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cringelordofchaos · 8 months

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TMF Stacy headcanons!! (More like what her personality is in my imaginary fanfic)

- she's not exactly forward, she likes surprises and surprising people. (This most definitely turns off drew at first, because trust issues)(platonic stew/dracy is canon in this fic)

- she has a close bond with her mom

- her mom had always encouraged her to go with her heart, and not let others let her down. To go forward

- was the biggest pokemon fan during elementary school

- horse girl

- she is into fashion and wants to be a fashion designer when she grows up!!

- she's relatively neutral in her class's hierarchy, most people get along with her

- her mom is relatively young and works in one of those stereotypical professional companies or something as an assistant??

- maybe asian? Or part asian

- she is genuinely clumsy but uses it to her advantage

- she seems like the type of person to go with the flow but she actually plans and organizes a lot of events in her life. Though like I said she likes surprises so don't expect her to be too predictable

- when Luke rejects her she's sort of disappointed

- she sometimes sketches out outfit concepts, she's pretty good at it but is not too interested in drawing as much as she would like to get it in action

- she reads fashion magazines

- she is godawful at jokes. Sometimes unintentionally funny doe

- high empath (If I ever make that aforementioned fanfic I'm gonna utilize this to make platonic stew/dracy canon)

- ambivert, introvert leaning

- she never got to know her grandparents too much since she and her mom live far from them, but she did get to see them a few times and she feels like there's tension between them and her mom

- her mom is pretty successful

- she has no idea who her dad is. She never met him. Fatherless jokes are ineffective because they're true

- Really likes various aesthetics, her phone background is the most aesthetically aesthetic thing you've ever seen, she also really likes purple for some reason, and she really likes how the sky looks like when the moon comes

- she also really likes sunsets and sunrises. Beautiful

- loves crystals and shiny things. Like glowing things y'know

- Into dancing too

- maybe not the best make-up artist in the school but she's definitely up there

- humble

- expressive, autistic I MEANT TO WRITE artistic but you know what? I ain't deleting a thing

- vegetarian

- wait I need to give her flaws she's too perfect uhmmmmmmmm

- she can be a bit too persistent, and is always looking for the answer to her questions

- sometimes a bit too curious, coming as a form of detriment in her social relationships

- stubborn

- her mom thinks she wants to be a veterinarian when she grows up, or literally anything professional, but Stacy is embarrassed to say she just wants to design cute clothes, her mom wouldn't care doe

- slight anxiety

- her mom was a teenager when she was born and so she was judged by her parents and her then-boyfriend sort of dumped her which is why Stacy's mom tells Stacy to not let others let her down because she learned self acceptance (don't ask me why I HC this but. Stacy's mom angst potential??? Im probably the only one who thinks this way uhhhh

Can't wait for that :D

(these aren't even headcanons bro I literally just made an oc and splashed it onto an already existing character)

I might add onto this in the future idk

#tmf #the music freaks #tmf stacy #tmf stacey #the music freaks stacy #stacy tmf #stacy the music freaks #Stacy's mom #cw uh....#cw teenage pregnancy #??#also i i made the weird hc for stacys mom because she just looks so young #im sorry #angst potential #tmf dracy #tmf drew

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moved-please-leave-me-alone · 1 year

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🖊 is this the riht emoji idk. i dont know about any of your ocs just tell me aboit the one thats the most sparkledoggy gay 100 weed oc ever

IN THAT CASE YOU ARE GOING TO LEARN ABOUT ZILLY!!!!

^ THE GIRL FOR REFERENCE

SO BASICALLY SOME BACKGROUKD FOR THE WORLD SHE LIVES IN she lives in a world called Planet Sparkledog in a society full of, you guessed it, Sparkledogs! Each Sparkledog, no matter their species (Emo, scene, rave, kandi, punk, etc) has their own special powers that they receive when they go to a mystical temple place, that depends on whatever their current interest is at the time (you can always go again in a few years if your powers don’t fit with your interest!) there’s so much more lore to the world BUT THIS IS ABOUT ZILLY!!!!

SO BASICALLY Zilly is very lonely and very friendly!!! She was bullied at a young age for being “strange” (autistic) but her conclusion was “I’m gonna autism EVEN HARDER!!!” and eventually ends up caught in a whirlwind adventure with a Sparkledog named Tyler (who is the only Sparkledog with no powers and is just a regular ass dog basically with very boring interests)

She always sees the good in people!!! And tries to be everyone’s friend, and be kind to all!!! Even if people don’t always return the favor ^^”

Her special power is art!!! She can draw anything with her tail and even create small objects! And also create life!!! She also ADORES comics, especially JTHM!!!! (Yes human things exist on this alien planet it’s a long story)

I know this isn’t. Coherent. Like at all JEJFJSJDJDJ but!!!! She is on my mind constantly

#jimmy.txt #we got a letter!#mutual mail!#OC TIME BABY

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swimfuel · 3 years

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okay humanstuck thoughts under the cut

i owe a lot of this to @/rhythmic-idealist's kankri/vantasposting bc holy shit theyve got such a big brain (ill link to their individual posts when im on desktop since im using this to keep all my thoughts straight and i agree with most of what they say wholeheartedly)

general status quo stuff:

signless works in an extremely demanding career involving helping others (i'm leaning towards an attorney who works with organizations and does pro bono work), and is also extensively involved in social justice work outside of his job... he is very rarely home

he loves and cares for his children deeply and tries to express it whenever they're face to face, but the couch in his cramped and messy office has seen far too much use over the years for him to have been able to say it enough

his habits of working himself to the point of exhaustion are handily passed down to his kids btw

the kids had to grow up quickly because signless was out of the house so often and so consistently—kankri, who was already pretty high-strung, has to learn to take care of himself and karkat

they grow up near ms firuzeh maryam, who's their pseudoaunt/grandma (she took in a nine year old kavana vantas when she was about twenty), but they just call her ms rosa

they spent a lot of time in the maryam house growing up, with miss rosa's two nieces. porrim is a year older than kankri, while kanaya and karkat are the same age

kankri grows kinda sensitive to people trying to mother him since it rubs against the notion that he's the "adult of the house" and that he can take care of himself and karkat just fine

(and it also kinda underlines the fact that kankri has no idea what he's doing at the best of times)

and ironically enough, kankri becomes overbearing and naggy towards karkat in his own right, which forestalls them becoming close in any brotherly sort of way

they grow up really just... unable to communicate with one another clearly

karkat develops his ornery exterior in response to kankri's constant stream of opinions and frantic attempts at making up for the presence of a guardian in the house

i think there would actually be some really interesting parallels with rose in this au.. maybe i'm drawing from my own experiences as well but i think he'd begin to assume that every time his brother opens his mouth, he's going to criticize karkat

but instead of reacting like rose with the "making yourself more of a puzzle"/passive aggressive stuff, he gets a more defensive/hackles raised/"argue with you before you can argue with me" approach

and the thing is that they do love each other and would take a bullet for the other etc etc etc.. but they don't know how to express it because they've fallen into these shitty patterns

and it really doesn't help that kankri has grown somewhat resentful of signless over the years... that mix of resentment and fear and love gets more extreme and more polar every time signless gets injured during a political demonstration

i think kankri and signless would also be slightly closer than karkat and signless, as signless' job really only started to ramp up when karkat was less than years old and kankri was in his early double digits

kankri autistic btw its word of god (i am god)

karkat has a pet crab. its name is also karkat. he vents his frustrations to it.

i feel like the vantases exemplify both the best and worst parts of their aspects with one another as well... the strength of their bonds keeps them together and grounded, but TOO grounded. [insert Blood rant here]

the Blood rant:

i define Blood as bonds, responsibility, and the "core". if Life is the fertile soil and everything living on a planet's surface, then Blood is the gravitational core of the planet keeping everything together

i also think Blood, Heart, & Mind work in tandem to define a person just as blood serves to connect the pieces of the human body... Heart is the soul and the self, Mind is the application of one's self through active choices (agency), while Blood defines both the self and the choices one makes in greater detail [and, as an aside, Life provides the physical spark of life needed to keep the heart pumping blood]

OKAY wow that got tangential anyways

SO BASICALLY! too much Blood makes you stagnate, so for example:

kankri is split between staying home with karkat or going to college across the country and being truly unbound for the first time in years

another crisis of Blood: signless is caught between his empathy and responsibility to the whole world and his responsibility to his own children

okay so here's more status quo stuff:

the maryam and vantas kids grow up together and its hilarious because you'll see them all together and its just like (girlboss) (girlboss) (physical manlet) (emotional manlet)

the maryam girls are actually miss rosa's nieces but she took them in when they were both pretty young

the pyropes know the vantases well enough considering pyrope senior and sign have known one another from their respective legal practices for years, but they live on the other side of town

the leijons lived in town when kankri and meulin were very young, but they moved and travelled for a long time before coming back and reestablishing their roots

the captors (psii being one of sign's oldest and closest friends) move into town with the peixes family pretty early on though

the condesce is.. a horrible spouse and guardian, to put it plainly. she's very emotionally manipulative and isn't averse to smacking people around, including her own family. she moves herself and her perfect little family into town so she can properly oversee a new business venture close by

feferi is one of the best young swimmers in the country and has a pretty good shot of getting onto the olympic team.. a lot of this drive to be perfect and to be better results from the condesce's unrelenting pressure and thinly veiled resentment throughout her whole life

so yeah psii, )(ic, feferi, and sollux all live together and it's really not great for anyone involved. (meenah ran away years ago, and crashed on aranea's couch for a pretty long while—mituna moved out with latula for college before psii and the condesce got married)

it gets bad to the point of sollux staying with the maryams for two months while the adults try to sort out that absolute clusterfuck and get the divorce proceedings going (meenah finally convinces feferi to get out and come stay with her and aranea for the duration as well)

in terms of relationships i think latula and porrim were really really close in high school, and probably had some kind of unacknowledged thing going on for a while that never actually turned into anything because latula and mituna were going steady

kankri has had a crush on latula for years but never acted on it for similar reasons

meenah still carries a lot of that give no fucks attitude (it's developed moreso as a defense mechanism here) and can't understand why feferi refuses to leave the condesce with her

okay back to VANTAS MANPAIN i also think that karkat feels the weight of a lot of expectations on his shoulders as well

he feels responsible to live up to the example his dad and his brother set, even if it's to his own detriment—and kankri's oblivious rambling about his grades and his teachers and all his clubs certainly aren't helping the matter

kankri is one of those overinvolved kids taking a million AP's while simultaneously shitting on the collegeboard at every single step

hes this super overachiever anal retentive perfectionist type dude and (just as karkat preemptively criticizes others to forestall their criticisms of him only to harshly criticize himself) kankri subconsciously holds the people around him to the same expectations he holds for himself

so karkat also develops this sense of lacking which, in combination with everything else, culminates in self loathing and thinking he has to solve everyone else's problems and getting horribly mad at himself for every little mistake

GOD i have a lot more but lemme post this before i accidentally close out of the app and lose it all

more little details:

vriska's mom and terezi's mom HATE each other like HATE HATE HATE one another it's so bad

karkat wrote a ten page review of my immortal in middle school

jade is one of nepeta's best online friends

sollux can't raise one eyebrow at a time.. karkat gives him so much grief about it

the vantases eat a lot of shitty renditions of persian dishes until karkat learns to cook because literally the only person in the world with a CHANCE of getting KANKRI VANTAS to make an EDIBLE DISH is miss rosa

kanaya is really good at persian dance too but is VERY VERY embarassed to perform in front of people.. however porrim definitely is not

karkat has insomnia while kankri just stays up stupidly late for assignments that really shouldnt be taken that seriously.. but they both have the same rumination/sleep anxiety thing where your brain goes insane with horrible and depressing scenarios as you try to sleep

and more ideas that i thought were interesting but idk how to fit in the context of this au:

signless and disciple getting married pretty late in life after having been in love for years, the vantases move in with the leijons and karkat suddenly has two sisters

nepeta and karkat are both juniors at this point, meulin is probably in her third year at a local college nearby while kankri is about to start his second year at a university pretty far away

the kids in general honestly but ill figure it out

more random hcs this time with kids:

kanaya and rose get into a flame war online that gradually settles into elaborate courtship rituals

also nepeta + jade online besties

also bec can inexplicably still teleport

the first sbahj movie comes out and the next six months of dave strider junior's high school career are absolute hell

actually hc that dave senior goes by d strider professionally. the d stands for a lot of things

aradia and dave frequent a lot of the same forums but never end up really interacting

meanwhile karkat and john frequent a lot of the same forums and DEFINITELY end up interacting. this turns into grudging (at least on karkat's part) friendship after they find themselves fighting for their lives defending an objectively shitty movie together on the same thread

#humanstuck #vantas family #.

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cabin-13 · 4 years

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u said self indulgent nico hcs?? 👀👀

ajkdsjkkj when I say self-indulgent, it’s Self-Indulgent and i pretty much ignore richard’s canon / haven't reread the books from either series in a long time nor have i read toa but if ur really interested... (long post ahead, sorry!)

nb nico is top tier

goes by he/they pronouns

touristcore aesthetic that’s slowly encroaching into e-person territory

he’s The Blueprint

likes thorn from the hex girls (even the reboot ver.) but digs dusk’s look more

how is this related u may ask?

yeah, i answer

idc abt canon so he and drew are bitchy friends and drew rags on his appearance constantly while brushing his hair but throws in self-care tips btwn loving insults

nico: you know im not a boy right

drew: doesnt change the fact you look like a wet rat, sweetie <3

i will forever stand by reynico being (platonic) soulmates and im gonna b extra self-indulgent and say they were friends in previous lives too and that’s why they vibed w each other so well <3

speaking of previous lives, well.... heh..

(no but really, this hc is kinda embarassing but , if u want elaboration uhhhhhhhhhh)

i know nico only has like. a 5th grade education but i like to think he would be a good student ... if anything i think hades would at least homeschool him with the ghosts of (famous) teachers ??? he seems to be naturally curious and he’s kind of a smart ass (not in a mean way) in canon idk

polyglot nico! polyglot nico! polyglot nico!!!! he becomes the go-to translator at camp ( like he isn't already sjkjskjdk)

yes he would know asl. why? bc i said so and rick needs to include include some hoh/deaf characters within the greek/roman pantheon <3 (if there is, not counting hearthstone from mcga)

leo finds out abt nico knowing spanish bc he once snorted at a joke he said and now leo won’t stop telling him shit like “¿cuál es la fruta que más se ríe? .... la naranja, ja, ja, ja --”

ironically has the best hair at chb (rick once said the di angelos had silky hair in the titan’s curse i think + reyna said something abt his hair too in boo ?? i'll have to check...) once he cleans up and the aphrodite kids are seething

nico’s hair starting to gray at a young age is also an interesting concept ! i think tumblr user fuocogo drew something ft that and it stuck with me

really self indulgent but he’s roman at heart (maybe even Literally. i read somewhere that an italian fan said the di angelos fit the desc. of modern day romans better than venicians ?? if i find it, i’ll link it >>>)

i like to think his family are legacies of victoria seeing as he’s always one of the key pieces / an important informant for winning both wars ... plus his grandpa was a diplomat and uhhh idk where I was going w this ngl

speaking of family, I need to know if the di angelo bloodline no longer exists assuming maria was an only child and there was no mention of any other di angelos aside from her parents ..? i like the idea of nico finding out that he has more family tho !!

also I would love it if rick cleared up where and when he met maria pls and thank u <3

I MISS BABY NICO’S PERSONALITY SM ... which is why i propose that whenever one of his friend’s see his eyes sparkling and arms waving while he babbles abt whatever topic, they think it’s really cute !!!! like !! keep talking !!

he gets embarrassed when he sees his friends smiling at him but it kinda makes him a bit teary eyed bc it’s been so long since he was able to talk abt his interests without being shut down / forcing himself to keep quiet because he felt like he was being too childish/annoying

what im saying is that he should be able to act like a kid bc he is one !!!! he's 14 !!!!!

he either has the cutest laugh or the weirdest laugh and it strictly depends on who ur asking

i feel like he sneezes like a kitten...............he sneezes and everyone whips their head around to look at him and he’s never wanted to dig a hole and put himself in it more than now

i like the imagery of tinkling bells being associated with him so im gonna sayyy he would have a necklace with a little bell (something like this kinda ??) and yes, leo would’ve made it for him as a joke kinda but not really

valdangelo (either as a friendship or nah) is underrated

like ur telling me this kid has a metal dragon and builds the coolest things ever and nico doesn't even think it’s a little bit cool ?? nah. rr did them dirty.

the kids at camp love him and i won't take no for an answer

he brings out ye ol’ mythomagic figurines to explain/show them the monsters and gods of the greek pantheon

it’s a win-win situation bc he gets to babble abt his hyperfixation and the kids get to learn abt what they're gonna get into in a way that’s better than the camp orientation film (since nico’s literally the only one who’s seen it ((but i think the stolls wanted to check it out too ??)) )

they give him a “camp’s best counselor <3333” mug and he cries abt it to reyna and hazel

yes he’s wearing an unusual amount of friendship bracelets no he's not gonna take them off shut up

unfortunately im team short!nico bc i want 2 see him get engulfed by the hugs his sisters (yes this includes reyna) and friends give him !!!

he wears demonia platform sneakers / doc martens (and converse but that’s p much a given) thank you <3

piper/nico friendship ... I Need It

they borrow each other’s clothes constantly

leo and them clown on jason and jason is Suffering but he loves them all so it’s ok

piper could probably carry nico

nico stress bakes

yeah

he and clovis become good friends and hang out in the dream world and u know what, im gonna say they’re cuddle buddies too. clovis seems like he would give nice hugs !

im a sucker for nico having friends from different pantheons too !!! also becoming sort-of friends with gods/immortals of different pantheons !!

the underworld demigod discord gc is cursed; one moment they're all talking abt how they're pretty much fated to stay in the underworld while they're both living and after they die but the next moment someone says they want a hug and a chorus of “yeah...”’s follows.

nico was a momma’s boy most definitely

speaking of which, i like to think that while him and bianca looked like their dad and mom respectively, it would’ve switched when they got older ?? idk

autistic nico ..... rick make it canon and not btwn the lines......

idk how to explain this one bc it’s just Plain Weird but . i feel like . nico would like?? hang out under his bed ??? maybe i’ll draw a pic or something and edit this later sjjdjkddk

this is just me projecting but he hates looking at mirrors / seeing himself in photos bc the person he sees doesn't match the person he sees in his head ?? if that makes sense ??? like he doesn't look like the nico he used to be bc of how much his appearance changed ? idk

uhhh he sometimes hallucinates, esp when he was in tartarus and in the month after coming out of the jar

maybe i’ll elaborate on this later ..

i need more annabeth and nico friendship pls...... both of them like/liked percy and now he can't stop getting clowned

HOWEVER.... if I see one more “not his/my type” joke im going to delete my tumblr

speaking of which, i have a conspiracy theory abt Things, but i don't wanna get my ass sniped into next tuesday

introvert leo forcing himself to be the group comedian even though he’d much rather be with machines and extrovert nico who pushes ppl away so he doesn't get hurt but desiring the company of another type vibes. im not gonna elaborate.

his latest hyperfixation is pokemon and his favorite pokemon are gengar and skitty, but jirachi and mimikyuu are close seconds

has a crush on N Harmonia and a bunch of the male gym leaders no im not gonna elaborate

this isn't a hc but. rick u really gotta stop writing abt ppl automatically distrusting nico because of his appearance / godly parent (although some were kinda warranted based of their personal history even though nico still pulled through in the end) im getting tired of reading abt ppl wanting to like. hurt him or Actually hurting him for stuff he didn't have control of sjkjsjkdsjkdk (like wtf happened with frank when hazel got poisoned?? I thought frank actually liked nico ahjkjsjkf)

uhhhhh that’s p much it ?????? sorry for the long ass post .. maybe i’ll write abt him more if ppl really want me to...

#nico di angelo #pjo #please tell me to shut the fuck up #im mortified #null.txt

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hol-eage · 5 years

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I keep wondering wether I have autisms or not. I'm a girl and I feel like there is not much info about it or it seems incomplete. Any advice?

hey darling! I’ve gotten similar asks a few times

theres a huge amount to go over in working this out, this reply is gonna be long im sorry!!!

I think one of the biggest ways to feel it out and get a grasp on whether you might be autistic is to... use autistic coping strategies

I found myself feeling reaffirmed once i saw how much easier my life was when i was sensory regulating for the first time,

years of therapy and anxiety/mood coping strategies didnt make as much impact as realising that the root of so many of my problems was my oversensitivity to light and sound and touch, and my under-sensitivity to smell

things i do to regulate:

//putting a hat/cap on when its not gloomy, //wearing headphones 90% of the time, //purposely stimming to regulate (sniffing wood scented candles, //looking at crystals/glass that reflects light, //pacing in circles for hours, //rocking, //my weighted blanket...)

//having soft lighting in my room, an eye mask for sleeping and when im in sensory overload, //loud full volume music, //routine (routine! routine! Routine!), //not forcing myself to eat foods that made me uncomfortable or //wear clothes that were itchy or uncomfy

so thats a good place to start!

🌩🦇

things to search for

Go onto the hashtag #actuallyautistic,

I personally have a highlight on my instagram @/hgjosephine called ‘Calm’ thats about autism

stay away from parent led conversation (so fucking misinformed, abusive and depressing), stay away from autism speaks (disgusting charity), stay away from male autism stuff (not bc its bad and there are overlaps but overall i find it incredibly unhelpful and confusing in relation to my autistic experience)

I think the organisation National Autistic Society is safe! So read up information from them

🍂🌩

Good things to search youtube for are:

-Stimming

-masking

-executive dysfunction

-special interests

-Ted talks by girls/women with autism

-Burnout

-“Why functioning labels are harmful”

-Shutdowns

-Meltdowns

-Nonverbal

-emotional regulation

-Sensory overload

-Sensory processing

-girls with autism misdiagnosis

-Autism spectrum (learning what the spectrum is exactly is incredibly important, and isnt readily shared or understood!!!)

⛈🚏

A beautiful little documentary on youtube by the Channel 4 News called ‘Autism documentary: inside the UK’s only school for autistic girls’

In this documentary something the head teacher said struck a chord with me,

“We need to go looking for the lost girls. The girls who might need a diagnosis but haven’t had one because I suspect that they’re often excluded from school, they may be in prisons or young offenders centres, they may be living homeless. They’re vulnerable and misunderstood.”

The second she said “lost girls” I burst into tears, idk man it just feels like that’s what we are, it’s the most accurate description and it’s fucking heart breaking.

🧶🧦

The youtuber ‘Agony Autie’ is also beautiful and a wonderful resource,

Another good youtuber is Amythest Scaber

🌌🗺

An autistic illustrator who sometimes does autism specific illustrations is @/petite_gloom on instagram

🍂🐻

I personally got referred by the mental health team (when they realised my problems didnt stem from mental health and my mental health problems were a side effect of living as an undiagnosed, unsupported autistic girl)

So if you have problems with anxiety or anything like that and can be referred to a mental health team they will be more supportive and understanding

Though if not, talking to your GP is a start, asking to be assessed for autism

(long long waiting list in most places, in the UK at least)

Doctors will be less informed on girls with Autism as the research is still new, so taking a print out from a site like National Autistic Society might be helpful.

You may find that you’ve been mislabelling things that youve been going through, examples i have are:

//Thinking meltdowns were panic attacks,

//Thinking sensory problems making me breakdown and cry (for no apparent reason) was depression,

//Thinking burnout was depression

//Thinking agitation and tics were moodswings and anxiety (they are mood swings and anxiety but using different labels helps you understand the root of it is autism based rather than mental health based)

🌃⛈

If you need any specific tips then im more than happy to give advice! Questions on coping in certain situations, stimming suggestions, specifics on any of the things i listed etc etc

Good luck! I hope you’re safe:( i’m rooting for you!!!!!

#diary #autism #actuallyautistic

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redandfranticfeelings · 5 years

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an autistic analysis, lyric by lyric, of ‘i love play rehearsal’

ive been hyperfixating over bmc for the last month and i keep thinking about how autistic the main characters are and christine is so very very very autistic coded to me. so i decided im just going to straight up deconstruct the lyrics of her signature song in the context of her being autistic (and also having adhd, but my experience is mostly in autism)

this is very very rambley and based more on personal experience than research, so i doubt itll be interesting to anybody but me, but i just want to talk about christine, the autistic queen

I love play rehearsal Because its the best! Because it is fun. I love play rehearsal and I get depressed as soon as its done.

it goes without saying that chrstine’s special interest is theater right? the way she treats it as the “highlight of [her] life” and then switches into this song after acting completely awkward and disinterested in jeremy outside of the context of him being engaged in her special interest.

But not depressed as in like kill yourself depressed No, im not into self-harm Dude, I swear, here check my arm!

overexplaining in a way that reads very much like speaking before she thinks, even though bringing up self harm in casual conversation with someone you barely talk to is not exactly proper etiquette. i think this is also an adhd trait? going faster than your own brain. that’s basically this whole song.

See, I just use the word to emphasise a point, Show the passion I have got I am passionate a lot. I have mad, gigantic feelings, Red and frantic feelings, About most everything Like gun control, like spring,

a lot of people assume autistic people are typically emotionless but it’s also very easy for us to get caught up in emotional issues especially when it comes to stuff we love, and it catches us off guard. christine being hyperempathetic is implied later in the show when she has that awful survivors’ guilt over making fun of rich and jake, and it also plays into her being so socially conscious as well.

Like if I’m living up to all I’m meant to be.

being an high school junior is really rough bc of all the decisions that have to be made regarding college and your future as an independent adult, and being autistic just makes it worse bc it can easily lead to burnout to deal with so much at once, if you even can comprehend these things much at all (i had no idea what to do, lol). i doubted my ability to grow up and succeed constantly because i had no idea who to talk to and what questions to ask and how to present myself. that’s something that a lot of people worry about, but having social delays makes it way more of a pressing issue than it is for neurotypicals, i feel.

I also have a touch of ADD. Where was I? Oh, right!

self explanatory and very canon. adhd and autism can be diagnosed simultaneously nowadays and the symptoms overlap a lot, btw.

I love play rehearsal, Cause’ you are equiped with direction and text, Life is easy in rehearsal, You follow a script so you know what comes next. Anywho the point that I’m getting to is sometimes life can’t work out in the way It works out in the play

this part screams autistic culture to me. unpredictability is scary because social situations don’t always go smoothly like in fiction! this is why social scripting is a popular therapy tactic for autistic children- you have to manually study social situations like a script. theater is something meant to be memorized and recited until you’re able to process it and manufacture emotion, but honestly for autistic kids, life feels a lot like that sometimes. remember how miserable she got when one of her favorite plays had the script changed without her permission to make a whole new story she doesn’t know? of course that’s just upsetting on its own, but in the context of her knowing theater so well and being fully prepared for one story only to be forced to learn a new one? ouch.

christine is never shown as comfortable outside her element- she hides in a book during “more than survive” and shrinks into nothing at the party. it’s a recurring theme that she has no idea exactly who she is, struggles with her identity outside of theater, and despite not really caring about how people see her, she does care about her own ability. socializing makes her feel awkward, especially when something totally unexpected happens like jake or jeremy asking her out. if she doesn’t have a plan or routine or, well, a script, then she can’t trust herself to go forward.

Like the only time I get to be the center of attention, Is when I’m Juliet or Blanche DuBois

as an autistic theater kid, i just really do relate to being clueless and dumb in real life but being able to totally thrive on the stage, because you can channel the energy that is usually misplaced in real life social interactions, and transfer it through dialogue and song and dance that someone else laid out nicely for you.

and can I mention? That was really one of my best roles, Did you see that?

an epic combination of letting your mind wander easily without caring about making sense to the person you’re speaking to, and taking every opportunity to infodump. in a lot of productions she even mimics her blanche voice just for fun. jeremy tries to respond here but she doesn’t care because she’s in her own brain where everything only really seems to make sense to her.

And no matter how hard I try, It’s impossible to narrow down the many reasons why, I love play rehearsal. I happiness cry whenever it starts!

if she isn’t being hyperbolic then this plays into my ‘so much emotion it’s hard to control’ thing detailed a bit above. either way, big special interest mood.

It’s just so universal Getting to try playing so many parts. Most humans do one thing for all of their lives, The thought of that gives me hives! I’ve got so many interests I wanna pursue,

it’s a lot easier to lose yourself and connect to your special interest than focus on your very complex, very overwhelming real life issues. escaping into fiction and being able to play in a variety of social situations as a totally different person, yay theater!

in general i just like the idea of christine struggling to visualize who she is and thinking about a lot of hypothetical but being unable to choose which one is most desirable or plausible. idk if that’s autistic or just a fun character trait lol. i know jumping from interest to interest is an adhd thing though.

this little passage is good for at least showing that christine distinguishes herself from ‘most humans’ in a way that isn’t so much ‘not like other girls’ but like ‘life is so much more confusing to me than it seems to be to others’ (which the show proposes isn’t exactly true and is the same closed-mindedness that jeremy has, though christine realizes it sooner; however; the sentiment rings true in that christine, as a neurodiverse young woman, has a lot more hoops to jump through than a neurotypical classmate.)

And why am I telling this to you? Guess there’s a part of me that wants to.

jeremy is also very autistic coded in my eyes, but that’s a separate post. i just like them being drawn to each other through that sort of kinship. also if you interpret her as having an unrealized requited crush on him…well, i think for a lot of us, romantic love is easy to confuse with friend love, if even that, because the specifics of emotions are a mess to unravel. (which also explains her confusion on her relationship with jake)

oh and right after this, she starts squawking just because she had the impulse to do so. vocal stimming, much?

Back to play rehearsal, My brain is like ‘bzzz’ My heart is like 'wow’

my brain is always like bzzz honestly lol. this is generally a pretty good way to describe being hyperfocused.

Because we’re here at play rehearsal, and it’s starting, We’re starting, It’s starting, Sooo-ooon.

it’s been confirmed as a deliberate decision that christine’s songs never end on a rhyme, except when she’s squipped and it isn’t ‘really’ her, because she subverts everyone’s expectations, including jeremy’s. i feel that could make for a nice simplified metaphor for autism, right?

#christine canigula #autistic headcanons #allistics can reblog!#be more chill #bmc #gif #long post #queue are so busted #i might do something like this for loser geek whatever and/or more than survive #or even just bmc songs in general if i cant get enough material from them individually #be more neurodivergent #kin tag

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garlique · 3 years

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all the things i would tell my mom if i went back to my ten year old self with what i know now

under a cut because it got really really long i guess i have a lot to say to her lol

1. hi mom i know i look like yr ten year old but im actually yr 19 year old. im gonna tell u some things i need from u and i need u to write these down and remember them

2. im fucking transgender, i found this out for myself at like 14 or 15. im going to change my name twice; both of my h names are deadnames. my gender is also a lot more complex than i’ll realize it is but with you and dad, i will settle on the name miles and he/him pronouns. please please actually take me to get new clothes when i come out i might tell you i don’t need it but i really really want it. also you and dad for years have nasty habit of calling me the wrong name and pronouns when you get mad at me. i don’t know if it’s because you genuinely want to hurt me by doing it or if it’s just that you still think of me as a girl named ****** and can’t hide it when you’re emotional but jesus christ does it fuck me up. dont do that shit. also pls dont leave me to transition on my own. im a child with a lot of issues and because you help me so little with my transition i’ve been yet unable to get top surgery. im incapable because

3. i am really fucked in the head and idk how much of it is nature vs nurture. i have adhd, am autistic, have *, believe i’ve been depressed my entire life, and have been having panic attacks since i was around 6. i also have cptsd; i dont know if telling you this will make that better, because im already really traumatized. but my first memory in my entire life was sitting on the closed toilet late at night while you brushed your teeth, sobbing because i was having a panic attack and you brushed me off and sent me back to bed where i continued to have a panic attack until i wore myself out enough that i couldnt physically keep my eyes open. which brings me to my next point

4. i need MORE from you. as a 19 year old before this i have SO many issues with trusting people and getting help. i have a form of ptsd which i believe is partly due to what i consider your emotional neglect. i dont know what you can do to make it better because if i did i probably would have asked for it in this timeline. but it really is not my responsibility to make sure YOU can parent me effectively. how are you so unaware of my emotional needs?

5. YOU need to receive mental help. by the time i’m like 15 or 16 you seem from my perspective to hate your life and you LOVE to unload it onto me. i remember telling you SO MANY TIMES that you should see a therapist (i started therapy freshman year) and every single time i suggested it you will say “no i dont need therapy” . which is because you used ME as your therapist. please dont fucking do that to me. you can tell me about your life and your day to day but holy shit the amount of breakdowns i had because of what you told me? please for the love of god you have so much fucking trauma please please please get help this is how generational cycles begin and is the main reason i decided at like 17 to never have kids.

6. in either 5th or 6th grade im going to get lyme disease and im not going to tell you because you told me when i was very young that you hated taking me to the doctors and so im not going to tell you for months that i can’t use one of my arms or that i can’t put weight on one of my legs. if i remember right it first showed up in my right shoulder abt 3 months after YOU injure your shoulder and so when i first tell you my shoulder hurts you tell me that it doesn’t and that i’m just mimicking you. please just take me to the doctor in like february instead of june. im basically fucking crippled as a 19 year old and i think it is in large part because of the lyme disease

7. please for the love of god please please fucking take me to the dentist regularly

8. in 9th grade early/mid december im going to confess to a friend that i am feeling suicidal and she and basically everyone else in my life who finds out is going to handle it terribly. im going to attempt suicide again in the spring of my sophomore year and it’s going to be awful for everybody again. after that attempt you don’t let me shower by myself for three months. i know it’s because you’re scared to lose me but i’m going to tell you a little secret: im terrified of dying. i dont Actually want to die. i just have so little control of my brain that dying or sleeping for a long long time is the only way i can see to get my shit under control. in 8th grade i make friends who are terrible for me and spend my nights talking them out of suicide. here is where i learn how to keep people alive lol. i dont know what you can do to help me that won’t make me hate or resent you but i’m telling you now so that maybe if you have the time you can prepare.

9. abt my mental health: pls take me to get autism/adhd tests n diagnoses. my * diagnosis will b impossible to get before i turn 18 and i am going to try to keep it from u . i promise u tho raising an autistic kid is not as hard as it seems and by now im so fucking traumatized that i’ve already learned to internalize everything

10. when im in high school i forget what year you severely injure yourself and spend a really long time in the hospital and rehab. this is what i feel most guilty about in my entire life: that the time you were gone was literally the easiest few months of my life. right abt two weeks before you do that is when i decide that you weren’t a good parent to me and that i am no longer safe around u; maybe if we can deal with some shit now we can have a better experience. btw i feel like it would b cruel if i didnt tell you so here r the brief details of yr injury **

11. by the time im in college i have constant panic attacks and dissociate heavily for the weeks before i have to leave college to come home. you need to take me seriously, i don’t know what else i can say to make this believable. i’m already real fucked up; you need to change the future for me or it WILL affect me for the rest of my life. i latch on to every woman who’s older than me who’s nicer to me; i think that’s the definition of mommy issues

12. i came back to tell you this because i really do believe you can change. if i thought there was no hope i wouldn’t have bothered telling you this. i think you can change because you DO love me (speaking of which telling me i love you but i don’t like you is? kinda fucked up? maybe don’t say that to a child ever again although i think by now you’ve stopped saying it because that will set me up with some fucked up ideas of love until i really begin to be loved by other people) and i think you want the best for me and i think you would want to change so that i could have a better life. i love you and i believe in you

#pleaseeeee dont rb this #this was so fucking therapeutic to write out?? obv this is not ALL i want to say to her but its def a start :3 this feels good #and my anxiety is way down now hehe

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noddytheornithopod · 7 years

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I was tagged by @fryferbfringefan44. Now, I have to post 10 characters from 10 fandoms. I’m gonna take some liberties here and bend the rules by not necessarily picking top faves, but faves nonetheless and characters I want to talk about that I don’t really get to in other memes. Be ready, I’m gonna use this to let off some steam. :V

1. Isabella Garcia-Shapiro (Phineas and Ferb): I can’t help but feel controversial here because while I’d hardly call her unpopular, I always get the feeling that most people either don’t care about her much or that the main reason they like her is because they ship her with Phineas (or Ferb, or some other character even). Meanwhile I’m sitting here cringing at my old Phinabella days, and am in that odd sliver that seems to really like her but don’t really focus too much on the Phineas aspect, even if I still have some dreaded Phinabella inside me I’m trying to suppress? I mean, I didn’t even realise she had a crush on Phineas until a year after I discovered the show (yep, I didn’t see crush episodes like how Linda never sees Phineas and Ferb’s inventions). So anyway, I just think she’s really damn cool. She’s hypercompetent like the rest of her peers, she cares about things that matter (in particular the Fireside Girls) as well as her friends, she’s not afraid to speak her mind (well, besides one thing), plus she’s funny, cute and while probably being the most “normal” out of Phineas and Ferb’s group of friends can still have her moments of quirkiness (just watch Return Policy or Face Your Fear, lol). I also find some of her flaws quite interesting, like a lot of her friends we actually see she cares enough about the Fireside Girls to the point where it has given her anxiety over potential failure, and sometimes she has a need for attention (I really like the episode where she’s competing with Candace over attention for Melissa the young Fireside Girl because of this). Granted her central character arc still revolves around Phineas and I understand why some don’t really care for that, but admittedly I like that kind of stuff too (in b4 “problematic fave” comments from people). On one hand I feel like we focused only on her crush at specific times and not nearly as much as some people make it out to be, but on the other hand her crush on Phineas is just super adorable? I think it might actually be because I kind of relate to her (I often remind myself of her at times admittedly, even if there’s other characters I’m more like XD), like there’s loads of characters that exist as love interests but Isabella actually managed to engage me probably because we actually followed her and her feelings instead of her just being some random girl for Phineas to try and impress (I guess I’m saying she was at least active in her own romance storyline, before then I had only really seen boys chasing after girls)? IDK if I’m making sense, but I guess I’m saying even if I think she’s able to stand on her own with her other attributes and is admirable in that regard I can’t help but really relate to the crush stuff too, which is maybe why I like her more than some people (and again, still not in the super shippy wants-her-to-be-with-Phineas-at-all-costs way). But yeah, as you can see I think Isabella is awesome and she’ll always have a special spot as a fave.

2. Jasper (Steven Universe): I choose Jasper because I feel like some people are being somewhat unfair on her? Like, I feel like some people are underestimating how complex she is and that she’s not going to be the “true villain.” Steven Universe never works that way, not even with characters like the Diamonds, you can even ask the writers and they’ll say they don’t do actual villains. Plus, lots of people have gone “true villain” on characters like Peridot when she first appeared, and now look at where she is! Anyway, Jasper’s story is honestly really gripping and also quite tragic. Sure, she works as a great antagonist against the Crystal Gems, but when we piece together where she came from we really get to see why she is the way she is, and she’s actually quite sympathetic. I mean, in her last appearance in Earthlings, I was on the verge of tears. She’s not just some thug, she has things she cares about and has experienced real hurt, and has become quite messed up as a result. Oh, and I can’t wait for her to come back. She’s gotta be back eventually.

3. CT-5555, aka “Fives” (Star Wars): I always enjoyed the clone troopers, but one of my favourites was always Fives. I was always invested in the Domino Squad storyline, and how they rose through the ranks and eventually became ARC Troopers. However, when things got really interesting for me was the Umbara story arc. Here, we not only saw Fives’ capabilities as a soldier, but with Pong Krell taking control of the 501st Legion he actually started to show more colours to his personality. In particular, we got to see that he cared more about what he thought was right than simply following orders without question. Unfortunately, even if that saved him and his fellow clones on Umbara, it would doom him when he learned about Order 66. Fives may have done the right thing, but when the entire Republic is against you for trying to reveal what they perceive as some conspiracy theory, you’re not going to go out well (especially if you have the Sith involved). I just really liked seeing a clone grow rebellious and then renegade but still cared about his duty because it’s either all loyalty or fuck the army, it was a nice balance. It was just committing the crime of asking questions that doomed him (and gosh his death is so sad). At least Rex seemed to listen to his warning though. :’)

4. Bradley Nicholson (Milo Murphy’s Law): IDK if I’ve talked about Bradley much, but he’s just such a blast to watch. Of course there’s the added bonus of Vincent Martella voicing a character radically different from Phineas, but even then he’s just really funny, the voice acting just enhances that. He’s also quite interesting, given that he’s jealous of Milo and the attention he gets, plus he seems kind of lonely. I really want to see him interact with Milo in the future and see whether he changes his opinion on him, or if he somehow grows even more envious while he grows on the others.

5. Makuta Teridax (Bionicle): Yeah, Teridax here is a pretty standard villain with standard villain traits. Selfish, arrogant, wants power, views his subordinates as nothing but tools, associated with darkness, etc. The reason he has left a mark on me is because he’s not only good at what he does, he’s epic at it. They could’ve just had him be some typical dark lord type, but he ended up developing into a character that is able to plan things out to a ridiculous extent. As a result, he would always find ways to be steps ahead of the heroes, and he would even go as far as letting himself be severely defeated and letting them win if it meant achieving his ultimate endgame. Everyone was being played like a puppet, he was powerful but his manipulation and planning is what made him so competent. Oh yeah, and he ended up winning. It literally took a moon to the head to finally take him down, but even then he had already unleashed so much terror on the world that was now his.

6. Keith (Voltron: Legendary Defender): I’m pretty new to VLD so I might not really be as in-depth here now, but Keith is definitely one of my favourite characters in the show. For starters, he’s just really badass. Seriously, he might be reckless at times, but at least he’s not to the point of being foolish, he’s really good at what he does. Also the whole storyline with him being Galra was really interesting, The Blade of Marmora is probably one of my favourite episodes of the show so far. I was already invested in his need for answers, but there he was willing to go to dangerous lengths to get what he wanted. At least the hell he went through was worth it.

7. Alister Azimuth (Ratchet and Clank): Most of the final bosses in Ratchet and Clank games are villains, but here it was literally the mentor character for Ratchet. Granted I’ve never been too savvy with video games, but this twist here when I first saw A Crack in Time blew me away. He’s one of the last of his entire species and has lost everyone who was ever close to him, but when he sees the chance to go back in time, he can’t help but take it. Problem is that he will rip apart time if he actually tries that. It’s actually really dramatic to fight him at the end because throughout the entire game Azimuth had been helping out Ratchet despite stuff from his past slipping into the open (oh yeah, he also feels personally responsible for unwitting helping the one to get rid of the Lombaxes), but when Ratchet and Clank tell him using The Great Clock to alter time would be dangerous, he decides to stop playing nice. He’s rough throughout the entire game, but now he’s not taking anything from anyone. He needed to go back and undo the mistakes of the past, but he had to end up fighting someone who is the son of his once best friend to do it. Granted he’s brought to his senses by the end, but he does end up dying to reverse the time travel process.

8. Connor Temple (Primeval): I don’t remember much of Primeval, but I always liked Connor. Sure, a lot of the time he was there to be goofy and provide comic relief, but he was also really intelligent and knew his stuff. It’s also cool seeing him grow more important with each series, even if in the end his technological skills almost fuck up the Earth since he was being played by the antagonists. Just a fun and cool character.

9. Max Jerry Horowitz (Mary and Max): Mary and Max isn’t a film for the faint of heart (...like me), but Max has always meant a lot to me. He was the first time I had ever seen an Autistic character that felt real, and not just some stereotype or gag. We get to know him and all of the stuff he’s been through, and you can’t help but feel for the guy. He also wasn’t afraid to be himself despite how much hell the world put him through, which is really great to see. Also yay for a character that actually supports neurodiversity in some shape or form!

10. Donna Noble (Doctor Who): Donna was the first companion I got to know on Doctor Who, and she’s still my favourite. I enjoyed seeing someone with a relationship with the Doctor that was platonic but still strong and obviously meant as much as any other kind of relationship, and she was a lot of fun. I understand some found her annoying at first, but if she didn’t start there she wouldn’t have had such great character growth, learning to grow more confident in herself and overcome her insecurities. She was really funny as well, not to mention unafraid to speak up about things. The way she left the show was absolutely heartbreaking though...

I’m not tagging anyone, but if you’re reading this an interested feel free to do this.

#ask #meme #long post #Phineas and Ferb #steven universe #star wars #milo murphy's law #bionicle #voltron: legendary defender #ratchet and clank #primeval #mary and max #doctor who

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nemhaine42 · 7 years

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here follows a rant

There’s something about how Jack is usually written* like he’s from the stone age when it comes to technology and pop culture. It’s kind of irritating. Jack Zimmermann is one single solitary year younger than I am, and I relate to Jack a lot. Not so much in terms of being rich, good-looking hockey royalty but more in the sense of mentally ill, possibly autistic spec, kind of awkward, lgbtqa kid. The ‘unfamiliar with apps’ and whatever bugs me because there are similar things that I’m unfamiliar with but it’s not because I’m an idiot or a dinosaur, it’s because i don’t care. Both Jack and I are perfectly capable of understanding what Snapchat is for. I know what Snapchat is. I don’t care. I tried Twitter, twice in fact. I didn’t like it. It wasn’t fun for me. I feel like the same probably applies to Jack, especially because I stopped caring about that shit in like 2009 which is exactly when Jack OD’d.

If I was going to write ‘behind with technology’ Jack, I would write it this way: the first mobile phone he ever had was probably around the turn of the century, and it likely had a screen about a inch wide and half an inch tall. It had like eight ringtones on it that were nothing but chirrups and beeps, and he misses that thing like hell because it was the first one he learned to use. He used the abc def method of texting, he was really fast at it around 2004 when he was talking to Kent. He could probably still text fast like that if they still made phones with that input method rather than qwerty touchscreens. The only reason he upgraded the thing was because Bob accidentally washed it. The one he got after that was tiny, minute, like that one in Zoolander. And he thinks phones should last way longer than they actually do. Because when they were new and exciting to him, that technology didn’t move forward as fast as it does now. I had phones for several years before feeling it was out of date. Then like last year when I tried to get my phone fixed, I found that they didn’t even make the model I had anymore and it wasn’t even a year old. So to Jack, smartphones are just phones. They call, they text, they have alarms. Maybe ten years ago he bothered putting custom ringtones on his phone, now he just picks a standard one because who cares. Mine is just the one that sounds the most like an actual phone… used to.

Jack probably still has an iPod separate from his phone, even though his phone is fully capable of being both. He comes from a rich family, he probably got a really good early model iPod for a birthday or Christmas or something. Bob probably washed that too. He probably got really excited when they came out with ones in fancy colours, and picked a colour, then kept on picking that colour for iPods as well as other stuff. My colour was silver, so now I like a lot of other tech to be silver. My gut is telling me Jack’s was yellow :\

Music. Holy shit, music. I know it can be geographically specific but a lot of US and Canada stuff worms its way over here. I started listening to music - like seriously listening, having it to accompany everything i did, following certain bands and collecting CDs - in 1996/7, when the Spice Girls were popular. I liked a lot of what seemed to be “little girl music” so maybe that wasn’t Jack’s cup of tea, idk. But after that, through the early and mid 00s, music in the style of classic rock and metal was much more widespread and popular than it is now. It was the beginning of emo, okay? Jack listened to MCR and no-one can convince me otherwise. Sum 41, Blink-182, Linkin Park, Green Day. He maybe liked a little Marylin Manson, Eminem and 50 Cent. RHCP, I really liked in like 2005 when I had exams. But also stuff that started to bleed backwards, Nirvana, Metallica, Guns ’n’ Roses. He also has parents who were young and cool in the 70s and 80s so I guarantee you there’s some Michael Jackson, ABBA, and Bruce Springsteen kicking around on his laptop. If Jack really went through Bob’s or Alicia’s record collection he might have found Led Zeppelin, Black Sabbath, AC/DC, Joan Jett, Pink Floyd, ELO, QUEEN omg Queen. We listened to so much Queen when I was like 14. We sang it loudly and obnoxiously during lunch. Anyway - Jack knows who Beyonce and Taylor Swift are. He just doesn’t care as much as Bitty. It’s not his thing. Beyonce is the lady from Destiny’s Child. One day he’ll turn to Bitty and ask “so what ever happened to Kelly Rowland?” Jack might, under duress, admit that Lady Gaga can be catchy, about 4 years after any given song is released.

Jack - and, let’s be real, Sidney Crosby - draws so much shit for those yellow shoes. And no they’re not cool, never were but that ain’t nuthin’ compared to some of the crap I wore in around 2000. Around then my grandfather retired and had a big party, and to that party I wore: a pair of electric blue and pink snakeskin print PVC flared trousers, a bright pink tank top, and one of those stretchy interlace chokers. Yellow crocs ain’t shit.

Okay, I’m done. All out of steam.

*it’s fic okay just do whatever the fuck you want

#long post is long sorry #jack zimmermann #omgcheckplease #damn you eric bittle

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