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killed-by-choice · 3 months

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Erin Shannon, 18 (Canada 1986)

In 1986, abortions deemed “therapeutic” were legal in Canada. The law required that a request for abortion approval be sent by a medical doctor to a Therapeutic Abortion Committee of experts including no less than three medical doctors, who would review the case to judge if the abortion would be safe for the applicant and if it would serve a purpose deemed “therapeutic.”

Although these safeguards were intended to protect pregnant people, these regulations were all too easily manipulated by those in the abortion industry who put profit over lives. One of the victims of this “rubber-stamping” was Erin Shannon.

Erin was 18 years old when she was seen at the Queensway-Carleton Hospital’s ER in Ottawa on December 3, 1985. She was diagnosed with a UTI, given a prescription for medication and sent home. She saw her regular doctor, Dr. Patrick Cross, the following month on January 10. Dr. Cross examined her and discovered something that the ER had missed: Erin was pregnant.

At the time of the treatment for her infection, Erin hadn’t realized she was pregnant because she had a history of irregular periods. The Riverside Hospital conducted an ultrasound on January 13 and estimated that she was 17 weeks pregnant. Three days after the ultrasound, she returned to Dr. Cross to discuss her options.

Dr. Cross was concerned that an abortion would be hazardous to Erin’s health, especially one done so late in pregnancy. Over the next several days he had a series of conversations with Erin’s mother, who said that Erin wanted an abortion. Dr. Cross tried to warn her that it was medically in Erin’s best interest to have the baby, but by January 20, Erin’s mother informed Dr. Cross that her daughter wanted an abortion.

Erin and her mother went to abortionist Irving Soloway, who self-identified as “specializing in late-term abortions” that other doctors would not do. Soloway told Erin and her mother to bring a letter from Dr. Cross recommending an abortion. When Dr. Cross refused to write the letter and once again recommended against the abortion for Erin’s safety, Soloway simply wrote the letter himself.

Soloway’s letter to the TAC was undated and simply said “This young girl is pregnant and cannot carry on because of psycho social reasons and I therefore strongly recommend a TA for this patient.” Not once did the letter mention that a doctor had already advised against the abortion. This single-sentence letter was all it took to seal Erin’s fate.

During the later inquest over her daughter’s death, Erin’s mother recounted her surprise at how quickly Soloway proceeded. She had been under the impression that Soloway would give Erin a pre-op exam for her safety and then schedule an appointment for the abortion. Instead, Soloway went ahead and inserted no fewer than eight laminaria dilators (later discovered to have been inserted before the letter of recommendation was even sent) and told Erin to return for the abortion early the very next morning.

That same afternoon, Erin began to suffer from a discharge of yellowish fluid. Soloway’s practice was called, but his staff said that this was normal and dismissed any concerns.

The next morning at 8:00 AM, Erin was admitted to the Surgical Day Care Unit. The nurse who saw her before the abortion later testified that “app’d” (shorthand for approved) was handwritten beside Erin’s name on the O.R. sheet between 8:00 and 8:30 AM.

Erin was taken into the operating room at 10:05 AM. The D&E abortion was completed at 10:22, right about the time that Erin went into cardiac arrest. Despite all attempts to resuscitate her, she was declared dead by 10:53. Just as Dr. Cross feared, the abortion was not safe for Erin.

Erin’s autopsy diagnosed the cause of her death as amniotic fluid embolism and heart failure. Her mother was stunned that the abortion that had allegedly been approved as “therapeutic” for her daughter had killed her instead.

The inquest over Erin’s death revealed that the “safeguards” were being manipulated and that the system was not working. Although there were doctors in the TAC, none of them were OB/GYNs. In the past year, all applications for abortions reviewed by this committee had been approved no matter what the letters to the committee said. They were appointed by the Medical Director of the hospital even though the Criminal Code specified that this should be done by the hospital Board of Directors. Weekly meetings were typically done in only 20–30 minutes, during which time approximately 30 to 40 abortion applications would be approved after allegedly being reviewed. Nobody would even say when exactly the abortion that killed Erin had been approved.

Inconsistent and missing information was detected throughout Erin’s case. The date signed on the form for approval was not possible unless the TAC filled out the wrong date, which they did regularly by inserting the date of the scheduled weekly meeting on every certificate regardless of when the ‘actual’ meeting takes place or when the ‘actual’ approval is given. (The fact that this is a legal document required by law which should be dated at the same time that it is signed did not seem to matter to them.) The referring doctor for the abortion was listed as Dr. Cross even though he had not done this and repeatedly advised against it. The type of abortion was listed as D&C and suction (a method typically used for early in pregnancy) even though Erin was actually subjected to a D&E. The section for LMP (last menstrual period, used to calculate gestational age) and for date of procedure was entirely blank. The section for post-operative complications was also blank even though Erin had died.

The committee admitted that in the past year they had approved every single request for abortion, even though they had received thousands of applications for review. Those who were asked to explain discrepancies or missing information frequently told the inquest they did not remember, even though records should made it clear had they been properly kept. Erin’s abortion was also the fourth or fifth done that morning and records were also inconsistent for the others.

Soloway’s own testimony on what he had done to Erin and her child was deeply disturbing. He claimed to have done 500 abortions per year and identified as “specializing in late-term abortion.” He then went on to give a gruesome description of the abortion procedure he carried out on Erin’s baby. He described the “crushing instruments” with “big jaws and teeth” that he used to “break up the fetus and take it out bit by bit.” When asked why he did so many abortions so late in pregnancy, Soloway answered that others wouldn’t at that size.

It was also noted that even though Soloway included “psycho social reasons” in his single-sentence letter, he didn’t see any reason why Erin should be provided with counseling before she made her decision. Unless you count the conversations between Dr. Cross, Erin and her mother, there was no form of counseling given to Erin at any time. Erin’s mother had been under the impression that the TAC would ensure her daughter had informed consent, but Erin was never at any point told by the hospital, the abortionist or any of his staff that she could die. The jury recommended changes to ensure all prospective abortion clients would have counseling and informed consent.

The inquest for Erin’s death took three days during which it was suggested that “the committee has been little more than a rubber stamp for abortion requests.” It was noticed that nothing in the TAC paperwork said anything about the continuation of the pregnancy being a threat to Erin’s health in any way even though this was supposed to be a requirement.

The jury found it concerning that Dr. Cross repeatedly tried to warn that the abortion was unsafe for Erin but that the TAC did not take his warnings into consideration. They concluded that “The hospital committee needs more expertise to judge abortion applications and should do a better job of keeping track of its decisions,” that there was a need to ensure abortion committees are effective and efficient, and that approvals are only granted after "careful deliberation of all relevant information." The jury also urged changes to the Criminal Code to make sure abortion committees included qualified gynecologists, obstetricians or internists as members. The jury also recommended that the minutes of abortion committee meetings be fully recorded. The hospital indicated that they found these common-sense measures to be “impractical” despite the jury’s decision.

Even though Erin was killed because the legal system meant to protect her had been bypassed, manipulated and in some aspects outright broken, the Ottawa Police and the local Crown Attorney had no interest in criminal charges for anyone involved. They apparently dismissed the treatment of Erin’s case as “technicalities” not worth charging anyone over. Erin and her family were denied justice.

The Vancouver Sun, “Abortion body lax in review, jury says” 17 April 1986

Ottawa Citizen, “Inquest called on teen's death during abortion” 25 January 1986, 14 April 1986, 15 April 1986, 16 April 1986, 17 April 1986, 18 April 1986, 15 May 1986

#tw abortion #pro life #unsafe yet legal #tw murder #tw ab*rtion #abortion #abortion debate #death from legal abortion #pro choice

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imjustthemechanic · 3 years

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The Price of a Soul

Part 1/? - Agent Russel Part 2/? - The Letter Part 3/? - Miss Lake Part 4/? - The Stewardess Part 5/? - An Assassination Part 6/? - Fallout Part 7/? - Face to Face Part 8/? - Deals, Details, and Other Devils Part 9/? - Baggage Part 10/? - Private Funding Part 11/? - Just Passing Through Part 12/? - Party of Four Part 13/? - Resolute Part 14/? - The Wreck Part 15/? - Body Snatchers Part 16/? - Out of the Frying Pan Part 17/? - A Miracle Part 18/? - A Matter of Circumstance Part 19/? - Nome Part 20/? - The Future Part 21/? - A Hero’s Welcome Part 22/? - Up to Speed Part 23/? - Expect Further Delays Part 24/? - The Welcome Wagon Part 25/? - Fugitives Part 26/? - A Reluctant Accomplice Part 27/? - Deja Vu Part 28/? - Interview with a Madwoman

Hey, check it out, I’m still alive.

Peggy knew she couldn’t spend all her time moaning over the romantic dilemma life had presented her with. She let herself dwell on it for a moment, then forced her mind on to more practical matters. By the time they returned to the farmhouse, she’d decided how she wanted to approach this interrogation.

“I think you should talk to her first,” she told Kay. “While I’m out of sight.”

“You’re the one who knows her,” Kay protested.

“Yes, but she’s expecting me,” Peggy reminded her. “If we start with you, it’ll catch her off guard.” She did not want Dottie to think she was in a position to make demands.

Kay nodded slowly. “All right, you go down by the hood. I’ll open the back.”

The back boot opened with a creak. Peggy could immediately smell ammonia. At some point during the night, Dottie had needed to relieve herself and had been either unwilling or unable to hold it in. Peggy probably ought to have felt sorry for her, but after all Dottie had put her through, it was hard.

There was a silence that was just a bit too long to be the moment in which Kay pulled the tape off Dottie’s mouth, and Peggy found it rather reassuring that the woman could still be taken by surprise.

“Dobroye utro,” said Kay. That meant good morning. “Olga Barynova.”

“Kto ty?” asked Dottie. Who are you? Her voice was level and measured, deliberately toneless.

“I’m you, but smarter,” Kay replied in English. “You didn’t read the message. You didn’t think you needed to, because you already know everything. Surprise!”

There was another silence, as Dottie re-assessed the situation. Peggy wondered what was going on in her head.

“You won’t take me back,” Dottie said. “You’ll have to kill me.”

“You didn’t read the message,” Kay repeated. “Do you want to know what it said, or are you just going to lie there in a puddle of your own piss trying to pretend you know what you’re talking about?”

Peggy really did rather wish she could see the expression on Dottie’s face. It was probably well worth seeing.

“What did the message say?” asked Dottie.

“That I have no intention of turning you back over to them,” Kay reassured her. “I want you and I to go back together, and we’re gonna burn the place down.”

Dottie laughed. “That’s exactly what you would say if you were here to drag me back, because it’s exactly what I would say to you if our positions were reversed.”

“You don’t trust me?” asked Kay. “You sure do seem to trust Peggy Carter, and I’m pretty sure she wants to see you rot in jail for the rest of your life.”

“Peggy thinks she’s one of the good guys,” Dottie snorted. “She keeps her promises even when they’re stupid. If you’re anything like me, you don’t know what a promise is.”

Peggy decided that was her cue. She came and stepped into Dottie’s field of view. It had clearly been a rough night for Dottie in the trunk of the car. She’d evidently struggled quite a bit, trying to loosen the tape, and had not succeeded. There were red marks on the visible skin of her arms and legs where it had dug into her flesh. Her hair was in disarray. She did look momentarily surprised when Peggy came into view, but hid it quickly.

“Peggy, Peggy, Peggy,” she said, clucking her tongue “You of all people should know better than to partner up with one of us. We’re bad news.”

“I decided I needed some expert advice,” Peggy replied. “Despite what Chief Thompson thinks, I am not nearly deranged enough to think like you do.”

“I’m not deranged,” said Dottie. “I know exactly what I’m doing. You just can’t believe that because it doesn’t align with your goals.”

“You want revenge,” said Kay. “You want to get back into the USSR un-noticed and destroy the people who made you. You don’t want another little girl to ever become what you are.”

“I’m not that altruistic,” Dottie replied. “I was seven years old when they put me and my best friend in a ring together and told us that only one could leave. I just want them to suffer.” She smiled tranquilly.

“So do I,” Kay promised.

“I don’t believe you,” Dottie told her flatly. “What’s in this for you, Peggy? Or are you the altruistic one?”

Peggy decided on the truth. “Kay has informed me that one of Captain America’s men is a prisoner in the USSR,” she said. “I want to help rescue him.”

“Aw, you’re doing it for love,” said Dottie. “That’s cute. So what makes you think I have any idea where to find him?”

“Because the same place that made us is also working on him,” said Kay. “He’s part of the Winter Soldier program.”

“And you don’t know where to find that?” Dottie asked suspiciously.

“My information is out of date,” Kay replied.

“I promise,” said Peggy. “I will not return you to your masters. I’m not sure what I am going to do with you, but I know to give you back to them would mean your death.”

“Oh, no,” Dottie shook her head. “It would be way worse than that.”

“I will rescue Sergeant Barnes, and you two may do what you wish with this Red Room and the people in it,” Peggy said. “But I promise that when I leave Russia again, I will take you with me.”

“What happens if I refuse?” asked Dottie. “Are you going to send me back to jail to have you hanged for treason, Peggy? I know you’re not going to kill me… that’s not your style.”

“No, but it’s mine,” said Kay. “And I doubt she’ll shed a single tear.” She took out a pocket knife. “I know you’re thinking of how you’re going to run away, or how you’re going to betray us both, but keep in mind. I know all your moves. I know all your hiding places. There is nothing you can do, and nowhere you can go, that I cannot anticipate. Do you understand?”

“Oh, yes,” Dottie said. “I understand perfectly.”

“Do you agree, then? You will help Peggy to find Sergeant Barnes, and in return I will help you to destroy the Red Room?”

“Absolutely,” said Dottie.

Peggy knew they couldn’t trust her, and realized she was counting on Kay to make sure they could keep Dottie under control. Kay had asked Peggy to trust her, hadn’t she? Now there was no choice. Was there a chance this still might turn around? That Kay might turn out to be the enemy after all?

It didn’t matter. Peggy was already in this too deep. Sunk Cost might have been a fallacy, but when the cost involved was one’s freedom and reputation, there wasn’t much to be done.

“It’s a deal, then,” said Kay, and started cutting the tape off Dottie.

“So,” said Dottie, entirely too casual. “It’s Kay, is it?”

“It is,” said Kay. “And what are you calling yourself these days, Olga?”

“Not Olga,” Dottie replied. “Olga Barynova died years ago. I like the name Peggy uses for me. After all, I am quite dotty, and I tend to do things under the table.” She looked at Peggy and smiled.

Peggy did not smile back.

“Then that’s what we’ll call you,” said Kay. She finished cutting the tape, and began peeling it off. “You’re hungry and dehydrated after being in that trunk all night. Come inside and we’ll give you something to eat.” They’d saved some of their own breakfast for her. “And you can tell us everything you know about the Winter Soldiers.”

“Ah-ah-ah,” Dottie wagged a finger. “I’m not stupid. I’m not telling you anything until you’ve held up your end of the bargain. When we’re in Russia and haven’t been caught, then I’ll tell you where we’re going.”

Peggy would have protested, but Kay just shrugged. “That sounds fair,” she said.

“And how are we supposed to know what part of Russia we’re going to?” asked Peggy.

“That I can tell you after breakfast,” Dottie said. “Don’t worry about money, I’ve got some stashed away for the occasion. Now where’s that food. I’m starving.”

The two women sat and watched Dottie eat her breakfast, and Peggy’s misgivings only increased. Talking to Dottie had reminded her rather sharply that Kay was a master manipulator… she’d manipulated Peggy when Kay had been the one in prison, and now she’d managed to play Dottie, too, something Peggy would have thought was next to impossible. Now it was her, of all people, whom Peggy had to trust with her life, because the only alternatives were jail or Dottie.

Somewhere along the line she’d made a terrible mistake. In fact, the longer this went on, the more Peggy was sure the whole thing had been a series of terrible mistakes, right back to…

… well, no. Not staying in New York wasn’t a mistake, because if she’d done that, Steve would still be frozen in the arctic ice right now. And anything she’d done after that… no, there was really no point at which she could have extracted herself from this and not gotten in trouble for it. Not unless she was willing to admit that getting Steve back at all was a mistake, and she couldn’t possibly say that. Or could she? When Kay had told her outright that this wasn’t how history was ‘supposed’ to go, maybe it was a mistake.

It didn’t matter now, did it? The future was already changed, and they couldn’t go back and fix it.

Dottie devoured the breakfast they’d set out for her without the slightest thought of table manners, stuffing so much in her mouth that Peggy was afraid she’d choke. Once she’d satisfied her hunger, she asked for some twigs from the woods. Peggy sat with her while Kay brought back an armful they’d already gathered up, intending to use them as kindling. Dottie selected the ones she liked the shapes of, and arranged them into a map of the USSR.

“We won’t get in from the west,” she said. “They watch that too closely. To go from the east, we’d have to pass over Chinese airspace and that’s just as risky. From the south we’ve got the Himalayas blocking the way, and I don’t think any of us are crazy enough to try to go from the north. Not even me.” Dottie glanced up at her companions and smiled as if this were a very funny joke.

Peggy did not smile back, but Kay chuckled a little.

“The way in,” Dottie went on, “is through Turkey. The area is mountainous and difficult to patrol, but the locals know their way around I have some things prepared. It’ll be a long hike, but we can take the train from Tbilisi to Stalingrad…”

“Volgograd,” said Kay under her breath.

“… and from there, I’ll tell you where we’re going next,” said Dottie.

“Mm-hm,” said Peggy. It seemed straightforward enough, though Dottie was right – it would be a very long walk through some hostile terrain. “You said we’ll need that money you mentioned… where have you got that squirreled away?”

“Nevada,” said Dottie. “Joseph’s hanging on to it for me.”

The first Joseph Peggy thought of who might have anything to do with Dottie Underwood was Josef Stalin, but that could not possibly be right. “Who is Joseph?”

“Joseph Strieber.”

It took a moment for Peggy to remember who that was, and then it seemed almost as unlikely as Stalin – perhaps more so. “The Governor of Nevada?” she asked. “He’s the one who wants you caught! The mafia is breathing down his neck after you robbed the Toucan Hotel!”

“Plausible deniability,” said Dottie. “If he’s the one shouting that I need to be in prison, the mob won’t realize that he’s the one who let me into the Toucan at their grand opening. I was his date for the evening.” She smiled. “And now I can make him do anything I want.”

“So we’re going to Carson City,” said Kay.

Peggy thought she’d better make sure Governor Strieber didn’t get a look at her during this visit… she had enough problems right now without a desperate politician getting any leverage over her. “Then we need to catch up with Steve,” she added.

“Steve?” Dottie cocked her head and smiled. “We’re taking Captain America with us?”

“It’s his friend we’re rescuing,” said Peggy.

“Well, if you’d told me that from the beginning, I might have agreed to help without all the threats!” said Dottie, delighted. “He’s a dish, isn’t he?”

“So people say,” Peggy said. People who’d never met Steve, and didn’t realize that he was so much more than that. But she had another worry now, she realized… Dottie liked to know people’s weaknesses, and now she already knew what Peggy’s was.

#fanfic #captain america #agent carter #peggy carter #steve rogers #steggy #fix it fic

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redinkofshame · 3 years

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1. How many works do you have on AO3?

17! My favorite number.

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

178,176. Dang!

3. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

@theDuckPond Solavellan slow burn? smlungst, 62,553 words

New Life papae!Solas with lots of smut, 6606 words

Marigolds in the Hanged Man Varrigold! :D Varric/Marigold, 43,527 words

(3.5 is Dreaming With You (Solas x Reader), but I’m only a partial writer on that one so I’m not counting it.)

Labor and Loss papae!Solas with lots of sad, 4097 words

Kirkwall Karaoke f!Fenhawke drunken shenanigans, 7023 words

Wow I wasn’t expecting my karaoke fic to be on this list! And you guys really like your papae!Solas :D

4. Do you respond to comments, why or why not?

I do, yes, because when I leave comments it gives me anxiety that only seeing them reply fixes and I want to do that for other people. Unfortunately back when I updated every week (lol) I got in the habit of replying to comments when I posted something new... So now when I go a long time without posting a new chapter I leave the comments on read for a long time. Sorry guys!!

5. What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

Honestly? This Nonsense. (Link is to a long series of messages to @keturagh at 3am, no joke.)

But, since then, I’ve figured out an alternative ending that’s much happier. I can’t help it. I want happy endings.

6. What’s the fic you’ve written with the happiest ending?

As per #5, all of them lol. The first one that came to mind was Marigolds, but honestly my soulmate au Vhenaslin feels the fluffiest to me.

And, of course, there’s this one ;)

7. Do you write crossovers? If so what is the craziest one you’ve written?

I haven’t, not yet :( Like, I like the concept but no combination I’ve thought of has given me even the slightest bit of inspiration.

8. Have you ever received hate on a fic?

Yep! I received one that was something like “Congrats! You’ve written the most insufferable OC I’ve ever read!!” and it was fucking hilarious because it was on, like, chapter 6? You read 6 chapters about a character you didn’t like and somehow it’s my fault?? lmao

There was another one I can’t remember, too, and twice people have called Elle a bitch. All of these happened to Elle from Duck Pond, so if that’s not a glowing recommendation~

9. Do you write smut? If so what kind?

ROFL yeah that’s why I’m here. Like literally why I joined the fandom.

Everyone I’ve written is m/f and not particularly kinky but pretty damn explicit. Sometimes I do fade-to-black or gloss over for pacing, but mostly... Yeah. There’s smut. let Solas nut

10. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I know of. Sure af hope not.

11. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Nope. At least, not that I know of!

12. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Yes! There was a Solas x Reader post on tumblr that people were reblogging and adding a little more too, and I guess that the foreplay went on too long because @keturagh sent it to me like ‘you’re the expert of getting the P in the V!’ and I’ve never written Reader fic before (or since) but who am I to disappoint!!

Then someone compiled it all and put it on AO3 here. I don’t have a damn clue where my writing begins -- other than I got the P in the V lol. Every once in a while I get a notification of a comment or kudos on it and every SINGLE time I’m like

13. What’s your all-time favorite ship?

Very clearly Solavellan. Though I’m also very into Opal/Nik from the Minimum Wage Magic books by Rachel Aaron. I listened to the audiobook because Patrick Weekes shared their reading list on twitter once and it was on there and I’m a HUGE sucker for juxtaposition. Gets me every time.

I’ve since read uuuhhhh almost everything Rachel Aaron/Bachs has read, and there’s lots of great stuff in there, but MWM is still my favorite series of hers by far. My own personal Couch AU.

14. What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

Uuhhhh.... So many? Or more like I’m scared I never will, in any case. I started drafting a list of my WIPs and it got... long. I can’t think of any I made a deliberate choice to never finish. There’s only 1 fic that I wrote that I didn’t post.

15. What are your writing strengths?

Dialogue, pacing, and sex~

I consider my dialogue my biggest asset as a writer tbh

16. What are your writing weaknesses?

WRITING THE WORDS DOWN and also how do plot?

17. What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

In the fandom there’s a tendency to write lines in elvhen and then put the translation at the end and yeah no it drives me bonkers. It completely destroys the immersion and pacing for no pay off. I’m not going to scroll down to understand your story. I just read it straight and try to figure out what’s going on based on context.

I stick with the well-known canon lines that most of us obsessed fans know by heart. I think sometimes I put a translation in there for newcomers, maybe? One time I used a feature on AO3 where you can hover your mouse over the work and it has like a footnote? that you can use to translate. But I immediately stopped bc #1 I don’t know how that works on mobile and #2 it really doesn’t seem like that’s going to work with screen readers. But otherwise I just say ‘they said in elven’ or have the narrator translate it themself for the reader.

Also, a lot of people use the elvhen translations from that BNF’s project and like... If you WANT him to say ‘I want to paint you with my cum’ then just have the courage to say it straight!

18. What was the first fandom you wrote for?

lmao Harvest Moon. Yeah. After that was Tamora Pierce (modern girl in Tortall yep). Then was like a 15 year gap until I got frustrated at the slow pace of the romance with this egg in this game so I wanted to see if there was smut... (Cue Googling: Is FanFiction.Net still a thing?)

19. What’s your favorite fic you’ve written?

Oh gosh. Hmm. I love all my girls, but Duck Pond was/is a major work of love. Unlike my short works I really had the chance to explore more in a full length fic, you know?

(Marigolds is also full length but it was my first fic and there’s some spots that I’m not too proud of.)

That’s all the questions but I’m adding:

20. What’s a fic you’re proud of that hasn’t gotten much attention?

because I want an excuse to mention how hard I worked on Kirkwall Noir and how I’m surprised how little readership it’s gotten. It’s Varric! It’s Marigold! It’s super short, unlike most my stuff. Maybe that’s why people don’t like it?

Hmm, I also used a AO3 pen name, but it would still show on my page, right?

Thank you for the tags, @roguelioness and @thevikingwoman !! Consider yourself re-tagged so you can answer #20. Also tagging: @blarfkey @broomclosetkink @elveny @bardinhightown @keturagh @luzial

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letfatewritethewords · 3 years

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I process things with art. I process with written words in the hopes that one day it can be spoken without my voice shaking. This week has been one for the books.. and I decided to share. This is long, but I want to remember what I’m learning.. how I’m processing.. if you decide to read, thank you. If not, this will still be here as a reminder of my progress every year.

I always tell people that there was no reason for my name, but it’s a lie. I’m named after Samantha on BeWitched. My grandfather loved that show and suggested it when my mother couldn’t decide. I was born in early September and that makes me a Virgo. Astrology is one of my favorite things. There’s something extraordinary about the idea that we’re connected to the universe by the positioning of the stars. Sometimes it’s so vague.. but other times, it’s right on the nose and my horoscopes will make me cry. Speaking of that, I’m an empath and a 2. When I’m unhealthy, I’m a 4 and If you know what any of that means, I’d love to talk to you more about it. Winter is my favorite season. Fall is a close second. I love the snow and how muted everything is. I like the quiet, the beauty. Sometimes, the light from the sun will shimmer off a fresh coat of snow on the ground. It is absolutely blinding, but I’d still stare, and when the snow fell at night, I’d watch it under the street light across from my house and it felt like time stood still. When I was little, I would lay in the yard full of snow, alone, in my puffy suite, until my fingers and toes would go numb from the cold, listening to the silence, but the best part of those days was going back into my grandparents house and warming up with hot coco made on the stove, wrapping myself in a soft blanket and watching old movies with my grandfather. To me, the Winter is magical. My love languages are Quality Time and Acts of Service. I’m an introvert but I love people. I like to observe, I like to really understand how the mind works and Im eager to help. I thrive in controlled chaos. I like puzzles, I love music, I like crafts, I like to fix things because grandpa always taught me that nothing is to broken to fix. Nothing. No one.

This is the light. This is the part of me that I give willingly to anyone I meet. I wear it on my sleeve. It’s only the light. Until the last 2 years.. this was all I could give of myself because I’ve always been scared of the dark.

The darkest part of me lasted 8 years, my rock bottom lasted 4.5, but as a whole it’s taken up almost 12 years of my life. Sometimes I worry that all I'm ever going to be is this thing that happened to me. That this will define me for the rest of my life and I need to remind myself that I’m a person that can live separate from an event.

I went to the police station this week, I filled out more forms. I’ve filled out so many forms over the last 2 years. For an emergency restraining order this time. For Florida this time. I knew it would eventually follow me here but typhus felt too soon. The clerk called me brave. I smile and thank them every time but I never know how to respond to that. She has no idea how weak it feels and I mean.. how could she. This is the right choice, the obvious choice, the smart choice. In a different situation, it’s one of the many steps I’d be urging someone else to take. In all the chaos, all the hurt, in all the anger and sadness.. it always circles back to “I loved him”. I did. I wanted to fix him. I wanted to see him grow and heal and if I loved him hard enough for the both of us, it would’ve evened out eventually… right?

I failed.

He was always who he was, but I was young and naive and ready to fix the whole world. When I was 18 and we were free, I would’ve told you he saved me. Now that I’m in my 30’s… and he’s in prison and I’m in limbo.. I don’t know what I’d tell you. He didn’t save me, but he didn’t destroy me either. I had every opportunity to tap out and give up.. but I grew into a person I might not have been if I never met him.

Am I angry? All of the time.

Am I scared? Yes.

I see things more clearly now though. People talk about how you never know someone’s story, and that’s because we are experts at playing pretend like we have it all figured out until we’re alone and have to face truest selves. The facade is the hardest thing to give up. Some people saw through mine and there are others, who have built their own, that never will. I share posts about what I’ve learned, how I see people, how I’ve try to treat people with grace and teach children with love and patience in hopes that a little of that sinks into whoever it reaches, but I very rarely show the journey. Partly because I know the details are gruesome and that’s not for everyone, but mostly because I’m scared.

How will you see me?

What will you think?

I’m learning that I’m not this big awful thing that happened to me. I was never anyone’s property and I’m not chained to it anymore. I was very much lied to and manipulated and hurt long enough that it flipped onto me and I carried it without missing a step. I wanted to love him so much that I would heal him. Instead, he “loved” me so much it almost killed me, and he did call it love. Enough times that he re-defined it and I didn’t use that word for a very long time in any meaningful situation. He, for better or for worse, drastically changed the trajectory of my life.

But it’s ok.

I’m wounded but I’m healing. I’m lonely, but I’m learning how to slowly welcome more people in and step out of my comfort zone. If I’m being honest, I’m relearning a lot of things, including how to exist in a world where I have room to make mistakes and fail. I can say or do the wrong thing and be gently corrected for it by my people and move on … sans violence. There are no words for amount of relief I feel because of that truth.

Is it over? No.

He was sentenced to 7 years last year and every year around mid July early August there is an opportunity to apply for an appeal based on his behavior, which will always be immaculate because he is not as tough as he thinks he is. This means that if he applies and it goes to trial, I’m also notified and have to reappear, show any new evidence, and reexplain why he needs to stay there for the safety of others and myself. Telling my story once a year on a whim to a room full of strangers, always men, so they can decide my fate, as well as the fate of this “upstanding young man with a good head on his shoulders” (actual words used during my initial rape/domestic abuse trial against him), was never what I imagined finally turning him in would look like. I really never thought that after everything, his sentence wouldn’t even be as long as our relationship. The original sentence was 5 years. After he got out on a Governor Cuomo Covid related prison loophole and broke his parole almost immediately, he was sentenced to another 2 on top of that. He has 6 left. We talk about how flawed our system is, but really seeing it is a different kind of punch. Women aren’t believed. There’s a reason so many of these crimes go unreported, and why so many women die at the hands of angry men. The hoops you have to jump through are miles high and on fire, and when you and the advocate show up armed only with your truth, your tears and a little evidence from one night at a bar when he got to drunk and forgot he was in public, it’s very easy for a judge to rule on the softer side. Because, as you all know, we’d never want to ruin a wealthy mans life unless there’s cold, hard, reason to.

Seeing his face when they read out his sentence, after years of terror, was satisfying to say the least and if I hadn’t been so numb to get through the hearing, I would’ve enjoyed it more. I will never forget going to a trusted friends house after that hearing and being completely overwhelmed with all of the emotions. Relief, guilt, sadness, anger, happiness, fear.. so many I couldn’t express.. all at once because the novocain wears off and numb isn’t forever and I fell asleep with their dog after a lot of crying. I’d be lying though if I said that 18 year old in me didn’t feel a loss. I grew up with incredible grandparents that did amazing things in teaching me how to love people and be a good human, but no one can protect us from everything. I also grew up with a mother who fights demons of her own and never had the capacity to love two kids. In a situation like that, someone becomes the punching bag. I became the punching bag and desperately looked for ways out, an opportunity to run.. and I ran right into him, who accepted me with open arms for the first time in my young, very inexperienced life.. and I followed him blindly and he was my whole world. Until I was 27, I didn’t have a guide. By the grace of God I landed into a community in Florida that slowly helped me realize my worth.

So.. what now.

How do we fix what our parents and past broke?

How do you reparent yourself?

The mental health journey is proving to be my biggest struggle yet. There’s no more outside factors, it’s just me and the lies that have fed me for years and altered how I think and feel and understand the world. I can feel myself frustrating people I’ve let close to me. I feel myself getting nervous and pushing people away. Sometimes I can catch it and regroup, other times that nasty little voice is too loud and I’m exhausted. My goodness though, how cool is it to learn so much about yourself? I know I have the capacity to love that broken part of me eventually, but it’s still hard to face. Getting to learn and understand the reason behind your actions is terrifyingly amazing. I am proud of this journey. Even when I don’t always come up on top. It’s hard to see the progress while you’re in it, but laying it all out like this.. I can safely say I’m never going to be that 18 year old girl ever again. Some days this journey looks different, some days the darkness wins, because healing isn’t linear. Sometimes it’s one step forward, 2 steps back… but nothing is too broken to fix.. and I will never call that darkness home again.

#lonliness #abuse survivor #survivor #domestic violent relationships #domestic violence #processing

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destroyyourbinder · 5 years

Link

I want to thank Jacob for his enormous bravery in speaking out publicly about how the “puberty blocker” (GnRH agonist) protocol and the medicalization of his identity affected him as a struggling trans teenager.

I want to note before I share the article that stories like Jacob’s are being politicized by groups like Mermaids (the primary transgender child lobbying organization in the UK) to claim that while "blockers” are “safe” and “reversible” and ought to be immediately provided to trans children who are beginning puberty, that any problems with GnRH agonists indicates that clinicians should begin cross-sex hormone treatment early. Organizations such as Mermaids and various other groups in the US frequently claim that there ought to be no formal lower age bound for the initiation of cross-sex HRT (i.e. testosterone for female children, estrogen and an anti-androgen drug for male children) and Johanna Olson-Kennedy (a pediatric gender “expert” and head of the gender clinic at Children’s Hospital Los Angeles) advocates regularly for female children to receive testosterone at twelve and has possibly given children as young as 8 testosterone treatment. So in sharing this kid’s story, I want to be careful, since there is a real danger that exposing the harms of using GnRH agonists such as Lupron on gender-variant children will lead to a change in strategy where these children are merely dosed early with cross-sex hormones, a protocol that to my knowledge that we have zero long-term data on. (Children are given GnRH agonists as a means to halt precocious puberty, and in fact, these drugs are approved for this purpose, so we have some data on their effects already. As far as I know, there has been no previous medical reason to give female children testosterone or male children anti-androgens and estrogen.) The article is behind a paywall but I am transcribing it here: Puberty blocking drugs: ‘For the past four years I’ve been stuck as a child’ Jacob has just turned 16 and for the past four years the teenager’s body has been put on pause. He has been on hormone blockers to stop puberty while he decides how far he is willing to go to become a transgender man.

He claims that taking blockers was “the worst decision I’ve ever made”.

Jacob was born a girl but felt unhappy with his gender. “I always felt so weak and pathetic and inferior to the men.” He started using the male pronoun and imagined himself growing up and “dating a woman”.

When Jacob became one of thousands of young adolescents to be referred for puberty blockers by the NHS’s main gender clinic for children he was delighted. “It was sold to me as a miracle cure for being trans,” he claimed. He told another trans school friend about them, who started requesting blockers too.

Hormone blockers are only licensed in Britain to delay the onset of puberty for children suffering “precocious puberty” — that is, those who start developing abnormally early before the age of eight or nine.

However, their use is promoted by the transgender campaign group Mermaids as a way of giving young people “a pause button” while deciding whether to graduate to the irreversible, cross-sex hormones that will trigger the life-changing, fertility-reducing jump from one gender to another, once they reach 16. The vast majority of children who begin blockers go on to take that step.

Blockers are physically reversible, insofar as puberty will eventually restart once someone stops taking them. But no one — not even the directors of the country’s leading gender clinic, the Tavistock’s Gender Identity Development Service [GIDS] — knows their long-term impact, for example, on the teenage brain.

After just a few consultations at the Tavistock, Jacob was referred to the endocrinology clinic at University College London Hospitals [UCLH]. He claimed the clinic did not consider his background, such as the trauma of a sexual assault at primary school, or his parents’ difficult divorce. He and his mother were soon making regular visits to London from their small village in the west of England for the injections.

“They promise you that your breasts will disappear, that your voice will be deeper, that I would look and sound more like a boy. For me, that was the best thing that could have happened,” he said.

Only, Jacob found that wasn’t what happened at all. Far from becoming one of the lads, as he’d hoped, he felt even more alienated from them as their physiques changed and Jacob’s remained the same.

“At school, other people were maturing into adults. The guys I grew up with were growing hair and growing up. For someone who’s trying to fit in as a boy, that’s not what you want.” Jacob had always been the tallest among his friends. Now he was the shortest. When his little brother overtook him in height and strength, he found it too upsetting to be in the same room as him. “My little brother is 18 months younger and now he has completely outgrown me. I go to school and I feel like other people are developing and I still feel like a child,” he said. Jacob also claims he was not warned about the side-effects of the drugs. These have included insomnia, exhaustion, fatigue, low moods, rapid weight gain which caused his skin to become covered with angry, itchy stretch marks, and a reduction in bone density. “I’d never broken a bone before [taking puberty blockers],” he says. “I’ve since broken four bones.” “I stubbed my toe, it broke. I fell over, my wrist broke. Same with my elbow.” As he took the blockers, Jacob’s mother watched her child become even more introverted and body-conscious. “The blockers contributed more to the self-image problems that were already there,” she said. Jacob found it increasingly difficult to concentrate on schoolwork. If sitting GSCEs is hard enough with raging hormones, it’s even harder without them, he said. “I’m someone with the developing mind of a 12-year-old who’s doing exams designed for a 16-year-old.”

He added: “The worst part was probably the depression. There were moments when I wanted everything to stop. Weight gain and depression — for someone who is already self-conscious about their body, that’s a lethal combination.” Clinicians who resigned from GIDS for ethical reasons said one of their main concerns was that young people were being sent down a medical pathway without proper exploration of the possibility they may simply be gay. Jacob is no closer to understanding who he may be attracted to at 16 as he was at 12. “My friends are all talking about having sex and girlfriends, and going to prom... but I’ve never had a crush. I’ve never felt sexual attraction to anyone. I feel so out of place.” In hindsight, Jacob finds it surprising how little his background — and the reasons why he didn’t want to be a girl — were discussed before being referred for treatment. “They didn’t even look at my history or trauma,” claimed Jacob. “They sent a child whose circumstances and feelings they didn’t understand [for hormone treatment].” Jacob is speaking out about his experience to warn other transgender youngsters to think twice before starting blockers. “I was sold a miracle cure. They promised happiness with little evidence behind it. Then four years in, you realise, oh my God, I’ve no idea about the long-term effects.“

“They asked a 12-year-old to make a decision an adult would struggle with.” “It was like, ‘here are the drugs’ and off we went. It’s a ridiculous process. It’s not gone the way they told me it was going to go.”

Mermaids, the transgender lobby group, claims that puberty blockers are safe and “completely reversible” and that not giving them to youngsters who request them can be more damaging than prescribing them.

Gendered Intelligence, another trans campaign group, claims on its website that hormone blockers give children “breathing space to ensure that they are sure about the permanent effects of cross-sex hormones, without the adverse effects of an incorrect puberty.” Jacob is scathing about such claims. “Breathing space! It really isn’t. I’ve not had any space to breathe the last four years.“

“They sell it to you as a break from feeling like a girl, and that’s fine for the first few months but as soon as everyone else around you starts developing it becomes ‘spot the transgender kid’, which is so easy because you’re stuck as a child.“

“If anything, I’ve been more depressed than before. My thyroid is messed up. I’m hungry all the time. I have no idea how my breast tissue will develop.” He claimed: “They push and push you on to this one-way train you’re not allowed off.” Asked whether it was misleading to promote puberty blockers as a “pause button”, a spokesman for Mermaids said: “Mermaids cannot comment on clinical cases as we are not involved in any individuals’ medical pathways.” “We offer young people and their families information, support and access to others in similar circumstances.” Gendered Intelligence declined to respond. Jacob claims the main focus of his treatment at the Tavistock was on the milestones of transition — “how far you’re willing to go” — rather than discussion of the consequences.

He claims: “My Tavistock worker was saying to me, ‘once you have the testosterone, you’ll be a boy’. “But it shouldn’t be about milestones. Being trans is how you think; it should not be about how far down the line you’re will to go.” A spokesman for Tavistock said: “All young people considering the puberty blocker or cross-sex hormones are repeatedly made aware of the known potential impacts of these medical interventions... as well as the areas of impact that remain to some extent unknown.“

“The information that we give patients about the blockers makes it clear that they may get tired and experience low mood. We explain to young people that hormones give us energy and drive, not just our sex drive but our overall ‘get up and go’. “We also emphasised to them routinely that while on the blocker they would stay early puberty whilst their peers developed. This is a routine part of the discussion.“

“In the end the decision to go on blockers is a balancing act weighing up these factors against the perceived distress of undergoing puberty in the ‘wrong’ gender and developing unwanted and potential hard to change secondary sexual characteristics.” Jacob decided to come off the drugs on turning 16. He began to feel the benefits almost overnight. “I grew taller, I lost weight, I felt livelier. It was like getting the poison out of my system,” he said. He will now wait until reaching 18 before making any big decisions.“I’m just fed up with all of it. I’ve felt like a guinea pig from day one. [Blockers] only made my life more complicated and it was pretty complicated already.” He added: “I’ll be 18 in two years, but for the past four years I’ve been stuck as a child. Blockers took away the chance I had to grow up with other kids. Now I want to give my body a break.”

#medical47 #risks01

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sisoyyoalgunproblema · 4 years

Text

Muslim attire in the EU

This is gonna be a guide to the bans (or lack thereof) on muslim attire in the European Union, country by country. Why am I doing this? Well, I’ve seen a discussion between that you can read here about the ban on hijabs in public institutions in Belgium and France and how that’s done in the name of “secularism” (it was all brought on because of a gift-set of Yasmina from wtfok, a hijabi muslim girl in a public school from Antwerp, Belgium) .

First of all, a disclaimer. I’m in no way shape or form an expert on this, I just have way too much time on my hands and want to understand the continent I live in and its relationship to Islam a little bit better. The information on here might be inaccurate or just wrong, I’ve spent only a few hours doing research, I know it’s not enough so if you know more be free to add your own info to this.

I wanted to do a European list in general but there are A LOT of countries in Europe, so I’m limiting myself to 28, I might do the rest of countries another time, this is just to give you (us?) a general view of the continent.

I’m gonna put links to EVERYTHING so that if you wanna read the whole articles you can do so, the info there is gonna be much more specific, for I’m only doing a summary of it. Most of my links are gonna take you to articles in English, but some of them will be in Spanish, French and Italian, for those are the only languages I speak, I’d love to read the articles about Germany in German because they are usually more accurate than those in English, but I don’t speak the language, so I haven’t.

Also, even though I feel pretty comfortable and confident in English it is not my first language (nor my second), so bear that in mind, there are gonna be some spelling and grammar mistakes, I’m sorry.

First of all, what is “secularism”? There are a couple definitions of the word that change it’s meaning, but I’m gonna use the definition presented by the Cambridge Dictionary, for I think it might be the most “european” one and we are talking secularism in the European Union, so, the Cambridge Dictionary defines “secularism” as: “the belief that religion should not be involved with the ordinary social and political activities of a country”.

Having said this, I’ll tackle each country alphabetically in English (I’m including the UK because they haven’t left the Union yet). A lot of the info is gonna be based in this article. So brace yourselves:

AUSTRIA

Islam in Austria is the first minority religion. 8% of the total population declared themselves muslim in the last census.

In 2017 the Austrian Parliament banned all those items of clothing that covered the face, a law that mainly affects those muslim women who wear hijabs and niqabs.

In 2019 the Austrian Parliament passed a law banning young girls (up to 10 yo) to wear hijabs at school. The fine for going against this law goes up to 440€.

You can read more info about Islam in Austria here and about the hijab ban here.

BELGIUM

Islam is the second religion of this country after Christianity and the muslim population of the country represents the 7% of the total.

(I want to note here that the Wikipedia page in French makes close to no reference to the hijab bans in the country)

I think this is the country who’s hijab ban is making more head-lines as of late because of their last ban on hijabs in Universities (as of 2020) but the first hijab bans in schools in the country were seen in 2005.

In 2017 the European Court ruled against two niqab-wearing (I couldn’t find the right terminology, if I’m not using this right, please tell me) Belgium muslim women who’d brought their country to court saying that the ban went against Human Rights.

The fines for not upholding this laws can go up to 150€ and can result in incarceration.

You can read about Islam in Belgium in French here and in English here. If you want to know more about the recent protests I’d recommend this article and if you wanna know about the ruling of the EU Court on the face-covering ban in Belgium, you can read this article.

BULGARIA

Islam in Bulgaria is practised by 15% of the population, it’s the second biggest religion in the country after Christianity.

On 2016 the Parliament of Bulgaria passed a law banning Bulgarian citizens from wearing burqas in public spaces, those who choose to oppose it will face fines up to 770€.

I haven’t seen much about Islam and Bulgaria, but the Wikipedia article is fine (you can find it here) and I also loved this article about how the Bulgarian government benefits from this ban (it could be applied to all the countries).

CROATIA

Islam is the second largest faith in the country after Christianity, but according to a 2011 census it only represents 1.47% of the population.

I haven’t been able to find any info about bans on either face-veils (burqas, niqabs) or hijabs, but the Wikipedia article if pretty good.

CYPRUS

Can I just leave it at “Cyprus is complicated af”, pretty please? Okay, the thing with Cyprus, without getting too deep into International politics, is this will vary depending on what you understand by “Cyprus” because if you ask a Turk, they’ll say there are two countries in the Island, but I’m gonna make this from the European POV, so the whole island is one country (please don’t murder me).

Islam makes up 18% of the population of the country (most muslims are in the northern part of the island, the Turkish part). There are no bans on muslim attire in the country that I know of.

If you wanna know more about Islam on the country I’d recommend this article, if you wanna know about the dangers of Imperialism and what the fuck is actually going on in Cyprus, this is nice. Oh! And this article about religions in Cyprus is good as well, but it’s in Spanish.

CZECHIA

So, Czechia (why is it spelled like this? why? I’ve had to check it over and over again!) so… Not much to say about this country (other than the fact that Prague might be my favourite city ever). Muslims only account for 0.1% of the population and I couldn’t find any bans whatsoever.

Oh! And its political leaders have proposed a ban on Islam itself, which isn’t Islamophobic at all!!! (according to their wonderful president refugees are colonizers, I love my continent :))

Okay, if you wanna read more about the whole Islam ban, this is a wonderful article to do so. And if you wanna know about Islam in the country in general, well, this isn’t the best Wikipedia article in the whole world, but it’s nice enough.

(I know my sarcasm is starting to show, I’m tired and I’ve only done 5 out of the 28 countries.)

DENMARK

And we’re finally here! The country with the little island for their muslim migrants!

Okay, joking aside, the muslim population of this country accounts for 5.4% of the total.

In 2005 the Parliament passed a law allowing businesses to ban women from wearing hijabs and on 2009 judges and jurors were forbidden to wear religious symbols. Some schools ban the use of head-scarfs. The fine for refusing to do so is of 1000 konner or 140 €. On 2018 they passed a law banning garments that cover the face.

This article is good for general information. And, if you want to know about the island, this article is good.

ESTONIA

Estonia has a very, very, very small Islamic community (0.1% of the total) and there’s not even one (1) Mosque in the country, although they practice in a Muslim Community centre.

Sorry I couldn’t find more info, you can read this, but it isn’t much.

FINLAND

Finland, 2.7% of the country’s population is Muslim. And… That’s all I could find? I’m sorry, really, if you want more info I can throw in the fact that “The Baltic Tatars” are a thing and they sound super cool.

Here’s the article.

FRANCE

Oh, France, the first country that used secularism to hide islamophobia, the land of Moliere, Champagne, my favourite cheese, Simone de Beauvoire… And the birthplace of the European hijab ban.

Okay, so things didn’t happen over night, in 1989 the French Minister of Education stated that it was up to the educators to accept or refuse the use of head-scarfs in their classrooms. In 2004 the French government banned religious symbols in schools and public places altogether (something that somehow only affects muslim women).

In 2010 dresses that covered ones face were banned (something that, again, mainly affect muslim women).

In 2016 there were very strong attempts to ban burkinis that were overthrown.

Oh! Muslims account for 8.8% of the total population in France.

To read more about Islam in France this article is good. And I’ve loved this article about the hijab in France. If you want something in French you can read this.

GERMANY

Muslims in Germany account for over 11.6% of the total population of the country.

In 2017 the government passed a law banning the covering of the face for soldiers and state-workers during work hours.

This article is great to get a superficial view about Islam in Germany.

GREECE

Muslims in Greece account for 4.7% of the population, I haven’t found much else other than the fact that there are two distinct groups, those who have been there since the Ottoman Empire and those who came in the late 20th century, early 21st.

I really liked this article, it’s not wikipedia.

HUNGARY

Muslims in Hungary make for less than 0.1% of the population. I haven’t found any information on bans on veils, but the country right now is ruled by the far-right and they won’t take any refugees (I know not all refugees identify as muslim but, believe me, in Europe everyone views them as muslim).

I got the info from this article, but I liked this article on Islam in Hungary much better, it just didn’t have the info I was looking for.

IRELAND

Ireland has a muslim population of 0.9% of the total of the country. Ireland is a fun country to do on this list because of the declaration from their Prime Minister, Leo Varadkar, in 2018, about weather to ban veils or not, stating: “I don’t like it but I think people are entitled to wear what they want to wear. […] I believe in the freedom of religion. I don’t agree with the doctrine of every religion or necessarily any religion, but I do believe in the freedom of religion.”

You can read more about Ireland and Islam in this article.

ITALY

Muslims in Italy represent 2.3% of the total population, in 2015, Lombardy (a region in northern Italy) banned the use of burqas in hospitals and local governament buildings. Anyway, this article gives you a pretty good overview on Islam in Italy and this one on the Lombardy burqa ban.

LATVIA

Muslims make up around 1% of the population in the country, I couldn’t find anything about bans on veils in the country, or Islam in general, but this article is an overview and this one talks about the experience of a muslim man in Latvia.

LITHUANIA

The only thing I’ve been able to find is that Lithuanian Tatars make for 0.1% of the population, but I couldn’t find anything about other Islamic families living in the country. You can read more on Islam’s history in the country in this article.

LUXEMBURG

The muslim population in Luxembourg accounts for 0.02% of the total population of the country, as fas as I know, there are no bans on veils, either hijabs or face-veils. So… Yeah, here’s a link, I couldn’t find much info on Islam in the country.

MALTA

Malta’s muslim community represents less than 1% of the country’s population.

In Malta, muslim women have to remove their veil when taking identification photos, but other than that, they can wear whatever they want, even though there was a proposal to ban burqas and niqabs in 2015, it was overthrown.

I couldn’t find much about Islam in Malta, mainly this article and this one about the proposal to ban full face veils.

NETHERLANDS

5% of the population in the Netherlands practice Islam according to a 2018 census.

In 2019 the Netherlands passed a law banning the use of burqas and niqabs, but not without controversy, Amsterdam’s mayor has opposed the law since the beginning and the actual enforcement of such law is in question.

You can read more about the history of Islam in the Netherlands in this article and about the ban on burqas in this one.

POLAND

Today, less than 0.1% of the population of this country declares themselves as muslim, but it’s one of the most Islamophobic countries in the continent, although I haven’t been able to find any bans on veils, probably because the majority of muslims are Lipka Tatars and the women of that group traditionally don’t wear hijab.

You can read more about this in this article.

PORTUGAL

The muslim population of Portugal represents less than 1% of the total, I haven’t been able to find any info on veil bans, but I got everything from this article.

ROMANIA

Muslims in Romania make up for the 0.3% of the population. As far as I’ve seen, there are no bans on veils in this country.

You can read more about Islam in Romania here.

SLOVAKIA

Less than 0.1% of the country’s population practice Islam and the country does not have a mosque. I haven’t been able to find anything about veil bans in the country, but they did ban Islam from becoming an official religion on 2016 and mosques in general (people worship in the Islamic Centre of Cordoba).

This is what I’ve been able to find about Islam in the country, this article is about the ban on mosques.

SLOVENIA

Muslims make up about 2.4% of the country’s population. I couldn’t find much else, and nothing on bans on veils. I got my info from this article.

SPAIN

Islam is practised in Spain by 4.5% of the country’s population.

Some cities in the country (such as Barcelona, Tarragona and Lleida) have banned the use of burqas and niqabs since 2010 and, although the Senat has pressured the government to do so nation-wide, their proposal didn’t pass the Parliament nor the Government itself, no no action has been taken.

(Also, I’ve seen people in both burqas and niqabs in Barcelona, so I don’t know if the law is being applied)

Finding info on Islam in Spain is tricky because most articles talk about the 12th century and things like that, but this one in Spanish is pretty good.

SWEDEN

Sweden’s muslim population makes up for 8.1% of the total. In 2019 a few municipalities banned the use of the hijab in educational institutions.

You can read more about all of this here.

UNITED KINGDOM

Muslims represent 4.4% of the total population in the UK and there’s no law banning islamic dress.

You can read more about this here.

THE EUROPEAN UNION AND ITS VALUES

I know many defend the banning of such items of clothing stating that secularism is a European value, so I took the liberty of going into the EU official site and look up its values (you can find it all here). This are the values of the EU:

Human dignity

Freedom (yeah, freedom of religion and expression are included within the EU’s definition of freedom)

Democracy

Equality

Rule of law

Human Rights (again the right to be free of discrimination because of religion is here)

So, no “secularism” isn’t a European value, freedom of expression and of religion and faith are. So, although the EU has ruled in favour of this bans multiple times, those are not upholding European Values.

Also, I’ve been very careful to put the years all this bans have been approved because, if you look closely, you’ll see that these bans are the outcome of the Islamophobia, xenophobia and radicalism that has taken Europe (and the west) by storm after 9/11 and the Mediterranean Migratory Crisis.

OTHER RANDOM THINGS I’VE SEEN, LIKED BUT DON’T KNOW HOW TO WORK INTO THIS LONG ASS POST

I really liked this article about how Europe banned veils and now face-masks are mandatory in most places.

This article also touches on Turkey, Russia and other European countries.

I love this article about how wearing a hijab in a lot of places of Europe has become a symbol of resistance.

A LITTLE NOTE FROM ME TO YOU

If you have gotten this far, I’m honestly surprised, I did this more for myself than others, but I really wanted to share it once it was done. Hope you’ve enjoyed it and learned something from it. I love you all 💜

#islam in europe #skam españa #wtfock #skam #skam nl #skam italia #skam france #druck #hijab #hijab ban

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chathispano12 · 3 years

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creepingsharia · 4 years

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“I Never Thought We’d Face This Much Hatred”: Muslim Persecution of Christians, November 2019

by Raymond Ibrahim

Slaughter of Christians

Syria: On November 11, Islamic gunmen opened fire on a vehicle known to be carrying Christian leaders. Two Armenian priests, a father and son, were killed; a deacon was seriously wounded. ISIS claimed the murders of Father Abrahim Petoyan and Father Hovsep Petoyan. The Armenians were going to inspect repairs on an Armenian Catholic church that had been earlier damaged in Deir ez-Zor. “We continue to feel the presence of ISIS,” responded the Armenian Catholic Archbishop Boutros Marayati of Aleppo, adding that Deir ex-Zor “is a very important town for us, because it is there that many of our martyrs were killed as they fled the Turkish genocide of 1915. Today there are no Armenian Catholics left there. Undoubtedly, the Turks don’t want us to return, because our presence would be a reminder of the Armenian genocide.”

Turkey: On November 19, in the streets of the city of Diyarbakir, Korean evangelist Jinwook Kim, 41, was stabbed and later died from his injuries. A 16-year-old Muslim was later arrested. According to the report,

Kim had arrived in Diyarbakir with his family earlier this year and was pastoring a small community of Christians. The assailant stabbed Kim three times: twice in the heart, once in the back. Officials, however, claim that the incident occurred in an effort to steal Kim’s phone. Local believers urge the authorities to investigate the incident as an assassination, rather than an attempt at extortion. Kim was married and had one child, although his second is expected to be born in the coming days…. He had lived in Turkey for five years.

“This wasn’t just a robbery; they came to kill him,” insists another local Christian, who received a death threat the day after this incident:

We always get threats. A brother prophesied a few days ago that they (the government) are going to kick out these foreigners, and probably kill a few Turkish brothers. They are going to cause chaos. They know that I am trying to spread the Gospel, so they may target me too. This may be a sign.

Ethiopia: “Two Ethiopian pastors have been beheaded in Sebeta, near the capital Addis Ababa, in an outburst of violence against Christians” that erupted after a leading Muslim incited his supporters against the government over some supposed infraction against him. The report adds that “the situation on the ground has become quite challenging for Christians and many churches have been burnt this year. There is also an unverified report that a group of Christians has been forced out of the majority-Muslim town of Ginir, located 303 miles south-east of the capital.”

Nigeria: Muslim Fulani herdsmen continued their murderous raids on Christian communities. Two incidents were especially notable and identical. First, in the early hours of November 14, machete-wielding Muslim raiders hacked to death four Christians as they soundly slept in their bedrooms in Agban village, near Kagoro. All of the slain were farmers and members of the local church. Ten days later, on November 24, Muslim herdsmen attacked Agom, a Christian village in southern Kaduna state’s Sanga Country, around 4:30 a.m. There they hacked with machetes an 87-year-old Christian to death and shot another Christian in the head, killing him instantly. Both of the slain, regular churchgoers, had also been sleeping in their homes.

Cameroon: On November 6 in Moskota, Islamic militants connected with Boko Haram attacked a church where they killed David Mokoni, a retired pastor, as well as a hearing-impaired Christian boy; another pastor was shot in the leg. Afterwards the militants looted the church, taking even the pastors’ ceremonial robes. “Boko Haram has been stepping up its attacks on Christian villages in Far North Cameroon in an attempt to establish an Islamic caliphate from north-eastern Nigeria all the way to northern Cameroon,” the report says. This most recent attack follows a “brutal spate of attacks since late October, by gangs of up to 200 militants, [which] has left eight dead”: “The first of the attacks came on 30 October with the looting of six mainly-Christian villages in Mayo Sava district…. On 31 October, five people were hacked to death when militants armed with axes, knives and wooden clubs stormed the village of Kotserehé. A sixth wounded man later died from his injuries.” Rebecca, a witness, described the slaughter of a boy in Kotserehé: “He was a 15-year-old adolescent. He was so deeply asleep in his bed that he didn’t hear any of the noise around him. They thrust the blade of the axe so deeply into his skull, to the point we had to use a hammer to get it out of his head.” Many Christians have been displaced by these ongoing attacks and live in “extreme misery,” added another local: “This is beyond persecution. It is a dramatic situation, plunging thousands of families into a deplorable humanitarian crisis.”

Pakistan: Muslim bakers murdered a teenage Christian coworker and police are covering it up, alleged Sarwar Masih, the father of Akash Masih, the slain 18-year-old: “My son was an expert at baking and making shawarma and burgers” and his “expertise was liked by the customers.” As a result, “he faced discrimination and religious jealousy at his workplace. He often complained about the unfavorable situation at the bakery, but he continued working to help his family.” One day the bakery called the father and said his son was sick and sent to a hospital. Sarwar rushed there only to learn that his son had already died. When he contacted police, the bakery threatened him and police were unresponsive, claiming that his son had “committed suicide,” even though signs of torture were visible on his neck and back. “These are delaying tactics to defuse the evidences against the culprits,” Sarwar last reported: “Christians face hatred and discrimination even after their death.”

Separately, on November 16, an armed Muslim mob attacked and drove out the Christian families of a small village in Lahore. One Christian teenage girl, Sonia Sarwar, was killed and six others were seriously injured in the riot. “The attack was aimed at displacing around ten Christian families from this area,” Nazir Masih, whose legs were wounded in the attack, explained: “Arshad Kambho, an influential Muslim, wants to grab the property of the Christians.” Since 2015, Kambho had been trying to steal the Christians’ land; he took them twice to courts and twice the courts ruled in favor of the Christians. “Since then, Kambho has been creating disputes with the Christians to damage them and drag them into an allegation,” said another local.

Attacks on Christian Churches

Syria: On November 11—the same day that two Armenian priests were killed in a hail of bullets (see above)—three car bombings occurred in the city of Qamishli, which holds a significant Christian population. One of the bombs detonated near a Chaldean church and killed at least six civilians, as well as damaging the church building; another detonated near an Assyrian Christian owned market, and a third detonated near a Catholic school. All were claimed by ISIS.

Egypt: On Friday, November 1, a fire broke out in a Coptic church in Shubra. According to the report, “The fire had started at around 8:30am close to the church theatre hall, in a building adjacent to the church itself. Anba Makary, Bishop of South Shubra, was then officiating Mass on the ground floor for persons with disabilities. They were all safely evacuated.” In the preceding two weeks, two other churches were torched in October. Police concluded that the fires in all three cases were due to electrical malfunctions. Christians argued otherwise, indicating that arson was responsible.

Separately, the civil council of the village of Neda ordered the church of St. George to remove its bell tower, in keeping with Islamic law. The church, fearing that this is just the first warning of a downward spiral to closure, made a direct appeal to President Sisi. According to the November 17 report,

[T]he actual construction of the church has been a slow process. It was originally established in 1911, but it didn’t receive building permits until 2006. Because the village Christians are poor, construction has been slow. They are afraid that the village extremists will stop them from continuing construction without the intervention of the President. Churches are a contentious subject in Egypt, which is an officially Islamic country. The construction of churches is tightly regulated by the state…

Pakistan: A Muslim mob demolished a wall and the front door of a Catholic church in the Punjab on the pretext that it was not formally registered. However, according to church member Naseer Masih, “Muslims do not want the church in the village because they have bad feelings towards Christians.” The report explains:

“On 4 November 50 policemen arrived in front of the [church] gate and asked Catholics if they had ever had problems praying in church. Christians have responded that they had never had difficulties. Meanwhile, a crowd of 60 people gathered to bring a tractor and hammers. With the tractor they knocked down the door, then the Muslims completed the destruction with hammers.”

Police just stood by and watched. “[W]e had no warning from the police before the accident,” said Naseer. “The Muslims carried out the destruction and the policemen did nothing against them. This means that they are on their side…. We have prepared all the documents,” he added, concerning the legality of the modest and now ruined church that was built in 2007.

Turkey: According to a November 21 report, “Turkey’s Council of State, the country’s highest administrative court, has recently approved changing the historic Chora Greek Orthodox Church located in Istanbul, currently a museum, into a mosque”:

Commentators say that sets the legal precedent for transforming Hagia Sophia, the very symbol of Byzantine and Orthodox Christianity, which is also currently an official museum, back into a mosque…. The interior of the [Chora] church, which was originally built as part of a monastery complex outside the walls of Constantinople, is covered with some of the oldest and finest surviving Byzantine mosaics and frescoes.

Chora Church’s uniquely old and surprisingly intact artwork was first made in 1315—over a century before the Turkish invasion and conquest of Constantinople in 1453—and includes images such as of Joseph and Mary (above). All these historically precious frescoes are set to be destroyed in the church’s transformation into a mosque.

France: On Sunday, November 3, a statue of St. Bernadette in the chapel of the St. Florent hermitage in Oberhaslach was found beheaded. Because two churches are reportedly violated every day in France, this bit of vandalism attracted little attention. According to PI-News, 1,063 attacks on Christian churches or symbols (crucifixes, icons, statues) were registered in France in just 2018. A separate January 2017 study revealed that “Islamist extremist attacks on Christians” in France—which holds one of Europe’s largest Muslim populations—rose by 38 percent, going from 273 attacks in 2015 to 376 in 2016; the majority occurred during Christmas season and “many of the attacks took place in churches and other places of worship.” Unsurprisingly, the parish where the beheaded statue was found suffered an arson attack the year before.

General Hate for and Abuse of Christians

Norway: A group of Muslims beat, robbed, and threatened to kill a Christian evangelist if he did not convert to Islam. According to the report, Roar Fløttum was “preaching the gospel and praying for the sick” on November 27, following a prayer meeting in the church he attends in Trondheim, when he encountered a group of Muslim men. During their conversation, the Muslims indicated that they had physical pains and injuries. Fløttum offered to pray for them, they accepted, and he complied. They said they felt better and urged him to go with them and pray for another of their friends who was also suffering from a foot injury. Fløttum went. “They were very nice and I couldn’t believe they would deceive me,” he later explained. They took him to a backyard, pushed him down a cellar staircase, and began to beat and kick him in the face. They kept him hostage there for about an hour, robbed him of his credit cards and about a thousand kroner (equivalent to about $108 USD). “While they kept me there, they threatened me and said they would kill me if I did not convert to Islam,” recalled the Norwegian. “They wanted me to say some words in Arabic [likely the shahada, “There is no god but Allah and Muhammad is the messenger of Allah,” which, when recited before Muslim witnesses, makes the reciter a Muslim]. I was scared and actually thought they were going to kill me because they said they had a knife and didn’t want witnesses.”

Egypt: A knife-wielding Muslim man stabbed a Christian family—consisting of a mother and her two sons—and left one of the sons in critical condition. The incident occurred on the evening of Sunday, November 17, in Minya. When the Muslim man saw the family sitting outside their home, as is customary in Egypt, he began yelling at them to go back inside. When the older son refused to comply, the man, identified variously as “Ali,” or “Muhammad” went to his nearby home and returned with a knife. He lunged at the family, stabbing the mother in the head, slicing the younger brother’s face, and stabbing the older brother several times in the gut (images here). A separate report adds that, “Last year, Mohammed attacked another Christian man with a cleaver…. He is known to hate Christians.” “We can’t get back to the village,” one of the sons last reported. “Right now, we try to avoid fights and disputes with them. The extremists’ family live in a house which is not far away from us. We will not let them induce us to fight them or anything like that. If we did something like that, we will lose our rights to punish the extremist. We want law enforcement.”

Uganda: On November 10, Muslim relatives of a Christian father of four young children poisoned and almost killed him for leaving Islam. Ronald Rajab Nayekuliza, 48, had converted earlier and proceeded to build a church and raise pig livestock. His brothers, already angered by his conversion, responded by building a mosque near the church, while local Muslims regularly hurled stones at the church during Sunday worship. Next, his older brother, Anus Wako, began sending threatening messages: “You rearing pigs is against the faith of our father. We are from a Muslim family, and our father did not allow the keeping of pigs. While our father was still alive, you were a Muslim; that is why he gave you land to live in, not for the construction of the church. Our family has become a laughingstock to our Muslim neighbors.” Then, on the morning of November 8, Ronald found six of his piglets slaughtered: “I knew it must be my brothers; that really confirmed my earlier fears. My brothers had threatened me with witchcraft as well as receiving curses from Allah. This has made me live in great fear of my life and that of my family.” Two days later he attended a memorial for his father, where his brothers and other local Muslims were gathered. Before leaving, Ronald told his pregnant wife that “he was feeling a kind of nausea,” she said. “Immediately he started to vomit, then followed by diarrhea, with fever and complaining of abdominal pain.” They rushed him to a hospital, where he lost consciousness. After doctors confirmed that he had been poisoned with a pesticide, police were sent to the brothers’ home: “When the four brothers saw the police vehicle, two of them fled,” a Christian local said. “The police arrested two brothers, Anus Wako and Kalipan Waswa, who were released on bond after four days.” Ronald spent more than a week recovering in the hospital. “My husband is better but still very weak, with blurry vision and feeling numbness in his body,” his wife last reported.

Pakistan: On November 10, Muslim arsonists reportedly torched a Christian home in Al-Noor town. Witnesses saw two motor cyclists who had attended a nearby Islamic rally hurl a packet near where the house first caught fire. “The fire was extremely hot and it melted the stuff inside,” Manzoor Masih, the father of the family explained:

It looks like they used some chemical which turned all the stuff into ashes within no time. The fire damaged beds, mattresses, furniture, trunks, cloths, crookery, fans, computers, the UPS, and the entire electric system…. For the last six months, different groups keep [sic] pressuring my family to leave this neighborhood and go to a Christian settlement. However, we never gave into their threats…. I never thought we would face this much hatred for not selling our house. It’s really heartbreaking and disappointing for a Christian living in this country…

Turkey: A recreational facility in the town of Dargeçit which is being referred to as the “Nation’s Garden” is, it was revealed in November, being built atop the graves of Christian and Armenian Christians—both of whom were victims of the 1915 genocide by Ottoman Turkey. “Is it now the turn of our deceased?” responded Evgil Türker, chairperson of the Federation of the Syriac Associations: “This mustn’t happen; we strongly condemn it… Of course, this event reminded us of the past. There had been similar cases in the past…. [T]his is looting. This is proof that the deceased of others [meaning non-Muslims] are not respected…. [T]his mentality has to be stopped.”

Egypt: In order to silence him, a Christian activist and social media blogger who exposes the plight of his coreligionists was arrested and falsely charged with “terrorism.” In response, the U.S. Commission on International Religious Freedom (USCIRF) issued a statement in which it “strongly condemns” Egypt’s treatment of Ramy Kamel:

Mr. Kamel is an activist and prominent member of the Maspero Youth Union, advocating for full civil rights for Egypt’s Coptic Christian community and documenting abuses against its members. On November 23, National Security Agency officers stormed his home; confiscated his mobile phone, laptop, and other belongings related to his advocacy work; and took him into custody. One day later, the Supreme State Security Prosecution announced a series of spurious charges against Mr. Kamel, including membership in a terrorist organization, spreading false information, and disturbing the public order.

USCIRF Vice Chair Nadine Maenza elaborated:

USCIRF calls on the Egyptian government to immediately release Mr. Kamel from detention and dismiss the preposterous charges against him. His arrest casts doubt on the sincerity of Egypt’s promises of working toward greater religious freedom; Egypt cannot pledge improved rights and freedoms for Copts and other non-Muslim communities, while at the same time bringing false charges against its own citizens who are advocating for those same reforms.

The USCIRF statement concludes with relevant background information:

Egypt’s Coptic Christians represent the single largest non-Muslim community in the Middle East, likely comprising 10-15 percent of the country’s population of over 100 million. Despite their integral role in Egyptian society and history, they have long faced discrimination and periodic violence for their faith. In its 2019 Annual Report, USCIRF found that although the Egyptian government has made some modest progress toward legalizing informal churches around the country and improving public discourse about Coptic rights, it has taken few steps toward systematically improving religious freedom conditions for vulnerable Christian populations, particularly in rural areas.

Pakistan: The only Christian journalist registered with the Lahore Press Club finally resigned after years of harassment and discrimination from her Muslim coworkers. Gonila Gill, 38, covered the persecution of minorities since 2002. In 2014 she married a Muslim journalist, while remaining Christian. The harassment began in earnest soon thereafter. Her coworkers “told me that I would never get pregnant until I converted,” while her husband was accused of being an “infidel.” She finally quit, “owing to the mental torture her colleagues put her through from not converting to Islam” notes a November 19 report. “Speaking to the media, Gill said people are vile, but no matter what she will not lose faith in her religion.”

Raymond Ibrahim, author of the new book, Sword and Scimitar, Fourteen Centuries of War between Islam and the West, is a Distinguished Senior Fellow at the Gatestone Institute, a Shillman Fellow at the David Horowitz Freedom Center, and a Judith Rosen Friedman Fellow at the Middle East Forum.

About this Series

The persecution of Christians in the Islamic world has become endemic. Accordingly, “Muslim Persecution of Christians” was developed in 2011 to collate some—by no means all—of the instances of persecution that occur or are reported each month. It serves two purposes:

1) To document that which the mainstream media does not: the habitual, if not chronic, persecution of Christians.

2) To show that such persecution is not “random,” but systematic and interrelated—that it is rooted in a worldview inspired by Islamic Sharia.

#Legal #Islam #Muslim #Sharia #Jihad #News #Politics #Religion #Media #Travel #Persecution

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bookishbea · 4 years

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Black Friday Reaction

Okay so I’ll be live tweeting Black Friday but none of it will have any sense to it but it’ll just be my reactions

1. The Paul thing is really bothering me

2. I really love the mention of the other characters

3. If Jane is mention is the story about the mom mentioned some more

4. Is the delivery man ted (cause he’s also a sleazeball

5. It’s weird seeing Cory not play a pure bean

6. I love California MIA

7. The little sister (Im sorry I’m bad at names) I self project as autistic and she something else idk

8. Did anyone else noticed Robert’s Australian accent come out?

9. Like I said this is out of order so yeah but I personally think the second song in the show was very shocking as I’m not used to very serious starkid songs

10. When Robert gestures smoking i think its lowkey a refrence to the smoke club

11. I have a crush on lex

12. I love Lauren’s charecter so much

13. I love the name linda becuase it could be like a karen without using that name

14. Not to get poltical but i choose to belive they made an antivax joke

15. Also the marvel nerd in me loves the name becky barnes

16. I know its probaly not on purpose but joeys charecters costume in line looks like the homeless guy’s one

17. Jaimey is great as always

18. The conversation is so cringe i love it

19. I kinda hope torture porn is a fanfic refrence (i know most people would want me to say spies are forever but nope)

20. I love Lauren but shouldnt her accent be included when she sings

21. I love Jeff’s reaction

22. I may get some hate for this but what was bothering me in tgwdlm and i notice in starkid is lack of fan comments in the captions

23. As a theatre fan i love the toy zone song (i am not sure if thats the right name) espcially the do wop becuase it reminds me of older musicals

24. Also since i watched tgwdlm and black friday a day apart its weird to come from songs happening because they are infected to songs happening cause its a musical

25. i love the love the line we are not relaibly to anyone who dies becuase they clearly show in the trailer that someone will die (this is not a spoiler if you watch the trailer for Black Friday)

26. I love Corey but when he dances i notice a bulge (i am not a perv he makes it very obvious)

27. So i rewinded it to make sure i wanst going crazy and realized something as lex says the pepper spray line. She would be good as janis ian

28. I love the touch money part its so cute even if its not supposed to be

29. Jaime plays a perv really well

30. I love Jon’s charecter its hilarious

31. Also i love jon and lauren interactions so it was cool seeing them together not as paul and emma

32. I love seeing more of Jon because although hes reaally good at playing paul paul doesnt have any flavor and its cool seeing jon do something diffrent

33. Jeff’s fuck you

34. Okay I was right it was the homeless guy and i bet the money is paul’s money

35. And this is not a sterotpye as i am jewish myself but i bet Laurens charecter is jewish

36. Its sad that the price thing is true

37. So i am a theatre fan and do not watch got but that music kinda reminds me of got

38. Cant tell if jeff’s charecter is gay and a perv or just a perv (i realzie this could be mmisinterpreted as homophobic i just mean to say that jamie’s charecter just seems like a full out perv where as i cant tell with jeff’s)

39. Obviously you shouldnt be that insane but i do like the lines about how you are in charge of life and dont care about what others think. its goood life advice

39. Looks like Paul’s boss got his wish

40. They are all idiots for holding up the doll when everyone wants to get it

41. Corey’s charecter is like shit, money isnt that imporant

42. Becky why are you a part of this you have moral high ground (yes i am ignorning the fact that cast usually join in dance numbers even if their charecter isnt a part of it)

43. Shouldnt tom get ptsd (see above)

44. Lex you already have one (see above)

45. So i may be overthinking things but how curt says never should settle is in the tune of spies are forever

46. Is it just me or did anyone else notice when the security guard comes in the tune of show me your hands comes in

47. I dont know why but i do love soft bullies because hes like hey im punching you but only for the kid

48. Some may say its schizo or something hannah has but its anxiery or something from how shes expressing it

49. I feel like hannah has a superpower and can tell whats happening

50. Maybe webby is actually wiggly

51. Baby (both hannah and robert)

52. Please tell me my babies not dead

53. Jon’s eee is adorable and silly

54. Wait hes alive

55. Wait no hes dead, im sad liek starkid is supposed to be fun and happy this is the darkest star kid yet. Even oregon deaths were silly

56. I love starkid but this is making me anxious i cant tell if its good anxious or bad anxious

57. Also i relate to the black and white thing not fully but liek whenever i dont feel well sometimes my brain is overstimulating but only in my head its very hard to explain

58. Also i think sometimes kids on the spectrum and im not an expert but i do have it kind of make a friend in their head and i do that too sometimes just to give me advice

59. Also i hope they dont get rid of the black and white as sometimes people go more crazy without the figurative voice in their head

60. Like i said this is going to be random order so i like that emma adopted paul;s Okay and no im not making a tfios refrence

61. Poor Tim

62. Poor becky but even less

63. i thought they were supposed to be mad at g-d but in this and tgwdlm they like g-d

64. I cant tell the other pins on joey’s jacket but the first two i notice are mr wiggly and paul

65. I love Lauren’s acting you can see the very sublte sadness in her

66. Lauren and Joey together ahhhh

67. I know its probaly not a big deal but they should give a seziure warning before the tv scene

68. Did they reuse curts spies are forever outfit

69. Really starkid the obama refrence seriously, i cant tell if im mad or laughing

70. How did Bob get one

71. I do realize they are talking irl but i cant help but wonder if the nazis were a spies are forever refrence

72. Does wiggly have a special power or something

73. I think its similar to the metero the closer you are the more power it has over you

74. The starkid special effects we all know and love

75. Also is that mcnamara

76. Also maybe shooting it (the doll) does the same thing that shooting the affceted does. Give them no power

77. I cant tell what the music reminds me of exactly but the tune does kinda refrence a diffrent star kid song

78. Jeff looks so proud of himself for the peeps line

79. I love the purposeful i presume reuse of lines

80. Is peip like men in black

81. Also hatchetfield kind of reminds me of night vale

82. Is the black and white like the upside down?

83. I wonder if the point was purposeful since someone was filming or just choreographed

84. Yes Jon Singing!!!!!

85. I love the act two opener

86. Did his parents really name him christmas?!?

87. Oh hes literally related to santa

88. I love lauren and joey as eleves

89. Noel another christmas name

90. Isnt the little dance move like a genie move or something

91. Its so cute that she insitincitvely went to their seats

92. Also carving is goals

93. Even though its a penis its still goals

94. I know what you are, say it, santa clause

95. Tom dont yell at your girl

96. Poor Tom

97. But also dont make this about you

98. They probaly werent the head of the school since they were nice, i am sorry but thats true

99. Yass girl fight his ass

100. Also the theatre kid in me is picturing all that jazz

101. he ran into my knife he ran into my knife ten times

102. Yes Becky’s husband (i forget the name sue me) is bad but i feel like becky is more sinister then we realize

103. Becky’s line even if it isnt meant to be is so funny

104. The girl who plays Becky could play Barbara

105. I love how Joey and Lauren look into the camera

106. Jamie saying santa awww such a pure bean

107. The person in the wiggly onsie is goals

108. Matrix glasses for the win

109. Is wilbur a refrence to Charelots Web?

110. Its a cult a cult of wiggly

111. I feel like Sherman young is around 30-40

112. I love how its mommy to sound less pervy

113. Oh wait never mind Linda is mom

114. Shit thats fucked up they killed him

115. I am right a jew no non jew says mensch

116. To quote jared klienman kinky (shoe kiss scene)

117. Also i love this song the adore song

118. Why does them picking up Lauren give me Draco vibes

119. Wait he isnt dead?? im so confused

120. Wait he is dead???

121. Also ethan is creepy now

122. But Roberts expressions are goals

123. Robert your proffesor hidgens is showing

124. What the how does he know her name

125. Savage Wiggly

126. Wiggly is more funny than scary

127. But my poor baby dont be scared

128. What the fuck tom

129. Also poor baby number two

130. At first you think becky is made about him hurting a child but no its about the doll

131. What the fuck Becky

132. Also I wonder if thats the same serum that Hidgens used

133. Tom yelling at the audince is hilarious

134. Also Becky singing is giving me little shop vibes

135. Becky are you drunk or something you so stupid

136. But yayy my baby doesnt get hurt

137. More starkid special effects

138. Also the lighting nod to tgwdlm

139. Also why did they take my baby (see i told you random)

140. So the perv is wiggly

141. Also if he can appear in regular formation on earth why does he need to be the doll

142. Oh wait never mind he explains it

143. Joey talking to the audience and making them hold the apple is goals

144. I love Joey’s song

145. MIA = Missing in Action = Made in America

146. Wait im wrong Joey cant be Wiggly unless he has super powers he cant be in two places at once

147. I know they dont mean sex but still wtf

148. Lauren looks so done i cant

149. Seziure warning after mr presidnet leaves the black and white

150. Unless it was purposeful they should have hidden the dolls better backstage

151. Wait didnt hannah say something about two doors earlier?

152. Seriously Sherman ponies

153. I love the going back line

154. My poor baby lex

155. No Lex dont die not you too

156. Haha throwback to tgwdlm

157. Yes baby you got the gun

158. Also die perv die

159. Eagle screeching is goals

160. Yes lex use that logic

161. Also it makes sense only the adults can be brainwashed

162. There were only adults no children, scary (not sarcastic i promise)

163. Seriously starkid Fortnight

164. Thats why you should never fully grow up

165. Woah what Lex says is deep

166. Yessss Tom

167. Wait Tom dont hold the gun

168. Wait is Charolette alive or just a reuse of costume, if so why would they have jaimie wear it

169. No dont take her magic hat

170. Haha stupid hats cant be magic only dolls obviously

171. Does lauren say something like fucking knife in another show too?

172. Lauren screaming gives me my father will hear about this vibes

173. Also give my baby her hat back

174. Yass Lauren get it girl (i do realize shes playing the villian but still)

175. Yass Robert get it

176. Even though shes a viilain i dont like seeing Lauren get killed

177. But also how did they get the bullet wound on her so quick im impressed

178. Haha the way Gary stops everything to talk to gerald is goals

179. Like hes like oh shit money

180. And then hes like oh wait i have to pretend to care

181. I love how exagerated their dying is

182. Thats an impressive quick change

183. Yess Emma Hidgens

184. But also no hell fuck up again

185. Also Paul interupting is goals

186. Haha hannah you go girl

187. First off I love the song

188. Song off Hannah’s voice

189. Is paul scared normal or because of the hive

190. Wait all the tgwdlm charecters are back like nothing happened im confused

191. Haha the Hatchfield band is back

#black friday #starkid #tickle me wiggly #the guy who didn't like musicals

23 notes · View notes

let-it-raines · 4 years

Text

Catch Me If You Can (24/?)

298 days. That’s how long Killian Jones was away from a baseball field. It’s less than a year, only part of a season for him, but it might as well have lasted a decade as he alternated between physical therapy and spending an excessive amount of time sitting on his couch.

But then he came back and won the World Series.

It’s something no one saw coming, and it’s certainly not something anyone who knows about his arm would predict. Now it’s a new season with new possibilities, and anything could happen. On-field reporter Emma Swan will be there to cover it all even if she is not his biggest fan right now.

Asking her out live on-air will do that.

Rating: Mature

a/n: I hope that absolutely everyone is having a fantastic Friday!

Thank you to @resident-of-storybrooke for being my beta and resident turkey expert 😘

Found on AO3: Beginning | Current

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Tag list: @stunningswan @eala-captian @galaxyzxstark @xellewoods @mariakov81 @ultraluckycatnd @royalswan @shey-starsfury @superchocovian @sals86 @iam2307 @ashley-knightingale @karenfrommisthaven @scientificapricot @captswanis4vr @ultimiflos @jamif @idristardis @nikkiemms @resident-of-storybrooke @tiganasummertree @bmbbcs4evr @onceuponaprincessworld @jennjenn615 @mayquita @captainsjedi @teamhook @notoriouscs @kmomof4 @ekr032-blog-blog@cs-forlife @andiirivera @jonirobinson64 @qualitycoffeethings

-/-

“Emma, what are you wearing tonight? Because I know that it’s August and blazing outside, but it’s also not as hot in LA right now as it is in New York, which makes no sense. I just can’t decide.”

Ariel has been rambling to Emma about what she’s going to wear tonight for the past ten minutes, and Killian has watched as Emma has simply responded in little grunts and one syllable words as she focuses on her phone. It’s not at all like Emma to not give someone her full attention, especially someone she likes and enjoys spending time with. But she’s been staring at her phone this entire time, bottom lip continually being tugged back into her mouth by her teeth, and he can’t quite figure out what’s going on in that head of hers.

“Sweetheart,” Eric sighs, rising from his chair in their hotel room to walk over to Ariel’s suitcase to pick up some of her loose clothing, “wear your green dress. I think Emma might be a little preoccupied with work. She does have a game to cover in a few hours, which kind of comes before dinner.”

“Huh?” Emma asks, looking up from her phone, eyes darting around the room, before she’s darkening the screen on her phone and placing it face down on the table. “What are we talking about?”

“Ariel wants to know what you’re wearing to dinner tonight, love,” Killian supplies, arching his brow and nodding over to Ariel. “You’ve been a bit distracted.”

“Oh, sorry, work. Um,” Emma stutters, adjusting her legs in her chair, “I have this, like, blue and white maxi dress that I think I’ll wear, probably with my white sneakers instead of heels because I know I’ll be exhausted after the game and heels are just too much.”

“So casual?” Ariel asks.

“Yeah, casual. That’s okay for the restaurant we’re going to, right?”

“Yeah, it is. Belle’s dad knows the owner because I swear to you that girl has all of the connections in the world, and he’s gotten us a private room so that you guys can come with us.”

“Remind me to thank Belle for that, Swan,” Killian says, reaching over to her and squeezing her forearm. “I rather like getting to go out to dinner with you.”

“Yeah,” Emma smiles, “me too.”

“You guys are so cute.”

“You guys are nauseating.”

The words come at the same time from Ariel and Eric. Ariel is staring at them like they’re both shiny pieces of gold and Eric is scrunching up his nose in disgust, and all Killian can do in reply is shrug his shoulders.

“You guys literally asked us to come in here,” Emma laughs, and he hears her phone buzz again even if she ignores it. “You’re not allowed to complain if we’re guests.”

“Technically, my wife asked you in here because she found out we had an adjoining room, and she has no sense of personal boundaries when it comes to Killian.”

Ariel slaps Eric, her lips parted in surprise. “That is not true.”

“Eh,” Killian sighs, scratching behind his ear, “itit kind of is.”

“Killian Jones, that is not true.”

“Last week you asked me to check to see if you’d managed to shave the back of your upper thigh.”

“That was important! I needed to know if I was walking around with a giant patch of hair.”

“A, it was covered by your dress. No one ever would have had to know.”

“But I knew.”

Killian huffs, falling back into his chair as his hand inches down Emma’s arm so that he can tangle their fingers together and squeeze all the while Eric is rubbing his hands up and down his face and Ariel has her hands on her hips starting him down.

Collectively, they are a mess.

Individually, they are also a mess, but that’s entirely beside the point.

“You guys are all really weird,” Emma finally chuckles, looking over at him with this smile that Killian is sure is the most beautiful smile in the world. “Wear the green dress, A. I’ve got to go get ready to go to work, which all of you probably need to be doing too.”

“We’ve got five hours until the game starts.”

“Yeah,” Emma sighs as she stands up, “and you guys still haven’t done workouts. I’m not interested in dating losers, so I need Killian to get his ass in gear.”

Killian barks out a laugh before reaching forward and slapping Emma’s ass, making her jump a little bit before she’s sauntering out of the room with a very pointed sway of her hips.

The minx.

-/-

Elizabeth Olsen.

Sweet Cheeks.

Batman and Robin.

Professor Jones.

All in all, they’re not the worst jersey names they’ve ever had for Player’s Weekend and all of the ridiculousness that comes with being able to pick the name that goes on the back of their black jerseys, but it’s also not the best. And Killian really doesn’t want to know why Eric chose Sweet Cheeks for his name. That could be entirely innocent, but he’s betting that it is most definitely not knowing he and Ariel.

Just…no. He’s not going there.

Will’s name is probably his favorite considering he almost did Scarlet Witch but decided to be a little more literal so that approximately seven people would understand the reference despite the popularity of the Marvel universe. Robin’s is pretty obvious, and, well, Killian is lazy and simply went with Will’s nickname for him.

None of them have future careers as comedians after this.

Not a one.

But that’s fine. They’ll let other people be funny, and even if he does need to start thinking about his future – as everyone else seems to be lately – today is not that day.

Today is the Saturday of Player’s Weekend, Eric just hit his two hundredth home run of his career, they’re all going out to dinner tonight, and all Killian wants to do is enjoy the day.

Good days should stay good days.

Even if Emma seems distracted and a tad bit distant.

It started when she was staring down at her phone this morning in the hotel room. She said it was work and went back to her normal self, but then when they got back to his hotel room and she started getting ready for work, she was distant again. Some mornings are like that. He gets it. He doesn’t always want to talk to someone or be talking to someone, so he let her be as she curled her hair before pulling it up in a ponytail and then got dressed in a pair of shorts that hug the muscles of her legs and her own customized jersey that Ariel got for her as some kind of further proof that she is part of their team now more than ever.

All it says is “Swan” on the back, but he thinks that’s enough. She deserves it.

But he’s not entirely sure what’s going on with her that has her all distracted, and he never got a chance to ask this morning before the team was taking the bus to the stadium and Emma was getting into a taxi to do the same. She’s five feet away from him in the dugout right now, but he definitely can’t ask. That would be giving away far too much to people who don’t know and can’t know.

Sometimes keeping all of this a secret is exhausting, but until Emma is ready to handle the unfortunate backlash that will come with others knowing, he’s more than good being a little exhausted for her happiness, especially since a lot of the struggle was because he was once an unintentional ass. They’ll keep it quiet as long as they can and then hopefully one day they’ll stop caring so much and simply go to dinner or a play or a jog in the park on a Saturday morning without caring who sees them together.

Emma’s the one who’s been through all of the sexist shit, though, even if he has had a not-so-great relationship with the press, and he’s all for waiting for Emma.

“Damn, it’s hot,” Will huffs as he steps down into the dugout after getting struck out. “I’m pretty sure I’m dying.”

“That sounds like an excuse, Scarlet.”

“Eh, eh eh,” Will scolds as he grabs a cup of water and pours it over his head, water droplets falling off the buzz cut, “today I am Elizabeth Olsen, the younger sister of the Olsen twins. What ever happened to them anyways?”

“I think they design clothes.”

“How do you know that?”

“I am very into fashion. Can’t you tell by how much effort I put into my outfits every day?”

“You don’t even own a Hawaiian shirt.”

“The fact that you think it’s fashionable to dress like a middle-aged tourist is highly questionable,” Killian laughs, reaching over to grab himself a cup of water. It is extremely hot today, and Killian can feel it over every inch of his bones. “Do you also wear your white socks halfway up your calves?”

“You gotta do what you gotta do.” Will flicks the water off of his head and knocks his knee into Killian’s before nodding over at Emma and Jeff as they look at something on Jeff’s camera. “What’s up with Emma today? She seems off.”

Killian’s eyes dart around the dugout, looking to see if anyone is paying any attention, but they’re not, each of them too preoccupied with the game.

“No idea, mate. I’m going to talk to her tonight.”

“Did you screw up somehow?”

“Why does it have to be something I did?”

Will shrugs, kicking his foot at the ground to knock some dirt out of his cleats. “Seven times out of ten, it is.”

“And yet you call me Professor Jones when you have statistics like that.”

“I’m a man of many talents.”

-/-

They win that afternoon.

-/-

“Killian, can you zip up the back of my dress?”

“I tend to like your dresses unzipped, but if the lady insists.”

He can’t see Emma’s face right now, but he knows that she’s rolling her eyes at him. Quickly, he finishes tying his shoes and stands from the edge of the bed to walk over to Emma and move her hair off of the back of her neck so that he can pull the zipper the rest of the way up to cover her back. She’s very obviously just sprayed perfume, the smell of vanilla invading his senses, and he takes a moment to breathe it in before pressing his lips against the back of Emma’s neck and lingering there while his hands find purchase at her hips, pulling her back to him.

“You smell amazing.”

“I bathed.”

Killian chuckles into her neck before kissing her there again and nuzzling his scruff into her skin. “How much time do we have before dinner?”

Emma laughs as her hands pat his over her stomach. “Not enough time to have sex if that’s where your mind is going.”

“Dirty, Swan. That’s not at all what I was thinking.”

“Liar.”

“I’m telling the truth.”

“Okay,” she sighs hesitantly, looking into the hotel room mirror in front of them so that she can actually see him as he can see her, “what do you want to do then?”

“Talk about why you’ve been in a weird mood all day.”

“I have not been in a weird mood all day.”

“Swan, everyone has noticed it.”

“Everyone is imagining things.”

He arches a brow, the disbelief clearly written all over his face. “You can talk to me about anything. You know that, right?”

Guilt immediately weighs down on his stomach at the sound of his own words. Here is he is telling Emma that she can tell him anything, practically goading information out of her, and he still hasn’t told her about his shoulder, about the full, ugly truth of his injury. It didn’t bother him today, not after Archie massaged it, and yet something is still tugging at him to tell her.

Maybe he wants to tell Emma that he’s been struggling with his arm, that he went through more surgeries than she knows, that his scars are more than the ones on his arm and his shoulder. Maybe he simply wants to let Emma know everything, but fears stay strong no matter how fearless he can sometimes be.

It’s the most idiotic thing, still not having the courage to share something with her, but how is he supposed to admit to actually being broken when she doesn’t think that about him?

Or maybe saying it out loud means that he’s fully admitting it to himself, and that might be the scariest part of it all.

When is he going to get over these fears?

But that doesn’t matter. None of it does right now. Something has been bothering Emma all day, and it’s likely a much bigger deal than his own demons fighting for dominance inside of his mind.

“I have some news,” Emma finally says as she tugs her bottom lip between her teeth and raises both brows.

He’s got no clue where she’s going with this.

“Good news or bad news?”

“Good. I mean – ” Emma stops talking and moves out of his embrace, turning around so that she can look at him as she props herself up on the desk. “I think it’s good. I hope it is. It’s just not…it’s not officially confirmed or anything yet, so I didn’t want to say anything.”

Killian gulps, nodding his head along as his mind tries to figure out what exactly kind of news it is that she has. “Love, I’m all for telling me things when you’re ready, but now I feel like I really have to know.”

She chuckles, shrugging her shoulders and making herself smaller. “David, a month or so back, asked me if I wanted to try and be an official commentator for a game, you know? And obviously I said yes. That’s, like, one of the dreams, but I didn’t want to only get it because of David so I’ve been talking to executives and having all of these meetings, and I got an email this morning that they’re very tentatively going to let me work during the Rangers game on Labor Day.”

Holy shit, he thinks.

“Holy shit,” he says out loud too before taking the two steps forward and reaching down to place his arms under Emma’s ass so that he can pick her up in a hug, his excitement for her coursing through his veins and possibly being a little too exuberant. But then Emma’s wrapping her arms around his neck and her ankles around his hips, and there’s nothing else that matters except for how happy Emma is right now. “That’s fucking incredible, sweetheart. I’m so proud of you.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah,” Killian confirms, nodding his head up and down into her neck before pulling back only to press forward again to slam his lips into Emma’s in a messy, happy kiss that never has time to deepen because of the smiles on both of their lips but that is wonderful all the same. “You’re a badass. I hope you know that.”

Emma blushes out of what has to be a bit of shyness, something that is totally unlike her, and all he can do is smile in response and hitch her up a little higher in his embrace while her hands curl into his hair.

“I mean, I have David and I’ve been lucky and I – ”

“Hey, no,” he stops her, walking them over to the bed so that he can sit down since Emma is fully-grown woman and he did play a baseball game today, “don’t diminish your accomplishments because you’ve had a little help. I have too. And enough people try to take things away from you that you don’t need to do that as well. You are incredible, Emma. No protests.”

Her lips curl up at the sides before she leans forward to rest her forehead against his. “Are you just saying all of this to butter me up since you’ll be pitching in that game and want me to say good things about you?”

“Oh, absolutely, love. I fully expect you to talk about me as if I am the greatest baseball player of all time with the greatest ass. I want completely biased treatment.”

“I think that might give away our little secret.”

“Nah. It’ll just show that you have good taste.” Emma sighs against him, and Killian feels all of the guilt wash away from him. This is so incredible for her, and she deserves it. So much. “I am so proud of you, and I love you so much that it’s ridiculous.”

“I love you too, twenty-nine. I’ll try to slide in a very subtle comment about your ass.”

“That’s all I ask.”

There’s a banging knock on the door before suddenly it’s opening and Ariel is walking through the door with Eric right behind her.

“Oh my gosh, why have you guys not been answering my texts? I – oh,” she stops, and Emma buries her face in his shoulder while he rubs his hands up and down her back as some kind of comfort or apology for not remembering to lock the adjoining door between this room. “I didn’t mean to interrupt something. What exactly…what am I interrupting because that’s kind of any interesting position, and I – ”

“A, oh my God,” Killian groans, slowly moving Emma off of him so that she doesn’t flash Ariel and Eric, “you are ridiculous, and you’re not interrupting anything. We are both still fully clothed and ready to go to dinner.”

Ariel shrugs. “If you say so.”

Emma stands up from the bed and adjusts her dress, brushing all of the winkles out of it. “I just need to fix my makeup real quick, okay?”

“You might want to do that too, man,” Eric says as he points at Killian. “You’ve got a bit of red lipstick stuck in your beard, and I don’t think that’s your shade.”

They go to a Mediterranean restaurant in Pasadena, one that Ariel swears has both good food and a private atmosphere where no one will pay much attention to them – not that he thinks anyone in LA really cares about a bunch of baseball players from New York when half of the people in New York don’t care about them – and to her word, as soon as they get there, they’re shuffled into a back room. It’s a bit much, definitely more precaution than anything, but he’s thankful for it anyways as he pulls out Emma’s chair and she settles down next to him with a smile on her face as she and Belle start talking about books that he knows for a fact that Emma hasn’t gotten to read yet since they’re sitting on her bedside table.

Emma has three categories of books placed around the apartment.

(1)On her bedside table that means she’s started but hasn’t come anywhere close to finishing.

(2)On the bookshelf in the hallway between she and Ruby and Graham’s rooms. Those books have been read but are never going to be reread and are collecting dust.

(3)On the coffee table in the living room. Whatever is there is at the top of Emma’s list, and he knows that if he picks it up, he can see folded pages and little marks from where she’s been devouring them.

Every single book Belle is talking about is on that fated bedside table, probably won’t be read until sometime in December when Emma has off from work, but Emma seems just fine chatting away about them with Belle like she has actually read all of them. But then again, Emma and Belle apparently text pretty often, so he’s not surprised that they get along well. Hell, Emma gets along with everyone in his life, even if it’s a little bumpy, and he couldn’t ask for more on that front.

On any front.

Damn. He’s gotten entirely too sentimental today.

“Are any of you actually going to eat an actual meal tonight?” Belle questions as they’ve all ordered their drinks. “Or is this going to be one of those nights where you guys all get grilled chicken and salad?”

“What is wrong with grilled chicken and salad, babe?”

“Nothing. But we didn’t have to go out to eat for that. I could be wearing sweatpants in the hotel.”

“A woman after my own heart,” Emma sighs, picking up the glass of water in front of her and taking a sip. “I feel like the fact that they’re on stricter diets now is good for them and for me, you know? But I also just end up eating all of the bread that Killian doesn’t eat.”

“And I thought that was just me.” Ariel picks up a roll from the middle of the table as she says this, and Killian has to stifle his chuckle. “But Will eats worse than any of them, so I imagine there’s not a lot of leftover bread to begin with.”

“Oi, what’s that supposed to mean?”

“That you eat like you’re a teenager,” Robin answers. “Or my six-year-old son. But then again, sometimes I struggle to get him to eat any food if it’s not in the shape of a Disney character or some kind of chicken.”

“I’m guessing not the grilled chicken you all eat.” “Actually, yes. It’s very popular in his book right now. I think it’s been in nearly every packed lunch he’s had for the past two weeks.”

“I think I’m going to have one of the pizzas,” Killian interrupts, knowing that Robin is about to go into an extremely detailed explanation of Roland’s eating habits. “Or maybe pasta. Possibly the Moussaka. Swan, do you want to get some of the mozzarella balls?”

“Do I want to get something involving fried cheese? Do you even know me at all?”

Killian shrugs, squeezing Emma’s thigh from where his hand has been resting. “I mean, I feel like I’ve got a pretty good grasp on your cheese preferences.”

“Is that an innuendo?” Will asks.

“Scarlet,” Killian laughs, “how the hell would that be an innuendo?”

“Well, you know, with the – ”

“Nope,” Ariel interrupts while raising her arm in the air. “Nope. I am about to have a cocktail and a hell of a lot of pasta, and I am not hearing some kind of weird cheese innuendo that is going to ruin cheese for me forever.”

“But I – ”

“No, Will,” Ariel continues, and Killian can see everyone hiding the smiles on their faces, “don’t even bother. You can talk about all of your cheese innuendos on your wedding day because that is your day and you get a free pass.”

“Well, gee, Ariel, that’s so nice of you to give me a free pass on my wedding day.”

“Yeah, I think I’m going to veto that too. I’m the one who actually sleeps with you, and I don’t want to hear anything cheese related.” Belle shakes her head in disgust, her eyes rolling with the movement. “but speaking of the wedding, I need all of your guys to go have your tuxes fitted at some point since we’re buying them instead of renting them. I know we still have a lot of time until then, but I just know that it’s going to fall by the wayside since we’ll be smack dab in the middle of baseball mating season.”

“I think Belle is calling us unreliable, you guys,” Eric says.

“Yeah, that’s definitely the vibe I was getting,” Killian agrees. “She also basically implied that we’d be fucking like bunnies the moment the season ends and not be able to leave our homes.”

“I mean, I wouldn’t mind that,” Emma laughs, and Killian nearly chokes on air with his laugh.

“Does Roland also need to do this?” Robin asks, completely messing up their conversation? “The tux fitting, I mean.”

“Yep,” Belle answers. “His tux is going to match yours because he’s going to be the absolute cutest ring bearer in the world, even if we aren’t giving him the actual rings.”

“Honestly, good plan. People should not give rings to children, even if supervised. That’s a disaster waiting to happen. Roland can’t even get his homework from the kitchen table to his backpack some days.”

“Where’s the wedding again?” Emma asks, twisting her chair put still placing her hand over his on her lap.

“Pier Sixty in Chelsea. It’s – ”

“Oh, I know,” Emma laughs, and he’s reminded of just how beautiful she is when she laughs. And of how proud he is of her too. And that he should probably officially ask her to be his date for this wedding so that she’s not walking around thinking that she’s not going to be a part of it. “I live in Chelsea. I know all about it. That’s a gorgeous place. The view of the Hudson is incredible from in there.”

“When have you been there, love?”

“Work Christmas thing when I was an intern. Mary Margaret stayed home with Leo, and I got to be David’s plus one, which was really nice if not a bit overwhelming because I definitely had far too many glasses of wine for someone who wasn’t technically supposed to be drinking yet.”

“Scandalous.”

“I try.”

This starts an entire conversation about the wedding, from the food they’re serving to if they’re having a band of DJ. Eric makes the suggestion that they serve hot dogs and soft pretzels like they’re at a baseball game since everything in their lives seems to revolve around baseball, and the glare that Belle shoots him is so sharp that it could cut into the salmon that Killian orders. Honestly, though, finger foods like that are not a horrible idea since he’s never been one for stuff atmospheres with dry chicken or steak cooked in a way that he dislikes, and Killian almost makes a mental note to file something like that away before he realizes that filing information away for a wedding would mean that he is mentally planning his own wedding.

That’s too much for tonight.

But Belle and Will are going with authentic French food because of Belle’s father and her family in France that she gets to visit once or twice a year, and they are having a band. There are also a million other things, ones that he’s having a hard time keeping track of, and despite how many people he knows, he hasn’t actually been to a wedding since Liam and Elsa got married at Elsa’s parents’ house with one hundred other people jammed inside so that there was barely room to breathe, let alone think about dancing or sitting down with a plate of food.

That was a nice day, though. His brother was absolutely beaming, something he always seems to do around Elsa, and all that mattered was that the two of them were together. That’s kind of always all that matters underneath the rented ballrooms and tailored outfits.

What in the world is he ever going to do with his tux after he wears it to this wedding? It’s probably going to sit in his closet and collect dust forever.

“How are we doing the bill tonight?” their waitress asks them after they’ve all eaten and laughed until their stomachs hurt. “Separate? Together? By pairs?”

“Separate,” Ariel tells her. “I go with – ”

“Just put it all on one bill,” Killian interrupts, pulling his card out of his wallet only for everyone to start to protest. “Nope. This is my treat. Honestly, do not try to argue with me. I’m paying for it.”

“You don’t have to do that,” Belle sighs.

“Hush,” Will hisses, and Killian hears Emma laugh next to him. “If Professor Jones wants to pay, let him pay.”

“Thank you, Elizabeth Olsen.”

Will rolls his eyes, but he doesn’t protest. That’s who he is for every game this weekend anyways.

Everyone else gets up to go outside to where their Ubers are going to pick them up while he and Emma wait inside for the bill, Emma still sipping on her drink even though there’s only the slightest bit left in the glass. Quickly, though, he’s signing the check and the two of them are walking through the back entrance of the restaurant so that they don’t have to go through all of the other people.

“So, speaking of getting married,” he starts.

“Woah, woah, woah,” Emma laughs, looking up at him with raised brows and pursed lips.

“Calm down, Swan,” Killian sighs, shaking his head from side to side. “I’m not proposing. I realize I had a poor choice of words there, but I count myself as more of a romantic than to propose by the kitchen of a Mediterranean restaurant.” He doesn’t say that they’re nowhere ready for that. It’s not needed. “I meant to ask you if you would be my date for Belle and Will’s wedding. I realize it should likely be implied, but I like you to know.”

“You planning on keeping me around that long? That’s all the way in December.”

“Of course. I’ve got to have someone to kiss on New Year’s so I don’t look like a loser at my brother’s house, so you’re going to last at least until then.”

“I mean, if you’re spending your New Year’s Eve at your brother’s house, you’re already a pretty big loser.”

Killian throws his head back and laughs before lifting his arm and wrapping it around Emma’s shoulder, tugging her closer to him so that he can brush his lips against her temple before pushing the back door open. “You’re a gem, my love.”

“I’m also apparently your arm candy.”

“Nah, you’d have to be sweet to be that.”

Emma slaps his stomach then, hard, but he doesn’t care as he continues to laugh while they walk to the curb of the sidewalk where their Uber should be any minute now. “You’re being an ass.”

“I’m your ass.”

“Now that’s just weird, twenty-nine.”

“But a good kind of weird.” He kisses her temple again, and Emma’s cheek presses into his shoulder. “Do you want to stop somewhere for dessert to celebrate your big almost promotion? I hate that we couldn’t really talk about it tonight since you didn’t want to say anything until it’s official.”

“It’s okay. We can celebrate when we get back to the hotel, if you know what I mean.”

“By getting that dessert.”

“Exactly,” Emma smiles up at him, pressing her hand against his chest.

#catch me if you can #cs fic #cs ff #captain swan fic #captain swan

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realstraykids · 4 years

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this is alot jsjjdshd but i'm actually rlly curious!! 💕💖 1, 2, 6, 8, 18 + 27! hope this can distract you haha ✨💞

1. how did you get into graphics / gif making? i started making gifs ~oct. 2017 on my main because i was really annoyed with the lack of sf9 content so i decided to make my own! i followed a bunch of tutorials from people on tumblr to learn how to make gifs and then went from there ljsdfds as for graphics...i took a digital design class in high school where i learned how to use photoshop and illustrator! so from there i kinda just messed around to make things i like...tumblr has really been my creative outlet for the past several years!

2. do you do something creative/related “irl” as well? kind of? i’m currently working in healthcare research but i am known in my company as someone who knows a lot about graphic design so occasionally i make some things for social media and branding! i also did a lot of graphic design for various orgs and freelance work in college as well

6. your favourite graphic and or gif creators? there’s SO MANY. i think i got a separate ask for content creator recommendations so i guess i’ll @ people in that one but i mean...there are so many amazing creators on tumblr!! especially creators for girl groups omg

8. your favourite graphic and or gif created by yourself? ok i don’t wanna sound full of myself but my stranger things concept switch...........i’m so proud of that LMAO i look back on especially the second panel and i’m like.....wow how did i even do that kjLSDJLFK

18. what is your go to adjustment / PSD for colouring? for gifs: CURVES CURVES CURVES omg curves is so powerful like i think if i really wanted to i could just use curves and make the same colorings that i already use......it’s the first thing i use on any gif! as for graphics...hmm recently i would say i use gradient map a lot!

27. advice you’d give yourself when you were starting out? don’t be afraid to learn how to do new things! i was SO reluctant at first to learn how to use topaz/download vapoursynth because i was like “my gifs are decent and they get notes, i don’t need to improve them” but that was a total lie!! also don’t be afraid to ask other gif/gfx-makers that you look up to for advice or help.......i can’t speak for everyone, but i LOVE when people ask me for advice bc even though i’m by no means an expert i love helping others and love when i can see them grow!

[ask me questions about gfx/gif-making!]

#thank you for asking!!!#chvrrylix #replies #gfx asks

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seriouslyhooked · 5 years

Text

Lost Souls and Reveries (Part 20)

22 part AU written for @cssns. Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6,Part 7, Part 8, Part 9, Part 10, Part 11, Part 12, Part 13,Part 14, Part 15,Part 16, Part 17, Part 18, Part 19. Story available on AO3 Here and FF Here. Banner created by the amazingly talented @shipsxahoy!!

Killian Jones is a wolf shifter without roots, without plans, and without a pack. He’s a rogue, someone humans should avoid and shifters should be wary of given his lineage. But one night years back set him on a path he didn’t realize he was taking, a path leading to a future he is destined for. That future is tied up in one woman – a human named Emma Nolan. Together Emma and Killian will find not only answers, but a love that’s truly fated. But will love be enough to set them free, or will past demons win out in the end? (Answer: love always wins – I am writing this so despite some tiny pockets of angst it’s basically a fluff-filled insta-love fest). Rated M.

A/N: Hey everyone! So sorry for the delay on this chapter. It’s been a crazy and hectic summer, and the muse has been chatting at her own strange pace, but I finally got the chance to write this installment. Just to warn you all, we’re in the middle of piecing together a lot of these remaining issues and this will be ending on a cliff hanger. I know, I know, but the gang is all trying to figure out what Elsa’s dreams mean and what the red eyed shifters want. We’ll get a bit more information in this installment, but all will be revealed and sorted next chapter (which should be posted within the next week). This chapter is also a little less CS focused, because they’re dealing with a big issue, but I promise we’ll be back to our normally scheduled fluff soon. Anyway, thanks so much for reading and I hope you all enjoy!

It was amazing to Emma how a day that started off on such a turbulent track could seemingly turn around on a dime.

This morning had been a huge headache for her and Killian, and though she’d now set boundaries with her parents (most specifically her mother), Emma couldn’t help the lingering fatigue that clung to her. It was exhausting trying to plan a satisfactorily ‘fairy tale wedding’ when all she really wanted was a day of love and light and her mate, but at the end of the day it was Killian who largely saved her sanity. Yes, her grandmother had graciously stepped in, and her friends had shown up just in the nick of time to cut any remaining tension, but it was Emma’s true love who really saved the day.

Having Killian’s calm to cling to when things got stormy was such a blessing, as far as Emma was concerned. It was amazing to have someone so securely in her corner, someone who thought and acted always in the best interest of her heart. His instincts were to care for her and protect her, but to do that in a way that still empowered her to be strong all on her own. Killian may try and shield her, but he also bolstered her too. He made her brave and hopeful, and on top of all of that, he also made her blood thrum with a never-ending sense of want, and her soul flood with a near constant state of rightness…

“Killian, please, you’re teasing me, and you know how much I hate that.”

The feel of his hands on her body, running along her skin as his mouth moved across to mark all of her most sensitive places was driving Emma crazy. It was so good – so mind shatteringly perfect – but it just wasn’t quite enough. He was drawing this out and taking his time, and yeah, maybe they had all night, and maybe he’d already taken her in the kitchen mere minutes ago, but she couldn’t wait. It was killing her to feel so close but not quite there. She was restless and needy and flooded with desperate desire. And her mate was eating it all up, loving how riled she got while tormenting her with that sinful grin of his.

“Hate is a strong word, love,” Killian rumbled against her skin, his teeth nipping at her in the most provocative way and sparking even more arousal and want. “And I happen to know for a fact that hate isn’t the winner in the sea of your emotions right now. I might be driving you mad, but not so secretly you love this. You love me in every way I give myself to you.”

“Yes, God yes, but – uh -,”

Words and all rational thinking flew out the window as he found the place she wanted him most, tracing her delicate flesh with a lightness that verged on feathery. Her eyes closed and she moaned aloud, forgetting her whole argument for a moment, but then, when he’d moved lower, teasing her with his hand only to move down her body and hover over her sex with his mouth he stopped, making her crazy all over again.

“Tell me what you want, Emma. You know I’ll give you anything you ask. Anything at all.”

“Oh!” Again she lost all ability to even think as his tongue worked against her, moving exactly how she liked it. He was an expert at her every last desire, and he knew it, numbing her mind with bliss and letting her think she could have it before she gave him what he’d asked for.

“Emma,” he said, his voice playful but somehow still growly, showing her that he was still in control but that it was slipping. Much as he might play in these moments, Killian was just as caught up as her, and he could only last so long before giving in. Lucky for him though, she always seemed to cave first.

“Love me, Killian. Taste me. Take me. Anything, please!”

She heard a mumbled ‘as you wish’ pass his lips before he continued devouring her, making her come apart with the mastery of his mouth. He then gave her just enough time to return to herself, and when she’d finally felt like the world stopped spinning, he came back above her and filled him with himself in such a deep and consuming way she almost couldn’t breathe. It was so good and so real, and when it was over it felt in some ways like it had only just begun. The love was strong between them, anchoring her to a happiness no money could ever bye, and Emma sighed into it, reveling in the sensation that everything was as it should be.

Tucked into his chest and protected by his hold on her, Emma nuzzled into her fiancé, taking in the scent of the two of them together. It was intoxicating and comforting all at once, much like the familiar press of his hard body against hers. This was her most sacred space, the place her heart felt truly free, and she was so grateful to have found it that tears formed in her eyes.

“Was I too hard with you, my love?” Killian asked, though she knew he knew that wasn’t the answer.

“Never. You’re always just right.”

“Then what’s brought on those tears?”

“Can’t a girl just be so happy that she cries a little?” Emma asked, sniffling a bit before she broke into a smile. Killian chuckled at her joke and she responded in kind as her hand came to rest above his heart. “I know it sounds stupid -,”

“Not at all, Emma. It sounds like exactly what I’ll always want for us. This feeling – this love, this joy – it’s what we’ve been meant for. Before we were two lost souls, and now we’re one that’s found. That’s a beautiful thing.”

Emma nodded, humming out a contented noise almost like a purr at his words before watching Killian’s hand move over to where their baby was now growing. It was too soon for anything like a kick from their little one, but Emma swore she felt a little flutter, a reminder that their little boy or girl was with them always. “Well technically we’re one with one on the way.”

“As per usual you are right, love. And it’s only a matter of time before one becomes more…”

“So is this the kind of thing that’s going to fade after the wedding, or what?”

The question from Anna was teasing in nature, but it pulled Emma back so forcefully from her remembrance of last night with Killian that she actually jolted in place. God, she had totally left the building mentally. She was reliving a private moment with her man, but in actuality her friends were here, organizing the different dishes they’d made and snacks they brought to this impromptu cook out. Emma felt her cheeks warm, but though she might be flustered, she couldn’t say she was embarrassed. She loved Killian too much to have anything like shame as far as he was concerned, but in an ideal world she might not have let her mind wander quite so far when she was with friends who were needing her attention.

“No way. She’s going to look this smitten forever,” Ruby countered, her smirk signaling her amusement while also telling Emma she harbored no resentment to Emma’s blanking out. “But as bad as she is, my cousin’s even worse. Killian will be as old as the day is long and still staring at Emma like she hangs the moon.”

“Guys.” Emma wished she had a comeback or something, but there was none to be found. They weren’t wrong, after all. She was smitten, and though she might have been known for her poker face once upon a time, those days were largely gone. Anyone could read her feelings now, blush or not, and what they read was that she was in love.

“What? It’s not a bad thing, Emma,” Anna affirmed. “God knows you both deserve it. And it’s really… uh, sweet.”

“You don’t sound so convinced,” Emma replied and she was curious as to Anna’s new perspective on things. She thought her friend was happy for her, and she could tell she was, but there was something a little off with her today.

“Don’t mind, Anna, she’s just impatient,” Elsa said, trying to smooth everything over. “She wants her own shifter soul mate, and you know how she feels about waiting.”

“It’s not the waiting,” Anna said sternly before yielding the truth. “Okay, so it’s partially about the waiting. But really it’s just… I mean, I’m worried. What if he never comes? What if there’s only so much of this cute, cuddly, couply stuff to go around?”

“Not a chance,” Emma said, completely certain on this matter. “There’s no way your one isn’t out there Anna. Shifter or not, you’re going to find the man you belong with. He’s just a little delayed.”

“A little?” Anna asked, and the rest of them laughed. Anna made it seem like it had been an eternity, but Emma had only known Killian a few months and Elsa and Ruby had only known Liam and Graham a handful of weeks.

“Think of it this way,” Elsa offered. “It’s just one more thing you’ll have in common. I mean honestly, when was the last time you made it to anything on time?”

Anna grumbled that her sister made a good point and all of them laughed again at her feigned annoyance. It was so typically Anna, and now that she’d gotten what Emma knew to be very real worries out there, she would let it be for now. Anna was always good about that. She knew that giving oneself over to anxiety was a lost cause, and until there was really need to panic, it was best to look on the bright side, and right now, there were admittedly many pieces of all of their lives that were bright and beautiful.

That beauty was something that didn’t just belong to Emma. Ruby and Elsa had equally as much cause for joy and they both were eager to share their similar yet very different stories. At one end of the new-mates spectrum there were Elsa and Liam, who were bonded and blissful together, but still taking things step by step. They neither of them had any need to move quickly, instead getting to know each other better even though their hearts were already intertwined. On the other end of the mate measurement scale were Ruby and Graham, two shifters who had always known their animals and their destinies, and who, as a result, had no fear diving in.

“Graham told me this morning that he’s getting me pregnant next full moon.”

“He said what?!” Anna barked out, her hand flying over her heart in shock.

“How could he know?” Elsa asked, and though she was less visibly stunned at the words, Emma saw the trace of a blush on her cheeks. It made Emma smile, and she wondered how many times she and Liam might have spoken of something similar. Because no matter how slow they were taking things, Emma knew there was no way something like that had gone unsaid. Liam was all in, and he never made any attempt to hide that from her friend.

“He doesn’t,” Ruby said with a shrug. “But damn if it won’t be amazing letting him try.”

“As if you aren’t already trying,” Emma joked and Ruby chuckled.

“What can I say? When you’re right, you’re right. I love that man. He’s mine and I’m his and I’ll be damned if we don’t have our three babies that my visions and my dreams always promised.”

“I wish I had those kinds of dreams,” Anna said wistfully, and though Elsa nodded, Emma could see something in her best friend’s eyes that hinted at something larger.

“Me too.”

“You’ll get there, Elsa. These nightmares will pass.”

“You’re having nightmares again?” Emma asked, surprised since this was the first she’d heard of it. She assumed Elsa’s nightmares were a thing of the past. The reason for them had always presumably been Liam being out there searching for Killian, and when Liam found his way here, they had stopped.

“It’s probably nothing, just unsettled stress. A lot has happened, and my brain is just catching up.”

“And what exactly is your brain telling you while it catches up?” Emma pushed, waiting for Elsa to meet her eye and then confess to her.

“Well honestly it’s hard to explain. The dreams are choppy and kind of manic.”

“So kind of like the one’s about Liam?” Emma clarified.

“Sort of, but they’re worse. There’s more anger and there’s always this sense of hunting or being hunted. Sometimes I’m the prey and sometimes I’m the predator, but in the end it always ends the same, with my heart about to beat out of my chest, my body worked up in a cold sweat, and everything flashing to red.”

“That’s what I haven’t been able to make out,” Ruby said, and it was clear that she had previously interrogated Elsa thoroughly about these dreams. “I looked through my family’s spells and journals, and Elsa looked through hers, but red is actually a pretty rare color when it comes to magic, and the sentiments around it are varied. Red birds in the trees are a sign of good luck and red soil a sign of new harvest, but then there’s the obvious connotations too when it’s something bad like this.”

“Blood,” Emma whispered. Elsa nodded.

“But it’s brighter than blood. It’s bold but terrible, heightened and horrifying. It’s everywhere in the dreams. In the rivers, in the sunlight, in their eyes.”

“They have red eyes?” Emma responded, her stomach sinking to new lows as her sense of foreboding built astronomically.

“Yes. They’re like -,”

“Like Liam’s at his breaking point, but scarlet and full.”

“Yes,” Elsa hedged, though the raising of her brow told Emma that she was perplexed at how she could know that. “But I’ve looked through all I could find in my family’s archives and there’s no accounts of shifters with eyes like that. The closest is a copper color for lions, but that’ not what this is.”

“No they’re far less natural. Like you took red ink and exposed it to something chemical. I’ve never seen anything else like it.”

“But Emma how did you…?”

“When I was attacked in Boston by that shifter, it had red eyes just like that, remember? I told you about it.”

“You told me there were two wolves fighting over you,” Elsa clarified, her face betraying the current wracking of her memory for some sort of lost clue. “You said they were giant and that there was one that was good and one bad. You said it was terrifying, but I don’t remember anything about their eyes.”

Was it possible that Emma had never mentioned the color of their eyes to Elsa? Looking back, it would have felt like a small detail to her when compared to everything else. She’d almost been killed by one giant wolf and then promptly saved by another. At the time Emma also felt like she was going crazy. She’d literally written it off as a mental break for years, so it stood to reason that maybe she might have let this detail slip by. But this detail, however tiny it might have seemed back then, was too big a similarity to be purely coincidental.

“Wait,” Anna said, holding her hand up as she tried to catch up. “So what you’re saying is a wolf had red eyes like Elsa’s dream? But how could that be?”

“That’s an excellent question,” Emma admitted. “But I think the bigger question is how likely is it that these are only dreams and not actual visions?”

They all knew the answer to that, and with a quick agreement that this wasn’t something that could wait, they all headed outside. Emma was eager to get this out there and see if maybe they could all figure this out. She had spoken before with Killian about that night, but maybe he had more insight into what was wrong with that other shifter. Was there something more than the eyes and the aggression? They needed to know, and they needed to know now.

As soon as she was out of the house, Killian’s gaze found hers, and without a word she knew he was aware something was wrong. Her mind was open to his, and she read that he was concerned about Elsa’s dreams, so she pushed to him that they were more than just dreams, and that as such this was a way bigger issue than a little lack of sleep.

“They’re visions. Definitely visions,” she said as she took comfort in his arms. It helped a lot to be with him, but Emma would be lying if she said she wasn’t scared. Damn it! Were things always going to be like this? They get past one big battle just to trade it in for another?

“Aye, so it would seem,” Killian said and his affirmation made Emma close her eyes. She wished she could go back to a few hours ago. Okay maybe not the wedding planning part, but definitely last night or early this morning. Things were so good. Why, oh why, did they have to get so wonky?

“So much for normal, huh?”

This time Killian didn’t need to say any words aloud. He commiserated with her on a deeper level, keeping her wrapped up tight and pressing a kiss to her temple. It was soft and subtle, but it told Emma that he was here and here to stay, and whether life was normal or not, they would get through this just like they had everything before.

“Normal or not, what we need right now is the full story,” Liam said, taking charge in a way Emma recognized as being similar to his brother. “If there are red-eyed shifters in our path somehow, we need everyone on the same page.”

Emma agreed and the group of them all moved back to the patio where Emma’s parents, her grandmother and Granny had remained. For a moment Emma felt a bit of guilt. Right now her family was laughing and happy, all of them smiling and looking really relaxed. Maybe it was lingering planning for the wedding, or just a pure moment of contentment, but whatever the reason for their joy, Emma was about to change that. They were all going to take that from them, and Emma wished that didn’t have to be the case.

“They want to help, love, and I promise we’ll all be back to that state very soon. We’ve a wedding coming up after all, and nothing, not storm, nor man, nor beast is going to keep us from that, all right?”

Emma nodded before whispering that she loved him and pressing a gentle kiss to his lips. She felt enough comfort from his promise to push forward, and though it broke her heart to see the moment when her parents and grandmother realized something was wrong, she persevered.

“Emma, honey, what’s wrong?” her mother asked.

“Are you hurt?” her father echoed, immediately standing up and coming towards her.

“No, Dad I’m fine. But Elsa’s been having some visions lately and we all need to be on our guard.”

From there the explanation rolled out as best it could. Emma and Killian spoke candidly about the original attacks, knowing that everyone had varying levels of information about what had happened. Even Emma learned more than she had about Killian’s perception on the other rogue and how the animal was possessed and totally transformed.

“There was no pushing through to his mind. No sense of self, no coherent thought,” Killian explained, his face stony though Emma could tell the memory still rattled him all these years later. “The wolf was manic and brutal and clearly unhinged. I thought of Brennan, because it was the only other time that everything felt wrong about a fellow shifter, but it was different enough that I let it slide. His smell was foul up close, his manners were jerky and heightened. I remember wondering if shifters could get rabies as well as ‘the bite’, because that’s the only think I could think to compare it to.”

“I can’t believe you both went through that,” Emma’s mother said, with tears in her eyes. She was no doubt still eaten up by the guilt of not being there for Emma all those years ago. They’d come to terms with this already, and spoken about it for the most part when Emma told them of Killian’s shifter status, but it probably never got easier as a parent to hear that your child had been in real danger.

“I’ve never heard of a shifter acting like that,” her father said, combing through his medical experience and the countless interactions he’s had with shifters over the years. “Shifters are immune to rabies; they regenerate and heal so quickly that an outside parasite or virus never survives long enough for it to get too bad. The only real sickness I’ve heard of is the one that you’ve both seen.”

Her father looked to Killian and Liam and it went without saying that the sickness in question was alpha sickness. For her part, Emma quietly considered the similarities. That rage and aggression, the want to attack when not actually provoked or threatened. It lined up in some ways, but she’d never seen someone with alpha sickness so out of control. Killian’s stories and memories of his father showed a twisted soul, but the man ultimately had control over himself when he wanted to display it. For Liam too he wasn’t so far gone as to have nothing left, but the wolf they had seen was anchorless, completely consumed with madness in a way that Emma had never experienced before.

“How similar was it to the bite, brother?” Liam asked, his voice clogged with his own twisting emotions.

“In your case? Not so similar. You always held onto who Liam was even with the beast inside. No, this wolf, was completely gone. Like the human and the shifter were erased. It was just animal – feral, primal, and unstoppable. The red of its eyes tells you that too – like the bloodlust of such a being physically cannot be concealed.”

“David, do any shifter species you know of have red eyes?”

“We’ve run through the lists, Mary Margaret,” Ruby said somberly. “Elsa and I each checked our family archives and there’s nothing like this mentioned.”

“Not to devalue the works of your family in any way, honey, but David has been doing this a long time and he has secrets and knowledge a coven of witches could go forever without ever amassing. Species of shifters long thought extinct, other paranormal who’ve kept their whole existence a secret, David has treated them and protected them all.”

“Is this true, Dad?” Emma asked and her father nodded.

“It’s true. I knew a lot as a hunter, but I know at least three times as much now. I probably have a grasp on any magic-adjacent species in the States. Now I’m sure you’ve ruled out mountain lions. You can rule out all the big cats, none of them are really all that red. Is there any chance they eyes are an auburn color? Dingo shifters have auburn eyes. It might explain why you thought it was a wolf.”

“Dingos, like Australia?” Anna asked, temporarily forgetting the crisis at hand and giving into the curiosity they were all sensing.

“Yes, Anna. Remember this is America. We’ve got people and shifters from all over the world. The melting pot exists for all species.”

Emma and Anna shared a look about how awesome that was, but unfortunately it wasn’t the time, and even worse her father’s insight hadn’t actually given them any answers.

“They weren’t auburn. They’re scarlet red, and this was definitely a wolf.”

“Well I’m sorry then, I don’t have any knowledge of a color like that,” David said sadly.

“But I might,” Emma’s grandmother replied, shocking everyone. “I’ve seen a shifter with eyes like that too.”

“Where?” they all asked at once.

“Gold’s compound.”

“I’m sorry… what?” Ruby’s shocked question pretty much summed up exactly how Emma felt at hearing this revelation.

“Gold had a shifter like that in his collection, with red eyes just like you’re describing. I’m sure of it.”

Ruth’s expression took on a pained quality as she recalled the animal in question, and Emma’s heart went out to her. It was hard to tell what exactly brought on the bad feelings. Was it related to this sickened shifter? Or was it all the unknown horror she’d experienced while in Gold’s clutches? Emma didn’t know for sure, but having had the pleasure of getting to know her grandmother recently, Emma knew of her profound empathy. While Ruth was likely suffering her own mental wounds at Gold’s hands, it wouldn’t be outlandish to think that she felt badly for not saving any other beings that might remain in the dark man’s clutches.

“Mom, you don’t have to talk about this,” Emma’s father said, knowing that it would be so difficult for his mother to go back to the headspace. She’d been trapped, and likely experimented on for years. It was invasive and wrong and terrible, but Ruth shook her head, looking determined to tell them all she knew.

“I appreciate you wanting to spare me, son, but if I can help protect this family, then that’s exactly what I aim to do. What do you all want to know?”

“Anything,” Killian said at the same time Elsa pleaded, “Everything.”

“Okay then. Well it was quick, so there isn’t too much to share, really. When I woke up, I struggled to put together what the hell was going on. I was in a room with a lot of trinkets and a lot of clutter, as I’ve told you all before, but amongst all the stuff, oh god, how do I put this delicately? There were, um… displays, I guess you could call them. Exhibits, maybe? All I know is Gold had taken the time to stage a lot of things, and it was clear I wasn’t the only living being that was being held against my will. I was the only human though, at least the only recognizable one, but I saw a lot of things I didn’t understand, and it scared me. I think it’s because as a descendent of hunters I thought I already knew everything the world had to offer. I was in on the big secret, you know? There shouldn’t have been more out there.”

Emma watched her Dad holding his Mom’s hand, offering her support. He swallowed harshly a number of times and it was clearly hard to hear this. It was hard for all of them, but as much as they never wanted to push before, her Grandmother’s memories could be critical for figuring out what the hell these red eyed beasts even were.

“Eventually though I realized that something had happened. I wasn’t supposed to be awake. I didn’t know how long I’d been there, and all I could think was I had to get out. I immediately tried to focus on finding a door or an exit, but I knew Gold must have some sort of mechanisms in place to keep track of his treasures. I kept an eye out for motion sensors or obvious magical fields that might give me away, but I didn’t see any. There were a couple of glowing items or ones that had strange energy if you got too close, so I just avoided them. I walked through this maze of stuff, and then when I got up and moved towards the door, I heard it. A low, menacing snarl that stopped me in my tracks.

“When I looked to the first real open space in the place I saw it – a huge bear, grizzly I think, but it could have just been brown. Either way, I panicked. I couldn’t see any sort of bars separating us and then it charged at me, and all I could see was its glowing red eyes. I’d never seen a bear shifter before, though, so I didn’t know if that was normal. I’d only seen wolves, coyotes, and the occasional mountain lion where I grew up. My brother, George, had mentioned bears before. He told me they were some of the strongest shifters in the world, and that a full-grown grizzly shifter could take down ten unsuspecting humans in under a minute.”

“So how did you get away?” Emma asked, thinking of how terrifying that must have been. The wolf she saw was huge, but bears would be even larger, and with red eyes like that? She honestly couldn’t understand how her grandmother could still be here.

“Right before it reached me, it hit a magical barrier, bouncing off of it hard. But what I noticed was the force field had the same red tint, but with almost a gold finish. It dissolved eventually, but I saw the depths of it and they were the same scarlet color as the eyes looking back at me.”

“Do you think that means something?” Emma asked Ruby and Ruby nodded.

“Magic manifests in different colors, but most witches have a certain signature finish. The gold probably means Gold himself cast the spell. It would better explain his name for sure.”

“But the magic itself was red. Is that common?” Emma asked and Ruby shook her head.

“No. I told you all before red is a rare color in the magical world. The only spells that are a deep and enduring red involve blood magic. Rituals, sacrifices, curses, that kind of thing. They manifest as a crimson color, but there are dark forces being used. The color comes from the blood needed for the magic itself, but from what I’ve read it’s exactly how you’ve all described the eyes so far. God, now it all makes sense! The shifters with the red eyes must be cursed with some sort of magic. I’ve just never heard of any magic used on shifters like that and lasting long term. Shifters tend to have a lot of immunity to spells. It’s like David talked about with illness. We don’t stay cursed for long because our bodies flush whatever is harmful from our systems. It would have to be an insanely strong charm. Gold alone couldn’t cast it.”

“So what are you saying?” Killian asked and Ruby shook her head, like she was trying to sift through her thoughts in a way that made sense even to her.

“I’m saying that this is way bigger than we thought. If it’s magic that’s causing this, it would have to involve the power of dozens of witches.”

“So there’s a whole fleet of bad guys to take down right now, at least if we want to stop these cursed shifters?” Emma clarified, her fear and dread amplifying to an even higher degree.

“Not necessarily. Technically Gold could have taken the magic from other witches in one of his transactions. If he made a deal with a witch, he could collect their powers to use at his own discretion.”

“Could he take magic from pixies or sprites, or is this just a witch to witch thing?” David asked and Ruby looked shocked before stuttering her reply.

“They still exist?” Emma watched her father nod. “Well then yes, technically any magic wielding being could be harvested. Dark magic like that is tricky though. It’s dangerous and untethering. If Gold has managed to do that, he’s so much more of a risk than any of us have ever known.”

“Is that what you see though, Ruby? Because hearing all of this hasn’t given me total clarity like it usually would,” Elsa confessed. “Certain parts make sense – there’s definitely magic tied into this somehow - but I feel like if Gold were so all-powerful I’d have sensed him. He’s never been in the dreams, it’s always just been the animals and me. I don’t know… it just doesn’t feel quite right.”

Everyone took Elsa’s words with all of the care and attention that they deserved. After all, Elsa was the vessel for any of their awareness of what might be coming their way. Her instincts were second to none, and Emma knew that even if it wasn’t all adding up, she would always side with Elsa’s gut over another theory. Still, it was best for all of them to be prepared for any scenario and to do everything they could to find out more.

The conversation continued with everyone trying to think of what they could do next. Who could they consult, and where could they look for answers? It was a tricky thing, but it seemed their only real lead for now was Gold. But before Emma could get pulled into the logistics of tracking him down, her phone rang, chiming out the sound of an incoming video call. Strange – nearly everyone she ever spoke with on the phone was here, but then Emma saw it was her little brother calling and she grew even more curious. He was coming home from camp in just a few more days and he didn’t usually call her, especially not when there were activities keeping him and the other campers busy all day. Immediately she could sense something was wrong.

“Hi Neal, you doing ok?” Emma asked as the call connected, but when her brother’s face appeared, she could tell he was troubled by something.

“I don’t know, Emma. Something really weird just happened. Some random guy came up to me just now outside.”

“Where are you, are you safe?” Emma asked before waving her parents over to her. When her Mother saw Emma’s little brother on the screen, she grew immediately more agitated.

“I’m back in the main building again, in a room next to our robotics lab. I told my counselor I had to talk to you and she said it was okay to come in here for a few minutes.”

“What happened?” Emma asked.

“Well, I was walking back from our room for our afternoon session with Jackson,” Emma looked to her father who mouthed ‘roommate’ to her. “But then Jackson forgot his ipad and had to run back for it. I kept walking so I wouldn’t be late, and a few moments later this older guy came up to me and just started talking. It was like he was waiting for me; he knew my name and everything.”

“What did he try to talk to you about?”

“About you and me.” She and Neal? What the hell?!

“What did he say exactly?” Her father asked and Neal recited the conversation back with authority.

“He said, ‘I’ve wondered a long while what you would be like.’ I told him I had to go because I got a bad feeling from him, but he stood in my path and wouldn’t move. I was going to call for help or something, but there was suddenly no one around, and then he just kept talking. He said I was meant to be ‘unyielding and unfailing,’ that I should have been a ‘true Nolan hunter if I wasn’t what I was’ whatever that means.”

“Did he say anything else?” Emma asked, not following what they’re being descended from hunters had to do with anything here. Gold knew of that obviously, because of the deal he made with her grandmother, but was that really relevant somehow?

“Yeah, he said that you and I were meant for so much more. Then he talked about my getting sick – I don’t know exactly what he was getting at, it didn’t all make sense. He was kind of talking in circles, and I didn’t follow him at all. But the last thing he said was that you, Emma, were the last hope but that you made the wrong choice.”

Emma was so frazzled as to all of this that she didn’t know how to process anything that was said. Who the heck was this person? And most importantly, was it safe for Neal to stay there anymore? She didn’t think so, and neither did her Dad who ducked into the house, coming out a moment later with his keys in hand after her Mom had taken over the call, trying to get details about what the man looked like.

“Neal, I want you to stay with your counselor no matter what. If that man comes back you call the police immediately. I’m coming to get you, I’ll be there soon.”

“Dad it’s okay, I’m fine,” her brother said, but Emma wasn’t so sure. He looked really relieved at the thought of their Dad coming to get him.

“No, Neal, we’re coming,” Emma’s mother confirmed. “I know it’s a few days early, but it’s for the best. Now please can you bring the phone to your counselor, I’d like to talk to her.”

While her mother continued to talk to whoever was in charge at Neal’s program, Emma and her father moved to the others. They were quickly filled in that there had been an incident, but Emma was surprised by her father’s response to it all. “Killian, Liam, and Graham, I’d feel better if you all came with us.”

“Are you sure, David? If it’s Gold one of the girls should go,” her grandmother offered. “Elsa or Ruby would be better able to track him.”

“No, Mom. This isn’t Gold. It’s George.”

“David, you can’t possibly know that-,”

“Why do you think it’s your Uncle?” Emma asked, ignoring her grandmother’s protest because she knew it stemmed more from fear than any actual proof. All it took was one look in grandma Ruth’s direction to know that the mention of her brother truly rattled her.

“It’s the way he talked about the hunters. He used a closely guarded family phrase, one even you don’t know, Mom. Gold wouldn’t ever have access to that because they weren’t even in your memories. It has to be George, and if he’s come for my son, I need the strongest people with us, just in case.”

“Okay, I told Neal’s counselor there’s been a family emergency and warned her that your Uncle might come back but that he’s not a stable man.”

“You knew it was him?” Emma asked and her mother nodded.

“He used the Nolan words.”

Emma should have known that her father would never have secrets from her mother. Of course she knew everything, and Mary Maragert’s memory was a great and powerful thing. But whatever her mother’s many strengths may be, she was ill fit for the quarrel and Emma’s father told her that, remaining adamant that she not come.

“You need to stay here, Mary Margaret.”

“David, I am not staying here! We are going to get our son and that’s that.”

“No it isn’t. I will get Neal, I promise you I will protect him from this, but I need to know you and Emma are safe. The house is prepared for a situation like this. I didn’t know if he’d ever find us, but I planned it out just in case. We’ll be back in just a few hours, but I can’t -,” her father’s voice broke in anguish. “I can’t risk you or Emma coming along for this. It’s too dangerous.”

Emma fully expected her mother to rebuke this request from her Dad, but there was no denying that David was doing everything in his power to protect them. Ultimately Emma trusted her Dad. If he said that her Uncle was threatening, she believed him, and though she hated to stay behind and wait, she also knew that being there would make her a liability. She was still a new shifter and she was too close to this emotionally. And her mother, bright and capable as she may be, was human, with no training and no powers to fall back on.

“You bring our boy back to me, David. You bring him back, and you bring yourself back. There’s no other option. This family will stay together, do you hear me?”

“Loud and clear,” he replied, pulling Mary Margaret in for a quick kiss and sharing a silent moment with her. At the same time Killian took Emma’s hand in his, drawing her attention back to him. Her heart leapt into her throat. She was worried about how dangerous this might be, but the look in his eyes was completely assured and steadfast.

“I’ll be back before you even have chance to miss me,” Killian whispered and Emma shook her head, fending off tears caused by her lingering anxiety.

“Not possible,” she replied pulling him in by the cloth of his shirt. “Be safe, okay?”

“Always, love.”

With a last gentle kiss, Emma watched her mate, her father, and the others leave, knowing that she wouldn’t feel even a shred of peace until they were back again. Looking to Elsa and Ruby, she knew they felt similarly, but her mother was the one hurting the most. The tears Emma had tried to fight spilled over on her mother’s cheeks, but Mary Margaret wiped them away quickly, unwilling to give into the riotous emotions. Emma did the only thing she could think to make it better, she hugged her Mom and made a promise of her own.

“It’s going to be okay, Mom. I love you”

“I love you too, Emma. Always, always, always.”

With that, there was nothing left to do but wait and trust that everything would be okay in the end, and in the meantime they all had many questions still to answer. With three new threats on the horizon and no way of knowing who or what might strike first, they were all at a standstill. That was debilitating, but it also motivated all of them to stand together and try to fight the only way they could – through scouring their memories and resources for clues.

………………….

Standing in the clearing he’d scoped out on the edge of this all-too-quaint town of Storybrooke, he couldn’t help but feel like victory was already in his grasp. The plan was perfect and the stage was set. It was nearly time for resolution after so many years of waiting, and he grinned at the thought that the light and the hopeful magic surrounding this place would soon be extinguished. Gone were the days of peace and calm in this little town in Maine. A reckoning was here, and he would be the one to bring it.

The buzzing of his phone alerted him to the call he was awaiting. He hated these blasted things, but now and then they served their purpose. He answered without preface, only seeking one answer of any merit. “Is it done?”

“Yes. It went exactly as you said it would.”

“Good.”

Hanging up, he broke the phone into pieces and tossed it in the shallow waters of the river bed beside him. He had no use for it anymore. All he had to do was wait. A little more time and they’d be in the clear, a little more time and the moment he’d yearned for would truly arrive.

Waiting in the silence would phase many others, but he didn’t think of them as he stood there in the quiet. They were nothing to him, lacking in vision and smarts and everything that made him worthy. It was him and him alone with the power and the brains to complete this. He may have made some deals along the way, but the glory of this would belong to him. The pride he felt at that was all he clung to, and he disregarded any past missteps that led him here. This was a war and not a battle, and thanks to the element of surprise, he was certain that this war was about to end decidedly in his favor.

“It’s time,” he said aloud finally, knowing no one could here him, save the monster in his keep. With assured movements he walked to the cage where the beast resided, looking the bear in the eyes with another wicked grin. “Find the girl and her companions. Spare none of them, and when that’s over take the rest of the town as well.”

With one last burst of locks and mechanisms, the bear was freed and looked liable to let out a loud roar and charge its master, but the collar that it wore restricted that urge. It compelled this animal to do what it was meant for, and with a last menacing look, the bear charged in the direction of the Nolans and their extended brood, destined to cause a destruction the likes that none of them had ever seen before.

Post- Note: I know that so many of you are going to be so mad at me for this cliff hanger and trust me, I am just as mad at myself! But there’s so much that has to happen it can’t all fit in one chapter. I PROMISE there will be resolution in the next installment, and I also promise that you’ll forgive me in the end for this. However, truthfully I’m not fully sure when the next chapter will be published. It’s so hectic right now with school and my traveling that I have still a little more writing and editing to do before I actually post. But please trust that I will do my best to get you the next chapter and put you all out of your misery ASAP. Thank you so much for reading and hope you’ll tune in next time!

Taglist: @jennjenn615 @kmomof4 @winterbaby89 @teamhook @ultraluckycatnd @resident-of-storybrooke @artistic-writer @snowbellewells @allofdafandoms-blog

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new-world-hope · 6 years

Video

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QuakeCon Fallout 76 panel

Panel begins at around 37:50, but if you want to skip the panel intro (in which nothing happens) and a replay of the E3 trailer, go to 42:18. Panel includes Fallout 76 development director Chris Meyer, project leader Jeff Gardiner, and game director Todd Howard.

Important/noteworthy info (I’m sure this is riddled with spelling mistakes, bad grammar, maybe even conflicting info; if you notice anything, let me know):

In regards to questing and general feel, FO76 remains “very similar to the Fallout you know and love.” Howard describes it as being 80% the familiar feel of Fallout, with the other 20% being “really different.”

FO76 has more “adventure elements,” focuses more on what it means to live in the world. It “has to feel real” to the player. The game “has a slow burn,” and they want you to really feel like you are your character in this game.

FO76 uses the Quake III networking architecture.

According to Gardiner, Bethesda Montreal is working on the game’s graphics, while Bethesda Austin is comprised of gameplay and network code experts.

Bethesda debuts the Fallout 76 Perks trailer (in the style of similar animated Vault-Tec trailers which came out before FO4), including things like mutations.

Character creation in Fallout 76 is shown at 54:40. The CC has been improved over FO4, though no details on how or why are given. Immediately after creating your character, you are taken to a screen where you can take your Vault-Tec ID badge photo, using the game’s photo mode, which allows you to select character poses and facial expressions.

Photo mode can be used at any time throughout gameplay, and photos you’ve taken appear in load screens. These are randomized along with “curated photos.”

Loading screens do not appear often, but there is a “little one” whenever you fast travel.

You can change your character’s appearance at any point throughout gameplay, from your hairstyle to even your gender.

At 56:25, gameplay is shown of emerging from the Vault, including your first level-up.

Leveling up begins with choosing whichever one of your SPECIAL attributes you wish to increase, which is followed by choosing an available “perk card” under that category. This seems much less cluttered than FO4′s perk chart screen. Taking a perk again increases its rank up to a seeming maximum of three. Each perk card has a “point cost” which requires a certain SPECIAL level in order to equip it.

“The levels keep going up and up and up. We don’t want to make a game where you have to stop leveling, but we had to make some very interesting decisions on what that means for a multiplayer game for balance.

We see level-ups to level 2, level 4, and then level 42. At 58:37, at the level 42 level-up screen, the player is wielding a crossbow.

PERKS SEEN: (any words in brackets were cut off; all assumptions are my own, though any indicated with ? I am unsure of--KEEP IN MIND that the numbers are affected by PERK RANKS and are thus subject to change; the numbers here are taken from perks of various tiers; this includes things like “there’s no chance you’ll be addicted to alcohol,” which is a level 3 perk, in which we can assume the first two levels just have a lowered chance)

STRENGTH

GLADIATOR: Your one-handed melee weapons now do +10% damage.

THRU-HIKER: Food and drink weights are reduced by 30%.

STURDY FRAME: Armor weighs 25% less than normal.

EXPERT SLUGGER: Your two-handed melee weapons now do +10% damage.

BEAR ARMS: Heavy Guns weigh 40% less.

BATTERIES INCLUDED: Energy weapon ammo weighs 30% less.

BANDOLIER: Ballistic weapon ammo weighs 90% less.

EXPERT HEAVY GUNNER: Your non-explosive heavy guns now do +10% damage.

PERCEPTION

GREEN THUMB: You have a 25% chance to reap twice as much when harvesting flora.

PERCEPTI-BOBBLE: You hear directional audio when in range of a bobblehead.

PANNAPICTAGRAPHIST: You hear directional audio when in range of a Magazine.

ENDURANCE

SLOW METABOLIZER: All food satisfies hunger by an additional 15%.

VACCINATED: Chance of catching a disease from creatures is reduced by 60%.

DROMEDARY: All drinks quench thirst by an additional 15%.

PROFESSIONAL DRINKER: There’s no chance you’ll get addicted to alcohol.

AQUAGIRL: You no longer take Rad damage from swimming and can breathe underwater.

CHARISMA

HAPPY CAMPER: Hunger and thirst grow 40% more slowly when in camp or in a team workshop.

PHILANTHROP[Y? IST?]: Restore some of your [team’s] hunger and thirst when [you eat] or drink.

SPIRITUAL HEAL[ER?]: You regenerate health for [?] seconds after reviving anot[her] player.

SQUAD MANEUVER [perhaps MANEUVERING?]: Run 10% faster when part of [a] team.

STRANGE IN NUMBERS: Positive mutation effects are +% stronger if teammates are mutated too.

LONE WANDERER: [Wh]en adventuring alone, take 10% [l]ess damage and gain 10% AP regen.

TEAM MEDIC: [Y]our stimpaks now also heal [ne]arby teammates for half the normal strength.

BLOODSUCKER: [Blood p]acks now satisfy thirst, no [longe]r irradiate, and heal 50% more.

PARTY GIRL: The effects of alcohol are doubled.

HAPPY-GO-LUCKY: Your Luck is increased by 2 while under the influence of alcohol.

QUACK SURGEON: Revive other players with liquor!

BODYGUARDS: Gain 8 Damage & Energy resist (max 24) for each teammate excluding you.

HARD BARGAIN: Buying and selling prices at vendors are better.

INSPIRATIONAL: When you are on a team, gain 5% more XP.

INTELLIGENCE

FIRST AID: Stimpaks restore 10% more lost health.

CONTRACTOR: Crafting workshop items now costs 25% fewer materials.

MASTER HACKER: Gain +1 hacking skill, and terminal lock-out time is reduced.

EXOTIC WEAPONS: You can now craft Rank 1 exotic weapon mods. (Plans required) [Vault Boy is shown wielding a bow on this card]

AGILITY

MARATHONER: Sprinting consumes 20% fewer Action Points.

GOAT LEGS: Take 80% less damage from falling.

LUCK

SCROUNGER: 50% change to find extra ammow hen you “Search” an ammo container.

STARCHED GENES: You will never mutate from rads and RadAway will never cure mutations.

MYSTERY MEAT: Stimpaks generate excessive, edible meat. Higher Rads improve the chance.

MYSTERIOUS STRANGER: The Mysterious Stranger appears more often when using VATS. [This perk is at level 2 of 3; assume that the Stranger only begins appearing if you have level 1]

LUCK OF THE DRAW: Your weapon has a 10% chance to regain condition when hitting an enemy.

CAN DO!: [30%?] chance to find an extra canned good when you “search” a [?] container.

You can pick any perk that you meet the requirements for when you level up. More become available as you level.

Your stat level determines how many perks you can have active at a time: A character with 12 Strength is shown to have one level 3 perk, three level 2 perks, and three level 1 perks, adding up to 12. Cards can be worth up to 5 points, with each capping at different tiers.

Each SPECIAL stat has a cap of 15.

Charisma in FO76 is designed to share your perk cards with other players in your team.

Perk cards can be unlocked in card packs, which you initially get every two levels, until level 10, after which you get one every five, in addition to the single perk card you unlock every level. They come with four cards and a stick of gum, which can be used as a food item. The gum wrapper has a joke in it, all of which are written by Emil Pagliarulo (writer of such things as Oblivion’s Dark Brotherhood questline, Skyrim’s guard dialogue, and Fallout 4′s main storyline).

You can swap out your perks at any time.

There are “hundreds” of perk cards.

SPECIAL points cannot be increased after level 50, but you can still pick a perk card every level after that.

Beta goes live in October.

They fully expect FO76 to be broken at first; the beta will be used as a stress test.

FO76 will be updated regularly after launch; Todd states it will be a “different game” one, two, five years after it comes out.

On PvP, griefing: When you shoot another player, you do a little bit of damage, not full damage, described as an “invitation” to combat, like “slapping somebody at a bar.” If the other player engages, then both enter combat and do full damage. There is a cap reward to combat based on the players’ levels; you will get more caps for killing a high-level character than a low-level character. When you are killed, you can “seek revenge,” which doubles the reward for killing them.

An attacking player can still kill someone who does not wish to engage, but if they do (i.e., against their will), they become a “wanted murderer,” and get no reward for it (no caps, no XP) and appear on everyone’s map as a red star with a bounty on their head--a bounty which comes out of their own caps. They are also unable to see any other players on their map.

Sneaking removes you from the map (unless you are wanted).

When you die, you drop your junk items--think crafting materials, a large portion of the gameplay loop. You can store your junk in a stash. The point of this is to represent sunk time, to make sure you are preparing before heading into a dangerous area.

You can respawn at any fast travel point; the point closest to you is free, the Vault 76 entrance is free, but everything beyond that has a cap cost dependent on distance from you.

PvP does not “kick off” until level 5.

You are able to “ignore and block” players; ignoring blocks them for the session. (Assuming blocking means you won’t be matchmade with them again?)

There is a “pacifist flag” (mode) which sets the game so you cannot accidentally engage in combat, so that no one can trick you into fighting by jumping in front of your bullets (further preventing griefing)

PvP is balanced so that stronger players will indeed be harder to kill, but if you play cleverly and well you can still manage to come out on top; the cap reward will be incredibly high if you pull off a kill on someone much higher in level

Blueprint system: Save blueprints to a creation so that you can easily rebuild it if it gets destroyed, and so that it can be moved within your camp to fit it nicely with the terrain whenever you move somewhere new.

Camps can be destroyed so that you cannot grief players by trapping them inside a prison.

Example of a trap set by Bethesda employee: Player sat in the middle of the road playing a tuba, but built turrets in the foliage to the side of the road. When players attempt to attack him, the turrets turn on them and fire from the foliage, killing them first.

Camp can be moved so that players can move their camps around when they find a nicer spot, but players tend to settle in to a specific place to keep their camp.

There is voice chat for your team, and for the game world; area-based, so you can hear players near you.

VATS is now real-time. You cannot initially target individual body parts, and the ability to do that is a perk you can unlock. Percentage to hit is based on your Perception. VATS can be used to find players (as you can in other modern Fallout games).

VATS becomes more and more useful the more you invest in Perception.

Inon Zur is scoring Fallout 76.

Licensed music: FO76 has more tracks than have ever been in a Fallout game. There are radio stations you can listen to. There is a balance of “classic” tracks used in older Fallout games, as well as songs new to the series; they seem to be drawing most heavily from 40s music this time around. Howard says there is an “unbelievable amount” of weird, wacky 40s music.

Private servers are definitely happening, specifically because they want people to be able to mod the game. It’s going to be “very, very complicated,” but Bethesda is “committed to it.” They are in the process of solving that problem.

#fallout 76 #fallout #bethesda game studios #bethesda softworks #todd howard #quakecon #quakecon 2018 #fo76 #video #panel

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whiskynottea · 5 years

Photo

An Interruption in the 1st Law of Thermodynamics.

Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5 Chapter 6 Chapter 7 Chapter 8 Chapter 9 Chapter 10 Chapter 11 Chapter 12 Chapter 13 Chapter 14 Chapter 15 Chapter 16 Chapter 17 Chapter 18 Chapter 19 Chapter 20 Chapter 21 Chapter 22 Chapter 23 Chapter 24 Chapter 25 Chapter 26 Chapter 27 Chapter 28 Chapter 29 Chapter 30 Chapter 31 Chapter 32 Chapter 33 Chapter 34 Chapter 35 Chapter 36 Chapter 37 Chapter 38 Chapter 39 Chapter 40 Chapter 41

AO3

Thank you @theministerskat, for keep betaing this story that goes on forever!❤️ Also, thanks to the @faeriesfanficemporium and @futurelounging for the high school graduation information!

This chapter is for @muykonos, who loves Jenny and Ian dearly, with the best wishes for her new beginning! Love you Muy!

Chapter 42. Puffins

The last time we called ourselves high school students was on a sunny summer day. We found ourselves listening to a long winded speech from our headteacher, one that would make every person in the room extremely anxious about the future - if we had actually been listening to him. I could still hear his voice buzzing in my ears when Jamie found me, took me in his arms and spun me around for so long that I wasn’t sure if he was happy because we had just graduated, or because this would be the last time we had to sit through a speech from Mr. Gowan. We loved him, but he had that bad habit of never stopping once he started speaking.

After graduation, the days felt different. They were continuous, shapeless, careless. Time didn’t matter. No alarm clocks, no hurried breakfasts, no studying schedules.

No school.

Joe and Gail left for a trip to the US, a present from their parents, to celebrate their successful exam results. Rupert and Angus had gone back to the Highlands, and Jenny and Ian would soon leave for Lallybroch. Edinburgh seemed empty already.

Jamie spent more and more time training. He had a few weeks to prepare for the Scottish National Championship, and there were whole days when I would only see him briefly before or after his time at the pool. Neither of us complained; the championship was a priority for both of us. But I missed him. And I knew that I would miss him even more when he would leave for Lallybroch.

My favorite days were Mondays. More specifically, Monday afternoons. These were the days when Jamie finished his training early and we would meet Jenny and Ian at Murtagh’s apartment for coffee and board games. Two teams, always the same players. And I was proud to say that Jenny and I were on a winning streak.

We had just finished another successful round of Pictionary, when Ian walked to the center of the room and carefully unfolded an old piece of paper. His smile was shy at the beginning, but it became more and more cheeky as he read.

My eyebrows shot up to my hairline and barely I stopped myself from barking out a laugh when I realized what he was reading.

Jenny Fraser’s, or more correctly, Janet Flora Arabella Fraser’s letter to Santa.

Dear Santa,

My name is Janet Flora Arabella Fraser, but everyone calls me Jenny. You can call me that too. I live at Lallybroch, together with my mam, my da, and my wee brother. I canna write yet, so my mam is writing this for me, but I promise I will know all my letters when I go to school at Beauly, and I will write to you myself next year.

I have been very good this year and am nice to everyone. I even play with Jamie when he brings his silly swords into my room, and I pretend to lose and die, even though I could beat him every time. The one time I won, he got angry and as red as a tomato. Anyway, I also help my mom cook. And I feed Bran every day. And I clean my room. (Jamie doesn’t, but bring him a gift anyway, okay?)

I am writing to you, because I want a puffin and da said I can’t have one. We have birds here at Lallybroch, but I haven’t seen a puffin yet. I will love it and take care of it, I promise.

Please, it’s all I truly want for Christmas!

Love,

Jenny

PS I know the Santa we saw at Beauly with my mom wasn’t real, but I didn’t say anything because I didn’t want the wee bairn in his lap to cry.

PSS My mom doesn’t know what puffins eat. Can you bring me some of their food too?

Ian had to stop more than once while reading, almost choking with laughter. I brushed tears from my eyes, feeling Jamie’s silent amusement shaking my body. Jenny was hiding her face in her hands, her struggle to catch her breath audible in the room.

“How dare you,” she finally said, her own face as red as a tomato now. “How dare you, Ian Murray?” she repeated, and started laughing again.

Ian shrugged, then smiled at her. “I dinna remember seeing a puffin at Lallybroch,” he said quietly, as if he hadn’t even heard her question. “Did ye ever get your puffin, Jenny?”

Jamie spoke before his sister could. “Nah, she didna, Ian,” he said, the smile audible in his voice. “Not that year, or the years after that. She kept asking for one, though.”

“Aye, that was what I remember too,” Ian replied, nodding, his face serious.

“What is this all about?” Jenny asked with a raised eyebrow, crossing her arms across her chest.

I was wondering exactly the same thing.

“It’s about puffins, Jen,” Ian said softly. “I think it’s about time ye see one.”

“You got me a puffin?” Jenny asked, incredulous.

“Puffins live free, Jenny,” Jamie rolled his eyes. “I think mam and da told ye that a million times.”

“So what is this…” Jenny’s words faded as Ian walked to her and kneeled on the floor in front of her.

“Tis a gift,” he said, and presented her with an envelope. “For ye. To thank ye, for all that ye are to me.”

I was sure the tears that shone in Jenny’s eyes had nothing to do with the ones brought up by her boisterous laughter only moments ago. She swallowed hard and took the envelope from Ian’s hands. “What did you do?” she asked, in a accusing way that came out even funnier in her cracked voice.

I turned in Jamie’s arms and looked at him, the question obvious on my face. His satisfied, wide smile confirmed my suspicion that he knew exactly what was going on. He lowered his head and kissed me, his lips hot against mine, before urging me to look back towards his sister. I turned to look at Jenny, feeling a shiver run through my body when Jamie’s lips found the nape of my neck. I shimmied to make him stop, and watched Jenny, her attention focused on the paper she had pulled from the envelope.

“Five days?” she asked, at last. “Five days just the two of us?”

“Aye,” Ian whispered, tucking a lock of her hair behind her ear. “To see the puffins.”

Jenny sprang from the couch straight into his lap, squeezing him so tight that I was sure if it would last a moment longer he would suffocate. Ian’s face, however, was the definition of happiness, and his smile, the sweetest I had ever seen.

I felt Jamie wrap his arms tighter around my body, pulling me closer to him.

“Any unfulfilled requests from Santa, Sassenach?” he whispered in my ear.

I took a moment, thinking, unable to remember any. “I don’t know,” I said. “A mummy, maybe? Given the fact that I was in Egypt…”

“Christ, Claire,” he chuckled. “I’m not buying ye a mummy.”

I laughed, shaking my head. “Friends,” I said a moment later, and the truth in my words stuck thick in my throat like a piece of stale bread, grazing the tissue, blocking my breath. I swallowed with difficulty, pushing back memories of a lonely childhood, Jamie’s arms around me suddenly feeling overwhelming. “I was always asking for friends.”

“I’ll be yer friend, Sassenach,” Jamie whispered, his voice sweet and honest, and he nuzzled my neck. “Always.”

I swallowed back tears and let my body sink into his warmth, hoping that his heartbeat against my back was telling the truth.

Always.

I looked at Jenny, who was beaming, and gave her a broad smile. I was happy for her and for Ian, who was looking at her like she hung the moon. But it was more than that. I was happy that I was there to share that moment with them, for finally feeling that sense of belonging I had always longed for.

“We’re going to the Orkney!” she announced, excited. “I’m going to see the puffins!”

And like that, she was a little girl again, getting the gift she had always dreamed of.

“What are the puffins, exactly?” I asked, not knowing that I would sorely regret my question ten minutes later, when Jenny was still talking about the clumsy, comical birds who were expert divers and underwater fliers, laid one precious egg every year and left Scotland for the north Atlantic and North Sea outside the breeding season.

“Ye’re going to pay for that, Sassenach,” Jamie murmured in my ear, his fingers drawing patterns on my side.

“Am I not paying for it already?” I asked, making him laugh.

“Aye, but what about my suffering?”

I grimaced and mouthed a sorry. As Jenny went on talking about the puffins, Jamie leaned closer to me, whispering in my ear in his proud brother’s voice, “Jenny wants to see the birds to draw them, ken? She loves their colours.”

Of course. Jenny wanted to go to art school and nothing else would be more inspiring than the wild landscape of Orkney and the wildlife, full of birds, seals, and whales.

It would be beautiful.

That night Jamie was remarkably silent as he walked me home.

“What’s the matter?” I finally asked, and he turned to look at me surprised, as if he had forgotten I was even there. He didn’t reply. “Won’t you tell me?” I insisted, but the initial surprise has well-hidden now, his features calm, unfazed, his mask covering thoughts and problems.

“What?” He pretended that he hadn’t understood and gave me a small smile.

It wasn’t enough.

“Jamie.” I stopped and pulled him back to me. “You may not have my glass face, but I can see right through you.”

“It’s nothing,” he said with a frown and a shrug. When he saw me rolling my eyes, he pressed his lips tight, took a deep breath through his nose, and repeated. “Tis nothing, really.”

“You’re too silent. This isn’t nothing.” I cupped his face with my hand, his blue eyes melting as they met mine.

“I love ye, Claire,” he whispered, pressing his lips lightly against my forehead.

“I know, I love you too.” I waited for him to continue, but he didn’t. He turned around, instead, and started walking again.

Stubborn Scot.

I sighed a few times along the way, trying to show him that our conversation wasn’t over and I was far from being convinced he was okay. He kept ignoring me and I sighed a few more times – not that it made any difference. Finally, a few blocks from home I stopped walking, this time without any attempt to pull him back to me.

“Are ye alright, Sassenach?” he asked, surprised once again.

“You tell me.”

“I tell…” The realization hit him before he finished his question. “I told ye! Tis fine!” he exclaimed, his hand messing with his hair.

I looked at him for a long moment, my jaw set, my arms crossed across my chest. Waiting. He didn’t speak. I bit my lip hard, nodding, and started walking again. When I brushed by him, I wished him a goodnight and continued towards my place.

“Where are ye going?” His voice came distraught, but I neither stopped nor answered his question. “Claire!”

“Home,” I said sharply, feeling my heart clench inside my chest.

I thought we could tell each other everything.

“Sassenach!” He was next to me within two wide strides, his hand gripping my arm. “What the hell! Why are ye doing this?”

“I’m not doing anything, Jamie.” I wished the words were as painful to him as they were to me, burning my chest. “I can walk home alone. Since we’re not talking anyway.”

Jamie narrowed his eyes at me and let out a short breath through his nose. “Okay,” he said, nodding repeatedly. “Okay.”

“Okay, then. Goodnight.” I started walking again, but his hand stopped me and pulled me back to him.

“Ah Dhia… Ye’re not going to make it easy, right?”

“I? I’m the one who’s making things difficult? You’re obviously not okay and you won’t even talk to me! You won’t even admit that you’re not okay! You’re lying to my face!”

“I’m not lying to yer face!”

“Oh, really?” I asked, my voice sarcastic.

We stood there, breathing fast, our eyes locked in a game of power. I saw his mask slowly melting away, leaving behind only Jamie, my Jamie, as he had always been with me. My Scot.

“Jamie,” I started again, now letting my worry seep in my voice. “What good can I do, when you don’t even trust me with your problems? When you won’t even talk to me?”

He kept silent, and I could hear every beat of my heart crying out to his. Pleading to let me in.

“I’m sorry,” he said, taking his eyes from mine and fixing them on the street. “I’m sorry, Sassenach, I didna mean for ye to think I’m lying to ye. Or that I dinna want to talk to ye. It’s just that...” he stopped, and took a breath as if he had to fortify himself.

“What?” I asked, holding my breath, suddenly afraid of what was to come.

“See… I’m not enough.”

I stood shock-still, trying to process what I had just heard. I hadn’t known what to expect, but it certainly wasn’t this.

“Hey,” I whispered, grabbing a fistful of his tee-shirt, and took the last step that kept as apart. “What are you talking about?”

“Did ye no see how happy Jenny was tonight? What Ian did for her… I’ve done nothing for you.”

“Oh god, Jamie…” I ran my fingers across his jawline, his cheekbones, through his hair, feeling my heart melting. “You’ve done so many things for me. I don’t need a trip or a gift to be happy.” Jamie didn’t talk, and I continued, hoping that my words would ring true in his heart. “I’m happy because I’m with you, because you’re in my life.”

“Aye, but I’m not in yer life that much lately,” he said, and I stupidly thought that his lowered eyebrows made him even more adorable than he already was.

“But that’s just a phase,” I said, my voice strong, sure. “It’s not going to be like that forever.”

Jamie looked at me and a small smile curled his lips. “No, it’s not,” he said, but the smile disappeared again. “But d’ye remember, Sassenach, when we started texting? I had promised you we would go everywhere, and now school has finished and we canna even go on a wee trip in Scotland.”

I smiled, thinking of our very first chat, the night he walked me home. We would travel the world, we had said. Starting from Paris.

“Jamie, we have time,” I said, and meant it. “We will travel, we don’t have to do it right now.”

“Aye, but I didna plan anything for us… Ian has been organizing this trip for so long, and I… With school and training…” He kept trailing off.

I raised onto my tiptoes, pulled him down to me and kissed him, our lips meeting in a soft whisper that soon became a long dance. Unhurried.

“We have time,” I repeated, my whisper brushing against his mouth. “We’re together, and that’s what counts. I’m perfectly happy with staying in Edinburgh. It’s the same to me.” I ran my fingers through his locks, and rested my forehead against his.

“Is it, though?” he asked, and I could almost taste the worry in his words.

“It is, you bloody Scot. It’s our first summer together, but we’re going to have a lot more after that. Right?” I asked, and felt my heart racing in my chest.

This can’t be our last summer together.

“Right,” he breathed and kissed me. “More and more and more…” Each promise coming with another kiss, sealing it.

“Good,” I said, and softly kissed the tip of his long, straight nose.

“But still,” he started again and I sighed, exasperated. “If I go straight to Lallybroch after the nationals… ”

“It will still be okay.” I locked my eyes with his, and neither of us spoke for a long moment.

“But I’ll be away,” he continued, fear taking the better of him.

Bloody distance. But I had to be the brave one this time.

“Jamie!” I raised my voice and cupped his face with both my hands. “Look at me.” He did. “No matter where you are, I love you. Here, at Lallybroch, in the end of the world. I love you. And I promise you will get bored of me when we’ll live together in Oxford.”

“That willna happen,” he disagreed, and pulled me to him for a kiss.

It was sweet and hopeful, but it quickly became thirsty and urgent. Promising that he would never have enough of me.

“We’ll see,” I said when we broke our kiss, and I laced our fingers together. “Now walk me home, you bloody fool. And never think that you’re not enough.”

Chapter 43

#thermodynamics #The first law of thermodynamics #high school AU #jamie x claire #jenny x ian #outlander fanfic #outlander fanfiction

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