#& i need to fucking apply to grad schools still FOR THIS FUCKING FALL

[lcevinolusola]

.

#im so stressed out rn about this grad school stuff #i have a meeting tomorrow with my advisor about questions i have but like god all this information online is so confusing & contradictory #some websites say grad school applications for fall 2024 close in december-january but most schools im looking at?? dont even start???? #accepting applications until fucking march????? so what???? is the truth??????? #and i dont know what i specifically want to study im bouncing between 2 and while yes they are EXTREMELY similar #i still cant decide between them and its giving me an identity crisis. like the similarity IS the problem its why i cant choose #i wish i was more decisive when it came to this stuff but im not and im just worried about spending all this fucking money to apply #to these schools and do all this research and work only to figure out. oh. this is not what i want. #and by then ive already spent so much money and im just. IM JUST!!!!!!!!!! #like i know what i want to do in a vague sense i know what my passion is i know what i love but within that are so many different options #and thats where i get stuck. #its been a night friends and im ready to scale the walls of my room and start howling at the moon #if anyone has any advice feel free to hit ya girl up bc lord knows i fucking need it lmao #personal

[bibleofficial]

after basking in the glow of my pettiness - writing on the mirror ‘would an adult leave their nail clippings on the shared vanity’ 4 my brother - karma got me, bc i accidentally knocked a fucking cactus onto my bed

#stream #i’m #u know what i was fucking right i don’t care #i knocked it at 1.06a & it is now 1.43a literally im using a folded towel as a pillow ALSKALSKALSKLAKSLA like #now i’ve got to do SO much laundry & fucking vacuum i’m going to end it all #BUT OH MY GOD ???? MY BROTHER IS FUCKING RIDICULOUS UR ALMOST 24 HOW DID U NOT FUCKING CLEAN UP UR NAIL CLIPPINGS #JESUS FUCKING CHRIST ????? WHAT IS WRONG W U !!! HE CANT EVEN FUCKING CHANGE THE TOILET PAPER ROLL WHEN HE FINISHES IT OH MY GOD !!!!!!! #like ‘why doesn’t he have a girlfriend’ mum look at this #U LOOK AT THIS #this is what u got #bc i’m going to kill myself #i want to smoke soooooooo bad but it’s ok bc i’ve chugged a glass of wine & then remembered i can get high & now i’m chillin #1.47a & livin the dream #if i start looking at myself & my surroundings i will have a breakdown #like omg at the fucking meeting on friday we had coworkers that graduated come back for what reason idk it was nice to see them but they’re #like ‘if u want. a gap year or 2 before grad school go ahead like u should do that’ & im like mama … #i’ve been in school for like 6.5-7 years …. like + minimester + summer courses 😭😭 like break ? #if i took a break i literally would not go back to school #like ALSKALKSLAKSLAKALA #& i need to fucking apply to grad schools still FOR THIS FUCKING FALL #like y’all …. #i’m going to KERMIT #like i- #i’m also just toyin in my head like #y’all what if i just fucking go to japan #like #it’s so unhinged like do u speak japanese ? no i fuckign do not but i DO know that u can get languages courses (intensive) for good prices #so i know i could learn japanese #like bro #why not

[septembermorningbells]

personal life rant under the cut sorry the quickest therapy appointment i could get was monday

okay this is fundamentally so unserious. but it has been driving me absolutely bonkers and i cannot really tell my friends about it without also driving THEM crazy also its juvenile but. here.

ok so quick lore update the girl who made me realize I was gay is one of my best friends and i met her when she directed a play i was in freshman year. this is important. realized my feelings sophmore spring and I eventually told her how I felt the fall of my junior year, when i was in another one of her plays, and she kind of flipped out bc she was studying abroad that next semester and I don't think she was in an emotional places to process everything. it was very unclear whether she actually returned my feelings and she never told me but it was a resounding 'lets just be friends!!!' regardless. after we fought for a month 🤪

ANYWAYS the next semester she goes abroad and we continue texting like every day but i eventually kind of get over it and i still love her but it transitions a bit. She comes back and we are closer than ever in the fall, we do so many things together and basically keep developing our already very close friendship.

now it's senior spring. she applied for a grant that would take her to grad school in england and of course I assumed she would get it bc she is like fantastically talented. i have briefly dated other people in the period in between but nothing really worked out and so i just resign myself to the fate of just hanging out with my friends and actually looking for love ugh when I move in september. but also at this point i know im kind of still in love with her so i was like 'enjoy this time with her because its our last semester in college and we are never getting this time back etc' and even though i want her in my life forever i knew it would be SO hard to see her go and move to another country for a while and maybe date other people. so i figured she would move and i would cry and be torn up but i would get over it. also, in the meantime, I have been entering into a bit of a flirtation with a girl we have both known for a long time (who is lovely) basically as a distraction but we both knew that it was NOT serious.

also for context: the friend is directing ANOTHER play right now that both me and flirtation girl are in. we are playing love interests.

so last wednesday she found out she didn't get the grant. me and our very good mutual friend (calling her X she will play a role later, she is also very very close with the girl lol) are SHOCKED. this means she will likely be with us on the east coast of the US with us. the following night, I go to a party with X, our friends, and the girl i have been flirting with. She makes a move on me at the party, which i wasn't quite expecting bc the play is ongoing and I am worried about making rehearsal awkward but i was like 'ok fuck it i guess isnt this what i set up i made my bed'

THEN X pulls me aside and is like 'grace wtf are you doing' and i said 'you literally knew about this and its not serious, why are you mad' and X says 'grace, she's not going to england', basically implying something about my friend and me. naturally, I freak out. I blow off the flirtation friend and basically spiral for the rest of the night and weekend. I eventually make X talk to me bc WTF

okay so the entire problem is that X can't say too much without compromising my friend which is fair. but basically X validated YEARS worth of feelings that me and my friend do not have a normal relationship, we have basically been dating for who knows how long, and heavily implied that after she found out i made out with the girl at the party she was jealous. after year(s?) of repressing my feelings this revelation obviously made me insane. BUT X was like 'you guys need to talk but you should probably wait until the play is over to do it' which is in THREE WEEKS. she said it maybe wasn't necessary but she obviously can't say too much to me and I feel bad putting her in this position but also WHAT. WHAT.

okay so. I feel like there's been a chip made in the side of the hoover dam of my fucking repression and i am having such crazy feelings and I can't really express them. I know my friend would probably prefer that we wait bc she takes her shows very very seriously (something i love about her!! so much!!!) but also we graduate in a month and i don't know if i can just not talk about what's going on for that long. also there is a fair chance we talk and we still have to just be friends which would kind of murder me (oh context her mother is like very homophobic and until this year she has been SO wary of relationships which i thought was permanent lol until X told me many repeated times that 'now it is different' WHAT DOES THAT FUCKING MEAN) but i would almost want to get that over with now????????? jesus christ.

to make things worse we are, as i stated before, graduating and so emotions are just running very high in general. we need to have this talk but I also want to have it at the right moment so things don't go to shit. but i have had a very hard time concentrating on anything. will be back to buisness soon but until then. jesus christ. just pray for me at this point idk what else to say

#*through gritted teeth* #i love being a lesbian. i love being a lesbian. i love being a lesbian.

[supercantaloupe]

i'm also looking for a job right now (one of those studying a degree needing a graduate degree to work, fml) and the job market is so fucked right now. i hope you do find one soon.

thank you for your kind thoughts. i think at this point, barring any potential one-off gigs i might get asked to play, it's really unlikely i'll get a job this summer. on the bright side i DO have a job lined up for the fall -- i'm working a fellowship at my university while i'm in grad school. it doesn't pay very much, but it funds the degree which is as good as deal as i could hope for (esp cause my program will probably take up to three years). i just really really wish i had something to do in the meantime over the summer; i hate sitting around without something to Do, and i'm bad at motivating myself to do stuff, and i hate the fact that i'm not able to contribute significantly to my own expenses yet. (of course i've extremely grateful to have a support system willing to help me while i'm at this point in my life, but i do WANT to be able to support myself at least in part by now.) but considering the fact that it's already mid june (and i'm out of the country for a week pretty soon), even if there were seasonal positions still available around me no one is realistically gonna hire me for only two months of work. i think i'm pretty much fucked on that account and i just have to get over it at this point. still, it would be nice if even a fraction of the jobs i've applied to so far would even message me back...but almost none of them have. sigh!

#sasha answers #anon #ty for your care. i appreciate it i do #and i hope you get a job soon as well #it just sucks. it's so frustrating. i can't even get a crummy grocery store cashier or barista job #which is about the only thing i'm 'qualified' for (because the qualifications don't require experience) #(and i still somehow get ignored or rejected when i apply...) #the only other shit that's consistently pushed at me on indeed are waitressing jobs and I Cannot Do That #like physically i would not be able to work that job (and i would probably crumple the second a customer was shitty to me) #(but i can't be on my feet for that long without significant breaks i'm just not physically capable) #what fucking gets me too is that like...i applied to internships and stuff that i AM qualified for. #i applied to performing arts jobs #i got interviewed for some of them! i thought i had a really good shot! #but i was rejected from all of them and i don't even really know why #which is just. really upsetting #especially when i have friends my age (and younger! with as much or less experience as me!) getting jobs in this field #jobs they love and love to talk about #and they're my friends. i am so happy for them. i am. i swear #but it also does sting a bit every time #knowing that they got it and i didn't #and some of them like to say how easy it is. how great a gig it is. #just apply! there are so many positions! you don't need a lot of experience! you would love it! #well. i would love it. i know i would. that's why i applied to similar programs here #and i got rejected. #everytime. #and now it's june and i have nothing to do with myself except waste time on tumblr and bake #and it just. sucks. #anyway. #i wanna talk about me #man i even picked my grad program specifically to make sure it would give me Marketable Skills(tm) when i'm out too.

[pinkiepiebones]

im glad things are looking up on the study stress front <3 good luck with it all, youre smart and good at what u do, papa is very proud <3 <3

Oh, me too. I was stressing pretty bad about having to go before the IRB to get my research proposal certified and then having to find a large enough pool of participantswhy can't my hair go white like normal people why does it just fall out I fucking hate this stress response For the sake of this "applied research" version of the paper I'm probably still going to need to find someone who can translate one of the items that'll go in the appendices but like. Just the notion of not having to dress and act Neurotypical™️ for research conducting is so nice.

PAPA BETTER BE PROUD >:( I'm so steamed I won't be able to see him on this leg of the tour/give him an invitation to my graduation.* I bet I'm one of the very few grad school people he's ever met that also happen to have given him a cool shirt. By the end of the year he'll be able to say "oh, this fucking cool shirt? Yeah, a MASTER ZOMBIE gave me it. We're Shirt Buddies!" 💖💖💖

*[My cunning plan was to give the band an invitation card but inside it would say "look, I know you can't make it, but if you want to send a congratulatory message..." and then I'd list my email. Hohoho, so clever. Oh well.]

#ghost bc #listen the saga of Papa and me and our matching shirts gives me life

[ladyloveroll]

♣️

lately the hate has been coming back. probably over the past few months. maybe its the holidays. maybe its my growing impatience.

but i had to do something to distract me back in october. and to see that it only got me three months is hard to take. i start my grad program next month and i am HANGING onto the hope that itll distract me long enough to stop feeling so much rage.

i hate it here. i truly fucking do. every quarter, this goddamn state government does something that pisses me off so bad that it validates my decision to move. except that— i also won’t go through the struggle again. im not going to move to chicago and feel the squeeze of not being able to afford to live there. coming from such a “low cost of living” state is hard for me to imagine i could have enough to even survive in chicago (and i have a good job!).

i push it all down. i increase the dosage of my antidepressants. i bury my mind in fandom. i stop looking at TWT because i cannot stand to see dead Palestinian children or their people be lined up in front of a firing squad. i can’t deal with it. i feel so much guilt for being able to block it. i feel like “well I SHOULD witness these atrocities and DO SOMETHING about them” and then fucking lankford puts out a letter with deep deep sympathies for israel. and i feel so hopeless and angry and one time i got the courage to call his desk even though his aid was probably just going to roll their eyes and then that same day i ran over something in the road because THERE IS ALWAYS SOMETHING ON I-40! and then lost the drive. (i did email all the offices, but i know emails are weaker than phone calls)

i try to look to luffy. it sounds so idiotic but i do. the whole point of OP is doing something that seems impossible and despite the haters and the obstacles /you still try/. you try so very fucking hard with all your heart.

but i am so tired of trying and i haven’t even called the fucking representatives. it feels cowardly. i know it is hopeless.

i apply it to getting myself through grad school and moving the fuck away from this place instead. selfish, i know, but the other route just is. not. working. so perhaps i need to change gears.

i hope i dont fall back into drinking heavily again. instead I just take edibles ALL DAY LONG to numb. To numb. how is that any better other than the obvious health consequences. shouldn’t I be in misery too alongside the people who cannot just “turn twitter off”? survivors guilt is STRONG. hopefully my distractions are stronger.

#microblog #except this is a long one lol

[87435678753256732]

Update // September, 2022

where: room

doing: laying, listening to Kokomo, IN by JP

hey! it’s been a while. i stopped entering new blogs after covid, school, and work started picking up again.

Well now it’s 2022 and i’ve finally graduated! this was back in may, so it’s been a couple of months. I now have a BS(haha) and am planning on applying to grad school this fall (this month act HAHA) AHHH i’m terrified. i work full time now at a place related to my degree. i love my coworkers, although i wish we got more employee appreciation such as free food jeje. bare minimum pizza parties?? cmon yall. I’m still at Target here and there, mostly to start saving up for grad school cus a bitch is BROKE. holidays are coming up so that’ll be fun. i started physically journaling as well but that didn’t last long either. i started therapy this time last year. i liked her at first but definitely caught some red flags. finally almost a year later i got the guts to terminate and got a therapist that has a similar background and is a beast at processing. she did call me out tho LMFAO on stuff i’m a bit hypocritical on.

life was pretty much become work, rest, work, rest. i have been drifting a bit from my college friends because they’re still in school, but i try to reply in the gc. my hs friends i’ve pretty much lost contact with. the only person i actively speak with is aracely who i adore. but i only see her irl like twice a year. trying to get better at catching up with friends. i haven’t been worried about my social life bc so much of it is online, so it’s easy to communicate. my twitter bud cameron keeps me updated on twitter drama and bs that the internet shits out, and my other pals i keep in touch by watching their stories LOL. my friend sun told me he cannot go a week without speaking to his friends which makes me feel bad for him. i couldn’t imagine being so dependent on others like that. now for the juicy stuff. i’ve been pretty much single for the entirety of this blog. i actually started this as a way to see my progress mentally. although i haven’t scrolled ALL the way down, i already can tell it’ll be cringey as FUU. teenage me was dramatic asf. i’ll be 23 this year, and at a place where i can feel my frontal lobe finally forming lolol. dating apps have always terrified me, mostly bc i felt a form of embarrassment from having others see me. yet, they can’t judge cus they’re also on the app as well LMFAO. so i never went through with it. instead i lurked through the internet in places where i was the most comfortable in. and after a few months of slithering through the cracks, i stumbled upon a post that caught my attention. this was about spring time this year. i didn’t have the guts to hit this person up and instead contemplated the idea for some days but eventually talked myself out of it. the next couple of months i went back to walking through the back rooms of the web. early this summer that same person posted something, i recognized their user, so i said “fuck it” and hit them up. i did use a burner account tho and not my actual account from when i was 18 LMFAO. roach milk some would call it. he ended up replying and we started talking online. once it hit the weekend, he asked if i wanted to hang out irl which i started panicking and trying to come up with excuses LOL i was just scared. the first date went great imo and we kissed at the end. the kiss SUCKed bc i was uncomfy on our location and also bc i had just met this person.

i just need to stop my brain from trying to sabotage my happiness. my body image has also gotten a bit better, especially considering he’s seen every spot in my body lmfao. i’ll be bring up the self sabotage to my therapist next week so hopefully i’ll have something to update y’all on soon.

[lovenona]

and i repeat: anthropo-ceramics geto suguru is the type of toxic where he'd take your virginity, make a sculpture about the experience, then smash it on the ground as a metaphor

this ask is my entire life. this ask is my lifeblood. everyone please saddle up for the ride of a lifetime, otherwise known as 1500ish words of toxic geto featuring sukuna being a good fucking friend – please continue at ur own risk this absolutely contains geto being a pretentious toxic fucker and mentions of virginity/first time but yes i guarantee it does have a happy ending (link to the full college! cinematic universe here) 

let’s begin with the basics – why wouldn’t you fuck geto suguru? he has the type of beauty that lingers on the back of your eyelids even after you’ve long since departed from him; it’s the kind of fragrant, lasting beauty that you think sculptors muse over when they coax life from their marble. he’s smooth, like still water, and calming, like the sound of birds rustling and leaves swaying at dawn. he is helen: a beauty that nations would go to war over. 

and sure, he is pretentious, the kind of toxic pretentiousness that festers inside of all pretty boys who call themselves “leftists” but can’t be bothered to call their mothers or to care about their partners. but it’s the way he speaks, the way he looks at you with such fervor and attention in his eyes that you’re utterly willing to let him break your heart. 

and maybe it’s not often that someone looks at you the way geto does: it’s not often that someone looks at you like they want you, body and soul. and it feels nice to be cared about, to be flirted with, even if the figure doing the flirting condescends you in a way that is different, harsher, colder, than the way ryomen sukuna does. 

so geto suguru takes you on dates. after the avant-garde poetry reading, in which you feigned excitement as he recited a poem on global imperialism that you didn’t quite vibe with, he brings you to local bookstores with overpriced yuppie memoirs, farmers’ markets with organic fruit, human rights protests and philosophy meetings where greasy boys bitterly discuss the communist manifesto. he takes you to dinner, too, to vegan restaurants that you can’t help but rave about on yelp later and to bars where they serve your cocktails in mason jars. 

geto suguru, for all his faults, is incredibly lighthearted with you; he makes you feel beautiful and desirable and warm, even when he’s explaining anthropology to you with such intense vigor that you lose track of his meaning. after everything, you’d be lying if you said you regretted your time with him.

after awhile you let geto fuck you – and yes, he was your first time, which you were naturally quite nervous about. but you appreciated him because he waited for you; he never pressured you into behaviors you didn’t want; he never asked you for services you weren’t ready to provide. and so when you slept with him, after an invigorating open-mic night at the fair-trade coffee shop near campus, you felt ready for the intimacy. geto made you feel attractive, comfortable, safe. he praised you the whole night, gave you caresses that lit you up like fireworks, provided such a level of god-tier aftercare you still reminisce about it, even now. 

but that’s the thing about anthropology-ceramics major geto suguru: he’s quietly toxic. he’s a poison that sneaks up on you, infecting your bloodstream when you least expect it. 

you weren’t sure if geto wanted to pursue a relationship, either. you’d fucked, sure, and you went on dates, but he was always the type to avoid long-term commitments. rumors float around campus of the many partners he’s ghosted, of the relationships he exploited for his own “artistic musings.” they aren’t loud rumors, to be sure, but they hang around his aura like a strange, ghostly scent. 

geto is a pretentious little fuck. you’ve known it and agreed to enter his circle anyway. maybe you hoped, perhaps naively, that the rumors would simply not apply to you.

which was a stupid idea. three weeks after the experience, since which you have only spent one-on-one time with geto only a few times, mostly to talk about school, the art department hosts an art show. it’s a regular occurrence, where the art students show off their best works, grad students display their in-progress theses, and outsiders can browse the displays, drink wine, offer to give outstanding students jobs and internships. it’s truly a big fucking deal for the art department; many of the school’s the most successful artists received their first acclaim here. 

you’ve always enjoyed attending, even if the level of talent and expertise sometimes intimidates you, even if you know you’ll never be on this level. you know sukuna’s got a few paintings lined up to be on display – paintings you’ve modeled for, drawings you’ve watched him labor over for hours on end. you reckon that for all your begrudging time together, you might as well show your face in support. 

but what you didn’t count on was geto’s contribution.

at this art show, there are, every now and then, some interactive performances, speeches, explanations on certain works. so it happens that from the back of the auditorium you watch geto take the stage, wheeling a small, white sculpture behind him. from your perspective it could have been a flower – perhaps a lily, but you can’t be certain. 

(geto always did like sculpting precious, dainty flowers.)

he doesn’t call you by name, but he doesn’t have to. he talks at great length in that smooth voice of his about the construct of virginity, the purity culture plaguing the globe, the emotional sensitivity of having your first time. geto seguru tells an avid audience what you felt about fucking for the first time. he recreates the entire night for two hundred listeners: he recalls the foreplay, the insecurity, the orgasms. he doesn’t call you by name. he doesn’t have to. 

he may have asked for your consent the first time. but he certainly did not ask your permission to do this. 

you’re not sure if you should laugh or cry when geto dramatically smashes his own sculpture, citing the “destruction of virginity” and  the need “to demolish a social desire to classify one’s morality based upon their sexual activity” and “the symbolic popping of the cherry” among other phrases that are utter bullshit. you’re watching the fragments dance across the stage and you feel exploited. you feel used in a way that feels utterly worse than anything else geto could have done.

did he ever like you? or were you simply a muse for this moment? 

you’re about to ditch the art show and go wallow in self pity at your apartment when a familiar presence slides in beside you.

“that’s kinda fucked,” sukuna says, hands in his jacket pockets. he’s looking at you out of the corner of his eye. his tone tells you he’s joking. maybe he just doesn’t know. “no one gives a shit about virginity constructs anymore, idiot.” 

“yeah,” you respond, but the energy is gone. you feel strange, like you’re hovering outside of yourself. your head hurts: you’re angry. you decide you’d like to cry when you get home. “what a piece of shit.” it comes out strangled and lost. 

sukuna notices the dejection in your voice, the sag in your shoulders, the way you’re just barely able to hold yourself together. he may be arrogant, not ryomen sukuna is not mean.

a familiar arm around your shoulders, keeping your sanity together. “shit’s lame. let’s get the fuck out of here.” it’s a phrase that captures everything that remains unsaid between you: i’m going to beat the shit out of geto the next time i see him. that’s absolutely unbelievable.

you never explicitly told sukuna about your weird relationship with geto: you didn’t have to. it was always evident to the both of you. it was written in the way you’d look a little bit longer in geto’s direction, in the way you let yourself be strung along and become someone else. you’ve hung around sukuna long enough that you know his body language and that he knows yours. you’ve hung around sukuna enough that there are a lifetime of stories that never need to be told. 

you nod. “yeah.” thank you. i know. 

you’re both uncharacteristically silent when you exit the auditorium, when you collect sukuna’s belongings that are still lounging by his artwork as you prepare to leave. ryomen sukuna is famous for never shutting the fuck up. but as you button your coat, he’s silent, and it’s strange. comfortable.

“thank you,” you say with uncharacteristic softness as he throws a sketchbook back into his backpack and zips it shut. 

“why?”

“for asking my permission,” you say, gesturing to the gallery wall behind him, to the painting of you – “eros” – that you had posed for awhile back. even now, you find that it captures an essence you did not know you possessed. “he didn’t. ask, i mean.” 

ryomen sukuna has always craved your attention. and maybe he’s glad he’s got it back – but it feels sour. he doesn’t understand why he’s so fucking upset for you. he doesn’t understand why he wants so badly for you to be happy again. what he does understand is that he plans for retribution. 

“that’s fucked,” he settles on. “what bastard doesn’t ask for consent?”

you smile – and he does too, one that’s less feral and almost kind. and so you fall back into routine, already, some kind of weight lifting from your shoulders. ryomen sukuna may be a menace, but you can rely on him, trust him: that much you know. 

“you know,” sukuna says offhandedly as you exit the building and enter the parking lot. “i know where geto’s car is, i’m just saying. and i’d be lying if i said i didn’t have an extra precision knife in my backpack right now.”  

#IDK YALL #SMTH ABT THIS JUST MAKES ME FERAL #IF U NEED A FOLLOWUP U KNOW WHERE THE ASK BOX IS #sukuna #sukuna x reader #ryomen sukuna #geto suguru #geto x reader #geto suguru x reader #jujutsu kaisen x reader #adele writes #artist!jjk #letters to adele #geto.seguru #ryomen.sukuna

[thinkingaboutyoungroyals]

Falling For You But You Are Worlds Away: Chapter 1

Summary: After a close call with a reporter that resulted in Simon getting hurt, Linda makes a difficult and heartbreaking decision. Meanwhile, Wilhelm returns to Hillerska, hoping to at least rekindle his friendship with Simon, only to find that even that was no longer possible.

Title inspired by Taylor Swift's "Come Back, Be Here."

Note: So... after several weeks of obsessing... I finally did it... I finally wrote Young Royals fanfic. And, I really shouldn't because I have Grad school and a part-time job and I barely have time to breathe.Speaking of that, I probably won't have a consistent update. There might be times when I disappear for several weeks. Please be patient and understanding with me, I'm still trying to balance school and work.

AO3 link

It was supposed to be a normal day of running errands – a trip to the grocery store, dropping off mail at the post office, and maybe getting ice creams as a treat on the way home. But, no, Simon should have known better than to think that his life would somehow go back to normal during Christmas. After all, the prince had denied his involvement in the viral video and Simon had broken up with him to give both of them some space. This all happened only a week ago.

But, even after all that trouble and heartbreak, here he and his family were, being chased down their own street by paparazzi with their stupid cameras and fake sympathy.

“Simon, won’t you tell us your side of the story?”

“Is Prince Wilhelm lying? Are you in a relationship?”

“Mrs. Erikkson, how did you react when you found out your son may have been involved with the prince?”

“Don’t say anything,” his mother hissed in Spanish, clutching Simon and Sara’s arms tighter against her side.

The plastic bag of groceries was digging into Simon’s skin and he wished he could adjust his grip but he didn’t dare slow down. Those hyenas at his heels could catch them and he didn’t want to give them that satisfaction.

But, then, Sara let out a startled scream. A reporter had grabbed her arm, making her drop the groceries. Clementines rolled out of the bag and onto the pavement.

And, just like that, Simon saw red.

“Let go of her!”

He ripped his arm from his mother’s hold and lunged at the reporter, pushing him away from his shaking sister. The reporter, a middle-aged man who had probably been doing this for a long time, released Sara. But, before Simon could pull her away to safety, searing pain exploded at his cheek. He tasted the blood before he even realized what had happened.

His mom and Sara screamed.

The other reporters began to yell at the first one. Things like “What is wrong with you?!” and “Fuck, you can’t touch our sources like that! We’re gonna get sued!”

His name was being called. It sounded like Sara.

But, Simon, feeling dazed and tired, just stared up at the bright blue sky. He didn't even realize he had fallen to the ground. It was a nice day, though.

It should have been an ordinary nice day.

 .....

“Thank you, officer, we really appreciate your help.”

“Just doing our job, ma’am. Please don’t hesitate to call us over if you see any more suspicious individuals around your home. We’ll send someone over, immediately.”

“Thank you.”

Linda bid the police officers a good day and shut the door. With them gone, she finally lowered her mask and allowed the weariness of the day to manifest in her bones. She leaned back against the closed door, letting out the breath she had been holding.

No matter how many times she had dealt with the police, it never failed to make her exhausted. She should be used to this by now.

When she and the kids still lived with Micke, it wasn’t uncommon for neighbors to call the cops to complain about her ex-husband disturbing the peace. Mostly because he was yelling at her and the children. Sometimes, even hurting her. (He never touched the children. Linda never let him. The one and only time he almost laid a hand on Sara was finally when Linda finally gathered her children, important documents, and a few meager possessions and fled into the night.)

Linda believed that they were past all that. That in this new life she built for herself and her children, they would never have to call the police to their home or worry about their safety ever again. But, after what happened to Simon today, she could no longer hold on to that dream. Not for the time being.

She knew what she had to do to keep her son safe, even if it hurt her. Even if Simon would resent her. She hoped he wouldn’t. That he would see that she was doing this for him.

Taking a deep breath to calm herself down, Linda straightened her shoulders, lifted her head, and began to make her way back to the living room, where she could clearly hear her children bickering on the couch.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” Sara asked her brother.

“I’m fine,” Simon answered, sounding annoyed. “He didn’t even hit me that hard.”

“You could have hit your head!”

“But, I didn’t.”

“You should have left him alone.”

“He touched you!”

Sara pressed her lips together and looked away as she dabbed ointment to her brother’s bruised lip. Simon flinched, which made his sister’s lips quirk to an amused smile.

But, despite her children looking seemingly okay, joking around and teasing each other the way they always did, Linda couldn't stop looking at that dark mark marring her son’s handsome face. 

Clearing her throat, she stepped into the living room.

“Mi amor, how are you feeling?” she asked, sitting on Simon’s other side.

“I’m fine, mama,” he replied, immediately. “It’s just a scratch, it will heal in a few days.” He grinned. “It makes me look badass though, right?”

Sara snorted. “More like reckless.”

“A reckless badass.”

“Mi amor,” Linda interrupted, gently, not wanting them to start bickering again. “There’s something I need to talk to you about.”

Simon straightened up, looking serious. Linda’s chest felt heavy as she took his hand in hers and stroked it. Sometimes, she wished her children were still small and had no other care in the world except for what candy they could get at the grocery store that week.

“It’s about school,” she began.

“I’ll transfer back to Marieberg,” Simon said, misunderstanding where the conversation was going. “I don’t mind. Sara can stay at Hillerska, she has friends there now, I’m sure she’ll be fine. Besides, Rosh and Ayub are excited to have me back.”

Linda shook her head. “I don’t think you should go back to Marieberg either.”

At that, Simon’s brow furrowed in confusion. “What do you mean? I should go to another school? There aren’t any others close by.”

Linda sighed as she looked her son in the eye. “When the… video… first came out...”

Simon flinched and looked down at his feet.

“... I thought about how to… protect you. Especially after what happened today-.”

“Mama, I can handle it,” he interrupted, still unable to look at her. “I was fine today.”

“No, you weren’t,” Sara interjected. “You got punched.”

Simon glared at her. “They’re just reporters, I can handle them.”

Linda squeezed his hand. “It’s not just the reporters, Simon. It’s also… the others. Remember that boy from the other day? He followed you home! He could have hurt you!”

Simon's eyes flashed in anger at the memory. “But, he didn’t, you drove him away. And I would have been fine, I could take him.”

“That doesn’t stop me from worrying!”

Linda ran a hand through her hair, frustrated and cursing her son’s stubbornness. Unfortunately, that was one thing he inherited from Micke.

“Anything could have happened and I can’t protect you! Not at school, not at the grocery store, not even here at home! And do you know what that does to me?! I worry about you every time you’re out of my sight, Simon!” 

Unbidden tears brimmed at Linda’s eyes but she refused to let them fall. She had to be strong. She was making the right decision.

“A few weeks ago, I called your Tia Elena. She already knew what happened, the news reached them...”

“Oh, God!” Closing his eyes, Simon groaned and fell back against the couch.

“… and she actually suggested that… you go to live with her for a while.”

Almost immediately, Simon’s eyes snapped open and he sat up. “What?”

“I wasn’t sure, before, because I don’t want you to be away from us. But, after what happened with that boy from the other day and the reporters today… I think this is the best thing for you.”

“To send me to America?! That’s the best thing for me?!”

Simon pulled his hand away from her hold and stood up, presumably to stalk off to his room.

Linda tried to blink away the tears. “Simon, mi amor, please! This is the only way to keep you safe!”

“You’re sending me away! From you and Sara and my friends! My whole life is here!”

“It’s only until this all dies down, I promise. You can transfer back to Marieberg next school year. But, just for this term. Please, Simon.”

She watched Simon’s stiff back as he processed her pleas.

“W-What about a visa?” he asked and the hope in it broke her heart. “Don’t I need one of those? And they take time, don’t they? By the time they process it, school’s gonna start and I still have to travel and-.”

“You have an appointment with the U.S. Embassy the day after tomorrow,” Linda interrupted. “Your Tia Elena took care of everything. She even sent some money along to help with the fees.”

“Oh.” Simon’s shoulders slumped in defeat. “W-Would they even have room for me?”

“There’s only her and Ana now ever since Ricardo left them. And she says you can work at her store to earn some extra money, if you want.”

From the corner of her eye, Linda spotted Sara, who was unusually quiet. Her daughter was staring at her brother, her face unreadable. It was difficult to read Sara these days. But, Linda hoped that her daughter understood why she was doing this.

Sara didn’t want to leave Hillerska and that was fine, she had gone ahead and applied for that Grant to be a resident. But, even if Simon applied for a Grant too and became a resident, he would still get chased by reporters. He would still get recognized and followed by creeps and people who wanted to do him harm in Bjarstard. But, in America, with Linda’s older sister, he could be safe from the scandal.  

“Is there really no other way?” Simon asked, softly.

Getting to her feet, Linda moved towards her son and wrapped him in her arms.

“Mi amor, I know this is difficult for you. It is for me, too. I want nothing more than for you to stay here in Sweden with me and your sister. But, I want you to be safe. I want people to stop stalking you and bothering you about something so… traumatic. You don’t deserve that. You deserve to go to school and live your life in peace. In America, no one knows who you are. You can live normally again, go to school, and even… date someone new.”

Simon flinched in her arms and she regretted her words.

What Simon had with Wilhelm was truly special, something for the books, the kind of love story you often watch on T.V. and read about in books. She had never seen Simon as happy as he had been when he was with the prince, even if they thought Linda didn’t know. (Of course, she knew! She was his mother!) It was only a shame that their story ended in a tragedy that not only broke her son’s heart but also brought negative and unwanted attention onto his life.

“Simon, please,” she begged. “Just for a few months, I promise, mi amor. And, then, you can come home and life will be back to normal, I’m sure. Please.”

Time felt like it was slowing down as they stood there in the middle of the living room, Simon slowly breaking in her arms and Sara only watching helplessly.

Finally, her son let out a breath. “Okay,” he said in a soft voice. “I’ll go.”

Linda burst into tears and buried her face against the fabric of Simon’s orange sweatshirt.

Despite her own heart breaking into pieces at the thought of being away from her son, she was also so incredibly relieved.

 ......... 

The Christmas break was too long, in Wilhelm’s opinion.

He spent most of it making required public appearances, sitting in on council meetings, and attending royal parties. He went about his duties like a robot, his emotions numb and something in him broken. His mother thought he would get over it if she threw enough things at him to keep him busy enough to not think of Simon. But, obviously, it didn’t work.

Simon was the first thing on his mind when he woke up in the mornings and the last thing he thought of before he slept at night. He had tried texting but his texts went unanswered. His calls would result in just ring after ring after ring until voicemail picked up. He spent many hours just scrolling through Simon’s Instagram, not seeing any new posts. Rosh, Ayub, and Sara had all blocked him so he couldn’t even see any posts of Simon, if there were any.

During the yearly Christmas party hosted by the Royal family, it was normally Erik who had to socialize and make nice with all the nobility and distant relatives who came. But, this year, Wilhelm had to do it. And it was fine, at first. He managed to remember some names and those he didn’t remember, he managed to sidestep with a polite “sir” or “ma’am.” But, then… But, then!

His mother introduced to him the daughter of a Duke whose name he couldn’t remember. With the way his mother smiled and practically pushed the girl to his side, Wilhelm knew exactly what she was doing. It ruined the rest of the party for him, as well as that poor girl’s Christmas. Wilhelm was so annoyed that he ignored her when she tried to make conversation. Eventually, he caused her to break into tears when he bluntly said that he didn’t care who designed her dress.

The Queen tried to scold him, called him a disgrace, and demanded that he get himself together. Wilhelm only shot her a blank look, excused himself, and left the party.

There were no more attempts at setting him up after that.

So, when Christmas break ended and it was time to return to Hillerska, he was relieved. He dutifully packed his things, including the small Christmas gift he got for Simon. He was hoping that even if they couldn’t restart their relationship, they could still be friends. Wilhelm would take anything Simon was able to offer him right now, even if it wasn’t what he wanted.

“Your Royal Highness,” Malin called through the door. “You’re supposed to be at the church in ten minutes.”

“Thanks, Malin!” Wilhelm called back to her.

The prince looked over his appearance in the mirror one last time, making sure his school tie was tied properly and his jacket free of lint. Not that Simon would care about those, but Wilhelm wanted to look his best, for once. He even got a haircut over break. He wondered if Simon did, too. He couldn’t wait to see him.

Feeling the anticipation brimming inside him, Wilhelm made his way out of his room. He joined the others in leaving Forest Ridge to head to the church. Ahead of him, Henry and Walter waved, pausing to let him catch up to them.

Despite their initial impression on Wilhelm, they really did mellow out the more he got to know them. And when the video came out, they were the only ones who didn’t look at him weirdly (at least, not blatantly to his face) and never once asked about the video. They even texted him a Merry Christmas over break. He would take their company over August’s.

And, speaking of the devil, there was his traitor of a cousin now, pushing through the other boys to get to him. Wilhelm quickened his steps, not wanting to get caught in a conversation. He had successfully avoided him during the Christmas party at the palace after giving firm instructions to Malin and Johan to ensure that he didn’t get close to Wilhelm.

Luckily, his bodyguards were most likely doing exactly that as Wilhelm made it to the church and slipped into a pew without August catching up to him. Henry and Walter slid in after him, chatting about their holidays.

“Wonder what they’re singing this time,” Walter wondered aloud.

“Hope it’s something good,” Henry added.

Wilhelm only smiled, his annoyance at August finally melting away and replaced by excitement to see Simon and hear him sing again. Christmas break was too long.

Finally, the whole church had filled up and the Headmaster signaled for everyone to be quiet.

The choir entered.

Wilhelm spotted Felice and gave her a small wave. She had remained a great friend to him throughout the break.

As the choir began their song, Wilhelm scanned the heads, looking for that familiar head of curls. Someone else was doing a solo this time, a girl he didn’t know and her voice was nice but it wasn’t Simon. Why wasn’t Simon doing the solo?

Wilhelm couldn’t even hear the song or decipher the lyrics. His eyes desperately scanned all three rows but he couldn’t spot Simon.

Where was Simon?!?! Did he miss the first day of school?!?!

But, Sara was just a few pews ahead. She wouldn’t leave home without her brother.

The excitement that had earlier filled him turned into fear.

Did Simon quit the choir?!

Not caring about how it looked, Wilhelm scanned the pews across from them and the pews behind him, trying to spot those curls. But… he couldn’t see them. Not one strand.

The choir had finished singing now and the Headmaster had stood up to welcome them to another semester, go over the rules of the dorms, and list the school administration’s expectations from their students.

All of it went over Wilhelm’s head.

And, finally, they were dismissed to go to their first class of the day.

Wilhelm shot up and, muttering apologies to Henry and Walter, made his way out of the pew. He ignored the “hello’s” sent his way and hurried to the front.

Sara and Maddie were chatting with each other as they made their way down the aisle, all excited smiles and talking about how wonderfully Felice sang.

“Sara!”

The girl slowed down and froze upon seeing him. He saw the anger flash in those normally calm eyes. Then, she turned her gaze away and walked past him.

Wilhelm was not giving up.

He turned around and gave chase. “Sara! Sara, wait! I just need to ask you something.”

“I have nothing to say to you, Prince,” she seethed, not stopping.

He hated to do it but he gently grasped the arm of her school jacket. “Please, I need to ask you. Where’s Simon?”

Sara pulled her arm away, glaring at him. “Why do you ask?”

Wilhelm swallowed. “He didn’t sing with the choir. And I can’t find him anywhere and I just-.”

“He doesn’t go to Hillerska anymore.”

Wilhelm’s heart stopped. “What?”

Sara shrugged, turned on her heels, and walked away. Maddie shot Wilhelm a pitying look before hurrying off after her.  

His chest felt tight. And it seemed like there wasn’t enough air for him to breathe.

Simon... left?

#young royals #young royals netflix #simon x wilhelm #young royals fanfic

[olivetreehugger]

SnK Scouts/Veterans as Health Care Workers

Note: features Eren, Mikasa, Armin, Jean, Connie, Sasha, Levi, Erwin and Hange. A part two to my “SnK Warriors as HCWs” post found here. warning: mentions of blood, trauma, gore (it’s healthcare). Also, I know Hange is nb, I headcanon them as female, so I will be using she/her pronouns. 

Eren: this boy is definitely too involved in everything and has too many people depending on him at once to not be a nurse. The kid barely passed the NCLEX but that didn’t stop him from applying to every trauma center within a 25 mile radius of him. He got hired as a night shift trauma ICU nurse  and he frequently picks up shifts in the ER. He wears the cheapest scrubs he can find, often stained with ink in the pockets area. He isn’t a shitty nurse per se but there are tasks that still need to be done at the end of his shift and he gives a crappy report that’s missing too many details. Nurses hate picking up his patients, it’s always a mess. His charting is really spotty and he gets called into the manager’s office all the time to fix it. 

Still, he tries really hard to improve his time management and skills. He wants to be like his friends Mikasa and Reiner, who are the best nurses he knows. He wants to be involved in the traumatic cases and emergencies because he wants to learn as much as he possibly can. He’s really good at wound care, for some reason (hint hint). He’s kinda cocky sometimes too, which can be troublesome when Dr. Galliard is working. People know to steer clear of those two when they’re both  in the ER. Also, Eren always has a black cloud around him; whenever he works it’s gonna be a hella busy day in the hospital. Lots of emergency surgeries, intubations, codes and deaths. He’ll always jump in to help you if your patient is crashing, though, no matter how busy he is. 

Mikasa: she’s a prodigy. She was a straight ‘A’ student in nursing school, got a perfect 75 on the NCLEX and was immediately hired to the trauma ICU after doing a short internship there. She worked night shift for a year but her sleep schedule was so so fucked she started having night terrors, so she switched to day shift. Eren still calls her a traitor for it :/. She keeps trying to get him to switch over but he just hisses at her and threatens to chug a case of Monster energy drinks. She hasn’t given upon him yet, though.

This girl’s work ethic is beyond measure. She comes in exactly at 6:30 am, looks up her patients, takes report, gives a great update to the doctors when they round, and provides impeccable care to her patients. She knows exactly which treatments the doctors will order before they even speak. She’s incredible at inserting IVs--everyone in the hospital knows Mikasa Ackerman can put an 18g in a 90  yr old lady’s arm AND get blood return (just trust me, it’s flipping impossible). She has great skill when it comes to emergency situations and is a big believer in team work. If she notices your patient’s crashing and you don’t know what to do, she’ll calmly coach you and save your patient, too. All before lunch time. 

It doesn’t take Mikasa long to be promoted to charge nurse. When she’s in charge all the reports, paperwork and audits are completed before shift change. She divides the patient assignments really well and is very fair to the new grads. All around she’s an incredible nurse and leader on her unit, but don’t be fooled. If it’s been a rough day, Mikasa will get in her car and sob so loud her throat goes raw. A lot of people depend on her and working in a trauma ICU is really, really demanding. A lot of patients are demanding, rude and busy. She has a lot of trouble with stress management and is thinking of cutting her hours down so she can catch a break. Someone please hug her <3

Armin: for some reason my brain is just SCREAMING respiratory therapist. Like, I imagine this beautiful blond boy in gray scrubs (the color for RT’s in my hospital) going around helping intubate patients, giving nebulizer treatments and doing blood gases. I can just see him huffing and puffing when the attending doctor is overzealous about weaning vent support. -“Why are we changing the patient to pressure support? do you see how tachypneic he is on volume control?”

-“are you gonna put in the order? if not, your patient’s gonna be on PRVC all day, I’m not changing it without an order”

-“Doc, the patient looks like crap and their blood gas looks like death...oh, you still wanna extubate? ok, well I’m gonna leave the ventilator in here just in case. better yet, let me call a pastor in here, too.”

This kid is sassy af and he knows it. He’s smart af too, knows everything there is to know about the lungs and respiratory care. Knows every ventilator mode better than most doctors. Will certainly tell a resident off for ordering the wrong type of inhaler for a patient. He’s so damn intelligent that he even made the ice queen Annie melt like a popsicle. 

 He has no chill when it comes to his patients and even less chill (like -4078875874670) when a doctor gets in his way. For this reason, Armin has recently been toying with the idea of going to PA school so he can have a little more autonomy. He works al over the hospital, usually frequenting the trauma, CV, and medical ICU. The nurses there love him. 

Jean: Jeannie boy. Baby. Sweetie. He’s also a nurse. He is strictly dayshift and trauma. When he first started, he thought he’d do a year in the ICU and then go to CRNA school. He didn’t want to be around sickly patients with hopes and dreams and fears--it was too icky for him. But, over time, he learned that he LOVED trauma. Jean loves the controlled chaos that comes with the ugly, bloody messes that roll in through the ICU’s doors. He always gears up for trauma season (summer time) by bringing Dunkin Donuts iced coffee for everyone on the unit (day and night shift because he’s a supportive king). He gets really good at dealing with arrogant trauma residents and ortho docs who think they’re hot shit. When Jean sees a resident yelling at a nurse, he jumps in and threatens to have their license revoked. He will dig under their skin and page them incessantly throughout the day, too, just to get back at them. Jean is not a fan of lateral violence in the workplace, no sir. 

He always, always makes sure every room is stocked and new bags are hanging for the next shift. He has a thing where if things aren’t properly organized on the unit his brain just spazzes. He’s on the unit council and education committee because he also loves to teach the new grads. He also doubles as charge nurse, when management can’t be there (there can be one or more charge nurses amongst the staff, they usually work different days, though) He and Mikasa work so well together, teaming up to get tasks done, coding patients, running them down to get scanned, etc. People joke they’re the mom and dad of the unit. It makes them both blush <3 (Eren doesn’t like it, lol)

Jean loves to see patients healing from horrendous injuries, he’s constantly cracking jokes with the awake patients to try to make them feel better, and he’s really good at calming anxious family members down. Our boy just makes such good connections with people. He’s the guy you call when your confused patient is one second away from ripping his breathing tube out. He can convince the most restless, agitated patient to chill out. He’s got the voice for it. Also people love his mullet. It looks great. 

Connie: I really didn’t know at first but I feel like Connie would make a great physical therapist. He’s got great energy, he’s funny and I could see him dancing to Earth, Wind & Fire in front of his patients to hype them up for therapy. He’d be very sweet with them 

Sasha: I’m sick and tired of the food jokes, quite honestly. She’s more than that. In my mind, she’s an occupational therapist, helping disabled patients learn to feed, dress and clean themselves again. She works directly with Connie as they round on all their patients in the hospital, they make a great team!  She’s extremely patient and would make a very good nurse, but is unsure of where life is taking her. That is until she meets Niccolo the dietician in the cafeteria, and she falls hard. He encourages her to follow her heart and she does!  

Levi: Hm. This one stumped me. Levi is a bit...cold. It’s not like he has incredible social skills. He’s meticulous and focused and kinda mean? He reminds me of an anesthesiologist, tbh. Like he’ll sedate the shit outta you for surgery, makes sure you don’t die on the table, and then drops you off to the unit as fast as he can. He never takes off his mask while in the hospital and he scrubs maybe four times before surgery. He is very good at medication calculations and knows everything about nerve blocks, intubation, pain medication and sedation. He can look at a person and just KNOW what kind of sedative to give and how much. Your blood pressure will never bottom out while he’s there, he’ll warn the surgeon and immediately get that norepinephrine started.

 If Zeke is the one operating, Levi is on his ass to finish up the surgery ASAP and to not linger, because Zeke takes his time and ignores the tele monitor alarming in the background. After surgery, this 5′2 demon will scream at the 6′ resident about the importance of blood pressure management and sedation in neurosurgical patients. Levi plays no games and he also just really hates Zeke lol

He seems like a jerk but genuinely cares about getting his peeps through surgery. His favorite surgeon to work with is Hange Zoe, because she’s brilliant and fast, but also cognizant of her patient’s hemodynamics. Levi likes taking trauma cases as long as it’s with her. When he drops a patient off to the trauma ICU or goes there to intubate, he makes sure Jean or Mikasa are there because he knows everything is gonna go smoothly. He trusts them a lot. He likes Armin, too and even let him intubate a few times. On his breaks, he’s drinking tea and reading a Williams & Sonoma catalog or scrolling through cleaning Tik Tok lol.

Erwin: This man. This beautiful and hunky beefcake. Omg. I HC him as someone who went to nursing school, became a charge nurse on the trauma unit back in the early 2000′s and fell in love with it. Erwin would eventually fall in love with leadership and educating, too. He went back to school and earned his Doctorate of Nursing Practice (a practice doctorate). He managed the trauma unit for ten years before his brilliant leadership skills and wicked smart brain got him elected as the Director of Trauma Surgery recently. He is the first person with a nursing degree and DNP to ever accomplish this, so it’s very controversial. A lot of toxic doctors threaten to leave the hospital for this (because they’re assholes), but Erwin threatens to fire them in response and it usually shuts them up. 

He often holds lectures in the hospital auditorium. With a mind and voice like his, people are so drawn in by him. He advocates for nursing staff, for reimbursement when continuing their education, better staffing, parking, etc. He makes nice with doctors and gets them to sign petitions for the nurses to get these things. He’s a bit manipulative He’s also a fantastic manager and director, he’s really good at negotiating things. The nurses and residents all love him because he rounds on every ICU frequently, brings food, and asks them how he can help. He can be a bit daunting because of his height and deep voice but once he starts talking to you, you just get sucked in. All around an absolute king. 

Hange: This character reminds me of a trauma surgeon and intensivist (ICU doctor) we have, Dr. Omi. A great surgeon, really really smart, but takes absolutely NO bullshit. She will yell at you if you freeze during intubating. She wants you to recite every step before you take it, otherwise she’ll take the tube from you and do it herself. In surgery, she’s the same way. She wants you to learn, but by her standards. If she asks a question, you better know the answer or fess up right away, she doesn’t like the “uhms” of uncertainty as you try to search for a shitty response. Either you know it or you don’t. And if you don’t, she’ll teach you. Yeah she can be rough around the edges, but she’s got a big heart. She loves her trauma team. She buys them breakfast and gives them funny personalized gifts. One time, she bought an apply tree for Mikasa and brought it to her car at the end of a shift. Mikasa forgot to plant it and it died in her backseat. Hange will sometimes ask, “Mikasa, how’s your apple tree growing?” and Mikasa will lie through her teeth. “It’s growing!” Fess up, Mikasa. Those google search apple trees are starting to look familiar.

All around Hange loves to work and teach. She is a wonderful trauma surgeon and has saved tons of lives.  

#snk headcanons #attack on titan #eren jaeger #mikasa ackerman #armin arlert #jean kirstein #connie springer #sasha braus #levi ackerman #erwin smith #hange zoe #lama writes

[laynemorgan]

I'm sure you've already provided it, but I'd be curious to hear your road to becoming a staffed writer. What first got you interested in it? Does it go back to school days?

Man it goes back far. I mean, I guess in some ways it doesn't. Since you asked more about what got me interested in where it goes back to, I'll give you the lest technical and more biographicl explanatin. My first goal was just to become a writer. I've been writing since I was a really little kid. I actually recently found journals from like the elementary and middle school days just filled with them. And it was never small scale, I'd always be planning out the whole fucking setting, how all the characters were connected, full universes. I made a fake fantasy. land in my backyard because my parents live on a lot of land. I called it Teleterania. I remember very little about it besides that that was the name hahah but I did do it!!! Everything I read only made me want to write. Everything I watched made me want to write.

Sometime around late middle school and early high school, I started watching more TV. I found soap operas and was OBSESSSED with their flare for drama. I found BTVS, Charmed, Smallville, Veronica Mars, OTH, etc. And all of those shows really got me actually looking at TV in a way I had never before. I got obsessed with their worlds and into their fandoms. I became the liek TV guy in my high school. There was even a group of girls I never got to really hang out with that would always call me over to their table to ask about what I knew about OTH stuff hahaha and 17 year old me thought that was awesome. Before my sister passed away, she and I took a road trip down to North Carolina to tour the One Tree Hill set. OTH was like the one thing that she and I agreed on. And it was so awesome. For me it was a first look at what the industry actually looked like, to see the sets and what went into it and all of that.

But I don't think my eyes really opened to actually WORKING in tv until college. I went to school for English Lit and Creative Writing in New Hampshire. My school had a great writing program and I was right at home there. i still credit my first writing professor who was only a grad student for really teaching me what I know about writing and editing and reading my own work for error and she passed me on to her favorite professor which was a hugely flattering moment for me. AND THEN -- I fell in love with PLL. And for me, that was really where shit started. I didn't realize it at the time and it wasn't even the show that did it it was what the show showed me. Through my tumblr at the time which had very little to do with fandom, I actually wound up running into Patrick Adams and Troian Bellisario. We all were always sharing each other's posts and at the time I was working for a journalist covering random TV out of a shitty free magazine in Boston doing work for peanuts. But I was going out to LA to meet up with a friend and we all decided to meet for lunch and they let me interview them for my magazine and stayed really rad people. They also helped boost my PLL photo recaps which I was doing at the time and those got the attention of the Director, Normal Buckley who asked me out to coffee and talked to me about my goals and what I was doing. He was the person who first really helped me understand that there's an approachability to the TV world that to me had always been this like magical hollywood bubble I didn't understand.

I went home THRILLED about LA, dropped out of college and set out to go to film school. From there, I hated film school because it was too technical adjacent, dropped out again, spent all the money I had on that move twice, and went home to boston broke and lost. I spent two years after that maybe more saving money, working in fandom, and waitressing while I went back to college online. That era wasn't super writing focused but it's where I found myself. I realized I was queer, I came out, I got into tumblr rpg, I met my fandom friends, I found tumblr fandom in a way I hadn't before. And then a couple years later I found tl100.

From there, the rest is kind of wonky. I had a big fan blog for the show and talked a lot about it on my twitter which lead me to many interactions with the writers who then invited me to dinner at comic con one year. I had a long talk with Shumway abut my goals and what I wanted to do with my life. I knew I wanted to be in TV somehow. I knew I wanted to be in writing somehow but I couldn't figure out how those two things aligned. I was doing a lot of journalism and critic stuff because that felt like the clsoest way to be both a fan and workin in the world I loved but it was really Kim and Shawna that opened my eyes to the ability to just .... be a TV writer. Film school had made me terrified of the wrtiing side but I think it was because film school was so much more about writing for film which I learned isn't my thing. But TV is a writers' medium, unlike film which is more fo a directors medium and suddenly I was like -- MIND BLOWN. It was everything I wanted in a career and married all of the things I loved. It was something that had previously felt like unattainable but they made it seem human and approachable.

They helped me get my first WPA job, I saved up 3 grand working and with the help of some friends and moved to LA to start that. And suddenly I was in a whirlwind of catching up on everything I felt like I had missed. I was reading scripts, learning what the process looked like, doing everything I coudl to figure out what being a TV writer looked like. After that job, I got another WPA job at Millar Gough on Into the Badlands and later Shannara.

THEN I got hired on Daybreak which I can fully credit with being a huge stepping stone for me and changing my life in a lot of ways. Aron was the best showrunner. He was educational and he taught us shit, he let us in the room, he let us write stuff, he let us pitch and try and fall on our faces and never judged us for it. My second season there he moved me up to writers assitant and patiently walked me through all the stuff I didn't know yet because he had faith in me and my voice and my ideas. He let me writ e afreelance episode that year and pitch it in the room and do all the things that real w riters get to do.

So after Daybreak season 2 got cancelled I was pretty ready to spend my next year or two just writing, finding an agent and moving forawrd. And then I got an email to go and work for Moira Walley Beckett. She was looking for an assistant with serious room experience to help develop something in a small room and stay on with her later. I took the job becuase she's MOIRA and I was stoked to learn from her and work for a woman for once. I ernded up very fortunate becuase a month later we were all surprised by the covid mess and I was fully employed that whole year while many people weren't which was a huge help. Moira was a STELLAR boss. I had thought I was ready and what she taught me was that ther's always so much more to learn. She walked me through the process of applying notes and taking notes and changing draft after draft of your story. SHe walked me through breaking a whole season of television. We had a great partnership for the year and I'm so grateful. And then that project didn't end up seeing hte light of day and we our separate ways as well.

Cut to a few months ago, I was still at home in Boston, post-covid, having been sick for most of january. My friend Rachel dared me to write a spec in a weekend for the Warner Bros fellowship deadline. So I did. It was a Legacies Spec. Given that we didn't have access to the WGA library because of the pandemic, Legacies was an easy and obvious choice. I had already seen it inside and out and didn't need as much access to learning a show from scratch. So I wrote what I loved, wrote a season 2 legacies spec that embraced my favorite things about legacies: the high school soap of one tree hill, Lizzie doing wild dialogue, buffy-esque monsters, and themes of grief and humanity.

AND THE REST you know.

Here we are. I'm still lost as fuck. I'm still running full speed through a world I don't always feel like I"m ready for. I'm still a perfectionist and an obsessive overworker. I still take notes I don't need to take and do work at 10pm and come in early and stare at the story boards. There's a whole journey in all of this about representation and coming to find myself and queer media and wanting to make more of it but that's one I don't feel like I can fully get into until I'm decades out of it and the world is truly made better. But I'm here. And it feels like the end of a journey and liek I'm standing at the edge of a brand new clif because I've only just started.

[dprwolfgang]

2. Can I? (m)

Gif - @imjaebeoum​

Smut!!

Remember to wrap it before you tap it.

Hope y’all enjoy. 

“Jae.” She calls out as she enters the apartment. Shoes off at the door she pads through the apartment in search of Jaebum.

She throws her bag on his bed just as he exits the bathroom. Hair still damp from the shower he must’ve taken as he slips a white t-shirt over his head.

“I missed you, happy birthday.” Arms wrapped around his waist and a feather light kiss pressed to his back as he applies moisturizer to his hair.

He doesn’t need to reply for her to know that he missed her as well. It’s in the way he looks at her once he turns in her arms. The way he caresses her face as he angles it towards him so that he can press a kiss to her lips.

“It is now that you’re here.” He smiles at her. “How was your day?” He asks as he lifts her in his arms and walks them over to his bed where he sits up against the headboard with her in his lap.

“Shitty..” she sighs raising her head from his chest. Arms around his neck as she plays with his hair. He found it adorable how she found comfort in doing the most mundane things like playing with his hair or his ears or even just tracing the contours of his face and though she thinks it’s weird he enjoys it.

“Is Christian still being mean to you?” She nods and sighs. Jaebum knows that whatever is going on between her and Christian is bothering her especially since he’s like an older brother to her.

“I can handle Ian, honestly I’m just stressed about finishing this final semester and applying for grad school plus I need to stop slacking on gym day. I just need a breather.” She rests her head on his shoulder and snuggles closer to him.

“You know you can always come over, even when I’m not here right? I gave you the code for a reason. I already told you that you don’t need to lose any more weight.” He says twirling her hair around his finger.

“It’s not the same especially when you leave for tour. I just come by and make sure everything is in check and maybe smuggle a shirt or four. I didn’t even lose that much.” Jaebum chuckles and the sounds vibrates through his chest.

He didn’t mind her taking his shirts, quite frankly he found that they looked much better on her especially in the mornings when she stays over and is at the stove making breakfast or standing in front of the ceiling to floor windows sipping on her preferred brew that morning. He liked it even more when she wore nothing underneath as it gave him easy access to the ambrosia between her thighs. Jaebum didn’t care that she wasn’t some dainty little princess either well she was his princess but he liked-loves- her full figure. Her soft womanly curves that he loves running his hands over, her tummy that she didn’t quite like but he couldn’t help but rub every time she laid with him. It was something that had become quite soothing for him as they got closer. He didn’t want her to lose weight because he thought she was perfect the way she was but he also knew that it was her body and if she felt like losing weight the only thing he could do was support her. He prayed she didn’t lose those thick thighs the most, he could spend the entirety of winter between those and not be cold which is why he often found himself being the little spoon during cuddle sessions. Between her thighs, legs wrapped around his waist with his head on her chest as she played with his hair or ears, Jaebum swore that was some of the best sleep he’d ever had.

“Jae, baby what are you thinking about?” She questions.

“Nothing really” he says not wanting to give away where his thoughts had gone. They weren’t even sexual but he knew he was aroused.

“Then why are you hard?” She teases as she bounces on his lap once. He groans as he grips onto her waist.

“The guys are picking me up in less than an hour, don’t start nothing we can’t finish baby.” He whispers in her ear as his palm smooths over the curve of her ass before smacking it lightly, feeling it jiggle against his palm.

“We’ve made each other cum in less.” She bites back grinding down on his lap.

He lets out a pleased hum before turning to his side, flipping them over so that he’s situated above her. “Careful what you wish for sweetheart.” He nips at her earlobe as he makes his way down her neck.

Hands that once caressed her sides slides to her knees, spreading her legs apart and fitting himself between them. “Are you sure you gotta work today? It’s your birthday.” He didn’t have to look up to know she was frowning and as much as he’d love to spend the rest of his birthday with her, the session had already been booked.

“It’s not gonna be that long, it’s just to finalize some things and then I’m gonna come back here for you and we’re gonna go chill for a bit until we decide to come home and cuddle.” He smiles brightly up at her from his position between her legs. “Until then however, I want a taste, it’s been so long and I know you’ve been pent up from the stress of school and exams. Can I?” He asks but he already knows the answer as his fingers hook in the waist of her tights under her skirt pulling it down along with her underwear and tossing them over his shoulders.

With school and work she was preoccupied until the week before Christmas and by then Jaebum had already left to visit his family for the holidays. He had only gotten back over the weekend for work and didn’t have any time to go see her.

“Please..” she whispers threading her fingers in dark hair. His thumb traces circles into her outer thighs as he takes a tentative lick at the nectar between her thighs. Jaebum groans lowly before he throws both her legs over his shoulders and reacquaints his face with her sweet cunt. He loved the way her body reacted to him, he relished in the fact that he was the first to bring out a side of her that she’d kept hidden because of insecurities.

“Jae, b-baby fuuuck just like that.” She moans out at the little bites he places on her clit. Her little penchant for pain mixed with pleasure released a side of Jaebum that he didn’t think much about before her. Sure he’d read about fans saying that he held a very dominating aura and while his sex life before her was not vanilla, the things they did with each other were down right filthy and he loved every second of it.

“God you treat this pussy so good baby.” She grips on his hair and pulls him closer to her heat, rolling her hips up against his tongue. Hands locked firmly on her thighs, he flips them both over so that she’s sitting on his face. He knew she low key enjoyed it but would never say it out loud because she had this fear of suffocating Jaebum between her thighs and to be honest he honestly didn’t think it was a bad way to go.

Her hips still on his face but one harsh nip to the inside of her thigh and she’s gripping his hair again fucking herself on his tongue. He knew she was close, he prided himself on the fact that he could make her lose herself with just his mouth and maybe, just maybe he had developed a bit of an oral fixation.  

“Close…baby please,” she whines.  “Fuck yessss… make me cum.” She whispers looking him in his eyes. Thighs shaking on either side of his head, she releases onto his awaiting tongue and he happily licks her clean. She falls next to him on the bed trying to catch her breath and he chuckles lightly at the blissed out look on her face.

“My ego’s gonna go to the roof if you keep looking at me like that every time we get done.”

Propped up on one elbow she laughs at his comment, quickly leaning over and kissing him. “Your turn.”

“As much as I’d love that, we got like fifteen minutes before the boys come bursting through my front door…ten max.” Without a word she rolls onto her stomach and pushes backwards until she’s on her knees, back arched and cheeks shaking to tease him.

He laughs at her antics knowing that she knew exactly what she was doing. Kicking of his sweats he angles her body to face the long mirror he has behind his bedroom door. Stood behind her, she winks when they make eye contact and Jaebum grips her hips with one hand, the other in her hair as he pulls her back against his chest and down on to his awaiting length. He pulls out ready to slide back in but instead hears “Yo, JB!” and the slamming of his front door.

“Shit.” he mumbles against the side of her head looking at her pleading eyes in the mirror. This wasn’t the first time they’d been deep in each other only for someone to appear on the other side of the door. The last time had been her friend Mariah who’d come over to chill unexpectedly. Both hid in the closet in her bedroom and fucked for a good half hour before Mariah eventually left after trying to call her and got no reply as her phone always went on do not disturb when they spent quality time together.  

“You’re my good girl aren’t you princess?” She nods at him. “ you’re gonna stay quiet and let me fuck you with my brothers right on the other side of that door?”  

“Yeah..” she whispers breathlessly, her pupils dilated as she takes in the sight of Jaebum’s damp hair, the hand on her hip holding her skirt up to display the way they connect and the hand that had traded her hair for her throat. “So are you gonna fuck me or not daddy?” She smirks at him.

“Hyung, are you ready?” a voice calls from outside his bedroom door as he slides back into her and starts a brutal pace. Hand tightening slightly around her neck he fucks into her like hated her.

“Hyung?” Yugyeom he thinks to himself.

“Yeah, just got out the shower, give me like ten minutes and I’ll be out.” He shouts out never faltering in his thrusts. Her walls clench around his length and he bites into her shoulder to muffle the loud moan that escapes his mouth. The hand on her hip slides down between her thighs rubbing figure eights on her clit. Her back arches off his chest and Jaebum removes his hand from her throat letting her fall onto her stomach.

“That’s it princess…so fucking tight no matter how many times I stretch you out.” Her cunt clenches tightly around his length at that.Two sharp thrusts and she grabbing at one of the pillows on his bed and moaning into it as her orgasm washes over her. Thighs twitching, he doesn’t give her time to come down from her high as he starts back a brutal pace hurdling towards his end. Jaebum covers her body with his, face hidden between her neck and shoulder groaning and moaning as he fills her up with his warm seed. He feels her walls tighten around him once more as he body twitches under him.

“Shit, did you just cum again?” He chuckles grinning from ear to ear.

“Mhmm..” she mumbles as she turns her head to face him. Jaebum kisses her forehead and nose before pulling out of her and heading for his bathroom. Quickly cleaning up himself, he heads straight for his closet grabbing a pair of jeans and a jacket to throw over his t-shirt as it was cold outside.

She’s still lying on her stomach when he’s finished getting dressed and so he flips her onto her back and drops to his knees cleaning up the mess he made between her thighs. He presses a kiss to her mound once he’s done and laughs when she shuts her legs and swats her hands at him. He helps her out of her skirt and pulls down the sweatshirt he recognizes as his own over her thighs before pulling his covers over her body. A soft kiss to her lips and forehead before he realizes that she’s asleep. Turning off the light he quietly slips out of his room and down the hall to his living room to meet his brothers and head out.

Jackson pulls him into a hug as soon as he sees him only to pull back, face scrunched up. “Why’s your shirt all wet bro?”

“Shower, no time to dry my hair properly.” He says smoothly while ushering them out his front door and locking up behind him. Once they get to the van and settle in, he’s pulling out his phone and sending her a text to wake up to.  

#thewritersnetwork #it was good until it wasn't #Im Jaebum #got7 #jb got7 #kpop scenarios #mobile masterlist

[everybodyscupoftea]

How about more pike jj? 😍

okay love this, it was honestly really bothering me that i only had one fic under that heading so i’d love to expand if possible

also if someone wants to send requests on what else they’d like to see in this verse (other than smut) i’d love to do that for y’all

(warnings: cursing, anxiety, school freak out, unedited)

you were sitting on your couch when you saw your friend’s snapchat that she’d gotten into grad school. which, good for her, you loved that and were so happy for her, but it gave you a stomachache. you’d been putting off your own applications for months, intending to start last october, but it was february and you still hadn’t started.

in your defense, you were busy and between work and school, you hadn’t had much time to breathe, much less do extra work with applications. unfortunately, that meant you were way behind everyone and application due dates for the fall were passing you by.

maybe if you did some homework, the anxious feeling clawing at your throat would go away. pulling the tv table in front of you, you plopped your laptop down on it and opened your email. you were waiting for a company to get back to you about an interview for a project in your sales class. it was due in about three weeks and they still hadn’t gotten back to you, and unfortunately, you had no backup plan.

sure enough, your email was still empty. with a loud sigh, you pulled up your student email to check and see if your selected professors for letters of recommendation had gotten back to you about your resume and transcript. of course, with the way things were going, no.

you sniffled, a wave of tiredness hitting you as your morning shift combined with afternoon classes caught up to you. pressing the heels of your hands into your eyes, you took a deep breath and decided to try and see if your in-class group sales project had been graded. your group had done well, and you were thrilled with the final product.

to your horror, there was an 81 staring you in the face with the note presentation left something to be desired, make sure to make more eye contact with the audience next time. overall, interesting topic that was well-researched.

a fucking 81 for not enough eye contact. you wanted to scream, that seemed fucking harsh for an elective that you chose to take over another communications class because you were told “honestly, she’s super easy and lenient with her grading”. lenient with her grading your ass.

maybe schoolwork wasn’t the best idea for the time being, and you slammed your laptop shut in frustration. you pulled your knees to your chest and started sobbing into them, totally overwhelmed and overworked. just as it was getting hysterical, there was a knock on the door. fuck, you’d forgotten jj was coming over for dinner.

you wrapped a blanket around you and padded over to the door, tears still leaking from your eyes. jj’s wide smile dropped as he took in your pathetic state and he immediately pulled you into a hug.

he walked the two of you over to the couch and stepped away to move the tv stand across the room. sitting down, he patted the spot next to him, but you stayed standing, not wanting to sit down because of the pent up anxiety churning in your stomach. 

“can you talk to me, sweetheart? is there something i can help you with?” he asked, leaning forward, forearms resting on his knees.

you rubbed your hands on the blanket, trying to stop them from sweating and started venting, “no one will get back to me that i need to for a class project and i don’t know who to ask that’s a marketing manager that i can interview. it’s due in three weeks and i have to do the post-interview essay too. my teachers who agreed to right my rec letters either haven’t got my emails or are just ignoring me, and i got an 81 on a project because prolonged eye contact freaks me out.”

jj’s eyebrows raised higher and higher as your rant went on and you started quickly pacing to work out some of the anxiety. he laid back on the couch and held an arm out, signaling for you to come lay with him. with a huff, you tightened the blanket around you and sat on the edge. 

he squeezed your hip gently and said, “baby, you’re one of the smartest people i know. you’ll figure out what you need to for that project, and the 81 isn’t that big of a deal in the span of the entire class, i know you have a lot of assignments to mask that.”

you put your head in your hands, “i haven’t even started applying for grad school yet. applications are starting to be due in like two weeks. what if i have to apply for hard ones and i get rejected from every single one because i procrastinated.”

jj laughed, “you’re too good to get rejected from every school you apply to. i wouldn’t expect to get into all of them, but i’m positive within the next few months you’ll have to choose between schools. which, now that i’m thinking about it will probably be a whole new crisis.”

you laughed, a strangled noise through the tears that had started falling again, before placing your hand on top of his on your hip, “god, i hope so. that’s a much better problem to have. it’s just so overwhelming looking at my list and then looking at how much have to do for each application and it’s like maybe i should just put this off if it’s going to overwhelm me. then i always regret it.”

he sat up, “first, let’s hug it out, then we’ll figure out what you need to do and what order to do it in so that you don’t get overwhelmed.”

jj held his arms out and you moved to sit on his lap, legs going around his waist, and hugged him tightly, engulfing him in the blanket too. you buried your face in his neck and breathed in his regular scent, which helped calm you, and you stayed there until the tears stopped completely.

he loosened his grip and you pulled back. wiping your cheeks, he asked, “we good now?”

“as good as i can be right now.”

with a nod he asked, “okay, what all do you need to get done for each application?”

“it starts with a personal statement, a copy of my transcript, and then letters of recommendation. then, depending on the school, they might ask for gre scores after my original submission.” you paused, thinking back on your gre, “oh my god, my scores were a solid average, a 310, what if it’s not good enough, i don’t want to retake it, that was miserable.”

“okay, you need to breathe, over 300 is good, don’t stress about your score right now. some schools might not even require it.” he was right, so you took a few deep breaths, and when you finished, he continued, “i think you should definitely write up a very basic personal statement template that you can fill in and expand upon for each school in particular.”

you nodded and stood to bring your laptop back over. jj opened his booksack and pulled his own laptop out. glancing over curiously, you asked, “wait, what are you doing?”

he responded without looking at you, “i’m an elite spreadsheet maker, so i’m going to make you one to show exactly what you need for each school and so that you can fill in when you do it.”

you teared up again, this time as his thoughtfulness, “god, i don’t deserve you.”

he grinned at you, “sure you do, you deserve the best in the world, and i’d wager that’s me.”

with a snort, you ruffled his hair before getting to work on your blanket personal statement. 

#frat!jj #jj maybank x reader #jj maybank #jj maybank request #pike!jj