#<- don't. know how to translate/transcribe that

[drcuriousvii]

still not even a little bit over her

#fake type #baphomet #魔崇華麗奴 #<- don't. know how to translate/transcribe that #artist is @ryuuseee on twitter #wife.

[lillybean730]

wonderful new development in my quest to make the asinine attorney london episode for tgaa a better viewing experience: found a higher quality version on bilibili

#now im going to transcribe the only video ive found with a translation and make some adjustments to the wording bc i can #idk if it's ok to do that bc from what i can tell the translation was a commission and there's no written public copy #but if the original translator tells me to take it down i will #ugh i should probably reach out to them and ask first but idk how to phrase: #'i just don't know if it sounds victorian enough so ill change some parts of your hard work' in a way that doesn't make me sound like an ass #maybe ill just make the video private or something #im making it regardless so my mom can watch it bc she loves these games it's just a matter of whether or not ill release it to the public

[specialagentartemis]

Citizen Science and Contributing To Scientific Endeavor When You're Not "A Scientist"

Comments on some of my posts about science and misinformation express frustration with scientific establishments, and want to see more accessibility and attention given to amateurs participating in the scientific process and having their scientific voices heard.

If being involved in the creation of knowledge and discovery is something important to you, that's something I strongly encourage! It's absolutely possible. Amateur researchers with a passion and an eye for detail have made some fantastic discoveries - but what is often glossed over in stories like these are the years of work, the patient dedication, and the collaboration with university researchers that often underlie such discoveries.

The search for truth and information and the passion for science is present in a lot of people who aren't official "scientists" - curiosity is natural! And if participation in scientific observation, hypothesizing, experimentation, and discovering new things about the world is important to you, there are lots of ways to go about contributing - and the new year is a great time to start.

What are you interested in?

Ecology

Observing the world around you is for everybody. Getting invested in the environment of your hometown is for everybody. And, as the Mythbusters famously said,

Some ideas for a local ecology project:

Record the temperature outside every day at the same time - at sunrise, or noon, or sunset, or midnight. Depending on where you are, the local weather recording station may be miles away or on top of a mountain - measure the temperature yourself and compare it each day to what your app says. When is it accurate? When isn't it?

Record the weather every day. How much precipitation? What time of day? What kind?

Record what animals you see every day, where, when, and how many. Or choose a specific animal, like birds, or bees on flowers, or turtles or frogs in a local pond, or whiptail lizards vs. invasive house geckos, and record the numbers you see each day.

Record when in the year you see the first, or last, of a plant or animal. When the crocuses sprout, when the buds appear on the maple trees, when you see the first clover flowers or prickly pear flowers, when the first robin comes out or the first lizards come out of hibernation.

If you have an outdoor cat or a free-roaming dog, attach a GoPro or similar small camera to its collar to see where it goes and what it does.

Identify the plants growing in your neighborhood, and check in on it regularly to keep track of how each one fares in different weather conditions, or if any animals particularly like or don't like to eat it.

Bulk order some test strips, then take a small sample of soil from a local park or water from a local waterway each weekend and test them for PH, lead, chemicals, or whatever. See if it changes over the year, or after a heavy rainfall, or during drought.

Take a photo of the same spot every day for a year.

Linguistics

The study of how people use language! Everybody uses language in some capacity.

Do you have any small children near you? Talk to them! Record how they pronounce things and what they call new (or even familiar) concepts. Look for patterns.

Ask people you know if "dog" and "blog" rhyme, or if "Alohop" is a good pun for a pineapple beer. My family gets ENDLESS amounts of mileage out of this one with each other. Ask people you know questions about how they pronounce things, or what they call things. Make maps of dialectical differences between generations, neighborhoods, etc. Track linguistic shifts in the modern world.

History

Everyone and everywhere has a history, and accurate history is pressingly relevant always.

See if you have a local historical society, library archive, or history museum that is looking for volunteers to transcribe or translate collections.

Get elbow-deep in local archives. You likely have some sort of local archive near you that has not been fully digitized. Go in with a topic you want to learn about - Black families, Jewish communities, how your hometown transferred from Indigenous hands to settler ones, women who owned their own businesses, immigration, inter-racial relationships, sports, ice harvesting, farming practices, contemporary opinions on a major world history event that now seems so inevitable, sports and people's reactions to sports - and read everything in newspapers, wills, deeds, photographs, or other available records about your topic of choice. See if you can find connections that you haven't seen anyone else talking about.

These are just some things that occur to me immediately as something that anyone can do, if you're sufficiently interested in a question and want to discover more about it. The more local your topic, the less likely anyone has a solid answer to whatever you're wondering - and the more immediately relevant to the people around you your discoveries may be!

Combining it with a New Year's Resolution can also get you more motivated to do the things you want to do. Is your resolution to get more exercise? Take a brisk walk each morning and take a picture of the same area every day for a year. Take a walk every weekend down to the lake and count the turtles and frogs you see. Is your resolution to keep a daily diary For Real This Time? If nothing else, resolve to write down the weather and precipitation each day! Do you want to volunteer more or meet new people? Look for citizen science or local history groups! Feeling like you're working toward something Real is a great motivator.

Henry David Thoreau's detailed descriptions of the nature each day around Walden Pond in the 1840s provides a valuable benchmark for modern ecologists to compare environmental and climatic changes since then on a granular level. Silly rhyming poems and idiosyncratic spellings in letters and diaries help linguists track dialectical and pronunciation changes across time. Amateur science is great and valuable! We all can have a part in understanding and paying deeper attention to the world around us, if we want to.

#been sitting on this one for a while ever since I kept getting comments on my post about misinformation about how scientists are all #ivory tower eggheads who don't allow real normal people to Contribute to Science #Please contribute to science! I think everyone who wants to should!!! #science #citizen science

[mkmas]

Take Me, My Beloved Villain - Jude Jazza

sorry for any mistakes 🙇‍♀️ also everything is owned by cybird, i only translated

Kate: Ju-Jude, please let go! I can walk on my own!

Jude grabbed me by the scruff of my neck and dragged me down the corridor.

Jude: You’re going to run away as soon as I let go. I have to be cautious.

Kate: I won’t run away! I will pay back what I owe you…!

Today is the 31st of December.

I had been helping Victor make preparations for the countdown party since this morning.

However, Jude suddenly appeared in the kitchen.

“Have you forgotten that you owe me for saving your life yesterday? I will have you pay me back in labor.” …….. Then, he kidnapped me.

(I’m grateful to Jude for saving me from almost getting shot last night. He saved my life)

(But…)

Kate: It must be hard for Victor to prepare alone…..

Jude: Ha, you’re worried about him? How kind of the princess.

Jude: But it’s useless to try to measure someone who is the Queen's aide by ordinary standards.

Jude: No matter how much you complain, it's already decided that you're going to help me with my work. Shut up and follow me.

And so, I was forcibly brought to the common room.

On the desk is a familiar typewriter.

Jude: Use it to transcribe the handwritten documents. The format should be the same as the sample.

Ellis: Jude, I got what you asked for.

Ellis, who came into the room after us, had his hands full of papers.

Kate: Thi-This many…..!?

I trembled, and Jude gave me a cold glare.

Jude: Can’t do it? Was your life so light that you didn't deserve a job of this magnitude?

Jude: Sorry….. I must have overestimated.

Kate: Life isn’t light, even for me. But….. It’s too much, I don’t know if I can do it alone.

Ellis: It's okay, Kate. Jude wouldn't ask someone who isn’t capable.

(….. Ellis and Jude are like carrot and stick)***

Kate: ….. I understand. I will do it wholeheartedly…..

Jude: Don’t put your heart into it. All I want is speed and accuracy.

Jude: If you miss even 1 letter….. Do you want to know what happens?

I began work with a twitch in my cheeks, sensing that it was more than just a threat.

———

Jude: ….. That’s enough.

Jude stopped my work at 7pm, a few hours after we started.

Kate: Eh…. But it looks like there are still some paperwork left to do…..

Jude: No matter how much progress you make, there's no point in reviewing if I can't catch up.

(But I think Jude's revision work is well on its way….?)

Jude: ….. What’s with that face? I told you to stop, but you’re not happy?

Kate: N-No. It’s not like that.

(….. That’s right. Jude said so, so let’s call it a day)

I've learned from experience that pestering him will only make him grumpier, so I decided to clean up my desk.

Kate: What kind of year would you like to have next year, Jude? Do you have any resolutions?

Jude: Resolutions? I have nothing like that.

Jude: The year changes, but in reality, there’s no actual real effect. It's just an arbitrary boundary decided by humans.

Jude: Last year, this year, next year, nothing I do will be any different.

(If I recall correctly….. Jude needs money to fulfill his promise to someone)

(That’s what you’re working so hard for, right)

Kate: Jude is pushing forward towards his goal.…. It’s amazing.

Jude: Flattery will get you nothing in return.

Kate: I’m not looking for anything in return, I really do think so.

It didn't mean anything, but Jude frowned as if he had eaten something he didn't like.

He waved his hand as if to tell me to get the hell out of the room.

———

Victor: Kate! Are you finished with the work Jude asked you to do?

Kate: Yes, he doesn't need any more help today.

Victor: The best timing, we were just about to eat.

Victor: I'm glad Jude kept his promise to me.

(Oh, by the way…..)

———

It was when Jude came to the kitchen to take me away.

Kate: Sorry, Victor.…. I have to help Jude.

Victor: Don't worry about it. I'll prepare everything for you too!

Victor: But….. With all these delicious food prepared, you have to get Kate back in time for dinner, okay?

Jude: It’s up to her to decide when she can go home.

———

(….. Jude, I guess you let me go because it was time for dinner.)

The timing of the work being stopped seemed unnatural, so it must be it.

Then, time passed as everyone gathered in the dining room to eat.

However, Jude never came to the dining room.

(I guess his work isn't done yet…..)

Curious, I kept looking at the door, but there was no sign of anyone coming in.

Roger: Kate, could you do me a favor?

Kate: Yes, what is it?

Roger: I want you to bring Jude some food.

Roger: Jude hasn't eaten anything since lunch, has he? If he dies, we'll have a lot of work to do starting in the new year and it will be troublesome.

Roger: He would get annoyed if I nag him so I would be grateful if the young lady can encourage him.

Kate: …..! I understand!

Having found a good reason to visit Jude, I put some food on the plate and left the dining room.

Alfons: ….. Saying you’re worried when you’re really not, how shameless.

Roger: It’s not really a lie, is it? Well, the biggest motive was that the young lady was worried.

———

I came to the common room with a bowl of hot soup and a loaf of bread.

(Huh…..? Jude isn’t here. He left his papers here, so he’ll probably be back soon)

There, my eyes fell on the desk that Jude had been using.

(Ah….. I knew it, it was a lie that the revision process couldn't keep up)

The paperwork I had finished producing had long since been reviewed, and another new set of work documents was spread out on the desk.

(From the moment we met... Jude has been mercilessly and arrogantly cornering me.)

(So why does he sometimes give me kindness that is hard to understand?)

Is it just a whim, or is it to win me over and use me.…. or is it something more?

(….. I don't know what Jude's true feelings are, which is why I'm so curious and want to know)

But, even in the midst of uncertainty, there are certain things.

I hope Jude’s dream comes true one day, those are my feelings.

(That's right! Let's make a wish for the New Year!)

(I think I'll use.….. this wooden desk that Jude used)

Kate: Touch wood…..

While whispering, I tapped the desk lightly. It's a spell that has been passed down in England for a long time to ward off evil spirits.

Jude: ...... What are you doing?

Kate: !?

I heard a doubtful voice behind me and turned to see Jude standing there.

Kate: Wh-When did you get here…..!?

Jude: Just now. …… So, what’s up with the princess?

Jude: Muttering to the desk with a grim look, were you trying to put a curse on me?

Kate: It’s the opposite! I brought dinner, and gave Jude a good luck spell.

Stuttering my words, I explained that I had no malicious intentions.

Jude: I don't need silly wishes like "I hope my wish comes true".

Kate: N-No! I didn’t wish like that.

Jude: ….. Oh?

Jude raised an eyebrow in interest. I felt like he was urging me to continue, so I opened my mouth again.

Kate: ….. Jude says if you owe something, you should pay it back.

Jude: Loans exist to be paid back.

Kate: If the loan is to be paid back…..

Kate: In that same sense, I hope your efforts will be rewarded as well.

Jude: …..

Kate: That’s why….. I wished that Jude’s efforts would be rewarded.

Jude: ….. What a childish wish.

Jude's reaction was as cold as I expected, but that was okay.

Whatever I wish in my heart, is my choice.

Jude: And yours?

Kate: What is?

Jude: Resolutions, resolutions. I'll have to pay you back for your questionable spells. It's a pain in the ass, but.

I never thought that he would give back what I had wished for on my own.

This kind of discipline may be one of the reasons why Jude has been so successful in his work.

(My resolutions for this year are…..)

Kate: ….. I would like to get to know Jude and spend more time with him.

Jude: Spend even more time with me? Come on, you don't have to make that your resolution.

Kate: Eh…..?

Jude: You owe me a lot, remember?

Jude: You don't think you can pay back in a day what you owe me for saving your life, do you?

Kate: Eh, it’s not right!?

Jude: You said it yourself, life is not light. It's not even close.

Jude: Don't even think you can leave me until you pay off all your debts.

(Then that means….. I can spend a lot of time by Jude's side?)

Jude was probably just stating the obvious, that I owe him and I should pay him back, and that there is no special meaning to this.

(It bothers me that I'm treated like a labor force, but still... I don't know why... I'm happy)

The fact that I wanted to be by your side and was allowed to do so even for whatever reason warms my heart.

Jude: ….. Respond.

Kate: Ye-Yes…..! Next year too-

At that moment, as if timed perfectly, a bang sounded.

When I turned around, I saw large fireworks going off in the distance from the common room window.

(….. Oh, it's the New Year already)

Kate: ….. Let’s get along well this year too, Jude.

Jude: Haha, what a gentle and polite bow….. Hopeless.

Jude removes his gaze from mine to resume his work.

It was a new year that came without a countdown, but that didn’t bother me.

Maybe it's because I'm looking forward to being by Jude’s side this year.

***carrot and stick (飴と鞭) or candy and whip = combination of reward + punishment.

#jude jazza #ikemen villains #ikevil #i always do these late at night so mistakes are inevitable #also.. what happened to the soup.. :( #i just learned what touch wood means ^^

[notfreetoday]

MPW Ep 4 Subtitle Correction

Masterlist: EP 1 || EP 2 || EP 3

We have another change in director this episode, to Yasumura Emi, though the script is still being written by Funabiki Shinju (the director for Ep 3). This week's twitter space didn't have much info, so I won't be including it.

M: いや～瀬ケ崎さん強かったわ～ M: あの物腰で*マウンティングされて M: いっそ快感を覚えてしまった M: No but, Segasaki-san('s presence) was really strong M: The way he *asserted (his relationship with Yoh) like that M: (rather than being upset), I felt even more delighted! *This is a (rather unfortunate) loan word from English - "mount" or "mounting" 😅, in this case, pretty much means to "one-up" someone else, or to brag about something to another. If you do not wish to have a weird mental image in your head, please skip the next paragraph. This word appears to have morphed from the observation that monkeys, when trying to move up a rank in the chain of command, tend to jump on the back of another to assert their dominance (not scientist just translator also low-quality source don't keel me plz). - In other words, if I watch the Jp RAW MPW a full 8 hours before everyone else and spazz about it knowing full well no one else understands what was said then I'd totally be moun--- AHEM (sorry 😂)

What I mean to say is, in this episode, Segasaki all but screams "MINE" in the most thinly veiled, polite manner possible, so let's see how he does that. If you read nothing at all, the last scene with them cuddling has an important correction you should skip to. Same translation disclaimer applies, Ep 4, let's go~!

(I see a lot of people saying some of their thoughts/suspicions were confirmed in the tags of the previous posts, so feel free to chip in with what you think! MPW deserves more discussion!)

Sorry I am incapable of summarizing, the post is crazy long and I've hit the 30 image max. As such, not every scene will be screen capped and I won't be transcribing the original subs anymore...

Y: あ、いや、友達の漫画を手伝いに行ってきます (-masu form) Y: Ah, no. I am going to help a friend with their manga.

Yoh shifts up a speech level here, (he started the episode out speaking casually) using the -masu form to make an announcement -he's trying to emphasize his determination to go because he’s nervous about saying it.

S: はあ？ どういうつもりで S: Huh? For what intention?

The "haa?" here has a more "excuse me?" feel, and the next line is interrogative - so all in all it has the same energy as: "Excuse me? What is going through your head?"

S: つぅか友達って誰だよ Y: よく通話してる…あの S: やっぱりあの女か S: Actually, when you say "friend", who do you mean? Y: The one who… I speak to a lot on the phone… S: So, it’s that woman after all huh?

S: だめ Y: え？なんで？(plain form) S: 俺が家にいんだから家にいろ (word contraction)* Y: でも約束したし (plain form) S: あの女には行けなくなったって言え* S: No. Y: Huh? Why? S: I'm staying at home so you stay at home* Y: But, I already made a promise S: Tell that woman that you can’t go any more** *This line, together with the starred line below, is extremely direct, (said in the same style as his not-proposal actually) and is clearly an order. **This line is literally "to that woman, say 'I am no longer able to make it'" (Though the speaker may not actually mean to use those exact words)

Segasaki has dropped a speech level here not so much by using "rude" forms but by being extremely blunt and direct. What he's saying implies he's being possessive of Yoh, but the way he says it also stresses his power in their relationship. But again, note that Yoh's replies are all in plain form - he hasn't shifted up a level in response, as he usually does when addressed so directly. In fact, the way he words his protest carries some indignation - using "し(shi)" at the end like this indicates that this "promise" is but one of the reasons he has for going - which is why Segasaki cuts him off. Yoh might sulk and pout about being ordered, he's still comfortably seated in his usual informal speech level, which means at this point he's still feeling secure about where he stands and definitely isn't intimidated.

S: お前さ*、何で自分がこの家にいるかわかってんの？ S: You*… do you even know why you’re in this house? *Here Segasaki uses the sentence-end particle "さ(sa)" after the word "you", which in this case has the same feel as "now look here". He also ends off his question with "の(no)", which can have many meanings, but here functions again as an assertive particle, implying that this is a rhetorical question, because he thinks Yoh should know the answer. Unfortunately, Yoh has the wrong answer 😅 (which Segasaki will realize and attempt to address in Ep 5)

Y: この人のやばさ*を一瞬でも忘れていた俺がバカだった Y: I was an idiot - to forget, even for a second, how insane* this person is *やばさ (yabasa) - this word comes from "yabai" and is a slang word that has evolved much like the words "crazy/insane" and "shit" have evolved in English - it can be used both positively and negatively to describe someone who's extreme, for eg "that guy is yabai (so cool!!)" vs "that guy is yabai (stay away)". Here, Yoh's referring to Segasaki as yabai for even thinking up this so called "slave contract" - which is what he assumes Segasaki is referring to.

Y: ごめん、いろいろあって Y: あ、いや、まあ、なんていうか、家にいろって言われ Y: あ、いや、なんでもない。とにかく本当にごめん Y: 今度なんかでお返しするから Y: Sorry, a lot happened Y: Ah, no, well, how do I say this... I was told "stay at home" Y: Ah, no, it's nothing. Anyway, I'm really sorry Y: I'll make it up to you next time, okay?

S: よくできました S: Well done. This is the same phrase we talked about in Ep 3, the stamp of approval. Again, Segasaki is emphasizing his role in relation to Yoh here.

Y: あの満足そうな後ろ姿 Y: 本当腹立つわ Y: That silhouette of his, so full of satisfaction as he leaves, Y: Really makes me irritated!* *Yoh ends off with the particle "わ (wa)", which mostly just emphasizes his emotion, but is a softer assertive particle than the ones Segasaki uses.

S: 夕飯、作ってくれてもいいんだぞ Y: はい Y: 俺はいつでも稼働する家事ロボットじゃねぇんだよ S: Dinner - it's fine for you to make it for me, you know Y: Yes Y: I'm not some housework robot that you can just activate at any time you know! The original subs made it sound like Segasaki was asking Yoh if he could make dinner, but that's not the case - he's literally telling Yoh to make it, and on top of that, he says it like he's doing Yoh a favour (by allowing him to make dinner) 🤣🤣 This time though, whether it's just cause Yoh's been caught by surprise or not, he answers properly with "Yes (Hai)".

Y: いっそロボットになってこの感情を無にしたい Y: (If it was going to be like this), I rather just become a robot, and turn these feelings into nothingness.

The focus of this line is mostly on Yoh preferring to become a robot in order to mute his feelings, but the sentence structure suggests that there is something to be inferred preceding this sentence, hence the bracketed bit. (It becomes clearer later on, especially in light of his monologue)

"Dayo-chan" is a pretty familiar nickname, something you'd expect a child to be called rather than an adult, unless it is a nickname between childhood friends. It implies a closeness/intimacy between the speaker/listener, hence the the look of horror on Yoh’s face (because he knows that is going to kick Segasaki into high gear) and the surprised disbelief (that someone would dare make a grab for Yoh) on Segasaki’s face. Kills me everytime 🤣

S: もしかして例の女か S: 家まで押し掛けるとはいい度胸してんな S: Don't tell me it's that woman from earlier? S: She's got some nerve, turning up at the house like this

Y: それはだめ　それだけは絶対だめ Y: No, not that, anything but that!

S: うれしいな　葉がいつもあなたの話をするので S: 一度お会いしてみたいと思っていたんです S: はじめまして、瀬ケ崎瑞貴といいます S: 葉がいつも　お世話になってます S: What a delight, Yoh speaks of you often so S: I've always thought it would be nice to be able to meet you. S: I'm Segasaki Mizuki, pleased to make your acquaintance. S: Thank you for always taking care of Yoh.

This is like, textbook formalities🤣 Practically every statement is a "standard" greeting and is very polite (hence the weirdly stiff english translation) except Segasaki says it in a way that makes it clear he speaks for Yoh, that Yoh is part of his in-group. (Legit, might as well plant a flag in the soil that says "Yoh is mine".) He sounds exactly like how parents sound when they meet their child's teachers, or how a spouse/older family member might sound when meeting their loved ones' co-workers. This is how it comes across: What a delight, Yoh speaks of you often so I've always thought it would be nice to be able to meet you - Sounds distinctly familial. Implies Segasaki is close enough to Yoh that Yoh shares his thoughts with him often. Also shows that Yoh tells Segasaki about Man-san, rather than the other way round. I'm Segasaki Mizuki, pleased to make your acquaintance. - standard, formal greeting Thank you for always taking care of Yoh. - standard greeting, literally "Yoh is always in your care" - You usually say this (for yourself) when you thank your teacher/senior/boss/important client. So, when you say this for someone else, you are claiming this person as your family, or someone in your in-group (a close friend, or at work, a junior).

S: すみません　今朝　葉が体調をくずしてしまって S: 家でゆっくり休んだ方がいいんじゃないかって S: 僕が言い聞かせたん*です S: ご迷惑をおかけしてしまってしまって すみませんでした S: I apologize, this morning, Yoh wasn't feeling well so S: I convinced* him (not to go) saying, S: "wouldn't it be better to stay at home and rest properly?" S: I sincerely apologize for the trouble this has caused you. * 言い聞かせる (translated as convinced here) this word is usually used when someone of higher standing tells/explains something to a person of a lower standing, and carries the nuance that they've managed to get the latter to accept/agree with what they say. It can also be translated as "told/persuaded/instructed/warned/admonished", and used in sentences like "I warned the kids not to run" or "The teacher told the students lying was wrong" - so that might give you a better idea of what Segasaki is implying here. I've used "convinced" here rather than "instruct" because Segasaki is, in general, speaking very tactfully to Man-san - but his meaning is still clear to anyone paying attention - Segasaki has a big enough role in Yoh's life that he not only can apologize on behalf of Yoh for not being able to fulfill the promise to Man-san, he also has a big enough say that Yoh will listen to his decisions.

M: いや、あんたがダヨの体調不良を詫びるんか M: むっちゃ身内面*するやん M: Wait, you are apologizing for Yoh being unwell (and unable to come help)? M: Isn't that a super intimate* (gesture)? *身内面する is literally "to show one's inner-circle face/side", ie the side of you that you show to your inner-circle/in-group ie your family. Hence this line reads more like "Wait, you're apologizing for Yoh?? Who are you, his family??"

Because of the emphasis on group identity in Japan, it's very common to apologize/take responsibility for the actions of another group-member, even if you had nothing to do with it. So here, Man-san has picked up on what Segasaki has been implying since the beginning - that Yoh is part of his in-group, and a very close one at that.

S: お茶目な方なんですね S: You've got such a sweet and funny personality, don't you? The word Segasaki uses here describes a person who tends to be naturally sweet and lovable, maybe a little silly but without any ulterior motive. It's a compliment in most situations - which is why Man-san gets all embarrassed - but can sometimes come across as slightly patronizing, like how calling someone "naive" can. Note that Segasaki is still being very polite here and effectively holding Man-san at arm's length, despite the seemingly friendly/open dialogue.

S: だから　そう言っていただけると　うれしいです S: So, to hear such nice words from you, makes me really glad.

S: ところで　可奈美さんはどこで　葉と　お知り合いに？ S: By the way, how did Kanami-san come to be friends with Yoh?

The whole dialogue where Segasaki responds to Man-san's fangirling basically sounds like how an idol would speak to their fans - it's very polite and uses deferential/humble verb forms to further indicate gratitude for the support, because Segasaki is answering Man-san in the context of his work. When he asks about Yoh, he switches back down to a normal speech level, but also uses her first name - Kanami-san, which whilst very charming, is totally NOT normal (with the sparkle effect and the wine, I can't help but get host club vibes from this lmao) because you only do that with people you are close to. Man-san is obviously flustered by this, and Yoh is understandably unhappy about the sudden familiarity Segasaki displays with Man-san (I personally think he's still trying to be disarmingly charming whilst he evaluates just how big a threat Man-san is🤣🤣)

S: ずいぶん飲んでると思ったら S: I thought he'd been drinking quite a bit

Again, this implies that Segasaki knows Yoh well enough to know his alcohol tolerance.

S: 寝るなら部屋いきな* S: If you're going to sleep, then go to the room alright? *いきな (ikina) - the "na" here is different from the sentence-final particle "na" we saw in Ep 3. This is short for "nasai", as in, "ikinasai", which is a polite but sharp way to say "please go (somewhere)". This sort of wording is most commonly used by parents towards young children when giving instructions like "please sit properly" or "please eat your food quietly". It's used between teachers/students, seniors/juniors etc, and sometimes amongst friends too. You absolutely should not use it with someone above you in the social hierarchy. The short version used here though, softens the tone a lot, and adds a very tender, homely feel to the sentence. Segasaki is literally coaxing Yoh to bed as a parent would a very young, sleepy but reluctant child.

M: 本当に恋人なんだなって感じです M: ようやく現実味が M: "(You two) are really a couple!" - that's the kind of feeling I get M: It's like it finally feels real

The way Segasaki literally puffs up with pride and hugs Yoh closer... (ಥ◡ಥ)

M: ダヨちゃんって彼氏の前だと　こんな甘えた*になるんですね M: なんかちょっと意外かも S: いやお酒様様ですね S: ふだんはそっけないですよ M: So Dayo-chan actually becomes so cute and affectionate* in front of his boyfriend M: I kind of didn't expect that, I think S: No, it's really all thanks to the sake S: Normally he's pretty indifferent *甘えた (amaeta) is the kansai dialect version of 甘える (amaeru), referring to the concept of amae.

Amae is a rather complex thing to explain in English and really deserves its own post. For simplicity's sake, what Man-san means here is that she's surprised that Yoh is actually able to express his desire to be treated affectionately and indulged in - something that requires a lot of trust in Segasaki and a willingness to be vulnerable in front of him.

M: おぉ、確かに。ダヨちゃん素直*じゃないからな M: あまのじゃく**っていうか　まあそういうとこあると　困っちゃいますよね M: Ohh, that's true. Cause Dayo-chan isn't able to be honest* with his feelings M: "Contrary"** is not really (the word to use) but... he does have a bit of that in him so.... (dealing with that) can be a bit of a handful don't you think? The way Man-san phrases her last line implies that she also has to deal with this side of Yoh, and by ending off with the particle "~ne", she is seeking Segasaki's agreement that they are both sort of in the same boat when it comes to that (she doesn't do this consciously though, which is why she freaks and apologizes later) *素直 (sunao - translated as honest here) is another term you'll often see when talking about feelings/relationships, and is also somewhat of a complex topic with many different possible translations, depending on context. It is closely related to amae, because in order to express your desire to be indulged or to receive affection, you first need to be able to admit to yourself that you want that.

**あまのじゃく (amanojaku - translated as contrary here) - this is a small demon from Japanese folklore, who was of an extremely contrary nature and would often mimic both humans and gods. It had the ability to see into one's heart and would then do the exact opposite of what one desired. Thus, this term is now used to describe people who intentionally go against the wishes of others, who are stubborn/unable to admit when they are wrong, or who twist themselves into a pickle/cannot be truthful about how they feel. It's not used in a complimentary way, which is why Man-san says Yoh's not quite like that, but there are some parts of him that do sort of fit the description.

S: やだな*　葉の素直になれないその不器用さが　余計にかわいいんじゃないですか S: ね？ S: That's not nice*... Yoh's inability to be truthful about his feelings - it's precisely that awkwardness that makes him even more adorable, isn't it? S: Wouldn't you say so? *Segasaki's first line "やだな (yada na - literally "this is unpleasant/I don't like that")" is not directed at Man-san, it's a form of soliloquy (which is common in Japanese), aka he's talking to himself here. We know this because it's informal and ends with the emphatic particle "~na". He then switches back to polite speech for the rest of his sentence, which is directed at Man-san. So, "that's not nice" is actually him remarking on the unpleasantness he feels after hearing Man-san describe Yoh as contrary, just as you might walk past a pile of rubbish on the street and remark, "well that's unsightly". Of course, the fact that he's actually saying this at a volume that Man-san can definitely hear and the way he sort of drawls it out, makes it clear that he definitely meant for her to know his disapproval behind the politeness of his following sentence (See what I mean by "thinly veiled politeness"?). On top of this, ending it off with a "ne?" (the same ending particle she used to seek his agreement) as he looks up right at her makes it clear - this whole sentence is a (mild) rebuke.

M: 分かったような口を利いてすんませんっした S: どうされました？ M: では私そろそろおいとまします M: I'm incredibly sorry! I spoke as if I knew everything (when in fact I knew nothing) S: What's the matter? M: Then, it is about time for me to take my leave. In response, Man-san ratches up the formal speech in both these sentences, though (as befitting her character) she pronounces it in a rather comical way (she sounds and acts like a samurai would in the movies 🤣). Also, don't mistake Segasaki's "what's the matter" as true confusion - his indirect rebuke was met with a direct (albeit over the top) apology - so here he is helping Man-san to save face, or recover the face she lost (by sounding presumptuous and by apologizing), by not calling attention to the actual apology. It is enough that she has recognized his superiority over her when it comes to understanding Yoh. This is also why later, when Man-san voluntarily offers up the information that she has a husband (and thus is not a threat to Segasaki's claim over Yoh), that Segasaki gives sort of an embarrassed but happy smile as he says "I'm sorry". That's not just "I'm sorry I can't send you to the station" (which is basic manners) but also has a little "I'm sorry for the unnecessary posturing over Yoh".

S: なんださっきから　やだ　ばっか言って S: お前はイヤイヤ期*か S: What's gotten into you? All you've been saying since just now is "no" S: Are you in your "no phase"*? *イヤイヤ期 - yes, the term he uses here specifically refers to the "no phase" of toddlers in their terrible twos. This isn't condescending though - Yoh's repeated "やだ (yada - "no" or "I don't want it")" is distinctly childlike, but this behaviour is precisely a form of amae that we talked about earlier. Yoh is asking to be indulged here, and Segasaki is responding both in word and in physical comfort.

Y: もうやだ S: だから何が Y: 俺　万さんのことすきなのに S: は？てめぇ* Y: あんたなんか嫌いだ Y: へらへらしてんじゃねぇよ Y: 何　ちゃっかり横に座ってんだよ Y: 名前で呼ぶ必要はねぇだろう Y: ふざけんな Y: 俺のこと好きなくせに Y: I don't want (this) anymore! S: So again I ask, (don't want) what? Y: I... even whilst... liking Man-san S: Ha? You little...* Y: I hate the likes of you Y: Don't freaking sit there laughing so carelessly Y: What were you doing taking the chance to sit next to her like that Y: There was no damn need to call her by her first name, right? Y: The hell are you doing! Y: When the person you like is me. When You talks about liking Man-san, he ends off with "なのに (nanoni)" which is used to show contrast the preceeding/following topic and to express frustration - except he hasn't mentioned the preceeding topic, so it isn't immediately clear what he means until he starts complaining about Segasaki's behaviour. That's why Segasaki is caught by surprise and follows up with an angry "haa?" and an emphatic *てめぇ(temee) - A very very rude way to say "you" which he first used in Ep 2 when Yoh said he was going to leave. It's not until later in Yoh's monologue, that we learn that he's upset that he feels jealousy/bad feelings towards Man-san because he's supposed to like Man-san (as a friend).

S: お前　お前それやだったんか S: お前の方が*　そう思ってたんかよ S: あ　もう最っ高 S: You... so that was what you didn't want? S: So, (all this time) it was actually you instead, who's been thinking like that? S: Oh, this is the. best.

S: よしよし S: 取られちゃって　やだったな S: There, there S: You didn't want me to be stolen away, did you?

Monologue time: Y: こんなふうに感じること自体が嫌だったんだ 万さん相手に　友達なのに 女々しすぎるって 幼稚だろう　ダメだろうって　分かってるのに 気付いたら頭ん中　ぐちゃぐちゃで どうしようもなくなってた あんたのせいだ こんなふうに 囁いたり 微笑んだり 優しく触れたりするから いつもあんな偉そうに ああだ　こうだ命令してくるくせに 突然まるで恋人*みたいに 勘違いするだろこんなの もしかして 好きって こんなみっともない気持ちのことなのか Y: The fact that I was feeling this way was specifically what I didn't like. (Feeling this way) towards Man-san, even though she's my friend... It was too petty (of me). Even though I knew, that it was childish, that I shouldn't (feel that way), Before I knew it, everything in my head was all messed up. And then I couldn't do anything about it. It's all your fault, Because you do things like this, Whispering softly to me, Smiling at me, And touching me so gently. Always so arrogantly ordering me around, Saying do this do that, and yet, You suddenly (start treating me) like a lover* Of course, I'd get the wrong idea with all of that! Could it be that, "Liking someone", Really is a feeling as unseemly and disgraceful as this? *恋人 (koibito - lover) - Lover in English can sometimes imply a more sexual than romantic relationship, but in Japanese "koibito" usually refers to "boyfriend/girlfriend" and may not imply a sexual component at all.

S: お前から抱きつくとかできんだな S: ずっと酔ってりゃいいのに S: So you actually can initiate hugs and stuff huh? S: If only you could stay drunk forever...

And we're done!! Ep 4 marks the turning point where Yoh begins the journey towards accepting and acknowledging his feelings - the concept of "sunao". It also clearly shows the preferred way these two reinforce their relationship - through "amae". Remember how in Ep 3, Yoh talked about how he felt that an "unspoken understanding" of each other's feelings was important in a relationship? Well, this is it - Yoh saying "no" and "don't want", or leaving the room to be by himself - these are all examples of amae. He doesn't want to ask for affection directly, because he can't. So he does it through amae instead, and as we can see, Segasaki really enjoys indulging in Yoh's unspoken requests for affection and gains fulfillment from that.

#my personal weatherman #taikan yohou #体感予報 #MPW subtitle corrections #mytranslations #segasaki x yoh #amae is a very important aspect of building connection in japanese relationships #as is the concept of sunao #these aren't concepts with easy direct translations to english #but they feature very heavily in this relationship #if you felt a little weirded out because their relationship sometimes can feel somewhat parental in nature #it's because the interdependence that results from amae is fundamentally different from the independence that is prized in the west

[olderthannetfic]

RE: https://www.tumblr.com/olderthannetfic/743466524562636800/figured-out-a-few-reasons-why-i-dont-like-1st

The thing about first person is that it's actually a much more difficult POV to write from and do well, but it's deceptive in that it feels like it should be easier to just slip into one character's head and write from that limited perspective because there's a lot you just don't need to know if the narrator doesn't have any distance from the story they're narrating.

But that's also what makes it harder to pull off.

Because with a first person narrator, you have to think about two things which third person narrators can but don't typically need to (because it won't tend to bring the audience up short in a way that makes them ask these questions): 1) who is the story being told to within the bounds of the universe, and 2) why?

Obviously, this is occasionally a consideration for authors writing in third person--Lord of the Rings is famously 'a translation' of an account of the goings on in Middle Earth during that period, and The Princess Bride is an 'abridged version' of a lengthier novel by S. Morgenstern (which the movie pretty brilliantly adapted as the grandfather jumping around and telling the story and editorializing for his grandson's entertainment)--but for the most part, if you're telling a story from a third person POV, the audience isn't going to spend a lot of time asking who the story is being told to and why, even if the narrator pretty clearly exists within the universe of the story being told (limited perspectives, etc).

First person narratives end up feeling a lot more jarring to me because most of the time, the authors aren't considering these questions (especially in YA, where it is the predominant trend) and so I wind up jostled out of the story. And sometimes it's even worse when they do consider those questions and the answer is... less than satisfactory.

A good example of a first person framing device that is terribly executed (not that it matters much given how terrible the overall writing is anyway, but) is Fourth Wing. (Which, as a side-note, I found deeply aggravating because I was promised a novel about dragons and I did not get nearly enough dragons. But I digress.) The story already suffers from the writing flaws being particularly glaring because there's so little distance between the narrator and the main character, but it gets even worse when you consider that the answers to the questions 'who is this story being told to and why?' are that it's a historical text that was transcribed by another character in the story (one of the MCs friends) and entered into the historical record.

Because then you have to ask why the hell the MC was giving such extraneous and explicit detail about all the sex she was having with the guy whose hotness she extolled from the moment they met despite ostensibly believing he wanted to kill her for most of the novel to her friend who was trying to get down an account of their time at dragon war school so that future generations could learn from their trials and tribulations.

This is a case where it would've been better just not to answer those questions at all, because the writing was bad enough it didn't need the added WHY THE FUCK.

--

[sophsicle]

Regulus adjusts his position just so, looking out with practiced disinterest at the hall in front of him. His shoulders pulled back, head high. He doesn't quite fill out his brother's throne. The back just a little too tall, the legs a little too long, the soles of his boots only barely grazing the ground. He acts as though he notices none of this, of course. Acts as though the crown fits.

"You may rise," he says finally, to the man currently kneeling before him.

He's dressed in leathers, a blade and pistol hanging from his hip even though both are technically forbidden in the throne room. Sirius let him take too many liberties.

Regulus eyes him cooly, the man flashing him a grin, like this is all some big joke. Like Sirius isn't missing.

"My advisors tell me you think you know where my brother is?"

"I do."

Regulus waits, arching his brow. After several seconds of silence the man rolls his eyes.

"Your majesty."

Regulus tilts his head to the side, looking him up and down. He knows him, of course, his brother's lowborn drinking buddy. It's a good thing their father isn't alive to see the company the King has been keeping as of late.

"Tell me then," Regulus says finally, hoping his desperation isn't obvious. Tell me where he is. Tell me how to find him. Help me bring him home.

The man before him smiles again. "Why don't you just give me one of your pretty ships and I'll go fetch him myself, shall I?"

Regulus's eyes narrow. "You seem to think we are bargaining. We are not. You will tell me what you know. Now."

The man quirks his brow. "And if I don't?"

"Then I'll have you killed," Regulus says flatly. And he means it. Mostly.

The man's grin only grows, showing off his teeth, two of which, are golden. "Nah, I don't think you will."

"James--"

"Oh so you do know my name."

Regulus grimaces. "Do you think you could show just a little deference? I am your King."

"Prince."

"King until my brother returns. A process you are hindering with your insufferable..." he waves his hand in James's direction. "Insufferableness."

James laughs. "My insufferable insufferableness? Come now my Lord, surely your fancy tutors taught you a few more words than that?"

"Where is my brother!"

His voice rings out through the grand room. Guards and courtiers all turning their heads in his direction. Regulus resents the blush that instantly rushes up his neck. He knows how he sounds. Like a child. For all his winging about not wanting to be King, Sirius was always far better at this than him. Regulus was meant for a quiet life in a monastery somewhere, transcribing manuscripts, translating philosophical works. Not this. Not politics.

James seems to take pity on him, stepping slightly nearer. "He's okay Regulus," he says quietly.

"How can you know that?" he demands.

"He's Sirius. He's always okay."

And isn't that just the truth.

"Let me go get him back huh?"

Regulus gives him a petulant look before sighing and pinching the bridge of his nose. "I can't just give you a ship James. I barely know you."

"You don't trust me?"

Regulus drops his hand. Delivering him a flat look. "No."

James considers him for a moment, before that old familiar smirk returns to his lips. "Then come with me."

Regulus feels his eyes go wide. "What."

"Then come with me," he nods his head towards the doors. "Come on Regulus," he says, still talking quietly, as though that will stop people from hearing. Someone is always listening in this palace. "Leave the safety of the library for once huh? Come with me. We can get him together."

It's mad. Mad and impossible. He can't. For so many reasons he can't. And yet, somehow, the ridiculous man in front of him is making him think maybe he can.

#idk man #don't ask me what this is #something #jegulus #historical au #pirate au #ish #like James is a pirate #that counts #but he's like #a pirate like Francis Drake was a pirate #aka a pirate who bangs the queen #soph rambles #oof I might delete this #I just wanted to write something

[jermasubtitledofficial]

Hi everyone, I'm the official subtitle editor for 2ndJerma and Jerma Stream Archive. I've been working to make Jerma985's videos more accessible through closed captions and subtitles. Jerma985 videos are subtitled regularly. You can view the definitive playlist of them here:

I also provide play-by-play updates on Twitter (@JermaSubtitled) to keep you informed on when and which videos have captions finalized and published.

Subtitling is a labor-intensive task that requires a lot of time and effort, but it's worth it to make sure that everyone can enjoy Jerma's content. However, I don't receive official compensation for my work. (writing, reviewing and editing captions) Without official pay, it can be difficult to justify the time I put into managing subtitles. That's why I'm reaching out to the community for support.

If you appreciate the effort I put into providing subtitles, please consider supporting me on Patreon. You can join for as low as $3/month, and all proceeds go towards continuing to make Jerma's videos accessible. If you'd like to give a one-time tip instead, you can do so here. Every little bit helps and is greatly appreciated. Your funding is 100% responsible for keeping Jerma985 subtitles running.

I understand that not everyone is in a position to contribute financially, and that's okay! Just spreading the word and letting others know that these subtitles exist and are available is a huge help. Thank you for taking the time to read this post. With your help, we can do a great service for YouTube accessibility.

Up next, a recap of what happened in March 2023:

I update interested parties each month about what's been added, and I'll start posting them here if there's sufficient interest, plus any additional musings. So here's the recap from March:

The community has provided so many submissions I'm nearly overwhelmed! I have a lot to review. Every caption will be published, it's just a matter of time. Those not present have been added to the queue.

First, overlap from February is SCORN by me, Erasmus Magnus. It highlights an interesting conundrum of subtitling: how to intuitively portray something said for a deaf/HOH audience, in this case a filtered voice. Feedback I received including that of @maplecaster led to the final result, and I think it works tremendously well.

Second, we have The Short Sniper by community regular, kitpigeon. Short and sweet, high-quality subs for one of Jerma's low-profile videos. Great job.

Next, we have Receding Randy transcribed by @maplecaster. This was some fine stuff. I'm embarrassed how long it took me to sync it, but that's only because I'm something of a perfectionist. I try to limit the time sink, but I want the best for the subtitles, and it only makes sense to polish the time to be as good as the text content.

After that, we have an absolute classic in the form of Grab that Grotto 5—no relation to Grotto Beasts—by @graysaregay. Well done on this. I did some executive editing for some tricky stuff like the text-to-speech voice. I'm really glad this ol' classic nearing a million has captions now.

And finally, italoplumber has provided a German translation of The Max Cow Capacity Compulsion. Never would've guessed he was popular in DACH countries, but I suppose it makes sense. It's in his name. Willkommen in Jermany.

And that's it! If you want to see more about official Jerma985 subtitles, including musings and related information, consider following! And again, play-by-play updates can be found on Twitter at @JermaSubtitled.

#jerma985 #jerma #subtitles #closed captions #auditory processing disorder #accessibility #hard of hearing #deaf and hoh #youtube subtitles #subtitled jerma

[gravehags]

traduzione

Pairing: Cardinal Copia x f!Reader (Curator!Reader)

Rating: Teen

Tags: dinner "date", a little bit of comedy turns into a whole lot of angst, girl these bitches don't know how to process OR express their feelings, secondo is a real one, terzo's subtle matchmaking hard at work as always

Words: 2,862

Summary: You finally decide to cash in your favor.

a/n: inspired by my quest to find a book for my capstone and only being able to locate a copy in italian. copia, my heroic translator.

~~~

“Hey Copia, I–oh!”

You realize a moment too late that you’ve barged into Cardinal Copia’s office without knocking in your eagerness to get to the man in question. Papa Secondo is standing with his arms crossed in his green and black robes (no mitre in sight) looking at you with his brows pulled together in a frown. Copia, looking like a startled version of one of his own rats, stands up hastily.

“I’m so sorry,” you squeak, backing out of the room but Secondo is already moving towards you. Every time you see him in full regalia with his paints you have a hard time equating it to the man who casually made you the best bolognese of your life. When he descends upon you, you feel so small. Out of all the papas, he is easily the most intimidating. You look up into the signature Emeritus gaze and after a beat, his withering expression fades and he gives you a slow, very deliberate wink.

“Cardinale, I will discuss our matter with you later. Piccolina…” he intones ominously before snagging your hand and raising to his lips in a brief kiss, “arrivederci.”

And with that Secondo Emeritus dramatically sweeps from the room, shutting the door behind him. Copia is standing stock-still behind his desk, looking vaguely horrified.

“Copia I am so sorry I forgot to knock, I’ve just been in my head all day and was so anxious to tell you–”

“Tell me what, cara?” He resumes his seat and gestures for you to take the one opposite him.

“Well…I suppose not really tell you. I…er…I would like to cash in my favor.”

The cardinal’s interest is immediately grabbed and he scoots forward in his seat to lean his elbows on the desk and intertwine his fingers. There’s color high on his freckled cheeks and he seems breathless when he finally speaks.

“What–” Copia clears his throat when the word comes out embarrassingly high pitched, “what do you have in mind?”

You take a deep breath. “Okay so. Imperator gave me permission to use Ministry funds to purchase a very rare, very important book for collections research, right?”

Copia nods, unsure of where this is going.

“The thing is…it’s entirely in Italian. And there are quite literally no available translations anywhere so I was wondering if you…could assist.”

The cardinal deflates a little and you’re slightly perplexed.

“Are you…are you sure that’s what you want to use your favor on?”

Oh, you know exactly what you’d really like to use your favor on. Something involving those plump painted lips and gloved hands spreading you open and—

Anyway.

“Yeah well I figured it’s going to be quite an undertaking having you read me this book while I transcribe notes. Not something I’d bother you with under any other circumstances. And if you don’t want to do it that’s fine, I can always ask one of the Italian speaking siblings or–”

“Naturalmente, I’ll do it,” he says quickly, completely banishing the idea of seeking outside help from your mind, “eh…when would you like to begin?”

“Oh the book won’t be here for a couple of weeks still but maybe we could use our Friday game night? You can just read to me until you’re tired of it or we’re both tired of it.”

Copia nods slowly, and you still sense a level of disappointment from him. Odd.

“I’ll um,” you say, fidgeting with a pen on his desk, “I’ll cook for you.”

Your attempt to sweeten the deal earns a snort of laughter from Copia, which causes you to pout.

“What? I can cook!”

“You burned the bruschetta for the dinner we had with the Papas.”

Your cheeks light up as you frown deeply at him.

“Okay, now that you’re such a doubting Thomas about it,” you smirk, leaning back in your chair, “I’ll make you anything you say. Name it.”

Copia looks almost impressed as he considers your offer.

“Eh…alright. Cacio e pepe.”

You smack your palms flat against the worktop of his desk. “Done. Just you wait, you’ll show up and I’ll have dinner, maybe a little chianti…”

“Sounds awfully romantic, cara. Do you perhaps have other intentions?”

His eyes are glittering mischievously, clearly teasing you, but your cheeks heat up all the same. Okay, so maybe you did have other intentions. Yes, you need him to translate this book for you but also…it sounds nice. Just the two of you, sitting on your couch eating pasta and reading about the creation of infernal art in Baroque Rome. When you realize his mismatched gaze has been staring at you for several moments, you laugh nervously.

“Copia, I promise I don’t have any designs on your…uh…virtue.”

He chuckles at this, leaning back and folding his hands over his stomach.

“Cara, I would be a poor Satanic cardinal indeed if I had any virtue left.”

“I don’t know, you’ve been awfully patient with me during this conversation. And you’re so diligent about your work. And incredibly kind. I think you’re still redeemable.”

When he scoffs and waves his hand, cheeks red, you stand up and make for the door.

“I’ll keep you posted about when the book arrives okay?”

“Sì, sì,” he says, straightening in his chair and shuffling paperwork.

“Looking forward to our date,” you say with a smirk, making sure to catch a glimpse of his eyes going wide and face going red as you flounce out the door.

–

Eleven days pass when you delicately unwrap the book from its secure packaging in your office. Holding it in hand, you use your dark red fingernail to trace the embossed title. After a moment, you set it down and pick up your phone to text Copia.

Book’s here. Tomorrow night? 6:00?

Looking forward to it, mia cara.

C

The endearment still makes you warm and fuzzy inside and you take a moment to revel in the feeling before the weight of reality comes crashing down on you.

You have no fucking clue how to make cacio e pepe.

–

Catching Secondo away from his brothers or outside of Ministry duties is a difficult beast. You have one chance to time it right and snag him in his office before his confession duties start and he is waylaid by siblings wishing to share their sins and desires with him. Lurking around the corner, you watch as another cardinal you are unfamiliar with leaves Secondo’s office and once he is out of sight, you bolt for the door. It hasn’t even fully closed yet when you’re knocking rapidly on it, waiting in the threshold. Secondo whirls around behind his desk and when his eyes land on you, he smirks.

“You’ve learned to knock before entering rooms now, I see,” he says, placing his hands on his desk and leaning forward.

“Uh…yeah. Sorry about that. Great to see you and all but I have a big favor to ask of you. Huge.”

Secondo leans back and his face relaxes into a neutral expression.

“Don’t you usually ask il tuo cardinale for favors?”

Your Italian is shit but you pick that up loud and clear. Your cardinal.

“Haha yeah see the favor is sort of about him, you know?” 

When he gestures for you to continue your tale of woe the words spill out of your mouth at an alarming rate, “I promised him I would make him dinner and I can’t cook for shit and he requested cacio e pepe and I was wondering if you could teach me?”

He looks both stunned and impressed by the speed at which you relay your request, but after a moment his face schools into a soft smile.

“Piccolina,” he begins, walking over to you, “I’ll do you one better, I’ll make it for you. Our little secret, no? When is this engagement with the cardinal?”

You want to cry, you're so relieved and thankful and without thinking, you throw your arms around him, squeezing tight. He stumbles backwards a little from the force with which you have flung yourself at him, but he pats you on the back all the same.

“Secondo, I could kiss you right now,” you sigh into his vestments before pulling back. He’s looking at you with a peculiar little knowing half smile.

“Normally I would take you up on that offer but,” he pauses, bringing his hands together, “I am not who you are destined for, sì?”

You start to ask what exactly he means by that little cryptic comment when he’s ushering you out the door and into the hall.

“It’s at six, tomorrow night. Secondo thank you, thank you, thank you. You’re a reputation saver.” 

He steps out too and begins to walk into the direction of the chapel while you blow an abundance of air kisses at him, which he catches with the most stoic of faces.

—

As promised, Secondo delivers the still-hot pasta at 5:45, just in time for you to put the pot on the stove to make it look legitimate. You texted Copia earlier, telling him to dress casual. You’ve put on one of your nicer pairs of black leggings and a cut up shirt from the Ghost project, which you’ve recently acquired from Terzo. The book is resting on your hastily tidied coffee table, along with your laptop. You’ve got the chianti, as promised - a good bottle too - another gift from Terzo. Nervously you uncork the bottle and set it on the counter to let it breathe while you wait for his arrival. When his knocks sound on your door you nearly jump out of your skin before padding over to open it. You fling it open and there he is, il tuo cardinale, and you can’t help but smile at his outfit. You’ve never in all your months at the abbey seen him dress casual, and his version is perfectly delightful. He’s wearing a matching loose red tracksuit with a black t-shirt on underneath, gloves still on his hands and his pristine black dress shoes on his feet. You’re so incredibly charmed by his appearance you forget to move aside to let him in until he makes a nervous noise and gestures into your quarters.

“Hi! Sorry! Please come in!”

You pull away to go “check” on the pasta as he shuffles into your space and closes the door behind him.

“Smells good,” he comments as he moves towards your small kitchen space.

“Doesn’t it?” you preen, pouring a generous amount of wine into his glass before handing it off to him. He swirls it around and leans his perfect pointed nose into the glass to inhale, before pulling back looking impressed.

“Terzo gave it to me,” you comment, pouring yourself a glass, “You like it?”

“Very good,” he says, looking at the bottle, “how kind of Papa Terzo to give you one of my favorites.”

You halt your pouring and look over to him. Once again you are struck by Terzo’s preternatural ability to steer you in Copia’s direction in one way or another. Honestly, it’s getting to the point where you should write him a thank you note every time it happens.

“Please, go take a seat, I’ll dish you up some pasta,” you say, ushering him over to the small living room while he takes both glasses in his hands. Taking two plates from a cabinet you make sure to scoop the pasta and twirl it artfully on the white porcelain. A little sprinkle of pecorino romano, as per Secondo’s instruction, et voila. Perfection. You dish out your portion and grab a couple forks and walk over to the couch, presenting his plate with a flourish.

“Cacio e pepe, as promised,” you murmur, taking a seat on the other end of the sofa and sitting criss-cross. You don’t take a bite until Copia has, watching him slowly chew and contemplate the meal.

“Bellissima,” he finally says as he gathers another forkful, “I take back my unkind words about your cooking skills. Although, I do have to say there is something…familiar about this dish.”

You stop mid chew and look up at him silently with wide eyes before swallowing and laughing nervously.

“Old family recipe,” you comment, before hastily adding, “not my family recipe I mean, but…someone’s certainly. Right?”

You’re not lying to him, technically but you make sure to dodge eye contact with him throughout the rest of the meal. Some time later when the two of you finish and you gather your plates to put them in the sink, you miss Copia smiling to himself knowingly as he sips his wine. You return with the bottle, refilling both your glasses before situating yourself comfortably and pulling your laptop over.

“Ready?” you say, firing up your word processor.

He nods, and picks up the old book, handling it with great care before opening it and settling on the first page. Listening to him is…wonderful. He intersperses his English translation with bits of the original Italian, and the way his tongue wraps around the words and the extra flourish with which he rolls his r’s makes you sigh dreamily. At times, you get so caught up in simply listening to him speak that you forget to type out your notes and have to ask him to pause so you can recalibrate your brain to the task. The bottle of wine goes quickly, and the contents go straight to your head. You can feel your cheeks and chest flush and you know your filter is gone when you interrupt him to speak.

“I love listening to you talk,” you smile, leaning your head onto the back cushion of the couch.

Copia looks flabbergasted, face heating up to match yours and it takes all your willpower to not move your computer aside and climb into his lap. You can think of no one else who deserves to be kissed more than he. Always so patient with you, so kind. You know you’re looking at him funny because he nervously looks away as if he’s afraid of what could happen next.

“Eh…I think I should go,” he says, closing the book and rising from the couch as your smile slips. Now look at what you’ve done, you think bitterly, you’re scaring him off. The liquor is making your head spin and you want to cry at how stupid you’ve been. This is how it always is with the two of you, you always talk a big flirtatious game but when he comes down to it, neither of you will pull the trigger. Imagine how you would have looked trying to kiss him, the voice in your head laughs, your wine-stained lips clumsily searching for his. He’s a satanic Cardinal, get real. You have to dig your fingernails into the meat of your palm to keep yourself from crying as you stand up and follow him to the door.

“Thank you, cara,” he murmurs after you open it for him. “I am…I am very tired all of a sudden. The wine, you see. Very powerful stuff.”

You nod in agreement with a stiff smile, looking past him. He seems to pick up on your shift in mood, and gently takes your hands into his gloved ones.

“Dolcezza,” he begins, gazing at you earnestly, “ragazza meravigliosa. I…”

He falters, unsure of what to say or perhaps, how to say what he wants to tell you. Be brave, you think, be fucking brave and do something for once. Before he can stutter out anything more you place your hand softly on his cheek and hold it there for a moment, content to feel the warmth of his skin. He exhales deeply and shakily as you run your thumb over his freckled cheekbone. Before any other voices inside you can tell you to do otherwise, you lean in and press a sweet, lingering kiss to his cheek, right at the corner of his mouth. It wasn’t exactly what you wanted, you have after all done this exact thing before in a drunken state, but this time feels…different. When you finally pull away, your breath ghosts over his lips and he lets out a miniscule noise. 

“For being you, Copia,” you say, “thank you. For everything, always.”

He looks as if he could burst into tears at any moment and you look away, allowing him time to gather himself. When he clears his throat and claps his hands together, you look back at him with a bright smile. The moment is gone and you both return to playing pretend about your true emotions.

“We can…uh…finish this later, sì? I hope what we’ve done so far helps.”

“It does, thank you Cardinal. I’ll see you later, okay?”

He nods, still wearing the mask he so carefully puts on in moments like this.

“Bene. Goodnight, cara. Sleep well.”

“Goodnight, Copia,” you say, heart sinking as you watch him walk down the corridor and you shut your door. Sighing, you lower yourself to the floor with your back against it, looking around the small apartment. 

Bravery does not come easily to either of you, it seems. 

But that doesn’t mean you’ll stop trying.

#cardinal copia x reader #cardinal copia x female reader #cardinal copia x f!reader #cardinal copia #the band ghost #the band ghost fic #rachel writes

[bettsfic]

goooood morning betts! do you have any advice for developing a better grasp of syntax and comfort with sentence complexity? like, REALLY long sentences. i admire the prose of writers that can enfold clause after clause without sounding structurally repetitive; one of my writing pet peeves is when the same sentence structures are used over and over. a lot of my own sentences tend to be shorter and "to the point", and i think getting better at longer ones would help my prose to be more flexible.

in very loose rhetorical terms, this is called hypotaxis (compared to parataxis). what i would do is pick up Lydia Davis's translation of Swann's Way (Proust), open it up to any random page, and pick a really long, meaty paragraph. read it. read it again. then transcribe it either by handwriting it or typing it out. give yourself the physical sensation of creating the sentences you admire most.

repeat with Woolf, Nabokov, Henry James. any book, any paragraph. you don't even have to read the whole book, in fact it's probably better if you don't, if you read it divorced of the tension of the plot.

i actually did this recently with a passage from The Ambassadors:

“What I hate is myself—when I think that one has to take so much, to be happy, out of the lives of others, and that one isn’t happy even then. One does it to cheat one’s self and to stop one’s mouth—but that’s only at the best for a little. The wretched self is always there, always making one somehow a fresh anxiety. What it comes to is that it’s not, that it’s never, a happiness, any happiness at all, to take. The only safe thing is to give. It’s what plays you least false.” Interesting, touching, strikingly sincere as she let these things come from her, she yet puzzled and troubled him—so fine was the quaver of her quietness. He felt what he had felt before with her, that there was always more behind what she showed, and more and more again behind that. “You know so, at least,” she added, “where you are!” “You ought to know it indeed then; for isn’t what you’ve been giving exactly what has brought us together this way? You’ve been making, as I’ve so fully let you know I’ve felt,” Strether said, “the most precious present I’ve ever seen made, and if you can’t sit down peacefully on that performance you are, no doubt, born to torment yourself. But you ought,” he wound up, “to be easy.”

the first time i did an exercise like this was in a workshop with Claire Messud, who printed out a copy of a single paragraph of Sebald, from The Emigrants i think. and we spent an hour and a half dissecting it word by word. at the time i was irritated by it; i thought it was a pedantic exercise. but it wasn't. it helped me learn how to close read, and i've more or less made a career out of my ability to do that.

for those who don't subvocalize when they read, i think reading aloud is important so you can internalize the rhythm of sentences. if you do subvocalize (most of us who learned to read via phonetics subvocalize when we read, which means we "hear" the words in our heads; those who learned to read without phonetics or before phonetics had been introduced to them can just take the meaning of the words in mental silence), start snapping out the rhythm when you find a good phrase or clause. i mean physically snapping. using the above example, "interesting, touching, strikingly sincere" -- find the emphasis of each word: INteresting, TOUCHing, STRIKingly sinCERE. if you repeat it over and over, it starts to become a song. you can hear the drumbeat in it.

and then you have the alliteration of "quaver of her quietness" and "the most precious present." and the paratactic "that it's not, that it's never, a happiness, any happiness at all, to take." and then there's "the wretched self." i don't have a rhetorical device for why that's such a banger, it just is.

if you transcribe a couple hundred sentences that you really admire, then take the time to comb through them and pick out what's beautiful about them, your writing will definitely improve. it's worth it to develop the habit of close reading everything you find beautiful.

#writing advice #prose #style #voice #rhetoric

[iwtvfanevents]

Rewind the Tape —Episode 7

Art of the episode

Only four days to go until the premiere, and we're finally wrapping up with the last post of our rewatch. Just like we did for the pilot and for episodes two, three, four, five, and six, we took note of the art shown and mentioned in the 7th episode while we rewatched it, and put together our notes for reference. And, now, we're sharing our notes on AO3 too.

Six épigraphes antiques

Claude Debussy, 1914

This suite was originally composed to be played as a duet, but Debussy re-transcribed it as a solo piece the next year.

The Garden of Earthly Delights

Hieronymus Bosch, 1503–1515

Original sin is the theme of Lestat's Mardi Gras ball. The triptych shows that sin "starts in Paradise or Eden on the left panel, with Adam and Eve, and is punished in Hell in the right panel. The centre panel depicts a Paradise that deceives the senses, a false Paradise given over to the sin of lust. This deception is encouraged by the fact that the centre panel is shown as a continuation of Eden through the use of a single, continuous landscape." [From Museo del Prado.]

Let them eat [King] cake!

A historical reference this time: this is the traditional translation of the French phrase "Qu'ils mangent de la brioche," conventionally attributed to Marie Antoinette. The quote can be traced back to Jean-Jacques Rousseau's Confessions, published in 1765, 24 years prior to the French Revolution, when Antoinette was nine years old; and was only attributed to her decades after her death.

Autumn at Arkville (again!)

We first saw this painting by Alexander H. Wyant in episode 2, in the du Lac family home! It was there during the funeral too but now, almost a decade after Grace left New Orleans, we see it in Rue Royale. We wonder: was this simple prop recycling, or should we ask ourselves how and why Louis came to have that keepsake from his family?

After the Bath: Woman Drying her Neck

Edgar Degas, 1898 [Identified by @nicodelenfent, here.]

This is the third Degas in Rue Royale! It's part of a series of studies of women drying after bathing, which includes charcoal sketches, and we suspect that the unidentified drawing from the hallway might be one of them.

Piano Sonata No. 14 in C-sharp minor

Ludwig van Beethoven, 1801

The closing song of the season is a classic, better known as the Moonlight Sonata, but the first edition of the score was headed by the title Quasi una fantasia or "almost a fantasy" (a fantasia is a musical composition with roots in improvisation).

The Graduate

Dir. Mike Nichols, 1967

Not exactly a reference, but Jacob Anderson shared in interview with Collider that Rolin directed them to play that scene thinking of the final moments of this movie. Have you taken the chance to watch it during the hiatus?

If you spot or put a name to any other references, let us know if you'd like us to add them with credit to the post! And we rounded up all the unidentified pieces in this post, in case you want to take a look and see if anything feels familiar!

We're super close to the second season, and we can't wait! Of course, we'll keep watching with an eye out for interesting references, and it's always easier to find them if we're working together. So, if you spot any interesting art pieces and other references in the second season, make sure to share with the class in the tag #vampterview, and @ us or use the tag #art of the episode if you'd like us to reblog your post into our dedicated tag for these references.

And don't forget to get your very own bingo card for the upcoming predictions bingo, here!

#louis de pointe du lac #the vampire claudia #claudia iwtv #the titular vampire #spark in the dark #daniel molloy #lestat de lioncourt #vampterview #interview with the vampire #iwtv #amc interview with the vampire #interview with the vampire amc #amc iwtv #iwtv amc #IWTVfanevents #rewind the tape #analysis and meta #art of the episode #the thing lay still

[the-conversation-pod]

Tens and Chops, Vol. 1 (A Grab Bag Episode)

We gotta clear the decks ahead of the VIIB Awards, so it’s a grab bag episode! Ben, NiNi, and Shan talk a bunch of shows that we couldn’t NOT talk about, and award the fall’s Girl You Tried.

Grab a drink and a snack and join us for one of the most varied episodes we've had on the show.

Timestamps

The timestamps will now correspond with chapters on Spotify for easier navigation.

00:00:00 - Introduction 00:01:15 - Kiseki: Dear To Me 00:12:20 - Dangerous Romance 00:26:05 - Love In Translation 00:41:14 - I Cannot Reach You 00:54:43 - My Personal Weatherman 01:07:01 - If It's With You 01:15:38 - Absolute Zero 01:21:05 - My Dear Gangster Oppa 01:33:32 - Middleman's Love 01:49:07 - Final Thoughts, and Girl, You Tried

The Conversation Transcripts!

Thanks to the continued efforts of @ginnymoonbeam as transcriber, and @lurkingshan as an editor and proofreader, we are able to bring you transcripts of the episodes.

We will endeavor to make the transcripts available when the episodes launch, and it is our goal to make them available for past episodes (Coming soon thanks to @wen-kexing-apologist). When transcripts are available, we will attach them to the episode post (like this one) and put the transcript behind a Read More cut to cut down on scrolling.

Please send our volunteers your thanks!

00:00:00 - Welcome

NiNi

Welcome to The Conversation About BL, aka The Brown Liquor Podcast.

Ben

And there it is. I’m Ben.

NiNi

I’m NiNi.

Ben

And we’re you’re drunk Caribbean uncle and auntie here sitting on the porch in the rocking chairs.

NiNi

Four times a year we pop in to talk about what’s going on in the BL world.

Ben

We shoot the shit about stories and all the drama going into them. I review from a queer media lens.

NiNi

And I review from a romance and drama lens.

Ben

So if you like cracked-out takes and really intense emotional analysis…

NiNi

If you like talking about artistry, industry, and the discourse…

Ben

And if you generally just love simping…

NiNi

There is a lot of simping on this podcast…

Ben

We are the show for you!

00:01:15 - Tens and Chops

Ben

And we're back! We've made it to the Grab Bag for this season of The Conversation. We've named this one “Tens and Chops: Volume 1.” I really hope we have a collection of these to do a smash cut off in the future.

NiNi

So looking forward to it. Definitely looking forward to it. Absolutely looking forward to it. I named it Volume 1 for a reason.

Ben

We have nine shows to talk about plus a bonus segment. Because there are nine shows to talk about, we have brought in help for this one. We have brought in our drama expert, Shan, who is with us again.

Shan

Hello people.

NiNi

Ah, that sweet, sweet smell of a great guest. I love it. Okay, all right, let's dive in, people.

Ben

All right. So, Shan, we're finally into the winter. Let's discuss the fall shows as an experience. As you know, I was grumpy as hell coming out of the summer through the fall with the state of BL. 

How are you feeling about all these various shows?

Shan

Your grumpiness was not unfounded. I don't think the fall season was particularly strong. We hit a slump. A lot of shows just flopped right at the end after strong starts, a lot of shows just didn't take off. There were some things that we were really excited about and then when we actually got to them it was…just so fucking disappointing. [laughs]

I think the strong start to the year and some of our expectations for these shows maybe set us up to be a little extra disappointed in how the season went.

Ben

Before we get into all of the shows individually, NiNi, for the sake of our audience, who may want to skip around this episode, please read the list of shows we're about to discuss.

NiNi

[clears throat] Don't mind if I do! So, in this episode we shall be discussing Kiseki: Dear To Me from Taiwan, Dangerous Romance from Thailand, Love In Translation also from Thailand, I Cannot Reach You from Japan, My Personal Weatherman also from Japan, If It's With You also from, you guessed it, Japan, Absolute Zero from Thailand, My Dear Gangsta Oppa from Thailand-ish, and Middleman's Love the most Thai thing I have seen. [laughs]

Ben

All right. So we're going to be here for a while. I hope you grabbed your drinks and a snack.

NiNi

Put us on pause. Go pee, come back. Or you could just take your phone to the bathroom. Whatever you're doing, I'm not judging you.

Ben

I am, don't worry.

[NiNi laughs]

00:04:20 - Kiseki: Dear To Me

NiNi

Alright, let's start with Kiseki. Ben, what is Kiseki about?

Ben

It's about how nothing was learned from HIStory 3: Make Our Days Count, and that once again I have been made to suffer for things I did not do. 

Kiseki: Dear to Me is a Taiwanese BL about a well-performing high school student late in his studies who gets wrapped up in the gang politics of his local area, falls in love with a gangster, and complications ensue? There's a side couple that's also a bunch of gangsters who end up stealing the show.

Shan

[laughs] I was going to say, I'm pretty sure this show is actually about Ai Di, but okay.

Ben

It is a Lin Pei Yu joint, and we were expecting so much more from her, and yet here we are talking about it in the Grab Bag.

NiNi

Mm-mm-mm. So, Shan, come on in here. Give me, like, a word or a short phrase—something pithy—for the audience.

Shan

Hmm… The pithy description of this show? “Chaotic, but in an awesome way.”

NiNi

Interesting…

Ben

I will agree with that. This show was fun as hell to watch when it wasn't enraging for me.

NiNi

[laughs] I don't know. I was watching it and literally losing the thread while I was watching it.

Shan

Your mistake was ever trying to grasp the thread in the first place.

NiNi

You right, you're right. I made a mistake. My bad. I shouldn't have tried. But—[laughs]—the show was clearly trying, so I thought I had to try, too. 

Listen, I often find Taiwanese shows hard to follow, personally, and I know that's a me thing. But it's something about where they choose to start and end their episodes, I think. I lose the thread.

Ben

I do agree with that. I don't think that, at least the BL tradition we've been exposed to, values episodic structure in a way that is recognizable to those of us who are probably grounded in the American sitcom tradition. A lot of their shows, we tend to remember as a whole, not as individual parts, and that did not work very well here. 

You were not the only person struggling from episode to episode remembering what the fuck was going on. I struggled as well. It was difficult watching this show because I didn't really know thematically what the show wanted to be about. While I really liked the work everyone did—I think all of the actors at every level were really dialed in and it was fun for some of the cameos. I will never return to this particular show because this show involves Wayne Song and Huang Chun Chih as gangsters who are rivals with the leads we care about. 

They have Wayne playing this super-violent, kind of out-of-control gang leader who has to die, and he does, and this is a bad choice because it's not like the rest of us fucking forgot about HIStory 3: Make Our Days Count, and then they released a special episode that is just, “By the way, Chun Chih's character was mooning after him the whole time and now he's sad.” Why? Why was this the choice? Have you not learned that we don't want you to kill these guys? Shit!

NiNi

I think definitely the cameos across the board lost me—A, because I don't watch that much Taiwanese BL, so a lot of it was like, “Wait, who's this guy? Who's this guy? Who's this guy? Why are they here? What are they doing?” I recognize a couple of faces from a couple of things, but mostly I was just confused.

Shan

This show was like 50% powered by cameos. That is what kept people excited week over week and talking about the show. Spotting the faces was really fun. 

So, NiNi, as the resident Taiwanese BL apologist around here, you are absolutely correct that it is often hard to follow the story. The writing is always the weakest point. What has always been my favorite thing about the shows we get from Taiwan is that there is a real connection, I think, between the physical stuff, the intimacy work, and the emotions of the characters, and they kind of really nail those relationship dynamics and that kind of character work. 

But the stories—the plots—have always been kind of a mess, even in my favorite Taiwanese BLs? And this one really took the cake. It was all over the place. I could not at any point in this show, find my footing in the plot, or what was supposed to be happening, or why I was supposed to care. 

That didn't really bother me because this is definitely a show that encourages you to just be along for the ride, and kind of react to scenes, and not worry too much about the overarching story. And that worked for me in this show enough that I had a good time. Would I say that it's good or well written? Absolutely not. [laughs] 

And Ben's complaints about the way that they used those actors from Make Our Days Count are absolutely valid. I kind of couldn't believe the audacity, putting Wayne Song in the show just to kill him off.

Ben

Audacity is the right call, bestie. Thank you very much.

Shan

Right, the audacity! Like, it was not a cool thing to do, and they shouldn’t have done it. So those criticisms are completely fair about this show.

NiNi

There are things about this that I absolutely liked. I did enjoy the couples. I enjoyed the unhinged-ness of them, but I couldn't follow their story, so I was just kind of vibing—which, totally my style. And when I was just vibing I was havin’ a good time. 

If I had to score Kiseki: Dear to Me. The couples are great, the story’s a mess. I'd give it a 6 ½.

Ben

Shan?

Shan

I gave it a 7.5, which was probably generous because I just had so much fun watching it, but I can't claim that it is structurally sound.

Ben

Shan, like the rest of MDL, rated this show with her coochie.

NiNi

That is staying in.

[all laugh]

Shan

What did you score it, Ben?

Ben

What do you think I scored it, bestie? 

Shan

I feel like you scored it real low, because you were pissed about Wayne Song. [laughs]

Ben

I was pissed.

NiNi

Ben was definitely offended, so it got a 5 or less.

Shan

Oh yeah, for sure.

Ben

What do you think I gave it?

Shan

3.

Ben

NiNi

5.

Ben

I gave it a 5. We're laughing a little bit, but legitimately that was so upsetting. And your show was stupid! There wasn't even a point to it. It was just shock, and it felt mean, like you're still salty with us about the HIStory franchise. You are not getting above a 5 from me, despite the fact that Louis Chang and Nat Chen were so much fun to watch, and how much I enjoyed the work between Taro Lin and Hsu Kai. I had a great time watching all four of these men and all the people who cameoed in this.

NiNi

Why do you think there was no Tang Yi and Shao Fei?

Ben

Because there's a cash grab for doing HIStory 6: Freed.

Shan

I want HIStory 6: Freed, and I want it fucking yesterday. Where is our show? [Ben laughs]

NiNi

Alright, so Ben gave it a 5. I gave it a 6.5. Shan gave it a very generous 7.5. Somebody do math.

Ben

That's a 6. 

Shan

You can call it a 6.

NiNi

It's a 6 for Kiseki: Dear to Me. Shoving it off, let's move on to the next one, which we are about to trash.

00:12:20 - Dangerous Romance

NiNi

Ben, tell the world about Dangerous Romance.

Shan

Oh, ho ho ho! Here we go!

Ben

Dangerous Romance—[sighs]—is about how a windmill… cannot be powered…without the wind.

[all break down for prolonged laughing fit]

NiNi

Please! I can’t stand your ass! 

Shan

Had to be done.

NiNi

Okay, bring it back, guys. Bring it back.

Ben

Dangerous Romance purports to be an inter class romance set in a high school between a very smart scholarship student who's super poor, because his parents are dead and it’s just him and his older brother, who's kind of irresponsible with money; and a rich kid who's kind of a pompous bully in school—has no valuable skills of any sort to bring to the table. The two of them crossed paths and are drawn to each other. There are things that happen in the show, I guess. Soccer is a big deal, at some point in this. There's very much a repeated High School Musical TROYYY bit that happens multiple times over three episodes.

[NiNi and Shan laugh]

NiNi

Oh, God, you shady bitch. Carry on.

Ben

It's trash. This show was fucking horrible. This show started out being so fucking interesting. There was the whole notion about Kanghan being just a stupid as hell bully, who only had money on his side, who was getting wrecked constantly by Sailom, this very smart, poor kid. 

And then after episode 2, it all went away, and it was about how Kanghan is a sad rich boy whose mom is dead. And so because his mom is dead, his dad just spoils him rotten, and he just wants his dad to treat him like a real boy, or whatever. I don't give a fuck. This show was so fucking trash. 

[NiNi laughs]

Shan, you're a fan of Shameless. Please explain to the people why this show was so offensive to you.

Shan

For the record, I think I dropped this show Week 4, because I was just so fucking pissed [laughs] about what they were doing with Sailom. 

A little background here: I grew up as a poor person—lived in poverty for like the first 20 years of my life. And I have always had a big interest in stories about class disparity, stories about surviving poverty, stories about families that get through those kinds of challenges because I lived it. And so I'm always very interested to see how it's depicted in fiction. So when the show started, I was so thrilled to finally see a Thai BL that seemed to be taking class disparity seriously? That seemed to want to explore what it actually means when a wealthy person and a poor person are kind of thrown together and have to figure out how to get on the same page across their differences. 

Sailom had some really serious shit set up for him. Him and his brother are in really hard times. They're in deep, deep debt. He's working multiple jobs to try to pay off this debt that they've inherited, and he has this fucking rich bitch bully on his ass, causing him problems, fucking with his jobs, fucking with his money, spreading rumors about him, costing him work! 

I think a lot of people who fell for this show maybe forgot—but I sure fucking didn't—that Kang spread rumors that Sailom was a fucking pedophile, and cost him all of his tutoring students. This is not minor shit that they set up at the beginning of this show to explain the adversarial relationship between these two characters. So I expected them to take it seriously. I expected this to be a serious narrative about how those two could get past those conflicts and come together in a romance—which obviously they were going to. But, that's not what we got at all. 

We didn't get a realistic look at what it means to be poor and to be living with a crushing debt that weighs you down every single day. We didn't get a realistic look at the dynamics between somebody who's grown up like Sailom with the experiences that he's had and the issues that he has to carry every single day, and how he might think about someone like Kang and how he might view him with disdain, and with resentment. We didn't get any of that. We didn't get a realistic look at how these two could come past the initial bullying and the initial things that Kang did to fuck with his life and his money. 

This is life-or-death stakes. They showed us that. Him and his brother are actually getting beat because of this debt on a regular basis. This is not a light issue. And so to set up all of that in the first two episodes, and then immediately pivot, by the third episode, to a bog-standard BL with these two just kind of flirtin’ with each other, and doing all the classic tropes, and Sailom apparently just fucking forgetting all the things that Kang did to him because of one isolated moment? 

None of it made any sense to me. I felt like they flipped a switch and changed Sailom's character from episode 2 to 3, and he never came back. I stopped watching the show in episode 4, but I continued to follow the discourse, so I know that the real Sailom never came back. 

I just don't understand what happened with this show. I don't understand how the same writers could have written those initial episodes and that set up and then carried out the show in the way that they did. I actually found it offensive. I am still pissed off about it! You can hear it in my voice, I'm sure! This was not a joke to me. I was very upset with what this show did. It's inexcusable.

Ben

Kill ‘em, bestie. [laughs]

NiNi

Murder them.

For me, the problem—the main problem with the show—was that the show was about Kanghan and it should have been about Sailom. That's really it in a nutshell. If the show was about Sailom, if it was about Sailom being the main character and you getting into Sailom’s head, and seeing Sailom’s life through Sailom’s eyes, and seeing how Sailom deals with his life, then that's the show that I wanted to see. 

You're talking about the serious shit that's going down. Kang literally shows up at Sailom’s house with a gun! Have we forgotten about this?

Ben

After his friend said, “Bruh, I think the whole gun thing is maybe going too far.”

NiNi

None of these characters are consistent. The characters that are set up in the beginning, the ones that you are interested in, the stories that you think, “Okay, this is what they're setting up.” None of that happens. Those characters vanish basically overnight. 

Saifah was set up to be this kind of charming, feckless older brother who can't be relied upon, but Sailom really loves him. He works with old people, and he kind of steals from them, and scams them a little bit. That's an interesting character. And then one day his debt collector sends a new guy, and the new guy is somebody he went to high school with. And I was like, “Well, this is about to be interesting!” [buzzer sound], I was wrong. No, it was not interesting.

Ben

It's really frustrating, because there's actually a fairly decent small plot in the middle of the show where Saifah has schemed his way into working for the same family. He's been dealing with a work related injury, and the grandma pays for some expensive European medicine for him. He doesn't realize this is for him, and he thinks about stealing it and replacing it with a generic. There’s a really interesting moment where he chooses not to steal from them and then learns that it was a gift intended for him, that is this really decent moment in the show which only further pisses me off. 

Every now and then, this show seemed to understand some of the complex dynamics it was about, and then went right back to fuckin’ it up for no reason.

Shan

I think NiNi is right that the main problem was that the show should have been Sailom’s show and instead they made it about Kanghan, and I don't know why they did that. The first two episodes were clearly rooted in Sailom’s story, and that's what really, I think, threw me.

Ben

Chimon is also the older, veteran actor. Why didn't they believe in him? Like, he could have carried this show. I do not know why they decided to lean on Perth. This is the second time this year they have tried to lean on Perth and it has not been a good choice.

NiNi

I think that Perth is a good actor but he needs a strong lead. He's a follow, but he's a good follow if he has a strong lead. Trying to put him in the lead position? He works best when he's pulling off of somebody.

Shan

Mhmm. If they had let Chimon anchor this, and him follow, I agree with you, NiNi.

NiNi

And then why did they even bother View and June? Why did they make them get out of bed?

Ben

Ohh, are we talking about the teacher-student line between View and June? I'm not.

Shan

I'm so glad I was already gone for that! Whew! I don't even want to know.

NiNi

It wasn't even a thing, though!

Ben

I'm not discussing it, I will not.

NiNi

Listen, honestly, the best parts of the show were, A, the first two episodes, B, everything that Euro did? Euro was great. I loved Euro.

Ben

Okay. I will say that. Let us not walk away from this without shouting out Euro. They do not give big boys a lot of love and respect in this field and, Euro. You did good work, sir. You should have been allowed to kiss—which of the twins was in this?

NiNi

I think it was JJ.

Ben

JJ! You should have been allowed to kiss JJ in this show!

NiNi

I also did not hate Marc and Pawin in this. They were not bad.

Ben

They were not good. [laughs]

NiNi

I didn't say they—I said I didn't hate them, and they were not bad.

Shan

Damning with faint praise indeed.

NiNi

And you know how I feel about Pawin!

Ben

The problem with this is, again, like the pieces were there. But, did you know that a windmill—[all laugh]—cannot function without the wind? If you're tired of this bit in the podcast, watch the show!

Shan

You can only imagine the horrors awaiting you.

Ben

There's a class difference between Kanghan—did you know his name means ‘windmill’?—anyway. 

And so there's a class difference between the two of them. And there's a class difference between Nawa, Pawin's character who's rich, and Guy, Marc's character who was poor. They're friends with the other leads. There was a real opportunity to tell a story about, how do these dynamics play out where people mix? There's an egalitarian aspect to all going to the same schooling system together, even if some of you are there by scholarship, or because your mom works for the place in the case of Euro's character Auto. Marc's character Guy, he's probably there on a football related scholarship because he's an athlete. 

Like there's an interesting thing to say here, but they did nothing with it. It is such a waste of all the goddamn talent on this show, and it was a waste of 12 weeks of my life. This show was bad. This show was offensive. And this show was stupid.

All right, ratings.

NiNi

I gave it a…5.

Ben

Shan?

Shan

Well, since I didn't actually finish the show, I didn't give it a formal rating, but y'all should know that it's, like, a 2 in my heart.

Ben

It is a 3 formally from me. I watched the whole fucking thing. It was shit and offensive. You get a 3 for that.

NiNi

So with 2, a 3, and a 5, I think that pulls you down towards the end of 3.5. 

Ben

Oh yeah, it's bad. 

NiNi

It's not good.

Ben

It's a 3. 

Shan

Do not watch it.

Ben

Unless you need to understand that windmills require the wind to function.

NiNi

[Laughs] Oh, no.

Ben

And let's talk about the fucking ending of this trash piece of shit. The tag of this show is these two characters engaged in sex work play where the poor kid is playing an escort who has to take care of his rich client. 

What the absolute fuck was this?

NiNi

I wanted to vomit.

Shan

I actually can't believe that happened. I saw it. I saw the GIFs on Tumblr, and I thought I was having a fucking hallucination or something.

NiNi

Sex work role play…Okay, anyway. So, on that note—

Ben

It's a chop!

Shan

Well that was a definite chop.

NiNi

Chop.

Ben

Three chops. [slams desk] It's over.

[NiNi laughs]

00:26:05 - Love In Translation

Ben 

On to the next show—oh, good, it finally gets better. [laughs]

Shan

This is a good one!

Ben

All right, great. 

NiNi 

The next show on the list, now that we've gotten that out of the way, is Love in Translation. Ben, what is Love in Translation about? 

Ben 

Love in Translation is a workplace BL in which two characters from different backgrounds come together to run a convenience store in Bangkok. One of them's name is Phumjai. He is a Thai national who comes from a seemingly well off family, who is obsessed with an idol named Tammy. He learns that Tammy is interested in picking up a potential partner in Thailand, but she wants that partner to be able to speak Mandarin and she would like for that character to also be an entrepreneur. Seeing that there's a chance here with Tammy, he decides he wants to formally learn Chinese and goes to a, like, small business association meeting or whatever, to see about starting something up. 

Meanwhile, we have Yang Yan Feng, who is a Chinese national who is here to open up a shop in a very specific point because of backstory reasons involving his dad, I guess. The two of these characters cross paths and don't end up liking each other at first, but circumstances come together, and the only Black character in Thai BL this year ends up connecting the two of them and they form a little shop together. Yang agrees to also teach Phumjai Mandarin and flirt with Tammy on his behalf. Very many hijinks ensue, but this show ended up being one of my favorites of the year. 

Shan, you ended up really enjoying this show. Tell us the things you liked about the show in the early weeks when we were deciding whether or not we needed to give ourselves La Pluie-level brainrot over it to convince people to watch it. 

Shan 

It ended up being really enjoyable. I was a little bit more skeptical going in than Ben. I'm not as inclined to sitcom style in BL as Ben is. Like, I think you kind of find it very comforting and familiar, whereas I kind of feel it's sometimes an awkward match of styles, and so I wasn't quite as convinced going in that I was gonna love it. But I enjoyed it a lot, and I think what I liked so much about this show is that, at its core, it's really just about kind people who are mostly just doing their best to be decent to each other and do right by each other. And they have misunderstandings. And there's a lot of comedy in those misunderstandings. There's silly stuff. There's fights, including physical fights that get pretty outrageous. There's characters making mistakes, but it feels like everybody's really well-intentioned and really earnestly trying their best. And I just think it's kind of impossible not to like a show like that. 

I also just really appreciated that this show—it had a good cast of characters. There was a lot of quirky folks. When I was watching it, I was reminded of shows like Superstore, where it's a little bit sitcom-y, you're in a store, you've got this big cast of personalities that you can kind of call on for comedy bits, as needed. And I thought it worked really, really well. 

And the romance between Phumjai and Yang, it was really nice. They just kinda liked each other once they got past their initial misunderstandings, and they got more comfortable with each other over time as they worked together on this project—on this store. They really got to know each other. 

Phumjai was fixated with this influencer Tammy originally, and he had a really natural progression away from that crush and toward developing feelings for Yang because of the authentic time that they were spending together and the real bond that they were building. And I always just find those kinds of romances really compelling. They're making something together, and that makes them want to be good to each other, and it makes them see the best in each other, and then become interested in each other. And I just think we don't get enough naturally building romances like that in the genre. 

Ben 

NiNi, since we successfully bullied you into watching this show, what did you think of it? 

[NiNi laughs]

NiNi 

It was deathly cute. I enjoyed every single minute of the show. I liked the internationalist perspective of it because you've got Odo and then one of the workers in the store, I think, is part Thai? And then Yang is Chinese, so there's some fun internationalist stuff happening in the show that you don't always see coming out of Thailand. Ngern was there. 

Ben 

Oh, are we talking about that now? For those of you who give a shit, who have been in the genre before 2gether the series, who were there before even SOTUS, Ngern Anupart, who played Earn in Love Sick the series, and also played the lead role in Waterboyy the movie, and was in a terrible Thai drama called Part Time this series, which we all attempted just for him. 

Shan 

Did you memorize that man's resume? 

Ben 

Of course.

NiNi 

He did. 

Ben

Ngern Anupart is back with us in BL, and he's swole now, girls. You should watch. 

[NiNi laughs]

Shan 

I will say, I'm a Love Sick girlie. I did love Earn, the character in that. I love Ngern, the actor. I was very happy to see him in this. His character was perhaps the most annoying in this show. [laughs] 

NiNi 

I loved it! 

Ben 

It was so funny that he was so annoying! I loved him in this! 

Shan 

He played Phumjai’s brother, Phojai, who was a classic overbearing older sibling who just could not let Phumjai have any space to live and learn and make mistakes. He just was so on top of him all the time and making him lose confidence in a way that I think was well-intentioned, but just extremely wrong-headed. Just getting in the way of his brother's success as he was constantly professing his intention to do the opposite. It was a really good storyline, to be clear, like it was really well done. 

NiNi 

It was really great and the other great part is that the whole time he's dating Phumjai’s good friend who also works at the store, and they're kinda working together to make the store a success in the background but they're doing it all wrong. Phojai and Tag are adorable together, but Phojai’s a little closeted. So it gets a little complicated. But overall, it ended up being real cute. There is a fantastic gag with some disguises that I swear to God was so hilarious. 

Ben 

Highlight of the year for me. [laughs]

NiNi 

This show was funny. It was sweet. It was… pretty hot, actually. 

Shan

Right! High heat.

Ben 

This show does comedy really well. The comedic timing of this show is so intentional. It was intentional when they were filming it, and it was intentional when they were editing it. It isn't perfect, but it's intentional and it lands really well. This show was so funny in the early episodes when it was leaning more into the sitcom bits. 

NiNi 

I found it funny all the way through, because I always find some of the humor in the pathos that comes later down the line. Like it was so funny when Phumjai and Yang went on the practice date because Phumjai is getting ready to go on this date with Tammy. And he's going on this practice date, and all he's thinking about on this practice date is, “What does Yang want to do?” 

So he shows up at the practice date with green bread, a baseball mitt, like. [laughs] That's like, so much going on, and I'm like looking at it like, “Oh, this is so sweet and so funny because of course he would bring a freaking baseball mitt because he thinks that Yang would have a good time. This is adorable.” 

And then the end, when Phojai gets kidnapped—follow us, girlies. Phojai gets kidnapped because Phumjai is paying off this debt—there's a little mafia shit going down in the end. But Phojai gets kidnapped for, like, months, and then when they finally pay off the kidnappers and they've released Phojai, you discover that Phojai has actually been kind of running the shit in the mafia for the last two months! [laughs] He’s become, like, a trusted lieutenant. 

Of course you took over, because you are an elder sibling. This is what you do. You got them organized. You made them respect you. I respect that as an elder sibling myself. I was just like, “That's exactly what I would do.” It was so funny. I enjoyed it entirely all the way through. I did not mind Daou’s wig. 

Shan 

Thank you! Can we talk about the wig? This is very important to me. 

[NiNi laughs]

Ben 

No, because first I have to get very serious about how good the show actually was. We will undercut the seriousness of which I will talk about how good the show was with you talking about how terrible Daou’s wig was. 

[NiNi laughs]

So, for those of you who listen to The Conversation podcast, you know that NiNi and I don't always see eye-to-eye when it comes to really huge power dynamic differentials between characters. This show is one of the very rare examples of a workplace set show where the workplace mattered and also the leads were equal to each other. One of the caveats of Thai economic politics is that foreigners cannot hold majority stake ownership in a Thai corporation. So despite Yang's wealth that he brings to the table and determination to open up a store in Thailand, he cannot have majority stake. 

Phumjai, who doesn't bring any money to the table, brings the fact that he is a Thai national to the table. So the two of them have equal ownership in the store—Phumjai slightly has more. We think Phumjai might be a bumbling idiot, but when asked to hire people because Yang, even though he has business sense, he doesn't know anyone. Phumjai actually hires competent people to help out in the store. Yeah, sure, he hired a bunch of femmes, but he hired really competent people to work in their store, and was actively engaged with trying to make the store successful. He was doing rapid iteration of various marketing strategies to try to get customers to engage with their store. He doesn't use the formal language that Yang does, but he is trying his best, and bringing even his own little money he has to try and make the store’s opening as successful as possible. 

His interest in Tammy is also grounded in something real. We thought he was just lusting after an idol, but he had had a weird meet-cute with her when she had visited Thailand as a tourist. She asked him just to show her around because she was a little bit lost, and he basically went on a date with Tammy when she first came to Thailand. So his crush on her wasn't grounded on just the persona she presents in her show as an idol. He had had a genuine interaction with her and connection with her. And when he finally approaches her properly, Tammy is also receptive to his advances. Sure, they get complicated by the fact that this is a BL and she's a girl—she can't win. But she also takes that in stride. She is a character that is not dismissed along the way despite being a girl in a BL. 

This show was legitimately so good at managing its character dynamics and how the characters played with each other. The growth between Yang and Phumjai together and personally was really well handled. This show struggles a little bit on the back end by getting a little bit silly with Yang's debt and the [sigh] mafia shit, but legitimately, this is one of the better shows that aired this year. 

Now let's talk about Daou's wig. 

Shan

Thank you! I've been holding it in so bravely. 

[NiNi laughs]

Shan 

Listen, listen! This is about respect. I need to pay respect to Daou, because that man had to wear this monstrosity of a bowl cut on his head. This horrible wig. The sideburns looked so fake. Every time you got a slight angle on the wig, you could tell that it was just a mop sitting on his head. Somehow he managed to deliver some of the hottest scenes of the entire year while he had that wig on his head. And you know, I just think that that deserves recognition. 

Ben 

Let's talk about the hottest scene of the year. 

[NiNi laughs] 

These people recognized that this was a show set in a convenience store—

Shan

Mmhmm.

Ben

—and they said, “Offroad and Daou,” and they were like, “Yeah, what's up?” “We need you guys to knock down these fucking shelves in this fucking convenience store, banging it out, because it's definitely a kink thing for Yang.” And they said, “Bet.” 

Shan 

In front of the security camera!

Ben 

Yang absolutely has that footage saved somewhere. 

Shan 

[laughs] 100% he does. 

Ben 

I had an absolute blast with this show. This was legitimately one of my favorite shows of the year. 

NiNi 

I must concur, and I actually scored it a 10. 

Ben 

Holy shit.

NiNi 

And the reason I scored it at 10 was that at the end they turned the store into a workers cooperative. So that gets 10 for me. 

Shan 

Bonus points from NiNi. [Shan and NiNi laugh]

Ben 

All right, Shan, let's give it the real drama rankings. 

Shan

I gave it an 8. I loved the show. I had a great time with it. Is undeniably messy, and the writing really went off the rails in the final couple episodes, and I can't pretend that that didn't happen. But I really loved it. 

Ben 

I gave the show an 8.5. The writing does unfortunately get a little bit messy towards the end. They didn't really know how to do the epilogue episode as cleanly as some of the more experienced teams do. But that's me being, like, fair from the drama ranking scale. In my heart, this show is a 9. 

[Ben and Shan laugh]

This show was really good! It was a lot of fun to watch. People should go watch this show. It's a lot of fun. 

NiNi 

I am calling producer privilege to give the show a 9 from The Conversation. 

Ben 

I'm okay with it. 

Shan 

I'm good with it. 

NiNi 

We have an accord. Love in Translation gets a 9 from The Conversation. Daou and Offroad, thank you so much. 

Ben 

If you are a fan of BL, but you say you've gotten burned out on all of the school-based stuff, this is probably one of the better workplace shows. 

But, at least you know, that a windmill… 

[all laugh]

All right!

NiNi 

Moving on.

00:41:14 - I Cannot Reach You

NiNi

Our next show—we have officially reached the Japanese portion.

Ben

Bangers Only section of this episode!

NiNi

The first show that we're going to talk about is an absolute banger: I Cannot Reach You. Ben, what is I Cannot Reach You about?

Ben

Oh, Shan gets this one. 

NiNi

Shan!

Ben

Oh yeah!

NiNi

What is I Cannot Reach You about?

Shan

I Cannot Reach You Is a friends-to-lovers BL about two childhood friends who are in high school together, one of whom is a long-suffering pining gay boy, and one who is kind of an oblivious little chaos muffin. These character types might sound familiar to you, they are very common in Japanese BL. But what makes this story feel a little different is that it really sets out to deal with the deep angst that really comes in when you take friends to lovers seriously. 

This is not a fluffy show, even though it is light throughout, they're really digging into the pain of being in love with your friend, the confusion of feeling your feelings for your friend start to change, the shock that can come along with it. Kakeru, who is the main character here, learns in episode one that his longtime best friend Yamato is in love with him, and this whole show is about his journey to accept and understand that, and then also figure out how he feels about it and how he might be open to their relationship changing. 

It is, bar none, the best friends-to-lovers drama that I've ever seen in the BL genre. It is one of my absolute favorites of the year and on a short list of perfect shows that we got this year in BL.

Ben

NiNi?

NiNi

Well, damn. I love this unreservedly. I have, seriously, no notes. Actually, I have one note and the note that I wrote—I'm just gonna read it verbatim: I Cannot Reach You, to all of Japan, “Hey, guys, I'd like to introduce you all to this wonderful concept called talking. Please look at this adorable story about how talking can make your life better, and even help you find love.” [laughs] And that's my only note on I Cannot Reach You. 

I agree with Shan. I think it's a perfect show. It's so cute. It's so deeply felt. It is so centrally angsty. It had me deep in my feelings in a way that I have not really felt since His - I Didn't Think I Would Fall in Love, which is another Japanese banger that I love. It's a great show, easy to catch up on. It's not very long. It is so perfect. It's perfectly balanced, perfectly paced, perfectly written, perfectly acted. I love it, unreservedly.

Ben

This was probably one of the best shows that I have ever watched in all of BL. Very few BLs actually properly capture the experience of being closeted as a kid in a way that is not triggering. I was closeted—we talked about this on the show. It sucks. Ohara Yamato was in love with his friend Ashiya Kakeru, and he did not make his attraction to Kakeru something that Kakeru had to deal with. It's other people, who are so irritated watching the two of them interact, who intervene and sort of force them to deal with this issue between them. 

But here's the big thing. We can yell all day long about how characters should talk to each other and all this other stuff, and how communication is really important in romance and all these sorts of things. This is very true, but the thing is: when you're queer and you know the consequences of being publicly queer in this horrible, racist, homophobic hellscape, you don't want to force that on your friend. That's the crux of friends-to-lovers angst that is so critical. 

Yamato really does love Kakeru, and he doesn't want to force Kakeru to deal with being queer. They don't say it directly, but that is a huge part of the hang up here. That is so perfectly captured in a way that is not triggering. It is so hard to be gay and alone when you're a teenager. There is a real complex restraint that grips you when you're 17 and gay and struggling, and in love with your best friend, where you don't want to be alone, and you really want to be with your friend. But being gay hurts, and you don't want to be responsible for inflicting that hurt on them, that I connected to directly in Yamato, that is portrayed so, so well by Maeda Kentaro. 

And this show doesn't just do the whole “I love you” thing and then they make out or whatever. Like, “I liked you the whole time!” We watch Kakeru deal with the reality that he has to reframe his own relationship with one of his closest childhood friends. And he ends up finding attraction in himself as well, and he goes through the difficult process of that. That is not a switch that turns on. It's like, “Oh, shit, I guess I'm gay now because your desire for me is so strong.” What this show gets correct is, when you have a friends-to-lovers story, there's the drama of, “This relationship is really important to me, and most romances fail. Do I want to lose one of my critical relationships that underpins my understanding of who I am as myself for booty?” The answer in a lot of cases is no. That's a scary threshold to cross—your bestie is not your partner. 

He considers what this means for their friendship and their relationship, and how there is a genuine need to respond to someone's feelings. That, even if he is your best friend, the way that he's felt like this about you for a long time means you can't just pretend that that wasn't there the whole time. Just because you were wrong about what you were perceiving in your friend doesn't mean you can just bottle it up and walk that shit back. It's so expertly handled in a way that is adorable. 

Like both of you describe the show as cute, and that's sort of the point. This show managed to make some of the most difficult things about coming of age and being queer kind of palatable, and adorable, and really interesting to engage with. And it's so well done, the way that these boys play out the complexities here. 

And then we get to Episode 6, and Shan will remember when Episode 6 aired, because I almost called her on her personal phone line after I finished Episode 6. 

[NiNi and Shan laugh]

Shan

He was like, “sound the alarm, holy shit!” [laughs]

[NiNi laughs]

Ben

I was like, “Shan, There's a BL emergency! Get home quick!”

Shan

I was waiting to watch it until we had all the episodes and he was like, “Nope, no more waiting! Get on it right now!”

Ben

Episode 6 is probably the best single episode of BL of the whole year. Kakeru has a lot of self doubt as part of his character—really well executed—and he expresses that he can't understand why Yamato might like him, and Yamato gets angry about this, and is like, “Don't you know what you're worth?” and he throws Kakeru on the bed and has this moment where he crosses the line with him. And you can see possibly years of restraint breaking, and he kind of scares Kakeru. When he gets his senses back, he scares himself and flees, and has this whole breakdown where he despairs about this. This is so perfectly executed because that's how it feels when you're in the closet and you make a mistake and reveal yourself.

Shan

What's wild is that, that's just the end scene of episode 6. Episode 6 does so much shit even before that. This is the episode where Kakeru and Yamato have this conversation on the roof, where Yamato confesses. At this point they both kind of know what's going on, but Yamato comes right out and says, “This is how I feel. This is what's going on.” And then he does the classic BL thing of immediately after confessing, he tries to walk away because he doesn't wanna stick around to be rejected. 

And, something amazing happens in that scene, which is that Kakeru is like, “Hey, bitch, get back over here! You gotta listen to what I have to say now. You don't get to just confess and then run away.” And I was, like, fist pumping when that happened because it was, first of all, just a brilliant subversion of a classic trope. And he says, “I wasn't gonna reject you. I am still kind of processing this. I'm not sure how I feel about it yet, but I want to think about it. You're important to me.” And I just love that. 

Like NiNi said earlier, “Wow, the power of talking to each other instead of just having your emotional outburst and then running away—actually trying to communicate.” And that's so much of what this show is about. The moments where these two characters are able to communicate with each other clearly and get their real feelings across, that is when they are able to make progress in their relationship, and there are lots of characters in the show who are reinforcing that along the way. 

Hosaka is probably the fan-favorite character. He's kind of the wise queer kid off to the side. He's got his little barrette in his hair. He's watching, he's perceiving, and he's really pushing—quite forcefully, actually [laughs]—the two lead characters to, like, talk to each other and get their shit together. 

My personal favorite side character is Yamato's sister: Mikoto. She is just this quiet presence who has always had her brother's number on this, and knows exactly what's going on, and really chooses her moments to show up and be a mirror to him of what she's seeing, what he's doing, and make him think, and even give him some courage. She even has a couple scenes where she does the same for Kakeru. She's a great sister character of a type that we don't get to see very much and I really appreciated her.

NiNi

This show’s a banger. There's no reason not to watch it. Watch the damn show.

Ben

This show also released the sexual tension in a way that J-BLs very rarely do, particularly not in this lane of J-BL.

Shan

And it did it beautifully. 

And I feel like we should talk a little bit about the visuals of this show. I'm not someone who normally even notices a lot of visual style. I’m a words person. I really am pretty dialogue-focused, and I don't usually notice a lot that's going on with the visual effects in the show, but this one used them so effectively that even I kind of keyed in.

Ben

So this show uses a bokeh effect, which is this thing where you play with the focus of the camera to make these blurry lights appear. This is very common in anime to show that a character is experiencing heightened emotion. Like the emotions are sparkling out of them, and the show color-coded the boys's visual effect to reflect when they were experiencing intense emotion. It’s very obvious to the audience when the moment turns for Kakeru. Yamato is bursting with emotion from the first goddamn episode, and when it starts to happen for Kakeru, we're finally—“Oh, finally, these bitches are both on the same page.” 

The other fun visual gag in the show is, very early on there’s this moment at, like, an arcade or whatever, where Yamato gets a stuffed animal for Kakeru, which is part of him thinking he wants to be with this girl. He ends up keeping the stuffed animal and the stuffed animal ends up becoming the audience stand in. So, like, whenever a moment happens between the boys, they cut to the stuffed animal whose arms they've moved to create a different expression—him either being, like, overwhelmed with kilig feelings about the boys being cute, or aghast feelings [laughs] about something untoward suddenly going on. It's a great running visual gag.

NiNi

This show is awesome. It gets at 10. What were you guys’ scores?

Shan

Perfect 10, baby!

Ben

For those of you who don't know, NiNi and I are far more loose with our 10s than Shan. Shan is a stingy bitch when it comes to 10s.

[Ben and Shan laugh]

Shan

Understatement. I have watched over 400 dramas. I have given out eleven 10s total, but this show is one of them.

Ben

I also gave this show a 10.

NiNi

Okay, so I Cannot Reach You gets a 10 from The Conversation and we are on to the next one.

00:54:43 - My Personal Weatherman

NiNi

The next show that we're going to talk about on this what is definitely going to be a monster episode is My Personal Weatherman. Who wants to take this one? Ben or Shan, who is telling us what My Personal Weatherman is about?

Shan

Ben’s definitely gotta do this one.

Ben

My Personal Weatherman is a very kinky BL where a local weather forecaster has a live-in boyfriend who is an erotic manga artist. They have a very Dom/sub, and they are not very good at talking to each other. They actually do say a lot to each other in this show. They just constantly misunderstand each other—very refreshing for Japan. Segasaki is the weatherman who provides for them. Yoh is the manga artist who is very much struggling. Yoh sees himself as kind of a slave—he doesn't really necessarily enjoy the sort of housewife role he's been placed into, and resents that they seem to only have sex when it [doesn’t] rains? 

He pretends like he doesn't want to have sex with Segasaki, but then he has a whole blow up because they end up in a sunny [rainy] season where it doesn't rain a lot and has a whole breakdown episode where he just masturbates furiously for a whole afternoon because they haven't had sex in a while. It's a very fun reveal that the reason why they don't have sex is because that's what Segasaki thought they needed to do, which has really good payoff in, like, the next episode or two later. 

This show was a little bit complicated to talk about and watch. This very obvious kink dynamics going on in this, but people who are more familiar with Japanese home dynamics say some of this is actually fairly normal for husband and wife dynamics. And the show ends a little bit abruptly, which is part of my consternation with it. I kind of liked a lot of what the show was doing. I unfortunately watch too much BTS stuff, and it was revealed that some of the things that were going on with Segasaki were kind of improvised by a Higuchi Kohei, who plays Segasaki, which I think muddles some of the messaging of the show. 

But before we get deeper into that sort of stuff, NiNi, I know I bullied you to watch the show, and Japanese BL is not always your forte—reactions and thoughts on this show?

NiNi

So you're right that they are communicating, they're just willfully misunderstanding each other. I found that incredibly frustrating. But I still like the show. I did. I did like the show. I think that the miscommunications that they're having, because they are talking and miscommunicating that way, I am less annoyed by the miscommunication. If they were just not talking, it would be like a completely different thing. 

And then I like the settings. I like the side characters. I like the main characters. I like that Yoh cannot cook and Segasaki loves to eat his food anyway. Yoh’s a terrible cook, like terrible, like— [laughs] it's so bad, and Segasaki literally eats everything that Yoh will make with a smile on his face because he loves him so much.

Shan

He ruined a curry. I don't even know how you do that.

Ben

That's really impressive. Curry’s so easy. His curry was crunchy! Gurl.

NiNi

I think the thing that I'm not sure comes across, but in your description of the show, is that they've been together for a while. This show stretches on a little bit. It shows how they ended up together?

Ben

One of the things we got clarification on is like their cohabitation is fairly recent. The offer was made when they were still students, but the cohabitation is recent.

Shan

Which we didn't find out until almost the end of the show.

NiNi

Segaki thinks that he's being clear with Yoh. Yoh, because of, I guess, self-esteem issues or whatever it is is completely misreading the very direct words I think that Segasaki is using, but Segasaki is also being direct, but not entirely clear. So it's not that it's easy to misunderstand, but you could see how misunderstandings could happen. Yoh is kind of withholding even if he's saying things. 

Segasaki is picking up a completely different kind of thing from what Yoh is saying, because he thinks that they're in a loving relationship, while Yoh thinks that they're in a weird master-servant dynamic. So, they're in a relationship. They're just, they're in two different relationships. And so they're talking past each other. 

Yoh doesn't understand why Segasaki won’t be certain affectionate ways with him, and the minute that it becomes that Yoh actually expresses that in a way that Segasaki understands, he completely changes the way that he behaves towards Yoh. And he does do that softness and affection and stuff with him because he didn't know that that was what Yoh wanted. He thought that what he was doing was what Yoh wanted. It's similar to how Yoh is reading Segasaki. 

I found it interesting. Frustrating, yes, I will not deny that I found it frustrating. But I found the way that they chose to deal with the miscommunication trope, which is a big trope that Japan uses—which is a lot of times why I have trouble with Japanese BL, because miscommunication frustrates the shit out of me—but I think that the way that it was used in this show was very clever, and I liked how they move past it. I think that how they moved past it was also very interesting. 

So yeah, I think the show was pretty good. I would score it highly.

Ben

Shan, thoughts on the show?

Shan

So [sigh], sometimes, in BL fandom, I think that we as an audience latch on to the idea of a show, and then kind of give a show credit for our idea of what it's doing instead of what it's actually doing. And this is one of those shows for me. It's not a fave. 

I liked a lot about the show—a lot of the things that NiNi just mentioned—I thought were interesting. Like, miscommunication trope is not my favorite, but it's hugely Japanese for cultural reasons, for language reasons, so I'm very used to it—and I've seen really good executions of it. This show, I feel, did not have the quality of writing that it needed to support the complexities of what it was trying to do with these characters. And that showed through a lot, there were a lot of cracks in this show. 

You kind of alluded to one earlier, Ben, about how there were—what I perceived while watching—there were some inconsistencies in characterization in Segasaki in particular. And we learned from the BTS that that actually probably was an actual inconsistency, because it wasn't in the writing, these differences in how he was appearing in these different time periods. It was something the actor was just trying out on his own, and they kind of just let him do that. 

There were lots of instances of dropped threads or missing context to understand the characters' reactions and things. I read some awesome gap filler, thoughts, explanations, and interpretations of what we could make of the characters behaving in certain ways. To use an old Internet term: that's called ‘fanwanking,’ and that is when the fans of a thing have to do a lot of extra work to figure it out and explain it because the show has not done that work itself. And that, for me, was kind of the bottom line with this show. It didn't do all of its work, and I think that a lot of us were so intrigued by the premise—were so into the visuals of the show, liked the pair, liked the characters enough, to fill in those gaps and still really enjoy it. But for me, the show didn't get to the level of quality that it was aspiring to, and it didn't quite work for me, in the end. 

On top of some of those gaps that I think were kind of there throughout the show. You said earlier, Ben, I think, that it ended abruptly. It's not just that it ended abruptly, it didn't finish its story. It felt very unfinished. To me it felt like an intentional grab for a season 2—a play to try to get the fans wanting more so that they could maybe get funding for a season 2? And hey, if that's what they're going for, power to them. I hope they get the money. I'd really like to see them finish the story. But, I would have liked more if they would have actually finished the story initially that they were trying to tell. This show for me, it tried some things. It was interesting. It was enjoyable to watch.

Ben

[laughs] She said, “Girl, you tried.”

Shan

It’s a little bit of a Girl, You Tried for me! I'm not gonna lie, it is!

Ben

Here's what I'll say. I don't think all of the pieces of the show work together as seamlessly as they wanted them to. However…I don't care. [laughs] 

I liked what the show is trying to do. I really liked the really messy relationship between them. I like that Drama Shower went with a show about two people who are trying to be together and failing miserably at it. I do like what the show was attempting to do. I find myself far more forgiving to the show because it was trying things that BL doesn't do very often. I also just really liked episode 4, where Man-san comes to their house.

Shan

Yes, let's talk about Man-san, best character in the show. [laughs]

Ben

It was one of my favorite moments of the year, the bit where she knocked at the door and Yoh panics, and Segasaki’s  like, “Oh so she’s here?” and he starts stretching. He's like, “Don’t worry.” Like he’s ready to fight this woman [NiNi laughs] who he believes that Yoh was having a secret romance with on the side, and then the door opens and—she's been a Segasaki stan for a while. And they have this really great comedic overlay of [laughs], “Oh my God. I'm at my idol's house.” And all he does is charm the shit out of her for the whole episode, and piss Yoh off because he thinks Segasaki's flirting with her. 

I had so much fun with this show. This is the closest I come to a vibes rating. I tend to be forgiving with shows that are trying things that are fresh in the genre—or at least underexplored. And so, we’re mostly rating this show on the fact that it executes high heat in a believable way, for the most part, and was generally a really watchable eight weeks. I had a lot of fun with this show.

Shan

Mmhmm. I hope they get their season 2. I wanna see them finish it.

NiNi

I ended up giving this an 8. I think it was pretty good. The parts that I liked I really liked, and the other parts were just kind of a meh for me. ‘Meh’ is always going to be worse than ‘bad,’ for me anyway, unless it's offensive. So it drags it down from what could have been a 9 to an 8 for me. 

Shan, how about you?

Shan

In a shocking twist, I gave it a higher score than NiNi. I gave it an 8.5. Maybe because I, like you, Ben, appreciated what it was trying to do and wanted to give it a little credit for that.

Ben

I gave My Personal Weatherman an 8.5. So it can get an 8 from The Conversation. It's fine.

NiNi

So My Personal Weatherman gets an 8 from The Conversation, and on we go.

01:07:01 - If It's With You

NiNi

Our next show that we're talking about is If It's With You.

Ben

Oh! We're back to bangers! Let's continue!

Shan 

I got it!

If It's With You is about Amane, a high school student who fucks… You want me to say more than that?

Ben

No. You are correct, bestie, and this show is perfect. 

[NiNi laughs]

This show opens up with a high schooler having ill-advised sex with an older character, who's about to move to the countryside with his grandma. And his last hookup is like, “It's been really fun tearing that ass up. But maybe, when you move to this little, small seaside town, you can have a normal high school romance.” And he scoffs at the notion of someone like him ever having a high school romance, but little does he know he's in a five-episode MBS BL, and that's exactly what's in store for him! 

And it's great! He moves to the little seaside town. He immediately runs into a really hot guy who's super sweet, falls for him, and it ends up being mutual.

Shan

I like that this show is a twist on the classic romance trope of goin’ to a little seaside town, meetin’ someone unexpected, fallin’ in love. Like, there's hardly a more classic romance trope—we've all seen it a million times. But what was nice about it is that we had this young character who was already kind of jaded, and just didn't think that love was something he was interested in. And we got to see him form a really genuine connection with somebody—that was initially based on thinking he was hot and wanting to fuck him. Yeah, Amane definitely wanted to have sex with Ryuji. He made it kind of clear. 

One of my favorite things the show did was Amane is not in the closet. He's not ashamed of who he is, and he made sure that Ryuji knew, first that he was gay, and second that he wanted to be physically involved with Ryuji. He told him that straight up, and kind of braced himself for rejection because, as we learned, he had been rejected for that in the past by other friends. And then we get to see Ryuji react to that, and process it, and be like, “Okay, that's cool. I don't know that I can really reciprocate that right now, but I want to keep hanging out. Is that alright with you?” What a cool response to that. What a way to be, Ryuji, I love that! And then we got to just see them build a relationship from there. It felt very genuine.

NiNi

Amane is one of my favorite types, which is a masking sad boy. He's a sad boy who is pretending to be happy, and pretending to not care. Basically, he's putting on this front of being carefree when he's actually a very sad, very hurt boy, and Ryuji clocks that immediately and tells him, “Yo, you don't gotta do all of that around me. It's fine if you’re sad.” At that point I was not only in love with the show, I was in love with Amane. 

In fact, my only critique of the show is, I think, at the very, very end it pulled its punch. But… basically, Amane is one of my favorite characters of the year, and there's so much about Ryuji, too. Ryuji is a kid who's lost his dad, and he works with his mom in the restaurant where his dad used to cook. Literally, his dad is the one who taught him to cook, and now he cooks in the restaurant, and sometimes he doesn't go to school because he has to work in the restaurant, and his house is a little chaotic. But there's one corner where his dad's shrine is, which is spotless. 

Guys, if I start thinking about this show too much, I'm actually gonna cry. I think the show touched me somewhere very deep, and it's a thing that I'm still thinking about, even if, as I said, I think it pulled its punches a little bit at the end, it stayed with me. Also, some of the greatest set design. Y’all know I love Japanese set design. It's a fantastic example of set design.

Ben

Continuing the conversation we had with I Cannot Reach You about how it's very difficult to be gay when you're young. Amane tried to have the youth thing that Heartstopper indicates that we could potentially have, and Amane is crushed for it—the way many of us are crushed—accidentally! The best thing about the way Amane gets crushed is that his friend crushes him without realizing he did—excellent gay angst. Top tier. I feel the old wounds festering. It's great. 

NiNi

[laughs] Why are you like this?

Ben

[laughs]

So Amane is not well, and he's doing what many of us do: he skips it. Gay people who are closeted do not get to have high school romances. We don't get used to people perceiving us and what it means to be a couple. We skip so much of this, and then you become an adult, and these anonymous hookups—that are not very meaningful—and they can feel weird, because you're trying to be vulnerable with someone, and they don't want that. And it sucks to try and have intimate moments with other gay people that feel like transactions. It makes you feel cheap about yourself, and Amane understood that. And he's gorgeous. He's a funny, thoughtful, heartfelt little boy, and he already thinks he is just someone else for other people to hook up with.

Shan

I just want to say NiNi’s right that they pulled their punch at the end, and it's why this show isn't perfect for me. I loved it a lot, but the show started, as we’ve mentioned, with a character for whom sexual intimacy—sexual desire—was a big part of just how he lived, how he thought of himself, what he liked to do. And I don't like it when shows explicitly or implicitly imply that serious relationships, true love, do not have a sexual component. That sex is something salacious and dirty, and that love is something pure. And I think, because the show pulled its punches at the end here on the sexual relationship between Amane and Ryuji, I think that's a little bit of the implicit message that they put out there. And I don't love that. So I do have to ding them for that. They didn't finish strong.

Ben

I do agree in that regard and it was very unfortunate for this show that I Cannot Reach You finished, like, two weeks later. [laughs]

Shan

It really didn't help this show that I Cannot Reach You came up on its tail and did it better.

Ben

I really like the show. I really like the way that it set up a very initial premise of “maybe you should try a real romance, kid.” Like, you're still a kid. You can still have a good romance. It doesn't matter that you failed once: A great message to all the little gays out there, old and young. You can still have worthwhile romance. Shiro got to have a great relationship with Kenji at like 47!

Shan

There it is! I've been waiting for it! It's amazing! You made it two hours without it. Two whole hours before you did it.

Ben

I was trying so hard, bestie. I really was. I was really trying not to mention What Did You Eat Yesterday? in this episode. [laughs]

NiNi

I knew once we hit Japanese BL, it was only a matter of time.

Ben

I was trying so hard, y’all. Like, they were talking about the way this man couldn't cook, and I was like, “Ooh, I can't mention What Did You Eat Yesterday?” 

[Ben and Shan laugh]

Y’all got me so conscious about my favorite show! They dragged me, y'all! They ate me up! They tore me to pieces! 

But seriously, in terms of, like, messaging, I agree. They muddled it a little bit, but I really like Amane's arc. 

It's good! One of my favorites of the year. Let's go around the room. Ratings! NiNi?

NiNi

I give it a 10.

Ben

Shan?

Shan

I gave it a 9.5.

Ben

I also gave it a 9.5. I think it is a Conversation 9.5 because we all agree that it muddled the waters on Amane’s relationship with sex as it pertains to Ryuji.

NiNi

I concur. So, it's a 9.5 from The Conversation for If It's With You.

01:15:38 - Absolute Zero

NiNi

And now we are into the shit. [laughs]

Ben

Oh, oh shit! Oh fuck! It's two hours into this! I have almost finished my daiquiri. I am drunk. 

[NiNi laughs]

Let's talk about Absolute Zero!

NiNi

You're gonna get exactly three minutes on Absolute Zero, okay?

Ben

Oh, sure, that's all I need.

NiNi

I'm not letting you get into another New Siwaj thing. [laughs] Should be easy, because I didn't watch it, and Shan and Ben did not finish it. Ben, tell us what Absolute Zero is about.

Ben

Absolute Zero is a time travel BL in which a gay man in his 30s… No, he's technically 26. Oh my God. A 26 year-old gay man! His partner, who he lives with, has an accident. He's in a coma. He's having a bad time. And then a magic taxi takes him to the past, and then he does nothing for six episodes except date the younger version [laughs] of his boyfriend, and confuse the fuck out of them. And then apparently a bunch of time travel nonsense happens after this, and I had to be forcibly dragged off of this show [Shan laughs] because the clowns were worried for me. 

We don't need to talk about the show. Shan, you don't need to talk about it? NiNi, you don’t need to talk about it. I'm gonna look directly into the camera. 

[NiNi laughs]

New Siwaj, you had multiple opportunities this year to do something meaningful. I have had to sit here across from NiNi for over a year as Tee Bundit has put out three different shows, 2 and one half of which I thought flopped in one way or another. [Shan laughs] You had multiple opportunities to give me something useful to talk about with NiNi on this podcast, and you failed me, sir. 

This was your chance to do Until We Meet Again-style BL again, and you should have given us all something sad and melancholy to reflect over as a real good capstone of this year and you [starts yelling] fucking blew it for all of us! 

I cannot believe you, sir. You've wasted so much of our goddamn time. I cannot believe you embarrassed me on this podcast like this. 

[NiNi laughs]

Shan

New Siwaj is having whatever the opposite of a renaissance year is. 

NiNi

Ooh.

Ben

So bad. Like, you should have thrived under these circumstances. This is your bread and butter: caring way too much about little shit, but you didn't get any of the big shit right. This was a terrible experience. Literally, only two other people we know of finished your goddamn show.

Shan

And they hated it, every minute!

Ben

They had nothing positive to say about it. For over two months, this was horrible. What an absolute waste of genuinely good talent at every level of this production. Reportedly, everyone gave decent performances, and you wasted them on this empty drivel. What the fuck was this? You had four years of having the rights of the story. You had the actual writer of the novel on staff helping you write the goddamn script. And it was still this stupid empty mess, which apparently ends at none of it really occurring, but everyone having some sort of form of temporal PTSD? Like this was a 12 week Star Trek episode? What the absolute fuck was this?

[NiNi laughs]

Shan

I have nothing to add. 

NiNi

Hydrate, baby, hydrate.

Ben

Oh, girl you know I got my water right here. 

This show gets no rating from The Conversation. We DNF’d this show. We will never be going back to this show. 

I will allow the rest of you to offer additional commentary. Proceed.

NiNi

So, Ben, is this breakup gonna stick?

Shan

Yeah, right. 

Ben

We have talked about this girl. 

[NiNi laughs]

He's got a whole college BL with all of the B- and C-listers at GMMTV coming out in the spring. I gotta watch this fucking shithow, don't you worry. 

[Ben and NiNi laugh]

Shan

There never has been a break up, and there never will be a breakup. Let’s just be clear.

NiNi

They’re the couple that fights in the street, and then the next day they're all boo’d up. I hate you so much.

Ben

We are what they thought they were doing with Cher and Top in Only Friends.

Shan

Mew and Top.

NiNi

[laughs] I’m so mad that you called it Cher in Only Friends!

Ben

Oh, Mew and Top. Right, right, right, right, right, right. 

[NiNi laughs]

It gets a 0 from The Conversation!

Shan

An Absolute Zero.

NiNi

An Absolute Zero.

Ben

Oh man, I didn't make another windmill joke during If It's With You—If It's With You is about how— [laughs]

A windmill!

[laughs harder]

NiNi

I am so done with you. I am moving on. We are moving on.

01:21:05 - My Dear Gangster Oppa

NiNi

We're moving on to—I am just calling it ‘the main event.’

Ben

No, no, I'll do it, because you have to describe this one. You're gonna take this L, bestie.

[NiNi laughs]

On to our next show: My Dear Gangster Oppa. NiNi, tell us about [laughs] My Dear Gangster Oppa.

NiNi

My Dear Gangster Oppa is the B-movie’s B-movie. My Dear Gangster Oppa is a Thai BL based on a Korean webtoon that I have not read—because I never read these things—but I do know that it's based on a Korean webtoon, so I get a point for that. It is about the titular gangster oppa, Tew, and the titular dear, Guy. 

They meet playing some kind of mobile game virtually and they somehow become sort of close, or at least close enough that when the gaming team decides that they're going to meet in real life, all the other gamers are like, “Guy, you ask Oppa to come to the meet up, because he'll come if you ask him to.” Well, at that point they thought it was a her because Oppa plays with a female avatar because of reasons.

Ben

Naive assumptions.

NiNi

[laughs] The point of the matter is Oppa’s a gangster, like legit—guns, beatings, stabbings.

Ben

He has murdered people!

NiNi

He has absolutely killed people, and Guy is just a sad gay boy in love with his bestie since high school… 

I'm sorry guys, I'm doing a terrible job of describing the show.

Shan

It's not you, NiNi, it's the show!

Ben

I'll back you up. It starts off as a show about gamers, and two of them falling for each other, and then decides to become a shitty mafia BL.

NiNi

[gasps]

Shan

A boring mafia BL.

Ben

There it is. It becomes a boring mafia BL.

NiNi

Shan and Ben are stabbing me through the heart right now. I just want to let you, the listeners, know.

Ben

Well, how about you climb over the wall wearing your kneepads and drop onto—[Ben and NiNi laughs]—the mattress?

NiNi

That's why it's a B-movie’s B-movie, Ben!

Shan

No, listen. NO!

NiNi

Okay, the show had—the show had ideas.

Ben

Did it?

NiNi

It had ideas. Some of the ideas were really good. The execution of the show is terrible. Some of it is terrible. I—okay, it's all terrible by accident. Like none of this is done on purpose. Do not get me wrong. It is very, very bad.

Ben

They hired the most juiceless boys, and then pretended that they had juice. That was not good. Like if you had— 

Oof. I have my own read. Finish talking about your little show you had fun with before I cut it to pieces.

NiNi

This show is not good. It's not good. I am not defending it on any type of quality grounds. I just enjoyed the fuck out of it. That's all I'm saying. It was trash. You could see all the seams, as Ben has intimated. You can see the stuntee's knee pads and elbow pads. You can see them throwing themselves off of things and falling onto the barely-hidden mats. Oh my God, it's so bad. It's so bad that I laughed my ass off for eight weeks. I'm sorry, I had a good time.

Shan

Let me give NiNi some credit. I just binged this show this week, and I was genuinely having fun with it for the first half—the same vibe that NiNi’s talking about. Like I was, like, “This is hilariously bad, but it's kind of funny.” 

[laughs] We have to talk about the bright orange scar makeup. 

Ben

Do we?

Shan

Did they not have red or black in their makeup kits? They put these fucking neon orange scars on him [laughs], and it was the worst thing I've ever seen. But it’s like, that kind of shit is funny, it was a good time. But the show's biggest sin to me is not that it wasn't good. It was never going to be good. It's that it got so fucking boring, because it abandoned all the funny elements—the fun and silly and wacky things it was doing in the beginning with, like, the gamers—and treating the difference between them in some ways so seriously, and in some ways so deeply unseriously. That dichotomy was kind of fun. 

But then in the second-half of the show, it becomes all about this fucking mafia plot, and it was terrible. Like, it—it was terrible because it was so boring. The energy just sucked straight out of the screen every time I had to sit through these long ass scenes of Oppa talking to these different mafia guys about what they were mad about and why. I never gave a single shit. It was horrible. And that is why the show pissed me off, because it was fun, and then it decided to just be this dull nothing. 

This show, like Oppa, needed to quit the gangster life.

NiNi

[laughs] When I tell you, I actually screamed. Like, my sister had to come check on me.

Shan

It was all downhill from that line. That was the peak of the show.

NiNi

[laughs] How dare you? The show had a budget of $47.18 and it spent all of it on that scar prosthetic.

Ben

I watched this with Aiden, who you may have heard on the I Told Sunset About You episode. Aiden could not remember Tew’s name, and once he started wearing those horrible suspenders [laughs] Aiden just started calling him Urkel for the rest of our watches. 

NiNi

Now you see, that's fun.

Ben

Shan refused to learn his name and just called him ‘Oppa’ the whole time.

Shan

I stand by it.

NiNi

It's the B-movie’s B-movie. It's like B-exponential, like B-to-the-power-of-B. Okay, I'm sorry. I am that girl.

Ben

You heard many a Gay Rant from me over the last year. New rant unlocked for The Conversation: Gamer Rant.

NiNi

Oh, no.

Shan

Oh, boy.

Ben

We don't talk about this on the podcast, but I have a very long history of being very involved with a very specific video game. I have deep and meaningful relationships with other gamers. I was the best man at a gamer wedding where sixteen of us showed up. We were deep at that wedding—we had our own goddamn table. And I showed up as the only representative at a smaller wedding to make sure that one of us was present to witness the event. 

Gaming relationships are so important to me because when you're a weirdo and you don't fit in, It's easy to become close with people very quickly online because you're anonymous. They don't know anything about you. This show ends up abandoning all the interesting things about this weird collection of people who had found each other through this game, and decided to meet up together and extend that relationship into meatspace, to then become the weirdly worst mafia BL we've seen in a while, which was so twisted because the show clearly likes action film, and then embarrassed itself trying to mimic them. And clearly cared about violence, because Tew has a legitimately violent history that is handled with far more seriousness than even something like KinnPorsche did. 

There was so much that was way more interesting than being a shitty action schlock BL that this show could have been by starting with the gaming component, and it was legitimately infuriating for me to see this show use it as a cheap way to say these guys know each other, to then do nothing interesting with the mafia shit. 

I hate this show, so much. This is one of the worst shows we watched this season because this show could have been a fun action schlock B-movie if it was a fucking movie. But it asked for eight fucking weeks from me. I spent eight hours with this motherfucker—I had a lot of time to think about this shit. This show sucks way more than it even realizes that it sucks, and that's really the sad part about it all. This show is one of the worst [laughs] shows I watched in this season and I hate it.

NiNi

Shan, Ben is gamer offended, among other things.

Shan

I do think this show would have been a lot better if it was about the gamers instead of about the mafia.

Ben

There was a real opportunity for them to just only talk about their team stuff and for all of Tew’s gangster shit to be lore going on in the background, cause when you're hanging out with your homies online, their real lives are lore. Like, NiNi is in school. That means nothing to me.

[NiNi laughs]

“Is she gonna be present for this show? Oh, wait. No. She's gotta worry about, like, her real life stuff with her family or her school or our podcast. Well, shit, NiNi's busy. I guess I can't bug her to watch this tiny Taiwanese BL that I really like. It's not that important.” 

Shan does really cool shit in her real life. That means nothing to me! “Shan, are you available to watch this Japanese BL that I really like?” That's all I care about.

Shan

Always bestie, always.

Ben

That's the point. Gaming friendships—we don't really know what people do in their day-to-day lives. Like it would have been legitimately funny if Tew was, like, never lying about shit. Like, “Yeah, we just had a really weird stuff. Like, a guy came into the store. I had to, like, beat the shit out of four guys. I might have killed one of them. Whatever. We got rid of his body.” And they would be like, “Haha! Whatever! It’s time for practice.” If they had legitimately focused on whatever gaming shit they were concerned about and all of Tew’s mafia shit happened in the background as just fan fiction we all made-up, this would have been a fucking excellent show. 

But instead it was this disaster that ended up offending me way more than I expected it to. Fuck this show! 

On to Wahl, who was one of the characters I hate the most this year. Oh, I got words for that motherfucker. Don't think we're getting out of this recording without me going off about Wahl. Fuck that dude. I hate this dude so much. This character is not redeemable to me. Wahl only cares about Guy at the point at which Guy remains under his control. And the grossest thing this show did was have him accept that he can no longer control Guy, and then imply that he ends up with another guy at the end to perpetuate this cycle he has. He is so fucking vile. I hate him so fucking much.

Shan

I would just like to say that I concur on Wahl. That guy fucking sucks, and I hated him from maybe the second episode.

Ben

As soon as he did that stupid seal dance, I was like, “I hate this man!” [laughs]

Shan

You are done.

Ben

I'm like, “That's not even a whale, you stupid son of a bitch! Get outta here!”

Shan

He was a shitty friend, and as always, I got salty about him being forgiven without having to pay any consequences for his shitty behavior.

NiNi

We all agree that Wahl sucks. [laughs] We can agree on that. [laughs]

Ben

Does anyone have anything else to say about this terrible show before we move on?

NiNi

I am continuing to defend it. I will give it a 6.5.

Ben

Shan?

Shan

I gave it a 5.

Ben

I gave it a 4.

NiNi

So, Shan, by The Price is Right rules, you win [laughs] and the show gets a 5.

Shan

Feels right.

01:33:32 - Middleman's Love

NiNi

Moving on to our final show, and the one we all just finished today—well Ben and I finished. Shan watched the beginning and the end, which I think is a delightful way to watch this show.

Shan

I am very happy with my choices.

NiNi

So we all watched Middleman's Love. Yes, you might have heard me say on an earlier episode of this podcast that I would not be watching Middleman's Love. However, you should mind your business, because just because I said it doesn't mean it's happening.

Ben

I say I break up with New Siwaj every single season of the show. [NiNi and Shan laugh] It's whatever. We don't care.

NiNi

So I watched Middleman's Love, and I have actual real thoughts. But first we gotta tell the people what Middleman's Love is about. So, Ben, take it away.

Ben

Middleman's Love is a spin off from Bed Friend. Jade is a middle child and used to being overlooked by his family and his friends. They've got some interns at work. He doesn't realize that his intern has an enormous crush on him, and so is using his fudanshi eyes to try and hook him up with another intern, and slowly comes to realize the intern actually has legitimate feelings for him as we unpack Jade's own hang ups as it comes to love. 

While there are a lot of things I ended up enjoying, the show attempts to be comedic in a way that was really divisive and it ends up being kind of a mixed bag. Bed Friend is a really dramatic show, and while I don't think all of us currently here agree about how well Bed Friend did these things, Middleman's Love as a really comedic tonal shift doesn't always work because they're relying on Yim to be comedic as Jade in a way that makes you ask legitimately as Shan likes to say, “Why would anyone want to fuck this man?”

Shan

[laughs] Well, I did wonder why anyone would want to fuck this guy.

Ben

And that is honestly a legitimate question to ask early on in this. This ends up getting a little bit of Cheewin’s stuff—and I’ll let NiNi have that part—’cause she's much kinder to Cheewin about this than I am. But that's basically the gist of it. Jade is a middle child who's used to being overlooked and playing supporting role to other people who comes to realize that he can have love, too. 

NiNi, your thoughts on the show?

NiNi

That's it in a nutshell. I have a lot of thoughts on this show because it helped me clarify a lot of things about Cheewin. 

Now I get to say some lore and some BTS stuff because I know things too, Ben. This was originally cast with Jimmy and Tommy, with Tommy as Jade and Jimmy as Mai.

Ben

That would have been way better. [laughs] That would have been way better!

NiNi

Hold on. Hold on. Let me finish. While I think that Tommy would have made a better Jade, I actually prefer Tutor’s Mai to what we probably might have gotten out of Jimmy. 

I have a lot of Cheewin feelings about this show, because some of the things that I enjoy about Cheewin is that he likes to examine artifice and performance, and the things that we're hiding when we put on these big personas and personalities. And he explores that through a lot of sometimes-cringey humor, which I really like. It's the Secret Crush on You thing. It's certain parts of Make It Right. It's certain bits of Bed Friend? 

Basically, Cheewin likes to look at artifice and then puncture it. Cheewin likes to look at what makes people present weird and unpack that, and he likes to unpack that using sex because I think that Cheewin thinks—and I kind of agree—that sex is a revelatory experience. I suppose you can hide while you're having sex, but it's incredibly difficult, especially if you feel something for the person that you're having sex with. I personally find it interesting to watch that. 

I think that this show was miscalibrated, and not just in the acting or the tone. Unlike a lot of people, I actually do like cringe humor and some of the slapstick that we get in Thai comedy. I actually enjoy that stuff. It doesn't put me off. I think that the way that Cheewin uses humor in Middleman's Love is way better than how he used it in Bed Friend, and how he built it in Bed Friend. I think that the humor here, the comedy here, has done better. I think that Yim is not great at the comedy, and since Yim's character is the central character of Middleman's Love, it doesn't work. 

Plus, the story doesn't need eight episodes and Ben and I often talk about when something's too long, because I like a long show—Ben does not. This story was eight episodes and I think it could have been done in four. I like parts of the show. I like some of the things that the show is trying to do. I think that it mostly does not succeed.

Ben

Shan, you watched the first episode. [laughs] You were horrified by bobble heads in the intro—

Shan

[moans] I still have nightmares.

Ben

—and the general cringey humor. And then you came back for the finale. How about you talk about your experience with this show?

Shan

Definitely accurate to say that I bounced hard off this show after watching the first episode, and I definitely wasn't alone in that. In talking to other people we know who are watching it, a lot of folks had that reaction. 

NiNi has already touched on why—the humor was not quite calibrated correctly, and the performer who had to hold up the whole show wasn't really up to the task, unfortunately. That's just what happened here. And so, for some of us, I think getting through that super uncomfortable cringe humor with a performer who wasn't quite able to carry it was just really difficult. 

I struggled through the first episode. The bobbleheads really got me off on a terrible start. I hated those fucking things [laughs]—they still haunt me. And just throughout, I didn't really understand what I was supposed to be taking from the way Jade was being presented to me. He didn't feel like a real person. It was way too much. I didn't understand why this hot guy in the office was supposed to be looking at him with interest, given what we had seen of him. It just wasn't computing for me and I wasn't buying it. 

I didn't intend to fully drop the show, but then the following week I left on a long trip. And while I was gone, I missed the next three episodes. By the time I got back, I was just like, “You know what? No, I'm not taking this back up. I'm just gonna wait and see what you all told me after it finished.” And so, I kind of knew the show wasn't for me, but I wasn't opposed to the idea of it. I like an ugly duckling story. I like a story about someone finding their confidence and being able to accept that they are worthy of love. Like, that's a worthwhile story to tell. And so I'm not anti-The Middleman's Love. It just didn't quite work for me. 

The show finished this week. I decided to come back and watch the finale, just to kind of see where it landed, and [laughs] I actually think that was a great way to watch the show. If you, like me, are just not into the show's style and humor, you can watch the first episode and then you can watch the last episode, and you really won't miss any narrative beats—like it's super clear. The plot is very straightforward. You will be able to pick up in the last episode and understand everything important that has happened, and why the characters are where they are now. And you'll get to see Jade and Mai kind of settle into this relationship. 

And I thought that was nice. I enjoyed watching the finale. I liked getting to see a Jade who had seriously toned down some of the quirks of the first episode—a Jade, who seemed a little bit more confident—but still the same character. And I really enjoyed what they did with the physical intimacy in this episode. 

First of all, let me just give a cautionary note. If you are not watching this show on iQIYI, you are not seeing the whole show. I watched the finale on Gaga and got to the end and was like, “Where are these sex scenes that I heard about?”

Ben

The trust that Shan has in me [Shan laughs] she watched the whole show cut and was like, “Ben would never lie to me about sex scenes.”

Shan

You told me there were sex scenes in this!

Ben

“He used the Rihanna GIF. There is sex in the show.” [laughs]

Shan

And I will find it! So I did find it. [NiNi laughs] I went to iQIYI and I found it. So definitely watch it there. 

But I loved what they did with it because they really used the intimacy scenes well to convey these two settling into their relationship to convey Jade over time becoming more comfortable with their physical intimacy—finding his own power in it, finding his own agency in it. The performers did a great job on those scenes. I was incredibly impressed by it, impressed by the show's ability to take those characters from point A to B like that. 

If this show maybe wasn't entirely for you—if you, like me, dropped it in the beginning—I'd say maybe dip back in for the finale and enjoy a good time.

Ben

I like the idea of Jade a lot. I like the idea of a character who's had negative experiences feeling like he doesn't get priority from his family, ‘cause he's not the oldest and he's not the baby, not expecting a whole lot. And I like the idea of Jade having two really fucking hot friends in King and Uea, and just getting used to people being more interested in them, so not really seeing himself as a priority. And then he had like one relationship where he was literally told, “You were so weird and disgusting that no one wants to be with you.” 

I kind of get it with Mai. It structurally works. Mai is very pretty. He's generally very good at his job. He's kind of charming, but not overwhelmingly so. He's just naturally very pretty and nice to people, and fairly amenable and good at what he does. And he's really into Jade because he thought Jade was really kind and competent the first time he saw him. The flavor of this could have been correct, but then, like, they added way too much sugar. It’s just not great as a result. 

It's frustrating because Cheewin's ideas, as they're exemplified through the characters created for this show in Gus and Tong—and what he does with Jade and Mail—work really well. But the show is unfortunately really inessential. The people who watched this show were coming from Bed Friend, and I don't feel like this show really plays well as a Bed Friend extension or side story sort of experience. I think a lot of people brought the wrong energy to this show, and it took us weeks of recalibration to find something meaningful in it. And I don't think it finishes strong, because while I appreciate Cheewin’s giving the gays an extended boyfriend epilogue, an hour of watching people just be kind of cute boyfriends with no real drama on the table is kind of boring to watch in a TV show? And there's way more drama in watching people try to be boyfriends and deal with the consequences of actually being together. 

There's a great moment where they talk about their past exes and what that means for them, what they're bringing to the current relationship. How they want to handle drama going forward. I thought that was really good. I thought the fact that Jade asked for sex was really good, and then he got it. I don't approve of Mai biting that man's motherfucking glasses—

NiNi 

[laughs] I approve!

Ben

—and then tossing them around.

Shan

Ben, he licked his glasses off! Licked! [NiNi laughs] It’s a very important detail! I don't want you to get it wrong!

NiNi

[laughs] Shan, I don't know about you but personally I approve.

Shan

I did approve. I was very into that!

Ben

I actually liked when Mail wore the glasses in the second sex scene we got.

NiNi

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Shan

A lot of good glasses material in these scenes.

NiNi

Top-tier, absolutely no notes, no complaints there, none whatsoever.

Ben

This show was a lot of fun when it wanted to be. And when it wasn't, it kind of sucked. NiNi, you don't spend a lot of time in the pulps, but My Dear Gangster Oppa and Middleman's Love? This is what the pulps are like. There are things that are worth talking about, and then there are things that are not. These shows are almost always kind of bad, but there's kind of something interesting that won't happen in the big network shows.

NiNi

I have been convinced into pulps before. I have enjoyed pulps before. We have discussed this before. I am not opposed to a good pulp, but it's gotta be a good pulp. The flaws of these two shows aside, I had a really good time with them, and I found things not just to enjoy, but also to give me a little bit to think about. Not like a ton to think about, granted, but they give me stuff to think about in both of these shows. And, for me, that's why I landed up more or less in the same place with them. 

I gave Middleman's Love a 7. I think that's a perfectly reasonable score for it.

Ben

I gave this show a 6, not because I think it's bad or necessarily boring, but as I've explained with my rating system before, a 6 means the show is not offensive but I really truly think the only people who gain value from giving this show the eight hours-plus that it asks for is people who really give a shit about BL as a genre.

NiNi

Shan, what about you? How are you rating your short version BL cut?

Shan

I mean, obviously I didn't fully watch the show properly, so take it with a grain of salt, but this feels like a 6 show to me. That's what my heart is telling me it's a six.

NiNi

I will allow y'all to fully average down to 6.5 under protest.

Ben

That's not how math works, but okay.

NiNi

Listen, we gave up on math a long time ago on this show. Okay, just accept it and move on.

Ben

I think 6.5 is fair.

NiNi

If you like cringe comedy, I'm not saying that this show does cringe comedy as well as some other shows have done cringe comedy. And I bring up here Secret Crush on You because it's by the same creator, and it is some pinnacle cringe comedy—like some fantastic cringe comedy—that is just not replicated here. But if you like cringe comedy, there's something in here for you. If you like Thai-style slapstick, there's something in here for you. 

That's all I'll say about it.

01:49:07 - Final Thoughts and Girl, You Tried

Ben

On to the final event: Girl, You Tried Winter 2023.

NiNi

So the Fall shows, there were some that tried and succeeded. They don't count for this award. Bye-bye, two-out-of-three Japanese BLs that we just talked about. So, My Personal Weatherman is in contention for Girl, You Tried.

Ben

Oh, then it wins.

NiNi

[laughs] Let's see what else we have here. We have Kiseki, which didn't try. Shan, do you think that Kiseki tried?

Shan

No, it did not try to be a coherent show. It cannot get the Girl, You Tried.

Ben

Thank you, Shan.

NiNi

So Kiseki is out of contention. Dangerous Romance sucked. It's not in contention for anything. Love in Translation is too good to be in contention for Girl, You Tried—that goes. Absolute Zero? Pfft, forget about it. My Dear Gangster Oppa, it definitely tried something.

Shan

Did it?

NiNi

I think it did. 

Ben

Hmm.

NiNi

Ben really just unmuted just to go “Hmm” and go back on mute. Okay, fine. It's going into contention. And Middleman's Love. I think Middleman's Love did try, and I think that the execution of it was off. Not that it was necessarily bad, but that it was off. So if I had to put a Girl, You Tried contest together right now, it would be between My Personal Weatherman and Middleman's Love. 

So, Shan, for you, very important vote now. My Personal Weatherman versus Middleman's Love for Girl, You Tried.

Shan

Oh, this is a hard one, ‘cause I think of the Girl, You Tried designation as, like, being for a show that got really close to being what it wanted to be—like almost got the execution right and then kind of just missed the mark. So for me, I think I'm going to have to give that to My Personal Weatherman between these two shows. I think it did have ambitions, and I think it did know what it wanted to be with clarity, and it just fell a little short on the execution. Whereas, I think Middleman's Love was a little bit messier and didn't have as clear of a vision of what it was doing?

NiNi

Okay, that's one for My Personal Weatherman. Ben, I already know your answer, but come on. Explain it to the people.

Ben

Hello, people. 

[Ben and NiNi laugh]

So when we were first planning this episode, the Girl, You Tried debate was between My Dear Gangster Oppa and Middleman's Love, but I didn't realize how much I fucking hated My Dear Gangster Oppa until we got here and I was talking about it. And I was, like, “You know what, actually.” 

I would have given it to Middleman's Love because Cheewin was trying to do the things that he likes to do, but now that you put My Personal Weatherman in contention, I gotta give it to that one. I think My Personal Weatherman is trying things that are harder to do than Middleman's Love. I think the ideas of that show are way more cogent, and easier to access and have a conversation about with people than something like Middleman's Love.

NiNi

Okay, so for me, if I had to choose who attempted the higher degree of difficulty, it would be Middleman's Love. It's a high wire act. It's so easy to fall off. If I have to think about who got closer to their intentions, I would say it's My Personal Weatherman. 

Girl, You Tried has a criterion, which is a strong premise with some sort of flaw/failure in the execution. But it has also become somewhat of a personal Rorschach test for us as we go through the shows, and attempt to unpack what it is that we think they did well, what it is we think they did badly, what it is we enjoyed and didn't enjoy. And that enjoyment component does have something to do with how we end up on a Girl, You Tried. 

If they're tied right now based on those other criteria, and I have to think about what I personally enjoyed more, I would have to give it to Middleman's Love. 

Shan and Ben outvote me. Boohoo. I'm gonna go cry about it.

Ben

I don't want to walk away from this particular recording pretending like I don't like Middleman's Love. The spirit inside of it is worth acknowledging.

Shan

I think both of these shows are worthy of talking about as shows that tried to do somethin’. I think for me, My Personal Weatherman just gets a little bit closer there and it's doing a little bit more.

NiNi

I think that's a good place to leave it, so that's going to wrap us up on Tens and Chops, our first ever full grab bag episode. So this is Volume One, hopefully with many more to come. 

Next up, the VIIB Awards. I'm looking forward to that. I'm excited. 

Anyway, we out. Say “bye” to the people, Ben. 

Ben

Peace! 

NiNi

Shan, say “bye” to the people.

Shan

Bye, people.

#podcast #lgbtq #kiseki: dear to me #dangerous romance #love in translation #i cannot reach you #kimi ni wa todokanai #my personal weatherman #taikan yoho #if it's with you #kimi to nara koi wo shite mite mo #absolute zero #my dear gangster oppa #middleman's love #season 5 #winter series #ben and nini's conversations #the conversation #on art #thai bl #bl series #japanese bl #taiwanese bl #Spotify

[makingofstories]

Tamsyn Muir interview about TLT in Celsius 232 (2022)

This post is a transcribe of an interview/talk made to Tamsyn Muir during the Celsius 232, a multimedia festival about fantasy, scifi and horror genres celebrated in Avilés, a city in the North of Spain. The interview was about her saga The Locked Tomb. In this interview Tamsyn Muir talked about topics such as how the trilogy turned into a tetralogy, fanfiction, her favourite cliche and translations. She also answered fandom questions from the public.

Click on Keep reading to read the whole interview!

Thanks to Comic Astur for recording the interview. They have another interviews during Celsius 232 in their channel, both to Spanish and non-Spanish authors. So check it out!

I want to share this interview and to transcribe it so everybody can enjoy it. Also, although I was in the festival, I couldn't go to this talk. So I'm glad that it was recorded because I found it interesting.

A lot of people came to the event cosplayed as Gideon, Harrow and other characters. Here is a photo with all of them!

This interview was made in July 2022, so the books discussed are mainly Gideon The Ninth and Harrow The Ninth.

In the scenario there were three people, as you can see in the video. Tamsyn Muir (center, author of The Locked Tomb), Gabriella Campbell (left, interviewer (and author of books such as Pequeños restos de magia, El día del dragón...)) and Diego García (right, interpreter). Gabriella did the questions while Diego translated everything to Tamsyn and then to the public.

Now that everything is clear, let's start!

Interviewer: Well, I'm going to start very seriously. I think that I don't need to introduce to you who Tamsyn Muir is. You also now Diego a lot. *laughs* Before anything else, I'm going to be very formal and I'll start by reading a bit of Tamsyn Muir's biography from Wikipedia. *everybody laughs* So I'll need to use my glasses.

*Gabriella, the interviewer, takes some aviator sunglasses that were on the table and she puts them on, the glasses really look like Gideon's so everybody started laughing and clapping. Tamsyn Muir nods and does a thumbs up 👍 After this joke, Gabriella takes the glasses of and puts on her regular glasses to read*

Interviewer: Tamsyn Muir is a New Zealand author of fantasy, science fiction and horror. She's been nominated for a lot of prizes and her first novel was published in 2019. I think that you may know what's its tittle... *everybody laughs* She was born in Australia in 1985 and she moved to New Zealand when she was five years old.* Now she works as a teacher in Oxford.

*in Wikipedia it says that she moved to New Zealand when she was nine months old, but in the same Wikipedia article in Spanish it says five years old. So yeah, someone can confirm which is correct? hahaha

The Deepwater Bride was published in The Magazine of Fantasy & Science Fiction in 2015, was nominated for the Nebula Award for Best Novelette, the World Fantasy Award—Short Fiction, the Eugie Award and the Shirley Jackson Award. Amazing. Then it came Gideon. It's the first book of The Locked Tomb trilogy. It was pulished in 2019. It won the third place in the Goodreads Choice Awards for best science fiction in 2019. Charles Stross describes it as: "Lesbian necromancers explore a haunted gothic palace in space!" *everybody starts clapping*

What the Wikipedia doesn't say is that this woman is her translators' terror. *everybody laughs* She does a lot of bad jokes and has a lot of memes. She also made me lose a whole week of productivity because I slept several nights at 5AM to finish a book.

My first question, which is something that I think that everybody is interested in a bit, the biggest and most important question of all... is... Who is Gideon Nav's favourite p*rn model?

Tamsyn Muir: There are so many... *everybody laughs* How can she pick?

Interviewer: There must be a favourite.

Tamsyn Muir: No, no, [she has a] special place in the heart for a lot of them. She's ready, she's waiting available.

Interviewer: Now a more serious question. I'm not saying that this wasn't a serious question. Tamsyn has talked before about this, but everybody asks what happened with this trilogy with four books. She has made to us a Douglas Adams? What happened with Nona? Why Nona?

Tamsyn Muir: Why not? It wasn't meant to be this way, I'm sorry. There were going to be three books, and it was going to be over this year. But my editor asked me: "How is Alecto going? Are you nearly finished?" And I said: "I've finished the first act." I could see his face, it was on camera. He was very sad. And he said: "Okay, that's fine. How long is the first act?". And I said that it's not that long, 140,000 words. And he said: "The first act?? How many acts are there going to be?". I said four. He said: "We can't publish that, it would kill people". So we took out the first act and that's where Nona comes from. And it is her story, it is the story of one girl and I think I'm ok with it now. I'm happy with having and extra book. It is it's own thing. Maybe I'm sorry that we don't actually get to have that very very very big book that I intended. But Alecto will be done and will not be small.

Interviewer: One thing that I found while doing an exhaustive investigation on the internet is that Tamsyn Muir has written fanfiction. I think that it can be noticed in Gideon [The Ninth] and Harrow [The Ninth], right? There's a lot of incredible details [that can be related to fanfiction]. A lot of these details are memes and other cultural references. Many have come from Tumblr and other social media, including fanfictions. All these tropes and resources are present in fanfiction, such as the cafeteria. You may recognize that the moment in the cafeteria is a common resource in classic fanfiction. Social roles inversions too. There are a lot of details like these. My question is, which is your favourite cliche?

Tamsyn Muir: I thought it couldn't get any harder after who is Gideon's favourite p*rn actor. There are so many fanfiction cliches that I love. And I think that my favourite ever, and this is very cliche of me, is probably arranged marriage. I have to say that I got to do a little bit of this when I was writing Nona. You won't find it in Nona. This is because my editor got angry at me. I stopped writing [the book] to write an alternative universe so I could prove something could happen. I only got 30,000 words into it. Not that long. And then I had to stop. But I wanted to get it and maybe it will be out there some day. Not that my editor has anything to say about it. But arranged marriage is definitely my favourite ever cliche. It's a good one.

Also, there is only one bed.

Interviewer: Another question, this is a fast one because I'm personally curious. Do you still do fan fiction secretly? And about what show, book or cultural product?

Tamsyn Muir: I don't do it anymore. I've retired. I don't have time! I would love to. Oh, what fanfic would I write? I think I would embarrass my agent-mate Martha Wells and write Murderbot fanfiction.. So that is why is good I have retired.

Interviewer: Another thing that I found in my great and exhaustive investigation is that some people found Gideon and Harrow's relationship and described it as an intimate friendship. You know where I'm going, right? Some people described it even as a relationship between sisters. *everybody laughs* So I wanted to ask Tamsyn. I don't know, but I thought, with my personal bias, that maybe there is something romantic between them.

Tamsyn Muir: I have two sisters. If I behaved the way that Gideon and Harrow do to each other with my sisters I would be arrested.

Interviewer: Talking about this, we don't see in Gideon [The Ninth] and Harrow [The Ninth] any kind of explicit erotic scenes. But I, and some people may too, see that you make repulsive things strangely sensual and sexual. I don't want to do spoilers about Harrow The Ninth, but in one scene happens a reconstruction of an arm. And I found it deeply sexual. I just wanted to know if this was done on purpose.

Tamsyn Muir: I didn't do it on purpose, but after I wrote the scene and read it back to myself I thought: "Huummmmm??". The books aren't very sexual, but for Harrow [this moment] is the closest in some ways that she gets, so you should all worry about the future.

Interviewer: Another thing that we all may be in agreement is that Tamsyn's world is really complex. I think that you need a map just to follow every character. I was really lost in the beggining, when they're in that kind of battle royale for the keys. All those houses, characters and personalities... As a reader you may feel overwhelmed. How do you work with this world? Do you have your own encyclopedia? Is everything in your head? How do you maintain coherence [throughtout the story]?

Tamsyn Muir: [I'm] Very optimistic. Specially with complicated things like in the first book, it's very important to have knowledge of who has certain keys and unlocked certain rooms. I thought that I could keep it on my head. I ended up with a very complicated Excel spreadsheet. In every single book I say to myself: "This will be the one when I write down in detail everything that's happening, everything that goes on. I will write notes for myself". And in every book I hate myself because I never do this. It is luck, it is sometimes little bits of paper all over my house. And it's definitely my copy editor, who I think must be the most exhausted person in the world.

Interviewer: Going back to the memes and the references... I remember reading Gideon [The Ninth] and Harrow [The Ninth] without problems and then starting to search through the internet. I found a lot of memes [that I didn't get on my first read]. Between this and words about anatomy that I had to search on the dictionary, I talked with David Tejera (book translator of The Locked Tomb to Spanish), who's right there on the first row. Come on, give him an applause! *everybody applauses* I looked at how he translated stuff that I didn't know how could be translated. Do you have any kind of connection with your translators? Do they ask you about a lot of stuff? Do they insult you?

Tamsyn Muir: I know I'm going to say this wrong but: Lo siento, David Tejera. I'm so sorry. All of my translators are very patient. Sometimes very confused. And David of all of them has been, I think, the most patient and not the most confused. You know, it's wonderful having close relationship with translators simply to get to see how things that are put in English translate or don't translate into different languages. I'm not a linguist. I don't speak many [languages]. So it is been wonderful getting a little bit of the languages, specially into the romance. And I always really appreciate translators who do talk to me because they don't always. And I think that, for what I heard, specially for the Spanish edition of Gideon [The Ninth], that shows the fantastic book [translation] it is. So that's all David.

Interviewer: *to the public* Do you want me to ask about the translation of a meme or do you want another question? *the public agrees to the meme question* We may be thinking about the same [meme]. I'm sorry for Diego [the translator], but I'm going to read the phrase in English, then David's translation and then I'll explain where's the difficulty. The original says: "so I'm shut in here —wallled in, really— to prevent the Nine Houses becoming none House, with left grief." The translation is: "y por eso me encierro aquí, entre cuatro paredes, para evitar que las Nueve Casas se conviertan en la Ninguna, con todo mi pesar". This has logic. When David read the original he may asked himself what was Tamsyn trying to say. None House, with left grief comes from the meme No pizza with left beef. It's and old meme from Tumblr, if I remember correctly, in which people shared photos of absurd pizza deliveries. There was one pizzeria that let you choose the ingredients that you wanted. One option was none. You could also ask for each half of the pizza with different ingredients, left and right. Somebody shared a photo of their none pizza with left beef. *while Grabriella was explaining this Tamsyn was laughing a lot* Now imagine David in this situation. It's a perfect translation, but the meme is lost. Here in Spain we couldn't get the joke if it remained. This kind of pop culture jokes are compensated with erudited references.

Tamsyn Muir: Even in Spanish it still makes me laugh! I'm sorry, I just have a very childish sense of humor. I'm so glad I can laugh at the none pizza with left beef joke in Spanish! Sorry hahaha (she didn't get that the joke wasn't really there but we'll forgive her because she was just laughing a lot 😭)

Tamsyn Muir: There is no explanation. It's so stupid. And yet, for who was saying it, he knew that nobody would get it. But he wanted to put it in it for himself, and I feel that. But I'm sorry. hahahaha

Interviewer: John does a lot of references. Is John an excuse so you can put in all the jokes that you like?

Tamsyn Muir: I have to think about this because it may be a spoiler. There are many characters who are ways of me slipping in things I like or like to say. Ianthe Tridentarius is one of them. But John has a special place in the story that perhaps you'll understand more of when Nona [The Ninth] comes out. That's a worrying sentence I just said. Perhaps you'll understand a little bit more of the jokes that John is making and why is saying them. I have an actual plot point.

Interviewer: There are just five minutes left, so we have time for one question from the public.

#1 audience question: Do you have any playlists for the characters? If you have one, share it please!

Tamsyn Muir: I can't say anything yet. I mean, I would love to see that, but...

Interviewer: I have to say that there are a lot of fan playlists. This one was quick, so one more.

#2 audience question: If Nona had a birthday cake, which would be its flavour?

Tamsyn Muir: I have to think if it's a spoiler again! Nona has no taste, so it does not matter as long as it is covered in confetti and coloured icing. It would be disgusting! Lots of colours. Icing. It doesn't matter about the cake.

Translator: *after translating* Well, we have time, so one more.

#3 audience question: I imagined God as Taika Waititi. Do you have any actors/actresses that make you think about Harrow, Gideon or Ianthe?

Tamsyn Muir: Oh, that's hard. Sometimes when I think about Harrow... I love the maori actress Erana James. But Erana James is very beautiful and I'm not sure Harrow is that beautiful.

Translator: Ok, 3 more minutes. Any more questions?

#4 audience question: I think that Gideon is a character who is really open about her sexuality. Has somebody said you anything about Gideon's openness when talking about her sexuality?

Tamsyn Muir: I don't think anyone has to thank me, because I want to thank everyone who has responded to Gideon the way I wanted her to be looked, as a butch lesbian. I just wanted to put someone in who my 17-year-old self [would like], and the way that people who responded to her is like going back in time and telling my younger self that it's ok. So thank you!

People in the public: Thank you!!

Interview: Well, one last applause!

*really long applause, everybody loves Tamsyn*

Tamsyn Muir: ¡Muchas gracias!

Although I couldn't assist to this talk, I was able to go to the signing. There was a really big queue, but I had a great time with some friends who wanted their copy signed as well.

A photo with Tamsyn Muir, with my friend @alphathedm as well who's also loving the books! Tamsyn had some of the names to sign to written in her arm. 😂

My Gideon The Ninth copy signed 🥰

This is more of a fandom post and while I like to post stuff with more advice for professionals, I'm in the TLT fandom and I wanted to post something about it.

Thank you for reading!

#making of the locked tomb #the locked tomb #tlt #tamsyn muir #author interview #fanfiction #world building #writing #fandom culture #for the writers #books #celsius 232 #celsius 2022 #gideon the ninth #harrow the ninth #nona the ninth #alecto the ninth #translation #harrow the ninth spoilers

[visualtaehyun]

Hi Bella, thank you for being so generous with your knowledge of Thai! I have a weird one for you, @outofthemouthsof posted this pull from a MDL comment: https://www.tumblr.com/outofthemouthsof/743952162955116544/gasp-sob-if-this-is-true-heretherebedork?source=share

And I've been trying to verify where X made that statement.

I found this twitter space post which is 45 mins long that seemed the best candidate (don't worry I'm not asking you to translate the whole thing) https://twitter.com/xiseks/status/1764219245951627501?t=DAHL6kSCSt3jbT2dblJqEA&s=19

And so I listened through to see if I could catch enough to hint at where it's being talked about. My Thai sucks but it sounded like potentially what they're talking about ~15 mins in might be it? Would you be willing to skip to that timestamp and confirm if this is (or isn't) where that was said?

Hello friend ✨

Thank you for linking the twt space and narrowing down the timestamp! I've gone and made a lil recording of the relevant part (15:26-16:16) and transcribed & translated it to the best of my ability. :)

I also made sure to cross-search some of my transcription on twt, just to be sure, considering I'm not a native speaker, and found that Thai fans posted about this part of the space as well. 🙏

ซีนที่คุณแม่การันต์ ตอนนั้นที่เราถ่าย เรื่องที่พูดเรื่องการสมรสเท่าเทียม เราถ่ายไว้ 2 แบบ เพราะตอนนั้นที่เราถ่าย เรายังไม่รู้ว่าความเคลื่อนไหวของสมรสเท่าเทียมมันไปถึงไหน The scene where Karan's mother- back when we were filming- about how she addressed marriage equality: we filmed 2 versions. Because when we were filming, we didn't know yet what point the marriage equality motion would have reached. แล้วก็พูด ให้พี่เปิ้ลที่รับบทเป็นแม่พูดความเป็นไปได้ด้วย 2 อย่างว่า ถึงวันให้เราออน สมรสเท่าเทียมมันจะเป็นยังไง And we said- we had Phi Ple who plays the mother say the possibility in two ways that, by the the time we'd be on air- What's [the state of] marriage equality like? ก็พูดแบบว่า ดีใจนะที่มาถึงวันนี่สักทีที่เราอย่างนี้ได้ กับ หวังว่าเร็ว ๆ นี้จะได้ทำเหมือนที่ทุก ๆ คนก็ทำกันได้นะ She said, like, "I'm glad that [we've] finally reached this day where we can have this" and "I hope that soon [they] will be able to do what everyone else can do together". ตอนนั้น ใจก็หวังว่าเราคงได้ใช้เวอร์ชันว่า ดีใจที่มาถึงวันนี่สักที Back then, I was hoping in my heart that we might be able to use the version that's "I'm glad that [we've] finally reached this day". ปรากฏว่า ก็ยังไม่ทันหนอ ก็เราก็ยังไม่ใช้เวอร์ชันที่ ที่แบบ อ่ะ อีกแป๊บหนึ่งคงได้ แล้วก็ทุกคนก็หวังอย่างนั้นนะครับ Apparently... not yet, hm? So we didn't yet get to use the version that's- that like- Ah! Just a little longer and [we] may have been able to. And everyone was hoping so! ก็คือความเป็นไปได้ที่ดู ต้องติดตามกันต่อไป Well, it's a possibility that looks- [we] have to keep following [the development].

So I can happily verify for you that Khun X did say what @outofthemouthsof and their MDL source reported and that he said so in the twt space you found!

#always happy to help while also learning more thai :) #i may not have seen cherry magic yet but i find it quite lovely that the entire crew was holding onto hope for the bill to pass in time #cherry magic th #x nuttapong #local woman harps on about linguistics #inquiring minds.txt

[morimyulyrics]

I didn't think I'd be posting Op.5 lyrics this soon, yet here we are. ajslrkgjalskrj I just could NOT get this song out of my head. This is just transcribed by ear (no official lyrics yet), so I'm sure it has its errors. Still, I just couldn't not translate it.

It's basically the song during the Fall. Description of the song at the end to avoid spoilers. Just know, I love this song A LOT.

Title: (unknown) Characters: William James Moriarty, Sherlock Holmes

Unsure parts marked with **

Kanji 心壊れたこんな悪魔に 君はそうして手をさし伸べる Ah　どうして、シャーリー？ 君は生きてほしいのに

言ったろう？ 俺はお前を捕まえるって

緋色の系を辿って 死のさだめを放って その先に 君が（お前が）いた この温もりが愛しい この過誤の去ってゆく** この胸に風が吹く

凍えた部屋の中に 暖かな風が吹く リアム　やっと捕まえたぜ 生きよう　生きて俺たちは...

Romaji William: Ah Ah Kokoro kowareta konna akuma ni Kimi wa sou shite te wo sashinoberu Ah doushite Sherly? Kimi wa ikite hoshii no ni

Sherlock: Ittarou? Ore wa omae wo tsukamaeru tte

(S) Hiiro no ito wo tadotte (W) Shi no sadame wo houtte (both) Sono saki ni (W) Kimi ga (S: Omae ga) (both) ita (S) Kono nukumori ga itoshii (W) Kono nago no kette yuku** (both) Kono mune ni kaze ga fuku

(W) Kogoeta heya no naka ni Atataka na kaze ga fuku (S) Liam, yatto tsukamaeta ze Ikiyou, ikite oretachi wa

English

Liam: At the very least, I want you to return home alive. Sherlock: As if I’d let you die by yourself.

William: Ah Ah You stretch your hand out to this demon with a broken heart Oh, why, Sherly? Even though I wanted you to live

Sherlock: I told you, didn’t I? That I’d catch you

(S) Follow the red string (W) Leave the punishment of death (both) And at the end of it, you (you) are there (S) This beloved warmth (W) This sin disappears** (both) In this heart of mine, the wind blows

William: A warm breeze blows into this frozen room Sherlock: Liam, I finally caught you Let’s live. We’ll live and...

The song: It starts out powerful as they fall, and then it switches to a sweet tune when William finally lets himself have this...little bit of happiness. ;A; I also love how the song ends on a cliffhanger. 生きて俺たちは... We don't know what they'll do after they live (except if you're a manga-reader hehehhe), but it's nice to have that open-ending. It's like an assurance that they don't die here.

The way they staged the whole thing too........ Basically, after years of watching them reach for each other and never touching, THEY FINALLY TOUCHED. AND HUGGED. I will never be the same again.

ALSO??? HELLO?? All the references to Op3's "wind in my heart" I just. Op.5 is so wonderful.

#op5lyrics #op5 #morimyu #sherliam

[thyandrawrites]

On Nagi's emotional intelligence

One thing I find interesting about Nagi's character is that he's not only bad at getting across his emotions in a way that leaves little room for misunderstandings; he also struggles a lot to identify feelings (not just his but especially other people's) for what they are, and to put himself in other people's shoes.

Both the manga and Nagi's light novel offer several examples of this, and I noticed a common denominator in most of them. So I thought it could be fun to compile them in a post.

(long ramble under a cut! Contains slight manga spoilers up to manshine city arc)

Preface: I did not study psychology, and though I try my best not to misuse words and be insensitive, mistakes in good faith can happen. Please bear with me

So, what kicked off this whole thing is a scene from Episode Nagi. This one:

Now, without context it would be easy to write off Nagi as a self-centered genius who is looking down on team Z for being "weaker". And that's exactly how Isagi, who doesn't know Nagi prior to this, takes his questions. They're just a taunt, as if Nagi is mocking Team Z's determination to overturn the scores when they're a team that doesn't yet know its own skills fully.

And the thing is, regardless of Nagi's intentions, his words are condescending. He doesn't mean them to be, but you can't deny that calling someone stupid to his face is not conductive to a polite or constructive conversation, lol.

Unless you're Nagi Seishiro, that is.

Nagi... Doesn't seem to grasp that essentially calling team Z the bottom of the barrel while asking what keeps them going is... Well, rude. Patronizing, even. Which is why he looks so puzzled when Isagi's response is negative, and when he doubles down on his hunger for goals.

In his head, phrasing it this way was perfectly fine. He was genuinely asking, and he expected a response. He wanted to know, not to piss Isagi off and be left hanging.

The reason behind Nagi's obliviousness is of course a lack of social skills. We know he tends to keep to himself, preferring video games and the silent company of a cactus over social interactions, and it shows in how stilted his ability to properly communicate becomes over time.

But in the intro I said I don't think it's just a struggle with communicating what he means. I also interpret it as Nagi struggling to put himself in other people's shoes when their experiences don't mirror his, which complicates his attempts to communicate further.

What is translated as "What's his deal?" in the panel above in japanese has a bit more nuance than that, and it clues us in to what was likely going through Nagi's head a bit more.

"What's this creature (Isagi Yoichi)"

The kanji that compose Isagi's name are transcribed with a different reading (the furigana indeed reads "creature")

Now, if you read Nagi's light novel, the words might sound familiar:

(credits to @/ hoshi801_ on twitter for this translation)

That's because we have another example of Nagi being weirded out by and puzzled at how differently he and others seem to function.

From Nagi's perspective, he's not the weirdo, others are! He keeps observing this world where everyone puts effort into things that he only sees as a hassle, and he doesn't get how anyone can find any appeal in them. In other words, Nagi doesn't really understand how other people work (how they think, how they feel, what motivates them), and he tends to use himself as a metric for understanding them better, not realizing how flawed that approach is.

I also reckon this is why he can sometimes come across as lacking tact.

"it's easy for me. How come is it not easy for you?"

What he says to Bachira during the 4v4 seems like another prime example of Nagi attempting to figure out others by comparing them against himself.

In his intentions, this little speech serves as a way to get Bachira to step up his game. After all, had he really been fine with not picking him, he could've kept his mouth shut, won the match, and picked Rin as he said he would. No need to warn Bachira beforehand, giving him a chance to prove himself in the field and compete with Rin as the best choice moving forward.

But the words Nagi uses are familiar once again.

"Do you think you'll get chosen if you lose? Still living in dreamland? [...] I want Rin, and I bet Isagi feels the same." -> Nagi to Bachira

Vs "you'd be satisfied if I chose you here? You wanna act like a team even if we're not excited about it? You think becoming best in the world is that simple?" -> Nagi to Reo

And then

"We don't need you the way you are now." -> to Bachira above

Vs, "'You're fine as you are.' That's what you said to me, Reo, but... For me to dream with you about being the best again, I want to change." -> Nagi to Reo (in his head)

Nagi doesn't really understand Bachira, either, but he understands the bond Bachira shares with Isagi. Two separate times, he sees himself and Reo's relationship mirrored in it, and that's what prompts his "pep talk".

While he might not grasp what motivates Bachira's ego, Nagi knows what motivated himself. So he offers much the same to Bachira. You want to keep playing with Isagi, just like I want to keep playing with Reo. So change, like I did. Keep working towards that dream, and don't throw in the towel, accept defeat, and wait for Isagi to pick you.

Bachira and Isagi's bond is pretty much the only time we see Nagi try and succeed at relating to someone else's emotions. He's able to do this because he can sense the similarities between them. It's a pattern he's plenty familiar with. So we could say he's still applying that flawed method I talked about above. Understanding others by comparing them to himself, assuming they think the same way.

But I'd like to point out that while he does get their bond as far as it mirrors his and Reo's, Nagi still doesn't grasp the ways in which it differs. Namely, he remains oblivious to Bachira's desire for connection. Nagi is perfectly comfortable being a loner, and while he misses Reo, he adjusts to the separation quite easily, at least emotionally. Well, partly because he caused it, but also because from his perspective, he and Reo were never really apart-apart. They'd eventually meet up again, Nagi would tell him all about his side quests, and they'd be fast besties once again.

At least, that's what Nagi envisions, because Nagi is a straightforward person who doesn't really grasp other people's perspectives past his own personal experience.

For that reason, I think, he remains oblivious to how his advice to Bachira hits like a slap where the boy's at his most vulnerable. But it all works out in the end, so in the grand scheme of things, Nagi has no reason to give it more thought past this interaction. Nagi's team loses, Isagi advances with Bachira, all is well again.

If Nagi got away with giving this as little thought as possible, though, his dynamic with Reo doesn't give him the same easy out. Not for lack of trying on his part. Reo doesn't initiate conversations with him for days (weeks?) on end, and Nagi is fine with never questioning it.

Now, normally I'd make a point here about how Nagi's major weakness is his refusal to think hard about anything unless he's forced to—or about how that's the main hinder to his development to date—but that's a post for another day. Suffice to say, for the sake of this argument, that his willingness to let things stay tense between him and Reo is part of the problem here.

Well, "willingness" might not be the right term here. From his pov, there isn't any tension at all, in fact.

Again, because Nagi had a reason that justifies leaving Reo behind, he doesn't see a strain in their relationship until Reo points it out to him. Worse yet, he struggles to see Reo's viewpoint even after Reo does point it out to him.

He's as clueless as they come, and he's closest to Reo than anyone else in blue lock. Despite this, not only does he not realize why Reo is upset with him and doesn't want to link up anymore, he also fails to grasp that Reo's angry at him at all.

I ran out of image space so I'm just gonna quote the next bit:

N: "We promised, right? To win the world cup together. I've just kept making the best choices I could for that goal. During the rival battle, I thought I could get stronger if I went with Isagi. And I chose England because I thought I could learn from Agi and Chris. So, now it's you, Reo. You're stronger now, so you and I can beat Isagi, unlike last time."

To which Reo understandably replies,

R: "Damn, you really are a selfish jerk, you know that?"

Nagi doesn't seem to realize that if you are a team, you should, you know... Communicate with your partner. Instead, he decides for himself, without even asking for Reo's input, what's the best course of action to achieve their dream, doesn't share his thought process with Reo at all, embarks on said course alone, and then one day randomly decides to have Reo tag along in it.

In his head, I think it all makes sense to him because he assumes Reo already knows all this, intuitively. After all, that's how their whole dynamic has been built so far. When Reo isn't anticipating Nagi's needs before Nagi has uttered them aloud, Nagi is instinctively following the vision Reo set up with a pass, and completing it with a goal.

I'd say that the fact that they relied so heavily on silent communication for much of their time as friends is half the reason why they are so bad at communicating with actual words. I'm including Reo in this because he's equally guilty of it too, what with him saying "do what you want" aloud, only to wish for Nagi to stay without verbalizing that thought to him.

But I digress.

My point is, in the scene above, Nagi assumes Reo would be fine with the split because Nagi himself was. It doesn't even occur to him that Reo might see it as the negation of their promise to each other, or that he would feel abandoned and forgotten about (sorry, can't post pictures, but notice his shock at Reo's accusations. Chapter 187). After all, Nagi spent the whole time thinking about all the things he wanted to tell him.

Once again, much like with Isagi in the first selection, Nagi's puzzled and surprised at Reo's angry burst in response to his pushing; he assumes the drive he feels will be mirrored or at least understood by the other person, but instead he's turned down, faced with a negative reaction he doesn't quite understand.

As Reo puts it, Nagi's imagination comes short of letting him empathize with Reo's feelings. The choice to move on without him is purely functional, then, but from his perspective it never involved any emotional distance. To Reo, however, who was left with an easy to misunderstand parting speech, the hurt of a perceived loss strongly overshadowed anything else. Nagi doesn't anticipate Reo's emotional response over rationality because Nagi himself is not an emotion-driven person. He doesn't see that Reo would be plagued by self doubt because Nagi doesn't doubt his skills. He fails to see how his actions could easily be misconstrued as indifference because Nagi's not one to read hidden meaning into people's words, and assumes others take things as face value, too.

But that's more than communication failure! That consistent lack of effort to imagine how others would feel or act in a given situation is a pattern, at least imo.

I think Nagi never had to make that kind of effort before, since he was pretty much on his own, and in a lot of ways he's still adapting to having peers he trusts and that he wants to be trusted by in response

One could say this is as much a process to him as understanding his own ego for football is, and I find that really fascinating to watch

#Bllk thoughts #Blue lock meta #Nagi seishiro #Nagi seishirou #Episode nagi #This took me way too long to type and I feel like the ending isn't as strong as the beginning #But I'm tired of looking at it so please accept it...? Thank you for reading if you hit that read more. Xoxo