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creative-hell · 4 months

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Amid the hustle and bustling of folks trying to get their fix of booze and buzzes before he’d close up shop early to usher in the new year, Diluc had to admit he was damn near at his wits end.

Now he loved his job at the tavern for the most part. Really. He loved hearing the clink of glasses as he worked, the sounds of a good pour and how fun the mixing process itself could be. Even if dealing with drunks and fools would prove be quite the annoying affair, time and again. Not to mention a particularly heavy rush of people clamoring for a drink never failed to drive him mad, even at the best of times.

And if it wasn’t having to make order after order for people with dwindling coherence that really got to him, it was the loud swarm of voices ringing in his ears. Incessantly. All-consuming. Boring right into his ears and brain like a hammered nail, no matter the good humor of the tavern goers or himself.

Yeah, no—it was definitely that. He could never handle such raucousness all that well, after all.

A part of him wished he hadn’t decided to give Charles the night off to be with his family. The man really helped on days like this, where the tavern would find herself chock full of chatting folks abuzz with excitement and booze alike. When Diluc was seriously starting to feel overwhelmed, lack of sleep and social battery-influenced and all. He wouldn’t dare send for him now, of course, but at this rate…

Diluc's eyes scrunched shut as he shook his head.

No, he’ll hold out until closing. Just an hour or so more. He could do this. Even if he did feel himself seriously wearing thin-

“Move over.”

Diluc blinked then frowned, dazed gaze fixing into a glare as it settled upon Kaeya leaning against the bar. “What?”

Kaeya gave him a bit of a lopsided grin before scoffing lightly and nodding at him.

“You heard me,” he chided. Leaning a little closer, fingers drumming atop the counter. “Now go on—move over.”

Diluc felt his eye twitch at that.

An order given, eye glinting with...something—mirth? Mischief? Whatever it was, Diluc didn’t think he had the emotional capacity to try and figure it out in the moment. Not unless he wanted to fray his patience any more than it already was. Because Kaeya honestly had the worst timing to try and pull any of his usual antics right now-

“No.” Ideally, that would be enough to get his point across. It certainly would with everyone else. But when it came to this guy—

Kaeya sighed, feigning heavy remorse as he shrugged. “Oh well. I just didn’t want to risk hitting you.”

—of course he’d do as he pleased anyways.

Diluc could scarcely get out a sharp, “Don't you dare,” before Kaeya had placed a hand on the counter and nimbly leapt over it. Utterly fumbling the landing, considering the drinks he's had earlier.

Diluc immediately put an arm out, swiftly wrapping it around the man’s midsection and tugging him back to prevent the tipsy Captain from planting facefirst into the cabinet or any of the barrels.

Seriously, pulling a stunt like that right now—

“Are you fucking insane?” Diluc hissed, grimacing as a drunken cacophony rose behind them due to Kaeya’s antics. A tinkling bell of laughter spilled from Kaeya’s lips in response as Diluc pulled him further away from the wood. “You could have gone around, if you were so set on it!”

“Now where’s the fun in that?” Kaeya teased, patting his arm. “I knew you had me.”

Diluc stiffened and swiftly let go, folding his arms around his chest as he threw Kaeya a withering glare.

“Thanks for the vote in confidence,” he said flatly.

“You're welcome,” Kaeya cheekily replied on turn.

Diluc's hand moved to pinch the bridge of his nose. Seriously...why did he have to start acting up now- “Glad that's sorted. Now go back over there.”

Kaeya’s grin dampened a slight, just for a moment, before he shook his head. “I’m here to help.”

“Don’t need it,” Diluc reflexively said. Then paused, blinking as Kaeya’s words caught up with him. “Wait–what?”

Kaeya huffed, dodging the question in turning his attention to Nimrod as he walked up. Well. Stumbled, more like, Diluc couldn't help noting, with certain distaste.

“Well, well,” Kaeya crooned, leaning up on the counter with his ever debonair smile. “Here for your final drink, Nimrod?”

The man huffed. “Aw, come on now, I’m not done yet!”

Were it up to me, your last would have been two drinks ago, Diluc internally grumbled. He opened his mouth, but Kaeya swiftly beat him to the punch.

“Now, now—this’ll be your fourth glass of dandelion wine,” Kaeya told him, tone sickly sweet like he were scolding a child. “What would Eury think if she knew?”

Nimrod’s mouth dropped open, as he flushed. “I—well...!“

Kaeya hummed indulgently. “Now, between us—if you want to sober up enough before you get home to the Missus, I’d recommend you just pay up the tab and head on home. Get some fresh air to clear your mind? But considering today’s auspicious nature, well…I’m sure we can let one more slide. Yeah?”

Nimrod blinked blearily.

Diluc stared near as blankly as Kaeya tutted, eyes crinkling up endearingly. “Ah, apologies; rather long-winded, was it?”

Nimrod nodded.

Kaeya hummed, as though mulling over a solution. Damn well already having three the moment the man walked up, Diluc reckoned- “Tell you what, head home to dear Eury now, and I’ll treat you to your next round next time we meet, yeah?”

Nimrod dully mulled it over then his eyes widened. Shaking his head, chuckles spilled forth from his lips. “Well, I can’t say no to drinks with the Captain!”

Kaeya beamed. “Splendid! Master Diluc, his tab if you would?” At the lack of response or reaction, Kaeya clicked his tongue and grabbed the notebook himself.

Diluc let him, silently watching as they settled accounts, Nimrod fumbling for the Mora and leaving it on the counter before he’d stumble off with loud goodbyes.

“Hm, maybe he needed an escort,” Kaeya mused, more to himself than anyone else as the door slammed shut. He swept the hearty tip the man left into the box below the counter, then paused and looked back over at him at last. “What? Cat got your tongue?”

Diluc jolted, shaking his head to dash off the stunned daze.

“Kaeya, what are you doing?”

The man had the nerve to offer an innocent look at that. “Well, what does it look like?” Bruce stumbled forward. Kaeya immediately flashed the man a winning smile and knelt, retrieving a bottle of dandelion wine. "Look, I know–ah, grab me some sweet berry juice and mint please–how to play barkeep too, y'know?”

He was aware. Father had trained them both around the same time, up until his death. Still regardless of that fact—

“But why?”

Questioning yet, Diluc still moved to complete Kaeya’s request.

Kaeya hummed as he mixed the drink, swiftly and efficiently, before placing the finished cocktail on the counter. He gently pat Bruce’s flushed face before sending him off with a wink ( ugh, blink and coy little tip of his head, more like, all things considered ), and at last turning back to Diluc.

He hesitated.

"Why do you want to help all of a sudden?" Diluc asked again.

Kaeya's elbows settled on the counter-top as he rested against it. Lips pressed into a fine line as he looked over at the tavern's patrons. Staying silent a moment, two, then ultimately shrugging.

“You just seemed like you needed a hand,” he answered simply.

Diluc blinked, eyes widening in surprise. Then brows furrowing not long after.

That...was that it?

He eyed the other, searching Kaeya's steady expression for any sort of ulterior motive or trick. Even as that statement had admittedly sparked certain warmth in his chest, perhaps even a bit of relief too, in spite of himself. "...really?"

And yet almost as soon as he'd asked—perhaps a little too swiftly after the fact—a coy grin tugged at Kaeya’s lips.

"Alright, alright, I’ll admit it," he said, raising his arms. "It’s not like I’m planning doing it for free, anyways.”

There it was.

Diluc must have made quite the face at that; no sooner, and Kaeya wound up bursting out in laughter. Which only burned at his patience and composure all the more-

“Only a bottle!” Kaeya wheezed, waving his hand a little. “Only a bottle, that’s all I ask, I promse–”

“You’re asking too damn much,” Diluc retorted, turning to greet José as he sauntered up.

Kaeya snickered as he pushed off to grab more wine, fruits, and wolfhook juice. “Ah, But that’s not a no, Master Diluc~“

...alright, so it really wasn’t.

And by all means he should say no. Should keep Kaeya out of his space and make the man mind his own business. To let Kaeya continue to nurse that Death After Noon like he had been for the past hour ( what was up with that? He never let the drink sit that long unless he was truly lost in thought or otherwise worried about something- ). And yet now…

Kaeya's lip jutted out in a childish pout.

Diluc eyed him, then gave a long-suffering sigh and rolled his eyes as José chuckled. “One glass of wine.” Kaeya brightened up. “And that’s final. You hear me?”

Now, it would appear to be yet another instance of Diluc letting Kaeya do as he damn pleased in the end anyway, as he always had when they were children. As he still did a little too often nowadays, even if it meant his own patience would be worn to a thread and the festering, resentful emotions left buried in his chest would wind up dredging back up within moments of the other opening his mouth. Letting Kaeya poke and prod and taunt, snipping and shoving back in kind, until they both had enough. Until someone really bit back, and the distance between them had grown again as they went off to lick their respective wounds. Knowingly letting it happen each and every time, without even a glimmer of hope it'd turn out any different; this damned little game of give and take they’d started the moment they’d begun to speak again.

Again. And again. And again—

Diluc shook his head to dash the thought, holding his hand out for the bottle. “Just don’t mess me up. You hear me?”

Kaeya scoffed and grinned, handing it over. “Oh, I wouldn’t dream of it.”

Contrary to Diluc’s concern, they had only awkwardly stumbled around each other for two orders. Two orders, before they’d fallen back into an all-too familiar pattern they hadn’t enacted in damn near half a decade.

A comfortable pattern, where Kaeya was his staunch support, moving in such perfect tandem with him, almost as though he were only an extension of Diluc’s self, rather than his own person. No words needed, no looks nor gestures made. Simply action matching and complementing action; two cogs in a well-oiled machine.

Drinks flew from the bar faster than they had in the past hour, leaving ample space to relax in between each surge of patrons looking to get their fix or paying their due amounts and heading off on their way. Leaving Diluc plenty of time to mull through his thoughts on all this, now that his brain was thankfully not about three seconds away from melting out his ears.

To think he and Kaeya would still work so well, after so long. After the stark changes each of them had gone through, their current…situation, considering.

Honestly the fact that Kaeya was still willing to to help him after everything, to just STAY with him now, was nothing short of strange to Diluc. Not to mention the fact that he’d noticed his distress, even when he made sure to school his features to their usual stoicism, and chosen to act in helping with it, rather than poke the bear like he otherwise would nowadays.

It was a welcome surprise, sure, but more than ever...well, Diluc couldn’t understand just what Kaeya wanted out of it.

He’d wanted his drink, he’d said that much aloud—but things were never so simple with this new Kaeya.

Diluc knew this well, having watched the man gather his intel and talk with others, in the tavern, and out in the city. Even the rare occasions when he'd drop by the Knights HQ to personally deliver something for Jean.

This new Kaeya was cunning, eye almost always gleaming with interest and mirth, and sharp as a falcon looking for its prey. This new Kaeya wrapped his intentions and motive up in flowery words and innocuous gestures, and somehow wound up benefiting from them all far more than the very person he’d offered aid to in the first place. Diluc was well-aware of this, even after a mere years’ worth of observation.

Thus...was that the case here? Or was he just being paranoid?

Because right now, as Kaeya would actually follow through his offer, to take his role alongside him quite seriously and never once try teasing him throughout, nor pull any sort of mischief…

For a moment, Diluc could almost pretend nothing had happened that night. That he hadn’t done the unforgivable and swung his claymore with full intent to kill over Kaeya’s truth, instead of hearing him out like he usually would. That he hadn’t pushed Kaeya away, time and again, only deigning to watch what he could almost delude himself into thinking was hurt flickering in that lone, starry eye every time he did. That he hadn’t outright abandoned Kaeya, bleeding and breaking, while they were both still hurting over the loss of the man who loved them so dearly, who gave them everything, who was home.

That he hadn’t hurt Kaeya enough to make him become some whole other person in his absence.

Like this, as they were now, moving in tandem like two working halves of a whole, he could pretend the Kaeya beside him was still the boy he’d known near half his life, and once adored more than anyone else in the world. That they were still thick as thieves and the family they��d promised they’d always be.

He could pretend nothing had changed, as he’d catch Kaeya’s face scrunched up a slight in focus, the way it always had in their youth. As Kaeya’s hands trembled ever so slightly with each flawless pour ( you hurt that hand, his mind whispered; he was always such a nervous boy; his heart murmured ). As Kaeya matched his pace, and wordlessly backed him up or took over altogether when he needed it, almost subtly preening under each quick, murmured thanks he gave him.

But even with all this…he knew it wasn’t so.

He could pretend all he liked, but there was no erasing the truth gnawing at him the more he watched the other work.

Kaeya was no longer the shy, sweet little boy who always stood behind him. Who hardly ever let go of his hand or sleeve, as he whispered what he wanted in Diluc's ear for him to voice in his stead. Kaeya was no longer the reserved young man who looked damn near ready to crawl out of his own skin in a crowd, even among their fellow knights. Kaeya was no longer the trusted confidant Diluc would wake at ungodly hours to conspire and speak with, seeking comfort in the one person in all Teyvat who knew him better than he knew himself.

No, nowadays, Kaeya was more of a flouncing peacock who seemed compelled to charm and dupe anyone and everyone he met with that silver tongue of his. Who seems to find it so damn funny, deliberately playing up on Diluc’s nerves and patience, until wisps of flames danced on his fingertips for him to back away from. Who kept his cards so close to his chest, people often made it a game to see who’d truly had his favor and who knew him best, when really, none of them did at all.

Diluc certainly didn’t. Not anymore.

Maybe he never did.

Even with more than a year reunited after that fight, even after night after night in each other's company right here in the Angel’s Share, Diluc still would find that new Kaeya a stranger.

A stranger he couldn’t stand to see, so tightly closed off even as he would pretend to be everyone’s friend. A frigid fortress of a glacier, heart walled off with the rimed ice of Dragonspine, that no one could ever hope to melt through to. Holding all the more secrets Diluc could only begin to ponder and dread.

Just how many people nowadays were truly close to him nowadays? Jean? Lisa? Rosaria? That Albedo he liked to mouth off about, and seemed so taken by?

Did Adelinde still recognize her precious boy as he'd once been?

Did anybody at all?

And Diluc…had he truly taken that Kaeya from them all? All in a fit of grief and rage? Had he burnt that boy to cinders, for those closest to them to mourn alongside Father, as Diluc ran away from it all? To escape the aftermath he’d wrought and let them all pick up the pieces without him?

Guilty guilty guilty-

Had he truly killed him that night, too?

A soft, icy touch brushed against his forearm.

Diluc wrenched back, a sharp bitterness rising in his throat.

Kaeya swiftly pulled away too, his back hitting the counter with an audible thud as a flicker of something flashed across his features. Panic? Fear?

In that moment, Diluc could see Kaeya—the real, sincere Kaeya he’d so treasured once before—unsure, hesitant, and so openly so—right before his very eyes. The man's shoulders hunched a slight, almost as though he were half expecting him to lash out or push him away, bite out some bitter remark for him to wither under or rise to match.

All that in a split second, before Kaeya schooled his features to a more calm facade.

“Final call’s up,” Kaeya told him. Tone passive. Oddly composed, save for a slight edge to it. “I think you can take it from here?”

Diluc blinked and looked around.

Patrons were moving on out or finishing up their drinks across the tables. The bar itself had been wiped down and neatly reorganized the way he liked it, a parchment with inventory noted down in Kaeya’s other hand.

Just how much had he spaced out just then?

“Y-yeah,” Diluc managed, taking the list. “Thanks. I’ve got this.”

Kaeya nodded slowly. His mouth opened to speak. Pausing a moment, uncertainty flickered across his features again, before it ultimately closed and he smiled again.

Back to being the Cavalry Captain once more.

“I suppose I'll take my leave then,” he said, gently pushing past Diluc to get to the side door.

Diluc numbly watched him go back around. As Kaeya moved to reach for his Mora—wait, was he leaving already?

He forced himself to snap out of that funk, quickly moving to pour Kaeya a final glass and setting it down before him as the pouch rested in hand.

Kaeya blinked then quirked a brow. “That’s…what’s this for?”

Did…did he forget?

“I promised you a drink,” Diluc replied, brow furrowing a slight. “And, don’t—“ He stopped, a twinge of guilt prickling in his heart watching Kaeya freeze, almost dropping Mora as brief panic flashed on his face. “Don’t worry about your tab, either. As thanks.”

Kaeya stared blankly at him, a moment, two…then the corners of his lips tugged a slight. He quickly turned his gaze to the drink immediately after, with a huffed little soft breath one could almost mistake for a laugh.

“Well, no need to be so generous with me over a little helping hand.” Wasn’t he the one who said he wanted something out of it in return? He really did forget…or had he not actually intended to take that reward in the first place— “But I certainly won’t refuse such a gift from you, Master Diluc. Much obliged.”

Kaeya took the glass and raised it in toast, before swiftly knocking it back.

Diluc grimaced as Kaeya let out a punched exhale.

That…that wasn’t how he was supposed to drink it. What, was he in such a damn hurry to leave? Or was it because he—

“Well!” Kaeya set down the glass, and outstretched his arms as he backed to the door, raising his voice for the others, “Thank you for such a marvelous evening. I’ve had quite my share of fun tending to you all.” Ever the showman nowadays, he bowed as a wave of cheers rose among them, then straightened up to wave as he turned to head on out. “I look forward to seeing everyone again next year! Goodnight!”

A couple patrons blinked confusedly at him. A couple more chuckled and shook their heads at his little joke.

And Diluc?

“Pfft…!”

Diluc instinctively clapped a hand over his mouth to stave off the sound, but evidently Kaeya had heard him anyways.

Clearly, seeing as the man had damn near fallen over himself trying to turn and look back at him in shock.

All that served to do was make Diluc laugh all the harder, spilling past his hand until he needed to lean on the counter for support.

That stupid joke...Kaeya had said that his first new year’s celebration with them. An abrupt, odd little statement he’d up and blurted out before the old grandfather clock before them had struck midnight.

He remembered being thoroughly confused by it, and how both Elzer and Father had promptly choked on and spat their drinks, how Adelinde had begun to damn near cry with laughter as little Kaeya flusteredly buried his face in his shoulder.

It had taken Diluc two explanations to understand, in his distress of thinking Kaeya was going to leave again, then in confusion over the wordplay. And it had only taken that one time for it to have become their New Year’s greeting, playfully haunting Kaeya each and every year until the eve of Diluc’s 18th birthday.

No. That was a lie.

The last time Kaeya had said something like that to him had been the year after that day. When he’d written him a letter he hadn’t been able to receive until months afterward, with the familiar words neatly scrawled above the man’s initial.

In hindsight…it must have been less of a warm season’s greeting then. Rather…could it have been hopeful statement? An unwritten question mark punctuating his words, rather than a simple comma, in fear of rejection or worse?

Or….was he reading too much into that all over again, having gotten so damn nostalgic after working with Kaeya just now?

But then again…looking at a Kaeya now, he had to wonder.

The man stared at him with open awe, warmth all but radiating from him. His eye gleaming with a certain air of joy and pride as a stunned smile tugged at his lips, like it used to whenever he was praised by Crepus or Varka. Whenever he’d gotten a compliment from Adelinde and Tunner, or whenever he….made Diluc smile.

For the first time in years, he’d made Diluc smile.

The thought seemed to catch up with him too, as Kaeya abruptly paled, hastily laughing the lapse off and waving. “Well! Seems I’ve left Master Diluc in a good mood! Lucky me! Perhaps I'd better take my leave while it lasts!”

He was running away.

It hit Diluc as he watched a Kaeya scramble for composure and attempt to make his retreat. He hadn’t even done anything wrong this time, yet somehow it looked like Kaeya was even more set on and desperate to escape than when he truly crossed a line and really pissed him off.

Why? All because he made him laugh?

His eyes widened. Wait...could it be-

“H-Happy New Year, Master Diluc," Kaeya said, jolting as he accidentally bumped into a knight as he backed away. "Ah, that...heh, goodni—“

“Come home for dinner,” Diluc blurted out.

Kaeya froze. Quite literally, ice crackling across the floorboards beneath him. Either because of his abrupt demand or the sudden hush and hastier retreats the other patrons took up the moment Diluc's voice rang through the tavern. Even to the point of Huffman quickly patting him of the back in sympathy ( Kaeya flinched at even that…he really did still hate physical contact- ), before him himself made a mad dash for the outside.

Diluc felt his stomach churn.

Shit, wait how loud had that been—?

“What?” Kaeya managed. Moving to gingerly wrench his boots out of the ice, even as his gaze remained locked onto Diluc's. Every bit reminiscent of cornered prey, he realized.

Of the first time he'd ever set eyes on Kaeya, fifteen years ago.

Diluc drew a shaky breath at the thought. “Come home. For dinner.”

A wheezed one of Kaeya's own sputtered out in a cloud of frigid vapor.

Kaeya's eye briefly darted to the door.

Diluc fidgeted with his glove.

He couldn't say he didn't understand Kaeya's reaction now. All things considered, he would feel exactly the same way in his shoes. Still…still, if there was even the slightest chance his assumption was true, that Kaeya's behavior now wasn't just some act he was putting up, that that mask really had begun to crack—

“I don’t—“ Kaeya’s mouth pressed into a fine line. Shifting in place, damn near squirming like he were being interrogated which…wasn’t what Diluc intended at all. Yet still all too achingly familiar.

So all this time...Kaeya really didn't-

Kaeya cleared his throat. “I-I have plans," Kaeya tried to reason. "I can’t...look, I appreciate it but—“

He’s running. He’s running away!

Don't let him run—!

“Adelinde wants to see you there,” Diluc hastily interrupted. He drew breath as Kaeya's eye widened, tentatively continuing, “She—" briefly hesitating, chewing his lip. "She hardly ever gets to see you. Especially outside of work. You know how much she misses you.”

Kaeya winced.

Diluc wanted to as well. Both in it being a damn sore point he'd deliberately hit, but also...ugh, this was just as disconcerting for him, as it was distressing for Kaeya- “So just…just this once, come home, and let her spoil you again…please?” When Kaeya made no moves to try and leave again, Diluc cleared his throat. “Come on...surely you wouldn’t want to disappoint Adelinde, now would you?”

It had worked once before. Bait meant to keep Kaeya close, when all else failed. Except before...before, Adelinde herself had been to one to drop it on him. To hit Kaeya with the emotional impact of it, and help ensure he'd stick around. Because he could never say no to her, from the moment he'd met her.

And now...was Diluc even capable of managing that?

He didn't know.

He could only watch, a hollow pit boring into his gut, as Kaeya’s mouth opened and closed, once, twice. As he shook his head, eye carefully looking Diluc over once. Then again, like he were carefully trying to unravel him. No, dissect him, it felt a lot more like.

The thought made Diluc almost want to crawl out of his skin.

Still, he let Kaeya scrutinize him, get his fill of observation and letting the words, the plea, hang over him...before Kaeya at long last managed a bit of a laugh.

“Adelinde must…miss me more than I thought for you to be so pushy about it,” he finally said, tentatively meeting his gaze.

Diluc felt his ears warm uncomfortably as he cleared his throat.

"Ah," he managed, crossing his arms.

That got a bit of grin out of Kaeya. Not his typical swaggering, cocky one. But the very same he’d seen from the moment Crepus had brought him home from Sumeru.

That smile, to his relief, he knew very well.

“You’re...you're right though,” Kaeya conceded, rubbing the back of his neck. “It--it wouldn’t do to disappoint Adelinde. So...I suppose a quick bite with family wouldn’t hurt.”

“It wouldn’t,” Diluc readily agreed.

“We’d better be on our best behavior though,” Kaeya remarked. Tone a little more serious. “I’d...hate to upset her if we get to our usual antics, tonight of all days.”

I’d hate it if she saw us fighting like we always have lately, he meant.

No, wait. That wasn't quite right, was it?

I’d hate to fight like we usually do. That was more like it.

“I’m sure we won’t get up to any funny business,” Diluc reassured him. Perhaps a bit more confidently that he actually felt. Perhaps a promise they were inevitably bound to break. But it was just enough to make Kaeya’s squared shoulders relax a hint.

“Okay,” Kaeya said. “Okay…” He hesitated then shook his head. “I’ll have to make a quick stop by my place first before I go.” He shifted. “Is...that alright?”

Are you going to try and run away again?

Diluc averted his gaze.

No. Trust him.

Diluc pursed his lips...then looked back to him, and nodded.

Kaeya gave an acknowledging nod of his own, turning to the door. His hand rested on the handle a moment before he turned around. “Do you...maybe want to come with?”

Diluc’s eyes widened.

For Kaeya to be willing to show him, even after the sheer lengths the man went to keep that place a secret…

So it wasn't just Diluc putting his trust on the line here.

A gesture of good faith.

As though all Kaeya had done this evening wasn't enough of a show for it.

Still...Diluc took a moment to mull it over, as he glanced at the otherwise clean bar. At the unswept floors around, stray glasses on the tables across the room, knowing more were likely the same upstairs. Then to the dirtied rags sitting in the bucket, and all the windows that needed a good wipedown...

…well. He could always clean it the next day. Perhaps he’ll even strong-arm Kaeya into it as well. For the trouble.

With that thought in mind, Diluc gathered the Mora from the register and hastily shoved the evening's profits away into the safe below the counter. What did he care if anything happened to it all anyways? Not like he didn’t have the chump change to spare—

“Well—” He grabbed a bottle of dandelion wine of the shelf, setting onto the counter then nimbly hopping over it the lacquered furnishing.

Kaeya huffed a laugh and rolled his eyes as Diluc took hold of the bottle again and strode to meet him.

His hand grasped the frosted doorhandle in Kaeya's stead, a gentle warmth exerted to thaw the ice layered over it, as he'd let out a soft, but sure breath,

“—I suppose I could make a home delivery. Just this once.”

#kaeya alberich #diluc ragnvindr #genshin impact #kaeya #diluc #//Not me scrambling to get this out before the new year hbjsjfdg #long post for ts #//Day 17643478 of me writing shit until these goddamn clowns properly reconcile in canon

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creative-hell · 8 months

Text

"Ég sakna þín."

Diluc's hand stilled, his hold on the cup he cleaned growing tighter.

Sometimes, after all the patrons had gone or otherwise fallen well into drunken slumber, Kaeya would at last cease his sly, silver-tongued prattle. Would cease poking and prodding at him for his reactions, and fall into a comfortable silence they once shared alone. Only now, it was marred with resentment and distance he vaguely knew they could never hope to bridge again. Not that either would dare try.

Still, in those times, there were moments like this, where Kaeya would abruptly speak something in that foreign langue.

In Khaenri'ahn.

It never failed to make Diluc's heart stop, skin prickling in alertness as his keen eyes quickly swept across the tavern to see if anyone had heard it or otherwise reacted to Kaeya's drunken little slip. Ears straining to hear the slightest rustle of abrupt movement, for the thin scrape of a blade unsheathed.

Even if nothing came out of it, Diluc would remain on guard until the tavern at last cleared. Until Kaeya himself had disappeared, gone with the rest of them, and he was at long last left to the stifling, dead solitude of the Angel's Share. But he would keep to it, even still.

To keep vigilant for the worst, he told himself.

To protect him, he knew deep down.

Because what Kaeya murmured, the very same phrase every time, was not spoken conspiratorially. Never once spoken as though he were giving some order or sharing intel to some hidden ally. Nor were they ever spoken in hatred or resentment, an inebriated little curse for the man who'd abandoned him, the one who'd hurt him.

No, the words, without fail, each and every time, were spoken with such a wounded, grieving inflection, they left even Diluc's heart aching in hearing them.

Aching, even through the brief annoyance at such risk speaking them posed. Through the frustration and simmering anger the man who spoke them, his once sworn brother, had dredged up in him mere moments prior, smile and gaze as sharper than the Wolf's Gravestone.

That ache and vexation alike had been what began to burrow a certain curiosity within him. A nagging concern that lingered, even long after Kaeya had pushed to drag himself away, refusing to let Diluc guide him home, and letting the door shut tight behind him without so much as a farewell.

Who were they spoken to?

He didn't know.

Why did he keep saying them, when no one would know or hear them?

He didn't know.

What did they mean?

He didn't fucking know.

Time and time again only left his curiosity to fester. Fester, and bubble in him like poison he'd unknowingly ingested. It burned in him like his own flames, like the harsh chill of frost that'd lashed out to face them, the longer he let the matter go unresolved.

Perhaps it could be another way to dig at him. Some means to annoy him that even Kaeya wasn't aware he could do. It had become such a second nature to him, after all. All-too effortless, he wouldn't even be surprised if it leaked right out, even in stupor.

Then again...it wasn't as though the way Kaeya acted didn't already tick him off as it was. As if seeing that mask, even from a distance, even long before things had fallen apart, didn't leave a bitter taste in his mouth.

Because Diluc had long since hated not knowing something more than anything. Be it hidden behind a sickeningly saccharine smile or a dulled, melancholic voice. Be it laced within a cold, sardonic gaze or hesitant, weak avoidance of one.

So that had to be it. Right? Why this whole ordeal over a mysterious three word phrase began to eat at him so?

That had to be why he had found himself striding into the library, asking for a book on ancient languages with all the grace and subtlety of a newborn fawn, while Lisa subjected him to perhaps the second worst smile he's ever had the displeasure to despise.

Surely, that had to be why he'd proceeded to spend countless days after, not only perusing and studying it, but searching for countless more texts to glean out what a single, stupid, gods-damned three word phrase happened to mean. To rinse, lather, repeat the process over again, with each new failure to get the answers he wanted, until he wanted to scream and throw the heavy books out the nearest window.

It had been frustrating. It had been nothing short of tedious, and more often than not, Diluc questioned if what he'd set himself to was even worth the trouble of figuring out.

Until he at long last had–

"Ég sakna þín."

–and that unknown, aggravating little phrase changed.

Because now, with those heart-rending words spoken to an empty tavern, save Diluc himself, he knew. He knew what they meant, and why they left Kaeya without fail, each and every time his guard wavered under the burn of enough liquor.

Of who they were for, all along.

So, with a final, vigilant sweep of his gaze about the tavern, Diluc would set aside the glass and rag in hand, then pull up a chair. He would take in the pitiful sight of the man pressed against the counter, almost in hopeless imitation of a comforting embrace, then take his seat. And finally, with a breath to steel himself first, he would reach out, gingerly–gently–lacing their fingers the way they once had before as children. Whenever Kaeya felt numb as the living dead and suffocated his own feelings behind a tight smile, whenever Diluc's heart ached and he wailed aloud like the world was crumbling around him.

In truth, it was, as Kaeya's head lifted fast, confusion and fear etched clear across his features. Fear, as he awaited the harsh, clipped voice he'd always found himself on the receiving end of every time they spoke, or perhaps anger, as if he were the one at fault here.

Fear, as periwinkle ice met that crimson flame of a gaze, for the first time in five years.

Knowing this now, knowing what he had truly wrought upon the other, upon his sworn brother, Diluc's voice caught. Caught, as the flouncing, carefree mask he so loathed seemed to splinter and fall apart before his very eyes, much like its owner seemed on the brink of.

Before he could dare lose his nerve now, before Kaeya could think to wrench back and run away, Diluc swallowed hard, and clumsily, soft and choked as a dying breath, would speak,

"Ég...sakna þín líka."

Even with it all marred with the accent of one never meant to speak nor know those words, Kaeya's lips parted, a shaky breath following suit. They trembled, typical cloying eloquence staved by cold shock and disbelief. And, for the first time in five years, for only the second time ever since Diluc had met him, Kaeya began to weep.

Diluc let him cling to his hand like a lifeline, clung back tighter still, as his words would weigh on them both. As he let those words scrape through the hastily-patched cracks in their hearts, like salt in their wounds.

I miss you, too.

#kaeya alberich #diluc ragnvindr #genshin impact #kaeya #diluc #;mun drabbles #long post for ts #//I was planning to be productive #//And then I heard Hozier and I began typing away lmao #//I need these two to RECONCILE already #//I wanna SHAKE them like heckin' MARACAS

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creative-hell · 10 months

Text

As he fell to his knees, Kaeya hissed, gripping his arm tight as the searing-cold sensation of the curse ate away at him. Consumed his mortal flesh and marred it with monstrous influence.

His right side had been steadily engulfed by the affliction as it was, almost corrupted beyond any recognition. At least, to the average man, anyways.

One who knew the sight well and familiarly would easily realize what was becoming of his body. How it had now come to grow closer in appearance to that of the strange Abyssal creatures scarce few lived to tell the tale of, those he had followed in his pursuit of the truth.

Heralds, they were called.

Damnation, he knew very well, they truly were.

Kaeya hadn’t been at all surprised by this outcome though. He had been quite certain it would been a possibility from the start, having been warned by his father, time and again, to never linger too close to the creatures. Having witnessed the very man who dedicated his centuries roaming Teyvat into fighting the Abyss Order, and further heard from him the nature of their people’s affliction. Who had also adamantly warned him to stay away from seeking out more on the legacy of his surname and those involved.

Whatever the case, the reason for this change in him was clear–the longer he stayed amid and around those creatures, the more their Abyssal energy would taint him and take root within him. And then he would end up damned like the rest of them.

One would think knowing such a harrowing end would have kept Kaeya away from it all. Would have deterred him from delving too deep, and kept him content to remain in Mondstadt as he had initially decided. As Dainsleif had wanted him to. But well...

Unfortunately, he had never been a good listener.

And he had never been one to pursue something without taking out all the stops either, never once caring of the risks he would face along the way. No matter the investigation, no matter what he had to do to complete his mission, always, he always did with maddened determination and full intentions to pull through however he could. And he always did. But this time–

“There you are.”

Kaeya’s eyes widened as the heavy, deliberate footsteps echoed around him. Footsteps so familiar he could recognize readily above anyone else’s and without need for a moment’s thought. One whose unique Vision-imbued warmth he could pick out, even amid a crowd of similarly gifted others. The very warmth that had been all he’d known for the greater part of a decade, only to find himself left in naught but bitter cold the day he’d opened his damned mouth and ruined it all.

Once, his best friend. Once, his definition of home.

The twin half of his soul.

Kaeya closed his eyes, tipping his head back almost in prayer ( ha! As if any god would help him now! ) before pulling together his facade and shifting to smirk in the man’s direction.

“Well, well–fancy meeting you here, Master Diluc.”

A scoff and burning glare greeted him in turn.

Diluc looked as good as ever–which truly was to say he appeared an utter, hopeless mess.

The man’s hair was all tousled up and tangled, dark circles painted under his eyes that somehow seem to have gotten worse than Kaeya last remembered ( ugh, figures he never listened to Kaeya’s subtle little pleas to take better care of himself ), and his clothes were a rumpled mess too, all burnt and frayed in some places. Not quite what anyone, especially Kaeya, would call a sight for sore eyes at the moment, truth be told. Nor a truly pleasant one, considering the last time Kaeya had seen him look like this almost half a decade ago.

How Diluc could pull together some uncanny semblance of poise and dignity whenever he manned the bar or stood about the Winery after dealing with his little…covert side projects always eluded Kaeya. Especially considering how he usually took care of things, ever the brute compared to Kaeya’s more roguish methods. Honestly...never had he wished Diluc would have at least tried for that cover up than now.

Though Kaeya supposed it would be a bit much asking him to do the same so deep into the Abyss’s lair.

“Where is he?”

The corner of his mouth twitched at the sudden, blunt demand.

“Always straight to the point with you.” Kaeya cocked his head a slight, feigning contemplation as he softly hummed. “Pray tell, do you ask for the young Prince? Or are you worried about my dear pal Dainsleif?” His teeth bared in a grin at the sharp twist of Diluc’s lips. “Sorry to say, but you’d be hard-pressed to find either here. It’s just me. Lucky you, right?”

Diluc gaze hardened, as steam rose of his clothes. Wait—steam?

Sheer practice and habit maintained Kaeya’s composure as he turned further to better survey the cavern. Even as he felt pinpricks of dread blooming in his chest.

Stars–no wonder he’d felt so damn bad just now. He hadn’t realized how cold the space around him had gotten. How cold it had become in his wake, if he dared to gleam past where Diluc now stood. Although perhaps...perhaps he hadn’t noticed, because it had become something all too natural for him to feel, nowadays. Or perhaps because damn near every other physical sensation had come to dull compared to the agony of the curse eating away at him, more than they already had been before. Still…

Kaeya’s eyes raked swiftly over the frost and ice that had spread about the room. Over all the odd flakes swirling about in the otherwise still and stifling air, and the icicles that seemed to steadily grow and inch menacingly toward them as his own nerves thrummed and screamed. At the fog that slipped past Diluc’s lips with every breath he took, unlike Kaeya’s own—

“So…you’ve finally become one of them?”

Kaeya blinked, now clearly remembering with a start exactly why he had stumbled here in the first place. Of the actual corruption so deeply entrenched in his being, it near fully manifested now across his right side.

The side Diluc now had a clear view of. That had him far more on guard than before, his beloved claymore suddenly manifested in hand.

Kaeya claws dug into the now toughened, seemingly frostbitten-to-a-greyed-blue flesh of his palm as he laughed.

“Well, you don’t need to say it like that, Master Diluc,” he remarked, shifting to finally face his sworn brother head on. The movement almost had Diluc brandishing his weapon, ready to swing if Kaeya should dare draw close.

As if he could.

Kaeya couldn’t help the wry little scoff that left his lips. Perhaps he…couldn’t really stand upright right now ( weak, utterly weak- ) but he would still grace the man before him with the baiting little grin he knew he especially loathed to see. Just like the rest of him- “You wound me, y’know.”

The Wolf's Gravestone glinted dangerously as Diluc grip on it tightened.

I can do so much more than wound, the gesture almost seemed to say.

Kaeya managed a laugh in spite of it all. “Ah, right.” In spite of the lurch in his gut at the all-too familiar situation he found himself in. But, hey, better to mask his weaknesses before the other. “I nearly forgot.” Just as he always had since they’d reunited a mere year ago. As he did, even in their youth- "You never were fond of small talk."

A foggy exhale. “Neither of us have that luxury right now.”

“Because of where we are?” A tilt of the head. “Or because you won’t let me?”

Even with his jesting, airy tone, Kaeya couldn’t help the bitter jab in his heart as he spoke.

Though really...really, what did it matter if Diluc allowed him to speak and explain himself, or not? They both long since knew not one conversation between them could go without wicked jabs below the belt nor without leaving either nursing bruising aches that stung more than physical wounds ever would. Not one conversation could ever even begin resolve the bad blood and tenseness between them.

Could such a thing even help them now? With Kaeya in the worst of states, and Diluc scarcely a swing away from finishing what he’d attempted years ago?

Ha, even Kaeya didn’t bet on absurdities like that.

And Kaeya knew, far more than anyone else, that the Diluc who was so easily forgiving and caring to him had long since been stamped out like a fire amid a Snezhnayan winter. Probably because of his time wandering through one.

Or had it been Kaeya’s truth that had done that?

Diluc drew a slow breath, flames flickering to life at his fingertips and dancing along his blade.

Kaeya couldn’t help fighting the urge to cringe away in the face of them.

The light burned as much as Dawn had that very day. All he wanted to do now was flee in the face of it, crawl further into darkness to escape it. It was only the conscious fear of turning his back to Diluc now and the lingering threads of his pride and bravado that kept him in place.

Fear....ha. Since when did he fear anything?

Truly...had he come to be so far gone–

“And if I did...would you actually mean what you say for once?”

Kaeya swiftly glanced back up in surprise. Then a soft sigh left him in realizing the action had only served to make Diluc all the more wary. Ahh, seriously...!

“Well–”

You need only give me a chance.

The words stilled on Kaeya’s tongue before he could dare give them voice. Right, a chance...no, someone like him didn’t deserve such a thing. Diluc knew that as well as he. And Diluc certainly wouldn’t be the type to cave to such a plea either, especially not now.

As was evident by the way his grip tightened on the Wolf’s Gravestone’s hilt. Shifting as though he very well might swing right then and there–shit, would he really–

An abrupt wave of cold rippled through the air.

Kaeya couldn’t help the stilted snarl in pain, curling in on himself as the heightened, even if unconscious, use of his Vision burned in his chest. Burned, as it always had from the moment he’d gotten it. Burned, stronger and stronger still, the more tainted with Abyssal energy he had become.

Especially now, the more his steady corruption and transformation furthered.

Kaeya’s good eye widened a slight.

Right. His transformation.

The reason he had come to hide away here, like some hapless dying animal, the instant he’d heard the sounds of the knights challenging and fighting their way through the Abyssal domain. The very reason Diluc looked to him now with more wariness and enmity than he'd ever had before.

Was it still better than facing Diluc’s apathy and disregard?

Į’d͏͏ mu̶̧c̵̛h̵̢̕ ̶r͘àt̷̷h͟e̴r͘ ̷͜h̴̴e̴҉ ̛͞s̡͜m͡i͜l͟e ̷̡a̴͝t̸͠͞ ́͘̕me͠҉ ̴́a̵g̴a̧in-

Kaeya drew a shaky breath, jaw quivering a slight in a bated wince.

It rattled against his ribs now, felt near useless to him, no matter how long he’d have it go on. Uncomfortable, like if it were water flooding through his chest rather than air. If Kaeya didn’t know any better, he would almost say his body were currently telling him he no longer needed it. No longer needed the breath in his lungs, that he need only close his eyes and sink into the murky...Abyss.

A dry laugh left him.

Right...that’s what it all meant.

He truly was so far gone now–

“Kaeya–”

“Stave your hand a moment, Luc.” The nickname had the other man freezing right in place, halting his abrupt advance.

Kaeya huffed out a ragged exhale, releasing the clawed hand he hadn’t realized had been digging into his chest. When had that happened? When his Vision had hurt him? In his contemplation?

Whatever the case, he pushed the thought aside in favor of inspecting the self-inflicted injury.

Rather than blood, whisps of dark Abyssal energy spilled from his deep, gouged wounds–oh...had that been why Diluc had started forwards? The sight of wounds?

Ha, what was he thinking? For that to be so, the man would need to be concerned for his sake. And he clearly wasn’t. Why would he be?

Looking back at Diluc, their gazes brief met as the man searched him for an explanation.

Right. He wasn’t concerned...he wasn’t.

So then why was he looking at him like that?

A certain desperation crawled up Kaeya’s throat the longer he made the mistake to dwell and overthink as he always did. At the sight before him now, of the now flame-laced claymore, of the man’s ever burning inferno of a gaze–one Kaeya had long since been unable to decipher–now. Of realizing...this would be the sight he would keep in his memories forevermore. This mocking memory of their most harrowing day together. All he needed now was for Dawn to make its appearance, and they’d have their picture-perfect recreation.

Save Kaeya ruining it all, as always.

The thought had his gut churning, an odd feeling gnawing at his heart. Or maybe it was the festering curse, for all he knew.

Whatever the case...ha, what was he even getting so upset about? Had he expected to see a mournful smile? Pity? No, either from Diluc of all people, more so directed at him, would have been laughable. A dream at most, or perhaps a nightmare, better said.

Wishful thinking, really; truly, that of a fool with too much hope to spare, and a wonderful daydream to look forward to. Someone Kaeya had never truly been to begin with.

After all, it was his determination that brought him here, regardless of how it would have affected everyone else he know. Regardless of the consequences he would face in his venture, as he always acted–a man with something to lose and a future to look forward to would never do such a thing. Especially since he damn well knew part of those consequences had been accepting the fact that he would come to face Diluc once more. To face that weapon drawn his way yet again.

There was no doubt in Kaeya’s mind–Dawn burned to taste his flesh once more; more than ever before. And with Kaeya being laced with Cryo and the sinner’s blight coursing through his very being now...well, he supposed it was clear there was only one way this encounter would end.

How it should.

The thought had Kaeya’s steadily slowing heart thud painfully in his chest. Had dread and anguish thrumming through his very being, as he watched Diluc’s jaw clench.

A childish part of him wanted to beg–he had always been able to get out of any trouble when he did, duping Diluc and anybody else with his little pout as teary-eyed pleas. The lad never failed to rush to his aid either way, even when everybody and himself damn well knew Kaeya was responsible and/or more than able to handle it all himself. But he already knew such a thing would never work for him against the other ever again.

Maybe he should run. Run, and drag out the inevitability he must face now a little longer, like the coward he’d been for the past five years. He was always so good at that, running and rushing about to keep at bay each and every little thing he couldn’t bear to face. Perhaps now, at this very moment, it would ease his splintered heart enough for him to at last face it all.

Ah...but what did it matter how he ultimately felt? Kaeya was well-used to forcing aside any bubbling feelings of unease and panic. Especially when he knew what must be done. no matter how difficult. Especially before the man in front of him now.

Thus, he chuckled and shook his head. “Ahh...don’t worry, I’m not...I’m not going to fight you now, Diluc. Actually, I have just one simple request before you go on ahead.”

Diluc’s brows furrowed. “And why should I concede to it?”

Why should I believe you?

Kaeya drew a soft, weak breath, then lowered his hands to his sides, palms upturned as he raised his head. “Well, it would certainly be of benefit to you. I can promise you that much.”

You have no reason to.

But please, believe me just this once.

A breath...two...and Diluc’s stance neither relaxed nor steeled further.

Well, that was a sign as good as any.

Kaeya licked his dry, frost-flecked lips and steadied himself. Straightening up his pain-wracked body with as much semblance of dignity he could cobble together, then at last tilting his head back just enough to still meet Diluc’s gaze as he would bare his throat.

“Diluc, please...kill me now. And make it swift.”

A rueful smile tugged across Kaeya’s lips as the firm, deliberate hand upon Wolf’s Gravestone began to tremble. As Diluc’s burning, cruelly-stoic gaze at long last faltered, shock and the faintest glimmer of grief flickering across his features.

Had that truly been all it took to make the man look to him with something other than resentment and enmity?

Ahh...but of course. What did a sinner like him expect?

Truly, he should have expected nothing less from the cruel hands of fate.