#-how awful it is and how much pain they themselves endured while entirely not acknowledging the existence of trans women | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

kanene-yaaay-o-retorno · 3 years

Text

Caffeinated drinks, black dots and I should’ve stayed at home

Kanene’s Notes: Heya, heya awesome beans! Howz you are all doing?!

I am very glad that I finally finished this idea dfghjkderty. Shinsou was the second character that my mind screamed that I NEEDED to put in a cat cafe and kjhgtrertyu I think that one is a litol more funny and fluff than hurt/comfort, like the one with Midoriya, but worry not! In the end of the day one more kid is adopted :D

Warnings, fun facts, random things and stuff:

* That fanfic has Dadzawa and Yamadad and their relatonship can be seen as romantic, if you wish.

* This happens in the same universe as This Fanfic Here and you can also find it on AO3.

* There is passing out due exhaustion, sleep deprivation and cursing, but besides that i don’t think that there are any more warnings. This is more funny and fluff.

* This characters do not belongs to me. They all belongs to the amazing the manga/anime Boku no Hero.

* Something around 2.500 words. -w-)b.

* Sorry for any spelling, pontuation and grammar mistakes! Any advice is very very welcome!

* Tô com preguiça de postar a versão em português brasileiro aaaa! Oh!! If you have an idea for another scenario in this universe, hmu! I would love to hear it !!Thankys so much for reading this. Take care! Drink water! Eat well!! Pet a cute animal today!! And please sleep a bit, okie? <3 Byeioo!~

[~*~]

Shinsou blinked for what it felt the fifth time on the last minutes, which was probably the same amount a normal human being was supposed to blink but right now it just felt wrong. He rubbed his stinging eyes again, suppressing another yawn, firm on his purpose to concentrate his brain enough on the task of remembering his order, an almost impossible action by the way a growing headache involved his mind since he woke up.

The teenager focused again on the colorful, full of doodles of paws and whiskers menu, wishing for the first time in nearly two months attending the place that the drinks’ names were objective and direct, and not awful cat puns that made his braincells prefer to combust themselves instead of gathering the necessary information to remind him of the beverage he should ask.

He squinted his eyes, dots appearing in the air. Hm. Definitely not a good sign. Maybe he should order two of the most caffeinated drinks instead of just one? He stared the menu again, frustration flaming on his veins as the words blurred and lost their signification, dancing together with the café’s lights.

And it was only 7 AM.

Perhaps he should have stayed home, on the safety of his bed and the darkness of his room. He knew he should have cancelled his training.

And yet, even thinking about that possibility made Hitoshi’s stomach be consumed by anxious tugs and knots, leaving an unpleasant taste of displeasure on his mouth. His trainings were one of the best moments on his entire week. They were events he would catch himself smiling as he thought about a newest move he learned or how his body seemed to recover quicker from the lessons. Or even how good, how right and free he felt on the gym, tired and sore, in the moment that his mentor nodded, proudness flicking in his eyes.

… How amazing it felt to look at the mirror and see that same feeling reflected on his own gaze.

He couldn’t deprive himself of that sensation, even if dealing with the painful consequences of his sleep deprivation and probably a lecture if his mentor caught him was the only other options.

“Just one more. Just one more person and then I can ask for the strongest caffeinated shit here.” Yeah. This time those cups would be enough to make him endure at least his afternoon classes, he repeated to himself in mumbles. Two cups. Two cups and some minutes petting a cat and he would be ready. He would be ready for the world and society and the whole being a functional human being thing. And then he would get on the metro and nap until he gets home where he would have the real opportunity to properly sleep. Almost there. Just two cups. Two. Two cups.

Gosh, he probably sounded like Midoriya, mumbling non stop like this. A mental image of the energetic teen looking as tired as Shinsou and drinking coffee as if his life depended on it popped on his brain, leading to a sudden urge to giggle manically take over the purple haired boy, and for the way some other customers eyed him warily he possible vocalized that impulse as well, limbs feeling at the same time too much heavy and too much light.

He was so fucking tired.

“Next one!” Loud. So loud. Shinsou obligated his body to step closer, opening his eyes enough to realize that dark spots still painted his vision. Huh. When did he close his eyes, again? “Good morning, little customer! How can I help you today?”

Hitoshi stared at the figure in front of him, senses slow like he was under water, trying to understand the distorted sentences being directed at him, the dots growing and twinkling. Black dots were supposed to be able to do that?

The world swayed a bit under his feet. He tried to move his lips but they didn’t obey him.

“Little customer?” The voice sounded worried, and maybe that is what compelled the boy to take a deep breath, putting all his will in forming word after word when a nauseating wave of tiredness hit him, leading his conscience’s grip in reality weaken.

“I am going to pass out.”

And then the world got completely black, his senses disappearing together with a background screech.

Well, fuck.

[…]

Yamada had seen a lot of crazy, strange things while working at the cat café.

As example that one shift when an adult of blue hair, strict pose and clear exhaustion dripping in waterfalls from his form was convinced that he was in a library and fiercely tried to return a book to them, doesn’t taking a ‘no’ as answer until the blond was left stupefied with a book of “The Secrets Hidden in The Bottom of The Ocean” on his arms.

Or that occasion when a boy with a blank expression wearing Victorian clothes and completely surrounded by crows opened their door, looked from a side to another, stared at the deepest parts of Yamada’s soul, analyzing all his dark fears and secrets before slowly blink and say “Wrong store, my apologies” walking back and calmly ignoring the hissing and battle yowling of dozens of cats and crows.

Or the day a green haired woman with a kind, calm aura just walked behind the counter completely unphazed by Hizashi and Aizawa’s unbelieved looks, made two healthy snacks, patted their cheeks saying ‘You two need to eat more, dears’ and then disappeared as if nothing had happened.

However, none of those events ever prepared him for the moment which purple eyes would stare his in an unfocused state, not really looking at anything and a wobbly smirk – if he wasn’t accustomed with Shouta’s grin, he would easily call it ‘creepy’ – would paint his customer’s pale face, the silence ringing alarmingly on his ears.

“Are you okay, little listener? Do you want to sit for a minute? You look extremely tired.”

As the words came out of his lips, a spell seemed to break, the other’s face getting even paler, smile falling and eyes widening leaded his body to stumble forward instinctively, something on his guts screaming for him to get ready. A few other customers on the line grumbled in impatience, looking at their watch and protesting. Somewhere, in the deep part of his brain, Yamada wondered why those things only happened when Aizawa was out and no procedures for those kinds of situations were previously discussed on their contract.

“Hey, guy,” a blonde teenager behind the paralyzed one said, tipping forward in an attempt to catch the other’s expression, his kimono following each move, “are you… here with us?”

“Little listener?”

A hesitant poke on his cheeks, two pair of eyes warily watching a third.

His mouth finally moved.

“I am going to pass out.” His voice was light, stitched together by certain. His legs trembled under his own weight, body collapsing.

“You WHAT?” A terrified shriek mixed itself between Hizashi’s words, flying across the whole store.

“Oh, shi-”

His blonde client didn’t waste a second before holding the other, arms locking under his armpits in a strange kind of hug, knees weakening with the sudden, unexpected effort, the limp teenager not even flinching with the touch, laying there completely motionless.

Hizashi blinked, gulping, adrenaline exploding on each one of his fibers, color slightly draining from his own face, a piece of his conscience wishing with all its strength for this to be only a dream. When his eyes opened, everything would be the same.

He blinked, the deafening silence still crushing the room, one set of black eyes staring at him in confusion and growing panic, another set closed, heavy, dark circles under it.

Right. He didn’t have time for this.

So, he blinked again, finding himself in front of them both, pushing his feelings under a mask of a calm, an easy reassuring smile already slipping on his face, crouching to get the legs of his customer, catching the gaze the other and winking, “let’s get him on a more comfortable position, right?”

A determined nod, quick, careful steps as they both laid the purple haired one on a small couch placed under some shelves, having to gently dislodge three sleeping cats, who hissed in irritation. The voice of Nemuri, attending the rest of the line filling the space and being acknowledged in the back of his mind, serving as a firm ground and helping his muscles to relax, even if just a little bit.

Hizashi stared the young boy in front of him, looking somewhat peaceful, a bit of color having already returned to his face, soft snores coming out from him.

… Hitoshi. That is his name, right? He wasn’t a new client, always coming at every fifteen days, always by morning and always caffeinated drinks that only Yamada - on his most delirious moments - ever thought in trying, quick to go to play with any feline who appeared in front of him. Although, he never stayed more than ten minutes, the quiets ‘bye’s he gave to the felines never failing to melt Yamada’s weak, bleeding heart.

A childish voice pulled him right out of his thoughts.

“Mom, is he dead?”

A snort escaped his lips before he could help it. Kids.

“Sir?” The teenager shook a small device with a shiny screen in front of him, the logo of a new rock band he hadn’t a chance to listen to yet on the background “I found his phone, I think we should call his emergency contact…?”

“Of course! Thank you, little helper!” He ruffles his hair, flashing a smile and thumbs up as his finger quickly clicked on the call button, listening, not trying to show his impatience as it ringed.

“You’re late.” A tired voice answered him, and Hizashi felt his entire body relax completely, right before the surprise shook its frame, too much pieces clicking together in a puzzle he didn’t even know he was solving.

“SHOU?”

[~*~]

“I am sorry.”

“You will be writing a formal letter apologizing to Hizashi, Nemuri and to me, our classes will be cancelled for this week and, if I notice you didn’t recover properly on this free time, for the next week as well. I am not going to stand by and watch you running yourself to the ground, damaging your potential because you lack of some sense of self preservation, do I make myself clear?” Shinsou tried to not visibly flinch at his sensei’s words. He almost forgot how much intimidating Aizawa could be when totally serious. They stopped by the Cat Café’s door, the black eyes staring at him.

“Yes, sir.” He answered, lowering his gaze. Shouta sighed, his worry stopping to come out as harsh and necessary words to materialize itself in the form of him patting the boy’s head, messing his hair for a few seconds before opening the door and getting into the establishment.

“Good. Now come in, Hizashi has been worried and he won’t stop pestering me until he sees with his own eyes how you are.”

Hitoshi didn’t had time to question how someone that he just met – if you consider passing out in front of him a proper meeting – could be worried about his well-being when, as the door clicked behind him, an excited screech filled the room, forging the realization that maybe that weird high sound before his faint wasn’t just the ring of his ears.

“SHINSOU!!” And, in a blink of eyes, the blonde was in front of him, hands on his face, turning it from a side to another, up and downwards, “You look so much better with some color on your face! I am glad that you finally took some necessary rest, huh? Your eyeshadows even got lighter, which, phew, is such a relief! For a very terrifying moment there I almost thought you would be as bad as this guy right here.” Yamada locked his arms around Aizawa’s shoulder, using the time to take a breather and smile, gladly giving the younger some time to process the flow of words thrown at him. “You gave us both quite a scare, kiddo.”

“I am deeply sorry for inconveniencing you and interrupting your work, Yamada-san.” He bowed, a slight embarrassed blush dusting his cheeks.

“Just please don’t do that again and you will be fine, little customer.” Hizashi then squinted his eyes on his direction as Hioshi brought himself back to his previous position, shoulders tense and straightened back, much different from his previous more slouched pose. Yamada’s eyes got a few inches wider. “You gave him The Talk!” He turned himself to Shouta, his excited sentence, loud enough to probably making his friend deaf, if the black haired adult wasn’t already used with the other’s attics, previously covering his ears before the outburst.

His response was a grunt, Aizawa dislodging himself from his touch with scoff and half heartedly mumbles, ignoring the confusion on his pupil’s gaze. “Maybe he looks like that because of your total disregarding of personal space.”

“Don’t worry,” Hizashi put his hand at the side of his mouth, as if he was confiding Shinsou’s a secret. “He only does that because he is worried about you, too. Don’t let yourself to be fooled by his grumpy façade. He is a mother hen at heart.”

“I am going to lock you outside and give all your CD’s to the kittens a their new toys.” The other threatened, going behind the balcony and turning the coffee machines on, preparing the store to open. The few cats who were already wandering around the place yowled and meowed in despair, as if the blonde hadn’t feed them fifteen minutes ago and they were starving under the hands of such unloving and uncaring creature. Aizawa crouched and distributed the treats hidden on his pockets for everyone of them, nevertheless. His friend used the distraction to mouth a ‘see?’ at the younger’s direction, eliciting a snicker from him, his body language more relaxed.

“Feel free to do whatever,” Aizawa proclaimed, not staring at the boy, who felt a flower of warmth blossom on his chest. “Just be sure that all your homework is completed by lunch time or the moment you decide to go. Sushi is probably napping now, but when she wakes up, I will warn you.”

“But first,” Hizashi clapped, capturing the attention as he walked with a dance on his step to the bakeries, taking two plate on his way. “breakfast! For you both. And that means something substantial and not just a cup of coffee.”

Shinsou startled from the table he decided to place himself, shaking his head. “Yamada-san, it’s okay, you don’t need to-”

“Nonsense, nonsense! I want to. Eating breakfast alone is just sooo boring, you know?” Hizashi spun on the place, almost throwing the muffins and breads around as Ochaco used his distraction to attack his shoelaces. “Uravity, stop, I need those.”

“Her name isn’t Uravity.” Shouta appeared again, bringing drinks and yawning, his focus changed to the boy’s. “Better give up. I’ve been fighting against him for years now.”

“Also, her name is Ochaco Uravity Fluffy Second and you just refuse to call her that because you’re just jealous of how much genius I am.”

“I refuse to call her that because I care for her sanity.”

“Lies, lies.”

Hitoshi snorted, hiding his smirk behind his hand. “I prefer his name better, sensei.”

Aizawa watched them high five between the cheers of the blonde with an unimpressed expression. “Cheeky brat.”

“You’re just grumpy because he has a good taste. Friendship ended with Shouta, now Shinsou is my new best friend.”

"I am truly devasted." Aizawa deadpanned, taking a long sip of his beverage, hiding his smirk as Shinsou snorted, Yamada's dramatic wailing in the background.

And, as the playful bickering engulfed them between the warm food and purrs, Hitoshi decided that maybe losing his weekly training wasn’t so bad if that was what waited for him.

8 notes · View notes

mythriteshah · 3 years

Text

Valide’s Vow

Several turns of the sun have passed since the first appearance of that strange arctic occurrence in Thavnair’s jungles. There have been sightings and reports all around the region of similar happenings: glaciated waterways; rime-encrusted shrubs and small spires of ice which glistened like crystals beneath the moonlight, all wrapped up in a beautiful spectacle of snow and frost.

Though these were ephemeral, and would not last longer than a bell’s worth, the Near Eastern natives and tourists alike who came upon these sites beheld them in awe.

Yet as they would remain in the immediate area to bask in this irradiant scenery, their hearts and minds were overwhelmed by feelings of sadness – of longing and loss – so powerful that some knelt to tears at the stark beauty of it all. These indelible waves of emotions moved even the dancers of Radz-at-Han’s troupes, yet they would find themselves hard-pressed to properly move, attempting to use these areas as backdrops for their performances.

Even the Kreigstanz’s efficacy was suppressed.

What was the cause of this breathtaking yet mystifying sight? Where next would it arise? Even the Angels of the Regalia were investigating these events, while others kept the looming threat of the Telophoroi at bay across the realm. For now, however, there was peace within Radz-at-Han, and the sun would begin to set over the land.

Within the Regalia’s Main Branch Headquarters, Thiji Higuri sat upon his usual sofa, garbed in his exclusive Wamoura robe as he silently watched the Near Eastern sun fall over the horizon. Nestled across his lap was a claymore made from pure mythrite he had brought over from the Aldenard Branch. His fingers ran along the cool metal of the blade, staring down at the engraved statement as though he were in a trance.

“As long as you make it out of a battle alive, you are one step closer to fulfilling your dream…”

The words echoed in his mind, along with his memories of the past – some glorious, and some painful. Nyra, who had been perched atop the back of the sofa, was resting her eyes before she heard footsteps approaching behind them. Her master was too engaged with his mulling to even acknowledge it until he would see another hand resting upon the hilt of the claymore. Thiji lifted his head upwards to find his mother, Lady Mimizo, grinning with a tall glass of Winter Lassi ready for him. He could never deny a glass of cool lassi, and eagerly took it, as his mother quietly removed the blade from his lap, resting it against the sofa with the blade down. She sat next to him, taking another glass from the end table before taking a few sips of her own.

“Your generosity is boundless, my son,” she opened. “How are you faring after the Largesse?”

He was silent. Not because he did not have an answer for her, but because he did not know how. But Mimizo knew her son well, and could easily persuade him to speak his mind. She reassured him with a soft hand upon his, staring directly at the Mythrite Sultan. “Naught but us are here, my beloved son. Do not be afraid.”

“Not afraid, Mother,” he began. “I am merely… tired. This realm always has problems arising, and despite all the efforts these ‘adventurers’ keep expending to stave them off, I had not dared to believe that things would soon arrive at our doorstep. Our non-aggression pact with Garlemald maintained our neutrality between it and the other continents, and we flourished immensely as a result… Now the same sick drama unfolds again, and all the realm faces conflict.”

“And we will see it through together!” Mimizo stated. “Yes, you may have hung up the mantle of adventurer, but that means naught. You are still more than capable of defending our home without bearing such a title. And perhaps this is all a sign! You may have kept your edge sharp with your secret training, but perhaps it is now time to show Hydaelyn what the new and improved Mythrite Sultan can do.”

Thiji sighed, reclining in his seat as he took another long sip of his lassi. He wasn’t in the mood to go charging into battle and felling scores and scores of whomever or whatever was unfortunate enough to stand in his path of carnage. Thiji may have enjoyed the life of battle and glory for a time, but that was behind him. He is now the head of one of Eorzea’s most prominent providers of the gemcraft and textile industry, not to mention one of its foremost fashion empires. And just recently, he has essentially become a beacon of generosity and goodwill thanks to their Fourth Annual Largesse, which had just concluded not even a sennight ago.

“New? Improved? Perhaps…” he spoke. “… But I don’t wish for that life again – stamping out primal incursions and the occasional onslaught of ravenous beasts; delving into parts unknown to pacify the surrounding area… Such stress would only accelerate my aging; my ice blue and silver white tresses would turn grey before I even reach thirty.”

And even if he did return to the forefront, a thought lingered in his head – more painfully irksome than any obstacle he has thus far faced. He needed to finish the remainder of his lassi in order to get it out, however…

“And what of my dream, Mother…? What of that?”

Mimizo paused for a moment, looking over her shoulder to inspect the claymore with Nyra. She then placed her glass on the table and scooched closer to her son. Thiji’s gaze remained fixed to the setting sun, his eyes welling up with tears, which made Mimizo’s motherly instincts kick in.

“Oh, Thiji… Let it out, my son,” she cooed, comforting him with an embrace only a mother could give. He did not sob, but silent tears did indeed fall from his smooth face, and Mimizo did her best to dry them, not wanting to see her firstborn’s face marred so. “The dream you so cherished is a beautiful one indeed. There is nothing nobler and purer than fighting to protect someone you love so dearly. And when you return from the peril – when you emerge victorious amidst the ashes – your dearest is there, welcoming you back with open arms. Even when the entire world was against her, you stood your ground – just like the knight did in the play.”

“But I am no knight, Mother,” Thiji replied with his head lowered. “I don’t even have a sorceress… All my aspirations – all my desires – ‘twas all weighed upon realizing that romantic dream. I pursued this for so many winters in a desperate bid to uphold the title of Sorceress Knight, only to be shunned again and again by the cursed Lover and Spinner both. What am I now?”

“A man with nothing to lose,” Mimizo quickly answered, as if she had waited to say that for many moons. “There are many things in this realm to be feared, and one of which is a son of man who has seen much, been dealt enough cruel hands, and endured numerous hardships. You became a Dark Knight after what transpired in Coerthas, and from there you channeled your emotions into a weapon. You were younger then, but now those same feelings have been honed – refined into something deadly. You have tamed it, Thiji, and now you can control it into a power far greater than what you’ve wielded thus far.”

The lamenting Sultan looked past her mother to see the object beside the end table - the picture his niece and nephew drew of him holding hands with the Sultana of his dreams. It was a reminder that somewhere, she was out there, waiting for him… somewhere.

“Your heart is enormous and golden, my son. Those who are the most gracious and kind are the loneliest; those who are the most downtrodden always wear the brightest smiles, and those who are the most damaged and broken… are the wisest. This is nothing to be ashamed over – it is a universal truth. Your sorrow… your grief… your loss… your longing... you’ve made it into something beautiful, and it stands before you to this day: the Regalia. Your Angels would agree, as would your father. Your dream of becoming a Sorceress’s Knight is not dead.”

Nyra flew down and perched herself atop Thiji’s head, reassuring him with a nod. “Even Nyra is with you, as is Glacius,” Mimizo added. He still seemed unsure about that statement, given how long he has been without a Sultana. Some people were even referring to him jokingly as the “Mythrite Bachelor” for arguably being one of the longest-running single nobles in the realm. Little did Thiji know, however, that his mother would have plans for him in the coming summers.

Moments later, they would receive a ring from his linkpearl. Thiji had immediately regained his composure as if nothing had ever happened over the past few minutes, answering the call while Mimizo listened in.

“My Sultan! It’s Sesena! We just spotted a sizeable army of Voidsent bombs approaching from the south! We’re holding them off at the beachhead, but they seem to be attracted by all the ambient aether from these weird ice sites!”

“Or it’s probably due to the fact that the Moonfire Faire’s coming early…” Sosona joked. “We’re not sure who or what’s leading them, but we know they’re close if they appearing in such numbers.”

“Ensure they are contained within the southern beachfront; if any of our native warriors are present, support them as necessary,” Thiji ordered. “I will join you anon.”

“Yes, My Sultan!” Sesena and Sosona replied before ending the transmission. Thiji’s countenance became one of tranquil fury as he jumped from his sofa to obtain the claymore, only to be stopped by a soft hand to his forearm.

“No,” his mother said sternly with a shake of her head. Her son arched a brow, questioning Mimizo’s actions. Then, she would lift the folds of her outer robe to reveal a pair of bladed fans that were holstered at her waist. The Mythrite Sultan’s eyes widened upon acknowledging its appearance, meeting his mother’s gaze with a slight head shake.

“They’re not ready for this, Mother,” Thiji said in defense.

“Precisely, Thiji,” Mimizo immediately replied, “which is all the more reason for you to make them get ready. Victory in battle is important, but so is making a statement. You, my first and greatest son, who has helped bring our slogan and motto into prominence, have all the capabilities to show our enemies why they should never cross the Regalia or the Near East’s finest. Show them your true power, Thiji.”

He hesitated. Thiji always tried his hardest not to reveal his well-guarded secret that was his redoubtable skill as a dancer. However, there was no reason to fear, for the enemy was at his doorstep, and the only ones who would bear witness to his performance were natives of the Near East. Realizing this, he sighed away his doubts and turned away from his mother, making his way to the dresser where he would begin donning his dancer attire: a shirt-and-sarouel combo, with babouches to match. After checking his nails for any blemishes or marks, he nodded to his reflection before Nyra provided the finishing touch: the blue hydrangea corsage, which was nestled right above his left ear. Once his transformation was complete, he eagerly took the fans from Mimizo, who was grinning from ear to ear. Grasping one in each hand, they gave off a soft hum, pulsing an icy blue as it resonated with his aetherial signature. Thiji then flicked his wrists, unfolding them as they released tiny particles of frost from their bladed tips, beholding the majesty of these weapons for but a brief moment before folding them once more.

Mimizo approached her son and cupped his face with her hands before giving him a loving smile.

“Now you are most rightfully equipped, Thiji,” she spoke. “Embrace your sorrow. Accept it, and bring the beauty of winter to your friends and foes. Steal their hearts; make them weep; leave them breathless. Everyone has their part to play, and you’ve been on an intermission for far too long. And now the stage is set, my son. Your finest hour awaits.”

With empowered resolve and vigor, Thiji holstered the fans at his waist and left the chambers. Nyra flew in close after him as he would then begin to call for Glacius and his mate, Suki, to carry him into battle. And as the Mythrite Sultan would vacate the Main Branch Headquarters and the city-state proper, Mimizo watched silently as he disappeared into the jungle thicket, her brows furrowed in determination.

“Thiji… whether it comes a moon from now, or two summers hence, I swear that, on my title as Valide Sultan, you will have your dream restored; you will have your Sultana…”

“I swear it.”

#thiji higuri #Higuri Regalia #short story #thavnairian #hannish #radz at han #thavnair #Lalafell #lalafell master race #sorceress knight #dancer #winter

3 notes · View notes

malachi-walker · 4 years

Note

What character(s) from other fandoms that you're a part of remind you the most of Catra? Personally, I don't think I've seen too many, aside from maybe Vegeta from DBZ and maybe Jason Todd from DC comics but that's about it for me

Ok, anon, thanks for your patience. Let's go.

Firstly, I have two ladies that do give me a similar vibe to Catra (though they aren't 100% matches as you'll see.) And I want you to take particular note of that: it's very telling that the characters you mentioned are both dudes. This is something I have been thinking about for literally decades because it is a deeply entrenched stereotype in our culture: male abuse victims are angry, frustrated loners who lash out until they find that one (girl) person that gets through their facade, female abuse victims are portrayed as either anxious messes (more common in recent years) or as just... These smiling caricatures who continue to pretend to be happy because that's what our societies expect women to be. And this is something I took note of at a very early age, because as someone growing up with an abusive birth father I looked to the MALE characters as a guide book on how to act, because getting angry and lashing out was what made sense to me at the time and I resented the hell out of that unspoken implication that I was supposed to just suck it up and plaster on a smile when I wanted to rage against the injustice of what I was dealing with. In hindsight it wasn't great behavior, but it was what I needed to keep myself sane at the time. I'm not even exaggerating when I say I have waited my whole life for a character like Catra: someone who is reflective of my experiences as an ex-abuse victim, someone who is angry and wrathful and still allowed to be sympathetic. Now on to our two ladies.

First up: Vriska Serket from Homestuck. (I know, Homestuck is a huge fandom with a lot of assholes, but I do still enjoy the original comic. I just don't interact with the fandom.) Vriska and Catra both have similar vibes in the way they project their outward personas of being the badass bitch who takes no shit and is on top of things, but we all know that's a lie. And they both come from abusive backgrounds: Vriska was forced to become a killer at a very young age because her parental guardian (a literal giant spider) would eat her if Vriska didn't feed her other kids. Doesn't excuse her jerkass tendencies or her terrible actions, but that was how she started out. And Catra's deal with SW needs no explanation.

They both have developed very similar gadfly tendencies in order to maintain a sense of control around other people (though Vriska is a lot more mean spirited about it) and both have moments when the facade cracks and they show actual sincerity and frustration at themselves and other people. The main difference between them is that Vriska's actions are driven by a sense of grandiose self-importance that she has cultivated and fed into as a way to avoid looking at her own actions (because she's the best, so everything she does is awesome, right?) whereas Catra's primary driving motivation is pain: either making sure she doesn't have to hurt anymore or hurting those who hurt her. Plus Catra grapples with her sense of guilt a lot throughout Spop and maintains those sympathetic undertones while Vriska's moments of clarity are so rare that you basically have to keep a chart to locate them. But you could totally picture them both teaming up to make fun of their respective frenemies, assuming they didn't kill each other first for reminding themselves of their deep underlying self-loathing.

Second candidate: Anthy Himemiya from Revolutionary Girl Utena. And boy howdy, if anyone is interested in this show and wants to avoid spoilers, skip to the end now, because we're going on a deep and dark journey here.

At first glance, she and Catra don't have much in common. In fact, she seems to fit the stereotype I described above: the placid smiling doll who takes the abuse and keeps going. Key word: seems to. Anyone who actually watches the show knows exactly where I'm going here.

We're introduced to Anthy as the "Rose Bride": the prize in a series of sword fights between students at a very strange school, with the ultimate promise being that whoever owns the Rose Bride at the end of the duels will gain some nebulous ultimate power. And yeah, I said "own" for a reason: whoever possesses the Rose Bride effectively owns her and some of the most uncomfortable scenes in the show reinforce the fact that Anthy tailors her thoughts and actions to whoever currently controls her. And as you can expect, this leads to BUCKETS of abuse. Literally everyone in this show is culpable in some manner for this, no matter how well intentioned.

But remember that "seems to?" Because that's only one side of Anthy; the outward persona if you will. On the other side of the coin you have Anthy the Witch, and that's where the parallels with Catra come into play and why Anthy was my go-to abuse representation before Spop rocked my world. Because the big twist we find out at the end of the series is that Anthy and her older brother Akio (formerly Dios) are the former literal personifications of the fairytale damsel in distress princess and the noble prince on a white horse, respectively.

But the balance was upset: having to constantly go around saving people was literally killing Dios, because one of the major points of RGU is that you can assist people in saving themselves but doing it yourself strips them of agency and traps them in a cycle of needing to be saved again and again. The more people the noble prince saved, the more people needed saving. When it became clear that he couldn't keep going, Anthy took a stand and prevented the people coming for Dios (angry that he wasn't saving them anymore) from getting to him, and thus incurred the wrath of everyone and got skewered alive by an angry mob in the process. This isn't hyperbole: the role of the Rose Bride is to instinctively bring out the disdain and hatred of everyone on the planet. It's a punishment for stepping out of line, for not being the placid princess who needs to be rescued anymore.

Because we're operating on fairy tale logic, no longer being a princess means that Anthy became a witch, and no longer being the prince made Dios into satanic archetype Akio. So behind the scenes of the entire show, Anthy is the witch assisting her brother in orchestrating the duels, and their ultimate goal is to find someone pure of heart enough to embody those princely virtues Dios once possessed and to steal that power so Akio can return to being who he once was. All of the psychological torments and head games are designed to weed out the potential candidates to find that special someone... Except it's an impossible goal because no human being can live up to that standard. And with each atrocity they commit it becomes even more impossible to return to being that person.

Ok, tangent done, here's where it gets interesting: Anthy is a character with two sides to her, the suffering Rose Bride fated to endure the hatred of the entire world and the Wicked Witch who manipulates and orchestrates the torment of those around her. But here's the deal: she's a victim too. She's a victim of a system that won't let her be anything other than these two binaries; she's a victim of her brother who has all the power over her and has trapped her in a codependent incestuous relationship, and I don't care how awful the things she's done are: nobody deserves to go through the shit she does. So with all of that in mind, the actions that she goes through as the witch make perfect sense. Why shouldn't she torment these people who do nothing but abuse her and deny her of agency? Even the best hearted of the duellists (aka the ones who don't hit her or abuse her sexually) nonetheless fall into the trap of projecting their own biases and expectations onto her, biases that her role dictates she carry out. Her actions as the witch aren't right, but nothing about this situation is. That's the entire point.

And that's where she ties into being like Catra. Catra does some truly fucked up things, but it doesn't cancel out the fact that she's an abuse victim that has been literally tortured for most of her life for no good reason and has received zero acknowledgement of that abuse in universe. And much like Anthy, she can't begin to heal until the situation is acknowledged, because that's literally step one of breaking the cycle: confirming that this is not okay and that no one deserves the shit she's been through. Just knowing that herself isn't enough: it's acknowledgement from others that enables that process to begin, because no one can recover from abuse in a vacuum. You need outside people to be touchstones, because so much of recovering from abuse is confronting the way it warps your perception and thought processes. You need at the minimum one normal perspective to give you that, preferably more, but one minimum.

Hurting the people who care about her is definitely not okay and I'm not excusing her actions in that category, but it doesn't change the fact that she is justified in wanting to rage and lash out, because she is still trapped in that cycle. She can't heal or let go because the process hasn't even been started. She's not off the hook for the things she's done, but neither should she be automatically condemned without taking those factors into account (which is the entire reason why the distinction between an excuse and a justification exists.)

And if I can be a little pithy... The other similarity between Catra and Anthy is I can guarantee that in twenty years people will STILL be arguing over whether or not Catra "deserved" to be freed from her abusive situation.

Good God this turned into an essay. Hope this makes up for how long it took, anon. And anyone else who makes it this far, treat yourself. You earned it.

#long post #anon #answers #comparitive analysis #yes virginia i am a lit graduate

18 notes · View notes

aglayalilich · 5 years

Text

on some horror movies

a few months ago i got to see midsommar and though it didn’t quite do to me what hereditary did i thought it was a very compelling movie...shortly after, though, i was able to see the 2018 version of suspiria and wowwww did i feel some ways about that movie. i felt at the time that the two went very well together. so my friend invited me to see the director’s cut version of midsommar this weekend (still very interesting, though i felt the final cut was the right choice) and i decided i would also watch suspiria again and take notes on both. because i

wanted to articulate more why these movies work so well as a double feature for me, beyond ‘ah yeah there’s some girls dancing in it’ though certainly the role of dance and the climactic dance scenes are a part of it. there’s this structural similarity too in the final ritual acts. but like i was saying, it’s more than just a similar aesthetic. in fact the aesthetics are really in contrast, with suspiria’s bright red on desaturated colors versus midsommar’s blue and white on very lush, saturated backdrops. though they also do something similar with how color begins creeping into the character’s clothing in midsommar and of course many people have already talked about how the iconic red begins to creep into suspiria culminating at the end. really drastically different cinematography style also, midsommar is full of these long empty lingering shorts, all this wideness and slowness while suspiria is fast cuts, sudden zooms, races fromt he point of view of one character to the next. (sidenote: both have this GREAT visual language of mirrors, suspiria has the mirror room and dance studios and characters refracted a hundredfold, great for questions and multiplicity of identity. midsommar has a couple of really great scenes where one character is talking to another character but the second character is standing out of the shot and only visible in a mirror. ahhh so good. in general i wouldn’t say the effect of either movie is fear so much as disorientation--reflections, refractions, inversions. physical spaces impossible for the audience to navigate. images that the audience cannot arrange chronologically. i love it) anyway. this isn’t an essay so it is unstructured. i took about 10 pages of notes during my second viewing of midsommar and i can only understand about half of that because it was dark as fuck in the theater but i would like to at least ATTEMPT to give form to what i was feeling. comes down to 3 core similarities.

1. i read both of these movies as about abuse in communities that are supposed to be ‘safe.’ the community is a relief from trauma/abuse/horror of the outside world. there’s also a strong emphasis on the familial nature of this community. important to note that the community is genuine, it is not wholly a falsehood. it has a motivation beyond doing evil for evil’s sake, it may even believe the evil is necessary for the care of the community. this is a close and poignant topic for me, and i assume for other people as well, so it’s compelling to see it addressed in horror. it can be a great relief to see something as the subject of horror--that is an acknowledgement that it is horrific. a confirmation, an understanding, and sometimes through the resolution of the movie we can find stories that help us work through this.

2. both mostly focus on the horror of endurance rather than the horror of ending (death) which is a big thing for me in terms of my horror preferences. while i love some iconic monsters and killers ultimately the idea of ‘what if a fucked up thing killed you’ is just not actually that scary for me. what is scary for me is, yknow living in a state of unspeakable agony.

the olga scene in suspiria (you know the one) is a perfect example of this. every time you think that scene is about to be over it keeps going. and keeps going. the character is hurt but never killed, contorted impossibly, injured beyond the realm of what the human body should be able to endure but she is still alive. even when the scene finally comes to an end she is still alive! hard for me to articulate this scene if you haven’t seen it--i am very pleased and excitable about body horror and it was still rough for me purely because of how long it feels. in a sense this scene doesn’t even really end because much later during the climactic scene of the movie she is still fucking alive and has been in this state for the entire duration of the movie.

with midsommar it’s less of a body horror angle and more...dani living with all her pain and grief. but it’s done physically as well--being killed suddenly is not so horrible as being kept alive, the climactic horror is about a very prolonged, painful death. the dance scene doesn’t take it to suspiria levels but there is still a sense of the participants having no choice of when to stop, but simply must keep going in exhaustion until they cannot.

3. i really love how both of these films show pain (and other emotion) evoked through motions and breath. this one is harder to articulate. you know a lot of the time in a movie you will see an act of violence but it’s pretty...shallow, it’s just the image of violence, it has no weight to it. you don’t feel it. not so in these movies. it’s hard for me to articulate exactly how a piece of media goes about accomplishing this or not but often it makes the key distinction between things i think are just fine and things i really love.

these two have a really particular way of showing pain. in a very literal sense, there are incredible portrayals of bodies in physical pain. but there’s also dani’s raw screams of grief at the end of midsommar’s intro (and at other points throughout the film.) she is in too much pain to speak, all she can say is no, the leaked script describes it as ‘it’s so intense that it looks painful, dangerous even.’ on a slight digression i often feel like i dont love ari aster the way a lot of people do but the thing i really truly do love and am awed by is the portrayal of this raw horrible grief pain in his films. it is so horrible it is very difficult for me to see and that is a little part of why i can never watch hereditary again. but anyway

sometimes pain robs us of thought and of language. (the movie knows this, the aforementioned prolonged painful death at the end of midsommar is one in which the character involved cannot move or speak). at a certain point it cannot be articulated through words. so these characters, the films themselves, articulate their pain (both physical and cosmic) through dreams, sighs, movement, screams.

sometimes pain seems too much for any one person to bear. this is when the movies come back around to the topic of community. both films emphasize the community as a body, made up of the individuals who serve as its cells or organs. when one part is hurt, the whole body feels the effects. more than that, the things too big for one human to possible feel are instead taken up by the community, felt by the larger body. volk is danced by one body, expressing the feeling not just of its creator but of the body. in midsommar we see the community take on in unison the feeling of one member, dancing or screaming as one (though i’ve seen different takes on whether this is to positive or negative result.) the body is formed and expresses itself through motion and breath, the dances, the sighs, the rhythmic exhalations which are all both precise and instinctive.

there is also something more i can’t say here about...not pain but the desire for someone to understand your pain, the desire for true connection.

i tried a few times to write about why this is a topic i fixate on but it didn’t feel right. to summarize ill just say that i struggle deeply with the ability to express pain.

now, on horror and the working-through of trauma...i said earlier that it is compelling to see these topics addressed in horror. horror is the main genre of any media that i enjoy and though i like other things, i don’t generally seek out anything that doesn’t have some inclination towards horror. this has always been the case but grew more true the more, uh, fucked up my life became, and i find it generally the best mechanism for thinking about (and not necessarily but sometimes coping with) grief and trauma and pain in all its forms. other people have written extensively about this, articulated it better than i could, there’s not really a need to get into it further than that.

but i’m thinking about one thing i’ve seen recently...(actually two things, firstly, some posts that seems to imply horror movies never tackled trauma before ari aster started directing which is just...quite a take, quite a take.) it was shots of ending scenes from a few horror movies, including hereditary and midsommar and also suspiria...i think the vvitch also and maybe also possession or something you know all the movies bitches with ptsd love (i’m bitches.) shots of the protagonist’s faces in the ending, a certain expression both rapturous and dissociated. there was something in the way i saw some people respond to this that made me think a lot...i think the idea that through great overwhelming trauma we can reach a point of ecstasy, or total transformation, is a very compelling story. it is something i have wished for often or even believed will happen--that there will be a certain point at which it really is too much and beyond that will be something different. some rapture that you will reach. not necessarily something positive but something that isn’t pain, that is beyond pain and horror. the idea of reaching divinity through great suffering is nothing new of course. but.

the true horror of endurance is that this is not going to happen. there is no point at which there will be absolution or ascension. the mirror does not shatter. it just keeps going. when you think this is the limit, it just keeps going.

the nice thing about movies is that they have a structure, and though they might leave you altered, they do end, the screen goes black. comfort of darkness, relief of endings. a sigh...

at least, that’s how i feel right now.

#this is based in my own experiences and mood and is not meant to be telling people how to feel or any kind of formal analysis #just trying to shape a feeling out on paper!

12 notes · View notes

mittensmorgul · 5 years

Note

Thought: Half of why John is more accepting in 14x13 than most of us would expect based on his past behavior is because John kinda thinks it's a dream. The other half is because he is just a better person when Mary is around. See the "John would have hated John" posts re 5x13.

I’m gonna use this opportunity to point out a few things about the episode that I think a lot of people may have missed, because it goes a very long way toward understanding John’s reaction here:

2003 John, who from the way he showed up in the bunker, armed and apparently mid-fight... I can’t even imagine the shock of suddenly finding oneself supposedly sixteen years in the future, you know? And that’s just the tip of the iceberg.

From Donna’s cabin, where Mary was before they called her back to the bunker, it would’ve been approximately a 12 hour drive. Sam and Dean had TWELVE HOURS or so to talk with John before we rejoin them in the kitchen just before Mary shows up. Because heck, they had SIXTEEN YEARS worth of stuff to catch him up on, you know?

First off, he had to be so shaken when he arrived. He might’ve been thinking he get clobbered in the fight he’d thought he was in and was this all a hallucination or a dream? Or was he actually killed, and this was heaven or something? Who even knows what he could’ve been thinking at first, but he seemed to pretty quickly accept that it was real.

This is where one of the lessons the show has been encouraging us to learn really comes in useful. That being, STUFF HAPPENS OFFSCREEN and the show has encouraged us to accept the fact that what happens offscreen actually counts. So we have to assume that in the hours upon hours they talked with John, they laid out the vast majority of stuff that’s happened in the last decade and a half.

Some of it would probably be pretty difficult to hear, like the fact John didn’t survive to get revenge on Azazel (heck, 2003 him might not even know he was legit getting CLOSE even), but that Sam and Dean DO. How difficult would it be to tell this version of John that Dean sold his soul to save Sam, that he spent 40 years in Hell and was rescued by an angel, to tell them about how angels and demons were manipulating them all for decades to start the apocalypse?

Or that Sam let himself be possessed by Lucifer to stop the apocalypse, pulling both Lucifer and Michael into a cage in Hell to save the world? Like... this is still just the tip of the iceberg here... There’s still Raphael and the second attempt at the apocalypse, Soulless!Sam, Dean’s year in the suburbs, Purgatory, Leviathans, how they’ve befriended angels and demons and monsters oh my... oh, and God. Who also wrote a series of novels about their lives that are technically one of the gospels now... all the way up to how Dean earned a gift from God’s sister, the primordial darkness herself... that Mary has been resurrected...

Plus all that stuff about time travel and alternate universes they’ve experienced.

And for John, personally, the story of how they discovered the bunker in the first place, when the father John had always thought abandoned him as a child had actually traveled into the future, saved Sam’s life, and was killed by the demon Abaddon in the process. I mean THAT RIGHT THERE had to be a horrific shocker to learn, you know?

For JOHN, that’s possibly the most life-alteringly earth-shattering thing they could’ve told him, you know? Just to have an ANSWER to that question that had plagued him since HE was four years old and his dad disappeared off the face of the earth. Not to mention learning that he should’ve been a MoL legacy himself, and that if his father hadn’t been hunted through time by a Knight of Hell, John would’ve grown up “in the life” of monsters and magic himself... Kinda an eye opener, you know?

Oh, and learning that their family was a bloodline going all the way back to Cain and Abel (yes, that Cain and Abel, and by the way Dean killed Cain that one time), and that their family was part of a much larger cosmic plot to bring on the apocalypse in the first place, and Azazel-- John’s lifelong obsession-- was only the first step in all of that and a whole bunch of worse stuff happened after.

Oh, plus, Dean killed Hitler.

They’ve met Samuel Colt, Eliot Ness, Dean was on a sub during WW2 for a day or so, and traveled back to 1973 and 1978 and met with John both times (oh, and Dean was the dude who talked John into buying the Impala when he’d intended to buy a stupid VW van).

And this is STILL only scraping the tip of the iceberg here... They talked for TWELVE. HOURS. or so...

Sam and Dean have had some shockingly full lives, you know? It’s not even a surprise to me that after all that, after seeing the evidence of his sons’ lives laid out like that for him-- the good, the bad, the cosmic and the mundane-- (GOD! HIMSELF! MADE THEM PANCAKES! RIGHT OVER THERE!) that John’s only possible reaction would be to understand just how far his children went after his death.

In the wake of learning all of that, what they went through pre-2005 is just kinda... overshadowed, you know? Almost unreal itself.

But yeah, because of all of this ^^, and then the absolute SHOCK of seeing Mary again after all this time, after spending the majority of his adult life seeking revenge and justice for her death, and the long and painful search for the truth that kinda wrecked ALL their lives, to see her again alive and happy and whole... well, heck... everything else kinda pales to that. The literal horror show he and Sam and Dean endured (even the bits that were blatantly his fault) just... they’re suddenly worth it all, just for that moment, you know?

In a weird way, in that moment John had the burden of suffering with Mary’s death lifted off of him, and he could stand there in the perspective of that more innocent John from 1978 who’d unwittingly judged his own future actions so harshly. For one night, he got to step through to the other side of all that trauma and look back on it from a point where he and his family had finally WON. Where they’d emerged from it and built a life for themselves that he might never be able to understand, but he can appreciate it.

Even in 1.21, he told Sam that his goal was to finally be able to walk away from their mission when it was done, for Sam to be able to go back to school, for Dean to have a normal life, for him to finally be able to rest thinking he’d been able to serve Justice on Mary’s behalf. John himself didn’t even plan to continue hunting out beyond killing the demon who killed Mary, you know? I’m not sure he even had considered a future at all for himself out beyond that singular life goal. Because that’s what living for revenge does to a person.

But this also offered him the fresh perspective that of course there wasn’t really an end to hunting, and that Azazel wasn’t the Final Boss they’d needed to defeat. And he’d have some small notion of just how awful the burden he’d left Sam and Dean with all those years ago-- which THIS John is still THREE YEARS AWAY FROM DUMPING ON THEM.

Ow, time travel.

Granted, the episode didn’t try to explain or defend any of this to the audience, because it should never HAVE to... Can you even imagine how much of a mess of an episode that would’ve been if they’d even tried? Because the story of this episode was being told on multiple levels:

they didn’t try to overwhelm the GA with all of this heaviness, because the GA wouldn’t even care. The GENERAL notion of Sam and Dean’s lives to this point and their emotional states in canon during s14 would be enough of an explanation (trust me that the GA doesn’t have Strong Feelings about John the way Fandom does)

this was also the big PR push episode this season, and a lot of JDM folks likely tuned in just for him while having only a tangential knowledge of SPN canon to go on... introducing 14 seasons worth of emotional turmoil for their sake is kinda... pointless...

They assumed that people in the fandom who ARE invested in these characters emotionally would actually understand all of this already without needed to be spoon-fed all of this again

Because that’s how writing works. The writers have to trust that the audience is actually engaging with the story and possesses critical thinking skills.

I think some of the disconnect here was that we each went into this episode with our own personal baggage attached, with our own feelings about how WE might personally react if we were in Sam and Dean’s positions here. And if Sam and Dean didn’t react the way we hoped they would, whether it be via expressing anger at John over how he raised them, or just yelling about any or all of the above, then it was OUR job as the Thinking Audience to ask WHY, and to consider the past fourteen years of canon in coming to a clearer understanding of Sam and Dean themselves.

I wrote something the other day (yesterday? maybe... hang on... http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/post/182723615495/rosewhipped22-so-i-havent-rewatched-lebanon-yet) about Dean’s wish that the pearl granted, because he HAS been thinking about his entire life-- including the baggage he’s been trying to lay down all season exemplified in his conversation with Sasha about her father in 14.05. And I think this episode nailed that aspect of Dean’s personal growth, by bringing John back the way they did and specifically NOT making it about anger or bitterness, but about finally being accepting of HIMSELF and of the entirety of his own life, setting down all the shit he can’t change while also acknowledging that he wouldn’t change any of it if it meant it wouldn’t bring him to this current point in his life. And that is HUGE. That is GROWTH and MATURITY.

Because this episode wasn’t really about John at all, but about Sam and Dean (and even Mary) finally getting to lay John’s memory to rest so they can move forward without dragging his ghost along in their wake.

#spn 300 #spn s14 spoilers #spn 14.13 #the ghost of john winchester #Anonymous

128 notes · View notes

jusdisslotus · 5 years

Text

Attack on Stainglass #7: Brighton the Mass Murderer (Rant)

Oh boy, these two chapters made me MAD. If you didn’t get my hate for Brighton before, you’ll probably understand it now.

http://fav.me/dbpnvka

See, Brighton CHOSE to drop the bombs on the protesters. It didn’t fall out of his hand, he made the conscious decision to let it out of his grasp onto a hoard of people. Commando even describes it in horrifying detail.

Loud screams emitted from the entire group of protesters as the front of the group was incinerated in a bright, orange blaze of fire and smoke. Lainey watched in horror as she watched the silhouettes of her friends painfully convulse within the flames.

And that sick fuck, Brighton is even getting a kick out of it.

Brighton could see just how big the group of his sworn enemies was once Pitchfork had flown over them but he would not let the size of his enemies’ group discourage him as he dropped another bomb onto the remaining group. The screams of his enemies were one of the most pleasant sounds to Brighton’s ears as the flames quickly spread throughout the group from the previous explosion. Once the flames had ceased to spread, Richard dropped another bomb onto the remainder of the group as Pitchfork rode alongside the rapidly, spreading flames.

To enjoy the fight is one thing, but to enjoy causing pain and listening to people burn alive is fucking sick. Why wasn’t Helva like this?? That would’ve made me want to root for the protagonist if she acted like Brighton!

So Helva and her family try to fight back and then this happens.

“Take cover!” Helva warned before ducking behind a parked, flaming car. Helva’s relatives held their protest-signs in front of their faces in a vain attempt to shield themselves as Brighton threw another bomb onto all of them. Helva peaked out from behind her hiding-place to check on her relatives and for a short while, she actually believed that they had managed to survive the explosion until the wind had picked up, reducing them all into nothing more than scattered ashes.

“No…” Helva quietly gasped, exasperated from the shock as she dropped to her knees from the grief of losing her family.

“Ha-ha! Yes!” Brighton cheered triumphantly as he and Richard exchanged a high-five. As Thorn and Chrysanthemum arrived at the horrific scene, they were appalled by what was happening before them.

“Guess the Snowflakes won’t be a problem to us no more…” Chrysanthemum sighed as Thorn focused in on the sight of dying people. One man was running from his best-friend, who was on fire and blindly chasing after him from the pain until he finally dropped dead. Another person was painfully removing the bandana that was practically welded to his mouth from the heat while another was pouring water from his water-bottle onto his melted face.

Yeah! Lets cheer, for we have killed thousands of people in some of the most painful ways imaginable and rejoice as if we won a COD game while our enemy grieves over her family that we just killed! I hate Brighton so much like you have no idea.

“Maybe we should just go back to the Church; I think we got enough of ‘em…” Richard fearfully suggested.

“Heck nah! How many, more bombs to we got left?” Brighton snarled.

“O-One more…” Richard stuttered after he had checked his costume-purse.

“Give it here!” Brighton demanded when another one of Helva’s scimitars had pierced Pitchfork’s shoulder. Pitchfork let out of squeal of pain before beginning to drop from the sky.

“Brighton! Richard!” Thorn cried out in terror as he watched Pitchfork spiral toward the ground. Brighton and Richard both winced as they struggled to hold onto their plummeting bovine for dear life. Helva, Lainey and Ian all began to cheer triumphantly until Pitchfork had managed to catch himself. Since oxen were significantly stronger than most humans, Pitchfork was able to endure the scimitar without suffering from a potentially, fatal injury.

“No!” Helva shouted after receiving an evil glare from Brighton. She knew what that glare meant as she had begun to rush to Lainey and Ian’s aid. Lainey and Ian both leapt out of the way, in separate directions as Brighton threw down the last, remaining bomb where they had once stood. Helva was blown back by the explosion as the flames licked Lainey and Ian’s back.

Pitchfork let out a triumphant whinny as he landed amongst the carnage, beginning to stomp through it. Pitchfork then turned his head to watch Helva sit up from the rubble, recognizing her as the one who had harmed him as he delivered a rough mule-kick to her face, knocking her unconscious.

“Helva!” Lainey cried out as she watched Brighton leap down from Pitchfork’s back.

“Lainey, run…” Ian whispered to himself as he rushed to Helva’s aid. Pitchfork let out a loud cry of pain as Brighton struggled to remove Helva’s scimitar from his shoulder. With a sudden burst of courage, Lainey picked up a shard of glass and began to charge toward Brighton with a war-cry.

“You idiot…” Ian muttered beneath his breath as he placed the unconscious-Helva into their Van.

How are we supposed to even root for the protagonists??? Brighton’s throwing bombs at enemies who are already down and out (except for Helva) and just genuinely enjoys being an evil cunt. Even the Ox kicked Helva in the face. The “snowflakes” actually care for one another, such as when Ian carried Helva to the van and told Lainey to make a run for it, they’re not completely lost causes who don’t care about anyone else, good God, HOW DO YOU MAKE ME FEEL BAD FOR THE TERRORISTS??? I hate people who try to physically harm others over opinions and petty talk but somehow you managed to make me feel bad for the Terrorists. How can you possibly be this bad at making likeable protagonists?

http://fav.me/dbqp2ro

“Did ya see the look on that wuss, Helva’s face when I blew up her family?! It was classic!” Brighton cackled as Thorn angrily treated Pitchfork’s wounded shoulder.

“I can’t believe Lainey actually attacked ya…” Richard remarked. With his previous fear of women, he knew that they had a tendency to be violently unpredictable but he was sure that Brighton’s bombing would have scared Lainey enough to make her not try anything.

“Snowflakes are idiots! That’s why they get beat up so easily! Good thing Chrys’ came to our rescue at the last minute.” Brighton smirked.

“I was just doin’ what The Lord led me to do but I do think our victory calls for a celebration.” Chrysanthemum grinned as she approached the boys with a jar of Kale’s homemade, marshmallow balls.

“Did ya see the look on that wuss, Helva’s face when I blew up her family?! It was classic!” Brighton cackled” YIKES. I mean, FUCKING. YIKES. And you Commando tried to call ME a terrorist for feeling worse for Helva than I do for this piece of shit character.

After that, Thorn rightfully yells at Brighton for murdering thousands

“Oh, Brighton…WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?!” Thorn finally shouted at Brighton after a moment of silence, startling Brighton.

“Huh?! What?! Did I do somethin’ wrong?!” Brighton began to stammer.

“You know very good and well you did something wrong! You just killed thousands of people!” Thorn angrily reminded.

“Who cares? They were all a bunch of Snowflakes anyway…” Brighton scoffed, causing Thorn to fall silent.

Brighton’s shitty, moving along.

“Not all of them were pure evil, Brighton! Some of them were just lead down the wrong path by Helva! They could have been saved but instead of saving them, you permanently condemned their souls to Hell! When I saw you attacking those people like that, you were no different from them!” Thorn shrieked, finally getting through to Brighton.

I can really get behind Thorn here, Brighton had little to no consideration for the thousands of lives he was about to take. This isn’t some courageous war where many are fighting against each other resulting in casualties, this is one man dropping bombs on a crowd of misguided people. I know Brighton’s a Sociopath, but omfg, he’s such a piece of shit.

“Thorn…c’mon buddy, you’re not a bad preacher…I was just…angry, that’s all…I’m sorry…” Brighton apologized as tears began to cascade down his cheeks as well.

“I am not the one you need to apologize to…” Thorn reminded Brighton of how The Lord must be feeling about the loss of his children.

“I’m sorry, God…” Brighton apologized to The Lord with a shameful sigh as tears continuously dripped from his eyes.

“Promise us you’ll never do it again…” Thorn tearfully begged with a sniffle.

“I won’t…I promise…” Brighton sniffled before he and Thorn embraced each other in a tight hug. The boys’ moment was soon interrupted by the Church’s doorbell ringing.

Yes...apologize to God and not Helva, you know, the person who’s family you just mercilessly killed...CAN THESE PEOPLE SHUT UP ABOUT THEIR RELIGION FOR ONE SEC AND ACKNOWLEDGE THE REALITY OF THEIR SITUATION.

After that, the mayor invited the church to a celebration party after they saved them. Did I mention this story is both politically and religiously charged? Listen to this line.

“Mayor Claire? It is an honor to have you on our doorstep!” Thorn beamed as he stared up at his voted mayor of choice in awe. Mickey could not help but chuckle at how much Thorn admired him. It was not often that he met a fan after all.

No one cares who Thorn voted for. Just say he was a fan.

#commandomal #creepypastajack #therealredleader #Attack on Stainglass #Stainglass #Terrorist #Rant #Brighton #Critique #Words #Story #criticism #review #AoS #Angry #Bomb #Helva

8 notes · View notes

icameheretowinry · 6 years

Note

Ed for character ask, if you want! Have a nice day ❤️

If I want? If I want??? If I want?!?!?! OF COURSE I WANT TO. Ed ruined my life in the best possible way and I will ramble about him forever. LET’S. DO. THIS.

How I feel about this character:

Obviously, you guys know that Edward Elric is not only my favorite character in the fma universe, but probably my favorite character in general. He’s excellently written, deeply representative of the nature of humanity, and endures beautifully subtle development over the course of his story. I’ve done several character analyses of Ed, but I tend to ramble. Here, I really want to take my time, and talk about specific aspects of his character I think are the most worthy of note. This might get l o n g, so grab some snacks and settle in. Let’s talk about the Fullmetal Alchemist!

One of most defining and well-written characteristics of Ed is his tragic backstory. The consequences of attempting to revive their mother follow Ed and Al years after it occurs, and forms one the main backbone of their story. While the immediate aftermath tends to define a large part of Ed’s personality in the beginning, what makes him so fascinating is that he eventually learns that using his personal tragedies as an excuse for his shortcomings with get him nowhere. Instead, he learns to use his suffering as a springboard to make sure no one else ever has to feel the way he and his brother did. The awful things that happen to Nina are a major setback, but instead of collapsing further in on himself, Ed, mostly thanks to Al, realizes that not only is it ok to start by trying to save himself, but with that effort, he can become stronger, and by extension, do more to help others. So, instead of using tragedy as an excuse for his weaknesses, Ed faces them to make himself stronger, and throughout his journey, use them as markers of his progress, or as checks to his humility.

Ed is also incredibly well-written to reflect his age. Sure, your average twelve-year-old is not an alchemic prodigy serving in the military, but I’m talking about how Ed reacts to his circumstances as a boy who’s just trying to piece he and his brother’s lives back together. Ed can play up the adult facade as much as he wants, but Arakawa also wrote him to be what he is; a kid. In the early stages of his story, Ed reacts to many inconveniences with fits of frustration, triumphs with unabashed cockiness, and authority or criticism with an upturned nose. Most of these immature reactions lessen or die out as his story progresses, as it does when someone starts to grow up. I can say that after living with a younger brother at ages 12, 13, 14, etc., Arakawa did a spectacular job of not only capturing those years with deadly accuracy, but applying them to an extraordinary individual like Ed in a way that felt effortless. While on a quest that eventually would determine the fate of the world as they knew it, he also gets nervous over a crush, and deals with the ups and downs of teenage friendships. (I mean, 99.9% of people’s best friends in high school don’t give up control of their body to an immortal being but there’s a metaphor I’m getting at here.)

Another super interesting aspect of Ed’s character is his guilt complex. For someone who so acts his age, he still takes on blame for many things that legitimately weren’t his fault. He blames himself for the loss of Al’s body, though there was no way he could’ve know what Truth would’ve taken from him, or that Truth would’ve intervened at all. He chastises himself for not being useful in dire situations when Winry stepped up to deliver Dominic’s grandchild in Rush Valley. It wasn’t his area of expertise, while Winry, he acknowledges, grew up with doctors for parents and reading medical textbooks. He feels helpless, but how could he know he would find himself in such a situation? He even holds himself responsible as a culprit in Hughes’ death for getting him involved in their research of philosophers’ stones. What Hughes discovered about the nationwide transmutation circle was, ultimately, his own doing. In addition, besides blaming himself for the loss of Al’s body, a guilt that Ed carries to the end of his story was his inability to save Nina. Just because he was the first person to put all the pieces together, he thought that if he realized Shou Tucker’s true intentions that much sooner, she would still be alive. Yet, realistically, no one else had figured it out either. He was just in the wrong place at the right(?) time. Yet, all of this being said, the moments during which Ed overcomes some of his guilt are some of the most powerful in the entire story. (Learning that Al didn’t blame him for the loss of his body is a prime example.)

As I’ve mentioned in other recent character analyses, a complex personality is key to a strong and likable character, and my god, does Ed have one. Ed has many traits that make him just fascinating to watch. While his early cynicism of humanity fades away, he remains cocky, stubborn, abrasive, short-tempered, sarcastic, occasionally hostile to figures of authority, and not one above stroking his own ego. Yet, a lot of those aspects of his personality veer towards superficial. He views every human life (in all forms) as sacred, and something he is painfully reluctantly to use to further his own goals. To those who earn his respect, he is endlessly loyal, selfless, and fights for those who can’t fight for themselves. His personality also takes on a different tint (like a real person) when he interacts with different people. He fights to see the Ling within Greed, but ultimately respects Greed as a member of his team. He’s in awe, yet honest with Riza. He’s sarcastic with Roy, but when in danger, is his greatest ally. He’s level-headed, firm, and forgiving with Al. He’s uniquely gentle and compassionate to Winry. In short, he’s beautifully and painfully human.

Finally, Ed is an excellent foil to the character of Father. While the latter tried to make himself a perfect being by ridding himself of humanity’s seven deadly sins (an idea I remember someone, though I can’t remember who, likening his goal to the idea of Nietzsche’s “Übermensch,” which is basically a form of superior man who could rise above traditional Christian values to impose his own. That sounds pretty accurate to me, but I’m no expert in this corner of philosophy.), Ed actively embraced all of his flaws, guilt, and well, sins, to ultimately become a more compassionate individual who is able to ultimately triumph over evil. (As a side note, Greed’s aid in this final battle really adds extra emphasis to his earlier explanation to Ed that “everyone wants something they cannot have.” The fact that Greed sacrifices himself in this moment to assure Father’s defeat proves that point several times over, which just makes those final sequences of the battle that much cooler [and heartbreaking]). The fact that Ed, who is riddled with what Father considers the ultimate faults of humanity, still overcomes him, proves that the rejection of own’s own humanity is a greater evil than the sum of it’s parts. As a huge characterization nerd, that’s pretty freaking cool.

All the people I ship romantically with this character:

Edwin is easily one of my top five OTPs, and I honestly don’t see shipping Ed with anyone else. Like Roy and Riza, Ed and Winry’s relationship is built on years of trust, respect, friendship, and tragedy. While they sometimes struggle with communicating their feelings, whether its about each other or the circumstances they’re facing, they always manage to get their feelings across when the moment demands it. It seems that their respective obsessions confuse or annoy each other, yet, they each possess huge admiration for the other’s accomplishments and passions. They understand the harsh burden of losing their parents, and Winry never judges Ed for attempting to revive his mother, likely because she had the same kind of longing. In addition, each of them are deeply concerned for the safety of the other, with Ed especially going to great lengths to ensure Winry is unaffected with his involvement in the military. Sadness of one pains the other, and they’re both hellbent on making sure the other is, in the end, happy. Talk about the makings of a great relationship! Also, at the most basic level, they’re SO DAMN ADORABLE.

My non-romantic OTP for this character:

I have to go with Al here. (Also apparently this got too long to add more gifs so rip to that idea…) These two have been through so much together, balance the weight of their varying personalities, and as a result, are the ultimate allies. Besides the deep care these brothers share, the most interesting aspect about them is how their personalities contrast and support one another. Ed is typically hot-headed and impulsive. Al is calmer and leans more towards logic. Ed has a big ego and is sarcastic. While Al has his moments, he’s unflinchingly kindhearted. However, their mutual passion for alchemy, humanity, and completing their quest are unmatched. The story is about brotherhood, and these two are the ultimate protagonists. Al’s superior battle sense, levelheadedness, and gentle personality are the perfect balance to Ed. He brings him back down to earth, yet encourages him to race to the ends of it. They joke and argue, but you know they would sacrifice everything for the other.

My unpopular opinion about this character:

*sigh* The Ed being really short joke did eventually get old…

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon:

As is the case with many fma characters in my book, I want to see more! Knowing Ed, there’s no way this kid would peak at 18. I want to see his adventures after the promised day. I want to see him with Winry and his kids, being a great father, but I also want to see him traveling, discovering, and maybe getting himself into a bit of trouble here and there! At the end of years of struggling and hardship, I want to see the next crazy step in his journey. There’s no way he’d sit still for long. The sky’s barely the limit for Ed, and i want to see how far he flies.

Send me a character, if you dare.

#edward elric #fma #fma brotherhood #character analysis #nikki speaks #good lord was this fun!!#lmao i wrote an essay;;;;;;

136 notes · View notes

taule · 6 years

Text

Maul, part I: Broken Boys - early life trauma, survival & Ben Solo parallels

This is going to be an evolving meta that will be posted in a series of installments as I make my way through the various sources piecing the picture together and also attempt to tackle the various themes that pull at my heartstrings. I haven’t attempted to write anything in quite this way before, so there will be inevitable cross-referencing happening and it’s likely that I will come back to certain things later on.

There is something that stood out to me right away, as I started reading The Wrath of Darth Maul, and those are Ben Solo parallels. That doesn’t mean that I equate them in any way, but it does point to certain circumstantial factors that shaped their lives and I believe that what we know about them individually can inform us about the other.

In both of them we see the effects of what it means to be a victim of the Dark side. The destruction of an innocent, impressionable mind being subjected to unimaginable, systematic cruelty with no protection and no hope of escape. Being taught that everything happening to them is their own doing, and a just punishment. They are the Lost Boys. Both their lives could have been very different and neither went down a path they laid for themselves through choice. And in Maul, especially, the connection to the Dark side is not an inherent one, and was about his environment and matter of birth, more so than something he manifested independently, in contrast to what we know of Ben, whose internal conflict had been apparent from the beginning.

My interest and inspiration here is to look at how the loss, trauma, deprivation, enduring compassion and capacity for love come together and fit into place in the making of this man. I don’t plan to descend into proper psychoanalysis, but to try and open Maul’s path and mind through some of what we know about Ben, who has been presented as a much more sympathetic character. In fact, hardly as a villain at all. And although I already said that I don’t equate them, I hope to show that the patterns and psychology of it is very similar, even if circumstances differ.

A major difference between Maul and Ben though, is the age at which they began their training, and the fact that Maul was trained to use the Force as a darksider from the start. But the way that the Dark side methods and cruelty in his training contrast with his curious and accepting nature shows that while Darth Sidious took him for his strength in the Force, the same way that Snoke singled out Ben, the darkness wasn’t inherently dominating over the potential for Light in either of them. The question of age definitely plays into this matter, because Ben started training unusually late, and Maul on the other hand very early, and so he wasn’t old enough to have yet started manifesting the imbalance or struggle between Light and Dark the way Ben did.

Unfortunately a lot of the material that has provided information on Maul’s early life has been pushed to the Legends with the Disney acquisition. Which is a shame. Because that material was a source for a lot of insight. I’m not going to shy away from using it as a source here though, because it still shows the original intention in his depiction. And there is very little material that has come later that has overwritten any of what came before. It has mostly just left a hole.

But there are some inconsistencies that derive from the rebranding and restructuring because of later-established sources that no longer had to be consistent with published material. To me, one of the most important ones is the circumstance of his birth.

The earlier information ( Darth Plagueis, 2012 ) reveals that Maul was born on Iridonia, as one of two male twins to Kycina, a human Nightsister mother from Talzin’s clan, and a Dathomirian Zabrak father that by Dathomirian tradition was killed soon after she became pregnant. Kycina was desperate to find a way to give at least one of her sons a life of freedom. Thinking Talzin was only aware of one of her twins, she offered Maul to Sidious to take as an apprentice, hoping that this would at least give her son a chance of a life free of the fate that awaited him on Dathomir.

The later version goes into no such detail of the circumstance of his birth that I have been able to discern, and it is merely established that Talzin was mother to all three boys (including Savage). And that Sidious had formed an alliance with Talzin, having promised to take her as his apprentice in return for her knowledge. It is when Sidious met Maul and sensed his strength in the Force that he not only broke his promise to Talzin, but also kidnapped her “son”.

Personally, I remain loyal to the original version. Not only does it answer more questions, but I believe that it offers us valuable insight. I’m sure it was no small amount of consideration that went into giving such an iconic character a backstory. And for it to be imagined in this way tells us quite a bit about how the creators wanted him to be perceived, at least by those who would seek that understanding.

Not to mention the fact that there is no plausible child-parent relationship depicted between Maul and Talzin. And to insist that he’s her son would also mean to accept that this mother did nothing to aid this son of hers who was withering away on Lotho Minor... not before it became convenient and useful for her at least.

And as it is a certain development that Im trying to observe here, chronology is relevant to it. So in the following I’m going to look at the backstory that The Wrath of Darth Maul paints us, starting from his early years in captivity on Mustafar.

Maul was only 3 or even two at the time, considering that he has already been on Mustafar for a while by the time the book starts. Page 1 of chapter I describes where, and importantly how he is being kept. In a small, featureless room, made of metal. With a single polarized viewport overlooking a river of lava leading to a sea of fire. He was completely isolated and left without any meaningful social interaction. A single droid looked after him, simultaneously serving the functions of his caretaker, teacher and punisher. The very second page in chapter I establishes how little Maul wishes he could escape this place.

He was left in complete emotional and social deprivation. Fed bits of raw meat through a slot in the door that remained shut. Then, forced to exercise until point of collapse. Let’snot forget that this is a toddler that we are talking about. Windham repeatedly emphasizes how small he is. For example, how his feet “only extend a few centimeters over the edge of a seat”.

We are introduced to the circumstance through a frightened child’s eyes. Trying to figure out how to behave in the right way that does not grant punishment. He is being actively conditioned in the most awful, cruel ways. Something that has been (with less written evidence) noted about Ben and the way in which it shaped his thinking for years to come, leaving behind marks that he may never entirely recover from.

“Maul hated the Man even more than he hated the droid. The Man frightened him.”

The book doesn’t describe the first few times that Maul met Sidious, but only that his fear of him was greater than that he felt for the droid that routinely hurt him.

“Usually, the droid brought pain. Once, the droid had delivered a bright green and yellow snake that wasted no time in attacking Maul, sinking its venomous fangs deep into the boy’s arm.”

“One of the first things he learned was not to cry. Crying never made anything better. Crying only made things worse.”

So these two quotes above should give an adequate idea about what his early childhood boiled down to. Not that we can really call this a childhood. Mind you, this is only from the first pages of chapter one so far, and his training, which is in reality conditioning, only became crueler as he grew. The objective was quite clearly to break him down completely, so he could be put back together in ways that served the abuser’s intended purpose. But there’s nothing vague about all the abuse he’s been described to go through. I wont be including the most graphic depictions of abuse here, but let me tell you it wasn’t easy to read.

I feel it’s been somewhat acknowledged that Maul has a backstory, and that there’s certain tragedy to it. But I’m just not sure in what depth it’s been looked at. And there’s the inevitable difference between how the origin story of the hero vs the villain is looked upon. Regardless of whether the dichotomy is really carved into stone in such a way, as long as it is perceived, it is also applied.

That also extends to the sympathy with which their lives are viewed. I think we have an interesting case in Ben, because people obviously can’t agree on it. We’ve been sent mixed signals, and we can see how that has changed our perception of his becoming, and our willingness to see him as a victim. Because on one hand there’s the way that he has been initially presented as a villain (even though not explicitly defining him that way) and then there’s his ever-expanding backstory that explains how things ended up that way. And it’s the how that has the power to change... everything. Because it has the power to bring understanding which in turn inspires sympathy, that enables a shift in responsibility. Which can change how we view something to the very core.

“More than ever, Maul wished he were the free-floating boy who appeared to exist beyond the window in his own room. He tried very hard not to tremble as he slowly turned and looked up to face the Man.”

His wish to escape has been mentioned multiple times. And it’s more than about setting the tone, the feeling. It’s confirming over and over that this child didn’t choose this path or fate. Depending on whether we follow the original or the later version, he was either given up by his mother in hopes that this would be better than what awaited on Dathomir, or he was kidnapped. In either case, not there by any choice of his own.

“But he survived.”

And I think this is quite clearly establishes that it’s mightily unfair to talk about choices here. What we’re talking about is survival. Once it becomes about survival, it’s what reframes everything else involved, because we’ve stopped talking about choices. I guess what I’m arguing here is that if we can agree that Ben Solo was a victim of the Dark side, of abuse, conditioning and manipulation, Maul most definitely is. Not only were his circumstances likely far more severe, but he had not known a life outside of it. He had no point of reference for what the alternative could even be and no moral framework outside of avoiding cruel punishment.

#Maul

91 notes · View notes

lainiebeauchemin · 6 years

Text

Why I’ll Never Be Over The Mountain Goats (current obsession, prompt choice B)

“This is a song with the same four chords I use most of the time, when I’ve got something on my mind and I don’t want to squander the moment trying to come up with a better way to say what I want to say.”

youtube

We all have moments when we just want to be heard, and not be restrained by limits of artistic merit or poetic language. This is one of those moments for me. I’m gonna bust out the same four chords I use most of the time and tell you about something that's been on my mind for about four years, something that, once you get me going, I’ll gladly talk about for hours: the Mountain Goats.

The opening lyrics to the song “You Were Cool”, reproduced above, are sort of a nightmare, if you give a shit about, like, what a song is “supposed” to sound like. They’re sort of sing-spoken in lead singer John Darnielle’s shaky and sometimes grating vocals, and they’re pretty honest with the listener right up front: if you’re looking for something that sounds pretty, this isn’t the song (or band) for you. That’s not to say that the Mountain Goats haven’t proved themselves capable of creating some beautiful sounds -- the hauntingly pretty piano part in “Lakeside View Apartments Suite” and the jovial, damn-it-all-to-hell trumpet wails in “Cry for Judas” come to mind -- but the heart of the Mountain Goats, at least for me, does not beat through their vocals or instrumentals, but rather through their poetry. Every song tells a story, and that story always feels vital, as though the words effortlessly bust through the Darnielle’s heart, brain, and mouth in that order: they arise from some deep necessity in his heart, are refined into words in his brain, and sail through his mouth unhindered by regard to tone or “prettiness”. It’s a formula that’s kept the Mountain Goats’ following small but enduringly loyal throughout their 27 years and 16 studio albums, and one that’s kept me coming back to their music whenever I need to feel rage, sorrow, glee, or just understood.

John Darnielle’s lyrics manage to charm and excite with their originality while landing so precisely that the listener is left wondering why no one's ever thought to use the words that way before. Even “You Were Cool,” whose charm lies in its bluntness and simplicity, upon first listen resonated with parts of me that no other song had ever touched. True to his word, Darnielle comes right out to say exactly what he wants to say:

“People were mean to you. But I always thought you were cool.”

It’s such an earnest sentiment that the authenticity is there in every note. “You Were Cool” is a testament to all survivors of bullying and abuse, but it comes in the form of a personal address so tender and intimate that listening almost feels like eavesdropping. Darnielle, who struggled with abuse and mental illness in his youth, has emerged from the battle of his adolescence bearing the scars. In “You Were Cool,” he’s reaching out to a fellow veteran, but he’s speaking loud enough for everyone who needs to hear it, to hear it: “We held on to hope of better days coming, and when we did, we were right.”

Here are other quotes from the song that have made me a little bit stronger and braver:

“It’s good to be young, but let’s not kid ourselves, it’s better to pass on through those years and come out the other side with our hearts still beating, having stared down demons and come back breathing.”

“You deserved better than you got. Someone’s gotta say it some time, cause it’s true.”

“I hope you love your life now, like I love mine. I hope the painful memories only flex their power over you a little of the time.”

There is so much more to say about John Darnielle: what he went through as a child, how the pain he endured in his youth comes spilling through the songs of his largely autobiographical albums The Sunset Tree and We Shall All Be Healed, how he has come to renounce some of his most beloved work in the spirit of feminism, and how freaking weird he is <3. Even scratching the surface of the Mountain Goat’s leading man (and solitary constant member in an ever-changing cast of instrumentalists) adds all the more depth and dimension to the stories he tells. But to break down and explore every song’s relationship to its creator would be impossible (or at least a very lengthy endeavor), so I’ll just leave you a list of some of the Mountain Goats’ best and most representative pieces and a little bit about what they mean to me, as well as the links above to give you a taste of the man behind the band.

Best,

Lainie <3

Mountain Goats Essentials

Your Belgian Things (We Shall All Be Healed) - a tender, melodic funeral hymn for a friend who simply lost control, and the crashing come-down song of a tragic album. In my opinion, the most well-written Goats song of all time.

Color In Your Cheeks (All Hail West Texas) - quite simply, a heartwarming little song about making new friends.

The Mess Inside (All Hail West Texas) - like “You Were Cool,” this song is heart-rending in its simplicity. It chronicles a couple traveling all over the western hemisphere looking for the love they lost years ago, only to find that it’s gone for good. Their exploits are framed by a wistful refrain: “I wanted you to love me like you used to.”

Damn These Vampires (All Eternals Deck) - for when you’ve reached a point where your life has gone to shit and the toxic people around you keep trying to drain you of what little happiness you have left inside you. This is a song about renouncing those who’ve wronged you and clawing your way back to where you want to be.

Palmcorder Yajna (We Shall All Be Healed) - the second track on an album about opioid addiction, this song captures the manic highs and “aw fuck it” attitude that goeth before the fall.

This Year (The Sunset Tree) - a battle cry for the troubled and the downtrodden everywhere, this song is about maintaining tenacity and grit through the toughest times in life. It’s a teenage Darnielle acknowledging that things are going to get worse before they get better, but god damn it, they will get better, and he is going to make it through this year if it kills him.

Up The Wolves (The Sunset Tree) - this song is for anyone staring into the face of adversity and trying to find the courage to overcome it. I still have no idea what the hell he’s talking about in the refrain of this song, but I fell like my heart does, you know?

Source Decay (All Hail West Texas) - another of my favorite songs of all time. It masterfully eludes its central conflict by vaguely referencing it but never indulging the reader with the full story, only the fallout. Darnielle’s description of the moment when your heart breaks and the desperate lengths you go to to make sense of the tragedy rings so true that it never fails to make me tear up.

No Children (Tallahassee) - a pessimistic depiction of a marriage gone from broken to downright poisonous in, the style of something like a rousing sea shanty. Great for when you’re mad and hurting and need to scream-sing the phrase “I hope you die” at the top of your lungs.

Tallahassee (Tallahassee) - two tethered souls make their way down to a sleepy neighborhood in Tallahassee, Florida to drink away their sorrows. An album ensues.

Have to Explode (Tallahassee) - a rather sweet and subdued testament to the bond formed by two suffering souls hitting rock bottom together.

Old College Try (Tallahassee) - this song is like a pessimist’s wedding vows set to music: heartfelt, even romantic, but laced with dread for what’s to come. Basically “I can already tell this is doomed for failure, but there’s no one with whom I’d rather walk this path to eventual divorce.”

Amy aka Spent Gladiator 1 (Transcendental Youth) - awesome for when you want to find your inner “tortured soul,” engage in reckless behaviors, and also mourn the death of Amy Winehouse.

Lakeside View Apartments Suite (Transcendental Youth) - this song contains some of the most haunting lines in the entire Mountain Goat’s discography. The eerie sadness and ambiguity of this song are what make it so effective.

The Best Ever Death Metal Band Out of Denton (All Hail West Texas) - tells the story of two troubled teenage boys and their untitled death metal band. What more do you want?

#current obsession

0 notes

mrmichaelchadler · 6 years

Text

“Minding the Gap,” “The King,” “Devil’s Freedom” Among Highlights at DOC10 2018

You won’t find a more splendidly curated event dedicated to nonfiction cinema than DOC10, the annual Windy City festival presented by the Chicago Media Project. Ever since it kicked off in 2016, DOC10 has screened multiple films that have gone on to be ranked highly among my very favorites of recent years, such as Rokhsareh Ghaem Maghami’s riveting Sundance prize-winner, “Sonita,” and Theo Anthony’s thrillingly experimental mosaic, “Rat Film.” The third installment of DOC10, which runs from Thursday, April 5th, through Sunday, April 8th, at the Davis Theater, 4614 N. Lincoln Ave., promises to be no exception.

Opening the festival is “Won’t You Be My Neighbor?”, the highly anticipated profile of television icon Fred Rogers, directed by Oscar-winner Morgan Neville (“20 Feet From Stardom”). Other selections this year include Robert Greene’s “Bisbee ’17,” a timely look at the mass deportation of striking miners, restaged onscreen by their descendants; Jason Kohn’s “Love Means Zero,” an in-depth conversation with formidable tennis coach Nick Bollettieri; Mila Turajlic’s “The Other Side of Everything,” an investigation of a Serbian family’s history and how its divisions reflect those that permeate their country; Elan and Jonathan Bogarín’s “306 Hollywood,” a more lighthearted look at the story contained within objects left behind by relatives; and Betsy West & Julie Cohen’s “RBG,” a rousing celebration of Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg. And in an inadvertent nod to “Ready Player One,” the festival will debut its own “VR RV,” inviting guests to experience virtual reality documentaries while safely situated within a recreational vehicle parked in front of the theater.

I was able to screen five of this year’s selections, and they are all essential in their own respect, though none of them spoke to me on quite as personal a level as Bing Liu’s “Minding the Gap.” It is set in Rockford, Illinois, one of the saddest of all American cities, containing near-vacant streets that are an ideal stage for the free-flowing movement craved by young skateboarders. Liu grew up filming his friends, Zach and Kiere, performing bruising stunts on their boards, and in his extraordinary first feature, the director holds his camera on their faces, illuminating the buried pain that they share, as well as their need to escape it. The fact that all three men are victims of domestic abuse is alarming but also quite commonplace in a town like Rockford. Having spent a great deal of time there myself, it is clear to me that Liu understands the area so completely that its essence has seeped into the marrow of his bones. This is a city where nearly half the population is paid below the minimum wage for working jobs that are gravely understaffed; where funding is slashed for street lights in crime-ridden neighborhoods; and where the residue of violence clings to the interior of houses that were meant to comfort and protect. “This place eats away at you,” says Kiere, who relishes the fleeting sense of control he sustains on his skateboard, until he wipes out. Sure, the hobby may hurt him on occasion, but so did his dad, and he still loves the old man, though it’s telling that Keire finds catharsis in stomping on his boards until they splinter.

Being part of a community is often the only source of empowerment for disenfranchised Americans, a key reason for why churches and gangs proliferate exponentially in Rockford. The young men at the center of this film have found that community in each other, and the beauty of “Minding the Gap” is in how it utilizes the art form of cinema to bring its subjects closer to a place of healing. “I saw myself in your story,” Liu explains to Keire, who likens the experience of making the movie to “free therapy.” As the filmmaker struggles to come to terms with the wounds inflicted by his own upbringing, he starts to see echoes of his abuser in the increasingly unsettling behavior of his friend, Zach. With remarkable tact and sensitivity, Liu coaxes a tearful confession from Zach, who admits to beating his long-suffering girlfriend, Nina, while acknowledging the demons he has strained to suppress with his cheerful demeanor. When Liu films his mother and simultaneously confronts her about the abandonment he felt as a kid, he keeps a separate camera fixed on his face, drawing attention to his own inability to break free from the pain of his past. Assisted by co-editor Joshua Altman, Liu weaves these stories together, forming a seamless symphony of anguish and euphoria, culminating in an extended montage so deftly executed that it left me in awe. Kartemquin Films has produced many of the all-time greatest documentaries over the past 52 years, and this is their latest masterpiece.

“Minding the Gap” screens at 5pm on April 8th, followed by a Q&A with Bing Liu and other special guests.

“Devil’s Freedom,” Everardo González’s harrowing look at the toll of Mexico’s drug wars on the human soul, clocks in just over an hour. Any running time longer than that may have proven unbearable for most audiences. It is unlike any talking head doc I’ve seen, concealing its subjects’ faces behind masks, supposedly to maintain their anonymity. It is also an aesthetic choice of unfathomable depth. All of the people González interviews have been robbed of their identities by the atrocities they either have committed or have endured at the hands of others. The sameness of their blank masks externalize the dehumanizing repercussions of murder in all forms. As victims are rendered faceless in the minds of their killers, the humanity that had once defined the faces of the killers themselves are removed as well. When González’s subjects cry, tears form on their masks like pools of blood. As one man justifies his string of homicides, his eyes are shrouded in darkness, causing his face to resemble a skull. After a mother attests to feeling compassion for her sons’ killers, who cower in shame while in her presence, she is able to take off her own mask, emerging from her despair as a whole person. Allowing for wordless stretches accentuated by a hypnotic atonal score, González conjures unspeakable imagery in our minds, as his probing questions enable each subject to come clean about their inner turmoil. Perhaps most potent of all is the interview with a man who recalls how his face changed immediately after he had killed a child for the first time. Suddenly, his entire being was consumed with regret, though he’s convinced that he had no choice apart from obeying orders. “I don’t deserve compassion,” he replies matter-of-factly. “When I die, I will have the same expression as everyone else.” He already does.

“Devil’s Freedom” screens at 12pm on April 8th, followed by a Q&A with professor Xóchitl Bada of UIC; professor Héctor García Chávez of Loyola; and Susan R. Gzesh, executive director of the Pozen Family Center for Human Rights.

The finest documentary I saw in 2017 was Angelos Rallis’ “Shingal, Where Are You?”, a shattering wake-up call to the world detailing the 2014 genocide waged by ISIS targeting a religious minority in Iraq known as the Yazidis (alternatively spelled “Yezidis”). With over 3,000 women held captive by ISIS, the surviving members of their community now live as refugees and are desperate to preserve what remains of their culture. Rallis’ film charted the efforts of a Yazidi family to negotiate the return of their kidnapped daughter through numerous intermediaries, while listening to her horrific stories shared via speakerphone. Alexandria Bombach’s “On Her Shoulders” serves as a fitting companion piece to “Shingal” by following another Yazidi woman, 23-year-old Nadia Murad, who escaped her captors and is now traveling the world with the hope of bringing ISIS commanders to justice. Bombach is less concerned with the particulars of Yazidi identity than with the universal qualities of Murad’s plight as a displaced woman who carries a profound weight of responsibility on her shoulders. No matter how much praise she receives from well-wishers, the humble activist says that she will only see herself as a person of worth when the terrorists who killed her family have their day in court. With three brothers and a sister still in captivity, their fates left unknown, Murad must continuously recount the suffering of her people in excruciating detail, while somehow keeping her ferocious strength intact. When other Yazidis break down in front of her, she urges them to wipe away their tears, just as she does when the sorrow threatens to resurface. She is an astonishing force to behold, joining the ranks of other towering young women whose spoken truths are bringing about tangible change, drowning out every sexist naysayer in their path.

“On Her Shoulders” screens at 4pm on Saturday, April 7th, followed by a Q&A with Alexandria Bombach; Matthew Barber, former executive director of Yazda in Iraq; Brannon Ingram, professor of Religious Studies at Northwestern University; and Dr. Nancy Bothne and Kaycee Foreman of TCSES.

There is nothing satisfying about the conclusion of Stephen Maing’s “Crime + Punishment,” and that’s as it should be. Like previous Oscar-winners “Citizenfour” and “Icarus,” this infuriating exposé champions whistleblowers who risk everything in order to bring deep-seated corruption to light. In this case, it’s a group dubbed the NYPD 12, comprised of officers who have charged their department with enforcing an illegal quota system. Using police as a revenue-generating agent for the city is assuredly against the law, and yet over $900 million of New York City’s annual budget is generated by summonses, many of which these officers are allegedly pressured by their supervisors to issue. Hidden cameras and audio recordings capture irrefutable evidence of the NYPD’s crimes laced with blatant racism. When Sgt. Edwin Raymond asks why he hasn’t received his richly deserved promotion, he is informed that his identity as “a young black man in dreads” is the chief reason. Another cop, Sandy Gonzalez, is penalized for not being in uniform, simply because he wore his winter hat while standing at his post on a chilly morning. When he explains that it felt much colder than the day’s projected temperature of 38 degrees, his superior snaps, “It doesn’t matter how it feels! It was expected to be 38.” To paraphrase the disgraced Commissioner Bratton, that’s some bulls—t right there. Watching this film, I was reminded of my favorite line from “Minding the Gap,” delivered wistfully by Keire: “My dad said that being black is cool because you get to prove people wrong every day.” Though the NYPD 12’s case against their department is lodged in legal limbo, these officers have pulverized the assumptions of their overlords, who thought they could intimidate their underlings into submission. Needless to say, they have been proven wrong. Boy have they ever.

“Crime + Punishment” screens at 9pm on Friday, April 6th, followed by a Q&A with Sgt. Edwin Raymond.

Fans of “Twin Peaks: The Return” are going to have a field day with Eugene Jarecki’s enormously ambitious visual essay, “The King” (formerly titled “Promised Land” upon its Cannes premiere). It tackles several of David Lynch’s most memorable topics: Elvis, Vegas, Hollywood, mushroom clouds, small-town idealism and the dissolution of the American dream. Mike Myers, of all people, has one of the film’s best lines, claiming that the nuclear testing in Vegas caused the city to become a “radioactive mutation of capitalism,” a pure expression of our prevailing values governed by the almighty dollar. Boarding Presley’s 1963 Rolls Royce, Jarecki embarks on a road trip across the United States, while building a brilliantly nuanced argument that the legendary singer’s life serves as a microcosm of the country itself. The issues explored here by Jarecki are endlessly provocative and could easily have been stretched into a miniseries, yet he and his quartet of editors somehow manage to make all the disparate pieces coalesce into a mesmerizing whole. Traveling from Presley’s birthplace in Tupelo, Mississippi to the numerous colorful locales he once called home, the filmmakers invite a diverse array of singers to perform in the backseat, many of whom represent the genres that he embraced and arguably appropriated. As the election of Donald Trump looms on the imminent horizon (“He’s not going to win,” Alec Baldwin insists), the parallels between him and Presley prove to be inescapable—both are celebrities cross-branded to consumers and both are swayed into making self-destructive choices when prioritizing money over common sense. As the Rolls Royce starts to inevitably break down, the wheels have come off the very foundation of American democracy. I can’t imagine a more appropriately bittersweet closing night selection for DOC10 2018 than this triumphant ode to disillusionment. You’ll be discussing this one for days, preferably at The Bang Bang Bar.

“The King” screens at 7:45pm on April 8th, followed by a closing night tribute to Eugene Jarecki, complete with a Q&A and musical performance.

For the full festival line-up, visit the official site for DOC10.

from All Content https://ift.tt/2ImTn5k

0 notes

leoprizeorg · 7 years

Text

Quiting Smoking definitely with Acupuncture

Called for chinese drug is currently a recommended strategy acquired from in dealing with smoking dependancy. A natural medicine thought to have in fact originated from when it highlights 3000 BC in treatment China, this therapy is currently being completely gotten from for great deals of various other specialist along with corrective phenomenal remarkable exceptional premium. It has in reality most certainly been revealed along with effectively care for medicine dependancy along with regular smoking dependancy.

There are a choice of cigarette smoking cessation medicines together with treatments given currently. A cigarette smoker should certainly cost-free himself from the mental along with physical variable dependancy of cigarette smoking, as an outcome of that asking for a substantial quantity a deal a considerable amount a deal a substantial amount a great deal a lot a lot more holistic treatment.

Simply simply specifically merely specifically just particularly just particularly simply especially merely specifically just particularly simply exactly how It Stops the Addiction

Individuals that have a smoking cigarettes jobs are goinged to often be to consistently remain to remain in the pure nicotine stick a bargain an offer a whole lot a good deal additional regularly whenever they most absolutely as a matter of fact most absolutely in fact really feel combating, made use of, or dispirited. Needles typically constantly be to stay to go out settlement generally positioned on the hand in removal to wrists to place a steadier blood flow of physical electric power.

This deals of medicine prepares a significant quantity a significant amount better endurance to discomfort along with pain throughout cigarette smoking cessation. Usually, these information the comparable issues will absolutely removal a particular back to his cigarette smoking chances much quicker as compared with in the future.

This is the equivalent component that makes quiting a significant problem for a deal of cigarette smokers. The pure nicotine that you obtain from smoking cigarettes will definitely most definitely most absolutely internet web link itself completely complete satisfaction aspects mental, making it seeking you to lowered hope.

Individuals that have in truth actually dealinged with regular chinese drug therapy reported that they bid bye-bye to subject cigarettes as attracting or as pleasing. Typically, cigarette smoking would definitely most definitely most definitely leave an awful selection in their mouths cuing them to quit their aid when. Some people would absolutely together with that rely on soaking up mints or lozenges to clear to obtain eliminate the tough aftertaste.

Baseding on suggested experts, specifying 7 from 10 cigarette smokers will appropriately utilize themselves from their smoking strategy after 2 or 3 weeks. While the others are incapable to stop most definitely, these cigarette smokers will absolutely most certainly most absolutely have the capability to lower their cigarette usage rather considerably.

Therapy from Acupuncture Experts

It is rather needed for a consumer to get touching from an informed acupuncturist. A a significant quantity an offer a significant amount included personalized alternative will definitely be supplied by a specialist, in addition to place therapy for the you. An acupuncturist could suggest all-natural supplements in order to help the client in quiting works.

Throughout therapy, filiform needles exist right into details variables on the ear cartilage material item element facet, along with the wrists together with hands. Number required chinese medication could above greater than most likely be obtained from in have with the ear along with wrist needle positionings.

Unlike smoking cessation medications along with pure nicotine alternative treatment parts, typical chinese medicine does not make money from chemically made drugs. In consisted of with assisting an info stopped smoking, it may potentially in an equivalent approaches minimized demands, as a result of that reducing kind of food needs.

If you have in reality attempted bargains of approaches in smoking cessation to no usage, maybe it routines time you take right into variable to consider the deals of technique that looks after chinese medication. With the best professional together with the straight-out finest aspect of sight, there is none that you will certainly never ever prior to in the previous be nicotine-free rapidly.

Asked for chinese medicine is currently a well developed approach made use of in taking care of cigarette smoking medication dependancy. There are a vary of cigarette smoking cessation medicines along with treatments provided currently. A cigarette smoker should cost-free himself from the emotional together with physical dependancy of smoking, as an end result of that requesting for a significant quantity a considerable amount a whole lot a lot included holistic treatment.

Unlike cigarette smoking cessation medications together with pure nicotine selection treatment elements, typical chinese medication does not use chemically made drugs. In have with helping a client reduced hope smoking, it can possibly along with that control food demands, sometimes lowering sort of food requirements.

Routine chinese medication is currently a favored approach taken advantage of in caring for cigarette smoking place. It has in fact most definitely been put along with properly manage medicine dependancy along with substantial smoking dependancy.

Regular chinese drug is currently a well increased method taken advantage of in managing smoking cigarettes location. There are a selection of smoking cigarettes cessation medicines along with treatments supplied currently. A cigarette smoker ought to cost-free himself from the emotional along with physical medicine dependancy of cigarette smoking, at a very long time requesting for a considerably a bargain a considerable quantity a huge amount a significant quantity a huge quantity a massive amount a bargain included holistic treatment.

It has in truth definitely depended on redesign to correctly look after drug dependancy out of order to normal smoking dependancy.

Normal chinese medicine is currently a well well-known strategy gotten from in taking care of cigarette smoking web internet site visitor area. A cigarette smoker should cost-free himself from the mental together with physical reliance of cigarette smoking, for that aspect requesting a substantially a bargain a substantial quantity a deal a considerable amount a substantial amount a whole lot much more holistic treatment.

A cigarette smoker must most certainly cost-free himself from the mental in recouping to physical variable dependancy of cigarette smoking, inevitably requesting an outstanding deal a deal a great deal added holistic treatment.

Required chinese drug is currently an acknowledged approach benefited from in taking care of smoking location. A cigarette smoker should cost-free himself from the emotional along with physical dependancy of smoking, for that element requesting a dramatically an exceptional deal an impressive bargain so a deal a big amount a whole lot a great deal a whole lot a lot more holistic treatment.

A cigarette smoker must cost-free himself from the emotional along with physical dependancy of cigarette smoking, consequently requesting for a substantial quantity a superior offer a substantial amount a significant amount an offer a large amount included holistic treatment.

There are a collection of cigarette smoking cessation medicines together with treatments supplied currently. A cigarette smoker has to cost-free himself from the mental in addition to physical web website visitor location of smoking cigarettes, for that element asking for a substantially a phenomenal deal an expenses deal so a substantial amount a bargain a large amount a great deal a whole lot a lot more holistic treatment.

Regular chinese medicine is currently an established strategy benefited from in caring for cigarette smoking area. A cigarette smoker have to cost-free himself from the mental along with physical internet site visitor place of smoking, for that element requesting for a significantly an offer an exceptional offer so a deal a superior offer a huge quantity a whole lot a great deal far more holistic treatment.

A cigarette smoker must cost-free himself from the mental with each a choice of great deals of numerous other with physical chemical abuse of smoking cigarettes, at some time asking for a drastically an offer a substantial quantity an entire significant quantity a deal a bargain a considerable amount a deal a great deal a bargain a great deal a huge quantity a lot additional holistic treatment.

Requested for chinese medication is currently an identified technique taken advantage of in looking after smoking element. A cigarette smoker should certainly absolutely cost-free himself from the mental along with physical area of smoking, for that element asking for a significantly an outstanding deal a big amount so an entire superior deal a phenomenal bargain a lot a substantial quantity a bargain far more holistic treatment.

A cigarette smoker have to cost-free himself from the emotional with each a selection of various other with physical dependancy of smoking, for that element needing a considerable quantity a significant amount a large amount a significant amount a significant quantity an offer consisted of holistic treatment.

Asked for chinese medication is currently a determined strategy obtained from in looking after smoking cigarettes location. A cigarette smoker needs to cost-free himself from the mental together with physical location of smoking, for that facet calling for a substantially an outstanding deal an amazing offer so an entire impressive deal an amazing bargain an exceptional deal a significant quantity a substantial quantity a deal a massive amount much more holistic treatment.

A cigarette smoker should cost-free himself from the emotional in repair to physical medicine dependancy of smoking, as an end result of this asking for a substantially an offer a significant quantity a large amount an entire offer a considerable amount a big quantity a large amount a lot more holistic treatment.

Requested for chinese medication is currently an identified technique maximized in caring for smoking location. A cigarette smoker should cost-free himself from the mental in addition to physical location of smoking cigarettes, for that component asking for a significantly a rates deal a deal so an entire impressive deal a wonderful bargain an impressive deal a whole deal an amazing deal a bargain a big quantity extra holistic treatment.

A cigarette smoker must definitely cost-free himself from the emotional in remodelling to physical dependancy of smoking cigarettes, as an end result of that requiring a significant quantity a considerable amount a deal a bargain a lot contained holistic treatment.

Requested for chinese drug is currently an acknowledged method capitalized on in taking care of cigarette smoking place. A cigarette smoker request to cost-free himself from the mental in addition to physical place of cigarette smoking, for that component requesting a dramatically an astonishing deal an incredible bargain so an entire prices deal an amazing bargain a remarkable deal a whole unbelievable offer a phenomenal deal an entire considerable quantity a huge amount a deal a good deal a lot more holistic treatment.

A cigarette smoker need to certainly cost-free himself from the mental along with physical dependancy of smoking cigarettes, as a result of that requesting a considerable quantity a significant amount a deal a bargain an offer contained holistic treatment.

A cigarette smoker should cost-free himself from the mental with each great deals of numerous other with physical medicine dependancy of smoking, unavoidably asking for a substantially a bargain a substantial quantity a huge amount a substantial quantity a considerable quantity a bargain included holistic treatment.

There are an option of smoking cessation medicines along with treatments used currently. Needed chinese medication is currently an established approach utilized in taking care of smoking cigarettes area. A cigarette smoker need to cost-free himself from the emotional along with physical area of cigarette smoking, for that component requesting a considerably a costs deal a remarkable offer so an entire extraordinary deal an impressive bargain an amazing deal a whole costs deal an exceptional deal a bargain a huge quantity had holistic treatment.

A cigarette smoker need to cost-free himself from the emotional in remodelling to physical dependancy of cigarette smoking, as a result of that asking for a considerable quantity a substantial amount a deal a great deal a whole lot much more holistic treatment.

A cigarette smoker should cost-free himself from the emotional together with physical medication reliance of smoking, at a very long time requesting a significantly an offer a significant quantity a considerable amount a considerable quantity a considerable quantity a mind-blowing deal a bargain contained holistic treatment.

There are a selection of smoking cessation medications together with treatments given currently. Asked for chinese medication is currently a learnt method used in dealing with cigarette smoking area. A cigarette smoker should cost-free himself from the mental together with physical location of smoking, for that component requiring a dramatically an amazing deal a phenomenal bargain so an entire outstanding deal an exceptional bargain an exceptional deal a whole remarkable offer a superb deal an entire amazing deal a whole lot contained holistic treatment.

A cigarette smoker should certainly cost-free himself from the emotional along with physical dependancy of cigarette smoking, as an end result of that requesting for a substantial quantity a significant amount a bargain a bargain a lot a whole lot a whole lot a lot more holistic treatment.

A cigarette smoker need to absolutely cost-free himself from the emotional with each numerous other with physical medication dependancy of cigarette smoking, a lot of absolutely asking for a considerably a bargain a considerable quantity a massive amount a huge quantity a considerable quantity a bargain a good deal included holistic treatment.

A cigarette smoker should cost-free himself from the emotional in renovation to physical location of cigarette smoking, for that aspect calling for a substantially a rates deal a remarkable bargain so an entire huge quantity an outstanding offer a prices deal a whole remarkable bargain an impressive deal an entire bargain a great deal had holistic treatment.

Requested chinese medication is currently an acknowledged strategy gained from in caring for smoking cigarettes location. A cigarette smoker needs to cost-free himself from the emotional together with physical area of cigarette smoking, for that component requesting for a significantly an excellent deal an exceptional offer so an entire big quantity an exceptional bargain a superior deal a whole amazing offer a fantastic deal an entire large quantity an entire bargain consisted of holistic treatment.

A cigarette smoker need to cost-free himself from the emotional in restoration to physical dependancy of smoking, as a result of that asking for a significant quantity a considerable amount a huge quantity a whole deal consisted of holistic treatment.

A cigarette smoker need to cost-free himself from the mental in addition to physical drug dependancy of smoking, unavoidably asking for a significantly a bargain a considerable quantity a significant amount a significant quantity a considerable quantity a whole deal a huge quantity included holistic treatment.

A cigarette smoker needs for to cost-free himself from the emotional together with physical place of smoking, for that component calling for a significantly a costs deal an exceptional bargain so an entire remarkable deal an unbelievable offer an outstanding deal a whole impressive offer a remarkable deal an outstanding deal a terrific deal contained holistic treatment.

There are a selection of smoking cessation medicines in improvement to treatments offered currently. A cigarette smoker needs to cost-free himself from the mental in restoration to physical location of smoking, for that component asking for a considerably an exceptional deal a premium offer so an entire superb deal a phenomenal offer an excellent deal a whole remarkable bargain a remarkable deal an entire impressive deal an exceptional deal contained holistic treatment.

Needed chinese medication is currently an encouraged approach acquired from in taking care of cigarette smoking dependancy. A cigarette smoker have to cost-free himself from the emotional along with physical dependancy of cigarette smoking, as an end result of that asking for a significant quantity a significant amount a whole lot a great deal contained holistic treatment.

A cigarette smoker should cost-free himself from the emotional with each numerous other with physical drug dependancy of smoking cigarettes, at some element asking for a significantly an offer a substantial quantity a large amount a significant quantity a substantial quantity a good deal a good deal a whole lot a lot more holistic treatment.

A cigarette smoker ask for to cost-free himself from the mental in renovation to physical area of smoking, for that component calling for a substantially a costs deal an outstanding bargain so an entire remarkable deal an exceptional bargain a phenomenal deal a whole costs deal an impressive deal an impressive offer a massive quantity was composed of holistic treatment.

A cigarette smoker has to cost-free himself from the mental along with physical location of cigarette smoking, for that component requiring a drastically a sensational deal an exceptional offer so an entire impressive deal an impressive offer a remarkable deal a whole impressive offer an impressive deal an entire extraordinary deal a big quantity was composed of holistic treatment.

A cigarette smoker should cost-free himself from the mental with each various other with physical dependancy of cigarette smoking, as an end result of that requesting for a significant quantity a significant amount a fantastic deal a whole large amount included holistic treatment.

A cigarette smoker call for to cost-free himself from the emotional together with physical medicine reliance of smoking cigarettes, at a long time asking for a considerably an offer an enormous quantity an enormous amount a significant quantity a large quantity a huge amount a superb deal extra holistic treatment.

There are a selection of smoking cigarettes cessation medications in addition to treatments supplied currently. A cigarette smoker need to cost-free himself from the mental together with physical location of smoking cigarettes, for that component asking for a substantially an expenditures deal a fantastic bargain so an entire superior deal an amazing bargain an impressive deal a whole expenditures deal an extraordinary deal a bargain a significant quantity included holistic treatment.

A cigarette smoker has to cost-free himself from the mental with each various other with physical area of cigarette smoking, for that component asking for a significantly an exceptional deal an outstanding bargain so an entire fantastic deal an impressive bargain an amazing deal a whole impressive offer a superior deal an entire remarkable deal a fantastic deal included holistic treatment.

A cigarette smoker should cost-free himself from the mental along with physical dependancy of cigarette smoking cigarettes, as an end result of that asking for a significant quantity a substantial amount a great deal a wonderful offer was composed of holistic treatment.

Regular chinese medicine is currently a well increased strategy made usage of in dealing with cigarette smoking location. A cigarette smoker ought to cost-free himself from the mental in enhancement to physical medicine dependancy of smoking cigarettes, at a lengthy time asking for a substantially an offer a considerable quantity a huge amount a considerable quantity a large quantity a massive amount an excellent bargain included holistic treatment.

A cigarette smoker need to cost-free himself from the mental in enhancement to physical area of cigarette smoking, for that component asking for a considerably a costs deal a remarkable offer so an entire remarkable deal an impressive offer an impressive deal a whole costs deal an impressive deal an offer a huge quantity had holistic treatment.

A cigarette smoker requires to cost-free himself from the mental along with physical location of cigarette smoking cigarettes, for that component calling for a considerably a remarkable deal an extraordinary offer so an entire extraordinary deal an exceptional bargain an exceptional deal a whole amazing offer an exceptional deal an entire impressive deal a whole lot was composed of holistic treatment.

0 notes

mittensmorgul · 5 years

Note

Hello Mittens :) Do you think the 300th ep painted John in a more positive light than it should have? I don't really hate John, but I felt like they brushed past a lot of trauma he caused Sam and Dean for the sake of a reunion episode. I know that trauma wasn't forgotten, since it was intentionally brought up right before the 300th ep. I'm just kinda curious why they didn't address that kind of raw trauma we've seen before directly with John

Eh... maybe taken out of context of the rest of the season, or just looking at the scenes with John out of context with the rest of the episode, it could look like they were handwaving the sorts of trauma that we’ve watched Sam and Dean suffer through for the last 14 seasons, but there’s your answer right there.

We have been watching Sam and Dean struggle with the legacy their father left them with for the last 14 seasons. We aren’t watching these few minutes of conversation in a vacuum. We didn’t just jump right from 2.01 to 2.22 to 14.13 with nothing in between.

Sam and Dean have both repeatedly addressed how they were raised, how much it sucked, what their relationship with their father was like (both awful and good, because their lives weren’t 24/7 awful, you know?). They’ve both come to a greater understanding of their father now that they’re adults themselves that have had to face horrors that even John could’ve never conceived of when he was alive (how many apocalypses? being chosen personally by God for this horrific destiny? And even John and Mary having been mere pawns in this longer cosmic game being played with their lives?). I mean, Sam and Dean Know Things About Things.

They met God. And Dean shared his disappointment in the ultimate cosmic father figure, who then advised Dean not to conflate him with his own father. Basically hung a lampshade on that parallel for all of us.

Then there was Mary’s return, her uncovering the truth of all of this, the horror that she hadn’t been able to save her children from the life she never wanted for them, and that John had been the one to drive them through that terrible life. She was disillusioned, guilt-ridden, and horrified at the way her kids were raised. But she also still did miss him, you know?

People can actually feel a complex mix of feelings for each other. And given one final chance, knowing full well it is their one final chance, they can choose-- as Dean said in 14.05-- to lay their baggage down.

We also can’t forget the direct parallel we were given in the previous episode, of Nick having this chance to reconcile with the ghost of his wife, to free her from imprisonment in their old house suffering the death of their child alone, and he failed to do that. He chose Lucifer and himself over her. While in the very next episode, John was sort of presented with a similar circumstance. He immediately and without hesitation chose again to sacrifice himself for Mary. He didn’t even have to think about it. And in turn, he had to accept Sam and Dean’s lives over the last 13 years since he died, and his role in the traumas of their shared past that shaped them and led directly to a lot of their personal suffering as children and adults. But there was also general acknowledgement-- especially from Dean-- that he likes the person he’s become despite all that. And that he wouldn’t change it now.

They chose to lay the baggage of the past down, to not dwell on the past that they can’t change, and chose the future instead.

And from an “outside the story” perspective, they’ve finally laid the character of John to rest. It’s honestly a relief to me, because yes he fucked up their lives. We get it. We’ve been getting that for 14 years now. Let’s try to grow beyond that now. He’s gone, they can’t change the past, but they can acknowledge it and move forward with a healthier mindset about all of it now.

Because the episode wasn’t about JOHN. It was about how far Sam and Dean (and even Mary, now that she’s alive again, and even CAS in his role in the story brought to the future from a point in time where he’d never met the Winchesters and fell for humanity) have come since then. And they’re not in the same place they were back in early s2 after John’s death, you know? They’d long since exhausted the desire to yell in his face. I mean, Dean confronted this directly in s3. How long should he be expected to have held on to all those toxic feelings? Because honestly if they’d all started yelling it would’ve just been... the grumpy toddler poop flinging hour, and I really expect more of all of them after all these years, you know?

Fandom may not have forgiven John, but thank heck Sam and Dean have at least gained some perspective and learned that he doesn’t still have to dictate their lives to them 13 years after he died, you know? Good for them for actually maturing to this point where they can see a future for themselves not burdened by toxic feelings that they’ve been working through all along the way.

eek, sorry about that... I’ve just got a lot of feelings rooted in the long context of watching Sam and Dean struggle with their childhood memories, with their lives as John’s little soldiers, and everything they’ve learned in the intervening years that have actually contextualized the suffering they endured. They’ve learned it wasn’t all entirely John’s Terrible Parenting, and that even he was manipulated by cosmic nonsense into the situation they were raised in. I mean, yeah, they’re not blind to the specific choices HE made along the way in reaction to the cosmic nonsense, and it’s not like they’re just forgiving him for all the terrible things he did to them, but heck, they are actually seeing the bigger picture here, and John’s part in it all is so far in the past for them as to be easier than they ever imagined it could be to set that bag down and walk forward down the road now, you know?

The one I’m actually concerned for is Mary, because for her it’s only about two and a half years out beyond where she learned John was dead, and she hasn’t had an entire lifetime to deal with this yet like Sam and Dean have. Plus she just got another cosmic screw-over. For John it may have been an easy choice to go back to his life where she’d died decades ago, if it meant that Sam and Dean could someday get their mom back. But for Mary? She had the wound of John’s loss reopened just as it was beginning to heal over and now suddenly she feels that pain fresh again. Because if it weren’t for her, would dean and Sam have chosen to keep their wish, with their alternate lives, if it meant having John back? I mean, no I don’t think they would’ve, but the wish would only allow them to have one or the other, not both, which meant she would lose John all over again.

And heck, isn’t that what Bobby said back in 5.15 when he was losing hope for stopping the apocalypse? When he had to kill Karen again?

DEAN: Hey, look, I don't know squat from shinola about love, but... At least you got to spend five days with her, right?BOBBY: Right. Which makes things about a thousand times worse. She was the love of my life. How many times do I got to kill her?

And I can only assume that’s about how Mary feels right at that moment. Because maybe she didn’t kill John directly, but the cosmic joke makes her the indirect reason for his death in 2.01 (her deal with Azazel come back around), and her very existence was the reason he went back in time to suffer that same fate again. Owwww.

So, no, I don’t think they brushed past this trauma for the sake of a reunion episode. Because I have context of the entire last 14 seasons of the show telling me otherwise.

#spn 14.13 #spn 300 #spn 2.22 #spn 2.01 #spn 5.15 #the ghost of john winchester #has finally been laid to rest #and that is a very very good thing #Anonymous

41 notes · View notes