#Go off queen be annoyed | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

boxwinebaddie · 4 months

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𝓭𝓮𝓪𝓻 𝓮𝓪𝓻𝓽𝓱 𝓹𝓮𝓸𝓹𝓵𝓮 & 𝓽𝓱𝓮 𝓮𝓽𝓱𝓮𝓻𝓮𝓪𝓵 𝓫𝓮𝓲𝓷𝓰 𝓴𝓷𝓸𝔀𝓷 𝓪𝓼 𝓻𝓲𝓵𝓮𝔂,

greetings from wherever you are and whatever timezone you are in, and with any luck, in that nook you are tucked, it is still the best day of the year aka...Rile Pile's Birthday ( aka pastorcraigenjoyer on ao3 ), who some of you may call the style one-shot whump wizard now ft. lizard, but i am blessed to call, my lovely computer wife and life. <33

my angel, my darling, my dear, sweet girl: happy birthday, beloved.

( beneath the readmore is a birthday surprise. xx for my favorite redhead writer girl, but also for all of you. fair warning, you do have to read a lot to get there, but i promise that it will be worth the while. )

@actually-its-riley @1moreoffkeyanthem @marryme

i know that you do not like to make a big deal about your birthday, but unfortunately, i am a chaotic bisexual disaster, of whom pep!stan's insane stananigans and big sweeping gestures are #Based, so unfortunately, you have to endure my psychosis, RP.

which you often do, you wild and patient and wonderful thing you. <3 i sent you a DM on new years that was way better articulated than this, but when writing peppermint, i made a lot of friends who were readers and that was extremely gratifying, but i felt very isolated from the style writing community on ao3...until you came along. c':

i was also extremely anxious and over encumbered/ill-equipped to handle the stress that came along with the success of my fanfic, but your support throughout my writing journey made that load lighter.

it has been a joy and an honor being your friend and for once, being able to read rather than write -- all 70+ fanfics you have uploaded. which, given that i have written two unfinished ones, the fact that riley has written that many and finished them is astounding. :***

-- they are also brilliant, btw. we seriously don't deserve her. </3

but here's to trying!

and drying those tears for fears of dying, because when you write, you live forever, clever girl. but before i ramble on too long, my salt of the earth ( dissolved in oj ), here, dear, is my birthday gift to you. <3

so...listen. at first i was going to post a whumpshot for you but...the only person i ended up hurting was myself because i couldn't finish. granted, i never finish anything, as we know, but i had a backup plan.

which is this:

i am thankful for all the support i've gotten writing my fanfictions, but riley has been particularly supportive of me, both emotionally, and also regularly wrecks havoc on her poor followers by reblogging my insane niche au ask meme content onto her blog and likes all my stuff, no matter how weird or deranged it is.

i apologize because that's going to happen again, but this time it will hopefully be slightly more relevant because rp is fond of peppermint, and i am very fond of her so i decided...that for riley's birthday, i will be releasing everything i have in my drafts pertaining to…

pep 12. <3

whiiiiiiich is not much, please don't get your hopes up, but i think it is well deserved by you all and on what better occasion than today?

anyways, your cursed limited edition peppermint package includes:

-literally like the first five minutes of the chapter ( i'm not even joking that's how little i've written -- which is still too much -- and how slow )

-this weird thing that i posted on twitter once where stan is thinking about the friendship bracelets and being emo as fuck oh my god, i made a lot of weird metaphors...it's garbage, but...have at it.

-and finally, a very weird fucking flashback from hell that...is the main reason why my update got stalled because i couldn't figure out how to write it and when i started writing it, i got so comfortable in kyle's narration, i fucking *jersey vc* forgot it was stan season and started writing it in kyle's consciousness, then...tried to switch it back to stans...it's a mess. it's also not done like...at all, so you get a little bit of actual writing and actions and thoughts and a lot of...just dialogue. i wasn't sure about giving you guys the whole thing but i'm not sure if its gonna make it into pep, so i wanted to give you guys a chance to read it before i throw it into the fire where it belongs, smh...jail.

again, rp, i know today is a hard day, but i hope this makes it easier. thank you for being born, happy birthday...and i hope you heal, lovie.

but now...dear readers...without further ado, it is time,

to enjoy the very worst part...

...of the very best day. ;)

-uncle neen the queen with the scheme <3

p.s. the computer quality is ass, it looks better on the app, smh.

𝓬𝓱𝓪𝓹𝓽𝓮𝓻 𝓽𝔀𝓮𝓵𝓿𝓮; 𝓼𝓽𝓪𝓷 𝓼𝓮𝓪𝓼𝓸𝓷

a/n: EVERYONE SAY YOU'RE WELCOME UNCLE NINA FOR NOT KILLING STAN!!! HSDLKD STAN LIVES!!!! BARELY! SMH!!! i'm so sorry you waited so long for...sigh...that...anyways here's this too:

𝔀𝓮𝓲𝓻𝓭 𝓬𝓻𝓲𝓷𝓰𝓮𝔂 𝓯𝓻𝓲𝓮𝓷𝓭𝓼𝓱𝓲𝓹 𝓫𝓻𝓪𝓬𝓮𝓵𝓮𝓽 𝓽𝓱𝓲𝓷𝓰

A/N: wow...so edgy, nina. i wrote that instead of sleeping one night and i did not take my mood stabilizer so that's why it sounds insane. okay, here is this last thing which is...actually so embarrassing, but i love you all and riley specifically, so merry riley's birthday everyone.

𝓽𝓱𝓮 𝔀𝓸𝓻𝓼𝓽 𝓾𝓷𝓯𝓲𝓷𝓲𝓼𝓱𝓮𝓭 𝓯𝓵𝓪𝓼𝓱𝓫𝓪𝓬𝓴 𝓲'𝓿𝓮 𝓮𝓿𝓮𝓻 𝔀𝓻𝓲𝓽𝓽𝓮𝓷

A/N: my kylepilequil!!!! HELLO!!!! HOPE YOU HEAL NATION!!! WHO IS UP BITCH!!!! that was choatic, i am not proud of a lot of that dialogue, particularly kyle being insane ( it was not gonna stay like that i promise...it was a road map...leading where? i have no clue ) but i hope that it thrilled you! please smile, pendejos lmaoooo, rip!

#ITS RILEYS BIRTHDAY #HIP HIP HORAY FOR GAY PPL #its a big day for annoying people aka riley fans aka me #i'm sorry this was insane queen u know how i am #i am physically incapable of not being dramatic as hell #BUT HAPPY BIRTHDAY HERES PEPPERMINT!!!! I LOVE U #IM SORRY THIS IS CRINGE BUT I HOPE U HEAL BABES #im physically cringing at how much i need to rhyme things #like ok go off riddler what the fuck #my hands are over my eyes ur welc or im sorry rp & everyone else #the spelling and wording of all of this is hell #but im too lazy to try and make it better #it is what it is…a draft and flaming hot garbage

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soldier-poet-king · 1 year

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Reminders to self bc if I don't I'll be ruminating in misplaced guilt all afternoon

I am allowed to be annoyed over ultimately inconsequential things! Just because everything TO ME is intimately connected to the very fabric of the universe and the human soul because I'm Ill TM doesn't mean it is for everyone! And related, I am allowed to have opinions! I can make opinions in a joke post format and nothing bad is going to happen! I'm not being mean or cruel or sinning! I am simply! Having an opinion! Disagreement isn't inherently evil!!!

#franposting #anyway can u tell i grew up not allowed to have opinions #for fear of setting off the very tenuously kept atmosphere of the house #and anytime anyone was upset it was my fault and now im conflict avoidant #IM WORKING ON IT #it may seem silly. but i gotta write this lil reminder to myself #having it out in (internet) public makes it feel real to my brain #and therefore i can set it aside. turn of my phone for now. and continue with my day #the world isnt ending because i dared to have an opinion. nor is it ending bc i got annoyed easily even if i didnt do anything mean #no one is going to die because of my thoughts. thought crime about poetry isnt real. me @ me #ironically. this was abt misrepresenting themes of love and misplaced guilt and shame and loving oneself #and it then caused me to experience misplaced guilt! i am queen of guilt!#perhaps the ocd is why it means The Most To Me #but i am setting it aside to love and smile and also do my job #and i will sing on the drive home. and all will be well and all will be reconciled at the end of all things #oh. oh isnt that the loveliest comfort ive ever said

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silbeni · 3 months

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Hey, if Ryoma can interact with pictures. What if she met Yoshihiro Kira, the guy in a photo. Could she grab him by the neck and smack him around

That actually does happen! But picture Kira is the one grabbing *them* by the neck.

Ryoma went through all the pictures of office workers that Rohan took, trying to figure out if any were Kira. So, she interrogated them and it went without issue until.... Kira's photo. She didn't expect it to be him when she entered the photo, (thinking since they had gone through so many, they'd lost hope that they'd be able to find him. They kept going just for the sake of completion)

So, it was a shock when he abruptly grabbed them by the neck and started to strangle them. Luckily, Ryoma was able to poke an arm outside of the picture and cut Kira away with a pair of scissors. Though it brought his arms, severed and still hanging onto her neck out with her... Scary . I'll draw it eventually.

Thank you sm for the ask !!!! 😁😁😁

More rambling in tags ↓↓

#Traumatizing !!!!!#btw i think....#maybe Ryoma did this more than once? bc she felt something was off #she questioned the picture of Kira once before and it went normal but then this is the second time #kira could've used killer queen but yk. i dont think pictures of people can have stands so. he goes back to his old MO. strangling people #i think the exception might be ? if its drawn. drawn stand #btw I think picture kira snapped because. ryoma just made him so mad. first of all their outfit fgsfddddfdd #the way kira fixed koichis inside out sock... he woukd not be able to tolerate EVERYTHING being backwards #also ryoma annoyed the hell out of him #ask #also omg i think Ryoma could counter Kira's dad stand really well ???? since they can go into pictures she can just fight him ggdf

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justisco · 1 year

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i worked from home today because snow and watched the entirety of season 2 of the white lotus, thoughts below

MAIN THOUGHT THO, theme song slaps, didn’t skip once

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persephoneed · 11 months

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I’m just really offended on Ice Spice’s behalf right now like…the complete slap in the face these past few weeks must be

#text post #jess blogs #so annoyed with taylor rn not going to lie #also i usually appreciate the hustle but i’m annoyed by less than five new songs being spread across two new versions of the same album to #force desperate people to buy both like fuck off queen

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froggi-mushroom · 2 years

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I saw your post on how much you hate the reign (XD) and wanted to ask what is a show you feel intensely about and why? 👀

Thank you for the ask!

I’ll be honest, I kinda play up my hatred for shows like Bridgerton and Reign because in reality I know they’re fantasy and not supposed to be historical (my only real gripe with them is that they use real historical figures but eh, that’s more of a nitpick though I do have some legitimate criticisms for bridgerton but I won’t get into those)

I suppose if there’s anything that I intensely dislike, it’s not really one particular show but a whole genre, I think I’ve mentioned it before, it’s those series’s that claim to be telling the real stories of women from history but miss the mark entirely and make them a caricature of an empowering woman (not to use a bit of a meme word here but I think the word ‘girlbossify’ is very appropriate here)

This is particularly noticeable with Tudor dramas (like any adaptation of Philippa Gregory’s works like The Spanish Princess, The White Queen, The White Princess, The Other Boleyn Girl, etc. which are already bad for this I’d like to mention, the recent channel 5 Anne Boleyn miniseries, the recent(ish) Mary, Queen of Scots movie, and a few more I’m probably missing) but I have seen it with other time periods as well

I could talk at length about how reducing an actual human woman to a caricature is not the win for feminism directors think it is, but why would I do that when I can aptly summarise my issue with a quote from one of my favourite history youtubers The Laughing Cavalier where he described one of these characters as ‘Joan of Arc on steroids’ 🙃

#ask #needcake #froggi rambles #i could honestly go on and on about why I dislike these shows #but I won’t cuz this is already enough #a lot of these are from starz which is pretty funny tbh #it’s also why I’m really reluctant to watch the new Elizabeth drama because that’s also by starz #honestly I’m more so pissed off cuz we haven’t had many decent Tudor dramas since the 70s which is pathetic #the only one I can think of is wolf hall which is amazing btw #The Tudors is good for history shit for costumes and everything else #Elizabeth the golden age isn’t bad it’s enjoyable #but it doesn’t hold a candle to Elizabeth R #i don’t think we’ve ever had a good Mary queen of Scots adaptation and we’re probably never going to #the Spanish Princess especially annoys me because for once. we actually have someone who somewhat looks like how Catherine probably did #for once we haven’t got the stereotypical Spanish looking woman ever playing her #and yet they fucked up everywhere else

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nomaishuttle · 10 months

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its spectacular how 1 room can have 2 of the most annoying beds in this entire dakn building. and yet

#the wife hss a queen bed with 8 plus boankets on it. thus took me 30 minutes. the entire room is supposed to take 40. the husbands bed is #a small twin very simple just sheets and a blanket+ pillows (ones a wedge which is annoying but fine) but. only one side of the bed is #accessible. one side is against the wall and the other sides r nlicked by furniture.which is evil so it sucks 2 make.#basically. 40-50 minutes solely on beds. when i get 40 per room so im 20 minutes off schedule now even tho ive been legit golden all day #whatever. its ok. ive already got my special tasks 4 the day done #if i have time this afternoon i might fuck abiut and go aheadn do one of my extra tasks 4 tmrw (i have 2 tasks on tuesday and thursday)#bc i dont mop the floors in the lajndry rooms those days so i have 20 minuts. and modt of the special tasks take max 20 mjnutes. soz #and since tmrw is 4th and ive heardd its very laidback. i wanna make it even more laidback than normal

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themyscrian · 2 years

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im seeing people on twitter that are sad the bozja storyline has been cancelled and im now realising there are people who unironically enjoyed return to ivalice and bozja.

are y'all okay??

#RLPersonalAdventure #FFXIV #the man fucked his own lore by making the zodiac stones wish-granting auracite instead of rocks possessed by demons #he wrote Ramza to be shitty mean and annoying then had to make him possessed by the good nice Ramza in the other 2 parts b/c he sucked #HE WROTE A STORYLINE IMMEDIATELY FOLLOWING THE EXPANSION WHERE YOU FREE TWO NATIONS FROM IMPERIAL RULE AND OPPRESSION……#……ABOUT HELPING A FAMILY OF RICH IMPERIALS GET RICHER???#Bozja's storyline is less fucking painful than Ivalice by a longshot but man the cutscene direction was Off.#'stay back or I'll kill her fake-Linda Lominsa says… her sword pointed at a girl she's standing 3 ft away from.'#like… ok queen. not much of a treat that is it?#all of Matsuno's FFXIV writing just feels smarmy and self-congratulatory. the fact that his self-insert is actually important to the plot?#the fact that you have to go get food for him and his sexy elf wife b/c you're an idiot who plays MMOs instead of REAL video games like FFT #it's sloppy and shit and im glad they've canned it #also i dislike Bozja. Eureka was better.

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astonmartinii · 1 month

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cutie patooties | max verstappen social media au

pairing: max verstappen x fem leclerc!reader

just them terrorising the world with their cuteness (and collecting the younger drivers)

MASTERLIST | TIP JAR | SMALL BUSINESS

yourusername

liked by arthurleclerc, maxverstappen1 and 1,209,455 others

tagged: maxverstappen1

yourusername: he loves redline more than me 🙄

view all comments

user1: obsessed with how she's like "oh you wanna ship max with my brother" and then takes lestappen out back and shoots them

user2: as she should, she's the cutest leclerc by far

yourusername: true 😙

maxverstappen1: double true 😘

charles_leclerc: die.

yourusername: erm consider your ass REPORTED THIS IS HARASSMENT

maxverstappen1: did you just threaten my girlfriend ????

charles_leclerc: and what?

maxverstappen1: pull up, i'm outside

charles_leclerc: ???? leave ????

maxverstappen1: no i'm deadass don't disrespect my gf 😤😤😤

charles_leclerc: it's my SISTER

yourusername: when he's protective 😛😛😛

user3: screaming, crying, throwing up over the keychain

user4: i need someone *cough, cough* them to recreate it 🥸

landonorris: YOU WENT TO THE LEGO STORE WITHOUT ME? YOUR FAVOURITE CHILD?

yourusername: watch your tone

maxverstappen1: god forbid i want to spend time with my GIRLFRIEND on a DATE

landonorris: that's not a valid excuse

yourusername: also bold of you to assume you're our favourite child when oscar, yuki and logan are right there

oscarpiastri: snooze you lose lando

yukitsunoda0511: suck on that lando

logansargent: i'm just happy to be included

landonorris: damn...

maxverstappen1

liked by yourusername, danielricciardo and 1,203,513 others

tagged: charles_leclerc & yourusername

maxverstappen1: spent the weekend bothering my girlfriend's brother, what about you?

view all comments

user9: the way charles put his ferrari cap on y/n only for max to throw it into the crowd and put his own on her head instead

user10: those who know max's attachment to his caps, this is big.

yourusername: winning looks so sexy oh my

maxverstappen1: blushing like a motherfucker

yourusername: skip the debrief? they won't notice?

maxverstappen1: i think they might notice the driver of the race they're analysing not being there

yourusername: show them the pic i just sent you, they can't say no to my puppy dog eyes

maxverstappen1: helmut said fuck off 💔

yourusername: tell him i have a present for him (it's a pack of salt and vinegar crisps and a pamphlet for caskets)

user11: @yourusername winning IS sexy, tell your bf to tell charles win

yourusername: if charles wins it's suddenly decidedly unsexy, this isn't game of thrones babe

charles_leclerc: you ARE annoying that's right

maxverstappen1: annoyingly sexy

charles_leclerc: no comment, we're going to be family at some point soon

maxverstappen1: DAMN RIGHT WE ARE

yourusername: if you think we're annoying now, oh boy.

user12: i need max and y/n to be engaged right this fucking moment

user13: i think it would actually make my year

user14: after the championship win queen @maxverstappen1 ?

yourusername

liked by danielricciardo, oscarpiastri and 1,562,044 others

tagged: maxverstappen1

yourusername: @ the person who asked how much max weighs... god will deal with you

view all comments

user15: i'm obsessed with how obsessed they are with each other

user16: is max's wardrobe all red bull merch and t-shirts dedicated to y/n?

maxverstappen1: yes 😌

danielricciardo: i saw the clip... the time stamp was 3am - we RACE TODAY?

yourusername: i am happy to support my man's hobby

danielricciardo: yes but you also don't have to race with that man on three hours of sleep

yourusername: be real daniel, the only time you'll be close to max is when he laps you xxx

danielricciardo: EXCUSE ME??? MAX YOU GONNA LET YOUR GIRLFRIEND TALK TO YOUR FIRST LOVE LIKE THAT?

maxverstappen1: bold of you to assume you were my first love

danielricciardo: did on the couch mean nothing to you?

maxverstappen1: soz buddy this is a childhood friends to lovers narrative right now (and we were already together by the time i was at red bull)

charles_leclerc: WHAT?

yourusername: spare me the dramatics, you guys were deep in the ANGST and then austria happened so really it's your own fault that it took as long as it did

user17: one comment section where the girls aren't fighting? impossible.

oscarpiastri: omg the shirts look so good y/n !!

yourusername: we're ✨graphic designers✨

maxverstappen1: does having a dashingly handsome model help

yourusername: of course !!!!!

oscarpiastri: i'm not going to answer that question

maxverstappen1: :(

oscarpiastri: on another thought - yes!

yourusername: @landonorris this is why he's one of the favourites

landonorris: i'm not talking to yall

maxverstappen1

liked by fernandoalo_oficial, yourusername and 1,309,556 others

tagged: yourusername

maxverstappen1: weekend off racing means shenanigans and late night streaming

view all comments

user20: i know whatever poor soul went for dinner with them hated every second

yukitsunoda0511: working on being the favourite of the favourite children 🫡 and they paid for my meal at a really cool italian restaurant

oscarpiastri: game on

yourusername: so who is the lady and who is the tramp?

danielricciardo: THAT'S A TRICK QUESTION MAX DON'T ANSWER IT

maxverstappen1: you're not a lady... you're a queen 😘

yourusername: did you just fail the test, successfully?

danielricciardo: you smooth motherfucker

yourusername: stole your red bull drive and your nickname @carlossainz55

carlossainz55: why am i catching strays?

yourusername: bored ❤️

user21: y/n really be like "oh the season's boring cause my bf wins everything? let me make it interesting by shading every driver on the grid"

maxverstappen1: do NOT give her a challenge

charles_leclerc: can you PLEASE stop taking such lovey dovey gross ass photos maman keeps getting them printed and I AM GETTING MOVED OFF OF THE MANTEL PIECE I AM ON THE BOOKSHELF, THIS FACE IS A MANTEL PIECE FACE NOT A BOOKSHELF FACE

yourusername: not reading all of that, i'm happy for you or sad that happened x

charles_leclerc: MAX DO SOMETHNG

maxverstappen1: step your pussy up bro

yourusername: when he catches your lingo >>

charles_leclerc: i am a VICTIM

yourusername

liked by arthurleclerc, landonorris and 1,450,387 others

tagged: maxverstappen1 & charles_leclerc

yourusername: invented babygirlism actually

view all comments

user22: y/n is so real for choosing a cute recent photo for herself and then just violating the guys

user23: she's funny as fuck for that

charles_leclerc: finally some fucking credit

yourusername: not everything can be about you all of the time 🤨

charles_leclerc: don't make me an ankle-biter again you're PUSHING ME

sebastianvettel: knew you were an ankle biter

yourusername: LOL

charles_leclerc: no seb no! i didn't bite ankles, just y/n's and that doesn't count

user24: what the fuck is going on here

maxverstappen1: you are the most babygirl to ever babygirl

danielricciardo: i think i had a stroke reading that

yourusername: awwwww you're so cute maxy

maxverstappen1: knew you were the one for me when we first met karting, you taught me the babygirl ways

yourusername: and you're delivering

oscarpiastri: you guys can't see but he's blushing so bad right now

landonorris: are you just attached to them

yourusername: yes he is, a babygirl in training

user25: how do i get adopted by y/n and max?

maxverstappen1: no but for real i love you, even if we are lumbered with your brother

yourusername: i love you too xxx

charles_leclerc: *brothers

maxverstappen1: nope arthur and lorenzo are sound

charles_leclerc: fUCK OFF :(((((((

FIN.

note: heyyyyyy you guysssss! we all know i have a soft spot for these two (plus oscar and alex) so i wanted to put out a little thing to celebrate 5k! thank you so much for following and reading my work, hope you enjoyed xx

#f1 imagine #f1 x reader #f1 instagram au #f1 x you #f1 #f1 social media au #max verstappen imagine #max verstappen instagram au #max verstappen x you #max verstappen x reader #max verstappen fanfic #max verstappen #max verstappen fluff

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cosmosis · 11 months

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MOVED TO @seratopia

miguel o’hara x reader (fluff) - call

miguel calls you because he misses you

. . .

“Lyla.“

“Yah?“

“Call y/n.“

“What do we say?“

“Oh my god, just call her. Please.“

“You’re in your office, call her yourself.“

“Lyla!“

Lyla scoffs, flickering in and out in a flash of cream and pink. Miguel rolls his eyes, watching as a module is pulled up in front of him.

Lyla flickers in, pressing the obnoxiously green “call” button on the screen as Miguel subconsciously fixes his hair. The screen starts to dial, and Lyla chuckles to herself.

“What?“ Miguel asks, crossing his arms together.

Lyla’s hand runs up to her mouth. “Pfft. Nothing.“

And with that, she disappears.

The screen dials for a few more seconds, and finally, you answer the call. A video calling of you, looking down at at the camera on your watch. You’ve got your spider suit on, chaos seeming to be crashing in the background as you zip through a metropolitan city with your webbing.

“Miguel, baby, you know I’m busy.“ You say, the man watching on his screen as you simultaneously glace down the watch and look back up to swing your webbing against random architecture.

“I know. Sorry.“ He says, and you look expectantly down at your watch.

“Did you need something?” You ask, and your watch suddenly drifts over towards behind you, an anomaly chasing behind you.

“How long will it take for you to be back?“ He asks, hand slithering to the back of his neck. Even from the shitty camera quality, you can see the slightest tinge of blush on his cheek.

You fight the urge to roll your eyes, sighing to yourself as you bustle through skyscrapers and towers galore. “Is this really was this was about?“

“Yeah, I wanna see you.“ He states. You watch as he starts tapping on the holographic screen, seemingly zooming in on a particular picture.

You watch as Miguel already goes to grab his spider mask, clutching it in his hand while he taps at his own watch. “Where are you, honey? I can take them off your hands.“

“It’s fine, Miguel. I got it.“

“But I wanna see you.“

“You can wait a little longer, right? Jessica sent me out on this mission.“

“No. I’m going out there, where are you?“

You sigh. “Fine, I’m at Earth-681, Queens.”

“See you in a sec, hun. Love you, bye.“

“Love you. Bet I can finish this guy off before you can even make it down here-“

You hang up, and the call screen flickers dark. Miguel yanks on his spider mask, leaping off his office until...

“Wow.“

Lyla sputters in front of Miguel, laughing to herself in a doubled over position. She flashes in a few more times, each one a different frame of her laughing. Miguel tries to ignore her, speeding up into a run whilst tapping at his watch.

“You’re really that whipped!“ She exclaims.

“What does whipped even mean?“ Miguel asks, obviously annoyed.

“You’ll find out later.“

“Hm.“

“Oh and, just so you know. That entire convo was recorded. Thanks!“

Miguel groans, and Lyla vanishes as soon as she came in.

. . .

Miguel dives headfirst into the inter-dimensional juncture, leaping directly into the skies of Earth-681. There’s millions of skyscrapers below, all of them almost identical to any other Earth he’s been on.

He webs a nearby building, slinging himself through Queens in search of you. His spidey-sense picks up, detecting you to be in his far right. Faster than ever, he slingshots himself through buildings, his heart quickening in his chest at the thought of seeing you.

Unexpectedly, you aren’t where you’re supposed to be.

Miguel pauses himself onto the head of a gargoyle, eyes flickering left and right to try and find you. You’re supposed to be hugging him, kissing him, teasing him about dates and what not.

“Boo.“

Miguel doesn’t even flinch, but he’s more excited than ever to see you. He misses you so much.

You laugh to yourself, taking a few steps forward to Miguel. He rolls his eyes, and you can even see it through his mask.

“Haha, very funny.“

“I know, I’m the funniest.“

“C’mere.“

Miguel wastes no time, hastily tugging you into him by your waist, until you’re close enough to hear his heartbeat. You tug your mask off, revealing the face that Miguel knows and loves.

Tenderly, the man presses you into a kiss, savoring the taste of your lips for a moment longer than he should’ve. You can feel the poke of his fangs on your bottom lip, and you yelp a little in his mouth.

“Ah, I’m sorry.“

“It’s fine-“

And he a presses a few more gingerly kisses to your cheek, stroking your other with his thumb. His big hand lingers on your lower back, threatening to ghost his fingers against your behind.

“See, told you I’d finish him off before you’d come.“ You say, indulgently resting your chin on his chest.

“Can’t believe Jess sent you out here, on your break day too.“ Miguel scowls, “Wanted to take you somewhere special.“

“Welp, now I’m free.“ You shrug, and Miguel leans the both of you against the concrete walls of the tower.

Something sparks in Miguel’s mind.

“Hun, what does whipped mean?“

“Whipped?“

“Mhm. Lyla mentioned it earlier.“

You chuckle a little.

“It’s what you are, Miguel.“

“And what, exactly, is that?“

“Absolutely in love with me. Like you’ll do anything, k’know?“

Miguel grumbles to himself, releasing you from his embrace.

“I hate that she’s right.“

miguel gets jealous oneshot (same universe)

#miguel o'hara #spiderman #across the spiderverse #miguel o'hara x reader #miguel o'hara x you #miguel o'hara x y/n #atsv x reader #atsv miguel #across the spiderverse x reader #x reader #reader insert #fluff #lyla #atsv lyla #lyla across the spiderverse #cosmosis-writes ₍⑅ᐢ..ᐢ₎

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washeduphazbin · 2 months

Text

Adam NSFW Alphabet

Here ya go, ya filthy simps.

First time doing a nsfw alphabet so if it’s … bad I’m sorry. Lmk how to improve tho

--Minors DNI--

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

At the beginning of the relationship, I don't think this man knew what aftercare was; I mean, there's a reason Lilith left him. Let's be honest. It would take a learning curve and a lot of explaining from you about your needs after sex until he'd realize how important it really was.

Once he got the idea down, he'd be religious with it every time after sex, he'd ask, "What the fuck you needed to feel extra sexy."

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

What isn't his favorite body part? Toss up between Boobs, Ass, and Thighs, he loves them all. If you held a gun to his head, he'd say your boobs, big or small, he would NOT CARE. He wants them in his mouth.

Small boobie queens, he'd squeeze them like little stress balls when he's annoyed or anxious.

Big boobie queens, pillows. Need I say more. Calls them bazoingas unironically.

Type of guy to stand next to you talking to Lute and reach out and just squeeze your tits, letting out a HONK. Lute would roll her eyes with a snicker as you flushed, while Adam would look at you with the biggest shit-eating grin.

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

This guy's cum is thick. milky and warm.

Beads at the tip when you turn him on and likes to cum deep inside you, filling you entirely or on your tits or ass.

Will stare hotly as both your cum spills out of you, as you whimper and whine, usually making him ready for round two.

When you suck him off, he enjoys watching it spill from your lips instead of you swallowing.

D = Dirty secret (pretty self-explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

Adam has one main secret (idk if it qualifies as dirty) but enjoys genuine praise for things he feels proud of accomplishing. It's not like you praising him for exterminating sinners; it's just simple, innocent praise when he does something particularly sweet for you.

A big softie, but only in private and only to you.

E = Experience (how experienced are they? Do they know what they’re doing?)

He's a fuckboy. Sorry, not sorry, he just is. HOWEVER, it doesn't mean he is a star at sex. He's decent at first, but there's a reason Lucifer stole two of his wives. His biggest gripe was he didn't want to reciprocate head, but you broke him off that relatively quick when you squeezed your thighs around his skull for the first time, practically double-killing him.

It was fuckin' hot.

You both have a lot to learn, but you learn together, and the sex is still angelic.

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

He has two:

He enjoys cowboy/girl because he's lazy and likes to watch your tits bounce in front of his face.

He also enjoys doggy style, so he can see your ass bounce as he pounds into you, biting your ass cheeks as he goes and slapping.

G = Goofy (are they more severe in the moment? Are they humorous? etc.)

Goofy. He does not shut his mouth; he always has something to say as he's getting intimate with you. It's safe to say he never stops talking, which means he's very vocal about moans, whines, and grunts. It's safe to say he has no filter regarding you.

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? Does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

Pretty basic, but the carpet matches the drapes. However, he could be better- groomed. It's safe to say he's definitely hairy, not just there but all over.

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? The romantic aspect)

Although Adam is definitely more goofy, as discussed earlier, I think sex is intimate and essential to him. While he can be silly, he works his ass and dick off to make sure it's the best sex you've ever had. Oddly enough, when he's alone with you and in a soft mood, he always romantically initiates sex.

Slow and sensual kisses lead to heated make-outs and biting before turning into more.

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

I think Adam is on the more hypersexual side of the spectrum if you see sex as a spectrum like I tend to. So, if you're not around for some reason, he will probably be cranking one out sometimes more than once a day. Honestly, even if you are around and you're not feeling sex at the moment, he'll pout, but ultimately, go watch whatever heavens' equivalent to porn.

(or videos he's recorded of the two of you ;) )

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

I think Adam would have three main kinks:

Breeding - "All of humanity came from this dick."

Mommy Kink - need I explain more? Dominant women are such a significant turn-on for him; one look when you're in Dommy Mommy mode, and he's on his knees.

Role-Play- If you don't think he'd make you cosplay and act like Sinner who is trying to redeem themselves just for him to role play fucking redemption into you, your opinion is just incorrect. Sorry.

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

Anywhere and Everywhere. He doesn't care; if people see good let them know you're both hot as fuck. They're probably green with envy.

His favorite place, though, is on his desk in his office. The thrill of getting caught lights a fire in him that can't be snuffed out without burying himself in your cunt.

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

I feel like we discussed this one a lot, but I can add a few more. When you're mad at something Hell did or another resident of Heaven. Also, when defending him, think of the "He asked for no pickles" meme, but it's you asking for Adam.

Oh, and of course, you are in any type of lingerie, punk rock, or revealing clothing.

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn-offs)

Piss, Poop, ya know the classics. He'd also never want to seriously hurt you, maybe a light slap here and there, maybe a little choking, but if he ever hurts you in the act, he's flaccid so quick and on you like a mother hen.

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

As stated earlier, his preference is receiving; he loves the way you look between his thighs and his thick cock in your mouth. Drool and pre-cum leaking from your lips.

But he has gotten more open to giving and isn't...great, but you're teaching him how to work his tongue and fingers.

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

He sets a fast and rough pace, hits you deep in your canal, and kisses your cervix, almost like he's trying to hit your womb. He's a feral beast honestly once he starts fucking you and it'd take an act of God to get him to stop.

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

All the time though not super preferred, He likes to tease you as much as he can before letting you cum, but most of the time you have sex, it's out of the house. It's a constant struggle to keep your hands off one another and, more often than not, sneak off for a quick fuck somewhere before rejoining a meeting, hangout or if Adam needs immediate stress relief.

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? Do they take risks? etc.)

So long as it's not on his list of hard no's, I feel like Adam will try anything once if you ask. He's for sure a risk taker and wants you to challenge him with something new, but in the end prefers classic sex.

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? How long do they last?)

He can last only two rounds, but they usually last. A very long time because he likes to be a little shit.

T = Toys (do they own toys or use them on a partner or themselves?)

He does not own toys, and if you have them and use them, you will absolutely be jealous of them and attempt to make you trash them. But if you say no, he'll respect it. Just be extremely salty.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

Oh, he's a brat. It is so unfair that it will test you pretty much through the entire process. He enjoys seeing how much he can overstimulate and edge you before he finally fucks you raw.

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

So fucking loud. God bless your neighbors if you have any. His groans and moans could shake the entire house, and your whines, whimpers, and pleas for 'harder' aren't any better.

He also laughs a lot.

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

I think he loves to mark you up to prove to everyone that you are his and his alone. I think it would start with a shit ton of hickies, then a joke from Lute saying he should just collar you until he actually does. It's classy and elegant, matches his angelic robes, and has spikes.

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

So I absolutely headcanon him with a dad bod (sorry, not sorry); I think he also has significant arm and chest hair and a particularly drool-worthy happy trail. He's squishy and you love it even though he can be a little insecure about it at times, you just tell him you love him no matter his shape or size.

He is your Teddy Bear.

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

HYPERSEXUAL. HIGH. THIS MAN WANTS SOME FUCK.

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterward)

Passes out quickly afterward and can't go more than two rounds max. Likes to sleep right after but has learned to check on you first before passing out on your tits or chest.

#hazbin hotel x reader #hazbin hotel x y/n #hazbin hotel x you #x reader #adam x reader #adam x you #hazbin hotel adam x reader #adam x y/n #hazbin x y/n #hazbin x you #hazbin x reader #hazbin hotel smut #reader insert smut #smut #reader imagines #hazbin smut #hazbin adam x reader

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cheapshrimpysheep · 6 months

Text

Spring of Canathus (AKA: They're Babies)

SUMMARY: They drank water that ended up turning them into babies. You were in charge of taking care of them while the rest of the students go looking for the antidote. What will they be like as babies?

CHARACTERS: Overblot Students (Riddle, Leona, Azul, Jamil, Vil, Idia & Malleus)

TAGS: Bullet Points, GN Reader, Fluff, Cute

WORD COUNT: An average of 350 words per character. More or less. This is distributed in a different way than I usually do.

COMMENTS: Yes, a post about what it would be like if they were babies. But I have a good excuse for this: It is canon in the Hercules TV show and I even remember watching this episode when I was younger. Episode 50 of the first season: Hercules and the Spring of Canathus. The Spring of Canathus is a pool which reverses age. Pain and Panic use it on Hercules and other character in the episode, turning them into babies.

I hope you enjoy 🧸🍼

CONTEXT: Seven bottles of a supposedly new water were delivered to NRC Housewardens. A small sample. But when they drink it they turn into babies. Sam doesn't have the antidote, but he have the information of where the spring is that they need to get the babies back to normal. The other students you know from the dorm went to get the water and you were in charge of taking care of the babies. Grim went to look for the spring with the others because he didn't want to deal with babies.

You take care of them in Ramshackle Dorm.

Riddle drank the water because it would be bad manners to refuse it. Or because of some strange rule from the Queen of Hearts.

Tantrums, a lot of tantrums.

He is an "independent" baby. You will probably lose sight of him sometimes because he started walking/crawling around to explore the house.

He always wants to eat sweets. You'll find him from time to time sneaking into the kitchen looking for cookies or something like that.

He bites anyone who irritates him. Maybe even you. But in your case, if you pretend that he hurt you a lot, he will start crying with regret and hug you.

If he gets mad at someone and you show up, he'll point to the person who annoyed him as if he's complain to you. Kind of like the "I'm gonna tell mom" thing.

When you hold him up and give him affection, he will respond with a lot of affection too and laugh a lot. But after that he will always want to be with you and be jealous of the other babies.

When you scold him and tell him not to do something again he will start crying and hug you as an apology, but he will never disobey you.

Leona drank the water, because why not?

Half the time he is sleeping which makes him peaceful. But the other half when he's awake, he's a little terror.

Like a baby lion, he wants to play, which means play fighting with other babies, so you are always separating him from the others.

He will bite and scratch you, without leaving very deep marks, because he wants to play. And you decide that it's preferable for him to bite and scratch you than the other babies.

He won't leave your side because he is lazy and you are the one who entertains him the most and gives him food. And he will always want to sleep either on your lap or on your chest.

He'll complain with those baby lion roars that sound more like grumpy meows.

If you hug him or give him too much affection, he will push you away with his little hands. But if you're not too clingy he'll headbutt your cheeks lovingly.

When he's calmer, he'll lick any small wounds he may have inflicted on you while he was playing.

If you buy toys for him, buy toys for him to bite.

There is a high chance of him attacking your cushions, sofas, curtains, etc. He will probably break things like a cat throwing a glass off the table on the floor.

When you seriously scold him that's the only time he'll cry.

Azul drank the water because he thought that if it was good he could make a deal to sell it at Mostro Lounge.

Cry baby!

He will be crying constantly at first. Until you realize he wants to go into the water.

You fill a bathtub, take his clothes off and put him in it. He turns into a little octopus merbaby.

But he is still not satisfied. After analysing the water for a second he started crying again. You then assume that he wants sea water, so you go get a bunch of salt from the kitchen and pour it all in there. Now he laughs happily.

You go to Sam's to buy some toys for Azul to play in the bathtub.

Problem: He will cry whenever you are not with him.

When you are with him in the bathroom and with one arm in the bathtub, if you get ready to get up, he will grab your arm with his little tentacles so you don't leave.

Maybe you buy Sam an aquarium to put Azul in so he can be in the room with you and the other babies.

He will cry whenever he sees you cuddling another baby. He also wants your affection!

He absolutely loves it when you pick him up.

You will end up with a lot of suction cup marks on your arms.

He's the type of baby that puts everything in his mouth and you have to be careful.

Jamil was the one who drank the water because whenever Kalim receives food he has to make sure it isn't poisoned.

He is one of the least problematic babies. He's a very quiet baby, which worries you a little.

He doesn't throw tantrums, but he doesn't seem to laugh much either. He also seems undecided whether he stays near you or not.

At first this ends up making you forget about him a little while dealing with the others. But when you realize it, you'll immediately pay attention to him.

When you pick him up for the first time, he doesn't know how to react. But as soon as you start giving him affection, he will laugh and return the affection. The others will be jealous because you're paying so much attention to him.

He can't sleep unless you rock him. Do you know about that thing that babies feel safer when they are close to their mother's heart? He only feels rested enough if he is lying on your chest and listening to your heart beating.

Since he's the one who laughs the least, you might end up paying more attention to him to make him happy, which will make others jealous, but him very happy.

Vil drank the water because he thought it was the product of an advertisement that he and his manager talked about once.

He's a grumpy baby.

He's the type to throw things when he's upset.

His tantrums may be quieter than Riddle's, but they are just as intense.

He likes to do little things like stack cubes or doodle on paper and show it to you with pride. The more you congratulate him on these little things, the more things he will do just to show them to you.

Maybe you'll end the day with a sketchbook of his drawings. (Rook will be so jealous of you)

When you pick him up and give him affection, it's the moment when he smiles and laughs more. And of course he will return the affection.

He's also the type of baby who likes to walk or crawl around, so you might lose sight of him if you're distracted.

He is fascinated by beautiful things so every now and then you can see him staring at some cute object.

If you put a video on your cell phone, or PC if you have one, he will be hypnotized watching it. And if it's something, or someone he really likes, he'll clap and get your attention so you can look at it too. If he sees Neige, he'll throw a tantrum.

Idia drank the water a little with the same thought as Leona: Why not? Somehow, Ortho found no abnormalities when it scanned the bottle.

Cry baby #2

He will never ever EVER leave your side. He's the type to hold on to your leg and never let go.

He will hide behind you, or your legs.

He will cry for you to hold him. Especially if he feels threatened by Leona or Riddle for example.

Even when you hold him to your chest, you'll feel his little hands gripping your shirt, as if he's afraid to let go.

He will also cry whenever he doesn't see you around.

He loves stuffed animals and other plushies.

He will hide a lot, which can make you lose sight of him. But as soon as he sees you looking for him, he goes straight to you for you to pick him up.

He loves learning toys, but can get tired of them quickly.

He can only sleep if you are close to him.

Of all the babies, he is the one who most reciprocates the affection you give him. He is a very enthusiastic little boy.

He also likes to draw and in the middle of the doodles you will be able to see a drawing of him, eighteen years old, with you and hearts around.

Malleus thought it was some kind of gift. The biggest surprise was that it was strong enough to affect even Malleus Draconia.

Unlike the others, only Silver and Sebek went looking for the antidote. Lilia stayed to take care of Malleus, so they stayed in Diasomnia.

Until you receive a call from Lilia because Malleus really wants to see you. AKA: he won't stop crying and throwing tantrums because he wants to be with you and the lightning strikes are getting worse and worse.

Given the circumstances of you also taking care of the other babies, you decide that it is best for Lilia and Malleus to go to Ramshackle Dorm.

When you open the door and baby Malleus sees you his curious face turns into a huge smile and he stretches his arms out to you. Lilia looks slightly apprehensive, but hands you the baby to hold. He was worried that Malleus could hurt you with his strength.

But that doesn't happen. The first moment you show discomfort, he will stop hugging you and look worried and afraid that he has hurt you. You’ll need to reassure him so he doesn't start crying.

Lillia and he stay in a separate room to avoid the risk of Malleus losing control of his powers. But, almost every 5 minutes, Lilia will call you because Malleus misses you.

He loves your cuddles and give him affection! He's the happiest baby when you're with him.

Whenever you kiss his cheeks he will laugh very loudly and happily. And he will kiss your cheeks back.

When you take too long to show up, you'll start to hear lightning outside and a storm brewing.

He will inevitably burn you by accident. With a simple sneeze. And the burns won't be worse because Lilia will protect you.

Whenever he realizes he hurt you, he will start crying and a torrential rain will start outside. You will have to reassure him, saying that everything is fine and that you will not leave him because of that.

He is very curious. Anything you do he will look closely at you.

You and Lilia will end up taking turns. while one of you is with Malleus, the other was with the rest of the babies.

Whenever you return to the other babies after Lilia's shift, they will attack you with hugs as if they miss you terribly.

YOU WILL COOK! Baby Malleus, keep Lilia busy!

Leona will want to play fight with everyone, so you will always be keeping him away from others. He will annoy Riddle and Vil and make Azul and Idia cry. Jamil is the only one who might retaliate in kind, which is not a good thing. Idia will cling to you so you can protect him from Leona.

Riddle gets along well with everyone else, but can get irritated with Vil and vice versa. They both like things to be done their way and can throw tantrums to have a toy or do something a certain way.

Azul can be clingy. And the ones most likely for him to be very attached to and want to be close to them are Jamil and Idia. These three are the least aggressive so the three of them would get along very well.

Jamil prefers to be close to Idia because he is calm and not very clingy.

If you feel sorry for Malleus for not being able to be with the other babies, you ask Lilia if any of them could be with Malleus for a little while.

You both agree that the best candidate for this would be Idia. He is calm and Lilia knows that he and Malleus get along very well. Plus, Idia is the least likely to get scared if he sees a bit of green fire.

At first Idia will be a little afraid, but then he will recognize Malleus. Idia will show toys and how to play with them while Malleus looks on attentively.

They only returned to normal when they were in their respective dorms, so they hadn't seen you since they were still babies.

Riddle will come to Ramshackle Dorm with your favourite cake or pie made by Trey.

He tries to hide his embarrassment the whole time.

He wanted to thank you for what you did, apologize for any inconvenience and ask you to please not tell anyone any details of what happened.

If you tell him how cute he was, he'll blush a lot and ask you to stop saying those things.

Leona will enter Ramshackle Dorm without knocking or anything. He'll just open the door, walk in, close the door behind him and walk right up to you.

“Listen up, herbivore! No talking about what happened! Understood?”

If you comment about him being as grumpy now as he was as a baby he'll reply with "I told you: no talking about it!"

If he sees the scratch marks on your arms, his tone will drop a little. And you'll see his ears lowered back. “Those were mine, weren't they?” and he will look a little embarrassed.

He will curse under his breath and calm down completely. Sit next to you on the couch and take one of your arms "Sorry" and give light kisses to the scratches.

Someone knocks on the door of Ramshackle Dorm and when you open it you see Azul carrying a large gift and a wide charismatic smile on his face.

The gift was something big and expensive that he knew you really wanted.

Asking him what he wanted in return for that: “Your silence. I want you to never tell anyone, much less the twins, what happened, especially the parts that concern me.”

You can tell him that he could also pay for the toys, aquarium, salt and the rest of the things you paid for him. If he complains and asks why you bought all that, you tell him he wouldn't stop crying and he will immediately agree to pay you back for all that stuff.

If he sees the cupping marks on your arms he will blush with embarrassment. “I-I'm sorry. Did I hurt you?”

You say he didn't hurt you, but the tentacles were pretty strong. He will take your hands and lightly kiss the marks.

Jamil shows up at Ramshackle Dorm with your favourite dish, freshly made by him, in a Tupperware container.

He greets you, asks how you are and then asks if he can come in. It's only after you're both in the common room that you ask if that's for him to ask you not to tell anyone about what happened.

And he will answer yes, embarrassed. And above all, you can't tell Kalim, or Azul, anything. (they don't remember what happened)

If you say there weren't many things to tell even if you wanted to and that was what worried you, he won't even know how to respond to that.

And if you start telling him how you spent time with him and played with him just to make him smile, he'll be so flattered he'll pull his hood over his face. And you'll only make it worse if you say his laugh was so cute.

He will apologize to you and say that even though he doesn't remember exactly what happened, he remembers feeling really happy whenever he was with you.

Vil trusts you enough to know that you wouldn't tell anyone anything that could harm him or his career, so he just went to the Ramshackle Dorm to thank you.

In addition to a few kisses on your cheek, he also offers you something from his cosmetics line.

If you mention the drawings he made for you, he'll brag about being an artist since he was little.

But if you start talking about the tantrums, he'll be embarrassed, and he will defend himself between laughs that, apparently, he has always been a demanding person.

Idia doesn't want to see you face to face because he is extremely embarrassed. But he also needs to make sure that you don't tell anyone what happened.

His tablet shows up at Ramshackle Dorm door.

So, you know that cell phone game you love? What if he buys you those 1230 Gems? You wouldn't say anything too detailed about what happened to anyone, right?

If you start talking about how cute he was, he'll beg you to stop. You can't see him on the tablet, but the more you talk about it, the pinker his hair gets.

He'll bounce as soon as he is sure that you've made a deal and you'll not tell anyone about what happened.

Lilia told Malleus about having to take him to you because he was throwing a tantrum about not being close to you. He even mentioned (dramatically) that he was hurt that he was no longer enough to take care of Malleus.

And because of this, when Malleus appeared at the door of Ramshackle Dorm to thank you, he was also partially embarrassed.

He thanks you for being so brave to agree to help Lilia take care of him. And he asks if he caused many problems, and that, in advance, he's sorry for all of them.

You can try to say he didn't cause any major problems, but somehow he'll be able to see the little burn marks on your arms. The kind of burns he knows only his flames can cause.

He will politely interrupt you and ask you to show him your arms.

The burns aren't many, nor are they very serious, but either way he widens his eyes in worry and regret. “You lied to me. After all, I caused a serious problem. I hurt you.” He also seems a little sulky that you tried to hide it from him.

He asks if he can touch your arms. After you give him permission, he kneels in front of you, gently grabs your arms and kisses the burns, all of them.

If you would like to read more from me, you can find it in my pinned post: INDEX

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eyebagshawty · 5 months

Note

Hello! May I request Lae’zel, Karlach, and whoever else you want to write being washed by the reader. I find the idea of bathing and taking care of someone to be really sweet.

Headcanons + Blurbs for Being Taken Care of/Washed by Tav

A/N: Hello! Sorry for just getting around to requests and other things now, the end of the semester got pretty crazy (at least I passed everything !) and now I’m finally able to focus and get out of this rut. Thank you for your patience and I hope you like it!

Characters: Lae’zel, Karlach, Shadowheart, Wyll, Gale, Astarion, Halsin

Part 2

Lae’zel

• When you first offer to wash up with Lae’zel she’s mostly confused and kind of annoyed - there’s already a tadpole in her head, and that’s enough lack of privacy.

• “Chk. At my crèche these things are normal. However, you istiks insist on attaching emotional meaning to such things… no.”

• However the more she thinks about it… you two have shared a bed more than once. She respects you more than the others; when she tells you to speak she also makes sure you know she will listen. She supposes that maybe connection wouldn’t be so bad with you of all people.

• She just walks up to your tent, grabs your hand, and says “Fine.”

You meet her at the waterfront and- is she nervous? Her gaze wavers between you and the night sky, feet firmly planted into the ground and arms across her armored chest. You get most of your armor off, but that last clasp just has to give you trouble. “Lae’zel, could you help me out with this?” It’s silent for a tension filled moment, and you’re about to ask again.

“Chk.” She walks over and with ease undoes the clasp. She’s back to feet firmly planted and arms crossed, only looking at the sky. You unfurl your hair from its practical braid and keep your eyes on her. “I wish I could show you the Tears.” Your eyes widen when you think about the first night she invited you to her bunk, how hard getting used to this unusual plane must be for her. You place your hand on her shoulder and she tenses, but relaxes after she’s brought back to the moment.

“I wish I could see them.” You whisper to her. You ‘help’ her out of her armor (she’s just letting you at this point, she could’ve been out of it in 30 seconds flat) and you both hiss as you enter the cold water. After a soft and asking touch, she allows you to undo her hair and wash it. You gather her hair gently into your hands and have her lean back to the water. As she does, you can see that she clearly hasn’t been this vulnerable in maybe ever. You give a soothing stroke to her scalp and she hums. As you lather the looted soap into her hair and scratch your nails lightly, you hear her sniffle.

“Lae’zel… are you alright?” You stop your ministrations but keep a hand cupped at the back of her neck.

“My-my queen is false. I will never ascend. Tsk’va, I’m an enemy to my kin. I don’t want to be on this plane anymore… I miss the astral. I must fight but I do not know how to keep going.” She quickly wipes her tears and looks at you. “Speak, source of my bruises. I will always listen.”

With her hair looking clean, you slowly move the bar between her shoulder blades and move it in soothing circles. You kiss her temple. “My love, this situation is quite a mess. Tadpoles in our heads, endless injuries, and I cannot imagine what this world must be like for someone who has never been in it. We will get through this. I’m here. I’m yours.” With that she shows an inkling of a smile as she stares into the water in thought. You continue to bathe her with soft kisses in between every swipe of soap along with words of reassurance. You are hers, the source of her bruises.

Karlach

•Once Karlach is able to touch people again, she is ecstatic to wash up with you. She’s barely been able to keep her hands off of you since, so when you offer she squeals.

• “Of fucking course soldier! Who knows, we might even be able to turn that river into a hot spring.” Her eyebrows waggle and your face goes beet red.

• When you meet her she definitely cannonballs into the water and complains when it’s shallow

• “Aw hells, that’s gonna be a kink to work out in the morning.”

• You guys don’t bathe for a good 15 minutes, she’s just kissing you and rubbing your sides and it’s so SWEET

She breaks away from the kiss and wades further into the water. You grab the soap from the grass and follow after, settling your arms around her neck and wrapping your legs around her waist. Her fingers come up to pinch your nose and she flops backwards into the water, leaving both of you sopping wet when she comes back up. “Gods Karlach you’re gonna kill me,” you sputter as you cough out the bit of water that got in your mouth. She pats your back and lets out a full bellied laugh.

“That’s right soldier get it all out,” she grins. You shoot her a playful glare. When your collective giggles finally die down, you bring the bar of soap up to her hair and begin lathering and spreading it with your fingers. Her eyes close with a serene smile. You make sure to get the area around her horns, and she kisses your cheeks as you take care of them. “You know… after Gortash. After… Avernus. Nobody has taken care of me like this in so long. So fucking long.” She sighs as you bring the bar to her neck and chest, taking away the near pints of blood the party had spilled earlier.

“I’ll make sure it never is that way again. I love you, and no matter what happens you deserve to be free from all of this.” You meet her gaze as the bar moves to her shoulders, and you see fear.

“Tav… my heart.” She lets out a choked sob and a tear streams down her cheek that you immediately wipe away. “I finally have you after so godsdamn long, and I don’t want to lose what’s most important. Not again. I’m just so scared.” She breaks down into tears and her skin heats up warmly under your skin. You crush her into your chest and she buries her face into your neck, where you rub soothing circles into her scalp along with kisses.

“You won’t lose me. Whether it be in Baldurs Gate or Avernus, I’ll be here.” She lifts her head and you kiss her nose, where a little flame sparks and then snuffs out. She lets out a soft chuckle as her mood cools. “I promise to you we’re gonna kill that pathetic little fucker and anyone who helped him.” Her lips meet yours and you kiss back with eager passion. As you pull away you go back to soothingly rubbing the bar across the planes of her back.

“Wait- didn’t you grab this soap off a dead guy?! GROSS soldier!”

Shadowheart

•She immediately says no

•Not because she doesn’t trust you, she just can’t swim and finds it a bit embarrassing for her powerful presence

•After you finally convince her it’ll only be where she can stand, she agrees.

• “A bottle of wine, my lover, and a nice grassy beach? It’ll do,” she gives a sarcastic but playful smile.

•You two get plastered on Chultan Fireswill before you hop in

After one last swig from the bottle Shadowheart takes your hand and leads you into the water. You stop at around three feet deep and get to your knees. Her braid whips around her shoulder as she serenely begins to scrub away blood with the soap bar. “I love this silver color so much. It illuminates you as some would say,” you utter softly, and she chuckles. She slowly takes her hair out of the braid’s confines and your jaw drops at how long and pretty it is as it flows down her back. You look pointedly to the bar of soap. “May I?”

She squints at you in playful suspicion then smiles. “You may.” You lather the soap into her hair and she lays her head back into your chest as you scratch lovingly at her scalp. She brings her hand up to your cheek behind her and whispers, “The moon looks beautiful tonight.” As soon as the words leave her lips the wound in her hand opens. She hisses and sits back up. As she looks back to you, her gaze looks broken. “After everything I’ve been through with the dark lady, I don’t think this will ever go away.”

You inch your hand closer to hers, placing your pinkies over each other. “It’s horrible… what she did to you.” She grins bitterly but moves to interlace your fingers, rubbing the back of your hand with her thumb.

“I just wish I could remember any of that horrible stuff. I want to be angry. But mostly I’m only numb. She was… she was everything to me. And although it is horrible yes, it’s all so new. Being away from her.”

She nods in confirmation as you move the bar of soap to her chest, the motions soothing her and making her eyes soften as she watches you. “I understand,” you whisper as you lean up to kiss the shell of her pointed ear. That’s all that needs to be said, Shadowheart thinks to herself. You’ve become more than her greatest companion in her eyes, she trusts you’ll be there through thick and thin. “We’ll just have to make new memories,” you smile, and as you finish rubbing the soap across her body you throw it back to the grass, pulling her into a loving kiss as she wraps her arms around your neck.

Wyll

•When you offer to wash up with Wyll a MASSIVE blush runs across his cheeks

• “Are you sure? ImsurethehornsfreakyououtandtheresbumpsinotherstrangeplacesIdontwantyou-“ he basically starts talking at a mile a minute about how it might be awkward for you

• “Wyll honey, I can just meet you there while you’re already in if that’s more comfortable for you” and you give him a sweet smile and his face goes red AGAIN

By the time you get to the waterfront, you see Wyll propped against a rock, the water resting at waist level with his arms propping him up. You throw him a shy smile. He has a sly grin and nods your way, beckoning you towards him. You twirl your finger and mouth, “Turn around!” He lets out a silent chuckle and turns his head towards the mountains beyond the lake.

You slide out of your evening clothes and grab the soap bar laying on top of your towel. As you wade further into the water you let out a shriek — it wasn’t winter right? Wyll turns around and laughs at the sight; you’re rubbing your arms with chattering teeth. “It is quite frigid tonight, huh? I think I’ve got a cantrip in me for a special someone.”

You look around, bemused, as to how spells could possibly help you out here. Wyll shoots a fireball into the depths of the water, your skin instantly warming up. However, it doesn’t last long as the lake cools back down to freezing. You swim at the speed of light over to Wyll and wrap your arms around his neck. “Sorry, I just need something. By the nine hells you think a blizzard would be rolling through,” you laugh. When you’ve warmed up enough, you take the bar of soap and gingerly begin to wash and lather his hair and horns, kissing the scars across his face.

Wyll looks down at you, surprise slathered across his face as you finish up with his head and move to his broad shoulders, kissing everything infernal you can find. “Tav…you like this?” He brings up a hand to your cheek as you continue your ministrations. You cup water in your hands and gently rinse away the soap on his chest.

“Of course I do, Mizora could make you look fully cambion and I would still have the strongest of feelings for you. You’ll always be my dashing, strong, Blade of Frontiers,” you peck his neck with each last word, and he laughs, kissing your forehead with a soft cherishing smile.

Gale

• When you offer to Gale, he gives you the most devious look you’ve ever seen

• He hasn’t been around others for so long till now, much less bathing with anyone, and he’s grown pretty strong feelings for you so he love love loves this idea

• “My dear Tav I would love to! You know how I enjoy your body after a battle, all the sweat covering your skin and the flush of your cheeks”

• He’s not your quietest companion so everybody does hear this and everybody does let out an exasperated groan

• Your face flushes even further than when you asked him and you squeak out an okay and run to your tent

When you meet up with Gale at the waterfront, his tunic is already off, showing his surprisingly wonderful muscles. He kisses you upon greeting, and helps you out of your evening clothes with a soft caress here and there on every part of your body. You grab your soap and lead him into the water, the water being just warm enough for your plans.

He gathers you into his lap, his cheeks a light red as he grins up at you. You lather the soap and scrub it into his hair, listening to his groans and praises as you work. You kiss his cheeks as you move to his chest, and he finally opens his eyes again, looking up at you with those big round puppy eyes.

“This is surprisingly wonderful. I remember doing things like this for her, running water through her hair and lathering the finest oils onto her skin, but she never once did anything for me.” You stop your work, looking up to his eyes with an expression of shock and sadness. His eyes bore just as strongly into yours, and his thumbs rub circles into your hips.

“Gale… you are worthy of being loved. What she did to you wasn’t right — it never was, even from the beginning if I’m getting my facts straight. She isolated and took from you. I never want you to feel like that with me.” You kiss his cheeks and his hairline, and his lips follow yours, chasing to press them together.

They finally do, and his kiss is filled with eager passion, pouring every thought he’s had about you into you. When you pull away he lets out a soft whine, bringing his hand to your neck. “I’m in love with you, darling. And I know and trust that you feel the same, any need of the tadpole be damned.” You smile and begin to continue rubbing the soap into his stomach, but he stops you. He brings his lips to yours once more, and he rolls you over onto your back in the water, letting you prove how loved he is.

Astarion

• His eyes go soft and round when you ask him

• “Really?? Little old me??” Even after the graveyard and all your reassurances, he’s still moving towards actual coupley things

• “You’ve never wanted a luxurious meal and bath together my love?” You take his hand stroke his fingers with care

• If he could blush he would, but he just sputters with the goblet of wine he has

• He collects himself back into charming mode, “Well then, I thought you’d never ask. Come find me when you’re ready.” He kisses your cheeks and literally just walks off into the woods, leaving you standing at the entrance to your shared tent looking absolutely befuddled

When you find him at the hot spring the camp had discovered last night, he’s already in the water with his eyes closed angling his head towards the night sky. His ears twitch as he hears you begin to take off your evening clothes, and his eyes open to look at you with a rakish smile. “Why hello, my treasure. The water feels amazing.” You smile, grab your soap and head in. Immediately you groan with relief, the hot water soothing the aches from your nasty fight with some undead earlier.

Astarion moves closer to you, taking the most warmth he can get. You bring your arms around his neck and just stay there for a minute. He hugs you back, burying his face into the crook in your shoulder. You fingers lightly stroke against his raised scars in a loving motion, and after his breath hitches he melts into your touch, practically purring as you lavish him with affection. When you pull away his loss of heat is devastating. However, he calms down when you begin to wash his hair, scratching at his scalp and running the hot water over his curls.

“I don’t think I’ve ever let anyone touch my hair like this,” he mumbles. You kiss his cheek and move the bar to his chest and shoulders, working out any aches and pains he might have.

“Well, now you have me my love,” you whisper, kissing the tip of his ear.

“I just can’t believe that after everything you want to stay. The sky is beautiful tonight, but it is all I will ever know once this mindflayer business is said and done with.” His words are bitter, almost as if he is angry with himself.

“It is all we will know my love. And I’m actually quite the night owl. As much as I love our ragtag group, I’m quite introverted around most of society. Everything is fine,” you kiss his bite marks, the hollows of his cheeks, and finally his lips. He kisses you back fervently, pouring care he was never able to show for anyone else previously. You pull away and finish gently washing the rest of his body in silence. As you prop your neck to the side for him, he looks at you with an expression akin to great offense.

“Darling! I thought you knew me well enough to know the bath is never over after only soap.” He waves his hand over to the small crate of oils he’d brought to the spring. “Now, I’m feeling lavender tonight. How about you my love?”

You give him a beaming smile, wading out of the spring to retrieve it. “Sounds wonderful, my heart.”

Halsin

• You don’t even really have to ask him, he’s just joined you most of the time to protect you

• He doesn’t like you venturing out in to the woods by yourself, because Silvanus help him a lot of people are after you guys

• “Of course my heart — Scratch is licking at his paw a bit so I need to inspect that, but I will join you in just a couple of minutes.”

• With an encouraging woof from Scratch, you caress his shoulder and go to collect your things

You’ve stuffed all the stuff needed for the bath into two large bags, your arms making you crouch downward with the weight. As Halsin walks to meet you he sees this, chuckles, and wild shapes into his bear form. He takes the bag handles into his mouth and nudges your leg with his snout. You pet his head and hop onto his back, him letting you ride on it as you both make your way to the water.

On arrival, you hop off and he drops the items into the grass. As his bear form is used most in combat, you grab out a bottle of soap you’d nicked off of that crazy dog handler in Rivington. You drizzle it all over his fur and gather some of the river water into a bucket. You begin scrubbing the soap into his fur, and he lets out cute little groans and growls. When you finish you dump the bucket of water onto him, and he lets out a noise of surprise. He turns back into regular Halsin, his hair soaked down against his head with playful exasperation.

“My heart, you did not need to release the full power of a waterfall onto me I assure you.” You laugh and beckon him into the water. He wades in and smothers you with kisses.

“Halsin please! I need to breathe!” You giggle, pushing at his chest. He finally settles down, pulling you into his lap.

“Thank you for helping me with the shadow curse. Thaniel he… he needed us. He needed you.” He settles into a somber smile, nuzzling his nose against your temple.

You trace your fingers across his chest, leaving kisses that follow. “I knew the lands needed our help, and I’m glad he’s free from the curse. All we have left is this elder brain, and we can go back to the grove and live in peace.”

He tilts your chin up with his hand, and looks tenderly into your eyes. “I would be blessed by Silvanus to spend my thousands of years with you.” He crashes his lips into yours, one of many you’ll share over the passage of time.

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