cookiescribble

[cookiescribble]

I’m The Only One Who Touches You

A/N: This one kinda got away from me, ngl 😅 I’ve been sitting on it for a while. enjoy anyway, though! sorry we've kinda been on hiatus <3 - Mod Ghost

Summary: You and Spencer had decided some quality time with the team could do you both some good, but some jerk has other ideas

TW: sexual harassment, alcohol/drinking, pre-T/ top or bottom surgery body, misgendering

After some discussion between us and the team, Spencer and I agreed to go out that night with the rest of the team to a bar that Rossi wanted to show us.

“Do we really have to go? I…I really don’t want to be inside of a bar tonight, let alone at all,” Spence asked softly, coming up behind me as I brushed my teeth and wrapped his arms around my waist as he dropped his head on top of mine. He looked into my eyes in the mirror, and I could see the puppy dog pout that he had on.

“We already agreed to go, and we won’t have to be there for long. Just enough to say hello and make it seem like we’re personable people.” I spit into the sink then turn around in his arms to hug him back as I speak, rubbing his back. “Plus, if it gets really bad, we can have a secret signal. Just for you to say ‘hey, I hate it here, let’s leave please.’ Okay? While we’re there, you can just tap my elbow three times. Like this.” I reach around and tap his elbow three times to show him then he nods.

“Okay, you’re right. Let’s head out then, the rest of the team should either already be there or will be there soon.” Spence chuckled softly, taking my hand and leading me out of the bathroom then out of the apartment.

Once we got there, Spencer seemed to be a bit more at ease, comfortable in his own skin. He was talking with JJ and Garcia as I was getting some more drinks, soda for Spence and myself while the girls were getting alcohol.

“Another of whatever this pretty lady is getting for me, please.” A man spoke up from next to me, putting his hand on my shoulder.

The bartender went about making all the drinks as I looked at this mystery man. He was taller than me and was looking at me with a rather smug face.

“I’m not sure who you think you’re talking to, or why you’d want four drinks for yourself.” I tried to move his hand off my shoulder but he kept it there, which made my discomfort levels skyrocket. I looked around for Spencer but couldn’t see him, which is when this guy finally moved his hand, but he grabbed my chin instead of keeping it away as if he was trying to get my attention back.

“You bought four drinks, huh? Someone’s got a bit of an alcohol problem,” he said with a cocky sneer, leaning in closer so I could smell all the alcohol he’d been drinking.

“You have about 5 seconds to get off me before I make you,” I threatened, trying to pull away from him which only made him yank me closer with his hand trailing down my side. “Hey—“

All I felt was this guy suddenly getting dragged off of me and before I knew what was happening, he was pinned down against the bar.

“When my boyfriend tells you something, you listen. Do you understand me?” The man holding this guy down, who I quickly realized was Spence, growled close to this asshole’s ear. It made him nod nervously. “Good. Now, get the fuck out of here.”

The mystery pervert was up and out of sight before either of us could say anything else, which was when Spencer turned to face me. His entire demeanor changed now, his expression soft as he reached out to me.

“Are you okay? Did he do anything to you?” Before he could even finish his sentence, I was burying myself in his arms. “Hey, what happened?? What did he do that I didn’t see?”

“Nothing, Spence, I promise. I’m just…really glad you showed up..” I whispered, just loud enough for him to hear. He rubbed my back slowly as he hugged me tight.

“Alright, it’s okay. I’m going to take you home, let’s go tell the others we’re leaving and then we’ll be out of here,” he whispered back as he leaned in close to my ear, leading me back over to where everyone was standing to politely tell them we were leaving.

“Hey, we’re uh, we’re gonna head home,” Spencer announced, his arm tightly wrapped around my shoulders.

“Aw, already?” Complained Penelope, but then I assumed she saw the look on my face because I saw her demeanor turn concerned. “What happened? Are you two okay?”

“We’re fine, I’m just tired. We’ll see you guys tomorrow.” He didn’t wait for anyone else to say anything before leading me away as I waved meekly. 

We were in a taxi on the way home but I felt detached and out of it. I kept thinking about what could’ve happened if Spencer hadn’t been there when he was. 

“I didn’t lie to Penelope for you, did I?” he joked, gently nudging me to bring me out of my thoughts with a soft tone to his voice and a gentle smile on his face. 

“No, I would never make you do that. I’m okay, just like I said earlier,” I promised, but it didn’t seem to ease his suspicions any.

After getting out of the car, we were heading up to his apartment, his arm around me the whole way until we got to his door where he let go to let us inside. 

I stood behind him, an arm wrapped around myself and looking around the hallway on either side until I heard the telltale sound of the lock clicking open then took his hand that he extended to me. He pulled me through the threshold and then turned around to close the door behind us while I simply stood there.

Spence could tell I was feeling off, but I couldn’t do much about it. My mind couldn’t help taking me through what the worst case scenario would’ve been.

“Hey,” he murmured lovingly, leaning in close enough that I could feel him behind me without him actually touching me, “I don’t care what ‘men’ try to pick you up, I’ll always be the man taking you home,” he mumbled in my ear, just low enough to send shivers down my spine as he pulled me in until I was pressed against his chest and gently tilted my head so he could make eye contact with me, “Okay?”

I nodded, not taking my eyes off of his. 

“Good. Now, c’mon, let’s take a shower and stop thinking about this.” 

“How’d you know I was—“

Spencer simply looked at me with a raised eyebrow, as if he was asking whether or not I was serious.

“…never mind.”

“That’s what I thought. Come with me.” He took my hand, holding it firmly but gently as he led me into the bathroom. “Start the water, I’m gonna grab some clothes and towels for us.” He kissed the back of my head with his hands gently resting on my shoulders before leaving the room. I did as told, though, leaning down to start up the water and making sure the temperature was okay. 

As I was about to get up, I heard him come back into the bathroom, closing the door and coming up behind me. I felt the warmth of his body before his hands slid over my hips, pulling me up to stand and turning me around to face him. 

“Do you want me in here with you? I can start up some food if–” He stopped mid-sentence when I grabbed his wrist, nonverbally signaling that I didn’t want him to leave me, “--okay, don’t worry…I’m right here and I’m going to keep you safe now.” 

Adjusting so he was holding my hand instead, he then leaned down to kiss my forehead before leaning his head against mine. “Is it okay if I take your shirt off for you?” His voice was soft as it broke the silence, barely even there, which made it all the more comforting. 

I nodded again, but he didn’t move, so I got the sense he wanted verbal consent.

“Yeah, that’s fine,” I mumbled back, and he kissed my cheek before he gently started tugging my shirt up and over my head. 

He paused with his hands hovering over the waistband of my jeans, glancing at me as if he was asking me again. 

“That’s uh, that’s okay, too. Jeans and..and just all of it, go ahead.” I smiled at him shyly, admiring how sweet he was to continually make sure I was okay with what was going on. 

Spence smiled at me then continued to undress me, unable to stop himself from looking at me for a moment before turning me around to gently push me into the shower and getting undressed himself so he could join me. I waited patiently for him, letting the water run through my hair and closing my eyes as I felt my muscles relax under the spray while my mind wandered.

It felt a bit odd that I didn’t want Spencer to stop touching me, as if his soft and gentle touch could somehow erase the terror of what could’ve happened to me but didn’t. That it could save me from feeling that man’s hand roughly grabbing my chin and almost forcing me into things I didn’t want. His gentle kisses and soft caresses were all I wanted, and it seemed he was more than willing to give me that.

I hadn’t noticed that Spence had stepped into the shower until I opened my eyes and he was standing in front of me, pouring soap into his hand. His eyes flicked over to meet mine once he realized I was looking at him, giving me a gentle smile.

“Are you still with me over there?” His tone of voice hadn’t changed from that same tender cadence, taking a small step closer to me until I could feel his breath ghosting over my skin. It was moments like this that made me realize just how tall he was. 

“Yeah, I’m right here…hi.” I waved up at him which made us both giggle.

“That’s okay, just checking, sweetheart.” Spence kissed the top of my head, rubbing the soap into both of his hands then he gently started to rub his hands over my shoulders. I leaned forward until my head was pressed against his chest as he ran his hands over my body, gently kissing the top of my head again then leaving a trail of kisses on my face and along my neck. 

I stood up straight again when he had to bend down further, blushing as I felt his hands massage over my legs and up my thighs. 

I slid my hand into his hair, gently playing with it as he left a kiss lower on my stomach and the warm water rained down over me. 

“S-Spence, I…” I trailed off, distracted by him leaving kisses and marks over my body.

“Hmm…?” he stopped, looking up at me. “Are you okay?” He sat back on his knees, looking up at me while holding both of my thighs.

I slid my hand into his hair, gently playing with it as he left a kiss lower on my stomach and the warm water rained down over me. 

“Mmhmm…I’ve just...I’ve never done this before, and everything that happened tonight, I just…I didn’t think it affected me because he only grabbed at me, but…”

“Stop,” he stood up, wrapping his arms around me with his hands on my lower back so he could pull me closer to him. “It’s alright that what happened affected you, any kind of unwanted touch is a very disorienting thing. Especially if you’ve never been touched like that. We don’t have to do anything unless you’re comfortable.” His voice was more serious than before, and I couldn’t bring myself to do anything but nod to show that I understood. “Are you still comfortable with this? Because it’s completely alright to have changed your mind. Just tell me, darling. I’m smart but I’m not a mind reader,” he joked, gently tugging me closer to him until I was almost pressed up against him. 

“Yes…Yeah, I’m still comfortable with this. I think I just needed a minute.” I speak only loud enough to be heard over the water. 

He nods and presses his lips to my cheek before he kneels in front of me again, marking his path with kisses down my stomach back toward where he was before I stopped him, sucking and gently biting at my skin along the way. 

As he got lower and lower, he shifted to loop his arms around my knees, pulling me even closer as he got ever closer to exactly where I wanted–no, needed him to be. I could feel his breathing getting heavier, each breath washing over me between each kiss. 

I slid both of my hands into his hair, gently gripping random fistfuls of it as I moaned lowly and tilted my head back. I felt him chuckle more than I heard it as his head found its way between my legs. 

Soon enough, his tongue glided smoothly in circles over my skin as I gasped and groaned, my grip tightening on his hair and almost pulling with each motion as any thought of getting cleaned up was abandoned. God, if I had known this was where I was going to be before I left the house with him, I wouldn’t have wanted us to leave either. 

Spencer eventually came up for air ever so briefly before he was back to kissing all over my body, marking my skin wherever he could without seeming to care where, like he was claiming every inch of me. Little did he know, all he’d have to do was say ‘please’ in the softest tone of voice he could muster and I’d be on my knees for him. Or worse, he knew and he was more than willing to take advantage of that fact. Not that I minded, per say. 

He slowly made his way back up to my lips, kissing every possible spot on my body that he could so I’d be littered in hickeys and would feel them as a constant reminder of this moment. Of him. 

I tugged on his hair lightly until he was on his feet, my arms going around his neck as I pulled him into a deep kiss with my lips parting against his as he pulled me in closer until our bodies were all but pressed together. 

Feeling him this close to me sent a shiver down my spine.

He finished washing me off, getting out and wrapping a towel around himself before he held out his hand to help me out of the shower. He wrapped the other towel around me and helped me dry off, getting me dressed in a white and gray hoodie of his that said Washington DC and a pair of his pajama pants that he had to tie in a neat bow so they didn’t fall. 

I went digging in his drawers and helped him pick out as well as get into his own pajamas, then he picked me up as I squeaked loudly and started laughing. 

“Spencer! What’re you doing?!” I yelled through giggles. 

“I’m not doing anything!” He smirked as he dropped me onto his bed then sat next to me. 

Spence was barely on the bed two seconds before I was in his lap, hugging him tight. He looped his arms back around me as he leaned back, hugging me close as he pulled the blankets over us and I nuzzled into his shoulder. 

Neither of us moved for a while, long enough for us both to fall asleep. As I drifted in and out of consciousness, I felt his lips press against the back of my head with a whispered ‘I love you’.

“Spence..?”

“Hmm..?”

“Can you like…talk to me? Like just…just tell me about something. Anything you want.”

“You’re giving me a lot of power here, sweetheart.” 

“I know, pretty boy, but your voice is…it’s comforting to me.” 

“Okay, you asked for it…” he cleared his throat in a dramatic fashion, making me giggle, before continuing, “The first thing I could think of that could be a lot of fun was Star Wars, so did you know that the name Yoda can be translated to ‘warrior’ in Sanskrit? Also, the word ‘Ewok’ was never spoken aloud in any of the films, even when they visit Endor, the only time it ever comes up is in the credits of ‘Return of the Jedi’,” Spencer rambled excitedly, and I was happy to listen to him for as long as he could talk. Just listening to him, it felt like the rest of the world melted away. Nothing else mattered, and that was the way I preferred it. 

I didn’t even notice I had been falling asleep until he kissed my head and softly wished me goodnight. 

#fanfiction #criminal minds #spencer reid #spencer reid fanfiction #spencer reid x reader #criminal minds fanfiction #spencer reid fluff #spencer reid x gn!reader #spencer reid angst #spencer reid smut #spencer reid x ftm!reader #mod ghost #totally didn’t post this while at work #don’t mind me being a night gremlin #hopefully this sparks joy with the trans masc spence fans #or uh #y’know #something #i’ll just be down here #take the thing lol

[cookiescribble]

Show Me How To Be Whole Again

A/N: hi everyone! This is the fic I've been working on for eight months 😮‍💨. I hope it came out as well as I hoped it would 😅 - mod angel

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Reader

Summary: When Spencer is abducted, you rush to the team to make sure you're there when they find him. After you get home, Spencer's behavior starts to get more and more concerning, and you're desperate for answers. (based on 2x15 and the aftermath of that episode)

Word Count: 7.1k

CW: Mentions of abduction, violence, drug addiction, withdrawal, arguing. some angst in the middle but i am incapable of writing something without a happy ending.

~~~~~

The call came early in the morning. They said they called you as soon as they could. 

If you were thinking rationally, or if you could stand being alone for 5 minutes after hearing the news, maybe you would’ve stayed home. But you couldn’t stay put knowing Spencer was in trouble. 

You quickly threw a few days’ worth of clothes in a carry-on bag and took the first flight out of the nearest airport. You were trying so hard to keep yourself together and not break down crying on a crowded airplane, but the thoughts just kept rushing in your head. You were so worried about him. 

When you landed, you called the team and told them you were going to the police station and you were going to stay there until they found him. You wouldn’t let anyone argue with you. You wouldn’t be able to calm down until they found him anyway, so being anywhere else didn’t make sense. 

You didn’t really think of what you’d do when you got there. You’d just been on autopilot since you got the call. You were hoping someone would meet you there. 

When you frantically burst through the doors of the police station, JJ was standing there waiting for you. You dropped your bag and hugged her tight. 

“It was my fault,” she choked out, sobbing. “We were together and… we split up… I shouldn’t have split up…”

You shook your head vigorously. “No, no, you’re not the one who abducted him. It’s not your fault.” You were also sobbing now. You tried taking deep breaths to calm yourself, but all you could think about was what could possibly be happening to Spencer right now. 

You calmed down enough to ask, “Where is everybody else?”

She closed her eyes, taking a deep breath herself. “We set up at the unsub’s house. He took Spence to a secondary location, and Garcia set up there to get to his computers.” She looked down. “I really should be getting back there.”

You nodded while she talked. “I’m coming with you,” you announced. 

She looked at you, concerned. “We can’t risk you-“

You cut her off. “I am coming with you. I’m staying with you until we find him,” you stated forcefully. 

She didn’t argue further. She could see the desperation in your eyes, you’re sure. Even someone who didn’t analyze behavior for a living could see that. “Alright. Let’s go.”

…

You arrived at the house. You couldn’t tell how long the car ride took; every second felt like an hour. 

When everybody saw you, they took turns giving you a hug. You could tell they were concerned that you were here, but they could see how devastated you were. You think they understood. 

You hung around while they all did their jobs and tried to find Spencer. You sat next to Penelope and watched as she tried to do whatever she could to help find him. 

Time passed. The team was coming in and out of the room as they needed to. Derek was probably in here the most, giving his moral support to Penelope. 

Suddenly, the monitors in front of you lit up. 

“What‘s happening?” Derek asked. 

“I… don’t know,” Penelope answered. 

Your heart dropped as an image popped up on the screen. 

It was Spencer. He was sitting in a chair, his hands tied together. He was wearing the clothes you watched him pack on the morning you last saw him. 

He looked so scared. 

“Guys! Get in here!” you heard Derek yell. 

You couldn’t look away from the screen. 

The rest of the team rushed in, faces dropping as they saw what was happening. 

Someone was talking in the background of the stream. You couldn’t hear them. Your heart was thumping so hard you could hear it in your ears. Spencer was replying to whatever they were saying. Through your loud heartbeat, you could hear his trembling voice. Your eyes started to water. 

After a few moments, you heard someone near you say something and suddenly you were being pulled away from the screen and into another room. 

When you realized what was happening, you looked up to see Hotch holding your shoulders, pushing you away from the horrific scene unfolding on the monitors. 

You started sobbing. “I have to see him,” you tried to say, but your voice was cracking. 

“No. You saw that he’s alive. That’s all you need to see.” he said firmly. He was protecting you from seeing something that would truly break you. 

You couldn’t argue. What you saw shook you to your very core; you couldn’t go back in there. You squeezed your eyes shut and nodded. “You’re going to find him and bring him back safe.” It wasn’t a question. You knew they’d find him. They had to. 

You took a step back, telling Hotch he could go back to the team in the other room, and that you were okay out here.

You sat at a table, laying your head down and covering it with your arms. You had started crying, and you couldn’t stop. How could they do this to him? He’s never done anything to hurt anybody. All he does is help people. How could someone look at him and feel anything other than warmth, comfort, and love?

You heard footsteps come into the room. The girls came in and sat around you. You picked your head up to look at them, your eyes already swollen from crying so much. 

“What happened?” you asked frantically. Your heart was racing again. 

“He’s okay,” Emily said quickly. “He’s alive. The unsub… made him choose a victim to keep alive, but there’s going to be more victims… and then the camera cut off.” She took a deep breath. “It looked like making that decision let him live.”

You buried your face in your hands. This was so cruel. you knew he dealt with bad people every day, but… this was so heartbreaking. How could someone feel so little remorse for other human beings that they force an innocent person to decide someone’s fate?

You took deep breaths to try not to cry again. “I can tell he’s in so much pain right now… He’s going to blame himself for all those people’s deaths. The guilt is going to eat him up inside. He’ll feel horrible even if he does make it out of this.”

Everyone took turns patting your back to reassure you. “He is going to make it out of this. He’ll be home soon.”

You nodded, forcing yourself to believe it. You had to believe it. If you didn’t believe it… you would break down more than you ever have before. 

…

You stayed in that room for what felt like an eternity. The team took turns keeping you company when they weren’t busy. They gave you vague updates to let you know that Spencer was still alive. They didn’t tell you details of what they saw. You didn’t ask. Seeing the somber looks on their faces told you all you needed to know.

Eventually, everyone came rushing out of the room, putting on their coats and practically running out the door. Penelope came to sit with you, her eyes wide and full of hope. “They found where he is. They’re going to him now.” She hugged you tightly. “He’s going to be okay.”

Tears leaked out of your eyes again. This time they were happy tears. The immense rush of relief you felt was enough to render you speechless for a while, until you finally choked out, “They’re going to call us when he’s safe?” She nodded eagerly and you let out a huge sigh of relief. 

The wait felt like forever. You were still nervous. What if they don’t get to him in time? What if they’re just barely too late?

Finally, finally Penelope’s phone rang. She answered quickly, nodding at what she was hearing. Eventually she hung up and looked at you, smiling. “He’s with them now. The unsub is dead. They’re rushing an ambulance but his injuries seem minor considering… what’s been happening.”

You closed your eyes and took another big sigh of relief. “I’m going to meet the ambulance there,” you declared.

Penelope looked at you quizzically. “I don’t know if-“

“You said the unsub is dead,” you cut her off. “There’s no more danger. I’m going to him.” You saw keys to one of the FBI vehicles that was left over since they had multiple people to a van. You picked them up and tossed them to Penelope. “You know their coordinates. You drive.”

She caught the keys and nodded at you, unable to argue with your logic. You both rushed out to the van and sped over to the location. 

You saw the ambulance as you arrived there. You barely waited for Penelope to put the car in park before you were running out the door to where the ambulance had parked. 

You saw Spencer sitting at the edge of the back of the ambulance with a first aid blanket wrapped around his shoulders. He was beaten up, but he was still conscious and alert. You were relieved his injuries weren’t worse. 

“Spencer!” you shouted as you ran towards him. He looked your way, his eyes widening as he saw you. 

You threw your arms around his shoulders when you reached him. His shock quickly turned to something softer as he relaxed into your arms, wrapping his arms around your waist. 

You nestled your face into his neck for a few moments, unable to stop your sobs of joy. “Oh, sweetie…” you cooed into his ear. 

He moved so his forehead was touching yours. Tears were streaking down his face. “I’m sorry…” he started. 

You shook your head vigorously. “No apologies. You’re okay now.” You kissed him on the forehead gently and threaded your fingers in his hair “Everything’s going to be okay.”

He nodded and tightened his grip on you, kissing you firmly. He kissed you for a long time before finally pulling away, resting his forehead on yours. “I love you,” he whispered.

You smiled warmly, whispering back to him. “I love you, too.”

You stayed like that for a few moments before everyone started pushing Spencer to get in the ambulance so he could go to the hospital. You rode with him, of course. You held his hand the whole way there. 

He wasn’t in the hospital for too long. They were able to treat his wounds relatively easily. The team waited in the waiting room while you followed him into the examination room. 

When you came back to the waiting room, hand in hand, everyone rushed to greet you before you all headed to the jet. 

You sat in the corner of the couch to the side of the other seats, motioning for Spencer to lay his head in your lap. He followed eagerly, curling up on his side and nestling his head in your lap. 

You ran your fingers through his curls as he began to fall asleep. He must’ve been exhausted. You couldn’t imagine him sleeping during any of that. 

You stayed like that the whole ride home, him asleep and you petting his hair softly. 

You gently woke him up when you landed. “C’mon, baby. We’re going home.”

He sat up and rubbed his eyes. You kissed his cheek before standing up, taking his hand as you went to the parking lot. He obviously wasn’t in any condition to drive, so he handed you the keys to his car and let you drive home. You insisted on stopping and getting some food on the way back. He said he didn’t feel hungry, but once he started eating, it seemed like he’d never stop. He must’ve been starving.

When you walked into your apartment, he grabbed you and hugged you tightly to his chest. You wrapped your arms around his shoulders, relaxing into him. 

“I missed you so much.” He was crying again, sniffling softly. “I thought about you every waking moment. I knew I had to make it through because you were waiting for me.” He leaned down to kiss your forehead, closing his eyes and savoring the moment. 

“I missed you too,” you said quietly, looking into his eyes with a soft expression. “I knew you were going to make it back.” You hugged him tight again. “I didn’t see everything. The team… made sure I didn’t see anything that was going to hurt me.”

He nodded, leaning down to stroke your cheek gently with his thumb. “I’m glad you didn’t have to see me like that.” He touched his forehead to yours. “What matters now is that I’m here with you.” He kissed you slowly, pushing your hair out of your face. 

You kissed for a long time, slowly making your way to your bedroom. You smiled up at him after a while. “As much as I would love to continue this…” You gestured to the bed. “You need to sleep.”

As if to prove your point, he let out a quiet yawn. You smiled as he sat down at the edge of the bed. You grabbed his pajamas from the drawer and helped him get changed and settled into bed. 

He lay his head on your chest and you stroked his hair gently, just like you did the whole way home. “Go to sleep, baby,” you whispered as his eyes closed. After a moment you heard his breathing slow as he fell asleep. 

“Goodnight,” you whispered, kissing the top of his head before relaxing to fall asleep yourself.   

…

After that night, things got… bad. 

Spencer wasn’t acting like himself anymore. He was… distant. Cold. He had never acted this way towards you before. Or anyone, for that matter. 

You had never had a problem with intimacy before, but suddenly he refused to touch you. Any time you would reach for his hand, or try to put your arm around him, he’d just shrug you off of him and move away from you. It always ended in you mumbling an apology and putting some space between you. 

He never explained why he didn’t want you to touch him. In fact, he didn’t talk a whole lot anymore. You often sat in silence, completely apart from each other. You always used to be able to count on him to fill these silences, but now he just stayed quiet. 

When he did talk, he was a lot more cold to you than he used to be. You had never fought before, but now it felt like any time he talked it was to argue with you about something. It felt like he was always angry lately. 

He didn’t even like to sleep in the same bed as you anymore. Most nights, if not every night, he slept on the couch. You started begging him, telling him that you would never cross over your side of the bed, but he shrugged you off saying he just needed to be alone.

All of this was really taking a toll on you. You tried not to show it, because you knew he was going through a hard time, so you only let your feelings out in places you could be alone. Which meant you spent a lot of time crying in the bathroom.

This went on for months. You thought that, surely, he had to tell you what was going on eventually. He had never hidden anything from you before, so you didn’t really know what to do, or how to handle this. You didn’t want to push him into talking about things he didn’t want to talk about, but something was very clearly wrong. 

After a particularly bad argument one night, you couldn’t take it anymore. You had to go to someone about this. For Spencer’s sake.

The next morning, you set an extra early alarm, quietly getting dressed and tiptoeing past Spencer, who was asleep on the couch, and silently leaving your apartment. 

As you got in your car and started driving, you started arguing with yourself in your head. Part of your brain was trying to say that this wasn’t going to help, and that this was just like being a little kid and tattling to a teacher. But the emotional part of your brain was saying that just telling anyone would be able to help Spencer. And that little shred of hope was all it took to convince you to do this.

You shoved open the doors to the BAU, hoping that Spencer’s stories about his boss barely leaving his office were true. When you looked around, you saw an office with a light on, making you breathe a sigh of relief.

You bound up the stairs, knocking on the office door, a little more forcefully than you had intended. Hopefully it would help get your emotions across.

“Come in,” a familiar voice ordered. 

You took a deep breath before opening the door, seeing Hotch sitting at his desk with a bunch of paperwork in front of him. You wondered just how much paperwork this job required, and if he was always here hours before everyone else.

He looked surprised to see you. He would probably be surprised to see anyone at this early hour, but considering you don’t even work for him, he probably wouldn’t have even considered the possibility of you coming here. “Is there something I can help you with?” He asked. 

You opened your mouth to say something, but nothing came out. You didn’t really think this far; you just figured that surely someone who works so closely with Spencer had to know something, especially since he was a profiler. 

You thought about everything that had happened in the last few months, trying to find the right words to properly articulate your concerns. But all the thoughts about Spencer pushing you away and refusing your affection, mixed with remembering what your relationship was like before that fateful night of his abduction, overwhelmed your mind so much that you just couldn’t stop your emotions flowing out. Tears welled in your eyes before starting to streak down your face. Here you were, in Hotch’s office, completely unannounced and uninvited, and you were just standing there crying.

After a few moments of crying, and of Hotch looking very concerned at this scene playing out before him, you decided it didn’t matter that you couldn’t form the perfect words. You just needed to say something. 

Through choked sobs, you finally managed to blurt out, “What’s wrong with Spencer?”

Hotch looked at you, his expression as unreadable as always. “What do you mean?”

You took a deep breath, too emotional to think about how you shouldn’t be saying all of this to your boyfriend’s boss. The words just started coming out in a rush. “Something’s wrong. We had never had a single argument before, and now the only time he ever talks to me is to pick a fight. He’s never present, he barely speaks, which I’m sure I don’t have to tell you is very strange behavior for Spencer. He never smiles anymore, he won’t let me touch him anymore, he won’t sleep in our bed anymore, he only sleeps on the couch…” 

You covered your eyes with your hands, trying to stop the tears from coming out. Finally, after some shaky breaths, you finished by saying, “I just wanted to know if there’s anything you could tell me about this. If you know why he’s acting this way. If there’s something he’s not telling me.”

Hotch hesitated before gesturing to a chair in front of his desk. “Do you want to take a seat?”

You looked at the chair, and you noticed you were shaking. You nodded, and sat down in the chair, trying to calm down. But you couldn’t help being extremely restless, your leg bouncing rapidly while you sat.

Hotch leaned forward, moving some paperwork out of the way and placing his hands on his desk. His expression was slightly softened. “Working in this field, you go through a lot of traumatic things. Reid’s abduction was one of the worst things an agent can go through.” His voice was low and steady, which was a welcome contrast to how frantic your own words had come out. “Anyone would struggle after that.”

You sighed. “I know, but-”

He raised his hand to cut you off. “That being said, we’ve all been able to tell that Reid has been a little off.” He saw you raise your eyebrow and added, “Okay, a lot off.” He paused for a moment before continuing. “We have some… theories, but we can’t know for sure what’s happening with him unless he tells us. And since he’s already struggling, we didn’t want to make it worse, especially since he’s technically just a subordinate or coworker. But if he’s not telling you either…” He looked at you sympathetically. “I’ll try to talk to him.”

You nodded, taking a deep breath. “... Thank you. Thank you so much. I’m so sorry I came here out of the blue.” You stood up, taking a step forward as if you were going to hug him, but for once your rational thoughts took over and you stayed where you were.

He stood up after you. “You’re welcome. It couldn’t have been easy to come here and talk about this.” He reached out to shake your hand, and when you shook his hand back he put his other hand over yours and spoke softly to you. “I’m going to try to get through to him. I promise.”

His gentle hands and soft-spoken words were enough to reassure you, at least for now. You nodded, thanking him again before leaving his office. You were able to leave with a lot more composure than you came here with.

It was getting late by the time you left Hotch’s office, and there were a lot more people here now. As you came down the stairs, you looked up to see Spencer staring at you. He wasn’t angry, thankfully, but he looked… kind of dumbfounded. Which made sense. You had no reason to be here at all, let alone a reason to be talking to his boss.

As you walked towards him to get to the door to leave, he turned to you. “Hey…” he started, his voice soft.

You didn’t know what to say, his soft voice sounding nothing like what you’ve been hearing these past few months. So you just kind of waved to him awkwardly, pointing to your watch to indicate that you had to get to work, and you left the BAU. 

When you got back in your car, you took a few minutes to process everything that had happened. You closed your eyes and took a few deep breaths, trying to convince yourself that everything was okay. You believed Hotch when he said he’d help. It felt like Spencer was in capable hands.

…

Later that day, you had been in the bathroom when Spencer came home, and you didn’t hear the door open and close. When you came out, you saw him standing awkwardly in the front of your apartment. It made you jump a little bit. “Hi… I didn’t know you were home,” you muttered awkwardly.

He stood there looking at you, his eyes moving a little as if he was thinking of what to say. After a few moments, instead of saying anything, he walked over to you and hugged you, wrapping his arms tightly around your waist.

You just froze for a moment, not sure how to react. But he kept his tight hold on you, as if you were the only thing keeping him up right now, and you finally started to hug him back just as tightly. You both just stood like that for a few minutes, holding each other.

Finally, he spoke up. His voice was soft, barely a whisper, and he sounded so fragile. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” He was starting to cry now, making soft sobbing sounds into your shoulder.

Hearing him cry broke something in you, and shortly you were also in tears. “Oh, Spence…” You squeezed him a little tighter, rubbing soothing circles on his back. “It’s okay…”

He sniffled and shook his head, pulling back a little so he could look you in the eyes. “My behavior has been abhorrent lately. I’ve been struggling, and I’ve been bottling everything up. I didn’t realize just how much this was hurting you.” He took a deep breath, trying to keep up with his thoughts. “I guess I figured, if I didn’t tell you about my problems, then they couldn’t affect you. But I was wrong. It just made it worse.”

You looked at him sadly, one of your hands moving to gently stroke his hair. “You can always come to me with anything. I’ll always try to help you. You know that.”

Some more tears started falling down his cheeks, and you started to wipe them away with your thumb. “I guess I felt like… I didn’t deserve the help.” He took a few shaky breaths as he tried to calm down. “Like I didn’t deserve you being so nice to me.”

“Spencer…” you started, trying to make your voice sound as soothing as possible. “What’s wrong? What’s so bad that you can’t tell me?”

He closed his eyes and shook his head slowly. “I… I don’t know if I can talk about it yet. But I promise I’ll tell you soon.” He looked at you determinedly. “Until then, I promise I’m going to try to be better to you.” As if to prove his point, he grabbed your face and captured your lips in a soft kiss, making your heart flutter.

After years of dating, you didn’t think you’d feel that flustered, shy feeling of butterflies in your stomach again. But, after these past few months of having no physical contact, this kiss almost felt like it was your first kiss all over again.

You couldn’t help but hold the back of his head to try to bring his face even closer to yours. You were craving his touch, and you needed his affection. On the off chance that this was a one-time thing, and that he would start to distance himself again after this, you figured you had to make it last.

He showed no signs of letting up, though, moving you both so you were laying on the couch, with him hovering over you. His lips never left yours the whole time, and his hands were moving around your face as if he was trying to remember what it felt like. 

He broke the kiss to look at you, before closing his eyes. His hands trailed from your face down to your neck, moving slightly under your shirt to your shoulders. He wasn’t just touching you, he was feeling you. As if feeling your skin would jog his memory of you. His breathing was soft and even as his hands moved down to your hips, his fingers gentle and slow on your waist as he started to lift your shirt up. 

Your breath hitched when you felt cold air suddenly hit your stomach. “Spence…” you spoke quietly, a soft blush on your face. 

He looked at you, his voice quick and reassuring. “I don’t want to do anything like… that. It would be a little too much for me right now.” He quickly flashed you that awkward little smile he had sometimes. “I just want to see you, to feel you.” His voice went a little quieter when he added, “I missed you.”

You looked at him sadly, reaching up to touch his face. “I missed you, too.” You leaned in to kiss him again. “I missed you so much.”

The soft, slow kissing resumed, and Spencer very carefully pulled your shirt over your head, his hands gently gliding over the newly exposed skin. You let out a dreamy sigh. You hadn’t realized just how touch starved you had been over these past few months. This is exactly what you had been needing. 

You just stayed on the couch like that for a while, his lips and hands on you, the gentlest of touches. After a little while longer, you started to unbutton his shirt, because you wanted to do the same to him.

He completely froze, sucking in a breath. You immediately pulled your hands away. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to…” You trailed off, worried that you just ruined any progress that had been made tonight. 

He shook his head, sitting up and pulling you up with him. “It’s okay, I just… I don’t want you to see me with my shirt off.” He looked at you with pleading eyes, as if he was begging you not to ask about it. 

You hesitated, but instead of asking about it you tried to be a little more lighthearted. “I’ve seen you without a shirt plenty of times, Spencer.” 

He gave you a slight smile before the worried look came back to his face. “I just…” he started, “I can’t right now. Please understand.”

You nodded, taking his hand and giving it a slight squeeze. “I understand.” You stroked his hand gently with your thumb. “I’m not going to do anything that makes you uncomfortable. You can trust me.”

He squeezed your hand back, giving you another little smile. “I know you won’t. I do trust you.” He let out a little yawn and started to rub his eyes. 

You looked at the clock, not realizing how late it had gotten. “Come on, let’s go to bed.” You leaned over to kiss his forehead. “You should get some sleep.”

You worried he would still insist on sleeping on the couch, but he just nodded, his hand still tightly holding yours as you both stood up and walked to your bedroom. He grabbed his pajamas and headed to the bathroom to change.

You sat on the bed and watched him for a few moments before he closed the door. You started to get dressed yourself, wondering what this problem was about. He had been a little shy around you when you two first started getting intimate, but you thought he had gotten over that. Had these past few months apart made the shyness come back?

Your thoughts were interrupted by Spencer coming back into the room. You stood up so he could get in bed. He looked so tired; you could see just how bad the dark circles under his eyes were.

He crawled under the covers, curling up and closing his eyes. You got in the other side of the bed, gently rubbing his back to soothe him. You didn’t want to push any boundaries, so you pulled away after just a moment.

He turned around, looking at you with those big eyes of his, and grabbed your hand, lacing your fingers together. He closed his eyes again, taking a deep breath, as if soothed by your touch. You smiled softly. He looked more peaceful than you had seen him in a long time. It made it easier to close your eyes and relax.

It was silent for a while, and you thought he had fallen asleep. But then, you heard him speak very softly. “I love you.”

You opened your eyes to see him looking back at you. You squeezed his hand gently. “I love you too.” You leaned in and kissed his forehead, making him smile. “Get some sleep. I can tell you need it,” you whispered.

He nodded and closed his eyes again, moving a little closer to you before wrapping his arms around you and nestling his head in your neck. You hesitated for a moment in shock before cradling him in your arms. You kissed the top of his head. “Goodnight, baby,” you whispered to him. Soon, you could hear his breathing soften, and you just listened to the quiet sounds of him sleeping for a few more moments before falling asleep yourself.

…

Things didn’t magically get better after that, but they did improve. 

Spencer went back to sleeping in your bed, though he seemed to have a hard time sleeping nowadays. He was always tossing and turning, and you usually woke up in the middle of the night to either try to soothe him to sleep or to keep him company when he couldn’t sleep. 

There was a lot more talking, and a lot less fighting. You could have more comfortable conversations, and he would politely tell you when he didn’t feel like talking. It was a lot better than him yelling at you to leave him alone. 

There was still some arguing, but usually only when you were trying to get him to eat. He was always saying he wasn’t hungry, and you had to try to push to get him to eat, saying he needed some kind of nutrition. Sometimes he would snap at you, saying he would eat if he was hungry and that he didn’t push you when you didn’t want to eat. He’d always apologize, though, and try his best to explain that he was either feeling nauseous or he just didn’t have much of an appetite anymore. It seemed to get a little better after a few days.

He didn’t mind a little more physical contact. He wasn’t always up for it, but he didn’t seem to mind it as much. It was always trial and error, almost like trying to pet a skittish cat. You’d start by putting a gentle hand on his, and he’d tense up for a second, and he’d either pull away and explain he didn’t want to be touched, or he’d take your hand and hold it gently. A big improvement. It was just little touches: holding hands, an arm around his shoulder, a hug… it never went past that.

He didn’t talk about what it was that was bothering him at first, but you trusted that he would tell you when he was ready. After about a week, he was finally ready to talk about it.

…

You both were sitting on the couch, in one of your quiet moments. You were reading a book, like you usually did when Spencer felt like being quiet. The silences were starting to get more comfortable, making it easier to just do quiet activities next to each other.

After a few minutes, Spencer cleared his throat, making you look over at him. You bookmarked the page you were on and turned to him. “What is it?”

He hesitated, as if he wasn’t sure how to start this conversation. He closed his eyes for a moment to put his thoughts together, before opening them again to look at you. He spoke very softly.

“When I was…” he started, swallowing and taking a deep breath to compose himself before continuing, “... When I was abducted for those few days back in February, a lot happened. The man who took me had dissociative identity disorder, and dealing with all his personalities was difficult. But there was one of his personalities that was… nicer than the others. More helpful than harmful.” He closed his eyes again, and you knew this was really hard for him to talk about. You placed a gentle hand over his, and he let out a breath, grabbing your hand and giving it a squeeze. He continued on, his voice still soft and sad.

“Unfortunately, one of the ways that he helped me was to… give me something to help numb the pain the others were causing.” He closed his eyes again, and he slowly rolled up his sleeves for you to see his arms.

You stared in shock. His arms were covered in needle marks. You covered your mouth. “Oh, Spencer…” You looked back up at his face, but his eyes were squeezed shut, as if he didn’t want to face this. You squeezed his hand to let him know you were here to support him.

“He would come to me saying Dilaudid helped with the pain, and after a few times, it started to feel… good.” He took another deep breath, his eyes still closed. “After he died, I took the bottles he still had. And when things started getting hard to handle… all the flashbacks and memories of what happened to me, I just needed to numb myself. And it worked, for a while. But eventually, I just… couldn’t stop.”

“Spencer…” you started, your voice gentle. “You could’ve come to me, I could’ve tried to help you-”

“I didn’t want that,” he cut you off. “I tried to convince myself that what I was doing wasn’t wrong. That it was just medicine that was helping me. But, obviously, I knew that wasn’t the truth. And I knew that if I told anyone about it, they would say I needed help. But I didn’t want help. I just wanted to live in this unrealistic world where everything I was doing was fine.” He finally opened his eyes to look at you. “That’s why I was lashing out. I didn’t want anyone to help me, and I also felt like I didn’t deserve anyone being nice to me.”

He looked at you very seriously. “I thought, if I didn’t tell you any of this, it couldn’t hurt you. I know how sensitive you are to other people’s emotions and problems, so I figured if I didn’t tell you, you couldn’t worry about me. Obviously, I was wrong, and that was a naive way of thinking.” He reached out and gently touched your face. “When I saw you at the BAU, I knew it was because you were worried about me, and I saw that you looked like you had been crying. And it just snapped me out of this false reality I had created for myself. And that’s when I came home and apologized, because I knew I couldn’t do it anymore. I couldn’t keep hurting you.”

You listened to him silently while he talked, letting him get out everything he needed to say before responding. “Why didn’t you tell me that day? Or the few days after that? Why did you wait until now?”

He nodded as if he was waiting for this question. “I read that withdrawal symptoms peak within 12-48 hours, and that it usually takes 5-7 days for the symptoms to resolve. So I wanted to wait out those 7 days just to make sure.”

You gave him a sad look. “But if I knew you were having withdrawal symptoms, I could have helped you. I really wish you would have told me.”

He sighed. “I wanted to do it on my own. To prove to myself that I could do it. That I wasn’t just going to quit halfway through and relapse.”

You nodded sympathetically. “Well, I’m really glad you told me now. We can get through this together.” You gave his hand a little pat. “You know this isn’t the end of it, right? It’s not just over when withdrawal symptoms stop. You still need to work out these issues that made you start this in the first place.”

He nodded. “I know. I want to try to get help now. I… I think I’m ready. I want to look into going to therapy, and maybe some support groups if I need them.” He squeezed your hand again. “I know I can make it through this, because I know you’ll be by my side.”

You smiled softly at him. “I���ll always be by your side.” Your hand trailed up his arms, looking back at the needle marks. “Do they… hurt?” you asked softly.

He shrugged. “Only when they first appear. They don’t hurt right now.”

You nodded, and you gently touched the marks on his arm. You looked at him, and you slowly brought his arm up so you could give every little mark a gentle kiss, to let him know that everything was going to get better soon.

He looked at you with big, loving eyes, and he started tearing up a bit. He pulled you in for a tight hug, sniffling as he buried his face in your neck. “I love you so much,” he said with a shaky voice.

You held him tight, rubbing his back to comfort him. “I love you too, Spence. Everything is going to be okay.” Your voice was calm and soothing. “I’m here now.”

…

Things started to get much better after that. Spencer was way more comfortable telling you when things were feeling more difficult than usual. Typically, it would be when he came home from a particularly emotional case. You were always there to hold him and to soothe him. There was no more aversion to your touch or need for extended silences. He felt comfortable in your arms, and he knew he could talk to you when something was bothering him.

He started seeing a therapist, and you always went there with him. Usually, you just sat outside the office for his sessions so he could have the one-on-one help he needed. Sometimes, if he was having a particularly rough week, he would bring you in with him for extra support. And you were always there when he needed you.

It took a bit of time, but you learned how to help with whatever he needed you for. If he needed a distraction, you could always come up with some activity to get his mind off of things. You played a lot of board games, and started learning to bake so you could just pull out a new recipe to try and he could focus on getting everything just right. When he just needed someone to listen to him, or a shoulder to cry on, you didn’t mind being that person for him. And sometimes he just wanted to be held, saying that the physical touch grounded him. You were always happy to hold him. 

Over time, things got easier and easier to deal with. Eventually, things seemed to be fully back to normal. You both knew that this was always going to be a struggle that could come back, but you knew how to handle it now, and you were certain that you could get through any struggle that ever tried to get in your way.

#criminal minds #spencer reid #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid x fem!reader #spencer reid x male!reader #spencer reid x gn!reader #spencer reid angst #spencer reid fluff #spencer reid fanfiction #criminal minds fanfiction #fanfiction #mod angel

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hi everyone! I've been feeling really guilty for just... not posting anything for a couple months 😅 in my mind i keep going, "well why would I post something that's not a fic? people wouldn't want a personal update..." but I'm going to ignore that and give an update anyway, haha

first of all i have been writing! i've been on and off writing a fic for eight months that's ~5k words and counting (whew). I've also been practicing writing in different POV's after making that poll a while ago, so I changed it to second person POV since that's what the majority of people said they like to read (I also considered posting a second version of my first person POV fics that are second person POV instead if people would like that better... but i feel like it might be a little weird to do that 😅).

we also have a couple of other things we're working on but, we're both busy and also sometimes struggle with focusing on things, hence the long absence. thank you everyone for still being here and giving us support!

~ I also wanted to add that the askbox is always open! we're not currently taking requests, but if you have personal questions, want to know more about us, or just want to share your thoughts with us, we would love to hear them! :)

#insomniac mod angel posts in the middle of the night #update

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Doubling Up

A/N: I was rewatching 5x21 and it gave me an idea to write this… I’ve never posted smut before so i hope it’s not bad 🫣 but i’m a sucker for only one bed tropes and i wanted to write something sweet. - mod angel

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Fem!Reader

Summary: A shortage of rooms means the team has to share, which leads to Spencer and his coworker getting closer than they anticipated.

Word Count: 4.6k

CW: fluffy smut, virgin!spencer

~~~

“Looks like we’ll have to double up.”

Everyone in the room made a face. Private hotel rooms were usually silver linings after spending all day on a case. 

“I am not sleeping with Reid,” Derek said pointedly. Spencer furrowed his brows at the comment. 

I laughed softly as I walked over to him. I ruffled his hair lightly as I sat down on the couch next to him. “I’ll room with you if you want, Spence.”

He looked at me, the corners of his mouth turning up for a second. He nodded at me as he stood up, gathering his things. It was so faint I could’ve been imagining it, but I could swear I saw a light blush on his cheeks…

Everybody broke off into pairs and headed upstairs. Spencer followed behind me as we were shown to our room. I walked in and looked around, taking in the surroundings. The king sized bed in the middle of the room had extra pillows and blankets. It looked comfortable, at least. 

I set my bag down next to the dresser as Spencer sat gently on the end of the bed. He took a deep breath and set his hands on his legs, his fingers tapping his knees rhythmically.  He seemed… tense. 

I decided breaking the silence might ease his tension a bit. “Do you want to claim your part of the dresser? Or do you prefer using a closet?”

He looked at me, expression unreadable. “I usually hang my clothes in the closet, you can take the dresser if you want.”

I nodded at him and pointed to the go-bag by his feet. “You should probably start hanging up your clothes, then.”

He glanced down as if he hadn’t noticed his bag was there. “Oh. Yes, you’re right.” He stood up and carried his bag over to the closet opposite the dresser. He quickly began hanging up his collared shirts and started to empty the clothes in his bag. 

I turned around and focused on the dresser in front of me. I started unpacking the clothes from my bag, starting with stacking my pants in the bottom drawer. I opened the drawer above it for my shirts, stacking them neatly in rows. For the top drawer, I started unpacking my socks, underwear, and bras. 

As I was finishing filling up the drawer, I heard the shuffling behind me stop. As I was about to close the drawer, I turned to look behind me. Spencer was staring at the bras in the drawer I held open, a slight blush on his cheeks. I smirked at him as I lightly slammed the drawer shut, making him jump and turn back around quickly. I giggled quietly. I knew he was curious by nature, but this was something I didn’t know he would ever think about. 

I walked into the bathroom to store my toiletries bag under the sink. When I walked back into the room, Spencer was sitting on the end of the bed again, still looking tense. This time I thought about the look on his face as he was looking at my clothes in the drawer. I sat next to him gently. I seemed to startle him; he must’ve been deep in thought. 

He cleared his throat. “Do you have a preference of which side of the bed you like to sleep on?” he asked, struggling to look me in the eyes. 

I smiled warmly. “No, I don’t have a preference. Take whichever side you want.” He nodded at me and looked back down at his hands.

“Hey, Spence,” I spoke softly. “Can I ask you a question?” 

He looked up at me now. “Is there something about the case that’s bothering you?” he asked, starting to reach over to the nightstand where he stacked the files from the case. 

I grabbed his arm gently before he could pick them up. “No, it’s not about the case.”

He looked at me, startled, his eyes darting between my hand on his arm and my face. I let go of his arm. “I’m sorry, I wasn’t thinking. I know you don’t like to be touched.“ I put my hand in my lap. “Was that okay?”

He swallowed. “No, it was okay. I don’t mind. I just… wasn’t expecting it.” He put his hands in his lap too, the blush on his cheeks growing. “What’s your question about?” 

I looked up at him sweetly. “It’s a… personal question. You don’t have to answer if you don’t want to.” He nodded for me to continue. I took a deep breath, resting my hand on the bed between us.

“Spence, have you ever kissed a girl before?” I asked quietly.

His eyes widened. Whatever question he was expecting me to ask, this wasn’t it. 

“I- uh, yes. I have,” he stammered, eyes darting down quickly in embarrassment before looking at me again. “Why?”

I smiled softly. His shyness about the topic was endearing. “I’m just curious.” I lifted my hand and scooted slightly closer to him on the bed. He blushed harder, his face a bright pink now. His hair fell in front of his face as he looked down. It’s gotten so long lately, and it made him look very pretty. I reached out and pushed it behind his ear. He swallowed hard as he looked at me, sensing I had more to say. 

“Have you ever… done more than kiss a girl?” I asked sweetly. His eyes widened again. 

“I don’t, uh, wh-what do you mean?” he stuttered nervously. I giggled lightly. He was really cute when he was nervous. 

I reached my hand out to touch his arm, stopping and looking at him for permission before I did. He nodded once. I stroked his arm lightly, tracing circles on his skin with my thumb. “Have you ever… touched someone? Or been touched by someone?” 

He stared down at my hand, his eyes darting around for a second before shaking his head decisively. 

I leaned in closer to him. “Have you ever… thought about it?” I backed away for a moment. “I mean, not everyone wants to, and that’s okay too.”

He looked me in the eyes for a moment, almost pleadingly. He looked back down at my hand still on his arm. “I- I’ve-“ he cleared his throat again. “I have… thought about it, sometimes.” He looked at me and saw me nod for him to continue. “I’ve just never had anyone… close to me like that.” He looked back down. “No one who wanted to be close to me like that,” he added softly. 

I gave him a sympathetic look, but he was still looking down. I moved my hand off his arm to lift his chin to look at me. He gave me another pleading look. 

I leaned over and kissed his cheek gently. I stroked his hair and cupped his face. “Do you… want me to show you?” 

He took a ragged breath as he leaned closer to me, nodding lightly. My thumb stroked his cheek as I leaned in to kiss his lips softly. His body relaxed as he rested his hands on my waist, pulling me closer. I closed the space between us on the bed, wrapping my arms around his neck. His kiss was gentle but firm; he deepened the kiss as he cradled my face, his lips parting as I ran my tongue on his bottom lip. He tasted faintly of chapstick. Our tongues moved together effortlessly. I sighed contentedly; he was a really good kisser. 

I pulled away for a moment, holding his hand and motioning for him to scoot up on the bed. “Here, lay back” I said, guiding him to lay back against the headboard. He nodded and did what I said, moving the pillows aside and leaning back, relaxing his body. 

I ran my fingers through his hair, resting my forehead against his as I hitched my leg up so I was straddling his waist. “Okay?” I asked, cradling his face. He nodded eagerly and kissed me again, running his hands down my waist and resting them on my hips. I smiled into his lips. His excitement was palpable, his heart thrumming underneath me. My heart was also beating pretty fast. 

I ran my fingers down the side of his face and rested them on his shoulders. I broke the kiss to gently kiss down his cheek to his neck, pressing light kisses across his throat. A soft moan escaped his mouth before he bit down on his lip to stop himself. “Sorry” he whispered, embarrassed. 

I lifted my head and smiled, resting my forehead on his. “No need to apologize, sweetie. It’s a natural reaction. Don’t try to hide it.” I bent my head down to put my lips on his neck again. “That feels good, hmm?”

He threw his head back and sighed, nodding lightly. I reached my hands down to unbutton his shirt, planting kisses all down his neck as I did. I ran my tongue along his skin. He moaned again, louder this time. I giggled against his neck, my voice vibrating his skin lightly, making him giggle in return. I looked up to see his beautiful smile. I planted another kiss on his lips, smiling back. My fingers continued to move down his body as I finished unbuttoning his shirt. He shrugged it off his shoulders, tossing it aside before moving his hands back to my waist. 

He looked from my face to my torso, biting his lip as if he had a question he couldn’t ask. I took the hint and guided his hands under my shirt, reaching my hands above my head so he could lift it off me. He looked my body up and down for a moment when he was done, a look of wonder in his eyes. I smiled down at him and kissed his lips gently once. 

I nuzzled my face back into his neck, moving my lips and paying attention to what made his breath hitch. I kissed along his collarbone, running my tongue across, earning another soft moan. I kissed down his chest, his fingers lacing in my hair as I kissed his stomach. He giggled softly. 

I looked up at him and smiled. “Ticklish?” I asked teasingly, planting more quick kisses as he giggled louder. 

“M-maybe a little,” he let himself laugh a little louder as my fingers tapped along his stomach. 

I sat up and bumped noses with him. “You’re so cute,” I beamed at him before kissing his lips again. He hummed contentedly as our lips started moving in sync again. I reached down slowly to undo his belt. He stilled under me as I unbuttoned his pants and slid them off his hips. I lifted off of him for a moment so he could wiggle them off his long legs. 

Before I could lower myself back down, he reached down to unzip my jeans. I steadied myself on his chest as he pulled them down my body one leg at a time. 

When he finished, I lowered myself back down, stroking his hair softly. His gaze lingered over my body before meeting my eyes again. I leaned down and guided his hands to the clasp of my bra. His long fingers unhooked it quickly, briefly surprising me how easily he was able to get it off. 

He held his breath for a moment, looking up and down my body. He looked at me with those pleading eyes again, cupping my face. “You’re so beautiful,” he breathed, stroking my cheek. 

A warm smile crept across my cheeks. I laced my fingers in his hair and kissed him slowly, softly. His hands started running up and down my back gently, his fingers leaving goosebumps wherever he touched. 

I moved my hips a little lower, joining them with his, causing him to moan again. Even through the underwear clinging to both of us, it felt electrifying. 

I grabbed his hands and guided them up my sternum, letting his fingers dance across my chest. I sighed dreamily as his fingers brushed against my sensitive skin. He smiled up at me as he realized he was making me feel as good as I made him feel. 

His fingers continued to move gingerly around my chest while I moaned softly above him. He suddenly stopped and his hands rested on my waist. I looked down at him quizzically, wondering why he stopped. 

He took a deep breath again, opening his mouth to speak. “Could I, uh… could you…” He cleared his throat, pointing down to the side of the bed. “Lay down?”

I nodded, swinging my legs over so I was kneeling next to him as he sat up, laying me down in the same spot he’d just been laying. 

Now he straddled my waist, our positions completely swapped from before. He leaned down to kiss me, pushing my hair back as he ran his tongue along my bottom lip. I smiled as I parted my lips and let our tongues intertwine again. I could feel him furrowing his brows in concentration as he pulled away to kiss down my face to my neck. I smiled. I guess he wanted to show me how fast a learner he was. 

His breath tickled my neck as his lips placed a gentle kiss. I sighed contentedly. His eyes darted up my face to make sure he was doing a good job. I responded by threading my fingers in his hair and stroking it gently, encouraging him. He swirled his tongue around my skin like I did on his. I moaned and leaned my head back, letting him continue to nip at my skin. I felt him smile at my noises of pleasure, pleased that he was the cause of them. 

He hovered over me, staying still for a moment. He took a deep breath and started kissing lower down my neck to my chest. I gasped as his fingers grazed my chest briefly before he used his lips instead. I moaned louder now, my hands tangled in his hair as his tongue swirled gently around the sensitive skin. He nipped and kissed slowly and gently, watching me as my face contorted in pleasure. I let out long, sighing sounds of pleasure, letting him know he was doing a good job. Did this really come so naturally to him? 

My head was spinning a little as I untangled my fingers from his hair to lift his chin and kiss him. I sighed into his lips as our kiss intensified. I touched his hand gently, guiding it down over my underwear between my legs. I bit my lip, my eyes fluttering closed at the pleasure I felt as his long fingers felt over the cloth. He took the waistband between his fingers, looking at me for permission. I nodded at him and he slowly pulled the underwear down my hips. I kicked them off as I heard his breath hitch. He looked down as I glistened underneath him. I took his hand and guided his fingers over the sensitive bundle of nerves. “Here,” I whispered in his ear. He nodded, his brows furrowing in concentration again. 

He moved his fingers in a circular motion, making me gasp in satisfaction. He kissed me again and I moaned into his mouth. He somehow knew exactly how to make me squirm underneath him. I cursed under my breath. How was he so good at this?

I broke the kiss suddenly. He looked at me for a second. I brushed my fingers across his lips. “Put your mouth where your fingers are,” I ordered, speaking softly in his ear. As he began kissing down my body I moved his fingers down slightly so he could start to push into me. 

His brows furrowed together again as he opened his mouth to let his tongue continue where his fingers left off. I let out a loud moan before biting my lip to quiet myself. The last thing I needed was for anyone to hear us. 

But it was hard to stop the sounds of bliss as his long fingers made their way inside, filling me as his tongue worked its magic on my skin. 

I threw my head back. “S-so good…” I sighed, tangling my fingers in his hair. I tapped his hand lightly. “Curl your fingers,” I instructed. He followed what I said. I sucked in a breath as the sensation hit me, making me a little dizzy. I pat his head lightly. “Good boy,” I praised, making him blush. 

He kept going, my fingers tightening in his hair as the pleasure built up. “Oh, sweetie,” I sighed after a few minutes. “I-I’m-“ The words stopped in my throat as waves of pleasure started hitting me. I bit down on my knuckle as the high continued to wash over me for a few more moments. I cursed under my breath again. 

When my body relaxed, he picked his head up to kiss me gently. I rested my forehead against his and laced his fingers with mine. “You’re sure you’ve never done this before?” I questioned. 

He let out a quiet laugh and nodded. “I’m sure.”

I smiled and shook my head. I tapped him lightly on the chest. “Lay down,” I insisted. He nodded and we switched positions again. 

I looked at him and bit my lip as I ran my fingers under the waistband of his boxers. He blushed, nodding for me to take them off. He lifted his legs up so I could pull them off of him. I looked down and blushed, my eyes widening a little automatically before I controlled my expression. 

I looked at him intensely as I positioned myself over him. “Ready?” I asked softly as I took his hands in mine, lacing our fingers together.

His pleading eyes looked up at me sweetly. “Yes,” he whispered back. He leaned up to kiss me gently before fully leaning back. 

I lowered myself onto him, causing us both to groan in pleasure. I hugged him and touched our foreheads together, taking a minute so I could adjust to him. I looked at him intensely again and he nodded at me to keep going. 

He whimpered under me as I started moving rhythmically, our hips meeting over and over. I grabbed his face and kissed him intensely to try to mask both of our panting. 

My hands moved to his shoulders, my fingernails digging into his skin as I gripped him tightly. He gasped a little at the sharpness of it. I loosened my fingers immediately. “S-sorry,” I whispered into his ear. He shook his head quickly, opening his mouth to dismiss my apology, but what came out instead was a loud moan. 

I giggled softly and kissed him again, my hips starting to move a little more erratically. I could feel him twitching inside of me, sensing his need for release. I moved his fingers back to where they were earlier and he moved them in fast circles. I quickly felt the pleasure building up again. I pushed his hair back and leaned down to whisper in his ear again, letting him know it was okay as I felt both of us coming together with a crescendo.  

I stilled my hips and relaxed my body against his as we both struggled to catch our breath. I kissed his forehead gently, then the tip of his nose, then his lips. I gave him a few sweet pecks before lifting off of him and laying down next to him. 

He took a minute to come back down before looking at me with those sweet eyes of his. “That was…” he trailed off, trying to find the words to describe the ecstasy he was feeling right now. 

I smiled sweetly. “Good?” I offered as the end to his sentence. 

He laughed softly. “I don’t think that word is enough, but… yes.” He looked at me lovingly and stroked my hair. 

I pecked his lips again lightly. “You’re sure that was your first time doing that?” I inquired again, giggling. 

He nodded. “Why do you keep asking that?” 

I laughed and shook my head. “I guess you really are a genius, huh?” I lightly poked the tip of his nose. He smiled back at me before kissing me again gently. 

I rest my head against his chest, his heart still thrumming intensely. His hands stroked my back as we lay there for what felt like forever. I could have stayed there forever, in that intimate moment with him, our hearts beating together as we lay skin-to-skin.

Finally, I sat up slowly. “Okay, pretty boy, I have to go take a shower now.” I pointed at the pajamas he laid out on the nightstand at the beginning of the night. “You should get dressed too. We have an early day tomorrow.” 

Before I could leave the bed, he kissed my cheek sweetly. “Yes, ma’am,” he said jokingly before sitting up and grabbing his clothes to get dressed. I smiled as I closed the bathroom door behind me. I had a feeling we were both going to sleep well tonight. 

. . .

Breakfast with the team the next day felt… off, for some reason. Everyone was acting a little differently than usual. 

I brought my breakfast over to sit at the table with the rest of the girls. They all looked at me as if they were trying not to smirk. 

“Slept well?” JJ asked, a hint of teasing in her voice.

I bit my lip, fighting back a smile. “I did,” I responded nonchalantly, “what about you?”

“Oh, it was alright. I have no complaints.” She paused for a second, looking at the other girls mischievously before continuing. “Except maybe that the walls are a little thin.”

I blushed, laughing awkwardly along with them. “So I guess you heard-“

“Loud and clear,” Penelope finished for me, everyone breaking out in a giggle. 

I glanced over at Spencer, who was sitting over with the rest of the guys. He met my eyes, sensing I was getting the same treatment from the team that he was getting. I smiled as I saw his beet red face. I could tell he was embarrassed. I couldn’t hear the conversation at their table from here but I could see Derek laughing and shaking his head at him. Okay? I mouthed at him. 

He sighed, defeated, as a response, turning back around to the other people at his table. I smiled and shook my head. “We’re never going to hear the end of this, are we?”

“Nope,” the girls at the table chimed in. I could sense a long day ahead of me as they all asked me questions about my night. 

“How did that even happen?” JJ asked.

I smiled. “He was… curious. So I gave him a little lesson.”

“You were really loud giving that lesson,” Emily scoffed. “Was it really that… informative? He really learns that fast?”

I laughed. “Yeah, he wasn’t kidding about the genius thing.” I shook my head. “He really is a natural at everything, huh?”

Everyone mouthed a surprised “wow.” They seemed like they were a little curious, but also that they didn’t want to think too much about it. 

I saw files start to be spread around the other table. Everyone tried to put their professional faces on as our workday began. 

. . .

At the end of the day, Spencer and I came back to our room. The case was all finished, so we packed our things so we could meet everyone on the jet in a few hours. 

Spencer had been acting awkwardly around me all day. It didn’t help that several people on the team couldn’t help snickering at us whenever we were together. 

 After I packed all my things, I sat at the end of the bed. I let Spencer finish getting all his things together before I patted the space next to me, motioning for him to sit down. He obliged and sat next to me, lacing his fingers together and staring at them. 

“Spence?” I reached my hand out to tilt his chin toward me. He looked at me questioningly. 

I let my hand drop between us. “Do you… do you regret what we did last night?”

A look of shock spread across his face. “What? No, not at all,” he answered quickly. “Why?”

I let out a breath. “You just seemed to avoid me today. I was worried I rushed you into something you weren’t ready for.”

He shook his head. “Trust me, I don’t regret anything that happened.” He reached out to cup my cheek. “I just… didn’t know how to act in front of everyone else. I was embarrassed that everyone else knew what happened.” 

I smiled at him, kissing the palm of his hand that was right next to my mouth. He smiled back at me. 

“I guess my only concern is… I don’t know where we stand after this.” He looked at me expectantly. 

I smiled, reaching out to tap his nose lightly. “How about, when we get home, you take me out to dinner?”

He smiled widely at my show of affection. “I feel like we did this out of order,” he remarked. 

I laughed once and shrugged. “Sorry, I just couldn’t help myself.” I reached up to push his hair out of his face. “I could tell you were curious… and you looked so sweet when you were all nervous.” I stroked his hair gently. “Plus, I know how to make a guy feel less tense. And I could tell you needed it.” I laughed lightly. 

He ran his fingers up my arm gently before speaking softly. “Have you… done that a lot before?” 

I shook my head slowly. “Not really. And definitely not like we did.” I moved closer to him so I could wrap my arms around his shoulders. “I was never treated so nicely,” I said quietly, resting my head on his shoulder. 

He ran his fingers through my hair and rested his head on top of mine. He wrapped his arms around my waist, pulling me close to him. 

I looked up at him and gently traced his cheek with my finger. “I… wanted to make sure that your first time would be with someone who cares about you.” I looked down sadly and laced his fingers with mine. “I wanted you to feel like you’re loved, and not just…” I trailed off, not sure how to finish the sentence. “The experiences I’ve had… they weren’t bad… but they weren’t good either. I never felt like anyone really cared about me.” 

I looked back up at him, his big eyes looking at me intensely. I smiled softly. “And then I saw the way you look at me… like I’m the only person in the world who matters.” I reached up to touch his face. “And it made me feel like, finally there was someone who cared about me for more than… what I could do for them.” I pushed his hair out of his face. “And I knew that this would be good for both of us.”

He cupped my face and stroked my cheek with his thumb. “I care about you, y’know?” he spoke softly. “I’m sorry you weren’t treated very well in the past.” He looked at me with sad eyes. “I… would treat you better than that.” 

I smiled and touched my forehead to his. “I know you would.” I kissed his cheek gently. “And I know you’re going to. We’re gonna do things right when we get home.”

We were interrupted by a knock on the door, signaling it was time to get on the jet. We both stood up so we could walk out the door, hand in hand, ready to go home and start this new chapter together.

#criminal minds #spencer reid #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid x fem!reader #spencer reid smut #spencer reid fluff #spencer reid fanfiction #criminal minds fanfiction #fanfiction #mod angel

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hi all! sorry we haven't posted anything in a while, we went on vacation last month and now we've gotten really busy so we can't be very active. sorry if you've sent us a request we haven't done - we might not be able to get to it :( i am working on a couple of things that I can hopefully post relatively soon, but like I said everything has been pretty busy. thank you guys for your patience and for following us (over 200 of you! thank you so much!!) and I hope that you'll continue to give our other fics some love and will still like what we post in the future :) - mod angel

#update #mod angel

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Hey everyone!

We’re going on vacation for the next few weeks, so we won’t be able to post/respond to requests! We'll try our best to be more active when we get back :) -Mod Ghost & Mod Angel

#mod angel #ghosty #mod ghost

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Something New

A/N: Someone asked me for a part two of this, and honestly? Don’t have to ask me twice, I’ve been thinking about it a lot 🫶🏻 sorry it took a little more time than I was expecting, we’re going on vacation soon so a lot of our time is being spent preparing for that :) - mod angel

Pairing: Spencer Reid x GN!Reader

Summary: Spencer has been spending a lot of time bonding with his new coworker, and they’re starting to realize that they might have more feelings than they were ready for.

~~~

     I was, admittedly, pretty nervous the first time I came over Spencer’s apartment.

     I’ve always been a really shy person, and new situations always seemed a little intimidating to me. But Spencer was… different, and that comforted me. 

     I walked up to his apartment that first day, fidgeting a little as I approached his door. I took a deep breath and knocked lightly. 

     He answered the door, smiling, gesturing for me to come in. 

     I smiled and looked around his apartment. I hadn’t known him very long but it seemed very… him. There was a bookshelf against one of the forest green walls that held a large amount of books; if it belonged to anyone besides Spencer, I would’ve doubted all the books had been read. But I guess if you can read as fast as he can, getting through all those books isn’t that big a deal. 

     He led me to the couch and motioned for me to sit down. He had taken out a DVD set of Star Trek: The Original Series that was sitting on the coffee table in front of the couch. 

     He took the DVDs and started speaking. “So, I know you said you’ve seen some of TOS, but I figured it would be better to watch it completely through from start to finish.”

     “Yeah, it’s been a while since I’ve seen any of it,” I replied. “Plus, I always like to watch things fully in order. I can’t just pick up a show in the middle. I have to start at the beginning.”

     He nodded enthusiastically. “Yes, I feel the same way! People have told me it’s not a big deal to start watching a show in the middle, but I could never do that.”

     I smiled. “Plus, there’s only 3 seasons of TOS, right? It’s not that hard to get through.” I could feel myself calming down as the conversation seemed to flow easily between us. 

     “There’s only 79 episodes. It’s really short, considering how many other shows and movies came out of it.” He seemed to hesitate for a moment as he put the DVD in the player. “… I have all the other Star Trek shows and movies too, if you want to watch them.” He cleared his throat and quickly continued, “of course, for now we’ll just stick to this and, um, we don’t even have to finish if you end up changing your mind…”

     I shook my head. “No, I want to do this. I think it’ll be fun.” I smiled reassuringly. “Plus, what I have seen I’ve really liked, so I definitely want to watch the whole thing.”

     He smiled back at me and sat on the opposite end of the couch. “I just didn’t want you to feel like you had to agree to this. Most people don’t really take my interests seriously…” he admitted, sounding a little sad. 

     I just shrugged. “Well, I’m here, aren’t I? Why would I come here if I wasn’t interested?” 

     “I guess that’s true,” he said as he picked up the remote. “… So, are you ready to start?”

     I smiled and nodded. “Yeah, I’m ready,” I responded before he started playing the first episode. 

…

     We fell into a regular routine after that first day. 

     I’d usually come over about once a week. We’d always start with Spencer recapping the last episodes we watched, recalling them in perfect detail so I could remember exactly what happened. 

     I really liked watching the show with him. A lot of times, he’d get really excited and talk during the episodes. He’d always apologize when I asked him to rewind so I could catch what I missed while he was talking, but I always told him I didn’t mind. And I really didn’t, I loved listening to him talk. He always had something interesting to say. 

     I found myself starting to watch him more than I watched the show. I was trying really hard not to admit it to myself, but I was really starting to feel something between us. I’d noticed the way we both started to get comfortable with each other as time went on, and how we started to sit closer to each other every time we hung out. I felt some kind of… spark, whenever I was with him. 

     I tried to ignore this feeling, but it was getting more and more difficult. I felt so happy to see him all the time; hanging out with him felt like the highlight of my week. I looked forward to it for days, and I couldn’t help but think of how much I wanted to be alone with him when I saw him at work. 

     But I kept this all to myself. It was just a silly crush, and I didn’t even know if he had feelings like that. Plus, there’s no way I could have a crush on a coworker. That could never work out well. 

     Right?

… (POV change)

Spencer wasn’t used to spending so much time with someone. Sure, he talked with his coworkers every day, but it wasn’t the same. No one shared interests with him like this. 

Since this was all new to him, he figured these feelings he was having were just normal when you made a new friend. This certain fondness he was feeling that he had never felt before now. 

But as time went on, and he kept spending more time with them, he was starting to suspect he was feeling a little more than friendly with them. He started spending a lot of time wishing they would hang out more. Eventually, he couldn’t help it, and asked them to come over even if he’d already seen them that week. He’d say it was because he wanted to keep watching the show, but really he was just excited to see them. 

Eventually, he couldn’t deny the feelings he had for them anymore. 

There was one day they came over, after there had been a particularly exhausting case. It just so happened to end on the day they had both been reserving to watch the show together. Spencer offered to switch the days and let them catch up on sleep, but they insisted that they still wanted to come over. 

It wasn’t a problem for a while, but eventually, as Spencer was talking, they stopped replying to him. He looked over to see they had fallen asleep curled up on the couch. 

He just stared at them for a few moments before pausing the show, not wanting them to miss what was happening. He wasn’t sure what to do; he didn’t want to wake them up because they looked so peaceful. They looked… really cute…

He shook his head as if trying to shake the thought out of his mind. He stood up, getting a throw blanket and gently placing it over them, careful to not wake them up. 

He walked to the kitchen, figuring he’d make something to eat in case they were hungry when they woke up. Really, he just needed an excuse to not be near them right now. It was taking every ounce of his willpower not to slip his arm around them and let them sleep on him.

He tried not to let his mind wander as he made dinner, but he couldn’t help it. He couldn’t stop thinking about them.

He kept trying to rationalize his thoughts, like he always did. It had never been a problem before; he had always been a logical person, so it had never been difficult to keep his thoughts in check. Until now.

He knew that he shouldn’t have feelings for a coworker. It just wasn’t professional. And besides, they probably didn’t feel the same way about him. No one ever had. It was new to him just to have someone willing to share his interests. Their feelings probably ended there: he was just a new friend to them.

Although… there have been multiple occasions where he thought he saw them sneaking glances at him. And the way they looked at him, he thought that maybe they were starting to have feelings for him too…

He was so lost in thought that he didn’t notice them waking up and walking into the kitchen until they spoke to him.

“Hey…” they started. “Sorry, I didn’t realize I was falling asleep.”

Spencer jumped a little before turning to look at them. They still had the blanket wrapped around their shoulders. They looked really comfortable that way. And the sleepy tone in their voice…

He cleared his throat. “That’s okay. We had a pretty tiring few days with that case, so I figured I’d just let you sleep. You seemed like you needed it.”

They smiled sleepily. “Yeah, I guess I did.” They turned their attention to the kitchen counter. “You made dinner? Was I asleep that long?”

He shook his head. “You weren’t out for too long, but I figured you might be hungry when you woke up, so…” He trailed off, blushing a bit.

They smiled. “Thank you. I am actually pretty hungry.” They hugged the blanket a little closer to them, rubbing their eyes a bit.

Spencer turned around and grabbed two plates, carrying them to the coffee table in the living room. They followed him and sat down on the couch, moving the blanket so it was laying across their lap.

They ate in silence, the show playing on the TV in front of them, though they both seemed to have trouble paying attention to it.

After a few more episodes, it was time to leave. Spencer took the blanket when they handed it to him, putting it back where it was before.

He walked to the door with them, like he always did. Today, though, they lingered in the doorway a little longer. Maybe it was the tiredness, or maybe they just finally found the courage they’d been looking for all this time.

“Um…” they started, looking a little nervous. “Thank you for making dinner tonight. That was really nice.”

He smiled warmly at them. “Oh, it was no problem, really. I was hungry too,” he laughed awkwardly.

They smiled a bit, but they had a concentrated look on their face. “Well, uh, I was wondering… Maybe one day you’d like to… go out to dinner?” They took a deep breath before continuing quietly. “Like… as a date?”

He blushed and smiled, all the thoughts of doubt he’d been having earlier thrown out the window. “Yeah, I... I’d really like that.” He tried to sound calm, but it was clear he was really excited about it.

They smiled back at him, the nervousness gone as they realized he was just as happy about it as they were. “Okay. It’s a date, then.”

They said their goodbyes, both of them unable to stop smiling as they thought about what their future together would hold.

#i hope the pov change doesn't read too awkwardly. it's just what was in my head so i wanted to write it that way #criminal minds #spencer reid #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid x gn!reader #spencer reid x fem!reader #spencer reid x male!reader #spencer reid fanfiction #criminal minds fanfiction #spencer reid fluff #fanfiction #mod angel

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spencer reid recs

flower delivery | drabble, fluff | @ddejavvu

amidst the chaos | one shot, flangst | @a-simple-gaywitch

affection starved | drabble, fluff | @constillatedchaos (deactivated)

passive aggressive | imagine, flangst | @ddejavvu

falling asleep on someone | drabble, fluff | @ddaz3d-and-cc0nfused

guilt | two shot, angst (there's fluff in part 2) | @holly-the-trash-writer

touch | imagine, angst | @smurphyse

the guaranteed way to get to sleep | imagine, fluff | @radiant-reid

how to lie to a behavior analyst | series | @thatgirlstrawberry

come to bed | drabble, fluff | @thatgirlstrawberry

twisted | series | @dreamwritesimagines

insecure in bed | drabble, fluff, smut | @0anonnymouslyours0

easy fix | imagine, fluff | @judeswhore

his angel | drabble, fluff | @spencersties

habit of scratching | drabble, fluff | @ddejavvu

double vision in a rose blush | imagine, fluff | @irndad

just ten minutes | imagine, fluff | @actually-safer-to-kiss

a well-kept secret | one shot, flangst | @astrophileous

see it in your eyes | imagine, angst | @iheartswr

you look... sexy | imagine, fluff | @thegettingbyp2

my angel | one shot, flangst (but more angst ) | @imagining-in-the-margins

rib cage | one shot, angst (but good ending) | @imagining-in-the-margins

coffee at midnight | imagine, flangst (more fluff) | @shadesofsteve

sweet talk | imagine, fluff | @weird-is-life

unnecessary | one shot, fluff (little angst) | @mrs-weasley-reid

husband!spencer and moving | drabble, fluff | @junipers-archive

soft mornings | imagine, fluff | @gtgbabie0

film festival | imagine, fluff | @railingsofsorrow

it's not your fault | imagine, flangst | @dreamsontheirway (pls heed the tw)

candlelit kisses | imagine, fluff | @gtgbabie0

this is me trying | one shot, wholly trifecta (smut, angst, fluff) | @strawbeerossi

here for you | one shot, flangst | @weird-is-life

absolutely | one shot, fluffy flangst | @once-upon-an-imagine

speak your truth | imagine, flangst | @letstevengrantsleep

lemon & honey | imagine, fluff | @dreamsontheirway

all your being | imagine, fluff | @reidsaurora

chrysanthemums | drabble, fluff | @irndad

i love you | imagine, flangst | @gtgbabie0

truth | one shot, flangst (more angst) | @radiant-reid

drunk and needy spence | drabble, fluff | @autisticallyreid

decoy | one shot, flangst | @violetrainbow412-blog

domestic!spencer | drabble, fluff | @radiant-reid

keys to his place | imagine, fluff | @ddejavvu

meeting the team for the first time | imagine, fluff | @tinyluvs

reaching | drabble, fluff | @secretlovezz

the morning after | imagine, flangst | @actually-safer-to-kiss

sick with you | imagine, fluff | @buckyysdoll

loverboy | imagine, fluff | @queerpumpkinnn

too difficult to love | drabble, flangst (more fluff) | @radiant-reid

getting the hang of this "girlfriend" thing | imagine, fluff | (some angst) | @cookiescribble

#aaaa thank you so much for including me in this!! I appreciate this so much!!!

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I’ve been curious about something, and I’d love some input on it.

#most of the books I read are first person pov so that’s what I default to‚ #but if I want a less biased ‘narrator’ / want more than just one character’s thoughts I’ll write third person pov #but I’m wondering if I should try to switch my default perspective. -mod angel #fanfiction #writblr

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First Day

A/N: this has been in my head for a long time because I have random trivial star trek knowledge and whenever they show spencer talking about star trek in the show i go all heart eyes so I wrote a little blurb 🫶🏻 also I had fem!reader in mind when I wrote this but I realized I didn’t actually make any references to gender so 🤷🏻 - mod angel 

Pairing: Spencer Reid x GN!Reader

Summary: Spencer bonds with his new coworker over Star Trek. 

~~~

It was my first day at the BAU, and I was a little… intimidated being here. I had been mostly keeping my head down and staying quiet, since social interaction wasn’t something I was great at. I was okay just watching the others interact with each other for now. 

“Hey, kid,” Derek called out, beckoning Spencer. “I need your help with the crossword.”

Spencer walked over to Derek’s desk, which was next to mine. “What’s up?” he asked. 

Derek pointed to the newspaper with his pencil. “7 across: James _ Kirk (Star Trek). 8 letters.”

Tiberius, I thought instinctively. I considered saying it out loud, but he hadn’t asked me, so I decided to stay quiet. 

“Tiberius,” Spencer said, almost as fast as I had thought it. 

I smiled to myself. I was always the only one who knew about geeky stuff. Until now, I guess. 

Derek finished filling in the crossword. “Thanks. I knew it was always James T. Kirk, but I didn’t know what it stood for.”

Without thinking, I spoke up. “Actually, in the third episode of The Original Series, someone who’s fighting Kirk prepares a gravestone for him and it says James H. Kirk.”

Everyone turned to look at me, staring at me with open mouths. I blushed. Maybe I shouldn’t have said anything. But now I felt uncomfortable sitting in this silence. 

I cleared my throat. “Um. So. Yeah. It wasn’t always James T. Kirk, as you said. They didn’t mention his full initials until-“

“Episode 13: The Conscience of the King.” Spencer cut me off, his eyes lighting up like he had been dying to talk about this. He walked over to my desk and leaned on the front of it. “The first time they mention it is when Spock is checking his background and speaks it into the computer.”

I nodded, smiling. “Yeah, and they don’t mention the name Tiberius until the 6th movie, The Undiscovered Country.”

“Oh my god, there are two of them,” I heard Emily say. 

Either Spencer didn’t hear her or he was purposefully ignoring her. “Actually…” he started, sitting on my desk. He was bouncing a little. “The first time the name Tiberius is mention is in The Animated Series episode BEM.”

“Oh, I didn’t know that.” I admitted. “I’ve never actually seen The Animated Series. Actually, I’ve only ever seen part of The Original Series…”

That only made him sit up straighter. “Do you want to watch it? I have every episode on DVD. I’d be happy to show it to you sometime.”

I smiled. “Yeah, I’d like that. I’ve always wanted to finish watching it, and watch the other shows too. If you don’t mind me imposing…”

He shook his head. “I don’t mind at all. Not a lot of people I know are interested in Star Trek, so I’m happy to show it to you if you’re interested. You can come by my apartment sometime and we can watch it.”

I nodded. “That sounds great. I appreciate it.”

I heard people whispering in the distance. 

“Did he just-“

“Shh, don’t say anything, you’ll jinx it. I think this is the first time in history that this has ever worked.”

“And probably the last time it will ever work. This is definitely a unique circumstance.”

I blushed a little as I heard everyone talking about us, but I continued chatting comfortably with Spencer for a while before everyone was interrupted by the news that we had a case. But I was really relieved that, despite feeling so overwhelmed about starting this job, I had been able to make a friend on my first day.

#criminal minds #spencer reid #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid x gn!reader #spencer reid x fem!reader #spencer reid x male!reader #spencer reid fanfiction #criminal minds fanfiction #fanfiction #mod angel

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do u hv a master list

yes, we do ! it's right here if you'd like to take a look! - Mod Ghost

#anon ask #anon #anonymous #ask box open #answered #thank you for asking! #mod ghost #ghosty

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Ghost & Angel's Masterlist !

hello all! now that we have a few fics under our belt, we hope this list helps you find them all <3 enjoy! (fics are in order of oldest to newest)

Dick Grayson

Just A Little Chilly (x Male!Reader) by Mod Ghost

Spencer Reid

You're Safe Here With Me (xFem!Reader) by Mod Angel

Don't Let Yourself Fade Away (x GN!Reader) by Mod Ghost

Getting The Hang of This “Girlfriend” Thing (x Fem!Reader) by Mod Angel

Holding You Together (x GN!Reader) by Mod Angel

Take Me Home (x Fem!Reader) by Mod Angel

Taking It In (x Fem!Reader) by Mod Ghost & Mod Angel

First Day (x GN!Reader) by Mod Angel

Something New (x GN!Reader) by Mod Angel

Doubling Up (x Fem!Reader) by Mod Angel

Show Me How To Be Whole Again (x GN!Reader) by Mod Angel

I’m The Only One Who Touches You (x FtM Trans!Reader) by Mod Ghost

#masterlist

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Take Me Home

A/N: fun fact, I wrote this entire thing while i was sobering up after getting way too drunk at a friend's party. mod ghost can attest to this. - mod angel

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Fem!Reader

Summary: Spencer’s girlfriend comes home drunk after girls’ night, and he helps take care of her while politely turning down her advances. (based on 7x16)

CW: mentions of alcohol and sex

~~~

Spencer was all too happy to take care of his godson. He didn’t even need a reason. So when JJ said they were having girls’ night, he really didn’t mind babysitting. 

The girls came back late. Like, middle-of-the-night-into-early-morning late. 

JJ unlocked the door and came into the house, trying to be as quiet as she could be so she didn’t wake anyone up. She thanked Spencer for babysitting. 

“I really appreciate you watching my baby… and now you have to take care of your own baby” she snickered. 

Spencer gave her a confused look until he saw his girlfriend stumbling in behind her. She gave him a big smile before tripping right into his arms. He stood her up as she continued giggling, trying to be quiet so she didn’t wake up the house. 

“Hi, sweetheart!” She kept giggling and wrapped her arms around him, mostly to hold herself up, but also because she was happy to see him. 

JJ patted Spencer on the shoulder. “She fell in the bathroom a couple hours ago. Good luck.” 

He took a deep breath and gave JJ a little smile before escorting his girlfriend out the door and into his car. As he was buckling her in, she pulled on his collar a little and said, “you look extra nice tonight, is this a new outfit?”

He laughed and rolled his eyes, shutting the door and getting in the driver's seat. “It’s the same outfit I was in when you left 8 hours ago.” He started up the car and pulled out of the driveway. 

She fidgeted in the seat a little as she looked at him. “No, I don’t remember you looking this good when I left…” she reached her hand out to place it on his thigh, smiling mischievously at him. 

He cleared his throat and kept his eyes on the road. “That’s the alcohol talking. Did you know studies have shown that people who have consumed a moderate amount of alcohol find the faces of members of the opposite sex 25% more attractive than their sober counterparts?” He glanced at her again for a moment before adding, “and you’ve definitely consumed more than a moderate amount of alcohol, so you’re basically looking through rose-tinted glasses right now.”

She smiled and shook her head. “It’s not the alcohol. You’re just hot.” She continued to stroke along his thigh before he reached down and placed her hand in her lap, giving it a little squeeze before he let it go. 

“You guys were out awfully late tonight. You know we have to go out in the morning, right?” He asked as he pulled into the parking lot of their apartment. He got out of the car before opening the passenger door and helping his girlfriend out of her seat and towards the apartment. 

She waved him off, saying “it’ll be fine, I’ll be up and ready in time.” She let him lead her towards their front door, smiling when she felt his hands around her waist. 

When they were in the apartment and Spencer closed the door behind them, her hands were all over him. She stood on her tiptoes to give him sloppy kisses on the lips. He had to keep his hands on her so she wouldn’t fall over. “Baby…” she started, her hands moving under his shirt. 

He took her hands and pulled them away, despite her pout of protest. “Sweetie, not tonight,” he said. 

She pouted more. “Why not? I can’t be handsy with my boyfriend? We’ve been dating a long time, you know.”

“4 years, 3 months, 22 days” he responded instinctually. “But, you’re too drunk right now. We can’t do this when you’re this drunk.”

She crossed her arms. “I am NOT drunk.” She said definitively, as if that would convince him. 

He smiled and shook his head, crossing his arms. “Okay. Let’s assume that’s true.” He took his hands off her waist so she could stand on her own, pointing at the end of the hall. “Walk to the end of the hall and back.”

She huffed a bit before stumbling down the hallway and back. “See, I’m fine!”

He stifled a laugh. “I would hardly call that walking.” She rolled her eyes at him while he continued talking. “Stand on one foot.”

She hesitated for a moment before lifting one of her legs up, immediately falling into him. When he gave her a smug look, she pointed at him and said, “Hey, in my defense, I can’t stand on one foot when I’m sober, either.”

He laughed and nodded. “Well, that’s true. I’ll give you that. You’re just clumsy.” He held her by the waist again. “Can you count backwards from 1,000?”

She furrowed her brows. “Are you serious right now? Would you really rather give me a sobriety test than have sex with me tonight?”

He kissed her on the forehead before guiding her towards their bedroom. “Yes. It was more for my own amusement than anything else.” He sat her down on the bed before looking through the drawers for her pajamas. “You can’t even stand on your own right now. What did you expect?”

She huffed before responding. “I expected a boyfriend who would be happy to see me.”

He shook his head at her theatrics before handing her pajamas over to her. “When did I say I wasn’t happy to see you? I’m always happy to see you.”

She crossed her arms, not moving. “You’re not acting like it. And you know you’re not a cop, right? I don’t think FBI agents usually give tests like that.”

He laughed. “I know. I was merely demonstrating your inebriation through a common field sobriety test.” He took the pajamas back from her and placed them on the bed. “I could never take advantage of you like that. I can help you with your nighttime routine, though.”

She made a face like she wanted to be mad at him, but she couldn’t be. “You know, most guys would love that they could get their drunk girlfriend into bed this easily.” 

He nodded. “Yeah, I know. I don’t need to, though. And you’re way too drunk to consent.” He stood her up and brought her clothes to the bathroom. “How would that be enjoyable, anyway? You can barely even think straight; I would just be worrying about you the whole time.” He put some toothpaste on her toothbrush and handed it to her. “And, with the numbing effects of alcohol, you wouldn’t enjoy it that much either; you’d barely be able to feel anything.”

She looked at him for a moment before taking the toothbrush and starting to brush her teeth. “I guess you’re right… you know, sometimes I hate when you’re right.” 

He laughed, hugging her close to him while she finished brushing her teeth. “I know. But it’s okay, I’m still here, sweetheart.” He swayed her back and forth a bit, as if he was calming down a fussy baby. 

She rinsed her mouth after she brushed her teeth, looking at their reflection in the mirror. She could see how tired she looked. “… Thank you. I’m happy you’re here.”

He kissed the top of her head and moved her so she could hop up onto the sink and he could help take her makeup off. He washed her face and smiled when she closed her eyes as he massaged the soap into her skin. “Comfortable?” 

“Mmm…” she mumbled, the circular motion of his hands on her face starting to lull her to sleep. 

He chuckled, gently patting her face dry with a towel when he was done. He helped her off the counter and started to help change her clothes. 

When he took her shirt off, she wiggled her eyebrows suggestively at him. He just laughed and helped her into her pajamas. “Yes, you look great, but no, I’m not changing my mind.”

She sighed and pouted a bit more. “You’re no fun…” she said before yawning. Without even looking at him, she said, “wipe the smug look off of your face; I know I’m tired, that doesn’t mean I agree with your decision.”

He shrugged. “I don’t know what you mean. You’re not even looking at me.” But he was grinning, and they’ve been together long enough that she knew exactly what face he’d be making. 

“I know you have that I-told-you-so look on your face. I don’t need to look at you to know that.” She turned to him, confirming what she already knew. “Let’s just go to bed.”

He nodded and held her as he guided her back to the bedroom. He lifted the covers so she could get under them before turning off the light and getting under the covers with her. He turned to her and kissed her cheek a few times. 

He could tell she was still upset. He held her in his arms and let her rest her head on his chest. “I know you’re all moody from the alcohol, but I think you’ll thank me later.” 

She grumbled and crossed her arms. “You think I’m moody? Is that why you’re being so mean to me?”

He gave her a confused look. “How am I being mean to you? Did I say something wrong?” He always struggled with social interaction, so he was worried something he said had come across the wrong way. 

She huffed. “It feels like you don’t even like me tonight. All you’ve done is push me away. I was so happy to see you and I couldn’t wait to get home and be with you and you don’t even care.”

“Honey…” he started before pulling her on top of him and wrapping his arms around her waist; he knew it was her favorite way to cuddle, so he figured it could help while she was being overdramatic. “I’m so happy to see you. The only reason I’ve been pushing you away is because I know the effects of alcohol on the human brain and how it impairs judgment. And I know we’ve been together a long time and you say it doesn’t matter, but it matters to me.”

She looked at him for a moment and sighed quietly, realizing how dramatic she was sounding. “I guess I’m using my emotional brain while you’re using your logical brain, so it made me feel like you didn’t care.”

He kissed her forehead and hugged her closer to him. “I do care. I love you.” He kissed her cheek to try to get the point across. “If it helps, you being all over me has made the decision a little… difficult.” He blushed lightly and shifted his position a little. 

She giggled and nudged her nose into his. “It helps a little. I’m glad I had at least a little bit of an effect on you.” She yawned and buried her face into his chest. “That’s… all I needed to hear, I guess.”

He stroked her hair as he saw her close her eyes. “Get some sleep, sweetie. I already know you’re gonna be cranky when we go out tomorrow. You should at least get a little sleep. 

She groaned, but she was too tired to argue with him. Besides, he was right. Like he always was. 

…

She wasn’t the only one who was cranky the next day. 

All the girls were so hungover, they could barely tolerate being there. And Spencer’s enthusiasm was only making it worse. 

“Why are you yelling?”

“Make him stop…”

Derek laughed and asked, “What did you guys drink last night.”

“The green fairy…” Penelope answered, groaning. 

Derek laughed again, pointing to Spencer and his girlfriend. “Well, you two must’ve had fun when you got home.”

She grumbled in response, making Derek laugh again. “No?”

“He made me take a sobriety test.” She rolled her eyes, but her sunglasses blocked her eyes from being seen. 

Derek raised his eyebrows, looking at Spencer. “Seriously?” He looked back at her. “Did you pass?”

She scoffed, throwing her hands up a little. “No! I was wasted!”

Spencer laughed and hugged her from behind. “It’s true. It was pretty amusing, though.”

“Man, she must’ve been thrilled about that,” Derek answered sarcastically. 

She sighed, leaning into Spencer a little. “At least he made me breakfast. He did that right.”

Spencer rested his head on her shoulder. “I did everything right. You just don’t want to admit it.” He grinned, sounding a little smug. 

She looked at him pointedly, leaning up a little to speak quietly in his ear, so only he could hear her. “Hey, if you keep acting like that, we’re not doing anything tonight either.”

He laughed and responded softly. “You know you don’t mean that.”

She grumbled. “Okay, fine. But can you at least stop being so smug? It’s making me even crankier than I am from the hangover.”

He smiled and kissed her cheek. “Okay, okay. Deal.”

Everyone chatted casually for a bit before shifting their focus on the race, eagerly awaiting the end of it.

#also yes i did indeed google drunk facts and included some of them here #criminal minds #spencer reid #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid x fem!reader #spencer reid fluff #criminal minds fanfiction #spencer reid fanfiction #fanfiction #mod angel

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spencer x british!reader

as a brit i would love to see a fic of a reader with a british accent and spencer adores it and mimics her sometimes

Taking It In (Spencer Reid x British Fem!Reader)

A/N: Thank you so much for the request! This is a bit of a team effort because I’m a bit more knowledgeable about British culture (in no means an expert, I just had a hyperfixation on the Beatles and Doctor Who in middle school/ high school lmao) but Mod Angel is usually the one who writes for fem!readers. Also, we’re both American so we hope this is what you wanted! Sorry for the little wait - Mod Ghost

We also just binged season 2 of Heartstopper and tried our best to pick up on some of the language because we thought this was a really cute idea and wanted to write it as best we could! - Mod Angel

~~~

“Coffee? I thought that people from the UK drank tea?” Spencer piped up from behind as his girlfriend was pouring coffee into one of the paper cups she’d found around the canteen. 

“It heavily depends on who you’re talking to, Spencer. I feel you should know just as well as I do that everyone’s different. You didn’t profile me as soon as we started dating?” Y/N joked, to which he looked puzzled.

“Wha–no, I usually try to keep my job separate from…personal relations.” He replied sheepishly, starting to mix up his own mug of coffee. 

“That changed when we started dating, didn’t it, love?” She teased him, patting his shoulder.

It made him blush and stutter like mad, his hands waving around as he tried to scramble to find something to say. It was rare to see him speechless, but she couldn’t help but to smirk as she watched him struggle. It only lasted a few more seconds before she cut him off, reaching out and gently touching his hand.

“It’s alright, I was just being cheeky, that’s all. C’mon, let’s go back to workin’ on the case, okay?” She chuckled, leading him away from the counter with the hand that wasn’t holding her coffee resting at the small of his back as they walked. 

“I knew that!” He squealed in his own defense, which made her giggle loudly. 

*

A few weeks later, the BAU were out to dinner, taking a small break while in the middle of a case. Though, it wasn’t much of a break, considering they were still talking about the profile.

Spencer pointed to a plate in the middle of the table. “Can I have a chip?”

A confused silence fell over the table as they all looked in his direction. Spencer stared back at them, an eyebrow raised in his own confusion.

“What?” Spencer asked finally, breaking the silence.

“What did you just say?” JJ responded with a smirk, raising an eyebrow at him. 

“I asked if you could pass me a chip” he answered, pointing to the plate again.

“Where do you see chips?” Hotch chimed in, concerned for his mental stability. 

Still confused, Spencer pointed to the plate again.

“The fries?” Penelope clarified, gesturing to the same plate finally. 

“Oh.” He nodded awkwardly. “Yeah, can you pass me a fry?”

“You’re really spending too much time with that girlfriend of yours, aren’t you?” Morgan teased, grinning and playfully nudging his shoulder.

He smiled and shrugged. “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he said in a faux-English accent as he finally got the ‘chip’ he wanted as the rest of the table laughed. 

“Speaking of Y/N, where is she tonight?? I miss that girl.” Garcia complained from the other side of the table, 

“Oh, she went out with one of her mates–” Spencer started before Prentiss cut him off from where she was sat next to him, 

“Mates??” She asked incredulously, seconds away from giggling as he groaned and leaned back in his chair. 

“FRIENDS! Her friends.” he grumbled, finishing his food and making a mental note to not only tell but blame his girlfriend, Y/N, for everything he’d been through tonight. Not before giving her a kiss, though. The fact that she wasn’t here just made him realize how much he missed her, and it made him wonder if there was a correlation between missing her and talking like her.

The girls dropped him off at home a few hours later, where the first thing he said when he saw Y/N was ‘this is your fault’.

“Do you…want to elaborate on that or…?”

“Later.” Was all he said before he was hugging her and burying his head in her shoulder. 

She tugged him close, feeling him start breathing deeply against her shoulder as if he was falling asleep and tapped him to wake him up a bit so she could start leading him to their room. “Come along, darling, let’s get you into bed. You seem tired.” 

“I know that they’re fries but you say chips…it’s cute…” he mumbled as he walked, only adding to the confusion but she chalked it up to him being tired from a long day and let it go for now as she tucked him in with a smile at how cute he was. 

#spencer reid #fanfiction #criminal minds #spencer reid fanfiction #spencer reid x reader #criminal minds fanfiction #ghosty #mod angel #mod ghost #spencer reid fluff #british #british speaking Y/N #request #thank you for submitting !!

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Don’t Let Yourself Fade Away (Spencer Reid x GN!Reader)

A/N: Hello there! This one’s a little sad, but it was healing to write. Seeing Spence get shut down sometimes when he gets so animated and excited about the most random topics breaks my neurodivergent heart, so here’s to not only him, but anyone else who feels shut out when they talk about their true passions in life <3 - Mod Ghost

p.s. thank you to everyone 🥺❤️

“The average lifespan of a human is about 73.5 years, and your ears never truly stop growing in that time so if you think about it…” Spence trailed off, just as he was about to finish his sentence. 

“...What were you about to say, sweetheart?” I ask, having been quiet up until now as I listened to him speak. I could tell just by looking at him that he’d gone somewhere deep in that big head of his, and I have no idea what caused it. He suddenly had this glazed over look to his eye and it hurt my heart to look at it. Whatever it was, I wanted to gently pull him back to me.

“Hmm? Oh, nothing, it’s uh, not important. Are you hungry?” He asked as he started to stand off the couch in his apartment where we were both sitting, but stopped when I grabbed his wrist so he could look back at me with those big eyes that looked like they belonged on a puppy and not my boyfriend. 

“It’s not nothing, Spence, why’d you stop talking?” I gently tugged on his arm, trying to get him to sit back down with me.

Spencer looked confused, as if it somehow made less sense for me to ask why he stopped talking than for him to go quiet mid thought. He stood there silently for a moment before sitting back next to me, sheepishly piping up again, “I’ve calculated the amount of time it takes for others to either become disinterested in what I have to say and stop listening or cut me off completely, which is about anywhere from 25 seconds to a minute, so I decided that instead of letting that happen, I would cut myself off at a somewhat natural point in that time frame so that I wouldn’t have to worry about it anymore…Neither would anyone else, so there’s statistically at least one ‘plus side’ to it..” He looked away from me halfway through the sentence, like he was suddenly scared of making eye contact with me. 

The more he spoke, I felt an ache growing in my chest until the entirety of my core was filled with a raw and harrowing anguish. Who on Earth could look at him and ever tell him that he wasn’t interesting or that they didn’t want to hear what he had to say? I always look forward to talking to him, no matter what he says. The sound of his voice is so comforting to me and one of my worst fears is never hearing it again. 

“Oh, Spencer…I…I don’t even know what to say…who made you think like that?” I brush his hair back behind his ear as I speak, moving closer to him so our knees are brushing together.

“Well, at work, sometimes…sometimes, I can get a bit too carried away and I end up just rambling while everyone’s trying to catch the unsub…but even on the jet, if I get too caught up in a topic, I end up blabbering and then whoever I’m talking to loudly says ‘WOW, that’s interesting!’ and walks away, or it’s ‘I’m so glad I asked!’ before the same outcome occurs. Or the worst one is when they just walk away without saying anything,” he momentarily stops, staring off into space as if recalling a memory. “That one hurts the most.”

My brow furrows and I feel tears leak from my own eyes as I see some streaking their way down his face, pulling him toward me until he starts to fold himself into my arms and lets me rub his back gently.

“I don’t care who says or does those things to you…no matter what, I’m always going to want to listen to you speak. I’ll hang on to every one of your words as I wait for the next, because everything you say is always so interesting to me. I love watching your eyes crinkle up when you smile, and hearing how fast you talk when you get really excited. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to get enough of your voice, so don’t let yourself fade away because some of the people in your life don’t appreciate you the same way that I do.” I whisper close to his ear, brushing his hair away from his face with my hand that wasn’t rubbing his back. 

He woefully nodded, sniffling pitifully and slowly breaking down as I held him. It was as if something deep inside of his soul broke loose, and he was finally setting it free. He was letting himself feel it, and hopefully start to heal from it at the very least. I’ve been in a similar position to him before, and I would never want to make him feel that way if I could help it. Spence continued to cry for a while longer, and I held him until he sat up enough to look at me. 

“Did you really mean what you said…? About my voice and my smile…?” His voice cracked as he spoke, and I smiled reassuringly as I leaned forward to press a kiss to his temple. 

“Every last word,” I murmured close to his ear, running my hand through his hair again as he closed his eyes. 

He sat still and quietly for a moment, as if he were soaking in everything that we’d said. The only noise in the room was the sound of our breathing until he broke the silence with a soft mutter of “thank you.”

“What are you thanking me for? Telling the truth?” 

Spence only laughed, rolling his eyes at me as if I was telling a joke. 

It was nice to see him smile, though, so I let it go. 

“Now, about that food…” he changed the subject, and for whatever reason, I let him. I think I just wanted to let him be himself, even if it was just for a little while. 

“You asked if I was hungry because you were hungry??” I asked with a dramatic gasp, standing up and pulling him to stand with me. “I never knew you were the type of man to have ulterior motives.” I teased, walking with him to the kitchen. 

“I don’t think that’s usually used in the context of food, my love.” he let out a giggle, a goofy smile spreading across his face as we looked through his fridge together. 

Just hearing him laugh was like music to my ears, and I would give anything in the world to keep hearing it for every day of my life.

#criminal minds #fanfiction #spencer reid #spencer reid fanfiction #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid x gn!reader #comforting the boy #criminal minds fanfiction #mod ghost #ghosty

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Holding You Together

A/N: wow the last fic i posted got so many more notes than I was expecting!! thank you all so much!! - mod angel

Pairing: Spencer Reid x GN!Reader

Summary: Spencer comes home to a crying partner and tries his best to comfort them about their body.

CW: body image issues (body dysmorphia), depression, brief diet mention 

I sat on the couch, my knees hugged to my chest. My hoodie fell loosely around my body, my pajama pants untied so the fabric was hardly touching me. 

Tears were welling in my eyes. I was trying to focus on the tv in front of me to stop worrying about myself, but it was playing another diet ad. 

I huffed and turned the TV off, throwing the remote on the table in front of me. It bounced off the table and landed on the floor. I let out a choked sob, tears streaming down my face. I hugged my legs closer to my chest, sniffling. 

I heard keys in the lock to the apartment door before it swung open. “I’m home,” Spencer announced, dropping his keys on the table next to the door. 

I looked up at him, tears still streaking my face. He looked over at me and frowned, concern in his eyes. He saw the remote I had thrown on the ground and quickly picked it up to put it back on the table before sitting on the couch next to me. 

“Hey, what’s wrong?” he asked softly, wiping my tears away and wrapping his arms around me. I buried my face in his chest, a few more tears leaking out. He stroked my hair soothingly. 

I sniffled, mumbling into his chest. His finger stroked down my face to lift my chin. “Can you say that again so I can hear you?” he asked, smiling sadly. He reached out to where my knees were hugged into my chest, straightening my legs so they could rest over his lap. 

I sniffled, hugging him a little closer. I gestured to my loose clothing. “Bad body day,” I responded, looking at him with sad eyes. 

He made a sympathetic sound and hugged me closer. He rested his forehead on mine. “Aw, sweetie,” he cooed, his nose bumping into mine. “Tell me about it. What’s wrong?” He pulled me into his lap. 

I sniffled again. “Everything” I whined, probably sounding dramatic. A small sob escaped my mouth. I moved so I was sitting on the couch right next to his legs. I felt like I was going to snap him. “Everything about me is wrong. I’m just too much.” I continued sobbing, rubbing my eyes to try to stop. “I’m so chubby. My stomach sticks out too much. My thighs are so big I can’t wear the same pair of pants for too long because they’ll rub holes in the sides. My hips stick out too much and it makes all the bottoms I wear look awful. My arms don’t have any strength in them and they’re just squishy. Even my face is too chubby. And none of my clothes fit anymore.” All the words were rushing out in a hysterical cry. I couldn’t stop it. 

When I was done I buried my face in his chest and continued sobbing. He rubbed circles in my back soothingly, his head resting on top of mine. 

We sat like that for a few moments as he let me get all my emotions out. Eventually I sat up and took a deep breath. My sobs were dying down and reduced to occasional sniffling. 

He reached out to cradle my face, thumbs wiping the tears from my eyes. He hugged me close, placing a hand on my chest so it was resting over my heart. “None of that is true, you know.” He said softly. “And no matter what, I’ll always love you.”

I shrugged, trying to retract further into my loose hoodie. My emotions were on complete overload, so I couldn’t really think straight. 

He sighed softly, “I know it’s hard to deal with things on a bad day.” He ran his fingers through my hair gently. It felt nice. “But I hope you know that I think you’re beautiful. And that’s not going to change no matter what.”

I looked at him, my eyes puffy from crying. “You mean that?”

“Of course I do” he said, without hesitation. “All of the things you’re insecure about, I don’t think anything of them.” He planted a kiss on both of my cheeks. I smiled slightly. 

“Your face is not too chubby. It’s beautiful.” He traced my lips with his fingers. “And your smile always brightens my day.” I smiled a little bigger. 

His hands ran down my arms, over my hoodie. He toyed with the end of my sleeve. “Can I take this off?”

I made a face and tensed my shoulders. “I’m not wearing anything underneath it.”

He raised his eyebrow and smirked at me. I giggled and playfully swatted his arm, blushing lightly. He smiled brightly at me as he was laughing along with me. 

He gently moved his hand down until it was resting just under the bottom of my hoodie. I thought for a moment before taking a deep breath and slowly taking my hoodie off. The cold air hitting my skin made me shiver. 

He took it from me and gently set it on the couch behind us. I started to squirm, trying not to look at my bare body. 

His hands were back on me, gently stroking down my arms. He nuzzled his face in my neck, kissing up to my cheek. 

He stood up and gestured to the open space on the couch. “Can you lay down?” 

I nodded and lay down on the couch like he asked. I unconsciously covered my stomach with my arms. 

Spencer knelt down next to me, gently pushing my arms away so they were resting at my sides. He met my eyes and smiled at me before leaning down. He kissed my cheek, moving his lips to kiss down my arm. He kissed over my stomach, making me giggle. He smiled at the sound, obviously happy that he could make me laugh. 

He kissed over all the places I said I was self-conscious about, his lips trailing down to my hips and thighs before moving up my body back up to my cheek. His lips finally found mine, giving me a few gentle kisses. 

When he was done, I sat up and smiled at him. He sat down next to me and I leaned into him, resting my head on his shoulder. He kissed the top of my head. 

I looked up at him and he smiled down at me before I asked, “can I put my hoodie back on now? I’m cold.”

We both laughed and he handed me my hoodie. I put it on and let him put his arm around me and pull me into his side. I rest my head in the crook of his neck. 

“Are you feeling a little better now?” he asked, gently stroking my hair.

I nodded. “A little, yeah… thank you.” I kissed his cheek. “You always know how to make me feel better.”

He smiled and pulled me a little closer. “We don’t have anything to do today, what do you say we just sit on the couch and we can watch some of your favorite movies?”

I smiled. “You’d be willing to do that?”

“I’m willing to do anything to make you feel better.” He kissed my forehead. “Now, what do you want to watch first?” 

We sat like that for the rest of the day, me in his arms, watching movies and just talking, until I forgot all about my insecurities I had been so hung up on that day.

#criminal minds #spencer reid #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid x gn!reader #spencer reid fluff #spencer reid fanfiction #criminal minds fanfiction #fanfiction #mod angel

[cookiescribble]

hi friends, your writing is amazing! i just wanted to let you know that you’re likely to get better engagement (and not get blocked by a ton of people) if you add readmore breaks after the first paragraph or two of your fics. on desktop there’s a button to click in the post editor, or on mobile you simply create a new line, type :readmore: and then press enter. looking forward to seeing more of your work!

thank you for the reminder! I meant to do that and then forgot about it 😅 we’re still very new to posting fic on tumblr, so it’s a bit of a learning curve, haha. thank you for the advice!

- mod angel

#I’m gonna go edit what I posted so I don’t forget 😅 #asks