bundlesofuggggh

[bundlesofuggggh]

do you ever wanna just… piss someone off?

You know, when someone really really deserves to be messed with? And it would usually be soooooo easy too… 

Like I have relatives who are so conservative and religious and do you ever wanna just 

Me: “hey, I am LGBTQIA  and I don’t believe in god”

Them: “‘you’re going to hell!”

Me: “sweet, I was gonna off myself anyway. Hey, if he’ll is real, I’ll see you there. That would suck for me.”

… and then just like, leave the convo? Me too.

#republican snowflakes #mess with them #lgbtq #haha

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Late night thoughts: does anyone else ever feel, while driving, the sudden urge to swerve into oncoming traffic or a tree, or a pole? Is that normal?

#get help #does that make me suicidal #i should be sleeping

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Trying not to drown in depressive symptoms be like:

#depression #therapy #struggle

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Late night thoughts:

I wear my bad days on my wrists. I hide them under my sleeves. Sometimes, my bruised legs show my self-abuse. No one ever sees it.

The scars I etch in my skin are a permanent sign of the impermanence of my pain. They allow the pain to fade.

#self harm #bad days #scars #don’t be like me #it’s late

[bundlesofuggggh]

Does anyone else ever feel so much emotion that they want to cry, but can’t? It feels terrible not to be able to “let it out”, like my tears and emotions are trying to escape. I might explode.

#emotions #recovery #get help #it’s late #anyone else?

[bundlesofuggggh]

**Me being stressed, thinking about self harm**

My brain:

Me:

#self harm #get help #hypocrite

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Me in real life:

Me on this blog:

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Late night thoughts: sometimes I think I want to self harm not only as a release or coping mechanism, but also because I want other people to see how ugly I am, how ugly I see myself as. But then again, I don’t want to be a burden.

#self harm #its late #don’t be like me

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Me: I’m not doing fine but I don’t need to ask for help because I’m not sick enough

Everyone else:

[bundlesofuggggh]

Me: Says something self depracating

My friend: **punches me in the arm**

Me: OW WHYYYYYY

Them: you were mean to my friend. I fight people who are mean to my friend

#friends #self deprecation #positivity #blessed

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Me: starts to withdraw again, thinks about self harming again

Them: hey are you ok?

Me: yep just slidin’ back into old bad habits

Them: wasn’t that like really bad last time? Didn’t you promise that wouldn’t happen again?

Me:

[bundlesofuggggh]

Text: How do you tell someone you want to harm yourself?

A) honest truth: “I want to cut myself” pro - direct, con - shocking, may send wrong message

B) skirt around the issue: “I just pondered finding a sharp object” “why? Is she a murderer?” Pro - possibly less concerning, Con - vague and confusing

C) write a letter: Pro - you don’t have to witness/say anything, Con: very concerning and serious

D) tell a person with authority: Pro - they have tools, Con: too much response? You lose control of further action (ruin reputation?)

#recovery #get help #self harm

[bundlesofuggggh]

Update:

Hey so I’ve been struggling with coping with stress due to panic over huge life decisions and bad choices and starting college so there’s that, and I kinda slipped up and self harmed again for the first time in over 9 months. I was really careful about hiding stuff cuz my parents kind a flipped out last time and said things I didn’t think were helpful, but they found out yesterday and chased me around the house trying to confront me about it. My family doesn’t talk about these things. I went to therapy for almost a year and we never talked about it. But anyway, we ended up having a conversation through my locked bathroom door (where the words cutting and self harm were never said but implied because WE DONT TALK ABOUT IT). Ugh. At least they were better about it this time. Last time they kind of threatened me: “I’ll never forgive you if you hurt my baby”. Not helpful. This time was - not scarring but like omg I was mortified.

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Them: “it’s been over a week, you really should do something productive today.”

Me:

#procrastination #me #depression #haha

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Update

I don’t know if anyone cares, but here goes.

I decided to stop going to therapy. I was feeling really good and my therapist thought we could have a few more sessions but I was like nah. That was last week. So, now I’m done. It feels weird though because a lot of shit has happened this last week and I’m just like avoiding responsibility. I keep thinking it would be good to tell things to my therapist, but then I remember that I’m done. It’s real odd, folks.

#therapy #depression #recovery #update

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Me: *is doing nothing*

Also me: *remembers things I need to do* Oh shit I forgot I have stuff to do

Me: *stresfully does nothing*

Me, later that day: Man, today was stressful. I deserve a break. I can put off those things one more day.

#me #stress

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Return to therapy

Uh so I just went to my first appointment in over a month yesterday. It was really frustrating for me because my previous session brought up huge terrifying things in my life and it left me feeling super shitty. I finally got things figured out, or I at least made a plan, which I told my therapist when she asked. However, for the rest of the entire freaking session, she brought up all the terrible things I said or thought in my stress, and then seemed to decide I should start wrapping up my therapy. I mean like fine, but we didn’t get to talk about like any of the things that are worrying me now - like how I’ve been freaking out over this adulting business. How am I supposed to do all these things by myself? No one taught me how, and just because I passed around the sun another time, I’m now magically supposed to figure it out? What the heck!? Agh!

#therapy #adulting