nicistrying

[nicistrying]

Sat 27th April

Well I made it to the weekend although yesterday at work was kind of rough just purely from an anxiety point of view

Got up early to walk Maggie, I needed to get outside. Was a beautiful morning but still v chilly

Matt's mam text him at 7.30am asking to meet us for a walk. I said please no, I've set myself a boundary that I just want one fucking quiet weekend. But they did need to drop his bday presents off. Turned out later that they couldn't meet us for a walk as they needed to help a friend get a tractor out of the mud, thank god, but they came round to 'drop the presents off' and they were here for over an hour. Interrograting about the wedding, wanting us to invite more of their family as a couple of people can't make it etc , bearing in mind I have already ordered place settings and am about to order the table plan so I don't want the guest list to change. Matt said we may invite my maid of honour's parents and his mam came back with 'well they're not really important are they' like excuse me they literally took me in when my mam kicked me out at 16. They took such good care of me when I was in a shitty place. Fuck you 'they're not important'. Now I want to invite them just out of spite.

So that pissed me off straight away. Then it was 'let's get these pies in your freezer, oh god your freezer is so disorganised, the whole thing needs sorted out' like ok i'm sorry I didn't have time to reorganise the fucking freezer on my cleaning spree before you arrived, trying to not give you anything about the house to complain about.

'When are you going to do the escape room with your brothers why are you so disorganised' we're fucking busy! In the next 2 months, we have 3 weekends free and that's before Matt takes his shifts at work for June.

Like please, make me feel even more shit! Please do that! I really need that right now! Just say one fucking nice thing, would that actually kill you?? I complimented his mam's hair and she just went 'meh I don't like it they cut it too short' Just say thank you! Jesus christ

I'm seriously losing patience with them. They seem so pissed that we actually spend time with my family occasionally, as if we should spend every spare second with them. Like no, there are two people in this relationship and we both have family to see. Our entire existence does not revolve around you

Had a nap when they left (it was 11am lmao) and we went for a walk in a park where we used to live and it was lovely and nostalgic. Pets' Corner was open so we went to see the animals - billy goats, pygmy goats, ducks, rabbits, guinea pigs, guinea fowl, lots of sweet little birds, and a beautiful peacock and peahen. This dude was looking particularly handsome today

We got ice creams, and had a lovely walk. I started getting mega anxious on the way back to the car thinking wtf am I going to do when we get home and Matt has to go work on his assignment.. turns out I'm sitting in my pyjamas feeling gross and irritable and sad. He wants us both to go walk Mags but I need to just sit here and decompress I think

#not doing good yall #personal #mental health #family #in-laws #kinda hate them atm ngl #nic's wedding #wish we had eloped #saved ourselves 20K and just fucked off to a hill in scotland to get married alone #too late now #anxiety #sad #idk if im depressed enough to tag depression how sad is that #ugh #walk #Maggie

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Matt: How are you feeling how's your anxiety today?

Me: Oh I'm fine just still v overwhelmed and a bit paranoid and had a minor anxiety attack at work but luckily the guy I was sitting with was really lovely about it and just joked about it with me all day. Idk I just feel so sleepy though and have no appetite and feel slightly nauseous all the time, can't fall asleep at night despite being exhausted, absolutely no interest in exercising though I've been trying to get myself to work out all week and still haven't. The dishes have been sat soaking for an hour and I can't bring myself to go and wash them.

Matt:

Me: oh fuck I think I'm depressed

This has literally been me (although mostly undereating bc no interest in food) the past couple of weeks and I somehow didn't put 2 and 2 together

#not sure what to even do with this hypothesis tbh #i think im just generally v overwhelmed theres so much going on #im hoping i can start doing things to help me feel better this weekend bc i have no plans #other than to see my godson on sunday #other than that the plan is just 100% self care and rest #it was just funny saying all these things out loud and being like hm that sounds familiar #personal #mental health #struggling #except this time i know i #'ll be okay #which is v comforting

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james clear

#needed to see this today

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I was supposed to go to bed an hour ago but she jumped up from her nap and got up here to cuddle with me so I just can't move

#personal #snuggles #Maggie #puppy

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Ellen Knudsen Glacier National Park 2023

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Knew I was due a mental breakdown. Just absolutely broke down sobbing so hard I've given myself a splitting headache. Calling in sick tomorrow bc fuck this

#personal #nic has a breakdown #im not even 100% sure whats wrong with me but i havent been right for weeks tbh #just kept forcing myself up and out bc i thought that was the right thing to make myself stronger #guess not

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Monday 22nd April

Guess who woke up and had a panic attack through the night like it's 2018 again! It was horrible. It's been actual years since I had a proper panic attack where I've felt like I was going to pass out. But at least I know it was bc I was stressing so much about my sister. Matt walked Maggie for me this morning so I could catch up on some sleep which I really needed.

Worked from home today, managed to work out on my lunch break! Just a quick core workout but it made such a difference to get it done through the day.

Coach Maggie ready to help as always

Had some leftover tofu 'keema' for lunch, was going to share some fruit with Mags but she wouldn't have it bc the apple was slightly brown from having been chopped earlier. So more for me 😌

She's a cute office buddy though

Walked her after work, made a big batch of bolognese, bath, Fallout, bed. Maggie spent her evening hanging out the back door, just watching the world go by 🥺

And now we are snuggling before bed while Matt makes his lunch for tomorrow. I am sooo grateful to have so much time to spend with my girl these days ❤️

#fitblr #personal #health blog #fitness blog #workout #core #health #fitness #active fitblr #personal fitblr #Maggie

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"if I'm not sexy to 90 percent of the population, that's okay because the other 10 percent's gonna have a great time"

#god i fucking love Whoopi Goldberg #love her even more now after watching this #saying that on tv in the 80s! what a fucking legend

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Reposting this because I need to materialize it somewhere.

#ouch #tag yourself i'm fear of abandonment #hence running myself into the ground trying to take care of everyone #see my last post lol

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Sunday 21st April

What a weekend 🥴

Yesterday was Matt's birthday so I made him breakfast in bed and we went for a lovely walk with Maggie, saw all her friends, had a great time 🥰

I went out and did a big grocery shop for my sister bc she said she had been really struggling with money lately as she's between jobs and will miss April pay cutoff at her new job so won't get paid until the end of May. She's also getting evicted from her house bc she's unable to get a mortgage to buy it, so the landlord is just giving it to her daughter instead which is shitty. So she's having a really tough time so I went and bought her just a load of food she can make meals with and stuff bc she said she had been sending the kids up to their dad's house for dinner bc she didn't have enough food in. Which fucking sucks. So got all that, finished off Matt's birthday cake - coffee & walnut, his fave. And then started on my nephew's cake! Which annoyingly I forgot to take a pic of when it was finished 😭

Matt's birthday card and mug from Maggie arrived

It has a photo from the day we got her, one of the funniest moments of her life when she got stuck between the sofa cushions, and one of them together on the side of a mountain and it says Best Dog Dad. He usually hates stuff like that but he loves it 🤭

Cleaned up the kitchen about 3 times after all the baking, realised it was 5pm and I had 30 mins to get ready, and we went out with Matt's family for dinner. We went to a Vietnamese place and it was so good. His parents were difficult as always but they left after food and we stayed out for a few drinks with his brothers and we had a fun night. He was really happy to have everyone together ❤️

Came home a little tipsy I think around midnight, got up early again this morning to walk Maggie so Matt could have a lie in. Thank god though, he woke up not long after me and offered to do the walk so I did all the housework that didn't get done all week. The house is finally sort of back to normal so I felt much better. Finished off my nephew's cake, and went over to my sister's to see him. We just had a few of his friends round and all the adults sat having a couple of drinks and eating snacks. It was lovely! I was so nervous to give my sister all the food but she took it really well, I tried to frame it as a working from home hamper bc her new job is full time WFH and I said in my experience you realise how fucking hungry you are when you're not out at work distracted by other stuff, but she didn't see all the meat, tins, fruit and veg in the bottoms of the bags so I really hope she isn't offended when she does. I know she's way too proud to ask anyone to help but it's not fair that she has to sacrifice having dinner with her kids. So I wrote her a little card and explained that I know she'd do the same for me. Haven't heard from her yet but she was super happy when I brought the stuff into her garage. Drove home feeling pretty icky (again! Wtf is going on with my body), I was shivering I was so cold and had the heaters blasting in my face the whole drive home and had an awful headache despite chugging water all afternoon. Curled up in my pjs when I got home, had a cup of tea and felt much better. Currently in a hot bath, ready for an early night. Think I'm just run down tbh, it's been a crazy busy few weeks.

Oh also! I got The Photo for the wedding thank you cards! Finally the sun was out and she was smiling and the crown stayed on her head for more than half a second 🙌

So I can order those this week!!

Hope everyone had a lovely weekend 🥰🥰

#personal #needless to say i didnt manage to work out this weekend lol #family #birthdays #cake #baking #Maggie #nic's wedding #personal fitblr

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#oooooo so pretty

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Now that I’ve had a meal and a nap, I can make a post. Level Up was hard but good! Don’t have the professional photos yet but here are some action shots ⚡️🩵

#yessss huge well done omg

[nicistrying]

Sooooo sleepy, it's been a busy week 😴 and a full weekend ahead too, we went out for dinner tonight, came home and I baked Matt's bday cake, need to decorate it tomorrow. Shopping to do tomorrow for my sister and a few bday bits as it's also my nephew's bday on Monday so we're seeing him Sunday. Out for dinner tomorrow with Matt's family. Bake another cake for my nephew, go visit him on Sunday. Gonna be a crazy busy couple of days, but all nice stuff ❤️

#i can do it #but i am so very sleepy also #weekend #i would honestly just love one quiet weekend doing nothing at all #personal

[nicistrying]

Thanks for tagging me 😅

1. My little family

2. Light mornings now we are finally in spring, being able to listen to the birds while walking with Mags

3. A hot cup of tea in bed - a rare luxury!

4. Good food - primarily pizza and chocolate ngl

5. Long walks with good views

I'm all anxious tonight and idk who to tag so I tag everyone who sees this 😂

List 5 things that make you happy, then put this in the askbox for the last 10 people who reblogged something from you! get to know your mutuals and followers 💖

So I’m going to skip the obvious like loved ones and mutts. A constant. A something I am always grateful for. So here are five little things.

1. Herbs and spices. I don’t like boring food. For example, I had sautéed Whelks for dinner. Herbs and spices can take the most mundane foods and make them amazing. I have a ton of them.

2. Finding an animal I have never found before.

3. My ability to enjoy lengthy periods of solitude and my own company.

4. Meeting people who are truly genuine.

5. Seeing something in the exact moment when it will make an awesome picture, and taking a picture of it.

I tag @carnalreincarnated @darkhawk1126 @heatherannchristie @yourroseone @edwardabbeyhoffman @todds-likes @mstacobelle @findingforest51 @the-merry-gnome @persephone-sighed

#thanks for tagging me

[nicistrying]

Tues 17th April

Up early to walk Maggie. The weather is suddenly freezing here again and my body can't keep up! But we had a nice walk.

Came home and logged on for work, I was on the phones in the morning but thank God they were quiet. I only took about 10 calls all morning and they were all pretty straightforward.. until the last one where ths lady was so fucking rude because I explained I couldn't remove costs that had been correctly applied. Like don't get me wrong, I will remove costs if I can find any reason at all to justify it but we got an email from one of our managers saying we were removing too many so we have to be sure we can back it up with policy. This woman had absolutely no reason to have them removed, she hadn't paid a penny or contacted us since the letter was issued almost 4 weeks ago, she blamed that on her post being handed to her neighbour who only gave it to her yesterday but I confirmed the address we had on file was correct so it wasn't that we had issued anything to the wrong place. Anyway I got a second opinion from another officer and went back to her and explained even after getting a second opinion and taking everything she said into account, it wasn't an error with anything we had done so I couldn't remove the costs. She started shouting at me how disgusting that is and I kept so calm and professional but I was shaking by the time I eventually got off the phone 😂 So that pissed me off but I was just doing emails all afternoon so just chilled out and ate snacks.

Walked Mags again, we played ball on the field and had a lovely time 🥰

Worked out when I got home - leg day, just bodyweight as still not feeling 100% but it definitely did the trick and I felt good for it

Made tofu & mushroom 'keema' for dinner - it was so time consuming to make but nice to try something new! Turned out pretty tasty

Watched some Fallout, then bath and bed as another early start tomorrow 😴

#fitblr #personal #health blog #fitness blog #health #fitness #workout #walk #Maggie #food #vegan #dinner #leg day