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my2010steenlife · 2 months

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November 5, 2011

Aaaag 2day the dance was cancled Jason is the class president he cancled cause Piper didn’t want a dance she wanted a party. I’m so angry I told Kayla I’m not going to the party cause I was excited 4 the dance and It wouldn’t be a class thing cause it is going to be at Piper’s house not at the school. I said this to Kayla in front of Jason. Kayla agreed w/me and so did a bunch of other girls xcept 4 the pop. ones they 2 wanted a Party! I hate the populars they always get what they want cause boys (Jason) loves them they think they R So cool when realy ther just stuck up Jerks. Kayla would be a much better president she’s pop but not 2 pop and can keep her word unlike Jason

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my2010steenlife · 3 months

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November 3, 2011

Today in economics and English Taylor said I should ask Edmond to go to the dance as friends. I said no and she asked why not. I said A. I’m not asking any1 they have to ask me and B. I want to go dateless it’s just to wierd. Then in math David said He was sad and I asked Y. He said cause he has no1 to go to the dance with. (I wasn’t going to ask ☠️). So I passed Taylor a note that said if she asks David to go as friends I would ask Edmond but only if David says yes and they go together. So she asked David he said yes so she asked Edmond 4 me and he said yes (secretly I was so so soooo happy) on the outside I made it look like I was all weirded out. Then at lunch she had me Tia Clarissa ask Irving to go with her as friends: (of course I was all happy Edmond said yes and I frogot about Deal.) he said maybe Then I remembered and at science, I told him (Irving) never mind. I told Taylor I told Irving that because she was already going with David she said no he said no I said then I’m not going with Edmond I said only if David said yes. So I asked him and he said he said yes . Then Taylor told David back out back out. So he did I then told Taylor I’m not going with Edmond cause she’s not going with David. She said no your date has to back out so I acted mad and was a little mad (cause David=no date) but was happy cause I’m going with Edmond. Just as friends though. But still I hope we r dating after the dance!!!

I wish I said and acted how I actually felt instead of acting weirded out and mad. I think I would have had a lot more fun experiences if I wasn’t so worried about protecting myself.

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my2010steenlife · 3 months

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Trigger warning: death, suicide, parental loss

November 2, 2011

O.M.G we r having a school dance on the 19th! I’m so x-cited I can’t wait If no one asks me I’m going to ask David cause no 1 realylikes him or Jacob cause NO 1 likes him plus his dad just died (word is he hung himself cause he was dumped) (I feel awful writing this but I said I would stay true to what i wrote back then. The good the bad and the ugly and this is what I wrote. I truly hope the rumors were wrong and wish peace to everyone who went through such a tragic event. I hope all those who suffered during that time are living happy lives today) I hope I don’t need t ask them though (if so we will only be going as friends) I realy realy want Edmond ❤️ to ask me. I realy like him even more than Josiah and Dylan Aurthors aka Jimmy Boland a way I can’t wait!

❤️Edmond❤️

❤️Ed❤️

❤️Eddy❤️

❤️Eddy Weddy❤️

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my2010steenlife · 3 months

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November 1, 2011

Yesterday edmond asked Kayla out she said no! He kind of likes her and to day in math Clarissa Irah and Edmond were pasing notes. Clarissa said Edmond was going to ask me out and if I said no he was going to ask out Clarissa. I told Taylor so she aske Edmond cause I didn’t believe Clarissa she said it was true I was Happy I really like Edmond but I said no. I didn’t want anyone to no I liked him plus I want to wait till 9th grade. Taylor kept on sayin please please please will you go out with Edmond you guys make a perfect couple I continued to say no. Then in science class Taylor (sits next 2 me) and Edmond (3 tables behind us) we’re passing notes. I read it and it said I’m not askin out Clarissa. Taylor said y not. Edmond said I like them more. I was sad I said no but can’t help thinking it was a good idea

I think one of my biggest regrets is not “going out” with Edmond. If I could go back in time or change any of my past decisions I would probably just go for it instead of letting my anxiety win.

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my2010steenlife · 4 months

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October 25, 2011

I’m now out of the NDC (no dating club till 7th grade). But I still don’t want to date. At least not till 9th grade. but I have a huge crush on Edmond and Benjamin. I like Edmond more though cause he is short like me and he’s so cute. Benjamin on the other hand is tall but also adorable. It feels good to be in love but I’m glad I’m commited to not date till 9th grade. I mean I’m growing up I just can’t keep pushing that fact away. I would date people but I’m afraid what my mom would say and I’m scared to ask her. I could just date and not tell her but she always finds out and I don’t want to get in trouble if I don’t tell her. If I do tell her she will tell Craig (my stepdad) I don’t want him to no.

#diary #diary entry #diary entries #journal #journal entry #journal entries #crushes #2011 #12 years old #October #October 2011 #October 25 2011 #7th grade #middle school #junior high #junior high school

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my2010steenlife · 4 months

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August 22, 2011

I found out Jimmy Bolnd’s real name is Dylan Authors. I’m not a big fan of the name Dylan but it doesn’t matter he’s still sooooooo cute!!

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my2010steenlife · 4 months

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August 21, 2011

Yesterday I watched falling skies on the computer at my dads. And I totally have a crush on jimmy I don’t no his really name but I’m gonna find out. Anyways I thought he was 14-15 yrs old ! That made me sad because someone 2 and a half yrs. older than me would never want 2 date me. Not that he ever would but still. So yesterday when when I was watching it they said he was 13!! That’s only 1 yr. older than me!! I’m so excited I can hardly breath. That’s all I had 2 say so byeeee!!

These last few entries have been so cringey to look back on and I’m sure there’s going to be a lot more but this is who I was as a 12 year old

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my2010steenlife · 4 months

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August 15, 2011

The pic is on the back side. Jimmy Boland is SOOO cute. Exspecially while holding a gun. In this pic u can’t tell what color his eyes r but they r a blueish hazelish color. Although I’ve only seen 1 episode I immedetly fell in love with him well after the second time time they showed him. Anyway this is what he looks like. Hope you enjoy him as much as I do

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my2010steenlife · 5 months

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August 14, 2011

Last week I stayed at my dads and on wednes. we watched falling skies season fanaly. There was this boy named jimmy at first IDK what to think it was just a quick quick glimps then it showed him again and I’m madly in love with him. I couldn’t get him out of my mind all week. I still can’t he’s so HOT!! :) I’ve never felt this way about anyone and I changed the NDC (no dating club) to 9th grade or if ur 15 b4 that. Tmrrw when mom goes to work I’m gonna print a pic of him off the computer and glue it on here so I never 4get him! No1 will understand how he’s cute but I do!!

Enjoy this picture of my diary. It was too good not to share with the void.

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my2010steenlife · 5 months

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March 15, 2011

OMG another guy likes me Dalton!

List of boys who like me: Dalton, Brayden, Theo, Josiah, Jacob, James

I said “no can’t in club till 7th grade” then he said if u could would u I said no! But he told Brayden I said yes! I’ve never dated. Well once when everyone=kylie, Taylor, Julia purssuerd (pressured) me 2 say yes to Josiah not even half a day though. It doesn’t count I didn’t want 2. Anyway I realy want a secret admirer……..

Oooo I 4got 2 say Brayden told me Dalton liked me but he like piper more

:( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :(

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my2010steenlife · 5 months

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February 13, 2011

Also about 2-5 weeks ago Jacob asked me out. I said no write (I know spelled wrong lol) away then about 2-4 weeks ago at 9pm Brayden txt is this [my real name] I said yes. He said it’s [his last name]. He asked me what I was doing I said brushing my hair. He said wow that must be fun I said yes Brayden it’s realy (spelling mistake again) fun 2 brush hair. Then I went upstairs to go 2 bed. Then he txt I will never date Haley again. I said cool. Then I asked y did he try to get me set up with Connor he doesn’t even like me. He said I no. Then he said would u date anyone. I said I don’t no. Then he said if someone asked u out and u said no would u tell all ur friends I said it depends if that guy wanted me 2 or not but I would tell Taylor no matter what cause she is my best friend but she wouldn’t tell anyone if I told her not 2. Then I said y. He said well the thing is I was wondering if you would go out with me. I said I don’t no I’ll have to ask my mom if I’m aloud 2 date and ask Taylor (I just didn’t want to be mean and say no right away like I did with Jacob). Then he said ok. Then I said y do u even like me. No one likes me except Jacob but he don’t count. (Okay 1 that’s brutal of me lol and 2 I’m out here acting like 4 people didn’t just ask me out in the span of a few months. It was a popular trend in my school for boys to ask out girls and when the girls said yes he and his friends would laugh and be like ew I don’t actually like you but now I know you like me and I was terrified of that happening to me. I thought I was so unlikable and un-pretty that the boys must have been joking. I was also terrified to date because I was one of the few who hadn’t yet and I was afraid I wouldn’t know what to do. Anxiety started young with me). Then he said because ur pretty and funny. Then he said not to rush u or anything but r we considered dating write now. (This was a red flag to me. Why did he need to know right now. Was it actually a joke or was he playing a game with his friends to see who get get the most girls to aggressive to go out with them?) I said idk. Then he said if it was ur choice right now would u say yes 2 me. I said idk I really don’t (I was lying). Then he said well I want 2 no so I said no sorry but I’m in a club till 7th grade/next year and I promised in that club not 2 date till 7th grade/next year.

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my2010steenlife · 5 months

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February 13, 2011

A super long time ago like in November Josiah asked me out and I said no then a few weeks later he did again I said no. Taylor and Edmond were pressuring me by saying: Eddie: come on just go out with the poor kid. Taylor: truth or dare. (I picked truth) Out of Josiah Eddie Jacob or James who would I rather date (I really wanted to say Josiah) but said don’t know you pick (she picked Josiah). Also Taylor: truth or dare (I picked dare) I dare you to ask out Josiah in 7th grade 1st day of school! (I’m not going to though). Then in December on moshi monsters he wrote something this is what he wrote: [real name] can I tell you something. I said sure but please don’t say my name online. Then I got off. The next week I went on and he wrote I love you with all my heart and soul. Then he wrote U R prettier than the skies are blue. Of course then I fell for him and I really really want to date him. I didn’t say that out loud though. That week at school he asked me out again I said let me think then Taylor/Kylie and other popular people kept pressuring me so I said yes. I did not like the feeling I didn’t actually want to date him! At lunch he sat by me I didn’t like that either. That night I couldn’t sleep so the next day I had Taylor tell him I never said yes that her and Kylie said yes without my permission. (Present day note: that was a real shitty thing for me to do. I probably hurt the poor kids feeling and maybe embarrassed him. I was dealing with a lot of anxiety and pressure and unbeknownst to me at the time sexuality questions but that is no excuse and I wish I could go back and be better) And now every time he gets a chance he sits as close to me as possible. He also stands as close to me in line as possible. He’s really nice and talks to me a lot also he chases me on the play ground and calls me clue clux clanien. (Present day note: I obviously didn’t know what that meant as an 11 year old it’s apparent in how I spelt it wrong. If I knew I wouldn’t have said he’s nice, it’s a terrible thing and I feel sick just thinking back on it but it is what I wrote and erasing it wouldn’t be truthful. I’m trying to portray 100% who I was good or bad smart or dumb or anything that appears in future entries ) He also has a name for me it is missy jr and whenever someone calls me that he gets mad and says he’s the only one who can call me that.

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my2010steenlife · 6 months

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October 28, 2010

Yesterday I found out that Theo likes me and I said to his friends Mary and Haley that I would only say yes if he asked me in person and today Mary told me to follow her when I ran into Hazel and I said just a sec to Mary. Then Jacob pulled me over to Theo and I told him Haley/Mary had to be by me so they came and he asked me “out”. I said no but we could still be friends because I probably wouldn’t date till 7th grade and to ask me next year and I might say yes! I really did like him!!

Also today Josiah asked me how old I was I said 11 and I asked him. He said 12 (We were cleaning our desks and we were done) Then he asked me who I liked and I told him to tell me me who he likes first. He wouldn’t tell me so I said I liked Tod and tony and he said that didn’t count cause that was Taylor and Clarissa. Then I asked Tod who he liked and she wouldn’t tell me but when we walked away from Josiah she told me he likes me! I didn’t believe Tod then on the bus I told Piper the story of Theo. And Piper said I know who else likes you and she said Josiah. It must be true. I thought Josiah liked me because he is always sticking tape in my hair and giving me pens/pencils. I didn’t say anything though. I’m asking tomorrow.

#diary #journal #2010 #first crushes #my life #October #October 28 #6th grade #elementary school #diary entries #journal entries #diary entry #journal entry #crushes #11 years old #talking to the void #talkin 2 myself #true story

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my2010steenlife · 6 months

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My first post! I thought it would be a nice free therapy to relive my life from the diary I wrote as a teen. I tend to internalize stuff and this is my way of letting it go into the universe. I’m changing all the names to protect people’s identities not that anyone will even read these posts. But if even one person does read this and can relate I want to let you know you are not alone. I was not a happy teen I’ve struggled with a lot of things and that can be seen through my diary entries. Knowing I wasn’t alone helped me to keep fighting and maybe if this finds the right person it will inspire you to keep fighting too. I promise it’s worth it even if you think it isn’t. And maybe I’ll learn a thing or two about myself along the way

#my life #diary #diary entries #true story

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