#But do we communicate that we even exist ?

[transmascissues]

at this point i don’t even have any commentary to add to this. i’m just tired.

#there was a thread i saw right before this #where a transmasc person was talking about their body and referred to it as having not been female in a long time #and somebody replied saying that they were confused when they read it #because the trans people on their timeline are almost always transfems so they just assumed that person must be too #like even though they were talking about their body in a way that clearly indicated transmasculinity #this person still thought ‘why would a transfem be saying this’ before they thought ‘maybe this person is transmasc’ #some of y’all really do not see us as part of your community at all and it’s exhausting #even to other trans people we don’t exist (unless it’s convenient) #examples of transandrophobia #transandrophobia #transandromisia #transmisandry #virilmisia #virilphobia #anti transmasculinity #transmascphobia #transmasc erasure

[thepoisonroom]

'I flirted with the idea that instead of being trans that I was just a cross-dresser (a quirk, I thought, that could be quietly folded into an otherwise average life) and that my dysphoria was sexual in nature, and sexual only. And if my feelings were only sexual, then, I wondered, perhaps I wasn’t actually trans.

I had read about a book called The Man Who Would Be Queen, by a Northwestern University professor who believed that transwomen who were attracted to women were really confused fetishists, they wanted to be women to satisfy an autogynephilia. And though I first read about this book in the context of its debunkment and disparagement, I thought about the electricity of slipping on those tights, zipping up those boots, and a stream of guilt followed. Maybe this professor was right, and maybe I was only a fetishist. Not trans, just a misguided boy.

About a year later, on the Internet, I come across a transwoman who added a unique message to the crowd refuting this professor. Oh, I wish I remember who this woman was, and I wish even more that I could do better than paraphrase her, but I remember her saying something like this: “Well, of course I feel sexy putting on women’s clothing and having a woman’s body. If you feel comfortable in your body for the first time, won’t that probably mean it’ll be the first time you feel comfortable, too, with delighting in your body as a sexual thing?”'

-Casey Plett, Consciousness

#this quote always moves me almost to tears when i remember it #i'm not a trans woman and i don't share the author's specific experiences with transition #but it really moves me that she frame transition as joyfully giving yourself permission to approach your body #not as something that has to be disciplined and deprived and made small in all these various ways #but as a means for experiencing pleasure and joy and delight and for insisting that our feelings and desires are worth #valuing and exploring and treasuring #i always used to think of prioritizing those things for myself as selfish and irresponsible #but who does it harm to want to experience pleasure in your own body? #it's such a beautifully simple and powerful switch to have flip in your head #and equally why are we forced to deny our own pleasure in transition and anything else related to our bodies in the name of moral rectitude #this is why i get so confused and pissed off when other trans people are fatphobic for example #like why are you so invested in politics of shame and disgust that never had any purpose other than #violently disciplining people as if they've violated moral codes by existing in a body #to say nothing of white people being racist in gay and trans communities #like again this system of violence is foundational to homophobia and transphobia #so why are you acting like it has nothing to do with you #even if you are unmoved by the urgency of other people's suffering which btw you should be moved by #what do you hope to gain by acting a collaborator and handmaiden to those systems #Casey Plett #she really is one of my favorite authors i wish more non-canadians read her #this quote is from a series of columns she did ont transition and every single one is a banger #i love when she talks about the people-pleasing elements of dysphoria and transition denial #she's so sharp about noting how many of us deny our own dysphoria on the grounds that others like and validate our bodies #that's how i always felt during my cis conventionally feminine era #it pleased other people so much and also that reception felt so hollow and joyless to me because i hated it #i get less of that positive feedback but that feels so unimportant next to the joy and pleasure i get to experience #said with the understanding that i'm very privileged in being able to prioritize those things without fear. but it was a switch flip #personal nonsense

[aro-culture-is]

hey all. it's been a while. life has been not... bad per se, but I certainly haven't had the energy to keep up with this blog in quite some time. I'm closing submissions for now, and gonna try to queue up the whole of what has previously been submitted.

i'll let you know at the end of all that if i'm gonna continue at all. if I decide to abandon this blog, I do intend to keep it up as a resource and will not delete it.

thank you all for a great time

--- mods, kee system

#blog maintenance #i'd say sorry but tbh. i'm just tired all the time now. i don't have energy. maybe i'll do more again if i feel better. #but rn we're just perpetually doing our best with a body that can barely hold on with daily tasks and even then... things get lost #there's currently 527 submissions in the inbox for this blog. unsure if there's any Ghosts (it happens. trust us.) #where the submission exists only sometimes / has otherwise glitched #but ultimately that's like. approximately 530 posts and even when we consider coming back to this blog that's just an overwhelming number #and you can't even backwards chrono the inbox on tumblr #so it's just... gonna be whatever we have the spoons for #thank you for the community <2

[lovvecherrymotion]

i've had more than one friend harassed over fanfic/shipping now and i'm so fucking done.

i know i don't have a lot of followers and i'd hope most people around here don't do it but if you think this is in any way acceptable, unfollow me. there are real people behind the screen and bullying them and sending them hate is not justifiable at all.

if you don't like something, unfollow/block/ignore. move along.

#joker out #i'm sorry i know we should let the discourse die #i'm just tired of seeing people get hurt over this #and when it involves MY friends??? people i care about??? yeah sorry i can't do this shit #do i personally believe a lot of it comes down to the nature of internet communication which isn't always great for nuanced conversations #which then leads to situations escalating when they didn't have to? #yes i do and i mostly kept discussion about all of this limited to private spaces/convos with people i trust #and also i believe problems/tensions in the fandom had been brewing for a couple of months now lol #but right now it's just fucking impossible to even exist as a fan around here jfc #anyway fuck you if you send anon hate it doesn't matter to who it's pathetic

[flickering-nightfall]

i am going to scream

#rain world #dp spoilers #seven red suns #since i started out using in-game art as a ref for suns - not realizing the concept art existed - #i've been using nine dots #i might swap to seven though #it's easier to draw too. lol #ALSO. THE PINK MUPPET HAS YELLOW MARKINGS AND HIS SIGNATURE COLOR IS TEAL #the blue robot has red markings and her signature color is gold #NSH king of color coordination and we don't even see most of his design smh #part of me loves how inconsistent things are in rain world #do you want a solid design for moon? #a canon color palette for five pebbles? #no. they change between every single in-game piece of art #look at moon's antennae between each picture. look at them. look to the antennae #part of me is infuriated by it too #i tend to prefer when there's a solid canon to draw from #but i also enjoy how rain world is so interpretable #it makes seeing what headcanons are common in the community neat #and all the new ideas people come up with are a treat too #including everyone's interpretation of the characters' designs!

[iamfabiloz]

big if true

#win for the grayfire community #do u guys even still exist.. #graystripe #firestar #warrior cats #wc #warriors #firegray #grayfire #unreality #i edited This btw LMAO but we all know it’s true…. #thunderclan

[emry-stars-art]

Next person to apologize for adding to my posts/ranting in the tags gets left in the stocks ‼️ stg! Tag rants and additions and asks are the only things that have been motivating me to keep creating like this!! Please never stop yourself if you have thoughts!!!

#“but people dont like additions to theor posts it clogs things up” no!! #maybe other people sure but! not me!!!! #i THRIVE on tag rants are you KIDDING #if you werent tagging and replying and commenting and asking YOU WOULDNT HAVE A ROYAL AU #YOURE THE ONES DOING THIS!! #i dont even care tell me what you had for breakfast in the tags! #tell me your pets name! #whatever!! #sorry im yelling a lot #i just have very strong feelings about our little community #which feelings are 'love' and 'i want to wrap you up in a tortilla blanket #and we can all sit and talk and tell each other our silly little stories' #i dont exist in a vaccuum gdi! #not art sorry guys #hoo boy i need a breather

[skunkes]

what they dont tell you about being incredibly introspective is that you'll think you're done making realizations and then you'll just make more realizations always all the time forever

#dude. guess who just found out the reason he's incapable of imagining himself in a good relationship #is bc he's never witnessed any growing up. #my parents dont have a relationship i would want #only one of my siblings is married and her husband sucks. other has never dated while ive been alive (im much younger) #+ my other sibling had. a strange relationship i wont mention details of but this was also like 5 yrs ago and he hasnt dated since #i have very few close friends and none of them dated as we grew up either #or even with some its like. i wldnt want your relationship lol... #the only Good relationships i see are online from ppl i follow. and then i cant trust em bc we only see the Good Parts #so like. do they even exist... i dont think so.... #if i wasnt starved for physical touch id consider throwing in the towel permanently #but idk maybe ill buy one of those pillows with the arms that wrap around you #and a few more **** and try and cope with it in kenland or al's farm forever #talkys #im still 100% serious about ppl who have good relationships being lucky bc i feel like #the chances of finding someone you mesh with and are attracted to and can communicate with. are so slim. #i can barely ever find someone meeting one of many requirements. i can barely make friends. etc

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

why is job hunting.

that's it that's the post

#this is both radicalizing me even more & absolutely harshing my mellow #why. do i need. to communicate with a 'virtual assistant'. to apply at hot fucking topic #you know? maybe i Dont need to apply there. who wants em #everywhere is like you need This This and This #oh look an entry level job! aaaand i need a thousand certifications #Excuse Me Where Do People Who Have Done Nothing With Their Life Thus Far Apply??? #why do jobs exist. why cant we all just vibe huh #each application feels like a new death sentence #cant wait to work myself into the ground for a company that views me as nothing but an easily replaceable part! yeehaw! #cant wait to sacrifice my personal time / hobbies / wellbeing for a nine-to-five 5 days a week job i hate! #absolutely unprompted #this world we live in is miserable and infuriating and i want to SHAKE PEOPLE #fucking!! look outside!!! value yourself!! the company is not your family!! they are not worth dying for!! we are all worth so much more!! #gonna go out in the middle of a field and SCREAM #humans are made for art and kindness and for enjoying the short life we're forced into #why make an already doomed existence even worse huh. #why subject ourselves to that. we deserve better. our pasts deserve better. our futures deserve better. #sorry sorry im just. ARGH. this world!!! this life!!! could be so good!!! #but late stage capitalism rampant corruption among Many Other Issues said noooooooo #happiness is illeeegallllll #what if i BITE you. huh. what then. die #every time i sit down to apply i have to actively Not Think About It or i'll delete all my tabs and stop before i start #we as humans are not built for this life... we did not evolve proclivity for kindness and art just to stress ourselves to death #over silly jobs that do Not require the level of dedication we are forced to apply #abolish the 5 day 40+ hour work week... decrease the horrifying amount of funding given to cops and the military... etc... #i think i need to go lie down for a minute im feeling Too Much Anger at the absolute state of things #so happy to be an american. (sarcasm sarcasm sarcasm)

[anendoandfriendo]

"Fuck your online discourse" actually, no, we do think the halloween DID flag shouldn't be used but it's not because of some bullshit like "waah it's just a recolor" it's because the system that created that flag is a huge fucking racist and ableist last we checked, and we never saw ant kind of apology for being racist and ableist to endogenic systems. We never saw them stop being anti-endogenic or anti-Black (because let's be honest, Black endogenic systems specifically would be the ones most affected and hurt by this).

Like, we know people have forgotten by now, but we were THERE just before TPA became a thing, when systems like The Entropy System were fully mask-off in their bigotry (we call anti-endogenics facsists because of the personal experience of having the not-pleasure of seeing shit like the above link lmao), and such other things. We used to be very visible on Twitter as an endogenic system who's seen this shit but it was kind of taking over 99% of our focus when we were working retail instead of working at home, so we ended up tapering it away.

#to be clear. this IS an actual opinion of ours. #it is also a vent & we are fully aware we will never be able to get people to stop using it entirely. #like that would be rude/mean at best we guess. #but we're kind of in that liminal time/space where we came out as an endogenic system pre-TPA but just barely. #researching niche bullshit was a REQUIREMENt for us...until it wasn't #which we thought was supposed to happen in your 50's -- not like...somewhere in the 20's to 30's range yall #we remember niche bullshit in the plural communities that you woluldnt even DREAM of if someone gives us the correct recall trigger if your #newer than like 2 years to plurality #“the plural pride world conference did not even exist yet and then existed within like two years of us coming out” levels of transition #we're so glad the kids will be okay but we're a kid ourselves if were using that metaphor. the older teen-quasi-parent specifically. :') #if were going with that metaphor/those vibes that is #we wont always understand but we do try to at least be kind #does anyone else remember that guide to “so youve slipped into another world” or smth like that??? #you had to dig for hours and hours if not DAYS/WEEKS and you could still be fucked #if your system friend did not also have it to share with you all #yeah that system popped in and said “hI” to us on our twitter when we talked about that there too and is glad people have been helped by it #iwrc that is

[bredforloyalty]

honestly um ,. one part of me understands why those posts were made but, are these poser incest enthusiasts in the room with us now

#jcdrgcy #like where do you get these people from and are you sure they're real and it's not a misunderstanding #i do think it still doesn't get you clout and just because now a community exists in a form it didn't 3-4 years ago*‚ this doesn't make it #mainstream ahaha #*: this is just according to my observations like i'm sure there were communities at all times on the internet‚ somewhere‚ #of various sizes‚ many different ones of them‚ i meant the circle of 20smth mutuals we have now which isn't a circle because some bloggers #are just tangentially related or just in one fandom and it's debatable if it could even be called a community #i just know i didn't have so many friends who agreed with me and accepted me a few years ago and now a lot of us interact regularly #but i don't see how.. dead dove or grooming or necro or even the genuinely gothic or tragic would be. becoming cooler? #🤔 #idk enlighten me about what all of this means if you can and you want to #kata.txt

[stangeranfanficion]

One thing that I will never get over was the influx of people in the Sims community who actively rallyed against disabilities being included in the sims because it was "too sad"

Like jesus fucking christ

#ableism #i think #note i am like able bodied so like i wasn't like the psrt disabled community who was directly blasted by this #but like thats still gross man #like seeing people being like “its too sad to see disabled people in game because what if they are helpless little babys #like they didn't want to see blind people to like burn alive in their own homes which????? like thats suchs a wild like claim its bizarre #which like i understand its sad but like being trans is sad- being lbgt+ is sad but that doesn't mean the sims should exclude them #like even if the sims gets something as simple as a trait that makes it harder to communicate as the speech disability rep #then i would love it of how like non visable speaking difficultys are in media #like it doesn't even have to be like a big like single trait #i do think making one big trait to repressent all disabitys would be bad #but even if its more “mini traits” like the trouble speaking then i think they could pull it off #(also did we forget the insane trait existence and how they basically did a whole fuck you when insane was still in the game) #idk this is a rant sorry #sims 4

[senil888]

so uh. for anyone still looking at using cohost. they shared their March financial update.

they are, at best, four weeks from closing up shop and ceasing to exist. They may not be able to get emergency funding from their benefactor who they've been out of contact with for a while in time, and even if they do it just delays the inevitable.

Centralized social media is inherently expensive. Especially developing the software from scratch, and extra especially when one of your main devs is working on a different but mildly related project meant to be a better version of patreon and kofi. A good idea, but like.

you can barely develop and work on ONE platform to make it break even.

anyways. despite it's promise I cannot even think about suggesting cohost as an option. They've been in this "oh my god we're running out of money" situation for MONTHS now, this isn't a new "oh shit sudden expense" time. If they can't get money now, it's joever for cohost and ASSC.

#which SUCKS because I admire what they were trying to do #unfortunately they're inevitably proving a point: spinning up a new social media is so expensive that you have to exploit users #be it advertising or selling data #unless you want to get paid barely what your role is worth #personally I hate how much they dissed on volunteer labor (re: the fediverse) in their March financial update post #like. do they not know how the old web was funded? it was passion projects. done for the sake of hosting. #maybe they ran ads but ads then weren't garbage like today #(and even then user submitted ads are always an option) #the fediverse is generally run like the old web. but if the old web could talk to other parts. #volunteer run. paid for as a passion project. donations jars to help cover costs & as a nicety #if I ever run one for a community I'd only want to open up a donation box under very specific needs #and to see cohost be so dismissive of fedi as a concept just felt wrong. #it felt like a disrespect to the old web. to how we used to do things. #cohost fundamentally relied on the good grace of their proprietor to exist.

[judasviscariot]

genuinely truly I don’t think the majority of the trans community actually sees trans guys as trans. they see us as Women Lite™️. full stop point blank period. I can’t discuss my feminine trauma or the fact that I was abused and experienced hell as a woman without being called a terf. I don’t get celebrated in the LGBTQ community, and definitely not by other trans folks. I don’t get solidarity. I discuss my wariness of cisgender straight men and get accused of spouting terf rhetoric. I get lectured on my own experiences BY OTHER TRANS FOLKS because “well u know cis man hate hurts trans men :(“ I FUCKING KNOW! I’m the one living it! but ALL my trauma comes from that demographic! all my trauma comes from the fact that I was born with a uterus and raised as a woman! it doesn’t make me a fucking terf! does anyone hear us?

#IM SO ANGRY WHAT DO I DO WITH ALL OF IT #just saw a video where a trans woman was ranting about never calling her mother a chest feeding person #like it was the worst shit she’d ever heard #we don’t even exist to our own community but I’m expected to stick my neck out for everyone else? #absolutely not! #transgender #trans man #trans men #trans issues #afab #I’m so? #like I CANNOT neglect my girl self she’s still here she’s still with me #I am holding her gently #queer

[crippledanarchy]

Being isolated since march 2020 has me hitting levels of insane that I haven't had since I started medication

#every day a new piece of me fades away and there's basically nothing left #who am i without connection or community? by nature of my high risk existence I'm holding my love back from living a full life #we can't even get out of the house together because other people are there and it might kill me #cant do activities like hiking or outdoor exploring where other people aren't a risk cause my body can't take it #we just have to stay inside and suffer while everyone else moves on and progresses in life #bex talks to themself

[barkingangelbaby]

I feel like such a broken fucking person lol

I talked way too much in the tags don't read them

#fighting off the ideation like my life depends on it!! bc it does!!! #been good about not thinking certain phrases but F U C K am i feeling it. i want to turn into a pile of dust #i am so desperately trying to work on myself and change my patterns and bad habits and perspective but it feels like i always fall short #i try not to talk about it online but I'm just. having a very hard day with N because we experience our feelings in different ways #i isolate myself bc i struggle with regulating my reactions and tones when im having an episode but she needs me to talk through things and #i sometimes just. can't. bc I'm not done experiencing the negativity and am not in a place to have a productive convo bc shame spirals etc #we just spent a long time talking and being patient and i thought i was understanding and explaining myself well but i just. idk. #i don't know how to explain that of course i love her even if I'm isolating myself. of course i love her although I'm nonverbal today. i jus #t can't *make* myself talk when I'm like this i don't want to be nonverbal i don't want to isolate i don't want to be a distant partner i do #n't want to fall back into these patterns related to my grief i want to be better i am trying to be better i am working so fucking hard on #being better. i just feel so defeated bc this all spiraled from me not wanting to decide what to get for lunch n using a poor tone about it #I'm about to talk with her some more but I just. kinda don't want to exist right now. fuck dude. it feels so fucking awful when i upset her #like i love her so much she is so important to me and it breaks my heart that our entire day is shot bc i was tired and cranky #i just don't understand how that equates to me not loving her bc she is my whole world dude. I'm going to throw up #i also don't know how to explain to her that scrolling on tumblr is comfortable to me I'm not ignoring her it's just the SM that i scroll on #like we're hanging out watching tv together I'm gonna scroll a little bit. it's just not insta or anything #idk my mind is scrambled I'm crying I just want to be a better person who can calmly communicate my thoughts and emotions #today has just beat my fucking ass dude. i isolate so those feelings don't get translated into my interactions with others #i don't even know what i typed in these tags I just don't want to off myself or think about it I'm fighting myself so much 2day #rAMbles