I'm disappointed in how I found myself literally begging some people for replies, spamming messages to them just to get a shitty one word reply a week. I can’t believe I allowed these people to place themselves on such a pedestal above me, just because I enjoyed talking to them so much. Never again. I'm slowly learning to just leave things where they are.
If people are suddenly blatantly ignoring you with no explanation, just leave them be. You have better things to do with your time. When they can't get that level of attention from others, they'll come crawling back.
I just don't know what I'm more disappointed in, if it's myself or those people. I should be disappointed in myself for how pitiful I am that I let so many people push me around and push my emotions around but then again it takes a special low grade trash of the earth type of person to be so addicted to manipulating people instead of trying to help them. Was it the sheer loneliness that made me attached to these people so easily just because they were remotely nice and caring? What a fucking sad joke.
You have no idea how literally frustrated I am, thinking about how I regarded these people so dear to me and they constantly took advantage of that. I'm literally so upset just thinking about it. I thought I was past that insecure stage and I let my guard down only for these people to come along and make me question everything all over again?? Did I really allow myself to be vulnerable with these people, take in all those compliments and reassurances that I was overthinking things, only now to wonder if they were all lies? Just lies told to dig into deep trauma to use on me?
Who are you
Sometimes I ask myself the same thing...
But if you meant that seriously then I’m a 22yo dude from the Caribbean
I just can’t get you out of my head. And because of that I’ll never move on. I’m sorry. I hate myself everyday for my fuck up.