#I feel empty when I'm happy

[narkotki]

How do you deal with being positive?

Like for real, everything is going well and still I feel so shallow and pointless without engaging into most depressing thoughts about our reality

#Adult child #Adulthood #I can't accept me accepting this world #I feel empty when I'm happy #Like I can't feel anything #As much as I felt it before #I feel like the older I get the less I feel #And it fucking sucks #Even tho it's been the best #I only feel less #And if this is happiness then

[deoidesign]

Thanks for making a comic about a couple middle aged queers getting to fall in love and be happy. As a someone who is a little on the younger side, it’s nice to see that. That there is a possibility of me and my friends to get to grow up. Plus, Steve has all the gender, and I want it for myself.

There's not much more important in this world than hope, I think, and the idea that maybe my art can make you a little more hopeful for a better tomorrow is all I could ask for <3 So thank you for reading, and thank you for being here!

And mood.

#we deserve to be here. #we get to be here #you deserve to be happy #not just tomorrow.. but now #you deserve to have nice things #and feel loved #and feel seen #and I weep thinking of how many people do not get to feel that #and I can only do my best to maybe make one person at a time see a little bit how important they are #I know it feels shallow #and like empty words #but I truly love you! #and I hope you can feel that just a little bit when you read my comic #I'm not the best with my words... #but I do love you! #and everyone else reading this. #and you deserve that. #if nothing else. you deserve this. #I will do my best for you all #anon #asks

[pokimoko]

I have had it with these motherfucking spam bots on this motherfucking site.

#personal #tumblr stuff #vent post #spam bots #i've been getting like 1000 spam bot followers a day for the last few days and blocking them all is getting--dare i say--TEDIOUS #wake up. block 300 bots. go to work. come home and block 500 more bots. spend evening checking tumblr to block bots. it's becoming a chore #it's starting to feel like I offended the tumblr gods or something. this is ridiculous. but like hell will i let them win #i won't let my follower count be 50% bots. i feel like a deserve a tumblr badge or something for fending off so many bots. #tribble #the trouble with tribbles #a very apt metaphor i think for these bloody spam bots; block one and five more come to take its place #but upside: the spam bots are helping me compile a Rosetta Stone for the word 'Untitled'. woo #also if you just joined tumblr and want to follow me: for the love of god personalise your bloody blog #i don't care if you have a icon or a summary. if your blog and likes are empty i'm blocking you #because i don't trust empty blogs and i really don't have the time to sort out who's real or not right now #(though if the blog's offering free mp3s 'just click the link!' or is advertising US keto gold coast gummies i know for sure it ain't real) #but hey! good news to people who followed me in the last four days who haven't been blocked; you passed the blog captcha test #anyway just had to get this frustration out of my system; gonna go block some more bots now i guess. i'll be very happy when this stops

[lqcb97]

#chan #bang chan #skz #stray kids #these tags are unrelated to this post i guess #kinda having a really rough time irl... and i'm struggling to find any happiness #i thought it would be ok but it's not... so idk #smtimes i come on here and scroll through this blog and it makes me feel a little bit warmer because of him... #and i miss him... so much every day... why does my heart feel like it's just empty without seeing him i don't know #in any case.. i love him so much #my only reason to really hang on anymore lol as stupid and corny as it sounds #my safe place forever.. i love him... #and he's also insanely gorgeous . i felt like i broke when i saw this

[opens-up-4-nobody]

The way that the sun hits leaves and clouds. I feel like I could watch the colors change forever. If I could slow down for that long.

#i keep forgetting a have a deck now. i can go outside and sit there #im doing that now. sitting in the corner of a deck full of empty chairs. staring up at a big pine tree where the sun is striking it gold #at the top. i like how thr light hits the needles. if the sky was black it would look like its on fire #theres a tree outside my bedroom window too. in the morning. after the sunrises it catches thr light and refelcts the most perfect shade #of green. the kind of green that flutters translucent like youre looking up from the bottom of a pool. the light the light its all about #the sun. everything everything is about the sun. when i start my project I'll be focused on understanding how organisms catch the light bc #its so incredible and complicated it would make my chest swell to bursting if there wasnt an empty bleeding wound in my gut. a #metaphorical wound of course. i dunno. its just difficult bc right now my mood is inflated by hormones. not even that much i think I'm #just at what shoulf be a normal level of happiness so i can be slow for a minute. but just a minute bc i kno it won't last long #sorry i cant shut the fuck up when im like this but i dunno i just feel like i havr to document these ephemeral moments before they're gone #its just difficult when you kno the world is so full of beautiful things but 95% of the time your eyes are too clouded to see it #everyone tells me i work too much but i feel like im just staring off into space being miserable 60% of the time. ive just done so much #damage over the past few years im coming into a new lab as damaged goods. ive got an albatross around my neck in thr form of data i #collected so self destructively that the idea of having anything to do with its publication makes me hate myself. everytime someone tells #me good job on collecting so so so much data it feels like they're congratulating me for breaking something within myself. like i slit my #wrists and bled out on a lab bench and theyre saying good job and theyre excited for me and i have to grin and bear it and pretend im #excited too. but im not bc ive burned everything inside me to ash. so when im elevated enough to be distracted by the clouds and trees it #feels like healing. like seeing angels. beautiful ephemeral beams of light. i wish i could slow down enough to watch them. but now thr sun #is hitting the horizon and the sky is going gradually dark and i should go inside. bc i have many things to do in the morning. so that's #what ill do. and ill try to get more thsn 6hrs of sleep but its hard when your body is vibrating over with energy #but at least i dont feel tired in the morning. something in my head must be on fire #unrelated #hm i should maybe add a tw to this #tw self injury #but its the kind thst makes u good at ur Job. its the kind ppl reward. so they don't understand when u say its destroying ur life #but im trying to get better. i say as i gear up for an insane semester lol but i do mean it

[spriteofmushrooms]

Eternal Yue Qingyuan feelings stored in the animatic I'm plotting to Muse's "Madness" every moment of every day.

#pallas.rtf #svsss #oh to have the soul of a sword and never be drawn. oh to be an empty wound longing for a reason for the sword's absence. #the thing about it is that yue qingyuan intended to kill himself in svsss but he didn't manage it. #and when he lived he thought about taking up xin mo... and decided against it #girl i'm crazy about you #pidw and svsss are both worst case scenarios for yqy #i don't know why everyone keeps hurting his feelings in their liujiu fics. as if liujiu itself wouldn't hurt his feelings. do less #qijiu please get out of my head i want to be happy i'm sick of this #what does it mean to be soulmates with someone when your string has been cut... #what does it mean to be soulmates with a sword... #kill me honestly

[taegularities]

hope you're all liking the epilogue and that you enjoyed the whole series in general. thank you for giving it so much love and support. can't wait to share more 🤍

#i'll be completely honest #you guys n the love you give are the reason why i'm still here #bc there are days and weeks when i.... don'tenjoytumblranymore #it's not bc of interaction or anything bc my god you guys talk to me so much ily :( #but tumblr has changed... the bts fandom has changed. the dash is literally EMPTY #it feels so different from when i joined back early 2021... everyone was so happy and loud back then #and so enthusiastic about writing too... like i still fkn love writing all i write #but the level of excitement about writing has changed.. it's why i try to take it slower these days #my god i used to have a schedule lmao could never today 💀 #but yeah idk... sometimes im like... this isn't fun anymore and maybe it's time to give up #but that's exactly when y'all come thru and say something SUPER SWEET and i'm like.. wait ykw #i love this space.. it's still comfort and warmth #so yeah thank you for giving me hope and keeping me here you mean so much to me #the platform changes and sucks sometimes but you guys remain here and are as fucking kind as ever and #make this little community irreplaceable #i love you #and yeah. i just needed to get this off my chest bc it has been on my mind for rlly long #especially since those community labels butchered and changed interaction :/ like i just know the c&f family could've been #a lot bigger if not for the label on pt1.. could've really been one of the biggest stories around here but lol it is what it is !! the love #is overwhelming as it is so thank you <3 #okay that's way too long pls ignore me bye #tdl???

[subsequentibis]

made up a pre-hotel owner headcanon, fell in love with him, bon appetit. his name’s john doe bc i have never been accused of subtlety and i intend to keep it that way.

#ibis art #UNSURE HOW TO TAG THIS. #as it is. not really hotel podcast fanart. #johnmeta #john doe #that'll do #any time i use the phrase johnmeta i'm referring to something that fits his characterization #or supports the theory that the owner used to be a Real Guy and got yoinked by the hotel and twisted into the being he is today #my drawings of him are mostly furious unhinged scribbles and [redacted] so these will have to do #anyway he's like. got a house and a wife and kids and a mortgage and it is all so unfulfilling he wants to scream #he blames himself for not feeling happy bc this is supposed to be everything he could ever want and none of it satisfies him #he's got this yearning gaping emptiness that is not helped by the fact that he and his wife realized they don't love each other #but they're keeping it together til the kids are grown up so they don't traumatize them with the split so he's just. stuck in this pantomime #of the perfect nuclear family american dream and he wants out so so bad #BUT ALSO this is all he's ever known and he really doesn't have any friends or close relations and he's so terrified of what will happen #when she does finally leave him #i LOVE to make up a guy and give him problems #his favorite filmmaker is john cassavetes also

[penrose-quinn]

How does one recover after reading Chi no Wadachi? 🥲

#chi no wadachi #this read was long overdue #but this is probably my favorite shuzo oshimi work #i know this is a psychological horror/drama but it's filled with so much pain and anguish underneath #it's hard for me not to cry for seiichi throughout #the maddening adoration and hatred he feels for his mother that it hollows out so much inside #that there's more his mother in him than himself #his progressions and regressions from his deep trauma #the ghost of his mother always lingering always watching for him to make a mistake #how it ripped him away from his childhood and now there's just this loneliness in adulthood #the emptiness one goes through when you live in the solitude of your trauma #goddamn don't even get me started when he meets his mother again and she's so old and frail and is just as empty as him #the recent chapter shattered me #i have faith the ending will deliver (maybe something hopeful but sad and bittersweet like happiness) #despite all the bleakness i'm hoping seiichi will be free and that there's a point to living

[merspots]

Another reason not to let your cats free roam

TW: Animal injury (but hopefully the cat will be okay)

Well, I just had to rescue one of my neighbors' cats from dangling from a fence by her back leg :/ I don't know how long she had been stuck there, but hopefully not too long, and she's with her owners now so will be getting checked by a vet.

She was lucky that I seem to have an ear for crying cats, though, because no one else was out looking for her, not even the people in the houses on either side of the fence she was stuck in. I fear what would have happened if I wasn't one to go looking and she was stuck there until who knows when.

Just remember this when you let your cats free roam - it is very easy for them to get injured and for no one to find them until it's too late. So please don't let them if you can.

#I normally wouldn't blog about events in my day #but today has not been a good day mood wise #(unfortunately that is nothing new for me) #and now I'm feeling weird because I know I should be happy I saved a cat but I just feel anxious and empty #Like I'm more worried I injured her worse when I tried to lift her up #and I can't stop thinking about how I didn't grab her properly and how I'm lucky she let me carry her home without wiggling too much #because I am weak and my arms tire quickly so I was worried I was going to drop her the entire time #and the only reason I didn't get scratched up was because she is a very nice cat who lets people pick her up #and because I was able to borrow a towel from a neighbor that I could drape over my arm as I scooped her off the fence #and she let me use it as a platform under her instead of twisting abound and trying to latch onto me #and basically I hope if I write this down and someone tells me I did a good job or something it will trigger in my brain #and I will actually feel I did a good thing

[boysbeloving]

It's the first Saturday without KinnPorsche

How are we doing?

What are y'all doing to cope?

#kinnporsche #kinnporsche the series #kinn theerapanyakul #porsche pachara #vegas theerapanyakul #pete phongsakorn #mile phakphum #apo nattawin #jeff satur #bible wichapas #build jakapan #I'm...feeling empty #and i would have to socialise today so that is also playing on my mind #will have to be happy and be in entertaining mood when I'm just missing my boys so much #how are you guys doing?

[positively--speculative]

It's been a week since getting my new lobe piercings! No complications! I do, however, need to find new earrings for my old holes. I recently dug through some old studs and I'm realizing why I stopped wearing them.

#I stopped wearing studs and started to switch up dangling earrings every day to match my outfits lol #But I'm too old for that (read: too lazy) for that now #I need to get some studs that I'd be happy to wear long periods #And only switch when I'm feeling zesty lol #But my old studs make my ears itchy #But I feel awkward with an empty hole next to an upper lobe eareing

[purewater100]

face reveal

#vent in tags #Erm sorry guys not to be personal on my personal blog but #i'm so fucking miserable. #constantly. #i try to be happy i really do i mean i have friends and two partners and a wonderful dog and a roof over my head and food and i have so muc #i have so much to be happy and thankful over and wonderful friends i get to talk to Every Day #yet all it does is give me a distraction. something to focus on and as soon as it's gone i get reminded how fucking bleak everything is #i'm so miserable #i'm constantly drowning in my own fucking misery and i don't know how to stop. #i can't afford therapy and i can't ask my family to pay for it for me bcuz my mother doesn't have the money either #and even if she did would i even go? #i've isolated myself from everyone. it's been years since i've last talked to someone irl (that i don't live with). my life is so empty #and all it does is make me feel worse #even when i'm fixated on an interest or two my daydreams of it are completely ruined by my misery bleeding into it lmfao #when i'm not thinking about how awful i feel i'm thinking about dying and when i'm not thinking about dying i'm thinking about how hopeless #my future is and rinse and repeat it just repeats and repeats and Repeats #i say i can't remember my days because i have a bad memory but the truth is it's because every day is the fucking same #every day i do the same shit i drown in my misery work a little or focus on something i'm into for like an hour before laying in bed and #thinking about dying Again and it just repeats over and over every hour every day every week every fucking month #i'm so miserable. #i want to kill myself. i want to die; but i know i'm too much of a fucking pussy to do it now lmfao #i want to die

[catcatb0y]

Man I just wanted to watch a silly video and draw a little bit before I had to wake up at ten am, but people can't stop being Weird (deragatory) On The Internet. I'm gonna get less than five hours of sleep on a day where I'll get yelled at if I put in my headphones.

#I've been trying so hard to grind in this Sekai Event too #but I keep losing a shit ton of hours I need to be working on my placing #like it sounds silly in retrospect #no more than someone getting weirdly upset at me for having a personal distaste to a contradicting trans character headcanon #certainly moreso than a six year old being the perpetrator of a shooting #as well as the generalized stigmatizm around mental illness as well as the hypocritical ableism even in the community #but it's so goddamned draining #when nothing has any 'reward' #watching a comfort YouTuber and they casually drop ableist language/the comments using the same language #playing a game that feels helpless and hindering #drawing an art piece that's been such a goddamned struggle and it hardly even looks good #a half joking headcanon post on Tumblr being met with seething passive-aggression #the emptiness of posting quite literally anywhere else #trying to be good enough and trying to be happy and trying to just forget about the goddamned pain for an hour and it doesn't even work #I'm so fucking exhausted

[theheadlessgroom]

https://www.tumblr.com/beatingheart-bride/718372361167110144/theheadlessgroom-beatingheart-bride

@beatingheart-bride

“Oh, no, not at all,” he smiled, as he forked himself another bite of rice and onion, saying, “It’s actually a pretty easy recipe, my ma taught it to me when I was younger, I thought you might enjoy it!” He hoped she did; he wasn’t sure if she’d like cooked fish versus raw (especially with all the seasonings and spices), but he thought he’d try anyways.

Of course, he could see that the rice and onions and peppers weren’t exactly to her taste, given the way she ate around them, but he wasn’t too hurt over that-he took a gamble, and it didn’t pay off. If nothing else, he figured, the next time he fixed her dinner, he’d perhaps try something different as a side, something more to her taste.

Still, it was proving to be a lovely date: The fish came out nicely, the candles gave the room more of a romantic touch, and it felt as if the band playing down the street was playing just for them...he could hardly think of anything that could make it even better, but he did have something of an idea.

“Do sirens ever drink anything?” he asked curiously, as he set his fork down on his empty plate-perhaps they didn’t need to drink, given their aquatic home, but he felt curious to enough to ask-he had some non-alcoholic sparkling apple cider downstairs that he had a bit of a hankering for, and thought he would see if she’d like to try it.

#((same! it's so strange to think that they were once just a part of the background in a way; just a part of randall's backstory)) #((because they really have grown a LOT since then; to the point where i really would consider them secondary muses!)) #((it really is always a treat to have them around; and honestly it really does feel oddly empty when they're not around)) #((for an rp! i just find myself missing them when they're supposed to be dead/gone; i really have become so attached to them myself)) #((and i'm delighted to know they've been so well-liked by you and other readers! and big same; i love the way they interact)) #((not only with emily and their son but with each other; because they really are so so sweet!)) #((they're a really fun and wholesome couple to write and i'm really happy that they've grown so much since i started this blog!)) #outofhatboxes #beatingheart-bride #V:Part of Your World

[magicaldreamfox1]

it's really hard being the most unlovable girl in the world ngl

#dreamy talks #someone's gotta do it tho 😔😔😔✊ #anyways followers and cool mutuals look away i'm gonna rant a little #okay here we go #i just. feel so sad recently #like every day feels like a bad day nowadays everything feels horrible #every day i wake up not having slept well and wanting to cry over breakfast or on the bus #and it's just. i used to be happier! i was mostly fine during the summer #and yeah maybe that was bc i was constantly consuming media so no thought could occur #but earlier this year it wasn't like that #and ik i should be happy bc like at least it's not high school right #i just feel so alone everywhere #and ik it's my own fault i could reach out to people more and stuff but idk i just can't #even with my family i just. it feels like my mother isn't even interested in me at all compared to my sister #and i get it i'm not interesting or at all like her when she was younger i just. idk #and my father. well he never loved me but we know that it's fine. it's just that knowledge at the back of my head #that bc i left he would do anything for my sister now so she won't leave too. meanwhile for me he doesn't even willingly pay child support. #whatever #i just feel so empty nowadays like there's nothing left within me (reference not intended) that doesn't hurt #like i was planning on getting new piercings this autumn right just like last year #and until now i didn't really have time #but now i just. don't have it within me to go and get them #and i always want new piercings! #anyways it's not that i'm unhappy with my life atm. things are fine! i like my major at uni and i made a friend there too! #everything in between just feels so empty and thinking abt love makes me want to cry #i wish i could stop existing until things get better and i don't feel like this anymore #i just wish i could be different. not bc i want to be but maybe bc then people would love me more. that sounds sad when i say it like that #every day is a bad day and i'm sick of it. i wish i could just have one day without feeling sad for once #anyways. #i'll delete this later