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Morning light
So I sat across my little pots of young tomatoes, chilis and mint. I hear the gushing of water and 2 songs of crickets harmonising. Its 6 am.
The light was of pastel yellow, shyly peaking through the horizon, glowing between the leaves and branches— it dances like diamonds and reflect a kind amber on the walls.
Moments like this in the morning, makes it seem like the world has always been…
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Everyday
The arch forming on my mother’s back, like a small gentle hill seeping with faint clouds. I see who she will be and everyday mortality comes at my door before midnight and tells me a story about time.
Tonight was different, and I know why. It sat me down gently, me sitting with a trouser too tight at the ankle— I refuse to meet its eyes. The kitchen light dimmed just the right shade of orange…
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Film and Islam
I recently saw an early screening of this movie, it was interesting but most poignantly, it asked a few questions on the role of film in da’wah and how that works in the plane of contemporary storytelling.
Starting out, I realised there was a whole context to the conception of this movie. Listening to the post-mortem, the testimonies were saying how the movies brought them to tears, how this is…
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Failure
Can I be an artist?
This isn’t coming from a place of self deprecation, unlike my old writing it seems like I’ve found a new voice. It’s coming perhaps from a place of clarity.
I have not drawn or painted properly in ages. New mediums have found its way through me in the form of sewing, writing and graphics.
I recently tried to paint a self portrait for a competition, though applying for the…
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Marriage?
I had to visit 2 weddings today— I’ll dub 2024 as a year of weddings, of attending them.
Now I don’t say this with pessimism, but there is something to be said about the switch that suddenly turns on when you’re in your 20’s. Out of the blue, invites are getting too close for comfort— and now our romances have deadlines for commitments.
It’s strange, I swear it was just yesterday when my friend…
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New year
I used to hate new years. A cynical teenager who scorns at the idea of celebrating a number. It was pointless and arbitrary to think that 4 digits have meaning.
My wisdom teeth are hurting right now, the only way to alleviate my aching gums is by blowing my cheeks up like a chipmunk. I am wise.
As I find my way with wisdom, I shed my inner cynic and see that life is more than just a perpetual…
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To the alligators
We were put together and gathered
Like pieces with yesses
And nods and trusts
And we became friends like woven
Like tight, loose and frayed
We went from mutuals to
seeing everyone every night
And every fight, every bicker
Like tensions on weft
Like tapestry of plot points and
We go through them and bask in their
Anecdotes, like jokes and sarcasms
Like sentimental gushiness of…
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THE NOTION OF FEAR
What is scary? Walking 20 minutes in slight rain through an unfamiliar city? Deciding life decisions based on mood swings, menstrual cycles and gaps in between procrastination? That bland icy matcha latte? Or a brushed with uncooked meals?
What scares me? Emotional connection and connecting with my emotional body? 200 strangers on instagram? Failing everyday but trying anyway? Kindness?
It’s…
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Diamond
I have a friend. He’s a bit aloof, and not aloof as in the definition of aloof which is uninterested, not friendly and distant. He’s aloof in a way that sounds like the word. Nonchalant in a fun idgaf kinda way, fluffy just like the word.
If you know him or at least have a conversation with him, you can tell right off the bat because he will insult you as a greeting. It took me weeks to warm up…
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to be in perpetual motion
I’m sick. Standing still in a place that was once was. In a place that I’ve occupied for 5 years, yet now I feel like a stranger.
I came back to my university in Malaysia to pick up my stuff and in between, crammed my days with meeting people and saying temporary goodbyes.
Fatigue came in slowly and fast. Today I have to rest. But I realise that being stationary in my old dorm room feels…
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Comfort Zone
This word. It’s echoing. Like an endless prose, it seems to find its way through the crevices of my plot lines.
It’s apt, given my current transition between a child to an adult.
When I landed in Malaysia for a brief trip to pack my Uni life away, I felt a tinge of homesickness. Whether I like it or not my dad was right, the house that we currently live in is my comfort zone.
And being away…
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The aches and migraine of early 20's
Scrolling through my screen filled with 30 year olds spitting wisdom of what they wish they knew in their early 20’s, fill me with an urgency- JOT THIS DOWN!
Though, after spring cleaning the family fridge last night, expelling foods expired in the middle of last year, I browse for pantry organiser the next day. I don’t know if I’m moving too fast or too slow into adulthood.
I asked my dad…
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Look, I’m no fortune teller..
But as my father would say, it’s good to have a plan.
Where do you see yourself in 10 years?
10 + 23 = to 33 years old— at that point in time I expect at least security but with life I also don’t think I can expect anything.
It’s such an odd number to think about. Rather unlucky and repetitive. Nearly there but not there yet. I mean at least I would picture myself in a house, or a place of my…
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Things ruminating in my mind as I count my sheeps [on going]
21/4/23
It’s the yearning to be at peace with being stuck between a rock and a hard place. Fear of missing out, the fear of seeing time passes through your fingers like sand.
Of love as a concept, and not some poorly disguise saviour complex— alas, conversations ruminate in my mind as I try to shut my eyes between the seconds of midnight to 1 am.
Philosophies of life, the abstract notion of…
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Open Hands [on going]
March 2023
It’s so unbearable to think beyond— the future, the precipice. My hands let free, my decisions mine.
To part with youth, to part with all the things that are innocent and naive; to thinking of dowries as a concept, marriage as a virtue, or love as romantic. To thinking of careers as life changing, and commute as a mere trip. To thinking of money as papers and laundries as chores. To…
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I have blisters
Yesterday was the first time I’ve ever walked on the same footbed as the urban workforce- ironed shirts, formal wear, fancy shoes, and lanyards. It was the first time I experienced rush hour as one of the people who were part of the rush hour- not caught in it.
Internship. Since I’ve grown a bit, being in new places is not as daunting as going to a new school with new a timetable, classmates,…
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