amethystfaery26

[amethystfaery26]

More pictures of my babies 🥰

#cats #kittens #furbabies #pictures

[amethystfaery26]

Picture haul of all my babies 😺💞

#pictures #animals #furbabies #furkids #cats #kittens

[amethystfaery26]

Trying to figure out the roots of why I still miss my ex girlfriend Angel. Even though I'm talking to a new woman who I'm very compatible and happy with. I think a big part of it, is how me and Angel were both very damaged fucked up people, and we were both very understanding about our bad sides. One of the things I dislike about getting to know a new woman, is you don't really know how accepting and understanding they will truly be, most people act polite in the beginning, so it's hard to know how accepting they really are. When I start to feel too stressed or overwhelmed with emotions, I tend to isolate myself from people, and I'm doing my best to not do that. I feel I still miss Angel, because I felt extremely comfortable with her and I didn't feel judged for my shadow self, my shadow self was embraced. This new girl, Tina, she's amazing to spend time with, and she's a humble person, I like that. But I don't have that safe comfort established yet because its just the very beginning. The only thing I didn't like about Angel is how egotistical she was. But no one is perfect, and I'm FAR from perfect. It's hard trying to understand my own thoughts and feelings, but writing it out helps a little.

#journaling #dear diary #diary #feelings #thoughts #emotions

[amethystfaery26]

All the sex, all the girls, and all the attention from other women, does not ease my pain of no longer having my ex girlfriend Angel. She's irreplaceable. I will always love her.

#Angel #ex girlfriend #dear diary #diary #journaling

[amethystfaery26]

GOODBYE

[amethystfaery26]

The less you care how it goes, the better it goes.

#journaling #thoughts #feelings

[amethystfaery26]

It’s wonderful how, with no warning and without even trying, we will randomly stumble across new favorite songs, new favorite artists, new favorite books, new favorite movies, new favorite games, new favorite shows, new favorite snacks, new passions, new hobbies, new interests, new favorite blogs and new favorite people. So when things are terrible, hold onto the fact that someday, possibly when you least expect it, you’ll suddenly come across something wonderful!

[amethystfaery26]

My furbabies Luna and Cronos 💕

#cats #kittens #furbabies #pictures

[amethystfaery26]

Life.....even when life is good, doesn't mean it's easy. My friends with benefits is someone I've known for 2 years now. She's a great friend, and is basically apart of my family now. She admitted she has unrequited feelings for me, but that she doesn't want that to ruin our friendship. We have had some very raw and real, open conversations about everything. I even told her I'm fine with ending the sexual aspect of our friendship if that complicates things, but she said she really enjoys the sex and doesn't want that to end. So we still are friends with benefits. I consider her to be apart of my soul tribe. Our bond is unique, in the sense that even though I don't have any romantic feelings for her, she's really enjoyable to talk to most of the time. But if I'm being completely honest, it kinda feels like the beginning of the end. She's my closest friend. But I do my best to be realistic. And realistically, I feel that its going to start eating away at her. I feel she's going to distance herself from me all because I don't feel anything romantic for her. Sucks that friendship is not seen as important as romance. I won't be surprised if weeks or months from now I come back to read this post and see that this all came true. She will probably start to become bitter and resentful towards me since I don't have any romantic feelings for her. Definitely feels like the beginning of the end. That's life though, full of changes. I'm proud of myself for being honest even when it's hard. I want anyone in my life, to be in my life based on truth and knowing how things really are. If people don't want to be in my life because they don't like how I feel or what I think, then they honestly just aren't meant to be in my life.

#dear diary #diary #journaling #spilled thoughts #spilled feelings #friends #friendship #friends with benefits #fwb problems #fwb

[amethystfaery26]

Cicely Mary Barker: Dream of fairies

[amethystfaery26]

[amethystfaery26]

Today is one of those days where I can't be strong. In my feelings. Feeling pretty depressed. I have worked on slowly becoming healthier. But days like today, I'm not making the most healthy decisions. Oh well. That's life I guess.

#spilled emotions #spilled feelings #spilled thoughts #dear diary #journaling

[amethystfaery26]

I don’t need temporary people touching my mind, body or soul

[amethystfaery26]

[amethystfaery26]

Hard to describe what you feel, when you barely even understand how you feel.

I feel sad, and also excited about my future all at the same time. I still miss my ex Angel. But she doesn't care about my mental health. I don't want anyone in my life, that doesn't care about my mental health. I have PTSD, bipolar, and depression. I'm very sensitive. Some days I feel completely fine. And other days are really tough. And days like today, I feel strange and lots of mixed emotions. There's some pretty good things coming soon, some things I'm actually really excited about. But I still feel a little sad right now. I have a very kind and understanding life partner, I'm grateful for him. I've dealt with some major life changes recently, some good, some neutral, some tough....I don't adjust well to change. Even though I love being randomly spontaneous, I enjoy having a stable structured routine. I will be okay, emotions and feelings are so strange sometimes.

#spilled feelings #spilled thoughts #dear diary #journaling #mentally ill

[amethystfaery26]

#alternative #emo #black goth #bisexual #bisexual women #queer

[amethystfaery26]

Stuck in my head, so maybe journaling will help....

I hate how impulsive I am. Especially when my self esteem is feeling low. I want to do impulsive things to gain instant gratification, even if it's bad for me in the long run. I've gotten much better at not acting on my impulses. Been thinking about the double edged sword in life. When you have people that deeply love and care about you, they are sensitive to anything you do and say. You have to be careful about how you word things and careful about how you say things, to not hurt their feelings. Their care for you, makes them OVERLY sensitive to anything you say. Yet on the other hand, when you have someone in your life that doesn't care about you, doesn't prioritize you, and is not sensitive to your wants and needs, they put forth little to no effort concerning your feelings. If they're rude, and if they hurt your feelings, they feel you're overreacting, and they honestly don't care. The good side to casual friends is that they don't want or expect anything out of you, there's absolutely no pressure there at all. But casual friends don't drive across town to give you chicken soup when you are terribly sick, they just send a text saying "get well soon". And the people who deeply love and care about you, always do their best to have your back and be there for you, but they are overly sensitive to any little thing you do or say, their feelings are easily hurt, because you're extremely important to them. So with every little choice you make, you have to consider THEIR feelings and how your personal choices can affect them. There's a stressful shitty side to everything. I'm trying to embrace and accept that, without feeling overwhelmed and upset.

#spilled thoughts #spilled feelings #journaling #thoughts #depressed #stressed