#I AM FROM BALTIMORE MOTHERFUCKER

[lifetimeinafist]

Another David Simon verbal murder

#David Simon #I AM FROM BALTIMORE MOTHERFUCKER

[allpromarlo]

since the important part of you (my mutuals) asked, here's rose oc wank: nfl edition

this is gonna get a lil unrealistic and of course if you (for some fuckn reason) have a problem with ocs for a real life sports league then GET OUUUTTTTT

n e ways

so i already spoilered some of the things this peculiar group of Sad Wet Men have to offer but i wanna start with the running back or as i (the name generator i ran through 437 times.) called him, duane cameron. he's a rb who got drafted in 2011 in the 2nd round bc i just can't let go of my senior citizens (terms and conditions apply i KNOW 34 isn't old) to the panthers. i don't know if they were actually in need of a rb at that time but fuck it they have one now and he's gorjus.

he's known cam (1st ovr pick yannooooo) since high school (after moving away from canada...but that's a whole thing i don't even wanna get into that) and when they got drafted to the same team cam was more enthralled by it than duane but hey he'll have to live w that now. no eli manning shenanigans you are STAYING THERE

n e ways he played for the panthers for a couple seasons and he was always in the top 10 rb conversations (from 2012 onwards bc the only thing people remember him for in 2011 is getting batista bombed by jj watt). he won opoy in 2014 for the first time and repeated in 2015. yk what also happened in 2015.

bc i am chronically living in the past and i'll never stand for the injustice that was dealt on that particular day in 2016, of course my 6'7 babygirl (don't question the dimensions. just Don't.) was the missing piece to the panthers super bowl and they do win that shit fuck you and your big ass forehead peyton. duane also wins sbmvp bc of his outlandish 377 yard performance (I FUCKING WARNED YOU) but you could expect that

n e ways after an easy repeat in 2016 (julio i wanted you to have this so bad but...the Narrative) and some drama in 2017 (mainly due to cam making the bail for no fucken reason) my boy finally hung up the boots in carolina and signed with the ravens because i am a biased little fangirlie and i want my team to have everything. he won the chip in 2019 w the murder birds and maybe sorta somewhat did it again in 2022 but shhhh

n e ways this was a LOT for just one guy and trust me he's the only one with that much history. movin tf on

so in my last post i did mention a 2nd oc who's a social experiment. well his name is ansis knight (that was NOT my idea btw i asked my brother to give me a name for a cornerback and this is what he came up with) and he's a social experiment in the sense that he's literally german. like his dad is american and everything but the dude grew up in Heidelberg, schönste Stadt im Land.

as i said he's a cb & plays for the eagles as of right now and he's very. idk. he's a dumbass and he does things he shouldn't do a lot of the time but Never On The Field. on the field he's the most annoying little bastard (especially for qbs bc for SOME FUCKING REASON he's everything everywhere all at once and they can't escape him) and wrs have a burning hatred for him (so do i). but off the field he's just this very Peculiar Personality and nobody knows what his deal is except amon-ra bc out of all the wrs he bothers every week amon-ra gets the most of it. you can imagine how he reacted when he saw his week 1 matchup last season

not a lot of history on him bc he's still fairly new but i'll just say he's my weirdest saddest wettest football guy and i love him very a lot

AND NOW. FOR THAT MOTHERFUCKER THAT WAS PART OF THE FUCKING NBA OC POST (which is so outdated by now you don't even know)

cole grAnt.

i'll take away first that he's shrunk a bit (6'10 is ENOUGH, jfc) and he's an edge rusher now which means he's the biggest menace to society the world has ever seen. he was drafted by the colts in the 6th round after a solid college season (UNDERDOG STORY RAAAAHHHHH) but they traded his ass to baltimore (eheh. hey) after an...interesting 2021 season. let me explain por favor

basically, he was tackled pretty fucking hard at one point (however hard you can hit a 6'10 dude who's built like a fucking wardrobe) and hit the ground awkwardly. @ the beginning he thought it was just a concussion and bc it was right ahead of bye week, he came back the next game. in THAT game tho he collapsed on the field and when they did a scan on his ass they found that a blood vessel exploded in his brain which caused intracranial hematoma (inner bleeding in the brain for all you non googlers). my man basically died for a second and he didn't play another game afterwards, but in 2022 he came back w a vengeance and he made joe burrow's life HELL in week 5 (and the wildcard game)

i don't know why i went THAT hard on cole's injury i just thought that i was coddling these men too hard and needed one of them to SUFFER. i mean duane already did for the duration of the 2018 season but i needed PHYSICAL SUFFERING i needed there to be BLOOD.

anyways that would be all i hope you understand at least some of it goodnight goodbye

@heyitswolfman pls accept my humble offering + apology i had some bs to deal w today so this comes late <3<3 sawry

#if this doesn't get any notes i'm deleting it next morning #you have till 7 am #now you're all familiar with my disaster children. thank u for ur attention #nfl #oc philosophies

[harmcityherald]

Office of Public Affairs | Federal Court Orders Florida Pain Clinic to Close, Physician and Clinic Owners to Pay Civil Penalties for Alleged Role in Unlawful Opioid Distribution | United States Department of Justice

so exactly what is a pain clinic supposed to do? Im asking because I am being steered toward one. of course its at jhh so I am pretty confident in their professionalism. I still wholeheartedly believe its just a way of passing the buck. So I will get sent here and they will say sorry bub you gotta live with the pain. medicine? yeah we got it but we won't give it to you because we might get sued. So its limboland for people with chronic pain like me. sending me to the pain clinic is them handing me my hat and showing me to the door. its hard to blame them. so many seek this medicine that I have to go out of my area to actually fill it. theres that much demand and the pharmacist says "you gotta be here the day the truck comes." really? fucking really? either 80% of baltimore is in pain or just addicts on the take. I don't have that problem outside my area. so what else am I supposed to think? the last time they sent me to a pain clinic in northern balt. co. and I literally walked out of there. it was like a 3 ring circus and I mean c'mon guys I live 150 ft from an open air drug market if I want to hang out like that I would be over there. don't think pain hasn't brought me to the threshold of thinking about it. and that's awful really. so I can't wait to hear the bs they are going to spin at me. count backwards from 10? drink more coconut juice? wear a rubber band on my wrist and snap when it feels like betty davis is walking in heels on my disemboweled colon? I can't wait. The only reason I agreed to go was for my oncologist. I treated her badly at times I can be a difficult patient. She has been there for me and thanks to her direction I was connected to other doctors and the benefit of the mirtazapine. So far I am a success story for her. but the experts and her agree that I should not be having the pain at the levels I am. shouldn't but I darn well am. thankfully they will be watching the liver. and today I saw my primary and the blood pressure appears to be back under control (yet another pill) but today I was 170 lbs. last time at oncology I was 173 which was a rise from the last but after my radiation I was 178 and they did backflips they couldn't believe it. I told them "edibles baby" they help my appetite and calm my stomach remnant (I like to call it that they cut out 85%) but yeah I told them they should study it, you being johns hopkins and all. place is like a medical starship and many nights I lay here thinking of it just that way. I just don't know man. you can cry foul and quote opiate crisis this and that but what every conversation and even this very release from the motherfucking DOJ leaves out are the real people with debilitating pain and yeah bitches I hope you hear me. I used to fix your desk and chairs. doing me alot of good ain't you. well yall got your hands full with the nazi trump circus of death. you know what? I will live with the pain if you promise to hang his carcass from the washington monument. he would like that. a bigly way to go. I have no idea what to expect from this...clinic. why do I hear amy singing no no no.

no one cares about people in chronic pain. and I go to one of the premiere hospitals on the planet.

the truth is there is no answer to chronic pain. To them it is still a mystery. they don't admit that but its like the electric pulses that give us thought. electrical impulses give us pain. we need them so we don't burn our hands off, but understanding how it works? nope. do opiates stop pain? the actual impulses. I mean I feel it work in my battle zone of inner organs so I can say yes after a fashion. in other ways it doesn't stop the pain but just makes it more bearable. and I have tried all of them. which is why I laugh at these fentanyl stories. that was the weakest they tried on me it was weak. I said fuck that go back to the other because that stuff is weak in comparison. I personally don't want to be on any medicine whatsoever. part of that mentality led me to where I am because me thinking im invincible and heart meds? every day? forever? yeah right. well I didn't listen and my aorta exploded. now with only a tiny stomach and all the surgeries they say I no longer have normal anatomy and many times the doctors have to go back even to dr lum and say wtf lol. but im still here. I ain't goin nowhere. use duct tape if you gotta and if you gotta take my pain meds because you are afraid of the freedom caucus then do it. just look me in the eye and tell me the truth. I don't think these docs at this new clinic are ready for me. maybe she will warn them. I would.

anyway the government doesn't care if you are in pain. they only care about the "opioid crisis" because it effects their bottom dollar. and as much as I am devoted to jhh they are still a for profit organization. I won't have a problem. I haven't had any problems when I didnt have them or ran out, no junkie behavior here. I take them before I eat and sometimes after depending on that nights pain. I also know that all of this is no ones business but my own. your telling me, I can hear you through the text, telling me to stop no one needs to know that. maybe someone else you haven't imagined is reading and they too suffer chronic pain and I don't have any answers in this post but neither do the suits who make these decisions that effect our lives and we must remain quiet because omg you don't wanna tell people you are on drugs. on drugs?! really! I take a total of 9 prescription medications. I am on drugs pooh bear, get over it. consider yourself lucky. oh and hey, give me a call when they decide to send you to a pain clinic I can give you some tips. if your lucky enough to survive like me. got a nephew who just got his diagnosis. young. too damn young. my advice to him? fight like hell and never give up. and when the time comes and you are in a hospital bed....get up. get out of that bed. however you have to do it. that's what Dr yoshi told me. and showed me. cancer is a scary word. some people never get past that. my advice? they give you a death sentence and you say go to hell come and catch me. you fight to the last breath. say what? sign for you not to resuscitate me? bitch, resuscitate me and like I said use duct tape if you gotta. you bring me back even if its just my head left so I can still cuss everyone out.

yeah. pain clinics. shams. that's my opinion until it ain't I will let you know.

[honestlyzenoouh]

The Foxes accents

Okay, as someone who actually haven’t read all of the aftg ec, please go easy on me. That being said, I haven’t once heard anyone speak of any of the foxes’ accents, other than Neil’s british one, and i have thoughts, and I just wanted to curse you all with them. 

Okay, so I actually don’t remember where Dan is from, but i always just pictured her with the standard American accent. Like, when you watch a british show and an american shows up. That accent.

So, Kevin... He grew up in Castle Evermore after his mother died(? maybe also before?), so I see 2 options. Either he also has the generic american accent, or, the way more fun option, he is very southern. It’s frequently mentioned that he is charming with the press, and what he more charming than a southern gentleman??? Nothing that is. 

Andrew grew up in California so he could lowkey be a surferdudebro. But I just really can’t see that. There is also the problem with both Nicky and Aaron, who are both, spoiler alert, clearly also southern having grown up in SC(I think with Aaron, don’t sue me). So i really think that he unconsciously mimic their accent to better fit in with them. Deny all you want, but this boy still want a family.

My sweet little angle Matt i believe grew up in New York, and him being the big teddy bear that he is, and then giving him the stereotypical Boston accent really tickles. 

I believe Aaron grew up in SC, but now that I think about it... Did he also grow up in Cali?? Or was that one of Tilda’s boyfriends? Either way i still picture him with a lowkey southern accent. He doesn’t play down intentionally, it just sorta happened after Andrew moved in with him and Tilda. 

I am so sorry, but i really think that Seth was a bit of trailer/white-trash? So he has that sorta southerndrawl, yet it’s not? Picture Bubba J from Jeff Dunham yet, less obnoxious.  

Okay so Allison grew up rich, and i always imagine her with like, a posh american accent. Like, the hollywood accent? It’s not quite the generic accent, but close to it. It has class.

Nicky did grow up in SC, that much i am sure of. So the southern accent for him. But i feel like he sorta lost it a bit in Germany? So when he moved back to the states to take care of the twins, it was that sorta lowkey accent Aaron had adopted from living with Andrew for however months. It is also after moving in with Nicky and Aaron that Andrew’s changes. Nicky doesn’t mention it, and Aaron doesn’t realize they now sound the same. 

So Renee grew up surrounded by gangsters right? But she’s also a “convincing” christian, so she can’t have that stereotypical gangster accent. Also so she is like soft spoken? I really don’t know what she sounds like accent wise in my head. I’m sorry, I have failed you Renee.

This motherfucker keeps changing his accent. At this point not even Neil knows what accent is his “true” one. He grew up in Baltimore, but he mostly spent time with his mom. So i feel like he has like, a bastard accent with a mixture of those two as his comfort accent. But he can mimic almost all accent, as a survival tactic. Very useful on the run. When he first joined the foxes, he kept his generic american from living in Arizona. But after they won the final game against the ravens i feel like he went “I am truly safe now, I can be Neil Josten forever” and slowly just dropped the generic one and went for his comfort. If i gonna live, might as well be comfortable with my family. 

#aftg #tfc #Dan Wilds #Kevin Day #andrew minyard #Matt boyd #Aaron Minyard #Seth Gordan #Allison Reynolds #Nicky Hemmick #Renee Walker #Neil Josten #accents #Andreil #all for the game #all for the gay #the foxhole court #zenoouh writes #my writing

[meanminyxrd]

punchdrunk but it’s andreil based

hey losers i’m back with another song analysis, as always. i have a playlist for my andreil vibes if you’re curious, here it is. i actually have a lot but this one is for my slightly sad yearning andreil vibes. 

anyways, today we are covering punchdrunk by vaines. i really really enjoy this song for them and i hope i can covey it!! let’s go (:

I remember driving your car 'cause I never had one

And if I did I probably would’ve crashed it

And if I died who would’ve cared?

Maybe you would cry sometimes

Maybe you would just be fine

Because I know we weren’t in love

You just wanted to pass the time

(And that was alright)

the first line of this is pretty black and white. neil driving andrew’s car <3333 that’s it that’s the tweet. when he’s saying he’d crash one if he had his own its because he has to destroy a lot and leave stuff behind because of his past. he constantly is working to hide his past from the FBI. furthermore, he thought he was going to die for the majority of the books, and when he died, who was supposed to care? he had no one. it was this ‘me, myself, and i’ mentality because that was what kept him alive. he was constantly in danger, and when he was with andrew that’s why he made him take away the promise; he didn’t want andrew hurt because of his actions. by saying ‘maybe you would cry sometimes, maybe you would be just fine’ shows how he doesn’t think andrew actually cares ab him because 1. neil is an oblivious fuck and 2. andrew is a raging tsundere. andrew is always like ‘i dont like u’ blah blah, explaining the line ‘because i know we weren’t in love you just wanted to pass the time’ but neil was okay w it; ‘and that was alright’

I got it bad and I feel so lonely

Thought I wanted love I just wanted you

Now we’re together but you don’t even know me

But I’m stuck, what am I gonna do?

uhhh, like, poor fuckin neil man. he really had it bad for this man i really dunno how he survived when andrew was in the mental hospital HAHA. but fr he must have been so lonely, never allowing himself to make attachments, and then he makes this really skewed one with some midget maniac and then that same man goes to a hospital. that can’t have been a fun time (and it wasn’t).

‘thought i wanted love i just wanted you’, god, i love this line. remember when he looks at nicky and matt to see if he feels anything different? sees if he feels attracted to them, but he doesnt? he thinks he’s just craving affection after all this time, but no, its andrew he craves, it’s andrew he wants and chooses.

‘now we’re together but you dont even know me’ this motherfucker is living behind this silly ‘neil’ persona for a time when he’s with andrew and andrew only has this red headed man built of half truths. ‘now im stuck, what am i gonna do?’ he can’t run away like he’s used to because now he cares about andrew and he’s promised to stay.

Guess I’ll stick around

Being with you is only making me feel

Like I’m further from you then I’ve ever been

But I’m right there when you call me 'cause I’m so lonely

I don’t wanna bring it to an end

now, neil stays because he promised andrew he would, and andrew makes him feel so different and special and happy. but also while he’s with andrew he feels so far away because he isn’t being himself and andrew keeps denying whatever this,,, scuffed relationship is. but whenever andrew initiates contact, asks him yes or no, tells him to meet him somewhere or do something, neil is THERE in a heartbeat because he’s so caught up with the idea of andrew and he doesn’t want what they have to ever end even tho he’s convinced it will, one day, come to that point.

I remember feeling so young

Nothing's gonna bring me down

And if you jumped I would’ve followed

All the way down to the bottom

Better days are over now

Everything is slowing down

And you still won’t say it’s love

You just wanna pass the time

Fine

being with andrew brings him up, makes him happy, makes him FEEL something. nothing was gonna take him away from that. he would have followed andrew anywhere because he quite literally trusted andrew with his life. but the good days are over, (cut to baltimore) he’s being fucked up by his dad’s men and he thinks he’s gonna die then (cut to post baltimore) andrew does all this shit for him but STILL says he doesnt care ab neil and he just wants to pass the time. and neil is like, fine, what the fuck ever. if this is just a cheap fuck then by god im going to enjoy it while it lasts. and he’s starting to think andrew might feel *something*, but there’s no confirmation that can be seen by our lovely oblivious lil man.

Don’t stop, I know that it’s not what

I want but I need somebody to be mine

Oh god, I can’t tell you what’s up

I’m so deep in punch drunk, dumb love

I don’t ever wanna wake up

he doesnt want to be tied down. trusting someone and staying in one place for a long time? no. no way. that’s not something that neil abram josten does. he does not stay, he does not trust anyone, and by god he does NOT fall in love. but he gets to a point where he needs andrew. all he can think of in the hospital is the foxes and andrew, god, ANDREW, the prick he’s fallen in love with and can’t get out of love with. and he begs andrew to let him stay (post baltimore, hotel scene) because he NEEDS to stay, he NEEDS the foxes but more importantly he NEEDS andrew. but he’ll leave if he has to. he’ll leave if andrew asks him to because he cares more about andrew than he does himself, but he can’t explain any of this to andrew, because he’s never felt this before and he doesnt know what he’s even feeling. he just knows that somewhere along the line he fell head over heels into this situation for andrew and god he doesnt think he’ll ever be ready for it to end.

Got me brainwashed, everything is hazy

Am I killing time? Are you killin' me?

Mind games daily, why do I let you play me?

Do you get high watching me bleed?

(Now I’m bleeding out)

this part, for me, is more so a cut to the first book when andrew is just fuckin manic 24/7 because of his drugs. he drugs neil (brainwashed, hazy) and kidnaps him. neil is so stressed out by this situation that he doesn’t know who is winning in this stupid war he has with this psycho midget (am i killing time? are you killing me?). we all know andrew joseph minyard LOVES to torment neil even when shit is chill so he plays mind games with him constantly, and neil just lets it happen, because that’s who neil *is*. nathaniel wouldn’t stand for this shit, but that’s not the personality he’s portrayed and he isn’t eager to break character; not yet. and andrew always is so damn HAPPY, no matter what, bc of the drugs (again, first book for this verse). so the ‘do you get high watching me bleed?’ is like neil being like, do u really enjoy watching everyone around you hurt?? are you actually happy with all of this?

Running in circles while you hurt me, guess I deserve it

'Cause I just keep on worshiping you again and again

And I’m there when you call me 'cause I’m so– *beep*

I don’t want the misery to end

this part is a little tricky to explain canonically, i guess, but i attribute it once more to andrew denying his feelings. nora never explains it in the books, but i know from experience that this is SUCH a confusing scenario to be in. to have someone acting like they care and speaking differently. and neil must have been so confused (running in circles) but he feels he deserves it because it isnt like he’s trying to leave or anything, and he’s always there when andrew asks because like it or not, he’s attached. even tho this confusion sucks sometimes, and the whole hearted belief he has that andrew really does not care hurts beyond belief inside, he buries those feelings because he isnt ready to let andrew go.

that’s pretty much all of it; can you tell i’m obsessed with andreil?? i just love them so much. they’re so special to me. like, i dont think either of them ever saw a relationship coming; it just happened, and that’s what is so inherently beautiful to me about them. it started with a kiss, a ‘yes or no?’ and escalated from there. neil expected one day andrew was going to get bored of him, just like andrew always said he was. but he never did. he never will. 

so yeah!! hope u enjoyed xoxo see y’all soon <3

#aftg #song analysis #all for the game #andrew minyard #neil josten #andreil #playlists #songs #music

[elisela]

SWAT!Buddie 😌 Because now I am binging S.W.A.T.

I will preface this by saying that I have never seen S.W.A.T sooooo sorry if this is like .... wildly inaccurate.

1. Eddie’s not expecting to be promoted to squad leader. To start with, both Hen and Chim have been on the squad longer than he has been, and both of them are infinitely more level-headed than he is. It becomes more clear when Bobby starts talking about the the uptick in crimes linked to the Mexican Mafia; everyone knows Eddie’s Abuela lives in the Pico neighborhood where the Santa Monica 13 reside, and they trust him. Eddie’s the six year old they knew running down the block to catch the ice cream truck on hot July days, he’s the thirteen year old who washed their cars and mowed their lawns, he’s the high school graduate that went off to fight in a war he knew nothing about. Eddie’s the only one they’re going to give information to--and it’s information that Bobby desperately needs.

2. Buck’s a bit of a wild card. Glowing recommendations had followed him from both Philadelphia and Baltimore, but he’s shit at following orders and seems to especially like flaunting Eddie’s rules for the hell of it. Buck does things his way for weeks, always just scraping by at the last minute, narrowly avoiding being killed. But Buck’s also the one who can de-escalate a situation faster than anyone Eddie’s ever seen--though it always seems to start with him taking off his protective gear, which gives Eddie a god damn heart attack each and every time. So Eddie lets his lackadaisical approach for following orders slide for a little too long, until it blows up in his face one day--literally.

3. Standing over someone’s hospital bed and simultaneously feeling like you’ll never forgive them for putting themselves in danger and incredibly, pathetically grateful that they saved you from being the one who almost died. It’s an interesting dichotomy, and one that Eddie would like to never feel again. He’d been two feet in front of Buck, and then--then he hardly had a second to register that Buck’s hand was closing around the neck of his bulletproof vest before he was being propelled halfway down the hallway, and Buck had a gun pressed to his temple. There were several points during the day that Eddie was pretty sure they wouldn’t even make it to the hospital, especially after the bomb went off, but here they are, and Buck’s out of surgery, and if Eddie holds his hand and falls asleep with his head on Buck’s hospital bed, that’s between him and an unconscious man.

4. A surprising amount of their job is protective detail, which is always done with a partner. Eddie pretends that he constantly assigns Buck with himself so he can keep Buck in check, but it’s a poor excuse and everyone knows it. The truth is, Eddie’s pretty sure he’s addicted to the attention Buck gives him, and being on protective detail means it’s just the two of them, spending far too many nights sitting in a dark living room of someone’s house, just talking. Thankfully, no one calls him out on it, but Buck isn’t subtle about how he watches Eddie, doesn’t hesitate for a second to put his hands on him, to press against him, to throw an arm around his shoulder just because. And Eddie is careful, okay, he’s much, much better at keeping things buried, but he’s starting to not want to be so good at it, he’s starting to think he might be okay with Buck knowing. 

5. Eddie’s spent eleven months falling in love with Buck, and he’s going to tell him. He’s already asked him on a date--well, Buck doesn’t know it’s a date, but Eddie’s going to make that clear once they get to the restaurant--and they’re a few hours away when the team gets called out to an active hostage situation. At Christopher’s school. When they arrive, every student is accounted for--except Chris. Eddie’s pulled off the line; he’s forced to sit on the hood of Athena’s squad car while Hen is put on point and Bobby starts negotiating with whoever the hell is holding his son hostage, and Eddie’s not sure why he’s bothering because he’s going to kill the motherfucker himself before all this is over. The standoff has been going on for two hours when all hell breaks loose--shots start firing and Eddie’s got his hand wrapped around Bobby’s wrist so hard he loses all feeling in his fingers until he sees Buck running out the side door, carrying his son--who’s wearing Buck’s vest and helmet. He doesn’t wait until after the date to kiss him.

#ask eli #eli's head canons #like i am legitimately sorry for this because i have no clue what i'm doing and relied way too much on wikipedia

[furiousncurious]

I hate to say it, but the American Democratic Party is showing so much corruption, so much flip flopping, so much pandering, so much hypocrisy, and are being so disingenuous, it's making our current president look like a fucking saint. It's a total shitshow and its just as entertaining as it is horrifying to watch. Nothing but a goddamn joke. They're eating eachother alive, they're blatantly not being real about jack shit, last night they basically talked about NOTHING but Orange Man Bad, exaggerating the existence of white supremacy in this country to the point where it actually felt like they were downplaying the actual racial issues as they tiptoed away from answering the questions of how they would solve the problems in the inner cities like Chicago and Baltimore, and just nothing but earcandy and not many actual policies beyond vague bullshit used to pander and pander. This country is fucking doomed. As of now, I am definitely not voting Democrat, and if things go even further downhill I just might vote for motherfucking Orange Man again for the exact same "he's a fair deal less shitty" reason as last election and I reeeeeeeeeeally fucking don't want to feel that way. But for the love of God, I can practically see the puppet strings on these awfully candidates, some of them opaque, some of them stupid, some of them cogs in a machine. It's terrible. Fucking terrible. It's all terrible. I almost want to burn the whole thing to the ground, wipe the memories of politics once the mainstream started getting involved ala Men in Black, and start over. Fuck all of it. Fuck the fox news dick sucking trump blindly trusting conservatards and fuck the libtards even harder. Fuck all of you who rally to one side and consequently keep the gears turning, cause theres a fuck ton of you on tumblr dot com. I'm done

#politics #pol #political #politik #im gonna shoot myself in the dick #come the fuck at me anons

[queennicoleinboots]

Doing Business As Swamp Business, part 1.5 (Pauno POV)

I was in a black back drop and addressing the fourth wall. "I am Pauno, the Greek God of wine, parties, crack cocaine, being supportive, and bring conservative. What you may read in this next story may make you butthurt because I don't hold back my opinions. Please continue if you dare. This story is not for the faint of heart."

I was walking with my wife, Kendrick through the swamp in Baltimore, Maryland. We were eating pizza and trying to escape the Marxist system that the United States was under. The only place in the United States that made any sense at all was backwardsass Georgia of all places. Most of them were not giving into the New World Order.

I was a Greek God, so I found a safe place and teleported us to the swamp in Social Circle, GA that expanded into several cities across Georgia. And a social circle awaited us.

The first person I noticed was an Amazonian woman with long brown curly hair, green eyes covered with leopard print glasses, and giant breasts who wore a purple crop top with a pink bekini. She was doing ballet, and when she would leap, I could see the bottom of her boobs. I couldn't help but stare. I love boobs A LOT.

Kendrick looked over at the Amazonian curly-haired woman and approached her. "You look familiar. Have I seen you before?" she asked as she looked the other woman up and down and had her jaw dropped.

The Amazonian woman smiled awkwardly and kind of looked away as she hunched her muscular shoulders. "I don't remember, but maybe we crossed paths before." She shrugged with her arms and smiled. Her smile looked extremely familiar... I had to know her from somewhere. She was on TV a lot and always seemed to be at most parties in Georgia I went to. She is extremely hot... Holy Shit I know her or rather...

"Peter?!" Kendrick said as she was looking that Amazonian woman's eyes.

My boner felt confused. I just stared at her. IT WAS A TRAP!!!!

She sighed cutely (definitely a trap) before she spoke, "I changed my name. Peter isn't a girl's name." She sighed and rolled her gorgeous green eyes.

'Remember. That's actually a dude,' I thought to myself.

She still acted like Peter.

The swamp bubbled up before a man with shaggy red hair started crawling from the large puddle in the middle of said swamp. He was covered in mud. He looked familiar as well. He looked like someone who frequented my sex and cocaine parties. He then hugged Peter around his curveous, milky waist. Peter was a very convincing girl. He had great boobs.

'GO AWAY BONER!!!!' I shouted inwardly to myself.

"Xaria, I have found you," the man covered in mud said as he kissed the left side of the other dude's curveous, smooth, milky body.

Goddamn I am beginning to hate transexuality. I am not even an iota of gay. This is not funny at all. Why the hell would anyone change their gender? That's fucking retarded. Sounds like part of a commie plan. Let's confuse everyone's genders so that people no longer have their true identities. Why else would they include gender reassignment to a stimulus package? So apparently the ideas of boys and girls are going to be replaced with purple penguins. Jesus Christ, we need your help to fix this shit. My boner is confused about these things.

Peter, or should I say Xaria, smiled and put his dainty yet long fingers around those of the other man. "Oh hey, Jared. Why the hell did you emerge from the mud?"

King Joebear then growled a great bear growl before announcing, "That's great, and now excuse me, I need to lick ass." To relieve his stress and anxiety, he mauled Xara, his wife who is AN ACTUAL FEMALE and licked her nice ass.

To relieve my stress and anxiety, I jacked off while Kendrick was oogling her ex Peter, or should I say Xaria. I have no idea whether Kendrick kissing Xaria would turn me on or not. I love to watch girls kiss each other, but this transexuality issue is confusing the hell out of me.

Count Macrula was singing an angelic opera to summon a swamp drain in the middle of the swamp to relieve his stress and anxiety. He looked more stressed than any of us. He needed to find some CBD and beer quickly.

"BAE WHUHH!!!!" Xara shouted as she shook her divine booty and did the backfat dance in front of us. She was bleeding like a stuffed pig. Xara's ass is legendary. If she were single and I were single, I would be after that booty.

King Joebear growled before he mauled her and started to lick her ass for the second time.

Count Macrula laughed a hearty laugh before he addressed Kissy, the small orange cat Xara and King Joebear had. "I am not going to lick your cat ass if that's what you are implying."

Kissy looked at Count Macrula in confusion before she meowed again. "No. I definitely did not call you for that. I simply meowed out of enjoying pizza crust," she said.

We went down the swamp drain in a clockwise direction because we were in North America.

--------------------------------------------------

Unfortunately, I ended up back in Maryland and back at my job. I was surrounded by Commies. They were in support of this New World Order. I tried to tell them what was going to happen and about Proverbs, Psalms, and Revelation, but they argued with me. I showed them documentation of what was happening in the government, military, 9-11, Area 51, and Pizzagate, but they looked at me as though I WERE the crazy one. This job is so frustrating.

There were four other people with me working on the project. My wife, Kendrick was one of them. I managed to get her a job with me, and she was good at it. Then, a meathead who looked like a GI-Joe action figure was in our group. We'll call him G-I. Of course, there was that Tolkien black guy in the group. His name was Baaaahlah Barnes. He was a black goat who happened to hate other black goats. He also hated when you mispronounced his name. Last but least there was redheaded Jared, another transexual. She used to be a girl, but she was probably tired of being catcalled and a result, changed her gender. She was new, and come to think of it, she was at several of my wild parties before. She makes jewelry for weddings when she isn't here.

"Son of a bitch!" Kendrick said as she was trying to code a program to misdirect the military in the event that they swarm the streets of American cities in broad daylight.

"Yes. Technically I am one. My mother was a bitch. That's why I am a therapist when I am not here or making jewelry," Jared said as she was whizzing through the coding. There is a lot we don't know about Jared.

Kendrick snort-laughed. "Yeeeaaaahhhh! Mine is, too. She never taught me programming. I'm trying to put the 1 here, and it is wanting to put a 0," she said.

So that's how I know Jared. She was catcalled too many times as a therapist. I know that for a fact.

"You need to put a slash here, Kendrick," I said as I clicked on the spot where she dried to connect too many 1s at a time.

"Oh yeah! Wow! How did I miss that?!" Kendrick yelled.

"Bad parenting," I said with a laugh. Obviously, it was a joke.

"Yeah. My dad wasn't there, and my mother always yelled at me for everything. The only things she taught me were how to yell, sell stuff, and market. My mother was a marketer," she said as she typed more code.

"Damn. So who taught you to program?" I asked.

"I did!" Jared said. "Kendrick is a quick learner."

"Who taught you to program?" I asked Jared.

"My dad," Jared said as he, too, worked on a program that would have dancing bears interrupt a government simulation.

"Sounds like a nice man," I said as I was working.

"He is," Jared said.

All of a sudden, Xaria entered our warehouse area through a computer. He was wearing black nylon bekini panties and a black and red plaid short tank top. We could see his tummy. He looked around and was shocked. "Wow! How the hell did I end up here?"

Baaaahlah Barnes and G-I looked over and oogled at Xaria's large breasts.

Baaahlah Barnes bleated loudly. "Holy Shit. You're hot as hell! I don't know how you got here but you hot as hell!"

G-I was looking her up and down. "Whoa! I am glad you're here! This job just got interesting!" he said. That motherfucker was loud when he talked.

"Someone's computer mainframe must have malfunctioned. Let me guess. You were doing a cam show, right?" I asked.

"Of course. That's my new job, given the pandemic. I have hardly any reason to leave my house unless I forage for food for my mom and me. AAAAND!!!! I don't have to do drywall anymore!" Xaria said with a huge smile.

"Wait a minute! You did drywall?" Baaahlah Barnes asked.

"Yeah. My family got me into it. I hated it. Haaaaated it!" Xaria sang.

"How the hell does a woman do drywall?" Baaaahlah Barnes asked.

"That explains the muscles! Holy shit!" G-I said. His voice hurts my ears.

Should I let the cat out of the bag?

"There's a reallly long story behind that," Xaria said.

"So why don't you tell us?" Kendrick said as she saved her work and gave her undivided attention to Xaria.

Xaria cleared his throat. "Whoa guys! Calm down. I don't have the Rona. My temperature is 97.5 degrees Fahrenheit. But the long story begins as any good story does, with a prequel that you don't actually write. It started when I was a 10-year-old boy."

Baaaahlah Barnes bleated and said, "WHAT????!!!!! A 10-year-old BOY?! How old are you now?"

G-I scratched his head. "You used to be a boy? How the hell did you turn into this super hot woman?"

G-I is really fucking stupid.

"Yes. That's when I had my first... female moment. I was the girl in that..." Xaria trailed off.

"Was that when you realized you were gay?" G-I asked.

Xaria scoffed off at him. "That's when I realized I was bisexual. There's a difference," he said as he rolled his eyes.

He's giving me a weird boner with his green eyes. I'm not going to acknowledge it.

"So, did you have a lot of interactions with boys ever since?" G-I asked.

"I've had lots of interactions in general. I used to be a legitimate porn star... as a man," Xaria said.

Baaahlah Barnes bleated. "Oh yeah. You were Peter Parker. I watched a lot of yo shit, man!" he exclaimed.

"So, you like both guys and girls. And you had a very popular dick. What would possess you to cut it off?" G-I asked.

That was a very good question. I couldn't imagine that. I'm shuddering at the thought.

"I have always been sterile," Xaria said with a smirk. "I have no idea why."

"I can vouge for that," Kendrick said.

"Me, too," Jared said.

Everyone looked at Jared in shock.

"How the hell do you know he's sterile?" G-I shouted.

"Jared's a tranny, too," I said to him flatly. 'Goddamn you're an idiot!' I thought.

Xaria was smiling when he said, "Jared and I got our surgeries together. The latest government stimulus package included gender reassignment, so we thought. Why not? It would be a good way to stop carrying parts that didn't work, AND most importantly, I can get out of doing drywalllll!!!" Xaria had to sing "drywall." He hated it that much.

"Meanwhile, I have his penis and balls attached to me now," Jared said. "I donated my breasts to people that wanted boob jobs. As for my vagina, I donated it to a dude who happened to be the same size as me. I hope this person enjoys it as much as I did."

I blinked. I was having an interesting day. "This is proof that medical science is crazy. Actually crazy," I said. "The correlation between economic stimulus and gender reassignment is beyond me."

"Popular demand?" Xaria asked.

"Why can't the government use the money to actually help people?!" I shouted.

"You mean like things like food, shelter, clothes, rent, and toiletries that people actually need to survive?" Jared asked.

"YES!" I shouted as fire burned in my green eyes. The office was beginning to transform.

--------------------------------------------------------------------

We heard a big bear snore in the cave we were in.

"Bruh, how the hell did we get here?" Baaaahlah Barnes asked.

"Pauno transferred us to a bear cave in one of his rages. Talking about any kind of government spending that does not make sense to him transports people to random places," Kendrick said. "Needless to say, I travelled the world in less than 80 days."

King Joebear snored at then rolled over.

Jared was charmed by Xaria's green eyes and grinned before looking up at him. "Apparently, we should have kept our genders," she said as she put her dainty fingers around longer fingers of Xaria.

Those must have been their therapy sessions all the time. No wonder Xaria is such a slut.

"If I would have known we'd travel in a bear cave over it, then I would have probably NOT taken advantage of the gender reassignment program the government was offering. The stimulus bill didn't stimulate me at all. NOW IF WE WERE TO CHANGE THAT TO A STIMULUS BELINDA, then maybe I might have been stimulated by the idea. And maybe Pauno would have transferred us to an island in the Carribbean instead of a random bear cave," Xaria said as he wrapped his arm around Jared's waist.

This is what talking to a liberal sounds like. I have no idea how to respond.

Xara emerged from farther inside the cave.

"Keep it down, Xaria. My bear is trying to sleep," she said as she grabbed his butt. She then moved her hands around the tranny's legs, groin, and boobs. She also wanted to reach his lips, but she couldn't reach up that high. I bet she wishes she had tentacles to reach all over Xaria's body. Xara was kissing Xaria wherever she could.

"BOOBS!!!! I am Pauno, the Greek God of parties, being supportive, wine, and crack cocaine," I said as I brought down bottles of wine, crack cocaine, and taco mac.

Xara then went over and ate taco mac. Kissy jumped on the table and ate taco mac with her.

Xaria snorted a few lines of crack cocaine. "At least I quit drinking!" he said with a cute grin.

Kendrick drank some wine, snorted crack cocaine, and ate taco mac.

Baaaahlah Barnes ate taco mac. "I don't drink or do drugs anymore."

"I am proud of you," I said as I took a swig of red wine.

"Red Wine" by UB 40 began to play in the background.

Xara was patting Kissy's ass to the beat of the song. Kissy let out a little meow and laid next to Xara. Xara pet Kissy.

King Joebear growled loudly as he came out of within the cave. "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!" he shouted. "Where's my blueberry banana smoothie!?"

"Ooh hoo Bae!!!!!" Xara shouted in excitement. Then she growled like a bear at him.

G-I was drinking, snorting cocaine, and eating some serious taco mac.

Jared ate a bowl of taco mac, too.

Xaria looked at me with a huge smile before he gave me a huge hug. My penis forgot that Xaria was actually a dude. I thought about pushing him off of me, but all I could say was, "You're welcome. A hug is all that a Greek God will allow thee. And even then, 10 seconds is the maximum allotted time." I then brought down a blueberry banana smoothie for hungryass King Joebear. I did not want to be mauled by a bear.

Jared sighed before she put her empty bowl on the floor for Kissy to lick on and pulled Xaria off me before giving him an encompassing hug. "You're a bad girl," he said as he ran his hands underneath her top and was touching her back.

"I am going to fuck you," Xaria whispered and winked to Jared. "Let's go in this cave."

"Please do! Your vagina feels so lovely!" Jared said softly as she led Xaria into the cave while looking up at him longingly. She wanted some pussy.

Count Macula, Jr. barrelled out of the cave with a serious look on his face. He had an announcement to make, "I like Xaria's boobs. I like Xaria's boobs. I like Xaria's boobs. I like Xaria's boobs. I like Xaria's boobs. I like Xaria's boobs. I like Xaria's boobs. I like Xaria's boobs." Then he barrelled right back in that cave.

I went over the table where everything was and downed a few glasses of wine. "HOLY SHIT WHAT HAS THIS WORLD COME TO?!" I shouted.

"GREAT BOOBS! GREAT BOOBS! GREAT BOOBS! GREAT BOOBS! GREAT BOOBS! GREAT BOOBS! GREAT BOOBS! GREAT BOOBS!" Count Macula, Jr. shouted with conviction from within the cave. He growled eight times for effect.

King Joebear shouted, "I'm out! I can't do anything! This is too gay for me."

--------------------------------------------------------------------

Even if we were out of the warehouse, we couldn't say anything considered racist in 2021. There was a black guy who claimed to be African American. I agree with Count Macrula when he says that aren't actually African Americans unless they were actually born in Africa or had parents that were born in Africa.

So, I yelled in my car where only Kendrick could hear me, "Stay in your own lane, you stupid N*bbr!"

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!" Count Macula, Jr. yelled in the lane next to me. Xara was driving and trying to maintain patience as she drove behind the slow-moving black cadillac.

I drove next to Xara and Count Macula, Jr. and honked and waved. They waved back. They had five fingers on each hand and/or paw. They weren't part of the Nephalem. Most Nephalem had six or seven fingers on each hand.

I passed by them and took Kendrick and myself home. We had more wine and sat down to research what was going on in the universe.

As we searched the Internet for real news, we discovered RTN, the Real Truth Network. King Joebear and Princess Lindsay Carrington were the news anchors that were broadcasting to us. King Joebear growled to the other bears who were watching and then translated what he said into English.

King Joebear spoke, "The Internet and world has changed as we know it. There is 'no going back to normal.' The New World Order Is Here. They have Minutemen III nuclear missiles stationed right outside of Washington D.C. Youtube and Facebook are more censored than ever. Trump supporters and the Proud Boys are planning riots under the FBI's nose. Most major cities are deserted. And Hell on Earth will open soon. The good news is, after Tribulation, Jesus will rule the Earth for a thousand years."

"At least it was peaceful in Washington D.C., Athens, GA, Atlanta, GA, Los Angeles, CA, the United Kingdom, and Tybee Island, GA during the inauguration. How long will this peace last? I would assume until the end of the Great Reset of 2021. But for now, we will move on to a word from our sponsors at Real Food Network," Princess Lindsay Carrington chimed in.

"I want sausage and beans!!!!" King Joebear shouted.

--------------------------------------------------

"Yes Bae Whuhhhh!!! Sausage and Beans Wednesday!!!!" Xara shouted as she was cooking sausage and beans. "I'm hungry again."

"I love sausage and beans, but you know what I hate?" Count Macula, Jr. asked as he helped Xara season the beans.

"What? Democrats?" Xara asked as she stirred the beans.

"Haha Yes, but you know what I hate more than Democrats?" Count Macula, Jr. asked.

"What?" Xara asked.

"Radiated Refried Beans!" Count Macula, Jr. yelled.

"Oh yes! Recreational Radiated Refried Beans!" Xara shouted.

[tinymixtapes]

Music Review: Roc Marciano - Rosebudd’s Revenge

Roc Marciano Rosebudd’s Revenge [Marci Enterprises/Fat Beats; 2017] Rating: 4.5/5 It shouldn’t have come to this. When Roc Marciano dropped his official solo debut, Marcberg, in 2010 — first as an EP, then a few months later as a full LP — the work shouldn’t have been so widely, disgustingly unappreciated that I, at the age of 25, felt compelled to take up music blogging/journalism/criticism/whatever-you-call-this. This review of Rosebudd’s Revenge shouldn’t have to be a EUREKA! for you to get the message. And here we are. “It is what it is, fuck what it could’ve been” First off, it’s not punchline rap when the setup is just as quotable, so don’t even bother looking for filler here. Qualitatively and narratively, the refrain of Rosebudd’s Revenge is murder. That said, one could attempt to review this album as the poet-pimp’s psycho-social manifesto, exploring the conceptual metaphor of capitalism (and, by extension, any gainful livelihood) as pandering and all that badness. One could, but I will refer you to the quotes immediately above and below instead. Pimpstead. “Motherfucker this is art, you can’t just pick this apart” --- Sect works the counter at his man’s vintage shop, though approximately half the day is spent in the backroom, a beaded off design studio from which incense smoke and sampled loops stream. The chop Sect’s tooling with at this moment is so trance inducing that neither he nor his man, the shop’s proprietor currently hot-gluing rhinestones to an old denim, notice the front door jangle. It’s only the added vocal accompaniment of a sudden “Cuckaw” that alerts them; crow sounds being otherwise absent from this particular production. Sect’s grasp on patois doesn’t extend far beyond “wagwan,” so the following exchange can’t even really be called a conversation. Suffice it to say that the yardie patron is apparently agitated about something or other, and after he exits in a huff, Sect returns to the workroom feeling a bit uneasy. His distress is doubled upon seeing a handgun now resting beside the garment atop his man’s workbench. It was found in a park, in the bushes by the lake, and it’s for situations like this one should they escalate any further in the future, he reasons. Speaking of, self-titled or HNDRXX though? “Your body washed up somewhere in Glen Cove” ☠    ☠    ☠     The call came in at 1:56 AM. By that time, most of the squad had called it a night, the day’s shoot having kept them on their feet for the better part of 11 hours. There’d been whispers around the set about a Major look for the wrap party, something far above and beyond the usual hotel-room high jinks, but nobody gave it much serious consideration, talk being cheap and time the opposite. So when creative director Lock woke to the news that it was On, that the new sound guy was There with his crew, that he’d spread word about the collective, and that the whole team was invited by the Man himself to come through now, like Right Now, Lock did as he always did when things started to come together: he got out of his own way and let the movement take over. They regrouped in the lobby by 2:12, were out the door and on the road by a quarter past, and rolled up the Mansion gates at 2:30 flat. Security was tight, list was right, phones were taken, and doors were opened. So many doors. Looking back, Lock laughs at his luck. He’d “cousins” who’d likely kill to be him for a night, and “uncles” who’d literally kill him if they ever heard what he’d gotten their daughters into that night. Here’s hoping he can keep his mouth shut this time. “Get shot and left somewhere in Wichita” ☠    ☠    ☠     Bin was shook. The blog post had been too damn good for his own. For his own good, that is — not for his own blog, but maybe that too, come to think of it. Could it be that his research was so thorough it had actually served as a resource for DTs, DAs, and their assistants? Bin imagined a googly-eyed, handsomely-paid intern nodding along to the artist’s song posts while copy-pasting whole paragraphs from those same posts into a case file on that same artist. As someone whose baseline excuse from jury duty selection was “because I’m an anarchist,” Bin considered inadvertently aiding an ongoing investigation something like his worst nightmare. Now what? Time for some much-needed housekeeping of course, but what about afterward? Artists send edit requests in polite and appreciative DMs. Attorneys send subpoenas via certified mail with none such respect. A warm trickle down a clenched fist. It was then that Bin realized he’d been clutching the letter opener so tightly his hand had started to bleed. He wiped his hand on his jeans, tucked the metal into his trench, and stashed the unopened envelope in the Expedit beside the record in question. “They find your body parts in New Hyde Park” ☠    ☠    ☠     It wasn’t fair. One for all, he’d said. All in, he’d said. When I get on, he’d said. It ain’t where you’re from, it’s where you’re at. True indeed, but the only thing worse than forgetting where you came from is stopping your day ones from getting on once you’ve made it out. Real ones are supposed to have your back and hold you down, not hold you back and have you down. Everybody knows that. All good though, Crab thought. Next time he comes back around, we’ll see what’s up. That’s right. We’ll see. Crab sank the plunger. “Your body found rotting out in Baltimore” --- Every day, people die and sex sells. But it’s not every day (or month or year) that an album like Rosebudd’s Revenge comes along, one that packs a novel’s worth of imagery, mood, characterization, conflict and theme into practically every line; one that presents scenes so meticulously crafted they inspire us to pick up the narrative threads ourselves, to explore where they came from and try to figure out where they lead, which is always farther than the story tells. The sketches above aren’t in there anymore than our preconceptions are. Inspiration abounds though. http://j.mp/2owp9GN

[a-badz]

2019 in review - A Year of Firsts

A lot has happened in 2019.

If there's a year in which I'm supposed to transition into adulthood, then it's been this year.  

It's been a year of firsts. I traveled on my own for the first time in my life. It's my first time on a plane since 2012. I've finally visited my favorite city and much more.

It's also my first year in Libya with unlimited internet. Thank you LNet.

I can say it's been a good year. Probably the best for me this past decade. Probably the best years of all my life.

I’ve finally experienced the impact of all the work I’ve done in my Life and tasted a bit of success.

and  I got funding for my first project...  My first "serious" car accident and a lot more...

I'm going to write this from memory... and follow a per quarter format as one of my friends did on their blog, since after all, reading theirs, is what inspired me to write this one.

1, 2, 3

January started off with me juggling my 7th semester in college with my first "professional" job at Edah, I've worked before in retail, and also for myself before (I play my entrepreneur cards when i need to) but this is the first time I have several layers of bosses above me and colleagues that that's the term you give them since you're hardly co-workers.  I learnt a lot about interacting with others at work, how work ethics work, how they should be and shouldn't and the type of moves to pull since not everyone cares about you and mostly they only care about how they can use you. How I minimized the using part, and tried to create partnerships instead. I realized that photocopying machines suck, 95% of medicine students are wackos, human resources is one big floating bubble of BS. From January to March that was my life and my boring job. What did I mostly take away from this? Work smart, never hard, don't be a slave to a system, break free.

Me and my friends also took a trip to Jadu. Probably the 3rd, in a year. It was kinda of fun but it was getting repetitive and told them that this is my last time I'm going there since I'm sick of holidaying these Zardas in my hometown. In between this I also interviewed for the MEPI Student Leaders Program, and believe it or not all the hard effort extra curricular work and volunteering of 2017 and 2018 finally paid off. I made it to the interviews, and aced them this time getting me a place to be one of 6 Libyans to visit the USA this summer.

4,5,6

April was a bit of an April's fool. I quit my Edah job or I took a "leave without pay" (since they said I could come back whenever I wanted) to focus on my final semester, where I had submitted my graduation project proposal in March. And I still had 3 courses to take. But all of a sudden the city is in a state of war again and this time under an attack, all colleges stopped. I was devastated, I didn't hate the fact I quit my job but I became frustrated and depressed or maybe I did hate the fact I could've made 600LYD more instead of sleeping all day.. I can't remember. And Since you can never know if it's really depression or not I will only assume to call it that. I shaved my head bald. By myself. First time in my life. Then, me and my friend Tameem interned at MSC after a friend of his invited us. Mediterranean Shipping Company was a great experience, we learnt how actual professional work places worked. And we got 500LYD as a gift! Now that's what you call a great company.

Came May and I was invited to the US embassy for the visa procedure. My first flight in 7 years. Yeay! March 2012 was my last flight before that, on Thomas Cook airlines, which is now defunct! Tunis was beautiful. and I met the other Libyans who were to travel with us. 4 became friends, and one of them even more than so. The visa procedure didn't go so well since I was chosen for "further processing" or whatever. And a stressful month all the way to the second call up in June. I got my J1 US visa 2 days before flight!  Apart from my family, I only told a few close friends I was going. And on June 27th I landed in the motherfucking US of A.

7, 8, 9

It was about time anyways since the electricity cuts were becoming unbearable in Libya. While most of my friends said that July was the longest month ever, to me it went in a blink of an eye.

In the 35 days in the US I discovered myself like never before. I made my own decisions. I tasted FREEDOM and financial independence. I went out of my comfort zone. I went out of my emotional zone. I tried plenty of new things. I met lovely people from 7 different MENA countries who were with us on the program and lots of great american people. 6 states in 35 days. Landing in Washington Duelles, for Washington DC, on to know that our hotel was in Virginia... so yeah the country roads did take me home. I would call the US my second home for sure

Washington DC, Falls Church, Virgina Newark and Wilmington, Delaware Philadelphia and Lancaster, Pennylvania Baltimore, Maryland New York City, New York!

I took a night bus from the UD campus to Baltimore and roamed the city at night, the sirens didn't stops and met plenty of colorful people, slept on a bench at 2 am only to be woken by a homeless guy 3 hours later but that's a blog post for another time. Me, Amal and Rony partied like never before! Me and Dina going 30 hours no sleep in NYC! or Hassan kicking of a farewell party in DC and me dancing on the table like its 1999. 

There’s so much to say that I’ll write some stories individually every now and then but overall the MEPI Student Leaders Program changed me like nothing before. I was motivated and inspired to go back home, work on my community project and battle it all out in the middle of the ongoing war.

August the 1st 3 direct flights. Washington > Paris > Tunis > Tripoli slept on all 3 of them. even the last 50 minute flight.

I came back to Libya only to know that I had 3 days to study for my VoIP final. and another final later that week. Yet I went bowling on Friday, met with le mentor Mackey and the rest of the P24 squad. Passed the exams.

Then friends begged me to go with them to Jadu. I didn't want to make them feel that I'm better than them or that I've changed so even though I said last time would be my last, I said okay. The shittiest ever Zarda. I love you guys, but you don't know how to travel and that was a shit Zarda.

And on the way back home my tire exploded tilting the car a bit but thank God it stayed on 4 wheels. However the electricity went nuts and it wouldn't start.We were stuck in the middle of nowhere. Haribo marshmallows our only food. A month ago I was living it all in NYC. Broadways, buidlings and bridges. and here I am. And the rest of the ride back to Jadu is a blog for another story.

While September was mostly spent begging money from my parents to get my car fixed.

10, 11, 12

October, I was back in business! I did the green talk. Talking about recycling and my CEP. I designed a recycling system for our college. wrote a funding proposal and got it funded by Pepsi.

November was more of the same, Plenty of talks and plenty of meetings. More volunteer work with SEED, HEXA, and launching the Reflect Recycling system in our college and doing my first ever TV interview. It was a year full of firsts indeed.

This would bring us to a dull December after quietly celebrating my 22 Birthday, where depression would hit again. A bit for feeling guilty for staying unemployed for a while now, a bit that my recycling system didn't exactly work out like I wanted it to and that I'm too tired to keep up with it and dissatisfied with myself for saying “hey, at least I did something”, a bit that my graduation project hasn't been finished yet and not being satisfied by the overall work, a bit that I couldn't join friends celebrating new years in Istanbul. But Decade 2020 is upcoming. Already have a few things in mind to do, and a few goals. I'll write about that soon.

But overall if I could relieve 2019, would I do anything different?! Mostly nope. It was a great year. And despite all the ongoing war in Tripoli, I kept as optimistic as possible. I've met many wonderful people. I've re-evaluated my relationship with some other people. I'm too kind sometimes. easily angry sometimes. clumsy sometimes. I’ve took plenty of good pictures. I've unlocked my full potential at sometimes. Like the Pepsi funding interview or my solo trip  to Baltimore. Those were some of the greatest days in my life which gave me a glimpse of what I want more of. or the many beautiful nights that ended with a nice game of football with friends which gave me the satisfaction that good times can be enjoyed anytime and anywhere.

I’ll end this with 3 quotes:

We suffer more in imagination, than in reality. -Seneca

Some people never go crazy. What truly horrible lives they must lead. - Charles Bukowski

Life is 10% percent what happens to you and 90% percent how you react to it. - C. Swindoll

[andrewuttaro]

New Look Sabres: 2018 Prospect Tournament

There is an anxious time after Labor Day when you can feel the hockey coming like Christmas music in November.  You know Training Camp is almost here but it’s just not quite here yet. It’s the special limbo zone between the start of September and Training Camp. We’re seeing all the beat reporters tweeting whose attending the informal skates at Harbor Center but it’s all still a bit meaningless. Any good marketing man or woman knows that this is the ideal time for some powerful pumping of one’s own tires. How better to do that then to parade out all the Prospects we haven’t seen do much here since June and call it a Prospect Tournament! Now that I live in Buffalo I am really going to enjoy this. I went to the first game against the Devils Friday night and going there on its own is enough to get a Blue & Gold diehard going, but standing in the far corner because the thing was more than sold out? That is the Buffalo Difference. Sabres fans are ride or die and let me tell you, there were few places to even stand and watch that game. You can call it the Dahlin effect or you say Hockey is back!

Kris Baker, probably one of the better follows on twitter if you like the Sabres or just want to know about our prospects, went on record on Chris Ostrander’s podcast last week before the Tournament began saying that the lineup in this tournament is probably the best this organization has ever had in a Prospect tournament. Kris knows what he’s talking about. He petted my delicate Amerks fan heart when he said this team likens back to the 2004 Rochester Americans team that had the likes of Jason Pominville and Tomas Vanek. That was the last Amerks team to win a playoff series for the uninitiated here. If those appraisals don’t send you into hysterics and drive into the cart rack at Tops like I almost did then hop on the hype train because it’s leaving the station! CHOO CHOO!

Rasmus Dahlin is perhaps all you need in a tournament like this to make a show. The new Swede on the block demonstrated some intense passing and playmaking skills in the Sabres first game against New Jersey. Dahlin scored his first goal through traffic like Orchard Park after a Bills game. He shot, tucked it in and had a rather brief celly for scoring his first goal in a Sabres uniform. He played it cool because he’s a good boy and lives on criticism so would hate to get distracted by success, right? I cannot stress enough how Dahlin pushed play from the back Friday night. His second goal was a rebound he cleaned up into an open space on a play he had orchestrated from back in the defensive zone. He ran more complete plays in the first period than the Bills did in Baltimore on Sunday. Ok, that’s the last Bills joke. Dahlin threw his weight around too: he destroyed some poor guy right by the benches in the Devils game. The guy has fucking sonar for the puck though; he never looks at it. He certainly saw Tage Thompson’s breakaway goal he sprung. Oh yeah, there were other players on the ice too! Several others similarly went off like they were NBA players dunking on your local JV team. Don’t worry; there is space on this hype train, CHOO CHOO motherfuckers! Maybe my enthusiasm for a Prospect tournament is a little too telling of how long I’ve been dealing with a shit team. Hmm. CHOO CHOO bitches!

Tage Thompson is a hard guy to miss on the ice. I mean that literally and figuratively, the guy is 6’ 5” and looks every inch of it. He was a brute on the ice playing with a fire that must have been smothered in the City of Blues. My wife, who openly crushed on Ryan O’Reilly, thought mere height and tenacity could not replace Ryan in her heart and perhaps I ought to give her more time to heal on that front. A woman’s heart is deep and… I haven’t seen Titanic in a while; I don’t know the rest of that saying. Anyway, Tage scored on the breakaway in a goal that required no shortage of fancy footwork and butt checking. I’ve been waiting for some goliath to come onto this team and teach butt checking. I may have my man now. Vasily Glotov and Victor Olofsson played some of their first competitive games on North American ice with some venom. Unlike the upcoming Venom movie, we’ll probably be talking about these two sensations long after their debut. Both will likely start in Rochester but my God, Glotov scored a few goals this tournament and skated so well that I think he’s the one Russia is using to hack our elections. I felt scandalized watching this kid. He and Casey Mittelstadt (who also played in this tournament, could not keep his helmet on and could not buy a goal for all the emotion and effort he put in) have the baby face market cornered in this organization. Olofsson and Glotov could be reason enough for me to buy an AHLTV subscription this season.

CHOO CHOO, there’s more sweet boys lifting our hearts from downtown this September! Rasmus Asplund has developed very nicely since his drafting in 2016. He scored what maybe the best goal of the tournament against the Penguins Prospects carrying the puck from the neutral zone through at least two defenders to tuck in a backhand. Andrew Oglevie scored a sausy one. He’ll have a thoroughly deserved bang up year in Rochester for sure. Oskari Laaksonen spent his time setting up several plays whilst having the most unique name in the tournament in my humble opinion. My next goalie crush Ukko-Pekka Lukkonen (or UPL for nickname’s sake) stole my heart and struck my eyes with those neon orange pads although it’s clear he needs more development time. Will Borgen continues to prepare for his assassination of Johan Larsson for that last center position on the big club and oh… Alex. It’s you. You’ve heard my shit-talking haven’t you? Three goals in the three games of this tournament and praise from Amerks coach Chris Taylor. Hmm, you have my attention but you haven’t proven my criticism ill-founded quite yet. Stay healthy, bud, stay healthy.

Training Camp starts Thursday. The Sabres Preseason ramps up next week. Expect New Look Sabres to become a more regular arrival in your feed as the regular season draws nearer. Share this thingy with your friends on all the social media you can copy links to. I won’t be heartbroken if this blog simply becomes a public diary of my Sabres viewing life but wouldn’t it be cool if it became something more? Isn’t this easier to read than an article from a beat reporter or someone who is actually smart? Think about it.

Thanks for reading.

P.S. I feel it coming. Eichel baby is going to get that C. Or at least that’s my story and I’m sticking to it.

#buffalo sabres #hockey #blog #new look

[critical8thinker]

#selfiesunday we out here in #baltimore doing up #fitness for #every1 as in sometimes it's 2 in 1, like we train and work like there's 3 heads on one.... Like ones missing bro, wanna hang? @latta_more_sets Out here all day, all night, not sleeping while @_algal_ is sleeping from keeping these motherfuckers in line @tbaybay18 cheesing 🧀🐿️ #bodybuilding and #powerbuilding by farm boys coming to the city like @yogawithelyza we want Baltimore grade #Lululemon and we only have two hours and I am just directly asking the person who can help me, what the address is? (at Maryland Athletic Club)

#every1 #fitness #bodybuilding #lululemon #baltimore #selfiesunday #powerbuilding