#(maybe she has imposter syndrome maybe she has high standards maybe she's not trying to set a high standard for the rest of her content)

[radioconstructed]

⌖ As promised. (Dress by Gunne Sax.)

[ family tree /  sun bleached flies  / family tree (intro) ]

#⌖ online #⌖ hellfie #⌖ v*xtube posts #fem alastor #// al: nothing I post on v*xtube is supposed to be like. good. #also al: *gets the menthol illness urge at 5AM to record 20min of music with a full setup* #'hang on lemme have a whole crisis over some music real quick.' #(maybe she has imposter syndrome maybe she has high standards maybe she's not trying to set a high standard for the rest of her content) #(why put the intro at the end? bc well the full song interpolates the intro and it's interesting backwards too. and bc you can LOOP the #audio this way. and bc well. while the actual album ends w like forgiveness (sunbleached flies is the second to last song) that's not the #story of the damned and it's not her story. her story doesn't end with 'if it's meant to be it will be'. #it ends with 'hanging from the family tree.') #just so we're clear she covers songs bc she thinks they slap. not bc she's tryna be vulnerable on the internet about being damned #anyway there's other instruments. shadows prolly in the bg. mostly pianobased cover but yeah. #anyway southern gothic vibes are the vibe and she's a sucker for an album that's a story (like a musical) #anyway I linked the original songs. I couldn't get through the whole album bc it's v dark but these songs are good. they don't feel long. #they're gorgeous and they build up so nice and the artist sounds like lana del r3y. #I'm so sick of looking at this art skdns one day I'll make her look not wonky but that day is not 2day. #deadass I actually hate my art but it won't get better if I don't practice and subject it 2 the mortifying ordeal of being known

[bejoomi]

post-next gen plotting!!

hi everyone WOOOOO congrats to all the next gen participants that got signed!! and great work to the admins for everything what a fun event. for those that didn’t read the post (SPOILERS!!) nayoung just signed a contract to sr media, and joomi did not get a contract offer at all.

both muses are ultimately happy with these results!! i think i’m going to do my standard “here’s what’s up with the gang” thing to cover their post-next gen thoughts for ease of plotting.

speaking of plotting, since next gen consumed my life for the past few months, most of the threads i have on both muses are either not super relevant anymore or i’ve lost muse for. because of that, i’ll be dropping all threads unless previously discussed. i’m sorry to do this tbh 😭 but i’d really love to get fresh stuff going! especially trainee threads for nayoung, though i’m still wrapping my head around the new system atm asdfasdgdsg so! like this post to plot, no matter who you are, and i’d be happy to plot w you all again 💗 let me put what’s up with the muses again below!

JOOMI

joomi had this weird moment where he was actually nervous waiting for the last runner up’s name to be called on next gen. early on the show, he had wicked bad imposter syndrome and felt like he didn’t deserve to be there, and he also never wanted to be a kpop idol; he didn’t WANT to be there. over time he grew to just want to do his best, but even by the finale he didn’t want to win or get a contract because he knew there was a 99% chance he’d turn it down. and yet still?? he kind of wanted to be that last runner up, which is confusing to him too. maybe he just wanted to know he was good enough to at least get the offer? but he’s mainly just relieved, and is even happy to go back to working at lotte world again even though he hated it. next on his agenda is ditching the asshole lead singer of his band and starting a new one where HE will be lead singer this time, though, so we can definitely plot around that! and i will probably write a solo. hopefully.

NAYOUNG

nayoung is mostly happy. of course, she wishes she would’ve made the top 3, and she thought if she would get a contract she surely suited lime entertainment best, but beggars can’t be choosers, so you bet she signed that contract right away. she may not think sr media’s concepts suit her the best but personally, she’s a high performance gal and will have decent acting going forward too, so i totally get it. regardless, she’s eager to get started as a trainee again and is thankful for the opportunity!! she’ll work super hard. i think she’s still kind of in shock right now tbh i’m trying to get in touch with her in my head and she’s just like o__o whatever that means SDSDGSDGGD but she has a tendency to fight with other girls because she sees them as a threat or something, but next gen taught her a lot about how to be a team player, so i think she’ll be keeping that in mind going forward and try to be nicer. but it’ll be fun for her to fight people too, i’m sure it’ll happen from time to time, especially since there aren’t cameras around anymore :^)

#–– ooc #LET'S GOOOOOOO

[quilna]

No ramble! I have so many thoughts and opinions on Lanyon and tgs but like I never want to say them because I don’t want to invalidate anyone’s experiences. Like I try very hard when interacting with tgs to avoid a kind of “protagonist centered morality” stance of like “this character did something bad to the main character so this character bad” if it’s with Lanyon or the lodgers or even Lucy throwing out Hyde. Like obviously the harm they do is still real and valid, and like people can feel any way they like about those characters but to me, I don’t see how fulfilling it is to only examine their actions through one lens (the Jekyll-Hyde POV), like everyone is dealing with their own bullshit. Like Lanyon is probably gonna do something unhealthy and stupid and it’s gonna suck, but…he’s got his own problems, his own demons that are just as valid as Henry’s. Like, he’s under the same heterosexual Victorian repression system as Henry and he’s live in high society all his life. Even the lodgers, I want them to get a clue not because (or just because of) Henry but because this is their lives they are actively ruining rn and they don’t see it.

Everyone has their own personal issues to work through and the snap judgements really do worry me (I’m also like on edge because (maybe I’m overstating harm) but Lanyon is not white and Henry is and non white characters are always held to a different moral standard than their white counterparts and I just…it puts me on the defensive) because I have a hard time believing people when they say “Lanyon doesn’t care” when like every single interaction he has with Henry is him (in his own way or not) fretting over him. Doing things he doesn’t like to help him. Like we are reading a romantic subplot about two men in their 30s finally mature enough to be in a relationship with each other at least I hope.

Everyone except maybe Jasper has issues(Tm) and I’m just I scream

Now I’m rambling apologies

As someone who relates a lot to Lanyon, I do enjoy people actually looking deeper into Lanyon than "Jealous and cold-hearted." In his very first appearance, he's shown to be very theatrical and over the top, after all. It's his establishing character moment.

I think Sabrina does a very good job at characterisation. None of the characters are perfect and, for each character in TGS, no matter how much they're hated by the fandom, there will be one person who can see themself in that character and I appreciate that. (Apart from Moreau but... Well, sorry to Moreau but he doesn't really matter personality-wise. He just stands around and looks threatening.) None of the characters have the whole picture from other people's perspectives and it leads them to make questionable decisions at times.

Like real, normal humans do.

Lucy only saw Hyde's reputation, his cruel behaviour towards her spouces, and all the destruction he had left in his wake but had no way of knowing that he was breaking down and violently hallucinating at the time. From her perspective, she did the right thing. Heck, despite all that, she still threw him a line and gave him that headstart which basically saved his life.

Lanyon has jealousy and it's something a lot of people deal with no matter what. It doesn't matter if they can acknowledge it as bad, emotions aren't always these polite little things that can be put away in a box and they'll never bother anyone again. They're messy, they can hurt people, and Lanyon doesn't have enough healthy relationships or coping mechanisms to properly deal with them in a healthy way.

Lanyon's moments of vulnerability was what made me initially interested in him when I first started reading because he clearly cares so much. In fact, I think it was interested me the most in the webcomic when I started reading it overall.

He went behind Henry's back to confront his abusive father, swallowing his pride to essentially beg him (and it must not have been easy to get his father to pay for the society to begin with), he went to Blackfog even though he knew that he would be completely out of his depth, even staying long after he had personal experience with the kind of place it was (I mean, Hyde was there for several hours so Lanyon probably was too, risking getting mugged or even killed the entire time.) When Rachel's too busy fretting over Hyde and nobody else is paying much attention, Lanyon is the first one to point out that there's something the matter with Jekyll and that's before the hallucinations start to happen. He's observing Jekyll's emotions so closely that he instantly pinpoints that Jekyll's not acting right from the very earliest signs. He gushed to Hyde about how much he loved about Henry. None of these things are something that someone would do if they actually didn't care.

(On Jasper not having issues, Jasper hid himself away in his room plagued by imposter syndrome when he first came to the society. It's easy to forget now that he's become comfortable with Jekyll and Rachel but he has his own list of problems. He's not completely stable either.)

Anyway, this is kind of messy. I was half-falling asleep in class today and I've had a (very mild, just annoying) cold for the past few days so I'm trying to get to bed early which leaves me less time to proofread this. Sorry about that. I appreciate the excuse to ramble myself though.

#ask #On that note. If you send anymore asks I might not get to them until tomorrow

[thebad---catholic]

My problems with AOS

Well here I am, 10 years late with an opinion no one asked for, but I have to write this down and throw into the void so that I can be at peace. I’ve been salty about this film franchise for a very long time now. This will mostly focus on Star Trek (2009) with the other two movies sprinkled in.

1. Starfleet

Honestly where do I even begin? In TOS, Starfleet was modeled after the navy (idk how accurately, but Roddenberry was in the air force so I’m assuming he’d know how all that works). You can get a feel for the chain of command, and everything feels natural with character ages and things like that. There’s a procedure for everything.

AOS Starfleet feels more like a high school club than an interplanetary exploration organization. Jim is supposed to be twenty-five when he gets the rank of captain- after he was almost expelled for cheating. He has no idea how to operate or run a starship. TOS Kirk moved through the ranks of Starfleet and was promoted on merit and leadership skills- he worked for his position.

Why was Jim the only person who knew what was happening when Nero showed up? Was there any requirements to joining to Starfleet other than get on the shuttle? Why did the linguist not know the difference between Vulcan and Romulan when they’re the linguist? How did Pike bypass the chain of command to appoint Jim Kirk as First Officer which was an obvious show of favoritism to someone was about to be thrown out of the academy? Why the fuck was he allowed to keep the title of captain? What the fuck?

Speaking of Jim.

2. Jim Kirk’s Character

I...don’t like Jim’s character in this film. It’s not terrible for a younger version of Kirk, but like I said though, there’s no reason Kirk should be this young. And in this one he’s just kinda a douche.

We know from TOS that Kirk gets around, but he genuinely cares for his exes, and in general respects women. He uses sex appeal as a strategy, but more than anything this comes off as a subversion of the femme fatal trope bc Kirk is a man. In the movie, he’s just a standard action movie protag who has lots of sex just because.

The scene when the Orion woman says she loves him and he replied “that’s so weird” is just...so weird? Like I can’t imagine Kirk doing anything in that situation than backing off and explaining that he doesn’t feel the same way. The scene continues with him hiding under the bed when Uhura walks in. Watching how the camera angle makes Jim out to be a voyeur made me uncomfortable then and it still does. It could be explained that Jim is trying to figure out Uhura’s identity or that he’s listening in and people look at who they’re listening to but like...she was in her underwear. You shouldn’t look at people while they’re getting undressed, especially when they don’t even know you’re there? Is that a hot take? Apparently.

In TOS there’s this really nice scene in This Side of Paradise(S1E24) where the whole crew is high (again) and has abandoned ship, leaving Kirk to tend to things. We see Jim move around the ship with a little clip pad and make the proper checks. This is a captain who knows his stuff. That is the Kirk we should have seen if we’re going to see Jim become captain.

AOS kirk goes through a standard “stop being an asshole” arc commonplace for male protagonists, but this happens well past the point he should stop being an asshole. Either the AOS series should’ve been a prequel with Jim becoming captain at the end of the trilogy, or he should’ve been older with a completely different arc- maybe coming to terms with his rank? Imposter syndrome? Learning to trust his crew and building trust with them? Building a friendship with Spock and McCoy? There’s a lot to work with here.

3. Spock and Uhura’s relationship

Why. Like why. For what. Por Que.

I like giving Uhura a bigger role, I don’t like making her a love interest to do that.

It doesn’t make sense for either of their characters. Lieutenant Nyota Uhura, linguist expert who handles all transmissions to and from the enterprise- an icon of black women’s representation is now demoted to Spock’s nagging girlfriend. This bothers me more than a little bit.

It manages to make even less sense for Spock. A hallmark of Spock’s character is his duality. He struggles to combat his emotions and the human half of him. His repeating character arc in TOS is coming to terms with humanity while upholding the Vulcan way of life. Having him in an established romantic relationship before this arc is supposed to happen just makes for a boring romantic subplot about a relationship that shouldn’t happen and that I don’t care about.

TOS Vulcan culture is kinda shitty. Explicitly patriarchal and stuff, and also kinda racist against humans. The source of Spock’s inner conflict is not himself but a society that views him as lesser for being half human. However, one thing that I can certainly understand from a “logical” (logic in quotations bc racism and sexism is fucking stupid) people is ritualized arranged marriages. It just...makes sense to me that Vulcans would simply have their mates chosen for them and then marry that person and be done with it. Neat. Logical. Conformity.

This makes Spock and Uhura’s relationship even stranger. Why would Spock go so against conformity that he dates someone before he truly comes to terms with himself? Even if they throw out ponfarr and arranged marriage, it still doesn’t work but now it especially doesn’t work.

My personal theory is that Spock and Uhura’s relationship was established purely to make shippers shut up. It’s no secret Spirk is the most popular ship from TOS. I have no doubt they knew this while writing the movie. So to quietly wrap a no homo on Spock and Kirk’s friendship, they use Uhura as a prop to do so.

The teacher/student dynamic should only be relegated to fan fiction and the throwaway line about oral sensitivity makes me cringe. Every. Time.

4. McCoy

Karl Urbans performance is easily my favorite part of this movie. He captures DeForrest Kelley so well it hurts. He made Leonard Nimoy cry. His chemistry with Pine made McKirk go from the most underrated triumvirate ship in TOS to rival Spirks popularity in AOS. His scenes with Zachary Quinto are just *chefs kiss*.

So why doesn’t he have more of a role? The triumvirate is missing a third.

In particular, there’s a scene where Uhura, Kirk, and Spock make their way down to a planet to talk to a Klingon. I can’t remember which movie it was or why, but Spock and Uhura were bickering and Kirk remarks “can we do this later?”

The line was funny. It would’ve been golden if it was McCoy and not Uhura.

A fantastic performance by an underutilized character in a movie where that character should’ve been at the forefront.

5. Representation

I am skeptical of any movie that advertises diversity. Nonetheless, it made me happy to know Sulu was going to be gay. This is Star Trek after all, known for its diversity and large LGBT fan base, and an homage to George Takai who’s a gay man irl. So whatever.

The fact that I wasn’t expecting much says a lot about the current state of LGBT rep in media but this blink-and-you-miss-it shit is really starting to get to me.

I mean he jus- he doesn’t even give his husband a KISS. Like why.

6. Destroying Vulcan

WHY. Oh god why.

This isn’t Star Wars, JJ. We don’t do that here.

Imploding Vulcan was the most god awful shock value bullshit plot device I’ve ever seen in a movie and it was done entirely to make Spock sad. Besides the gaping plot hole of “why did Nero go back in time to destroy Vulcan when he could’ve just saved Romulus” I’m just grasping to find a purpose for this particular event. New fans don’t care at all about Vulcan while I was enraged that they would do Amanda that dirty.

It’s not just that they did that, it’s more that they did it like that. Vulcan’s destruction should’ve caused a federation wide meltdown as the biggest catastrophe in the entire franchise. If they were gonna make the stakes so pointlessly high, they should’ve treated the destruction of Vulcan exactly how they would treat the destruction of earth. There a million ways to treat that event with more gravity and million better plot lines that don’t involve G E N O C I D E

7. Miscellaneous petty bullshit because I’m a baby

-lower the fucking stakes Jesus Christ

-Don’t like the set. It’s bright and white and boring and gives me a headache. You don’t need a remake of the old set but like have fun ya know? Shit looks like an Apple store.

-Christine and I are the same in that we are both soft and are thirsty for Spock. Imagine my surprise to learn she wasn’t fucking there. Same with Janice but I’m more pressed about Christine. I don’t even remember the name of that blonde doctor lady who is Not Christine but i didn’t want her.

-The costumes in AOS look boring but still don’t feel like a uniform either. I deadass think Chris Pines outfit in the SNL skit looked better than the actual movie (minor adjustments needed)

-I didn’t notice this at first but someone pointed out that women’s uniforms don’t signify rank and now I can’t not see it. I don’t...think this movie treats women good? Or McCoy? Or just people who deserve better?

-Lens Flare

-I get why they did it but I don’t like that they misquoted the opening theme to say “no one” instead of “no man”. I probably wouldn’t have even notice except they gave the line to Uhura. Comes off as just a touch too “yay feminism” which is really rich coming from that treated Uhura like an object to be looked at when she wasn’t too busy being Spock’s emotional support gf, and completely cut two women from the main cast.

8. Conclusions

If I could describe these movies in one word it’d be generic. Which sucks because Star Trek far from generic.

They’re fun to watch but not think about. It was nice that I got to see a Star Trek movie in theaters. I just wish it as the same Trek I saw on TV.

#star trek the original series #star trek tos #star trek aos #star trek alternate original series #jj abrams #jim kirk #captain kirk #dr mccoy #bones mccoy #spock #mr spock #lt uhura #nyota uhura #hikaru sulu #star trek #star trek headcanon #trekkie #trekker #star trekkin

[thebyunhip]

Start Up | episodes 1 ~ 12

I feel like right now is a good moment to talk about the show, with the time jump and stuff. I’ll talk about the characters and then the plot, as I usually do. This is going to be a very long post, I never had so much to say about a drama before, so I’ll add a cut and it’s entirely up to you if you want to read my rant.

Han Ji Pyeong: look, he is not my favorite guy but I also don’t hate him and here’s why: 1) I don’t care how good he is at his job, I don’t care how rich he is, I don’t care how rough he had it in life, nothing ABSOLUTELY NOTHING gives him the right to be a dick to others. I understand that he is scared, had no one care for him and had no one to care for but he is still a human who lives in society. Being polite (and that’s really the only thing I’m discussing here), is not the same being someone that lets people step on him. And we’re all vert aware of the fact that he can tel people the truth, as harsh as it may be, without bein a complete fucking bastard 2) I fucking hate the tropes “he got there first” and “here’s a troubled man, fix him girl”. Like, just no. Teenager me would love that shit and eat it up like a fucking starved bitch, but not right now. I also think he is incredibly selfish and self-absorbed however both of these I can overlook, this is the kind of thing that be blamed on his upbringing (or lack of it).

Seo Dal Mi: the writers really said “let’s take this girl’s sister and mom away, make her sister say very stupid and hurtful things to her, now kill off her dad, she’ll get into a good college but will drop out because she has bills to pay”. I like that she is, after all that shit, bright and is willing to fight for things, not let her dad’s memory die. The world is telling her “bitch stay down” and she is legit yelling back “no motherfucker, I will not” and that’s great. The one thing I don’t like about her is that she is way too forgiving, I mean she found out that she was lied to by grandma, her mentor and her boyfriend of sorts and she just tossed that aside like it was nothing. Some of it I can understand, they work together so she would have to, you know, keep somethings inside. It all went away too fast, she forgave all three of them very quickly.

Nam Do San: at this point, if you’ve seen any of my previous posts, you’ll know that that he is my favorite and I’ll use this bit here to tell you why. I’ll put aside the cuteness, okay? Out of all the characters in this drama Do San was the one with the most personal growth. In the beginning you had a guy who couldn’t speak properly to strangers, let alone look at people eyes, when people put him down (yes, I’m fucking looking at Ji Pyeong and his dad) he kept his head down. And slowly, throughout these 12 episodes we see him mature (because yes, he was very immature), he can now answer, he can look at people in the eyes, hell he even can start fights. Like dude, he stood up to his father twice. He is not perfect and I’m  no trying to paint him as if he were. He still has problem to deal with but he is open to do improve. This was not said anywhere in the show and it’s only a personal thought of mine, Do San suffers of the imposter syndrome and Asperger Syndrome, and that would explain some of his behaviors.

Won In Jae: now let’s talk about an underused character. She is here simply to be a shitty sister and drag Dal Mi down so we all can watch our beautiful protagonist rise again from the ashes. When you look at her, she just has that resting bitch face so she makes it easy to dislike her  (but please can we please stop type casting Han Na as a bitch or someone can please tell me a show/movie she did where she is not one?).

Grandma: finally the real “villain” of the whole story. I get what she was trying to do, okay? Dal Mi’s life was spiraling out of control, shit hit the sky and she need some comfort and surely the letters were the best way to do that and it’s fine. But you all are willing to tell me that in those 15 years she didn’t have a single chance to say “hey kid, listen, there was never a Do San. I asked some boy to write you letters but he is gone now and so are the letters” or idk “The boy who wrote you letters was Ji Pyeong, a kid I used to help, he didn’t want to use his own name so we chose one from the news”. I’ve changed my mind, this not HJP fault. Its grandma’s.

Now, let’s talk about this drama’s biggest and most unforgiving mistake: the first episode. They spent way too much time on the letters and Ji Pyeong, making a lot of built up and then they didn’t showed the main guy at all. We got to see Do San in the last what, 5 seconds of the episode? I can get the confusion people are having as to who is the main and second lead here, for a second even I was confused. I only knew teenager Ji Pyeong wasn’t the main guy because before watching the show I read that Joo Hyuk’s character name was Do San. The first episode was a bad call. I mean it has 1 hour and 24 of running time and they could only spare 5 SECONDS TO THE MAIN GUY? No wonder there is a shit show towards Do San.

The entire revenge plot was poorly used but I’ll admit that I like the whole “my biggest revenge is to prove HJP wrong”. We’ve seen the destroy company, kill a guy ploy way too many times.But the entire thing was just tossed in there, there was maybe one clue but it lead to believe that Yeong San would steal the code, not seek revenge.

I know that some people were bummed out that there the show doesn’t focus a lot on how to build a startup but this is mostly a romance drama, so they wouldn’t include a lot of how to here.

Also, I know that people don’t think Do San has real problems because you know he has both parents and Ji Pyeong is an orphan, but like please… just listen. Being someone that has to live up to parent’s approval and expectations, especially to academic and business success, is not a problem that we westerns face so constantly in our lives. I know it happens, I’m not living under a rock, but we can’t even begin to compare to how it is for them and us. Suicide rates are high in Asian countries amongst younger people who fail to reach standards set by their parents and the society. Both Do San and Ji Pyeon have problem, of course, but they are very different and incomparable.  

As for the next four episodes… I think we will see a very changed Do San, more serious, a lit bit more calloused from the three years in the US (the black gave it out). I feel like Dal Mi might have changed a bit but I can’t point how. Ji Pyeong had on line in the preview and it was enough to not give me any hopes about him.

I’ll just say this here because I feel like I have to: Han Ji Pyeong is not such a great a second lead, full of layers, that could actually make people question why he isn’t the main guy. The only character ever that has that right is Baek In Ho, and would you look at that he is also a character that went through shit but is not an asshole just because he can.

#startup #start up #start-up #nam joo hyuk #bae suzy #kim seon ho #tvn start up

[jaehyun-eclipsed]

Before I Met You | Seven

Updates: Sundays, 8 PM EST

Pairing: NCT (Jaehyun, Lucas…) X Reader/OC

Genre: Romance, Angst, Coming of Age

Summary: Four. There were four people before I fell in love with you… Here are their stories.

Warnings: Some swearing

Author’s Note: Sorry I’m a little late!!

Before I Met You Masterlist

Prev | Next

Jaehyun presses his lips together. “So…” He pauses and blinks a couple times. “It just ended like that?”

I nod slowly. “Yeah, it was pretty anticlimactic.” I sigh. “I knew exactly how it was going to end. I mean, I was never given a reason to think otherwise and yet, the irrational part of my mind still wanted to have hope.”

“There’s nothing wrong with that… so long as you don’t let it consume you.”

“The fact of the matter is – well, I didn’t really know him. I knew everything on the surface and that’s why, if you asked me to describe him…” I shake my head in disappointment. “… I can’t.”

“At least you got confirmation that he did like you,” he says. “That’s more than most people can get.”

Introspection.

Introspection is a double-edged sword. It is one of the single most useful tools for self-analyses as it gives you the ability to think about your past actions and how they affected you and others. And hopefully, each time you reflect, you learn something… something that you can file away in the archives of your mind in case it ever happens again; so that you know how to deal with it and hopefully have a better outcome compared to your initial exposure. However, it is also one of the best inducers of anxiety and regret. What if? What if I had done this instead? Would things have been different? And those questions lead you down a rabbit hole you do not want to go down. It’s a one-way ticket to overthinking and sleepless nights.

Lucas taught me that sometimes things just fizzle out for no apparent reason. There’s no big ending scene where you get all the answers you’re looking for. And you certainly can’t guarantee a happy ending. To my disappointment, Seulgi also had more control over him than I would have liked and probably more than he even acknowledged himself.

“But honestly,” Jaehyun says, pulling me from my thoughts, “it sounds like you dodged a bullet.”

“In retrospect, yes,” I say, solemnly. “The things that would have mattered in maintaining a long-term relationship weren’t there. We were way too incompatible.” I shrug. “But I was young and inexperienced and it’s not like I was expecting anything major. So no harm, no foul.”

“Why did a girl steal him at the end both times?”

“Uncanny, isn’t it?”

“What happened with Seulgi?”

“She and Lucas attended university together. They still never dated, as far as I’m aware. She moved away after graduating and basically dropped off the grid. I’m pretty sure she was just using him to feel good about herself – feel like she had control over a boy and was desired.”

“And you never heard from Lucas again?”

I think for a moment.

I did hear from him once more many years later. Perhaps it was something he did out of regret over what happened; a bread crumb to indicate that he still has an affinity for me and that he’ll always support me from afar.

 “Hello?” I say, picking up the phone.

“Hey! Did you see what Lucas posted on your Facebook page?” Hana asks.

“My what?”

“Yeah! Go look!”

I open the Facebook app on my phone, a single notification flashing red. When I tap on it, sure enough, Lucas had posted on my wall. One simple sentence that I would have never expected to hear from him in any form.

“Congratulations on getting into law school, Y/N!”

I don’t even have time to prevent the expletive from tumbling out of my mouth. “What the fuck?”

“Right?!”

“How did he even hear about this?”

“I don’t know. He must have heard it from someone you told.”

I ponder for a moment. “I didn’t really tell anyone… Though I did go visit our high school last week and mentioned it to some of the teachers. Maybe he heard that way.”

“I don’t know. But you know what this means!”

“What?”

“He still has the hots for you!”

I scoff. “He has a girlfriend, Hana.”

“That doesn’t mean he doesn’t still have the hots for you,” she says, amusement underlying her tone.

I laugh. “Doubtful, but I’ll take your word for it!”

 Jaehyun rolls onto his side, propping his head up with his right arm.

“Well, I agree with Siwoo on one thing.” He smirks at me. “I think she was jealous of you.”

I give him a look of incredulity. “What?”

“Well, yeah. Sicheng confirmed it too,” he says, as if his statement was completely obvious. “Why else would she have pulled Lucas away so quickly at the dance? Besides, you also have more going for yourself than she does. And if she thrives off attention, it’s pretty likely she would have said something against you for the sake of keeping him at her beck and call.”

I frown. “That’s so silly, but you’re probably right.”

“Either that or he was intimidated by you – or both.”

He uses his free hand to caress my cheek, gently tilting my head to face him. “Hey,” he says with a smile, “I know I’m your boyfriend, so I’m probably biased, but I see you – I know what you’re like. I was intimidated by you – hell, I thought you were out of my league. There’s a pretty good chance he felt the same way. And there’s a pretty good chance that gave Seulgi a reason to be jealous.”

I hold his hand against my cheek, closing my eyes, enjoying his warmth before grinning at him.

“Yeah, you’re definitely biased,” I say, feeling flattered, yet slightly embarrassed as I wasn’t entirely convinced.

“But Y/N,” he says, “why do you think so many of your male friend’s girlfriends dislike you?”

I shrug. “I try not to put too much thought into it.”

He hums and nods his head. A moment of understanding.

I have a horrible habit of putting myself down more than I need to – thinking I’m not as good as how other people view me despite having the actual skills and abilities to back up those claims. I suppose it’s a form of insecurity. ‘Imposter syndrome’ is what they often call it. Despite having the résumé to demonstrate your abilities, you still never think you’re good enough.

Growing up, you’re told to remain humble – never bragging about yourself, being down-to-earth. But there’s a fine line between being humble and putting yourself down. And societal standards can be confusing. Be confident, but don’t be arrogant. Be strong and independent, but not so much that you intimidate people. Stand your ground, but be accommodating. It’s difficult to find that balance because it’s a mental exercise of weighing yourself. There’s no solid definition of where the line is. And unfortunately, I haven’t been very successful at determining where the line is as I set very high bars for myself, causing me to overcompensate in trying to remain modest; and recently, I’ve been beginning to wonder if I’ve been doing more harm to myself than good.

And so, while Jaehyun makes a good point and while I have enough confidence in myself to know that I’m good at what I do and have done rather well for myself, I have tried to remain humble at the detriment of my overall self-worth.

“Hey, Jae!” I call from his bathroom as I swipe my cheeks with a link pink blush.

“Yes, love?”

“Do you want to take a walk after dinner?”

“Yeah, I was thinking we could walk along the river nearby.”

Jaehyun and I are rather private people. We’ve had to be for the sake of our relationship. Oftentimes, when we go out to dinner, we choose to go to upscale restaurants and reserve private tables in the back. It sounds pretentious, but we do it for the privacy. It’s better if no one sees us together.

And truth be told, there’s something so thrilling about having to keep our relationship relatively secret. The excitement of possibly getting caught gives me this rush – not to say I purposely put us into compromising situations, because I don’t. But having this secret that I get to keep because I know it’s just for me, gives me more of a high than I’d like to admit.

Tonight, we’re at one of our favorite downtown restaurants, seated in the corner, white-clothed and candlelit table providing a cozy and romantic atmosphere to contrast the chilly spring evening. He looks handsome and sophisticated in his standard black suit and tie with loafers; it’s a look that I’ll never tire from. I’ve chosen to match with a fitted mahogany red turtleneck, black leggings, knee-high boots, and all the gold accessories to match. We admire it now as we know it’ll all end up on the floor in a hasty attempt to undress later.

As per usual, he’s decided to order filet mignon and I’ve opted for grilled salmon with a white cranberry sauce.            

I prop my chin up on my fists and smile at him. “So,” I begin, “why did you decide to make the leap?”

“What leap?”

“To go out with me.”

Shortly after I had asked Jaehyun out, a pandemic had broken out, causing most of the world to shut down. He hadn’t given me an answer yet and because of the circumstances, we couldn’t contact each other.

“When we were on lockdown, I had a lot of time to think,” he says. “I realized that life is too short to not do the things we want to do or to tell people how we feel.”

He reaches for both of my hands and cradles them in his, gently kissing my fingers, allowing his mouth to linger on them for a moment more.

“We’re not promised tomorrow.”

I start to laugh and he looks at me, baffled and slightly offended that I didn’t take his tender words to heart.

“What?!” he exclaims, on the edge of laughter. “I was being serious!”

“I know!” My giggling continues. “But it took a pandemic to occur for you to realize that?!”

He looks down at the table, a slight twinge of red in his cheeks.

“No…” he says, clearly embarrassed. “It’s just I –”

He’s at a loss for words, fiddling with my fingers in his hand as he stares at the table, completely dumbfounded. He sighs.

“It was a sort of a split second decision. I thought about it for a while and then I woke up one morning and said, ‘Forget it, I’m gonna go out with her.’”

“Well, I applaud your bravery,” I say with a smirk. “And I’m very grateful for it.” I raise his hand to kiss it. “I wouldn’t have fallen in love with such a wonderful man if you hadn’t.”

“For the record, you’re a lot different than I imagined you to be.”

“Oh?” I raise an eyebrow. “How so?”

He shrugs. “I mean, I knew you – like… knew who you were, but didn’t know you.” He purses his lips and hums. “I knew you were nice and smart and beautiful, but –”

“But what?” I interject with a cunning smile. “You thought I shopped at Saks Fifth and ate caviar for breakfast?”

“No! Of course not!” He looks at me, horrified that I would suggest such a thing, like he couldn’t imagine ever disrespecting me like that. It’s endearing.

I look down at the table and smile. “I don’t even like caviar,” I mumble.

He chuckles. “No, I – I guess I was surprised at how low-key you are.” He pauses, searching for the right words. “Like – you have the look.”

“What look?”

“I – you do realize that you’re quite intimidating, right?”

I frown. “No?”

“You are very attractive,” he states simply. “And you dress very well and carry yourself in a very… sophisticated manner. I don’t know, when you first walked in, I thought you’d be a bit more privileged… going to art museums and eating at expensive restaurants… being a bit more outspoken.”

My jaw drops with an exaggerated gasp. “So you did think I ate caviar for breakfast!” I tease.

“All right, maybe the very first time you walked in,” he admits. “But after speaking to you, no.”

I shake my head in mocked disappointment as our orders are placed in front of us. The previous topic, though creating immense curiosity, was left forgotten.

“Do you miss college?” Jaehyun asks as he places several slices of his filet mignon onto my plate.

“No, not at all.”

“I guess I better not ask you to write a favorable review,” he quips.

I chuckle. “Let’s put it this way, I was grateful for the opportunity I had, but it wasn’t the greatest experience I’ve ever had.” Sighing, I follow with, “I wasn’t happy most of the time.”

A look of concern washes over his face. “Why not?”

“My first year was really hard… Classes were difficult and I had trouble making friends because I was never really in the mood to be around people. Most of the people I did meet weren’t what I was looking for. It was difficult to talk to them.”

“Did it ever get better?”

I smile.

Mark.

Mark made it better.

“Yes.” I nod slowly. “But it didn’t last for very long.”

Prev | Next

Before I Met You Masterlist Masterlist  

#NCT #nct 127 #nct u #wayv #jung jaehyun #nct jaehyun #nct fluff #nct angst #nct x reader #nct lucas #lucas wong #before i met you #wong yukhei #nct mark #mark lee

[petterwass]

St Pugnata, founding Canoness Superior of the Order of Perpetual Confrontation

This is just a character visualization post for me to try and nail down the appearance of one of my OC’s for a commission. St Pugnata is the founder of the Order of Perpetual Confrontation, whose abridged history is found here: https://petterwass.tumblr.com/post/174929176299/abridged-history-of-the-order-of-perpetual And a few of their spcific differencees are explained here: https://petterwass.tumblr.com/post/190111292149/rewriting-the-penitents-sisters-of-battle St Pugnata, like all Sororitas is a tall and well-built woman, muscular with broad shoulders, heavily muscled arms (a requirment for usinig her heavy primary weapons) and dark skin.

She has pale  electric blue eyes, both of which are high-quality bionic replacements for her lost originals and she wears her hair in a bob cut, a affection of her original Order which had harsher hairstyle restrictions than her current one, though she liked to keep her bangs longer than the standard sever bob cut.  Much like the rest of her order she also dyes it stark white and dyes her lips red.

As a affection for the world she and her order were stranded on for so long she will often don white warpaint, something absorbed from the native culture and spread across the entire Order until it became their hallmark. While all Sisters have their own style of warpaint, Pugnata’s is perhaps the most common one as she started the tradition, consisting simply of symmetrical lines of white dots across her face

(She does not have the lines on her brow, but otherwise is close to Shuri)

Like all Sisters of Battle, she is further given more bulky mass by her power armour which as all of the order of Perpetual Confrontation is black with white shoulders, white helmet visors, red cloth and golden trims. 

(close to this but with white shoulders)

As the Canoness Superior her tabard does not have a coloured trim to denote her squad but is instead white or white-and-gold to denote her officer status or her status as the Canoness Superior, depsing on how formal she wishes to be

(as a Canoness her armour will be pretty ornate, so maybe like this?) Unlike most Sororitas who prefer blades, Pugnata is a brawler, a boxer and goes into combat wearing two heavy red-coloured power fists, with which she once punched out a Bloodthirster of Khorne

As a fighter she is agile, almost reckless, using speed, power armour-assisted acrobatic and the sheer kinetic momentum of her swings to compensate for the limited range and speed of her weapons, often breaking her opponents weapons first before closing for a decapitating punch, while many larger foes has had as their last view of the world Pugnata rising from within their guard as a rocket in flight, with a flying uppercut. As a person she is boastful and supremely sure in her own competence while as a commander she is prone to big frontal assaults if she is sure they will succeed, willingly trading lives lost for the spectacle and morale boost of a glorious victory. If such forces are not available she also demonstrates a great affinity for misdirection and covert warfare, fitting as the Order of Perpetual Confrontation was founded to wage war on the Grey Knights of the Adeptus Astartes,  but if given the choice she much prefer the direct knockout punch of a frontal assault. Likewise she is a gifted administrator and was the key reason the Order of Perpetual Confrontation kept itself functional during their long isolation, during which she was forced to make many hard and brutal decisions, not the least of which was abandoning the world to the cruel warlords that rules it while the Sororitas slowly rebuilt their tattered strenght.  During that time she was plagued with doubts and symtoms of imposter syndrome, often wondering if she was in over her head, as she often sees herself as a simple brawler and warleader as opposed to the gifted administrator she also is. Despite that she put on a gay appearance and was often close to a moral-boosting laugh while glad that her artificial eyes hide the weights and sadness in her heart. St Pugnata would not live to see her Order rejoin the Imperium, passing away in old age after having imposed the rules of the Pax Sororitas on the warring warlords of her world, limiting their ability to wage cruel war.  Her canonisation proposal was born before the Ecclesiarchy by her fellow Canoness Bashira and accepted in record time. She is depicted in Ecclearchical calenders as a muscular black woman with white hair, wearing power armour with red power fists, holding the torn-off head and spine of a bloodthirster in one raised fist, a easy smile on her red lips.

#Order of Perpetual Confrontation #OC #Character visualization #commission

[agirlinprogressblog-blog]

4 Ways To Beat Impostor Syndrome At Work

When was the last time you lacked self-confidence, doubted your accomplishments, or simply felt inadequate? Or maybe you caught yourself partaking in negative self-talk, or dwelling on your past mistakes? If your answer to any of those was sometime recently, then you're not alone. Unfortunately, most people experience any one or more of these signs at some point in their life; signs which all point to what is known as imposter syndrome or the imposter phenomenon. According to The Journal of Behavioral Science, imposter syndrome is the persistent feeling that you’re not as good as other people think you are, and has nothing to do with skill level or competence, but instead the impossibly high standards you’ve set for yourself. These feelings commonly arise in regards to an individual's career, with some suffering a constant internalised fear of being exposed as a 'fraud'. And even people with the most impressive resumes can fall victim to imposter syndrome. Facebook COO Sheryl Sandberg has famously gone on record to admit that she still believes one day people will realise she isn't worthy of her accomplishments and just got lucky. Fueled by anxiety and shame, the syndrome impacts an estimated global 70 per cent of people who experience it at some point in life. As more high-profile people speak up about their own feelings of inadequacy in the face of soaring success, more are beginning to realise the impact of this phenomenon. What’s more, it can be especially damaging in the workplace and can affect men and women differently. Despite evidence of success, women experiencing this paralysing self-doubt are more likely to believe they are intellectual frauds. This level of stress – waiting to be found out by peers – can lead to anxiety, burnout and increased unhappiness among everyone from entrepreneurs to employees moving up the ladder. Lucinda Pullinger, Global Head of HR at Instant Offices shares her four top tips on how you can beat impostor syndrome at work and in your career.

How to beat imposter syndrome at work

Even though so many people have experienced impostor syndrome, the good news is that it’s not a permanent condition but rather a reaction to a set of circumstances, unrealistic self-expectation and stress. Here are some simple ways to turn that around:

1. Accept Praise And Know Your Worth

Don’t shy away from praise and compliments. Accept your achievements and if need be, write them down. When you try to talk yourself out of feeling confident in your role, all the proof is on paper. Knowing your worth means allowing your work to speak for itself and letting others see it too.

2. Stop Thinking Like an Impostor

Learn to recognise self-defeating thought patterns and replace them with more positive affirmations. The only way to stop feeling like an imposter is to stop thinking of yourself as one.

3. Don’t Seek Perfection

Stop believing that if you don’t excel at every facet of your job that you’re a failure at all of it. Facing challenges and losses is a key part of growth, so recognise that you don’t have to be good at everything.

4. Know You Are Not Alone

Impostor syndrome tends to be the domain of overachievers, while underachievers tend to internalise less when faced with failure. If you’re constantly worried about not being good enough, chances are you’re in good company – most successful people constantly over analyse themselves! Speaking from experience, Jodie Harris, Head of Content & Digital PR at MediaVision said: “The feeling of thinking someone is going to come in and call you out on your experience, your achievements and put you in a league much lower than you are currently working at is very real. Impostor syndrome can happen at any time in your career. “From being an intern to being in the boardroom, questioning your place at the table can be disruptive to your progress and your confidence. One piece of advice I always tell my teams and myself is that your career did not come by chance, and where you are now and where you aim to be is justified. Know your worth and have conviction with your career goals. Success isn’t a lottery ticket, it’s earnt.” That's advice we can all take on board! Founded in 1999, The Instant Group is a workspace innovation company that rethinks workspace on behalf of its clients injecting flexibility, reducing cost and driving enterprise performance. You can check them out here. Read the full article

#careerproblems #howtodealwithimpostorsyndrome #howtoovercomeimpostersyndrome #impostersyndrome #impostersyndromeatwork

[thrushcrossgranged]

Critical Care

Boyd references traditional definitions of care to contrast the example of Beverly. It is brought up every so often to compare with what she is doing differently in her classroom. In the example where she leaves the classroom to talk to Brandon it is specifically pointed out to not be the average thing to do, “What is notable about her response is that she does not send Brandon out of the class alone or away for the whole period to another room or to sit in the main office.” At the same time Beverly has really high standards in her classroom which is mentioned because it is not part of the traditional definition of care, but the fact she has those standards according to the text shows that she respects her class. 

I think that part for me challenged how I see caring in the classroom. I have never been a fan of super strict late work policies and I think there are many reasons work can come in late and that students should not be excessively penalized for it. Especially to the point where they can’t bounce back from it if it’s a big assignment. I understand Beverly has rules and they do make sense and “high standards communicate respect,” but I think there is definitely a balance. I think the way she handles students who are visibly distressed was nice and showed she cared but the general rules just seemed kind of harsh. I saw a tiktok the other day where a teacher was explaining how she doesn’t give out zero’s she gives students a 50% if they don’t turn something in. She justified this by saying it's still a failing grade and you still can’t pass her class if you do no work but it doesn’t tank a student’s grade if they miss one assignment. I thought that was interesting and I was reminded of it while doing this week's reading.

I don’t really think there are big drastic changes to critical care pedagogy based on subjects outside of maybe P.E. I don’t see how the general principles of respect would shift between classes. I think P.E. complicates things because everyone is sort of forced to participate in physical exercise which can be really varying levels of strenuous depending on the person. I think it’s hard to see if someone is genuinely trying their best and having a hard time or not trying at all. I went to a STEM high school and I would say that the lack of women and poc in the field was super intimidating, I definitely suffered from imposter syndrome, I doubted all of my work and I know other girls at the school felt the same way, this caused my science teachers to start emphasizing every female scientist we studied or make a note of it if the subject we were talking about was discovered by a woman. That was an action they took that was different from my other subjects done to meet our needs.

#last one!!! #(* ^ ω ^)

[myyeslifeofficial]

Perfectionism [Podcast Episode 9]

Episode 9: Perfectionism

Perfectionism robs the air from the room, the sleep from our nights, the enjoyment from our efforts.

As a recovering perfectionist, this podcast episode is my love note to anyone struggling with perfectionism.

It’s impossible to be perfect, and I’m offering a compelling argument for why you should stop trying and an exercise to help you change this pattern that holds you back from the greatness you seek.

  ***

Join us for free Live Coaching.

Join the continued discussion in the facebook group. 

Interested in personalized 1:1 coaching support? Book a free consult. 

Full Episode Transcript

Hi, Goalies! How are you today?  Did you catch it? I decided that you guys are going to be called goalies because I know all of you are focused on achieving big, huge goals. And the power vested in me has declared “change approved!!!” So what is going on, goalies? How are things going in your world? I hope that you are having a fabulous day and that you know how incredible you are. I was talking to my husband this morning before he left for work and I told him I’m recording a podcast on perfectionism today. And Jason, my husband, jokingly said “it better be perfect.” And after I had a little laugh at it, I said, “actually, it doesn’t. And that’s what will make it perfect.” Oh, my gawd, you guys!! That was such a hard fought victory from this recovering perfectionist. I felt so much relief in that moment and so much pride in the work that I have done to change my perfectionist tendencies. And they’ve been there for as long as I can remember. Maybe it’s because I’m a Virgo, or maybe it’s because I’m the oldest child, or maybe because I was the product of the 80s self-esteem movement that excessively praised children for their accomplishments rather than their humanity. I don’t know. I don’t necessarily have to know exactly why it’s there, but I’ve been a raging perfectionist for as long as I can remember. I really, honestly don’t have a memory from childhood that doesn’t include me trying to live up to one impossible standard or another. Like even if you could earn a 4.0 or you did, then they go and add AP classes on top of it, and up the ante. And then all the high achieving perfectionist spin out. In that moment it feels like never good enough. It becomes a suffocating trap. Perfectionism, never being good enough, it’s totally and completely suffocating. And so I say I’m a recovering perfectionist because it’s a lifelong pattern that I will need to be aware of. I don’t think it’s ever going to go away. But the more I practice not leaning into perfectionistic tendencies and beliefs, the more I will reduce the frequency and the severity of my quote unquote relapses with perfectionism. And really, our work in changing this pattern – the goal – is to have awareness of this thought pattern, these thought errors that our brain offers up, without judging ourselves. And then redirect our focus and our mind and our beliefs to more helpful and effective areas that will help us make progress and move forward and an experience enjoyment in life. At the root of perfectionism, it’s this underlying belief that achievement is what makes us worthy. The more that we do, the more that we achieve means we have worth and the more perfectly we do things, the more perfectly we achieve things, only enhances how much more worthy we are. It’s this weird assumption that everything that we’re doing in life is graded and it’s a really big focus on earning the approval of others – people in our family, coworkers, supervisors, friends, complete strangers. It’s this lie that our brain loves to tell us – that once we achieve perfection, then and only then will we feel adequate, confident, successful or worthy. Ultimately, it is a fear of flaws. It’s a fear of mistakes. It’s a fear of failure. I talked about it last week – this fear of failure – and really you can never be a failure. We have failed attempts, but failure is not a personal characteristic. But our big, beautiful brain disagrees with that thought and tries to really teach us and convince us otherwise. And perfectionism becomes trying to over control everything in our life to prevent people from seeing our flaws or from making mistakes or failing. Perfectionism is really an attempt to not feel the quote unquote negative feelings of embarrassment, rejection, judgment, humiliation and shame. But you know, what’s really weird? It’s that when we are experiencing perfectionism, we are tormenting ourselves with those emotions already. We are embarrassed of everything. We reject ourselves. We judge ourselves. We feel humiliated over the smallest, silliest things, and then we shame ourselves for not being good enough. Perfectionism causes us to spin out. I know you know what I’m talking about. And we end up experiencing a ton of anxiety about anything and everything that we’re working on. I don’t know about you, but I tend to spend and in the past have done it. Obsessive planning and strategizing, trying to come up with the perfect plan, and then I rarely execute it or take the first steps and at the first step of it, not going perfect, of there being a mistake, of there being a hiccup, I would ditch the plan. You know, it’s like this false sense and belief that we can plan for everything. We can see it all out in advance. And we didn’t account for that or didn’t go the way we thought it should. So, of course, we should have. It’s not good enough. Perfectionism also causes us to keep learning more. That our knowledge, our skills, our abilities, our credentials, our experience, our achievements aren’t enough. So clearly, we need to pad on more before we take action. And so because of this pattern, we often fail to deliver, to launch, to hit send, to share, to put ourselves and our work out there in the world. Unless there’s somebody else that’s given us a deadline and forcing us to deliver the goods. Perfectionism also creates a whole host of other problems. Because of it, we often take inconsistent action and inconsistently create results. We’re doing more, spending more, worrying more, ruminating about things, more planning, more strategizing than doing the work. Perfectionism also often leads to imposter syndrome, which we talked about last week. But if we don’t think that it was perfect, then clearly we’re all wrong. We also tend to have an all in or all out mentality. It’s that, if it’s not perfect, I’m not doing it. If I didn’t follow the plan and execute it exactly as I had strategized, then I’m out. We often spend a lot of time abusing ourselves when we are in a perfectionist state of mind. There’s a whole lot of self judgment, criticism and punishing ourselves for not being perfect. There’s often obsessiveness, endless rumination about the past. We hide or we hold ourselves back. A lot of perfectionists are also struggling workaholics. The inability to turn off power off, to walk away from it, to take a break, to have some fun and play. Perfectionism also creates a huge disconnect in our relationships, because when we get deep into perfectionism, not only are we holding ourselves to perfectionistic standards, but we often try to apply those to the people closest to us spouses, family, friends. And the longer we stay in this high anxiety, this super charged pattern, we are more likely to experience massive stress related health issues. I mean, that’s a big part of my journey. You know, all of this mental chaos that my brain created led me to overwork myself and put myself last. And I ended up struggling with a chronic illness for ten years and, you know, obviously got worse and worse. And it finally got to the point where I had to put my entire life on hold to heal my physical space and heal my mental health and my emotional health. And so leaving this unchecked creates so many more problems than keeping it around. Another thing that perfectionists tend to do and what’s even more toxic is to look backwards and see how we weren’t perfect in the past and then punish ourselves for it as if there was anything that we can do right now in this moment to change it. A lot of times we don’t realize that we’re applying our current knowledge to a version of ourselves that didn’t know what we know now. The version of us in the past does not have the knowledge, the skills or the abilities to do better. She’s not the same person that you are now. And if you’re applying who you are now to who you were in the past and judging yourself and criticizing yourself for not doing it better, there’s zero benefit from that. I already know, you know, this feels like shit, but I just want to point it out. I know you’re doing it and I promise you want to stop. It’s not ever going to change the past and it’s not going to make you feel any better. I’ve worked with so many perfectionists and this is pretty much my rally cry: perfection is the enemy of progress. It is the enemy of greatness. Because when we are stuck in the perfectionistic loop of always trying to make it better, of it never being good enough, we don’t take enough action. We don’t put our work out in the world. We don’t go out and fail forward. We end up delaying our progress, thinking that if we perfected it, then we can prevent the pain of mistakes and failing forward. But the reality is, is the way we make progress is failing forward. it’s building on our failed attempts. And really, perfection is elusive at best. It’s not real. It’s always unattainable. The only real thing about perfectionism are the unrealistic expectations and standards that we’ve created for ourselves and other people in our lives. Impossible standards and expectations. That’s what perfectionism is. It’s a suffocating way to live. Imposter syndrome and anxiety are almost always riding shotgun. Pressure, overwhelm, stress, and spinning out are a given. The belief that we have to be perfect, that our work has to be perfect, creates those feelings. Friends! Progress is better than perfection. My coach says your B minus work is good enough. That set me free on so many different levels, you know, as high achieving people who are also perfectionists on top of it, our work, our B minus work is already better than most of our peers. My other coach set me free with this thought: “I can’t get this wrong.” How beautiful is that? If I’m not a failure, if it’s only a failed attempt. I’m either learning from it or I’m growing from it or I’m moving forward. It’s always a win. It’s never wrong. A few years ago, my husband and I were in Soldotna, Alaska, going salmon fishing. We’re on the Kenai River fishing for sockeye salmon and we’re driving through town. And there is this little hardware store that had a letter board sign. And they always put fun sayings up on it. And one day it said “pleasure in the job puts perfection in the work.” And it stopped me in my tracks, guys. Our love for ourselves, our love for our work, the enjoyment we experience …Is what makes it perfect. But perfectionism blocks our love and compassion for ourselves and our work. It literally blocks perfection because there is no pleasure being experienced. I love this quote from Sheila Beloff: “messy, inconsistent action wins over sporadic, quote unquote, perfection.” Perfection is really striving to erase your humanity. I’m going to say that again, because that shit is so real. Perfection is really striving to erase your humanity. Your flaws, your imperfections, your mistakes and failures are what make you perfectly you you are so uniquely beautiful and special because of your imperfections. You are an original work of art, a masterpiece exactly as you are. AND an incredible work in progress. You are never intended to be perfect friends. Original works of art are imperfect. If you’ve ever gone to a museum and looked at them, you can see the cracks in the paint. The texture is often rough. It’s why collectors pay millions of dollars for original works of art. If you want perfect and something far less valuable and unique, buy the lithograph or the copy on a postcard print that’s missing all those imperfections. Humans are imperfect and that is perfect. So I want to give you an exercise to help you change this pattern. I want you to take out a journal, a piece of paper, and write down: “what beliefs are causing me to be a perfectionist” and then download all of that crap out of your brain. Keep writing until you can’t think of anything else. Don’t judge anything that you’re putting on that paper. I want you to recognize that everything that you put down there are only thoughts. And they aren’t true. They only feel true because you’ve practiced them a lot. And then once you have all of your default, regular, go to perfectionist thoughts in one place, I want you to make a list of thoughts you’d like to work on believing about yourself and your work instead. Throughout this podcast, I’ve offered a bunch that have helped to set me free. So by all means, please borrow those. You know, I borrowed quite a few from my mentors along the way. I’m going to read them off again now. And I want you to notice how these thoughts make your body feel when I read them aloud. Perfection is the enemy of progress. It’s the enemy of greatness. Perfection is elusive at best. It’s not real. It’s always unattainable and always a lie. Progress is better than perfection. Pleasure and the job puts perfection in the work. Humans are imperfect. I’m a human, so it’s OK to not be perfect. My B minus is good enough. I can’t get this wrong. I am enough. I’ve always been enough. I’m one hundred percent worthy exactly as I am right now, in this moment. I am perfectly imperfect. My imperfections are what make me me. Friends. It’s time to drop the unrealistic striving for perfection. I know it makes me feel like shit and it’s time to let it go. It’s not real. It’s just a lie that your brain is beating you up with. So let’s work on that. If you would like some help with perfectionism, if you’d like some coaching on this, I would love to help you. We’re going live on Thursday, next week for a live coaching session. It’s free. We’ll discuss perfectionism and all your questions. I can coach you on it if you’d like. Go to www.myyeslife.com/Live for more information and to register. And I hope that you have a beautiful week and you know how much I love you. I’ll talk to you again soon. Ciao ciao.

The post Perfectionism [Podcast Episode 9] appeared first on results based life coaching for mindset, accountability, habit upgrades.

from results based life coaching for mindset, accountability, habit upgrades https://myyeslife.com/perfectionism-podcast-episode-9/

#results based life coaching for mindset #accountability #habit upgrades

[kidspartycharactersny-nj]

(via https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b1jTewd9ziU)

Imposter syndrome, it can be a silent killer, with hidden symptoms that are often hard to uncover.

The good news is, it’s completely treatable and you can have a happy, healthy life and business even if you never totally get rid of it.

What is Imposter Syndrome?

Even if you’ve never heard of it, if you have unfulfilled dreams, and you sometimes feel stuck and uncertain as to why you can't make it happen for you, chances are one of the things that’s holding you back is imposter syndrome.

It’s a little but powerful voice in your head that says, “Who are you to think you can do that?”

It creeps in quite often when we’re about to do things out of our comfort zone, things that open us to judgment, things that put our greatness on display.

And just when we convince ourselves, “I can do it!” a wave of resistance comes crashing down upon us, threatening that “if you dare take that chance, everyone’s going to see that you’re a complete fraud and have no idea what you’re doing or saying.”

It keeps people from starting businesses, it keeps struggling businesses from bursting through to success, it even keeps moms from making confident parenting decisions based on gut instincts.

If any of these situations describes you, you likely have at least a mild case of imposter syndrome:

If you want to start a business, but you haven’t, for “reasons.”

If you have a business but can’t get consistent profits.

If you’re a mom and not sure you can juggle a business and properly raising your kids.

How to Burst Out of Imposter Syndrome

As we’ve discussed, imposter syndrome isn’t always like having a cold. You don’t have the obvious runny nose, constant sneezing, and overall crummy feeling throughout your body.

So even if you’ve never found yourself saying, “I want to do this, but I’m afraid everyone will see that I have no idea what I’m doing and will run me out of town,” try these five cures and see if they don’t help clear the path to whatever dream you haven’t made reality yet.

1. Be Honest

As a mom, you most certainly already have supermom syndrome, that crippling belief that you have to be all things to everyone, and that having three loads of laundry sitting unfolded on the couch while serving boxed mac and cheese for dinner means you’ve failed as a mom.

As a new business owner, supermom syndrome makes it harder because we already feel like we aren’t getting things right in life.

Now maybe you have that one friend that is supermom, but chances are, at least 99% of your friends and peers are in the same position you are.

Do you find yourself commiserating with your mom friends about how you feel constantly behind and struggle to keep up? And do they share your struggles?

Of course they do. And the same goes for business.

When you’re talking and writing about and marketing your business, be honest as if you were talking to a friend.

Share what you know, what you’ve learned, what your successes are, but don’t be afraid to admit you’re new, you’ve made mistakes, you’re constantly getting better with experience, but you’re well short of perfect.

Many people fear they’ll chase clients off if they appear less than a well-polished, professional “expert” in their business.

But quite the contrary. People will relate to you, appreciate your honesty, and want to give you their business when they can see you’re being real with them.

2. Be Conscious of the Highlight Reel

A common origin of or contributor to imposter syndrome is social media.

You’ll look at what others post about their perfect lives and successful businesses on Facebook and Instagram and feel like you are not worthy of having a business like they do because your life is filled with hiccups, and your attempts at entrepreneurship are falling short.

But remember this about social media. People use it as the highlight reel of their lives.

They leave their marital problems, kid’s school suspension, and business launches that brought them no sales on the cutting room floor.

Don’t let social media comparisons affect you, ever. Many, many allegedly “successful” people fill their newsfeed with half-truths and/or outright lies.

Another wise move you can make on social media is to search for the truth-tellers. There are Facebook groups out there where people keep it real.

Use the search bar to discover relevant groups and join a few. Leave the ones that are full of hype, and make connections within those who share your journey.

3. You Don’t Have to Be the Teacher

Take care not to set the standards too high for yourself. You don’t have to be Gandhi or Jesus to be a leader. You don’t have to be the top expert in your industry to have a business that helps others.

Think of it in terms of school. Maybe you’re a fifth grader and you can help those that are at the third grade level.

Sure, there are others in your industry that are at the college level, and they can help the high schoolers.

But guess what, they might just be too far ahead of the third graders, who would prefer working with you and benefit  more from it.

And in business terms, the college level businesses may be too expensive for your third grade client.

So don’t sweat it if you’re new to your industry, there are people out there who need you.

4. Do the CV Exercise

There’s another interesting thing about imposter syndrome. People tend to misdiagnose themselves with it.

That is, they fear they’ll be exposed as a fraud or someone who doesn’t know what they’re doing, when they’re actually more than qualified to be a leader in their industry and to have a thriving business.

When you feel a case of imposter syndrome coming on, when you’re having a little self-doubt, sit down and create your CV or resume.

This doesn’t have to look fancy and formal as if you were really applying for a job. Just take out a pencil and piece of paper and write down everything you know about your industry and about running a business in general.

All the training, experience, knowledge you have.

Chances are, you’ll find you don’t have time to write everything. And if you run out of things to write quickly, chances are you’re selling yourself short.

For example, when it comes to owning your own Kids Party Characters business, the fact that you have kids is pretty much the equivalent to having an M.D. if you wanted to be a doctor!

So don’t underestimate yourself. If you do this exercise honestly, you’ll come out of it feeling like the expert that you are, and knowing what areas you need/want to strengthen to grow your business even bigger.

5.  Find a Mentor

Finding a mentor is one of the best ways to cure imposter syndrome.

Your mentor has been there, done that, and has undoubtedly dealt with her own bouts of imposter syndrome.

If fact, even if your mentor is a millionaire with a successful business, imposter syndrome may still creep up on her now and then.

Remember we talked about in the beginning how you can still have a mild case of it and live a healthy, happy, and successful life.

Your mentor can talk you through imposter syndrome.

She can assure you that you’re on the right track, can guide you to make the best decisions, and can help you regroup when things don’t go as planned.

Kids Party Characters owner, Cheryl Jacobs, has seen the value of mentoring in her journey as an entrepreneur, and it’s one of her favorite ways to give back and help others discover the joys of business ownership like she has.

If you could use a little help curing imposter syndrome and making your goal, idea, or dream of running your own successful business a reality, take a look at the great opportunity Cheryl has put together after thinking about how she could best help other moms who want to work at home.

Cheryl is offering memberships in Kids Party Characters that give you your very own business, including an exclusive territory in which to book parties, the right to use out 200 plus costumes, and access to our casting director and acting coach.

You’ll also get step-by-step training from Cheryl on how to start your business the right way, so no experience is necessary.

Learn more about this opportunity and get all your questions answered by scheduling a no-pressure chat with Cheryl right here. Make this your first step in curing imposter syndrome and clearing the path to the life you want and deserve.

Want to know more about KidsPartyCharacters.com? Connect with us on Facebook for daily updates on the magic we bring to children’s parties, as well as our best tips and strategies for building a successful business while raising your kids.

[ongames]

How To Stop Feeling Like A Fraud At Work

Have you ever convinced yourself that you’re going to get fired because you think you don’t deserve to be in your job? “The only reason I got this gig is because I got lucky,” you might think. “Everyone is going to find out I can’t do this and that I’m a fraud.” 

Thoughts like these are hallmark signs of impostor syndrome, which stems from an inability to internalize your own achievements.

Research shows nearly 70 percent of people feel impostor syndrome at least once in their lives, and it has potential health consequences: The condition can lead to clinical levels of depression and anxiety. Even high-achieving people such as Tavi Gevinson, Sheryl Sandberg and Lena Dunham have admitted to getting stuck in the mindset that they’re not enough. 

Psychology professor Pauline Rose Clance first coined the term “impostor phenomenon” in the 1970s after counseling several young women at Oberlin College. Although women may be more verbal about feelings of self-doubt, data shows that this type of thinking is just as likely to manifest in men. No one is immune.

But the good news is that you don’t have to feel like this, according to Vincent Passarelli, a clinical psychologist based in New York City. Check out his tips below to shake that fraudulent feeling:

Pinpoint when the feeling started.

”Impostor syndrome is about an inability to believe in yourself,” Passarelli told The Huffington Post, noting that it typically stems from past instances of self-doubt more than the present moment.

Passarelli suggests thinking back to the earliest time you thought your voice didn’t deserve to be heard or that you weren’t good enough. These moments most often occur in childhood or adolescence, he explained. For example, it could have been the way that people communicated with you when you were younger or even a poor score on an important standardized test.

Lots of folks have an “aha” moment during this exercise, according to Passarelli. Such early moments form a negative belief system, which can lead to imposter syndrome later on. After you’ve identified past moments where you felt you could not believe in yourself or your abilities, grab a pen and paper and list them.

Try to separate the past from the present.

Separate those past experiences from your present self, and evaluate where they’re both similar and different, Passarelli suggested.

For example, let’s say your first public speech in middle school went horribly wrong. Today, you still feel worried about giving a speech or presentation at work. That’s where the experience is similar. But here’s the difference: You’ve likely given other speeches since middle school that didn’t go as poorly as your first. Maybe they’ve even led to some great outcomes.

After you compare and contrast, continue to write down all of your accomplishments, Passarelli advises. You might write down that in order to get your current job, you had to earn a higher degree, complete internships, show up to events and network. Or you had to focus every day and write a script or book until completion. You had to earn the spot you occupy today.

“We’ve all gotten lucky at various points in our life, so you have to acknowledge that,” Passarelli said. “But also acknowledge when you’ve worked very hard to accomplish what you have.” 

Define what it means to be successful and to be a fraud.

“I ask people, ‘What is your definition of an impostor?’ You’d be surprised what people come up with,” Passarelli said. “They start to say things like, ‘You don’t believe in yourself.’ Or ‘I don’t know all the answers.’ And my response is, ‘Neither do I.’” 

The answers above are what it means to feel insecure or self-conscious, not the definition of “fraud.” The word “fraud,” in the context of an impostor, means “a person who is not what he or she pretends to be.”

What many people describe is really a perfectionistic ideal about success and failure, Passarelli explains. When you are in the thick of impostor syndrome, there’s a good chance you have a distorted idea of what it means to be a thriving person in your profession ― and it probably feels impossible to live up to.

The best thing you can do is to deconstruct what you think it means to be an employee, parent or even just a human being, according to Passarelli, because many people have that initial insecurity, even successful writers and supreme court justices.

But in reality? You’ve got this.

-- This feed and its contents are the property of The Huffington Post, and use is subject to our terms. It may be used for personal consumption, but may not be distributed on a website.

How To Stop Feeling Like A Fraud At Work published first on http://ift.tt/2lnpciY

[yes-dal456]

How To Stop Feeling Like A Fraud At Work

Have you ever convinced yourself that you’re going to get fired because you think you don’t deserve to be in your job? “The only reason I got this gig is because I got lucky,” you might think. “Everyone is going to find out I can’t do this and that I’m a fraud.” 

Thoughts like these are hallmark signs of impostor syndrome, which stems from an inability to internalize your own achievements.

Research shows nearly 70 percent of people feel impostor syndrome at least once in their lives, and it has potential health consequences: The condition can lead to clinical levels of depression and anxiety. Even high-achieving people such as Tavi Gevinson, Sheryl Sandberg and Lena Dunham have admitted to getting stuck in the mindset that they’re not enough. 

Psychology professor Pauline Rose Clance first coined the term “impostor phenomenon” in the 1970s after counseling several young women at Oberlin College. Although women may be more verbal about feelings of self-doubt, data shows that this type of thinking is just as likely to manifest in men. No one is immune.

But the good news is that you don’t have to feel like this, according to Vincent Passarelli, a clinical psychologist based in New York City. Check out his tips below to shake that fraudulent feeling:

Pinpoint when the feeling started.

”Impostor syndrome is about an inability to believe in yourself,” Passarelli told The Huffington Post, noting that it typically stems from past instances of self-doubt more than the present moment.

Passarelli suggests thinking back to the earliest time you thought your voice didn’t deserve to be heard or that you weren’t good enough. These moments most often occur in childhood or adolescence, he explained. For example, it could have been the way that people communicated with you when you were younger or even a poor score on an important standardized test.

Lots of folks have an “aha” moment during this exercise, according to Passarelli. Such early moments form a negative belief system, which can lead to imposter syndrome later on. After you’ve identified past moments where you felt you could not believe in yourself or your abilities, grab a pen and paper and list them.

Try to separate the past from the present.

Separate those past experiences from your present self, and evaluate where they’re both similar and different, Passarelli suggested.

For example, let’s say your first public speech in middle school went horribly wrong. Today, you still feel worried about giving a speech or presentation at work. That’s where the experience is similar. But here’s the difference: You’ve likely given other speeches since middle school that didn’t go as poorly as your first. Maybe they’ve even led to some great outcomes.

After you compare and contrast, continue to write down all of your accomplishments, Passarelli advises. You might write down that in order to get your current job, you had to earn a higher degree, complete internships, show up to events and network. Or you had to focus every day and write a script or book until completion. You had to earn the spot you occupy today.

“We’ve all gotten lucky at various points in our life, so you have to acknowledge that,” Passarelli said. “But also acknowledge when you’ve worked very hard to accomplish what you have.” 

Define what it means to be successful and to be a fraud.

“I ask people, ‘What is your definition of an impostor?’ You’d be surprised what people come up with,” Passarelli said. “They start to say things like, ‘You don’t believe in yourself.’ Or ‘I don’t know all the answers.’ And my response is, ‘Neither do I.’” 

The answers above are what it means to feel insecure or self-conscious, not the definition of “fraud.” The word “fraud,” in the context of an impostor, means “a person who is not what he or she pretends to be.”

What many people describe is really a perfectionistic ideal about success and failure, Passarelli explains. When you are in the thick of impostor syndrome, there’s a good chance you have a distorted idea of what it means to be a thriving person in your profession ― and it probably feels impossible to live up to.

The best thing you can do is to deconstruct what you think it means to be an employee, parent or even just a human being, according to Passarelli, because many people have that initial insecurity, even successful writers and supreme court justices.

But in reality? You’ve got this.

-- This feed and its contents are the property of The Huffington Post, and use is subject to our terms. It may be used for personal consumption, but may not be distributed on a website.

from http://ift.tt/2mts7Yc from Blogger http://ift.tt/2lhT40N

#http://www.topwaytohappy.tk/2017/02/how-to-stop-feeling-like-fraud-at-work.html

[imreviewblog]

How To Stop Feeling Like A Fraud At Work

Have you ever convinced yourself that you’re going to get fired because you think you don’t deserve to be in your job? “The only reason I got this gig is because I got lucky,” you might think. “Everyone is going to find out I can’t do this and that I’m a fraud.” 

Thoughts like these are hallmark signs of impostor syndrome, which stems from an inability to internalize your own achievements.

Research shows nearly 70 percent of people feel impostor syndrome at least once in their lives, and it has potential health consequences: The condition can lead to clinical levels of depression and anxiety. Even high-achieving people such as Tavi Gevinson, Sheryl Sandberg and Lena Dunham have admitted to getting stuck in the mindset that they’re not enough. 

Psychology professor Pauline Rose Clance first coined the term “impostor phenomenon” in the 1970s after counseling several young women at Oberlin College. Although women may be more verbal about feelings of self-doubt, data shows that this type of thinking is just as likely to manifest in men. No one is immune.

But the good news is that you don’t have to feel like this, according to Vincent Passarelli, a clinical psychologist based in New York City. Check out his tips below to shake that fraudulent feeling:

Pinpoint when the feeling started.

”Impostor syndrome is about an inability to believe in yourself,” Passarelli told The Huffington Post, noting that it typically stems from past instances of self-doubt more than the present moment.

Passarelli suggests thinking back to the earliest time you thought your voice didn’t deserve to be heard or that you weren’t good enough. These moments most often occur in childhood or adolescence, he explained. For example, it could have been the way that people communicated with you when you were younger or even a poor score on an important standardized test.

Lots of folks have an “aha” moment during this exercise, according to Passarelli. Such early moments form a negative belief system, which can lead to imposter syndrome later on. After you’ve identified past moments where you felt you could not believe in yourself or your abilities, grab a pen and paper and list them.

Try to separate the past from the present.

Separate those past experiences from your present self, and evaluate where they’re both similar and different, Passarelli suggested.

For example, let’s say your first public speech in middle school went horribly wrong. Today, you still feel worried about giving a speech or presentation at work. That’s where the experience is similar. But here’s the difference: You’ve likely given other speeches since middle school that didn’t go as poorly as your first. Maybe they’ve even led to some great outcomes.

After you compare and contrast, continue to write down all of your accomplishments, Passarelli advises. You might write down that in order to get your current job, you had to earn a higher degree, complete internships, show up to events and network. Or you had to focus every day and write a script or book until completion. You had to earn the spot you occupy today.

“We’ve all gotten lucky at various points in our life, so you have to acknowledge that,” Passarelli said. “But also acknowledge when you’ve worked very hard to accomplish what you have.” 

Define what it means to be successful and to be a fraud.

“I ask people, ‘What is your definition of an impostor?’ You’d be surprised what people come up with,” Passarelli said. “They start to say things like, ‘You don’t believe in yourself.’ Or ‘I don’t know all the answers.’ And my response is, ‘Neither do I.’” 

The answers above are what it means to feel insecure or self-conscious, not the definition of “fraud.” The word “fraud,” in the context of an impostor, means “a person who is not what he or she pretends to be.”

What many people describe is really a perfectionistic ideal about success and failure, Passarelli explains. When you are in the thick of impostor syndrome, there’s a good chance you have a distorted idea of what it means to be a thriving person in your profession ― and it probably feels impossible to live up to.

The best thing you can do is to deconstruct what you think it means to be an employee, parent or even just a human being, according to Passarelli, because many people have that initial insecurity, even successful writers and supreme court justices.

But in reality? You’ve got this.

-- This feed and its contents are the property of The Huffington Post, and use is subject to our terms. It may be used for personal consumption, but may not be distributed on a website.

from Healthy Living - The Huffington Post http://huff.to/2lBrxty

#Healthy Living - The Huffington Post

[booknerdbassdrum]

Failure is Always an Option

I had an English assignment that really hit me hard. It was to write about a core belief of mine, one that shapes my life and how I live it. I chose to tell the story of my struggles with perfectionism and imposter syndrome- and how one teacher helped me realize it was unhealthy and turn my life around. It’s my favorite piece of personal writing to date and it’s under the read more if anyone’s interested.

At one point around fourth or fifth grade, however, my love for achievement became unhealthy. A’s were no longer something I was proud of, but something I needed to feel okay. If I did not maintain my stellar grades, I would go into withdrawal. I believed that deep down I was stupid, and if I did anything less than perfect, everyone else would find out. I had built up a tolerance to success, and for the next six years it only got worse. When I failed my first Honors Precalc test, I was forced to realize that avoiding failure was only delaying the inevitable. Everybody fails at something, so it is vital to learn that failing is just part of being a person. I was no less of a quality human being because I had failed; I just was not very good at trigonometry. Not only did I begin to understand that whether or not I deserved love did not depend on my achievements, I also began to understand and even love math. While I was focused on earning perfect grades, I did not notice the beauty that had been surrounding me the whole time. Math is a universal language that explains how everything works, from atoms to computers to supernovas. I held that in my hand, blind to its potency and endless wonder, for most of my life because all I saw was a test I needed to pass. School is a lot more interesting when I look at it as an opportunity to learn and understand rather than as a series of anxiety-inducing examinations that define whether I am worthwhile.

I am not completely cured and, like any addict, I doubt I ever will be. Largely thanks to my precalc teacher, though, I have made considerable progress. I will still be seen shaking with nervousness before an AP exam, but I no longer believe that my score on said exam will define my inherent value as a person (unless I get a three or below, then the world as I know it will end).

When I was younger, if I were given the opportunity to be good at everything I tried, I would take it in a heartbeat. Now, however, I would pass it up. Life would not be interesting if everything ended the same way, and achievements would not be meaningful if they were guaranteed. I have learned that I can choose to see failure as an invitation to try again. Its possibility may sometimes hang over me like a black cloud, causing me to doubt myself, but I am no longer afraid because I have failed and survived. My parents, friends, and teachers still love me, I have been accepted to a college I will thrive at, and the Earth is still turning. I am a recovering achievement addict, and I believe that failure is always an option.