cassidybueter

[cassidybueter]

A bit of a more serious post, but I started to lose my religion while going to a Catholic university. Ironically, it was because I had a really good religion teacher. On the first day, he had us take a personality test on our religion, and it was there that I realized I didn't actually believe in Christianity. I just said I did because my parents had told me that was the only option.

I've spent years looking for a religion to replace the one I lost, but none of them have even remotely fit. Am I an atheist? Agnostic? These days, I prefer not to label it, but maybe my reluctance for a word is just the last few cobwebs of Christianity still clinging to my brain.

#religion #atheisim #catholic school

[cassidybueter]

A play by play reaction of the live-action FMA movie: because I hate myself and also you.

Oh good. It has English dubs. So it'll be a delight for both the eyes and ears.

Mama Elric dies from hugs.

NO CHARACTERIZATION. ONLY PLOT.

If I hadn't read the manga, I'd be totally lost. And because I read the manga, I know it's bad. Who was this for?

There are many female voice actors that can do convincing young boy voices. These... are not those actors.

Why is Father Cornello running around a clearly empty city?

I keep expecting Edward's discount bin Spirit Halloween wig to fly off.

The only people trying are the CGI animators.

Alphonse has said nothing and done nothing because animation is expensive.

And cover up the metal arm! Quickly! Before we have to figure out how to do a good effect!

Suddenly the town is filled with people.

Why is Mustang in Leore?

Why... is he arresting Edward?

The philosopher's stone is clearly red plastic.

Remeber how I said the animators were trying? I take that back. Al's animator is very drunk.

WHY IS WINRY IN LIORE?! What the fuck?

How are we in East City?! It's miles away. Did we teleport?!

And why is Edward's dialogue so muffled? Was it being recorded through a pillow? No one else's is this bad.

They ditched Al in Leore so they wouldn't have to animate him.

Damn. These characters really do telelort at the speed of plot.

Ok. Points where they're due: Hughes' actor seems good and the shadow of Gluttony eating someone is very intimidating.

Winry is a brunette. Which wouldn't be weird except that they put so much non-effort into making Ed blonde.

This would probably be great if it were, say, a comic book, or an animated TV show.

Truth: How'd you like it? Ed's actor: Well, it's a paycheck.

After they transmuted their mom, Edward turned into his teenage actor, because the little kids can't act.

"This house is huge" *doesn't show house.*

Anime Shou Tucker looked kinda creepy, but possibly friendly. This Shou Tucker is just some sleepy dude.

Mustang and Hughes walk down Generic Path of Exposition. Screw creativity, we pray to the ALMIGHTY PLOT.

Again: Why is Winry here?

I like how Ed just ditches his brother anytime the director thinks the budget is getting too big.

They got the most wooden VAs for like half the characters. And the shittiest microphone for the main character!

You know what the original story was missing? GOD DAMNED HYPNOSIS. THE LAZIEST TROPE.

Winry is the real main character. She does things and Edward/Alphonse follow blindly.

Edward's metal hand makes a very fleshy sound when slapped against the table.

Marcho's dead. Lol.

A man died in front of us and we found the secret to the stone. Next scene!

CGI dog Nina looks like Snuffaluffagus.

This scene was creepier when hand drawn.

Now that Winry has been so firmly established as the third Elric Brother, it's weirder when she's not around.

Okay, when the classic dialogue from the series is delivered without the emotional context of the story, it's suddenly very silly and emo.

Edward is studying. Alphonse is sitting, trying to move as little as possible.

God bless you, Maes Hughes, the best part of the movie.

Seriously, he's mostly on point. Everyone else can go to hell.

Ah yes, Laboratory #5, a totally safe place for Winry to be. Man, it was such a cool place in the real story. Here? Just an empty building. Then again, we can't figure out how to animate one armor, how would we do three?

Oh no, the brothers are fighting for no reason. If only there was emotional weight.

"It hurts to see you hurt." Bitch, it hurts to hear you speak.

Yeah, where's East City on that map, Hughes? Is it two feet away from Leore? No?

Remember when Envy transforms into Hughes' wife before killing him and how that was real imactful? They set that up by having him drop the photo, but then Envy turns into MUSTANG.

Tucker lives. It was stupid when the '03 series did it and it's stupid now.

Envy looks like he styled his hair with crude oil.

This movie's so LOOOOOOOOONG.

The shadow of Gluttony eating people looked good. The actual CGI... is grossly unfinished.

Shou Tucker tries and fails to be the main villain. It's almost cute.

Oh god. The cyclopse dolls animate like Going To The Store. This just looks silly.

Alphonse: I can't move my body. Animators: Oh. How convenient.

Oh yeah. Riza Hawkeye exists.

Aw, now that the movie's over they're trying to wring emotions out of every person's single character trait.

A bright light started shining on the cast and I prayed they were about to get hit by a train. Nope. It was the sun, rising on a new day.

In short: It sucks.

#fma #bad movie reviews #fullmetal alchemist #live action

[cassidybueter]

Some thoughts about teeth and fast food franchises. The absolutely remarkable otter skull in the beginning belongs to Mitch Evans. Thank you so much for the photos. Dentists and Vets following me, have you guys ever seen anything like this? 

Other places I post more aggressively at: INSTAGRAM / FACEBOOK / ETSY / KICKSTARTER      

[cassidybueter]

“Another myth that is firmly upheld is that disabled people are dependent and non-disabled people are independent. No one is actually independent. This is a myth perpetuated by disablism and driven by capitalism - we are all actually interdependent. Chances are, disabled or not, you don’t grow all of your food. Chances are, you didn’t build the car, bike, wheelchair, subway, shoes, or bus that transports you. Chances are you didn’t construct your home. Chances are you didn’t sew your clothing (or make the fabric and thread used to sew it). The difference between the needs that many disabled people have and the needs of people who are not labelled as disabled is that non-disabled people have had their dependencies normalized. The world has been built to accommodate certain needs and call the people who need those things independent, while other needs are considered exceptional. Each of us relies on others every day. We all rely on one another for support, resources, and to meet our needs. We are all interdependent. This interdependence is not weakness; rather, it is a part of our humanity.”

— AJ Withers, “Disability Politics and Theory” (via vulturechow)

[cassidybueter]

Just a shadow monster dad and his adopted human child.

You can read the whole comic at https://m.webtoons.com/en/challenge/shadowman-will-get-you/list?title_no=482349&page=1&webtoon-platform-redirect=true

#webcomic #comic #webcomics #comics #monsters #monster #webtoon #monster family

[cassidybueter]

[cassidybueter]

#webcomic #comic #webcomics #new webcomic #monster #monsters

[cassidybueter]

Recipe for Buttered Toast

After years and years of failure, I have finally created the perfect recipe for my Nana's buttered toast.

My Nana used to make buttered toast for me every Sunday morning at the crack of dawn. Those were the greatest moments of my life. Every week I would wake up and jump out of my warm, innerspring mattress with the cotton Pokemon bedsheets and run downstairs to the kitchen, where Nana would be waiting. With her back towards me, she's greet me with a gutteral grunt, then fling the toast at me. It would always hit me square in the face, butter-side first. The warm creamy goop seeping directly into my pores like a wet dairy face mask. It gave me a case of acne so bad that people called me "fungus face," but it was all worth it.

Now the butter we used at home was very special. It wasn't store-bought butter. It came directly from our family's cow, Betsy. For this recipe, you don't need your own cow. There will, after all, never be another animal as good as Betsy. After decades of searching I found a brand of butter that's almost as good. It's hard to find because the FDA shut them down a few years ago, but with enough patience and a few black market connections, you can find it.

But let me tell you more about what made Betsy so special. My family bought her as a baby, the day before I was born. She was like my twin sister, except she was a cow. We got her for cheap, as she was the runt if the litter. The farmer that gave her to us said he didn't think she'd last a week. In fact, he was so sure she wouldn't live that he cut off one of her legs to feed to his family. So Betsy only had four. But we still loved her all the same.

Then came the sad day when we finally had to let Betsy go. She was old, and losing her sight, but that wasn't why we did it. She killed our neighbor, Jeff, and she had to be put down. Betsy has accidentally broken into the tool shed where we keep the guns. She tripped over one of them and accidentally shot Jeff square between the eyes. Five times. From a distance if two miles. It was a one-in-a-million shot times 5. After that Nana took Betsy out to the pasture. And with a final gunshot, I never saw her again. Or the cow. But Betsy's legacy lives on in this recipe and in the abundant rumors of a bovine mercenary that will kill anyone for the right ammount of hay.

And without further ado, the recipe:

Acquire toast

Acquire butter

Apply butter to toast

Apply to face and enjoy!

#recipes #recipe #toast #satire #joke recipe #buttered toast

[cassidybueter]

My mom painted this raccoon skull for me as a Christmas gift and honestly, it means so much to me. My mom has always been an artist. I remember getting into art at a young age because of her. she’s encouraged me to keep drawing despite my long term struggles with motivation and my poor outlook on anything I create.

She’s also been in so many car trips with me to go pick of roadkill off the side of the road, the first trip was to salvage a poor raccoon. She was pretty grossed out at first and didn’t want to see it. But before I knew it, she was curious by the process and her excitement matched mine. Unfortunately, our first roadkill together wasn’t very salvageable, seen as the top half of the skull was completely smashed to pieces. Ever since her first trip with me, she text me whenever she spots roadkill and ask me how my skulls processing are doing haha.

So that’s the story behind the raccoon skull painting made by my mom.

Sadly, her eyes are giving, so she does not draw or paint as much anymore. She told me she wanted me too keep this skull to remember her and the days when she could see to paint. Love you mom

[cassidybueter]

Hel Mary - 07/01/20

“Hel Mary” is the title of my personal upcycled art projects in which I thrift abandoned Mother Mary statues and give them new life with paint & love. My newest addition is adorned with clear and smoky quartz points, sustainably foraged & cleaned animal bones and a labradorite cab in her hand.

Hel is the Norse deity of the underworld, said to have the appearance of being half alive. She looks after those who did not die on the battlefield.

This piece will be up for auction on 7/3 on Instagram at WayWardWitchAuctions, and up for sale in my shop if she doesn’t sell. Please consider following my Instagram and Etsy as this is my main source of income now 🖤

IG: dhdivination

WayWardWitchAuctions

Visit the Shop ➡️

** Please do not repost! **

[cassidybueter]

Dumbest Things my Cat Has Ever Done

Tried to jump onto the kitchen table. Got a running start, didn't jump high enough, slammed into the edge of the tabletop neck first.

We planted a catnip plant in our yard. The next day, the cat got out of our house, ate the entire plant, and then got lost in our neighborhood for 15 hours.

Got out of the house, got in a fight with the neighbor's cat and wound up with a very tiny scratch. He acted like he was dying for about a week. When we took him to the vet, he was totally fine and we got a nice big bill.

Used to sleep on the floor in the hallway just outside my bedroom, despite having his own bed. In the middle of the night, people would walk down the hall in the dark, stepping on him and tripping over him all the time, and he just continued sleeping there.

Keeps trying to eat metal. Everything from the doorstop to foil chocolate wrappers. He also ate a chocolate chip I dropped before I had time to pick it up. He just sucked it up into his dumb, stupid face.

#cat #cats #catnip #dumb #dumb cat

[cassidybueter]

I saw a "life hack" video recently that advised that when baking cakes, you should poke them with a wooden toothpick to see if they're done. If that's a "life hack," I've got a few of my own:

1. Brownies stuck to the pan? Rub butter on the sides of the pan to make it nonstick!

2. Making pancakes? Use a spatula to flip them over easily!

3. Food rotting too fast? Put it in the fridge to slow microbial growth!

4. Soup won't stay on your fork? Use a spoon to eat it!

5. Food too big to swallow? Put it in your mouth and move your teeth up and down to make it smaller!

#life hacks

[cassidybueter]

Lab Partners

In middle school, and specifically middle school, I had some of the worst luck getting lab partners.

We tended to get partnered up in groups of three. For a span of several weeks, I was partnered with "Margaret" and "Elvis" (not their real names).

Margaret wanted to be a doctor, or nurse, I don't really remember. God, I hope she never got that job. She was a braggart, a narcisist, rude, annoying, and all around unpleasant. The one upside is she completely took over dissection labs, which I was grossed out by as a kid.

Just found her on Linkedin. She is not working as a healthcare provider.

Meanwhile, Elvis was a football jock and enjoyed being the center of attention. It seemed like the teacher was kicking him out of class every other day for doing somethig obnoxious. I don't think he ever participated in labs. I don't remember him ever doing anything.

Another time, I had two lab partners who were friends wih each other, and decidedly not friends with me. I caught them talking about me behind my back a couple of times.

Middle school sucked. It's been about 10 years since, but man, it sucked.

#lab partners #middle school

[cassidybueter]

Day 649

Tumblr is still a largely abandoned place. I am living solely of stale, scavenged means. But I vow to survive. I will be the very last Tumblr user.

[cassidybueter]

It is 2am and I think its very important you all know the Balto movie is made of LIES

1. The real Balto was actually a purebred dog.

2. The race was a relay made up of multiple sled dog teams. Balto was just the last in the relay.

3. Balto didn't run out and save a lost dog team, he was on the team from the beginning.

4. The dog had an owner.

5. The dog was most likely not friends with a goose or polar bears.

6. Balto did not have puppies because he was fixed.

7. The musher was alive and consious throughout the entire journey.

8. The only 2 real characters in the movie were Balto and diptheria. And as stated, Balto was real in name only.

9. Balto didn't give a crap about medicine or diptheria because he was a dog and had no concept of those things.

10. You can find Balto's stuffed corpse in a Cleaveland museum. Why wasn't that in the movie?

11. Balto was black, not grey.

12. After being a sled dog, Balto was sold to a freakshow where he was neglected and abused. Man, this got dark! Almost as dark as diptheria, a disease that literally chokes the life out of children. Also, the only part of this movie that is mildly accurate.

13. There was no evil doggy named Steel, because of course there wasn't. All dogs are good boys and girls.

14. I still like the movie, though.

#balto

[cassidybueter]

Airline Hold Music, A Review

So I work for a travel agency. About 30% of my job is spent listening to airline hold music. So here are my opinions.

British Airways

It sounds nice at first, mildly pleasant, even. Then you remember just how LONG their hold times can get, and your blood turns ice cold. Now what this video doesn't show is that every 2 minutes the song gets interrupted so that a robot can tell you you're call is "very important" to them. Of COURSE my call is important to you! Otherwise I wouldn't be puting up with 45 MINUTES OF LUTES!

Rated 1 lute out of a pile of lutes.

El Al

I have sang along to this before. I like it, what can I say, it's short, it gets stuck in you're head, but at least it's a pleasant brain-guest.

Rated EL AAAAAAAAAAL LA DI DI DA DI DADA DAAAAAAAAAA

Quantas

I expected more from you, Australia. This sounds like someone threw a DJ booth in the pool and continued to play music on the speakers as they filled up with water. And then the world's most charasmatically boring man started talking about airlplanes.

Rated a dingo ate my sheet music.

And now for the lightning round, because some of my favorites weren't availible on Youtube:

Aer Lingus is one of the most Face-meltingly Irish things I've ever seen, smelled, or heard. Then you hear their American phone reps and you get accent whiplash.

Jetblue is always a treat. A different bizzare pop song every time. Their hold time is always off, though. 1 hour equals 30 seconds and 2 minutes equals 20.

I've heard Delta's music probably more than everyone else's on this list combined, yet I can't remember it to save my life, which means it must be doing it's job.

[cassidybueter]

Is there anybody out there?

Seriously. I can practically see the tumbleweeds blowing through my empty feed. No one is here! I wonder if Tumblr will eventually turn into some weird niche haven for unemployed artists like Myspace did.

...wait. That was exactly what it used to be...