#GOD I’m annoyed. and my buds are asleep or I don’t wanna bother them

[russilton]

Me most days: ignore people who say shitty things, don’t let it get to you, don’t give air to people who’s opinion doesn’t matter-

Tumblr: what if we put something on your dash so bad you’ll block 4 people and lie in bed feeling angry about it.

Me:

#if you see this no you didn’t #mark fucks up fails and gets mad too #some of y’all simultaneously treat lewis like everything he says is gospel unless it doesn’t line up with your feelings #then he’s too nice and soft to know better #patronising ass bullshit #and y’all sure fuckin love using valtteri like a sword- when he was Lewis teammate you would have torn him apart for parts #shall we bring up all the times the team fucked George? or didn’t go to his podiums because lewis was injured? #no cause it was fine when it happened then- but when it happened to lewis nobody has ever supported him in his life #I’m mad not just as a George fan- I’m mad as a lewis fan #cause y’all are half the reason he has to be so careful about what he says #and you STILL won’t listen to him #GOD I’m annoyed. and my buds are asleep or I don’t wanna bother them #I feel too… itchy to ask for comfort #so you get a rant I’ll delete in the mornind #wank/rants

[datleggy]

Totally random thought I had right as I am going to bed but ya know that show "I didn't know I was pregnant"? Buck would be on that show lol the boy is oblivious when it comes to his own body, so like I can perfectly picture him collapsing on the job one day wracked with pain, and then Hen is poking around his stomach where it hurts, her, Buck and Eddie packed into the back of the ambulance as Chim and Bobby drive to the hospital, and she gets out the stethoscope to try and listen for internal bleeding or anything but instead finds an infant heartrate and she's like "Buck, you're pregnant?" And he's like "uh, no? What the hell?" And then his water breaks and he tries to convince hen and Eddie that he had an accident bc even that would be a better alternative to suddenly figuring out he's about to have a baby???? What the fuck???? But Eddie holds his hand all the way through it and by the time they get to the hospital, Buck has a healthy newborn cradled against his chest, Eddie knelt beside him and alternating between kissing buck and the baby on the head, and observing the baby in disbelief. I can also picture Buck like, sobbing his sorry's to Eddie the entire time he's pushing, like "Eddie I swear I had no idea, if I had known, I would have told you!" And Eddie is just reassuring him the entire time like "don't worry about that now, Buck, just concentrate. No one is mad, okay? But you gotta focus on the- on the baby" and buck just sobs and nods and focuses on the delivery again. But for a good while Buck is in denial that any of this is happening and it takes a lot of convincing and encouragement from both hen and Eddie for him to start actively participating in his baby's birth. Anyways, random half asleep thought is finished sorry for the long ask hdshsjjsjdbsjsj

WELL SHIT ok so i actually love that show and i could see buck doing this lmao so i wrote a thing. also ignore all medical inaccuracies, this is my distraction from monday lmao let me have this wildly inept fic pls. 

also just in case, it’s pretty brief, i think, but TW for talk of weight and weight gain

It's nearing the end of their shift now and Buck can almost hear his feet howling at him in pain. Today hadn't even really been all that busy, he thinks, annoyed at his own body's betrayal. He's not even thirty yet, but in the last couple of months he's felt as though he's aged about ten years.

He's put on a few pounds, which isn't too uncommon, sometimes Buck goes through stretches of time where he eats more carbs than he needs and works out less than he'd like and so a little tummy fat is to be expected.

It normally doesn't bother him, except that in the last maybe three months he hasn't felt like exercising much outside of work but he's eaten nearly everything in sight every night. He's up about fifteen pounds, which he wouldn't have even noticed, seeing that he does fluctuate at times anywhere between five to eight pounds over or under what he usually weighs, if it hadn't been for Chimney teasing him about putting down his third Krispy Kreme donut of the day and picking up a barbell earlier this morning.

Chim and Buck poke fun at each other all the time--it's a staple in their friendship and brother ship, in fact--and Buck had flipped him the bird, nothing new there. What had been new was the fact that he'd excused himself to the bathroom right after that and locked himself in a stall and bawled his eyes out as quietly as humanly possible.

Buck grimaces, embarrassed still, by the outburst, even if no one had been there to witness it. He still has no idea what the hell that had been about this morning.

Eddie notices the sour mood and pulls him in close. "Hey, you ok?"

Buck nods. "Yeah, just tired. Ready to go home--shit." Buck feels a shooting pain so intense his knees buckle and Eddie has to hold him upright to keep him from hitting the floor. 

“Woah!” Eddie calls Bobby over, who’s closest, for help, “Buck? Buck, you with me? What’s wrong? What hurts?” 

Buck just shakes his head and grits his teeth, the pain so debilitating he can hardly breathe much less speak. 

The Captain is on his other side in an instant and together Eddie and Bobby help Buck towards the couch, where he collapses in a heap, throwing his head back and letting out an agonized whine. “What’s going on? Did he get hurt during one of the calls?” Bobby asks Eddie, frantic to help put a stop to this. 

Eddie’s helpless, “Bobby I don’t know, one second we were talking about going home and the next he practically fell to the floor in pain.” he turns to face his husband, “Baby, I’m here, look at me, what’s the matter? What hurts?” 

Buck’s face scrunches up and he finally exhales sharply, his grip on the couch cushions loosening, and he opens his eyes, wide like saucers, and says, “What the fuck was that?” 

At this point Hen and Chim, as well as half the crew, have gathered around and Hen is quick to put on her doctors hat and try to sus out the problem. She makes Bobby step aside and Chimney hands her a stethoscope. “Buck, is it your stomach?” she asks, noticing the stiff way he’s holding himself around his midriff. 

“I don’t--kinda? I don’t know. It was just like, this crazy wave of pain, almost like a cramp, but way worse.” he struggles to describe the feeling now that it’s more or less passed for the time being.  

Hen had seen Buck wince when he’d been in the harness on the last call of the day, but he hadn’t said anything and she hadn’t thought too much about it until now. “Did you hurt yourself in the harness earlier? Maybe pulled something when we reeled you back up?” she asks, palpitating his stomach with her fingers, watching him almost retract from her touch. 

“Maybe?” Buck shrugs uncomfortably, wincing when she hits a particularly sore spot. 

Something about this feels familiar and strangely obvious, but Hen doesn’t understand why until she puts her stethoscope up to his belly to check for lack of bowel sounds, indicating maybe some internal bleeding or sorts. 

Hen gasps out loud and sits up like she’s been smacked. 

Eddie frowns. “What? What’s wrong? Is he gonna be ok?” He almost wants to snatch the damn stethoscope out of her ears and check for himself, his eyes darting between Hen and Buck nervously. 

“Buck, you’re pregnant. And in labor, by the sounds of it.” Hen blurts out in disbelief. 

“What.” Buck blinks at her, waiting for the other shoe to drop. This has to be a joke.��

“I heard a heartbeat in there...” Hen informs them, still awed. “Buck, that was a contraction you just experienced.” 

Eddie gapes at Hen and then at Buck. “You’re pregnant?” 

Buck gapes right back at him. “No!” he denies, shaking his head incredulously. “That’s insane, I can’t be pregn--ah--” Buck leans forward in pain as another contraction begins. “Fuck.” 

“Jesus, yeah, no you’re definitely pregnant,” Chim announces, “Your water just broke all over my favorite couch, bud. I’m getting the ambulance ready asap.” he says, before running to do just that, head reeling. He thinks about Maddie and when she gave birth to their daughter and how scared out of his mind he’d been and he sympathizes for Buck and Eddie, who up until now apparently hadn’t even realizes they were expecting... 

Back at the lounge Buck continues to deny any of this is even happening. He whines into Eddie’s chest, “That’s pee, it has to be, because I’m not pregnant. There’s no way.” he lets out a pitiful whimper as another contraction begins and buries his face against his husband to hide the tears springing up in his eyes. 

“Buck, son, we gotta get you to a hospital right now.” Bobby tries, running a soothing hand over the top of his head. 

But Buck shakes his head no, shuddering out a sob. “M’not going.” 

Eddie, overwhelmed, looks to Hen and Bobby for help. 

“Buck, ambulance is ready to go, we need to move unless you wanna have this kid at the firehouse.” Hen grimaces. “I know you’re in pain and I know you’re confused and hurting, but we need to get you into that ambulance and now.” 

Buck cries out when another contraction hits him and Hen gulps. “Your contractions are getting way too close together, we need to move.” she nods at her Captain and Eddie to help get Buck up and together the three of them manage to get Buck onto a gurney and into the waiting ambulance.

Bobby rides up front with Chimney, leaving Hen and Eddie to work in the back with Buck. 

“Buck, you need to start getting ready to push, this baby’s coming.” Hen warns him, but Buck refuses. 

“I can’t.” he sobs. “I didn’t--” he throws his head back, the pain lighting his nerves on fire. “I swear Eddie, I didn’t know. You gotta believe me.”

Eddie takes Bucks hand into his and brings it up to his lips. “I know baby, I know, you don’t have to worry about that. I promise. Nobody is mad at you, ok? I’m not. But right now you need to focus on pushing, you need to listen to Hen, ok? We’re ok, and you’re gonna be ok, but I need you to push, baby. I love you so much, you know that, right?” 

Buck lets Eddie wipe away his tears, leans into the comforting touch, and nods shakily, exhaling. “O-ok, I’m--I’m ready.” 

.

.

.

**************

.

.

.

The baby is so very tiny in Eddie’s arms. 

Olive Buckley-Diaz is born weighing exactly six pounds and two ounces. 

Christopher, who’s curled up against Bucks side on the hospital bed after a very exhausting day, looks up at his Buck, his little brow still knitted in confusion. “So she was a surprise baby? And that’s how come you guys didn’t tell me about her?” 

Buck tries not to laugh. “Yeah bud, it was a huge surprise to us, too.” 

Eddie nods along, smiling fondly down at the bundle he’s holding. Her blotchy red face is slack in sleep and there’s already tufts of brown hair sticking up funnily on her head under her hat. “I still can’t believe you only gained like fifteen pounds during the whole pregnancy.” Eddie chuckles, “Or that you worked through the nine months, God Buck, when I think of the stunts you pulled during calls in the last few months alone I’m--” he shudders. “Actually I’d rather not think about it.” he sighs, “I’m just happy you’re both healthy at the end of the day.” 

Really, it’s a miracle. The doctor had said as much after the delivery. 

“To be fair I never got any of the other symptoms,” Buck shrugs. “I wasn’t nauseous, my feet never swelled, I don’t remember any weird cravings? And you said it yourself, I didn’t really gain all that much weight.” 

Eddie leans down to kiss Buck’s forehead. “You should be on that show.” he grins. 

Buck tilts his head. 

“You know the one, the one Hen made us watch when work was slow that one time. ‘I didn’t know I was pregnant’.” he teases. 

Buck groans. “I regret all the jokes I made at the time. I totally get those people now. Pregnancy is weird.” 

Christopher rests his head more comfortably against Bucks chest and smiles softly. “Yeah, but now our family’s even bigger.” 

.

#mpreg #911 fox #i didn't know i was pregnant #i love that show #lol #ask #ficlet #writing #buddie #established relationship #buck #eddie #christopher #family

[writer-jamie]

Baby Making Business - Chris Redfield x Reader

Summary: With your daughters blessing, you and Chris tried for another baby, although it might be a bit harder (😉) than you imagined. 

Warnings: SMUT!!

Word Count: 2,718

A/N: Hello lovely people! I have wanted to write some Chris smut for such a long time and now I finally am. I thought I should start with a fic for my Dad!Chris series! This is gonna be filth, pure filth but I hope you all enjoy! I cannot even start to explain how uncomfortable it makes me saying dirty words, but I do it for you Chris addicts (I'm looking at you @peakymarvels 😉) My requests will remain open until the end of this month, depending on when lockdown is over, and then I will be taking smaller requests and stuff but nothing huge! ❤️

Chris had brought up Lottie’s father many times but you didn’t often want to talk about him. You could barely remember what he looked like. He wasn’t a great man but he promised he would be there for the baby when he got you pregnant. You didn’t want to be a mother, not at that age anyway but the idea of aborting your baby that was growing inside you made you feel sick. After all, it wasn’t your baby’s fault that your stupid ass boyfriend told you he was wearing a condom. You explained it to Chris in as little detail as you could, frankly because the memory of that night made you physically sick. You told him how he came home drunk and pushed himself on you, as he always did, and that he wouldn’t let you go on the pill because he ‘didn’t believe in it’. Why a man should dictate what you do with your body is beyond you, but you loved him so you just wore condoms. You knew it was stupid to believe that the highly intoxicated man actually bothered to put a condom on but you did. Until you felt him come. Your eyes opened wide as you tried to wiggle away from him to empty yourself before you got pregnant, but he didn’t allow it. He held you down for a solid five minutes before letting you go. You knew it was too late and you just sat on the toilet and cried. Nine months of abuse passed and you gave birth. You gave birth alone, in the hospital with a midwife holding your hand. Where was your boyfriend? Shooting coke in the parking garage of the hospital. After you gave birth to your daughter, the police told you he had been arrested and you told them everything. A visit to court later and you got a restraining order. You wouldn't let him hurt you or Lottie ever again. 

Chris demanded that you told him the name of your ex but you never did. You told Chris that he was ‘probably dead’ after an overdose or something and that you didn’t care to see him ever again. He made the choice to get you pregnant as a way of keeping you in, but he ran away. That was on him. 

------

After the green light was on for Chris, you two made plans for when you would try and conceive. You knew you were fertile due to your monthlies and you knew that a stallion like Chris would be fine at baby making so you tried..and tried..and tried. 

The first time you two started trying, it was like a dream. Sure, you and Chris have had sex before. Plenty of times. But him whispering dirty things to you about putting a baby inside you made it one hundred times more exciting. You had made sure that tired Lottie out during the day before she fell asleep on the couch, proving that she would stay asleep. You carried her to her bedroom before closing the door behind you, crossing your fingers she didn’t wake up. You looked at Chris and nodded before he walked towards you and grabbed your hand, walking straight into your bedroom. He shut the door, as quietly as he could, before showering you in kisses. 

Chris laid you down in the bed before laying over you, covering your body with his own. He peppered your neck with kisses making your mouth open. Chris placed kisses over your neck before taking off his shirt and jeans. The pile of clothing on your floor was getting bigger by the second as you two underdressed each other. “Fuck i love you.” Chris confessed and bit your lip, pulling on it. You licked your lips and groaned. “You are a tease, Mr Redfield.” Chris nodded and started to undressed you, pulling your shirt off and bra in one movement. He admired your body for a couple seconds before “I can’t wait to make you Mrs Redfield. Now my love. Let’s have some fun.” He told you and kissed your cheek. He pulled down your jeans and kissed your inner thighs, littering your soft skin with bites and kisses. His stubble scratching against your sensitive skin as you mumbled, biting your lip. Chris looked up at you, rubbing his hands up and down your stomach. He placed a few kisses to your navel before moving to your throbbing core. His mouth opened and he started to lick your sensitive clit. You bit the skin on your arm to muffle the moans that we’re trying to escape.

Chris smirked against your core and moved your lips apart more, giving himself more access. He pushed a finger inside of your core and pumped it in and out as he licked your bud. You groaned and wrapped your ankles around his hips, feeling yourself become warm. “Chris! Fuck-“ You coughed as he didn’t stop, in fact he sped up. After a couple more seconds, you left your body shake as you came. You took deep breath as Chris cleaned you out, rubbing your thighs. You opened your eyes and moved your hands to Chris’ hair, running your fingers through his short hair. “I love you.” You pulled him into a kiss and rubbing your hands over his beard. “I love you too baby. Now. Let me put this baby inside you.” He kissed you back and ran his fingers over your cheeks. “You ready baby?” He removed his boxers and moved closer towards you.

Just as Chris was about to move inside you, a knock at the door stopped you both in your paths. You covered your face with your hands as you tried to keep in a laugh as Chris lifted up the sheets and covered both your bodies. “Yes?” You called out between giggles and watched as the little girl entered the room, looking at your bed. “Mama, I'm thirsty. Can you get my juice?” Lottie asked you, not realising what she just interrupted. “Sure baby. Go wait in the kitchen and I'll be there in two seconds.” You promised her. The girl nodded and waddled down the hall to the kitchen.

You let out a laugh and looked at Chris, who was very red faced. “Go get a shower big man.” You leaned over and placed a kiss on his lips before wrapping your hand over his throbbing cock. “We can try again later.” You smiled before grabbing your dressing gown and covering your naked body. Chris watched as you shut the door behind yourself before letting out a long, annoyed sigh. He looked underneath the sheets at himself and shook his head. “Sorry buddy.” He apologised to his own member before heading into the bathroom and to the shower, for a lonely cold shower. 

------

After months of getting nowhere and the constant interruptions, Chris organised a day when Leon and Claire were going to pick up Lottie and allow you two to be alone and actually have some private time. 

“I don’t wanna go Mama.” Lottie rubbed her eyes and ran into your arms. You smiled and hugged her. “But Uncle Leon and Auntie Claire are going to take you to the zoo and get ice-cream! I wanna go too baby.” You kissed her cheek and put her hand on her shoulder. “Alright I'll go.” Lottie smiled and walked away from you and into Chris’ big arms before hugging him, her small arms wrapping around his big shoulders before being given into the arms of Claire. “Come on little girl. Let’s go see the animals and make Uncle Leon buy us some presents!” Claire laughed and turned to see Leon’s face. “Yeah whatever. I am not buying you anything. Lottie on the other hand...” Claire pushed Leon’s shoulder before opening the door. “See you later! Have fun-” Claire winked at you before leaving the two of you alone. You swore under your breath before walking to the door and locking it. 

The air in the room became thick as you two just stood there, looking at each other. 

“Okay. You ready baby?” Chris walked towards you and put his hands on your shoulders before placing his hands on your cheeks. You leaned into his hands and nodded, putting his hands on his big chest. He lifted you up, holding you up by your ass before you wrapped your legs around his hips. He held you up and kept a strong grip on you as he walked towards your bedroom. You put your hands on his face and kissed him deeply as he opened the door with your back. He walked straight to the bed and dropped you down gently before standing up above you. He took in your form before undressing you. Thankfully, you knew about today’s planned ‘activities’ so you wore a loose dress. It made the whole undressing factor a lot easier for Chris, and a lot faster. As quick as you could blink, you were naked. You felt your nipples become hard from the cold air of your bedroom as Chris peppered you with more kisses. “God Mama, why did I get so lucky? Look at you beautiful.” He kissed your stomach and rubbed his fingers down your hips. 

“I’m not. I have stretch marks and loose skin from Lottie.” You blinked and looked at Chris, noticing how he stopped to be able to look at you. “No. You created life. You made my daughter. You are incredible and so fucking hot.” Chris grabbed your hand and moved it to his crotch. “You have no idea how hard you make me.” You sighed and looked into his eyes, rolling your eyes. 

“Did you just..just roll your eyes at me?” Chris put his hand over his heart and looked at you beneath him. “That is where Lottie gets it from.” He put his hands on your stomach and looked at you. “Now.” He leaned down and placed some kisses on your stomach. “Will you let me put a baby inside you now or what?” He put his hands on your thighs and looked up at you, teasing the skin inside your thighs. 

“Yes please Captain.” 

Chris growled at you and pressed a kiss to your clit before completely undressing himself. You sat up on the bed with your legs to your chest as you watched him undress. He almost ripped his t-shirt which you swore at him for because it was his ‘good’ t-shirt. He told you to be quiet as he crawled to you and looked into your eyes. “Ok baby. How do you wanna do this?” You smiled and pushed him down with your hands and straddled his lap. “I guess that answers my question.” He laughed before you shut him up by wrapping your mouth around his cock. That was one way of shutting him up. You giggled watching as he focused all his attention on you, running his fingers through your hair. He made a ponytail with his hands and pulling you, gently, towards him. “God..you angel.” He praised you as you bobbed your head back and forth over his cock, resting your hands on his inner thighs. You pulled on the skin on his thighs as you took as much of him in as you could without gagging. You had a good gag reflex but Chris was so big that you knew you could never fit him all the way into your mouth. You moved your right hand to the base of his cock and pumped him. You groaned as you felt him thrust into your mouth, almost choking you. He put his hands on your face and made sure you were ok before continuing. 

After another couple seconds of doing this, Chris came in your mouth. You moaned and swallowed it all before sitting up and wiping your mouth. 

“Alright..ok. Get that sweet ass up here.” He mumbled and slapped his lap. You crawled up to him before taking a seat on his stomach. You pressed a kiss to his lips and ran your hands up his shoulders and into his hair. “I love you so much.” You smiled against his skin as you placed kisses against his neck. You bit down hard and left a mark on his neck. Just so everyone knew who he belonged to. 

Too many women like to stare at Chris, whether or not he was walking around with you or Lottie. He would carry Lottie around and women would approach him asking his name and how old his daughter was. You would stand there looking at her. It was like you didn't exist. Lottie would notice what the lady was doing and speak up, saying something along the lines of “My Chris doesn’t want you, go away” or “Mama doesn't look happy, I would go away.” You and Chris knew that Lotte was protective over him, but it turned out that any new female attention towards Chris made Lottie more green-eyed than you (and that was saying something). 

Once you marked him up pretty good, you moved back and put two fingers into Chris’ mouth. You watched as he sucked on your fingers, turning your insides to mush yet again. After a second of Chris sucking on your fingers, you pulled them out and pushed them into your throbbing pussy. You groaned as you pushed your fingers in and out, prepping yourself for Chris. Speaking of Chris, he was sat there in awe of you. You were finger fucking yourself, on top of him. He was so hard it was giving him a headache. He watched as you bounced slightly as you fucked yourself, rubbing your clit against his abs. You pulled out seconds later and sucked your fingers dry before looking at Chris. The man had his mouth open as he looked at you. “Holy..fuck. That was the hottest thing I've ever seen.”

You giggled as you put a kiss on his dry lips and leaned backwards, placing yourself above his hard cock before lowering yourself onto him. You opened your mouth as his cock disappeared into your pussy, over and over and over again. Chris moved his hands to your hips as you bounced on him, pushing you down with his hands. You rested your hands on his abs and opened your mouth, wide, as a dirty moan left your lips. “Ah fuck me! Harder! Captain.” Chris smirked and pushed into you harder, moving his hips in rhythm with yours. After a few more thrusts, Chris flipped you two over and slammed one hand into the bed and he thrusted into you harder. Honestly it was probably the hardest he's ever thrusted into you. Chris was muttering filth to you as he thrusted into you, his hand on your hip tightening its grip as he reached his release. Sentences that were strung together with moans, saying things like; “You ready for a baby? I’m going to put one in your cunt.” and “God baby you are so fucking hot.” 

Then he came. And God he came hard. You felt your whole body shake as he pushed his cock against your cervix, ensuring that you would get pregnant. You moaned into his ear as you came down from your high, your clit sensitive as Chris rocked backwards and forwards, coming for his hight too. Chris relaxed his head into your shoulder and kissed gentle kisses against your collarbone. Chris pulled out of you and laid down next to you on the large bed. 

“Did I hurt you?” Chris asked. The animalistic Chris who was just fucking you like there was no tomorrow was now the soft and caring man you fell in love with. He took your hand into his and pressed kisses into it. You shook your head. “Nah. My hips are sore though.” You mumbled and looked up at your hips, seeing how bruised they were already. “Oh I'm sorry baby.” You laid on Chris’ chest and kissed his lips. “Maybe you should put a baby in me more often. That was fucking awesome.” You smiled before laying your head on his chest. 

“Yeah. Maybe we should.” Chris smiled and put his hand in your hair, playing with your hair as you napped on him. 

#Chris Redfield x reader #mother!reader #impreg kink #baby making #chris redfield #ok so not gonna lie this took a week in total to write #I was suffering from writers block beforehand but I knew what I wanted to write #I watched fifty shades of grey with my mother (I know weird right) and I got inspired #but chris is hot #confident reader #resident evil

[peaky-shelby]

Back to you [4]

“Thunderstorms in spring„

Pairing: oc x Halstead bothers

Previous: prologue, episode one, episode two

Series summary: an old friend comes back and is need for help from the Halstead brother’s. Will this story end in heartbreak or a win?

Episode summary: Loralai talks to jay about the case and she and will are back to their old ways.

Words: 1745

Warngings: lots of angst this time, angry will

Author’s note: quite ironically this page is only the calm before the real storm. Some big revelations happening in the next chapter woohoo!! Please keep commenting and sending feedback it’s the only way I’m motivated to keep writing and it helps a lot. Thank you!! (+) quick dedication to @peachlle for reading and commenting, you are amazing♥️ I hope you’ll enjoy!!

Jay entered the hospital with a file in his hands. Turns out Ruzek had managed to shoot and kill one of the three guys that had attacked them earlier in the day and that was their only lead. They followed it but nothing good came out except a few random names and a photograph. He was hoping Loralai would have more to tell now that she was awake.

He stopped his pace when he heard loud voices coming from Loralai’s room, he took a peek and saw Will standing next her, shaking his head. His was very familiar with this picture of the two of them.

“This isn’t a joke Loralai!” Shouted Will. Jay felt like he was taken back to Will’s old apartment, listening to them fighting on their bedroom while he was in the living room, trying to ignore them.

“Isn’t it?” She asked, her voice loud and clear “because it feels like we’re back in time! It’s always the same fight with you Will, the same dialogue! You haven’t even changed your lines!”

“My lines? What about your ways Lor? How many times do you have to get hit to realize that you gotta stop—“

“IT’S MY JOB!” She shouted back.

“Your job is to write not to dodge bullets and pray that you’ll survive!”

“I don’t care wether I’ll survive or not!” She spat “even if I die, at least I’m dying for a reason! People will hear the stories that matter—“

“And what about the people that love you?” He asked, cutting her off before she could say anything else “what about your parents? Your sister? Me? Jay who saw you bleeding out in his hands? You die and then what happens to us? You really think it’s gonna be that easy for us to let go?”

Loralai scoffed “it didn’t seem like it was that hard for you to let me go three years ago.” She looked away “which reminds me. You are not even my boyfriend and I’m not your girlfriend so why the hell are we even fighting about this?”

Will didn’t answer to that, even Jay could feel how much it must have hurt him when she said those words. It was a cruel reminder but the truth. Will didn’t need to listen to anymore if it and as he stepped out of the room and turned the other way he bumped into Jay. He held him still.

“You ok Bud?” He asked but all Will could do was move his head. There was so much anger in his eyes, Jay expected to see smoke coming out of his ears. He looked down, rubbing his face, there were so many things he wanted to say but couldn’t so instead he settled of the typical “I have to go.”

Jay watched him leave without stopping him and then looked at the door to Loralai’s room. He fixed his jacket, like he was about to get in a ring and took a moment from himself to gather all the strength he could before he stepped inside. It was weird to see her again, awake. She was staring at the ceiling, biting her lip and scratching the sheets with her nails like she always did when she was angry. Ah, the details.

“Hello Sherlock.” He said, getting her attention. Her face light up immediately when she saw him, like she had been expecting him. She reached for him with her arms and jay walked quickly to her, wrapping his hands gently around her. He was so happy to see her safe and healthy. “How you feeling?” He asked, pulling away just enough to look at her.

“Better now that I don’t have your brother yelling at me.”

“he’s just worried about you a lot and you don’t make it easy for him—“

“That’s bullshit Jay! How many times a day do you have a gun pointed at your head? Why doesn’t he give you that speech of love and death— he thinks because I’m a woman I can’t take care of myself.”

“That’s where you’re wrong Loralai! He texts me everyday to make sure I’m ok, he’s as worried for me as he is for you the only difference is I’ve been trained to dodge the bullets! You barely know how to hold a gun!”

Loralai didn’t say anything and before she could come up with a smart reply jay left the file he was holding on the bed and pulled out one of the photographs. “Have you ever seen this guy before?”

Loralai accepted the change in subject and took a moment for herself to think. “No.”

“Ruzek shot him while he was running away. He’s the only one we got from the car. We have no other leads so I was hoping you’d tell me more.” He sat down on the chair next to her bed, waiting to hear her story.

She sighed, looking at the ceiling “one month ago there was a fire at the Heathwood’s family house do you remember?”

“Yes it was an accident—

“Except it wasn’t.” She said confidently. “My editor asked me to write a piece on it and Michael Heathwood who had magically survived. It was a Miracle, the kind of shit that people love to read. But when I met with him...”

“You knew there was something wrong” he finished her sentence and bowed his head “why didn’t you go to the police?”

“The police were on it Jay! They porpusly looked the other way. If I went he would find out! So I did it myself. I looked as deep as I could. His wife, Alicia Stewart, died only one month before the explosion from a car accident and When the house exploded his father in law, Stefan Stewart and his mother in law, Carla Stewart were the only ones that died.”

“You saying he wanted to kill that family?”

“im saying there are far too many coincidences Jay!” She cleared her throat “so I might have illegally checked his bank accounts.” Jay raised his eyebrows and stood still across from her. He didn’t approve at all of what she had told him “I didn’t find anything which was even weirder”

“And I don’t suppose you gave up from then on...”

“I spied on him, searched everything I had on him and you wanna know something funny? Michael heathwood didn’t even exist two years ago!”

“Wait wait—“ He raised his hands, signaling her to slow down. “What?”

“His real name is Peter Evans! He’s a con artist! He tricks rich families, kills them, takes their money, saves it under a different name and runs.”

Jay stood up, pacing the room until he balanced himself on the edge of the bed, trying to process everything that she had told him. “Why didn’t you tell me? I could have helped you! Make sure that this..” He pointed at her wounds “wouldn’t happen!”

“I had to get enough evidence first. Create the story. If he realized I was on to him he’d disappear in thin air”

He stood straight again, crossing his arms “And Where is your evidence?”

“In the flash drive I gave you!”

Jay didn’t answer, he narrowed his eyes looking at her confused. “What flash drive?”

“In the car!” She insisted “I gave you a USB! Did you lose it?”

Jay hid his face in his palms “it must have fallen on the car.” He said, trying to reassure himself that the information was safe. He looked back at Loralai reaching for her hand and giving it a light squeeze “we’ll find it.” He told her. She held his hand before he could slip it away and he looked in her eyes, his heart beating a little faster. It was the bruise right under her eye that made his body shiver, he couldn’t stand seeing her like this.

“I owe you an apology...” she whispered, completely changing the subject. He tried to fake a smile as if he didn’t understand.

“For getting shot at?”

“Jay—“

“Don’t.” He warned “Not now. We’ll talk when all this is over.” He brought her hand up to his lips and gave it a light kiss before exiting the room. On his way out he caught Will behind the reception, making some notes but he decided not to bother him. Will saw him too from the corner of his eye but he was still angry from before to have any conversation with any body.

When he finished writing his notes he looked towards Loralai’s room. She had her eyes closed and she looked like she was about to fall asleep, god knows she needed that rest. He sat down on a chair, watching her sleep. He couldn’t go home and he couldn’t go in her room after their argument so this was the best way to check up on her and make sure she’d be ok. After a while he started to fall asleep himself. The position of his neck was so uncomfortable that kept waking him up and annoying him. When he opened his eyes again because of the pain he saw Loralai moving nervously on her bed. Turning her head right and left and whimpering. He jumped of his chair and rushed to her side.

First thing he did was check her wounds but he saw nothing alarming. When his hand touched her skin, her eyes shot open and she grabbed for his wrist. She looked so terrified to him, so broken, nothing like the confident girl he was used to having around. All the time he knew her there was always one thing she couldn’t battle and that was her nightmares.

He made sure to look calm and not scare her anymore than she already was. “Hey hey it’s ok. It’s just me. Lor?” He held her hand softly, stroking her fingers until she broke down into tears. This was the first time he had seen her cry today, all it took was a nightmare. He sat next to her on the bed, pulling her swiftly in his arms to warm her. He caressed her back and kissed her forehead, whispering sweet words in her hair, his breath falling on her like a veil of safety. She snuggled closer while he spoke, reassuring her that it would be alright.

He always thought of her like a thunderstorm in spring. It didn’t rain a lot but when it did... it was hell.

#jay halstead x reader #jay halstead imagine #jay halstead #will halstead x reader #will halstead imagine #will halstead #chicago fire #chicago fan fic #chicago pd #chicago med #chicago #nick gehlfuss #jesse lee soffer #one chicago

[homeiswherethestuckis]

Hey, It Pays the Rent (Part 2/3) Friends

@notedchampagne I meant to finish this sooner so it was closer to your birthday, but it kinda got away from me, lol.  Anyway, here’s the second part of your roommates/enemies to friends to lovers birthday fic!  I hope you like it!  :D

(sorry in advance for the length)

(Part 1/3) Enemies

(Part 3/3) Lovers

It was weird how quickly you went from hating Karkat’s steaming insides to considering him a friend.  A month ago you didn’t want to go anywhere near that asshole, and now you look forward to your weekly movie night with him.

Or maybe...maybe it’s not as weird as you think?  When you really consider it, you’d never had an actual conversation with Karkat until that awkward night early in your roommateship.  You’d known Karkat for years, and yet you knew jack shit about him.  Maybe you would’ve been friends with him sooner if you’d ever had an honest conversation with him before this.

Not that you’ve been having tons of emotional heart to hearts since.

Actually...aside from Karkat’s single awkward outburst, you still know jack shit about him.

You should probably change that sometime…

“Dave?”  Karkat yells at you from the living room.  “How’s the popcorn coming?”

But now’s not that time.

“Yeah, it’s coming!”  You rip open a bag of popcorn from the microwave and dump it in a bowl.  “Look out!  We’ve got some piping hot corns, popped and buttered for your pleasure.  I’m telling you, dude, you’re gonna be so into this your taste buds are gonna orgasm so fucking hard you’ll be tasting shit funny for a week.”

You set the bowl of popcorn down on the coffee table and flop onto the couch next to Karkat.  You use the table as a footrest.  

Karkat squints at you suspiciously.  “The way you phrased that makes me really question leaving you in charge of the popcorn.”

He says this as he shoves his entire hand in the bowl.  You point this out by nudging the bowl with your foot.  “Clearly you’re not that concerned about it.”

He glares at you and pulls the bowl closer to himself.  “And get your fucking stink frond away from my hot snack corn!”

You snort.  “Okay, okay, if you’re that serious about it I’ll leave you two alone.”

You start to stand up, but Karkat grabs your shirt and pulls you back down.  “No, you stay put, you shit.  If this snack is gonna have a fucking orgy in my mouth, you have to stay put and watch this monstrosity you’ve created go down in the most hellish way imaginable.”

He takes his hand out of the popcorn bowl, a couple kernels fall from his hand and onto the carpet.  Without taking his eyes away from you, his brings his fistful of popcorn up to his mouth and eats it out of his own palm like he’s a god damn horse.  And, like the disgusting horse he’s pretending to be, he chews with his mouth wide open, making the nastiest sounds humanly (trolly?) possible just to gross you out.

It does.  

But it’s also hilarious as fuck.

You laugh and give him a light shove.  “You’re so nasty, bro!”

He swallows his mouthful and rolls his eyes at you.  “If that’s not a classic case of the pot calling the kettle pitch.”

“Do you mean...black?  Because that’s the saying.  Pot calling the kettle black.”  

“That’s what I just fucking said.”

“No, you said pitch.”

“Whatever.”  He shrugs.  “I meant black, then.  Sorry my memory is complete shit when it comes to your human idioms.”

He picks a kernel out from between his sharp looking teeth with his even sharper looking nails.  “Even though it failed to deliver on its promise of getting my tongue off, this popcorn’s good.”

“Thanks, I microwaved it.”  You pop a couple pieces in your mouth.  “What are we watching?”

Every Saturday, you spend the night chilling at home and watching a movie with Karkat.  It started out right after the big welcome back bash you threw for him, also known as the night you officially became friends.  You’d made him marathon Star Wars with you, because somehow Karkat had managed to go his entire life without consuming a single piece of Star Wars media up until that point.  

He liked it more than you’d hoped he would.  You swear there were fucking stars in his eyes by the time you’d finished the last one.  He turned to you and asked if there were more.

And of course, you said yes.  While trying to keep a straight face, you mention that there are prequels.  A whole trilogy about Darth Vader’s life and his descent to the dark side.  Did Karkat want to watch it?

Fuck, you had to try so hard to keep from laughing your ass off when Karkat emphatically said yes.  

It was late by that point, already past midnight.  You told him that might be a thing to do next week, if he didn’t have anything planned for next Saturday already.

He didn’t.  

And so was the birth of Saturday Movie Night.

“Hitch.”

“Okay, cool.”  You nod.  “I mean, we already watched Troll Hitch, but if you wanna ogle every variation of  Will Smith in existence for another hour and however fucking long then sure, I’m down for it.”

His face flushes as he shoots a glare at you.  “Shut the fuck up, I never say shit about your inane Ben Stiller fixation.”   

“Dude, I didn’t mean anything about it, it’s chill.  Nothing to get so defensive about.  Besides, you can’t tell me you didn’t fucking love Zoolander, because if you did say that you would be a dirty lying fuck and we both know it.”  You toss a piece of popcorn at him.  “Now start your movie.”

You watch the movie and try your best not to talk all the way through it like how Karkat hates.  You do throw in a kind of relevant comment here and there, though, mostly because there’s no way someone could expect you to be quiet for a whole hour.  Karkat seems to get this about you, and only shoots you mildly annoyed looks throughout the movie’s run.  

When the movie’s over, Karkat takes it out and puts in the next one.  It’s a troll movie, so you don’t bother asking what the title is or trying to pay much attention to the absurdly over complicated plot. The popcorn’s already finished by the time this movie starts.  Karkat’s asleep about halfway through the second movie.  You put the empty popcorn bowl in the kitchen, turn off the tv, and quietly sneak to bed so you don’t wake him up.

All in all, it’s a pretty average movie night.  A little under average, actually.  Karkat doesn’t usually fall asleep during it.  Still, not a particularly remarkable night.

Which is exactly what you tell Rose when she asks you about how your day was yesterday.  You finish it off with a shrug and watch her stab her fork into part of an omelet as you wait for her reply.

“You know, it’s funny,” she says thoughtfully, “whenever I ask either of you how your day was, you both mention that.  Honestly, at this rate we should just invite him to brunch with us.  It would save me from having to hear about the same mundane event twice.”

“Yeah, like fuck I’m gonna invite him to our sibling brunch.”  You snort, stuffing a pancake into your mouth.  “This is a family only event.  Not like you try to invite Kanaya to this ever.”

“You’re right, I don’t try to invite Kanaya to this ever.”  Rose nods.  “Although, I have to wonder why you used my girlfriend in your example of people I wouldn’t invite to sibling brunch.”

You down your pancake with a gulp of apple juice.  “I don’t know, she’s the first person I thought of.”

She smiles and wiggles her eyebrows at you.  “A likely story.”  

“I don’t think I like what you’re implying, Rose.”

“Just because you don’t like it doesn’t makes the implication any less true.”   

“Karkat’s just my friend, Rose.”

“And I don’t doubt that.”  You raise a suspicious eyebrow at her  “But until recently you did despise him quite a bit.  Your feelings towards him seem to be easily swayed.  Or maybe, much like when you had that crush on John throughout high school, you’ve been misinterpreting your feelings this whole time.”

“Have I ever told you how much I hate you psychoanalyzing me?”

She sips her tea and smirks.  “Only every day.”

“Well, I do.  I really fucking do.”  You reply, stabbing part of a pancake.  “As usual, you’re overreaching with my dick and making accusations based on fuckall nothing just to mess with me.”

“True.”  She nods.  “Most of my analysis is usually only semi-serious, but you and I both know I include at least a grain of real analysis in there, if only to keep you on your toes.”

You roll your eyes at her.  “Okay, fine, I’ll bite.  What’s your grain of real advice in accusing me of having a crush on Karkat?”

“You tend to ignore your feelings until they’re too strong to be forgotten about anymore, and then you act on them without thinking, which never ends well for you.  Even if you don’t have a crush on Karkat now, or you never have a crush on him, I still think you should try to keep yourself aware of your emotions surrounding your new and drastically different relationship.”

That’s….not terrible advice.  Fuck.  “I appreciate your concern, but I don’t nor will I ever have a crush on Karkat.  He’s my friend and not my type.”

“Since when did you have a type?”  Rose snorts.

“Since nunya.”

She takes the bait. “Nunya?”  

“Nunya fucking business.”

You finish off brunch and take Rose back to your apartment so she can do her book club thing with Karkat.  They got back into doing that the week after the party, when Rose let Karkat read whatever project it was that she was working on.  Karkat told you all about it at one point, he seemed like he was really into it. You told him to tell Rose about what he thought and not you, since she was the writer and you had no idea what he was talking about.

They talked on the phone for a solid hour, during which they decided to resurrect their failed book club from high school and drag the smelly rotten club corpse back to Karkat’s room to stay indefinitely.

By which you mean they get together once a week and talk about books or something.  You actually don’t know what the fuck their book club activities were, you never went to a meeting.

Karkat drags Rose to his room as soon as the two of you step through the door.  Aside from a welcome back nod, you get no acknowledgement.  His door slams shut, and you may as well be alone in the apartment.  

At this point, there are a couple things you could do with your valuable time:

You could do something productive, like start up on some homework early or clean your room or something.

Or….

You could take a nap.

God, with all these pancakes stuffed inside you, you don’t know how there’s even a decision here.  Clearly this is the perfect opportunity for some choice couch naps.  

You get yourself situated on the couch with something on for background noise when you get a text from John’s dad.  He’s decided to donate some of John’s older but still nice clothes to charity and wants to know if you have any that you wouldn’t mind him taking.  Of course, there’s no obligation to do so if you don’t want to.  

So of course you’re going to do it.

You get up and start shuffling off towards your room.  On the way there you bang on Karkat’s door and you tell them that you’ll probably be in your room sorting clothes when it’s time for Rose to go.  

You spend about twelve minutes taking clothes out of your closet and tossing them onto the bed for further scrutiny.  By minute thirteen you get distracted by some of the other shit you’ve thrown in your closet.

You’re sitting on the floor and laughing your ass off as you dig through a box of old photos and comics you’d written during school.  You were even more hilarious than you remembered.  You’ve gotta give younger you some credit, all this shit is pure motherfucking gold.  You don’t know how long you’re reminiscing when you’re disrupted by a knock on the door.

“It’s open!”  You shout as you crawl out of your closet and stand up.

The door opens just enough for Karkat to poke his face in.  “Can I come in?”

“Sure, whatever.”  You shrug.  “Where’s Rose?”

“She went home a couple minutes ago.”  He replies as he closes the door behind him.  She said she had some other more important shit to do.”

Karkat surveys your room slowly, taking in the whole mess of it.  You’re suddenly aware that Karkat’s never been in your room before now.  It shouldn’t matter, but god you’ve never been more aware of how much of a disorganized mess your room is.  

He looks at you and smirks.  “I see you’re really busting your ass organizing your extensive wardrobe in here.”

“What can I say?  Shit’s boring, I got distracted.”  You toe your box of mildly interesting junk into his line of sight.  “I’m only human, dude.”

“As if that’s an excuse.”  Karkat says, rolling his eyes.  “Do you want any help, or are you determined to waste your whole day on this one shitty, simplistic task?”

“I’m cool with doing it myself, but I’m not opposed to you helping.”  You shrug again.  “As long as you don’t start belting out Marina and the Diamonds lyrics or whatever the fuck you’re listening to like every other time you do a chore.”

His brow knits together in a quizzical look as he joins you by the closet.  “What the fuck are you talking about?  I don’t do that.”

Wait.

Wait….

Does he not know?  That he fucking does that?

How could he not?

But...the confusion on his face seems so genuine.  Is he really not aware?

“Yes you do?  Bro, you holler like a velociraptor during mating season.”

“What?  No I…”  he stops midsentence.  His eyes go distant for a moment as he replays memories of past chores in his head, the filter of his headphones removed.  His face darkens to a shade of grey tinged with red.  “...I do.  Holy fuck, how much of a situationally unaware shit pan could I be not to notice I was doing that?  And you just fucking listened to my tone deaf screeching this whole time?  Why would you willingly subject yourself to that, are you a masochist or some shit?   Are you getting off on my voice grating your auricular clots to shreds?  You’re some unique kind of fucked up, Dave.”

You have no idea how he reached this conclusion, but whatever.  “Okay, you caught me.  I get off on your sandpaper howl shredding my eardrums like sharp cheddar.  Sometimes while you’re screaming I like to pull the shreds out of my ear and sprinkle that shit on some Doritos and make myself a sick plate of tasty nachos.  Your voice is like broken glass under my fingernails and it gets me all hot and bothered inside.  When I masturbate I can’t finish without your malicious yodeling ringing in my ears.  It ducks me up in the worst way, dude.”

The embarrassed blush on his face creeps up to his ears and down his neck, his face grows a deeper shade of reddish grey.  “I know that’s your idea of a joke, but I hope to fuck you’re joking.”

“Nope.  I am completely one hundred percent serious.  You called to me like a siren, and now my dick is madly in love with you.”

He glares down at your crotch.  “Tell your nasty crotch I’m not interested in stale cocktail weenies.”

“Okay.  Just wait right here while I break it to the little guy.”  You bend down and bring your face as close to your crotch as you can get.  “Hey-”

Okay, that’s it you can’t.

Karkat bursts into a fit of giggles at the same time you do.

“Dave, what the fuck?”  Karkat’s covering his mouth with his hand, trying to stifle his own laughter.

“I don’t know, man.”  You really don’t.  You were just spouting your usual bullshit and you guess it got a little sillier than usual.  “So are you ready to pitch in with my threads or are you just gonna keep distracting me like an asshole?”

“Oh, like you were so productive before I got here.”  He rolls his eyes.  “Yeah, I’ll help out.  Shove your ass over.”  

Karkat hip checks you so he can get a better look at your disaster area of a closet.  He starts rummaging through your clothes and pulling things out, holding them at arm’s length.  

“You know,” he says as he lays the clothes carefully on your bed, “you’ve got a fuckton of suits for a guy who’s surgically attached to a pair of ratty jeans.”

“Yeah.”  You nod as you pull out one of the suits in question.  “Guy’s gotta have at least one cool suit in case shit gets serious or if he just wants to look sweet and a little intimidating for no reason.”  

“That neon vomit monstrosity’s supposed to make you look intimidating?”  

“No, but it makes me look sick as hell.”  You lay it down with your other clothes.  “Or it did, anyway.  I haven’t worn it in awhile.  Fucker might not even fit anymore, I’ve gained muscle mass since then.”

You flex.

Karkat snorts.  “I didn’t realize you were working your stomach out, Dave.”

“You know what, fuck you.  It’s not like you have a perfectly toned physique yourself.”

“Yeah, but at least I live my dough bodied truth.”  He strikes his own pose and gestures down at his stomach and thick legs.  You look him up and down and nod approvingly.

“You definitely look confident.”  

And he’s honestly not bad looking.  In your opinion as his friend.  He’s got a body that looks fucking perfect for cuddling.  

“Looks can be deceiving, Dave.”  He straightens back up and pulls something else out of your closet.  “Where’d you get all these suits, anyway?”

“Most of them are from John’s dad, I think at least one’s from my mom.”  

“John’s dad?”  Karkat questions.  “Why would John’s dad buy you suits?”  

“I mean I did live with the guy for a couple years.  He’s basically my dad, too.”  

The first year you lived with John and his dad was the same year Karkat came to town.  

“I think I remember that.”  Karkat nods.  “I thought John was your brother for awhile.”  

You laugh.  “Really?  You thought John was my brother?”

“Well yeah, what the hell else was I supposed to think?  Your stupid human relations shit is way more complicated than I’d originally thought when I came here.  It was confusing.  Still is, sometimes.”  He admits.  “Why were you living with them, anyway?”

“Some stuff happened with my bro that I’d rather not get into.”  You admit.  “Rose and my mom were the only family I had left, but they lived across the country and it was decided that uprooting me completely wasn’t in my best interest.  John’s dad offered to take me in for the rest of the school year so we could all finish  before any more major shifts happened.  My mom got here near the beginning of summer and I moved in with her, but I still spent most of my time at John’s because I was more comfortable there.”  

“Oh.”  Karkat says. “I didn’t know any of that.”

“Yeah, it’s not exactly a well known fact about me.”

Fuck, you owe Mr. Egbert so much. He’s such a great dude.   How will you ever repay him for everything he’s done for you?  

“So,” Karkat puts down one last piece of clothing and takes a step back to look at the pile on the bed, “which of this shit are you gonna get rid of?”

“I don’t know.”  You shrug.  “I guess whatever’s got holes or doesn’t fit.”

Karkat gives you a sideways glance, a sly smile on his face.  “Dave are you saying…?”

“Oh, I think you know exactly what I’m saying.”  You nod.

“Fashion show?”  

“Fashion show.”

You send your audience, Karkat, back out into the living room so you can change.  You start pumping up some runway music and throw on some of the clothes from the pile on your bed.  Just like that, you’re ready for the most cliche outfit montage of your life.

You step out of your room,  I’m Too Sexy by Right Said Fred blasting from your stereo as you exit in the most dramatic and modelesque way possible.  You do your best sexy shimmy walk all the way down the hall and over to the couch where you left Karkat waiting impatiently for you.

“So,” you strike a pose that you believe is mildly sexy and extremely embarrassing for you, “what do you think?  You like what you see?”

He wrinkles his nose at you in fake disgust.  “Not at all.  Clothes look alright, though.”

“Cool.  Keeping these ones.”  

You strut back to your room and start the whole process over again.  Occasionally Karkat gives you scathing comments about your ridiculous fashion sense.  Usually he just laughs at your over the top modeling.  One or two times, you get a genuine compliment.

You go out in your neon vomit green suit, it’s a little tighter than you remember, but honestly you’re surprised it still fits at all.  You drape yourself over the coffee table and give Karkat the best smoldering look you can muster.  “Paint me like one of your French girls, Karkat.”

He looks you up and down with such a serious expression that it makes you blush a little for making such a stupid entrance.  

“Shit,” Karkat finally sighs, running a hand over his mouth,  “you look fucking great.”

You’re so flustered by his unexpected compliment you don’t know how to respond.  “I’m sorry, what?”  

“Yeah.  Fuck you, if I’d known you could clean up so nice I would have demanded you  dress at least better than a rabid hobo in public.  I mean that suit’s ugly as fuck and the color makes my bulb’s water but you make it work somehow.  I hate how much you’re pulling this fabric disaster off, Dave.  Really, I do.”

“Thanks,”  you finally manage to reply.  Then, because you’re an idiot, “wanna watch me really pull this fabric disaster off?”

“Oh, yeah, Dave, do that. Please take off your pants and expose your chicken bone legs for my viewing pleasure.”  He starts fanning himself.  “Fuck, I’m getting hot and bothered just thinking about your strip tease.  Don’t even think about popping a button off of your god awful shirt near me or I swear to fuck I’ll swoon right off this couch and onto the edge of the coffee table, probably causing a botched lobotomy in the process.”

“You’re saying I’m literally so hot right now I make you lose brain function?”  You grin as you toy with the top button of your shirt.  “Oh, Karkat, you flatter me.”

Karkat gives you a small shove.  “Go back to your block, asshole.”

You do.  You go right back into the fashion show and pretend you didn’t just do that.  Because what the fuck?  Was that shit you just pulled?  Was that you trying to flirt?  Gee Karkat you like my clothes?   Here let me take them off for you.  Stupid.  Stupid.  What the fuck?

You shake your head and start to change.  The suit is laid on a pile of clothes you want to keep.

The fashion show continues, and everything is the same as normal in regards to Karkat’s reactions to your clothes and terrible posing.  

“Your clothes are too tight.  Your shirt looks like it’s cutting off circulation, how the fuck did you even get that on?”

“What are you doing with your leg, Dave?  Put that fucker down.”

“Who let you buy that?  Who the hell even made that?  That fabric is woven from curses and bad acid trips, you need to burn it.”

The only exception is when you show off a suit.  

“Oh wow, holy shit, you actually look decent.  How dare you.”

“Can you look less good in that nasty ass color?  Thanks.”

“Dave, seriously, you’re not allowed to own this many suits and look so fucking good in them just to have them all waste away as moth food in your dirty closet!  Stop dressing like trash and wear these, you dick!”

“...I should get a suit.”

You stop pretending to model and take on a more casual stance.  Your hands are shoved into your pants pockets.  “You know, maybe you should.”

“Yeah,” he snorts, “with what money?”

“I mean,”  you spread your arms wide, “you could take one of mine?  I’m probably only gonna keep the green one for me.”

Karkat still looks unconvinced.  “You do realize we’re completely different sizes, right?  You’re aware of that?  I’d split your suit in half trying to fit my doughy fat ass in your skinny high school pants.”

“Uh, it’s called a tailor, you dumb bitch?  I’m not just gonna make you squeeze yourself into my pants like a fucking human sausage.  We can get the thing fitted for you, dude.”

“Isn’t that a lot of money?  That I don’t have?”

“Yeah, probably?  I don’t know for sure man, but if you’re that fucking concerned about cost I’ll cover it.  You can consider it a wriggling day present.”

“That’s still a lot of money, Dave!  I can’t let you spend a shit ton of money on me.  I’ll just wait until I can afford to buy one myself.”

“Why, though?”  You ask.  “We have suits here right now, why bother waiting?  If you’d rather not take it as a present then you can pay me back for half later.”

Karkat tilts his head.  “Half?”

“Yeah. It’s not like I bought this suit for myself.  I haven’t spent a dime on this shit, and I’m guessing the cost won’t  be too fucking devastating between the two of us.”

Karkat considers your offer carefully.  “I still don’t like that idea, but I’ll take it.  Give me your least obnoxious suit.”

“That’s gonna be tough.”  You admit.  “I have a black one you might be into?”

You decide not to mention the iron-on patch of a butt you put on the lapel.  It shouldn’t be too hard to remove, you hope.  

“I’ll take that one.”

You finish off the fashion show, and Karkat helps you pack up most of your old stuff into a box for Mr. Egbert to take.  When he arrives to take your things, you ask him if he knows a good tailor you could talk to about getting some alterations done.  When asked for more information about it, you explain that it’s for Karkat.  He gives you a look that you can’t read very well and says it’ll be easier if you give the suit to him.  You fold up the suit and place it on top of the box so it doesn’t get mixed up with the items inside the box.  Mr. Egbert thanks you and ruffles your hair.  

Well, that ends that.  You go back to your room to put what remaining clothes you have away.

“Hey, Karkat!”  You yell from your doorway.

“What?”

“I just realized I gave away over half my wardrobe.  Can I borrow some of your clothes for awhile?”

You rock some of Karkat’s clothes for awhile before you get some new ones of your own.  Up until then (and a little past that) you steal his sweaters and sometimes his pants, both of which you have to roll up.  

Damn if you don’t look good, though.  

Unfortunately you can’t even mention how much you like wearing Karkat’s clothes without getting looks from people.  Rose and Kanaya you understand, because for some fucked up reason Rose still thinks you may be developing a crush on Karkat unconsciously and has somehow dragged Kanaya into her theory.  But John?  Fucking John?  He keeps giving you these big goofy smiles like he knows what you’re really talking about.

Which is ridiculous.  Because you really are talking about how warm and nice Karkat’s sweater is.   

You’re not using his sweater as a metaphor for your feelings for him.

Fuck everybody.

The only benefit you got from all this Karkat discussion is that now you’re pretty good at changing the subject.  During one of these sudden subject shifts, Rose teaches you a new game she’s been playing with Kanaya recently.  She’d developed it to help strengthen her relationships with others (specifically Kanaya) and to learn things she may not have otherwise.  

The game is simple.  You tap twice on someone’s hand and ask them a question.  The other person has to answer the question immediately without leaving them enough time to overthink their answer, ensuring the most honest response possible.  

As an example, she taps on your hand.  “Dave.”

“Yeah?”

“What’s your opinion on apple juice?”

“I fucking love it.”

Perfect.”  She takes her hand back. “And that’s how you play.”

She calls it a stream of consciousness game.

Depending on how it’s played, it can be very informative or very intimate.  

You and Karkat play it in as many ways and as many places as you can.  

You’re sitting on the bus with Karkat on the way to Troll Foods.  

Tap tap.

Karkat takes out an earbud.

“Do you miss Alternia?”

He blinks, surprised by your question and maybe more surprised by his answer.  “Not as much as I thought I would.”

You and Karkat are getting ready to watch a movie.  

Tap tap.

“Yeah?”

“How come you’re always wearing shades?”

“Aesthetic.”  You shrug.  “And my eyes are sensitive, too much light hurts them.”

Tap tap.

“Who do you think would win in a fight, Vampire Vin Diesel or a Werewolf Will Smith?”

“Depends on who bites first.”

Tap tap.

“How much ice cream is too much ice cream?”

“If you buy more than two gallons you don’t get to be in charge of the food budget anymore.”

“What about frozen yogurt?”

“Only two gallons!”

“What if I get two gallons and a pint?”

“Dude, please.”

And on and on like that whenever either of you are particularly bored.  You’ll admit, the game is more interesting than you thought it would be.

About a month after you gave Mr. Egbert your clothes, he comes by the apartment with a package for Karkat.  You try to take the package from him, but he says he’d prefer to give it to Karkat himself and see him try it on to make sure it fits.

You invite Mr. Egbert inside.  “Karkat, John’s dad is here with your suit!”

You hear some thumping in his room, followed by Karkat racing out of his room and to both of you.  Karkat’s eyes are huge with excitement as he holds out his hands.  Mr. Egbert hands him the package without a word, and Karkat runs back to his room with it.

You wait in the hall with Mr. Egbert while Karkat changes.

“How have you been, Dave?”  He asks.

You shrug.  “Can’t complain.”

“You’ve been taking care of yourself?  Eating well?  Sleeping?”

“Yeah.”  You nod.  Granted, you’re not eating quite as well as he’d want you to, but you have enough ramen to cover three square meals a day and sometimes Karkat tries to make real food.  You stare straight ahead at Karkat’s door in case he could tell you’re technically lying.  “I think I’ve been doing okay.”

Karkat exits his bedroom, fiddling with a tie that he seems to be struggling to make live up to its name and actually tie.  

“Karkat, you look like you’re having trouble with that.”  Mr. Egbert gestures for him to come closer.  “Let me help you.”

Karkat walks over to him obediently and takes his hands off the tie.  Mr. Egbert ties it with deft fingers, tightening and straightening it carefully so it’s perfect.  

“There you are.”

“Thank you.”  Karkat takes a step back and turns to you.  “So?  How do I look?”

There’s no other way to describe what he’s wearing other than as a plain old black suit.  The buttons and his tie are grey.  You note that your iron on ass patch has been removed.  It’s a completely normal suit, nothing inherently special about it.  But-

“You look amazing.”

He taps your hand.  

“Karkat, I mean it, honestly.”  You laugh.  “Really, you look great.  Fucking superb, you’re really rocking the shit out of that suit.”

Karkat’s beaming.  God he’s so happy to have this fucking suit.  And he should be happy to have it, he does look amazing!  Really amazing!  Fucking hot, even!

Fucking hot in a totally platonic sense.  

Obviously.

“You look good.”  Mr. Egbert nods in agreement. “It looks like it fits well.”

“It does.”  He’s smiling down at the floor and fidgeting with one of his sleeves.  “Thank you.”

“Well, that’s all I came here for, so I suppose I’ll leave you two alone now.”  Mr. Egbert announces.  “Remember to call me if you need anything.”

“Oh, okay.  I’ll walk you out.”  

Karkat goes back to his room, probably to change back into his old clothes.  “Bye.”

You start walking to the door with him, which is actually a completely unnecessary gesture because you were only like ten feet away from it to begin with.  

“So, uh...”  you say as you open the door for him, “how much do I owe you?”

“Nothing.  The alterations were completely free of charge.”

God, he’s such a horrible liar.  But you’re not gonna call him out for it.  If he wants to do something nice for you guys then you’re not going to stop him.  

You will, however, sneak some money to John to sneak to his dad later.  

“Wow, that’s a pretty sweet deal.”  You say, pretending to believe his obvious lie.  “Thank you for doing this.  And hey, come over whenever you want!  We’d love to have you over more often.”

“Of course.  I might take you up on that, Dave.”  He starts to leave, but once he’s halfway out the door he takes a deep breath and turns around again.  “I’m glad you’re both doing so well, you and Karkat seem very happy together.”

“Yeah,” you nod, “we are.”

He gives you another quick nod and exits.  You close the door as you watch him walk disappear down the hall and to the stairwell.  

That was...a weird thing he said just now.  A nice sentiment, yeah, but weird as hell.  You can’t put your finger on why it was weird, though…

You brush some hair out of your face, and part of your sleeve unrolls and rubs against your face.  That’s when you remember that you’re wearing one of Karkat’s sweaters.

Then everything clicks.

You’re wearing Karkat’s clothes.  You pretty much told Karkat that you thought he looked hot right to his and Mr. Egbert’s face.  Karkat was blushing the whole time like an anime school girl.  You gave Karkat the suit as a present.

Oh.

OH. 

He thinks you’re dating.  

John’s dad...the guy who is probably the closest thing you have to a dad...pretty much just told you he supports your relationship with Karkat.  A relationship that you don’t have.  Because you don’t have a thing for him at all.

Obviously.

You get another full night of telling yourself that before something else happens to seal your fate.  

You’re pulling an all nighter on some homework due Monday that you’d neglected to start sooner.  In order to keep yourself awake, you’ve been alternating between downing energy drinks and cups of coffee.  At one point you tried to put an energy drink in your coffee, but that tasted like puke and you physically couldn’t bring yourself to choke it down.  

Somehow, you manage to finish all of your homework.  Granted, it’s mostly half assed and probably wrong, but the point is you’re done with it now and deserve sleep.  You get ready for bed, yawning the entire time you do so.  God, you’re exhausted.  

You yawn again, this time you catch a whiff of your breath and cringe.  Your breath smells like shit.  If you breathed directly into someone’s face you could probably kill a man.  Running your tongue across your teeth verifies that not only is your breath horrible, but your teeth are fuzzy like they’re covered in a layer of moss.  

Maybe you should brush your teeth before bed.

You drag your feet towards the bathroom.  It’s a little weird that the bathroom door is closed, but you don’t think anything of it until you turn on the light.

“AH!”

“AH!”  You cover your eyes and slam the door.

“Why would you just walk in unannounced like that, asshole?”

“Why are you taking a bath with the lights off?”

There’s silence from the other side of the door for a minute.  Then Karkat’s voice comes through the door, almost too quiet for you to hear.  “Did you come in for something, Dave?”

“Yeah, I...I wanted to brush my teeth before bed.  It’ll be a quickie, I promise.”

“You’re just getting to bed?”  Karkat asks incredulously.  “Dave, what the fuck?”

“Hey, I was doing my homework!  What’s your excuse?”

“I have insomnia.”

“Okay, fair.”

He sighs.  “You can come in and brush your dirty nubs now if you want.  Just don’t look over here.”

“Okay.”  You cover your eyes and start opening the door.  “I’m coming in.”

Karkat snorts.  “Yeah, I know, dunkass.”

You walk in.  This time you’re not surprised by the sight of your roommate in a bath.  The shower curtain is pulled tightly closed, all that’s visible is Karkat’s silhouette.  

Somehow that’s almost worse.

You open the medicine cabinet and pull out the toothpaste and your toothbrush while trying your best to not to so much as glance in his direction.  It’s a little more difficult than you were expecting it to be.  You can hear the water move, splashing in tiny waves against the porcelain as he shifts into a more comfortable position.  You can hear his breathing, his sighs at having to share such a close space with you in what is now definitely an awkward and unwanted moment.  

You run your toothbrush under the tap.  You continue to try not to look over his way, but you keep just barely catching yourself in the act.

It’s unbearably quiet in here.

“So,” you say casually in an attempt to break the tension, “it smells funky in here.”

Holy shit, was that the best you got?  It smells funky in here?  What the fuck?

“It’s an Alternian ablution mix.”  

Oh, he responded to that stupid thing you said.  Nice.

“An ablution mix?”  You squirt some toothpaste on the brush.  “So like, bath salts or something?”

“It’s closer to bubble bath.  Here,”  He sticks a wet grey arm out from behind the shower curtain and feels around on the floor before his fingers find a medium sized plastic bottle, “you can read the bottle if you want.  There’s an English translation on the side.”

You take it, keeping your gaze fixed firmly on the bathroom door so you don’t accidentally peek anything you’re not supposed to be looking at.  You study the bottle while you brush your teeth.

The bottle is clear plastic and filled almost all the way to the top with a vibrant green fluid.  It’s a little thicker looking than most bubble bath soaps you’ve seen.  The label is extremely colorful, swirled with purples and bright reds and greens that clash and almost hurt your eyes to look directly at.  The Alternian on the front is written in bubble letters.  Underneath it in a tiny font is the English translation Karkat mentioned in parenthesis.  

“Soapor Bubbles.”  You mumble around your toothbrush.  “Isn’t sopor illegal here?”

“Concentrated sopor in high quantities is, yeah.”  Karkat replies.  “Which is total hoofbeast shit.  It’s a sleeping aid!  Just because some people like to ingest it and speed up their pan rotting doesn’t make it a completely harmful substance!  But no, humans decided to be idiots about it and make it illegal to use in the way it was intended.  Fucking idiots.”

“Okay, so what’s this, then?”

“It’s sopor diluted with some other natural shit for use in ablution traps.”  He explains.  “The bottle says it’s the highest concentration that’s legally allowed on the planet, or at least on this part of the planet, right now.  And using it in a trap like this is supposed to help simulate how it’s used in recuperacoons back on Alternia.  I don’t usually give a shit about soporific products because they do absolutely fuck all for me, but this one’s new so I thought I’d try it out.”

“Oh.”  You finish brushing your teeth and spit into the sink.  “Is it working, then?”

“I don’t know.” Jesus, you can practically hear him roll his eyes.  “Some prick interrupted me before I had a chance to relax.”

“Alright, alright, I’ll get out of your ass.”  You set the bottle down by the tub.  “Goodnight.”

You go straight to your room and collapse onto your bed.  You can’t sleep, and not just because of all the caffeine still buzzing through your system.  

You can’t stop thinking about Karkat.  

That split second where you saw him in the bath.  

Okay, you didn’t see much.  You saw his chest.  But that was more than you’d ever seen before.  

His anatomy was a little different than you were expecting, but it shouldn’t have been much of a shock since you’ve seen trolls take their shirts off (and way more) on tv before.  It was just...different because it was Karkat’s.  

His chest looked so smooth.  Part of you wishes you’d touched it.

Another part of you wishes you’d seen more.

You curl up on your bed and groan into a pillow.  Fuck, what’s wrong with you?

You’ve been trying to avoid it for a long time now, but you don’t think you can anymore.  This isn’t the first image of Karkat you’ve burned into your memory and dwelled on in the middle of the night.  

Karkat smiling, his nose wrinkling every time he laughs at something stupid you said or a joke you made.  Karkat, chewing on his bottom lip and brow furrowed in concentration, eyes out of focus as he’s completely lost in thought.  Karkat rolling up his sleeves up to his elbows before he works on anything.  

Karkat, wearing a suit for the first time, face flushed with excitement and embarrassment and asking you how he looks.

And now this.

No, tonight wasn’t the first time you’ve thought about Karkat in a way that’s more than strictly friendly.  Tonight’s experience was just more potent than they’ve ever been before.  

You’d be lying to yourself if you didn’t think this was a long time coming.  This whole time, you’ve just barely been keeping the floodwaters of your feelings at bay, but this was the sudden crack that broke the dam.  Now they’re all spilling out of your subconscious mind and filling you up so you have no choice but to admit it.

You really do have a thing for Karkat.

Even though you’ve finally admitted your feelings to yourself, you manage to keep from revealing them to anyone else.  You don’t tell John, you don’t say shit to Rose, and you definitely don’t mention anything to Karkat.  Instead you keep it cool and act normal, as if nothing’s changed at all.  Because really, what has?  

You became aware of feelings you already had for Karkat.  Literally nothing is different now.

And for a few weeks, nothing changes.

Saturday Movie Night begins as normal.  You  and Karkat go to your local movie rental joint (gotta support your dying local businesses, you know how it is) and pick out a couple flicks.  Karkat tells you you’re not allowed to pick The Room three times in a fucking row or he’ll blow his gasket all over this place and you’ll have to bleach all the gunk out of this shitty retro carpeting.  You then ask him if gasket was his code for his troll load or what because that’s indecent as hell and probably illegal, Karkat, you could get arrested for that.  Then you pick out another movie.

You both head on home with your movies, talking and figuring out which movie you’re going to watch first and what snacks you would have with it, since you’d gone grocery shopping a couple days prior.  But when you round the street corner and saw your building, your plans for the night were put on hold.

From what you could see, there were no lights on in the whole building.

“Well that’s not frightening at all.”  You comment.

Karkat rolls his eyes.  “Here, you big wriggler.  Take my hand, I’ll lead you through the darkness and to the relative safety of our hive.”

You grab his hand.  “My hero.”

Karkat leads you through the dark building and up the stairs to your apartment.  Thank god for Karkat’s nocturnal vision.  He opens the door, and just for good measure you try to turn the lights on.  Of course, they stay off.

“Jesus, I think we’re having a building wide blackout.”  You sigh.  “Guess movie night’s cancelled this week.”

“This is a crockpot full of slow cooked shit.”

“I totally agree. We should probably hole up in the living room til the electricity’s back.  You head over there, I’m gonna go find some candles.”

You use the flashlight on your phone to help you navigate to the closet.  You find about two big candles and one of those little tea light candles held inside a little ceramic jack-o-lantern.  You gather them all up and start heading towards the living room, still using your phone as a guide.

Karkat is sitting on the floor and holding a tub of ice cream on his lap.  

You set the candles down on the table.  “Dude, what the fuck are you doing?”  

“If the electricity’s out, this shit’s gonna melt to a  soupy waste in a few hours.  We need to get our money’s worth out of this.”  He shoves a spoon into the ice cream.  “There’s another in the freezer if you want to get started on it.”

“Damn, sounds like I might have to.”  You dig a lighter out of your pocket and toss it over to him.  “Light these, alright?”

You head towards the kitchen.  Just as Karkat said, there’s another gallon of ice cream in the freezer.  You pop the lid off and stab a spoon into the full carton.  

There’s light when you walk back into the living room.  The radius is small, but the light bathes what little of the room it reaches with a warm, soothing glow.  You can see Karkat better now.  He’s sitting right beside one of the candles, his face caressed by the soft light.  

Seems like everything you heard about candle light being romantic as fuck was correct.

You swallow and tell your heart to calm the hell down.  Karkat’s literally sitting on the floor eating a gallon of ice cream.  What is there to freak out about?  Stop it.

You sit down on the floor across from him and break into your ice cream.  “I told you two gallons was way more than enough.”

“I still disagree.”  Karkat says, shoveling more ice cream into his mouth.  “We could’ve gotten more.”

“You’re really gonna say that?  Take a look at our current situation.  How the fuck would more ice cream be beneficial to us right now?  The only way I could think to make this predicament any fucking worse than it already is is if we added more ticking dairy soup bombs into the mix.”

“More ice cream would only be a negative in this exact situation.”  He counters.  “Just how many more times do you think this kind of dumb shit is going to happen?  Unless your answer is once every fucking week for the rest of our god awful lives, then I’ll accept that as a legitimate argument.  Until then, shut the fuck up and eat your ice cream.”

“I think you might have a legit problem with ice cream.”

He pops the spoon out of his mouth.  “No.”

“Fantastic counter argument.  I have no rebuttal to that.”

You both keep eating the ice cream.  You’re honestly getting no joy out of this whatsoever and are only eating it to prevent having to deal with a big puddle of rancid milk later.  Honestly, after this you’re probably never gonna want to eat ice cream again.

You get a good way through the gallon before you have to stop.  

“Karkat,” you groan as you flop onto the ground and hold your stomach, “I can’t go on.  I’m dying.  You’ll have to carry on for the both of us.  Here,” you slide your ice cream closer to him with your foot, “take it.  I believe in you and your weird alien dairy absorbing biology.”

He rolls his eyes at you again.  “You’re such a fucking grub, Dave.  What, you ate too much sweetened cow juice and now you have to take a nap because you gave yourself a tummy ache scorfing it down too fast?”

You nod.  “Yes, exactly that.”

“Lightweight.”  He scoffs as he lays down on the carpet next to you.  “At this rate we’re never gonna get through all this ice cream before it melts into garbage.”

“Yeah, especially with you apparently tapping out, you ice cream monster.”

“Hey, you quit first.”

You both lay there on the floor next to each other.  You watch the light from the candles shifting on the ceiling.  The movement is almost hypnotic, it takes your mind off of all the ice cream in your stomach, at least.

There’s a soft tap tap on the back of your hand.  “Yeah?”

“Have you ever been in love, Dave?”

“Jesus,” you laugh out of shock and turn your face to him, “what the fuck brought that on?”

He shrugs.  “I don’t know.  I was just wondering, I guess.”

“I don’t think so.  I’ve had crushes before, and I’ve dated some.  But...I don’t think I’ve been in love before.”

You tap tap on Karkat’s hand.  “What about you?  Have you ever been in love?”

“Fuck, yes.  I fall in love all the time.  Constantly.”

You tap tap on his hand again.  “Are you in love now?”

He blushes.  A small smile spreads across his face.   “ Maybe.  I don’t know for sure.”

Maybe.  Your heart sinks a little.  

You hate yourself for it.  You should be happy for Karkat!  He’s your friend!  He might be in love and that’s great.

It’s great.

Tap tap.

“Are you okay, Dave?”

“Yeah, I’m fine.  Stomach’s mellowing out, I think.”

He frowns.  You both know that’s not what he meant.  You clearly had something on your mind.  But technically you answered his question, and there’s nothing he can do about that.

Tap tap.

“Karkat, do you really think there’s any way we can eat all this ice cream?”

“Fuck no, but I’m ready to do it or die trying.”

You laugh.  “Okay, I can get behind that.  I think I can try eating some again.  Switch ice creams with me?”

“Yeah, okay.”  He sits up and trades ice creams with you.

You sit up and take small, experimental tastes of Karkat’s.  Your stomach protests a bit, but not as badly as before.  This is definitely something you’ll regret in the morning.

Tap tap.

“What’s your opinion on chocolate ice cream?”  

“Honestly?  A little overrated.  It’s alright, but out of the three classic flavors, it’s the shittiest.”

On and on, your night continues like this.  You eat your ice cream, ask questions, lay on the floor.  Time doesn’t feel like it’s moving, but your phone with its dwindling battery life and the dripping wax of the candles says otherwise.

Tap tap.

“When’s the last serious relationship you’ve had?”

“Define serious.”

“Seven months or longer.”

“Fucking never, then, I guess.”

Tap tap.

“You ever had a relationship you regretted?”

“Most of them.”  Karkat replies immediately.  “Probably Sollux the most.  We were on and off during high school, and that was mostly my fault.  I wasn’t sure what I wanted with him, my emotions were spread all over the goddamn grid like the lines weren’t even there.”

“Are you on with him now?”

“No.  We split up a few weeks before graduation.  We’re still friends, but I think we’re going to be staying off from now on.”

Tap tap.

“What do you want to be when you grow up?”

“The greatest rapper/film director who ever lived.”

“Realistically.”

“An archeologist.”

Tap tap.

“What do you want to be when you grow up?”

“A film critic.”

“Realistically.”

“A failed critic.”

Tap tap.

“Did you ever think we would be friends, Dave?”

“Honestly?  Not really.”

Tap tap.

“What was your worst heartbreak?”

“Wow, clearly I’ve been going easy on you.”  Karkat laughs.

“You don’t have to answer if you don’t want to.”

“Yes I do.”  He replies.  “And it’s alright, it was awhile ago I don’t really give a shit about it anymore.”

“Alright, if you say so.”

“It was the end of our sophomore year of high school.  At this point I’d known John for roughly a whole sweep.  I...developed a crush on him pretty early on-”

“-uh, yeah, I’d say.  It was pretty damn obvious.  Everyone and their fucking mom knew that.”

“-shut up!  Do you want to hear my story or not?”

“Sorry, yeah.  Continue.”

“The last week of school, I convinced myself it was the perfect time to uh...confess my feelings to him.  I spent most of the week going over what I would say in my head.  I had this whole horrible confession memorized.  I almost recited a poem, but I decided against it and fuck, that was the best decision I ever made.  I even went through different scenarios in my head over how I thought he might react.  Good ones where he said yes and agreed to a date with me immediately, and bad ones where he outright rejected me.”

“Sounds like you were prepared.”

“Yeah, I thought I was.  But of course, since life seems to enjoy fucking me over in the most sadistic way imaginable, I wasn’t prepared for what ended up happening.”

“What’d he say?”

“I don’t remember exactly what he said anymore, but it was along the lines of ‘thanks I guess’.  Then he left.”

“Whoa, wait, what the fuck?  He just left?  You were like ‘hey, I love you’ and he was like ‘cool, peace out’?  What the fuck?”

“That’s exactly what I thought!  I mean, we’ve talked about it since then and I get it now but at the time I just kept thinking ‘What the fuck?  What did I do wrong?’ and I spent the whole summer holed up in my hive replaying it over and over and whining to anyone who listened.”

“That’s...wow.  That was harsh.”

So that’s what happened to Karkat that summer.  And you guess that explains why he was so freaked out that one time he saw John that summer at the gas station.  God, you feel like such an asshole for being happy to not have him around at the time.

“Before you try to ask me about my worst heartbreak, same.”

“Same?”

“John.  Same.”

“You can’t just say same!  That’s not a real answer!”

“It is if I say it is.”  You counter, grinning.  “Same.”

“Fine.  Fine, whatever.”  Karkat huffs.  “I have no question, then.”

“It’s cool, I got one.”

Tap tap.

“Karkat,” whether it’s a whim, or because you can’t stop thinking about why Karkat would start a game with a question about your love life, or because you simply can’t hold yourself back anymore, you somehow ask an impossible question, “do you like me.”

His anwer’s immediate.  “Yes.”

“No, I mean…” god, this is embarrassing, “do you like like me?”

He bursts out laughing.  “Dave, what the hell?  Are you twelve?”

“Yes.”  

“Yeah,”  Karkat admits.  He rolls his eyes again, but the gesture’s ineffective because of his big goofy smile and the blush creeping across his face, “I like like you.  I like like you a lot.”

Tap tap.

“What about you?”

“What about me?”

“Dammit, Dave, don’t be difficult!”  Karkat bangs a fist against your chest lightly.  “Do you like like me, too, or not?”

“Of course I like like you, too.”  You’re smiling like an idiot.  “I can’t believe you even felt like you had to ask that.”

“Well, you did!”  He counters, as if his feelings for you had been obvious.

Fuck, maybe they had been and you were just too blinded trying to hide your own feelings that you  hadn’t even noticed.

Tap tap.

“When’s the last time you kissed someone?”

Karkat gives you a devious look.  “It’s been awhile.”

“Do you want to change that?”

“Fuck, yes.”

And that’s all the coercement you need.  You practically fling yourself at Karkat, bumping your faces together in a way that is both embarrassing and slightly painful.  Your shared eagerness and awkwardness makes you both laugh.  Through a fit of giggles, your lips finally meet his.

His mouth is sweet and sticky and feels warm pressed against yours.  It’s amazing.  

It lasts all of three seconds before you both pull away.  You can’t concentrate on trying to kiss him because you can’t believe this is happening.  You’re both still laughing.  Karkat gives you another quick peck before nuzzling his face into your neck.  His face is warm against your skin.  He tap taps against your chest.

“So you really like me?”

“Karkat, holy shit.”  You laugh.  “We just kissed!  You really think you have to ask me that?”

“Shut the fuck up and answer my question, asshole.”

“Yes, Karkat, I like you.”  You can’t stop smiling, it feels so good to say.  “I really do.”

It’s a good night.

You wake up to banging at your front door and a sour feeling in your stomach.  That would be all the ice cream.  You crack open an eye and everything is so bright you have to squint.

All the lights are on.  “Oh, sweet, the electricity’s back.”

You sit up and stretch a bit because fuck, your back is sore as shit.  It feels like someone’s been tap dancing a lively jig across your spine all night long.  As you stretch, you notice something beside you stir.

It’s Karkat, fast asleep on the floor in an almost fetal position.  Just looking at him and remembering what happened last night is enough to bring a smile to your face.  He looks so sweet, asleep like that.  Speaking of sweet…

Seems like you and Karkat didn’t accomplish last night’s goal of saving the ice cream from soupification.  Over half of it went to waste after all.  

Oh well, can’t win them all.

Karkat’s snoring, you’re not sure how you didn’t notice that before.  It’s not a bad sound, but it’s loud.  Probably explains why you didn’t hear the knocking at first.  

Right, the door.

You scramble to your feet and fling it open.

There stands Rose, well dressed and annoyed.

“Fuck, I missed brunch!”

She nods.  “You missed brunch.”

“God, Rose, I’m so sorry,” you run a hand through your messy and currently kind of greasy hair, “there was a blackout last night so my phone’s been dead for awhile and my alarm’s on my phone so it didn’t go off and I didn’t wake up but fuck that’s no real excuse it’s an explanation at best I’m sorry.”

Rose sighs.  “You can tell me all about how you managed to miss brunch at our impromptu early to moderately timed lunch.  Go get changed into something presentable, I’ll wait.”

“Okay, cool.”  You nod and let her inside.  “Thanks, I’ll be quick.”

You run to your room just as Rose explores Karkat in the remains of last night’s events.  Knowing Rose, she’ll probably wake Karkat up.  As you pull on one of his sweaters, you wonder if he’ll tell her about anything that happened the night before.

“DAVE AND I KISSED YESTERDAY!”

Well, that answers that.

You run a comb through your hair and head back to the living room.  Rose is grinning smugly at you.

“What happened to ‘I don’t have a crush on Karkat’?”

You shrug.  “Lied.  Ready to go?”

“Yes.”  She nods before glancing over to Karkat.  “You should invite your boyfriend out to lunch with us, Dave.  Clearly we have a lot to talk about.”

Rose exits, leaving you to ask Karkat by yourself.

“So, uh…” you stare awkwardly at your feet, “lunch?”

He snorts.  “Sure.”

You wait for him to get changed into something that isn’t last night’s clothes.  It doesn’t take him very long, especially since he left his hair as is.

“Can you believe Rose just technically arranged our first date?”  You say incredulously as you lock the door behind you.

“I can’t believe she called me your boyfriend”  Karkat counters as you walk down the hall together.

“Well you are, aren’t you?”

It only seems to strike him then that this is true.  He smiles.

“Yeah,” Karkat takes your hand and squeezes it tightly, “I guess I am.”

#happy birthday like a week late!!! #lmao but seriously I hope you like this part! #there's still one more to go after this lmao #yo it's a fic and I wrote it

[talesfromacrip]

Tea Time With Yours Truly:

Don’t you love it when you finally realize you’re truly moving on from a toxic situation like the adult you are, when a song you like makes you rethink your visions, feelings, etc. of someone?? or it that me? everything starts to feel entirely new again though regardless. better n’ cooler bc you know you’re not suffering anymore.. just, a fantastic feeling. woo

fucking incredible. I’m F R E E. absolutely free. still hurts though. some things made me realize I should’ve done it sooner and I did. as best I could, i did.I tried all I could and I succeeded for the most part,but damn do they haunt me so badly. I hate it.

Go away, pest. the last 5/6 years have been an emotional roller coaster for me and I want off.somehow I did,the ride still catching me occasionally and pulling me back on, dragging me to the unknown

((some good things happened here n’ there like me meeting some friends I still talk toooo, playing new games and finding new animes))

it’s just good to know though that my mind doesn’t associate them with anything anymore bc they didn’t deserve anything much tbh. just like told me

———

———

I really want to bug my online buds constantly. From when I get up to when I fall asleep. send them memes, all that funky jazz..but I don’t. I can’t. I feel like I’m too clingy.. too needy.

I AM ACTUALLY. I shouldn’t care, but I do. Maybe it’s because I’m too emotional, too sensitive, too much, blah, blah, blah. Something "bad". Shit the grump hated that has just stuck to me like black balloons since. (( NF is the same with his mental issues. I’m glad to know I’m not alone with thinking of depression, anxiety, etc. as black balloons. Their like lifeless weights, but we still feel them weighing us down))

I love constant communication, especially from close friends.. bug me. 24/7. whenever, whatever. I don’t do anything. much that is. I’m overwhelmed when communicating nowadays so help me out pls??or not><

I don’t ask for it much though bc i was put down for asking for it. I was always told to say certain things as well, not think a certain way, send things at certain times. nothing nsfw even though we where adults. no art much bc it was always judged, other dumb shit.. I felt like the ultimate fucking bother bc of that.. person.

So I stayed to myself because of that and that made me worse ove time.

((I drove some people away when I did and I still am I feel,but I’m trying not too.. I couldn’t deal with myself though, I felt absolutely horrible. When I did, I said some nasty shit and I regret it all because a prick made me feel like complete shit and worthless about myself. I didn’t have to take it out on others like that, but wow.. I did. If I told anyone though,he’d come after me and that was what I didn’t want.. so nice huh?))

I felt like a broken down old dog. I still feel like that occasionally not as bad. not a pleasant feeling at all though

Are all of the things that make me like this really that bad or annoying or make me even less though?? fuck no it doesn’t. It makes me wayyyy better and much more cooler honestly, but those feelings still linger bc the manipulation was so bad..

—

Why the hell would you want me to be boring or better yet be with a boring person who doesn’t talk much and puts others down for similar behavior??

Why would I be with someone who doesn’t share any interests with me much or puts mine down bc they’re childish or unnecessary??

Why would I be with someone that doesn’t communicate anything at all and whatnot,like...please tell me??

I’m genuinely fucking interested.

-

They told me I was always being too nice all the time. too soft, too babyish. too honest. too sensitive. blah, blah, blahhh. whenever I said something that was tooo personal or informative it’s like: "That’s too much information don’t ya think??" UMM, N O?? "Don’t say that around me ever or I’ll unfriend you and never speak to you again." Okay.. THEN DO IT, PUSSY.

Fucking asshat, douche canoe looking ass cunt.. ((He didn’t like those words or almost any word tbh it seems. true killjoy, I swear and I thought I was. I couldn’t even say oh my god or anything with lord in it because he’d then start saying "why are you saying that when you’re an atheist?" Umm actually I’m agnostic.. ))

he hated the whole "umm actually" deal too that I would do.. literally drove me up the damn wall every time. who fucking cares if I say that?? I’ve been accustomed to it because of my parents and people in general. come the fuck on now

It’s pretty common to say, twit. Don’t take it seriously, joke or not to piss me off to make you happy..man, he irritated the hell out of me and I’m glad he’s gone. like..look ‘bud’ should I just be angry and a constant liar and hateful and just, overall vile like you then all the time?? Guess so huh!! ohh boy!!

Which was almost that unfortunately.. i’m not good at lying and all like you though, you snake. when I did it wasn’t how I was feeling, it was how you felt.. which disgusted me.

I was always honest to you. maybe a few lies, but those were mostly about certain games that I didn’t really play and what I was laughing at. which was your dumb ass most of the time.

He made me start to hate things that made me very happy by being a total prick about it.. I miss feeling overwhelmed with overflowing joy for the things that bring and brought me peace.

I still have it, but it’s not as strong as it was before because some dumb fuck stepped on it too much telling me I’m weak in the process.

I couldn’t like anything anymore much without hearing him yelling at me occasionally and others as well that I never noticed till everything happened. just,yelling at me loudly and telling me how awful i am and other annoying, idiotic shit.. maybe that was your plan all along , to ruin me. ruin my confidence, my strength and my will to move up and thrive in life..

you tried dragging me down your well for being myself when you couldn’t.. pathetic. I bet you’re happy bc you feel like you ‘succeeded’ with this,but you didn’t win the war.

You never will

———

———

they always manipulated me to dislike the things in life that made me happy. This irritated me a lot.. ((my interests in obscure and ‘buttrock’ bands/music in general, anime, weird games, my love for peculiar art, my badass friends..))

said absolute dumb shit if I got closer to some more than them. ((making me waste sooo much god damn time. say you’re busy all the time even though you live a "boring fucking same day to day lifestyle." tell them how you can’t message all the time when in fact you can and that you’re constantly on the only device that gets you connected to the world outside. tell them.)) makin me lie and be distant about how I felt with some of my amazing friends..

It was never about how I truly felt, but how they felt for me. (("Ohh they made you feel like that?? Well, it made me feel like this and you should too because //insert dumb explanation here//.", "You shouldn’t feel like that towards them, they don’t deserve it.", "Maybe I deserve to be treated like that instead, screw them.", "Don’t feel like that towards them or //issue//, thats absolutely appalling, childish, flat out sappy.", "Don’t let them know how you’re really feeling.. just act like you don’t care at all. They don’t care to help you anyway or else you’d be living a better life.", "They’ll just spread it around so just stay quiet instead until spoken too about it."))

E N D ME !!!  

Pls, I beg of you.. not really but the thoughts though, please

———

———

he would tell me to not bug him when hes on a game, but he could to me. even on social media, which is how we stayed connected and not by messenger pigeons like it’s the 1500’s.

"Don’t bug me on FB when I’m not on." Okay, but I wanna share this with you...?? also, how the hell am I gonna know when you’re on when I’m drawing and trying to occupy my on edge brain??

proceeds to spam me shit in process irritating me. "Don’t bug me, don’t bug me" I hear like a whiny little baby.

"Why do you bug me all the time??" UMM, MAYBE BECAUSE I CARE AND I WANT TO UHHH, IDK SHARE THIS NEAT SHIT WITH YOU??? PENDEJO PUTA DE MIERDA!!

"I’ll message you and send invites when I feel like it." - Shithead towards the end. Circa 1818. ((Yeah, weeks or a month later like nothing happened. "I’ll see you later or tonight when I see you on, get back on, when I’m done eating" just, excuse after excuse..))

((IM ALWAYS FUCKIN ONLINE 24 GAT DAMN 7.  YOU KNOW THIS, SHITHEAD. I ALWAYS WANT TO TALK TO YOU OR SOMEONE IN THE DAMN GROUP. DNT FUCK WIT ME, MY TIME, OR PATIENCE LIKE THAT ANYMORE. ENOUGH. S T O P. And it did.. thank g o d))

———

———

would literally make me wait around and feel like a complete and utter fool when instead he could’ve messaged and been like maybe tomorrow or something, but no.. nothing. made me believe in all sorts of dumb shit. ((Sad I did, but I was pretty gullible. still am. some stuff was just, a big nope though and obvious. I wouldn’t let him get to me that much, but he did in some ways.. disgusting ..))

I was made to feel like I was cared for when in fact I never was to begin with. explains a lot tbh. I felt like a disgusting half empty shell of a person with barely any fragments of a heart and soul left inside. that’s very dark, I know, but that’s how it feels in a way

"It’s not real, this depression you’re feeling, it’s just a phase. it’ll pass/ just suck it up and move on / don’t worry about it you’re fine, you’re just overreacting or overthinking about it / think positive more and be happy nothing bad has really happened to you yet/ I remember when you didn’t act like this."

HOW AND WHAT?!? EXCUSE ME, PEASANT!? SAY THAT AGAIN.. TO MY ACTUAL FACE. I DARE YOU N’ YEAH, I DO TO CAPTAIN OBVIOUS.

———

———

I love how people ((friends and some mutuals)) thought I actually wanted to be, be with him, romantically and all that, that is but I just couldn’t..it was never there. I felt it for others though or someone to be exact, during those times which is how I knew I was in a toxic situation and it wasn’t real love or love in general I felt for them. just a facade

I just couldn’t let people know how badly he was treating me so I was sucked into a woven web of lies that got out of hand and ruined some pretty good moments for me completely it seemed

I never once wanted to fuck him or anything of the sort.

at first, we were kinda flirty and sweet with one another. talkin about cuddlin n’ goin on silly dates when we meet ya know. cute and fluffy things. things I got shit for down the road keep in mind. we’d give each other cute lil compliments to one another. It was just, cute and fun stuff ya know. especially since we were young as well.

there was never anything sexual between us either or too sexual, just crushy feels. ((I’m really fucking glad because mm, mmm. hard fucking pass))

he’d never and i mean never get my moist meter high, EVER. drier than this damn valley I live with scattered tumbleweeds, I tell you. not even a lil tingle. no bells ringing.fireworks flinging. I thought about it too and I’d just get disgusted tbh. thats how I knew

I felt like he’d be the worst in the end anyway and he was in general. he wasn’t even comfortable with himself or his sexuality and others things.. sooo, noooo, NOPE. thank u, next!!

I’m completely comfortable with mine.. thanks to my friends and some a bit more. I’m a bit scared to admit though that I’m demi bc of manipulation, but it is.

Happens unfortunately and I know I’m not alone on this journey of self acceptance. I wouldn’t have mind talking about it though, in a calm civil manner like adults do instead of giggling and making weird noises like an idiotic child.

Having it being brought up randomly amongst mutuals and all that got extremely awkward too as well, I hated it. "You wanna fuck him?", "You ever thought about it you two since y’all so close?" crickets and a few mumbled noises.. HA.mmm, I cared about him or what was left of him, not like that. honey flower ain’t or never will be feelin it for him.. EVER. HE EMOTIONALLY MANIPULATED ME AND I DIDNT EVEN KNOW SEX THAT MUCH OR MYSELF LIKE THAT SO FUCK HIM. uwu

She’s kinda quiet and scared tbh because he’s such a total killjoy asshole. she senses fear. she knows who really gets her bud blooming. just, the thought of him though like that made me wanna scream and kick him in this stupid ass face.

Ruined a lot of things for me, I swear but I’m moving on as best as I can.

—

He had this switch flip type of mood. I don’t even remember how or why it happened, but it just got worse during and after his breakup it seems.

Which was like 3-4 years ago. started happening out of the blue and over time it just started to bug the living fuck out of me. daily. I was starting to hate it and hate it I did. made my skin crawl.. ((all the Linkin Park jokes))

It made me hate myself which I never did much tbh and I didn’t like that at all.. I wanted out, but I didn’t know where to go. I didn’t know who to talk to bc he’d come after me if I did especially if they knew him..

they didn’t though and were on my side, but yeah. I’m glad it stopped

A L L OF IT. I don’t need that kind ‘love’ in my life. that,awful presence. I don’t need any of that at all.. MMM, MMM BYE, BYE!! Disgusting.

———

———

I wanted to help em try to be happy so fuckin bad after what happened ya know as friends do, when it should’ve been myself making me happy instead.. it was,but everything just got to me.

All the sighs. How lovely huh. We were ‘best friends’ ya know. I can’t even really call anyone that much bc it unnerves me. you’re supposed to make each other happy and all that as best friends, not a sad sack of low shit.

I can’t believe I wanted to be with him and or be around him that is... eughh. I was confused and in a dangerous situation towards the end.. feels like it was my fault, but it wasn’t.

Couldn’t talk to anyone about it. It was extremely fucking stupid on my part

Long time or not, why? just, holding onto old times I guess

That’s where I messed up. I didn’t even really bother trying to be with him tbh as I’ve said. in the beginning maybe yeah when we were younger, but he made me feel less and less over time as we grew older. I was embarrassed about a lot of shit and slowly I just finally realized how much of an asshole he really and truly is and how bad I wanted him out my life.

I couldn’t get away and when I did, he’d still be there someway.. haunting me with his negative nagging.it was dumb I know. I just don’t know exactly how I got lost in it so damn badly, but man, am I really dumb for doing it..

I wholeheartedly despise those feelings I had then and I fucking despise them now. ALL OF THEM. THEY HAVE RUINED MY LIFE AND IDK WHAT TO DO ANYMORE

((Great character development though, Cynth. Growing up and moving on. Something he could never do))

I don’t want to bring these problems into anyone else’s life and I did and I regret it.. I would like to disconnect from the server please bc of it, thank you

———

———

I was made to feel like my disability was cureable around him and that I can do shit when I get my operations done when in fact, I can’t at all and won’t ever get ‘cured’ or anything like that of the sort.typical ableist /lamdwalker activity. despite how many times I told him,he’d forget. Mhmm, sure.. you only heard what you wanted. It’s fine

"We’ll be able to do this when you get said //part// fixed.." what? can I not do that now or something?? I know I can’t, but I can at least try right?? am I really not that good enough to be around and do shit with?? guess so, cool. Okay, I see. I really tolerated some extreme ableism and I still do, but it’s not as bad as that was..

I wish I could cure my RA though like that and have said money to do it. Snap my fingers and it’s done right? ummm, no. not as easy you think dumb ass. I have fused joints, osteo, it’s everywhere like how the hell am I gonna fix that so easily?? tell me, doc

You trippin more than younger me did. I think that’s why he just flat out ditched me in the end and got a gf while he was at it that had an almost exact personality as me in the process. he would point it out too and made me feel fucking creeped out even more.. like, I get it. can’t be youre, abled dream

Why do you care if we’re alike in some ways though?? ((Look where it got him though. He’s still struggling with it, the breakup, bringing it up once n’ awhile like it didn’t happen. It was hilarious to me bc he really was a basket case. I know he was trying to get rid of it, but he was more obsessive about it than a mf))

thankful I don’t deal with it anymore

———

———

"You live the same day to day lifestyle. Ever since you and I graduated. The same fucking thing. The only new things you do are go to your stupid concerts or teach those weird kids. I see it or you end up telling me anyway." ((I know captain obvious yet again.. at least I’m having fun when I’m doing that. concerts for my favorite bands make me happy, teaching my kids do too ya asshole))

"Nothing is gonna change anyway if you get those procedures done. It’ll be worse for you and we all know that. Just deal with it and try to move on." ((I hate hearing your voice in my head. I want to ban it, mute it from all existence.. I’ve been replacing it with others and I’m glad it’s working))

———

———

I keep hearing his voice sometimes when I post something on social media. not his actual voice, but something similar, especially in tone. moody and monotone. art,status, any of those with hashtags, rt‘s, anything.. I heard it

"Why did you post that?? Looking for attention or something?", "Not many people liked it because it’s //insert stuff I love here//", "Don’t like shit like that. I don’t want to scroll around awkwardly when I’m out.", "I saw what you put. Idk how to approach it, but I’ll like it to show you I care/to look at later to process."

Tf does that mean and huh?? Why do you care what I put anyway?? I don’t care what you put so why should you care what I put?? Why make me feel like shit for putting this up or talking about something I have some balls too. I want people to know. I’m close to some of these people

I haven’t been posting much because of that. It’s very noticeable and my some of my friends can vouch for it from the viewing couch. renders I do of friends stuff, my original work, OC stuff, fan arts. A L L gets judged by the mighty grump. who it is, colors, the style, shading.. nothing was good enough I guess. even though you said it was and so did my brain at one point. It does, but she’s just not that confident much anymore

He’d get on fan art which was the most irritating thing. "Try and draw like that or do something like that for once.", "They didn’t get me right.. did you give them the references? Even though you still haven’t made a proper one?", "Why did they draw me like that?", "That’s cool. Why my character though?" PEOPLE DRAW IN THEIR OWN WAYS IN MANY STYLES AND CAN CREATIVELY DO WHATEVER THEYD LIKE YA FUCKIN DUMBASS. IN THE END, ITS MY CHARACTER ANYWAY. YOU DIDNT DRAW HIM. I DID N’ WHO CARES. MAYBE THEY LIKE YOUR CHARACTER OR IDK I REQUESTED IT TO MAKE YOUR SAD ASS HAPPY.

"Ohh yeah, I used to draw back in the day." The shit he sent me was traced, had his signature on it covering the original artists, no consistent style. Straight up thief and ugly liar. He can’t even draw a straight line, let alone paint a piece. Please, boy. I KNEW IT AND HED MANIPULATE ME INTO THINKING IT WAS AND I KNEW. AINT FOOLING ME THERE. I maybe or might’ve been extremely gullible as a teen, but ooohhh honeyyyy, I knew, I knew.

Artist my ass. Yeah con artist :))

———

———

I hated the awkward silence moments between us when we spoke. I literally wanted to fucking scream at you like you did to me sometimes when you were having a "bad day".

I wanted to yell at you about everything you’ve ever done to me the last time we talked and I just broke down instead because I am an "emotional bitch" as you say. HOLY SHIT though, are you boring. I thought I was, but I just get dissociative and I space out because I didn’t know what to say and when I did,I got judged for it. for everything else as wel which made me feel worse. fuucking fantastic you are

You made me feel like I was was swirling in this dead and extremely lonely silence that was ever so slowly drowning me and dragging me down.. ((Like BMTH says, don’t let me drown and you did to an extent)) i couldn’t breathe right for the longest time with you there.. felt like an enormous weight on my chest

when I was in there, it was awful and made me feel worse. I didn’t want to leave and when I did,you’d think I’d be having a fit or something.so, I would stay until you left and when you did it was absolute freedom.

I swear I hated being around you. I got judged for making any sort of weird noise, hiccup, burp, humming, my singing, jokes. such a fun person you are, hmph

#therapy journal #disabled post #disability #ableism #internalized ableism #anxiety #tw