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I love this whole monologue and also have a lot of feelings about how Wen Kexing separates himself from his past as Zhen Yan, before he had to become a different person to survive.

#shl #shan he ling #山河令 #word of honor #wen kexing #gong jun #feelings

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Sad thought of the day: what (or rather who) post-coming back to life WWX dreams about going back to in Lotus Pier.

#wei wuxian #wwx #jiang yanli #cql #the untamed #the untamed gif #shijie

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Following up on this post where Wen Kexing says that his father was not a clever man:

Zhen Ruyu was a good man who expected other people to be good too, and it got him and his wife killed. You can see how WKX decided that he wasn’t going to make the same mistake, that if he had to be cruel to survive, he wouldn’t hesitate.

But you can also see that there’s still kindness in him in spite of that, in the way he treats A-Xiang and Chengling and sometimes Zhou Zishu (and even Han Ying). Maybe he’s more like his father than he intended to be...

#shl spoilers #shan he ling #shl #wen kexing #wkx #zhou zishu #zzs #my gifs #mine #word of honor

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It’s interesting that usually Wei Wuxian doesn’t care about people calling him the son of a servant, but this time, Jin Zixun’s insults get to him. Resentful energy alone or also actual resentment that he doesn’t usually acknowledge?

#wei wuxian #lan wangji #wangxian #cql #the untamed #the untamed gif

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I forgot about this until I rewatched, but here is Wen Kexing making it very explicit that in his mind, Zhen Yan is dead and gone and he’s someone else.

I love this whole monologue and also have a lot of feelings about how Wen Kexing separates himself from his past as Zhen Yan, before he had to become a different person to survive.

#shan he ling #shl #wen kexing #wkx #word of honor #my gifs #mine

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This dialogue in the scene where Wen Kexing meets Gao Chong for the first time is way more painful on rewatch...

#shan he ling #shl #word of honor #wen kexing #wkx #gao chong #zhao jing #my gifs #mine #owwww

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Wen Kexing is such a good guy...

#wkx #wen kexing #gong jun #shan he ling #shl #my gifs #mine

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I’m very sad about this.

(Bonus sad context for the middle gif)

#wei wuxian #jiang cheng #jiang yanli #chen qing ling #the untamed #cql #the untamed gif #madam yu #my gifs #mine

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Gratuitous pretty Wei Wuxian (plotting to annoy Lan Wangji)

#wei wuxian #cql #the untamed #xiao zhan

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I have a lot of feelings about this and what it says about how Wen Kexing and A-Xiang lived much of their lives (in a world where no one would take pity on them).

#shl #shan he ling #word of honor #wen kexing #wkx #gu xiang #a-xiang #my gifs #mine

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I randomly thought about this today and so now I need everyone to suffer anew with me.

Despite the difference in subs, Lan Wangji’s second set of questions is an exact echo of Wei Wuxian’s, and noticing this hurt me greatly. Wei Wuxian taught him to ask questions he never would have before, and this is what it came to (for a while).

#cql #the untamed #wei wuxian #lan wangji #wangxian

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Part 2 of this part of WKX’s monologue (Part 1 here)

#shan he ling #shl #word of honor #wen kexing #wkx #gong jun #wkx's monologue #my gifs #mine #shl spoilers

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I couldn’t cut even this sub-part of WKX’s monologue down enough to fit into one post so here is part 1. (Part 2 here)

#shan he ling #shl #word of honor #wen kexing #wkx #my gifs #mine #i love this scene so much #gong jun #wkx's monologue #shl spoilers

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I love this whole monologue and also have a lot of feelings about how Wen Kexing separates himself from his past as Zhen Yan, before he had to become a different person to survive.

#shan he ling #shl #word of honor #wen kexing #wkx #gong jun #my gifs #mine #shl spoilers #wkx's monologue

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Mianmian has had it with this patriarchy.

#mianmian #cql #the untamed #the untamed gif

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A parallel I noticed on rewatching SHL

#shl #shan he ling #word of honor #wen kexing #zhou zishu #ye baiyi #wkx #zzs #yby #shl spoilers #my gifs #mine

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Idol AU Wangxian Drabbles

I wrote an idol trainee AU Wangxian drabble (of 900 or so words) last year and now I wrote another 700 words of post-debut Wangxian in the same universe so I’m going to post them both together here:

Moving

Lan Zhan is so perfect and Wei Ying is torn between being impressed and being jealous. He works hard—they all do or they won’t last long—but Lan Zhan has more talent in his pinky finger than a lot of the guys here, and a lot of experience too, making him much closer to the goal of being a polished idol than most of them. Wei Ying has talent too, but the mentors keep telling him that he lacks polish and discipline and that, essentially, if he doesn’t get his shit together, he won’t make it to the end—or if he does manage it on the power of his charm, he won’t be successful after.

The trouble is that Wei Ying has never in his life been good at discipline, at least not the kind Lan Zhan has, where you speak respectfully to your teachers and don’t interrupt practice to make jokes, even when everyone is stressed out and a joke will help diffuse the tension. He’s never been good at doing things the way he’s supposed to if he doesn’t think it’s the best way, if a different dance move would make it more interesting or a change in the lyrics would make them them flow better, or if goofing off will keep him sane during the long hours of practice.

When they get put in a group together for the next challenge, Wei Ying suspects it’ll be a disaster, but he also sees it as an opportunity. Lan Zhan is the top trainee, after all, and Wei Ying’s been up there too. They have a good song and good choreography. If they pull it off, it’ll get them a lot of attention, and with it a lot of votes. They just, you know, have to not kill each other in the process. Unfortunately, that’s asking a lot, because Lan Zhan is respectful to their teachers, but he has very little patience for Wei Ying, especially after hours and hours of draining practice.

“Why can’t you take anything seriously?” Lan Zhan roars when Wei Ying trips him, which was both funny at the time and, in retrospect, a really stupid idea when they can’t afford any injuries. “Do you even want to be an idol?” It’s some ungodly hour of the morning on their third night practicing until almost dawn and even Lan Zhan is too exhausted to manage himself in front of the cameras. If he’s lucky, they’ll edit this out or frame it in some way that doesn’t make him look too bad, but Wei Ying’s more likely to get the villain edit if he’s not careful.

The thing is, Wei Ying does want very badly to be an idol, and he also wants Lan Zhan to like him, or at least to respect him. He wants to work side by side with Lan Zhan and put out good songs, good performances. He wants Lan Zhan to understand what not enough people understand: that he’s very serious about this, even if he shows it differently. He’s exhausted too, and it’s too hard to explain himself and too revealing even for the middle of the night to show how much he wants this.

“Hey, let’s all calm down…” says Nie Huaisang, fluttering nervously between them.

“I want to be an idol,” Wei Ying says flatly, looking Lan Zhan right in the eye. He can’t say anything more—how this is his last chance, how hard it was to get here without support, how all the criticism doesn’t roll off his back as easily as he pretends it does. He only looks at Lan Zhan, who for a long moment looks back at him, really looks at him for the first time and finally sees him. It’s a scary thing, being seen, and scarier still realizing how much he’s wanted Lan Zhan to see him.

None of their groupmates say a word, a heavy silence persisting until Lan Zhan finally looks away and Wei Ying can breathe again. “Let’s continue,” Lan Zhan says gruffly.

As they move into formation, he catches Wei Ying’s eye one more time and there’s understanding there, at last. He gives a curt nod, and just that acknowledgment surprises a broad smile out of Wei Ying. “Let’s do this!” he yells—and they do.

Beyond

Debuting is everything and nothing that Wei Ying dreamed of. It's live performances that make his blood hum, but never enough of them. It's appearing on shows and having people all across China laugh at his jokes but also worrying that people will misunderstand and judge him. It's fans screaming his name in excitement and anti-fans screaming his name in anger, with posts all over the internet praising him and just as many insulting him.

And it's Lan Zhan in his group, at his side through long days and stressful nights being reminded of every flaw, through the happy moments and the painful ones. It's Lan Zhan always with him but never his, and not likely to be his any time soon, not with so much riding on these two years of their limited idol group's activity. (He doubts, really, that Lan Zhan would ever want to be his, as much as they've fallen into a strange but comfortable sort of friendship. It’s asking too much of life to fulfill his idol dreams and have someone as perfect as Lan Zhan love him.)

Some nights, Wei Ying can't believe how lucky he is to be finally living his dreams, to get to sing and dance and go on all the TV shows he grew up watching, to be surrounded by his fellow idols who understand how much he loves performing in a way so few people ever did growing up. But some nights, he just wants to let it all go, to move to a foreign country or a farm in the countryside where no one has ever heard his name or thinks they know anything about him and no one will see it if he fails. Everything is so extreme now, the highs blissfully high and the abrupt falls to the lows jarring and frightening.

It's on one of those difficult nights that Lan Zhan finds him half-heartedly fiddling with his phone and sits down beside him. He doesn't say anything at first, but Wei Ying is so aware of his presence, of the too-small-and-yet-too-big distance between them. He's aware of how he was all smiles at their late dinner and yet Lan Zhan knows that he's upset, knows that Wei Ying isn't as impervious to self-doubt as he pretends to be.

"Wei Ying," Lan Zhan says at last, low and calm and steady. It makes Wei Ying feel steadier too, just hearing his voice. Lan Zhan is amazing like that, and Wei Ying wants to tell him that, but he's afraid of what Lan Zhan would think, of how he'd feel if he knew that Wei Ying deeply appreciates his friendship but wants so much more.

"I thought it would be easy," he says instead, though that's scary too. "I thought that once we debuted, I'd have to work hard, but I'd know what to do. But maybe it's never easy. Even if you're successful, you can always fall."

The silence stretches out long enough for Wei Ying to regret his words, to regret letting Lan Zhan see the depth of his fears, but then Lan Zhan says, "I'll catch you." His voice is still steady, but when he turns to Wei Ying, there's a fear in his eyes that's different but also similar, a fear that he's exposed too much.

"Lan Zhan." Wei Ying can't believe what he's hearing, or at least that it means what he thinks it does. But Lan Zhan's eyes hold his and he knows, because it's never taken many words for them to understand each other.

Wei Ying doesn't know who moves first, only that soon they're kissing, as soft and steady and full of promise as Lan Zhan's words. Then they break apart and he can't stop smiling; his fears haven’t disappeared, but they feel so much more manageable, more conquerable than they did before. Lan Zhan is smiling too, small but sure. "I thought..." Wei Ying starts, but none of that matters anymore. Instead, he says, "We'll get through this together. All of this, however long our careers last."

"And beyond," Lan Zhan says firmly.

Wei Ying's heart stutters and squeezes and he wonders how he could have misjudged Lan Zhan almost as badly as Lan Zhan misjudged him when they were training. "Yes," he agrees. "And beyond."

#wangxian #wei wuxian #lan wangji #au #fic #mine #idol au #idol trainee au #i watched too much chuang #cql #the untamed #mdzs #mo dao zu shi #wangxian fic #mdzs fic #cql fic #the untamed fanfic