jeedster

[jeedster]

the word deity makes me feel so small and insignificant like no matter how hard i try i wont be able to make a difference

[jeedster]

are you okay?

difficult question

[jeedster]

hey.

I'm val and I'm saving up for my dream.

actually... I only have $400 left to find. I already have $1200 and exactly $400 is not enough for me to buy this baby. if.. you can.. I will be grateful even for $1.

I SELL MY DRAWINGS.

CHECK MY PROFILE.

thank you in advance.

[jeedster]

i felt my lungs inflate with the onrush of scenery—air, mountains, trees, people. i thought, "this is what it is to be happy”

sylvia plath, the bell jar.

[jeedster]

panic attack tingz

[jeedster]

I have the sudden urge to just cut contact with everyone I know, and to become a mysterious person who everyone is curious about , but they dont know anything about me.

I want to be seen walking through the rain on a Thursday evening with my trenchcoat and purple scarf, headed to the bookshelf, where I can sit and look brooding while reading the many used books.

I want to then disappear, and no one sees me leave. I want to be a mystery. I want people to wonder, "who is that? And why are they here?"

[jeedster]

BODY DYSMORPHIA

my senior year of high school started off amazingly. i had a great friend group, everyone wanted to be my friend and i never got straight up bullied that it made me doubt the way i looked or get sad, people actually actively praised me. then i met those guys.... the only people i regret meeting, those guys were so nice to me at first until they got what they wanted, they stole all my friends away made me fight with them and constantly ridiculed me for shit that i can’t control like my height , forehead, nose , lack of jaw, constantly calling me anorexic and saying im too loud or that my voice was annoying.

this made me constantly notice peoples remarks about me and seek validation it made me waste money on clothes cuz i thought they would make me “pretty” but i still thought that i looked like shit. that was my breaking point, it was the last thing that fell apart in my life. my grades were shit, according to thosw guys i was annoying, i had to take a gap year due to my bad grades, my family is falling apart, my mom who was my rock had an accident which lead to life changing surgery and diabetes, i started having tooth problems (chronic pain), became a hypochondriac, suicidal and it gave me major depression. i don’t need a therapist to diagnose me, its crystal clear. this is affecting my daily life, i dont leave my bed, i dont eat,i started smoking, i hate going out cuz i think everyone hates me and is judging me.

i just want to say that 2020/2021 made me hit the lowest point in my life and i want to try my hardest to get out of it. anyone who has any stories like this and needs someone to talk to im on my gap year so i’m free all the time

im grateful now to everyone and everything i have in my life and i hope you are too. things you take for granted can be taken away so easily from you. hold on tight and don’t forget to appreciate yourself.

i love you

#body image #body dysmorphia #body dysmorphic disorder #tw weight #disordered eating tw #sorry for being depressing #depressing shit #tw body insecurity #tw triggers #tw trauma #support

[jeedster]

WEIGHT GAIN JOURNEY DAY 3

sorry I missed the first two days but I was too busy :( ill start with a brief summary of the first two days

DAY 1

I started with the weight of 37.7 and ended with 38.2 WHICH IS GREAT IMO also could be water weight since I drank A LOT of water, I had 2 boiled eggs, peach tea and some halloumi cheese for breakfast, I ate a couple of fruits as a snack then had lunch with was a traditional Palestinian dish called maftoul which is essentially a bunch of chickpeas and chicken IT WAS AMAZING and some potato and cheese sambousaks, for dinner I had noodles :(

DAY 2

same thing same weight :;

DAY 3

i had cinnamon toast cereal with whole fat milk for breakfast then for lunch i had spincah with rise and beef and dinner was noodles again :( luckily i gained 0.2kgs

#tw weight #health ( height and weight ) scales #weight gain #weight log #fat #bmi #food #body image #calories

[jeedster]

WEIGHT GAIN JOURNEY

hi im 19. I've been through a lot this year which caused me to become 37.5 kilograms, I also have a high metabolism and am frankly too lazy to eat. I was always the skinny girl though, the largest weight ive ever achieved was 44 kgs. keep in mind im 158cm (5'1). due to my extremely thin body and having absolutely no body fat my bones and joints started to suffer a lot. I've developed a lot of joint issue such as TMJ (my jaw won't stop fricking popping and having this weird crushing sound, its so annoying) and now whenever I move any bone in my body my joints pop like they're breaking. so I've decided to start my weight gain journey here before resorting the the last method (a nutritionist) and will be recording my progress every single day. If anyone has any tips dont hesitate to tell me, they would be extremely appreciated. and if anyone wants to join me that would be amazing support.

#weight gain #health ( height and weight ) scales #weight mention #goal weight #tw weight #weighttraining #health #weight log #body image #skinny

[jeedster]

[jeedster]

[jeedster]

[jeedster]

its my birthday in an hour :(

[jeedster]

[jeedster]

I just want new friends

#friends #people #humans #frienship #friendship

[jeedster]

great lines to use for picking up men at clubs

[jeedster]

WHISPER OF THE HEART |  耳をすませば (1995)

dir. Yoshifumi Kondō