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theanimeview · 3 years

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NOTES: Japanese 101 - Introduction

By: Peggy Sue Wood | @pswediting

When I was telling people about taking Japanese, I was surprised at how many people said they’d like to learn but were too afraid because it looks hard. While it’s not easy, per se, it’s not something to be afraid of--so, since our blog is all about learning more and diving into the culture of what we love, I thought sharing my notes from learning Japanese.

It may be beneficial to those interested. Disclaimer here: I’m not fluent nor am I an expert. I highly recommend looking into taking a Japanese course if you really want to learn advanced stuff. However, given my grades and experience living/conversing with a fluent Japanese speaker, I feel fairly confident sharing what I’ve learned so far. These are just notes with links to the resources I use to study and learn. Take from them what you will.

MATERIAL COVERED (in this post):

Introduction of the Genki 1, 3rd Ed., Textbook linked below. Pages 12 - 27.

TEXTBOOK:

Genki 1 Third Edition: An Integrated Course in Elementary Japanese 1 Textbook & Workbook Set

PLEASE NOTE: I may switch back and forth a bit between the second and third edition, particularly in Romaji (how the word is spelled in English lettering) spelling as the third edition changes how certain words are spelled. Both are correct, but one is newer than the other so if you see a word like “sensee” also spelled “sensei” in my post(s), try not to worry too much. The focus of Romaji, from how it has been explained to me, is to best imitate the sound of the word for English readers to understand the pronunciation.

Pages 12 - 19: GENKI

These pages (p. 12 - 19) cover what is in the textbook. The creators highlight how each lesson is framed, give a general overview of the layout, and other helpful explanations for how to understand the function of the sections. As you are not reading the textbook directly when looking at these notes, you don’t need to worry about them.

One item mentioned is Genki’s online resources for learners. Of which, I would recommend their phone apps. While it does cost money, I find it to be a much better resource for learning Japanese than Duolingo.

Pages 20 - 27: Japanese Writing System

Japanese uses three kinds of characters: Hiragana, Katakana, and Kanji. There is, technically, a fourth writing system called Romaji (mentioned above). Hiragana and Katakana are like the base alphabet and are referred to as “Kana.” Each character of the Kana represents a sound. Hiragana has a roundish shape in writing, while Katakana takes a sharper form with straighter lines.

For example: Ken

Hiragana: けん

Katakana: ケン

Hiragana is used for conjugation endings, function words (like verbs), and native Japanese words that are not covered by Kanji. When put together, they form words but on their own, they don’t hold much meaning. A good video for learning Hiragana better can be found here.

Katakana is normally used for foreign words or names. It may also be used for onomatopoeic words (words that are spelled as they sound) in comics (manga) or for emphasis (much in the same way we may use italics). A good video for learning Katakana better can be found here.

Kanji are Chinese characters that represent sound and meaning, therefore they are typically used for nouns and as the stems of verbs and adjectives. A good video for learning some beginner Kanji can be found here.

Romaji is often used for station names, signs, and the like. It stands as a romanization (the representation of the pronunciation of languages using the Latin alphabet) of the Japanese language and is not traditionally used in writing.

Japanese has a pitch accent rather than a stress accent. This means that all syllables in Japanese are, basically, pronounced either in a high or low pitch and given the same amount of time per sound when talking. English, which is a stress accent, may lengthen a word or be spoken louder for emphasis, but in Japanese lengthening the word changes the meaning so instead accents are applied to provide emphasis.

Hiragana

Hiragana Kana:

(Image from: https://thejsubexperiment.tumblr.com/post/151916695484/genki-lesson-1-linguistic-perspective)

Looking at the images above, you may notice that some of the characters have diacritic marks above them, to the right. Typed, it looks like this: “べ” or “ぺ”

These marks paired with the characters change the sounds of the voiced consonant. K becomes G, S becomes Z, T becomes D, and H becomes B when paired with the tenten (the one that looks like a quotation mark). Notably, Chi becomes Ji, Tsu becomes Zu but that is not something you need to think about in this section of the text.

Contracted sounds are followed by smaller versions of ya, yu, and yo respectively to create contracted sounds like “Kyo” (きょ).

Double consonants are transcribed in Hiragana by adding a small Tsu character “っ.” Examples of when to use it include: pp, tt, kk, ss, etc.

An exception to this is double Ns. Nn is instead written with the Hiragana N (ん) + whatever N sound follows (na, ni, nu, ne, or no). *NOTE: The N (ん) sound is considered a full syllable in terms of length when speaking.

When the same vowel follows itself, such as in Ojiisan (grandfather), the pronunciation of the sound is lengthened. It is important to remember this as the difference in length can change the meaning. Ojisan, which means uncle, can become grandfather with a simple lengthening of the sound.

Sometimes vowel sounds are dropped--typically the vowels of “i” and “u,” especially when placed between the voiceless consonants (k, s, t, p, and h) or at the end of an utterance that is preceded by a voiceless consonant.

For example, “~です” (desu) has a silent “u” when spoken aloud.

Katakana

Katakana Kana:

(Image from: https://thejsubexperiment.tumblr.com/post/151916695484/genki-lesson-1-linguistic-perspective)

The pronunciation and rules of Katakana are the same as those of Hiragana except for long vowels which are written with a dash, “ー.”

Notable, the dash turns when writing meaning that if you are writing horizontally, the dash remains horizontal and if you are writing vertically, the dash becomes vertical.

Kanji

Kanji, as mentioned, are Chinese characters. They were first introduced to Japan more than 1,500 years ago and are considered the first written form of the language as Japan did not have a formal writing system prior to its introduction. Hiragana and Katakana came later. Also mentioned, each Kanji character represents both meaning and sounds. It is typical that most Kanji have multiple ways of reading them, notably the “on-yomi,” or Chinese reading, and the “kun-yomi,” or Japanese reading. Sometimes there are multiple on-yomi readings due to the differences found in the Chinese language. There are roughly 4 types of Kanji:

Pictograms - those made from pictures

Simple Ideograms - those made of dots or lines to represent numbers of abstract concepts (like, ‘up’ or ‘under’)

Compound Ideograms - those made from the combination of two or more other kanji

Phonetic-Ideographic characters - those made up of a meaning element and a sound element.

That concludes my notes from the Introduction of the Genki Textbook, 3rd Edition.

#genki #japanese #nihongo #japanese study #language #japan #genki textbook #kanji #katakana #hiragana #kana #notes #note #Japanese 101

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incarnateirony · 4 years

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Sometimes I feel like SPN’s greatest strength is its fandom’s weakness. And sometimes even the product itself.

When SPN started, it was very insular. The internet screamed at you in most parts of the world to connect. Cable was even pretty rare. It was on a small backwater channel and, even at its hottest fresh burst, was running 1/4-1/5 of the numbers of the leading competitors at the time. When SPN premiered just above a 2.x, Grey’s was running 9.x and was still well above 8.x by the time SPN fell to 1.x. It was a dedicated cult show, with fandoms communicating by postcard, huddled in moderated livejournal corners.

Kripke, Jensen and others have all mentioned SPN really getting its wings around S4 to have a sense of stability, and it even survived the digital conversion mandate, it survived the advertisement crash, it survived one of the biggest TV show culls in history while the landscape changed and, somehow, the ratings that year went /up/. But even still, just because it wasn’t riding the bubble anymore, didn’t mean it was huge.

It barely survived Ostroff’s mismanagement. It barely survived the season 7 crash under Gamble. And then CW struck a legendary deal, and binge watching became available on Netflix, while Carver shifted and serialized the show, now that both DVR and increasing-speed internet and streaming services became available. And within a year, SPN was an international phenomenon. Hell, by seasons 11+, it perpetually ran in the top 20 digitally called shows in the world, ranking higher each year.

I think this is really what caused, in every way shape and form, the constant fighting in fandom.

I mean sure, we can talk about people who get stuck in ruts in what they think the show is supposed to be about. Those happen in every old as dirt fandom. For every Old School Fan in SPN I point you to Star Trek, to Star Wars, to whatever. You know, Back In My Day The Show Meant XYZ isn’t really a fresh thing to SPN.

But the fighting isn’t just about that. It’s about how to render characters. It’s about what makes good story flow. It’s about what dialogue means. In some corners, it’s about representation.

By and large the fandom endorses, “all interpretations are equal” -- which is valid to a point. Personally, I always asterisk it with “all interpretations are equal as long as your interpretation continues to work for you.”

But there’s some catch-22s to that. In a still developing piece, things change. That’s obvious. And what “works for you” seems to be difficult for some people to identify. I regret to inform you, if you have an interpretation, and yet the piece continues to divide further and further from your interpretation, and you continue to get angrier while the show seems to be going against your interpretation, then technically, no. Your interpretation is no longer working for you.

That is, if you choose to continue to consume content. There’s lots of ways to manage this. One can figure out at what point their interpretation broke away from the product and try to adapt -- you can take pointers from fandom, but realistically, it’s something to do yourself. Taking pointers from fandom tends to be what gets people into this mess where people get angry. You can choose to stop consuming new content and enjoy the canon within the sandbox that made you happy with your interpretation. Or yeah, you can stay angry and keep watching while you’re angry and refuse to figure out how to get un-angry, but I mean, why torture yourself. It’s your right and your decision of course, so I’m not going to tell anyone not to. That’s not the point of this.

Because ultimately that’s a small aside to the “interpretations are equal”, a general disclaimer appended, vs “still developing piece”, but the point I intend to make is it’s more than that. It’s more than Old Fan vs New Fan, it’s more than whatever weird totemic argument fandom ritualistically engages with and faps to. It’s...

A while back I mentioned offering to do an AV studies course. Technically drafts of it are still floating in my draft folder, just between life emergencies, life, covid pandemic, getting grossly ill, I’m just sitting here kind of empty. Full honest. But thoughts still come, so I blog, even while staring emptily at my half finished project in my video editor I don’t have the spoons to finish much less anything else.

But one of the things it was going to discuss was different things like Representations, Audiences, Ideologies, Language, and so forth. And this circles back to my point on this show’s strength and weakness, and how it falls into interpretation.

Two major impacts (I would be far from saying they are the only, or are they themselves laws that make someone somehow oblivious, but are major influencers when speaking of large groups of people) I’ve noticed are generation, and location. Such as... country.

SPN is a very Americana show. It’s filmed in America for America (hey, technically Canada is North America, but it’s definitely American oriented business/studios regardless of filming locale), often making American references, but even getting references doesn’t mean you’re really catching a lot. American shows do not follow the same time/format/delivery pattern as, say, Chinese or Korean shows. Go watch them, put them side by side if you have to of something in related-ish genres. Different cultures deliver their stories differently be it pacing, structure, symbolism and color, or whatever. What Japanese culture perceives out of the idea of a dog in symbolism is like wildly different than what American culture perceives out of a dog.

Similarly each generation has its own language. I mean, watch boomers and zoomers talk right past each other and that isn’t hard to see in practice.

Don’t even get me started on representation. America’s in a goddamn trashfire of Hays Code aftermath, which say, British people didn’t have to grow up with and may be used to entire other systems so they see Rando American Show elsewhere and go, well see! but that’s a whole other mess. Just... adding it to the equation (and vaguely thanking the Brits and other Europeans for shipping off so many gay ass films for decades that the MPAA couldn’t stop that they just gave up enforcing the code as much as letting cultural aftermath doing the work.)

So this show absolutely exploded, and like, it’s nobody’s fault that the entire sum of the fandom aren’t all like, media minds/eyes that pay attention to the different methods in international films. But it adds to a lot of talking past each other in the dialogue. It leads to a lot of expectations or readings that may be/seem valid to people because it’s what they know in their area. It leads to a lot of obfuscating of points, infinite carousels of suggestions and alternatives that, after dozens of millions of fans engage for a decade, just becomes a big relativistic vat, but a lot of lanes are now angry in every way.

Like this isn’t a one-ship thing or one-lane thing, it’s a just about everybody thing. And it’s not about any one subject or angle or view of approach. These days, it feels like Everybody Is Mad About Everything. Their reads aren’t really working for them anymore, regardless of their lane (for every pissed off Wincester there’s a pissed off Destiel fan, for every pissed off Sam stan there’s a pissed off Dean or Cas or even Rowena stan these days). Everybody somehow seems permanently blindsided by Everything if you take the temperature of the sum of an entire lane as a general rule, rather than (impossibly) reading through every opinion in each lane and figuring out where people are still happy vs where they’re upset. Then of course groupthink kicks in and well, if Rando French Cas Stan is Outraged, I Should Be Too I Guess. Everybody’s mad, guess I should be mad, instead of trying to figure out why everybody everywhere is fucking mad.

So people each build interpretations, reasonable in their own way, from their own origins, in their own countries with their own styles, but somewhere along the line, there’s a fracture. The storytelling pacing they thought they knew vanished and turned out wrong. The character dialogue wasn’t what they interpreted out of it. The cinematic stuff they read was coded to a different language than they were used to reading (back to, say, dogs). People are flagged and pay attention to things that may mean nothing to a filmmaker in the area it’s made and other people completely miss things that may mean something to the filmmaker because it really doesn’t mean A Thing elsewhere.

Compound this by lanes, echo chambers, people collectively finding what they enjoy and is -- respectively -- convenient to their mindset. Add in ship warring, slap fights, wasted kilobits. Add in decentralization, globalization. There’s no leaders, no teachers, and frankly, there’s not even a real In The Know anymore. Most people are In The Know to some extent. Some more than others. Hell, the people who most loudly /publicly/ pose as In The Know are often hilarious bags of air that end up embarrassed a year later (here’s to looking at you, blogger that anti-ranted Friendship Fan now facing the return of the Subtweeting Turkey. You know who you are and what I’m talking about.) I mean sure, there are a few legit Secret Masters of Fandom. But that’s it. They’re Secret. You may kinda pick up the vibe between the lines, and maybe just maybe they’ll drop a few genuine hints here and there in public to try to tilt people ahead, but it’s not the clout chasing goblins around here that anyone really should listen to and I /think/ at large everybody’s kinda figured that out. Most SMOFs are just silent contacts that hide in DM boxes and casually ignore the raging thunderstorms in the wild.

So going back to how I started this post-- while SPN found its success mostly post-S8 from the globalization of the product making it a phenomenon -- more than any one ship (but that doesn’t help), more than any one demographic, it’s just... it feels like everybody’s talking past each other and nobody’s introspecting or considering that while, yes, people’s interpretations are valid to them as long as it works for them, that if it’s not REALLY working for them anymore, maybe they’re missing somewhere. Generationally. Culturally. Whatever it may be. And I don’t see any amount of me sitting here in a Thinking Man pose about it changing that, or changing a vast amount of minds, as much as I really just want to /speak/ the thought process.

Because like. I’ve always existed kind of in the grey space of fandom. I “ship” Destiel in so far as I simply can’t be budged from the value in the text be that by antis or honestly even shipping culture itself. I don’t escalate into rants just to prOVE the tRuTH. I write meta about mythology because it interests me. Who the fuck are you MikeDawg1783894jKFbetabitch82398123? why should I care, where is your self importance coming from. I am far too tired to bother explaining anything to anyone, and frankly, I don’t owe anybody jack shit. You know what, you do you. If you’re happy go be happy. If you’re not happy, stop spewing your misery at me. This isn’t hard. But people around here make it complicated for some reason.

The internationalism also harms the product to some extent. Parrot Analytics reveals that this Americana show with Americana origins and methods is also ... *primarily viewed in Russia.* Like, 3x the US audience size. SPN been running the top 15-20 digitally called shows in the world up there with big sling hitters like Grey’s Anatomy now? Grey’s, as I saId above, always dwarfed it. In live numbers we still do. But there’s that audience to account for online now, with SPN treading almost neck-and-neck with it.

Result? Well, with TV being a business, that means that they try to cater to Russia. And like, no hate on my Russian friends out there. ILU. There’s nothing wrong with you. But then it’s like trying to perform for an international audience that this studio is not designed nor predisposed to deliver content in the form of. Read as: whole new interpretive tire fire potential, new arguments. New mess. Just extra restrictions on a core business level about the do’s and don’t’s for authors. Cuz things that are cool in the US may not be cool in Russia and the other way around for that matter.

So somewhere between “what business chooses to do” and “infinite cascade of fandom white noise, anger and confusion,” I feel lies in the same thing that has kept SPN so successfully on the air so long. It’s strength is it’s weakness, and it’s the international nature of it, the longer I think on it.

And no, I’m in no way implying international friends aren’t welcome or whatever. Most of my followers are international. That’s fine, I ain’t shitting on you or telling you to hang it up and go home. I just feel like a lot of this eternal static is based on this many cultures trying to argue interpretations of a work from an outside perspective with very few anchors on the methodology that drives it from within. And frankly, fandom hotbox dialogue doesn’t exactly lend itself to sitting and truly wanting to discuss the methodology, because people are so high-strung at this point, nobody wants to hear a POV that clashes with what they’ve built for themselves. Because you know, “my interpretation is valid.” I just... wish... people would assist their own health and mental health by, once it no longer is-- kinda figuring out why and where? be that for international reasons of film delivery, be that language, be that generational gaps, be that *WHATEVER* it may be. I feel like that’s a message not often-enough put out there in this fandom.

Like, hell, it’s okay to like. Just. Not watch new episodes. Play in the sandbox that worked for you when it still, like, worked for you. Watch it a million times. Write a million fics to it. It’s okay to not watch the Declared Popular Thing. You don’t have to shackle yourself to a piece when it’s no longer working for you, just like I don’t advise watching a show with a premise you hate only to yell about it from go. And furthermore-- if you do wanna keep going, it’s totally fair and okay to go, hm, I was wrong somewhere. Let me unplug this giant fandom screaming megaphone from my skull, go review, figure out for myself where the fandom egregore led me one way or another, let me find a new way to appreciate this piece as it continues to grow. But that ain’t gonna happen unless people truly want to surrender their current framing. And... you don’t have to. Not anymore than you HAVE to keep viewing.

I’ve found, for example, a lot of internationals I talk to tend to be upset about something or another, or confused, or what have you. And the reasons vary. They aren’t dumb people. But somewhere they fell off the rails and struggle to get back on and whatever chamber of fandom they’re in isn’t helping. The internationals I find that don’t struggle with any part of it just outright tend to be people who like... specialize? be it film study or lit study or whatever the topic is that helps them bridge understanding; people who can discuss constructivist theory or have read enough books across their barriers that it all just kinda clicks. Doesn’t make them better or worse than anyone else. Not a better fan. Just... happier with the content, which is better for /them/. And that’s really what matters in the end, isn’t it?

So IDK what the solution to this musing really is, as much as trying to put my finger on the pulse, beyond the sticky underbelly that is shipping fandom and its many corners that people blame for a sum of it. And like. Yeah. Y’all know I’m not a fan of Shipping Culture. But I really don’t think My Ship Vs Ur Ship is all there really is to blame.

The same reason for SPN’s success is often the same reasons for SPN’s fandom’s downfall, IMO.

#supernatural #spn #fandom

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fromjuliewithlove · 4 years

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2020: Balance

Disclaimer: I am not a professional, nor do I claim to be.

When you look at the year 2020 as a number, what do you see? Some people may say that they see double digits where others may say that they see two thousand and twenty. We all look at things from a different perspective and point of view, so let me share my thoughts and predictions for this year as we still just barely have our toes in the water of it.

When I think about the year 2020, what stands out the most in my mind is the idea of circles. There are two zeros in the year 2020 which are in the shape of a circle. Some may argue that a zero is actually an oval, but that is alright because both shapes have no beginning or end. They are continuous forevermore.

2019 was predicted as the year of self-love, self-care, finding your self-worth, and so on and so forth. There is also a prediction for 2020, which is that it is meant to be the year of balance. What does having balance in your life mean to you? For example, when you drive a vehicle, you will want to make sure that your tires are balanced properly in order for things to run smoothly. A tire is also a representation of a circle. See how those two things correlate together?

The word balance actually has multiple definitions. The two definitions that I admire most are:

1. Noun - a condition in which different elements are equal or in the correct proportions.

2. Verb - keep or put (something) in a steady position so that it does not fall.

What else comes to your mind when you think of balance? If you are now picturing the symbol for yin and yang, then we are on the same page. ☯️

According to wikipedia, yin and yang, often referred to as dualism, meaning two forces working together, is a symbol of balance in Chinese culture and philosophy. Yin and yang can be thought of as complementary (rather than opposing) forces that interact to form a dynamic system in which the whole is greater than the assembled parts. So here is where the two zeros in 2020 are observed once again.

Life is busy and can be chaotic at times, but there are some simple ways you can try to find more balance throughout the year in your every day life.

1. "Look for a moment of peace each day"

This is something that everyone can find. It only takes 5 minutes to breathe, clear your head, your mind and thoughts, and to simply make peace with whatever is going on around you, no matter how crazy it is. The situation may be out of your control, however, maybe it is not meant to be in your control in the first place. Let the universe have reign.

2. "Become joyful"

We all want happiness in our lives, isn't that right? But before we can just be happy, we have to find and create the joy we seek. Being joyful lasts much longer than being happy because joyfulness is a continual being, whereas happy is temporary. See those zeros and continuous-ness still coming into play?

3. "Time and space"

This is pretty self-explanatory. To find balance in your life, manage your time wisely and make sure your "space" (home, work, activities, ect.) becomes comfortable for you to do what needs to be done. Remove excess clutter.

Those are just a few examples of how to find simple balance in your life. Many other examples are out there, but everyone is an individual, and has their own special needs. It is up to you to decide what you need and what works for you.

#positive quotes #positiveattitude #motivation #good vibes #positivethinking #positive mental attitude #positive thoughts #positivity #positivelife

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gingrichvisualnarrative17 · 7 years

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reading response 3/11

THE VOICE OF THINGS

~thinking about;; general impossibility of accurate conceptual translation when a text is so fully about the richness of its language— the general (obvious) difficulty of translating poetry to get meter and definitions to match

~”Disclaiming any taste or talent for ideas, which disgust him because of their pretension to absolute truth, he abandons ideas and opts for things.” Are these mutually exclusive? Are ideas necessarily rooted in a presumption of truth?

~poems in paragraph form, not a form I’m used to seeing.. addressed in into though, “Written in prose, the orderly lines, grouped familiarly on the page in everyday paragraphs, suggest immediate communication. Even the language, at first glance, seems to be the language of everyday. “

~thinking about;; the importance of titles in poetry

~”It is within this seed that one finds —after the sensational explosion of the Chinese lantern of flavors, colors and perfumes which is the fruited ball itself—the relative hardness and greenness (not entirely tasteless, by the way) of the wood, the branch, the leaf; in short, the puny albeit prime purpose of the fruit. “

~Fire: “Fire has a system: first all the flames move in one direction . . . (One can only compare the gait of fire to that of an animal: it must first leave one place before occupying another; it moves like an amoeba and a giraffe at the same time, its neck lurching, its foot dragging) . . . Then, while the substances consumed with method collapse, the escaping gasses are subsequently transformed into one long flight of butterflies. “

~”I am easily convinced, easily dissuaded. And when I say convinced, I mean if not of some truth, then at least of the fragility of my own opinion.” — such a good distinction

~”Passing off one's opinion as objectively valid, or valid in the absolute, seems to me as absurd as maintaining, for example, that blond curly hair is truer than straight black hair, that the song of the nightingale is closer to the truth than the neighing of a horse.” Is preference tied to truth? It seems it doesn’t have to be, but maybe I’m just being dense??

~”Why is there this difference, this unthinkable margin between the definition of a word and the description of the thing designated by the word?” That idea of a word as representation of a concept— Plato’s theory of forms, the word is not the thing, but a representation of it, therefore imperfect, incomplete, and open to interpretation. Also language/definitions are cultural (speaking within a language, not between different languages) the definitions and understandings of words are in as much flux as ideas are, the language is constantly shifting, people’s experiences shape their understanding of words, and slang/vernacular move language and definitions forward. Not just in adding words but in adapting preexisting words.

BLUETS

~thinking about;; use of italics— creating a code or system for your writing that isn’t necessarily on the same page as typical use, but also not so far from it it becomes indecipherable

~”I admit that I may have been lonely. I know that loneliness can produce bolts of hot pain, a pain which, if it stays hot enough for long enough, can begin to simulate, or to provoke-take your pick-an apprehension of the divine.” — divinity in the pain of loneliness— very romantic

~thinking about;; I love this text!!?! this is beautiful and sad and so so TANGIBLE in a way I can’t totally explain??? I wish I could be more eloquent and maybe later I will be able to but currently I can only articulate that I love this text and can feel it in my body and through my blood and I don’t know why

~”On my cv it says that I am currently working on a book about the color blue. I have been saying this for years without writing a word. It is, perhaps, my way of making my life feel "in progress" rather than a sleeve of ash falling off a lit cigarette.” yesyesyes

~”But why bother with diagnoses at all, if a diagnosis is but a restatement of the problem?”

~numbering sections— makes it a cohesive piece that clearly has an order but also allows it to be parsed out and taken in bits and pieces, while always keeping in mind that it does exist in a greater continuous context, but is not fully reliant on its situation within the larger whole

~”It was around this time that I frst had the thought: we fuck well because he is a passive top and I am an active bottom. I never said this out loud, but I thought it often. I had no idea how true it would prove, or how painful, outside of the fucking.”

~"What are all those I fuzzy-looking things out there? I Trees? Well, I'm tired I of them" — incredible last words

~”And what kind of madness is it anyway, to he in love with something constitutionally incapable of loving you back?”

~”If he hadn't lied to you, he would have been a different person than he is. She is trying to get me to see that although I thought I loved this man very completely for exactly who he was, I was in fact blind to the man he actually was, or is.” amazing !!!

~”that if what I was feeling wasn't love then I am forced to admit that I don't know what love is, or, more simply, that I loved a had man. How all of these formulations drain the blue right out of love and leave an ugly, pigment-less fish flapping on a cutting hoard on a kitchen counter. “

~”What seems clear enough: in 304 AD Lucy was tortured and put to death by the Roman emperor Diocletian, and thus martyred for her Christianity. What is unclear: why, exactly, she runs around Gothic and Renaissance paintings holding a golden dish with her blue eyes staring weirdly out from it.”

~I just bought Maggie Nelson’s book Argonauts on Amazon— I swear I saw it before but I forget the context?? Maybe when I was looking up queer lit to buy for Sarah…

~"What good is my peek at her pubic hair if I must also see the red lines made by her panties, the pimples on her rump, broken veins like the print of a lavender thumb, the stepped-on look of a day' s-end muff ? I've that at home." << what a gross thing to say, William Gass !!

~”Loneliness is solitude with a problem.”

~”Mostly I have felt myself becoming a servant of sadness. I am still looking for the beauty in that.”

~”Eventually I confess to a friend some details about my weeping-its intensity, its frequency. She says (kindly) that she thinks we sometimes weep in front of a mirror not to inflame self-pity, but because we want to feel witnessed in our despair. (Can a reflection be a witness? Can one pass oneself the sponge wet with vinegar from a reed?)” !!!!!!

~ I love the word cogent

~”the romance of seeking”

~I just bought this book on Amazon even though I am reading the PDF right now— why do I do this

~”to see blue in deeper and deeper saturation is eventually to move toward darkness.”

~”The Oblivion Seekers” by Isabelle Eberhardt

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