firerubyjam

[firerubyjam]

mid autumn

Age: 21

Hair: long but not as muchas they used to be

Weight: 60.2 kg

Close friends: 3

Bestie: nobody

Last time I cried: I don't remeber, proud of me

Bank account: got a job and got fired very soon, still miserable

What I like about myself: nothing

What I don't like: everything from the way I look to the way I move my body, I'm so awkward all the time

Current reading: 22.11.63, mary poppins, radio silence

Current fanfic: ATYD the war

Goals: pass all my exams, be brave and leave my town and home

Worried about: college, climate change, being broke and can't afford basic needs

Excited about: my books... that's so pathetic, just not really into anything

Happiness: 3/10

Confidence: 2/10. why can't I be like my friends?

Mental situation: bad, I hate myself and everything. I feel left out from my friends, I feel like the last weel of the wagon, I feel so immature and childish respect people of my age. I alway think about having a glow up but actually never do anything to make it hapens. I also feel very stupid, very ugly. I cover this situation by isolating myself and my mind tricks me I always feel so shitty and I doubting myself constantly.

Love life: by my own

Wish: please universe send me an angel, a patient one with a dazzling light one that finally sees and make me their mate, because right now I'm invisible by my own eyes too. I just want to be heard and loved, like I do with other people.

[firerubyjam]

[firerubyjam]

I will always be James and never Regulus

I will always be Sirius and never Remus

I will always be the obsessed one, never the obsessed over

#atyd marauders #atyd wolfstar #atyd james #atyd remus #atyd sirius #atyd #choices #jegulus #jemes x regulus

[firerubyjam]

Always an angel never a God

Always the writer never the muse

Always the medicine never the cure

Always the lover never the loved

Always a choice never the chosen

Always a distraction never a solution

Always smart never gifted

Always trying never enough

Always good never great

#night thoughts #i am alone #i love you #deep thoughts #i love her #quotes #i love him #deep thots #poetry #relationship

[firerubyjam]

Beginning of summer

Age: 21

Hair: still long

Weight: 61.5 kg

Close friends: 3

Bestie: nobody

Last time I cried: yesterday

Bank account: I'm still not rich, and I haven't found a job

What I like about myself: my eyes color

What I don't like: my body I feel fat

Current reading: 22.11.63

Current fanfic: ATYD 7

Goals: pass all my exams

Worried about: college

Excited about: summer is coming

Happiness: 6,5/10

Confidence: 4/10. I broke all my promises and I'm the only person to accuse.

Mental situation: high and low, sometimes I feel shitty, not the best in general

Love life: peacefully single

Favourite actor: Mr. Gorgeous aka Timothee Chalamet

Last movie seen: Dear Evan Hansen 10/10

[firerubyjam]

I love being a woman but I am so sick of everything. It's not a gender crisis but more the delusion of living in a world like this.

I don't want to be pretty, I don't want to be your toy, I don't want to be perceived at all.

I want peace, I want to be safe, I want to be free like a man is.

[firerubyjam]

Close the windows that hurt you, no matter how beautiful the view is

#night thoughts #i love you #deep thoughts #i am alone #quotes #poetry #i love her #deep thots #i love him #relationship #love healing #healingjourney #love heals #healing #self healing

[firerubyjam]

I hope you get everything you've ever wanted, and I hope I never hear a thing about it

#night thoughts #i am alone #poetry #deep thoughts #i love her #quotes #i love him #i love you #deep thots #relationship #breakup #breakup relation

[firerubyjam]

A baby cannot hate the mother, without the mother first hate their baby

#i am alone #night thoughts #i love you #deep thoughts #quotes #deep thots #mommy issues #daddy issues #toxic people #toxic mother #toxic mom #child health #childhood trauma #trauama #bpd problems

[firerubyjam]

I'm so glad we live at the same time. My world is a bit lighter with you in it.

#night thoughts #poetry #i am alone #i love you #i love her #i love him #quotes

[firerubyjam]

Remember: if they ever come back to you doesn't mean they care about you, it means that nobody cared about them as much as you did

[firerubyjam]

[firerubyjam]

I am now older than Lil Peep. Even if I never met him, I like to think he was a good soul cause he cured mine. I love you Gus, you were just a guy in a word too cruel, RIP

#lil peep song #lil peep #lil peep memory

[firerubyjam]

I don't wanna heal. The pain is the last link to what we lost

#night thoughts #i am alone #poetry #i love you #deep thoughts #i love her #deep thots #relationship #i love him #quotes #love healing #self healing #love heals #healing

[firerubyjam]

They only miss you when they fail to replace you

#night thoughts #i am alone #i love you #deep thoughts #i love her #i love him #quotes #deep thots #relationship #poetry #healingjourney #love heals

[firerubyjam]

My biggest fear is not truly knowing what's wrong with me

#i am alone #night thoughts #deep thoughts #i love her #i love you #poetry #i love him #relationship #deep thots #quotes

[firerubyjam]

#i am alone #night thoughts #deep thoughts #poetry #deep thots #quotes #book blog #booksbooksbooks #book quotations #bookaddict #books heals