#AND. to make matters worse & me more stressed.

[puppyeared]

its so hard to watch time pass when things like careers and assignments exist. what do you mean im supposed to take that seriously

#I have an assignment that was due a week ago and I really really dont want to do it. I have to but i dont want to #im probably making it worse because my brain has built a wall around it so now i can’t do literally anything else until thats done. but #because I don’t want to do it I’m just kinda stuck. turns out this is what they meant when they said emotional regulation is part of #exec dysfunction.. I’ll have a thought like if I get a little bit of it done now i can get it over with. I can just submit something #and then not even 5 minutes later itll be like ugh but I have to draw all the assets out. I have to write things and make spreads ugh #and its just flopping between those two things. i hate it when ppl are like well how much time do you need to work on one thing #because BOY id love to know too. I’d love to know exactly when my brain wants to cooperate with me and work around that but I cant #even my period can’t decide when it wants to punch me in the stomach. which is kinda funny in the grand scheme of things but still #its so weird im just lying on my bed thinking abt all this like damn.. the time will pass anyways no matter what I decide to do.. damn…. #if I submit that assignment now and take the L I literally won’t die. it’ll just be a deduction on an assignment nobody will ask me about #I know this but I’m still stressing myself about it so my thoughts aren’t really connecting to my body. weird #maybe its because Im having a hard time looking forward to things. theres definitely a lot I should be living for but I don’t really feel #a strong attachment to it I guess? it’s been like this for a while with holidays and meeting with friends so I just don’t #I kinda figured its because im pretty passionless and its more like passing interest. but it’s not very fun when it feels like I’m going to #be living distraction to distraction for the next 70 years or so lol #idk it kind of feels like slowly bleeding out. which is funny because I actually did experience blood loss this week #had a 30 minute nosebleed and literally could not stand. also it felt like someone was pinching the back of my brain which was interesting #yapping #does this count as vent #vent #Ive just been making an oc carrd and contemplate changing my blog header for the past 3 days honestly

[running-in-the-dark]

I've got to watch Leverage again. I can not let this stupid stupid man replace Eliot 🙈

#yeah yeah same guy technically but no #one of them is Eliot and the other one is a giant dumbass (but aww that's so cute and he's old and stupid and he needs a hug and) #but it would be very funny if he was replaced by another character played by the same guy #that doesn't usually happen. usually it just ends up being the actor and all the characters at once #but since I'm not letting myself like him... hm yeah it's weird #feels wrong somehow. which is hilarious actually. it literally doesn't matter they're all not real lol #I was about to start watching the librarians too but. can I risk that? what if I like that one too 🙈 it's already so stressful #but I'll watch it anyway. more of his face. that's all I need. if I just look at it long enough I'm sure that'll fix me :) there's no #way that'll make me worse :) #I love overthinking stupid irrelevant things 💖 #personal

[vodid]

pray for me besties... the adderall shortage has finally reached our pharmacy and my sibling couldn't get theirs refilled. i'm next.

#i only take 10 mg but i'm afraid i may not be able to get it #it makes me like 1% more functional but at least thats more functionality than before. #and to make matters worse i've had a rly bad brain fog week #i blame getting back into genshin a little as well as stress and sometimes pms can fuck with focus but still #if 10 mg ain't working for me then there's not really anything i can do about that. pharmacy does not have 15. #energy drinks coming in clutch tho so if i run out of adderall....

[artsycooky13]

To those who remember a reblog regarding a post about user harassment back in Sept last year on my blog (I have since deleted this, but I know there are reblogs of it else where)

I wanted to let yall know that I (and only I) have reconciled with the user.

So just in case you see smth somewhere and are concerned for me, thanks, though I should have things sorted out for the most part, at least as far as I am aware of from my end. This was a very personal decision. Saying this for the record, there were multiple people affected by the situation, just because I resolved something with someone doesnt mean others have- this was a complicated situation. I can say that things have improved overall and hopefully, all that is left is to recover from it all.

(if you have no idea what im talking about- dont worry, tl;dr i resolved some stuff with someone s'all)

#reconciliation happened about two months or so ago #wanted to make sure it was a legitimate effort and not a cop out #had to deal with an ENTIRE year of non stop stress and anguish- im glad its finally over- at least for now #still recovering from everything and i hope this is the only other post that is in regards to 'that' situation ever #If this decision ends up back firing for whatever reason I honestly dont know what id do with myself #i just wanna sleep peacefully tmrw and not worry about anymore conflict #I remember someone bringing up whether the public callout would result in more mess #all I can say is- it got worse and real scary before it got better #at least- it was for me #Im doing okay right now- I had this post typed up and in the drafts for a while #it was just a matter of when to post it is all #its complicated some days- but its been good for the most part #serious #vent

[pallases]

ourgejjg

#i am feeling so ill rn for no reason and i need to shower and wash my hair so bad but i can tell if i do it rn it’ll make the #lightheadedness ten times worse and there is a nonzero chance i will just pass out in there 😭 #best guess is bc my period started today and yeah the first two days suck but they’re not usually This bad #personal #also this is the last thing i need rn it’s tech week and all rehearsals lately have been going/are going to go till 10 pm and i have no tim #to do all my assignments and my probability prof assigned a lab today that’s due TMRW AT MIDNIGHT? <- we usually get a class period btwn #it being assigned and the deadline and he’s not even giving us until the next class period to do it now like why is it due at midnight #instead of noon the next day… also i have not one but two exams immediately following this weekend and i really want to see my family for #easter but that sounds like such a bad idea im so unproductive at home and i’ll be busier than usual when i go home on top of that bc easte #and one of the exams is circuits for which exams are worth 90% of our grade and im averaging a 74% at the moment which is NOT #promising and. AAAAA #also have an exam this thursday which imnot nearly as worried abt but still. and i have to meet w someone abt a scholarship tmrw during my #free period so i Still can’t work on that stupid lab due tmrw night like. this sucks okay ‼️ #the engineering chronicles #the music chronicles #i know it was only a matter of time before musical started stressing me out but 😭 please give me back the joys of saturday’s rehearsal… #oh also there’s ANOTHER probability lab due day after easter and same day as circuits exam and the prof is the same so he knows full well #what he’s doing like. why are you not giving us the usual period in btwn for these anymore fuck you <3 #OH ALSO soldering qualification i need to do for like 3 hours wednesday the night before my thursday exam. nearly forgot abt that one i hat #it hereeee #soldering i could reschedule tho which i might do. but ive already pushed it back once so im like :/ do i really wanna do that #idk. still feel sick as fuck and still need to do physics prelab tonight 😭 it shouldn’t take long but i really don’t want to get up and #stare at my computer even more ifeel so awful rn #ANYWAY. sorry that was oversharing even for me i am just 😐 you know.

[direful]

i'm so fucking tired

#job hunting juggling various interviews & dreading committing to anything bc i'm not passionate about any of these positions #and yet i really really really need money so if a part time gig hires me i will Have to quit if i hear from a full time afterwards #& i WILL feel guilty abt it even though i have no respect for any of the part time jobs i applied to bc theyre all seasonal retail #AND. to make matters worse & me more stressed. #due to Life Things i got shunted onto a new insurance so i have to change everything over to the new system & figure all that out #& i can't keep seeing my amazing doc & i'm sad bc i wanted to get a referral from her for a top surgeon after i got the job thing sorted ou #so now i have to set up a new doc & transfer my records & hope the new one will fill my scrips bc she cant see me irl till february #& i was supposed to start meds for my newly diagnosed adhd last week but that's stuck somewhere in insurance limbo & idk when i'll get it #and if i get a job with benefits i have to do all this insurance shit AGAIN and i'm so stressed about the possibility of that #idk. manifest a good easy job with good benefits that i can tolerate if not enjoy for me or whatever. #hurgle hurgle

[dancing-with-stars]

my mom is literally yelling at me bc i “study too much” and she says that’s selfish and i shud be doing other things and spending time w my family. like. as if everytime i spend time w my family i don’t just end up hating myself more.

#to delete #like girl maybe the reason i don’t want to spend time w u is because u yell at me everytime i do #all we ever ever ever talk about is how stressed she is how everything’s so hard for her how she hates her life and i make things worse by #being a terrible child #like god im fucking trying #i’m so so so so so sorry u feel the way u do i wish the world was kinder to you #and i will always be there for my mother if she needs someone to talk to or someone to listen no matter how much it hurts me #like idk maybe she is right and i’m an awful kid #i’m sad a lot and i get angry because no one ever listens to me or treats me like a person with a heart and feelings. #but i’m so tired of being yelled at all the time #i just want to go to a place i can call home and feel safe #idk maybe i’ll have a couple cats and cool trinkets and awesome lamps and vintage clocks. #no gray walls #no fighting #no more flinching #only peace and colors and love and warmth

[semercury]

Want to throw myself upon my bed and weep.

#stuff sarah says #im being melodramatic but also not #its been stressful and theres changes #and if youve talked to me for more than five minutes you know the only thing i hate more than myself is change #also ive had a headache for like a week and my ear hurts #and im sure both of them are from me clenching my jaw at night #bc of the stress #and basically i wouldnt have to deal with any of this if i just died #but unfortunately thats not an option for me #no matter how much my brain screams at me to do it #but i do really want to cry right now. i wont on account of the headache tho #thatll make it worse

[cerbreus]

it’s been a hellish last couple months dealing with being caught in the crossfire between incompetent rental car agency that is mad at me and incompetent car insurance company that didn’t tell me the person handling my claim fucking QUIT and MY CLAIM WENT FORGOTTEN FOR MONTHS and it still isn’t resolved in fact things have gotten worse and tbh, when i have major stressful setbacks in life, my body and brains’ response is to just. not. do anything. just shut down. intense fatigue, inability to focus on literally anything because the background level of stress is so high.

#bro im gonna cry #fucking got blacklisted from one of the largest rental car companies in this country and it is apparently #impossible to get off the 'do not rent' list #whats making me more upset is that i literally called them the day the windshield cracked i got things sorted out before i even dropped the #car off and still shit is so far out of my control and now i'm stuck with all these repercussions that shouldn't have happened if my #insurance that i pay a hell of a lot of money for wasn't so incompetent #bro apparently even my ROOMMATES can get blacklisted for sharing an address with me #worse yet payment has been sent out but the company is still going 'fuck you pay me killyourself never talk to us again once u pay this' #i can't get ahold of the DRU person in charge of my claim on their end to find out what happens #so it might end up going to collections anyway which will perma fuck up my credit score which i've been trying. so hard. to raise. #being an adult is a fucking nightmare i want to sleep i can't focus for longer than 5 minutes on anything before i start getting that dread #its so frustrating i can't enjoy my hobbies i can't enjoy my work (which is going well right now) bc i'm so stuck on this i need this to go #away so i can regain my brain's normal functioning and yes i have anxiety this is the worst it's been in a while though #anyway sry for the venting i'll be fine it'll be fine my insurance WILL pay for this and things will be fine (probably) once that goes thru #not that it didn't add to my stress enough that my bp probably took another year off my life lbr #personal stuff #delete later i think #DO NOT rent a car without taking the damage waiver it doesn't matter how much it costs or if you have insurance just take the damage waiver #don't be me

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#today in things that stress me out. my academic interests have diverged significant from what i do in the lab #which is nice on one hand bc i am v passionately interested in something sciency again and it feels like its been a while since that #happened. but on the other hand it means that my workaholic tendencies are no longer being applied to my actual job #like im kind of just doing normal hours for like actual job stuff. which stresses me tf out bc i never feel like im doing enough #and my overdoing it has transfered over to drawing way too much in one sitting while listening to paleo podcasts and trying #to memorize the geologic time scale #so im still overextending bc im focused all the time and i dont sleep enough but its not applied to my job #and part of my brain cant handle that so it forces me to suffer no matter what. sigh. stupid exhausting brain #and i know im being irrational about it which somehow makes it worse #but idk i guess maybe its a little more healthy bc im trying to do something i like in my free time. even if im still overdoing it #like idk if i can express how exhausting it is to like something but ur brain forces u to think abt it all the time and feel guilty abt #thst being ur focus but u cant help it. and its like grinding chalk into the sidewalk. i just burn out on the things i like so fast #bc i cant regulate. im astounded that ive been on this narut0 kick for like 7months bc so often my obsession makes me so tired #but here i am. still staying strong dattebayo hahaha. nah it has been nice not to find anything new tho lol #sigh... idk i just got way way too close to like full on mental collapse with my photosynthesis measurements so im trying to get the #warmth back into my body before i have to jump back into that frozen water #i think i have at least another month before the machines get back and then ill have at least 3 or 4 projects to run samples for #was it wise of me to agree to doing all that? no absolutely not. but the data will be interesting #and itll be helpful. and literally no one else wants to do it so here i am. damaging myself for science. ay ay ay #whatever. im going off to do field work next week with my boss so maybe thatll get me out of my head #unrelated

[storm-of-feathers]

fjfhsjsb

#im just tired of always feeling like im the person who cares more than other people in friendships and stuff #like feeling like i care ab another person more than they care about me #i know this is just bpd being a bitch and i know im just already insanely stressed and not in a good place #so ofc little things that shouldnt matter (even if it means a lot to me) keep like. hurting me. #and ofc that only makes my mental state worse. #i dont want to. tell anyone in my life that im feeling this way. i dont want them to feel guilty. #but i really wish someone would just. ask me how i am too.

[snowisflesh]

the worst part about being fucked up by ur environment is it’s so fucking hard to try and change things

#like i can’t move out because i don’t have a job i can’t fucking get a job no matter how hard i try and i don’t have a car so that limits #the options even more and everything around me is just going to shit all the time and i can’t do anything about it! how the hell do i deal #with inflation and a shit job market #i’m not even enjoying anything when i’m not stressed it’s driving me fucking insane #i’m so tired all the time but i’m so fucking bored all the time too and i can’t scratch the fucking itch in my head #and i can’t even do anything about it #i’m ON meds i’m APPLYING to jobs i’m TRYING to get my license #everything takes so so fucking long #AND TO MAKE EVERYTHING WORSE i can’t bring my dog inside for anything #so he’s in a shit environment and when i have really bad days it’s hard to give him the bare fucking minimum because i’m the only one that #walks him and i spend the most time with him #like it wouldn’t be so bad if he at least got attention all day but i can’t give him that #and people are so fucking judgmental of him in public because he’s a big dog and i just feel terrible about him all the time

[reasonsforhope]

No paywall version here.

"Two and a half years ago, when I was asked to help write the most authoritative report on climate change in the United States, I hesitated...

In the end, I said yes, but reluctantly. Frankly, I was sick of admonishing people about how bad things could get. Scientists have raised the alarm over and over again, and still the temperature rises. Extreme events like heat waves, floods and droughts are becoming more severe and frequent, exactly as we predicted they would. We were proved right. It didn’t seem to matter.

Our report, which was released on Tuesday, contains more dire warnings. There are plenty of new reasons for despair. Thanks to recent scientific advances, we can now link climate change to specific extreme weather disasters, and we have a better understanding of how the feedback loops in the climate system can make warming even worse. We can also now more confidently forecast catastrophic outcomes if global emissions continue on their current trajectory.

But to me, the most surprising new finding in the Fifth National Climate Assessment is this: There has been genuine progress, too.

I’m used to mind-boggling numbers, and there are many of them in this report. Human beings have put about 1.6 trillion tons of carbon in the atmosphere since the Industrial Revolution — more than the weight of every living thing on Earth combined. But as we wrote the report, I learned other, even more mind-boggling numbers. In the last decade, the cost of wind energy has declined by 70 percent and solar has declined 90 percent. Renewables now make up 80 percent of new electricity generation capacity. Our country’s greenhouse gas emissions are falling, even as our G.D.P. and population grow.

In the report, we were tasked with projecting future climate change. We showed what the United States would look like if the world warms by 2 degrees Celsius. It wasn’t a pretty picture: more heat waves, more uncomfortably hot nights, more downpours, more droughts. If greenhouse emissions continue to rise, we could reach that point in the next couple of decades. If they fall a little, maybe we can stave it off until the middle of the century. But our findings also offered a glimmer of hope: If emissions fall dramatically, as the report suggested they could, we may never reach 2 degrees Celsius at all.

For the first time in my career, I felt something strange: optimism.

And that simple realization was enough to convince me that releasing yet another climate report was worthwhile.

Something has changed in the United States, and not just the climate. State, local and tribal governments all around the country have begun to take action. Some politicians now actually campaign on climate change, instead of ignoring or lying about it. Congress passed federal climate legislation — something I’d long regarded as impossible — in 2022 as we turned in the first draft.

[Note: She's talking about the Inflation Reduction Act and the Infrastructure Act, which despite the names were the two biggest climate packages passed in US history. And their passage in mid 2022 was a big turning point: that's when, for the first time in decades, a lot of scientists started looking at the numbers - esp the ones that would come from the IRA's funding - and said "Wait, holy shit, we have an actual chance."]

And while the report stresses the urgency of limiting warming to prevent terrible risks, it has a new message, too: We can do this. We now know how to make the dramatic emissions cuts we’d need to limit warming, and it’s very possible to do this in a way that’s sustainable, healthy and fair.

The conversation has moved on, and the role of scientists has changed. We’re not just warning of danger anymore. We’re showing the way to safety.

I was wrong about those previous reports: They did matter, after all. While climate scientists were warning the world of disaster, a small army of scientists, engineers, policymakers and others were getting to work. These first responders have helped move us toward our climate goals. Our warnings did their job.

To limit global warming, we need many more people to get on board... We need to reach those who haven’t yet been moved by our warnings. I’m not talking about the fossil fuel industry here; nor do I particularly care about winning over the small but noisy group of committed climate deniers. But I believe we can reach the many people whose eyes glaze over when they hear yet another dire warning or see another report like the one we just published.

The reason is that now, we have a better story to tell. The evidence is clear: Responding to climate change will not only create a better world for our children and grandchildren, but it will also make the world better for us right now.

Eliminating the sources of greenhouse gas emissions will make our air and water cleaner, our economy stronger and our quality of life better. It could save hundreds of thousands or even millions of lives across the country through air quality benefits alone. Using land more wisely can both limit climate change and protect biodiversity. Climate change most strongly affects communities that get a raw deal in our society: people with low incomes, people of color, children and the elderly. And climate action can be an opportunity to redress legacies of racism, neglect and injustice.

I could still tell you scary stories about a future ravaged by climate change, and they’d be true, at least on the trajectory we’re currently on. But it’s also true that we have a once-in-human-history chance not only to prevent the worst effects but also to make the world better right now. It would be a shame to squander this opportunity. So I don’t just want to talk about the problems anymore. I want to talk about the solutions. Consider this your last warning from me."

-via New York Times. Opinion essay by leading climate scientist Kate Marvel. November 18, 2023.

#WE CAN DO THIS #I SO TRULY BELIEVE THAT WE CAN DO THIS #WE CAN SAVE OURSELVES AND THE WORLD ALONG WITH US #climate crisis #united states #climate change #conservation #hope posting #sustainability #climate news #climate action #climate emergency #fossil fuels #global warming #environmentalism #climate hope #solarpunk #climate optimism #climate policy #earth #science #climate science #meteorology #extreme weather #renewable energy #solar power #wind power #renewables #carbon emissions #climate justice

[be-good-to-bugs]

AAAAH forever stress is going to kill me one day

#the bin #i hate knowing why i feel so bad and not being able to do anything about it #im scared that ill never ever feel better. its been so long since i felt ok. im worried that ill make friends and still feel horrible all #the time and it wont matter. i cant keep doing this. im so tired of being all alone. im so tired of the constant inescapable dread #im going to figure something out. in a month ill be moved and i can start figuring everything out then #i hate not being able to focus on anything besides how bad i feel. i cant enjoy anything. theres so many shows i wanna watch but i cant #because im so distracted by this. theres so much manga i wanna read and i cant. #literally the ONLY thing that has been able to make me temporarily forget this for any amount of time is dungeon meshi #its so fucking good and it sparks so much joy that it does help but not enough. i get sad again really fast. #well. im trying really hard to manage my stress. i did the math on how much i should be getting. i know that i will have rent at least. #there are 2 weeks that i dont know what my hours will be but assuming i get 13 hours at least then i should have an ok amount for #moving. its possible theyll be worse and its possible theyll be better. im really hoping theyre better. my hours have been SO BAD recently #i dont know why. i know im not bad at my job or anything. i sont think my manager dislikes me either. he does this whenever someone #hasnt been feeling well and hell do it for a couple weeks and i think its him trying to be considerate but i have bills to pay man #technically there is a shift i could pickup but the store has a drive thru so im nervous to bc idk how that works and if im asked to do that #then ill have no idea so ive been avoiding taking any shifts like that #hopefully enough will pop up in the coming weeks and i can get some more hours. i know i can cover moving vehicle cost but idk how much #gas is gonna be so im suuuuper worried abt that. hhhh. hopefully my sister and her boyfriend can get me back the $300 they owe too #honestly idk how they werent able to afford rent but immediately after they were able to afford a 40 hour roadtrip and yimw off work #whatever. it doenst matter. #i wish i could deal with the other stuff messing me up rn but i cant fix the loneliness thing without not being alone and i cant fix that #it doesnt matter how much i tell myself ill make friends eventually or if i believe it or not. i feel bad because ive gone way too long #not hanging out with anyone and my brain cant handle it. #im gonna see if maybe i can play a game with my sister soon. or maybe i couod play smth with my younger sister even #i pkayed roblox with her for a little while. maybe she would want to again. i miss her :(

[macabrevampire]

chat i might be mentally ill ( ↖ guy that's suffered tremendously his entire life and is only getting worse)

#txt #long ass vent ahead in tags; read at your own risk <3 #being a person who can't function and can't socialize and hasn't been able to find a job is awful :D #i feel like i'm the most worthless scum on earth. why can't i work. i know i'm unsettling and can't talk normally #i want to work; i want to socialize #i want to be human #but everything i say is wrong; everything i do doesn't amount to anything #my ocd and anxiety and depression are fucking killing me daily. the compulsions get worse and i get more depressed #i can't function day-to-day; i struggle to get out of bed #the world is dirty and no matter how much i clean it doesn't get cleaner #i'm in so much fucking pain. it doesn't cease; i wake up and it's always something new. today the headache. tomorrow the stomach ache #next my back hurts almost as if a piano had fallen on it #my legs ache; my wrists writhe #the pain in my chest is unbearable; it feels as if my finger had been twisted unnaturally #dizziness overtakes me; it's hard to breathe; i can't think #the brain fog and dizziness and compulsions are killing me i think #disregard the pain for a moment; every single thing i do is interrupted by the evil voice in my head telling me that if i don't set things- #in the correct order then someone i love dearly will die a most excruciating death and it'll be my fault #how am i supposed to ignore those compulsions? #most of mine are centered around death or the vague ''something bad will happen to x person'' #and my skin crawls at the smallest dirty things #and everyone in this house is so fucking dirty. no one cares to clean after themselves which leaves it to me- #and it makes me permanently filthy; my skin writhes i can FEEL the layer of disgusting filth just sitting there and no matter how much- #i wash and wash and wash- it doesn't cease. it's still there. you're still dirty; the shower isn't clean enough; the soap doesn't wash well #enough. i just want it to be over #and the stress from my life is making it worse #i need a job but i'm painfully mentally ill and i don't understand social cues and i'm fucking semi-verbal to boot #< i struggle with speaking. point blank period. no one accommodates those of us who can't or have a hard time speaking #whatever man i have GOT to kill myself. the only option i have

[m00nj3w3l]

I miss when I actually enjoyed drawing.

#i was such a beast in 2021-2022 #like i was churning out shit anytime i had the chance. despite my burnout and my stress and the desire to die #not to mention past years prior to those. 2016-2019 me did NOTHING but draw #but now I just... don't. if i draw it's for class and I very rarely do things for myself atp*. #i sometimes lurk thru blogs here and like.. seeing people so dedicated to their interests/hyperfixations/art in general makes me want to cr #this stupid fucking school killed all my love for drawing definetely and no one will ever get it no matter how much i try to explain it. #no wonder i feel so much worse than ever. #*and when i do i get irritated and distracted so much more easily. everything that doesn't get graded sucks. #*my art doesn't exist outside of assignments atp. #anyway. #moon likes to rambletm