notesby19
Notes by 19
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The Cost of Death
To die in in my city it would cost a minimum of $425 for a small square plot and ~ $1150 for a polymer, air-tight container. Additional services are extra. I don't have enough for that. To die and be cremated would cost ~$245 for the kiln and another $375 for a polymer vault. I have just enough for the cremation - so that's the way it's going to be.
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Landed on Mars, no sign of intelligent life
Landed on the Moon, seen the distant signaling with sparks and booms that everything isn't ok over there, little cries for help is how it looked
Landed on the clouds, watched the water fall, not enough to quell the disrest, anger or booms
Landed on a roof, where the water fell and listened to the people shout below, they were louder than the booms
Landed on the Earth, among the sticks and stones, the booms got louder
Landed in a home, things were weird here as well as the 'people' - the source of the booms became very apparent
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Dirty lips, sin kisses
Dry lips, don't move
Sly lips, move often
Create commotion
Carrion words
Gas lights
Tongue fights
Purported ties
Soothing lies
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Script 2
Well you’d be surprised to hear that there is this big-swinging professor out there that treads through creeks on head fulls of hallucinogens trying to rewrite the story of life and derive primordial truths but still arriving at the road always traveled, the same mildewed means. He even wrote a whole book of just questions he's riddled by. Chapters and chapters of only questions he can't answer and it bothers him. Huh?... is there no other way? No shortcut? It’s all the same? What’s the point of calling shots? Are all the ends the same? ‘Alternative Science’ Pauli calls it -I could see him, alone, in a wild stream, eyes closed thinking intently visualizing fundamental patterns, scintillating ripples, droplets among a buzz of wind, along with the cold wind relearning of collisions, impacts, flow, sheens, membranes, layers, congruences, symmetries, lamellars, structures, reasons, densities, configurations, conformations, energies, heat, vibrations and charges. He was stunned that it was all the same. Misplaced spatiotemporally, we are lost in the curry.
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Script
I think it was about two years ago when I hitched a ride with a philosopher and he was blasting… and I mean BLASTING Tchaikovsky, he seemed like a very neat and organized fella - we pattered back and forth on simulation theory or something and he found likeness in my thought to Camus’ Plague and made a connection to the recent trajectory of modern philosophy to be actively evolving form from the inbent and esoteric into a creeping mold, devouring spots you wouldn’t expect and breaking boundaries from armchairs, journals, anthologies and antiquities to strange, strange positions all while still digging firmer into modern literature. Look and imitate. Choose your own adventure, or create, maybe. Philosophy is everyday now. It’s in our numbers now. Suzuki is the leftover spill that has trickled into the music… which everybody loves… not everybody loves calculus - but the thing is, calculus is our world and music is just a sensory experience…Think about it… dance is an instinct… babies even dance to music. The Montessori of Music, in reference to traditional ‘knowledge,’ Pauli has been proven to hold-up with numbers as well.
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War Today
The people are hungry
The people are poor
The people are in the streets
The men are singing
The women are crying
The children are dying
There are bombs
The bombs are always loud
There is death
There is war
#19#poem#poetry#spilled thoughts#free write#spilled ink#thoughts#spilled words#spilled writing#writing
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As it turns out the Observer Effect not only rules my quantum world but it also rules my macro world - realized today when I watched myself clean for the first time in months because of the expected arrival of a visitor... The first in months! The power of another set of eyes..huh?
As an aside this flow of metacognition afforded another realization: an awareness to my recent hermit-like lifestyle over the past months and thus initiated a spiraling degenerate internal dialogue... Debating whether hermic was equivalent to saying 'hermit-like' seeing as hermetic was already taken; under my own pressure, as it turned out.
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I like to think I'm above average because I can have complex and complete -- but then again I struggle to stay on topic. Average is fine, right? Nothing is wrong with average.
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recent thoughts
green dew, moon rise, sun drops and blue morning
what are parents if they are sadists?
is Prozac a drug? Idk but it feels like it is... or at least it makes me crave cocaine - thankfully I restrain.
Why try when I see WW3 in the headlines?
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Opening my eyes and looking at an unread message on my phone her photo was plastered there —the same girl in my dream— followed by something about how she wanted to get together today —I don’t remember her from last night, I remembered her from my dream. I replied back "who is this" and by her cliche automatic response, "sorry I thought you ghosted me, I really wanted to hook up with you but you were gone. Want to hang out today¿" Clearly a scam/catfish attempt ...but this was the exact girl in my dream. What in the fuck? In fact last night I only spoke with men, first my colleague and we had some grotesque 'guy talk' after three beers re dildos and cocaine, adding ample shame to the start of my new day. The second was a chatty guy named Jon, no 'H', he emphatically inserted to his introduction … I don’t know what we spoke of beyond that…or I barely remember. But what I can distinctly remember is this nose-pierced red-head, and she undoubtedly was the same desired face in my dream, not twenty minutes ago, verbatim and concisely. The message was unread, and considering my patchy, at-best, memory from last night perhaps I somehow am missing something
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Motherfucker
Yazek was a motherfucker, not just because he was my stepfather but because he brutally murdered my cat.
#19#prose#hard sentence to write#spilled ink#spilled prose#poem#poetry#writing#words#creative writing#spilled thoughts#art
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