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a poem a day | day 4

“yum”

in the morning i cleaned.

washed all the dishes that had

been sitting out for too long.

wrote a grocery list.

cut peppers and onions precisely

and didn’t even use it as an excuse

to cry.

ate the non-powdered peanutbutter

on normal bread and didn’t feel like

i had to be sad about it.

and i didn’t weigh anything

except the dry pasta (116g)

but i tried not to and

that was enough

at least for today.

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a poem a day | day 3

today’s poem was so forced. i haven’t wanted to write ever since i got bad news yesterday. maybe i’m wrong about having bad january’s but back in 2016 i crashed from a manic episode and watched 11 seasons of grey’s anatomy in 3 weeks. now that i think about it i could probably write an essay about all the weird shit that has happened to me every january from 2013 to now. hmm.. maybe i will.

the wonder years have that one lyric that goes “god damn you look holy bathed in the january light” and i try to see january’s like that sometimes cause i know of that *specific* light but let’s just be honest: january‘s are not real.

“january feels like a whole fucking year”

i don’t think i’ve ever been happy

in january, except for maybe once,

at the beach in georgia

with the boy i loved once (i think)

eleven january’s ago

i preformed a blood oath

in the school lunchroom

and for the longest time i thought

it meant something

but now i don’t.

i haven’t lived in the city long enough

to associate weather with nostalgia

so i just feel cold and tender and

rotten and ready for blood (again)

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a poem a day | day 2

“untitled”

i love looking at the way

people write letters and numbers.

i think the way i write my

7’s and z’s make me pretentious.

liv says i was born to be a poet

‘cause i never get a break

from suffering.

my mother says strong women

don’t show their emotions

so i won’t say it gently.

i refuse to live in a world

without the one i love most in it.

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one of my goals for the new year is to write a poem a day. i’ve wanted to do this since new year 2014 but i always forgot until a few days into january. not this year though, since it’s been a decade of wishing to achieve this goal. a poem a day means that it’s forced, meaning the poem will most likely not “be good” but that’s not the point. the point is to sit down with yourself and feel your feelings. and to write short poems (my biggest struggle). if you wanna follow along with me, thank you <3

DAY ONE - 1/1/2024

“leftover”

i hear it: don’t stop me now by queen

blasting on the street outside my apartment.

at first, i think “a car” before it goes on

ten seconds too long.

so here i am: crusty eyed, knotted hair,

beaming over the balcony in my dad’s

oversized tshirt.

try not to remember you left your dad

in last year. don’t think about

his memorial. don’t think about

the jar that holds him now, that you

left sitting in the cabinet.

you put it there to keep the cat from

knocking it over, but why can’t you

take it out?

i’ll reheat the leftovers in the fridge.

half a glass of wine sits on the counter

from the night before. i’m worried

in the pit of my stomach. i’m scared

something i don’t want will come back.

when will i stop watching the world

from the sidelines?

2023 is over. 2023 is over.

fuck a diet. i’m eating chow mein and

apple pie for breakfast.

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