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surveys-at-your-service · 3 years

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Survey #297

“crushed, damned, and broken; lost, sick, and left unspoken.”

When was the last time you did clay work/pottery? Not since high school when I made an anatomically correct heart. Do you like art, hate it or just not mind it? I adore it. Is crime a big problem in your area? Oh yes. What's the scariest story/urban legend/creepypasta etc you heard? Maaaan, as a cryptic fanatic, that's hard. Maybe the Rake. What personality trait does nearly everyone in your family seem to have? We're some resilient motherfuckers. What is your favorite soda? Well, it's technically strawberry Sunkist, but I do NOT let myself have it because I will fucking chug it and binge on them if available to me. So, I just consider Mountain Dew Voltage my fave. When you're on the beach, do you throw beached sea creatures back? I've never even seen a beached animal. I would, though. Have you ever thrown food at someone? Yeah, small food fights as a kid or joking with a friend. Have you ever been to a bonfire? Yeah. Do you like orangutans? I love them; such fascinating, enchanting animals that act more human than people half the time. When you see a bug flipped on his back, what do you do? It depends on what it is, but I usually try to help it. Is cereal good? Yeah, I love cereal. Do you like spaghetti? Love it. It was my favorite food as a kid. Is there any kind of weapon in your bedroom? No. Do you like snow globes? I love 'em! Be honest, did Fifty Shades of Grey arouse you in any way? I didn't read it and never will. What does your sibling(s) call you? "Britt" or "(little/big) sister." Do you have any close friends that are the opposite sex that your significant other dislikes? N/A Do you honestly believe everything happens for a reason? Why or why not? Nope, because I want you to explain to me why a child dies of cancer. Why the 11-year-old was raped and forced to bear the child. Why a partner is beaten to death by their s/o, etc. etc. Things just... happen. Do you believe in reincarnation? Why or why not? No, mostly; I DO kinda wonder about it, I just find it unlikely. It would be kinda poetic, though: being given the chance to experience so many unique things. But, I kinda want a conclusion to my mortal life. The Hunger Games or The Maze Runner? I read the first HG and loved it; I started the latter novel while I was in the psych hospital for a while, but I never finished it or got that far in. It did sound pretty good, though. Has anyone you’ve known claimed to be psychic? Well, they believe(d) in tarot readings; does that count? Idk. Did/do you believe them? I wouldn't. Is anything annoying you right now? "Annoyed" is a fucking understatement when it comes to what transpired at the capitol a few days back. Have you ever been ice-skating? No. Does the sound of rain at night help you sleep? It can, depending on how heavy it is. Have you ever seen an albino person, in person? Albino, no, but I knew a guy and his sister in high school who had vitiligo. Have you ever worn a pair of scrubs? Yeah, at the ER and hospital. Have you ever walked into a massive cobweb? I don't believe so. What would you say is your strongest felt emotion right now? Rage. I'm not over "the event." I'm just tired of humanity. Are you talking to anyone at the moment? No. Do you have trust issues? Oh yes. Have you ever found an arrow head? No. Who is with you? My mom's home. What can you not stop thinking about? *points upwards* Then there's Jason because PTSD, that's very normal. Do you forgive easily? I forgive very easily, honestly. In what part of your life so far, have you learned the most about yourself? 2017, when recovery began. I think... or maybe 2018, idk. I've truly come to discover myself quite a lot the past few years. Have you ever been in a fist fight? No. Are your ears pierced? Yeah: my earlobes twice, and then my right tragus has a stud. I want to get my others back... I had to take them all out in the psych hospital, and a lot of my piercings closed up. The only one I don't wanna re-do is my anti-tragus, because mine was *always* inflammed and aggravated. What did you last say out loud? "Okay" to Mom. What are you waiting on? Right now, an opportunity to go to the parlor I'm getting my tat tidied up at to get a price range on it. They just need to be open while we're out of the house. Do you tell people when they get on your nerves? Not really. Are your feelings hurt easily? Yep. What's the most expensive piece of clothing you have? Did you buy it yourself? I dunno... I very rarely get new clothes, nevermind expensive ones. Who is your closest platonic friend of the opposite sex? His nickname is Girt. He's been my best male friend since high school; we even hang out sometimes, but it's been a long while. How do you think your first relationship shaped who you are as a partner now? As a partner, it taught me to not fall head over heels and love more realistically and in a healthy fashion. I don't put my faith solely into them, but myself, too. I also accept "forever" is not always true just because they promise it. Who is your favorite protagonist of the same sex? Oh god, this is hard. I suppose maybe Tyrande Whisperwind from WoW. I love her dedication to her people and that her story has become more interesting in her finally "breaking." I could list so, so many "faves," tbh. Were you popular in high school? What was your reputation like? No; I was just the average teen. Have you always known your sexual orientation or did something happen to make you realize it? Somethings happened. There were a lot of hints building up before I even began to consider the possibility, but a daydream solidified it as fact. What was the hardest part of your last break up? Realizing I still wasn't "ready" or "fit" for a successful relationship. What brought you out of the hardest period in your life? As strange as it sounds, my suicide attempt put it into action. I was obviously hospitalized for a while, and then I was brought into a month-long partial hospitalization program that has a fucking genius psychiatrist, and I also had daily therapy as long as school days during the week. It was the intense help I needed. What's your favorite kind of smiley face? (: Does anybody know your deepest darkest secret? My old therapist and maybe my mom; I can't remember if I told her. Did you ever watch Rugrats? (the babies) I LOVED that show! I even had two of the video games. What about Hey Arnold? Ugh, I hated it, but I think my little sister did, or we just watched it if we couldn't find anything else. Do you like pep rallies? NO. NO. NO. My teachers always understood that they really stoked my anxiety and allowed me to opt out of going. I'd just stay in the classroom and read or something. Have you ever had pneumonia? No. What do you feel about surgeries? Do they worry you? I fear anesthesia awareness, but not to a debilitating degree or anything that makes me panic beforehand or anything like that. Do you play Minecraft? if so, feelings about servers? Never have, and not interested. Do you read creepypastas? Nah. Do you think vlogging in public is scary? It seems awkward as FUCK to me. Even alone. Have you been to an escape room? Was it a success? No. What social class would you say you're in? I think we're actually near the poverty line (or were, idk anymore, Mom slipped it before), so definitely lower. Have you ever recorded a cover of a song? No. How do you feel about guns? They scare me. What's the most traumatizing event that ever happened to you? A very abrupt and poorly-executed breakup while being madly in love to the point of obsession with the person. Are you faint to the sight of blood? No. Do you like spicy food? Yes. Do you have good dreams or nightmares more? Well, considering I was woken up by myself shrieking my lungs out this morning, guess. It seemed for a little bit that my nightmares were chilling out, but I guess not. When was the last time someone insulted you? What was the insult? Does my mother telling me I'm saying too many "f-bombs" count? I dunno otherwise. What’s your second favorite color? Maroon. Do you ever wish you lived in a different country? Hey Canada, mind adopting me? Who’s the last person you “pounded” fists with? Ha, I think my nephew. Have you ever been involved in an affair? No. Wait, maybe? Does the Joel thing count? We never even physically met each other, we were just being idiot kids flirting over text messages. You be the judge, ig. How many times a week do you speak to your boss? I don’t have a job. What do you want for your birthday? Just donate to my tattoo fund lmao. Having to get my laptop fixed fucked up my plans yet again... Have you ever been to a masquerade? No. Is there anybody you think is hot over the age of 40? A handful, yeah. Who in your phone has a heart after their name? Just Sara does. Anything you’re avoiding? Always. After breaking up, what’s the worst? Letting go if you're the one who still has feelings. Does your sibling have a significant other? I don't know if my brother does, or the half-sister I've never met. Another sister is engaged, and two are married. Nicole is single, though. She's smart as hell about who she dates; she's probably pickier than me. Do you use Skype? Just to talk with Sara. Are you a fan of acrylic nails? I wouldn't wear them, but they look fine on some people. Except when they're square shaped. Name one happy song that describes you better than any other. "Get Up" by Mother Mother comes to me first. Name one sad/mellow song that describes you better than any other. Haha I connect with a lot of sad songs and would honestly rather not dig through 'em right now. What is your most used pick up line? None, they're all awful. Do you like the taste of alcohol? Noooooo no no. The only alcoholic drinks I like are very weak and sweet. What kinds of food make you sick? So this probably sounds so stupid, but "fancy" foods, like stuff with a lot of ingredients my body isn't used to, I guess. My stomach is very finicky with foods, so it's easy to make this list.

#survey #surveys #questions #lyrics: ''creatures x: to the grave'' by motionless in white

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noisyquokka · 4 years

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A Whole Mess- Part 2

pairing: Felix x Reader

genre: Fluff

length: 3k

warnings: N/A

It’s a bit late but here’s part numero dos 😄 enjoy the last of my 2019 Holiday fluff and have a happy New Year loves 💕

Part 1

________________________________________________________

"Vacation somewhere cold or hot for the holidays?"

"That's easy. Cold, hands down!"

You rolled over on the bed, brows furrowed. You set your gaze on your best friend sprawled across the floor. His attention was on his phone, scrolling through Twitter as the playlist you'd made together thumped through the Bluetooth speakers on his desk. At the lack of another question, Felix looked up at you.

"What?"

You set your tablet on the blanket, sitting up in a criss-cross position on the mattress. Felix found himself doing the same, setting his phone down on the floor.

"You'd actually choose to vacation somewhere cold over - oh, I don't know - the Bahama's?" You asked. This earned you a laugh and a shake of the head. He finally decided the floor wasn't as comfortable as he thought, instead plopping down next to you on his bed.

"Considering how hot Australia is and the fact that seeing snow is a rarity for me, yes!" He replied, falling back on his blankets. "I'd very much choose a cold climate for a holiday vacation."

"Alright, I guess you have a point!" You said, scrolling through the questions on Buzzfeed. As you scrolled, you felt a pair of eyes on you. A small smile graced your lips but you didn't stop what you were doing.

"You're staring, you know."

"How would you know? You're back is turned to me!"

You laughed, looking over your shoulder at the Aussie. Who was totally staring before you looked his way. Felix tried his best to pass it off as staring at the ceiling, but he knew he'd been caught. He was quick to snatch you by the waist, your giggles erupting throughout the room.

"I know you were staring!" You managed to get out, curling into his arms.

"What kinda voodoo have you started experimenting with?" He joked, poking your side. You hid your smile behind your tablet, finally finding a rather appropriate question.

"Alright, alright, I found a good one." You said.

"Hit me!"

...

Felix's protests could be heard throughout the dorm as you literally whaled on him with a pillow. You'd managed to pin him to his bed until he got his hands on the nerf gun under his blankets.

"Put 'em up and drop the weapon!"

You stifled a laugh, pursing your lips as you raised your arms slowly. He noticed the glint in your eyes, quickly swapping places with you. The smile on his face made you melt and you'd finally broke as well, smacking him once more.

"Honestly, where do you hide all these nerf guns?" You asked, admiring the mess of a boy above you. His hair was sticking out in all directions from your antics just moments ago, a few stray hairs falling in his eyes. You found yourself sweeping them away from his face, fingers weaving through the now unruly strands atop his head. Felix kept his eyes on you, seemingly entranced by the feeling of you playing with his fiery locks. A sigh left your lips, the feeling of content taking over the room. Everything felt how it was supposed to!

Both of you found yourselves about to slip into a slumber had it not been for the alarm going off, signaling the dough was ready to bake. You swiped the notification off the screen, looking down at Felix, who somehow switched positions rather quickly.

"Felix, get up." You muttered, a hand still running through his hair absentmindedly. You heard him groan, cuddling into your side. You rolled your eyes. At this point, you were basically trapped in his embrace. His arms wrapped around your torso, head resting on your stomach, lips in a pout.

Gosh, this boy made you crazy!

"Felix... what happened to creating that masterpiece?" You tried, reminding him of the gingerbread house you were supposed to be making. He didn't budge.

"Yongbok!"

You swore you'd never seen him wake up quicker. A teasing grin tattooed on your lips, you stood up from the bed and grabbed the tablet. Meanwhile, Felix sat there glaring at you.

"That was bold of you, y'know." He said, watching you fix your hair in the mirror. You chuckled at his statement, turning around to send him a wink.

"Got your attention though, didn't it?"

He shook his head in mock annoyance. Everyone and anyone knew how much Felix hated being called by his Korean name. Of course, you were more than well aware of this. Which was why you used it sparingly! Sometimes, Felix could be stubborn as a bull and it worked out for you most of the time. Felix on the other hand quite possibly enjoyed hearing you say his Korean name... possibly!!

"Come on grumbles, let's go make a gingerbread house." You said, pulling him off his bed. With an overdramatic groan, Felix got up and followed you back out to the kitchen.

"Hey, where did Chan run off to?" You asked Changbin, who still sat comfortably on the couch watching TV. He turned his head only slightly, keeping his eyes on the screen.

"He's in his room, trying to compose some lyrics."

You hummed in response, turning towards Felix who was already getting the dough out of the fridge. Grabbing the templates from your bag, you set them on the countertop next to the cookie sheet.

"What are those for?" Felix asked as you started rolling out the dough.

"They're the templates for cutting the dough."

Felix quickly scoffed, grabbing them off the counter.

"What are you doing with those?" You asked. He made his way around the kitchen island to slip the templates back into your bag.

"We won't be needing them." You furrowed your brows, letting out a chuckle.

"When did you become so confident? It's not every day you make a gingerbread house!" You reminded him, setting aside the rolling pin to grab a knife.

"It can't be that hard to make a gingerbread house from scratch. I mean we've gotten this far!"

"Alright, hotshot," You grabbed the knife off the counter, holding it out towards the boy. "Try your hand at cutting the pieces out then."

Felix rolled his eyes, carefully snatching the knife from your hand. You left your tablet propped up on the countertop, the Buzzfeed questions still up on the screen.

"Oh, I still have that question for you!" You said, watching him from across the island.

"As long as you don't actually hit me this time, go ahead!" You chuckled, hopping up on the corner barstool.

"Ok, would you rather live in a gingerbread house with your group of friends or never be able to live with any of them?" You read aloud, continuing to scroll through what questions were left.

The red-haired boy stopped what he was doing, pondering the thought. You couldn't help the smile tugging at your lips. He hadn't fixed his hair from earlier, so the unruly strands still sat upon his head. Seeing as it was Christmas break for them, he didn't need to worry about makeup. Which meant you got the best view of his freckles!

"Mmm, think I've gotta go with life in a gingerbread house with my friends." He finally answered, resuming his cutting of the dough.

"Wait, for real?" And with an answer like that, Felix just had to roll his eyes.

"Why do you say that?" He asked.

"Well for one, living in a gingerbread house is pretty damn scary! I mean, just try leaning on a wall. The entire thing would collapse!" You explained, closing your internet app. Felix glanced up at you, a chuckle leaving his throat. God, you were such a dork! But that was reason number three of infinity why he loved you.

"But if I choose the other option, I'd never be able to live with you if I wanted." He admitted, slowly finishing up the pieces to the house. You took your eyes off the screen to look at him. Did he actually mean that?

"Well, wait a minute... does this also include like... sleepovers and such? Because that would suck even more." Felix wondered aloud. You shook your head.

"I think it only includes living together!" You said, getting down off the barstool to take your spot next to him. You grabbed the cookie sheets, carefully placing them in the oven. With a quick set of the timer, both of you were back to patiently waiting.

Felix had made his way into the living area, sitting down where Changbin had been seated earlier. The rapper was nowhere to be seen, so Felix found himself taking up the entire couch. You took your spot on the armrest of the couch, tapping the Youtube app to pass the time. As quickly as you had made yourself comfy on the armrest, you were pulled onto the couch by Felix.

"Hey! I was comfy there!" You whined, scrolling through the vast array of funny animal videos.

"Psh, sure you were..." Felix breathed, choosing the video for you. He basically had you pinned between him and the back of the couch, not that you were complaining. As you both watched a fluffy kitten chasing a Samoyed, you felt Felix's arms tighten their hold around your waist. A smile tugged at the corners of your lips. Why could you always find the most comfort in Felix's embrace?

You turned your attention to the boy next to you, whose eyes were closed. You couldn't blame him for being so exhausted. Just thinking about all the work that goes into promoting albums, nevermind one, made your head spin! Yeah, college might be stressful. But nothing can compare to fame, even if it's what one wanted to do for the rest of their life. The dark circles adorning his eyes were proof of that.

"You're staring."

Felix's deep voice caused you to jump slightly in his arms, a chuckle accompanying the content smile on his lips. Oh, how you loved the sound of his laugh. You smacked his chest lightly, finally opting to forget the video and cuddle instead. Both of you found the silence to be just what was needed to fall into a deep slumber.

~~~

"Aren't they adorable!"

"Hey, don't do that! You're gonna wake them up!"

"Please, they're both dead to the world..."

You stirred in your sleep, slowly coming to in the warmth of Felix's arms. Had you not rubbed the sleep from your eyes first, you would have seen the two boys leaning over the back of the couch. Completely infatuated with the scene before them.

"Wh-what are you guys doing? Binnie put your phone away!"

Of course, your scolding didn't bother Changbin, his not so little collection of photos taking up storage in his phone. But Chan's smack on the back of his head got his attention.

"Told you they'd wake up, idiot!"

You buried your face in Felix's neck, getting his attention quickly. You felt his arms tighten around you as he stretched, pulling you closer into his chest. As soon as Felix opened his eyes, he was greeted by the exact same thing you were moments ago.

"Why are you two so damn obsessed!" He muttered, deep, raspy voice resonating throughout the room. His eyes, still hooded from sleep, trailed down to your hand on his chest. Your fingers clung to his T-shirt, and you were still donning his hoodie from earlier. He would have smiled at that. Really, he would have! If not for the numerous amounts of awwws and ohhhs that came from the two older boys standing behind the couch. Oh, and the alarm ringing somewhere between his body and yours.

"Aren't you both supposed to be doing... I don't know, anything other than staring at us!" You whined into Felix's neck, earning, even more, teasing at the sight of his not so subtle smile. If only Felix had somewhere to hide his face.

"You guys are too! Damn! Much!" Chan beamed next to Changbin, turning on his heel and making a B-line for the kitchen. You and Felix scoffed in unison, stretching but not getting up just yet.

"And you two are relentless!" You called to make sure the older Aussie could hear. You snatched the phone from Changbin's hands, quickly slipping out of Felix's arms and into the hallway towards the bathroom. The rapper chased you, cursing your quick reflexes as you closed the door just as he got there.

"Y/N! Give me back my phone!" You heard from the other side of the door. A quick scroll through Binnie's photo album had you scowling at the massive amount of horrid photos he'd taken.

"This phone has been in your hand since I walked in the door! I can't believe you have like six pictures of me drooling!" You complained, the quick work of your thumb deleting all but one photo. One that you sent to yourself before unlocking and opening the bathroom door. Changbin stood before you, hand jutted out between the two of you.

"You're something else! You know that?" He breathed, taking his phone back as you walked past him back towards the kitchen. You grabbed your tablet off the coffee table, trying to get Felix up off the couch.

"Felix, you gotta get up!" You said, rubbing his arm. He groaned, turning his back to you.

"Wake me up when it's Christmas!" He grumbled, making you laugh.

"I would, but we've got a gingerbread house to decorate!"

A soft smile graced his face, sitting up and rubbing his eyes. You grabbed his arm, pulling him up and into the kitchen where Chan sat at the island. Both cookie sheets sat on top of the oven, already cooled.

"Ah, thanks, Chan!" You said, sending him a smile. Chan shot his own back, dimples and all!

"Don't mention it. I heard your alarm going off. Didn't wanna end up burning to death, y'know."

You chuckled, running a hand through your tangled hair. There were only two things left to do; ice and decorate! Reaching for the bowl of icing, you swiftly bagged half in one bag for Felix, adding the rest into a pastry bag of your own. And... damn, Felix quit eating the masterpiece! A sigh fell from your lips, flicking the boy in the shoulder to get his attention.

"Stop eating the ingredients! You save that for after you finish the gingerbread house, dork!"

"But, this icing is really good!!" He mumbled, remnants of said sweet ingredient sitting on the corner of his mouth. Once again, you wiped his mouth like a mother taking care of their messy child. Chan watched the two of you from his spot at the kitchen counter, a wholesome smile on his face.

"Aw, such couple goals!" He cooed, his own phone in hand. You heard the snap with each photo he took, and even if you didn't, the way he held his phone made it obvious what he was up to.

"Not you, too! You guys are worse than the paparazzi!" You said, grabbing the baking sheets off the stove. You started decorating each piece on one sheet while Felix worked on the others. Windows were added, some sloppier than others, along with the front door. Once those were done, you and Felix let the icing dry before actually assembling the gingerbread into a house.

"We need the-"

"-Candy. Yes, I know." You answered, grabbing the bags of sweets from your tote. A smug smile found its place on Felix's lips, taking the bag of candy canes from your hold. You narrowed your eyes at him, a silent scold that, honestly... didn't do much! His fingers quickly tore the bag open, grabbing one of the sugary sticks to pop in his mouth.

"You better not eat all the decor!" You warned, opening the bag of gumdrops. Both of you carried on opening the bags of candy, finally getting on to gluing the house together. Which was... interesting, to say the least.

There were times where it was you holding one of the walls while Felix took to icing it and vice versa. Both of you went for the 'extra snowy look' on the roof, the gumdrops that you guys stuck on having no desire to stick. So instead, you opted to sprinkle nerds on top, adding extra squiggles and bows to the front of the house.

By the time you guys were done, even Chan was questioning where you went wrong.

"I have no clue what this is supposed to be..."

The three of you stood there before this, uhh - masterpiece - watching as it slowly started to collapse on its side. What few pieces of licorice were stuck on with icing had slid down the side of the walls. Two of the three candy canes Felix had tried placing on the back of it already fell off. As you tried your best to fix the mess of a house, something had caught your eye.

"Oh, my g- Felix, did you fold the dough when you were cutting the pieces out?"

"Uh, yeah!" He said as if it was the obvious thing to do. You facepalmed.

"That's the problem, you idiot! You rolled the top of each sidewall, making it top-heavy." You said, setting the pieces down on the plate. "This is why I had the templates. But nooo! Someone wanted to be a showoff!" You mocked, getting a laugh out of him.

"I'm sorry, I didn't realize that gingerbread making was so damn specific!"

Chan sighed next to you, shrugging his shoulders.

"I'm sure it tastes good, though. May I?" He pointed at the plate, brows raised.

"Knock yourself out!" You said, washing your hands at the sink. Yep, Chan was right! As awful as it looked on display, you couldn't beat the sweet taste of icing and gingerbread. Felix cleaned up what was left over on the counter before you found yourselves trudging back to his room. You plopped down on the bed, staring up at the ceiling.

"Boy, that was a flop." You muttered. Felix chuckled to himself, crawling on to the bed next to you.

"I'm sorry. We'll get it right next time!" He replied, nuzzling into the crook of your neck. You smiled at his words.

"We will, indeed!"

And you would, but now was the time to rest and relax. That's what you two did for the rest of the evening, the feeling of Felix leaving kisses on the back of your neck being the last thing you remember.

#And there we have it guys :')#re-reading this was... a ride?#considering how I wrote this entire concept up in a 3am daze #and didn't really focus on anything besides baking and cuddling lixie...#but I still really love this piece 😌#so I hope y'all who read it did too #stray kids #lee felix #stray kids drabbles #stray kids imagines #stray kids scenarios #lee felix imagines #lee felix drabbles #lee felix scenarios

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ladyboltontoyou · 5 years

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Arthur Morgan x Reader: Farmer’s Daughter. 5

Ask: hello! not sure if you’re planning on writing another part for the farmer’s daughter series buuuuut i was thinking if you’ll be writing it could you please maybe make them sneak out on a horse ride and later they end up skinny dipping in a lake and stuff because after the bath arthur wants to show her how it’s done without all the luxury things she’s used too? what do you think? i absolutely love the series and your writing you’re so good at it! keep doing what you’re doing love you!

Warning: Cursing, sexual themes.

Pairing: Arthur Morgan x Reader

A/N: Took me longer than expected to finish this! Sorry on the wait. Hope you like it though!

Arthur was gone when you woke up, which was expected. What wasn’t expected was seeing him so soon after. Usually, he’d visit every couple of days or if luck was on your side every other day. So you were caught off guard when you saw him out in your blueberry garden.

“Oh!” You gasped, dropping your basket full of berries.

“I wasn’t even trying to be quiet.” Arthur laughed as he walked over to you and bent down to pick up the berries.

“It’s not like I didn’t hear you, big feet.” You teased as you picked up your mess. “I just thought it was one of the gardeners, I didn’t expect to see you so soon.”

Arthur shrugged. “Well, I’m not needed at work today. Figured I’d spend it with you.”

Your eyes lit up and you lost all interest in the fruit. “Really? That’s wonderful! My folks won’t be home until late so we can do whatever we want!”

Arthur stood up with you and raised an eyebrow. “What’ve you got in mind?”

“Let’s go riding somewhere. I’ve been wanting to ride your horse.” Ever since you saw Arthur ride up your road on his pretty white horse you’d imagined how cool you’d look riding it. Your (h/c) hair and (s/c) skin would be almost too perfectly matched with the stark white of her coat.

“Alright. But we gotta stay off road in case we run into your folks.” He said before calling his horse over.

You knew that probably wouldn’t happen but it was better to be safe than sorry. “Okay.”

When his horse reached you he explained that she was a little skittish but made up for it in speed. “Go slow though, alright? When I say she’s fast I mean it now.” He lifted you up on and you swung your leg across the saddle.

“I like how she’s thin, I don’t feel like my legs are going to split.” You said as Arthur climbed on behind you. “All my father’s horses are usually huge working breeds.”

Arthur liked how much you talked. If it was anyone else he would probably get annoyed real quick, but your voice was so sweet to him he could listen to you talk about nothing for hours. “Yeah?” He responded and reached around you to grab the reins. “I’m guessing you know how to ride.”

“Course I do!” You took the reins from him and gave the horse a gentle tap. She jolted forward and you fell back against Arthur’s chest from the sudden motion. “Wow! You weren’t joking!”

Arthur looked over his shoulder at his hat on the ground and sighed. “You sure you can handle her?”

“As long as you can hold on!” You teased. Before he could respond you tapped the horse again and she bolted towards the back road out of your property. Arthur sure wasn’t lying, that horse could fly. You ended up by the lake faster than you expected.

“This is my favorite horse!” You exclaimed as you slid off the horse with the help of Arthur. Your hair was a fucking mess, your eyes had watered a bit and your face was slightly red from the harsh wind.

When you turned to face Arthur you burst out into laughter. Hir hair was blown back in a way that was hilarious and sexy at the same time. Like sex hair, but worse.

“What?” Arthur looked down at himself to find the source of your amusement. “Do I have something in my teeth?”

“No, I was just thinking of something funny.”

Arthur gave you a look that showed he didn’t buy it. “Well, now that you’ve taken her on a ride, anything else you wanna do?”

You chewed your lip in thought and turned to face the lake. “I don’t know. What do you usually do?”

He chuckled at the question. There was no way he was telling you what he actually did. That would end up chasing you off and he’d never see you again. “I fish, hunt, uh…” He trailed off and tried to make something up. “Sometimes I break wild horses and sell ‘em to the stables in Rhodes.”

“Can we-”

“No, no, we cannot.” He already knew you meant breaking horses.

You sighed and crossed your arms. “Then what are we gonna do?”

“Whatever you want.”

You grinned and put your hands on your hips playfully. “Well, since my parents are gone… they won’t be home to hear us in their bath.”

Suddenly Arthur sucked in a breath as he remembered something. “I’m glad you said that. Last night I was thinking about how you’d never bathed in a lake. And today would be the perfect day to change that.”

Your heart dropped and you looked visibly disappointed. “A lake? Where anyone can see us? And where bugs and germs and other nasty things can-”

Arthur cut you off with a loud and annoyed groan. “Oh, come on fancy pants. Stop worrying so much about things like that. Life’s too short to worry about someone seeing you naked.”

“Oh my god. Okay. Fine.”

Arthur smiled proudly and pulled his horse over. “There’s a place downstream we can go. There’s normally no one there since there’s no fish, not much wildlife either besides birds.”

Good, no fish. You didn’t want to have one brush up against you. “Let’s go then.”

***

“It doesn’t look as gross as I thought it would.” You said while dipping your bare foot into the lake. The water was completely transparent and the rocks on the bottom made it look like the fountain in your backyard.

“See? Not that bad. No fish, no bugs, just water.” Arthur took off his shirt and laid it on a large boulder. “No one in sight either.”

“And if someone rides up?” You watched him take his belt off.

“We’ll cross that bridge when we get there.” Before you could suck in a breath to make your displeasure known he laughed. “I’m just kiddin. If someone comes I’ll just throw this on you,” He held up his large button up shirt. “Then get them to leave.”

“And what if they don’t?”

“Do I look like the kind of man someone would argue with?” Arthur asked as he dropped his pants and began unbuttoning his union suit.

“Maybe when you’re naked.”

“I’ve got two shotguns, two rifles, a pistol and a revolver that say otherwise.”

“Why do you have so many guns anyway?” You asked and watched as he stripped completely naked.

“Uh…” He shrugged and started walking in the water. “You know, I hunt a lot.”

You furrowed your brows as he continued walking in until he was waist deep. Hunting with a shotgun seemed inefficient but you didn’t ask any more questions, it seemed he didn’t like answering them.

Once the water was up to his chest he turned around. “You comin’?” He called out and you looked down to your feet.

“Yeah, give me a minute. And turn around!”

Arthur laughed, looking confused as if you had to be joking. “What? Are you serious! Did you forget what we did last night?”

“This is different!”

“How?”

“Just turn around!”

Arthur sighed, rolling his eyes. “Alright, alright.” He turned around and faced the other direction.

You took off your jewelry first, putting them in your socks. After that, you took your sundress off and undergarments. The water was cool, which felt amazing because the sun was on its yearly mission to bake everything under it.

Once you were up to your knees you paused, considering how dirty the water could be. What if it gave you some kind of infection? If you got home quick enough you could clean yourself and get rid of the germs.

You sighed and continued towards Arthur. When the water was over your chest you told him he could turn around.

Arthur turned and smiled widely with a beaming expression. “Look at you! You did it!” He swam over to you and pulled you towards him. “Now, not so bad, ain’t it?”

You rolled your eyes and wrapped your arms around his neck. “I guess so.”

He chuckled and pulled you into his arms bridal style. You left one arm around his neck and let the other dangle in the water. You weren’t going to tell him but the lake felt amazing, the water was so cool and refreshing against your hot skin.

The two of you swam for a while, you had so much fun playing around in the water you didn’t even notice it was getting late. When you saw a lightning bug you pointed it out to him, only to gasp when you realized what time it was.

“You’ve got to take me back, right now. Right now.” You fell off his shoulders into the water and swam like your life depended on it.

“Son of a bitch!” Arthur cursed when he remembered your parents would be home soon.

You both dressed so quickly you almost forgot your jewelry. The ride back was so fast it completely dried your hair and clothes, which was a good thing so if your parents were home and they saw you it would be one less thing you’d have to explain.

“Are they back?” Arthur whispered as the two of you slowly crept up to the back of the house.

You didn’t see their wagon anywhere. “I don’t think so.” You tried to calm your breathing and turned to face him. “Okay, I’m going to go inside. Get the hell out of here, quick. In case they are.”

Arthur nodded and kissed you quickly. “Okay. Sorry for keeping you out so late.”

“It’s fine. You can make it up to me later.” You winked, still panting like you’d just run a mile. Arthur smiled and kissed you again. “Okay, okay!” You laughed and pushed him away. “Go!”

He smiled and chuckled a little before shaking his head. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Tomorrow? Nevermind, just go.”

He finally left and you made your way inside, finding that no one was even home yet.

#arthur morgan #arthur morgan x reader #arthur morgan imagines #arthur morgan imagine #red dead redemption imagine #Red Dead Redemption #red dead redemption 2 #rdr2 imagines #rdr2 x reader #rdr2 red dead redemption 2 #rdr2 #myfanfic #request #farmersdaughter

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welcometothepenumbra · 5 years

Text

JUNO STEEL AND THE KITTY-CAT CAPER (PART TWO)

SOUND: RAIN. TRAIN ARRIVES, CREAKS TO A STOP. DOOR CLANKS OPEN.

CONDUCTOR: Ah, good evening, Traveler. And welcome… to The Penumbra. Take your seat, please, take your seat.

MUSIC: STARTS.

SOUND: DOOR CLANKS SHUT.

The junction lies just ahead, Traveler. If you'll allow me just a moment.

SOUND: TRAIN WHISTLE.

(CHUCKLES) Well, next stop? Hyperion City.

SOUND: TRAIN MOVING.

Cornered by three hired guns in the storeroom of a designer pets laboratory, Detective Steel has found P.I. work to be just as exciting as he remembered. He had better find a way to escape, and quickly, because he isn’t the only victim the killers have their eyes on. The clock is ticking.

SOUND: TRAIN BRAKES. DOOR CLANKS OPEN, RAIN.

Our next stop: Juno Steel and the Kitty-Cat Caper.

ALL SOUNDS: FADE OUT.

***

PIRANHA: (THROUGH THE DOOR) What do you mean, the key don’t work?

MONROVIAN: (THROUGH THE DOOR) I’m just an old man, miss, my memory isn’t what it used to be. Not that it was ever terribly—

PIRANHA: Shut up! Bosco?

BOSCO: (THROUGH THE DOOR) Yeah, Boss?

PIRANHA: If you hear one more excuse outta this raisin, you break his little neck.

BOSCO: (YAWNS) Sounds good, boss.

MONROVIAN: (WHIMPERS)

MUSIC: STARTS.

JUNO (NARRATOR): Hyperion City’s a reinforced-plastic jungle, and it operates by the cardinal rule of all jungles: kill, get killed, or throw someone else in front of the killer and run for it.

My name’s Juno Steel. I’m a private eye, and I get a lot of practice in that third option. It’s easy: just piss off everyone until they all want to kill you, then make ‘em fight over the privilege. When you’re as charming as I am, making people want to kill you is just second nature.

SOUND: COMMS BEEP.

RITA (FROM COMMS): Hi, Mista Steel! Thanks for waiting until the commercial.

JUNO: I didn’t… nevermind. Look, I’ve only got a minute, so you need to listen up. There’s a big computer back here with some data I need, but I can’t figure out how to get it. Where would I find the records on all the cats that have gone through this place?

RITA (FROM COMMS): Well… the records gotta be on the database somewhere. What’s the screen say now?

JUNO: The screen’s blank, Rita, that’s why I called you.

RITA (FROM COMMS): …what? Mista Steel, did you turn the computer on?

JUNO: Well, how was I supposed to know that I had to do that?

RITA (FROM COMMS): There… there should be a big button. Somewhere on the computer.

JUNO: Yeah, yeah, I see it.

SOUND: BEEP. MACHINE POWERING UP.

It’s starting up now. How long’s this thing gonna take?

RITA (FROM COMMS): Sounds pretty old. Gonna take a few minutes.

SOUND: DISTANT CRASH.

PIRANHA: Next time that’s gonna be your face, Monrovian!

MONROVIAN: Oh, just a moment, please, this must be the wrong key, oh, forgetful me, I just need to pop into my apartment upstairs, just a moment, just a moment…

JUNO: Here’s hoping I have a few minutes. (SIGHS) So, did you research that cat like I asked you to?

RITA (FROM COMMS): Yeah! Pretty little kitty. She’s a Shangoan Mini-Leopard. Galactic Cat Lovers Quarterly says they’re real popular with high-powered businesspeople these days: Drake Draco, Min Kanagawa, Maia King—

JUNO: I don’t care who owns them, Rita, what’s it worth?

RITA (FROM COMMS): I don’t like all this talk about what a life’s worth, Mista Steel! It’s so insensitive. What would you say if someone asked you what I’m worth?

JUNO: Forty creds an hour.

RITA (FROM COMMS): Aww, boss, you’re makin’ me blush.

JUNO: If someone wanted to sell one of these Shangoan Mini-Leopards, what would they get?

RITA (FROM COMMS): Closest pet store sells ‘em for about four hundred creds.

JUNO: Four hundred! That’s it? King had silverware worth more than four hundred…

RITA (FROM COMMS): Wait – is this a surprise?! Are we getting a kitty for the office?! Are you gonna come home with a kitty in each arm?!

JUNO: No, Ri—

Hang on… hang on, a minute ago, you were listing high-powered people with Mini-Leopards. What were their names again?

RITA (FROM COMMS): Huh? Oh. Drake Draco, Min Kanagawa, Maia King—

JUNO: King! High-powered? That’s our client, Rita. She looks like she can barely take care of herself.

RITA (FROM COMMS): She’s a real estate lawyer, boss – one of the best in the city. She’s in the middle of this big class-action lawsuit against Babbling Brook Realty. Sounds like they’ve been sellin’ off all their apartment buildings across Hyperion City and kickin’ out all the tenants without notice.

JUNO: That’s huge. Why haven’t I heard about that before today?

RITA (FROM COMMS): I don’t know, boss. You’ve been tellin’ me to keep the streams off in the office because they’re always goin’ on about the election.

JUNO: Class-action lawsuit… Babbling Brook Realty… huh.

SOUND: ELECTRONIC JINGLE.

Alright, computer’s on, King can wait. Get me into the records, Rita.

RITA (FROM COMMS): Okay, boss. Now you gotta open up the central database. Once you do that, you can talk about what kinda password encryption they’re usin’.

JUNO: Whoa, whoa, slow down. Open up what?

RITA (FROM COMMS): It should be easy to find, Mista Steel. Most people just link it to their desktop.

JUNO: I’m looking at the desk right now, Rita, but all I can see is a couple pens and a coffee stain.

RITA (FROM COMMS): …Mista Steel, you’re joking, right? You’ve… used a computer before.

JUNO: I have one in my office, don’t I?

RITA (FROM COMMS): Oh, good, because I was worried—

JUNO: I got the high score for Jovian Solitaire on that thing. Twice.

RITA (FROM COMMS): …Fifteen years. You think you know a guy, but it turns out it takes fifteen years to find out he’s a caveman.

JUNO: So what if I don’t know about all this computer junk? That’s what I have you for!

SOUND: DISTANT SLAM.

PIRANHA: That better be the key, Monrovian! Or else what’re we gonna do, Bosco?

BOSCO: We’re gonna punch his legs off, boss.

MONROVIAN: Oh, I’m quite certain this is it, quite certain. Just give me a moment…

JUNO: Rita, we’re out of time. Get me into those records!

RITA (FROM COMMS): Oh, just let me do it! Put your comms down on the computer!

JUNO: Which part?

RITA (FROM COMMS): THE COMPUTER PART ALRIGHT JUST PUT THE COMMS DOWN MISTA STEEL!!!

JUNO: Alright, alright, jeez…

RITA (FROM COMMS): Do I gotta do everythin’ around here…

PIRANHA: Monrovian…

MONROVIAN: I’ve unlocked it, I swear! There’s something holding the door closed!

JUNO: Rita, I need that data now!

RITA (FROM COMMS): You’re makin’ me invent a whole way to hack wirelessly through your stupid comms, Mista Steel, so I don’t wanna hear it!

PIRANHA: Bosco, you know what to do.

BOSCO: Yeah, boss.

SOUND: DISTANT GRUNT, THUD.

JUNO: Rita…

RITA (FROM COMMS): Shush!

SOUND: DISTANT GRUNT, THUD.

JUNO: Gotta go, Rita. Good luck!

RITA (FROM COMMS): MISTA STEEL DON’T YOU HANG UP ON ME I’M RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE’A—

SOUND: COMMS BEEP.

JUNO (NARRATOR): Sleeping Beauty gave the door one last shove…

BOSCO: (GRUNTS)

SOUND: CRASH, WOOD SPLINTERING, LOUD CLATTERING.

JUNO (NARRATOR): …and it all came tumbling down. So I slipped my comms into my pocket and then slipped behind an operating table deep in the storeroom.

PIRANHA: You first, Monrovian.

MONROVIAN: B-b-but I’m not even armed!

PIRANHA: Here.

SOUND: CLUNK.

Now y’are, see?

BOSCO: Heh.

MONROVIAN: (NERVOUS MOAN)

JUNO (NARRATOR): Out of reflex, my hand went to my blaster… and that’s when I remembered my eye.

In a situation like this, I had two shots, tops, before they figured out where I was and started shooting back. The old Juno Steel would’ve made those shots in a second. But now, with this stupid eyepatch? Forget two shots – I couldn’t hit him if I had two dozen.

So, I’d have to settle this without the blaster. As for how I’d do that… I hadn’t quite figured that part out yet.

I reached up onto the operating table and snatched a scalpel. It wasn’t much, but these days, neither was I.

PIRANHA: Monrovian, you take the right wall. Bosco, you take left. I’ll stay here and make sure he doesn’t get away.

You hear that, P.I.? Come out, come out, wherever you are!

JUNO (NARRATOR): I looked around the corner. The doctor was coming my way, holding his gun out like a dead rat. I wouldn’t need my blaster to take him down.

MONROVIAN: Come here, young man… Perhaps, well, you may not like tea, but coffee, yes, coffee…?

JUNO (NARRATOR): I waited for him to come within arm’s reach. Then I arm’s-reached.

SOUND: THUD, RUSTLING.

BOSCO: Doc? Hey, doc, you out there?

MONROVIAN: Don’t hurt me, oh please, that scalpel is terribly filthy and I—

JUNO: If you don’t want to know what impromptu surgery feels like coming from a one-eyed maniac with nothing to lose, doc, I’d recommend you keep quiet.

MONROVIAN: (WHIMPERS)

PIRANHA: What’s the matter, Bosco?

BOSCO: Thought I heard a noise, boss.

PIRANHA: It was probably just your two brain cells clacking together.

BOSCO: Come on, boss, that ain’t fair, you know the doc says I got sleep-type problems like that ‘somnia stuff—

PIRANHA: Shut up! Hey, Monrovian, you dead?

JUNO: (WHISPERING) Tell them you’re fine.

MONROVIAN: (WHISPERING) Well, now am I to talk or not to talk? This is entirely too confusing.

JUNO: Just say it!

MONROVIAN: Oh, please don’t hit me again, my medical insurance just isn’t what it used to be and who has the money for—

JUNO (NARRATOR): There was no time. I clocked Monrovian cold.

MONROVIAN: Oof!

SOUND: PUNCH, THUMP.

JUNO (NARRATOR): And then I had to think. Fast.

PIRANHA: Bosco! Go check it out!

BOSCO: Alright, boss.

JUNO: (WHISPERING) Damn it, damn it…

(TERRIBLE MONROVIAN IMPRESSION) Oh, don’t worry about me! I’m fine, you young… people.

BOSCO: I dunno, sounds like he’s okay, boss.

PIRANHA: I can’t hear you, Monrovian! Speak up!

JUNO: (JUST THE WORST MONROVIAN IMPRESSION) Well, alright.

PIRANHA: What’d he say?

BOSCO: He said he was gonna speak up, boss.

JUNO (NARRATOR): I looked through the old man’s pockets for a weapon, but he wasn’t carrying so much as a pocketknife. Just his wallet and a folded-up envelope holding enough creds to choke a bank teller.

JUNO: (MUTTERING) On the take, huh…

PIRANHA: I’ve had enough of him. Bosco, finish Monrovian while you’re at it.

BOSCO: Sure, boss.

SOUND: FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING.

JUNO: Uh-oh.

JUNO (NARRATOR): I wasn’t sure how I was going to take down tall, dumb, and stupid, but I knew it wasn’t gonna be head-on. The rest of the storeroom was full of standing shelves, so I crept behind one and waited.

BOSCO: Doc? Hey, doc? (YAWNS) Hey, boss? The doc’s either dead or he’s takin’ a nap.

PIRANHA: A nap…? You idiot, the P.I. probably got to him!

That’s it, I’m coming in! Watch the door!

SOUND: FOOTSTEPS.

JUNO (NARRATOR): Piranha-face was coming closer, gun ready – and it looked like she knew how to use it. I’d have to surprise them both. I nudged the shelf, and it shook like Rita after half a latte. And then I had my plan.

PIRANHA: He’s knocked out.

BOSCO: Don’t look at me, boss, I didn’t touch him.

PIRANHA: You were supposed to—! Damn it, it doesn’t matter! We’re gonna squish that P.I., then we squash him, see?

JUNO (NARRATOR): They were both right in front of me, standing in the shadow of the shelf. I pressed my weight against it, but it was heavy. I kept pushing, harder.

SOUND: METAL CREAKING, CLANGING.

PIRANHA: What’s that noise?

BOSCO: Sorry, boss.

PIRANHA: No, not you! I mean—

JUNO (NARRATOR): Her tiny, mean eyes met mine through the shelves. I gave one last push.

SOUND: METAL CREAKING.

PIRANHA: He’s right there! Get—

SOUND: LOUD CRASH & CLATTER.

JUNO: (PANTING) Timber.

So. Looks like I got you two right where I want you: beneath about a hundred pounds of industrial shelving. You gonna talk, or do I have to get uglier than usual?

Oh, come on, I don’t believe for a second you’re finished after one little—

BOSCO: (ROARS)

SOUND: CRASH.

JUNO: (CHOKING) …shelf!

JUNO (NARRATOR): A paw cracked through the wreckage and grabbed me by the throat.

Then the big guy stood up. He was tall. Real tall. My-toes-left-the-ground-and-kept-going-for-another-foot kind of tall.

BOSCO: Whaddaya think you’re doin’? You could hurt someone playin’ around like that, ya know.

JUNO: (CHOKING) That was kind of the idea, yeah. (GRUNTS)

SOUND: SWISH.

Umm…

BOSCO: (YAWN)

JUNO: (CHOKING) Hey, big guy, you mind bringing me a little closer? I can’t quite reach your face.

SOUND: CLUNK.

BOSCO: No way, buddy. Thanks for the gun.

JUNO: (CHOKING) Hey!

BOSCO: Heh.

JUNO: (CHOKING) Hey, you’re pretty quick. Fastest grizzly bear I’ve ever met. Ready to hibernate, too, by the look of you.

SOUND: SQUEEZING.

BOSCO: You can say that again, buddy. Anyway, say bye-bye to your neck.

JUNO: (CHOKING) So smart! In fact, I bet you just realized that that gun’s no danger in my hands anyway, I mean, it’s not like I’d be stupid enough to try to—

BOSCO: It’s way too early for you to talk that fast, buddy.

JUNO: What I mean is…

Hey, did you know they added another setting to those pistols? Sleep laser. Gives you a good night’s sleep like you’ve never had before. Insomniacs swear by it.

BOSCO: They… whuh?

I mean… yeah. Yeah, I knew that.

JUNO: You just gotta flip that switch there—

SOUND: CLICK.

BOSCO: Now it says ‘stun.’

JUNO: Yeah, it’s Venusian for ‘naptime.’ Here, I’ll show you. Just toss that thing to me.

BOSCO: If you say so.

SOUND: CLUNK.

JUNO: Thanks, big guy.

BOSCO: You’re welcome.

Hey, wait a second—

SOUND: BLASTER SHOT. HEAVY THUD.

JUNO: Nighty-night. (COUGHING)

SOUND: COMMS BEEP.

Hey, Rita. You got those results?

RITA (FROM COMMS): Mista Steel! You got no idea what I been through! I had barely half a foothold when you hung up and then, I had to invent a whole ‘nother kind of uplink on the fly, and I only had a few seconds and oh man boss I feel like I really need a nap and a can of cheese to get all that energy back and I ain’t built for this you hear me I ain’t—

JUNO: I’ll pick up the cheese on the way back. Just tell me about the cat.

RITA (FROM COMMS): Yeah, of course they made a cat like that; just a couple weeks ago. I don’t know who it was commissioned by, though; that part of the record’s been wiped.

JUNO: I think I can tell you that.

RITA (FROM COMMS): Well, if you already knew, then how come I hadda exhaust myself and miss half my show??

JUNO: Just took down a few people who’ve been paying off the guy who runs this place; I’ll see if I can find some… ID…

SOUND: FABRIC RUSTLING.

There it is. “Bosco Hindenburg, Security Officer for Babbling Brook Realty.” Rita, that’s the place King’s suing, right?

RITA (FROM COMMS): It is! Oh boy, boss, this is real excitin’!

JUNO: It is, isn’t it.

So we know that Babbling Brook has something against King, but what’s stealing her cat got to do with it? And even then, why would they go to all that trouble to replace it with a perfect replica?

Unless… the point isn’t to steal her cat… it’s to sneak in the other one.

We’ve been looking at the wrong cat. The important cat’s not the one they stole – it’s the one they left behind.

RITA (FROM COMMS): That’s… but… what could be so special about the fake cat, boss?

JUNO: Monrovian said they don’t make cats, just rearrange them… and in this room back here there’s that operating table, all those surgical suppli—

Rita. Did Monrovian keep any surgical records for the cat?

RITA (FROM COMMS): I don’t think so, unless…

SOUND: KEYBOARD CLICKING.

Oh! Found ‘em!

JUNO: Anything interesting?

RITA (FROM COMMS): Just one surgery… Aw, it was on her poor widdle belly! It wooks wike cutie widdle kittie had a widdle bellyache, so the doctor– put a bomb inside of her belly OH MY GOD—!

JUNO: Put a what?!

RITA (FROM COMMS): No– no– no-no-no-no-no! Kittie kittie what are we gonna do Mista Steel what are we gonna do?!?

JUNO: Does it say what sets the bomb off?

RITA (FROM COMMS): It’s– it’s– it’s– it’s– it’s a time bomb, boss! Who knows how much longer she’s got!! (BAWLING)

JUNO: God damn it, Rita, snap out of it! There’s got to be a way to disarm it, right? Find it!

RITA (FROM COMMS): (SNIFFLING) O-okay, boss.

SOUND: KEYBOARD CLICKING.

Okay, okay, Mista Steel. The doctor left a note here that says there’s a remote that should stop the bomb. Says it’s on loan to B.B. Realty Security Officer Hindenburg and a… private contractor.

JUNO: Must be the Piranha-woman. At least I’ve got ‘em both here.

SOUND: CLANKING.

The big guy didn’t have it, so it must be somewhere on… that Piranha…

She has to be under this shelf; her gun’s here. But… where the hell did she go?

RITA (FROM COMMS): You gotta find that remote, Mista Steel! Nine lives are on the line! Plus Miss King makes ten!

JUNO: I know, I know, Rita, but she isn’t…

SOUND: DISTANT CAR ENGINE STARTS.

No!

SOUND: RUNNING FOOTSTEPS.

JUNO (NARRATOR): I ran out of the storeroom and looked outside. That electric-blue car was starting up again, and behind the wheel was that Piranha. King’s real cat was pawing at the back window, yowling. And the gate to the street was opening.

SOUND: DISTANT GATE CREAKING OPEN.

JUNO: Damn it! Rita, can you stop that gate?

RITA (FROM COMMS): What gate? You– you know I’m not actually there with you, right, boss?

JUNO: Never mind!

Monrovian could control the gate from in here, which means there must be a… control panel!

JUNO (NARRATOR): I pressed the magic button—

SOUND: ELECTRONIC BEEPS.

—and the gate outside stopped. But the Piranha’s car didn’t.

SOUND: ENGINE REVVING.

JUNO: She’s not gonna… no, she wouldn’t. That’d be nuts.

SOUND: TIRES SQUEALING, CRASH, RATTLING.

PIRANHA: (DISTANT CACKLING)

JUNO: Huh. Guess I walked into that one.

RITA (FROM COMMS): Mista Steel? What’s goin’ on?

SOUND: RUNNING FOOTSTEPS.

JUNO: (PANTING) That lunatic just crashed her car through Monrovian’s gate. Looks like the car’s totaled; I’m gonna make sure the driver is, too. You call King and tell her to get the hell away from that cat!

RITA (FROM COMMS): Be careful, boss!

JUNO: Not likely, but I’ll keep you updated.

JUNO (NARRATOR): The Piranha was pulling herself out of the wreckage when I got there. She looked battered, bruised, and meaner than ever.

PIRANHA: (GRUNTING, LAUGHING)

JUNO: Looks like you’re having fun. Why don’t you just stay right there? The HCPD can get you out of that car in two shakes of a plasma chainsaw.

PIRANHA: (GRUNTS) I don’t think so, P.I. (CACKLING) I reeeeeally don’t think so.

JUNO: Oh, come on. You’re gonna resist? Really? I’ve got your gun; you’re fresh out of cars. The hell do you have left?

SOUND: MEOW.

JUNO: Oh, you’re kidding me.

PIRANHA: This is a hostage situation, P.I. Stay back, unless you want little kitten to go kaboom. (LAUGHS) And besides… I think you got bigger fish to fry. There’s a special surprise in kitty-cat’s twin, and you only got… fifteen minutes before that thing blows.

JUNO: Bigger fish to fry? Maybe. But I can’t think of any I’ll have more fun fry—

SOUND: RUNNING FOOTSTEPS.

Hey, you can’t run away while I’m doin’ a bit! Get back here!

SOUND: RUNNING FOOTSTEPS.

RITA (FROM COMMS): Ooh! Oooooh! Are you in ‘hot pursuit,’ boss?

JUNO: (PANTING) Trying to focus, Rita.

RITA (FROM COMMS): But I looooooove chases! I love all kindsa chases, car chases and foot chases and spaceship chases and really fast animal chases, but you never take me and it ain’t fair, Mista Steel! You gotta tell me everything that’s goin’ on!!

SOUND: TRAFFIC.

JUNO: Fine. She’s going fast. I’m going fast. Eventually one of us will go faster than the other and the chase will be over, the end—

SOUND: CAR HORN.

Whoa!! Hey, watch it, buddy, crosswalk’s right there!

DRIVER: (DISTANT) No it isn’t!

RITA (FROM COMMS): See? That’s more like it! Action, drama! You gotta start shootin’, Mista Steel! Pew-pew, screeeeee, vroom—

JUNO: Not really in the plan, Rita.

RITA (FROM COMMS): Then what! Even! Is the point!!

JUNO: Look, my aim isn’t what it used to be, alright?

RITA (FROM COMMS): Oh, how do you know that? You’ve barely even tried, Mista Steel!

JUNO: But my eye—

RITA (FROM COMMS): Boss, you’ve fired that gun’a yours maybe three times since you lost your eye. Is that really what you’re all upset about?

JUNO: No, but… she’s got a hostage, okay? And even if the hostage is a stupid cat, I’m not gonna risk hurting it!

RITA (FROM COMMS): Awww, that’s so sweet! You’d really do that for a wittle kitty?

JUNO: It’s not some great charity to avoid killing a cat, Rita. You’d have to be some kind of monster to want to kill some innocent… cat.

PIRANHA: (LAUGHING)

JUNO: You gotta be kidding me.

RITA (FROM COMMS): What is it, Mista Steel? What’s happenin’, I can’t see, I can’t see!

JUNO: This psycho’s holding the cat out in the goddamn street!

PIRANHA: I told you not to follow me, P.I.!

JUNO: Hey, I-I thought you were kidding! How was I supposed to know you were serious?

PIRANHA: Serious! (CACKLES) You think I ain’t serious? You think I like to play games? Well, why don’t we play one now: here’s a little game called “Catch the Kitty on the Freeway!”

JUNO: No! Let’s not play that game! That sounds like a really, really bad game!

PIRANHA: Here we go! In one… two… three!

PIPPA: (YOWLS)

SOUND: CARS HONKING.

JUNO (NARRATOR): She threw the cat into the street.

…She threw the cat into the street.

RITA (FROM COMMS): Mista Steel!

JUNO: (YELLING)

SOUND: SQUEALING BRAKES.

JUNO (NARRATOR): The cat landed on its feet like it took flights onto freeways every day, but it wasn’t the freeway I was worried about: it was the cars.

SOUND: HONKING, YELLING.

RITA (FROM COMMS): Mista Steel! Mista Steel, are you alright?

JUNO: Yeah, I’m fine. Caused a twenty-car pileup, but the only thing I lost was my eardrums.

RITA (FROM COMMS): You gotta chase her again, boss! She’s gettin’ away with the deactivator!

JUNO (NARRATOR): I looked past the junked-up cars and saw that the Piranha was just a dot in the distance, now. I’d never catch up. I wasn’t fast enough.

But a laser… one laser, aimed just right…

RITA (FROM COMMS): Boss, you can do it! I know you can! You’re Juno Steel, remember? The winner of the HCPD’s Sharpshootin’ contest three years in a row!

JUNO: I know, I know!

(QUIETLY) I can do it. I can do it. Just aim… focus… and…

SOUND: BLASTER SHOT.

RITA (FROM COMMS): …So? Did you get her? …Mista Steel?

JUNO (NARRATOR): Piranha-face looked at me one last time and laughed. She stopped for a second and showed me something in her hand.

A remote. The deactivator for her cat-bomb.

She waggled it a few times, stuck out a tongue that was a few inches longer than regulation, and disappeared into an alley.

RITA (FROM COMMS): Come on, Mista Steel, you know I can’t handle suspense! Did you make the shot??

JUNO: Rita, earlier, when I told you to call Maia King… did you get a hold of her?

RITA (FROM COMMS): Nuh-uh, boss, her phone was busy… and her office said she’s always on call in her apartment at this time of day… and… didja get the Piranha lady?

JUNO: Rita, we need to get to Maia King’s apartment right now. Run there if you have to.

RITA (FROM COMMS): Oh no, oh no, Mista Steel—

JUNO: Don’t “oh no Mista Steel” me! Get over there! That cat’s gonna blow any second now, and Maia King’s not going to die!

RITA (FROM COMMS): Alright, boss. I’m on my way.

SOUND: COMMS BEEP.

JUNO (NARRATOR): I booked it to King’s apartment in record time, and from the pain in my chest I guessed that the trip only cost me a lung. Rita was making her way up the stairs when I got there.

RITA: (PANTING) M-Mista Steel! I’m so glad you’re here! I never deactivated a cat before an’ I was just thinkin’ I have no idea what to do and—

Aww, boss, that is the cutest widdle kitty I have ever seen!

SOUND: MEOW.

JUNO: (PANTING) You like it? You take it. It’s been carving up my arm for six blocks now.

SOUND: YOWL.

RITA: Ooh! Be careful, boss, I coulda dropped her!

JUNO: Trust me – after everything that cat’s put me through today, it deserves worse.

SOUND: RUNNING FOOTSTEPS.

JUNO: There. That’s King’s apartment.

SOUND: POUNDING ON DOOR.

Ms. King! Open this door!

KING: (THROUGH THE DOOR) Just a moment!

JUNO: We don’t have a moment! Now! Open up!

KING: (THROUGH THE DOOR) I’m taking a call, you can wait one minute!

JUNO: We can’t, actually! We—

RITA: Ms. King your cat’s going to explode!!!

SOUND: DOOR OPENS.

KING: I’m afraid you’re going to have to say that one more time.

JUNO (NARRATOR): It all could’ve gone pretty smoothly after that, I like to think… if King hadn’t brought her cat’s doppelganger to the door. Because as soon as King opened that door and Pippa saw herself, she did exactly what I’d do if I ever met myself at the door: she went for the throat.

SOUND: CATS HISSING, YOWLING.

RITA: Ow!

KING: Pippa!

JUNO: Damn it, get ‘em off each other!

RITA: I’m tryin’, Mista Steel, I swear!

JUNO (NARRATOR): It took a few layers of skin and a minute we didn’t have to get the two Pippas apart. And once we did, we had a bigger problem on our hands.

RITA: Uh… Mista Steel? Which cat’s got the bomb in her?

JUNO: I—

I really hope Ms. King can answer that question.

KING: What are you going to do, Detective Steel? I can’t let it hurt my Pippa!

JUNO: Well, there goes that plan.

RITA: If that Piranha lady was right, boss, we only got three minutes left!

JUNO: Get rid of ‘em both, then!

KING: You can’t! I won’t let you!

JUNO: Which one’s which, then?

KING: How should I know that, with them misbehaving like this?

JUNO: Alright, alright! I’ll just figure out a way to tell the difference between two identical cats I just met today in three minutes!

RITA: Actually it’s a hundred fifty seconds, Mista—

JUNO: Thank you, Rita!

JUNO (NARRATOR): I wracked every brain cell I had, and when they didn’t cut it I brought some out of retirement. I had no excuse this time: one eye or two or three, a P.I.’s nothing without his brain.

KING: Is… is something wrong with him?

RITA: I think he’s thinkin’.

KING: Does his face always get this red when he thinks?

RITA: He’ll be fine, once he cools off a little.

JUNO: Cool off…

The fridge—! Tuna Brick!!

RITA: Mista Steel, I know we’re all hungry, but this ain’t the time for a snack!

JUNO: Ms. King, I need you to open the fridge and leave it open.

KING: But the power bill—

JUNO: Now!

KING: Oh, alright!

RITA: Boss I know you’re a stickler for tradition but if I’m gonna have a last meal I really don’t want it to be Tuna Brick—

SOUND: FRIDGE DOOR OPENS.

JUNO: The brick isn’t for us, Rita. Let me tell you something about Pippa here: her double might like Tuna Brick…

KING: It’s open, Detective Steel!

JUNO: …but Pippa loves Tuna Brick.

SOUND: MEOW, HISS.

RITA: Ow ow ow ow! Oww!

SOUND: GLASS CLINKING.

JUNO: That’s her! Grab her, Ms. King!

KING: Oof! Oh, my Pippa, my sweet, sweet kitten! Come here, come here!

RITA: Then that means… Mista Steel, you’re holdin’ the cat-bomb!

SOUND: TICKING.

JUNO: And don’t I know it.

SOUND: MEOW.

How much time do I have?

RITA: You got… thirty seconds, boss! What are we gonna do, what are we gonna do?!

JUNO: Only smart thing there is to do with a bomb, Rita: get it the hell away from you. Open the door to the balcony, quick!

RITA: You got it!

SOUND: DOOR OPENS.

JUNO (NARRATOR): I ran for King’s balcony and the cat stared at me with its big, green, highly-explosive eyes. There was an abandoned alley just within sight.

RITA: Mista Steel, you better not be doin’ what I think you’re doin’!

SOUND: TICKING SPEEDS UP.

JUNO (NARRATOR): I was.

I threw the cat.

SOUND: YOWL, EXPLOSION.

RITA: Awwwww.

That was… kinda beautiful, boss.

(SNIFFLES) It’s just so sad. What’d that cat ever do to anyone?

JUNO: At least she died as she lived.

RITA: Beautiful, distant, and misunderstood?

JUNO: I was thinking more, ‘confused and in excruciating pain,’ but yours’ll sound better in the eulogy.

(SIGHS) You mind staying here and hashing out the payment details with Ms. King? I’m feeling a little under the weather, all of a sudden.

RITA: Hey, what’s the matter, boss?

JUNO: Nothing you can fix.

RITA: But… we won! It was just the case you were waitin’ for, excitin’ and life-threatenin’, and it even ended with some real nice fireworks! It’s everything you coulda asked for, and Ms. King is safe now, ain’t she?

JUNO: I’ll see you tomorrow, Rita.

RITA: Well… alright, Mista Steel. You’ll feel better after you sleep a little. You gotta. I know you will.

MUSIC: STARTS.

JUNO (NARRATOR): Feel better… (SNORTS) People have been telling me I’ll feel better for years. Exercise, you’ll feel better; get some sleep, you’ll feel better; go out and meet someone, you’ll feel better. And, look, I’ve thought about it a lot, and here’s the thing: I’m not sure I care about feeling better.

I care about doing my job. Fixing the little part of this city I can get my hands on. And in the Maia King case, I failed.

King survived, sure. And with the evidence I pulled from Bosco, Babbling Brook Realty’s going down; but the Piranha… she’s still out there. And Maia King isn’t safe. I failed.

So no, Rita. A nap isn’t gonna fix that.

I headed back to the office and let myself feel sorry for about half a bottle. I knew what I needed. And I also knew it was gonna cost me one of two things: either more creds than I’d ever seen in one place before… (SIGHS) …or a favor.

But from who? The Prince of Mars? Saffron Pharma had been in the toilet since Anthony DiMaggio got flushed. Valles Vicky? That was a one-way road to a ten-year contract cleaning her dirt. Cecil Kanagawa? No thanks; I was already down one eye, and losing an arm, leg, and brain lobe to match didn’t sound so appealing.

I picked up my comms. I didn’t know who I was gonna call, but I had to call someone, I thought.

Turns out I thought wrong, though…

SOUND: COMMS BEEP.

…because just then, someone called me.

MUSIC: ENDS.

COMPUTER VOICE: Detective. Juno. Steel. Please have a pen. Ready. This message will not. Repeat.

JUNO: Who is this?

COMPUTER VOICE: Message start.

JUNO: Damn it, damn…!

SOUND: RUSTLING.

COMPUTER VOICE: I have. What you need. To do good. In this city. If you wish to do. Business. Come to the bench beside. The fountain. In Halcyon Park. At five AM.

SOUND: PEN SCRIBBLING.

JUNO: H-halcyon Park…?

COMPUTER VOICE: We can do. Some real Good together. Detective.

JUNO: Who are you?

COMPUTER VOICE: End of message.

JUNO: Answer me!

SOUND: COMMS BEEP.

(QUIETLY) Damn it.

JUNO (NARRATOR): By that point 5 AM was only a few hours off, so I started walking.

It had been years since I’d thought of Halcyon Park, and I didn’t like the reminder. Halcyon was one of the nicest neighborhoods in Hyperion, and for the first four years of my life… it was my home. Just me… and Ben, and… good old Ma.

Then she got bad.

Then Oldtown happened. Or maybe it was the other way around – it was too long ago to remember. Some memories just get clearer the further they get, though. And as soon as I heard the first bird chirping in the park’s palms it all came rushing back.

SOUND: BIRDS CHIRPING.

The blue-green grass. The smooth bark of the trees and the stones shimmering like beetles in the dirt. I didn’t even have to think about it; I just started walking and… and my feet and my memories brought me right where I had to go.

The fountain. Snaked with vines, and a jet of soft water springing from its center. It felt like home, and I didn’t like it. Whoever called me here, they wanted me to feel that way. They’d looked into me.

I took a seat on the bench. I didn’t feel good, but that didn’t matter. Feeling good isn’t the point. Doing good… that’s what I’m for. That’s all that matters.

VAGUELY FAMILIAR VOICE: Well! Four forty-five. You’re early.

JUNO: Thought I’d scope out the place ahead of time. Thirty-four years ahead of time, if my subtraction’s right.

VOICE: (CHUCKLES) They warned me you’d be funny. (GRUNTS) Just… be sure not to let that humor outstay its welcome, will you?

JUNO (NARRATOR): The guy had a hat down low over his eyes and most of his face was tucked into a big, wooly scarf.

He was rich, I could tell that much. If my clothes looked out of place in Halcyon in one direction, his looked out of place in the other, with big golden buttons on his coat and a watch poking out one sleeve that could’ve blinded you if you weren’t careful.

SOUND: TICKING.

There was something about that watch that stopped me. Something about the guy’s voice, too, it was… like this park. Familiar, but far away.

Like a ghost that hasn’t haunted you in a long, long time.

JUNO: Maybe this is a dumb question, but… do I know you?

VOICE: (CHUCKLES) You’re right, detective: that is a dumb question. Everyone in Hyperion City knows me.

In a few months, I’ll be their mayor.

JUNO (NARRATOR): Ramses O’Flaherty pulled back his hat and looked at me with two blue, blue eyes. On his streams and at his rallies, those eyes always looked like bright, clear skies, like a new day, a future worth running to. But… he was different in person. His eyes were tired, hard, gunmetal.

I liked this Ramses more, to be honest. That worried me, too.

VOICE [RAMSES O’FLAHERTY]: You look surprised.

JUNO: Got to say, Mr. O’Flaherty, you’re not exactly my typical clientele.

RAMSES: Oh, I wouldn’t say that. The Kanagawas, the DiMaggios, Valles Vicky… you might like to think of yourself as the hard-knock David, scrapping against the galaxy’s Goliaths, Detective Steel, but you’ve been on the giants’ payroll for years.

JUNO: Maybe, but some giants are taller than others.

RAMSES: And I’m certainly the tallest.

JUNO: Humble, too.

RAMSES: Humility is for the young and the unambitious. Pussy-footing around the fact that I’ll soon be the most powerful man in Hyperion City only wastes the few breaths I have left.

JUNO: But grandstanding about how wise you are is a good use of your time, then.

RAMSES: Of course. I never do anything unless I’m certain of it. We’re all just killing time until the killing-time, Juno – all that matters is how you use what you get before you run out.

So?

JUNO: Uh… so what?

RAMSES: How do you plan to use the time you have left?

JUNO: Finding an excuse to get off this bench is first on my list.

RAMSES: Deflect if you like. I already know the answer. I just thought you might want to spruce it up yourself.

JUNO: You get a real kick out of being the smartest person in the room, don’t you?

RAMSES: Yes.

(CHUCKLES) You’re worried it’s a cliché. That’s why you won’t say it.

JUNO: If I’m worried it’s because I’m watching a guy who’s got a decent shot at being our next mayor lose his mind in real time.

RAMSES: You want to help people. To make the world a better place. To right wrongs, to stop crime in its tracks, to—

JUNO: To slap whoever gave you the thesaurus you’re pulling all of these out from.

RAMSES: You’re the hero private eye at heart. And it embarrasses you.

JUNO: Look, I’m not some selfless—

RAMSES: (LAUGHS HEARTILY) No, you are definitely not ‘some selfless.’ Your delight at throwing yourself into harm’s way implies more self-loathing than self-sacrifice. Great heroes risk great things. You risk only yourself, and as far as you’re concerned, that’s very little on the line.

JUNO: The hell…?

RAMSES: No, you’re not selfless. But you do act selflessly, and I’m afraid that’s all that holds value here. It doesn’t matter why you right your wrongs any more than it matters why I want to clean this city. Soon we’ll be dead, and corpses don’t have motives. The why dies with us. But what we do… what we make… that stays. And I know you and I could make something very special, detective.

JUNO: I do.

RAMSES: You do what?

JUNO: Sorry, you got all gushy for a minute there. I thought you were trying to propose.

RAMSES: …You’re useless without your eye. Hm?

JUNO: What?

RAMSES: Are there one-eyed sharpshooters? Of course. But it takes years to learn, and people are suffering now, and right now? You’re useless. Every day that you don’t solve this problem is another day you miss the shot. You have finite breaths, detective. You have finite lives to save. Will you spend the rest of your days missing shots and wandering into parks at five in the morning to talk to strange old men?

JUNO: Hmph.

RAMSES: Not that you were doing much before. Saving Mars, case by case… but while you chase this murderer, how many others walk away free? Who’s going to stop them? The HCPD? Send a band of thieves to catch a thief and watch the wallets disappear.

Corruption, detective. This city is rotten to its core. If you want to do good, real good, you’ll have to think bigger than putting pickpockets in prison.

JUNO: Yeah? And you think you’re the first politician with some big ideas about busting crime?

RAMSES: No. But I think I’m the first politician with my big ideas about busting crime. And I know they’ll work. You’re going to help me make them work.

JUNO: Ha! Yeah, no, I don’t think so. We’re done here.

RAMSES: (CHUCKLING) No we aren’t.

JUNO: I’ve spent most of my career, hell, most of my life bringing down people like you, you know that? Big shots with big bank accounts who think a nice promise is a get-out-of-jail-free card for building a world that doesn’t work for anyone but them.

RAMSES: You’re assuming a lot about a plan you haven’t even been told, Juno.

JUNO: Tell me, then. What do I get out of this? What the hell could you possibly give me that’s worth trusting you?

RAMSES: The only thing you care about, detective. The power to do good again.

SOUND: BEEP.

JUNO: What’s that?

RAMSES: A picture of your new eye. The Theia Spectrum – the most advanced ocular cybernetic that money can buy. A built-in scope to rival our military’s greatest rifles; sensors for capturing infrared, ultraviolet, and megagreen frequencies; recording technologies, computer uplinks, direct access to the HCPD’s most classified directory of criminals and evidence…

JUNO: Access to what?

RAMSES: Shh. That one’s our little secret. (CHUCKLES) You could do a lot of good with an eye like this, detective… and an ear like mine. You and I want the same thing, after all: to clean Hyperion City of crime. With your expertise, your understanding of what it’s like out on those mean streets… we could do a lot of good together.

JUNO (NARRATOR): Ramses O’Flaherty, with the tired blue eyes, smiled at me. And it wasn’t the smile I’d seen on the streams, the flashing platinum teeth and the sky-blue eyes. It was the kind of smile some people put on because it’s all they’ve got left – the bone-tired smile of someone who’s been throwing themselves against the world for years, only for the world to throw them back twice as hard.

SOUND: TICKING.

And again I thought about his watch. That smile… he reminded me of someone. Someone familiar. Someone safe.

Didn’t make me feel any better. But feeling better isn’t the point, is it? And Ramses… Ramses seemed like the first person I’d ever met who got what the point was. I could see it in those eyes.

JUNO: Fine, Ramses. I’ll do it.

RAMSES: I know.

JUNO: Just, why…

…look, how am I supposed to know you mean all this? The promises and the cleaning and… the hell is your angle here, O’Flaherty?

RAMSES: Last I checked, Juno, you’re a private investigator. You never know your employers’ angles. That’s half the thrill, isn’t it?

If you want to know so badly, figure it out. Investigate, privately. Just let me warn you that I’ll take no responsibility for what happens to you if you try.

JUNO: Real reassuring, Ramses.

RAMSES: Reassuring you can’t be my job. I have an entire city to reassure. You’ll have to take care of yourself. (CLEARS HIS THROAT) This has been a nice chat, Juno, but the life of the successful leaves very little room for nice chats. You know that well.

JUNO: Don’t know if I’d call myself successful.

RAMSES: I would. And soon enough, when you see what kind of city we’ll build, what you’ll do with this new eye… you’re going to agree with me.

It was a pleasure meeting you, Juno Steel. You and I are going to do some real good together.

ALL SOUNDS: FADE OUT.

***

SOUND: TRAIN MOVING, MUSIC.

CONDUCTOR: If you've enjoyed this tale, please consider donating to The Penumbra on Patreon. Our artists work tirelessly to bring you these stories, and if you have the means, we hope you will support our efforts. Every dollar helps. You can find that page at patreon.com/thepenumbrapodcast. If you support us on Patreon at the $10 level or higher, you'll receive access to commentary tracks like this one, from actor Noah Simes and co-creators Sophie Kaner and Kevin Vibert:

SOUND: TRAIN STOPS, DOOR SLIDES OPEN, RAIN.

SOUND: LAUGHTER.

SOPHIE: …But yeah, I mean we just– we wanted to change the game. Really. We– we didnt want it to be the same sort of arc; we didnt want it to be the same sort of villain—

KEVIN: Right.

SOPHIE: —um, and we wanted a new challenge for Juno. So that was very much our starting point for this season.

KEVIN: The other thing that I’ll add off of the last season is, uh, we had this conversation for the end of the last season, but it's very, very important to us to have a show where things change. That's part of the reason that Juno loses his eye at the end of season one, because we want—

SOPHIE: —and his boyfriend!

SOUND: LAUGHTER.

SOUND: DOOR SLIDES SHUT.

CONDUCTOR: You can also support The Penumbra by liking us on Facebook, following us on Twitter @thepenumbrapod, following us on Tumblr @thepenumbrapodcast, telling your friends about us, telling your friends to tell their friends about us, and especially by rating and reviewing our podcast on iTunes. Every rating, comment, and kind word spreads our stories further and inspires us to keep creating more and better tales to come.

We would like to give special thanks to all who support us on Patreon, but especially to Jaimie Gunter, The Princess and The Scrivener, Hannah Tsim, and Elizabeth Miller for their incredibly generous contributions per episode. Thank you.

This tale, Juno Steel and the Kitty-Cat Caper, was told by the following people: Joshua Ilon as Juno Steel, Kate Jones as Rita, Kristie Norris as Maia King, Noah Simes as Dr. Monrovian, Sophie Kaner as the Piranha, Kevin Vibert as Bosco, and Matthew Zahnzinger as Ramses O’Flaherty.

On staff at The Penumbra: Kevin Vibert is our lead writer and recording engineer. Sophie Kaner is our director and sound designer. Noah Simes is our production manager. Alice Chung is our designer and financial manager. Grahame Turner is our script editor. Original music by Ryan Vibert. Promotional art by Mikaela Buckley.

The Penumbra is created and produced by Sophie Kaner and Kevin Vibert.

I'm afraid this is the end of the line for today, dear Traveler. We hope you will ride with The Penumbra again soon.

ALL SOUNDS: FADE OUT.

#juno steel

9 notes · View notes

aryashi · 6 years

Text

Time Flies

-screeches into door literally last minute

It’S STILL TECHNICALLY THE 26TH AND ALSO I’M SORRY

@justabookworm39 you wanted some pastry train, and so I bring to you pastry train fluff! Hope you like it!

By far the single worst feature in the long, long list of useless nonsense installed in the buggy, bulky, and utterly unflattering armor Donut had to wear everyday was (without question!) the clock in the upper right corner of its HUD.

1756

The numbers glared at him. They were an unappealing mud color, which only yesterday Donut had seen as a lovely chocolate mousse. He’d changed the color of the settings no less than two dozen times, but no matter what amazing shade of chartreuse or lilac or light-ish red Donut chose, it only took a day or two for him to never want to see that color again. That made Donut loathe the clock more than anything else; it ruined colors! Only the most heinous of things could ruin a color.

1757

The way it ruined colors was pretty terrible, too. Having a clock in front of your eyes all hours of every day meant that every spare second Donut wasn’t doing something, his eyes would be drawn to those darn numbers. Time would slow to an unbearable crawl and sap the positive thinking and energy right out of him. He’d had to up his skin care routine from once a day to twice a day already, just to combat the stress lines!

1758

He had tried to get rid of it, of course, Donut wasn’t stupid! But tape didn’t stick to the inside of his visor (especially after long hot days filling his armor up with body fluids) and asking it nicely didn’t do anything either. The obvious next step had been to ask his team for help, but that hadn’t really panned out. Sarge went on a long speech about the importance of knowing the exact time of “your glorious victories, for record keepin’ and/or scrapbookin’!”, and Simmons was always busy talking with Grif. Donut wasn’t especially confident either of them could fix it anyway, computers were so complicated!

1759

As soon as the clock ticked over from 58 to 59, Donut’s train of thought lost its steam. Hard to stay mad about time with less than 60 seconds left to go! He pondered exactly how many were left, watching the numbers instead of the flat dry canyon he was technically supposed to be keeping an eye on. Not like anything subtle ever happened here. Even the sneak attacks featured grenades.

1800

“Finally!” Donut said, abandoning his post like a cat out of a bag. Fuzzy happy energy bubbled inside him, and trying to keep it from all coming out at once took some pretty hard concentration. Skipping helped.

“Bye guys, going on afternoon patrol!” Donut called out towards the living area everyone gravitated to this time of day. He didn’t wait around for a response, but it was probably something like “Be safe Donut!” or “You look fabulous, as always, knock em dead!”

Out the door and into the canyon proper, skipping at top speed along his route and not paying a square inch of it any mind. The scenery never changed, always dry alien dirt and hardy alien grass in a dull rocky bowl. Not a scene Donut would put on a motivational poster.

But it wasn’t getting to Donut now, because the path to the cliff paths was right in front of him, and in just a few short minutes his day would be infinitely better.

Donut couldn’t skip properly on the rocky and uneven cliff path, but there was a noticeable spring in his step as he climbed upwards, towards a ledge just out of view of both bases. It got some pretty nice shade this time of day, and on top of almost being cool, there was-

“Caboose!” Donut said, “You’re early!”

Caboose had been sat on the cliff edge, kicking his feet and looking down towards the ground, but as soon as Donut called out he perked right up and waved. Caboose was always thoughtful that way, giving as good as he got right back!

“Captain McMuffin! Hello! I decided I wanted to be far away from the base early today. For no reason! Especially not anything like making Church mad, because Tucker was the one that broke the microwave.”

“That Tucker!” Donut settled in on the ledge next to Caboose. “Is there anything he can’t break?”

“I don’t know. Probably not. He is very dumb.” Caboose said, nodding seriously.

It had started with an accident, because what in this canyon didn’t start with one kind of mistake or another? Even the happy accidents like Donut’s discovery of the moisturizing properties of Grif’s hidden imported drinks were still accidents. Running face first into someone who was supposed to be ‘the enemy’ sure qualified.

But Caboose had helped him up, and he’d been nothing but hospitable while Donut was a Blue team prisoner, so they got to talking. And then they kept talking, for hours, the entire time both of them were supposed to be circling the canyon. Circling the canyon and keeping an eye out for enemies to shoot. Donut didn’t want to shoot Caboose, and Caboose didn’t want to shoot Donut, so they weren’t enemies. Simple as that!

They settled into the routine pretty quickly. It helped that rookies on both teams got more patrol shifts than anyone else, and even at the same times. If Donut was a more suspicious guy, he’d almost think it was weird how both teams had identical schedules.

“- and that’s how many guns we have in the armory! Pretty boring day staring at them all, nevermind counting all the bullets.”

“That is a lot of counting.”

Donut shrugged. “Less than you’d think. We’re actually pretty low on rounds these days. Guess that’s what happens when you blow your load on every little thing.”

“Ah! That’s just like us and gas. Poor Sheila…. she is so thirsty, but the next plane present isn’t for a whole two weekends!” Caboose slumped over, the picture of sadness.

“Sheila is the tank?” Donut asked, scooting in closer and offering a comforting hand. Caboose took it in his own without hesitation.

“Yeah… she can’t move around much right now. It is making her… antsy. I wanted to make a cookie to cheer her up, but then the microwave broke and it was Tucker’s fault.”

“I wish I could help! Red base is soooo understocked! Not even any flour in the whole thing, and Simmons locked up all the baking soda after I used it for scrubbing out my codpiece.”

“They do get very stinky.”

“Right?!”

Caboose and Donut often found themselves holding hands during their conversations. Who initiated it changed every time, but neither of them were ever keen to let go. So they didn’t. They’d hold hands for hours, relaxed and comforting pressure, even through kevlar gloves.

Occasionally, on days like this, things… escalated.

It started with the heat, of course. Blood Gulch’s heat snuck into everything, even lovely conversations in the shade with a good friend. Donut was quickly getting too hot to function, and time like this was too precious to waste dazed out on heat!

So Donut took off his helmet. Like it was a thing he casually did in the middle of the canyon. Going forward with confidence was step one of every successful thing Donut had ever done, and he wasn’t about to stop now.

Even if Caboose was a blue, and was still armed, and they were in the middle of what was supposed to be No Man’s Land. Confidence.

And besides, his helmet was already off. Too late to go back, that would be rude.

“Oh.” Caboose said. “I…” He squirmed a little and looked down and suddenly the threat of death seemed like a distant problem, compared to this.

Oh, Donut thought quietly, Does he not like-

“I. Ah. I did not know you were so pretty Admirable Cinnamon Bun.” Caboose said, glancing away, scratching at his helmet, and still holding Donut’s hand.

Donut’s dread melted into pure warm fuzzies in an instant. “Awww, thank you Caboose! That’s very sweet.”

Caboose beamed, obvious even through his helmet, and for a bit that was that. Donut liked to fill a silence with chatter as much as the next guy, but everyone once in a while just sitting with Caboose and listening to the thing wind in the canyon was more than enough.

Then Caboose said “… oh my god you took off your helmet!”

Donut blinked at Caboose. “… yes?”

“That means I can take off my armor now!” Caboose crowed, already frantically shucking pieces like they were suddenly made of spiders and last season’s fashions.

“… well, when in Rome!” Donut said, taking off his gloves first.

Caboose was down to his survival suit significantly faster than Donut, but soon enough both of them were much more comfortable, in the shade and out of the worst and stuffiest parts of their armor.

“Sure is nice to let everything down there breathe for a change!”

“Yeah, my legs get cramped up too,” Caboose said.

“Whoever designed these things obviously didn’t account for my calves.”

“Cows are hard to account, because they look a lot like each other and keep moving around,” Caboose said, nodding.

“Not as bad as sheep. There’re faster and don’t have spots.”

Caboose pondered, and then nodded. “That is true. We didn’t have sheep, but Mr. Fallben next door yelled at his a lot.”

The amiable quiet came back, slow and welcome as the tide rolling in. Donut and Caboose leaned into each other, fighting the sticky warmth of the canyon with the soft, welcome warmth of another body pressed against theirs. Like with the holding hands, it just felt natural to tangle up in each other’s grip and just be for a while.

Donut had migrated all the way into Caboose’s lap and Caboose’s head was perched on Donut’s own when they both heard their helmets making alerts.

“Aw, already?” Donut sighed. “I can’t believe how fast two hours passes up here.”

“My mom always said time flies when it is having fun. It must have been having a really good sandwich today. That makes time go fastest.”

Both of them put their armor on, said and waved their goodbyes, and took off back to base. All the way there, Donut couldn’t help but stare at the clock.

2030

2031

2032….

#red vs blue #rvb secret santa #red vs blue secret santa #pastry train #justabookworm39 #aryashi original

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