#'now the pain's different—it still exists it just escapes different & evades vision makes the rain different makes the news boring' | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

welcometothevale · 8 months

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"And now the pain's different It still exists, it just escapes different And evades vision, makes the rain different Makes the news boring and my rage distant Yes, I'm young and living dreams In love with being noticed and afraid of being seen But I can finally eat and I can fall asleep It's fine, fine, fine"

A modern lamp with a mauve, dome shaped lamp shade and metal base smashed into the olive hued wall, bulb shattering and lamp breaking in half. It clattered on the wood flooring stained to appear like cedar and left gashes marring the boards. The wall had a gaping maw with jagged chunks of drywall hanging snaggle-tooth style.

As a raw wail, a primal sound of grief that rattled her chest, bounced off the walls that were devoid of any form of personality minus the color slapped on their surface. Myra threw something else across the room. A bluetooth speaker this time. It struck her flat screen TV with a crackling thud and actually remained stuck within the screen longways as if she'd thrown a knife.

Her dark brown, nearly black, mass of wild curls was even more disheveled and frizzy than usual due to her hands running through and pulling them. Her headboard had multiple throwing knifes stuck deep within the wood—thrown with all of her force. Those knives wouldn't come out of the headboard easily. Different elements of her bed were strewn about her studio apartment.

"FUCK." The dhampyr screamed so loud, she didn't even recognize her own voice. This was one of those extremely rare times Myra was crying. She'd woken from one of the same night terrors that always plagued her sleeping hours.

Hands zip-tied in her lap, their endorphins in her veins, there wasn't anything Myra could do to stop it. Gilly hung limp in the steel grip of the vampire, flesh nearly translucent with a look that was a mix of pain, terror, and pleasure. It didn't make sense for all of those feelings to exist together on the same expression, but not much made sense in her hazy mind.

Vampire bites had the ability to make their prey completely compliant by pumping the prey with endorphins that would rival any street drug. Humans who knew of vampires sometimes lived in servitude to feel that bite and in the hopes of gaining immortality. Myra had lost count of the times she'd been bitten, but judging from how amazing she felt at the moment the vampires were making sure to keep the feedings frequent.

Gilly was dead and Myra was high off her ass, doing nothing.

A boot to the leg of the dining room table snapped the wood—sending the table sliding into the wall while the legless corner crashed to the floor, scarring the wood once more. Another pained sound, a union of a scream and a sob, and then a floor length mirror bursted on the ground, shards hissing against the flooring as they slid outward in every direction. Her face was crimson and raw from all the tears and exertion caused by the destruction of her home.

It was a lot harder to cut through someone's neck than she had always thought. Especially with a collector's machete left out by some nerdy blood-sucker. Myra didn't stop though. She hacked over and over with wet thwacks until—thump, thump—the vampire hit the ground, head rolling until it met the edge of a rug that slowed its momentum.

Oblivious to the job being finished, she still punished the demon at her feet. She kept swinging the machete, more like an axe now toward the ground, grunting with each strike. She was aware of someone's arms around her torso, pulling her up and back; this made her realize she'd fallen to her knees and was stabbing into what had once resembled a human body.

Myra was in her bathroom. She'd ripped off her shirt and was frantically scrubbing her skin with a wet cloth, trying to get all of the blood off. Blood that wasn't actually there, but it had been there. That day. She'd been drenched in it. Blinded by it. A female member of the institute security had to get the nonrespondent Myra into the shower and clean her off before any of them could leave what had been the vampire's dwelling. The security had come at the call of Aaron—the eldest student to go on the foolish misadventure to hunt vampires pre-graduation—as he had managed to escape to a neighboring house to use a phone. It'd taken them 20 minutes to arrive, and by then Myra had blood coagulating in her curls and half dried on her flesh. There was so much of it—she'd not stopped her torrent of violence until someone had pulled her off—so fresh blood covered the old and dripped down her tan flesh.

Looking up from her bloody body to the mirror in front of her that revealed that her body was clean. Not a trace of crimson was drooling down her skin; there was only the red irritation from her rough scrubbing. Another shriek and her fist collided with the mirror, causing cracks that spread like lightening across the surface. The same fist pulled back, and stuck again, imbedding slivers of glass in her hands and making the mirror explode, shards fell like a rain shower across the bathroom floor. "FUCK." She sobbed, hitting the wall again. "Gilly, I'm so fucking sorry. I'm sorry Gills. It's my fault. It was my idea. You didn't even want to go. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry." She sank to the floor, head spinning and sharp stings of pain barely registering as the pieces of the mirror sliced her once she was sitting. Her legs were bent, knees skyward, and slightly extended and spread. Myra's head rested between her knees as she fought to breath between countless, despondent apologies to the first friend she'd killed.

#drabble #headcanon #backstory #myra #(lyrics are from no complaints by Noah Kahan)#death cw #murder cw #blood cw #violence cw #ptsd cw #flashbacks cw #grief cw #self harm cw #long post cw #loss cw

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lov3nerdstuff · 4 years

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Voluptas Noctis Aeternae {Part 6.7}

*Severus Snape x OC*

Summary: It is the year 1983 when the ordinary life of Robin Mitchell takes a drastic turn: she is accepted into Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Despite the struggles of being a muggle-born in Slytherin, she soon discovers her passion for Potions, and even manages the impossible: gaining the favor of Severus Snape. Throughout the years, Robin finds that the not quite so ordinary Potions Professor goes from being a brooding stranger to being more than she had ever deemed possible. An ally, a mentor, a friend... and eventually, the person she loves the most. Through adventure, prophecies and the little struggles of daily life in a castle full of mysteries, Robin chooses a path for herself, an unlikely friendship blossoms into something more, and two people abandoned by the world can finally find a home.

General warnings: professor x student, blood, violence, trauma, neglectful families, bullying, cursing

Words: 4.5k

Read Part 1.1 here! All Parts can be found on the Masterlist!

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Another five minutes later the rain stopped altogether, and they finally continued their journey along the blue line. Eventually they also started talking again, falling into the usual easy teasing that always left them both trying their hardest not to smirk all too much. But it did definitely make the walking a lot more enjoyable. Two hours passed like that, and seeing as the tracing spell still guided them on relentlessly, they decided to take another break. Honestly, Robin couldn't remember when she had last walked for such a long time, and even if her feet didn't hurt too much, her back was starting to ache from the weight of her backpack. It wasn't made for hiking, and neither was she obviously.

"Is there any spell to make something lighter? Or at least feel less heavy?" She asked with a small groan while she rolled her shoulders to somehow loosen up the aches. It didn't do much to help.

"Not that I am aware of." He replied in a mildly concerned tone, while watching her pace up and down in front of him with a frown. "Why do you ask?"

"Nevermind." She sighed in return, and finally gave up in her attempts to reduce the soreness in her body. "Isn't anything of importance."

"If it causes you pain, it most definitely is."

"It's not pain, really. Just… my shoulders." She shrugged, then winced at the idiocracy of that move when the pain crawled through her back. "My bag's not made for hours of walking. That, or I'm just weak."

"I would assume a bit of both in this case."

"Funny." Robin rolled her eyes at him, but she also couldn't help the small smile. "Do you want me to challenge you to do better?"

"It would be an idea."

"Fine… I doubt that after two hours with my bag, you're still thinking it's my weakness causing me pain."

"We shall have to see about that."

When they finally decided to go on, Robin let him carry the bag, and she walked next to him with a smug smile on her face, upon which he merely rolled his eyes. Of course he wouldn't have admitted in a million years that he was only doing this to spare her the pain, but they both knew it perfectly well nonetheless, and that sufficed to keep the smile on Robin's face for a long time.

Two more hours down the road however, or rather the non-existent road in this case, and Robin didn't feel like smiling anymore at all. They were taking another break, a very much needed one after this torture of walking up and down hills. It was three o'clock in the afternoon by now, but they still had gotten nowhere near the end of the stupid line. Stupid tracing spell. The sight of the blue dust didn't fill Robin with excitement anymore, but with the urgent wish to cry. She was exhausted and hurting and honestly starting to doubt if the stupid spell was even working as it should. Finding the wraiths' moss shouldn't have taken this long, by far not. Perhaps they were being led nowhere. Perhaps this was all just one big, stupid mistake.

Robin didn't even look up from where she was ripping grass out of the ground in frustration when Snape sat down next to her. Honestly, she wanted to be excited about the closeness between them now, which would very well have been evitable if he'd wanted to stay away, but all she could find within herself was tiredness and despair. Thus she merely kept on sulking and occasionally blinking away angry tears.

"Did you have anything for breakfast before we left the castle this morning?" He asked after a while, and Robin frowned immediately as she turned to look at him at last.

"What kind of stupid question is that? No, I did not. There were more important things on my mind than food."

"Then perhaps you should consider having one of the snacks you tend to carry around now."

"I'm not hungry." She mumbled and looked back down to the ground, but he ignored her and placed her backpack right in her field of vision.

"You will feel better nonetheless."

"How I'm feeling is not the problem!" She groaned and rolled her eyes to herself. "The problem is that this stupid spell obviously isn't working! We have been walking for hours and where has it gotten us? For all we know, not the least bit closer to anywhere!"

"So you are giving up?"

"No! I don't know…" Robin's tone deflated in an instant, and her eyes started watering again. Damnit. "Look, I don't want to give up! I never give up, it's not something I do, but… everything just feels so terribly far away from me right now."

"It certainly would be ironic if you gave up on an obviously functioning spell after a mere few hours." He said in a calm certainty that made Robin frown again.

"Why would it be ironic? You can see that it's obviously not going anywhere!" She argued back, looking up to study his face for any hints of where he was going with this.

Instead of letting her drag him into an argument however, he returned her gaze in an almost soothing calm. "It has been years and you still haven't given up on me for a single day, even if the prospects of any result were far worse than they are now. A line of floating blue dust certainly is more than I have ever given you to warrant that faith."

Robin's heart skipped a beat, and her mind became a tangled mess of things she wanted to say and things she definitely should not say. A chaos of emotions, and a chaos of impulses. But the sincerity in his words finally became a beacon for her mind to line up for sorting.

"My refusal to give up on you has really gotten us quite far, huh?" She mused after a moment, managing a half smile even. "One could even say it's a good thing I'm too stubborn to give up."

"One could indeed."

"So… if I follow that tracing line to the other side of the country because I refuse to give up on my theory…"

"I will still be right behind you." He added in, remaining in absolute sincerity, and Robin's eyes would've almost welled up again for entirely different reasons, had he not saved her from that fate by speaking on. "However, only if you eat something now."

A sound between a sob, a laugh and a snort escaped her before she could help it, and while she blinked away the totally unnecessary moisture in her eyes, she also had to bite her lip to tone down her smile. Really, for someone so desperately serious most of the time, he was getting exceptionally good at cheering her up. With a dutiful nod, she finally dug through her backpack until she stumbled upon an apple she had snatched from dinner last night, and a packet of Twirls that had only been mildly smashed by her books. As was so often the case, her appetite came while she ate, and the apple was gone in a blink. The Twirls however she insisted on sharing, and after evading the minor protest she could convince Snape to take the second bar. Upon that it didn't take long for the sugar to find its way into her blood and the smile its way into her mind, and mere minutes later the sulk was all but forgotten.

When they went on to follow the blue line with renewed confidence on Robin's part, she was the one to carry the backpack again. Snape had of course had to admit that it was the bag rather than Robin's shoulders that was the root of the problem, and perhaps that is why he had been reluctant to let her carry it again. But seeing as it was her bag, her expedition and thus her lead, he had very little choice but to let her proceed. After all, her shoulders had rested quite enough to hurt only very little now, but she still hoped that their hike would come to an end soon.

They got exactly ten minutes of mostly easy walking before a distant thunder announced the inevitable. The sky darkened immediately, a ceiling of the deepest grey looming over their heads, and half a minute later it started pouring again as if there was no tomorrow. This time however there was no shelter, no time to take another break either, and thus they continued on despite the rain. Robin luckily had her rain jacket to keep at least her torso dry, but she had to wear her hair down in order to fit the hood over her head enough to keep the water out of her eyes, which in return meant that the part of her hair that hung over her shoulders and down over her chest was drenched within seconds. So were her jeans, which now stuck to her thighs quite uncomfortably, clinging onto her skin like wet fabric always did. Snape for his part had the umbrella spell to protect himself from the rain, but even that didn't keep him dry for all too long.

Thirty minutes into the downpour, and Robin thought she might as well be walking through an ocean. At least the line was still there, even if it was slowly getting too dark around them to see it without squinting.

"Do you think it is the rain or the sunset that causes the darkness?" Snape asked eventually, while they tried to move up the steep hill the blue line sent them over instead of leading them around it for once. The higher they ventured, the more the grassland became ridden with rocks and ragged stone, and with the constant rain and growing darkness, it soon became a nightmare to move on. Robin did so anyway, walking a good few steps ahead in stubborn determination to follow this bloody line to the end now.

"Currently? The rain." She looked back over her shoulder at Snape, who had mostly given up on his umbrella and was scowling up at the sky now instead, as if that would do anything but get water into his eyes. "It should be around four o'clock right now, which gives us another hour until sunset. Approximately. I actually looked that up, you know, because-..."

Robin was cut off in her sentence when her foot slipped on a wet rock and she lost her balance before she could find something to hold onto. With a helpless yelp, she came crashing down onto the sodden ground, hitting her entire right side on the very stones she had slipped on. For a broken second, she didn't feel anything but the shock. Then however the impact got through to her, and the burning and stabbing in her side seethed through her entire body.

"Fuck…" She hissed through clenched teeth, but tried to scramble back to her feet anyway even before the wave of pain decreased. Adrenaline did funny things to both body and mind sometimes.

"For God's sake, Robin, can you please refrain from getting hurt for once at least?!" His voice was ineffably close to her suddenly, exasperated and yet undeniably laced with deep concern, and she almost would've slipped a second time once she stood on wobbly legs again. "Are you alright?"

A few seconds passed in silence, and Robin inspected her aching side first of all before allowing herself to give an answer. Other than a little mud and water, there wasn't even a single hole or tear in her jacket nor in her jeans. Always a good sign.

"I'm fine, it's nothing." She said quickly, taking a few steps and swinging her arms a little just to make sure that statement was true. "I'm fine."

"The last time you said that, you broke down two seconds later and I had to catch you." He quirked an eyebrow at her in doubt, which however looked funny enough as drenched as he was, and Robin had to smile at both the sight and the thought that she probably didn't look any better. Even worse, likely, with the mud clinging to her now.

"I promise that I actually believe I'm fine this time." She replied, while the smile still stayed on her lips. The pain was fading already, and as long as she didn't get a punch to the side now, she'd be good. "I just slipped. It really is nothing."

He kept frowning at Robin in mild doubt even upon her words of reassurance, but they continued their way up the hill anyway, side by side from now on. Her ribs and hip kept stinging for a few minutes, but after a while even that decreased and soon enough the only reminder of her fall was the mud lingering on her clothes.

When they reached the peak of the bloody hill at last, Robin's eyes lit up immediately and her heart skipped a beat in excitement at the sight that was finally revealed in front of them. A large building of wrought ancient stones, the ruins of a long abandoned castle, nestled into the slopes of the very hill they stood upon. It wasn't quite as large as Hogwarts, but large enough to be considered a castle nonetheless. A million questions ran through Robin's mind in an instant. Who had lived here? How long has it been abandoned? Why has it been abandoned? Was it even as abandoned as it looked?

The most important thing however was that the tracing line led straight to the castle, ending in a smoky blue cloud right above the ruins. That was all Robin could see in the dark, but it was by far enough to delight her. The tracing spell had actually worked after all! With an excited smile she turned to look at Snape, blinking away the rain that finally had started running into her eyes as well, and he returned her gaze for a moment until her continued grinning made him roll his eyes with a hint of a smile of his own. They didn't need words in order to understand what the other thought; and they still didn't say a thing as they made their way down the hill, slipping and stumbling more than walking at this point.

The good thing was that their downhill track went a lot faster than the slow way up, and mere minutes later they passed through the woven front gate of the castle grounds. The very moment they stepped into the entrance hall however, the tracing line above their heads quivered and balled together into a thick cloud of blue dust, stilling for just a moment, before at last it spread into all directions with a start, vanishing between the gaps and cracks in between the stones. Robin observed the ongoings with a smile. While she hadn't quite expected the tracing spell to work just this way, it certainly made a lot of sense that it would.

The thing about wraiths' moss was, as the name already suggested, that it wasn't exactly from this world, neither dead nor alive. To be exact, it was almost entirely invisible to the human eye, not graspable with the mere hand, which is precisely why it was so incredibly rare and so very difficult to find. And that in return was the very reason why Robin had decided to prove her theory about it today.

The way the tracing spell was supposed to work (in her theory at least) was quite simple really: the dust in its specific mixture should be attracted by a substance in the wraiths' moss, which then results in the dust gathering on top of the invisible plant. Afterwards it should be beyond easy to make it both visible and touchable with a simple charm. So far Robin's theory, and as of yet, everything was going according to plan. Brilliant!

"Don't you just love it when things go my way?" Robin grinned as she pushed the hood off her head, then let the water melt from her clothes and hair with a wordless spell. Thank God they were out of the rain at last.

"For your notice, all I just heard was an invitation to mess with you. However, I will kindly refrain from doing so for once." He replied in subtle amusement, and when Robin turned to look at him with an exaggerated eye rolling, he actually let out a quiet snort in return.

"Anyway… now that we're both dry and out of the storm, we might wanna search for the dust before it's entirely too dark in here to find it." She said at last, and once Snape merely motioned for her to lead the way, she finally stepped further into the entrance hall.

It was a truly amazing place, derelict and long seized by nature as its rightfully reclaimed property. But the cold, moist masses of stone held an ineffable mystery to them, a tingle at Robin's senses she couldn't quite explain. Everything about this place was looming, lurking, waiting… yet she could not tell for what.

They made their way through the empty hall with quietly echoing steps, in a conscious effort not to disturb the ancient silence. Robin walked ahead, a mere two steps, but she was well aware of Snape's constant presence behind her, and she honestly was grateful for it. Something about this place was odd… intriguing beyond measure, but eerie and coiled up, ready to jump into their faces if they made one wrong move. The small hairs in Robin's neck stood on high alert, and her mind followed suit.

"What are you noticing?" He asked then, in a whisper only, and from the mere tone of his voice she could tell that he was no less alert than she was herself.

"The same thing you do, obviously." She breathed back, while however keeping her eyes on the hallway they were following into the unknown.

"All I notice is your concern, that is unsettling enough to me."

"I can feel them… The secrets dwelling in the halls around us, some of which are beautiful, others that will haunt you till the day you die." She said, and a shiver ran down her back at the very moment the words left her lips. Haunting… that was precisely the place one would expect wraiths' moss to grow, wasn't it?

They made their way through multiple hallways, crossing through rooms both empty and filled with long rotten furniture, but there was no trace of the familiar ultramarine that should have settled by now, and thus no trace of the moss anywhere. The castle was huge though, too large to search entirely, and Robin soon realized that they would need a strategy if they didn't want to continue blindly roaming through the sheer endless number of rooms.

A look into her journal proved to be helpful. The moss seemed to grow best in dark and moist places, protected from both light and wind, and ideally ones that still were cool enough to keep it constantly chilled. Robin read this part out to Snape, and they only needed one look at each other to know exactly where they were heading next.

The castle's dungeons proved to be exactly what the word promised, rust ridden shackles and chains on moss covered walls, endless tunnels and tiny cells. And yet the dungeons were unreasonably large for a castle of this size, digging deep into the hills and likely well beyond, a true maze of rooms and corridors. For exactly this reason, they decided to split up for the search.

Robin had seen enough horror movies in her summer breaks to know that splitting up was probably the worst thing one could do when already spooked, but she had also read enough accounts of successful field research to know that efficiency was a key to success. Thus she moved down the dark hallway alone now, wand raised with a bright lumos that unfortunately didn't light the path far enough ahead for her liking. Beyond carefully, she looked into every room she came across, never making an uncalculated step, and yet… Nothing. No wraiths' moss, nor anything else that was worth even a second glance. A few times she believed to see a shadow moving, out of the corner of her eyes, but every time she whipped around to catch it, there was the same nothing as everywhere else. All this search was doing was make her nerves stand on edge, and her heart rate go through the roof. After half an hour of following the pitch black corridor, she still hadn't reached the end of it but decided to turn around anyway. The plants she had seen growing down here hadn't changed in the last fifteen minutes of walking, and thus she deemed it highly unlikely that they would change even if she moved on now. Thus she headed back towards their meeting point. Damnit… she had been so sure about the moss being down here, but there wasn't a single speckle of her tracing dust to be found anywhere! The thought made her halt; if the dust wasn't here, where was it then?

She had already been walking for a good while when a distant sound echoed off the stone walls, and she froze in her step immediately. Silence. Her heart picked up speed in an instant. It stayed silent, the narrow hallway closing in on her in an uncomfortable way, and she walked on with a frown on her face. Then the echo reached her ears again, clearer this time, she heard her name… and she started running.

A million scenarios ran through her mind in time with her path through the hallways, and she could only hope that this was one of the kind that would make her regret running, not one that would make her wish she had been able to run faster. Blindly she followed the maze of corridors now, rounding corners without a second thought about what she might find behind them, until at last she saw a light shining in the distance. With burning lungs, she came closer fast until…

"Stop!" His voice made Robin freeze in an instant, and she did stop indeed right in her spot in the middle of the hallway.

"What's wrong? Are you alright?" She asked, still not daring to move, but she needed an answer. Now.

"I am fine, the situation however is clearly not." He replied in utmost annoyance, and Robin felt immensely relieved at that. As long as he was upset and complaining about something, the world wasn't ending. So far so good.

"Can I move again?" She inquired carefully, trying to get her breathing back under control. Gods, running really wasn't for her, leave alone after a day like this. But adrenaline was a nice little helper in this case. "What's going on?"

"You can move, yes, but do not come near this door."

Still panting, Robin moved the remaining few steps down the hallway until she stood facing the room the light was coming from. There he was, standing in the doorway a step into the room, looking entirely furious but otherwise fine. Robin still didn't understand, but a good bunch of negative scenarios were proven wrong right then, and it honestly came as a small relief no matter what. She observed him for a quiet moment, her chest still heaving pathetically, but slowly the terrible burning in her lungs decreased.

"You… you scared me." She finally admitted, on a whim, but she thought that he should know nonetheless.

His anger seemed to lessen up upon that, as if it hadn't even occurred to him what she might be experiencing in this situation, until he looked almost sincerely sorry. "That wasn't my intention. I heard a noise and it left me thinking that you were nearby."

"Well, I… wasn't. It doesn't matter." She huffed and finally brushed the hair out of her face that had become stuck and tangled everywhere in her blind chase through the dungeons. "I hurried either way, so what's the trouble?"

"I cannot get out." Was all he said for a moment, and when Robin frowned at him first, then at the doorway that didn't even have a door hooked inside it, he finally elaborated. "I could come in here without trouble, but there seems to be a spell placed on the door that prevents me from leaving again. As if that wasn't bad enough, it so happens that everything I have tried to remove this barrier has failed."

Robin's frown deepened, and she chewed on her bottom lip as she thought about his words. A magical prison… that means someone who had lived here at some point had been a witch or wizard. Or would a visitor bother to set up a room like this? Unlikely. That didn't help much right now either way; the only question of relevance was how she could take this barrier down.

"Robin…"

"Yes, I'm thinking! Just give me a moment…" She spoke without even paying attention to what she said. Which spells did she know that blocked magic? The apparition jinx on Hogwarts, for example. But how to find a counter curse when she didn't know which curse had been placed on the door? Damnit… she still felt so desperately on edge down here, the dark closing in on her, and the hallway seemed to shrink as well.

"Breathe, yes?" He said in a surprising calm, and Robin finally looked up at him once more. "None of this is your fault. It was I who was idiotic enough to wander in here without precautions."

"Perhaps. But that doesn't change the fact that I need to get you out of there, and I promise you that I will."

"Removing an unknown spell is an immensely difficult and highly unlikely procedure. You cannot promise me that."

"Watch me." She replied with a newfound determination that came along with a sudden idea. Snape was right, removing an unknown spell was practically impossible and would take ages of trial and error. But perhaps she didn't have to go down this road. "You might want to get as far back into the room as possible."

"What is your plan?" He asked, but still moved away from the door like Robin had told him to, retreating into the far corner.

"I'm keeping my promise by thinking outside the box." She gave him a small and weary smile, but a smile no less as she pointed her wand not at the doorframe, but at the wall next to it. "You, uh… better conjure up some kind of shield now." She took a deep breath, steadying her shaking hand in between heartbeats. "Bombarda Maxima."

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