alex," she teased, provocatively arching her brows at her.

Alex quickly picked up Lina's attempt to flirt, stoking her bruised ego. "Gotta be dressed to impress, right?" she waved her fingers as if in curtsy. "Enjoying the conference?"

"At this point, things tend to devolve quickly. But I do plan to have a nightcap back in my room," Lina smirked, Alex feeling the heel of velvet pumps brushing along her bare leg. "Maybe you could join me?"

The woman wasn't exactly subtle, though Alex had to give props to her for her confidence. She liked that in anyone. So Alex returned the gesture, letting her fingers hover an inch over her arm while batting her eyelashes. Two can play that game.

"I think we should stay here."

Wait, what? Did she just say no? Subconsciously? Did hell just freeze over? Or did her brain left her head?

Both women blinked, unable to determine who's more mortified between them. They were both quiet, until Lina broke the awkwardness by a chuckle.

"Had to try, didn't expect I'd be turned down twice," she said consuming the rest of her drink in one gulp. "Worth it though." she shrugged, ordering another round for herself.

Alex struggled to compose herself, brows furrowed in confusion by how that went down.

"Oh don't be so bothered, you're not my first rodeo." Lina poked at her jokingly, clearing up the air. Alex thanked her, and the conversation went smoothly from there.

Several more drinks in, the two women chatted on, venturing into a variety of topics in law and in love. It didn't take long before Lina started to slur in her words, to which Alex found amusing.

"Looks like someone didn't pace herself," she observed as she sipped her cocktail.

"Ah don't mind me, had to cleanse my palate after all the boring sessions earlier," Lina toasted her glass on hers, wobbling as she shifted to face her. "We are a rare breed, us fighters," she leaned towards Alex, lowering her voice to a whisper. "We like-minded women should just stick together, you know?"

Alex was relieved she turned her down the second time. Barely listening to her, she started to drift off as Lina continued rambling on, turning around to face the crowds as her eyes tried to locate that handsome man. Alex smirked when she found Gabe's sexy outline.

"Lot of ungrateful dipshits being freed from prison, even after we work our asses off proving they deserved an earlier release. Khan, Kozlowski, those celebrities involved with the Ivy League admission scandal? Hell, even small town criminal Cornell was released in the last five years alone!"

And with that last statement, Alex froze. "Say that again?"

Confused, Lina stuttered as if she can't remember what she was saying. To Alex's annoyance, she went silent, apparent that more humiliation was on the way. Lina abruptly stood, covering her mouth with her hand as she sprinted to the bathroom. Alex let her pass.

Assured that she'll be fine with her colleagues flanking her, Alex started to obsess over Lina's last sentence.

Was that just the patron? Or am I getting too drunk and starting to hear things? She asked herself, bewildered at how randomly Lina mentioned a Cornell.

With an exasperated sigh, she decided it wouldn't hurt to check. She pulled out her phone from her purse and fired up a search engine, where she typed in the godforsaken name. Alex tapped enter.

As soon as the results loaded, she felt the world crumble beneath her.

No, no, no, no, no. This fucking didn't happen.

She clicked on one of the articles from a local news outlet. The picture beneath the headline shoving her nightmares front and center. There it was, the title written in bold stated loud and clear: Cornell Son Gets Early Release.

Alex bit her lip as she fought to gather herself together, speed reading through the article. This was definitely a surprise, but what really got her reeling was the figure of a man walking behind Maximilian. She'd pick up who that was from anywhere within a mile radius.

Alex tried to keep herself rational, but the shock rippled through her, enough to shake off the alcohol in her system. And why did her stomach churned like she was punched in the gut a hundred times over? Why did she felt fucking betrayed?

Unexpectedly, she knew it wasn't discovering Cornell was now walking freely in the streets.

Deep down, Alex was aware it was because Gabe Ricci was involved. Either way, it looks like her high and mighty boss has some explaining to do.

Her blood boiled, a myriad of questions went through her mind. Resolute, she wanted those damn questions answered. Tonight.

She downed her drink and slammed the empty glass on the bar, sending a text to draw Gabe's attention.

She looked over where he stood, watching the frown in his face as he read her message. She clicked her head, beckoning him outside.

Even he can't fathom the fire storm that was about to come his way.

Author's Notes 2: Thank you for your continued reading! 💖 How do you think things will go down next? Let me see your reactions on your comments and reblogs!

Tag list: @adiehardfan @pixelnutrookie @starryjieun @latinagiraffe @sarcastic01lily @spookycolorpeanut @ophrookie @suitfer @thegreentwin @mkatschoicesblog @made-of-roses @lillijill

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#laws of attraction #laws of attraction fanfiction #choices laws of attraction #gabe ricci #gabe ricci x mc #choices loa #choices loa fanfiction #choices laws of attraction fanfiction #fics of the week #choices fic writers creations

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kodzukenscorner · 4 years

Text

Ushijima, Sakusa, Iwaizumi, and Kita with a swimmer S/O

anon asked: Hii 🥺🥺 can I request a professional swimmer! Fem Reader x Ushijima, Sakusa, Iwa and Kita. How would they support them when there s/o have a competition but the boys are busy and just watching thru mobile or tv? Like there s/o is competing for gold medal and she won. I’m quite curious on how this’ll turn out. Thank you so much!!!

wc: 1,439

✶ ✶ ✶ ✶ ✶

Ushijima

He is your workout buddy whenever you need him

He’s not very talkative but he shows you how much he cares by always being there for you

He also does his best to try and give you advice and even send you videos of different swimmers to help you out and give you some inspiration

Greatly admires you and is always extremely supportive

He’ll even start swimming a bit to help him with his fitness and in exchange he teaches you some volleyball moves

Absolutely loves being with someone who is an athlete because you both understand how much work and effort it takes

Unfortunately that means that your schedules sometimes overlap and you can’t always make it to each other’s games and competitions

But he always makes sure that if he can’t be there in person, he still watches your performances

Even now when he’s stuck at practice, he’s still watching your competition on his phone, his whole team surrounding him and watching over his shoulder

He points you out when the camera pans over to you with an unheard of amount of pride in his voice

The second you dive into the water, he’s holding his breath until he feels like he’s about to pass out

No one seems to notice how tense he is though

The second you win and he realizes you won gold he takes his first breath

Everyone else is busy cheering and patting him on the back while he just stares at you getting your medal with a rare smile on his face

He finishes up his practice with a flawless performance until he can finally head home and see you again

When you come home with your medal after a long day of competitions and interviews he welcomes you into his arms

It’s a bit surprising since he isn’t usually so affectionate but you’re not complaining and hug him back, relaxing in his hold

“The whole team watched, I’m so proud of you”

You smile at him before giving him a peck on the cheek

“I’ll be watching when you get your gold too”

Sakusa

He doesn’t say it a lot, but he is so ridiculously proud of you

But he shows you through his actions instead

He’ll make sure you’re feeling well, he’ll work out with you, and even send you articles and videos he finds beneficial to help you out

And when his team brings you up he is surprisingly chatty

They love to tease him about how whipped he is for you but he honestly doesn’t even care about what they have to say

He can actually go on and on about you and his team knows if they want to get him talking, all they have to do it bring you up and he won’t shut up

It’s a very interesting change of pace but if there’s one thing he’s good at it, it’s bragging about you

Even if he doesn’t enjoy crowds he goes to all of your competitions if he can because he loves you

But he can’t make it to all of them

One of your competitions took place right after one of his matches and there was no way he could make it in time so he watched it on his phone in the locker room

Sakusa is usually one of the first ones to leave so the team was surprised to see him still in the locker room on his phone

That is until they all noticed he was watching your competition and everyone got silent

They all watched with anticipation as you swam your way to gold

Then the locker room erupted into cheers and Sakusa wasn’t telling anyone to shut up

He was instead smiling under his mask like a goofball, and everyone could tell from the look in his eyes

He wasted no time after that and made his way to where you had just finished your competition and interviews

You were surprised to see him there but you were so overwhelmed with emotions that you just ran into his arms

He usually chastised you for PDA since he wasn’t a fan of it but instead he just held you close and whispered about how he was so proud of you and how all your hard work had paid off

You looked up to him with tears in your eyes and just couldn’t help pulling his mask down and kissing him

He normally would’ve pushed you off, but he could make some exceptions for a gold medalist

Iwaizumi

This mans...loves you so much

He doesn’t brag much but when someone brings you up he will literally not shut up about how beautiful you are and what a great athlete you are

It’s actually very cute how much he loves you but don’t tell him he’s cute or he will get very blushy

But when it comes to you training and practicing he is like a mother

He will make sure your form is perfect and that you’re properly stretching, eating, taking breaks, etc.

The last thing he wants is for his angel to hurt themself

And honestly you can’t complain because you know he just has your best interests at heart

And he also gives you massages when you’re feeling sore

His hands are out of this world

So it absolutely breaks his heart when he finds out he can’t make it to one of your biggest competitions ever

He had to go out of town for a volleyball game and has been kicking himself over it

He apologizes so much and sends you good luck texts the day of and reminds you to eat well and stretch properly

He holes himself up in his hotel room alone so he can watch you on TV in private

He cheers so loud that the person in the room next to him had to text him and ask if he was okay

But he did not care one bit

He was over the moon to see you win gold and when he saw the tears prickling in your eyes, he nearly started crying too

He immediately facetimed you and the second you answered you were already in tears

He was dangerously close to crying himself but he kept it together long enough to congratulate and tell you how proud he was of you

“You were so amazing babe, I knew you could do it! I can’t wait to see you again. We’ll go out to celebrate when I’m back ok?”

All you could do was nod and wipe away your tears as you stared into his loving eyes

You really were lucky to have him in your life

Kita

Normally, Kita is a very quiet kind of supportive

He’ll make sure that you eat well and that you’re staying healthy and definitely not overworking yourself

He loves you and supports you and is definitely very proud but he doesn’t always show it in the most obvious ways

But the way he makes food for you, tells you to take breaks and everything he does shows you just how much he cares

And even better, when he goes to your competitions he is swelling with pride and joy

He’s telling everyone that you’re his girlfriend and talking about how amazing you are

If anyone casually brings you up in conversation he gushes about how incredible you are and that he’s so proud

You’re actually a little glad he doesn’t do that all the time because it would definitely make you a bit flustered to be complimented so much

He loves going to your games but when he can’t make it to one he always watches you without fail

He felt terrible that he couldn’t make it to your big competition but made do with watching you on the TV at Osamu’s restaurant

He even invited his grandmother, who adored you, to come and watch

Most people were focused on eating and mindlessly watching you swim every now and again but Kita’s eyes were glued on you

When you won gold he turned around to everyone, pointing at you on the screen

“Did you see that? Did you see my girlfriend? Isn’t she incredible?”

He calls you immediately afterwards and tells you that you were phenomenal and he knew you would win

“I even invited my grandmother, she thought you looked great too. I’ll pick you up soon and bring you onigiri okay? You must be starving”

Even now he was still worried about your wellbeing and that is exactly why you loved him

He made you feel like the most important person in the world

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fallen029 · 3 years

Text

Poison

They'd been dating, off and on, for about six months. Laxus had been laid up some, from a rough job, but also had the misfortune of running through most of his usual dates. Which was fine. Left with all the time in the world to heal up, he was more than game to find more, well, game.

But this didn't necessarily come to fruition.

It was weird.

Mirajane Strauss was quite clearly attractive.

Only a blind man would deny it.

But there were many attractive women in their guild. Too many, almost. And while he liked to flirt around the edge with some of them, most weren't really worth his time.

Or, uh, well...interested in him, if he could allow his ego to admit it (he typically couldn't).

Still, Mira was someone that he had something of a rapport with, a thing he lacked with many of the other women. She seemed to be feeling rather disappointed for him, saddled with a broken bone, and intent on brightening his spirits. When she had a break in her work, she would frequently linger around his table, making their same small talk as usual, and Laxus found himself enjoying it more than he usually would.

Things were nice in the beginning.

But the beginning was over too soon.

He stuck around too long one night, drinking, and Mira insisted he stay the night at the guildhall, else he risk, in his drunk stupor, injuring himself further on the walk home with his crutches. This was innocent enough and Laxus was sure that she had no real intentions behind it, but that left him up at the hall with her, alone, watching as the barmaid closed down for the night.

"C'mon, demon," he insisted with a bit of a drunken edge to his voice. "Have at least one more shot with me, eh?"

She refused his first offer, but luckily (or un, perhaps), he made multiple.

And it only took one shot to convince Mira that yes, she should do more.

The next day was awkward, but the following wasn't nearly as much, and Laxus made some sort of a jest, over the woman taking advantage of his state, considering his broken leg and all, and Mira thought that was so very funny and maybe he got too drunk, again, to go home, and what would Mira be? Leaving a crippled man all alone in a big guildhall?

They didn't want anyone to know about them. Which was hard. Because they slowly became all either could think about. Laxus was around the hall constantly then, not just from boredom from his injury now, but with a vested interest in the head barmaid, while Mirajane seemed to suddenly find time to take a vacation day or two, and oh, didn't she deserve it? Everyone thought so.

Especially Laxus, who very much appreciated every second they were given alone together.

The woman still, for some reason Laxus couldn't quite grasp (being an only child, he found the idea of siblings frightening, especially the way the Strausses dealt with one another), lived with both her siblings. Which severely limited the places where they could go to be alone. If it wasn't the hall after hours, then it had to either be one of the seedy motels that he didn't quite want to admit the woman he might have frequented at one point in his life (or she him) or, as much as Laxus hated it, the best option of all; his apartment.

"Getting to see how the great Laxus Dreyar lives?" Mira whistled low, the first time she was welcomed to messy apartment. "Wow."

"Yeah, well, I do what I- Hey, are you mocking me?"

Mira only giggled in reply and it was fine, honestly. The more the woman found herself around, the more the apartment found itself rather clean and Laxus lost some of his reserves over keeping his bachelor pad all bottled up to himself.

Time felt different in those days.

In a way he hadn't felt it since he was a child.

He had a routine again, one that wasn't adherent to a strict training regimen or rigorous job schedule, but rather the standard workday.

When he was a boy, he would sit up at the hall, listening to stories from all the old members, waiting for his grandfather to finish up his masterly duties for the day so that they could go have some fun. It wasn't that different with Mirajane. She stopped taking double shifts and would be finished up by mid to late afternoon, with Laxus only lingering around a short amount of time after her escape, finding his own on a hobbled trek back to his apartment, where the woman would be waiting.

They weren't out having adventures. Or spending the fleeing daylight by doing anything too exotic. But it felt so, to him at least. Adventurous and exotic in it's own right, allowing such a connection, such a bond, to begin to form.

For what could have been the worst months of his life, Laxus had to tack them up there with some of the best.

It felt absurd to say, but sitting around his apartment, eating takeout and talking to Mirajane, seriously just talking sometimes or listening to her toy at her guitar… It was the most fun he'd had. The most free he'd felt.

For a man that had all the power in the world, the ability to tackle any job posted, travel the continent at will, someone being confined to the guildhall and his apartment supplied him with some actual fresh air. Or at least perspective.

He almost felt robbed of something, when it was finally time for his cast to be removed.

This wouldn't be the obvious end to things, as he would still need some time to fully regain the mobility in his leg, deal with the conditioning that he now lacked, being out of action for so long. His training, which included the Thunder Legion, now made spending time with the woman more tricky and maybe, if they were better people, they could have stopped it there.

Seen where things were headed.

But Mira always seemed to have her head stuck in the clouds and Laxus, for once, found himself too attached for once, and though the bandage had begun to be peeled back, there was still some adhesive holding fast.

So he'd just have to suck it up and finish the job.

Their time together was tight already and Laxus put it off for as long as he could, honestly, but one day when Mirajane arrived at his apartment with dinner for the two of them, he didn't have nearly the same light behind his eyes that he had in recent months. When she questioned him a bit, over dinner, when she talked a mile a minute and he just sat there, gloomily, back to his old self, maybe, only offering up nods and sighs.

The man, as was becoming rather obvious, was anything but coy.

Still, he found that he didn't quite know how to express to the woman what was eating at him. These weren't exactly the kind to seek a woman out, just to end things with her. But Mira was different. Not even necessarily from the standpoint of his feelings, but also due to her proximity whether they continued to date or not.

She was a part of Fairy Tail. At times, it felt like more so than he was. One of the main reasons for avoiding such relationships up at the hall (again, ignoring the outright disdain he cultivated among other members at time) was due simply to the fact that it would be awkward.

When things were over.

And with him things, inevitably, would find themselves coming to an end.

He wasn't a good person.

Or at least he very infrequently felt like one.

To a mate, at least.

Laxus knew for certain he was a changed man, following the events of his excommunication. Seriously. His whole outlook on life was altered. It went further than just learning to respect his grandfather or guild or the members that dwelled there. Laxus now saw the world from a perspective he'd originally rejected; everyone else's. He wasn't the only person in the guild, in the world, that mattered and while he was a big hole to fill, everyone could be replaced.

So you had to appreciate what you had while you had it.

But...he had difficulty carrying this over into the dating world. Opening up to someone was difficult and caring when someone did so to you was even harder. This was easily excusable for the man, as he found many of his faults were, because clearly he just didn't want that sort of relationship. Didn't need it.

He had the Thunder Legion. For his emotional support. They felt far closer to him than any woman ever could be. All three of him. Knew more about him than any partner ever should.

Friends were enough.

His best friends were enough.

Until...they weren't.

Those past few months, with Mirajane, well, he just hadn't felt that sort of exhilaration in a long time. He'd closed himself off to it, maybe, been so convinced he didn't need it that he never gave himself a chance to experience it.

Sometimes he saw the same woman. A lot. And then he'd just stop. Wouldn't come around as much. Go out on a long job. Not write. Avoid her when he came back to town. There weren't these big moments.

He wouldn't be able to summon up the energy for them, honestly.

"I actually wanted to talk to you," Laxus found himself reply, eventually. "About… You know, I'm pretty much healed up now."

"Oh, I know." Mira smiled over from her half of the table, still picking at her meal. "I'm so happy for you. I'm sure it's been torture being cooped up all this time."

"Not torture, no, but-"

"You're so used to traveling though," she cut him off. "It was hard for me, when I had to take a break for awhile. Hang around the bar. I mean, don't get me wrong, I love it now, but at first… It can just be a big adjustment, you know?"

"Yeah." He nodded. "I know."

Still, Mira only eyed him again before asking simply, "Are you sure you're okay? Lax? Is there something else?"

"I…"

He swallowed and almost balked. Backed out and decided not to tell her. Before he left. And come back from his job and pretend like this never happened. He imagined Mirajane, who was used to playing many different roles in her life, would give into that rather easily.

But there was something in him that didn't allow this. Something he didn't quite understand. The time he'd spent with Mirajane meant something, he knew that, and maybe for that reason he felt a duty to her, to insure that he'd at least accurately explained himself.

If only to spare her feelings all he could.

"I'm going to be gone," he decided. "For awhile, probably. I want to take a long job. And I know that we've spent a lot of time together, but-"

"Laxus," she intervened before giving him a bit of a smile. "I know."

"I- You what?"

"I," she insisted. "know. I get it, okay? We don't have to do this."

"This?"

She frowned, not quite getting why he was now the one pretending to be confused and only explained, "You're breaking up with me."

He sat there for a moment, considering what she'd said before asking, "How do you know that?'

"Because I'm not stupid, Laxus." Mira sighed some before going back to her food. "It's not like I haven't been thinking of it too."

"Thinking of what?"

"Laxus-"

"Thinking about what, Mirajane?"

"About this. This...time." She dropped her fork just to gesture vaguely with both hands. "Together. It's been...something else, but I'm dumb. I know that you're going to go back on the road and that it's over. It's okay."

"No." He felt like she'd pulled the rug out from under him. How could that be, huh? That the woman was one step ahead of him? "You can't just… I had so many things I wanted to say and-"

"You can still say them." She even shrugged a bit, but it was sadly now and he'd zapped it right out of her, that joy she'd had before. Distantly, he wondered it was all an act with him too. The whole time. Another pretend character like what she played up at the bar. He'd felt that he was getting the real her, this whole time, as he gave himself in return, but now he just felt duped. Even as she insisted, "It's not like you're leaving tonight."

Swallowing some, Laxus looked down instead, at his own meal, before asking, "What would you have done if I didn't say anything?"

"What do you mean?"

"If I didn't say anything, tonight, and then left next week," he questioned, "would you have still felt this way? How you do now?"

Mira was the one to pause then, but again, he could only get that sad, pitiful shrug out of the woman as she said, "I know you, Laxus. Even before this time that we've spent together. You're poison. And to a certain extent, I guess I am too. Things don't last, with others, when it comes to the two of us. I didn't have to worry about how you felt because I know, just the same as me, you get it. If anything, I'm a little disappointed you thought I'd be crushed over losing you."

The night never picked back up and Mira didn't spend it with him. Instead, they parted in his living room, not with their usual, sensual kisses and hugs, but rather the woman pressing a soft kiss to his cheek and him glancing away, somehow feeling more exposed, in this final night, than he had the entire length of their romance.

Someone else was on shift when he came by the bar, that following week, to pick up his first job back.

Just as he'd intended, it was a nice and long one. The Thunder Legion wanted to go with him, either as a group or at least one of them, individually, to scope out his readiness, but Laxus rebuked them and instead headed out alone.

It was a much a step back into his old life as it was a funeral for his former.

Or at least it started out that way.

He wanted to be sad. Over Mirajane.

At first.

And then he wanted to be angry.

To which he got really close.

Finally, he wanted to just move on.

He really seriously did.

That was the original idea, anyways, to be able to come back and for their relationship (or whatever it had been) to be old news. For Mira to go back to serving him drinks and the occasional sass while Laxus admired her, or at least her strength, and they could be friends.

Distant ones, but still closer than he was with most others in the bar.

It should have made it easier, right? That Mira seemed content with this idea too? She'd been resound, before he even got his words out, and that was just the best. For the best too. They were on the same page, even in a breakup.

This was literally the most amicable a split could ever be.

And yet…

The Thunder Legion was waiting for him, up at the guildhall, when he returned from his just over four week journey. He should have immediately set into berating them, as he was certain they'd been derelict in taking their own jobs, just to hang around, to be there for him when he got back, but he didn't have time.

He hardly even noticed them.

Honest.

Mirajane was working, back on her normal schedule actually. Which would be no off time ever because where else would she go? Than the bar? All her friends were there. Periodically. A rotating door of them, one leaving for a job only for another to appear, returning.

Lucy, in fact, was around that day, seated up at the bar. Mira had spent most of her shift there, honestly, as the celestial mage had much to share with her, after being away for a week.

She'd just been called away though, Mira had, by a waving hand and a drunk request for a refill, and she left Lucy with a smile in place of excusing herself, rushing right over to take care of the patron. It was while she was refilling the mug though that she caught it, sensed it, could feel it.

Him.

Laxus had an air about him that was difficult to dismiss, last half of the year or not.

She'd been prepping for this. Had her plastered on smile down, knew exactly what she'd say to him. Ask him politely about his trip, ask if he wanted his usual, and then use the man's no doubt unease to slink away from the situation. It would be that easy.

It should have been that easy.

Because she was banking on Laxus behaving how she envisioned. He did most of the time. The man thought that he was deep and complex, but honestly, he was just moody and predictable.

He should have wanted away from her just as much as she did him. To have avoided speaking to her, outside of the necessary first conversation, and then they could just begin hedging their lives away from one another.

But he approached her.

First.

As she was backing away from the table she'd just served, he walked right up to her, bypassing the curious Thunder Legion, and instead coming to a stop before the barmaid.

"Laxus." She wasn't that flustered and only began on her intended small talk. "How was your first-"

He kissed her.

He just took her face in his hands, stopping her predetermined greeting in a gesture that made that entire guildhall stop what they were doing. Everyone was staring, something that both Mira and Laxus were used to, when it came to magic, but neither were too public about such excessive affection. And when they broke apart, this showed by the slight tint in Laxus cheeks and Mira only turned her head from him a bit, thoroughly stumped.

"You shouldn't," she finally whispered in the otherwise silent guildhall, "kiss someone. Laxus. Like that. It's invasive."

He blinked some, the man did, but didn't take a step back. Instead, he only whispered back, "I'm sorry." When she looked ready to reply though, he only continued, "About it all. Mira. I… I shouldn't have tried to break up with you. I shouldn't have let you break up with me. Well, at least not without countering some things. Because yeah, you know, things are going to be different. From the past few months. Fine. But...why do they have to go back to how they were? Huh? Why can't they just keep being different? From then too? And we just...try? I'm not saying that I want to, like, be together forever or anything, although I'm not saying I don't want that either, I just…"

"Laxus," she tried to intervene. "We don't have to-"

"Let me finish." And he huffed a bit. Because he'd floundered before, been uncertain of the words he was looking for. Back at his apartment. But maybe that was because he wasn't meant to say them. They weren't mean to come out. He couldn't find something didn't exist. But now, ruminating for over a month on these words, this set, he knew, finally, exactly what he wanted to say. "I'm poison. Fine. If that's what you think. And maybe you are too. But… I liked being with you. More than I've liked being with literally anyone I've known in the past decade. More than I like being alone, even, and you know how much I like that! I just… I don't think we can throw something away, say that it's tainted, that it's poisoned, before it's gone bad. Why would we ever want to do that to ourselves?"

He'd felt impassioned, before, but as he let out that final breath, his chest heaved a bit. It had been so quiet in the hall, with only him speaking, that it was almost easy to pretend like they were back in those few months, when they were all alone, in the empty guild. But it wasn't empty, right now, and for once, the heavy gaze of all his guild mates was almost too much to bear.

"I was going to say," Mira began then with a bit of a frown, "that maybe we could go somewhere in private to talk this over."

Laxus blinked. Then he frowned as well. "Then why didn't you?"

"You told me to talk!"

"Mira-"

"I'll have to think about this, Laxus."

"Yeah, well-"

"Okay!" And she bounced some, having taking just a moment to turn and tap a finger against her lip before pouncing on him, the man just barely catching her in his arms as the woman decided, "I guess we can do this till we die."

"I said I didn't want to be with you forever," he complained as their dimwitted guild mates, still not entirely sure what they were witnessing, cheered, at least some of them, as this seemed like a happy enough resolution. "Demon."

"You said," she remarked simply, "that you weren't sure. And thinking that your dying signifies forever is a bit conceded, don't you think? Dragon?"

"What?"

She released him instead of explaining, remarking simply in a more hushed tone, "We talk. Alone. After hours."

The man eyed her for a moment before nodding because it was true enough. They did need to speak. Honestly. Alone.

And they would. In a few hours. When there were no other eyes and it was easier for Laxus to explain in a way that wasn't so preachy and Mira didn't have to put on her dim facade, not necessarily challenging the man, but confirming with him, in a way they'd yet to do, just how serious they each wanted this relationship to be.

Considering he'd more than outed them to the guildhall, Mira felt as if he was leaning towards very.

And as she'd given hi the fairy tale ending (at least in front of the others), Laxus imagined she wanted the same.

He slunk back off, the softening of his character not one to be trusted by any other. Only the Thunder Legion chased after him, when he left the bar for the time being, intending to return hours later, and it was just as well. It wasn't him that all the others wanted a piece of.

"Mira," Elfman complained over most everyone else. "What was that? Huh?"

But she didn't answer him, instead heading over to the bar, becoming used to the gazes it seemed, and instead only leaning over it with a sigh as she looked the blushing Lucy in the eyes.

"U-Uh, so…" The celestial mage began. "You and Laxus, huh?"

Mira nodded, but only insisted, "I wanna hear about the rest of your job. Natsu did what to the town?"

"Destroyed it," Lucy said more concisely. "But Mira-"

"Well," Mira offered with a bit of a shrug. "He is known for that."

And Lucy, still wanting all the same juicy information that all the others did, only gave in a bit, nodding as she said, "But maybe one day he'll change."

"Yeah," the barmaid agreed. "Maybe."

This is the last thing I got planned for Miraxus week. I know I got all the days jumbled up, but hey, we can only try.

#Miraxus #Miraxus Week #Day 5 Poison #Mirajane Strauss #Laxus Dreyar #Laxus #Mirajane #Mira #Fairy Tail #Fanfiction

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glorious-kt · 4 years

Text

The Case of the Cybernetic Arm

Joining up with the Bad Batch was either his stupidest idea or his best idea. Echo was still debating on it to be honest. Hunter treated him with respect, but... he also treated him differently than the others. Tech treated him normally, always asking him questions and trying to get his help with his new hacking gear. However, Tech... didn’t seem to trust him much. Crosshair treated him with disdain, full of sarcasm and blunt whit. Sometimes Echo could fire back with his own silver tongue, but... there were instances where Crosshair’s words hit a little too close to home. He was an outsider. A “reg”. To those three at least. Wrecker... Wrecker treated him with kindness, happy to have a new friend to nag and to challenge.

Echo wasn’t sure what he could do to earn the other three’s trust and clear respect. They never trusted him enough to let him go off on his own during missions, they hardly let him do anything on his own, they tended to just disregard any strategies he tries to offer. But... but they also let him have his own room, buy his own things, read whenever he wants to, they let him hoard as many droid parts that he can find. It wasn’t all bad, but it wasn’t perfect either. It’s why he was debating on if he had made the right choice. One out of four disliked him, two out of four tolerated him, and the last actually treated him correctly, like a person. He had wanted to join them mainly because they offered freedom. Freedom to figure out who he was now. That and they also reminded him of Fives. He wasn’t stupid. He knew Fives was dead. That didn’t mean it didn’t hurt though.

“Oi, Echo. You’re stuck in your own head again,” Wrecker’s voice cut through Echo’s thoughts, making the former ARC Trooper blink rapidly as he pulled himself back to reality.

“Sorry, Wrecker. Just thinking,” Echo smiled back at the larger trooper in front of him.

They were playing some sort of brawling game that the Bad Batch had installed into the ship’s main table. Echo had no idea how to play, but Wrecker had begged him to play, so he was.

“Whatcha thinkin’ ‘bout,” Wrecker asked, grinning as he pressed a button, forcing one of the holographic creatures to attack one of Echo’s own holographic creatures.

“It’s nothing. Just my mind rambling on,” Echo huffed in slight frustration as he glared down at the game, he was loosing.

“Oh! It’s doing that thing that Tech does when he talks about computers,” Wrecker grinned back at Echo, tilting his head.

“Yeah,” Echo laughed lightly as he made his own move in the game, wincing internally when he had moved to try and use his right hand only to be met with the strange cybernetic attached to him instead.

He really needed to start working on that cybernetic hand. It was getting annoying, not being able to use his right hand anymore. Plus, having both hands would make him more useful on the battlefield right? Maybe that’d earn him some more trust.

“You and Tech ramble a lot, but you do it internally,” Wrecker nodded as he finished off Echo’s last remaining creature with a smirk, making Echo groan.

“Yeah. I don’t want to annoy anyone.”

——————

He was stuck with Crosshair this mission. Echo normally didn’t work with Crosshair on most missions, mainly because the sniper didn’t like him all that much, but this mission required him to be Crosshair’s second pair of eyes. That’s what he’d been told, but Echo had a sneaking suspicion that the real reason was because Hunter didn’t want him anywhere near the intelligence center they were infiltrating. He wasn’t stupid.

“Should we look for an alternate escape route for them should they run into trouble,” Echo asked quietly, glancing at the sniper beside him.

“No. They’ll be fine, reg. Just be my second pair of eyes and be quiet,” Crosshair scoffed quietly while he scanned the area with his scope.

Right. A second pair of eyes. What sort of use was a second pair of eyes for a sniper whose eye sight is perfect and his aim even better? Echo tried to hide his disappointment. His shoulders dropped anyways, and his left hand traced over the cybernetic piece on his arm. Useless. A second pair of eyes to a perfect sniper was useless. Why was he even invited to join them if they were never going to treat him like he was one of them?

He just needed to wait a little longer. He’d get that cybernetic hand fixed up by the end of next week, then he could be useful.

“Let’s move, reg.”

“Right.”

———————

Staying up till midnight wasn’t his best decision or his favorite decision, but he wanted to get that arm done so badly. He was halfway through though, so he couldn’t complain. Tech, however, apparently could.

“Look, I don’t know what you were doing last night, but please keep it down. Some of us like our beauty rest,” Tech scowled as he poked Echo in the chest.

“Sorry. I’ll try to be quieter. I was just fixing up my cybernetics,” Echo apologized quietly.

“What for? They’re in prestine shape. What damage could you have possibly done during the missions we’ve been on? Especially with where you have been placed in each mission,” Tech fired off two questions immedietly, crossing his arms over his chest in suspicion, or at least it looked like suspicion to Echo.

“I was just fine tuning some stuff. I get phantom pains, and tinkering helps me block it out,” Echo shrugged lightly, his voice going quiet under the scrutiny.

“Hmm. Just be quieter,” Tech huffed before heading back towards the kitchen in the ship.

“Right. Sorry.”

———————

Echo took Tech’s advice and was quieter the next night, tinkering away at the new cybernetic arm. He was 95% done with it when Hunter entered his room, making Echo jump. The Seargent studied him quietly, his face blank while he flicked his gaze from Echo, to the tools, and to the arm on the floor of his room. Echo swallowed heavily when the man took a few more steps towards him, closing the door behind him, and took a seat on the floor beside Echo.

“Is this what you were working on last night,” Hunter asked quietly, gesturing to the arm.

“Y-yes, sir. I just... I figured if I had both of my hands then... then you would trust me more. I wouldn’t be able to plug into anything anymore, and it would give me back my mobility. I’ve been useless so far. You won’t let me go off on my own, or do things by myself, and you don’t trust me enough to use any of my strategies. I’d be of more use this way. You could point and I’d shoot and—”

“Who said you were useless,” Hunter cut his rambling off, sitting up straight, alarm seeming to color voice.

“N-no one, but... I’m not stupid. I can tell when you’ve just put me with somone to keep me out of the way or to keep me away from computer terminals,” Echo replied quietly as he stared down at the unfinished cybernetic arm.

Hunter stared at Echo, studying the broken ARC in front of him. They treated Echo differently, because he was. Echo was the only brother that they had welcomed into their family that wasn’t a commanding officer like Cody or Rex.

“We’ve been treating you like glass and you took it the wrong way,” Hunter said softly, tilting his head away in slight shame.

“What?”

“C’mon, vod. Let’s put these tools away and get some sleep. You can finish this in the morning, that way Tech can make sure you hook it up correctly.”

“But, I—”

“No “buts”, reg. In the bed, even ARCs need sleep.”

“I- yes sir.”

———————

When Echo woke up that next morning he woke up to a steaming cup of caf beside his bed. That was... new. Not unwelcome of course just new. Echo sat up tiredly in his bunk and nursed the cup of caf for a good thirty minutes before he even got out of bed. It was then that he noticed the arm he had been working on was missing. Had Hunter taken it when he had taken the tools? Echo yawned lightly as he exited his room and went towards the kitchen to dispose of his cup.

“Hunter where did you put my stuff last night? I want to get it done by the time... we...,” Echo yawned as he stepped into the kitchen trailing off as he blinked at the picture in front of him.

Both Crosshair and Tech were curled over the cybernetic arm he had been working on last night, tools and paintbrushes in hand, slightly alarmed at Echo’s presence. Hunter looked smug almost as he sipped on his own cup of caf. Wrecker was- as usual- barely awake.

“What,” was all Echo’s tired brain came up with.

“Just fixing up the calibrating for it. We added a few things too. Crosshair kept bugging me about the design, so he helped too. We can attach it once we’re done,” Tech said, recovering first, voice as steady and logical as ever.

“It was made out of scraps of course I bugged about the design,” Crosshair scoffed, rolling his eyes.

“What,” Echo squeaked again, not understanding what was happening.

“Hunter said that we have been making you feel useless by not letting you do things by yourself or join the harsher missions. We didn’t mean to cause that type of thinking. We wanted to give you time to adjust first. That and we need you to regain some of your weight back, but that plan seems to have backfired. So, we are changing up our plan. You still won’t be in some of the harsher mission until you’re body is back up to it’s healthy weight, but we will no longer treat you like glass,” Tech replied easily as he finished working on the cybernetic arm.

“Because the reg isn’t made of glass. He never was,” Crosshair rolled his eyes lightly.

“By the way, Crosshair calls you a reg out of affection. Not insult,” Tech spoke up again.

Echo blinked in shock at the information, he twitched lightly when Crosshair didn’t even deny the comment either. They were... they were giving him space... giving him time to get used to things. Oh. OH.

“I was an ARC trooper. Still am really. You realize that being in the 501st on top of that makes me the farthest thing from glass, right,” Echo said quietly.

“Yeah we sort of figured that out,” Hunter laughed quietly.

“The boys in blue are crazy,” Wrecker nodded, starting to wake up.

Tech stood up from his seat and moved over to Echo, cybernetic arm in hand. The ARC trooper blinked in shock as Tech began to remove his old one and replace it with the new one. Echo twitched lightly when he felt it connect with his nerves.

“That should do it,” Tech nodded as he pulled back, the other Bad Batchers shifting slightly in anticipation.

Echo swallowed as he opened and closed his new cybernetic hand. He grinned sharply when he could feel it.

“Thanks. When can I test it in the field,” Echo smiled upon at them, the smile was sharp and near feral, all teeth and mischief.

“Next week, Echo,” Hunter laughed loudly.

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cuttlefishkitch · 4 years

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hello! i haven't talked to you before, but ron said that i could ask you for some advice on writing eds? (i'd like to know things to avoid/common things that could come up in everyday life that would be good to mention/the sort of aids and stuff they'd have maybe?/anything else you think is relevant)

Hi! Sorry this took so long, a combination of ADHD and chronic pain slowed me way the fuck down. Thank you for being patient!

EDIT: WEIRD HEEL THINGS I FORGOT!!

So, before I get into this I should probably say I technically haven’t been diagnosed with Ehlers Danlos Syndrome (EDS for anyone reading) because it’s one of those syndromes that takes forever to get diagnosed with (it took a friend of mine’s mother over 30 years to get dxed). Many doctors, and everyone I know who does have EDS agree with me that it’s probably what causes my chronic joint pain and some of my other chronic issues. But just because three separate doctors have said “Yeah Probably” doesn’t mean I’m diagnosed!! Only a geneticist can do that!! And they had two-three year waitlists BEFORE the apocalypse happened.

I am diagnosed with Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome (POTS), Small Fiber Neuropathy, and potentially misdiagnosed with Fibromyalgia (once I get properly tested for EDS I might get undiagnosed with this because I don’t have most of the main symptoms of Fibro, but I got diagnosed with it anyway because it’s what doctors misDX you with when they don’t know what’s wrong with you and don’t want to do more tests).

All that said, I’ve done a lot of research about EDS (mainly because it’s the only thing that explains all my symptoms since doctors seem incapable of doing so), and know a few people who have either confirmed or suspected EDS, so I’ll link to some stuff, talk about the symptoms that often come with EDS, explain how the symptoms I have affect me, because just because someone’s not diagnosed doesn’t mean they aren’t having symptoms, and probs elaborate a bit about writing physical disabilities and chronic pain in general because it’s super important to me!

So RESOURCES aka how to make sure your post never sees the light of day because you’re linking things and tumblr hates it when people give other people information!!

Youtubers! If you want to know about the day to day of living with EDS or any disability or chronic illness I super suggest finding a youtuber that makes videos about their life. My EDS favorites are

Jessica Kellgren-Fozard

Annie Elainey

Amy Lee Fisher

Websites! If you’re asking random folks on tumblr I’m assuming (and hoping) you’ve already done the basic WebMD google searches and looked over the seemingly ridiculous lists of symptoms and related conditions, so here are a few websites that are made more for people than for doctors.

The Ehlers Danlos Society

OhTWIST (That’s Why I’m So Tired)

ChronicPainPartners (the fact that they have an entire section of articles called “Dealing with Doctors” should really tell you something)

Books! If you feel like doing actual reading! I suggest reading books written by people with Ehlers Danlos, to get a feel for how they portray themselves. I’m not saying steal, but it’s probably a good point of comparison to see how your portrayal feels. (haven’t actually read these b/c my ADHD doesn’t let me read)

Ria Ruse by Morgan S. Ray (a superhero book with a disabled super MC!!)

Mysteries of Maybelle by Imani Benfell (Imani is still in high school and has already written and self-published a book cause she didn’t have enough representation for herself how cool is she!!)

Bodies in Motion by Liana Brooks (tw for pregnancy problems and miscarriages in the link, because it’s a blog post talking about integrating EDS symptoms into the story without explicitly naming them as such)

OKAY, now for some rambling about EDS SYMPTOMS!!!

Ehlers Danlos is one monster of a genetic condition in complexity and variety. There are THIRTEEN different identified types of EDS, it often comes with Mast Cell Activation Syndrome (MCAS) and/or POTS, and can lead to various other conditions like gastroparesis, chiari malformation, craniocervical instability, and/or bad teeth. So if you’re going to be writing a character with EDS consider what other comorbid conditions they might also have. I’m mainly going to be talking about Hypermobile EDS (hEDS) because it’s what I probably have and what I’m most familiar with. That said there is a lot of overlap in symptoms with the other varieties.

I started typing this section and realized I was going to have to break it down even more so we’re going to talk about Chronic Pain, Unstable Joints (Dislocations and Subluxations), Skin Things, Mobility Issues, and Other Weird Shit and how those things get addressed separately.

Gonna get the Other Weird Shit out of the way first. Because EDS is a malfunction of connective tissue it can fuck up all sorts of random things. For instance, I and many other people w/ hEDS have trouble swallowing. Shit gets stuck in my throat, I sometimes choke on and have to cough up food, and pills can be hard to swallow, which sucks cause I take A Lot Of Pills. If it doesn’t cause full-on gastroparesis it can cause IBS or other digestive problems b/c the digestive tract is mostly made of connective tissue. It can potentially cause heart problems even if they aren’t as big of a risk as in some other forms of EDS. Premature osteoarthritis is common because what you need is more joint pain. And Fatigue OH BOY THE FATIGUE. And of course the headaches, can’t forget those pesky migraines can we!

AND piezogenic papules!! I completely forgot!! Piezogenic papules are little white bumps that appear when you put weight on your heel. In some people they hurt, but in others they don’t. They’re technically tiny little herniations of fat peaking through the fascia in the heel. They were added as part of the diagnostic criteria for hEDS in 2017!

Now for Skin Things cause it’s not as big a thing in hEDS as it is in other forms. Basically, in a lot of forms of EDS, the skin is extra stretchy and extra delicate. It bruises and tears easily, people with the extreme versions of this can accidentally scratch something into an open wound if they aren’t careful. My skin is pretty soft and sensitive, I def have the typical velvety skin, and as is pretty par for the course of someone with hEDS my skin is a little stretchy, and sorta delicate. I’m not as tissue-papery as some people get, but I almost always have at least one mystery bruise or scrape b/c existing is hazardous. Most of scars are also pretty normal, unlike the extremely papery and atrophic scars (though I have a few tiny acne scars that are atrophic) that are common with other kinds of hEDS. Something that I DO have is Lots of Stretch Marks, all over my thighs, and even down to my calves. Which wouldn’t be abnormal, except for the fact that I’ve never been over 145 lbs and I’ve never been pregnant. Having a lot of stretch marks or striations in the skin without due cause happens because the structure of the skin isn’t as strong as it is in people with a normal amount of connective tissue.

I don’t have to worry as much about my skin but people that do are usually very careful with adhesives because they can irritate or tear the skin, which sucks when you need a lot of bandaids cause your darn skin won’t do its job.

Now on to the meatier stuff and since I’m mostly working backward let’s do Mobility Issues!! These can happen in loads of ways, but a lot of what causes these in people with EDS are the other two things I wanna talk about. Unstable joints lead to increased risk of injury when doing stuff people with fully functioning joints can do.

For context, I’m an ambulatory wheelchair user, meaning I can walk, but a lot of the time it’s better if use a chair. Mine is mostly for my POTS symptoms, but the fact that my legs aren’t also in absolute agony is a big plus. I use a custom manual wheelchair with a SmartDrive (b/c I’m very fucking fortunate and have good insurance) whenever I leave the house and have to be “walking” for more than a few minutes at a time. I can’t fully self-propel in a manual chair because it would be damaging to the joints in my arms and hands, but the smaller chair is easier to maneuver in less than accessible spaces (like almost everywhere). There was about a month-long span where I used a very cheap and very bulky electric chair while I was waiting on the ideal set up I have now. Before that, I also briefly used, and sometimes still use, an up-right posture cane.

People with EDS have widely varying mobility issues because of how uniquely it can manifest. My cane only gave me a little help with balance because if I used it in any prolonged capacity any pain it took away from my legs was relocated to my arms, and as an artist, my arms are more important to me!

If you’re going to write a character with EDS having mobility issues as a result of their EDS the best thing to do is to narrow down their specific needs. Are their knees complete and utter garbage but their shoulders and wrists strong? Maybe they can get away with using a cane. Can they not stand for longer than 5 minutes because of the vertigo from their POTS? Maybe they need a manual wheelchair. Would propelling themself damage their back and arm joints? An electric chair might be necessary! Plenty of people with EDS use all sorts of combinations of these aides to get around their life, consider how your character’s good and bad days would be. Do they have back up plans if they overestimate themselves? There can be a lot to manage, but don’t let it scare you off! Sometimes I try and make it into a resource management game (because I’m a game designer and that’s what I do), to make evaluating my energy and mobility needs more fun!

But now let's tackle some of the reasons those mobility aides might be needed. Unstable Joints.

Ever stepped wrong and rolled your ankle? It hurts for a few steps and then kinda fixes itself, or maybe it bothers you for the rest of the day and you put it up and ice it when you get home? When I was walking around outside my house that would happen AT LEAST once a month, usually more. Some times I’m sitting wrong and when I get up my knee isn’t a knee anymore and decides to just give out from under me. My knuckles are made of unruly popcorn and they Don’t Want To Stay Home!! Oh! And my shoulder is more often out a little out of its socket than it is fully in.

Unstable joints lead to Dislocations and Subluxations of varying intensity, and some people get them more frequently than others. Some can be severe enough to necessitate hospital visits and even surgery, some subluxations are so banal (like my fUCKING SHOULDER) that you just learn to live with the pain.

If a character is going to be in high action, combat-heavy scenarios, chances are they’re going to be popping out joints left and right. Hell, depending on the severity of their joint laxity they could be doing the same sitting at a desk. Again, it’s incredibly varied. I’d suggest setting some sort of baseline for yourself, of what a character’s joints can and can’t stand up to, and maybe do some research on which joints are most likely to pop out in general (hips and shoulders are big culprits being the wacky ball and socket motherfuckers they are). Then maybe have something pop out or hold up every so often when it shouldn’t cause hey! EDS is kinda just like that! Unpredictable!

Some ways people manage joint laxity is with braces, KT tape, and physical therapy. Braces come in many different forms, since I’m currently getting pretty much no treatment for my shitty joints I use mostly compression braces made for sporty people. It really is amazing how much a bit of tight fabric can do to keep my wrist in place.

More specialized braces often have solid parts to prevent the joints from hyper-extending (bending the wrong way) and causing further damage. If you ever see someone with what looks like diamond shaped rings around a bunch of their finger joints, chances are those are Ring Splints, and are there to keep the finger shaped like a finger. I want to get my hands on some and get some on my hands Very Badly, because my fingers hyper-extend SO MUCH when I type, and it makes my hand pain way way worse.

KT tape is another thing people often use. It’s stretchy tape you put on your skin and it basically functions kinda like a second ligament as well as reinforcing the joint and keeping the bones mostly where they’re supposed to be. The problem with this is a lot of people with EDS have very sensitive and fragile skin like I mentioned before, so KT tape can cause allergic reactions, chronic skin irritation, or just straight up take the skin with it when someone goes to remove it. Hence a lot of folks are really careful with it.

Physical Therapy is kinda the best (and only) treatment for joint laxity aside from Very Invasive and sometimes Highly Experimental surgery. It focuses on strengthening the muscles around the joints so they can do the work all those bone ropes made of body glue can’t. The problem is finding a physical therapist that 1) knows what EDS even is, 2) knows you have it, and 3) knows how to treat it without doing stuff that’ll Phucking Hurt You Worse!! Because exercising wrong with EDS can do Permanent Damage!!!

Again most folks use a combination of all of these things, or have next to no access to them b/c healthcare sucks.

Anyway, on to one of my favorite topics, Chronic Pain!! One of the reasons this post took me so long!!!

Chances are if your character has chronic pain as a result of their EDS there are gonna be some things they hate, including stairs, rain, thunderstorms, stairs, hills, uneven terrain, oh and did I mention stairs??? It’s going to vary person to person, but almost everyone I’ve met with pain from EDS has complained about their knees. For me the most debilitating pain is in my fingers and wrists. They’re by far my least stable joints but I use them constantly for stuff like drawing, typing, and sewing.

Because my joint pain is so wide spread, like most people’s with hEDS, it effects every single part of my day to day life. I can’t carry a heavy ceramic plate, open a bottle, or even use my computer without pain. It’s practically impossible for me to get comfortable in any position be it sitting or laying down, and as you can imagine that makes it hard to sleep a lot of the time. Moving too much hurts, but so does sitting still. I’m constantly taking braces on and off or cracking/stretching my joints so they pop back into place and hurt less.

Also being in pain makes everything else That Much Worse. I get tired way faster than I did before my pain was this bad (I had chronic pain for a while before actually realizing it wasn’t normal to not be able to walk down the block without feeling like your foot bones are trying to escape). My sensory issues and anxiety disorder are more easily aggravated because my base level of comfort is way worse. It fucks with my depression. And OH BOY does it make my ADHD worse because being in pain is fucking distracting as hell and makes it harder to make decisions and switch tasks. Also my ADHD often makes my other symptoms worse cause I forget to take my meds, don’t drink enough water, or can’t find my fucking braces because the item eating black-hole that comes with ADHD stole them. The intersection of mental and physical disabilities is probably a rant for another time though, so back to chronic pain.

Does it suck? Yes, undoubtedly. Is this incredibly debilitating? Of course it is, I spent the last several months unable to feed myself without assistance because there was a staircase between my room and the kitchen and I could only manage to climb it once a day. Is it overwhelming? Definitely, I’ve frequently broken down crying from a combination of pain and frustration because I’m having a bad day and there’s no relief to be found. Am I able to predict when it’s going to rain with uncanny accuracy because any change in barometric pressure makes me feel like every bone in my body is trying to kill it’s neighbors? You bet your fucking ass I am!! Does it sometimes make me irritable, angry, and occasionally dismissive of when abled people get cold or a temporary injury because the stuff they’re complaining about is my life every single day and all avenues of treatment and recovery I have could take years and still not entirely solve my issues? Yeah, and while I deserve a little extra patience I also have to be sure to check myself because I don’t want to turn into someone who’s nasty to be around. Do I sometimes need to sleep for 17 hours straight because it’s raining, I have migraine, and I’m in too much pain to be conscious? Yup, sometimes a few days in a row. Does living in constant pain mean I’m unable to do all the things I want to and does that sometimes make me wanna curl up in bed and never leave? Yeah, it happens.

But! And here’s the big important but, that’s not everything! I still write, draw, and talk to my friends!! It might take me a little longer but I get there. I’m still happy and excitable and make the time to write out five page long posts about EDS because it’s something I’m passionate about! My chronic pain doesn’t stop me. I refuse to let it. I never really wanted to go mountain climbing anyway, so I’m perfectly happy being able to make it up and down the six steps in my house, even if sometimes I have to sit and bump down them on my ass, or crawl up them like a cat. Chronic pain isn’t all I am. It isn’t a fate worse than death. It isn’t the only thing your character should talk about (though I do talk about my pain a lot cause I’m a complainer about almost everything). You can have your character be hindered by their pain, realistically they would be. You can have them seek comfort, support, and relief. Other characters can commiserate and be sympathetic, but it doesn’t mean their whole life is going to be one big pity party, that would be incredibly fucking boring. I know I’d be bored out of my mind.

All that said dealing with chronic pain, especially from EDS, is Complicated. Physical Therapy is the gold standard, but like I said before it can be a long and difficult process, and isn’t always accessible. Stabilization methods like I talked about before can help prevent pain, or reduce it by keeping bones mostly where they belong. Heat and cold help joints, relax muscles, and reduce inflammation but keeping them applied is rough and the relief doesn’t always last. Doctors prescribe anti-depressants, anti-anxiety, and sometimes even anti-epileptic medication to help manage pain, but everyone’s mileage with those varies. And I’m not at all qualified to talk in-depth about narcotics or other heavy duty pain-meds, but suffice to say the war on drugs fucked shit up for people that legit need that kind of help BIG TIME.

Now for my closer/bonus rant about EDS and Disability Writing in General!

Everyone always says write what you know, so if you really want to do disabled people justice, get to know disabled people! Make friends with disabled people, get involved with advocacy groups, consume content made by disabled creators both about disability and not! Disabilities are so fucking diverse, even EDS is such a complex disorder, and comes with so many potential co-morbidities, that practically everyone with it has a unique experience. There’s no way I can fully explain everything in a tumblr post. Hell, even if I could talk to you for hours probably couldn’t give you enough info to answer all your questions (especially since I’m still in diagnosis hell :,) ), so talk to a wide range of people with EDS and other disabilities!! I know it sounds like a lot of work but trust me, disabled people are some of the strongest, raddest, coolest, people you will ever meet that it won’t feel like it.

And don’t be afraid either, the fact that EDS and other disabilities are so wildly varied means that you have a little bit of wiggle room with your character’s experience. There’s so little disability rep out their I think people are WAY to scared to try their hand at writing it. So long as your character is a fully developed person in addition to being disabled, you give some logical thought as to how it would affect their life, and you don’t make their disability the butt of any joke it isn’t difficult to avoid ableist writing. PLEASE WRITE MORE DISABLED PEOPLE AND PEOPLE WITH CHRONIC PAIN/CHRONIC ILLNESS!!

Okay that’s it, again sorry it took so long for me to get back to you! My fingers were being little pests about it, and my ADHD (which is honestly more disabling than everything else a lot of the time lmao) was being an asshole! Hope this helps, and feel free to ask me more questions if you need clarification! It might take me a bit but I do love talking about this stuff.

#neela-chaan #ehlers danlos syndrome #EDS #hEDS #hypermobile ehlers danlos #disability #writing advice #disability writing #Chronic Pain #asks #SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG IM JUST SLOW #also i'm sorry the formatting is such a wreck #my adhd won't let me go back and fix it #and i've already spent way too much time

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everythingthemoontouches · 3 years

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Heyyy, thank you a lot for answering the previous ask💙 and I will stick around not for the game put also ur work💙

💙I guess myself need an advice cause I have been feeling down stuck and also lost. I guess this reading is helpful 💙 May I get a reading pls ?

💙A fact about me that I’m always try to make things perfect, not really satisfy with my work ( perfectionist) loll is this even a fact 😂

💙I have read through some of the post and reading you have made. It’s really detailed and long. You put energy in it💗💗✨💙 Thank you for ur reading and energy 💙💖💞have a nice day and take care🌙

Funfact: Sweltering heat. I do not like the summer heat. But it must be braved to enjoy litchis and other tropical fruit.

When a princess steps up to be Queen, a lot of doubts are raised about her ability. Jealousy casts doubt on the ability of rulers. In hindi we say ' haathi chaley Bazar, kuttey bhaunke hazaar'

Translation : when the King's decorated Elephant procession passes through the market place, the scraggly street dogs make a lot of noise to try to assert their dominance. The elephant could easily trample them if he so wished. You're the elephant, my love. Those who talk shit about you are merely relying on your kindness to not have them thrown out. They don't have the strength to drag you down, so they make you doubt yourself so you'll do it for them. Don't abdicate that throne, Queen for you were meant to rule 💙 this is part of your purpose (more to follow)

But you wouldn't be in this position of power / transition if you didn't have it in you to be Queen. So don't you ever feel like the CROWN is too heavy a burden for your head. Youre perfectly capable of holding its weight.

The old gives way to the new. Release the shame /burden /self image of the past. Your creations are just as beautiful in the dark but what is the point of hiding them away? When you have out your heart, soul and muscle into some work, share it in the light of the sun. I work in tech. And if you own a mobile phone even the most basic apps get an update every 20 or so days. There is no such thing as waiting until something is perfect. Of the times I have waited to bake cakes to perfection, I've burned them. 😂 I'm not saying you do this too. Cakes taste better when they are made from a place of love, (the way this reading is ❤️), when I don't have a point to prove. This stands true for anything you do as well. Do the work and release it into the world. Feedback helps make art better. You might wanna look up Sagittarius or the 8 of pentacles related content. Have you heard wild things by Alessia Cara? In an interview she says she'd go down to the studio and practice after school. She made her YouTube to share covers so that, and I quote ' I made my channel so I could get comfortable with people watching me'. Do you think she would be so good at her concerts if she hadn't faced the crowd?

Songs : Wild things

Scars to your beautiful

Another line that stood out to me was ' I didn't know I was making my album then. I was just writing songs'. The things you do, feel say, are every bit as valuable as the next person's. I know it's hard to just wake up and feel confident sometimes. The Nautilus princess, though beautiful, seems a little unsure of herself. Like she doesn't see the beautiful jewels, shells and beads in her hair. The conch she holds is nowhere near as pretty as the ones she is already wearing in her hair. I know I used to cling really tightly to people who showed me kindness when i had worse self esteem. Even when I didn't like them much, I'd still tag along, because what would I do all by myself. Know that your worth is so much more than that. Heck you're beautiful, kind and so much more powerful than you let yourself believe. Let them go. Look how beautifully the Angel de Los Muertos uses similar colours to decorate her feathers and the skulls. The Nautilus princess clubs all her jewels in her hair. Trying to cram in as much possible. The Angel knows how much each jewel is worth and spreads them out.

She is unafraid to take up space.

I bring you a message from a loved one: one whose spirit seems to have already departed, but whose physical presence lingers on for now as he or she prepares to depart from this life. I ask you now to acknowledge your loved ones who are resting in spirit, or creating new ones for their soul.

You could receive a sign that suggests tangible proof of life after death. You may soon be about to meet a beloved in a new form. I ask you to stay open minded about the form in which the souls can come and I ask you to be open to messages from these ancestors.

Be ready to be comforted and to learn more if the world beyond this world which is always with you but is not always believed in, or trusted, even when we send you messages, as clear as a flag in the sky.

OK, Now I really wanna kick your arse and gas you up 👆 I loved the energy if your ask. How you were so appreciative and respectful. It's really uplifting energy to be around. I'd send you hugs and donuts.

Also, I have to tell you this, I literally brought out two of my most pricey perfumes. One was a smoky wood scented thing and the other is this delicate floral citrus (litchi) perfume that my cousin introduced me to. I'm seeing wood and tropical summer heat kinda fragrances.

I'm not sure what you were referring to when u spoke of perfectionism, but if you are scared to release your work / hand it in, I really do think that the fruit is ripe. Don't leave it on the tree too long. It's just the right balance of sweet and tart

Act now. Do not delay your life purpose. If there's something you're called to do, this is the right time to start. Less thinking, more doing, puhlease. Put the word out. Send out your pamphlets, advertise your skills. Take feedback and make changes. People who criticise your work are the ones who help you get better. In software, this is a very normal and expected part of the process. I shit you not, Sometimes you just have to say "fuck this. Idk anything, so please tell me what to do" to the client because at the end of the day it comes down to how it's received in a service based industry.expect lots of back and forth.

Whatever the thoughts of those around me, there will be change as I change, and I will continue to hold fast to my Nautilus, as it ever reminds me to grow in ways that are in tune with my purpose, my integrity, and what I feel is right. I vow to be steadfast and true, regardless of the challenges heading my way. I vow not to misuse my power. But use it, I will, and, as a result, I, like you will grow in ways that are in tune with my true self and true purpose.

You could also look up your atmakarka?

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therainroguefanfiction · 4 years

Text

🎃 Frightful October Act I, #3 ~ Movie Marathon (Nathan Prescott)

📑 Table of Contents

Genre: Angst, Fluff, Friendship, Halloween

Word Count: 2,876

Pairing: Reader x Nathan

World: Life is Strange

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The bell rang, signaling the end of class. You stretched your arms above your head, your back cracking. For some reason, the day felt like it had passed by agonizingly slow, and you still had another class before you could go home. Unlike most of the students that attended Blackwell Academy, you didn’t live in the dorms on campus – your apartment was a five-minute walk away. The main reason you chose not to live in the dorms is that you didn’t much care to be brought into all the drama that the students thrived off of.

You gathered your things before stepping out of the classroom. Your best friend was waiting near the door, his fingers flying across the keyboard on his phone. Sean Jamison stood at five-foot-five, his thin frame covered by a pair of jeans and a chocolate brown sweater. His blonde hair looked like it had been cut using a bowl, and his brown eyes shined with mischief. He was a technology geek that planned to major in computer science and game design when he graduated.

He glanced over at you, pushing his square glasses up with his middle finger. “Last period is math, your favorite.”

You scowled at him as you passed. “Don’t remind me. We can’t all be number genius’ like you.”

Sean chuckled, throwing his arm over your shoulder. “Don’t worry, the number genius won’t let you fail!”

“You better not. I can’t afford to flunk because of one subject.” You entered the classroom, making a beeline for the table at the back but Sean tightened his grip, pulling you back.

“Tsk, tsk, tsk, Y/N.” he wagged his finger in your face. “How can you learn properly sitting in the back of the class?”

“I am not sitting in the front,” you deadpanned.

Sean frowned, pushing up his glasses. The fluorescent lights reflected off of the lenses, hiding his eyes. “Then we can compromise by sitting in the middle.”

You didn’t care for that, either, but it was better than sitting up front. There were four rows of three desks, allowing two people per desk. You scanned the room before choosing the third row from the front, sitting under one of the large windows. Sean sat beside you, focusing on his mobile game.

There were still a few minutes before class began, so you turned your attention to the window. It was the beginning of October, the sky overcast as a chilly breeze knocked leaves from the trees, colored in various shades of brown and orange. The school grounds had been covered in leaves. If you didn’t watch your step, it was easy to slide and lose your footing, hitting the ground. Just ask Miss Grant, the science teacher. She had been peddling another petition to passing students and wasn’t paying attention to the ground. Too bad she was wearing a skirt that day – her underwear choice had been the talk of the school for a week.

You felt eyes watching you and you glanced at Sean, but he was still buried in his game, hiding the phone between the desk and his lap so the teacher wouldn’t see it when she entered. You scanned the room, eyes locking with those belonging to the one and only Nathan Prescott. He was sat at the opposite end of the class in the back row. When he realized you caught him staring, he snapped his head in the opposite direction.

You frowned, turning to the teacher as she entered the room.

As expected, class was long and boring, and you found yourself zoning in and out more than a couple of times. Sean was going back and forth between taking notes and elbowing you in the side whenever the teacher sent you a pointed look. By the time class ended, your side was sore – you were sure it would bruise by tomorrow.

“What are your plans for the weekend?” he questioned as he shoved his books into his bag.

You hummed, thoughtfully, doing the same. “I’ll probably just watch a few horror movies and sleep.”

He tsked. “So much youth, wasted.”

“And what are your brilliant plans?” you scoffed, but immediately regretted it as his eyes lit up.

“Isn’t it obvious? Dino Murder Force 2 is finally being released tomorrow and I’m going to camp out in front of the store tonight so I can get my copy, then I’m going to spend the entire weekend beating the game I’m going to be the first to write an in-depth review!”

You stared at him, blankly.

He had said all of that without pausing for air, so he huffed when he finished the run-on sentence. Saying nothing, you slung your bag over your shoulder and left the room, ignoring Sean as he called after you, “You don’t understand the brilliance that is Dino Murder Force, Y/N!”

“Stop yelling, Mr. Jamison!” The teacher scolded him.

You chuckled. He was such a weirdo, but he was your weirdo.

You stepped outside, a blast of cold air stinging your skin. Autumn, in your opinion, was the calmest, most peaceful time of year. There seemed to be less drama around this time, and that was something you appreciated. Halloween was pretty cool, too.

“Hey, Y/N, wait up!”

You paused near the gate, looking over your shoulder.

Nathan was jogging toward you, his usual cocky expression switched out for a nervous one.

“What’s up?” you asked, softly.

“Can I… walk you home?” he asked, shifting from foot to foot. He stuffed his hands into his jacket pockets.

‘It’s only a five-minute walk, it can’t hurt…’ you contemplated it for a moment before nodding. “Sure,” You walked side by side, his hand occasionally bumping against your own. It brought back a flood of memories.

The first time you had met Nathan, you were in kindergarten. Back then, he was a pretty shy kid, but he was so cute that the girls in class naturally migrated towards him. He had this polarizing aura that pulled people in. You appreciated how he tried to help others the best that he could. Deep down, though, he was already beginning to harbor feelings of self-doubt and loathing.

One day during recess, you chased a rubber ball that had been kicked to the back of the building. That’s where you found him, curled up against the building as his small body shook with silent sobs. Instinctively, you rushed over to him and brought him into your arms, running your hand through his hair as you told him it would be okay. That was the first time you had spoken to him and, from that day onward, Nathan stuck to you like glue. You were his best friend, the rock that kept him grounded.

Having him depend on you so strongly made you feel needed and happy, and you oftentimes dropped whatever you were doing to accommodate him and provide comfort when he was upset, which was slowly becoming more common as you both grew.

As your relationship deepened, his parents started to take notice of you. They didn’t think that you were good enough to be friends with Nathan, and they were sure you were just trying to get to his money. Your family had no social standing, and your single mom worked three jobs just to make ends meet. In their eyes, you were trash, but they always acted pleasant on the rare occasions you met them. You had no idea how they truly viewed you.

Nathan never told you how his parents put you down and insulted your mother, or how they pressured him to stop spending time with you, but you knew him like the back of your hand and you knew he was beginning to change. The shy, kind little boy that you had become so close to was starting to morph before your eyes, but Nathan Prescott did not morph into a beautiful butterfly, he morphed into a monster – arrogant, entitled, and full of hatred.

The time you spent together became less and less frequent until, in the second year of middle school, he completely cut you out of his life. You tried talking to him, to demand an answer, but he was always surrounded by his new friends. Every time you got close, they would make fun of you and Nathan would just stand there, acting like you didn’t exist.

You became invisible to him.

While you were friendly with the other kids in your class, Nathan had been your only friend. Now you were left alone.

Shortly after, your mom began quite ill after pushing herself to keep working. She ended up being hospitalized. It was at this time that you met Sean, who found you in a similar way that you had first met Nathan.

Sean was a loner, preferring to tinker with his games and gadgets over talking to his peers, but he knew that you didn’t have any friends and he recognized that you were very distressed. Rather than bring you into his arms like you had to Nathan all those years ago, his way of comforting you consisted of forcing a handheld game into your lap and making you play with him. It wasn’t conventional, but it helped.

Your mom passed away a month after you started at Blackwell.

Nathan came to the funeral, returning to the empty apartment with you. He held you, allowing you to cry your heart out until you finally fell asleep, clutching his shirt in your fist. When you woke up the next morning, he was gone. There was a thick envelope left on the table – ‘sorry’ was the only thing written on it. Inside was a key to an apartment on the other side of town and fifteen grand in cash.

You remember thinking how typical it was that he thought cash could solve everything.

You didn’t want to accept the money, but he gave you no chance to return it. The apartment had been paid for in advance for the next four years, but you still had bills to pay and needed to buy food, not to mention the tuition for Blackwell. No job given to a high school student would be enough to pay for everything, so you did end up using some of the money, but you used it sparingly, only taking out enough for the bare necessities. In the meantime, you had gotten a part-time job at Two Whales diner.

A couple weeks later and you found another envelope in your mail. It read: ‘Quit your job. I’ll send you a monthly payment – N.’ Enclosed was fifteen hundred dollars.

You didn’t like this at all, but Nathan did what he wanted, and what he wanted he got. He had you fired from your job, knowing you wouldn’t quit on your own. You considered confronting him about everything, but that would require stepping out into the spotlight and you didn’t need that kind of drama in your life.

Even after all that, he still treated you like you didn’t exist, despite the monthly payment that was put in your mailbox every month.

So why the sudden change? Why was he suddenly approaching you after all this time?

Nathan frowned at your thoughtful expression. He knew he had royally screwed up the best thing he ever had but was it too late for him to fix things? “Hey, we’re here.”

You snapped out of your thoughts, smiling sheepishly. “Oh, right. Thanks…” you paused at the gate, hesitating. “Do you… want to come in?”

He nodded, not wanting to leave you just yet. Nathan followed you to the third floor, his mind running wild – he couldn’t remember a time that he felt so nervous.

You unlocked the door and stepped aside to let him enter. “Want something to drink?”

“Water,” he added as an afterthought. “Please.”

You stepped into the small kitchen attached to the living area, pouring out a glass of ice water for him and ice tea for yourself. He sat on the couch as you set the drinks on the coffee table, absentmindedly playing with the black rope around his right wrist.

Your eyes widened when you saw it and you reached out, holding his wrist so you could see it better. “You kept this?” It was a simple piece of rope with a yin-yang symbol tied through the front of it. You made it for him in fifth grade as a birthday present.

He quickly pulled his wrist away, his cheeks tinting as he tugged the sleeve of his jacket down. “It was a gift from you, of course I kept it.”

Those words went straight to your heart, making it increase in speed as it grew warm. You looked up at his face, taking in his appearance for the first time in a long time. His brown hair was slicked back but messy, as if he had run his hands through it nervously. His blue eyes, once bright and full of life, were dull and he had deep bags under them from a mixture of stress and lack of sleep. Overall, he looked exhausted and aged.

Seeing him in such a state made you frown.

“Stop staring at me,” he muttered, starting to feel self-conscious. People around him were constantly complimenting him, saying how gorgeous he is and how handsome, but he wasn’t very good at reading people, so he couldn’t tell if they were being genuine. Whenever you used to compliment him, it always felt genuine and made him feel happy, but when everyone else did it, it felt empty.

“Have you been sleeping, Nathan?” It was the first time you had said his name in so long, it made his breath catch in his throat. His body started to shake despite himself. “Nathan, what’s wro – ” you squeaked in surprise when he threw himself at you, sending you both to the ground. His arms were tight around your body as he buried his face in the crook of your neck. You gently rubbed his back, free hand running through his soft hair. It had been so long since you last held him, but your body remembered the position perfectly.

“I’ve missed you… so goddamn much…” he sobbed, clutching you tighter. “I didn’t want to, to push you away… I had to do it! I couldn’t… I couldn’t let you sink with me…”

“Oh, Nathan,” you chided, softly. “You’ve always been such an idiot. You’re my best friend, I would have happily sank with you. And you know what? I would have dragged you back to the surface.”

“You’re too good… for me…” he cried.

You hummed, thoughtfully. “I don’t think so.”

It took a while for him to calm down and stop shaking, but you didn’t mind. Even after everything that had happened, he was still the most important person in your life. You would always be there to catch him when he fell.

“Can I… spend the night with you?” he asked, softly. He sounded like a child, lost and scared. The shy boy flashed in your mind.

“Of course you can,” you smiled, gently pushing him back. He pulled away from you, sliding back until he was leaning against the couch. His eyes were red and swollen, but they held more life than they had earlier. You pulled yourself to your feet, feeling pinpricks in your back and butt, unhappy about being squished against the wooden floor for so long. You glanced at the clock – it was eleven-ten. “Hey, Nathan?”

He glanced up at you.

“There’s a Halloween marathon starting in twenty minutes. Wanna watch it with me?”

Nathan smiled, remembering all the times you had binge-watched movies as kids. “Yeah, that sounds good.”

You returned the smile before heading into the kitchen to make some popcorn. When you returned, Nathan had curled up on the couch with a blanket he had taken from your bedroom. He held one side of the blanket up and you squeezed in beside him, holding the bowl up as he flung it over your body. You turned the TV on and he moved closer, finding comfort in your warmth.

The first movie began, a cheap knock off of A Nightmare on Elm Street. He reached for your hand but hesitated. You smiled, slipping your hand into his and interlocking your fingers with his.

After two movies, Nathan’s eyes started to droop. He fought against the sleep invading his mind, not wanting this moment to end, but his body and mind were exhausted. His head fell onto your shoulder, breath evening out. You smiled, turning down the TV so the screams wouldn’t disturb his rest.

You didn’t know what tomorrow would bring – if he would go back to ignoring you or if you could be friends again, but that didn’t matter to you at the moment. You had your best friend at your side and that’s all that mattered to you.

You brought his hand to your chest, holding it with both hands. ‘No matter what happens, I will always be here for you, Nathan Prescott,’ You pressed a kiss to his palm and he smiled in his sleep. For the first time since he was a child, he slept peacefully through the night.

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pochapal · 3 years

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rank every year of the 2010s from best to worst i want some pochapal lore

[warning for discussion of my fucked up mental health and my myriad traumas. we’re really opening the pandora’s box here gang]

ok time for me to overshare on the internet again! super long post because i can’t shut up and you asked for it. anyway, by objective ranking:

#1: 2012 - halcyon era, my personal peak. spent the whole year writing hunger games oc fics with my deviantart fanfiction besties whom i still think about all the time and always hope are having the best possible day. if you were here for this era understand i still hold you so closely and dearly in my heart <3.

#2: 2013 - god i was such a good example of a human being back then. was the year my writing like actually took off and i had a healthy balance between creative stuff and a social life (said social life consisting of spending lunchtimes at school breaking into classrooms and discussing fandom shit with five other people. reading homestuck updates in the music room on one person’s really shaky mobile data...legendary). highlight of the year and maybe my life was in the april of 2013 when i got out of failing to submit a hard deadline essay by telling my english teacher i wrote a whole novel over the two week break and then producing said novel. god i wish i had that level of like. fucking confidence back me back then knew what i wanted and how to get it.

#3: 2010 - the last year of childhood. i was 12 and played pokemon all the time with my friends and went places and had a moderately successful youtube channel and it didn’t matter that i was bullied so badly at school because i was basically high off life. summer of 2010 was so good specifically. i’d used to get the bus with a friend and go see movies and break into historical sites and get into normal childhood mayhem and maxed out my pokewalkers twice a month and i was buzzed because i had two (2) whole friendship groups to choose from and that was such a huge deal to me the terminal social outcast. it was so simple and carefree and even though everything and everyone involved in this era grew up to suck except for one specific person i kinda really miss it.

#4: 2018 - this was the first year i wasn’t depressed to the point of nonfunctioning. it was 20gayteen, i was on antidepressants, i was as close to thriving as i got at uni (going into town with people once a week, attending art and culture events, getting good grades across the board), i started to write for fun again, i got my cat whom i love dearly, i was exhibited in my uni’s city’s literature festival, GOD i actually nearly attended a pride event that year can you imagine. this year was basically my life’s second peak. miss getting the 8am train and daintily sipping on a cherry coke to keep me from passing out. wish this time could have lasted longer.

#5: 2019 - kinda absolute middle of the road year not for lack of anything happening but because the overwhelming amount of good and bad things cancelled each other out. so like there’s the fact that i was at the top of my uni game this year, was basically making the first steps into a professional writing career (covid i will never forgive you for killing all that dead </3), finally saved up enough to buy myself a gaming pc, and the summer after the homestuck epilogues, but equally 2019 was the start of the Pochapal Gender Fiasco which is by far the most horrible thing i am still currently undergoing and i burnt myself out mentally about halfway through the year (being stuck overnight in a hospital for a panic attack absolutely horrible horrible irredeemable) and then got like super death plague flu that i was sick with for three months (literally recovered less than a month before rona hit. god’s cruel karma.). so like...it kind of averaged out? the good shit was good but not as great as other years and the bad shit was awful but nowhere near as terrible as it could have been. gotta give a shoutout to 90% of my current mutual cohort for following me in 2019...omelette route gang make some noise !!

#6: 2014 - oof. this year essentially marked the start of a four year long downward mental health spiral because everything fell into awful alignment. i’d just turned 16, finished secondary school, had all my friends up and ditch me at once, was home alone for a whole summer, and was hit with Sudden Intense Body Image Issues that i couldn’t explain until uh. after very recent developments lmao. this one goes out to the me of july 2014 who did nothing but lay in bed and listen to the same two marina albums on a loop because fuck i’m attracted to men and also my facial and body hair are really starting to come in and if i think about this for too long i will literally kill myself because oh god i can’t handle getting older which is clearly and definitely the issue going on here. my brain fucking broke super hardcore and it’s a miracle that an overeating disorder was like the worst thing i walked away with.

#7: 2015 - downward spiral year two!! i was so volatile this year it was such a mess. i was totally socially isolated after a brief stint of falling in with a group of people at the start of my first year of sixth form until january where in quick succession a) it turned out every single one of these people was friends with the person who sexually assaulted me whom i obviously had a lot of complicated feelings towards and b) baby’s first crush came out as bisexual but in the “women and also trans women” kind of way which tore me up so terribly in ways i couldn’t begin to understand. no words for the experience of seeing a girl kiss a boy and crying so hard at night you threw up because you could never be her no matter how much you wanted it. actually kinda get the sense what was going on there was bigger than just some crush lmao. then after that i was so mentally ill i basically attended school less than half the time and it was the only year in my life i failed my exams. i ended up having to resit my entire set of first year a level exams because jesus christ was i in such a bad way it was a miracle i even showed up to them. all i did was either have anxiety attacks or enter bedbound depressive slumps for weeks at a time. but it’s okay because it gets worse.

#8: 2016 - downward spiral act iii: the spiralling. prefacing this by saying that i actually had two whole good months (april - may) in that i was functioning enough to do my exams and finish school with decent grades. the rest was super extra mega terrible. my school attendance for year 13 dipped below 65% and literally the only thing that kept me from being kicked out was the fact that i was naturally smart at the subjects i took and also because the school would have a lot to answer for after letting me get to that state despite having a hefty file on how damaged i was. keep in mind every single part of this was fully untreated btw - i was just floundering around and letting it all fester. i spent three solid weeks going to school but locking myself in the bathroom all day every day and having mental health episodes then going home like nothing else happened only to continue the breakdown that night. then things got kicked into fucked up overdrive when i moved out to uni and was cut off from what little support structures i did have. it was so bad all i did was cry all the time and never went anywhere to the point where three separate sources recommended me to the wellbeing and crisis counselling service that i stopped going to after two sessions because i was fucked up in ways cbt techniques could not even touch. at least i tried to make an effort for the first two months of uni which like. good for me?

#9: 2017 - what lieth at the base of the spiral. helltrench year. i was at literal rock bottom. i stopped going to class, i didn’t hand in a single piece of work. i lied to my parents and would book trains each day only to go back to my student flat and sit there and contemplate suicide. like i would just slump on the floor in a catatonic state and vividly contemplate one of four or so ways i could end my own life. i only didn’t because i wanted to wait until the summer to collect my last student loan and transfer it to my parents as an apology for my death which obviously didn’t end up happening. honestly i can’t remember much of the first half of 2017 that’s how bad it was. i remember taking a gender studies class and the teacher made it Weird that i was the Only Male Student in the room and then she sent me a scolding email after i walked out halfway through a class and never returned. apparently i got into a lot of online discourse in this year but i don’t remember anything other than being put on a blocklist by the milkfic author over ace discourse which is funny if you have the context. mostly i just baited terfs and weirdo freaks to get them to say horrible things to me as what i guess amounts to some kind of digital self harm. anyway breaking point came in late august when i got kicked out of university and then nobody could ignore it any more so there was no choice left but for me to seek out help and recover enough to function which luckily i did. i really Do Not remember 2017. you could tell me anything about that year and i’d probably believe you.

#10: 2011 - extra circle of hell for this little fucked up gem of a year. on the surface it wasn’t actually that terrible, until the Summer 2011 Domino Effect Of Bad Shit. up until like may/june it was a pretty all right year! i was 13 and had a surprisingly successful youtube channel uploading pokemon soundfont remixes to an audience of i think ~350-400 subscribers at my peak? anyway then i got hit with the early summer triple combo of childhood friends moving away, cute and quirky sexual assault at the hands of a person in my friend group, and then having some Really Great and Super Appropriate interactions with adults on deviantart. like obviously there’s the actual ptsd-inducing event which totally disrupted and killed the person i was right up until that moment and reshaped every facet of my life for better or worse (there’s an alternate timeline where that didn’t happen and i got into electronic music and/or coding instead) but really it’s the events that followed in its wake which were kind of more fucked up. so like all of a sudden i was super aware of my body and me growing my hair out and being mistaken for a girl in class suddenly became this Less Innocent thing and i ended up spending hours overnight going to transgender questioning forums and looking up hrt timeline videos and having the wikipedia article on tracheal shaving saved because it was a life raft to me whose voice was imminently gonna deepen and i was simultaneously reeling with constant trauma flashbacks and the whole thing was so so fucked up. then i was on deviantart and i don’t remember exactly how but a small group of furry guys ten to fifteen years older than me started messaging me and encouraging and requesting me to produce nonsexual fetish stuff for them and talking to me about stuff like if i’d ever thought about growing up to be gay and i didn’t think anything of it for a long while because they called me a very talented writer and it felt so good to have someone be nice to me after being so alone and isolated for months on end. anyway the only reason i got out of that before it got bad was because they invited me to one of the big furry sites and i was weirded out because i thought it was a porn site and thinking about sexual stuff was a huge trauma trigger so i just ended up blocking them all and pretending like it didn’t happen. at the time half this shit didn’t bother me but in retrospect holy fuck 2011 was such a damaging year. to think if like three events didn’t happen i wouldn’t be the fucked up mess you see before you today.

god fuck this turned out super long but i’m not apologising because this was a therapeutic exercise for me and also constitutes as one of the biggest pochapal lore dumps of all time. come get your food or whatever.

#Anonymous #long post #read all of this if you have vested interest in knowing intimate details about my life or whatever

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real-jaune-isms · 4 years

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RWBY Volume 8 Chapter 1 Review/Rundown

This volume is off to a STRONG start if I may say so myself. No big action scenes, nothing to get the blood boiling or freezing over yet, but this is just the first chapter and we have a lot of dreadful stakes and danger ahead of us. This is a setup premiere, and it promises us pain and stress like nothing before. And we’ve all been conditioned to the point that we actually look forward to that. What we got is plenty good, so why not dig in to this succulent appetizer?~

Right off the bat, we get something we knew we wanted but never quite realized how much we needed... A young black haired woman on her knees scrubbing a wood floor. Bandages on one of her fingers and right wrist, modest clothing, and so very little soul to be seen in her amber eyes. Ladies, gentlemen, and that technicolor rainbow in between, we are getting our first look at Cinder’s troubled Cinderella-style past. It’s just this one floor washing scene for now, but we see present day Cinder’s Grimm fingers scratching into the chair in front of her with the same rhythm so we can be pretty confident it’s really her. Hopefully we will get more as the volume progresses, especially with the opening showing her seem to be having trouble controlling her powers. Neo is flying an airship directly up to the giant whale, whom I will continue to nickname Monstro. Concerned by all the other Grimm flying around it, she nevertheless flies along its side and we find there are handily carved out landing pads for ships. Guess Salem modded this beast to be her mobile base. As Neo apprehensively follows Cinder up a staircase, we see these modifications include a throne which the Grimm queen is sitting in awaiting their arrival. This is Neo’s first time actually seeing the woman behind the dark curtain, and I don’t think she was expecting this. What she may have expected even less was that the prideful psychopath Cinder would actually bow down to this woman. Yet bow she does, and Salem greets her with smug condescension, asking if she’s lived up to the responsibility expected of her as Salem’s vessel for the maidens. Has she done as asked and brought a worthy gift for her goddess? Indeed she has, she’s brought her the Relic of Knowledge... and claims she acquired it all by herself, throwing all of Neo’s hard work out the window so she can have all the glory. [Neo will remember that...] But certain poisonous arachnids are unimpressed, as Tyrian emerges from the shadows to say that taking anything from Ironwood is less of a show of Cinder’s skill and more a sign of the General’s incompetence. With a dig pointed seemingly at both Cinder and Neo, he points out that James was not the first person to be outsmarted by Team RWBY and their friends. But unlike Volume 4, Cinder has her voice and claps back at Tyrian, reminding him that according to the Atlesian military radio chatter he too was outdone by Ironwood’s allies. So was Watts, for that matter, and which of them managed to get away unscathed again? Certainly not the good Doctor, and Tyrian agrees that he was a... necessary sacrifice. Speaking of, he sees Cinder brought a fresh face that could be kindling for the fires of their crusade. Salem finally acknowledges that yes, there is someone here she didn’t recruit herself, and she demands an explanation from Cinder. The Fall Maiden of course explains that Neo has powers that will be very useful to them, but refers to her only as an asset, not even a subordinate or teammate. [Neo will remember that...]

And speaking of the “tools” Cinder has collected, in come Emerald and Mercury in fresh new outfits! I think they both look pretty good, and I especially like Merc’s new jacket with his winged boot emblem on the left side. Emerald looks quite fashionable and I like the necklace, but there’s still a lot of exposed skin for being in Atlas... Of course, some things never change and she excitedly rushes to Cinder’s side, only to be shut down with a single gruff word. Speaking of gruff, Hazel is here with a new look too. His hair’s been shortened/combed back and he has what I can really only describe as a tank top with the sleeves torn open all the way down to near the waist, that shows off the muscles and scars on his arms and up the sides of his torso. It’s a tough look, but again not very winter weather savvy, and I miss the wild man look he had before. Regardless of the new looks, Tyrian has the same old criticisms of Emerald’s loyalty to the ever so incompetent Cinder. He and Watts rained hell (and very cold snow) on Mantle and threw Atlas into chaos, while Cinder merely fixed her mistake from Haven instead of getting new Maiden powers here in Atlas. She blames Penny for that setback, and mark her words she will be going back to rend her limb from mechanical limb to get the Winter Maiden powers... except she won’t be. Salem has decreed no such action, and it seems clear she won’t be doing so for a good while. Cinder tries to object, but Salem exerts her control over Monstro merely by touching her throne and sending a glowing pulse through the entire throne room. Cinder needs to be reminded of the big picture and her very small place in it, so Salem makes a window. This is a game of chess, and Cinder should count herself lucky to even be considered above a pawn. She is still a tool for Salem to use in her own victory, and the only thoughts she should have are how to achieve what Salem tells her to do. Cinder seems to resign herself to this fate a bit, and says that she is indeed nothing without Salem’s help. In a sense, you do have to sympathize with Cinder’s situation. Clearly her childhood had her in a situation where she was forced to do as told and not given much praise or appreciation for it. She probably sided with Salem because she was promised more power than she could have ever dreamed, but now she’s back being stuck in a position of servitude and abuse. And she does what she can to feel strong and in control: pass on that abuse to her own minions. And poor Emerald does not deserve it. At least Mercury has enough self confidence to know he wants to be his own man in all this, and he seems to have the ambition to try and work his way up the ladder for more earned respect. Still, back to Cinder, she’s clearly conditioned to fear any reproach from Salem. Quieted at a raise of her hand, as if knowing that the witch could take away the maiden magic in an instant and she’d be left with nothing again, and just as easily dismissed with a passive wave. To be fair though, that was for everyone, and the others know what she can do to people who piss her off so they scram too. She ominously turns to take the lamp somewhere, but we’ll check in on that at the end.

For now, we go down down down to a shanty town in Mantle. It’s clearly the slums for Faunus mine workers in the crater, and among them we see a familiar face. Oscar!! He’s sitting by a fire staring off in deep thought, until an old man with badger hands pushes a bowl in his direction and wordlessly indicates for him to sip some. Idk if it’s a hot soup or something, from the view inside we get it looks to just be water but that could be unintended, but Oscar is thankful. No sooner does the old fella walk away than Ozpin pipes in to tell Oscar to be on guard. An airship swoops in overhead, and most of the faunus scurry away (no pun intended). Oscar stands defensively, but the door opens to reveal Ruby!! She and Weiss came to get him, though I don’t know how they found out where he was, and Maria is flying. He gets onboard and we get an aerial shot of snowfall over Mantle followed by a much less pleasant sight. Sabyrs are still getting in through the holes in the wall, and Manticores still swoop through the skies. Oscar berates himself for thinking Ironwood would listen to reason, for so many of his choices ending up being wrong ones, and he clearly blames the current situation at least partially on himself. We see that current situation as people on the streets below continue to huddle around burning trashcans and wood piles for warmth. Ironwood seriously still hasn’t done anything to try and get Mantle’s heat back? Of course he hasn’t, he’s going to abandon them, what was I thinking? Ruby reassures Oscar that he did what he thought was the right thing, they all did. What’s important is that he’s still here. It might just be how hyped up for a certain posse of do-gooders a certain Miss @kdinjenzen has been getting a lot of us over the last few months, but I was genuinely excited to see Joanna Greenleaf come out from around the corner of a building and gesture Maria to land. She rushes the group inside a building and shoots down a camera drone that was about to turn around and spot them before heading in herself. We see sooner than hear May Marigold, coordinating civilian transportation efforts over comms while leaning over a kitchen stove. She’s sending Fiona to transport some folks from one of the sectors on a map we don’t get to see... to the crater. Oh boy, that’ll be something to get into in just a minute. Our girls and boy walk past her into a restaurant dining room. Guess non-essential services really were shut down due to this crisis... okay yeah that’s too topical. The other half of Team RWBY, as well as JNR, Penny, and Pietro, are sitting around tables idly waiting until they hear the doors open and their friends return. All eyes are on the farmboi, and Nora is the first to rise from her chair with a small smile. Oscar braces himself for an energetic tackle hug, or whatever he thinks Nora would be likely to do, but she just walks over and give him a gentle embrace. The poor kid definitely needed that. Ruby and Weiss smile from the sidelines, one of the only shots the two of them share much to my aching shipper’s heart. But it’s fine, this is a time from group joy and union. Blake voices the concerns everyone had for Oscar’s fate when he had run off to confront Ironwood alone, how they feared the worst. Weiss of course is the one to ask how in the world he got all the way down to the slums, but he avoids the question by saying its a long story, and clearly not the only one based on Penny being with them. Internally, Ozpin questions him on not telling the group that he has reemerged in his mind, but Oscar says the two of them have more to discuss first. Instead, he notes the absence of a certain sobering up bird, and that puts a frown on most of the group’s faces. Ruby says they don’t know, last they heard he was with Robyn, but beyond that no news apparently reached them. Clearly they fear he’s dead, and cannot begin to imagine he’s been accused of murder. We only infer this of course, because the convo is cut short by Joanna coming into the room to talk shop. They’re all reunited, now its time to put the group to work helping the people of Mantle. No heat, no military help, just Grimm hovering over the city in a horde unlike any they’ve seen before. Those people need help, and they are huntsmen and huntresses with the skills to provide that help. Ren is the one to question “How?” Ironwood’s not letting people up into Atlas anymore, and Salem’s forces around the perimeter have made escape from the city impossible. Joanna’s solution is to look down, to the crater right under Atlas. It’s not safe, but it’ll be warm and they can better protect everyone if they’re all gathered in one place. The teens seem hesitant, I might even say incredulous, but she assures them that May will send them where they are needed and with their skilled numbers it will be that much safer for the civilians. Their priority needs to be getting everyone into the crater by nightfall, because she believes they’ll stand more of a chance in the slums. As Joanna heads out the door, Weiss gripes that they’ll never sleep again with how busy they’re going to be, but Joanna retorts that you’re either helping or you’re baggage.

I have... some thoughts about the Happy Huntresses’ plan. Yes, evacuation of the cold city seems like a great idea, and getting everyone in a single easy to defend place is sound strategy. But there’s some Atlas sized problems with their choice of location to evacuate to, and I do realize they may not even be aware of the potential genocide they’re setting up. Salem wants the staff, which is currently in use holding up Atlas. If she takes it, as she so clearly intends to do, Atlas will fall. Atlas will fall back into the crater it rose from, where thousands of people are gathered. That is a big SQUISH that I really don’t want to see happen. I get that Joanna, May, and Fiona may not know about the Relic, I doubt even Robyn knows. But we the audience do, and that dramatic irony has us all wincing prematurely at what grim future we hope will not come to pass. Hopefully it won’t come to that, so let’s go back to what conversations are actually being had.

Yang steps up and says that they need to get out there and help the people of Mantle, but Ruby objects and says they need to do what they can for the sake of everyone. Her first thought is on getting Amity launched like Ironwood had initially planned, so the whole world can be warned about Salem being on the attack. They need help, cuz as it stands Mantle and Atlas do not have this handled. Blake, somewhat surprisingly, agrees with Ruby rather than Yang. The Happy Huntresses have a plan for Mantle’s evacuation, they’ve got that under control while these folks worry about the bigger picture. But, Yang points out, Amity isn’t actually finished and ready to be launched. Ruby considers that and turns to the smartest man in the room for an estimate on what it would take to launch Amity at this point. I’m unsure if she means send it up in its incomplete state or power through the process during this crisis to get it 100% complete before then also launching it in the midst of this warzone. Pietro admits they had made some strides in terms of construction and collecting fuel, “all potentially manageable”, so maybe that means it’s close enough to the completed product they had first planned that it can get done as things are now. Or maybe it means that with what they’ve already done its just good enough that they could probably send it up and it’d be okay? Either way, the biggest problem is actually launching it. They need it to be granted clearance from Ironwood’s terminal before it can be launched, such was the nature of its design. Yang rightfully points out the General isn’t about to give that clearance willingly, so this is a fools errand. But Ruby is thinking outside the box about the specific phrasing, and realizes they don’t need the man’s approval, just access to his terminal so they can grant the clearance themselves. That too would be suicide, requiring getting back into the academy... or does it? Pietro reveals there’s another useable terminal, within the main Atlesian military compound at the base of the city. You know, the very bottom of this floating fortress city, surrounded by airships and security drones. Even once inside, there’s a lot of hoops to jump through, more than the good Doctor can wrap his head around in this moment. Oscar notes how this is very convoluted for apparently being the easier option, but Yang rebuttals that it’s straight up impossible and pointless, not to mention they can’t guarantee any help would even come upon hearing the message. This is more than Ruby can take, and she snaps back at her sister. It’s not pointless if it’s warning the rest of the world that Salem will be coming for them next. They need to send this warning.

This is when Yang gets... personal. She brings up the rest of the team’s decision to defer to Ruby’s leadership once they got to Atlas, and how things took a real nosedive soon after that. It’s clear that she’s implying Ruby’s decisions were the reason for their situation being as bad as it is, and you can see the pain on Ruby’s face as that hits her. Some upset looks on the others’ faces show they may have thought similarly but never would have actually said so. Ren steps up and says that helping the evacuation in Mantle is a feasible action they can take here and now rather than a longshot hope. We had seen a short sequence of Yang running through the daylit streets of Mantle on this mission to evacuate groups, and now Ren is in the scene at her side to signify which mission he’s going to take. Likewise, his face visibly saddens as we hear Nora take Ruby’s side about this not just being a matter of helping Atlas, it’s about warning the other three kingdoms so they can prepare for what’s coming. And with that we see her on the rooftop with Ruby where she had been looking up at the base of Atlas. Jaune is thankfully a neutral voice of reason who says they have the numbers to be able to do both, but Ruby is really worried that being divided like this is what Salem wants. Oscar has gotten wiser from his time with Oz in his head, and points out that the division Salem really wants is emotional, not always physical. Disagreements and arguments like this are what she wants, so they need to realize they can be a united group of cooperating minds while still splitting up to accomplish different goals. Penny... has a depressing third option. Let her deliver the Staff to Salem now and hope it will make her leave Atlas before things get worse. Oscar says they really can’t trust Salem to actually do that, and that as soon as she uses it to create anything else... down drops Atlas. Yang acknowledges that at the very least they can all agree turning Penny over to any other forces will not be happening.

Ruby resigns herself to leading a small squad instead of the full team, and asks if Pietro can help them get up to the terminal. He acknowledges they WILL need someone to bypass security, but Penny is the one to offer. I’d like to note that this whole time she’s been almost lifelessly facing away from the group and staring directly forward, and her voice has been bereft of any emotion or enthusiasm. For the cheerful person she normally is, this is heartbreaking to hear. Pietro tries to raise objections, saying she’s too valuable for them to risk anything happening to her, but she looks over her shoulder and firmly repeats herself, Maiden fire burning around her eyes. I get why Pietro is a bit overprotective of his daughter, she was destroyed once and emotionally scarred during Volume 7, plus she now has powers they absolutely can’t afford to lose the use of. But she is her own girl and needs to be able to make her own choices. Coddling her like this won’t help, especially now. Yang accepts this decision with a sigh and heads for the door to start getting down to business. Blake watches her go with a rather pained look, and we see a similar one on Weiss’ face as Yang passes behind her. Team RWBY is splitting up again, and they’re worried. Understandable. Pietro stops her at the door and tosses her a set of keys, which we transition to seeing in that same hand as she’s back in the daytime alleyway with Ren. We pan over to see Jaune and Oscar decided to go with them, and hear Pietro explain there’s some new tools back at his pharmacy that he had been working on for them before the crisis. From the promotional clip we got a few months ago, we know this means the hover bikes.

Heard but not seen is Ren asking Nora where she intends to go, and she affirms she’s sticking with Ruby. Of all people, she had been the one who was the most passionate about helping Mantle, so he asks her about it now, but she says that she’s absolutely saving Mantle. Because she actually believes Ruby’s plan can be done, and so we go back to seeing her on the roof, now joined by Weiss and Blake. Blake reassures Ruby that the group hasn’t been divided where it counts, but Ruby has concerns. Maria chimes in on comms to affirm that she’ll be taking Pietro up to Amity to finish what he can, but that leaves RWBNP without a way up to Atlas. Weiss starts to say she’s got that covered, but is interrupted by someone’s Scroll ringing. Blake, Ruby, and Nora all check theirs, but it turns out it’s Penny who’s getting a call... from General Ironwood. She hesitantly answers, and as soon as Ironwood’s voice comes through Nora starts scowling. Ruby seems rather neutral, but as Ironwood goes on with his very evenly toned request that Penny tell him where she is because he’s worried for her safety and wants to come pick her up, her eyes narrow. She’s been in an abusive relationship before, she recognizes gaslighting. Ironwood says that Atlas needs Penny since Salem is here. Before she can say anything, Ruby comes to her side and puts a supportive hand on her shoulder as she takes her Scroll. Penny’s not going anywhere, she says, not until Ironwood sees the error of his plans and change his mind about helping Mantle. It was a longshot, but at least she went for it. Ironwood starts losing his cool as he berates Ruby for still being hung up on saving Mantle when Atlas is the last hope Remnant has at salvation and Salem’s gathering forces are primed to destroy it. Unless Penny comes back and helps send it high into the sky. If she doesn’t, and Salem gets through their defenses, what comes next will be Penny’s fault. THIS is straight up psychological torment, he is manipulating her and dodging all blame for his actions by pinning them onto a poor girl already going through a crisis of identity. What absolute fucking garbage you are, James Ironwood. Penny retreats into Ruby’s arms, and she embraces her sympathetically.

But enough of these poor suffering kids, let’s get some poor suffering adults. In an Atlas medical facility, what’s left of the Ace Ops are looking at the corpse of their leader lying cold and pale on a mortuary slab. Marrow is the only one who seems genuinely sad, Elm and Harriet just grumpy. To be fair, that anger could be pointed inward cuz they’re mad they weren’t there to help him in his time of need. Or maybe Ironwood told them that apparently Qrow did it, and they’re pissed they can’t kill him in revenge. Across the hall, Ironwood is watching them from Winter’s hospital room. The doctors have her left arm in a high tech looking cast, maybe it can speed up the healing beyond our normal medical science? Or maybe it’ll boost her strength so she can power through the pain and keep on fighting for the General and his crusade? I was initially worried they replaced the whole arm, given Ironwood’s tendency to substitute cyborg tech for his own human flesh in the event of great damage. Case in point, his burned up hand got the Skywalker treatment. But no, I think this really is just a cast. As Ironwood inspects his new sleek black limb, and the doctors test what Winter is currently capable of with her arms in the condition they’re in, a guard arrives to tell them some prisoners have arrived and are being processed in Stockade B. As the doctors test her right wrist for any tendon pains, and indeed there are some pains, she asks if the prisoners are in fact Robyn and Qrow the soon to be jail birds. He asks the doctors to leave the room, which they do, and Winter assures him she’ll be fine, though her inability to make a fist without pain says otherwise. As someone who got tendonitis in my wrist after a bad scrape on my bicycle, I know that pain. Ironwood thanks Winter for her dedication, and confides that faced with such unprecedented Grimm numbers he wouldn’t know what to do without her. Their hard light shields will hold the Grimm off, but only temporarily. FIRST OF ALL, you have enough money and resources for Hard Light Dust, the rarest and most expensive kind, to be shielding the entire kingdom... but not enough money to give Mantle a decent heating grid that’s not dependent on the SDC????? Or literally anything else that might have helped them now???? Eat the rich and defund the police, folks. Speaking of hot-button political statements, before he can answer Winter’s question about what he plans to do his musings are interrupted by his fellow council members Sleet and Camilla barging in demanding to talk to him. Mass evacuations, declaring martial law? They have several very pressing questions for him, but Ironwood has gone into tunnel vision and says he will be doing everything he can to defend the kingdom, no matter the cost to him or those around him. And he makes that abundantly clear as he strides out of Winter’s room and wordlessly shoots Sleet for daring to call him scared. Judging from Camilla’s screech and the looks on Elm and Marrow’s watching faces, it was fatal. This man is straight up executing his critics, but we kinda already knew this was gonna happen after he shot Oscar off the cliff. Clearly, Camilla will be too scared for her own life to speak up against Ironwood ever again. As the General strolls away, Winter and Harriet share a look through the open door. Harriet seemed shocked, but almost resigns herself to this. She’s in too deep, and as long as she’s loyal she’s got nothing to fear. Winter, on the other hand, let her sister go out into the world as Ironwood’s enemy. Not only is she worried Weiss will be in her boss’s crosshairs, but if he finds out she let her get away with the Winter Maiden then she might be executed for insubordination.

Finally, we get the tearing dripping shot of a portion of Monstro opening to reveal Salem holding the Lamp. Looking into it, she muses how she has questions she wants answered, but she needs the key to how to ask them first. To that end, she holds the Relic out in front of a mystery Grimm that emerged from the fleshy cage she just opened. It gets a good smell of the Lamp, and she instructs it to bring her the man who can show her how to get what she seeks. Oscar is in serious danger...

And so that’s it for Chapter 1! A strong start that doesn’t fill me with despair just yet but is definitely setting up some ways for me to really feel the aster down the line. I won’t review the opening much, because those are usually really abstract and vague about what’s actually gonna happen. We see there may be another encounter between Weiss and Winter now that they’re on opposite sides, and Watts seems to still be up to trickery. Ren and Nora miss each other, and things look particularly bad for Team RWBY. Also we get serious “Penny getting hacked and going evil” vibes, and I really don’t want such a horrible thing to happen to that mecha cinnamon roll. Looks like Oscar really will get captured, and maybe Salem can change her form a little since she has big cool bat wings as she looms over him. The song will take some getting used to, but it slaps hard and Casey is giving it 100% so that’s good enough for me.

Thanks thanks thanks for bearing with me for this long ass post, but I hope you got some joy from it.

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horrorkingdom · 3 years

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The Satellite Images

A friend of mine showed me how to use Google Maps. I'm sure you've seen it. It lets you use satellite images to look at locations all over the world. A few years ago, I was in a car accident. Since then, I really don't leave the house that often. It's difficult, and the idea of a seeing a car drive by me makes me feel lightheaded. I was fascinated by the fact that I could see all over the world, almost like being there. I could virtually walk down the streets, and it almost felt like I was really there.

I became instantly hooked. It gave me a real eye on the world. I could go to almost any major city, and I did. I'd seen streets in China, Japan, Germany, and England... so many places. I'd even gone to tourist attractions like the Great Barrier Reef and Dracula's castle.

My favorite was to go to random places in major cities and see how many people and animals I could find. The faces of the people were always blurred to protect their privacy, but it was still enjoyable to see them out there, enjoying their life, walking like it was no big deal.

"She must have good taste," I laughed.

I zoomed in closer and noticed the grey bag she carried on a grey and purple shoulder strap. She was walking in a relaxed manner, one hand trailing the wall beside her. I bet if I could have seen her face, I would see that she was smiling. I began to feel a little sad. I let my hands fall onto the arms of my wheelchair and looked at her for a minute more. I wished that I could be there, walking so carefree with her. That wouldn't happen though, until I died. I was stuck in this chair. I sighed and zoomed out of Tokyo. Enough of this for tonight. I turned off the computer and went to bed.

—

I got up early and decided to look around Paris. Paris was always fun. I liked the look of the city, with all of the old, beautiful buildings and so many people to watch. I randomly zoomed to an area and saw a street, lined with old brick buildings, a few small shops, and an old tan brick church. Ahead was an intersection, and dozens of people walked by. A balding businessman walked quickly past, looking back at an old woman, hair covered with a scarf, carrying a large purse. A curvy woman in black pants that were too tight stared into a store window, and two women led a group of small children around a corner.

I spun the view around a few more times, and then saw something peculiar. Sitting on the bench at the bus stop, were two people. One of them was a young woman with her feet stuck in front of her in a relaxed manner. She was wearing a pair of red sneakers, like my own. I was startled for a moment; as I noticed the black pants, white t-shirt, and black hooded jacket. Her dark brown hair was tied loosely behind her head. A grey bag sat on the bench beside her, the shoulder strap hooked over her shoulder.

"This is crazy," I thought. "It can't possibly be the same woman. This is a different country, different continent even. How could it be her?"

This was stupid. It wasn't as if these were live photographs. They were taken ahead of time and then stored. It's not like she was in two places at once. She could just be a traveler. Besides, without seeing her face, it was impossible to tell it was the same person. Brown hair was probably the most common hair color in the world. Those red sneakers were something I purchased online. I'm sure a million other people did too. I shook my head and went to fix some lunch.

When I got back online, I decided to look at Berlin. I picked a random street, as usual. It looked pretty empty. There were brick buildings lining the streets, looking more like factories than anything else. There were also empty lots, full of long grass and piled gravel. There wasn't much to see at all, really. There was a line of motorbikes and a car with two German flags sticking up from it. After more searching, I found one kid. He looked like he was dressed for school, a jacket thrown over his bag. He was intently looking at some kind of mobile device. I was disappointed. I started to leave, but then I caught something out of the corner of my eye. I turned the view, and there they were. Those damned red sneakers.

She was standing on a street corner, next to some kind of signpost. She had a hand on the post, looking down the street, as if waiting to cross the street. I stared, in shock. How could she be there too? Even if she was traveling, there's no way I would find her every time. Even finding her in Paris would have been one heck of a coincidence, but this? This was crazy. Was this some kind of joke? Had Google decided to play a prank on its users that used their product so much? It would have been a great joke...

I did a quick search, looking for a note about a woman that shows up like Waldo. There was nothing. I looked through articles on strange things you can see on Google Maps, but none of them mentioned the woman that travels the world with you. This was crazy. Had my self-imposed isolation driven me mad? Had I become so lonely that I created a hallucination for myself?

Leaving the Berlin image on my screen, I sent a text message to a friend, asking him to look at the locations. I asked him if he saw the same woman. Then I waited, hands sweating, heart thumping in my chest. I jumped when my phone beeped with a return text message, ten minutes later.

The text read, "I see the lady you're talking about in Berlin. I didn't see her in Paris or Tokyo. Is this some kind of game, or what? Are you okay?"

I didn't respond, instead returning to the locations in Tokyo and Paris. There she was. She was there, but it was different. She no longer sat on the bus-stop bench, in Paris. She was standing in front of it, looking for something in her bag. In Tokyo, she was blocks away, squatting down to pet that calico cat. I shivered. Who was she? What was happening?

I switched the map to Brussels. It was another city street. It was lined with old looking buildings, with shops on the ground level, and what I guessed was apartments above. I quickly scanned the streets. They were empty, other than a stocky woman in a bright blue sweater. I did a second sweep. She wasn't there. I sighed in relief. I couldn't believe I was getting so worked up about this.

It was nothing but a coinci-- I stopped, my eyes frozen on the screen. There was a building at the point of a fork in the road, white with a black-ironwork-framed balcony jutting from the second floor. I hadn't seen her, as I had been looking at the sidewalks. There she stood, standing on the balcony, her head tilted in the direction of the camera, almost like she was coyly looking toward me. My breath caught in my throat.

I switched to Sydney. She was leaning against the wall, inside the doorway of a bright blue Carricks Pharmacy building. London showed her getting ready to step onto a red double-decker bus, her head turned to look over her shoulder. She was everywhere I looked. She stood on a brick sidewalk on a bridge in Venice, she walked across a yellow barred crosswalk in Zurich; and in Hong Kong, and she stood between a Wing Lung Bank and a McDonald's adjusting the strap on her bag. In each picture, she came closer and closer to looking directly at me with her blurred out face.

My heart felt like a terrified bird, slamming around inside my chest. I couldn't catch my breath. I wasn't sure what to do. I couldn't call the police. Should I send screenshots to Google?

I clenched my fists tightly and closed my eyes. Who was she? Was she following me? Was I following her? I wish I could see the expression on her face, know what she saw when she looked back at me. I wanted to get out of the chair and run. Why is it that the only thing that made me feel free again, was the thing that made me feel even more trapped? I had to know.

I typed in the name of my town and zoomed into a random street. It was a couple of miles from my house; the gates to the city park were shown in the clarity of daylight, despite it being night here. There she was. There... There she was. She was only a few miles from my house, standing under the ironwork arch that stated the name of the park. She looked directly at the camera, directly at me. I felt like I might throw up. She was near me, and she was watching me. She was coming for me. What did she want?

I typed in the name of the apartment complex where I live. I could see the outside of the building. The parking lot was full of cars, and there were a few blurred out children on the playground. I searched everywhere for her. She wasn't in the parking lot or on the sidewalks, not hiding between the buildings or standing in the playground. I even scanned each of the cars, behind the bushes, and each of the blurred windows. She wasn't there. I curled tightly around myself and lay my head down on the desk.

This place was safe. I didn't leave the apartment anyway. I would never use Google Maps again. I would never see her again. She could stay at the park for all I cared. I smiled to myself and was surprised to find a tear slipping down my face.

"I'm safe," I said to myself in a whisper. It felt good to hear it out loud. "I'm safe."

As I said it, there was a knock at the door. A chill ran down my spine. I had a camera hooked to my computer that showed who was at the front door, which made it easier for me, with my mobility issues. I slowly reached for the control to show myself who was outside, but my hand trembled furiously. As I touched the control, I realized my mistake. The last of Google's images that I'd seen had only shown the outside of the building. Just the outside.

I looked at the screen and saw a woman in a white t-shirt, black pants, black hooded jacket; and carrying a grey bag with a purple and grey striped shoulder strap. Of course, there were those red sneakers. She looked directly at the camera, her face still a complete blur. As I tried to stifle a scream, she raised a hand and knocked loudly on my front door.

#explore #beginner witch #spirituality #sigils #journal #creepy #creepypasta #horror #horror community #truefacts #true stories #follow #new to tumblr #scary stories #creepy photo #Reddit

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writersrealmbts · 5 years

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Diamond Tears and Little Wings: Part 2

Description: You’re a fairy, taken in by BTS. You need lots of love and care, otherwise your light will fade and you turn to stone. Between the seven of them, you should never feel unloved. Right?

Warnings: N/A

Posted: 11/06/2019

Tags: bts x reader, ot7

Angst/Fluff: 4,124 words

A/N: This wasn’t requested as much for continuation, but I had an idea hit me and thought I’d pop this out! Also! Be looking out for the Thanksgiving story raffle! I still have at least one request that I never got to last year, so I’m doing that, but I have all of Thanksgiving week off of school, so I can probably do more than I did for Halloween!

Jimin hadn’t been joking when he said he would make sure you were never alone in the dorm again. You were allowed privacy, of course, but if they weren’t going to be home all day, he would make sure you went along with them.

You were happy to go, as long as you didn’t distract them and get them in trouble—which definitely happened the first week after you’d almost faded. You’d gotten a couple dirty looks from directors and such because the boys were constantly checking on you.

So, you started insisting that if they were going to be filming, or doing photoshoots or something like that, you would stay in one of their studios. Jimin always brought your shoe-box, which was basically your mobile home, and you could usually distract yourself for a few hours there. You also played among Namjoon’s many figurines, hiding when someone would come along that wasn’t one of your boys before resuming your games. Staying mostly in pixie form at the office.

You only went into your big form when in the privacy of one of their studios, usually when they were around. It was a sign of trust to you, and they were careful not to break that trust.

They still forgot about you now and then, preoccupied with work, but they usually weren’t distracted for as long and quickly came back to you.

But today was one of those days where they did remember you, they just couldn’t even grab a spare second to check on you.

You snuck into the area where they were filming, staying well out of sight. You just wanted to see them.

“I want to do v-live after this, hyung!” One of them called to one of the managers, getting the quick approval.

“Oh, we should all do it. It’s been a while since we were all on v-live together,” Namjoon suggested.

It was greeted with approval from everyone.

You sighed and flew back out, resigning yourself to being alone until they could finally go home.

You went into Hobi’s studio even though your box was in Namjoon’s, finding one of the tiny books you’d stashed along with a blanket and curled up to read. They’d look for you in each of the studios before panicking, so you weren’t too worried about staying where you were.

Until the boys all came into Hoseok’s studio to do the v-live.

Jungkook and Taehyung weren’t there yet, but the boys were getting it started.

You were definitely stuck hiding there, but you made yourself comfortable to watch them interact with army through the phone.

Jungkook and Taehyung came in about ten minutes in, looking a little worried.

“Is y/n in here, hyung?” Tae asked.

“I don’t think so, why?”

“She’s not in Namjoon-hyung’s studio, or ours,” Jungkook answered instead.

“Uh, we’re live,” Jimin told them. “Sorry, Army, they’re just looking for our pixie.”

You pouted, sticking your tongue out at Jimin even though you knew he had to say that. Even though everyone knew about you, it was still considered a touchy subject with female army because you were female. Everyone thought that they should have gotten a boy fairy, but they had eventually accepted it as long as you weren’t brought up too often.

Yoongi went to go check his studio quietly, while Jungkook and Taehyung quickly got involved in the v-live.

You sighed and hid again. You’d come out later and pretend you’d been asleep.

You went still as you sensed someone near where you were hiding, flinching slightly when the object you were sitting against shifted ever so slightly, and then one of your pillows and an extra blanket were dropped next to you by familiarly crooked fingers as he pretended to be examining the decor.

You quickly accepted them, feeling all warm and fuzzy inside.

Yoongi came back and told them that you weren’t in his studio.

“She’ll show up. She’s probably hiding from us,” Seokjin told them. “We didn’t have breakfast with her like we normally do, so she’s probably trying to teach us a lesson.”

You suppressed a giggle. You weren’t even awake when they had breakfast, having fallen back to sleep during the car ride.

You peeked out again and all of the other boys seemed to have accepted most of what he said, even though they knew he was making up part of it just to move the topic along and back to Army.

Namjoon was talking and his arm flung out and knocked the shelf.

You scrambled back as some of the figurines started falling toward you, getting to a safe place, but bashing your elbow in the process. Tears pricked your eyes automatically, and you did your best to blink them away, frowning as they rolled down your cheeks instead. You caught them before they could fall too far from your face and shoved them into your bag. You were collecting your tears, trying to think of something you could do with them instead of throwing them away like you had been doing for years. So far your ideas included a bean-bag chair, and making a chandelier for your doll-house. For now, you had a few that you’d wound threads around that captured the sunlight and reflected the light prettily.

Jin was teasing Namjoon as he straightened things out, quickly peeking to see if you were okay.

You were surprised when he placed his hand down for you to climb on with the blankets and pillow, but you did it anyway, grabbing your bag as well and using his hand like a bed. Nice and warm.

“Oh! Hyung, is that…?”

“Yah, Namjoon! You could have squished her!” Hoseok berated Namjoon.

Jimin was quick to uncup the hand Jin had over his other, encasing you, to make sure you were alright.

You just smiled up at him.

“It’s been a while since you guys saw her. Yeah, she’s all better now. Has been for a while now, she’s very shy,” Taehyung was saying to the camera, reading the comments. “Oh, y/n? Did you want to say Hi to army?”

You reached up toward Jin’s hand to try and pull it back down to hide you.

He complied.

“Ah, sorry, everyone, she’s really, very shy. She doesn’t even come out around our managers sometimes,” Hoseok was saying, his tone gentle and loving.

They kept talking with Army, but they were quieter about it so that they wouldn’t hurt you. They still got rowdy, but they also quieted down a little faster.

“She’s the kind that can switch what size she is,” Yoongi said, after reading a question.

You rolled over, pinching Jin’s hand so that he knew you weren’t happy about them talking about you.

He moved his hand so that he could peek down and smile at you, whispering quietly enough that the camera wouldn’t pick up, “We’re almost done.”

You nodded, grabbing onto his shirt and tugging to indicate you’d rather be in his pocket than hands for now.

He brought you up to his shirt pocket, letting you climb in and bring in your supplies, chuckling when your movements tickled.

Finally you were situated and you peeked out just a little, just so that your eyes were over the edge of the fabric. You looked at all the boys, then squinted toward the phone they were using for the v-live.

Hoseok frowned and looked back, finally seeing you in Jin’s pocket and grinning with a laugh that followed.

The other boys quickly looked and were just as amused.

You scowled and ducked back into the pocket, pulling the blankets so that they couldn’t just look in and see you. Continually poking at Jin’s chest to release your annoyance.

The live went on for another forty minutes, and from the way Jin’s hand kept touching the pocket you resided within, you had a feeling that none of them had planned that and you heard Jin try to get them to wrap it up a couple times. It was like every time his hand touched the pocket he was trying to apologize to you for the lie he had unknowingly told you.

You managed to fall asleep at some point, and when you peeked out again, they were just wrapping up the live, that had been going on for just over two hours according to the clock.

You scowled and the moment it was over, you climbed out of the pocket with your bag and one of the blankets and flew to the top shelf where they couldn’t reach you easily. Petty? Maybe. But you’d gone a little over twenty-four hours without their attention, since even the night before that hadn’t really be able to do much with you aside from cuddle you in their sleep. At least Jin had known you well enough to know that you were hiding in there.

“Oh, y/n?” Jimin asked, since you literally flew right past his face to reach your destination.

You knew it wasn’t completely their fault. But after a really busy day, was a v-live really more important than you? Only Jungkook and Taehyung had gone to even check on you initially. They couldn’t have all tried to even say hello to you before doing this?

Jin’s hand appeared, simply waiting, as if knowing you weren’t mad at him.

You went over, seeing him waiting, your shoebox just below the edge of the shelf.

You ignored the worried and hurt looks the other boys sported, hopping into the box and quickly burrowing into the soft fluffy things inside.

Jin was verbally shooing them from trying to open your box again. “She’ll talk to us when we’re home. You know she hates being big here.”

“I have to stay and work on some tracks,” Yoongi said softly.

You huffed, then knocked on the lid of the box.

Jin opened it.

You fluttered out, landing on Yoongi’s shoulder, beside his neck and placing a small kiss on his jaw. “Make sure to nap.”

He nodded, smiling softly at you.

You nodded, then quickly darted back to the box, grateful that Jin closed it quickly after despite the protests from the three youngest boys.

“Hyung’s right, she obviously doesn’t want to talk to us right now. Let’s just get home, and maybe she’ll talk to us there.” Namjoon’s voice carried through the box, and then you felt the movements of Jin walking. The nasty rush of the elevator. The thrum of the car ride.

When the lid was opened again, it was in your bedroom.

You flew out and switched forms, landing on your feet easily, and leaning against Seokjin.

He chuckled softly and pet your hair. “The others really want to see you.”

“I know.”

“You want to tell us what this is about?”

“No.”

He laughed again. “You’re cute when you’re grumpy.”

“I almost got squished,” You muttered. “And I’ve gone more than a day without cuddles and conversation.”

“I know, we’re really sorry about that. We really wish we’d had time for that too. It’s exhausting. And I really was trying to get them to wrap it up.”

You nodded. “I heard. I know you’re not feeling well. Headache?”

He nodded. “I was really grateful when they were quieter because of you.”

“I’m useful like that.” You stepped back and stretched. “Jungkookie and Taehyungie can come in. You should go shower and then go to bed. Feel better, Seokjinnie,” You whispered, quickly hugging him again.

He pecked your lips, still a very new habit and something that made the other boys jealous but that they wouldn’t repeat, then slipped out of your room.

“Why not me?” Jimin asked pitifully.

Jungkook was already in your room, with Taehyung following shortly after.

“Hey, y/n,” Jungkook said softly, sitting on your bed next to you.

“Hello.”

“So…why were you hiding from us?” Taehyung asked, getting straight to the point.

You pouted at him, then looked away. “I was hiding more from the others.”

“Why?” Jungkook asked softly, hands already combing through your hair. He loved playing with your hair.

“Because at least you two thought to check on me before starting that stupid live show,” You muttered. And of course, being the emotionally-driven being you were, you had tears pricking at your eyes. “Why couldn’t you all have done it tomorrow and spent more time with me today?”

“Y/n,” Taehyung said your name with so much empathy that it actually furthered your tears into slipping from the ridge of your eye and down your face. His and Jungkook’s arms wrapped around you.

There were little clacks as your tears rolled to the floor, but they let you cry through that particular frustration without a word. Just comforting you.

“I know it’s selfish, I do. You guys were working really hard all day, and I know you have fans that love you, but I missed you and it scares me when we go that long!” You murmured, and you could hear the door inching open, a sure sign that Namjoon, Jimin, and Hoseok had been listening at the door and wanted to see if they were hearing right. “And I was so good! I didn’t cause any trouble, and I made sure not to interrupt your work or distract you, even though I really wanted to see you!”

“You were,” Taehyung agreed softly, burying his face in your hair. “You were a really good girl. We’re really proud of you for holding out for so long. We really appreciate you doing that. It might have taken even longer if you hadn’t. And it’s not selfish for you, little wing. You need our love to live, and going that long without it so soon must have been hard. We really did try to get away sometimes but there was so much to do. I only have a few schedules tomorrow, so I’ll make sure to wear something you can hide in and then we can come home and watch movies and do crafts, okay?”

You nodded, finally calming down with some hiccups.

“Cute,” Jungkook murmured, nuzzling your shoulder. “I’ll be done in the afternoon, and so will Jin-hyung. We can bring home dinner, from that place you like so much.”

You smiled at him, still hiccuping, but really happy at the prospect of spending more time with them.

Jimin was barely restraining himself in the doorway, and Hoseok looked pretty worried too.

Namjoon seemed to understand.

You sighed and rubbed your eyes, then looked at all the tiny diamond droplets on the floor, their laps, your bed. “I’m going to be finding these for weeks.”

“It’s so weird that your tears solidify like that,” Taehyung said, picking one up. “What would happen if I tried to break it?”

“It’s diamond, so…maybe nothing,” You replied, a little confused by his thinking.

They both froze.

“D-diamond?” Jungkook asked, turning your toward him, looking genuinely shook.

So were the other three standing in the doorway.

“You…threw diamonds in the trash…” Namjoon said finally.

You shrugged, grabbing your tiny bag from the shoebox and pulling out the jar you were keeping your tears in, dumping the bag out and then crouching to pick up your tears. “I’m trying not to be wasteful anymore. I just need to find an appropriate craft for them.”

“D-do you think I could take a few?”

“Sure, why not?” You shrugged. “I cry enough.”

The boys were all looking suspiciously at Namjoon, but you weren’t sure why.

He nodded. “Thanks. I’ll show you what I come up with.”

You smiled and then looked under the bed, looking for any tears that might have rolled under. “Gotcha!”

“Um, y/n…” Jimin whispered, looking pleadingly at you.

You looked away, but finally moved closer, first going to Hoseok, though because he’d poked his head in on you in passing earlier that day.

He wrapped his arms around you, kissing the top of your head. “Baby? Did we hurt your feelings?”

You rubbed your face into his shirt, not wanting to respond.

He pushed you away so that he could look at your face, tilting it up. “Baby, you know we love you, right?”

You nodded. “Missed you.”

“We missed you, too. I missed you too,” He said softly, then kissed your forehead.

“Y/n-ie,” Jimin pouted, sounding a little wounded now.

You sighed and turned to tuck against his chest instead. “I know, Jiminie. You didn’t mean to leave me alone. You always make sure I’m not home alone, and I’m really grateful.”

“Y/n, can I kiss you?” He asked suddenly.

You looked up at him and smiled softly, shyly.

He leaned down and pressed his lips softly against yours, kissing you for what felt like only a split second and ten minutes. So, probably around five seconds.

But successfully made you warm and fuzzy and you hugged his waist while cooing softly in happiness.

He breathed out shakily, then was kissing you again, desperately.

You were a little surprised by the fervor with which he attacked your lips, and the way it made you feel.

“Alright, that’s enough of that!” Hoseok and Jungkook forced Jimin away from you after a while.

You wobbled a bit, feeling a little light-headed. Okay, a lot lightheaded and weirdly distant from your body.

Namjoon steadied you, turning to look at your face, his eyes widening in surprise. “Um, y/n? You okay?”

You were feeling too floaty to respond, letting him hold you up while you really just wanted to melt.

“Um…someone get Jin. And see if he has the guide. Maybe start looking up what to do when a fairy’s pupils are almost as big as their irises?” Namjoon said.

You managed to pinch on the fabric of his shirt somehow, hyper-focusing on the feel of the fabric.

“Oh no, she’s shrinking!”

You felt your body drop a second, and you almost lost the floaty feeling but it was back and you giggled a little.

“What did you guys do to her?” Jin’s voice sounded upset and you turned toward it, a little fear sparking in you.

“I got a little carried away kissing her,” Jimin said, a little guilt to it, maybe? “And then she shrunk. What does the handbook say?”

Everything was sort of watery and wobbly, but you could see Jin flipping through the book after looking at the index.

“Uh, does she feel warm or cold?”

“To me she feels warm, but she’s starting to shiver a little.”

Some of your blankets were carefully arranged around you in Namjoon’s hand.

“Okay, keep taking care of her and showing her affection, if she starts to sleep let her, I’m gonna call the hotline.”

“Jinnie sleep,” You murmured, and you know they didn’t hear you, but you were starting to worry about Jin because you knew that he hadn’t been feeling well and suddenly that floaty feeling was quickly disappearing along with the warmth, happiness, and lightheaded-ness. “Jinnie!”

“Hey, hey, I’m right here, what’s wrong?” He asked, coming close and using a finger to stroke your head. Were his fingers normally that big.

“You sleep,” You said again. “You needed sleep.” You were feeling heavier by the moment, and your wings fluttered trying to hold onto the light feeling.

“I will,” He replied, still stroking your hair as delicately as he could. “But you look like you need sleep too.”

You felt sort of funny, fuzzy but also weighted in areas. Wobbly, like when you got drunk that first and last time. When Jungkook and Jimin didn’t know that fairies and alcohol shouldn’t mix. On the bright side, Yoongi slept for a solid twenty-eight hours because of your magic and said it was the best sleep he’d ever had—even if he did wake up having missed an entire day’s schedule and ravenously hungry, on top of slightly messing up his usual sleep cycle. But you were puking for three days, and felt like you were dying, as well as hallucinating and you ended up hiding in the doll-house for a week, only coming out to puke into the bowl they had placed beside your doll-house, and to drag the saltine crackers into the house along with the water supply.

That had been about two months after they had brought you home, after you’d recovered from the broken leg.

You flopped over in Namjoon’s hand, shaking once with a chill, then closing your eyes. If you went to sleep, so would Jin. If Jin slept he’d feel better.

“I turned down her covers and turned on her heated blanket, it’s on the lowest setting,” Jungkook whispered.

“Mmm, move the blankets to the stuffed animal she likes to sleep on,” Hoseok instructed. “She’ll be more comfortable there and we can use the long ears to cover her a little more. She likes it when that happens.”

You did. You loved sleeping on the basset-hound stuffed animal, it was really big for you, but the ears were also really big and covered you so nicely and you always felt so warm and secure. But you also didn’t want them to leave you, so a whine left your throat, too high-pitched for them to actually hear but they always seemed to perceive it’s presence.

“You don’t want to be alone, baby?” Hoseok asked, so soft, so gentle.

You shook your head.

Taehyung cooed. “Our cutie! It’d be easier to stay with you if you’re big,” He told you softly.

You blinked, then suddenly you were being held up by four of them.

“Gotcha,” Jungkook whispered, pulling you fully into his arms. “Alright. Who do you want to cuddle?”

You just nodded.

“All of us? Baby, I don’t think that’s possible,” Jimin whispered.

You sucked on your lower lip.

“We can try. Namjoon, stay with Y/n in here. Jungkook-ah, come help me move mattresses. Hobi, Jiminie, we’re using your mattresses.”

“Okay, hyung,” Jimin replied, taking Jungkook’s place holding you. “I’m sorry, y/n. I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

You shook your head. “You didn’t hurt me.”

He hummed, sharing a look with Taehyung, who had the manual now, reading through it.

“I don’t know what hyung saw in here.” Taehyung was pouting, flipping back and forth between the two pages.

“He did say he was going to call the hotline, Taehyung-ah.” Namjoon slid his fingers through your hair, smiling softly as you melted toward his touch.

They were all soon caressing your hair, brushing your arms, someone was rubbing your neck and shoulders.

It was heavenly.

“Bed’s ready, baby,” Jungkook’s gentle words wiggled through your happy haze.

You reached out your arms, and his wrapped around you, picking you up and carrying you without another word.

You didn’t even open your eyes, able to sort of sense everyone settling in around you.

But…

“Yoongi?” You whispered, noticing his absence even more.

About then, the door opened, closed, and you heard the lock.

“Ah, Yoongi, good timing. Y/n-ie was just asking for you,” Jin said, his voice as soft as clouds. “I guess she wants to cuddle you.”

“Bad night?”

“Mmm, something like that. Go change, and then come back and cuddle.”

You whined a little because that sounded like it would take a while and you wanted him beside you now.

“I’ll be right there, y/n, I promise,” Yoongi said, his casual tone oddly comforting and allowing you to slip back into the haze again.

You nodded slowly, humming a song (probably one of theirs since you knew their music best) to distract yourself until he came back.

“Tomorrow we’ll have a really good day,” Taehyung promised you softly, lips brushing your forehead. “No tears.”

“Kisses?” You asked.

Lips met yours after a minute or so, and you knew they were Jin’s. “All the kisses you could ask for.”

“From everyone?”

“Hmmm, probably eventually,” He answered softly after another pause. “Would you like kisses from everyone?”

“Only if they want kisses from me,” You pouted, still not opening your eyes. They were tired. Where was—

“Where am I going?” Yoongi asked quietly.

“Right next to her, hyung. We’ve been with her most of the night.”

Yoongi crawled in on your left, and his arm draped over your waist. “Hey, baby.”

“Yoongi,” You whispered back. “You’re home?”

“Yeah, I was worried about you and I finished the tracks earlier than I thought.” He sighed softly. “Let’s sleep, y/n.”

You nodded, finally allowing your body to relax completely in the warmth of their love for you.

–

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burgerpocalypse · 3 years

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Yesterday I started a replay of Half-Life: Alyx, and I want to both share some low-energy ppnions and also tell everyone that I have an Index VR headset.

So, HL:A is the most recent entry in the Half-Life series, which had been sitting in the attic since 2007’s Half-Life 2: Episode 2’s unresolved cliffhanger ending. It’s also a substantial single-player release from Valve, whomst have not gleamed the general public with any substantial single-player releases for around a decade. It’s also also Valve’s first full-fledged VR title that isn’t just a tech demo for your mom or tech industry journalist live-in boyfriend. It is rather unfortunate that not only is it incredibly belated, but also unattainable for the casual video game fan as well as the casual Half-Life enjoyer.

Though it certainly is a complete package that provides a highly tuned VR experience that dunks on all other VR games, there’s some smudginess to it that I feel has not been given proper analysis for whatever reason. Maybe the few people who have played the game are just happy to have another Half-Life entry or a really good triple-A VR title, which I certainly understand. I’ll do my best to quickly go over my grievances as to not waste your time.

The gameplay of Alyx is pretty good. I hadn't had much experience with VR before getting the Index, just a few demonstrations here and there. Regardless, I find it quite easy to slide in and out of VR and don’t experience any substantial negative effects like some other unfortunate souls might. Alyx was essentially the first actual VR game I played, but even then it was really simple for me to become acclimated to controlling my character, even going so far as to using more advanced movement and view options right from the get-go. I bring this up because Alyx is very obviously designed around being accessible to someone whomst has never played a VR game, or potentially any game. As such, there are considerable concessions that put a relatively low limit on what can be accomplished by more experienced players and even someone of intermediate skill.

You only have three weapons, which are a pistol, a shotgun, and an SMG, with two inventory slots for usable items like grenades and health packs. Sure, you can physically hold additional items, even going so far as holding a container filled with grenades and junk, but personally I found that to be a real painful experience that wasn’t worth the trouble due to physics jank and accidental droppage. Besides, it’s not like players are encouraged to do clever/compulsive inventory management, since the environment is lousy with weapons and healing and I rarely was found wanting for more ammo or health.

Combat encounters typically involve around five enemies, with considerable space in between encounters. When not solving puzzles and exploring crusty environments, you’ll be crawling through zombie and headcrab ambushes or pushing through squads of Combine soldiers, which is the essential Half-Life formula. Zombies and headcrabs behave the same way as they have for the past twenty years, with a few slight twists like weak points for instant kills or minibosses. While soldiers are highly accurate with their shots and do attempt to flank or force the player out of cover, they are much less mobile and aggressive than they have ever been. This is fine for VR since players have to physically aim and take cover, though soldiers definitely will stand around and wait to be shot sometimes.

Each fight is intense and combat is by no means brain-dead easy, but from the perspective of someone that has played a lot of Half-Life and shooters in general, the combat in Alyx is limited in scope. I didn't feel much challenge, outside of maybe the final bits of combat. The few times I died were usually due to VR control finickiness when trying to reload, me losing focus and not paying attention, or me making a really, REALLY dumb mistake.

Exploration is fine. It’s mildly entertaining scouring an environment for useful things, though I quickly learned the developer’s tricks, and the act of pulling drawers and opening cupboards got old real fast when all you get is some bullets. Really, you’re only looking for ammo or resin for upgrades, and everything outside of puzzle solutions is just junk and noise. I’m not a puzzle-oriented person, and will become bored and lose interest if a puzzle asks me to remember more than one thing or figure out any complex solution, so it’s fine that no puzzle goes beyond at most one step of complexity. Physics jank is rife throughout the world, and VR only makes it worse (or better, if you prefer the jank). There were one or two times I had to load a save due to a physics object bugging out, the culprit being a valve getting stuck in a wall.

I have little to say about the story. It’s a prequel to Half-Life 2, which is whatever. The plot spins its wheels the entire time, since we know that nothing we do will have any effect on the games we’ve already played. It also tries to be coy about the identity of a particular character, when we know that the character will clearly not be who they say it will be. It doesn’t advance the story of Half-Life in any meaningful way since it ends with the same cliffhanger as HL2: EP2 in what is essentially a canonical retcon. It sets up more mysteries while also refusing to answer any lingering questions. It introduces a character and other elements that are obviously not in the game that chronologically comes after, and so on.

My expectations and testicles have been ground into a fine paste as a result of Valve’s silly little 13-year unresolved plot point cocktease, so I suppose it’s just that I’m not in a forgiving mood, but I found Alyx’s story to be an insulting, blue-ball inducing, time-wasting non-entity, and if Valve wants to think that I’m dumb enough to be satisfied with a 30 second teaser for their next project as part of Alyx’s conclusion, then they can go fuck themselves.

While I’m at it, the level with Jeff is dumb. I’m not interested in a level with an enemy that is inexplicably invulnerable to guns and follows me around for no reason other than to act as a gameplay contrivance. I wasn’t scared in the slightest because I’m a total asshole and possibly a sociopath, so the experience was a dull slog through a haunted house with annoying puzzles and no combat. If you found this to be your favorite level, great, but in my opinion it can fuck itself right alongside Valve.

In conclusion, Half-Life: Alyx is a great game, with notable issues and shortcomings in its gameplay and a deeply disappointing story. If you already have VR and a capable system, I certainly recommend it. Don’t get VR just for Alyx, though. You’ll probably be let down by the rather meager library of VR titles afterwards.

Thanks for reading. Sorry there's no interesting art to look at.

#valve software #half life #half life alyx #video games #review #virtual reality #valve index

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inspirationdivine · 4 years

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Threads That Bind || Lydia and Nell

Timing: Current Parties: @nelllraiser @inspirationdivine Summary: Lydia and Nell get to know each other much more than intended Triggers: Head trauma mention, stalking

Her wings were entirely free. Under a glamour so that none might see, but Lydia revelled in the feeling of the wind cutting around them, ruffling the fresh wing. Everything was heightened under the new nerves, freshly learning what to feel and what to ignore. It was beautiful and disconcerting, but as Lydia walked along Amity road with pain for the first time in six weeks, Lydia could enjoy herself. Even as she saw a woman struggling with something on her hand, Lydia thought nothing of it, beginning to sidestep around her automatically.

Was it Nell’s fault that she hadn’t gotten around to trying out the prize she’d gotten for entering the pie contest until this moment? Probably. But was it also her fault that her finger was now seemingly and hopelessly stuck into one side of the chinese finger trap, rendering her halfway useless? Most definitely. Muttering to herself under her breath with frustration pouring over her lips, she didn’t hesitate to call out when someone came a little too close to her. They’d have to be the one to help her get this thing off, and free her from the child's toy’s obviously nefarious clutches. “Hey! You!” She abruptly pointed at the woman with the hand that was still held prisoner by the woven contraption. “Help me out of this thing! It won’t let me go.” The witch waved her hand around in vain, making another attempt at releasing herself.

Lydia frowned, turning on her heel as someone addressed her, pointing right at her like Lydia was some carnival spectacle. “It’s a child’s toy, isn’t it? You need to compress it to get yourself out.” She stepped forward anyway, a nervous, jittery energy to her movements - she was energetic and jittery, mushroom spores thick in the air. “Look, like this,” She said, fully intending to push it so that it would open around the girl’s finger. That wasn’t what she ended up doing. Whether it was that both their hands moved in the wrong way at the wrong moment, or fate intervened, or just the mushroom spores messing with her actions, all of a sudden, Lydia’s finger had sunk right into the hole, trapping her as much as Nell.

Nell blinked cluelessly as the woman’s finger soon joined in on the not-so-fun of being trapped. “A child’s toy, huh?” she commented dryly. “Of course I already tried pushing it. I know how it works,” Nell said stubbornly. “This isn’t working obviously so just...take your finger out, I guess. Maybe I can cut it off or something.” It hadn’t yet occurred to Nell that the other women might also be stuck, apparently doomed to a life of being prisoner to a Chinese finger trap. What the hell was wrong with this thing, anyway? She should have known anything she won from the pie contest would be some sort of cursed shit.

Lydia frowned, looking up at Nell, as if it was the girl’s fault rather than her own. It should be simple, shouldn’t it? She pushed her finger into Nell, and then pulled it back, but where it should have slid off easily, it remained stuck, trapping them in place. “Not again,” Lydia muttered to herself, trying to get her finger out the normal way again. “Scissors might not be a bad idea. Oh come on, this isn’t funny. Where on earth did you get this thing?”

Nell’s own frown deepened as the woman’s continued attempts proved fruitless. “What’s wrong with this thing?” she growled in frustration, jerking on the trap perhaps a little too hard, as if she could force her finger out of it. “I have a knife,” Nell said without explanation before trying to jimmy one of said blades from its hiding spot with her single free hand. It was a bit more difficult to coerce it out when her mobility was limited by their connection. “Here we go-” she said before laying the dagger against the trap, beginning to move it in a sawing motion. Instead...the metal of it promptly began to spark, as if it had met another metal it couldn’t cut through. “What the hell? This is bullshit!” It seemed her usual method of powering through wasn’t working. “I got it from that stuid pie contest! It was a prize!”

Lydia’s eyes widened in surprise as Nell just whipped out a knife. She flinched, cringing away as Nell tried to hack away the band, risking their fingers in the process. Lydia was almost relieved it didn’t work. “You won it in the pie contest? Why on earth would you ever put yourself in a situation to risk such danger? I don’t know anyone who was truly completely happy with their prize, everything came with a double edge. Oh well. We will just have to solve this. Did it come with any instructions? I know someone with invisible scissors that we could try, for the last time something happened.”

Nell growled with frustration as the thing held true on their fingers, leaving them still connected. “Well I didn’t know the prizes were faulty to begin with,” she replied defensively. “Why would I have any reason to think so?” But when Lydia mentioned instructions, Nell pulled a slip of paper out of her pocket, and handed it to the other woman. “I thought it was like a fortune or something when I read it. It was in with the packaging, though.” On the paper was a simple, singular sentence of ‘Release can be found in many unexpected places, but working together to solve problems will yield unmeasurable strength.’ The woman’s last words were quick to catch Nell’s attention. “Invisibile scissors?”

“What does that mean? We already tried the working together thing, pushing our fingers together and all that, that was co-operation.” Lydia tapped her fingers. There was almost a smile on her lips as she thought about it. This might be a riddle, and while the mushroom spores were thick in her mind, Lydia did love a word game. “Oh, oh! I was in a similar situation to this before, an invisible bond that could be broken with invisible scissors. I suspect it wouldn’t be the solution here, because this bond is… rather visible and rather an eyesore, I must admit.” She tapped her lip. “Unmeasurable strength. Do you have more strength than one might expect? Working together…. I wonder if this is not the problem we need to solve, necessarily. Solving problems implies more than one, while this little trap is only one. Do you know anyone with problems worth solving?”

The woman seemed to be almost enjoying this a little too much, and Nell wasn’t quite sure she was as keen for a riddle as her trapped partner was. “Who are you?” she asked in some bewilderment, still not sure what to make of the other woman. “A similar situation? What do you mean?” This woman grew more confusing by the moment, and even bigger of a mystery. As for unsuspected strength… “I mean- maybe. Do you?” Did magic count as unsuspected power? Probably, right? But parts of what was being said made sense in a way, even if Nell wouldn’t have thought of it herself. Unfortunately she seemed to have too many problems worth solving. None of which were ones she was happy to share with a complete stranger. “Yeah but- what about you? What are your problems?”

“I was stuck to standing near a man for a couple of weeks. It was no toy, but highly inconvenient.” Maybe. Lydia relaxed slightly. At least she wasn’t dealing with a human. “I wouldn’t call it unmeasurable, but something like that.” Not that she could promise bind a toy into doing anything. Fae magic required the capacity for thinking. “A lost friendship, a cruel stalker, a head injury that refuses to heal as it should, and complete weariness,” Lydia replied offhandedly, as if she was just reading a list off a menu, rather than the acheful thoughts that kept her up deep into the night. “None that seem the sort of thing that can be solved for a toy like this, nothing that requires unmeasurable strength.”

“How were you stuck next to a man? What does that even mean?” Nell continued to press, being her generally nosy self. “And you didn’t even tell me who you are, still.” The mention of the woman possibly having her own hidden strength was intriguing, only bringing more questions to the forefront of the young witch’s mind. She could think how each of the problems she had might relate to one of the ones Lydia had listed. Which...what exactly did that say about what her life had become? But it was also worrisome if this random woman also had such deep-seated problems. Was this just White Crest as a whole? Shaking that thought away, Nell decided to go on the offensive rather than wait to see if the other woman asked after Nell’s personal life. “Okay...which of those is easiest to solve?”

“It’s a rather long story, which I’d prefer not to go into.” That was another friend she’d lost, after all. Lydia shook her head. “It was likely some errant spellcaster leaving magic lying around where it shouldn’t have been, unlike this situation here.” Well, it really depended on who had made the finger trap, didn’t it? Lydia had a horrible thought for a second that spilled ice down her spine. Were there mime spell casters? Had they been responsible for this? “None of them, particularly. Certainly not anything that can be resolved by a stranger. I cannot undo the loss of that friendship, I don’t even know where the stalker is at this time, and nothing can done about my head that hasn’t already been done. Time is supposedly the answer to all ails, so I will just have to wait, which is hardly appropriate here. What about you?”

“You still haven’t told me your name,” Nell insisted, wondering whether the dodging of her question twice in a row had been intentional or not. The mention of a spellcaster had her interest piquing, somewhat surprised that the woman would mention the supernatural so freely. “Sometimes magic just has a mind of its own.” She wouldn’t expect someone who hadn’t wielded it to understand. “Well- we have to resolve something.” Nell’s impatience was getting the better of her, also growing restless of standing in one place for so long. “I’m good at tracking,” she said absently at the mention of the stalker. “My mom’s a healer, but she’s sort of out of business right now.” Temporarily losing your magic via fext tended to do that to a person. “And the loss of friendship doesn’t have to be permanent like you said, right?” A frown was quick to grace her lips as Lydia turned the question back to her. Reluctantly, she answered in the vaguest terms she could manage. “I’m probably also coming up on a lost friendship, my family had a stalker but we’re working on that. A threat to them was actually recently resolved. Change will be coming that I’m not welcoming of.”

“You’re right, I have not,” Lydia agreed, if only because she was exhausted by magic forcing her to make acquaintanceships she’d rather not. Lydia frowned at Nell as she got frustrated, trying not to be frustrated herself. “I’m not sure my stalker is one I want tracked. The only reason I’m alive is that he changed his mind half way through murdering me and resuscitated me mid drowning.” Her mouth tasted sour. “I can’t control other people’s feelings, that isn’t one I can work on. At all.” Admitting that stung more than anything else. None of the other woman’s issues sounded particularly easy to solve either. Perhaps a random stranger’s would have to suffice. If the resonance between their problems Lydia sighed. “I’m Lydia Griffin,” she said eventually. Lydia looked down at her finger. “Oh! Thank goodness!” She exclaimed, jerking her finger back. But what had previously appeared as looseness and space to remove her finger and had tightened back to the point of cutting off her circulation in her finger, pinching painfully. “Drat. I should have never let you get that thing near me.”

“But if you don’t find him first, isn’t he gonna find you?” Nell questioned. “Wouldn’t it be best to just take care of the stalker before they get their chance?” At least, that had been her primary philosophy ever since the entire Montgomery situation. “Strike first and maybe then they won’t even have a chance to strike back. Sometimes stalkers just change their minds partway through, I guess. Or something else gets in their way.” Like your sister’s head. “Ah- sorry about almost dying though.” The name took Nell a moment to process, but she found it mixed in with the darker days of Bea’s death and capturing August, realization striking her. “You kept something for my family,” she began cryptically, an appreciative tone in her voice. “Wait- wait- how’d you do that? Get it to loosen? It liked your name or something?” Nell bent to look closely at the finger trap before giving it her own name. “Nell Vural? Penelope Vural. Penelope Nisa Vural.” Each attempt became more impassioned, thought nothing seemed to happen when she continued tugging her finger.

“He has found me. He knows where I live, where I work, who my friends are. He can turn himself to mist, he has a gaze that can freeze anyone on sight. Striking first is easier said than done.” Lydia shuddered. “It’s not a simple solve, is what I’m saying.” She pushed away the comment about her near death, and the finger trap grew tighter again. There was an impulse to share, but Lydia had never been the sort. She’d rather her features were a mirror than a window into her own feelings. When Nell talked about her keeping something, Lydia tilted her head in concern, with no idea what Nell was talking about. Or at least, not until Nell tried to unlock the puzzle with her name.

Lydia pursed her lips. A Vural. She had met the tempest in a crystal bottle that was Lucinda Vural, aggressive with a sword with a vicious streak that had only barely left Lydia unscathed. And then there was Beatrice, who was apparently special enough to have caught a Fae’s attention, but was also rotten in every conceivable way, right down to how she had been dead and still ought to be. The Vural name left a rather terrible taste in her mouth. “Whatever it was, it wasn’t enough. Our names are hardly problems to be solved, are they? It’s something else.”

“I’m not saying it’s easy, I’m just saying maybe it’s something that should be looked into rather than waiting. I didn’t mean it was simple- I just meant it might be worth trying it out. I mean if he’s come after you again won’t you just be waiting for him, then?” But it seemed Nell’s views on the matter weren’t meant to align with Lydia’s. As for Lydia’s apparent disdain after the witch’s mentioning of the favor Luce had taken from the woman, Nell wasn’t entirely sure what to make of it. It could very well have been Luce being her usual person-phobic self that made Lydia react the way she did. At least the other woman hadn’t said anything distasteful about the family. That would have been a quick path into sprouting even more tension with Nell. Offhandedly, Nell huffed with frustration, getting more antsy to be free by the second. “I don’t know they could be problems to be solved when your middle name is your mom’s name.” It hadn’t been meant as any heartfelt admission, and had been more meant as a joke than anything, but it seemed good enough for the finger trap as it loosened in the slightest, and Nell reflexively tried to pull her finger out to no avail. “It did it again! What the hell does it want?”

“He can’t reach me anymore,” Lydia said pointedly, shutting down that conversation with the chill of her tone. Similarly, the toy tightened around her finger. Lydia glanced around, as people walked past them. Some were not hesitant to show their stares at the two frustrated women, but quickly backed down under Lydia’s glare. Vural or not, she would have to get along with this spellcaster. “Perhaps we ought to go somewhere else. People are staring.” She said, beginning to shift them towards a cafe where they might sit in a booth while they discussed their… entanglement. “Oh, this loathsome little thing,” Lydia sighed, and tested her hypothesis. She dug into the rawest part of her, pouring salt over this fresh wound and could hardly hide the ache in her voice to this particular stranger. “I knew better than befriending someone who would never be able to fully accept my species, and it hurts bitterly that I let myself love that person anyway. Would you look at that, every therapist in the world has just been validated.” While the toy had loosened at her comments about Remmy, it zipped back up as she made herself sound cynical, an easy defense mechanism for the tears she always felt on the brink of. Unmeasurable strength, her ass.

Nell could have dug her heels in and refused to budge, but was there a point to doing that at a time like this? As it were- they were attached almost literally at the hip, and she was a little hungry… Maybe she could order something in the cafe. “Your species?” Nell echoed, trying to remember if she knew exactly what Lydia was. She wasn’t quite as good at distinguishing fae. They were many and far in between, varied in their natures and appearances. “I mean I know that you’re-” she hesitated, not wanting to say the word ‘fae’ aloud when others were anywhere nearby. “I know the broader term of your species.” That would have to do. “I think it’s...difficult,” Nell began, thinking of her own struggles that had come from growing up as a spellcaster. “If people aren’t a part of it— they can’t ever truly understand. Witches are almost in between and kinda isolated because of it. The normies are afraid of us cause we’re different and unknown and confusing- but we’re also not a part of the non-human supernaturals. I guess what matters is...if they try to understand it or just accept it for how it is, right?” The finger trap loosened just in time for Nell to continue on with her words. “I don’t think it’s your fault for caring, though. Even if it bites us in the ass too much of the time,” she finished with a sardonic chuckle as the toy tightened again. She groaned. “I don’t know what this thing wants us to say. Are we supposed to start braiding each other’s hair and talking about boys or something?”

Lydia nodded half heartedly as Nell compared her experience to spellcasters, not believing it at all, so while Nell’s end of the toy loosened, Lydia’s became tighter. For pity’s sake. Lydia grit her teeth together and tried to care more earnestly. Perhaps she could learn something about Felix here. “No, but that doesn’t make here easier now,” Lydia acquiesced, as the toy loosened more and more. Perhaps this was the right way to go. “I don’t see the point in talking about boys. Surely we’re both more interesting than any adjacent men,” Lydia’s eyes glittered teasingly, trying to find one light note in a miserable situation. “Clearly, it wants us to share emotional intimacy. Unmeasurable strength indeed. It wants us to be empathetic to each other despite our differences.” Which meant Lydia would have to show this human as much empathy as she might normally show Deirdre. It was going to be a stretch. “I suppose I could tell you about how my father decided to be absent during my teens which resulted in my failure to learn control over my abilities and while our relationship is good now, I still resent that, or how it felt when my sister was reported murdered twelve years ago, but it’s absurd.”

“No, it doesn’t,” Nell agreed readily with a shrug, knowing all too well how true it was that logic generally never eased the pain of a lost friend. Despite her better judgement, Lydia’s comment on boys managed to tug an amused half-smirk to her lips. Unfortunately the expression was quickly wiped away by a grimace, instantly wary of anything that included the words ‘emotional’ and ‘intimacy’, especially when paired with one another and a relative stranger. But if that was the only way out...what choice did they have? “But you learned after?” Nell asked. It was easy to be curious when she was naturally nosy, and the questions weren’t yet geared towards herself. Nell breathed an annoyed sigh, realizing that she’d have to return the favor of admitting something. “My dad was mostly good- but he never stood up for us. My sisters and me. He just let our mom blame me for everything, let her ignore Luce, and make Bea into her mini-me with an Olympic schedule. You said your relationship is good with your dad now, though? How’d you do that?” Surprise flitted over Nell’s features, not expecting the news of a dead sister on Lydia’s part. “Do you know who did it? We just- we finally got the man who killed Bea. And I know they say revenge is never good but- this felt good. You could have that, if you know who it was.”

“I learned eventually, when he was reminded how important it was.” When he had come home to find a cold corpse and Lydia crying in the bathroom. She grit her teeth. There were things she could discuss with humans, but her father really wasn’t one of them. How could they understand when they would put themselves in the shoes of her weak mother, rather than anyone else’s. They would see it as a sin rather than a natural consequence. “I think my father likes the idea of children more than the practicalities, which he forgets every couple decades. He became more interested in spending time with me when I was approaching adulthood. It took a lot of communication, and time, but now we talk several times a month.” Lydia didn’t quite look at Nell as she said that. “Do you resent your mother for her choices?” When the talk turned to dead siblings, Lydia frowned, swallowing as she recalled her recent conversation with Felix, about Bea and necromancy and Lydia’s responses to it. That was another topic she was desperate to steer from. “Unfortunately, no. The issue with wardens is that they are perfectly crafted for killing us. I’m not a violent person, no one in my family is. We’re all artists. Revenge isn’t something we would normally seek. We wouldn’t stand a chance against a warden, even if they hadn’t destroyed anything that could lead back to them.”

“But you had to forgive him or something, didn’t you? To make it work?” Nell asked, uncertain how the fae had managed to make it work when it came to her family relationships. Had she managed to forget years of resentment? Or did it still live in her- bottled up and pushed aside for the sake of having a father? “Are you glad you talk?” Normally she might not have been so interested in a relative stranger’s emotional state, but if this was what the stupid toy wanted them to do, it’s what they’d have to entertain. Now it was Nell’s turn to look away as mention of her mother surfaced again. She didn’t answer the question directly, perhaps because she wasn’t as sure of the answer as she’d been some months ago. “She took our family from us. Kicked us out of the coven. We can’t even talk to any of them just because we wanted our sister back. And before that it felt like she made it her life’s mission to make me know I was a disappointment.” Nell paused, half-angry and half-sad that she couldn’t simply let her mother go. “But now she said it was to protect us. That she’s done everything for us.” The witch didn’t know how to reconcile those two concepts, nor how to figure out whether or not one outweighed the other. The mention of wardens and violence a conversation Nell was more familiar with, and her shoulders straightened as she spoke again. “But do you want it? The revenge? There are other ways- you could find someone to help.” Nell might even offer to do it herself for the sake of a lost sister. “It doesn’t necessarily have to be too late.”

“I suppose so. He had to forgive me for some things too,” Lydia continued, her jaw tightening for every micrometer of give that the toy gave her. “I’m so glad we’re still talking. We live so long, it can be lonely without family. I do love him, and he loves me.” Lydia forced herself to listen as Nell explained about her own mother, and felt the tiniest sinking feeling of empathy, despite knowing better. Nell’s life was worth less, her issues worth less. She still felt that twinge. “That’s awful. No matter your transgressions, family is family. You can’t just kick each other out because you disagree with their choices.” Her own family hadn’t, but Remmy had. “Sometimes people lie to themselves about their impact. That’s awful. Do you want her back?” Lydia said, rubbing her face in frustration. “How would I find anyone to help for a murder committed twelve years ago?” Lydia sighed, staring at the toy. “I want it more than anything, but deaths from wardens in my family are not rare. We’re not built… others of my species are better at protecting themselves.” She spoke the last bit quietly, looking around the cafe.

“That makes sense,” Nell nodded as Lydia spoke of their longevity. “I guess family’s really one of the only things that can be constant when you live longer.” But it was still a mystery as to how exactly Lydia had gotten to that point of forgiveness. It would be foolish to think that Nell might find a guide of sorts within them, anyway. Family is family. Lydia’s words caused another prickle of uncertainty to surface in Nell. Did that wisdom go both ways? It was obvious that Lydia meant the words to condemn Nell’s mother, but couldn’t they also be turned around to imply that Nell should forgive her mother? “I don’t know if she even realizes the impact. I don’t know.” That was the only answer she could come up with, uncertainty being the only thing she was sure of when it came to Nisa Vural. “She still won’t talk to us. Not actually. But she did heal me one time when I asked since then.” Nell didn’t know why she was looking for glimmers of hope in a shattered relationship, trying to remind herself that she’d made a promise to herself that she wouldn’t let her mother hurt her again after the coven had been taken from them. And yet...she couldn’t deny the child that still lived on deep within her, longing for her mother’s love and approval despite refusing to acknowledge it. “I just…I’m tired of it all.” She was tired of the way her mother treated her while also being tired of wondering if things could be different. But mostly she was tired of not knowing the answer. Nell only paused a beat before speaking of the warden and their murder once again, thinking the answer to Lydia’s situation obvious. “You know I’m a bounty hunter. A regular one as well as a supernatural one. And with that comes being a pretty good tracker and stuff like that. I could help find them.” A twinge of sympathy made its way through Nell at Lydia’s hunting lamentations, knowing she’d never know what it was to be hunted as thoroughly as someone like the fae were.

“That’s even harder. At least my father knew what he did and the consequences of it,” Lydia replied, who kept talking about her father even though it was patently not what she wanted to do. “I’m sorry. Parents should have more introspection than their children. It’s her duty to make amends,” Lydia said softly. Nell’s grief resonated too uncomfortably once again. Empathy she didn’t want to feel as strongly as she did. “Certainly an interesting choice of profession,” Lydia saw the opportunity to get a promise. She felt every spore in her lungs tumbling over themselves to get that promise, latch onto it, and watch how it unfolded. As simple as taking candy from a baby. There were just two problems. The first? Lydia did not want any more trouble with the Vurals ever, she had had enough of them for a lifetime. The second was that using this intensely personal moment for personal gain, confessing secrets neither of them wanted to, felt wrong, fundamentally twisting up inside her right next to the uncomfortable empathy she felt for Nell. “I might or might not take you up on that,” she said softly, and the toy popped right off her finger, and Nell’s too. “Oh!” Lydia gasped with relief.

Nell’s own pleasantly surprised sound was drawn from her as the finger trap released them, and the witch instantly flexed her finger, bending it a few times in delight now that it had been released from its prison. “Oh, hell yeah!” It seemed like the more delicate topic of parents and disappointment was quick to melt away now that there was no obligation to speak of them. “Fuck this little toy- I’m burning the damn thing when I get home.” It took another moment for Nell to realize that Lydia had offered a response when it came to searching for her sister’s killer, and the witch’s head tilted curiously to the side. “It doesn’t have to be a favor or anything like that either if you wanted me to help look for the killer. I’m usually good for my word all on its own. Especially for things like this.” But now that she was free and remembering the all too personal things she’d shared with Lydia— Nell was eager to depart. “Just message me or whatever if you have questions about it.”

“That would be wise,” Lydia said, picking up her bag with an awkward closed mouth smile, at first assuming that the moment the trap was gone, their little agreements would be over. Buut Nell made the offer again, clearly enough that Lydia paused, looking the spellcaster over again. She considered it, which surprised Lydia even more. “I’ll keep that in mind,” Lydia said with a smile, pulling her coat close herself. She acted as if she was still unsure, but already, the threads of an idea were beginning to form in her mind. A possibility she had thrown away years ago. She’d play it cool, maybe wait a week, but the temptation was there. If Nell Vural could defy death, what else might she do? “I’m sure I’ll see you around.”

#nell #para #chatzy

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