brown-skinned-gal

[brown-skinned-gal]

Blogging Back in 2024?

I'm bringing back earnestly blogging in 2024. There are things and opinions I want to voice, and I've decided Tumblr is the perfect space to do so.

I waitressed tonight at the bar and some guy came is totally schmoozing up a potential client. I mean he was really pushing it, at one point I had to go over to the table to remind him that there are waitresses here to do their job and he doesn't have to keep taking their orders and walking up to the bar to order for them.

So I walk over there to take drink orders and the guy ends up ordering for everyone. Like he looked around like he was waitressing and was like: "do we need waters? Jeff let me get you a beer you want beer too John?!?" At this point I realize he is too far gone and there is simply nothing I could have done or said to wake his ass up, so I just take the order and go get the drinks.

Well, he didn't order enough to make the minimum payment so I couldn't run his card but I felt bad going back over there to stress him out even more so I paid for the drinks with the loose cash in my pocket and kept it pushing.

Well, the guy apparently owned another bar in town and tipped me $20 and made a big deal talking about "I'm in the industry...Let me tip you, I know how this goes" Like dude, it wasn't that big of a deal plus I get 50% of drinks since I work there so the total was less than $4 for both of the beers.

Anyway, the guy was really hot and I feel like I looked really good tonight and I was extremely turned on by this man's behavior so all in all, great night. 10/10

#bar industry #waitressing #waitress #bartending #bar backing #cocktails #drink

[brown-skinned-gal]

I think I'm going to re-watch Supernatural. We are so back.

#Supernatural #SPN

[brown-skinned-gal]

I felt a panic attack coming on so I quickly got up and started lighting incense(s), putting on my favorite body lotion, and slapping a mask on face in order of shock my nervous system into calming the fuck down. It worked so well. I’m actually so proud of myself.

#pmdd #premenstrual dysphoric disorder #period cramps #luteal phase #anxitey #depression #mental health

[brown-skinned-gal]

Am I pretty?

#witchblr #aesthetic #studyblr #studyspo #study motivation #study notes #school #teacher crush community #plus size reader #animal crossing

[brown-skinned-gal]

"all men are evil" is radfem/terf rhetoric, but clarifying "all cis men" because you want to signal that you're not transphobic doesn't work because it's still deeply rooted in radfem beliefs. It's saying you believe there's something inherently evil in being born/assigned "male", and you carry it over in how you treat ppl who transition in or out of that gender. "All cis men are evil", is gender essentialist and you can't get around that.

Fucking tired of ppl who think their terf soundbites with a fresh coat of paint are sooo progressive

[brown-skinned-gal]

Rat Girl Summer

A few days ago at work I told my supervisors about the slowly growing cultural phenomenon that is sure to take over the lives of all sad nicotine addicted girls who haunt their local dusty liberal bookstores looking for love–Rat girl summer. Now, being that I live in a small town with an agricultural university living and breathing at its center it’s only a sad consequence of a sick and deeply rooted curse that the only reactions I received were dead eyes, smirks laced with ignorance, and humorless unrelenting deadpan questioning. Upon realizing that I was the only one in this fucked town that gave a shit about the cultural relevance of my generation I quickly resigned to internally rolling my eyes and explaining in layman terms what it meant to embody the essence of Rat Girl Summer. The more I tried to explain the cultural phenomena to the uninterested, the more I began reflecting internally on what it meant to me personally and to be honest I realized that there is a rawness to it. A resigned acceptance of one's own femininity and how it fits into the larger capitalistic framework of the world, while at the same time realizing that to be a woman is to be a god. 

When I think about Rat Girl Essence, I’m reminded of the word Cunt and how its etymology contains origins from the Indian Goddess Kunti–mother of Karna, and Pandavas–who is said to be a goddess of fertility and wisdom. I think about the Tiktok where it quotes Frida Kahlo who says: “I don't give a shit what the world thinks. I was born a bitch, I was born a painter, I was born fucked. But I was happy in my own way. You did not understand what I am. I am love. I am pleasure, I am essence, I am an idiot, I am an alcoholic, I am tenacious. I am; simply I am ... You are a shit.” And isn’t it true to the nature of Rat Girls to be reminded that to be a woman is to to be fucked, to be love, to nurture and forgive with grace but to also be angry, to be crazy and insane, to be a billowing force blowing in the faces of those who dare to question our existence. To be a woman is to embody the breadth of the word CUNT in every way. And it’s once a rat girl transcends to this level of understanding and acceptance that there exists a sense of distilled and resigned peace. A nirvana of neverending ecstasy because we have unlocked the secret to it all. To be a woman is to be God. And in that same depth of emotion lives a sadness. And I think at the root of this sadness festers an overall energy of dismay and discouragement that has been plaguing the mental state of generation Z for years. Could it be the growing inhabitability of our Earth due to global warming and climate change?  Or possibly the ever growing pressure of the boots of congress on the necks of the American People? Or maybe it’s just the endless inundation of information (good and bad, Helpful and useless) via media that has played a role in growing attitudes of nihilism and pessimism that seem to be adopted again, by those around me. Nevertheless, we can all agree that now more than ever people are sad, and lonely, and feeling hopeless. And if we can learn anything from how culture plays a part in the human experience, it’s that what is hot is a direct reflection of what is happening in the world that is producing it. So what really is Rat Girl Summer? What does it mean? To me, If Rat Girl Summer was a hot new cereal hitting the shelves of your local EREWHON, the ingredients would read: Intellectualization of everyday decisions, Compassion and pity for the male specimen, resigned acceptance of one's role in the world, along with a deep undercurrent of practicing empathy and compassion. But it’s also so much more. So much broader. What does Rat Girl Summer mean to you?

#Rat girl summer #Feminism #feminist literature #philosophy #Rat Girl #femcel #divine feminine #goddess worship #goddess

[brown-skinned-gal]

For the TCC community!

He reached out to touch my nose, does he love me?

#teacher crush community #tcc love

[brown-skinned-gal]

There’s a gnawing inside me. When day fades into night and the moon hangs loose in the sky, it becomes pronounced; a ringing in a tin can. In a dark room where orange flames dance across the walls and the humming of the space heater spills from its mechanic body, I feel it. I sit with it. And I wonder in a curious way what its purpose is. How it got there. I wonder in a curious way if it will kill me one day. If it will gnaw and knock so violently that my ribs will crack open. If I will watch as is blossoms in bloody way into roses. Into love. I wonder if it’s maybe love.

[brown-skinned-gal]

Where do you go when the world seems to have lost its color.

I stare into my own reflection waiting for her to blink back but she doesn’t.

It’s a catalyst to my own forgetting and sometimes I’d like to forget.

If I could I would line up all of the things in the world I’d like to forget

Kiss each one on the head pastorally before pushing it into nothingness.

Maybe I’m not poetic enough but you’ll have to forgive me.

When you live in this body of mine it’s hard to find beauty in the small things.

#sad

[brown-skinned-gal]

You’re a papercut soaked in hand sanitizer. A bad dream. An empty room bathed in blue afternoon. Where is your heart because you break mine so easily. and when I miss you I listen to Radiohead.

[brown-skinned-gal]

I’ve been sad these past few days

It’s not a heavy sadness. In fact I’m not sure there’s anything I really should be sad about. But it’s there. Sometimes it turns over in my stomach blossoming into an ache that travels up my throat only fizzle out through my nose and at that point it should turn to tears but it doesn’t.

I miss my mom.

#sad