#Fuck hands mcmike

[fr3sh-c0rn]

tma cast in a nutshell:

Paranoia bi

Disaster bi

Evil twin

gay

'have you always been there?'

Old slut man

Cap'n crunch mascot

emo

Nukes top five

Lanky arms

Lanky arms 2.0

Old sky man

Clown

Not cockney 1#

Not cockney #2

The Cop™

#tma #tma podcast #jonathan sims #melanie king #martin blackwood #Micheal #Fuck hands mcmike #the magnus archives #the magnus protocol #the magnus institute #sasha james #elias bouchard #alice tonner #Not-sasha #basira hussain #Peter Lucas #gerard keay

[iridescent-king]

#DBD #dead by daylight #herman carter #memes #michael myers #that one hurt me the most #i deadass stopped playing mike after that)) #pyramid head #albert wesker #big zappy #fuck hands mcmike #triangle man #whisker #the devs continue to hate fun

[little-fandom-dump]

i know nothing about hazbin hotel (except my roommate’s partner got me to watch the first two eps, which i really enjoyed) BUT i have a gut feeling that alastor is a HIT with the transmasc community

#source: i am trans ftm and i love this funky lil guy #i also think there must be an overlap between tma fans who love fuck hands mcmike (affectionate) and alastor from hazbin #i don’t have any evidence for this except Vibes #sorry hazbin fans if i am Wrong #hazbin hotel #hazbin alastor

[disappointingcabbage]

TMA fans gimme fic recs (my only rule is no jonelias and nothing super sexual)

#tma #the magnus archives #fic recs pls #grabby hands #I really like crack fics and somewhere else fics #jmart is my favorite ship #also wtgfs #time travel fix it’s are also a guilty pleasure tbh #and fics that specifically resurrect Gerry #also gerrymichael #I fucking love fuckhands mcmike #and my boy Gerry #literally just put me in front of a TMA fic and I’ll go ham

[skyblue-haxi]

I will give 5 points to anyone who can animate Michael Shelly from tma cracking his knuckles. Yes, you must do it with the messed up fingers. Do it.

Just @ me if you did it, hero of the universe.

#tma #tma shitpost #michael distortion #michael shelley #fuck hands #fuckhands mcmike #Michael fuckfingers #the spiral #the distortion

[gender-euphowrya]

hrnnnnmg

#handing in my name change request tomorrow AAAAAAAAA #god i hope this fucking works i hope it goes through i hope they ok it Oh God #it’s not like in the US where you can just pay and name yourself whatever the fuck you want #it has to be Approved like you need proof that you’ve been using the new name you’re asking for #and it has to be like… ‘acceptable’ like you can’t name yourself idk Dumptruck McMike #fingers crossed i’m so nervous holy SHIT #pease work my fucking entire life and mental health depends on it #srsly P L E A S E fuck it’s. Fine it’s fine it’s not like i’m asking for sthg outlandish here 👀 #if they say no i’ll throw hands oh my god arson riot homicide robbery #JUST APPROVE IT i’m probably worrying too much about this but OUGH I NEED #i’m gonna shit myself if it goes through i’m gonna buy like a ton of weed #nobody’s gonna be able to tell me shit ever again brain forever stuck on dopamine & serotonin production

[avanillaskyline]

I've been going through tma recently at the request of my girlfriend. She has, on multiple occasions, showed me the Jurgen Leitner rant. I know I'm not very far into it yet (MAG 53), but I'm under the impression he's getting a bad rep.

Like, we're dealing with a setting where people literally get eaten by the sky and evil worms that burrow into people and kill them in minutes. We're dealing with a setting where Fuckhands McMike can banish literally anyone to the Backrooms (and stab Jon??? Because he feels like it?????) and yet we hate Jurgen because he liked literature. ok. I am SURE there's more awful people out there than a silly lil fucked up book collector

Dude just wants a cool library and I support this, even if he's a little messed up. If he got his hands on the Necronomicon I firstly, wouldn't be surprised and secondly, would support him.

But I'm not buying it. Someone in the setting's gotta be worse

Like... Tim? No, Tim's an absolute himbo fuckboy, we can't hate him. Who else? Sasha's been kinda funky and off-putting since Mag 40 but hasn't been evil, Martin's our bestest cinnamon roll boy, and Jon's just a dedicated lil guy who gets beat up because the world hates him for no reason. We just met that new girl, Basira? She's got good vibes and I'd probably kill for Gertrude

Who else is left?? OH, ELIAS. He owns the archives and told off Jon to "not stalk his coworkers" (ok fun police), which is offensive to both me and Jon, so he automatically goes in the "bitch-ass mf" category and I do not like him

Jon's suspicious of him and SO AM I

(I'll reblog this when I get further in with more details, no spoilers please)

#magnus archives #the magnus archives #tma #jonathan sims #jurgen leitner #jurgen leitner rant #Mag 53 #michael distortion #fuckhands mcmike #martin blackwood #tim stoker #basira hussain #sasha james #elias bouchard #the certified bitch-ass mf #we dont like him #I dont like him #this is a threat #no spoilers please #this is also a threat #from my gf

[looseinthecatroom]

Why'd we get a little guy who's some kind of fusion dance between Fuck Hands McMike and Nikola in ep 6 though, huh? Huh??

Jonny serving up "fucked up little guy". Like, he's been around the block. He knows the impact that would have on a fandom.

I best not see any "tee hee we didn't expect the fans to like this freak so much" posts, Jonny my good dude. Let none of us pretend you don't know exactly what you're doing by now with every voice lilt, weirdly horny comment, and cringe worthy (affectionate) edge lord line out of that monsters gay little lips.

(Fandom is nothing if not populated by cringe worthy, gay little freaks. Of COURSE we're intrigued, Jonny. We are weak, and apparently narcissistic.)

#now the compulsion to draw him as a twink? THAT is entirely unsurprising but also an entirely different can of worms #tma #tmagp #tmagp spoilers #the magnus archives #the magnus protocol #jonny sims #needles tmagp #someone save us from that name though #i beg of y'all

[biomic]

I know next to nothing about Kamen Rider but I love Train Hands McMike over there. I also want giant fuck-off trains for hands. That is unironically peak design.

it doesn't get better than this

#anonymous #asks #kendrix morgan died for our sins #kamen rider for ts

[aziraphale-is-a-cat]

I think Needles and Fuck Hand McMike would piss each other off in beautiful ways.

#tmagp #tmagp needles #tma michael

[arson-is-the-answer]

i miss michael fuck hands mcmike shelley distortion spiral man creature

#tma #the magnus archives #michael shelley #the distortion #michael distortion

[evilwizardcrab]

Assinging popular UK rollercoasters TMA fear entities.

Because sometimes your roller coaster autism and magnus archives autism combine into a secret, third thing.

Also, obviously most roller coasters are kind of inherently tied to vast/spiral, but for the sake of variety I'll only be assigning those entities when it happens to be really thematically relevant.

All clear? Good. Then in no particular order, let's begin.

1 .The Smiler (Alton Towers)

Figured I should start this out on what is quite possibly the UKs most iconic rollercoaster. At a whopping 14 inversions this Gerstlauer infinity coaster holds the world recor-

The spiral. It's the spiral. Yes, I know I literally just said I would be reserving spiral judgements for certain rollercoasters but just. Just look at this fucking thing:

This is quite possibly *the* most spiral aligned rollercoaster you could possibly make. In fact it might literally be the most spiral aligned rollercoaster ever, because with 14 inversions it literally is the most amount of spiraling you can physically do on a rollercoaster.

I mean, watch the goddamn TV Advert for this ride and tell me Fuckhands McMike didn't have a (yaoi) hand in the creation of this thing. Fuck Sanakov land I'm pretty sure the smiler singlehandedly counts as a failed spiral ritual.

It literally sends you insane! That's it, that's the theming! It's logo is a literal fucking spiral! Words themselves cannot get across how quintessentially Spiral this coaster is!!!! Even the FUCKING MUSIC is spirally!

It's even yellow.

So yeah, 10/10 spiral aligned coaster would ride again.

2. The Swarm (Thorpe Park)

From one heavily themed rollercoaster to another, let's take a trip down south to The Swarm, Thorpe Park. I'm going to be biased off the bat and say that the swarm is absolutely one of my faves (just look at that inverted drop!) not to mention the being only wing coaster in the UK.

That being said, despite my fanboying The Swarm was initially a hard one to place. My gut feeling was the Vast (mainly due to how it emulates the feeling of flying) or the corruption (literally called the swarm).

But then I took a step back,actually looked into the theming and lore itself, and it became clear. The Swarm is the Extinction through and through.

For those of you FREAKS no well aquiantted with Rollercoaster Lore, the story of swarm is as follows - an evil Swarm has destroyed humanity).

Thorpe Park even went as far as to put up fake posters around the park and release ARG Style adverts about it (and this song, because Merlin is nothing if not excessive when it comes to it's parks)

So with that in mind, swarm absolutely embodies the two main aspects of the extinction; both the active destruction of the apocolypse and the fear of something new replacing us (in this case presumeably sentiant rolercoasters)

3. Oblivion (Thorpe Park)

I'll keep this entry to roughly the same length as the ride itself.

You go in a Big Hole In The Ground

It's The Buried.

4. The Roller Coaster Formerly Known As The Pepsi Max Big One (Blackpool Pleasure Beach)

Finally, a coaster entry that isn't from a Merlin park. And being both the tallest and steepest rollercoaster in the world, let us introduce the pepsi max big one.

(off screeen whispers)

Wait what do you mean it's no longer the tallest rollercoaster in the world

(more whispers)

What do you mean, "or the steepest"

(even more whispers)

Wait, what do you mean it's not even the Pepsi Max Big One anymore? The Big One? really?

The Big One is an interesting case to me, in that despite technically being the tallest rollercoaster in the UK, there appears to be somewhat of a relative lack of discussion surrounding it. It's just ... there. Hell, while making this list I actually forgot it was the tallest rollercoaster in the UK. Not to mention the whole deal with its changing, corporate name. It just feels so Bizzare. Strange, even ...

That's right motherfuckers we got ourselves a Stranger rollercoaster! It perhaps isn't the most obvious choice, but I'll be damned if I hand over the tallest rollercoaster in the Uk to the Vast, that’s just boring. Plus, I personally find it quite thematically pertinent. Something about the idea of an object getting so subsumed by it’s corporate identity that when that is removed, it’s left with nothing. Something about staking a permanent identity on inherently shifting factors leading to a [redacted] Big One shaped void. 

If you want to, if you can imagine it was initially Vast before Fairchild enterprises took a hit and Nikola Orsinov swooped in to claim it. 

5) Stealth (Thorpe Park)

We've got ourselves our first pure Vast rollercoaster here folks! Coming in at a hot 5th place we have the 1st most fastest rollercoaster in the UK, that launches you 0-80 mph up 62 meters of pure steel baybe!!

And um.

It doesn't do much else.

But that simplicity is exactly what makes it so vast! The Vast wouldn't fuck around with complex things like "inversions" or "ride experience". It goes up. it goes down. If Simon Fairchild made a rollercoaster it would look like this. Take one look at this thing and tell me it doesn't embody the spirit of Mike "sought out the tallest ride at the carnival" Crew.

If the Spiral gets The Smiler as its quintessential rollercoaster, The Vast gets this.

6) Wickerman (Alton Towers)

Now, the Wickerman is another personal fave of mine, and (in my personal opinion) a key example of how amazing theming can elevate practically any rollercoaster. (To go on a tangent, I'd absolutely recommend riding this during the evening at fright night, if you can. The night serves an already great ride experience into something amazing)

Not only that, but the central theming of said rollercoaster centers around both a) Cults and B) Copious amounts of fire. So, in a manner clearly befitting its assigned entity, it doesn't exactly take an expert to put two and two together and get Ouch. That’s right, it's desolation. 

RIP Agnes Montague you would have loved this ride.

Scratch that maybe not considering how she seemingly felt about her cult. Let me change track.

RIP Gertrude Robinson you would have FUCKING LOVED this.

8) Nemesis (Alton Towers)

What, you thought I could make a UK coaster list without bringing up Nemesis? Surely not,I wouldn’t dare shaft  everyone's favorite (and currently unavailable!) B&M invert. Wait, what do you mean you don't want to hear about how it "holds up amazingly well over 30 years" and it's "Intensity rivals even that of modern coasters"?

Jokes aside, Nemesis was another hard one to place. Like Swarm, I had a very strong initial preference - this time for the slaughter, mainly due to the whole "trapped alien" deal it has going on.

But, once again like The Swarm, another look into the deeper RollerCoaster Lore (TM) revealed another core aspect of nemesis - this time, that of the Buried.

Specifically, the Lore of Nemesis centers around a mysterious alien entity (aptly named nemesis) found Buried deep underground, and having to promptly be pinned down with tons of steel (which also coincidentally, happend to be the exact shape of a rollercoaster). Hell, the lore even had a comic book made of it. 

Not only that, but the actual construction of Nemesis actively involved digging up the earth in order to create the space for it. And if that doesn't scream "buried" it's probably because you can’t hear it under all the layers of dirt. 

Honerable Mentions - Kiddy Coaster Edition

9. Flying Fish (Thorpe Park)

It's everones favourite Thorpe Park Kiddy coaster, Flying fish - a coaster with a title that is only 50% inaccurate.

In all seriousness I only chose this coaster because for some inexplicable reason I associate it with the Lonely. Specifically, Peter Lucas. No, I cannot justify this choice other than the fact that look at it and tell me you can't picture Lucas sitting on this, alone, going around and around. He doesn't move or make a sound. Just sits there. Silently .Having the time of his life.

 I like to imagine he buys out the entirety of the park for a day with the Lucas family fortune just so he can enjoy this one ride without having to see another human being (you wouldn't catch him dead in a theme park otherwise)

And this is probably as good a point as any to finish the list. Obviously there are way more UK rollercoasters you could assign fears to but these felt like some of the more interesting ones to explore. Anyway if you made it this far then damn. Well done, but also thanks for sharing in this incredibly niche magnus brainrot with me :)

#oh my god this took way longer than I thought it would #also sorry this is predominantly thorpe/alton focussed I ended up drifting towards those ones because I'm most farmiliar with them #Also I didn't intend for there to be two buried but it was surprisingly fitting #I was gonna go slaughter for nemesis but then i read the lore and was like. damn #Also had an entire section abt how gerry keay was “literally the vampire rollercoaster from chessingtons” #but i cut it out in the end #the magnus archives #tma #tma entities #the spiral #the extinction #the buried #the stranger #the vast #the desolation #the lonely #gertrude robinson #mike crew #simon fairchild #agnes montague #rollercoasters #theme parks #thorpe park #alton towers

[lemon-art]

Fuck hands McMike aka Micheal the gender fairy aka MICHAEL. 💚💜💙

#tma #the magnus archives #tmnt fanart #my art <3 #the spiral #the distortion #tma micheal distortion #michael shelley #he so long #da boi

[sapient-locations-bracket]

Round 3 Poll #1

Descriptions:

The Distortion (he/it or she/her, The Magnus Archives): an evil hallway pocket dimension that wears a human as its face and is but also really really isn't that person at all and uses that face to lure people into the hallways where it slowly drives them to madness while feasting on their fear. Bowling alley carpet core, one of its human forms is fandom-nicknamed fuck-hands mcmike

Eskew (I Am in Eskew): It's a city but no it's not but it so wants to be a real city that it will do anything to convince you except it's totally monstrous and it loves you and living there is nothing but misery and torment but eskew is a city of wonders too and it's everything you've feared but that means you were right all along in some way and you can never really leave without abandoning yourself except you can if you really really have a reason and and . mental illness capital of this world and the next is what I'm saying. utterly sublime in the gothic horror sense

#polls #sapient locations bracket

[lickoutyourbrains]

Tmagp episode 6 vagueness below

Looks like Needleboy is going to be joining Fuckhands McMike in my collection of fave fucked up guys with a fucked up laugh.

They can hold hands and make each other bleed🫀

#tmagp vague #tmagp spoilers #early access spoilers #brains is just talking to themself

[trans-michael-shelley]

dont mind me just ranking the tma fears from least to most terrifying, but in an extremely biased way

15. hunt. ooooh you're CHASING me???? youre gonna run through the forest and get a thrill out of my terror??? no. fuck you. if i don't run you literally get no satisfaction. i could give you the most boring hunt ever out of spite

14. buried. i am autistic my soul is made of a weighted blanket you cannot scare me

13. extinction. i have too much faith in humanity + knowledge of human history to feel like the world ending in my lifetime is actually a significant possibility

12. spiral. i'd put this at 15 with my bias for fuckhands mcmike making me go "not scary at ALL" but ignoring michael i am actually moderately scared of the whole... thing. objectively it'd probably bump up to like 7 without michael but oh well. i said this was biased

11. end. this is bc i am actually horrifically and intensely afraid of death and thus think i'd be a pretty solid end avatar

10. web. idk man it's just..... the spiders part? yeah. terrifying as fuck. the being controlled part... i have had too many crises about free will. im immune

9. desolation. pain and loss and suffering and etc are all very scary yes but every desolation avatar ever is so fucking edgy i can barely take them seriously (also i <3 agnes montague)

8. lonely. the depressed side of me sees this as actually a really well thought out and deeply relatable fear that i hold close to me, and i highly appreciate the way it was written. but the hermit side of me goes "let me live in the peter lukas hell apartment"

7. eye. i am deeply scared of being watched, but i'm also nosy as hell and therefore ALSO think i'd make a great eye avatar

6. slaughter. obviously a big cultural fear but not quite scary enough for me personally to put it in the Big Five

5. dark. i was a little kid once enough said the dark is objectively one of the scariest things ever

4. corruption. i'm scared of bugs and i hate dirt but "love that corrupts" is SUCH a badass theme from a writer pov that i can't help but respect this too much to be totally afraid of it

3. vast. literally the opposite of my comment about the buried. if you put me on a boat in the middle of the ocean i'd kill someone and if humans ever do space colonies i am staying right fucking here

2. flesh. intense primal fear of being eaten. uncomfortable observations about how little difference there is between you and animals. hating your body. feeling trapped in your flesh prison. fear of being useless. if you dont have this in top 3 whats wrong with you

1. stranger. cant even joke about this i just wanna kill it with my bare hands. nikola orsinov meet me in the target parking lot

#tma #the magnus archives #the entities #nico posts