adulttalk

[adulttalk]

To kind of elaborate on this because some people have asked:

I was diagnosed as bipolar about 1.5 years ago. I have suspected since I was in middle school because my mom is also bipolar but she's not cool with mental health discussions and such. It's still a really big taboo here in the south so to her it's a disease that I should be institutionalized for. Fun. Being diagnosed wasn't difficult for me to face, but learning how to manage everything that comes with being bipolar has been very hard for me. Finding meds that work and don't have intolerable side effects is hard. Unlearned bad habits and behaviors is hard. Developing new and better ones is hard. It's all just very difficult.

I work 9 hours 5.5 days a week at a job I hate but can't leave because money. That has lead to me really questioning what I've done with my life and what I want to do with it. If I've made the right decisions to find a career where I won't be miserable and I'll have an income that I can live happily with. I wonder if I got a college degree for nothing, if I should go back for my masters, get certifications in a completely unrelated field, etc. In general, I just feel really lost and confused about where I'm going in life and it's new to me. I've had everything planned out in my life since I was in elementary school. So this has also taken a heavy toll on my mental health.

If I'm not at work, I'm at my husband's business working there 6 days a week doing online sales and other things. I love supporting his dream but there's a lot of strain due to his business keeping us from really having a life. We can't just up and move if we wanted, travel, plan trips, vacations, or even go out on dates or spend time together.

My best friend and I are also going through....something? I don't know what. I think it's me. I'm starting to get to where I don't want to be around her at all. It feels like every little thing she does irritates me. It feels like she bosses me around all the time (she works at the business full-time during the day when my husband and I are at work). She's also bipolar and going through it so that's added in the mix.

What else, what else....lol. I'm always worried about Big Stuff. Money, the future, my life, my choices, if I know who I am, if I can find out who I am, if I'm living a life that makes me happy, the state of the world, literally everything.

All of this is going on all the time. I hardly have any free time. And even if I did, I'd feel like a fake coming on here to give advice like I have my life together.

Anyway. I do miss you guys.

I have so many messages in my inbox wanting me to come back. I do miss doing this, but I don't feel equipped to do it right now and I don't know when I will again. I have sooo much stuff that I feel like I need to work on with myself on top of everything else I have going on in my everyday life that I don't know that I'd have the time to dedicate here like I want to.

#administrativethings #blog update

[adulttalk]

I have so many messages in my inbox wanting me to come back. I do miss doing this, but I don't feel equipped to do it right now and I don't know when I will again. I have sooo much stuff that I feel like I need to work on with myself on top of everything else I have going on in my everyday life that I don't know that I'd have the time to dedicate here like I want to.

#administrativethings

[adulttalk]

Even Adults Don't Have Their Shit Together

I've had a really bad past few days. I started feeling ill on Tuesday and I've been stuck at home sick since Friday and will be until next Wednesday. This means I'm missing out on the fun activities I usually do on the weekend.

And because I'm away from everyone including my fiancé and my best friends, my Bipolar is really beating the shit out of me.

Long story short, it's all gonna be okay kids. Even adults struggle and have bad days and are just faking their way through life a lot of times, just like you.

But coming on here and seeing all the people I helped throughout the years I was active on this blog really cheered me up.

#administrative things

[adulttalk]

My first semester in community college my GPA was a 2.5. I’m not sure if it’s worth going back. I got two C’s in both my math classes and a D in ACDV which is literally the easiest class ever and I got a B in english. I didn’t have a D in that class at first but towards the end of the semester I got covid and just stopped doing everything. I never really developed the necessary math skills because I always had very low grades in math and my state has a no child left behind law so we never really get held back even if we need it. Every time I told my math teachers I didn’t know something they’re like well you should already know it. Or they called us names and embarrassed students in front of everyone. I even had a teacher in H.S who let our entire class cheat for a whole year. Anyway I’m sorry for the extremely long ask. Thanks

Hi nonnie. I'm very sorry to hear about the way you were treated in school. That's no way anyone should be treated.

Honestly, the decision about going back to college is 100% one you have to make on your own. An internet stranger shouldn't decide that for you. Here are some questions to ask yourself:

Do you want to go back to college?

Did you enjoy college while you were there?

What career path do you want in the future?

Is there another way to get on the career path you want besides college?

Is there something else that interests you that doesn't require college (like a vocational or technical school)?

Why did you go to college in the first place? Because you wanted to? Because you felt it was expected of you? Because you were pressured into it?

Do you want to go back to the same college you were at? Do you want to go in person or online?

I hope this helps!

All the love xx

#college #college student #college help #college advice #asks #anoynmous

[adulttalk]

What the Hell is “Financial Abuse”?

Okay. So most people know what physical abuse is - that’s pretty straightforward. And most people have a vague idea of what emotional abuse is. But what about financial abuse? Financial abuse is a common type of abuse - much more common than you’d think - and it can make it almost impossible to get away from a toxic relationship. So what the hell is it?

Simply put, financial abuse is when an abuser controls or limits your money in order to keep you in the relationship or make you do what they want. Financial abuse can come in many forms, some more subtle than others, but all forms can be extremely difficult to escape from. 

Most of my followers are in their late teens or early twenties, which means at this stage in your lives, financial abuse is most likely to come from your parents. This often comes in the form of threatening to take away financial support if you don’t do exactly what they want. “We’ll stop paying for your tuition if you start dating/change your major/join that club/leave our religion/etc.” is a common threat made by financially abusive parents. Note that this is NOT the same as parents who want to teach their children financial independence - financially abusive parents do not want their children to work, take out loans or provide for themselves. They do everything in their power to keep their adult children financially dependent on them, so they can keep making these threats. 

In a relationship, financial abuse often means that your partner will try to prevent you from having any money of your own. Unfortunately, there are a whole lot of ways to achieve this. That could mean that they try to discourage you from going to school or having a job, or that they actively sabotage your career. They could try to limit your career choices, or insist that you only work low-paying, part-time jobs. They might intentionally move you to new city to force you to quit your job. They might also force you to turn over all your paycheques, or insist that you don’t need your own bank account and credit cards. All of these tactics force you to rely 100% on your partner for basic necessities, and they can threaten to take away finances or humiliate you by forcing you to beg for money.  Financial abuse can also mean carefully tracking any money you do spend. Your partner might carefully look over every credit card statement or debit transaction, demanding that you justify every penny spent. Not only is this incredibly degrading, it’s a method of control - if you displease your partner, they can get revenge on you by yelling at you or making fun of you for “wasting” money on things you enjoy. This is also a tool to keep you from leaving the relationship - your partner will know right away if you’re buying things like suitcases, bus tickets, hotel bookings or down payments on a new apartment, and they can shut down your escape plan right away. And finally, financial abuse can also come in the form of a “deadbeat” partner. This is a partner who refuses to work or contribute financially to the household, although they are fully capable of it. They’ll control all aspects of household finances, even if you are the only one working, and will freely spend your money on luxuries for themselves, like alcohol or video games, leaving you with nothing for yourself. They will insist that all household bills be put in your name, to make sure that you continually have to work harder to avoid ruining your credit. Both men and women are equally capable of being “deadbeat” partners, and usually a healthy amount of guilt and emotional abuse are used to convince you to keep this parasite in your life.  The best way to escape from a financially abusive relationship is to get outside help. Tell your family and friends what’s going on. Reach out to organizations that help victims of domestic abuse. If you live in a small town without many resources, ask your local church, temple, synagogue or mosque for help - they will almost always help you, even if you are not a member of the congregation. There are a lot of resources and organizations out there who are more than willing to help you find housing, acquire furniture or household items, find a job, or go back to school. Financial abuse IS abuse, and you deserve better.

#abuse tw #financial abuse

[adulttalk]

AVOIDING BURNOUT, AND WHAT TO DO IF YOU BURN OUT

 At some point in your academic life, you’re going to burn out. It happened to me last year, and it was honestly one of the worst things that’s happened to me. It wasn’t just that I lacked the motivation, it was also that I completely lacked the energy to keep myself disciplined enough to work through the rut. Following this, I learned some tricks and techniques on how to avoid it in the future, and how to cope with it if it happens, and I’m going to share them with you below:

Avoiding Burnout

 The primary cause of burnout is overworking, and getting stuck in a rut where you really don’t feel like you’re learning anything new, and so your learning experience becomes stagnant. I find that I come closest to burnout when I’m reviewing and revising my notes before a test, and being aware of this helps me to plan for it and avoid burning out. The most important things to do are as follows:

Plan your work and take breaks: I found that I could get 5-6 hours of studying done per day for 80% of the days I had over the holidays, and the key to that was taking regular breaks, and when taking breaks, to completely switch off from learning and revising and stop working when I said I was going to instead of being tempted to continue over the breaks (more on my productive holiday study routine and how to make one here). The key to effective studying is essentially to allow you brain the time to process what you’ve learned, and you need to remember to take breaks during a day of studying, and to take days off whenever you can.

Socialise: This is partly tied to the taking breaks, but if you put yourself in what could be considered a kind of solitary confinement when you’re working, your brain will learn less effectively and get distracted more quickly, and it is also likely to affect your mood. You may notice that the best students also party the hardest, and that’s because they know that they need to counterbalance the hard work with being sociable and doing things that aren’t at all related to work. It boosts your mood, and having the reward of being sociable keeps your brain and motivation fresh.

Physically get out of your study space: Even if it’s to go to a local café, or to go for a walk in the woods, it’s important to get yourself moving every so often, firstly so your brain can get a little bit more energised, but also so you don’t feel physically confined by the space you are studying in, or again you’re going to get demotivated and possibly even reach the stage of burnout. When I feel like this, I tend to either go for a run, or head somewhere where I can practise my cello without disturbing other people, just so my body and brain are physically away from my work for a bit.

Do something you love: For me, this includes doing stuff like playing my cello, but this also means taking a break by watching your favourite film, or drawing, or baking, or whatever makes you happy and really isn’t studying. It’s important also that in your free time (which is different from your break time) you’re doing things like these, and not letting your academics creep in, because you need to set up a mental and physical space where you aren’t constantly running at full speed in academic stuff, because a lack of escape mechanism means you’re going to get stuck in a burnout, which is honestly the worst.

What to do if you burn out

 You can tell pretty quickly if you have burnout. If you feel physically and mentally dead, and completely lacking in any kind of motivation or discipline to get yourself to work, then you probably have burnout. I find that my burnout feels like a mental and physically deadness, and my head feels really heavy, like the machinery is all turning, but none of the cogs are making contact with one another and turning, so to speak. If you feel like nothing is working, then it’s important to not keep pushing (I’ve touched on this in previous posts where I’ve burnt out in exam season, but it’s important to crash, take a breath, and start again). Try the following:

Take a huge break: I know this may not always feel possible, but if you take a day off and do absolutely nothing, or at least nothing to do with your studying, your studying will get overall more effective. I took a rest day like this in the middle of my A-Levels (which, for my non-British friends, literally determine if you can get into university), and even though in the back of my mind I was really questioning if this was a good idea, it ended up really boosting my productivity and helping me really get my studying into gear

Scrap your current plan and make another one: I know this also sounds like another terrible idea, but if something isn’t working, you can’t stick with what you’re doing, or you’ll drive yourself further into the ground. Re-plan your study schedule (you can obviously use the previous one as a kind of template) and make sure you have time to take breaks. Also, I find that planning things gives me the motivation to actually go out and do them, so this helps in regaining your motivation.

Seek new perspectives: Talk to other people taking your subject if they’re available to talk. Discuss problems in the subject. Teach each other. This is a kind of group revision where, if you’re not going to get distracted, you can really genuinely learn new stuff and figure out what you don’t know. I found this useful when I couldn’t bring myself to revise on my own because I didn’t think I needed to look over anything more in particular detail, but the person I worked with helped to pick apart the things I didn’t know and helped explain them to me.

Try something new: If you have sufficient time to learn something new on the side, then do it. Find something you’re interested in, and research it further, or learn a new skill like cooking or playing guitar or something. If you burn out without pressure from exams, then learning something new is the perfect way of stimulating your brain back into action, and this in turn will have an impact on how effective your studying is as a whole, thus rescuing you from burnout

 If you ever feel yourself burning out, then take action as soon as possible: the more you wait, the more you end up driving yourself into the ground and the harder it is to rescue yourself. A large part of studying that often gets ignored is the impact on your mental health, and if it begins at all to feel overwhelming or is forcing you to burn out, stop what you’re doing and make adjustments. If it gets really bad, then speak to someone, because you can’t constantly work at full speed without some repercussions. Please, please, please, look after yourself and your mental health, as they are a priority over your studying, and a sound mind and body will help you study much more effectively overall.

#adult tips #adult hacks #jobs #adulting #being an adult #burnout #self care

[adulttalk]

Originally written because it feels like most advice pieces for people who impulse spend were written by people who’ve never felt those impulses and grew up pretty comfortably, to boot.

Someone over on LPT asked for tips on controlling impulse spending, since they grew up without money and now have a lot of it. I thought I’d compile and share my tips. If these or tips like these have been posted before (and I just missed it when I searched for them), please let me know, and I’ll delete this post.

(Disclaimer: This is not meant to be universal or all-encompassing, they’re just suggestions that people can try and see if it works for them. These were written with a disadvantaged background in mind, and are based off my own experiences.)

Firstly, as soon as you get paid, pay off your bills (and/or set aside money for bills), and then immediately move some money into a savings account where it is, at the very least, a little difficult to access. This already limits the amount of money you have sitting in your checking account or wherever that’s easily accessible to you, and also makes sure impulse spending doesn’t start to impede on your financial obligations and important expenditures. Think of it as preventative/preemptive damage control.

If you’re going shopping (i.e. grocery shopping) and keep wanting things you don’t need, put it in the cart and keep going. Otherwise, you’ll spend the rest of the trip in the store thinking about it and convincing yourself you want it/need it. But putting it into your cart and “planning on”/expecting to buy it means you’ll sort of stop thinking about it and can just keep going through your list. Just before you go up to the cashier, go through your cart. Most likely, you’ll already start to feel those shades of “buyer’s remorse”, or at least realize how stupid or unnecessary the product is (now that you’ve psychologically spent some time “away” from it), and you’ll put it back. This only works if it’s a lot easier for you to make yourself put things back than stop yourself from picking it up in the first place.

For return-able things, just go ahead and buy it, hold onto the receipt, and set an alarm for a day or two before the return period expires. If you haven’t used it by then, return it. (Again, by then you’ll probably already be feeling buyer’s remorse, anyway). Sometimes, it helps to wrap it in a bag and staple/tape that bag shut, and write that date on the bag. You’re a lot more likely to regret an impulse than to stop it in the first place - so work with that.

Get into the habit of making a list of what you need, and sticking to it…but if you find something you want, don’t tell yourself “no, I don’t need it” - just tell yourself, “I’ll come back and get it tomorrow”. Nine times out of ten, you won’t, but in that moment when you really want something, it’s easier to convince yourself to walk away when you “know” you’ll come back for it. But if you do come back, buy it, and hold onto the receipt. Either it turned you really did need it/wanted it (it happens!), or you can return it.

Intentionally give yourself some wiggle room to control it. i.e. “I can spend $10 on stupid shit I don’t need, but no more than that.” Allow yourself a few small impulse buys to stave off the bigger ones. Make this money easily accessible, i.e. cash in your pocket (as opposed to cards in your wallet). If you are going to impulse buy something, better a cheap candy bar than an expensive appliance.

Corollary: sometimes, set out to treat yourself. Growing up poor, you get used to holding onto or grabbing for everything, because there is just so little of it and you never knew when the next tiny windfall would come. You got used to denial, and now impulse buying is a sort of reaction to that. If you never treat yourself and continue to guilt yourself over the times you do, you’re basically just recreating that psychological environment of denial, and perpetuating the same cycle in a slightly different direction. Treat yourself every now and then to something stupid, in a way that’s built into your budget. i.e. I go buy myself a stupid, overly priced Fro-Yo whenever I get paid, or a Funko Pop, or a bag of candy, or a book. It took a while, but this eventually made me less hung up on my impulses in the first place, and in the long run reduced a lot of my impulse buying. I intentionally set out to buy something that would normally only be an impulse buy, so that over time, I’m less likely to feel impulses in the first place.

Finally, if you accidentally opened/used something once, waited too long, or are otherwise unable to return it, set it aside as a gift for someone (especially if it’s something you know you won’t use often or even ever again). And set it aside for someone specific. You’re less likely to use it if you already have a specific person who you know this item is now “for”, and some of the money you just “lost” on this stupid impulse buy, you can get back when you “save” money come birthday or holiday season and you already have a gift for this person (meaning you don’t have to go out and buy one). Even better, just gift-wrap it right away - you’re less likely to try and use it if you have to undo that work of wrapping it, and you’ll viscerally “feel” more like you’re taking away someone’s gift if you use that unnecessary item (so you’re less likely to try). Keep a roll of holiday-neutral giftwrap on hand just for impulse buys. (Disclaimer: only do this if it is actually nice enough to give as a gift.)

Bonus: counter-intuitive as it sounds, use a credit card to buy this shit, but again, set an alarm for the return date. If you don’t return it, go through the motions of transferring or paying off that purchase’s amount from your checking account to your credit card. You go through the process of paying, but you’re not getting the emotional pay-off of “getting” something new (since you already have that item). Do that enough times, and you may start to feel that impulse less in the first place, as you start to build up the association of dissatisfaction with impulse purchases.

#finance #how to save money #saving money #personal finance #how to be an adult #adult tips #adult hacks #adulting advice

[adulttalk]

A guide to laundry symbols

#adult tips #adult hacks #being an adult #adulting #how to do your laundry #how to do laundry #laundry

[adulttalk]

On Hobbies

Literally get into an activity that involves touching things or You. Will. Die.

It can be so easy in this day and age to feel like that's not an option, and binge culture has made the sickening descent into couch-based isolation and lack of self-discipline not only acceptable but a "fun personality trait" for many. But sometimes, often, you need to give your brain a break from consuming and Create something. You need to give yourself time. To think. And maybe even do something with your hands while your imagination roams free.

I've been addicted to social media. I've defended social media. I've nearly fist fought my parents for trying to take my phone (they were absolutely in the wrong). I've had multiple twitters at the same time. I don't have a twitter anymore. I've been depressed, and scared, and wanted nothing more than to escape the ceasless, screaming void that was my life.

Filling that void with the internet did nothing for me. It was help from my oldest sister that did. Her and her husband got me out of my house, taught me how to be a healthy adult, then set me loose.

What does this have to do with hobbies?

My wife has severe seasonal depression. This fall, she is doing amazingly better than usual, and I couldn't be more proud of her. She picked up sewing in September. Now she spends hours a day working on projects, watching videos, or planning what new dress she can make out of a tablecloth. It gives her mind something to do to take her mind off the cold. It also lets her interact with the winter by taking charge of her fashion and making warm clothes that she likes and has a personal connection to. And at the end of a long project, she always has a new piece of clothing. Something she produced and can take pride in.

It has also helped her relationship with others. In our group of friends, she has already gotten several requests to hem or adjust clothes, which makes her feel very needed and grows a sense of community. [Side note: I love my awesome wife and could gush about her all day] She also watches YouTube videos of clothing makers while working and gets all kind of inspiration from them that she loves to tell me about. When I see the light shining in here eyes my heart fills with the joy she's found. Plus I got some new pajama bottoms.

I like vegetable gardening. I don't currently have a garden but I'm working on getting a plot in the town community garden. In the meantime I've started following different gardening or nature-centric people on social media, and I'm going to start researching different gardening tips. The plan is to one day interact with other people who share my interests and make friends, but even just now I recognize how happy it makes me to look into those things. It calms my heart and reminds me to be kind.

I also realized I kind of have a knack for building things out of cardboard. First it was a box/jungle for our cat that I made from 12-4am for no reason but I love him, and then a dinosaur for a school project.

So---and this is where it starts getting applicable to your own life---I'm going to ask all my friends for their spare cardboard whenever they get it and I'm just going to make things. Animals. Decorations. Unsturdy shelves. Some of the things I make are probably going to be really crappy, but I'll also get better as I go on. Hopefully someday when I have money to spend I'll turn this into actual woodworking. But for now, I have cardboard and a pocket knife, and I'm going to put my grubby little hands all over it and have some fun.

Crocheting? Baking? Painting? Building? Making sculptures out of pipe cleaners? Practicing your handwriting? Scrapbooking? Cutting up all your blankets then stitching them together in different patterns?

It's not only good but necessary for your mental, emotional, and physical health to take your eyes off of a screen and make your hands do something tactile every now and again. Or even more often than not. But right now, just start something. Anything. You don't have to show anyone, you don't have to be good at it as long as it makes you feel good. Looking for ideas or intimidated by how hard something seems? The internet, with all its greedy human pitfalls, is an incredible tool for learning things. Use it for good.

Don't only consume. Create.

#adult tips #adult hacks #adulting #being an adult #creation #life hacks #how to be an adult #self care

[adulttalk]

#college student #college advice #studying advice #studying tips #college

[adulttalk]

adventurecore ideas

pack a lunch of fruit, granola, small snacks, toast, etc!! and don’t forget a water bottle!!

bring a flashlight and gloves wherever you go

mark your path with something eco friendly, like stones or sticks!!

geocaching...

have a picnic with some friends!! hiking trips!!

have food to feed birds or geese if you’re near a pond... make sure it’s peas, corn, seeds, etc, and not bread

get crafty!! handmade maps, notebooks, sundials, bags, a lot of things!!

keep a journal of interesting information handy!!

draw or press some plants you find (be careful though!!)

#lifestyle #adventure #get out of your comfort zone #being an adult #adult tips #how to adult

[adulttalk]

Writing Tip:

If you don’t feel like actually writing, prepare for writing:

Open your WIP Word doc

Read the last page again

Scribble notes on what happens next

Once you’ve done this, you might just find yourself wanting to continue after all. And if you don’t, no worries. You’ve made it easier to jump back into it later. 

#writing tips #writing advice #writers block

[adulttalk]

Part of me wants to shift the entirety of Magical Fantasy Adventure Land into the normal world instead of splitting it into a separate realm.

Part of me is still annoyed that this fucker still doesn’t have a proper title. Or at least something that sounds better as a place holder.

#writing advice #writing tips #writers block

[adulttalk]

Wedding Planning

It is impossible to write an entire post on all of the intricacies of wedding planning, because it would just be too long and frankly exhausting. But here are some of the highlights that I think will help people in need! There are also extensive sources on the internet that are way more in-depth, but here’s an overview for you…

The Venue

The first thing you should do when planning a wedding is to pick your venue. Picking your venue will likely inform what date you set to be your wedding date. Most venues have limited availability, and if you want a specific venue for your dream wedding, best get that locked down ASAP. You may already have something in mind! If you don’t, my recommendation is to look for venues that host weddings year-round.

Choosing your venue will determine how “hands on” you’ll have to be in regards to planning your wedding. Venues that specialize in weddings and similar events will come with an entire staff of vendors ready to go for your wedding. If you’re doing a DIY wedding (like I did) you’ll have to find your own vendors. On that note- choosing a reliable and trustworthy vendor is SUPER important. There are so many options, it can be overwhelming to choose which will be right for your wedding.

If you choose a venue that is specifically used for weddings throughout the year, you will have the EASIEST time planning the resources part of your wedding. The venue will provide contact information for trusted vendors including (but not limited to): caterers they trust (or they may even have an in-house chef), photographers, make up artists, flower arrangers, DJs or musicians, etc. Simply choose which vendors you would like at your wedding, and of course, if you find a different vendor you like better, you’ll be able to use them. The venue will also assign you a key person who will manage all of the comings and goings of vendors and employees at your wedding itself. This is different than a wedding planner who you hire, this is just specifically a point person for you to go to with any issues during the wedding planning process.

If you choose a venue that may not specifically be made for weddings but is allowing you to get married there, they may or may not have contact numbers of trusted vendors. You may or may not have a point person, and I recommend that you at least consult with a wedding planner to make sure that you have everything under control.

If you’re creating your own venue (that’s what I did) you’re completely on your own and will have to find vendors your own way! See “DIY Vendors”.

Wedding Planning

Setting the right deadlines and expectations for your wedding will help the process be as smooth as possible. The easiest way to do this is to use an app specifically made for wedding planning. There are many good options out there, but I personally used The Knot.

These apps will create timelines for you based on when your wedding needs. They’re easy to personalize and disregard tasks and plans that are not relevant to your wedding. For example, I didn’t have bridesmaids, so I removed all the bridesmaid-related notifications from my timeline so I wouldn’t get notifications about those tasks.

You’ll receive notifications on your phone, reminding you to accomplish specific tasks. You’ll know which tasks are overdue and the order of which you should accomplish specific things. You’ll also learn how much contact you’ll have with specific vendors before locking them down.

My favorite part of using The Knot was the fact that it gave me a realistic expectation of when I should accomplish specific tasks. Which things would take more time, how many meetings I would need to set with specific vendors, etc. As a newbie, having all of these deadlines already created for me was wonderful.

The Knot doesn’t just stop there. It helps you set up your honeymoon, rehearsals dinner, as well as writing thank-you cards.

DIY Vendors

Because my husband manages a restaurant that also does catering, he had lots of networking connections he used to secure reputable vendors for us. While you may not have that direct of a connection, someone you know does have that connection! I recommend reaching out to friends, families, co-workers for recommendations. People LOVE giving recommendations.

If you went to a friend or family member’s wedding that was local, ask them for any recommendations. Ask them what worked and what didn’t work.

If a friend or family member has a wedding-related side hustle, consider working out a deal with them. For example, my parents own a garden, and one of their workers moonlights as a wedding photographer. We hired her, and she turned out to be AMAZING. Of course, always verify someone is legit before hiring them by checking their references and/or website.

If you find a trustworthy vendor, ask them for recommendations on other vendors. For example, our caterer recommended an ice cream truck company that we ended up using.

Use your network! You can always make a post on social media if no one in your immediate circle can help.

Creating “Save the Dates”, “RSVPs”, announcements … etc

We used Vistaprint for all of our paper goods. But there are SO many websites out there to explore! These websites have many different formatting options and always allow you to create your own formats. Make sure you have high quality photos saved on your computer that you can use to create cute mailings.

If you use a website like Vistaprint to create your mailings, they’ll have templates specifically labeled for weddings.

Also simply searching “wedding RSVP” on Google will give you millions of ideas.

Shop around on all the sites and create a dummy program and or mailing to see which site is the cheapest.

Search online for discount codes! A lot of websites will give you a discount for signing up for their email list

ALWAYS order more copies than you think you need. You’ll find yourself adding people to the guest list last minute and will be glad you’ll have extra. You also want to have extra copies of everything for your wedding scrapbook.

RSVPs

Shocking thing that I learned about weddings- most people DO NOT RSVP! If they’re coming, they’ll assume that you know that they’re coming. Even if you haven’t talked to them in two years. They may even be insulted that you’re asking them to RSVP. It’s bananas. I invited just under two hundred people to my wedding, and only fifty five RSVP’d. I’m not kidding.

There are lots of ways to track the mail you send to your guests, but from my experience, none are foolproof. In all likelihood you’ll find yourself contacting friends and family and asking them outright. This wasn’t an issue for me, because I didn’t have a formal dinner. If you do have a formal dinner planned and need people to make reservations for food, you may have to send out multiple reminders to RSVP and set a firm deadline.

There are ways to track the mail you send using an app, such as The Knot. But they only work if you have every single person’s email address. That may work if you have a smaller wedding, but asking two hundred people for their email is a time waste and not something I was willing to do. However, my friend got married, and communicated with people exclusively using Knot emails. The Knot even offers to bug people who haven’t RSVP’d for you, which is a nice feature. The Knot also allows you to go on and RSVP for people, which they can later go back in and edit, which is what I used.

There’s always the old fashioned way of tracking RSVPs… track of who responds via a spreadsheet or written document. Utter madness.

Registries

Online registries are so common, that most major retailors or stores have their own. For example- Amazon, Target, Etsy, all have their own registries. You can set these registries up so that the items are shipped directly to an address of your choosing. There are also apps that allow you to make “wedding fund” registries where people can send you money that is then deposited directly into your bank account.

If you don’t want to use The Knot for anything else, consider using them for your registry. The Knot registry is easy to use and connects to literally every website. You can literally find something obscure on some weird corner of the internet, and link it to your registry on The Knot for people to buy for you.

ALL of these registries keep track of who bought what for you, which is super helpful for after the wedding when you’re feverishly trying to complete your hundreds of thank you notes.

“Wedding fund” registries are great. Usually you’re asked to set a goaled monetary amount and to explain what you’re using the money for. People who donate are charged a small amount for sending you money, but that is something they pay on top of what they’re sending you.

Make sure to include items from a variety of different price points!

Don’t put an overwhelming amount of things on your registry. I don’t recommend putting more than forty things. You can always replenish if needed (I did that once).

Many people won’t buy anything from your registry until the week before your wedding. It sucks.

People with either buy you exactly what you want from your registry, will give you cash or a check at your wedding (make sure you have a box for these), or will just give you something random that you don’t want. We had a beautiful set of bowls and dinner ware on Etsy requested on our registry, most of which was purchased for us. And my husband’s one aunt went on to the artist’s profile on Etsy, and ordered us something random that did not fit our color scheme AT ALL. So now everything matches, except these random ugly bowls that she bought us.

General Tips/Tricks

The “wedding surcharge” is real fam! Vendors will charge you more for your wedding then they will for a regular party. Avoid using wedding terminology when speaking to specific vendors, if you can.

Some people will simply not give you anything for your wedding. It’s mind boggling and never who you would expect. Try not to take it personally.

If you do not grant every single guest a “plus one”, it’s likely that at least a few people will text you angrily and demand that you give them a plus one. So may even just show up with a “plus one” without talking to you.

Your family WILL get super offended that you didn’t invite an obscure person you haven’t spoken to in over a decade. Deal with it in the way you feel is best.

Speaking of your family, wedding guests will likely reach out to your parents before reaching out to you. So make sure to keep your close family updated on all of the wedding details.

People are OPINIONATED and it SUCKS. Bless her heart, but my Bubbie spent the months leading up to my wedding predicting every choice we made would blow up in our faces. She helped bankroll the wedding, so we had to sit there and take it. Nothing blew up in our faces, the wedding literally went off without a single hitch, and Bubbie even apologized afterwards and said it was the best wedding she ever went to. That hoe was trying to tell us that an ice cream truck instead of a cake was a bad idea! What nonsense.

In conclusion- You do YOU! Weddings are super stressful and EVERYBODY is judgmental and has an opinion, even if they aren’t married. Even if they have no direct relation to you and haven’t spoken to you since you were a child. Be willing to hear other suggestions, but stick to your guns. LIE LIE LIE if you have to. It’s your wedding! Your friends and family may seem upset in the moment, even though that’s dumb because it isn’t their wedding, but in the end they will love your wedding for what it is, and will forget they ever complained.

#wedding #wedding planning #how to plan a wedding

[adulttalk]

How Often To Clean Your House (aka Being An Adult)

Sprinkles And Crafts: A Food, DIY And Lifestyle Blog.

#cleaning #chores #adult #adulting #cleaning tips #cleaning hacks #cleaning advice #apartment cleaning #how to clean

[adulttalk]

Hii~~~ I want to try make up on, but I dont really know how or where to begin(?) Like, I know theres a hell lot of products, but thats it! Dont really know how to make it work.

Hello darling!

Be prepared to read a long post. Makeup can be intimidating because there is 50 different types of things for the same thing.

You can put the bare necessities into two categories:

Skin care - It’s really important to make your skin look good even after you remover makeup

Actual Makeup - This is what we generally think of when thinking about makeup, but this should be removed before you go to sleep

In skincare, you could have the following:

Cleanser: This is to clean the makeup off your face as well as dirt and oil and other stuff that builds up throughout the day. You use this morning and night, before you apply your makeup, so that you have a fresh clean canvas to work with, and after you remove it, so that everything comes off. There’s different types based on your needs and likes. Some people have really oily skin whereas other people have really dry skin, and then there’s people like me that have combination skin where some parts are oily and some parts are dry. If you have acne, there may be some that are geared just for that, like ones with tea tree oil in them. 

Exfoliator: You should only do this once or twice a week, otherwise you can irritate your skin and make it more prone to breaking out. There are some things that a cleanser cannot remove, like the upper layer of dead skin cells, or oil and dirt that have gone deep into your pores. There are physical and chemical exfoliators. I personally do not recommend using physical ones on your face because they can cause micro-abrasions into your skin. But once again, you may be able to find one that suits your skin type. You should use physical exfoliators on your body once a week, though, because just like a cleanser, soap and loofahs don’t get everything out. 

Toner: This is certainly not a necessary thing, but it does help improve the overall look and glow of your skin, even when it’s bare faced. It’s usually the consistency of water, and witch hazel is a pretty popular toner, but you may be able to find one that, once again, suits your skin type. Take a shot for every time I say suit your skin type in this post… 

Serum: If you have a certain dermal issue, like acne, or eczema, or even wrinkles, you may find a serum that helps with that. If you use a toner, then you put this on after the toner, but before the moisturizer. There’s also day and night serums, but that is based on whatever you are getting. If this step is overwhelming, then you can totally skip it.

Moisturizer: This is one step you should not skip, even if you have oily skin. This locks the moisture in and hydrates your skin all day so that it doesn’t flake or start producing excess oil to make up for the lack of hydration. If you have oily skin, then you can find a moisturizer that fits that skin type.You can even get a moisturizer with SPF.

Sunscreen: If your moisturizer and foundation does not have sunscreen then get separate sunscreen to apply, which you should even on a cloudy day, since the UV rays are still coming through.

Now that your skin has been taken care of, you can put on makeup.

Primer: If you’re planning on wearing your makeup for an entire day, or a night out when you know you’ll be sweaty, or you feel like your makeup will be smudged for whatever reason, you can put on a primer, which basically covers your skin like a paint primer so that that the makeup can have a smoother and a longer lasting finish. But, it’s not necessary. I only wear primers if I have a huge event to go to, like a wedding or something. I don’t bother with it on the daily.

Foundation vs BB Cream: Unlike foundations, BB, CC, and EE, creams focus on particular details, like color correcting, and other details. Foundations are heavier, even the lighter coverage ones, but they work better for heavier makeup. Make sure to have your foundation matched to your skin tone. I don’t want to hear any of this fair-and-lovely, or ethnically-ambiguous BS. It never looks good, and it’s just plain disrespectful. I also don’t recommend foundations with SPF, since those are the ones that tend to create flashback (is that what it’s called?) if you take a picture with the flash on. 

Concealer: This is a couple shades lighter than your skin tone, and goes over the under-eye bags to brighten it up. You can also use concealer as a eye-shadow primer, to make sure that the powder doesn’t smudge throughout the day. Be sure to set it with a setting powder, which I’ll explain later.

Contour: If you don’t want to do this, then you’re more than welcome to skip it. But basically, applying darker shades in some places and light shades in others creates the illusion of a different facial structure, but can also make you look like a clown if done wrong. Once you get the hang of overall makeup, you can definitely try it out, but make sure you get some practice before you wear it out. If not, you can just apply a bit of bronzer under the cheek bones and be good to go.

Powders: Remember when you’d dig through your mom’s purse and find a compact mirror with a lil round sponge and a pressed powder? Those were the days. These days, you’re better off with a setting powder under the eye area, which is often too white, but you let it sit for a few minutes to “bake” into your foundation. Then you can apply translucent powder all over your face to finish the skin stuff.

Eyes: Eye-shadows are pretty straight forward, but I suggest looking at the color wheel to see what works best with your eye and hair color for the ultimate wow effect. Mascara and eyeliner get easier to put on with practice. You don’t have to curl your lashes. I think I’ve only ever done that once in my life and that was only to test it out. You can also shape and darken your eyebrows with Anastasia Beverly Hills Dipbrow. Though you may need some practice to make it look natural.

Lips: You should try our liquid vs cream and gloss vs matte to figure out what you like best. Just keep in mind that matte liquid tends to stay on much longer than cream or gloss, and is also harder to budge, in case you plan on eating a messy meal or doing… messy activities.

Highlighter: If there is one trend that I wish would go out of style, it’s highlighters. Everyone seems to love it, which I respect, but I can’t help but think of disco balls every time I see a makeup guru on instagram. If you want to try it, apply a little but on the tip of your nose and cheekbones, and maybe a lil bit on your cupid’s bow and chin for an extra razzle dazzle. 

Setting Spray: This is another one of those extra steps that you can take if you really want your makeup to last through a night out, or a trip to the beach in July. Once you’ve applied everything, hold the spray at an arms length and spritz your face like you’re disciplining a puppy. But, like, don’t discipline a puppy. That’s mean.

Here’s some general overall tips to remember:

These are a bunch of infographs about types of brushes and makeup applications that I could not explain here. 

There are a ton of YouTubers that can teach you all sorts of makeup. I recommend Kaushal Beauty, Alexandra’s Girly Talk, and Brianna Fox, where I learnt all my makeup and other beauty stuff from, back when I knew absolutely nothing. For more bolder and artistic looks, you can check out Nikkie Tutorials. 

Experiment with as many looks as you want, but if you’re trying something new, be sure to try it at home and when you’re not in a rush.

Keep practicing drawing on eyeliner, because that’s the only way you’ll get better at it. 

If you want to go for the “natural” look, you can just apply some toner, sunscreen, and tinted moisturizer on your skin. You can also put on some mascara and lip gloss, and maybe do your brows if you have extra time. That way you look completely put together without it looking like you even bothered, because who even bothers to look good, right? We all just wake up like this.

I realize that I started slipping in more of my snark as time went on, but it was a long post, and I’m tired. Have fun playing with makeup, though! It’s actually pretty fun once you start doing it for yourself rather than to look good, because then the possibilities are endless and everyone’s Michelangelo.

💋

#adult tips #adult hacks #makeup help #makeup tips #makeup advice #skincare tips #skincare hacks

[adulttalk]

Ice or Heat?

#health #physical health #adult tips #adult hacks #adult advice #pain management